1 00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:03,072 So the rate of the fusion 2 00:00:03,073 --> 00:00:04,168 equals something... 3 00:00:04,624 --> 00:00:07,209 times the square root of... 4 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,396 something... 5 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:10,310 I give up. 6 00:00:10,508 --> 00:00:12,646 Aw, so close. 7 00:00:12,647 --> 00:00:13,715 Shut up. 8 00:00:13,716 --> 00:00:15,178 Hey, don't worry. You'll get it. 9 00:00:15,212 --> 00:00:16,930 You know, a lot of famous scientists are women. 10 00:00:16,964 --> 00:00:18,832 They're fat, though, right? 11 00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:21,685 Come on, Alex. It's time for your cello lesson. 12 00:00:21,719 --> 00:00:22,720 How's the tutoring going? 13 00:00:22,721 --> 00:00:23,897 Are you familiar with the term 14 00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,698 "throwing good money after bad"? 15 00:00:25,699 --> 00:00:28,093 Are you familiar with the term "Dunphy, party of one"? 16 00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:30,161 - Because you will be. - Girls. 17 00:00:30,195 --> 00:00:32,029 Haley's coming along really well, Mrs. Dunphy. 18 00:00:32,063 --> 00:00:32,772 Good. Good. 19 00:00:32,773 --> 00:00:34,691 Well, the key is to take a lot of little breaks 20 00:00:34,692 --> 00:00:36,159 so you don't get frustrated and want to quit. 21 00:00:36,193 --> 00:00:36,876 Got it. 22 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:38,911 I was talking to David. 23 00:00:38,962 --> 00:00:40,163 Come on, sweetie. 24 00:00:41,882 --> 00:00:44,083 I'm just saying... She's never gonna get a job, 25 00:00:44,134 --> 00:00:46,586 and how do we know the right middle-eastern businessman 26 00:00:46,637 --> 00:00:48,254 wouldn't treat her great? 27 00:00:48,305 --> 00:00:49,672 I left my shopping list inside. 28 00:00:49,706 --> 00:00:51,724 For the record, we thought she could live with you. 29 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:54,427 Like I'm gonna tell any of you where I live. 30 00:00:54,478 --> 00:00:56,312 Oh. 31 00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:57,513 Haley! 32 00:00:59,149 --> 00:01:00,383 What? 33 00:01:00,417 --> 00:01:02,551 We only do this when I get one right. 34 00:01:02,569 --> 00:01:04,020 Momma should be here by now. 35 00:01:04,054 --> 00:01:05,488 I wonder what's keeping her. 36 00:01:05,522 --> 00:01:06,856 Well, Cam, that depends. 37 00:01:06,890 --> 00:01:08,024 Did she take her jalopy 38 00:01:08,058 --> 00:01:10,093 or one of them new fancy flyin' machines? 39 00:01:10,127 --> 00:01:11,761 You know, Missouri is more cosmopolitan 40 00:01:11,795 --> 00:01:12,898 than you give it credit for, Mitchell. 41 00:01:12,899 --> 00:01:14,732 It's got a very vibrant cowboy-poetry scene. 42 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,837 I'm not sure you're making the point that you think... 43 00:01:18,146 --> 00:01:20,405 That's her. Come on. Look alive. Look alive. 44 00:01:22,176 --> 00:01:23,275 Momma! 45 00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:24,337 Oh, my baby! 46 00:01:24,338 --> 00:01:26,406 Oh, my little bomber. Puppy kiss. 47 00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,874 Mwah! Mwah! 48 00:01:27,908 --> 00:01:28,992 Mitchell, get over here! 49 00:01:29,043 --> 00:01:29,993 Aah, hey, Barb! 50 00:01:30,044 --> 00:01:31,127 Oh, my baby's baby! How are you? 51 00:01:31,161 --> 00:01:33,279 - Ohh! Oh-ho! - Oh, yeah! 52 00:01:33,314 --> 00:01:35,430 Well, I don't want to overstate this, 53 00:01:35,431 --> 00:01:38,090 but my mom is the greatest woman that ever lived. 54 00:01:38,091 --> 00:01:39,625 Cam loves his mom. 55 00:01:39,660 --> 00:01:42,028 She raised 4 kids, 2 barns, and a whole lot of hell. 56 00:01:42,062 --> 00:01:43,830 Well, that sounds like a country song. 57 00:01:43,864 --> 00:01:45,331 And that song would be called 58 00:01:45,365 --> 00:01:47,633 "The greatest woman that ever lived." 59 00:01:47,668 --> 00:01:49,969 Cam loves his mom. 60 00:02:02,335 --> 00:02:03,568 From the minute I met Barb, 61 00:02:03,603 --> 00:02:07,789 she has been open and loving and... and caring. 62 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:11,276 Oh, I have missed these shoulders! 63 00:02:11,294 --> 00:02:13,411 Ooh... Aah... 64 00:02:13,446 --> 00:02:16,648 If I had one complaint... 65 00:02:16,682 --> 00:02:18,917 and I do... 66 00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:20,952 It's the 67 00:02:20,987 --> 00:02:24,856 inappropriate putting of her hands on my body. 68 00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:26,141 Hey, Barb. 69 00:02:26,175 --> 00:02:28,343 I got you the cranberries you wanted for the stuffing. 70 00:02:28,394 --> 00:02:30,845 Oh, bless your heart. 71 00:02:30,896 --> 00:02:32,347 Mmm-mm-hmm! 72 00:02:32,398 --> 00:02:34,132 Mm-mm-mmm! 73 00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:35,817 Let me get in there and help ya. 74 00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,686 Ohh! Ohh! 75 00:02:37,737 --> 00:02:38,803 Ohh! 76 00:02:38,838 --> 00:02:39,821 And a horsey bite. 77 00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:40,905 Oh! 78 00:02:40,940 --> 00:02:43,608 This is how I like to cuddle. 79 00:02:47,605 --> 00:02:49,147 It's been... it's been going on a long time. 80 00:02:51,367 --> 00:02:53,635 Jay, you want to go to the mall with me? 81 00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:55,721 No, actually, my stomach's a little funny today. 82 00:02:55,755 --> 00:02:57,255 Oh, I am so sorry, papi. 83 00:02:57,306 --> 00:02:59,725 Maybe we'll stop first at the crib store, 84 00:02:59,759 --> 00:03:02,744 and you lay down, and I buy you a little dress, huh? 85 00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:05,113 Gloria thinks Americans are babies. 86 00:03:05,148 --> 00:03:07,916 Well, in Colombia, we couldn't go running to the hospital 87 00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:10,986 for every little sniffle or dislocated shoulder. 88 00:03:16,325 --> 00:03:18,193 Okay. Good. 89 00:03:18,227 --> 00:03:20,729 5-6. I serve. Huh? 90 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,250 Jay, what are your symptoms? 91 00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:28,303 Nausea, bloating? 92 00:03:28,337 --> 00:03:30,071 Manny, what did I say about getting off 93 00:03:30,089 --> 00:03:31,456 that crazy doctor website? 94 00:03:31,507 --> 00:03:33,074 I'm just worried about Jay. 95 00:03:33,092 --> 00:03:34,915 Stomach pains can mean a lot of things... 96 00:03:35,162 --> 00:03:36,162 Intestinal blockage... 97 00:03:36,213 --> 00:03:37,380 Do you have a fever? 98 00:03:37,414 --> 00:03:38,713 Stop it! 99 00:03:38,714 --> 00:03:39,913 Manny, he's fine. 100 00:03:39,914 --> 00:03:41,596 Tell him you're fine. I'm fine. 101 00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:42,744 Okay, good. Get in the car. 102 00:03:42,745 --> 00:03:44,858 Uh, home fine, not mall fine. 103 00:03:44,859 --> 00:03:47,881 Jay, you know what happens when I shop angry. 104 00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:49,383 - I'll clear a space. - Mmm. 105 00:03:53,137 --> 00:03:55,155 I'm not loving your color. 106 00:03:55,189 --> 00:03:56,222 Go play. 107 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,342 Don't be a hero. 108 00:03:59,377 --> 00:04:01,378 So, dumb guys go for dumb girls, 109 00:04:01,429 --> 00:04:03,397 and smart guys go for dumb girls? 110 00:04:03,431 --> 00:04:04,898 What do the smart girls get? 111 00:04:04,932 --> 00:04:06,149 Cats mostly. 112 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,437 So, Haley, how long have I been paying this guy 113 00:04:08,438 --> 00:04:09,119 to make out with you? 114 00:04:09,170 --> 00:04:10,450 Uh, about a week. 115 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,984 First it was just to shut him up, 116 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:13,702 but now I'm starting to like him. 117 00:04:13,736 --> 00:04:14,987 If you really like him, though, 118 00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:16,254 you have to break up with Dylan. 119 00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,822 What? No! 120 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,374 Believe me... 121 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:21,226 And it's best for everybody if you just do it quickly. 122 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:23,562 I can't believe we're having this conversation. 123 00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,497 He's like part of the family. 124 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,083 Trust me... it's the right thing to do. 125 00:04:28,117 --> 00:04:29,885 Just end it. 126 00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:31,470 Okay, but be gentle. 127 00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:34,823 Boys are surprisingly sensitive at that age. 128 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:36,041 Water-polo-girl story. 129 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:37,649 Yes, I'm gonna tell the water-polo-girl story, 130 00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:38,566 'cause it hurt! 131 00:04:39,818 --> 00:04:41,685 Okay, so I'm working in the principal's office. 132 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,655 She walks in, hair all silver from the chlorine... 133 00:04:45,933 --> 00:04:48,168 tells me she wants her varsity jacket back. 134 00:04:48,202 --> 00:04:49,336 I tear up a little, 135 00:04:49,403 --> 00:04:51,438 then I tear up a lot. 136 00:04:51,472 --> 00:04:52,772 I'm begging, I'm begging... 137 00:04:52,807 --> 00:04:54,007 At some point I realize 138 00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:55,191 I'm sitting on the button 139 00:04:55,226 --> 00:04:56,876 to the high-school intercom system. 140 00:04:56,911 --> 00:04:58,328 Yuk it up, ladies. 141 00:04:58,379 --> 00:05:01,181 Wasn't funny then, is not funny now. 142 00:05:01,215 --> 00:05:03,783 It was traumatic, Haley. 143 00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:06,953 Don't do Dylan like Linda "the cannon" did me. 144 00:05:06,988 --> 00:05:08,872 Oh, honey... 145 00:05:08,923 --> 00:05:11,758 That was a long time ago. 146 00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:13,143 I loved her. 147 00:05:13,177 --> 00:05:15,628 Okay. I know. 148 00:05:15,646 --> 00:05:16,863 You know what? 149 00:05:16,897 --> 00:05:18,865 Maybe I'll call Dylan after he talks to Haley. 150 00:05:18,899 --> 00:05:20,483 He's gonna need someone to lean on. 151 00:05:20,534 --> 00:05:23,503 But that someone should not be his ex-girlfriend's father. 152 00:05:23,537 --> 00:05:25,538 Honey, when Dylan is out of her life, 153 00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:26,840 he should be out of ours. 154 00:05:26,874 --> 00:05:28,308 You've always hated Dylan. 155 00:05:28,342 --> 00:05:29,676 I have not always hated Dylan. 156 00:05:29,710 --> 00:05:31,678 I have always thought that Haley could do better. 157 00:05:31,712 --> 00:05:34,381 Plus, the new boyfriend is super smart. 158 00:05:34,415 --> 00:05:37,550 It's done. We broke up. 159 00:05:37,584 --> 00:05:38,435 What?! 160 00:05:38,519 --> 00:05:39,769 I texted Dylan. It's over. 161 00:05:40,938 --> 00:05:42,155 I'll bet that's him. 162 00:05:42,189 --> 00:05:43,723 Yep. 163 00:05:43,757 --> 00:05:46,059 Sad-face emoticon! 164 00:05:46,093 --> 00:05:47,682 You can feel the hurt through the phone! 165 00:05:51,459 --> 00:05:53,265 Cam's mom spent half her dinner with her hands 166 00:05:53,265 --> 00:05:54,608 - all over me. - Oh. 167 00:05:54,609 --> 00:05:55,926 It was like she was blind 168 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:58,279 and wanted to know what my thighs looked like. 169 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,364 Are you sure? 170 00:06:00,398 --> 00:06:02,665 I mean, are you really the best judge of this kind of a thing? 171 00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,885 You've had boundary issues since you were a kid. 172 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:05,870 I have not! 173 00:06:05,904 --> 00:06:08,022 Okay. Sorry. My mistake. 174 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:11,626 Must be Cam's mom... her issues. 175 00:06:11,660 --> 00:06:12,927 What are you doing? 176 00:06:12,961 --> 00:06:14,178 - Nothing... just gettinga spoon. - Stop it. 177 00:06:14,213 --> 00:06:15,530 - Is it bothering you? - Yes, it is. 178 00:06:15,564 --> 00:06:17,098 - Hey, Mitchell... - Claire, stop it! Stop it! 179 00:06:17,132 --> 00:06:18,566 - Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell, Mitchell... - Force field! 180 00:06:19,652 --> 00:06:21,486 That never stops being fun. 181 00:06:21,537 --> 00:06:22,368 Good. 182 00:06:22,369 --> 00:06:24,644 Listen, this is... this is not in my head, Claire. 183 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:26,328 - Mm-Hmm. - And it's actually getting worse. 184 00:06:26,379 --> 00:06:27,295 What does Cam say? 185 00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:28,880 Well, he never seems to notice. 186 00:06:28,898 --> 00:06:30,582 And I certainly can't talk to him about it 187 00:06:30,616 --> 00:06:33,518 - because God forbid I say anything negative about his mom. - Mm. 188 00:06:33,553 --> 00:06:35,854 - One time I added salt to her casserole - Mmm-Hmm. 189 00:06:35,888 --> 00:06:38,657 and he went into the garage and punched the car. 190 00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:40,258 Okay, Mitchell, if this is happening... 191 00:06:40,293 --> 00:06:41,643 and I'm pretty sure it isn't... 192 00:06:41,677 --> 00:06:42,861 Thank you. Supportive. 193 00:06:42,879 --> 00:06:44,963 Then you need Cam to see his mom feeling you up 194 00:06:44,997 --> 00:06:46,498 and then make Cam deal with it. 195 00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:47,783 Ew. 196 00:06:47,834 --> 00:06:49,868 Think about it. 197 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,337 Hi, Dylan. 198 00:06:52,388 --> 00:06:54,239 - Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. - Mm. 199 00:06:54,273 --> 00:06:55,807 Or, I guess, now that Haley and I broke up, 200 00:06:55,842 --> 00:06:57,208 I should call you "Claire." 201 00:06:57,226 --> 00:06:58,810 Actually, I think we're gonna stick with "Mrs. Dunphy". 202 00:06:58,844 --> 00:07:00,061 Come on in. How are you doing? 203 00:07:00,112 --> 00:07:02,130 Not so good. Hmm. 204 00:07:02,131 --> 00:07:06,300 I mean, everywhere I look, I see her face. 205 00:07:06,319 --> 00:07:07,836 Uhh. 206 00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:10,238 To be fair, Dylan, that is a family portrait. 207 00:07:10,272 --> 00:07:12,307 I got to go get some of my stuff. Is that cool? 208 00:07:12,341 --> 00:07:13,725 Oh, sure. Yeah. 209 00:07:16,262 --> 00:07:19,014 There she is again! 210 00:07:20,916 --> 00:07:22,567 Oh, don't look on the bookshelf! 211 00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:23,584 You're just gonna... 212 00:07:25,402 --> 00:07:26,919 Hey, kid, you got a minute? 213 00:07:26,953 --> 00:07:29,104 I need the name of that medical website. 214 00:07:29,139 --> 00:07:30,606 Can this wait until I'm home? 215 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:32,208 I'm having the round of my life. 216 00:07:32,242 --> 00:07:34,326 I've been thinking, I might have a couple of those, uh, 217 00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:35,527 those simptoms you were talking about. 218 00:07:36,546 --> 00:07:37,696 Oh, I see. 219 00:07:37,731 --> 00:07:39,431 You might as well play through. 220 00:07:39,466 --> 00:07:40,399 It's gonna be a while. 221 00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:41,650 I mean, I'm probably wrong, 222 00:07:41,685 --> 00:07:44,186 but, you know, I just, uh, want to make sure. 223 00:07:44,221 --> 00:07:45,754 - Is that Manny? - Work. 224 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:47,890 So, uh, tell them I'll... 225 00:07:47,924 --> 00:07:49,959 I'll get that order out this afternoon, huh? 226 00:07:49,993 --> 00:07:50,993 Did she buy that? 227 00:07:51,027 --> 00:07:52,428 Because it sounded fake on this end. 228 00:07:52,462 --> 00:07:53,696 I'll talk to you later, Tom. 229 00:07:54,948 --> 00:07:56,565 - Tom. - Mm. 230 00:07:56,583 --> 00:07:58,667 Dylan! 231 00:07:58,702 --> 00:08:01,387 Oh, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan. 232 00:08:01,421 --> 00:08:02,988 Hey, Mr. Dunphy. 233 00:08:03,023 --> 00:08:04,439 Hey, now that you guys are broken up, 234 00:08:04,457 --> 00:08:05,774 you can call me whatever you want. 235 00:08:05,792 --> 00:08:08,561 Phil, Vitamin P., P. Daddy. 236 00:08:08,612 --> 00:08:09,478 Okay, Phil. 237 00:08:09,513 --> 00:08:11,480 Okay. 238 00:08:11,515 --> 00:08:13,232 I'm gonna miss that bad boy. 239 00:08:13,266 --> 00:08:15,284 When I forget my own axe, 240 00:08:15,318 --> 00:08:17,653 sometimes I come in here and noodle on it. 241 00:08:17,687 --> 00:08:19,772 Actually, I've been writing a little song of my own. 242 00:08:19,806 --> 00:08:22,107 Might be able to pluck out a few... 243 00:08:22,158 --> 00:08:25,094 You know, I keep on hoping that this is just a dream, 244 00:08:25,128 --> 00:08:26,962 that Haley and I didn't really break up. 245 00:08:26,997 --> 00:08:28,297 But it's not a dream... 246 00:08:28,331 --> 00:08:30,099 Unless the whole thing was a dream 247 00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:32,318 and we never even dated in the first place. 248 00:08:32,369 --> 00:08:34,136 Weird... this is kind of what my song's about. 249 00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:35,187 Yeah. Weird. 250 00:08:37,741 --> 00:08:39,091 Hey... 251 00:08:39,142 --> 00:08:42,578 I know this is tough, but you're gonna be fine. 252 00:08:42,612 --> 00:08:45,414 You know, I was a lot like you in High School... 253 00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:48,484 Except my hair was shorter and my guitar was a flute. 254 00:08:50,253 --> 00:08:51,754 Well, if you want your own guitar, 255 00:08:51,788 --> 00:08:52,888 I mean, we could... 256 00:08:52,922 --> 00:08:54,523 we could go out and we'd pick you one. 257 00:08:54,558 --> 00:08:56,825 Oh, I don't... I don't know if that's such a good idea. 258 00:08:56,843 --> 00:08:57,960 Yeah. Yeah. 259 00:08:57,994 --> 00:08:58,994 Yeah. Totally. 260 00:08:59,029 --> 00:09:00,563 Well 261 00:09:00,597 --> 00:09:01,797 I guess I'll get going. 262 00:09:01,831 --> 00:09:03,465 So... 263 00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:07,136 I can... well, be alone forever. 264 00:09:09,606 --> 00:09:11,040 Uh, what... what the hell? 265 00:09:11,074 --> 00:09:13,108 Yeah! 266 00:09:13,143 --> 00:09:14,643 Let's go guitar shopping. 267 00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:16,045 Awesome. 268 00:09:16,079 --> 00:09:18,814 Uh, do me a favor. Don't... don't tell Mrs. Dunphy? 269 00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:21,037 Yeah. Definitely. You got it. 270 00:09:21,038 --> 00:09:22,421 Okay. All right. 271 00:09:22,439 --> 00:09:23,701 Well, I guess I'll see ya. 272 00:09:23,702 --> 00:09:26,876 Okay. You... 273 00:09:26,877 --> 00:09:28,156 You, uh, you can go ahead and exit 274 00:09:28,157 --> 00:09:29,860 through the... front door. 275 00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,828 Oh, right. Habit. 276 00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:36,166 My old yearbooks! 277 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,534 You know I saved them all. 278 00:09:37,568 --> 00:09:39,069 Oh! Ho ho! 279 00:09:39,103 --> 00:09:40,554 - Oh, look. - What? 280 00:09:40,605 --> 00:09:42,072 "You're the cutest boy in school. 281 00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:43,623 We're gonna have an awesome summer. 282 00:09:43,658 --> 00:09:45,242 Smooches... Brenda." 283 00:09:46,577 --> 00:09:48,278 Oh, Brenda, you are about to have 284 00:09:48,312 --> 00:09:50,347 the most confusing summer of your life. 285 00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:53,049 Hey, guys! 286 00:09:53,067 --> 00:09:54,685 - Hey. - Oh, there's Mitchell! 287 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,403 My little corn silk! 288 00:09:56,454 --> 00:09:57,537 Ah. 289 00:09:57,572 --> 00:09:59,222 Oh! 290 00:09:59,257 --> 00:10:01,241 Oh, Barb, oh, you are such a good hugger. 291 00:10:02,526 --> 00:10:04,311 Isn't she the best hugger? 292 00:10:04,345 --> 00:10:05,812 Oh, thank you. 293 00:10:05,847 --> 00:10:08,365 Oh, and look what I... I got you, Barb. 294 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:09,716 What's that? Oh... 295 00:10:09,751 --> 00:10:11,134 Scratchers! 296 00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,569 - Mmm... - Thank you. 297 00:10:13,538 --> 00:10:14,638 Nice. 298 00:10:14,672 --> 00:10:16,056 Oh, that's your tea. I'm gonna get your tea. 299 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:17,140 Thanks, honey. 300 00:10:17,175 --> 00:10:18,442 Well, I need a quarter. 301 00:10:18,476 --> 00:10:20,343 Oh. Let me have that. 302 00:10:20,378 --> 00:10:21,845 Oh, wow, yeah, feel free to fish around in there. 303 00:10:21,879 --> 00:10:23,363 Cam? Cam. 304 00:10:23,398 --> 00:10:24,998 I'd like a cup, too, please. 305 00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:26,383 Just a second. 306 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,085 Ohh, Barb, ohh. You know what? 307 00:10:28,119 --> 00:10:30,520 I... I... I strained myself so bad today. 308 00:10:30,555 --> 00:10:32,589 Ohh. Well, what's hurtin' on ya? 309 00:10:32,623 --> 00:10:34,825 It's this area between my, uh, lower back 310 00:10:34,859 --> 00:10:36,026 and upper thigh. 311 00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:37,227 Sounds like your fanny. 312 00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:38,462 It's my fanny. 313 00:10:38,496 --> 00:10:39,963 It's really knotted up. 314 00:10:39,997 --> 00:10:41,865 Well, you need someone to work on that. 315 00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:44,067 Ohh, I would love that. Just... it's really seized up. 316 00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:46,169 Just put your fingers all over my... 317 00:10:46,204 --> 00:10:47,437 my fanny. 318 00:10:47,472 --> 00:10:49,906 Your magic fingers... Barb. 319 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:51,808 Momma? Your tea. 320 00:10:51,826 --> 00:10:53,510 - Mitchell? - Thanks, sweetie. 321 00:10:53,544 --> 00:10:55,078 See you in the room for a minute? 322 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,613 Thank you. It's very hot. 323 00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:58,248 - Don't burn your tongue. - All right, honey. 324 00:11:02,503 --> 00:11:03,887 Okay, I am not gonna cry, 325 00:11:03,921 --> 00:11:05,455 but I want to know why, Mitchell, 326 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,058 why you are presenting to my mother like a baboon. 327 00:11:08,092 --> 00:11:10,110 I wanted you to see her fondling me. 328 00:11:10,144 --> 00:11:11,361 So, you do want me to cry. 329 00:11:11,395 --> 00:11:12,629 No, no, Cam, it's just that... 330 00:11:12,663 --> 00:11:14,848 she's always touching me inappropriately, 331 00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:16,566 and you never seem to notice. 332 00:11:16,601 --> 00:11:17,901 Show me, Mitchell. 333 00:11:17,935 --> 00:11:21,304 Show me on Lily's doll where my mother is touching you. 334 00:11:21,322 --> 00:11:23,907 I know that you don't want to hear this, but she's handsy, 335 00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:25,425 and it makes me uncomfortable. 336 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,844 Oh, my God. I know what this is. 337 00:11:28,579 --> 00:11:30,630 You're just not used to having a mother that shows affection. 338 00:11:30,665 --> 00:11:31,915 Oh, do not make this about my mother. 339 00:11:31,949 --> 00:11:33,233 I didn't. 340 00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:35,477 But it is normal for a mother to be physical. 341 00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:37,028 And it is not strange 342 00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:40,747 for an occasional hug or a little pat on fanny. 343 00:11:40,748 --> 00:11:42,799 Okay, these aren't pats, Cam... no. 344 00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:45,051 She squeezes and lingers! 345 00:11:45,102 --> 00:11:48,004 Show me where she squeezes and lingers. 346 00:11:48,038 --> 00:11:49,222 Cam, put the doll down. 347 00:11:49,256 --> 00:11:54,093 I don't know if this is just sexual or... or crazy town, 348 00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:56,396 but your mother cannot keep her hands off of me, 349 00:11:56,430 --> 00:11:58,147 and it's creeping me out. 350 00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:01,017 No. Oh... 351 00:12:01,051 --> 00:12:02,719 Barb... 352 00:12:03,704 --> 00:12:04,971 Let me show you 353 00:12:05,005 --> 00:12:07,323 where you stabbed my momma. 354 00:12:10,261 --> 00:12:11,628 Thanks for helping me pick out my axe. 355 00:12:11,662 --> 00:12:12,896 You were so right, by the way. 356 00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,530 The one with two necks would have been overkill. 357 00:12:14,565 --> 00:12:15,949 If you want, you can have some of that. 358 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,333 Diet starts tomorrow! 359 00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:19,469 Don't tell Mrs. Dunphy about this, either. 360 00:12:19,503 --> 00:12:21,838 I, uh, I always wanted to go to this place with Haley, 361 00:12:21,872 --> 00:12:23,506 but she said it looked stupid. 362 00:12:23,540 --> 00:12:24,874 She's a girl with strong opinions... 363 00:12:24,892 --> 00:12:25,975 Like her mother. 364 00:12:26,010 --> 00:12:28,157 Claire hates this new sweatshirt I bought. 365 00:12:28,158 --> 00:12:29,492 She says it looks like something 366 00:12:29,526 --> 00:12:30,347 a girl would wear to the beach. 367 00:12:30,348 --> 00:12:31,214 Yeah, it does. 368 00:12:31,248 --> 00:12:33,049 But I wear it anyway. 369 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:34,384 See? 370 00:12:34,418 --> 00:12:35,902 I figure, why be alive if you can't do the things 371 00:12:35,953 --> 00:12:36,986 you're passionate about? 372 00:12:37,972 --> 00:12:40,690 What are you passionate about, Dylan? 373 00:12:40,724 --> 00:12:43,426 Uh, I always wanted to drive to Graceland. 374 00:12:43,460 --> 00:12:45,495 Fun! What else? 375 00:12:45,529 --> 00:12:47,363 I know a guy who can get me a pet bobcat. 376 00:12:47,398 --> 00:12:49,933 Yeah! No, you don't really know what they're gonna do. 377 00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:52,769 The point is, you got your whole life ahead of you. 378 00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:55,104 Enjoy being single. 379 00:12:55,138 --> 00:12:56,940 I really got to play that song for you. 380 00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:57,941 This is all in there. 381 00:12:57,975 --> 00:12:58,708 Yeah. 382 00:12:58,742 --> 00:13:00,293 Awesome. Be right back. 383 00:13:09,753 --> 00:13:11,621 Hey, hey, come here. 384 00:13:11,655 --> 00:13:13,256 Is that guy over there with someone? 385 00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:14,807 Uh-huh. 386 00:13:14,842 --> 00:13:16,593 Could you tell if there was anything going on between them? 387 00:13:16,627 --> 00:13:18,061 I don't know. 388 00:13:18,095 --> 00:13:20,630 They were talking about taking a trip to Graceland together. 389 00:13:20,664 --> 00:13:21,915 He just wants to go 390 00:13:21,949 --> 00:13:24,634 'cause he thinks it's an amusement park! 391 00:13:29,607 --> 00:13:30,874 I got to tell you, 392 00:13:30,908 --> 00:13:33,076 this is looking more and more like diverticulitis. 393 00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:34,561 Do they say how to treat it? 394 00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:36,846 Like a heating pad or... Ohh!... There it is again. 395 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:38,231 Well, describe the pain. 396 00:13:38,282 --> 00:13:40,016 It's like I'm being stabbed, 397 00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:42,151 but also like I ate a bad scallop 398 00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,187 that's stabbing me from the inside. 399 00:13:44,221 --> 00:13:46,589 That's colorful, but there's no box for that. 400 00:13:46,624 --> 00:13:47,624 What are you guys looking at? 401 00:13:47,658 --> 00:13:49,475 - Girls! - Huffington post... girls. 402 00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:51,477 Manny, let me see that screen. 403 00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:53,730 What did I tell you? 404 00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:55,515 It's not his fault. I asked him to look. 405 00:13:55,566 --> 00:13:57,767 I'm starting to think I have a serious problem here. 406 00:13:57,801 --> 00:13:59,485 Yes, you do! That computer! 407 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:01,271 You read it there, you think it here, 408 00:14:01,305 --> 00:14:02,305 you feel it here. 409 00:14:02,323 --> 00:14:04,190 You want to feel better? 410 00:14:04,241 --> 00:14:06,859 There... you're cured. 411 00:14:08,279 --> 00:14:09,612 Give me 15 minutes, 412 00:14:09,647 --> 00:14:12,782 then tell Florence Nightingale I went to the hospital. 413 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:22,344 I'm gonna kill her! I'm gonna kill him! 414 00:14:22,345 --> 00:14:23,863 I'm gonna kill both of them! 415 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:24,764 What happened? 416 00:14:24,798 --> 00:14:26,682 Dylan has a new girlfriend! 417 00:14:26,717 --> 00:14:27,850 When did that happen? 418 00:14:27,884 --> 00:14:29,451 Who cares? 419 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,153 I'm just surprised he didn't say anything... 420 00:14:31,188 --> 00:14:32,805 To you. 421 00:14:32,856 --> 00:14:34,156 He's not answering my texts. 422 00:14:34,191 --> 00:14:35,708 How could he do this to me?! 423 00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:37,827 Oh, honey, you were the one who broke up with him. 424 00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:40,529 I didn't think he was gonna find someone so fast! 425 00:14:40,564 --> 00:14:42,698 Maybe he's better than I thought. 426 00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:45,985 No, he's not. What? No, he's not better! 427 00:14:46,036 --> 00:14:47,420 No, you know who's better? 428 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,071 David... David the tutor. 429 00:14:49,106 --> 00:14:50,439 Smart, smart David? 430 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,391 Maybe that's him right now! 431 00:14:52,442 --> 00:14:54,043 Do you want the house to yourself? 432 00:14:54,077 --> 00:14:55,678 For just a little while. 433 00:15:00,383 --> 00:15:01,784 I got your texts. 434 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,202 You swore a lot. 435 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,120 Who is she? 436 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,154 Who is who? 437 00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:06,255 Your new girlfriend. 438 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:07,923 I need her name and address, so I can mess her up. 439 00:15:07,957 --> 00:15:09,792 I don't have a new girlfriend. 440 00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:11,293 Don't play dumb, Dylan. 441 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,279 I'm not. I'm never playing dumb! 442 00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:15,631 I saw you at that stupid restaurant, 443 00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:18,400 sharing a sundae with her ugly sweatshirt on the chair. 444 00:15:19,736 --> 00:15:20,953 Oh, is that the skank? 445 00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:23,439 No... no, there's... there's no skank. 446 00:15:23,473 --> 00:15:24,640 Well, then why aren't you answering it? 447 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,959 'Cause I want to talk to you. 448 00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:28,611 Well, I want to talk to her. 449 00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:29,645 I'm gonna call her back 450 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,013 and tell her to keep her hands off 451 00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:32,248 of what belongs to me. 452 00:15:32,282 --> 00:15:33,582 Haley... 453 00:15:33,617 --> 00:15:34,800 Hello. 454 00:15:34,835 --> 00:15:36,452 Dad? 455 00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:38,154 Haley? 456 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,758 Oh... my... God... The sweatshirt? 457 00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,410 That was you with Dylan?! 458 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:45,995 Wait, you're the other girl? 459 00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,496 No, we're just friends! 460 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,931 - Phil, what are you... - Shh! 461 00:15:48,965 --> 00:15:50,266 Okay, put the phone down. 462 00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,884 What is going on? 463 00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,636 He needed someone to talk to. 464 00:15:53,670 --> 00:15:55,454 He took the break-up pretty hard. 465 00:15:55,489 --> 00:15:57,406 - But... - You did? 466 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,741 - Ohh... - Yeah. 467 00:15:58,775 --> 00:16:01,110 I mean, I kept on hoping that we'd get back together. 468 00:16:01,144 --> 00:16:03,646 Thinking of you with someone else just drove me crazy. 469 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,397 Me too, baby. 470 00:16:05,432 --> 00:16:07,616 But then your dad helped me figure out 471 00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:09,435 maybe it's best if we're apart. 472 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,769 Nice. 473 00:16:10,821 --> 00:16:12,521 I mean, I think I just need 474 00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:15,224 - a little time to date... Dylan. - Mm-Hmm. 475 00:16:15,258 --> 00:16:17,860 And I mean me, not another guy named Dylan. 476 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,729 So, we're still broken up? 477 00:16:20,764 --> 00:16:23,532 Yeah, I think so. 478 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,768 Wow. Okay... 479 00:16:25,769 --> 00:16:28,003 Um... 480 00:16:28,038 --> 00:16:29,922 I don't know... I'll see you. 481 00:16:29,973 --> 00:16:31,023 Yeah. 482 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:32,975 - Um... - Bye. 483 00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:36,946 Are you okay, baby? 484 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,231 Do you need another pillow? 485 00:16:38,249 --> 00:16:39,933 I know you think this is nothing, 486 00:16:39,967 --> 00:16:41,396 but he did say it could be an ulcer. 487 00:16:41,397 --> 00:16:43,030 He also said it could be gas. 488 00:16:43,065 --> 00:16:45,449 Do you want me to burp you? Come here. Come here. 489 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,419 Dollars to doughnuts, it's diverticulitis. 490 00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:49,720 Actually, it's not. 491 00:16:49,771 --> 00:16:50,804 Aha! 492 00:16:50,822 --> 00:16:52,023 You have acute pendicitis. 493 00:16:52,074 --> 00:16:53,708 We need to get you into surgery right away. 494 00:16:53,742 --> 00:16:55,843 Emergency surgery. I told you it was something. 495 00:16:55,877 --> 00:16:57,478 Aha! 496 00:16:57,512 --> 00:16:58,913 That can't be right. You have to check again! 497 00:16:58,947 --> 00:17:00,114 The tests are conclusive. 498 00:17:00,148 --> 00:17:01,915 Everything will be all right, Mr. Pritchett. 499 00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:02,933 Let's go. 500 00:17:02,984 --> 00:17:04,185 No, Jay, if that's true, 501 00:17:04,219 --> 00:17:06,303 then I'm the worst wife in the whole wide world! 502 00:17:06,338 --> 00:17:08,022 I made you suffer for two whole days! 503 00:17:08,056 --> 00:17:09,090 Honey, it's okay. 504 00:17:09,124 --> 00:17:10,391 No, it's not okay! 505 00:17:10,425 --> 00:17:12,893 Why?! Why do I always almost kill my husbands?! 506 00:17:12,927 --> 00:17:14,595 And I want to hear this story sometime, 507 00:17:14,663 --> 00:17:16,514 but I'm sort of counting down to a rupture here! 508 00:17:16,565 --> 00:17:19,283 No!! You can't go without forgiving me! 509 00:17:19,317 --> 00:17:21,635 What if you die in there? What do I do without you?! 510 00:17:21,670 --> 00:17:24,438 I forgive you, but nobody dies of an appendectomy! 511 00:17:24,472 --> 00:17:26,791 True, it's usually the anesthesia that gets you. 512 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,108 You're over 60, right? 513 00:17:28,126 --> 00:17:30,815 I will never forget you, Jay!! 514 00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:33,034 Could you go back to not caring, please?! 515 00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:35,179 Mitchell, it's Barb. 516 00:17:35,213 --> 00:17:37,832 Ohh, Barb. I'm so sorry. 517 00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:39,491 Well, no, no, honey, you hush. 518 00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,259 Look, I... 519 00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:44,129 I've been thinking about what I heard, and... 520 00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:47,199 maybe I do touch you too much. 521 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:50,068 And I could say it's 'cause we're a family, 522 00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,637 but, you know, I don't know. 523 00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:54,940 I guess I have been having some fun with you, 524 00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:58,343 and I... I thought that it was harmless, 525 00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:01,580 but I would never want to make you uncomfortable. 526 00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:03,949 Barb, it's my fault, too. 527 00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,350 So we're okay? 528 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:07,019 Yes, yes, of course. 529 00:18:07,053 --> 00:18:08,870 Thank God. 530 00:18:08,871 --> 00:18:11,223 'Cause I couldn't live with myself 531 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,526 if things stayed weird between us. 532 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:15,577 Uh, Cam? 533 00:18:15,611 --> 00:18:16,895 What is it? 534 00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,297 Well, we got it all worked out, sweetie! 535 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:20,949 Oh, great. Let me get my camera! 536 00:18:20,983 --> 00:18:23,001 Okay, that's not necessary... no! 537 00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:25,153 From now on, if I go too far, 538 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:28,123 - please, you just tell me about it. - Okay. 539 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,175 What is that? Oh... ohh! 540 00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:31,576 Almost lost my bracelet. 541 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,911 That would be an area that's okay. 542 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,346 No! 543 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,314 - Oh, dang it! - I'll get it. I'll get it. 544 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,599 Oh, no, I saw where it fell. 545 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,418 Force field! Force field! 546 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:41,937 What's going on? 547 00:18:41,971 --> 00:18:44,022 - I lost my bracelet in here. - Momma! 548 00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:46,958 Listen, I think this might be one of those situations 549 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:50,395 where Mitchell feels like you're crossing a boundary. 550 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,464 - Really? - Yeah. 551 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:54,549 - Like, this too? - Yeah. 552 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,101 Well... 553 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:59,121 I... I got to have a good long think 554 00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,523 about how I conduct myself. 555 00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,492 I'm truly sorry, Mitchell. 556 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,644 It's okay! It's okay. 557 00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:07,378 Well, let's take one quick picture, 558 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,414 - and we'll get out of his way. - Yeah. Absolutely. 559 00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,032 - Scooch together there. - This all right? 560 00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:12,317 Okay. 561 00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:18,924 Hey. 562 00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:21,075 I miss him. 563 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,660 Yeah. 564 00:19:23,347 --> 00:19:25,481 He was your first real boyfriend. 565 00:19:25,515 --> 00:19:27,617 I keep expecting him to show up. 566 00:19:27,651 --> 00:19:30,040 He used to come by at night, 567 00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:32,042 and I'd sneak out to see him. 568 00:19:32,076 --> 00:19:33,210 Yeah, I know. 569 00:19:33,244 --> 00:19:35,078 You knew? 570 00:19:35,112 --> 00:19:38,281 His car is 30 years old and doesn't have a muffler. 571 00:19:38,316 --> 00:19:40,450 And he honked. 572 00:19:41,586 --> 00:19:43,270 I loved that car. 573 00:19:43,304 --> 00:19:47,657 I rode in it to the guitar store. 574 00:19:47,692 --> 00:19:49,793 I felt like I was flying. 575 00:19:52,947 --> 00:19:55,665 I know it hurts now, sweetheart, but... 576 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:58,919 that's how you know it was a relationship worth having. 577 00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:06,009 Oh. 578 00:20:10,815 --> 00:20:12,009 Thanks, dad. 579 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,609 So Dylan, you're loving Graceland? 580 00:20:31,486 --> 00:20:32,950 Yeah, that's true. 581 00:20:32,951 --> 00:20:35,259 Probably would be cooler if they had roller coasters. 582 00:20:35,987 --> 00:20:38,405 Still, it's fun to see where the King lived, huh? 583 00:20:39,290 --> 00:20:40,958 No. No, no, no. 584 00:20:40,992 --> 00:20:44,428 That's just an expression. America doesn't have a king. 585 00:20:44,462 --> 00:20:45,159 Yeah. 586 00:20:46,664 --> 00:20:48,015 Oh, sure. 587 00:20:48,049 --> 00:20:49,433 Uh-huh. 588 00:20:50,669 --> 00:20:52,670 When? 589 00:20:52,704 --> 00:20:55,139 Well, that's not always the case. 590 00:20:55,173 --> 00:20:56,339 Huh? 591 00:20:56,358 --> 00:20:57,708 So, Dylan, did you get a chance 592 00:20:57,742 --> 00:20:59,509 to listen to that song I sent you? 593 00:20:59,527 --> 00:21:00,978 No? 594 00:21:01,012 --> 00:21:02,846 You got seven minutes? 595 00:21:03,046 --> 00:21:13,246 Sync by yyets.Net corrected by arnozet & gloriabg www.Addic7ed.Com