0
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,150
English (HI) Subtitles.
[MP4] Modern Family S06E22 (720p) Patriot Games - HDTV [KoTuWa]
1
00:00:01,239 --> 00:00:04,639
OK, Lily, I've got the list
of what you need for your project.
2
00:00:04,642 --> 00:00:05,642
Glitter glue...
3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,624
- ...glitter dots...
- Mm-hmm.
4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,943
...glitter... paper.
5
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:13,046
Mrs. Daniels says my projects
have too much glitter.
6
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,298
Okay, well,
she needs a Mr. Daniels,
7
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:17,284
because a project can't have
too much pizzazz.
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,252
It's a report
on the potato famine.
9
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,504
I'm -- I'm sorry.
Do Irish tears not sparkle?
10
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:24,190
Okay. Okay. Sorry.
11
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,809
- Longinus, Jotham.
- Oh, hey.
12
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,644
- Hi.
- Oh, hi, guys. What's up?
13
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,979
Oh, nothing, just picking up
supplies to make signs
14
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,398
- for the big protest.
- Yes.
15
00:00:31,482 --> 00:00:32,899
- Oh, right. Right, yes.
- Mm-hmm.
16
00:00:32,984 --> 00:00:35,151
- Uh, uh, w--
- And which big protest is --
17
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:36,486
We're picketing
the Jai Alai Lounge
18
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,154
- for obvious reasons.
- Obviously.
19
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,656
- Obviously.
- Obviously, yes.
20
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:41,324
What reasons, daddy?
21
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,493
Um, well, Jotham,
y-you tell her.
22
00:00:43,577 --> 00:00:45,161
It makes me so angry,
I can't even say it out loud.
23
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,296
So upset.
24
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:49,582
All we know is
the Jai Alai Lounge
25
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,251
- has the single best burger
in the country... - Oh, my god.
26
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,585
...if not the universe.
27
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:54,254
- The Jai Alai burger is 1/4-pound...
- 1/3.
28
00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:55,588
...prime Angus,
29
00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,423
- Uh, fresh, crispy lettuce...
- Butter lettuce.
30
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,259
...a sauce delivered
from heaven...
31
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,476
From Kansas City.
32
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,929
...all on a perfectly toasted,
fresh-baked bun.
33
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:03,980
With sesame seeds.
34
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,648
I wanted to have it
as our wedding cake.
35
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,816
Maybe for your next one.
36
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,101
Hmm?
37
00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,936
So, who's this "we"
that's picketing?
38
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,437
Every week,
a group of us get together
39
00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,774
to protest those who have been
holding back the gay cause.
40
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:16,276
Why haven't we ever
been invited?
41
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:18,444
[ Clears throat ]
It's just that you're not that...
42
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:19,612
- Political.
- Mm.
43
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,748
Uh, um, you know, ever since...
44
00:01:23,117 --> 00:01:24,751
He knows I can see, right?
45
00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:26,586
We are very,
very political people.
46
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,421
- Yes, we were just discussing...
- Mm-hmm.
47
00:01:28,455 --> 00:01:30,790
- ...the potato famine of Ireland.
- Yes.
48
00:01:30,874 --> 00:01:32,291
I haven't had a potato
in four years.
49
00:01:32,376 --> 00:01:33,626
Well, if you're
honestly interested,
50
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:34,794
we'll be out there
on Saturday at noon.
51
00:01:34,878 --> 00:01:35,962
You should come join us.
52
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:37,430
- We will.
- Yep. With bells.
53
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,265
- Yeah. That's just -- that's
an expression. - Oh, gosh.
54
00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:40,800
[ Chuckles ]
These are for Lily's project
55
00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:42,301
on the potato famine, actually.
[ Bells thud, jingle ]
56
00:01:42,386 --> 00:01:43,386
- Oh, okay. Bye.
[ Chuckles ] - Well, all right.
57
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:44,637
- Cameron: See ya, guys.
- Mitchell: Bye.
58
00:01:44,721 --> 00:01:45,688
- See ya Saturday, guys.
- Yeah, good to see you.
59
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:46,722
Bye.
60
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:47,857
Oh, my god.
Can you believe that?
61
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,192
Yeah, he's a little hippy
62
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,110
for somebody that doesn't
eat potatoes.
63
00:02:00,368 --> 00:02:03,701
Synced and corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com
64
00:02:03,907 --> 00:02:06,492
[ Squealing ]
65
00:02:06,576 --> 00:02:08,828
We were called
into Principal Brown's office
66
00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:10,730
one week before
Alex's graduation.
67
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,565
That can mean
only one of two things.
68
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:14,300
Either she's gonna be
valedictorian
69
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,636
or they're giving an award
for sexiest dad.
70
00:02:17,704 --> 00:02:19,638
We're very proud of Alex.
71
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,474
[ Squealing ]
Honey.
72
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,509
[ Squealing stops ]
I'm sorry.
73
00:02:23,593 --> 00:02:25,344
I just feel like my whole life
has been building up to this point.
74
00:02:25,429 --> 00:02:26,345
- I know.
- Oh.
75
00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:28,264
- Hello, Dunphys.
- Hey. - Hi.
76
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:29,565
So nice to be able to
77
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:31,517
give you some good news
in one of these meetings.
78
00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:32,685
How is Haley, by the way?
79
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:35,354
So sorry we're late.
We --
80
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:36,939
- What's she doing here?
- What's he doing here?
81
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,774
Well, Alex and Sanjay,
82
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:41,494
after four years
of spirited competition,
83
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,028
I am very pleased to tell you
84
00:02:43,113 --> 00:02:46,532
that you are
the Pali High Class of 2015 --
85
00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:49,535
Ooh --
Co-valedictorians!
86
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,203
- That's amazing! Yes!
- Oh!
87
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,873
Couldn't be more proud
of the both of you, huh?
88
00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:55,541
What do you mean --
co-valedictorians?
89
00:02:55,625 --> 00:02:57,543
"Co" is the Latin prefix
for "together."
90
00:02:57,627 --> 00:03:00,045
But really, what do you mean --
co-valedictorians?
91
00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:02,881
Well, I thought there might be
some aggressive questions
92
00:03:02,966 --> 00:03:06,218
that, uh, made me nervous,
and so I wrote down my remarks.
93
00:03:06,302 --> 00:03:07,386
Uh...
[ Clears throat ]
94
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:10,189
No, I'm not trying to
ruin your lives.
95
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:12,858
It's just that your GPAs
are tied
96
00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,893
to the thousandth
of a decimal point.
97
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,563
- But my GPA's 4.645923.
- My GPA's 4.645923.
98
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,064
She got an "A-"
on the French final.
99
00:03:19,115 --> 00:03:20,899
He got an "A-"
on an English paper.
100
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,901
- Oh.
- No.
101
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,069
This is a nightmare.
102
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,204
Worst day of my life.
103
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,705
Guys, we should be celebrating.
104
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,574
This is literally a win/win.
105
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,409
I didn't work my whole life
for a tie.
106
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,910
[ Scoffs ]
107
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,579
No offense, Principal Brown,
but you were a teaching major.
108
00:03:33,663 --> 00:03:35,497
I'd like to check
the GPAs myself.
109
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:36,582
Have at it.
110
00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:38,917
What is it with these two?
111
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:42,087
I agree with them.
Ties are un-American.
112
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,389
Would you be happy if
the Super Bowl ended in a tie?
113
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:47,059
Yes! There'd be twice
as many parades!
114
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:49,511
There must be some way
to determine
115
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:51,563
who the best student is.
116
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:52,764
Well, unfortunately,
117
00:03:52,849 --> 00:03:54,399
all the final exams
and the papers are in.
118
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:55,784
Grades are closed.
119
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:59,221
[ Sighs ]
Not all the grades.
120
00:04:00,305 --> 00:04:02,474
Well, well, well...
121
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:06,044
Looks like the janitor
finally fixed my chair.
122
00:04:06,673 --> 00:04:07,773
What are you guys
all doing here?
123
00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:13,495
What are the last two states
to be admitted into the Union?
124
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:14,747
Alaska and Hawaii.
125
00:04:14,798 --> 00:04:16,849
Name two cabinet-level
positions.
126
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:17,900
That's easy.
127
00:04:17,984 --> 00:04:19,334
There's a higher one
for the glasses
128
00:04:19,419 --> 00:04:21,387
and a lower one
for the pots and the pans.
129
00:04:21,438 --> 00:04:22,388
Hey, don't get cocky.
[ Chuckles ]
130
00:04:22,472 --> 00:04:24,022
When we started
studying for this,
131
00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:25,958
you thought
the Secretary of Defense job
132
00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:27,359
was to guard "da fence."
133
00:04:27,394 --> 00:04:28,527
[ Chuckles ]
134
00:04:29,256 --> 00:04:31,974
Gloria's about to take
her citizenship test.
135
00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:34,744
This little jumping bean's
about to become an American.
136
00:04:34,812 --> 00:04:36,512
Jumping beans are Mexican.
137
00:04:36,547 --> 00:04:39,532
Once you're an American,
you won't see the difference.
138
00:04:39,616 --> 00:04:41,517
I got you a little gift
to celebrate.
139
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:42,635
Aww.
140
00:04:42,719 --> 00:04:44,320
I know it's not much.
141
00:04:44,354 --> 00:04:46,455
It's practically nothing.
142
00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:48,357
It's America.
It's fun.
143
00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:51,244
Aww, thank you, Jay.
I'm so excited.
144
00:04:51,328 --> 00:04:54,347
Do you know that once I pass,
I can serve on a jury?
145
00:04:54,431 --> 00:04:56,198
They still use
the electric chair, right?
146
00:04:57,165 --> 00:04:58,882
[ Door opens, closes ]
We're back.
147
00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:00,184
Hola, Javier.
148
00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:02,119
How was "take your son
to not work" day?
149
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:03,887
How was life before radio?
150
00:05:03,972 --> 00:05:04,938
Ah.
[ Clicks tongue ]
151
00:05:04,973 --> 00:05:07,040
Manny told me about your plans
152
00:05:07,108 --> 00:05:09,343
to abandon your Colombian roots.
153
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,945
Really? You're gonna
lecture me on abandonment?
154
00:05:11,996 --> 00:05:15,098
You left to buy some diapers,
and I saw you four years later.
155
00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:18,502
If only you could let that go
as easily as your homeland.
156
00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:21,930
..
157
00:05:22,220 --> 00:05:24,820
..
158
00:05:24,926 --> 00:05:26,293
Are they fighting
or falling back in love?
159
00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:28,450
..
160
00:05:28,474 --> 00:05:29,730
..
161
00:05:29,731 --> 00:05:31,915
[ Stammering ]
162
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,734
...c-cow!
163
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,102
Cow?
164
00:05:35,186 --> 00:05:36,319
Cow?!
165
00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:38,493
The woman who is abandoning
her country
166
00:05:38,527 --> 00:05:41,146
cannot remember
the Spanish word for cow.
167
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:42,764
It slipped my mind.
[ Laughs ]
168
00:05:42,848 --> 00:05:44,916
Vaca.
169
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,835
There's a taco truck parked
outside my office.
170
00:05:49,972 --> 00:05:52,807
Well, it looks like you both
have the same gym grade,
171
00:05:52,842 --> 00:05:54,609
but I do see here
that neither of you
172
00:05:54,660 --> 00:05:57,462
have completed
this semester's mile run.
173
00:05:57,882 --> 00:05:59,266
We were at a debate tournament.
174
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,068
- Which we won, thanks to me.
- Oh, please.
175
00:06:01,152 --> 00:06:02,886
After your long-winded
summation on euthanasia,
176
00:06:02,954 --> 00:06:04,588
people wanted to
kill themselves.
177
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,823
Enough.
We will do a makeup race.
178
00:06:06,858 --> 00:06:08,759
And whoever wins
gets to be valedictorian.
179
00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,727
- You're on.
- This is crazy.
180
00:06:10,795 --> 00:06:12,195
Are we all so obsessed
with being number one
181
00:06:12,263 --> 00:06:14,164
that we can't just
celebrate this moment?
182
00:06:14,964 --> 00:06:17,349
Yeah, I mean, it's the end
of their senior year.
183
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,151
They're both
into great colleges.
184
00:06:19,185 --> 00:06:21,286
They should be off celebrating,
playing hookey,
185
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,921
going up to the lake house
to go skinny-dipping
186
00:06:22,955 --> 00:06:24,890
with their friend's older
brother who's home from college.
187
00:06:24,941 --> 00:06:26,525
- Let's -- let's keep this
general, Claire. - Okay. Yeah.
188
00:06:26,559 --> 00:06:28,827
The point is
these are two amazing kids.
189
00:06:28,878 --> 00:06:30,462
- We should be celebrating them both.
- Mm-hmm.
190
00:06:30,530 --> 00:06:32,764
Mm, we're not surprised
you would think that.
191
00:06:32,799 --> 00:06:33,765
Great.
192
00:06:33,833 --> 00:06:34,766
Wait. What?
193
00:06:35,554 --> 00:06:37,004
Every parent wants to believe
194
00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:39,106
that their child can compete
with Sanjay.
195
00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:40,574
But Alex can compete
with Sanjay.
196
00:06:40,659 --> 00:06:41,826
That's why we're here.
197
00:06:41,893 --> 00:06:44,862
Sanjay was forming
full sentences at 13 months.
198
00:06:44,930 --> 00:06:47,448
Alex had a poem published
in Highlights magazine
199
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:48,749
when she was 5 years old.
200
00:06:48,834 --> 00:06:50,234
It was called
"Mr. Lamb buys a ham."
201
00:06:50,302 --> 00:06:51,519
But really, it was
about the Holocaust.
202
00:06:51,603 --> 00:06:53,154
- Hmm.
- When he was 16,
203
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,973
Sanjay was the highest-ranked
chess player in the state.
204
00:06:56,007 --> 00:06:58,092
When Alex was 15,
205
00:06:58,176 --> 00:06:59,810
she discovered a mistake
in our taxes.
206
00:06:59,895 --> 00:07:02,463
- We owed a lot more money
than I realized. - Hmm.
207
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,081
Yes, we're very impressed
with how much Alex
208
00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:07,151
has been able to accomplish,
given her background.
209
00:07:07,185 --> 00:07:09,737
You know what?
You're right.
210
00:07:09,821 --> 00:07:12,039
Let's settle this
out on the track.
211
00:07:12,439 --> 00:07:13,605
All right, Coach Tucker,
212
00:07:13,656 --> 00:07:15,207
I'm assuming we can count
on you to officiate.
213
00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:16,375
Well, now, normally,
214
00:07:16,459 --> 00:07:18,460
I don't like to be
the center of attention.
215
00:07:18,545 --> 00:07:19,778
That's fine.
I'll get someone else.
216
00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:21,330
I said I would do it.
217
00:07:21,414 --> 00:07:23,999
Alex's uncle cannot possibly be
considered an impartial judge.
218
00:07:24,083 --> 00:07:25,250
I'm the gym teacher.
219
00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:27,753
Who else has the training
to oversee this?
220
00:07:27,787 --> 00:07:29,087
Anyone with a stopwatch?
221
00:07:29,122 --> 00:07:31,256
Okay, you know what?
No need to humiliate me.
222
00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:33,175
May the best child win.
223
00:07:33,259 --> 00:07:34,676
- Oh, she will.
- Ah.
224
00:07:34,761 --> 00:07:35,761
[ Chuckles ]
225
00:07:35,795 --> 00:07:37,346
Consider this moment gauntleted.
226
00:07:37,430 --> 00:07:39,514
[ Groans ]
Is that a word?
227
00:07:39,599 --> 00:07:40,849
Hold your head up like it is.
228
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:43,468
Vocabulary's mostly
a matter of confidence.
229
00:07:48,708 --> 00:07:51,208
- I love that we're getting involved.
- Yeah, me, too.
230
00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:53,468
I think we're really gonna send
a strong message to whomever
231
00:07:53,503 --> 00:07:55,771
to stop doing whatever it is
he or she is doing.
232
00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:58,991
Oh, like "shame" doesn't cover
1,000 different things?
233
00:08:01,144 --> 00:08:03,795
Okay.
Where is everybody?
234
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,414
[ Scoffs ]
So like the gays to no-show.
235
00:08:05,481 --> 00:08:06,698
Yeah, right?
236
00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:08,250
Is there a sale at Barney's
that nobody told us about?
237
00:08:08,317 --> 00:08:09,551
[ Both laugh ]
238
00:08:09,585 --> 00:08:11,486
- Seriously, is there?
- I don't know.
239
00:08:11,521 --> 00:08:14,556
Longinus and Jotham
do this all the time.
240
00:08:14,624 --> 00:08:16,158
They -- they guilt us
into doing something,
241
00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:17,492
and then they bail.
242
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:18,727
They did it at Pepper's
New Year's Steve party.
243
00:08:18,761 --> 00:08:20,429
Yeah, everybody had to dress
as a famous Steve.
244
00:08:20,496 --> 00:08:21,880
Steve Austin.
Steve Martin.
245
00:08:21,964 --> 00:08:24,282
They bailed, and we got stuck
in a room full of Sondheims.
246
00:08:24,367 --> 00:08:25,934
[ Groans ]
♪ how are you doing? ♪
247
00:08:26,002 --> 00:08:27,936
♪ My name is Steve ♪
248
00:08:29,993 --> 00:08:31,393
Hi. Excuse me.
249
00:08:31,402 --> 00:08:32,919
- Table for two?
- No, no.
250
00:08:33,004 --> 00:08:35,021
God no. [ Chuckles ]
Um, have there been
251
00:08:35,106 --> 00:08:37,173
any protesters out front
this afternoon?
252
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:38,975
Oh, the gay thing?
Not today.
253
00:08:39,026 --> 00:08:39,943
Oh, of course.
254
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,277
We rush around
all morning --
255
00:08:41,329 --> 00:08:43,313
I haven't eaten breakfast --
And -- and for nothing.
256
00:08:43,380 --> 00:08:45,548
And it couldn't smell
any better in here.
257
00:08:45,616 --> 00:08:46,666
We do have a table.
258
00:08:46,751 --> 00:08:48,084
No, thank you.
259
00:08:48,135 --> 00:08:50,186
No, we're not gonna compromise
our principles just for...
260
00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:51,821
[ Sniffs ]
261
00:08:52,556 --> 00:08:53,790
We'll take a booth
away from the window.
262
00:08:53,841 --> 00:08:54,924
In back.
Something in back?
263
00:08:54,958 --> 00:08:56,692
- This way.
- Yeah. Okay. - Yeah?
264
00:09:00,497 --> 00:09:02,732
Oh, my god.
She's still going.
265
00:09:02,766 --> 00:09:03,866
I know.
266
00:09:03,934 --> 00:09:05,034
Remember how winded
she used to get
267
00:09:05,118 --> 00:09:06,802
hauling around "Ulysses"
in the third grade?
268
00:09:06,853 --> 00:09:09,739
She's surprisingly graceful
for being so uncoordinated.
269
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:12,341
I know. I was hoping to get
a funny video of her falling.
270
00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:14,744
But I don't think
it's gonna happen.
271
00:09:14,795 --> 00:09:17,596
My playlist ended two minutes
ago. I heard all that.
272
00:09:18,282 --> 00:09:20,133
Honey, I know we were
all just saying it before,
273
00:09:20,217 --> 00:09:21,951
but you could actually
win this thing.
274
00:09:21,987 --> 00:09:24,421
I wasn't just saying it.
I will win.
275
00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:25,839
Nothing is going to --
Ohh!
276
00:09:25,924 --> 00:09:28,125
[ Thud ]
Oh. There it is.
277
00:09:28,159 --> 00:09:29,510
[ Groans ]
278
00:09:29,594 --> 00:09:31,762
[ Colombian music plays ]
279
00:09:32,743 --> 00:09:36,062
Hey.
What's going on here?
280
00:09:36,096 --> 00:09:38,031
I'm making sancocho.
281
00:09:38,115 --> 00:09:40,550
Yeah. You got your little
Colombian music going, huh?
282
00:09:40,634 --> 00:09:41,818
I know.
So beautiful.
283
00:09:41,902 --> 00:09:43,069
Javier got to you, didn't he?
284
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,004
[ Chuckling ] No.
285
00:09:45,055 --> 00:09:46,472
Maybe a little bit.
286
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,726
Gloria, don't listen to him.
Get rid of that squirrel stew.
287
00:09:48,777 --> 00:09:50,461
[ Music stops ]
I got a few special things here
288
00:09:50,496 --> 00:09:52,246
to help celebrate
you becoming an American.
289
00:09:52,331 --> 00:09:55,016
Look.
Kobe steaks.
290
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:56,668
Bottle of scotch.
291
00:09:56,702 --> 00:09:57,902
Cigars.
292
00:09:57,970 --> 00:09:59,937
You know that none of that
is made in America.
293
00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:02,006
Buying them all
was the American part.
294
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:03,474
Jay, I'm not in the mood.
295
00:10:03,542 --> 00:10:05,193
- I am having some doubts.
- Okay.
296
00:10:05,803 --> 00:10:07,187
You listened to Javier.
Now listen to me.
297
00:10:07,271 --> 00:10:10,206
Do you know why I want you
to become an American citizen?
298
00:10:11,642 --> 00:10:13,193
Because I fought
for this country.
299
00:10:13,277 --> 00:10:15,762
My father
fought for this country.
300
00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:19,666
Because this country's all about
freedom and opportunity,
301
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,951
and I want you
to share in that 100%.
302
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,801
You're right.
I want that, too.
303
00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:25,902
I'm so sorry.
304
00:10:25,987 --> 00:10:27,204
Hey, you're just
a little scared.
305
00:10:27,288 --> 00:10:28,655
I know what will help you
feel better.
306
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,807
We'll fire up some steaks,
we'll pour a little wine,
307
00:10:30,892 --> 00:10:31,992
you pop into those short shorts,
308
00:10:32,026 --> 00:10:33,243
I chase you
around the living room --
309
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:35,679
That type of thing.
[ Chuckles ]
310
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,418
Hey, mom.
311
00:10:37,526 --> 00:10:38,743
Um, I got invited
312
00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:40,511
to my friend Billy's house
for dinner tonight.
313
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:42,480
Don't worry. We're not gonna
eat this. We're gonna eat steak.
314
00:10:42,564 --> 00:10:43,965
Oh, good.
There's no Billy.
315
00:10:44,032 --> 00:10:45,466
Why the sudden change in menu?
316
00:10:45,517 --> 00:10:48,403
Well, I was having some doubts,
but Jay made me feel better.
317
00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:51,172
He told me the reason why
he wants me to be an American.
318
00:10:51,223 --> 00:10:52,807
Oh, those long lines.
319
00:10:52,858 --> 00:10:54,742
- What long lines?
- The customs line.
320
00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:57,144
Oh, Jay hates them when
we come back from Cabo.
321
00:10:57,229 --> 00:10:58,529
What?
322
00:10:58,614 --> 00:11:01,082
That son of a bitch wants me
to turn my back on my homeland
323
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:02,600
for an airport line?
324
00:11:03,277 --> 00:11:05,612
You know, I should at least
make an appearance at Billy's.
325
00:11:07,515 --> 00:11:09,399
[ Doorbell rings ]
326
00:11:12,503 --> 00:11:14,254
[ Birds chirping ]
327
00:11:14,305 --> 00:11:16,523
Sanjay.
What are you doing here?
328
00:11:16,591 --> 00:11:17,624
What are those?
329
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:19,593
Ankle weights.
330
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:21,011
Okay.
Wrist weights.
331
00:11:22,318 --> 00:11:23,302
Why are you here?
332
00:11:23,531 --> 00:11:25,131
Look, uh, tomorrow,
it's all gonna be over,
333
00:11:25,182 --> 00:11:27,367
everything we've been working
for since we started school.
334
00:11:27,435 --> 00:11:29,285
So, I-I wanted to come by
and say thanks.
335
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,704
I'm not a doctor yet,
336
00:11:30,771 --> 00:11:32,739
but it seems like you're having
some sort of brain episode.
337
00:11:32,773 --> 00:11:35,291
No, I'm serious.
Thank you for pushing me.
338
00:11:35,376 --> 00:11:37,444
You know how hard it's been to
keep up with you my whole life?
339
00:11:37,478 --> 00:11:39,446
Uh, I have
my GPA because of you.
340
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,181
I got into Stanford
because of you.
341
00:11:41,215 --> 00:11:42,649
[ Chuckles ]
342
00:11:42,683 --> 00:11:46,553
I'll admit I did spend
about a few hundred extra hours
343
00:11:46,587 --> 00:11:47,971
trying to be better than you.
344
00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:50,126
I'm gonna miss this
when we go to college.
345
00:11:50,211 --> 00:11:52,562
Yeah, I guess
I'll miss this, too.
346
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:53,496
I like you.
347
00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:56,867
Okay.
348
00:11:56,952 --> 00:11:58,085
I mean like-like,
349
00:11:58,119 --> 00:11:59,687
like how Pierre Curie
liked Marie Curie.
350
00:11:59,721 --> 00:12:00,605
Oh.
351
00:12:01,147 --> 00:12:02,514
I'm sorry.
I-I went too far.
352
00:12:02,565 --> 00:12:04,032
You smell pretty.
I should go.
353
00:12:04,116 --> 00:12:06,684
[ Rapid,
heavy footsteps depart ]
354
00:12:06,719 --> 00:12:10,154
Where's Alex?
I made her a smoothie.
355
00:12:10,205 --> 00:12:12,206
Might have made it
a little too healthy.
356
00:12:12,291 --> 00:12:14,859
Why are we so focused
on helping Alex win
357
00:12:14,927 --> 00:12:17,745
when we could be working on
making Sanjay lose?
358
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:20,631
- Talk to me. - Okay, is there
a manhole on the track,
359
00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,000
because it's kind of important
to my plan.
360
00:12:24,057 --> 00:12:27,409
Okay, that was weird.
Sanjay was just here.
361
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:29,678
He said that the best
part of high school
362
00:12:29,712 --> 00:12:32,114
was our competition, and...
363
00:12:32,148 --> 00:12:33,281
that he liked me.
364
00:12:33,332 --> 00:12:36,017
Oh, honey.
[ Clicks tongue ]
365
00:12:36,802 --> 00:12:38,153
What?
366
00:12:38,187 --> 00:12:40,922
Doesn't the timing seem
a little suspicious to you?
367
00:12:40,957 --> 00:12:43,058
Maybe, but he seemed
really genuine.
368
00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:44,659
Classic psychological warfare.
369
00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:46,628
I've dealt with it
in elite competitions.
370
00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:48,563
I didn't realize it happened
outside of cheerleading.
371
00:12:48,598 --> 00:12:49,764
Think about it, sweetie.
372
00:12:49,815 --> 00:12:52,600
Has he ever said
anything nice to you before?
373
00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:54,519
No.
374
00:12:54,603 --> 00:12:56,488
Not even when I break out
my fun blazer.
375
00:12:56,572 --> 00:12:57,622
[ Gasps ]
[ Groans ]
376
00:12:57,707 --> 00:13:00,225
Oh, my god.
What is wrong with me?
377
00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:03,044
I can't believe I let him
get in my head.
378
00:13:03,112 --> 00:13:04,629
Oh, he is going down.
379
00:13:04,713 --> 00:13:08,566
Tomorrow, Sanjay Patel begins
a lifetime of second best.
380
00:13:08,651 --> 00:13:09,784
Enjoy your hydrox cookies
381
00:13:09,869 --> 00:13:11,836
and your silver medal,
Mr. Vice President!
382
00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:14,358
You go, girl.
383
00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:16,694
Do we have any cookies?
384
00:13:16,745 --> 00:13:18,329
Gloria.
385
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,630
[ Bad Texas accent ]
Howdy, hubby.
386
00:13:19,664 --> 00:13:22,700
How about some grub
before we turn on the NASCAR?
387
00:13:23,421 --> 00:13:25,655
I'm not gonna lie,
I like where this is going.
388
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:28,625
But, uh... I'm not sure
I'm supposed to.
389
00:13:28,660 --> 00:13:29,910
Ain't this what you wanted?
390
00:13:29,994 --> 00:13:31,061
The perfect American wife
391
00:13:31,095 --> 00:13:33,146
to make your life
more convenient?
392
00:13:33,231 --> 00:13:35,082
Do you think
that's an American accent?
393
00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,700
[ Normal voice ]
From Texas.
394
00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:39,236
Manny told me that you want me
to give up my heritage
395
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,404
so that you don't have to
wait in line at the airport.
396
00:13:41,456 --> 00:13:43,089
Oh, I got to stop talking
to that kid when I'm drinking.
397
00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:44,207
Well, I'm not gonna do it.
398
00:13:44,292 --> 00:13:47,677
So say goodbye
to your little American wife.
399
00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:52,115
Man, those shorts
really take the sting
400
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:55,268
out of getting yelled at.
401
00:13:55,353 --> 00:13:56,353
Yeah.
402
00:13:56,404 --> 00:13:58,405
Oh, my god,
that burger was so good,
403
00:13:58,489 --> 00:13:59,739
I feel like
I just cheated on you.
404
00:13:59,824 --> 00:14:02,375
Yeah, I heard the moaning.
Are we terrible people?
405
00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:04,461
I don't think we are.
Look, hear -- hear me out.
406
00:14:04,512 --> 00:14:06,463
By eating those burgers,
we denied them
407
00:14:06,514 --> 00:14:08,798
from the sort of
narrow-minded homophobes
408
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,300
that would come
to a restaurant like this.
409
00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:12,852
Okay, I don't totally follow,
but I like where you ended up.
410
00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:15,188
I-I'm just saying that we did
the right thing by coming here,
411
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:16,523
and I feel like --
Oh, god, gays.
412
00:14:16,607 --> 00:14:18,441
All:
We're here! We're queer!
413
00:14:18,476 --> 00:14:21,945
We don't support corporations
that contribute to super PACs
414
00:14:21,979 --> 00:14:25,497
which don't support healthcare
coverage for same-sex partners!
415
00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:27,572
- Oh, right.
- We're here...
416
00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:30,075
- Right. Right.
- That's why we're boycotting this place.
417
00:14:30,159 --> 00:14:31,126
Right.
418
00:14:32,625 --> 00:14:33,976
All: We're here! We're queer!
419
00:14:34,027 --> 00:14:35,477
How are we supposed to fall in
without them noticing?
420
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,634
Okay, it's just like
double Dutch.
421
00:14:36,718 --> 00:14:37,802
Just find the rhythm
and jump in. Go, go.
422
00:14:37,886 --> 00:14:39,920
- Right now? Ah.
- We're here! We're queer!
423
00:14:40,036 --> 00:14:42,788
We don't support corporations
that contribute to super PACs
424
00:14:42,872 --> 00:14:46,225
which don't support healthcare
coverage for same-sex partners!
425
00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:48,707
We're here! We're queer!
426
00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:51,677
We don't support corporations
that contribute to super PACs
427
00:14:51,761 --> 00:14:53,062
which don't support...
428
00:14:53,146 --> 00:14:54,730
Hey, you came!
429
00:14:54,781 --> 00:14:56,799
Well, well, well.
What a surprise.
430
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:58,601
I don't know why
this is a surprise.
431
00:14:58,635 --> 00:14:59,935
We're very political people.
432
00:15:00,003 --> 00:15:01,236
Yes, there's not a week
that goes by
433
00:15:01,288 --> 00:15:02,538
that we're not deeply entrenched
434
00:15:02,606 --> 00:15:04,173
in the issues
that face our community.
435
00:15:04,224 --> 00:15:05,641
Ohh. Deeply. Deeply.
436
00:15:05,709 --> 00:15:07,443
- And this whole, um, super PAC thing...
- Super PAC.
437
00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:09,178
- Ohh.
- It's -- it is infuriating.
438
00:15:09,245 --> 00:15:11,347
- Mr. Pritchett, you forgot your cellphone
inside. - Thank you. Thank you.
439
00:15:12,497 --> 00:15:13,914
See, uh,
before you guys got here,
440
00:15:13,998 --> 00:15:15,215
we went in there,
441
00:15:15,249 --> 00:15:17,017
and we demanded a refund
for our gift cards.
442
00:15:17,068 --> 00:15:19,152
- Yes, we went into the belly
of the beast. - So... Yes, we did.
443
00:15:19,187 --> 00:15:21,955
- Sir, you forgot your food to go.
- Thank you.
444
00:15:22,006 --> 00:15:23,723
- And fed your bellies.
- How could you?
445
00:15:23,775 --> 00:15:26,326
Okay, before you get
all superior,
446
00:15:26,377 --> 00:15:28,511
we hadn't eaten since breakfast.
447
00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:29,613
It's a quarter to 1:00.
448
00:15:29,697 --> 00:15:30,780
That's what I'm saying.
449
00:15:30,865 --> 00:15:32,048
Mitchell:
Okay, you know what? Yes.
450
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:33,333
We went in there
with the best of intentions,
451
00:15:33,417 --> 00:15:36,336
and we stumbled,
but who amongst us hasn't?
452
00:15:36,404 --> 00:15:38,371
- And, okay, isn't that what
we're fighting for -- - Yes.
453
00:15:38,456 --> 00:15:40,006
...the freedom to fall short
of perfection
454
00:15:40,091 --> 00:15:42,808
and still be judged by the same
standard as everyone else? That.
455
00:15:42,849 --> 00:15:44,183
- Thank you.
- No.
456
00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:45,818
Didn't you hear our chant?
It was really quite clear.
457
00:15:45,849 --> 00:15:47,266
- It's quite long.
- You know, look.
458
00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:48,867
- We want to be socially responsible.
- We do.
459
00:15:48,952 --> 00:15:50,369
We want to do the right thing.
[ Sighs ]
460
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:52,337
- But it's hard to keep track...
- So hard.
461
00:15:52,405 --> 00:15:53,939
...of all the companies
that we like
462
00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:55,440
- and that we don't like.
- Don't like.
463
00:15:55,508 --> 00:15:58,477
[ Sighs ] We're -- we're just trying
to make it in this world,
464
00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,662
raise our daughter,
get her to her soccer game.
465
00:16:00,747 --> 00:16:01,913
- Ooh.
- Not Youth Soccer Federation.
466
00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:02,931
'Cause if it's Youth Soccer
Federation --
467
00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:04,349
- I don't want to know.
- Oh, my god!
468
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:06,551
You know what?
Sh-shame! Shame!
469
00:16:06,585 --> 00:16:07,936
Shame!
Shame on you.
470
00:16:08,428 --> 00:16:10,946
You are no better than
the people in that restaurant.
471
00:16:11,031 --> 00:16:12,631
Come on, Cam let's go.
472
00:16:12,699 --> 00:16:13,916
Come on.
473
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:14,800
Think they bought it?
474
00:16:14,802 --> 00:16:15,818
Keep your head up.
Don't look back.
475
00:16:15,886 --> 00:16:18,187
Being right
is mostly confidence.
476
00:16:21,642 --> 00:16:23,877
[ Sighs ]
477
00:16:24,807 --> 00:16:26,759
Okay, look.
I'm sorry.
478
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,377
We good?
479
00:16:30,697 --> 00:16:31,681
Apparently not.
480
00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:34,769
Look, complaining about
a line at an airport
481
00:16:34,853 --> 00:16:36,587
is easier than
admitting the truth
482
00:16:36,622 --> 00:16:38,889
about why I want you
to become a citizen.
483
00:16:40,492 --> 00:16:41,575
I guess it still bothers me
484
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:43,127
that you have all these ties
to Javier.
485
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,595
What ties?
What are you talking about?
486
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:46,564
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett.
487
00:16:46,648 --> 00:16:50,134
You still have his last name.
You're both Colombians.
488
00:16:50,185 --> 00:16:51,635
When you and I come back
to the country,
489
00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:52,937
we have to wait
in separate lines
490
00:16:53,005 --> 00:16:54,405
like we're not even
in the same family.
491
00:16:54,456 --> 00:16:55,740
I don't know.
492
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:57,975
I guess I just thought that
if you committed to America,
493
00:16:58,043 --> 00:17:01,462
in some weird way,
you'd be recommitting to me.
494
00:17:03,972 --> 00:17:05,539
That's the longest
you've ever been quiet,
495
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,457
and it's terrifying.
496
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,109
I know nobody asked
for my advice --
497
00:17:09,177 --> 00:17:10,561
Yet you're talking.
498
00:17:10,645 --> 00:17:11,528
I agree with Jay.
499
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:12,529
Let's hear him out.
500
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,814
Don't do this for him, mom.
501
00:17:13,881 --> 00:17:15,115
You're all over the place.
502
00:17:15,183 --> 00:17:18,018
But you also shouldn't worry
about what dad thinks.
503
00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:19,453
I think you should become
a citizen
504
00:17:19,504 --> 00:17:22,889
because even back when
we were alone in our apartment,
505
00:17:22,957 --> 00:17:24,524
this is what you always wanted.
506
00:17:26,461 --> 00:17:28,528
Remember sitting by the window,
507
00:17:28,596 --> 00:17:31,782
watching reruns of "Miami vice"
on the neighbor's TV,
508
00:17:31,866 --> 00:17:33,717
and all the bad guys were caught
509
00:17:33,801 --> 00:17:36,486
and all the policemen had
those -- those nice cars?
510
00:17:37,175 --> 00:17:38,375
We used to watch that
511
00:17:38,426 --> 00:17:40,861
and think what
an amazing country this was.
512
00:17:42,697 --> 00:17:44,548
Did a little research.
513
00:17:44,632 --> 00:17:48,185
If mom isn't a citizen when Jay
"moves on to a better place,"
514
00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:50,921
we could be looking at
a pretty hefty estate tax.
515
00:17:51,005 --> 00:17:53,056
I don't want to sound
insensitive,
516
00:17:53,107 --> 00:17:55,659
but I have acquired
a real taste for truffles.
517
00:17:56,850 --> 00:17:58,384
All right, kids, four laps.
518
00:17:58,466 --> 00:18:00,016
First one to finish wins.
519
00:18:00,101 --> 00:18:02,319
It's not rocket science,
unfortunately for you,
520
00:18:02,403 --> 00:18:03,920
because I think
you'd find that easier.
521
00:18:04,005 --> 00:18:05,205
[ Laughs ]
522
00:18:05,289 --> 00:18:06,206
You nervous?
523
00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:07,891
Come on, Alex!
You can do it!
524
00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:09,860
I ran six miles
the morning you were born!
525
00:18:09,944 --> 00:18:11,778
You came out of the womb
ready for this!
526
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:15,048
Sanjay! Your 115 cousins
are rooting for you!
527
00:18:15,743 --> 00:18:16,793
Why are you ignoring me?
528
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,145
All right, on your mark.
529
00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:20,731
Look. I didn't mean
to weird you out yesterday.
530
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:23,283
Stop it. I'm not falling
for these little mind games.
531
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:24,585
- Get set.
- It's not a game.
532
00:18:24,669 --> 00:18:26,670
- It's how I feel.
- I said enough, Sanjay.
533
00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:28,272
[ Whistle blows ]
Vish: Run, Sanjay!
534
00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:30,307
- Claire: What's happening?
- He must know something we don't.
535
00:18:30,391 --> 00:18:32,376
Stop running, Alex!
It's a trap!
536
00:18:34,295 --> 00:18:35,712
What are you doing?
537
00:18:35,797 --> 00:18:37,547
I was telling the truth
yesterday.
538
00:18:37,598 --> 00:18:39,316
I don't care
if I lose valedictorian
539
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:41,168
if it'll prove
that I really like you.
540
00:18:41,252 --> 00:18:43,754
Are --
Are you serious?
541
00:18:43,838 --> 00:18:45,756
Yes.
542
00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,157
Please don't laugh at me.
543
00:18:47,191 --> 00:18:50,077
I'm -- I'm feeling very exposed
with my skinny legs.
544
00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:53,096
[ Chuckles ]
I-I like your legs.
545
00:18:53,147 --> 00:18:55,399
You do?
546
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:57,617
Well...
I love your hair.
547
00:18:58,790 --> 00:18:59,708
And your smile.
548
00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:01,847
And the way you roll
your beautiful brown eyes
549
00:19:01,918 --> 00:19:03,135
when someone
gets an answer wrong.
550
00:19:03,219 --> 00:19:05,220
[ Chuckles ]
551
00:19:05,272 --> 00:19:06,523
I don't understand
what's going on.
552
00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:07,824
Why isn't he running?
553
00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:08,992
We spent $1,200
554
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,094
on a Skype session
with Usain Bolt.
555
00:19:11,917 --> 00:19:14,552
Uh, I feel like
we're about to kiss.
556
00:19:14,636 --> 00:19:16,521
Are we about to kiss,
'cause I've never really --
557
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:20,423
Oh, my god.
They're kissing.
558
00:19:20,474 --> 00:19:21,857
Sanjay!
What are you doing?!
559
00:19:21,942 --> 00:19:23,025
Get away from her!
560
00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:24,860
Oh, it's so cute.
[ Whimpers ]
561
00:19:24,911 --> 00:19:26,028
He seems quite skilled at it.
562
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,213
Okay, that's enough.
563
00:19:27,297 --> 00:19:29,265
I-I think --
I think we can dial it back.
564
00:19:29,349 --> 00:19:32,268
So, co-valedictorians it is.
565
00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:34,537
I missed a tile demo
at Home Depot for this,
566
00:19:34,621 --> 00:19:36,372
but good for you.
567
00:19:36,877 --> 00:19:38,461
[ Patriotic music plays ]
Announcer: This is a land
568
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,396
where people
of vastly different cultures
569
00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:43,233
are brought together by
their willingness to work hard
570
00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:45,085
and their desire to succeed.
571
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:46,587
I'm a better kisser
than you are.
572
00:19:46,671 --> 00:19:51,175
You're joking, right?
I'm actually destroying you.
573
00:19:51,226 --> 00:19:53,177
This is a land made great
574
00:19:53,228 --> 00:19:56,230
by people standing up
for what they believe.
575
00:19:56,314 --> 00:19:57,348
What are you doing?
576
00:19:57,399 --> 00:19:59,016
Um, you know what?
577
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:02,102
I have decided that we --
We cannot eat these curly fries.
578
00:20:02,187 --> 00:20:03,654
Ba-Ba-Ba!
Shake it.
579
00:20:06,825 --> 00:20:08,692
The container, Cam.
580
00:20:10,328 --> 00:20:13,414
This is a beacon of freedom.
581
00:20:13,498 --> 00:20:16,417
Welcome to the United States
of America.
582
00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:17,418
That's your wife?
583
00:20:17,502 --> 00:20:19,753
Pretty great country, huh?
584
00:20:24,194 --> 00:20:25,394
Okay.
You ready to begin?
585
00:20:25,445 --> 00:20:27,396
Yes.
[ Sniffs ]
586
00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:29,807
The United States government
has how many branches?
587
00:20:29,892 --> 00:20:31,475
- Three.
- Correct.
588
00:20:31,526 --> 00:20:33,527
What color are the stars
on the American flag?
589
00:20:33,612 --> 00:20:35,980
White, but I feel like
it's my duty to tell you
590
00:20:36,064 --> 00:20:38,232
that you have a flag
right behind you,
591
00:20:38,317 --> 00:20:40,201
so probably you need to ask me
another question.
592
00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:42,319
No need.
Congratulations, you passed.
593
00:20:42,404 --> 00:20:44,488
What? That's it?
Two questions?
594
00:20:44,573 --> 00:20:46,791
And I have a cheat flag?
That's all it takes?
595
00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,993
Yep, you'll get
an official letter in the mail
596
00:20:49,077 --> 00:20:50,494
with the details
of your oath ceremony.
597
00:20:50,695 --> 00:20:52,946
Do you know how long
I've been studying for this?
598
00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:55,115
You're robbing me of
the feeling of achievement.
599
00:20:55,661 --> 00:20:57,994
Ask me another question,
and a hard one this time.
600
00:20:58,018 --> 00:21:00,018
- But you already pa--
- Do it!
601
00:21:01,544 --> 00:21:04,478
OK. How many members
of Congress are there?
602
00:21:05,517 --> 00:21:07,550
You know what? It's too late,
you already said that I passed.
603
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:15,700
Synced and corrected by gloriabg
www.addic7ed.com