1
00:00:01,511 --> 00:00:03,211
How the hell they lose
our reservation?

2
00:00:03,411 --> 00:00:05,111
Dad, you were married
to mom for thirty years,

3
00:00:05,111 --> 00:00:06,311
this is not like a whole
night in the couch.

4
00:00:06,311 --> 00:00:07,470
I'm gonna call for the ***.

5
00:00:07,470 --> 00:00:10,670
I'm gonna try to squeeze them
on that $9.95 Wi-Fi fee.

6
00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:11,936
They're selling air.

7
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,664
Closetcon is the premier
North American trade show

8
00:00:14,665 --> 00:00:16,152
for the closet industry.

9
00:00:16,331 --> 00:00:17,548
I stopped going years ago

10
00:00:17,549 --> 00:00:19,984
'cause it's a trade show
for the closet industry.

11
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:21,071
Thank you.

12
00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:23,172
This schedule is incredible.

13
00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,792
Dad, there's a 10:45 session

14
00:00:24,793 --> 00:00:26,127
on sustainable materials.

15
00:00:26,128 --> 00:00:27,625
We have got to hit that.

16
00:00:27,997 --> 00:00:30,442
Mm, but it overlaps
with the 11:00 A.M. panel

17
00:00:30,443 --> 00:00:31,687
on paneling.

18
00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:34,316
And a breakout session
on shoe storage.

19
00:00:34,317 --> 00:00:36,740
Little advice --
the convention floor is for suckers.

20
00:00:36,741 --> 00:00:38,251
All work is done at the bar --

21
00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:40,231
unless Tony G. and Layla
are singing standards,

22
00:00:40,232 --> 00:00:42,717
in which case, no work --
prepare to be entertained.

23
00:00:42,718 --> 00:00:45,148
Dad, I came here to learn,
not sit at the bar and drink.

24
00:00:45,149 --> 00:00:46,892
You do what you want.
I'm getting a scotch.

25
00:00:48,421 --> 00:00:49,897
Well, I do need
to meet everybody.

26
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,811
Ooh, good. Breakfast.

27
00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:55,256
Breakfast? Try lunch.

28
00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:57,649
- We wake up early on the farm.
- Sure do.

29
00:00:57,650 --> 00:01:00,404
There's our sleepy city mouse.

30
00:01:01,190 --> 00:01:03,252
Let's get you all squared away here.

31
00:01:03,253 --> 00:01:04,450
- Yeah, I-I got it.
- No, I got it.

32
00:01:04,451 --> 00:01:05,469
- Down here.
- I'm good. I'm good. Now, I know --

33
00:01:05,470 --> 00:01:06,269
You know, I forgot how

34
00:01:06,270 --> 00:01:08,101
much work there was
to be done around here.

35
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:09,633
I've been mending
fence all morning.

36
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,159
Been mending, have you?

37
00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:13,014
Missouri.

38
00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:14,495
Misery.

39
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,592
- What a pig sty, huh?
- Cute.

40
00:01:19,593 --> 00:01:21,474
Daddy went to town,
he's gonna be there till supper,

41
00:01:21,475 --> 00:01:22,758
so I'm helping mama
slop the pigs.

42
00:01:22,759 --> 00:01:24,143
You want to --
you want to pitch in?

43
00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:26,530
I don't know,
I just ate that bacon, so...

44
00:01:26,537 --> 00:01:27,711
How's that gonna look?

45
00:01:27,961 --> 00:01:30,100
Want to ring the dinner bell,
"little bomber"?

46
00:01:30,101 --> 00:01:31,765
Oh, that's actually really quaint.

47
00:01:31,766 --> 00:01:32,951
Is it one of those
little triangle thi--

48
00:01:32,952 --> 00:01:35,692
S-o-o-o-ooey!

49
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,233
Hoo!

50
00:01:40,496 --> 00:01:43,683
Loudest call
in the tri-county area.

51
00:01:43,884 --> 00:01:44,996
Do it again!

52
00:01:44,997 --> 00:01:46,725
No, sweetheart.
I think once was enough.

53
00:01:46,726 --> 00:01:50,389
- We don't --
- S-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ooey!

54
00:01:51,897 --> 00:01:54,460
There's actually an animal that runs
toward that sound, huh?

55
00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:08,141
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com

56
00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:10,190
- Hello, hello!
- Hey!

57
00:02:10,191 --> 00:02:12,611
- Did you make the reservation?
- Yeah, 7:00.

58
00:02:12,612 --> 00:02:14,639
- Mwah. Mwah.
- Mwah. Mwah.

59
00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:16,930
Fun family time
with this little newsy

60
00:02:16,931 --> 00:02:18,318
and a steak dinner.

61
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:21,559
Who says people at the closet
convention get all the fun?

62
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,349
No one. No one says that.

63
00:02:23,350 --> 00:02:24,852
I am telling you,
the way he looked at me

64
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,701
when I came to the door --
it is so on.

65
00:02:26,702 --> 00:02:28,471
Kind of seemed like he was
just delivering pizza,

66
00:02:28,472 --> 00:02:29,456
and you were giving him money.

67
00:02:29,457 --> 00:02:30,582
What are you guys talking about?

68
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:32,075
Chuck, the pizza guy
from last night.

69
00:02:32,076 --> 00:02:35,225
He's shy and thoughtful and
wears a Princeton sweatshirt --

70
00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:37,962
- hardly Haley's type.
- Oh, my God. You love him.

71
00:02:37,963 --> 00:02:40,120
What? No! I --
how would you say I love him?

72
00:02:40,121 --> 00:02:41,525
He's been to our house
exactly three times.

73
00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:43,054
That's ridiculous, Haley!
Don't even look at me.

74
00:02:43,055 --> 00:02:44,339
This is so stupid.

75
00:02:45,069 --> 00:02:45,968
She loves him.

76
00:02:46,865 --> 00:02:48,608
Hey, "manimal."
How was picture day?

77
00:02:48,609 --> 00:02:49,698
You know what's super-helpful?

78
00:02:49,699 --> 00:02:51,820
When the guy in line behind you
calls you "mount sweatmore."

79
00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,673
- I was trying to relax you.
- Hey.

80
00:02:54,147 --> 00:02:56,273
It was right in front of you --
"Brad pitt-stains."

81
00:02:56,274 --> 00:02:58,005
- Come on, Luke.
- It's okay.

82
00:02:58,006 --> 00:02:59,871
Whoa. New security system?

83
00:02:59,872 --> 00:03:00,949
You can see the backyard,

84
00:03:00,950 --> 00:03:03,067
the front door, the garage --
everywhere.

85
00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:04,789
Yeah, can't take any chances

86
00:03:04,790 --> 00:03:07,286
since mom gave birth
to the hope diamond over there.

87
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,341
There is a room off the kitchen
at Jay's house

88
00:03:12,342 --> 00:03:13,545
that's always locked.

89
00:03:13,546 --> 00:03:15,155
I try it every time I'm there.

90
00:03:15,156 --> 00:03:18,142
I've spent countless hours
imagining that that room

91
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:23,061
is a house of treasure... 
a palace of ceaseless wonder.

92
00:03:23,843 --> 00:03:25,208
It's real.

93
00:03:26,934 --> 00:03:28,031
Hello, old friend.

94
00:03:29,433 --> 00:03:31,355
Would you look at that?

95
00:03:32,010 --> 00:03:34,519
What?! That's coconuts!

96
00:03:35,617 --> 00:03:37,467
No!

97
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:39,435
Whoa. Is that --

98
00:03:39,436 --> 00:03:41,871
A replica of Apollo 13.

99
00:03:41,872 --> 00:03:43,595
Look at the detail.

100
00:03:43,596 --> 00:03:45,033
You can almost see the astronauts

101
00:03:45,034 --> 00:03:46,531
drinking teeny, tiny tang.

102
00:03:46,532 --> 00:03:47,895
- Can I hold it?
- No.

103
00:03:47,896 --> 00:03:49,652
You have any idea
how valuable this is?

104
00:03:49,653 --> 00:03:51,591
And your fingers
are covered in cheese dust.

105
00:03:51,838 --> 00:03:53,082
There.

106
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:54,583
- No! Luke, please!
- Hey, guys. Knock it off.

107
00:03:56,517 --> 00:03:57,944
Don't worry, Gloria. I got it.

108
00:03:59,553 --> 00:04:01,053
- Dios mío!
- Nobody panic!

109
00:04:01,106 --> 00:04:03,334
This is a collector's edition.
It's 40 years old!

110
00:04:03,335 --> 00:04:04,734
We're gonna have to improvise.

111
00:04:04,955 --> 00:04:07,069
Gloria, call the steakhouse and cancel.

112
00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:09,252
Um... Manny, find some glue.

113
00:04:09,253 --> 00:04:11,589
Luke, let's get these parts
into the garage.

114
00:04:11,590 --> 00:04:13,826
I know this seems impossible,
but we can do this!

115
00:04:13,932 --> 00:04:15,592
Hello. Houston's?

116
00:04:15,713 --> 00:04:17,144
We have a situation.

117
00:04:18,078 --> 00:04:20,058
Hi. We're with closetcon.
All-access.

118
00:04:20,059 --> 00:04:22,026
She doesn't care.
You're the only dope wearing that here.

119
00:04:22,027 --> 00:04:23,815
- Give it to me.
- No. I like it.

120
00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:25,622
Hey. Joel.

121
00:04:25,623 --> 00:04:27,067
Looking good, my friend.

122
00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:29,139
Took a bath on automated closets.

123
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:30,140
People aren't ready for that.

124
00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:32,954
Jay Pritchett.
Get your cute butt over here.

125
00:04:32,955 --> 00:04:34,521
- Who's that?
- An old friend.

126
00:04:34,522 --> 00:04:36,685
I'm gonna go say hello.
Why don't you get us a couple drinks?

127
00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:37,935
Yeah. I'll do that.

128
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:42,774
Hi. Can I get a scotch
and a white wine?

129
00:04:42,775 --> 00:04:43,958
Wow, rowdy crowd, huh?

130
00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:45,767
Trade shows -- people
get away from their families,

131
00:04:45,768 --> 00:04:47,409
- get a little liquored up.
- Yeah, I get that.

132
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:49,335
Let's just say when
the nametags go on,

133
00:04:49,336 --> 00:04:50,254
the wedding rings come off.

134
00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:52,206
I am not so on board with that.

135
00:04:52,598 --> 00:04:53,536
Hey, there.

136
00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,077
Classy.

137
00:04:56,382 --> 00:04:59,583
Let me just fix this
you're looking so great.

138
00:05:01,606 --> 00:05:03,133
My mom was pretty self-involved,

139
00:05:03,134 --> 00:05:04,547
and my dad traveled a lot for work.

140
00:05:04,548 --> 00:05:07,494
So, yeah, I did wonder if...
you know.

141
00:05:07,714 --> 00:05:09,381
And not that I could blame him.

142
00:05:09,799 --> 00:05:11,319
My friend Alison's mom

143
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,022
greeted her every day after school

144
00:05:13,023 --> 00:05:14,799
with a big hug and a giant smile,

145
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,589
and I always thought, "yeah...

146
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:18,487
Wouldn't mind a piece of that."

147
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:21,487
- So, are we doing this?
- I'll bring it to your room this afternoon.

148
00:05:22,131 --> 00:05:24,990
We have a little tradition
at Closetcon for rookies,

149
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,157
which Claire is this year.

150
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:29,213
We take a skeleton.
We hide it in their closet.

151
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:31,204
They open the door and scream,

152
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:32,927
and we all have a good laugh.

153
00:05:33,006 --> 00:05:34,492
Can't take full credit
for the idea.

154
00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:36,273
We stole it from Cabinetcon.

155
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,163
Hot cider.

156
00:05:38,164 --> 00:05:40,061
Oh, yes. Thank you, Barb.

157
00:05:40,062 --> 00:05:41,300
- Thank you so much.
- It's chilly.

158
00:05:41,301 --> 00:05:43,139
Mmm. Wow, that's got a kick.

159
00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:44,650
- That'll be the rum.
- Ah.

160
00:05:44,651 --> 00:05:46,870
I can feel it
warming up your belly.

161
00:05:46,871 --> 00:05:48,393
Yeah, still in my mouth and throat.

162
00:05:48,394 --> 00:05:49,157
Well, what's that?

163
00:05:49,158 --> 00:05:51,016
Boy, it starting to get nippy, huh?

164
00:05:51,170 --> 00:05:53,039
You guys want to walk down
to the duck pond?

165
00:05:53,068 --> 00:05:55,017
Um -- that sounds lovely.
I'll get the gun.

166
00:05:55,018 --> 00:05:57,293
- Are y'all coming?
- "Y'all"?

167
00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:59,476
- We don't say "y'all"!
- Yeah, we do.

168
00:05:59,477 --> 00:06:02,468
No, well, yeah, we say it... here,
but not normally.

169
00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:04,396
Well, did you ever think
this is how I really talk

170
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:06,752
and that I talk different-like
when I'm not here?

171
00:06:06,753 --> 00:06:07,679
Y'all fighting?

172
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,766
No, no, sweetie, we're just
having a conversation

173
00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:11,423
about how your daddy
can be so stuck-up.

174
00:06:11,424 --> 00:06:12,635
Cam, that's really mature.

175
00:06:12,636 --> 00:06:14,557
Use our daughter
to get your little digs in.

176
00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:16,114
I would never do that, sweetie.

177
00:06:16,115 --> 00:06:16,864
You don't think I notice

178
00:06:16,865 --> 00:06:18,717
how condescending you are
when we come here?

179
00:06:18,718 --> 00:06:20,755
You just set on the porch.
You roll your eyes.

180
00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:21,866
You don't participate in anything.

181
00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:24,314
And, yeah, I said "set."
But that's how we talk here.

182
00:06:24,315 --> 00:06:26,392
I'm from this place.
I'm proud of this place.

183
00:06:26,393 --> 00:06:29,084
And it hurts me that the man I love
just thinks it's some big joke.

184
00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:30,037
Come on, sweetie.

185
00:06:30,978 --> 00:06:32,648
Lord a'mercy.

186
00:06:34,969 --> 00:06:37,318
Ugh. I'm starving.
What are we gonna do about dinner?

187
00:06:37,319 --> 00:06:39,731
I checked with dad, and I ordered
a couple pizzas from Theo's.

188
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,764
I knew it!
You're stalking my pizza guy!

189
00:06:41,765 --> 00:06:43,534
He is not into you, okay?

190
00:06:43,535 --> 00:06:44,453
Does he call you "brown eyes"

191
00:06:44,454 --> 00:06:45,790
and give you
extra mozzarella sticks?

192
00:06:45,791 --> 00:06:47,410
Okay, that's it, you two!

193
00:06:47,411 --> 00:06:50,268
You cannot fight over men
like it's jewelry or shoes.

194
00:06:50,269 --> 00:06:52,771
If you're both interested,
no one makes a move.

195
00:06:52,772 --> 00:06:54,605
Sisters before misters!

196
00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,809
- Stalker!
- Trollop.

197
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,725
Ha-ha, don't know what it means --

198
00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:02,778
- What did you do?!
- Nothing!

199
00:07:02,779 --> 00:07:04,556
Aah! Yes, you did!
You turned it on,

200
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,795
- and now the propeller's all tangled up!
- Why would I do that?

201
00:07:06,796 --> 00:07:08,097
'Cause my pizza guy is coming,

202
00:07:08,098 --> 00:07:09,388
and now I have airplane in my hair!

203
00:07:09,389 --> 00:07:11,012
I swear I didn't, Haley.
Okay.

204
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,749
I'll get it out.
Oh, my God, ow!

205
00:07:12,750 --> 00:07:14,690
- What is happening?!
- I don't know!

206
00:07:15,338 --> 00:07:18,351
Ohh, you find a little toy?

207
00:07:19,266 --> 00:07:20,720
Hey, was that aunt Marge

208
00:07:20,721 --> 00:07:22,149
just tearing down the driveway?

209
00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:24,378
Yes. And she dropped off
a little present.

210
00:07:24,379 --> 00:07:27,321
Is that my Cam Cam?

211
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:29,494
- Gram gram!
- Oh, you.

212
00:07:29,495 --> 00:07:30,991
There have been
some storm warnings,

213
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,047
so Marge thought
she'd be safer over here.

214
00:07:33,048 --> 00:07:34,407
But she dropped her off so fast

215
00:07:34,408 --> 00:07:37,823
- that we didn't even have 
a chance to straighten up. - Oh.

216
00:07:37,824 --> 00:07:39,355
We never told gram
about the gay.

217
00:07:39,356 --> 00:07:40,954
You know, after
they reach a certain age,

218
00:07:40,955 --> 00:07:41,555
you worry that it could

219
00:07:41,556 --> 00:07:43,100
be the thing that
sends them over the edge,

220
00:07:43,101 --> 00:07:45,587
and she's been on the edge
for a long time.

221
00:07:45,588 --> 00:07:47,497
We're actually
on deathbed number two.

222
00:07:47,727 --> 00:07:49,260
Mitchell. Mitchell.

223
00:07:49,455 --> 00:07:50,728
Okay. W-what's this?

224
00:07:50,729 --> 00:07:53,759
This is me ready to slop,
bale, or milk something.

225
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,945
- You don't need to do that.
- No, I -- Cam, I-I know.

226
00:07:55,946 --> 00:07:58,453
I know I gave you hell
for being who you really are,

227
00:07:58,454 --> 00:08:00,184
- and I want to make that up to you.
- Yeah, but you know what?

228
00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:02,589
Putting on my sister's Sunday
overalls is gesture enough.

229
00:08:02,590 --> 00:08:04,474
- What's this?
- Oh, it's my chewing straw.

230
00:08:04,475 --> 00:08:06,825
- It's not straw.
- Oh, it's just show -- for show.

231
00:08:06,826 --> 00:08:08,235
Hey. Come on, come on.
You know, you love the man,

232
00:08:08,236 --> 00:08:09,742
- you love the world he comes from.
- Yeah, but you know what?

233
00:08:09,743 --> 00:08:11,945
I don't know if it's these
farming clothes or what,

234
00:08:11,946 --> 00:08:14,539
but I am feeling
so close to you right now.

235
00:08:14,540 --> 00:08:16,005
- Well, that's so sweet.
- Now give me a kiss.

236
00:08:16,006 --> 00:08:17,117
No, not right now.

237
00:08:17,214 --> 00:08:19,011
Well, don't make me
rassle you down.

238
00:08:20,729 --> 00:08:21,643
Who's this?

239
00:08:21,644 --> 00:08:22,809
Oh, dear.

240
00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:26,170
Uh... Well, grams, this is Bud,
our new farmhand.

241
00:08:26,795 --> 00:08:27,575
Bud?

242
00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,099
Yeah, Bud's a little simpleminded

243
00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:31,827
on account of getting
mule-kicked, isn't he?

244
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:33,580
And you know the rules
on being in the house, Bud.

245
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,882
Now, go on outside.

246
00:08:34,883 --> 00:08:36,720
We're gonna milk the cows
in a few minutes.

247
00:08:37,272 --> 00:08:39,605
Get on out there.
Have a treat afterwards.

248
00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:43,232
Here's what we've got
to work with.

249
00:08:43,233 --> 00:08:45,498
Nicely done.
I've got Florida on the line.

250
00:08:45,499 --> 00:08:47,873
Dad, I'm flying you in.
You're the model expert.

251
00:08:47,874 --> 00:08:49,468
What are we looking at, son?

252
00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:51,764
Holy Moses.

253
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:54,707
More like Apollo 1,300 pieces!

254
00:08:55,897 --> 00:08:58,036
In space, I guess no one
can hear you be hilarious.

255
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,038
I need you to focus.

256
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,563
- If Jay sees this --
- I know!

257
00:09:00,762 --> 00:09:02,639
Dad, you've got three good men
here depending on you.

258
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,420
Say no more --
I'm gonna tap a button now

259
00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:06,916
that's either gonna make you
larger on my screen or --

260
00:09:08,624 --> 00:09:09,866
We've lost Florida.

261
00:09:10,321 --> 00:09:12,700
Yeah, yeah. Bring the skeleton up now.
I just got to the room.

262
00:09:13,022 --> 00:09:13,897
Hey, dad.

263
00:09:14,157 --> 00:09:15,211
Hey, honey.

264
00:09:15,504 --> 00:09:16,972
I thought we were meeting
at the restaurant.

265
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:18,795
Yeah, well, the lecture
got done a little early,

266
00:09:18,796 --> 00:09:21,025
and I was kind of the star
of the evening.

267
00:09:21,026 --> 00:09:23,607
I got a huge laugh
when I coined the phrase

268
00:09:23,608 --> 00:09:25,273
"shelf-esteem."

269
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,938
Huh? Yeah?

270
00:09:27,076 --> 00:09:28,364
Okay, I'll text it to Phil.

271
00:09:28,365 --> 00:09:30,677
Why don't you go down to the lobby?
You'll get a stronger signal.

272
00:09:30,733 --> 00:09:32,211
- Oh. Hello.
- Rita.

273
00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:33,770
- This is my daughter, Claire.
- Hi.

274
00:09:33,771 --> 00:09:34,908
Claire, this is Rita.

275
00:09:34,981 --> 00:09:36,589
Your dad and I go way back.

276
00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:38,379
First time we met, I told him

277
00:09:38,380 --> 00:09:41,167
he needed a course
in "hanger" management.

278
00:09:41,357 --> 00:09:42,405
It's still funny.

279
00:09:42,811 --> 00:09:43,765
Seriously?

280
00:09:44,152 --> 00:09:45,740
Her husband's
in the garment business.

281
00:09:45,741 --> 00:09:46,655
He made me a suit.

282
00:09:46,656 --> 00:09:48,828
I make the closets,
and he fills them.

283
00:09:48,829 --> 00:09:49,809
Match made in heaven.

284
00:09:49,810 --> 00:09:51,533
Honey, they're kind of sticklers
at that restaurant.

285
00:09:51,534 --> 00:09:53,784
Why don't you grab our table?
I'll put this in the room.

286
00:09:53,785 --> 00:09:55,752
Uh, okay. Will do.

287
00:09:55,753 --> 00:09:57,480
Um, really nice to meet you.

288
00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:58,996
See you downstairs.

289
00:09:59,114 --> 00:10:01,408
I actually am gonna
take the stairs.

290
00:10:01,409 --> 00:10:02,789
That elevator is slow.

291
00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:07,863
Hey, was it just me,
or was she looking at me weird?

292
00:10:07,864 --> 00:10:09,197
I did kind of sense that.

293
00:10:09,198 --> 00:10:10,642
You don't think
she knows about our deal?

294
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:12,598
How could she?
It was 20 years ago.

295
00:10:12,599 --> 00:10:14,199
And I never told anyone.

296
00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:20,513
Would she even care?

297
00:10:20,514 --> 00:10:23,150
That I tried to get rid of the man
she ended up marrying?

298
00:10:23,259 --> 00:10:25,366
Well, it's not like you took
a hit out on him.

299
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:26,836
You had me offer him a job

300
00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:28,219
in the greatest state
in the union.

301
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:29,411
Okay, Tex.

302
00:10:31,392 --> 00:10:34,333
If I never said anything,
how could she know?

303
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,819
You're not the first one
I approached.

304
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,582
You're just the first one
who said yes.

305
00:10:43,154 --> 00:10:44,815
- I'm done. I'm done. 
- Come on.

306
00:10:44,816 --> 00:10:47,212
Please, just be Bud --
for a couple days.

307
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:48,449
You can do some chores,
maybe I can

308
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,117
berate you a little bit
to really sell it.

309
00:10:50,118 --> 00:10:53,170
Do you hear how insane
you sound? Chores?

310
00:10:53,449 --> 00:10:53,993
All right, you know what?

311
00:10:53,994 --> 00:10:55,782
You -- you deal with your grandmother
however you want.

312
00:10:55,783 --> 00:10:58,469
- Lily and I will just go get a hotel room.
- No, you can't.

313
00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,540
Fine. Motel, silo --
whatever you got around here.

314
00:11:00,541 --> 00:11:03,567
No, that alarm means there's
a tornado coming right now.

315
00:11:03,568 --> 00:11:04,922
Oh, God. Well, where's Lily?

316
00:11:05,023 --> 00:11:06,583
I hope she's not still
out in the field.

317
00:11:06,584 --> 00:11:08,384
Lil-y-y-y-y!

318
00:11:08,385 --> 00:11:10,075
You can't just call her like a pig!

319
00:11:10,076 --> 00:11:12,600
Lil-y-y-y-y-y!

320
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,496
Okay, this is just a farm thing,
not, like, a mall thing.

321
00:11:15,497 --> 00:11:17,442
- What's that, city voice?
- Hmm? Just go.

322
00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:20,946
This is really in there good.

323
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,234
Get her off of me.
I'm getting dumb through osmosis.

324
00:11:23,235 --> 00:11:24,789
I don't have osmosis.

325
00:11:25,396 --> 00:11:27,233
Oh, great.
Chuck's here with the pizza.

326
00:11:27,234 --> 00:11:28,881
Gloria, can you please get it?

327
00:11:28,882 --> 00:11:31,120
No. You two be nice to each other

328
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:32,631
and figure it out.

329
00:11:35,615 --> 00:11:36,579
Oh, hey, Chuck.

330
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:38,118
I didn't think
you'd be working tonight.

331
00:11:38,119 --> 00:11:39,266
Hey. What are you doing here?

332
00:11:39,267 --> 00:11:40,846
Oh, this is my grandfather's house.

333
00:11:40,847 --> 00:11:42,976
There's a pool. Do you swim?
You look like you swim.

334
00:11:43,517 --> 00:11:44,380
I do.

335
00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,296
Oh, thanks.

336
00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:48,988
- Ah-ah-ah!
- You okay?

337
00:11:48,989 --> 00:11:50,863
Oh, yeah. Totally.
Just a cramp.

338
00:11:50,864 --> 00:11:52,072
I work out. One second.

339
00:11:53,676 --> 00:11:55,334
You little... shut up.

340
00:11:57,272 --> 00:11:58,218
Hey, you.

341
00:11:58,219 --> 00:11:59,963
Hey, brown eyes.

342
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,375
Okay, cool. Thanks. Bye.

343
00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:07,140
Bye!

344
00:12:07,141 --> 00:12:09,055
- What?
- Shut up, dork.

345
00:12:09,593 --> 00:12:10,500
Don't be nervous, honey.

346
00:12:10,501 --> 00:12:11,788
There's nothing to be scared of.

347
00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:14,144
Take it easy, mama.
Don't break a hip.

348
00:12:14,327 --> 00:12:15,209
I'm telling you right now --

349
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:16,613
I am not pretending
to be something I'm not,

350
00:12:16,614 --> 00:12:17,791
especially in front of our daughter.

351
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,964
Oh, so I can't kiss you
in front of your dad for six years,

352
00:12:20,997 --> 00:12:22,415
and you can't give me two days?

353
00:12:22,416 --> 00:12:25,352
We're saving an old lady
some unnecessary upset.

354
00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:26,661
Why don't you give her
a little credit?

355
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:28,882
She might be more
open-minded than you think.

356
00:12:28,993 --> 00:12:32,346
Well, you're a cute
little Chinese thing.

357
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:35,445
Actually, Gram,
she's, uh, from Vietnam,

358
00:12:35,656 --> 00:12:36,983
and her name's Lily.

359
00:12:37,175 --> 00:12:39,594
Dad, how long do we have
to stay down here?

360
00:12:39,808 --> 00:12:40,702
"Dad"?

361
00:12:41,984 --> 00:12:43,763
Okay, well, I guess
there's no way around this.

362
00:12:43,908 --> 00:12:45,577
Ac-- actually, ma'am...

363
00:12:45,988 --> 00:12:47,182
...she's my kin.

364
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,677
So, you got a Chinese wife, Bud?

365
00:12:49,678 --> 00:12:51,212
No, I-I-I went to Vietnam,

366
00:12:51,213 --> 00:12:53,701
and I did myself some adopting,

367
00:12:53,984 --> 00:12:57,964
and now I'm raising her
all by my lonesome.

368
00:12:58,202 --> 00:13:01,135
Well, I never thought
I'd live long enough to see that.

369
00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:02,733
None of us did.

370
00:13:02,891 --> 00:13:06,314
But I guess there's nothing
more important than family...

371
00:13:06,733 --> 00:13:08,235
No matter how they come.

372
00:13:08,236 --> 00:13:10,346
Well, that is mighty
open-minded of you.

373
00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:12,968
Some folks 'round these parts
don't share that progressive --

374
00:13:12,969 --> 00:13:15,681
I say progressive -- sensibility.

375
00:13:15,682 --> 00:13:17,006
To each his own.

376
00:13:17,234 --> 00:13:19,284
But I do wish I had another

377
00:13:19,285 --> 00:13:22,309
little one like that to spoil.

378
00:13:24,153 --> 00:13:26,407
What if I told you you did
have a great-grandbaby?

379
00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:28,189
- What?
- Cam --

380
00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:29,301
It's okay, mama.

381
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:32,373
What if I told you I was in love,

382
00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:35,912
and that I've never been
happier in my entire life,

383
00:13:36,469 --> 00:13:38,237
and that I'm about to get married?

384
00:13:38,238 --> 00:13:40,915
I can't think
of anything better.

385
00:13:40,916 --> 00:13:43,255
And what if I told you
the love of my life

386
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:46,056
is this man standing right here?

387
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:49,823
Then I'd know why God
sent us this tornado.

388
00:13:50,389 --> 00:13:51,198
Damn.

389
00:13:51,283 --> 00:13:53,550
After the initial shock,
Gram softened a bit.

390
00:13:53,551 --> 00:13:55,460
She even agreed
to attend the wedding.

391
00:13:55,461 --> 00:13:56,959
Standing outside with a sign.

392
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,208
Baby steps, Mitchell.
Baby steps.

393
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:03,842
And... our antenna is...

394
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,696
- Reattached.
- Yes!

395
00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:07,973
Oh, this is useless.

396
00:14:07,974 --> 00:14:10,087
Hey, I don't want
to hear talk like that.

397
00:14:10,387 --> 00:14:12,889
If you want inspiration,
think about Apollo 13.

398
00:14:12,981 --> 00:14:15,291
Jay didn't give up when
he first put together this model.

399
00:14:15,292 --> 00:14:17,228
It was hard and complicated,
and back then,

400
00:14:17,229 --> 00:14:19,078
the print on the instructions was tiny,

401
00:14:19,079 --> 00:14:20,380
but he persevered.

402
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:22,741
Also, the astronauts
on the actual Apollo 13

403
00:14:22,742 --> 00:14:24,714
didn't give up when
their actual lives were in danger.

404
00:14:24,715 --> 00:14:26,538
Them, too, but they had a lot
of other people helping them out.

405
00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:27,660
We're on our own here.

406
00:14:27,661 --> 00:14:29,031
Okay, I figured out what we need

407
00:14:29,032 --> 00:14:31,104
to reattach that
damn landing module.

408
00:14:31,105 --> 00:14:32,124
Glue won't work.

409
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:34,129
We need a very thin filament --

410
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:35,667
thinner than thread.

411
00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:37,933
I know what will work.

412
00:14:38,956 --> 00:14:40,655
Well, I need to go
check on something.

413
00:14:40,656 --> 00:14:43,210
I told my date
I'd be back in a jiff.

414
00:14:43,686 --> 00:14:44,875
Back in a jiff.

415
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:46,588
Nothing to do but wait.

416
00:14:47,666 --> 00:14:49,532
Why are we making
ourselves crazy, Phil?

417
00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:51,970
I don't know. I just hate
disappointing Jay so much.

418
00:14:52,317 --> 00:14:54,077
He is not an easy guy to please.

419
00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:56,486
I know, but when you do,
it's pretty sweet, ain't it?

420
00:14:56,551 --> 00:14:57,588
Sure is.

421
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,602
You're lucky to have
a dad like that.

422
00:15:00,746 --> 00:15:03,316
Hard not to be hurt by that, son.

423
00:15:04,608 --> 00:15:06,563
How have I never noticed
how loud you breathe?

424
00:15:06,564 --> 00:15:08,183
Aw, don't beat yourself up --
that'd require you

425
00:15:08,184 --> 00:15:09,711
to notice something
that isn't about you.

426
00:15:09,712 --> 00:15:10,834
Oh, my God, you are such a loser!

427
00:15:10,835 --> 00:15:11,730
I can't be stuck to you all day!

428
00:15:11,731 --> 00:15:14,704
Okay, that's it!
I cannot listen to this anymore!

429
00:15:14,705 --> 00:15:16,916
I'm going to cut you two
out of there.

430
00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,566
No! Gloria, no! My hair!

431
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,499
- Too late!
- Okay, okay! Just cut mine.

432
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,573
Yeah, cut hers!
Wait. Why?

433
00:15:22,948 --> 00:15:24,741
No one cares
what I look like, anyway.

434
00:15:25,030 --> 00:15:26,330
You don't really think that.

435
00:15:26,331 --> 00:15:27,397
Yeah, well, kind of.

436
00:15:27,398 --> 00:15:29,383
You didn't see the way that
Chuck was looking at you?

437
00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:32,009
Wait, you actually
think I'm a threat?

438
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:34,238
I'm not gonna say that out loud.

439
00:15:34,239 --> 00:15:35,790
Aww, that's so sweet.

440
00:15:35,945 --> 00:15:37,408
Well, if I ever had a boyfriend,

441
00:15:37,409 --> 00:15:39,574
I wouldn't trust him
with you for five seconds.

442
00:15:40,968 --> 00:15:42,621
Okay. Let's finish this job.

443
00:15:42,622 --> 00:15:43,822
Gloria, no, you can't cut --

444
00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:45,098
and there you go.

445
00:15:45,366 --> 00:15:47,201
That's it. That was easy.

446
00:15:47,425 --> 00:15:48,769
Why did you wait
an hour to do this?

447
00:15:48,770 --> 00:15:50,840
Why did you wait
15 years to do that?

448
00:15:50,841 --> 00:15:52,221
At least this way,
nothing bad happened

449
00:15:52,222 --> 00:15:53,678
to anyone's pretty hair.

450
00:15:59,814 --> 00:16:02,337
- Oh, honey, I didn't hear you come in. 
- Mm.

451
00:16:02,413 --> 00:16:04,317
- How was the rest of your night?
- Let's see.

452
00:16:04,318 --> 00:16:05,917
After you bailed on me,

453
00:16:05,918 --> 00:16:08,410
Mark from Closetopia
yakked my ear off

454
00:16:08,411 --> 00:16:10,353
and then told me
I look like Heidi Klum,

455
00:16:10,354 --> 00:16:12,313
which is such an obvious come-on.

456
00:16:12,314 --> 00:16:13,197
Mark's gay.

457
00:16:13,294 --> 00:16:14,912
Well, in that case,
my night stank.

458
00:16:14,913 --> 00:16:16,006
And I didn't bail.

459
00:16:16,007 --> 00:16:18,254
I know a lot of people here.
They pulled me away.

460
00:16:18,663 --> 00:16:19,935
Hey, these robes are terrific.

461
00:16:19,936 --> 00:16:21,323
You know, there's one
for you in the closet.

462
00:16:21,324 --> 00:16:22,005
You ought to put it on.

463
00:16:22,006 --> 00:16:23,130
I don't want a robe.

464
00:16:23,526 --> 00:16:25,783
Dad, were you avoiding me tonight?

465
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:27,101
Why would I avoid you?

466
00:16:27,102 --> 00:16:29,479
Trust me -- soft, like butter.

467
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,412
Right in there.

468
00:16:30,491 --> 00:16:31,892
Don't make me ask.

469
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,004
What are you talking about?

470
00:16:33,435 --> 00:16:35,450
You and Rita 20 years ago --

471
00:16:35,451 --> 00:16:37,842
- It's okay. I know.
- Oh, geez.

472
00:16:38,215 --> 00:16:40,383
I get it. Things happen.

473
00:16:40,384 --> 00:16:42,025
- Really?
- It was a long time ago.

474
00:16:42,026 --> 00:16:43,392
Well, I appreciate it.

475
00:16:43,729 --> 00:16:45,608
I just want to say
I'm not proud of it.

476
00:16:46,101 --> 00:16:48,119
If I had known him
then like I know him now,

477
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,297
I never would have tried
to get rid of Phil.

478
00:16:50,298 --> 00:16:50,965
Good night.

479
00:16:55,698 --> 00:16:57,857
"Get rid of Phil"?
What are you talking about?

480
00:16:57,858 --> 00:16:58,829
What are you talking about?

481
00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:00,119
You and Rita had an affair.

482
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,933
No, we didn't.
That's crazy.

483
00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,091
Well, okay, good night.

484
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,329
"Get rid of Phil" -- 
what does that even mean?

485
00:17:06,330 --> 00:17:07,917
It doesn't mean anything.
You had just started dating.

486
00:17:07,918 --> 00:17:09,546
You know I was never
hot on the guy.

487
00:17:09,547 --> 00:17:12,238
I told Rita to offer him
a sales job in Texas.

488
00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,076
I remember that, but that
wasn't when we were dating.

489
00:17:14,077 --> 00:17:16,354
- We were engaged.
- Doesn't matter.

490
00:17:16,397 --> 00:17:17,887
Phil didn't take the job anyway.

491
00:17:17,888 --> 00:17:19,083
If anything, my little test

492
00:17:19,084 --> 00:17:20,577
proved how much he loved you.

493
00:17:20,578 --> 00:17:21,966
You're welcome.
We'll talk in the morning.

494
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:23,930
Oh, how dare you --
"you're welcome" please.

495
00:17:23,931 --> 00:17:25,259
Oh, I can't even be
in the same room with you.

496
00:17:25,260 --> 00:17:26,758
- Where is my coat?
- Uh, Claire.

497
00:17:26,759 --> 00:17:27,940
Ugh, unbelievable.

498
00:17:27,941 --> 00:17:29,101
"I don't like my son-in-law,

499
00:17:29,102 --> 00:17:30,468
so I'm gonna ship him off to Texas."

500
00:17:30,469 --> 00:17:32,469
Real mature way to deal
with your problems, dad.

501
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:35,164
- I get that point.
- Yeah. Real mature.

502
00:17:36,026 --> 00:17:37,948
- That's real mature, too.
- That's tradition.

503
00:17:37,949 --> 00:17:40,737
- It's the skeleton -- .
- In the closet. Oh, I get it.

504
00:17:40,738 --> 00:17:43,872
I'm really sorry, but before
you go storming out of here,

505
00:17:43,873 --> 00:17:46,666
you want to talk about
a certain phone call I got

506
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,647
from immigration
a few years ago?

507
00:17:48,685 --> 00:17:50,265
I had just started dating Gloria.

508
00:17:50,266 --> 00:17:52,842
They were acting
on an anonymous tip.

509
00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:55,989
It's very late.

510
00:17:57,457 --> 00:17:58,910
We have a very big day tomorrow.

511
00:17:59,977 --> 00:18:03,152
You know, Claire,
I've really come to like Phil.

512
00:18:03,153 --> 00:18:04,171
I know.

513
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:05,908
And the irony is,

514
00:18:05,972 --> 00:18:08,108
he would really love
that skeleton gag.

515
00:18:08,109 --> 00:18:08,907
Try it out on him. You got

516
00:18:08,908 --> 00:18:10,602
to take care of that thing
till next year.

517
00:18:10,603 --> 00:18:11,665
Oh, God.

518
00:18:11,703 --> 00:18:12,865
Wait, before you turn that out,

519
00:18:12,866 --> 00:18:14,731
have we talked about
everything we need to?

520
00:18:14,954 --> 00:18:17,618
'Cause I want everything
out in the clear here.

521
00:18:18,218 --> 00:18:19,674
Yeah. We have.

522
00:18:20,297 --> 00:18:21,584
- Good night.
- Good night.

523
00:18:28,437 --> 00:18:31,611
I did make out with Rita
once about 15 years ago.

524
00:18:31,612 --> 00:18:32,406
Good night.

525
00:18:35,458 --> 00:18:36,333
Okay.

526
00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:38,672
All that's left...

527
00:18:39,086 --> 00:18:42,866
is to reattach the lander
to the command module.

528
00:18:43,250 --> 00:18:44,427
We got one shot at this, fellas.

529
00:18:44,428 --> 00:18:45,538
If we fail, Jay's gonna burn

530
00:18:45,539 --> 00:18:47,548
up on re-entry into this house.
Am I right?

531
00:18:48,250 --> 00:18:49,694
Hole in one, son!

532
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:50,625
Thanks, dad.

533
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:51,962
Boys, if this thing goes sideways,

534
00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:53,424
I don't want you
to be here to see it.

535
00:18:53,974 --> 00:18:55,131
- So go on.
- But, dad --

536
00:18:55,132 --> 00:18:56,280
No, you listen to me!

537
00:19:06,696 --> 00:19:07,619
Okay, Phil.

538
00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:10,678
Okay, Philip.

539
00:19:11,127 --> 00:19:12,211
Steady.

540
00:19:13,295 --> 00:19:14,310
He's locked in.

541
00:19:19,054 --> 00:19:20,373
Not now, nerves.

542
00:19:23,837 --> 00:19:24,774
Hold.

543
00:19:25,336 --> 00:19:26,305
Hold.

544
00:19:26,898 --> 00:19:27,824
Be a hero.

545
00:19:27,926 --> 00:19:29,013
Bring her home.

546
00:19:29,014 --> 00:19:30,833
I guess I'll call a cab.

547
00:19:30,834 --> 00:19:31,987
So long, Jeanine.

548
00:19:35,094 --> 00:19:36,780
Is it? Is --

549
00:19:38,419 --> 00:19:39,628
It is!

550
00:19:39,661 --> 00:19:41,243
Splashdown!

551
00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:48,372
Son of a bitch, he did it.

552
00:19:53,294 --> 00:19:56,131
Yeah! Gloria, get in here!

553
00:19:56,132 --> 00:19:57,273
There we go!

554
00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,605
- Dad, you did it!
- Yes, I did!

555
00:19:59,606 --> 00:20:02,334
I love it! I love it!

556
00:20:02,541 --> 00:20:04,164
I love it!

557
00:20:10,773 --> 00:20:13,026
Phil, honey. Come to bed.

558
00:20:13,052 --> 00:20:15,152
This robe feels like butter.

559
00:20:20,498 --> 00:20:22,601
I missed this, honey.

560
00:20:22,602 --> 00:20:25,321
That yoga's really paying off.

561
00:20:25,322 --> 00:20:27,620
Hey, whoa. Slow down, baby.

562
00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:30,037
You can't gun a cold engine.

563
00:20:31,076 --> 00:20:33,284
But if you're -- then who's --

564
00:20:33,603 --> 00:20:34,413
when did you know?

565
00:20:34,414 --> 00:20:36,188
When it didn't complain
about my socks.

566
00:20:36,657 --> 00:20:38,188
You checked the closet, didn't you?

567
00:20:38,189 --> 00:20:39,598
Every night before bed.

568
00:20:40,148 --> 00:20:41,804
I really don't understand it.
It's so silly.

569
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,640
I mean, if somebody really
wanted to kill you,

570
00:20:43,641 --> 00:20:45,875
obviously they'd just
hide under the bed.

571
00:20:46,290 --> 00:20:47,896
- Good night.
- Mm.

572
00:20:48,242 --> 00:20:49,133
Damn it.

573
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:55,933
Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com