1
00:00:00,754 --> 00:00:02,573
Hey, sir. Duane Bailey,
running for, uh,

2
00:00:02,574 --> 00:00:04,258
town council reelection.

3
00:00:04,259 --> 00:00:07,913
- Oh, don't look. There's that
jerk Duane Bailey. - Oh, yuck.

4
00:00:07,914 --> 00:00:09,662
I should say something to him, shouldn't I?

5
00:00:09,663 --> 00:00:11,566
I gotta be honest, I was
just working off your tone.

6
00:00:11,566 --> 00:00:13,466
Who's Duane Bailey,
and why do we hate him?

7
00:00:13,466 --> 00:00:15,866
Honey, he's that councilman
who shot down my stop sign.

8
00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:17,266
- Big phony.
- Yeah.

9
00:00:17,466 --> 00:00:19,766
Hey! Duane Bailey, seeking
reelection, town council.

10
00:00:19,966 --> 00:00:21,166
Hope that I can count on your vote.

11
00:00:21,366 --> 00:00:22,566
- Well, you just got it.
- No.

12
00:00:22,766 --> 00:00:25,566
You don't remember meeting me,
do you? Claire Dunphy.

13
00:00:25,766 --> 00:00:27,466
Last month's town council meeting?

14
00:00:28,517 --> 00:00:29,917
Oh, yes I do!

15
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,317
Yes, I remember you.

16
00:00:31,423 --> 00:00:34,008
I want a stop sign.

17
00:00:34,387 --> 00:00:36,172
Just having fun.
Here, have a pen.

18
00:00:37,896 --> 00:00:38,776
"Duane Bailey.

19
00:00:38,777 --> 00:00:41,555
Councilman. Citizen. Puggle breeder."

20
00:00:41,556 --> 00:00:44,598
I love them because they're
a different mix of breeds,

21
00:00:44,599 --> 00:00:46,040
just like America.

22
00:00:46,274 --> 00:00:47,685
I like what he's saying, Claire.

23
00:00:47,686 --> 00:00:48,869
- He isn't saying anything.
- Look at his...

24
00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:51,986
We need a stop sign at our intersection.

25
00:00:51,987 --> 00:00:52,870
Everyone says that,

26
00:00:52,871 --> 00:00:55,509
but pretty soon, we're stopping
at every single corner.

27
00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:57,691
Why don't you go ask Canada
how that's working out?

28
00:00:57,692 --> 00:00:59,992
- He nailed it.
- Hi. Duane Bailey. Hi.

29
00:01:01,845 --> 00:01:03,874
"Actor/writer/director who packs a punch."

30
00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:04,999
- Oh, Sylvester Stallone.
- Sylvester Stallone.

31
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:06,311
I said it first.

32
00:01:08,347 --> 00:01:10,696
Oh, my God.
This guy brought his kids, Mitchell.

33
00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:13,363
What, to this movie?
Isn't it supposed to be super violent?

34
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:16,147
I'm sorry. I don't mean to overstep,
but I don't know

35
00:01:16,148 --> 00:01:18,456
that this movie is really
appropriate for children.

36
00:01:18,457 --> 00:01:21,238
I'm terrified to see it.
That's why we're here during the day.

37
00:01:21,572 --> 00:01:23,043
It's okay. We're good.

38
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:25,629
Okay.

39
00:01:25,632 --> 00:01:26,203
I tried.

40
00:01:26,204 --> 00:01:27,934
Yeah. All you can do.

41
00:01:29,114 --> 00:01:30,830
You know, I've--I've read this book,

42
00:01:30,831 --> 00:01:33,700
and I know what's gonna happen,
and it's very disturbing.

43
00:01:33,701 --> 00:01:35,355
I really think you might be inviting

44
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,897
some pretty serious nightmares here.

45
00:01:36,898 --> 00:01:39,707
Hey, buddy, they're my kids. I got it.

46
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,653
Yeah, but I don't think you do.

47
00:01:40,654 --> 00:01:42,942
Cam. Cam. He says he's got it, all right?

48
00:01:42,943 --> 00:01:45,806
You said your piece.
Just watch the movie.

49
00:01:47,062 --> 00:01:48,152
Oh, uh, Gwyneth Paltrow.

50
00:01:48,153 --> 00:01:50,838
- I really must insist you not
traumatize your kids... - Cam.

51
00:01:50,839 --> 00:01:52,682
- ...by exposing them to gratuitous violence...
- Stop it. Shh!

52
00:01:52,683 --> 00:01:55,590
- ...and graphic depictions of--
- Daddy, I'm scared.

53
00:01:55,591 --> 00:01:57,785
- Yeah, well, you're gonna be.
- I'm gonna tell you one more time.

54
00:01:57,786 --> 00:02:00,444
- No, I'm gonna tell you one more time.
- Okay.

55
00:02:00,445 --> 00:02:01,934
It was "The muppet" movie.

56
00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:04,036
We were in the wrong theater.

57
00:02:05,837 --> 00:02:08,250
Enjoy the show. I was always
a fan of the muppets,

58
00:02:08,251 --> 00:02:09,883
especially the two guys in the theater

59
00:02:09,884 --> 00:02:12,052
- who wouldn't shut up.
- Just leave.

60
00:02:20,837 --> 00:02:23,837
www.zotal.info

61
00:02:27,123 --> 00:02:28,942
- Hello?
- I'm running late.

62
00:02:28,943 --> 00:02:31,401
This knucklehead's kept me
waiting for over an hour.

63
00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:33,949
I never had to wait like this
when his dad was running things.

64
00:02:33,950 --> 00:02:34,577
Yeah.

65
00:02:34,578 --> 00:02:36,209
And soda was a nickel.

66
00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:38,610
Just tell them that
your family is coming over.

67
00:02:38,611 --> 00:02:39,974
This guy fired his own father.

68
00:02:39,975 --> 00:02:41,373
He's not gonna care about my family.

69
00:02:41,374 --> 00:02:42,870
Okay, then just leave.

70
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,468
You don't need his money.

71
00:02:44,469 --> 00:02:46,282
Once a week, I have
eight family members

72
00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:47,933
coming to my house for free food.

73
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,046
I'm not going anywhere.

74
00:02:49,047 --> 00:02:51,772
Okay. I see you when I see you.

75
00:02:54,645 --> 00:02:56,546
Are you okay?
What is wrong?

76
00:02:56,547 --> 00:02:58,086
I want to be homeschooled.

77
00:02:58,087 --> 00:03:01,378
Really, Manny?
Do you want me to learn you English?

78
00:03:01,379 --> 00:03:02,598
What is going on?

79
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,200
I have a big report due,

80
00:03:04,201 --> 00:03:06,381
and the teachers don't seem
to care about the substance.

81
00:03:06,382 --> 00:03:08,069
All they care about is the flash.

82
00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:11,030
Manny, sometimes you can be
a little bit old-fashioned.

83
00:03:11,086 --> 00:03:12,094
Remember the first time

84
00:03:12,095 --> 00:03:14,341
you saw the kids with
the backpacks with wheels

85
00:03:14,342 --> 00:03:16,398
and you thought
they were too flashy?

86
00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:18,935
You're going to school,
not boarding a flight to Denver.

87
00:03:19,052 --> 00:03:20,150
It's getting absurd.

88
00:03:20,151 --> 00:03:22,911
Reuben freestyle-rapped
his report on Irish immigrants.

89
00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:24,555
That doesn't even make sense.

90
00:03:24,556 --> 00:03:26,885
Maybe you do a Riverdance. Maybe.

91
00:03:26,951 --> 00:03:29,343
- What is your report on?
- The mafia.

92
00:03:29,344 --> 00:03:32,554
Perfect.
We do a papier-mache Tommy gun.

93
00:03:32,555 --> 00:03:34,268
Oh, no.
We shouldn't have to jazz it up.

94
00:03:34,269 --> 00:03:36,763
Okay, then we go upstairs and
we get your old rocking horse

95
00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:37,740
and we chop the head off.

96
00:03:37,741 --> 00:03:40,501
No, that's a terrible idea.
I love Brownie!

97
00:03:40,502 --> 00:03:43,534
Do you want to send
a message or not?

98
00:03:44,315 --> 00:03:46,607
Jay never wants me
to help him with his business,

99
00:03:46,608 --> 00:03:49,755
and now suddenly, Manny
doesn't want to listen to me either.

100
00:03:49,756 --> 00:03:51,358
It's very frustrating.

101
00:03:51,541 --> 00:03:53,325
I have all the answers.

102
00:03:54,497 --> 00:03:55,642
Hey! There he is.

103
00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:57,994
- Bring it in, Jay.
- How you doing, Joshie?

104
00:03:57,995 --> 00:03:59,807
It's Josh now. Have a seat.

105
00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:01,692
Ah, all right.

106
00:04:01,693 --> 00:04:03,948
So I flipped through your proposal,

107
00:04:03,949 --> 00:04:05,381
and here's the thing--

108
00:04:05,382 --> 00:04:08,441
We're about to build our largest
luxury condo complex yet.

109
00:04:08,442 --> 00:04:10,362
And I have an important
question for you--

110
00:04:10,611 --> 00:04:12,707
What is it you want to build?

111
00:04:14,478 --> 00:04:15,750
Closets.

112
00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:18,774
See, I was kinda hoping
you'd say "dreams."

113
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,586
I thought that was implied.

114
00:04:20,941 --> 00:04:23,840
Jay, I'm looking for closets
nobody's ever seen before,

115
00:04:23,841 --> 00:04:25,360
you know, a big "wow!"

116
00:04:25,361 --> 00:04:26,122
You know what I'm saying?

117
00:04:26,123 --> 00:04:27,698
You want a nice closet
with sharp design,

118
00:04:27,699 --> 00:04:30,420
quality materials,
and expert craftsmanship.

119
00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:33,591
Uh, I mean,
I want it to be like, bam!

120
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,192
You know, people are gonna
walk in there and go,

121
00:04:35,193 --> 00:04:38,065
"whoa! What do I hang first?"

122
00:04:38,088 --> 00:04:40,120
I wanted to hang myself.

123
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:42,285
Yeah, let's talk more specific.

124
00:04:42,784 --> 00:04:44,871
What exactly do you like
and what don't you like?

125
00:04:44,872 --> 00:04:46,620
All right, fair enough. Uh...

126
00:04:47,135 --> 00:04:49,984
I don't like this.
This makes me sad.

127
00:04:50,303 --> 00:04:52,919
I do like getting my mind blown.

128
00:04:52,964 --> 00:04:54,810
I love your enthusiasm.

129
00:04:55,184 --> 00:04:57,143
Uh, before I go off
in the wrong direction,

130
00:04:57,603 --> 00:04:58,393
how about an example?

131
00:04:58,394 --> 00:04:59,139
All right, check this out.

132
00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:01,630
So, like, three weeks ago,
I'm down in South Beach.

133
00:05:01,631 --> 00:05:03,707
I walk into this thumpin' club.

134
00:05:03,708 --> 00:05:05,849
Bartender says,
"what do you wanna drink?"

135
00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:07,730
I say, "wow me."

136
00:05:07,831 --> 00:05:10,288
He mixes this thing together.
I take one sip,

137
00:05:10,289 --> 00:05:12,234
and I'm like, "hello, nurse!"

138
00:05:12,235 --> 00:05:15,261
And she's like, "you've been
unconscious for two days."

139
00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:16,877
That's what I want in a closet.

140
00:05:18,438 --> 00:05:20,224
I don't think I need
to hear any more.

141
00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:26,686
Whatcha doing there? Homework?

142
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:27,989
What do you want?

143
00:05:28,135 --> 00:05:31,087
I need to borrow some money.
It's really important.

144
00:05:31,088 --> 00:05:32,345
How much?

145
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,273
$900.

146
00:05:34,297 --> 00:05:35,113
What?!

147
00:05:35,114 --> 00:05:36,865
Come on. If you were in trouble,

148
00:05:36,866 --> 00:05:38,832
I would do anything for you.

149
00:05:39,053 --> 00:05:41,294
We're not just sisters.

150
00:05:41,921 --> 00:05:43,401
We're best friends.

151
00:05:45,073 --> 00:05:47,096
Look, I would if I could,

152
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,888
but I don't have any money.

153
00:05:49,373 --> 00:05:50,537
And since we're talking,

154
00:05:50,538 --> 00:05:53,250
I never told anyone
this before, and it...

155
00:05:54,351 --> 00:05:57,415
...Wipe that smug smile
off his stupid face.

156
00:05:57,416 --> 00:05:58,583
His face is stupid.

157
00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:01,028
Oh! I can't believe
ridiculous people like him

158
00:06:01,029 --> 00:06:02,343
end up in office.

159
00:06:02,344 --> 00:06:04,204
Well, why don't you run?

160
00:06:04,518 --> 00:06:06,316
You're smart, you care
about the community,

161
00:06:06,317 --> 00:06:09,507
and you're easy on the eyes when
you put a little effort into it.

162
00:06:09,508 --> 00:06:10,707
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, you know,

163
00:06:10,708 --> 00:06:13,223
maybe change out of the sweaty
gym clothes every once in while.

164
00:06:13,224 --> 00:06:16,000
I thought you were talking
about running for office.

165
00:06:16,086 --> 00:06:17,150
Go on.

166
00:06:17,151 --> 00:06:18,999
I'd be lying if I said
I'd never thought about it.

167
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,215
I mean, I know it's a ridiculous
little local thing,

168
00:06:21,216 --> 00:06:23,628
but it might be fun
to get out there and contribute.

169
00:06:23,629 --> 00:06:24,985
Plus I think I'd be good at it.

170
00:06:24,986 --> 00:06:27,648
- You'd be great.
- Mm. How would this work?

171
00:06:27,649 --> 00:06:30,183
I mean, who would be here
for the kids after school?

172
00:06:30,184 --> 00:06:32,853
Who would take them
to practice and recitals

173
00:06:32,854 --> 00:06:34,982
and keep them from
burning the house down?

174
00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,767
It must be so hard
being a single mom.

175
00:06:38,574 --> 00:06:40,112
Claire, I will.

176
00:06:41,388 --> 00:06:42,086
If you wanna fly,

177
00:06:42,087 --> 00:06:44,211
- I'm not gonna hold your feet
to the ground. - Hmm.

178
00:06:44,212 --> 00:06:46,572
I wanna be the one
to push you off the cliff.

179
00:06:47,861 --> 00:06:49,176
I think I'm gonna do it.

180
00:06:49,177 --> 00:06:50,316
Great.

181
00:06:50,775 --> 00:06:52,203
- Go fly.
- Phil.

182
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,067
- No.
- Oh, Phil!

183
00:06:54,978 --> 00:06:57,285
I'll admit it. I'm turned on
by powerful women--

184
00:06:57,286 --> 00:07:00,072
Michelle Obama, Oprah,
Condoleezza Rice,

186
00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:06,323
- Do you want a fry?
- No, I can't eat.

187
00:07:06,324 --> 00:07:08,194
We should've stayed
and seen "The muppets."

188
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:10,153
I can't even look at ketchup
without seeing blood.

189
00:07:10,154 --> 00:07:12,471
Ooh, runaway curly fry.
You know these are good luck.

190
00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:16,424
- Mm!
- Oh!

191
00:07:16,425 --> 00:07:18,605
- Oh, my God. What was that?
- We just got rear-ended.

192
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,856
Oh, pull off to the side street.
Pull off to the side street.

193
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,390
- Are you okay? - Oh, I think I cut the
roof of my mouth on the straw.

194
00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:24,996
- Oh, my God. Mm!
- So yes.

195
00:07:28,050 --> 00:07:28,804
Oh, boy.

196
00:07:28,805 --> 00:07:31,912
I am so sorry. This is all my fault.
Are you guys okay?

197
00:07:31,913 --> 00:07:34,587
W-well, I-I sustained
a minor mouth injury.

198
00:07:34,924 --> 00:07:35,894
We're fine. Thank you. It's...

199
00:07:35,895 --> 00:07:37,538
Look, I feel terrible.

200
00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:39,208
Um, don't worry.
I'm gonna take care of everything.

201
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,622
Let me just get my insurance info.

202
00:07:40,623 --> 00:07:42,103
Okay. Thank you.

203
00:07:42,153 --> 00:07:43,748
- Well, he seems nice.
- Yeah.

204
00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:45,189
You know, if this were
a romantic comedy,

205
00:07:45,190 --> 00:07:46,610
this would be our meet cute.

206
00:07:46,611 --> 00:07:48,002
We'd spend the rest
of the afternoon

207
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:49,927
drinking wine, eating food,

208
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,957
flying a kite, you know,
doing montage-y stuff.

209
00:07:51,958 --> 00:07:53,251
Yeah, am I in this movie of yours?

210
00:07:53,252 --> 00:07:54,729
Yeah, you're the gay best friend.

211
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:57,568
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God! We have a runner!

212
00:07:57,569 --> 00:07:59,501
Um, it's D-W-Y--
I can't read it.

213
00:07:59,502 --> 00:08:01,205
- Come on! Let's go! Let's go!
- Go where?

214
00:08:01,206 --> 00:08:03,602
- We have to chase him down!
- No, we're not supposed to do that!

215
00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:05,260
Help! Stop that car!

216
00:08:05,261 --> 00:08:07,446
He's getting away! Help!

217
00:08:07,447 --> 00:08:10,194
Yeah, you almost got him, Cam.
You almost got him.

218
00:08:10,195 --> 00:08:11,850
He's getting away!

219
00:08:13,954 --> 00:08:15,170
Hey.

220
00:08:15,684 --> 00:08:17,211
Whatcha doing? Playing?

221
00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:18,907
Yeah.

222
00:08:19,597 --> 00:08:21,357
Do you have any money saved up?

223
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,101
I'm comfortable.

224
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:27,442
I've saved $1,217.

225
00:08:27,489 --> 00:08:29,073
It wasn't even that hard.

226
00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:30,785
Don't forget your lunch.

227
00:08:31,114 --> 00:08:32,252
Thanks, mom.

228
00:08:33,416 --> 00:08:35,092
Don't forget your
lunch money, buddy.

229
00:08:35,093 --> 00:08:35,867
Thanks, dad.

230
00:08:35,868 --> 00:08:37,116
You bet.

231
00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:43,850
Please. It's really important.

232
00:08:43,851 --> 00:08:46,197
Look, I'd love to help you out,

233
00:08:46,198 --> 00:08:48,111
but I'm not very liquid right now.

234
00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:49,921
It's in a block of ice.

235
00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:50,679
I got the idea

236
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:54,024
when I heard about rich guys
with frozen assets.

237
00:08:55,666 --> 00:08:57,098
Assets.

238
00:08:59,888 --> 00:09:02,218
I am running for town council,

239
00:09:02,219 --> 00:09:05,152
and I understand that
I can pick up a form here.

240
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:06,362
Fourth floor.

241
00:09:06,363 --> 00:09:07,787
- Elevator down the hall.
- Oh.

242
00:09:07,788 --> 00:09:10,397
Beyonce, when'd you
start working here?

243
00:09:10,689 --> 00:09:13,840
Oh, Duane.
He's always saying stuff like that.

244
00:09:13,998 --> 00:09:16,065
Duane Bailey.
Running for reelection.

245
00:09:16,428 --> 00:09:17,330
You're joking.

246
00:09:17,331 --> 00:09:19,490
I just saw you in the parking lot
two hours ago.

247
00:09:19,585 --> 00:09:21,412
Oh, hey. It's you!

248
00:09:21,413 --> 00:09:22,699
Oh, it's you.

249
00:09:23,035 --> 00:09:24,503
What... are you doing here?

250
00:09:24,504 --> 00:09:26,404
I am entering the race
for town council,

251
00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,448
and I am running against you.

252
00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:30,688
Oh. Well, don't you have pluck.

253
00:09:30,689 --> 00:09:32,187
No, I plan on winning, so...

254
00:09:32,188 --> 00:09:35,438
Oh, yeah, I bet you do.
Marcia! Rocking the bangs! Love it.

255
00:09:35,688 --> 00:09:37,327
Do you know why,
of all the dogs in the world,

256
00:09:37,328 --> 00:09:38,246
I breed puggles?

257
00:09:38,247 --> 00:09:40,429
Why do I feel like this
is a rhetorical question,

258
00:09:40,430 --> 00:09:42,254
- and you're about to l--
- It's because they're lovable, yes,

259
00:09:42,255 --> 00:09:45,185
but they're also tenacious
hunters who won't quit

260
00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:46,958
until the kill is complete.

261
00:09:46,959 --> 00:09:48,953
Really? 'Cause I feel
like they just yip a lot.

262
00:09:48,954 --> 00:09:50,831
Look, lady, you're going down.

263
00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:52,416
I've won six straight elections.

264
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,048
I don't plan on losing
to some bored housewife,

265
00:09:54,049 --> 00:09:57,496
so don't quit your
lack of a day job.

266
00:09:58,332 --> 00:09:59,427
Excuse me!

267
00:09:59,428 --> 00:10:00,966
Excuse me!

268
00:10:02,442 --> 00:10:03,450
Excuse me.

269
00:10:04,956 --> 00:10:06,273
Hello?

270
00:10:06,307 --> 00:10:08,842
Anne.

271
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,577
Haley did that?

272
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:13,786
Oh, God. Okay. Um...

273
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,310
I'll call you right back.

274
00:10:15,792 --> 00:10:19,617
For your information, sir,
I am no bored housewife.

275
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:23,281
No, I-I would kill for "bored."
Why isn't this lighting up?

276
00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:25,642
Oh, it's because it's,
uh, staff only.

277
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,110
Yeah.

278
00:10:27,161 --> 00:10:29,262
Here. Allow me to...

279
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,180
not get that for you.

280
00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:34,017
Good luck!

281
00:10:36,548 --> 00:10:38,356
Dad, I cut my arm.

282
00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:40,850
Oh, wow. You sure did, buddy.

283
00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:42,225
I'll get you fixed up.

284
00:10:42,864 --> 00:10:43,750
Where's mom?

285
00:10:44,118 --> 00:10:45,920
She belongs to the people now.

286
00:10:46,536 --> 00:10:48,355
My allergies are acting up again.

287
00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:50,853
Well, it is your lucky day,

288
00:10:50,854 --> 00:10:52,380
because, missy,

289
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:56,159
Dr. Dad has everything you need.

290
00:10:56,160 --> 00:11:00,196
Behold the healing powers
of grape flavoring.

291
00:11:00,197 --> 00:11:01,210
Where's mom?

292
00:11:01,211 --> 00:11:02,401
Some people took her.

293
00:11:02,402 --> 00:11:03,420
Drink this.

294
00:11:03,421 --> 00:11:06,691
Listen, guys, your mom is
taking on more responsibilities

295
00:11:06,692 --> 00:11:08,420
outside of the... house,

296
00:11:08,421 --> 00:11:10,300
but don't you worry.

297
00:11:10,456 --> 00:11:12,824
Good old... dad--
Oh, my goodness!

298
00:11:12,842 --> 00:11:15,300
- Ow!
- I'm so sorry!

299
00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:16,564
You punched me!

300
00:11:16,565 --> 00:11:18,708
Dad, you gave me
the drowsy kind.

301
00:11:18,709 --> 00:11:20,189
There's a drowsy kind?!

302
00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:22,007
I have to study for a test!

303
00:11:22,042 --> 00:11:23,366
Oh! It really hurts!

304
00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:25,380
- Well, I'll get you some ice.
- No. No, no, no.

305
00:11:25,381 --> 00:11:26,391
I'll get it.

306
00:11:28,025 --> 00:11:29,298
Ah.

307
00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:34,394
Oh, you made it.
How was it?

308
00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:34,910
Eh.

309
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,232
Why? What's wrong, babe?

310
00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:38,916
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Do it anyways.

311
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:41,448
Uh, this stupid kid's been
in the business about ten minutes.

312
00:11:41,449 --> 00:11:43,178
He barely looks at my proposal,

313
00:11:43,179 --> 00:11:45,014
and he says he wants more "wow."

314
00:11:45,015 --> 00:11:46,956
What does he mean by more "wow"?

315
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,798
It's the "Bieber-ization" of America.

316
00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:50,532
What do beavers have
to do with anything?

317
00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:52,695
The beavers--they build
the dams all over the country

318
00:11:52,696 --> 00:11:53,914
so there's no floods,

319
00:11:53,915 --> 00:11:56,125
is the "beaver-ization"
of the Americas.

320
00:11:57,318 --> 00:11:59,579
I'm finding there's less
and less we can talk about.

321
00:12:00,435 --> 00:12:02,320
So why didn't you tell him

322
00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:04,429
that you've been in the business
for such a long time--

323
00:12:04,430 --> 00:12:05,245
it's not gonna make any difference.

324
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,517
He wants to make a change.

325
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,984
And I got a factory full
of people depending on this.

326
00:12:08,985 --> 00:12:10,717
- Yeah, but maybe if you tell him that--
- Gloria, please.

327
00:12:10,718 --> 00:12:12,432
I-I-I've had a tough day.

328
00:12:12,433 --> 00:12:13,994
Can we please not talk about it?

329
00:12:13,995 --> 00:12:15,390
But I want to help.

330
00:12:15,391 --> 00:12:16,968
Trust me.
I wish you had the answers.

331
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:18,191
I do!

332
00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:21,572
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, grandpa.

333
00:12:21,606 --> 00:12:23,557
- Hey, Jay.
- What's with her?

334
00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:25,376
Just tired. Growth spurt.

335
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:26,861
Hey, hey.

336
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:28,862
- Hi, guys.
- Hi, baby girl.

337
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:31,665
Hola, Lily. How are you?

338
00:12:31,683 --> 00:12:33,017
Dads are fighting.

339
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,602
No, uh, we're not fighting.

340
00:12:34,636 --> 00:12:36,070
No, not at all, honey.

341
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,772
No. Okay, uh, go play,
sweetheart. Okay?

342
00:12:37,806 --> 00:12:39,089
Let's go play with some blocks.
Let's go stack some blocks.

343
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,416
All right.
Okay, the reason we're fighting

344
00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:43,264
is 'cause this one
thinks he's dirty Harry.

345
00:12:43,265 --> 00:12:45,413
Having a hard time picturing
Clint Eastwood in that shirt.

346
00:12:45,447 --> 00:12:46,630
Okay, let me ask you something.

347
00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:49,317
Today, at a stoplight,
a guy ran into our car,

348
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:50,520
and then just took off.

349
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:52,505
I wanted to chase after him.
Mitchell...

350
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,757
Kept a level head
and called the police.

351
00:12:54,791 --> 00:12:58,519
Pfft. Police. Aren't they too busy
winning the war on drugs?

352
00:12:59,341 --> 00:13:02,076
Okay, so which one of us
did the right thing?

353
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:02,934
Hit and run.
Gotta chase him down.

354
00:13:02,935 --> 00:13:05,646
I chase the people all the time.

355
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,022
No. No. That's--that's
irresponsible and dangerous.

356
00:13:07,023 --> 00:13:08,424
Okay, well, what if he
had been armed?

357
00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:10,450
He wasn't armed.
He had a Hillary bumper sticker.

358
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,594
This isn't an isolated incident.

359
00:13:12,628 --> 00:13:15,313
This morning he flipped out
at somebody at The Muppet movie.

360
00:13:15,364 --> 00:13:17,766
You saw The Muppet movie without me?

361
00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:18,385
Oh, no.

362
00:13:18,386 --> 00:13:20,138
No, honey.
Just the first two numbers.

363
00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:23,246
- No, Lily. Wait.
- Hi. Hi. Hi. Phil, where are you, honey?

364
00:13:23,247 --> 00:13:25,455
I need to talk to you.
Do you know what our daughter did?

365
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:27,323
Nothing. She's fine. She's reading.

366
00:13:27,490 --> 00:13:29,383
No, not her. Haley. Haley!

367
00:13:29,384 --> 00:13:31,635
- Come over here. I want to talk to you.
- There she is.

368
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,190
Not a scratch on her.

369
00:13:33,191 --> 00:13:34,765
Do you have something
you want to say to us?

370
00:13:34,766 --> 00:13:37,401
- Uh...
- Mmm... let me help you out here.

371
00:13:37,997 --> 00:13:39,320
Fake I.D.s?

372
00:13:39,321 --> 00:13:40,820
- What?!
- Mm-hmm.

373
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:44,232
Haley tried to get her and
her friends some fake I.D.s.

374
00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:46,278
I wasn't gonna use
them for drinking.

375
00:13:46,279 --> 00:13:48,675
We just wanted to get
into this club to see a band.

376
00:13:48,676 --> 00:13:51,812
She took a bunch of money
from them and then she lost it.

377
00:13:51,813 --> 00:13:53,940
- How much?
- $900.

378
00:13:53,941 --> 00:13:55,959
- You're kidding me!
- Oh, my God! Oh!

379
00:13:56,010 --> 00:13:57,390
It's not my fault!

380
00:13:57,391 --> 00:14:00,341
I gave money to this guy.
He's the one who ripped us off.

381
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:01,578
What happened to your face?

382
00:14:02,068 --> 00:14:04,934
- Oh. I ran into a door.
- Yeah.

383
00:14:05,298 --> 00:14:07,266
- What happened to your face?
- Dad hit me.

384
00:14:07,301 --> 00:14:08,177
It was an accident.

385
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:10,324
- I was trying to open up a band-aid!
- Phil!

386
00:14:11,329 --> 00:14:12,263
What's wrong with her?

387
00:14:12,264 --> 00:14:13,972
- Growth spurt.
- What's wrong with her?

388
00:14:13,973 --> 00:14:15,319
- I drugged her. 
- Phil!

389
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,262
I accidentally gave her
the nighttime allergy medicine.

390
00:14:18,263 --> 00:14:20,296
Mm. All right, one thing at a time.

391
00:14:20,297 --> 00:14:23,342
Haley, how are you going
to repay your friends?

392
00:14:23,343 --> 00:14:24,576
I don't know.

393
00:14:24,577 --> 00:14:27,168
I know. You go there
with a couple of guys--

394
00:14:27,169 --> 00:14:29,162
she's gotta get the money back.
Who is this kid?

395
00:14:29,163 --> 00:14:31,797
A guy at school's cousin's friend.
He lives in Gardena.

396
00:14:31,798 --> 00:14:33,661
Well, if you know where he lives,
just call the police.

397
00:14:33,662 --> 00:14:36,358
No cops. We can't afford
a scandal right now.

398
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,420
Claire's running for town council.

399
00:14:38,421 --> 00:14:39,413
That was before,

400
00:14:39,414 --> 00:14:41,591
when I thought you could
take care of the children.

401
00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:43,389
I take my eye off the ball
for one minute,

402
00:14:43,390 --> 00:14:45,832
and I've got one in a coma,
one with a black eye,

403
00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:47,175
and one running a crime ring.

404
00:14:47,176 --> 00:14:49,947
Well, to be fair,
Haley started her crime ring

405
00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:51,775
when your eye
was still on the ball.

406
00:14:51,776 --> 00:14:53,644
It's not a crime ring.

407
00:14:53,645 --> 00:14:56,313
I just gotta get
my hands on that $900.

408
00:14:56,314 --> 00:14:58,290
I know how the mafia
would handle this.

409
00:15:00,184 --> 00:15:02,745
The kid is right.
I'm sick of these smart-ass punks

410
00:15:02,746 --> 00:15:03,717
who keep changing the rules

411
00:15:03,718 --> 00:15:05,472
and think they can get away
with anything they want.

412
00:15:05,794 --> 00:15:08,386
I'm gonna pay this guy a visit.
Haley, text me his address.

413
00:15:08,387 --> 00:15:09,499
- I'm going with you.
- Me, too.

414
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,300
Oh, no. No.
Nobody's going anywhere.

415
00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,984
Okay, we're not vigilantes.

416
00:15:12,985 --> 00:15:13,939
Shotgun!

417
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,813
No! No weapons!

418
00:15:19,597 --> 00:15:21,267
In my country, it is tradition--

419
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,152
when the men are out
seeking vengeance,

420
00:15:23,186 --> 00:15:25,604
the women-- they stay home,
and they drink.

421
00:15:25,639 --> 00:15:27,710
Sometimes I think you
just make this stuff up.

422
00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:29,508
- Do you want a drink or not?
- Oh, yeah.

423
00:15:30,611 --> 00:15:32,283
So what happened?

424
00:15:32,850 --> 00:15:34,979
You were running for office,
and now you're not?

425
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,823
Mm. I don't really
want to talk about that.

426
00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:40,300
I know. I am sick and tired
of no one needing my help.

427
00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:42,150
You are going to tell me
what is wrong,

428
00:15:42,151 --> 00:15:43,791
and I'm gonna give you
the right answer,

429
00:15:43,792 --> 00:15:45,604
because I have all of them.

430
00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:48,605
So why are you not
running for office?

431
00:15:48,855 --> 00:15:50,656
Because my family
needs me too much.

432
00:15:50,657 --> 00:15:52,080
You saw what just happened.

433
00:15:52,192 --> 00:15:53,993
Why are you not
running for office?

434
00:15:54,027 --> 00:15:55,427
That doesn't work on me.

435
00:15:55,462 --> 00:15:57,296
Why are you not
running for office?!

436
00:15:57,330 --> 00:15:59,192
Because I don't want to lose!

437
00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:00,674
I-- pfft!

438
00:16:00,675 --> 00:16:04,447
I haven't done anything outside
of my house in 18 years.

439
00:16:04,448 --> 00:16:07,445
I don't want the first thing
I do to be a complete failure.

440
00:16:07,685 --> 00:16:08,978
Okay.

441
00:16:10,020 --> 00:16:12,307
I'm gonna tell you a story
about a little girl

442
00:16:13,074 --> 00:16:14,828
who entered a beauty pageant...

443
00:16:14,985 --> 00:16:17,994
Even though she was very,
very scared

444
00:16:18,012 --> 00:16:19,729
that she was going to lose.

445
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:21,731
Let me guess. You won.

446
00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:22,379
Of course I won,

447
00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,384
but I was talking about
my cousin Maria Conchita.

448
00:16:24,435 --> 00:16:25,549
She had a nose like a toucan,

449
00:16:25,550 --> 00:16:27,532
she stuffed her body
in this bikini,

450
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:30,074
and at the end,
she finished dead last.

451
00:16:31,347 --> 00:16:33,190
How is that a good story?

452
00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:37,274
Because she faced her fears,
and it didn't kill her.

453
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,354
Hmm.

454
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,196
What killed her
two weeks later was a bus.

455
00:16:41,197 --> 00:16:42,495
Are you serious?

456
00:16:42,496 --> 00:16:44,675
Yes, because she couldn't see 
anything coming

457
00:16:44,676 --> 00:16:45,955
with that big nose.

458
00:16:46,696 --> 00:16:49,344
This guy has won six elections.

459
00:16:49,345 --> 00:16:50,853
I am way out of my league.

460
00:16:50,854 --> 00:16:52,925
Look, I don't know
anything about this guy,

461
00:16:52,926 --> 00:16:54,960
but I know that
you're a tough lady,

462
00:16:54,995 --> 00:16:57,265
and I come from a family
of tough ladies.

463
00:16:57,266 --> 00:17:00,535
And I have to say,
sometimes you scare me a little bit.

464
00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:03,305
And I know that you're
strong enough to win

465
00:17:03,339 --> 00:17:06,324
and definitely strong enough
to be okay if you lose.

466
00:17:07,617 --> 00:17:08,532
I scare you?

467
00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:09,621
Are you kidding me?

468
00:17:09,622 --> 00:17:12,630
I want Thanksgiving at my house!

469
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:14,529
Why does everybody
think I talk like that?

470
00:17:18,219 --> 00:17:20,037
This is it.

471
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,457
W-w-wait. No, no. Come on.
Do we have a plan?

472
00:17:23,491 --> 00:17:25,059
It doesn't seem
like we have a plan.

473
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:27,111
Yeah, I got a plan.
Either he gives us the money,

474
00:17:27,145 --> 00:17:28,136
or he gets a private performance

475
00:17:28,137 --> 00:17:30,631
from england Dan
and John Ford Coley.

476
00:17:30,665 --> 00:17:32,550
That's not a good plan.
That's not even a good band.

477
00:17:32,601 --> 00:17:35,052
If all you're gonna do is criticize,
just wait by the car.

478
00:17:35,086 --> 00:17:36,353
Okay, fine.

479
00:17:36,404 --> 00:17:38,489
I'll see you in jail.

480
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:41,786
- It's gonna be a big adjustment
for two of you. - Ugh.

481
00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:50,970
- Yeah?
- You Peter?

482
00:17:51,562 --> 00:17:52,323
What do you want?

483
00:17:52,324 --> 00:17:55,017
You know Haley Dunphy?
You owe her $900.

484
00:17:55,018 --> 00:17:56,604
- We're here to collect.
- You dig?

485
00:17:56,605 --> 00:17:58,633
I tried to call that girl,
like, ten times,

486
00:17:58,634 --> 00:18:00,820
but her voice mail
was always... full.

487
00:18:00,821 --> 00:18:02,270
That does sound like Haley.

488
00:18:02,271 --> 00:18:03,866
So how are you gonna
make this right?

489
00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:06,374
You guys want the money, right?
That's fine.

490
00:18:06,409 --> 00:18:08,710
I don't need any hassle.
Hold on.

491
00:18:08,744 --> 00:18:10,745
I'll just... grab it.

492
00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:15,923
That was easy.

493
00:18:16,552 --> 00:18:17,971
He's lucky he didn't put up a fight.

494
00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:19,170
I would've treated him to a reunion

495
00:18:19,171 --> 00:18:21,830
of Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young!

496
00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:26,127
- We got a runner! Runner!
- Aah!

497
00:18:26,161 --> 00:18:27,295
Stop! Stop!

498
00:18:27,329 --> 00:18:28,480
Stop!

499
00:18:31,767 --> 00:18:33,651
No. No. No.

500
00:18:33,702 --> 00:18:34,702
No.

501
00:18:34,737 --> 00:18:36,287
Oh!

502
00:18:36,322 --> 00:18:37,622
I got him!

503
00:18:37,673 --> 00:18:40,175
- Oh, my God. You did!
- Don't be so surprised.

504
00:18:40,209 --> 00:18:41,976
Help! He's slipping out
of his skinny jeans.

505
00:18:43,062 --> 00:18:44,846
Aah!

506
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,712
These are cute.
I totally have these.

507
00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,317
- Hmm?
- Ha ha ha!

508
00:18:50,719 --> 00:18:52,570
- Wow!
- There you go!

509
00:18:52,605 --> 00:18:54,823
Oh, you got it back! Thank you!

510
00:18:54,857 --> 00:18:56,691
Hey, don't thank me.
Thank your uncle Mitchell.

511
00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:58,660
He's the one who tackled the guy.

512
00:18:58,694 --> 00:19:02,045
- I got grass stains.
- Well, I will tell you one thing.

513
00:19:02,046 --> 00:19:04,031
I have learned my lesson.

514
00:19:04,049 --> 00:19:06,067
Disappointing my family and friends

515
00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,569
is punishment enough.

516
00:19:07,603 --> 00:19:11,556
Nice try.
You're grounded for two weeks.

517
00:19:11,590 --> 00:19:13,541
Okay, we have big news.

518
00:19:13,575 --> 00:19:17,912
Claire has decided
to run for mayor after all.

519
00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:20,048
Thank you, but it's town council.

520
00:19:20,082 --> 00:19:22,934
It doesn't matter.
You're not going to win anyways.

521
00:19:22,985 --> 00:19:24,986
But she's going to be okay.
You see?

522
00:19:25,004 --> 00:19:28,606
I help the people.
Why don't you two let me help you?

523
00:19:28,657 --> 00:19:30,725
Well, I can't speak for Jay,

524
00:19:30,759 --> 00:19:33,928
but I guess I'm just
too proud to ask for help.

525
00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:36,297
Are you serious?
She cuts your steak.

526
00:19:36,332 --> 00:19:37,599
What about you?

527
00:19:37,633 --> 00:19:39,634
I don't want to bother you
with my business.

528
00:19:39,668 --> 00:19:41,069
What else do I do every day?

529
00:19:41,103 --> 00:19:42,391
I don't know. I'm guessing the gym

530
00:19:42,392 --> 00:19:44,672
and... one other thing?

531
00:19:44,707 --> 00:19:47,392
Dad, you should listen to her.
She might really help you.

532
00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:48,476
Huh.

533
00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:50,061
She could be an asset.

534
00:19:50,112 --> 00:19:52,280
Hmm.

535
00:19:52,314 --> 00:19:54,065
- Asset.
- Heard it.

536
00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:57,652
And look at the shelves over here.

537
00:19:57,686 --> 00:20:00,629
They're for the shoes.
Those are my favorite ones.

538
00:20:00,823 --> 00:20:04,242
So what do you think?

539
00:20:04,293 --> 00:20:06,094
Wow!

540
00:20:07,997 --> 00:20:12,267
Same... exact... closet.

541
00:20:12,686 --> 00:20:14,136
We never needed
fake I.D.s on the farm.

542
00:20:14,187 --> 00:20:16,841
We figured if a 16-year-old
could drive a tractor,

543
00:20:16,842 --> 00:20:19,579
he could drink a beer.
Not at the same time, of course.

544
00:20:19,580 --> 00:20:21,014
It's Missouri, not Texas.

545
00:20:21,049 --> 00:20:24,801
I used a fake I.D. to get
into an "R"-rated movie--

546
00:20:24,836 --> 00:20:26,837
"the fabulous Baker boys."

547
00:20:26,888 --> 00:20:28,555
I found the title to be misleading.

548
00:20:28,589 --> 00:20:30,841
Lot of Michelle Pfeiffer--
that's all I'm saying.

549
00:20:30,892 --> 00:20:33,093
I remember when I got my fake I.D.

550
00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:34,594
Me, too. Crazy times.

551
00:20:34,628 --> 00:20:36,596
Hell, yeah.
I tried to enlist in the army,

552
00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:38,435
but they saw right through me,
so me and a bunch of guys

553
00:20:38,436 --> 00:20:40,538
drove across state lines,
we got a bunch of booze,

554
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:43,573
we loaded up on fireworks,
and I woke up in the morning--

555
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:46,342
I kid you not--
in a Mexican strip joint.

556
00:20:48,157 --> 00:20:48,784
You?

557
00:20:49,230 --> 00:20:52,816
Uh, I used mine to rent some
bowling shoes and kept 'em.

558
00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,384
Suckers probably spent months

559
00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:58,255
trying to track down
Dr. Richard Hertz.

560
00:20:58,289 --> 00:20:59,557
Think about it.

561
00:20:59,657 --> 00:21:02,135
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