1
00:00:02,712 --> 00:00:03,745
Not again.
2
00:00:03,813 --> 00:00:05,513
I just came from an intervention.
3
00:00:05,582 --> 00:00:07,381
Oh, no, no, Nicole,
this is a staff meeting.
4
00:00:07,450 --> 00:00:08,483
You asked us to be here.
5
00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:10,218
Oh.
6
00:00:10,286 --> 00:00:12,620
Here you go, Kato.
7
00:00:12,689 --> 00:00:14,956
Yes, I wanted to talk to you all
8
00:00:15,024 --> 00:00:17,225
about something very important.
9
00:00:17,762 --> 00:00:19,762
So, what plant has been revered
10
00:00:19,831 --> 00:00:22,565
for its healing properties
for millions of years?
11
00:00:22,634 --> 00:00:23,733
Aloe.
12
00:00:23,802 --> 00:00:26,636
'ello to you, too,
but let's stay focused.
13
00:00:28,306 --> 00:00:30,406
- Peppers.
- Peppers.
14
00:00:30,475 --> 00:00:31,608
Weird, we are so in synch these days.
15
00:00:31,676 --> 00:00:33,643
I want to be in the pepper
business, people.
16
00:00:33,712 --> 00:00:35,211
And I need ideas now.
17
00:00:38,250 --> 00:00:41,013
I haven't come up with
a single product idea in weeks,
18
00:00:41,048 --> 00:00:43,070
so I'm on thin ice at NERP.
19
00:00:43,105 --> 00:00:45,088
And I don't mean
the low-calorie ice cubes
20
00:00:45,156 --> 00:00:46,489
we sell on our website.
21
00:00:46,858 --> 00:00:48,691
Well, my... my step-grandmother,
22
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,327
she is from Colombia,
and she sells a salsa
23
00:00:51,396 --> 00:00:54,096
that is supposedly made
with these magical peppers.
24
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Peppers? I was just talking about them.
25
00:00:56,668 --> 00:00:57,867
Yeah.
26
00:00:57,936 --> 00:00:59,068
When can I meet her?
27
00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:02,188
Sell my sauce business to NERP?
28
00:01:02,223 --> 00:01:03,573
I think you could get a lot for it.
29
00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:04,740
When Nicole wants something,
30
00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:05,942
she just throws money at it.
31
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:07,543
She bought her
next-door neighbor's house
32
00:01:07,612 --> 00:01:08,744
because she liked the mailbox.
33
00:01:08,813 --> 00:01:09,946
I don't know.
34
00:01:10,014 --> 00:01:12,048
I do. Dump it.
35
00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:14,450
That thing is worth less
than a bachelor's degree.
36
00:01:14,519 --> 00:01:17,286
Please, Gloria. I really need this.
37
00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:19,255
No one takes me seriously
at that office.
38
00:01:19,324 --> 00:01:20,823
I don't even have my own cubicle.
39
00:01:20,892 --> 00:01:23,759
I share one, giant bean bag chair
with the interns.
40
00:01:23,828 --> 00:01:25,161
I want to help you,
41
00:01:25,229 --> 00:01:27,497
but... something feels wrong.
42
00:01:27,499 --> 00:01:29,765
Just go to the meeting
and hear what the offer is.
43
00:01:30,802 --> 00:01:32,935
Okay, fine. I will go. I will listen.
44
00:01:33,004 --> 00:01:34,537
But I am not selling.
45
00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:38,474
- What do you think?
- It's gonna be tough.
46
00:01:38,543 --> 00:01:41,677
She's got a lot of practice
not selling that sauce.
47
00:01:47,752 --> 00:01:52,752
Synced and corrected by BLuk
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:56,761 --> 00:01:59,028
Whoa, what's up
with the blazer and the t-shirt?
49
00:01:59,097 --> 00:02:00,864
Thought you were going
to a college interview,
50
00:02:00,932 --> 00:02:02,865
not doing stand up in 1988.
51
00:02:02,934 --> 00:02:05,101
I'm starting to think
maybe college isn't for me.
52
00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:07,236
There's this guy at the club
who said I could be a model.
53
00:02:07,305 --> 00:02:09,171
He said he's gonna take me
out to the desert this week
54
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,408
- and take some pictures.
- I'd put a pin in that.
55
00:02:12,477 --> 00:02:14,143
Of course you're going to college.
What are you talking about?
56
00:02:14,212 --> 00:02:15,378
I don't know.
57
00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:17,179
I wasn't very good at school
the first time around.
58
00:02:17,248 --> 00:02:18,414
Maybe I'm just...
59
00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,883
Hey! Don't you dare
call yourself "an idiot".
60
00:02:20,952 --> 00:02:22,618
I wasn't going to.
61
00:02:22,687 --> 00:02:25,488
I was gonna say, "Maybe I'm not ready."
62
00:02:25,556 --> 00:02:26,856
Honey, it's just nerves.
63
00:02:26,924 --> 00:02:28,658
Change is scary, but in the end,
64
00:02:28,726 --> 00:02:30,292
I promise, it is all worth it.
65
00:02:30,361 --> 00:02:31,494
Your mother's right.
66
00:02:31,562 --> 00:02:33,863
You dig deep,
you make your best effort,
67
00:02:33,931 --> 00:02:35,698
- that's where you find the glory.
- Exactly.
68
00:02:35,767 --> 00:02:38,134
Like that time I beat her in that race.
69
00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:41,003
Maybe 10 years ago,
Phil challenged me to a race.
70
00:02:41,072 --> 00:02:43,139
I don't believe it!
71
00:02:43,207 --> 00:02:44,740
Daddy wins!
72
00:02:44,809 --> 00:02:46,709
Do you believe in miracles?
73
00:02:46,778 --> 00:02:47,843
U.S.A.!
74
00:02:47,912 --> 00:02:50,479
He was feeling adrift
because the kids were back at school,
75
00:02:50,548 --> 00:02:51,914
so I let him beat me.
76
00:02:53,084 --> 00:02:54,950
He has not shut up about it since.
77
00:02:55,019 --> 00:02:56,118
- Oh!
- Oh!
78
00:02:56,187 --> 00:02:59,188
Oh, my God, Usain Bolt wins again!
79
00:02:59,257 --> 00:03:01,157
Can you even imagine
what that feels like?
80
00:03:01,225 --> 00:03:02,458
Oh, I don't have to, sweetheart.
81
00:03:02,527 --> 00:03:03,793
I lived it.
82
00:03:05,096 --> 00:03:07,496
All appeared lost,
but I turned on the afterburners...
83
00:03:07,565 --> 00:03:08,864
He's heard the story, Phil.
84
00:03:08,933 --> 00:03:11,033
And I pull off
one of the greatest upsets
85
00:03:11,102 --> 00:03:13,736
in the history of
husband-and-wife competition.
86
00:03:13,805 --> 00:03:17,740
Okay, I'll go to that college interview
and hear them out.
87
00:03:17,809 --> 00:03:18,941
I'm proud of you, buddy.
88
00:03:21,079 --> 00:03:22,378
I think what you and I did right there
89
00:03:22,447 --> 00:03:23,512
was called "great parenting".
90
00:03:23,581 --> 00:03:25,681
Might be time to retire that story.
91
00:03:26,818 --> 00:03:29,885
I am so sorry. That was insensitive.
92
00:03:29,954 --> 00:03:31,120
I didn't realize
how much it must bother you
93
00:03:31,189 --> 00:03:32,655
to relive that loss.
94
00:03:32,724 --> 00:03:33,889
Phil, I am just feeling...
95
00:03:33,958 --> 00:03:35,591
Hey, don't you dare call
yourself "a failure".
96
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:37,426
I let you win.
97
00:03:37,495 --> 00:03:38,961
You what?
98
00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:41,497
Oh, I had you beat, easily.
I didn't even break a sweat.
99
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:44,633
As a matter of fact,
I almost pulled a muscle holding back.
100
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:48,204
But, I saw how much it meant to you,
and I let you win.
101
00:03:48,272 --> 00:03:50,439
Oh, wow, yeah.
No, that makes a lot of sense. I get it.
102
00:03:50,508 --> 00:03:53,109
Like the way all the other horses
wanted Secretariat to feel good.
103
00:03:53,177 --> 00:03:54,443
Now you're Secretariat?
104
00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:55,711
I don't know.
105
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:57,379
Was Secretariat married
to a crazy person?
106
00:03:57,448 --> 00:04:00,616
Oh, God, Phil, I 100% let you win.
107
00:04:00,685 --> 00:04:03,953
Then, you could 100% beat me again.
108
00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:05,755
Oh, I could. Same course?
109
00:04:05,823 --> 00:04:07,156
I've only gotten stronger.
110
00:04:07,225 --> 00:04:08,824
How 'bout we add a few challenges?
111
00:04:08,893 --> 00:04:11,363
- Monkey bars?
- Great! Rope climb.
112
00:04:11,398 --> 00:04:12,723
I love it. Tires.
113
00:04:12,758 --> 00:04:13,926
Why not? Noon?
114
00:04:13,961 --> 00:04:16,065
- Fine. I have a showing. I'll move it.
- Hope it's not too heavy.
115
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:21,270
The release form
for this ride-along is...
116
00:04:21,339 --> 00:04:22,505
is shockingly thorough.
117
00:04:22,573 --> 00:04:24,507
I'm not gonna let
anything happen to you.
118
00:04:24,575 --> 00:04:26,175
I can't bury another ride-along.
119
00:04:27,494 --> 00:04:29,594
I'm kind of the precinct cut up.
120
00:04:29,662 --> 00:04:32,764
Okay. Mitchell, it'll be fine.
They do these things all the time.
121
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:35,367
Yeah, easy for you to say.
My entire head is a gang color.
122
00:04:35,435 --> 00:04:36,441
Okay, this is so exciting.
123
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:39,137
You know, in my alternate life,
I'm a... I'm a cop.
124
00:04:39,206 --> 00:04:40,705
I-I thought that your alternate life
125
00:04:40,774 --> 00:04:42,841
was you teaching at-risk youth
to street dance.
126
00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,676
No, I teach them
to believe in themselves
127
00:04:44,745 --> 00:04:46,044
through street dance.
128
00:04:46,113 --> 00:04:48,313
Cam's always wanted
to go on a ride-along.
129
00:04:48,382 --> 00:04:49,648
So, I called in a favor
130
00:04:49,716 --> 00:04:52,217
to my law school friend Lucy
at the DA's office.
131
00:04:52,286 --> 00:04:54,419
Weird thing, they're understaffed.
132
00:04:54,488 --> 00:04:57,088
And she offered me a job
as a prosecutor.
133
00:04:57,157 --> 00:04:59,424
I just... I can't picture
myself with a badge.
134
00:04:59,493 --> 00:05:02,026
I mean, I already hate
how thick my wallet is.
135
00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:04,566
So, when do we roll?
136
00:05:04,635 --> 00:05:05,934
- You mean leave?
- Oh, copy that.
137
00:05:06,003 --> 00:05:07,836
You know, it's hard for me
not to use the lingo.
138
00:05:07,905 --> 00:05:11,173
Bit of a lawman myself,
acting high-school vice principal.
139
00:05:11,242 --> 00:05:13,342
Anyway, they call me "Arthritis"
140
00:05:13,410 --> 00:05:15,177
because I make life hard on seniors.
141
00:05:15,246 --> 00:05:16,411
They don't.
142
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,980
But he did make a sign
for his desk, didn't ya?
143
00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:19,448
Hey, hey.
144
00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:21,483
Do you think that perhaps
you're coming on a tad strong?
145
00:05:21,552 --> 00:05:25,278
No, I think Officer Stablitzky
appreciates me knowing the language.
146
00:05:25,313 --> 00:05:26,367
It's, like, when you go to Italy,
147
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:27,789
you use "prego" every other word.
They love it.
148
00:05:27,858 --> 00:05:29,558
Break-in in progress.
Cooper and Olympic.
149
00:05:29,627 --> 00:05:31,360
- Wait. What was that?
- In progress?
150
00:05:31,427 --> 00:05:32,427
Should we wait 'til they're done?
151
00:05:32,496 --> 00:05:35,163
- 12-A-3 responding.
- Copy that, 12-A-3.
152
00:05:35,230 --> 00:05:36,563
Mitchell, why don't you ride shotgun?
153
00:05:36,631 --> 00:05:38,131
Oh, no, You know,
he doesn't do that well
154
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,699
on Splash Mountain
in the front seat, so...
155
00:05:39,768 --> 00:05:42,368
- He'll be fine. Get in.
- Yes, sir. Okay.
156
00:05:42,437 --> 00:05:43,536
Okay, and then, you know, then,
157
00:05:43,605 --> 00:05:44,838
maybe I can front seat on even crimes.
158
00:05:44,906 --> 00:05:46,906
- You know, to keep it fair.
- Probably not.
159
00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,407
You know, Phil,
it's not too late to back out.
160
00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:52,375
I am in the best shape of my life.
161
00:05:52,443 --> 00:05:54,242
After my last physical,
162
00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:56,111
the doctor posted my stress test
on his Instagram.
163
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:58,280
Honey, I'm on the basketball court
four days a week.
164
00:05:58,348 --> 00:06:00,182
They call me "Phil Dunk-phy".
165
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:02,350
Well, take a good look at this face
'cause it's the last time
166
00:06:02,419 --> 00:06:03,752
you're gonna see it for a while...
167
00:06:03,821 --> 00:06:05,353
- on your mark, get set, go!
- Hey!
168
00:06:08,225 --> 00:06:09,624
I immediately pulled that muscle
169
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,326
that runs from the top of your head
170
00:06:11,395 --> 00:06:12,794
down to the bottom of your feet.
171
00:06:13,382 --> 00:06:14,514
The truth is,
172
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,084
between work and not wanting to workout,
173
00:06:17,152 --> 00:06:18,852
I hadn't worked out that much.
174
00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,921
Welcome to the jungle, Claire.
175
00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:23,957
Monkey see, monkey d... Ow!
176
00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:26,693
My first thought was
that I had been shot in both shoulders.
177
00:06:27,171 --> 00:06:29,271
Here's the thing...
while Claire works out,
178
00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:31,273
I do go to the basketball court,
179
00:06:31,342 --> 00:06:34,276
but, uh, for epic robot battles.
180
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:39,581
Oh, Spin-a-tron cornered me again.
181
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,518
Looks like you got me dead...
Possum-punch!
182
00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:44,953
Possum-punch! Possum-punch!
183
00:06:53,676 --> 00:06:55,309
Clouds look kind of ominous, huh?
184
00:06:55,378 --> 00:06:56,811
Kind of felt a raindrop.
185
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,579
- Maybe we should reschedule...
- Okay.
186
00:06:59,082 --> 00:07:00,381
Sorry we missed that robbery.
187
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:02,183
It would've been a fun way
to start the day.
188
00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:05,019
Yeah, hi. Have you guys considered
using the Waze app.
189
00:07:05,088 --> 00:07:06,187
I could fire it up
190
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:07,989
and it'd be kind of, like, your Goose.
191
00:07:08,259 --> 00:07:09,592
- Whoa, did you see that?
- See what?
192
00:07:09,661 --> 00:07:10,893
I'm blocked. I can't see anything.
193
00:07:10,962 --> 00:07:12,795
That jerk just cut off that old lady.
194
00:07:12,864 --> 00:07:14,697
- Wanna mess with him?
- Mess with who?
195
00:07:14,766 --> 00:07:15,798
Is that allowed?
196
00:07:15,867 --> 00:07:17,666
What's he gonna do, call the cops?
197
00:07:17,769 --> 00:07:19,235
Can you speak up a little bit?
198
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:21,671
- I'm losing the thread.
- That's the siren.
199
00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:23,373
- Okay.
- Not yet.
200
00:07:23,441 --> 00:07:25,775
Not yet. Now!
201
00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:27,043
Oh! Oh, my God!
202
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:29,145
He's freaked out. Oh, he's pulling over.
203
00:07:29,214 --> 00:07:31,648
- Put these on and glare at him.
- Okay, okay.
204
00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:34,517
That's right. You know you were bad.
205
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:37,287
Sit in your shame like a dog!
206
00:07:37,355 --> 00:07:38,955
You're a natural.
207
00:07:39,024 --> 00:07:40,690
Oh, my God, that was such a rush.
208
00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:43,159
I imagine that's what it feels like
to punch a guy or...
209
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:44,861
or catch a ball while running.
210
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:46,563
Oh, hey, Chatty-Cathys, heads up.
211
00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:48,498
- Possible 10-99 right over here.
- What?
212
00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:51,387
Couple low lifes over there
exchanging cash-money.
213
00:07:51,422 --> 00:07:53,235
That's because it's a newsstand.
214
00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:55,247
And I'm pretty sure a 1099
is a tax form.
215
00:07:55,316 --> 00:07:57,416
Oh, yeah, well,
what isn't a form these days?
216
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:58,884
School board's got me
buried in paperwork.
217
00:07:58,953 --> 00:08:00,519
I gotta get three John Hancocks
just to take a leak.
218
00:08:00,588 --> 00:08:01,620
We're the same, see?
219
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,956
Oh, if I can interrupt
for just one second.
220
00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,742
I've been typing
license plates numbers...
221
00:08:05,811 --> 00:08:07,477
as you said I could...
222
00:08:07,546 --> 00:08:09,313
and this guy in this dirty car here,
223
00:08:09,381 --> 00:08:11,448
he has a warrant
for unpaid child support.
224
00:08:11,517 --> 00:08:12,683
Good catch, Pritch.
225
00:08:12,751 --> 00:08:14,451
He gets a nickname now?!
226
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,154
- Hmm, looking squirrely.
- Yeah.
227
00:08:18,557 --> 00:08:19,923
Yep, we got a runner!
228
00:08:19,992 --> 00:08:21,258
- Um...
- Stick by me.
229
00:08:21,327 --> 00:08:22,593
Oh, my God, is this happening?
230
00:08:22,661 --> 00:08:23,727
This is happening. Okay.
231
00:08:23,796 --> 00:08:25,696
Hey, guys? Guys?
232
00:08:25,764 --> 00:08:28,298
There's no handles back here!
I wanna come!
233
00:08:32,181 --> 00:08:33,847
Well, Luke, I read your essay.
234
00:08:33,916 --> 00:08:35,149
Took a lot of guts to admit
235
00:08:35,217 --> 00:08:37,551
you weren't ready for college
a year ago.
236
00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:40,278
I had a lot of growing up to do.
237
00:08:40,346 --> 00:08:42,213
So, I got a job, I paid my bills,
238
00:08:42,282 --> 00:08:44,315
and I read
the Wall Street Journal online
239
00:08:44,384 --> 00:08:46,717
until I used up my five free articles.
240
00:08:46,786 --> 00:08:48,653
Well, based on your credit score,
241
00:08:48,721 --> 00:08:51,489
we'd like to welcome you
to Sequoia Community College.
242
00:08:51,558 --> 00:08:53,090
Oh, thank you!
243
00:08:53,159 --> 00:08:54,559
And once your walk through
244
00:08:54,627 --> 00:08:56,794
one of our 15 TSA-approved
metal detectors,
245
00:08:56,863 --> 00:08:58,529
anything is possible.
246
00:08:58,598 --> 00:08:59,630
How hard is it?
247
00:08:59,699 --> 00:09:00,831
Well, most of our students report
248
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:03,334
about 10 to 15 hours of homework a week
249
00:09:03,403 --> 00:09:04,869
in addition to class time.
250
00:09:05,092 --> 00:09:06,358
That sounds like real college.
251
00:09:06,427 --> 00:09:09,294
This is a real college.
And it's a lot of hard work.
252
00:09:09,363 --> 00:09:11,063
But, you put in your two years here,
253
00:09:11,132 --> 00:09:14,366
then transfer to a real...
to a four-year college
254
00:09:14,435 --> 00:09:16,335
and you will land an entry-level job.
255
00:09:16,404 --> 00:09:18,037
Nothing too glamorous,
256
00:09:18,105 --> 00:09:20,439
but you pay your dues, climb the ladder.
257
00:09:20,508 --> 00:09:21,540
By the time you're 45,
258
00:09:21,609 --> 00:09:24,176
you're living in a three-bedroom house
with a picket fence!
259
00:09:24,245 --> 00:09:26,111
Wow!
260
00:09:26,779 --> 00:09:29,413
Three-bedroom house with a picket fence?
261
00:09:29,482 --> 00:09:31,548
Already got one of those.
262
00:09:31,617 --> 00:09:33,550
Plus, free meals, laundry, and cable.
263
00:09:33,619 --> 00:09:35,352
I am living the dream.
264
00:09:35,421 --> 00:09:36,453
You know what I say?
265
00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:38,589
"Who needs college?"
266
00:09:39,825 --> 00:09:42,192
Great work out there.
I'm getting you a donut.
267
00:09:42,261 --> 00:09:44,028
- You earned it.
- Er, a donut.
268
00:09:44,096 --> 00:09:45,195
Isn't that a little on the nose?
269
00:09:45,264 --> 00:09:46,430
And a lot on the belly.
270
00:09:46,499 --> 00:09:47,665
Ah, Blitz!
271
00:09:47,733 --> 00:09:48,932
Okay, guys, guys.
272
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,634
The door handle situation
really hasn't changed.
273
00:09:50,703 --> 00:09:52,536
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
274
00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:53,637
I opened it.
275
00:09:53,706 --> 00:09:54,738
Sir? Okay.
276
00:09:54,807 --> 00:09:56,340
So humiliating.
277
00:09:56,409 --> 00:09:58,142
Officer Pierogi just
banishes me to the backseat
278
00:09:58,210 --> 00:10:00,043
like I'm just along for the ride.
279
00:10:00,248 --> 00:10:01,881
Well, it is called a "ride-along". So...
280
00:10:01,949 --> 00:10:03,015
Mitchell!
281
00:10:03,084 --> 00:10:05,407
Oh, hey, Lucy, um... Cam, this is Lucy.
282
00:10:05,442 --> 00:10:06,741
She's the one that
set all this up for us.
283
00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:08,052
- Oh, hi. Thank you so much.
- Hi.
284
00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:09,755
- Mitchell had a wonderful time.
- Oh, great.
285
00:10:09,824 --> 00:10:12,158
- So, does that mean the answer's "Yes"?
- What's the question?
286
00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:14,694
Oh, I've been trying for weeks
to get this guy to become prosecutor.
287
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:18,531
Y... You mean, like, Angie Harmon on...
on "Law and Order"
288
00:10:18,599 --> 00:10:19,799
or Susan Dey on "L.A. Law"?
289
00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:21,267
Or a man who does that job.
290
00:10:21,336 --> 00:10:23,402
Okay, well, why didn't you
tell me about this?
291
00:10:25,016 --> 00:10:26,683
I'm going to give you guys a minute.
292
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,518
But, um, Mitchell,
I really need to know by Monday.
293
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,386
Otherwise, I have to move on
to someone else, okay?
294
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:31,621
- Okay.
- It was nice to meet you.
295
00:10:31,630 --> 00:10:32,630
- Nice to meet you.
- Bye!
296
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,690
Bye.
297
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,225
Okay, I'm... I'm sorry
I...I didn't tell you about the job.
298
00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:37,594
It's... it's just a big change,
299
00:10:37,662 --> 00:10:39,495
and I wanted to make
this decision on my own.
300
00:10:39,564 --> 00:10:40,930
You know what, here's the good news.
301
00:10:40,999 --> 00:10:42,665
- You have a fantastic job offer...
- Mm-hmm.
302
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,309
...and if today taught us anything,
303
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:46,011
it's that you have a passion
for this world.
304
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,013
Well, actually,
if today taught me anything,
305
00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:50,382
it's that I definitely
do not want this job.
306
00:10:50,451 --> 00:10:52,017
I'm... I'm gonna go find Lucy.
307
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:57,192
Oh, good. I'm late.
308
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:00,892
I'm trying to free myself
of the calendar.
309
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:03,088
I live by my circadian rhythms.
310
00:11:03,123 --> 00:11:04,495
So important!
311
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:08,366
Nicole, this is my grandfather, Jay.
312
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,734
How do you do?
313
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,729
And this is the sauce maven
herself, my wife, Gloria.
314
00:11:12,764 --> 00:11:16,574
- Very nice to meet you.
- Oh, I love your accent.
315
00:11:16,736 --> 00:11:20,337
You know, I was up for the role
of El Chapo's mistress.
316
00:11:20,406 --> 00:11:22,306
Oh, I did not see that movie.
317
00:11:22,375 --> 00:11:23,574
What movie?
318
00:11:26,112 --> 00:11:27,945
And we appreciate you taking time
319
00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:30,841
from your busy schedule here at NERP.
320
00:11:30,876 --> 00:11:32,719
It's a dynamite organization.
321
00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:34,651
I'm a big fan. Love what you're doing.
322
00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:36,389
What are you doing?
323
00:11:36,458 --> 00:11:38,358
I was selling. That's what I was doing.
324
00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:40,627
I don't know what nonsense
this cult was pushing,
325
00:11:40,695 --> 00:11:41,828
but at the end of the day,
326
00:11:41,897 --> 00:11:43,229
they were gonna be
in the sauce business.
327
00:11:43,298 --> 00:11:44,998
And so, these peppers
328
00:11:45,066 --> 00:11:47,834
are the heart of Gloria's sauce.
329
00:11:47,903 --> 00:11:51,337
But this is the finished product,
of course...
330
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:53,807
the Salsa Atomica.
331
00:12:00,482 --> 00:12:02,749
Mmm! Peppery!
332
00:12:02,818 --> 00:12:05,618
She has a sophisticated palate!
333
00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:07,554
Mmm!
334
00:12:07,622 --> 00:12:09,989
I can feel the healing.
335
00:12:10,058 --> 00:12:11,524
Maybe that's why you're glowing.
336
00:12:11,593 --> 00:12:12,859
Am I crazy or is she glowing?
337
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:15,195
Totally glowing!
338
00:12:16,121 --> 00:12:19,890
Gloria, I notice that
you're really kind of quiet.
339
00:12:19,958 --> 00:12:21,091
Is that a vitamin D thing?
340
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,026
'Cause we have socks
that can address that.
341
00:12:23,095 --> 00:12:24,728
No, I'm just...
342
00:12:24,797 --> 00:12:27,064
you know, it's hard for me to sell this.
343
00:12:27,132 --> 00:12:29,299
It's been in my family
for five generations.
344
00:12:29,368 --> 00:12:30,834
Most of them had kids at 15.
345
00:12:30,903 --> 00:12:34,604
Things were not always easy
in my village.
346
00:12:34,673 --> 00:12:36,540
But the one thing
347
00:12:36,608 --> 00:12:39,409
that we could always count on
was the sauce
348
00:12:39,478 --> 00:12:42,913
made from this blend
of magical Colombian peppers.
349
00:12:42,981 --> 00:12:44,514
Well, maybe it was just the way
350
00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:46,149
the water came down the mountain
351
00:12:46,218 --> 00:12:48,552
and curved around our family farm.
352
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,454
I love mountains and curves.
353
00:12:50,522 --> 00:12:52,088
So NERP!
354
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:53,427
You know, I remember
355
00:12:53,496 --> 00:12:56,030
my grandmother cooking for me
every Sunday.
356
00:12:56,098 --> 00:12:57,464
I would hold on to her apron
357
00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:59,200
and follow her around the kitchen
358
00:12:59,268 --> 00:13:00,701
while she prepared her sauce.
359
00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:02,803
She would hold out the spoon to me
360
00:13:02,872 --> 00:13:04,205
and say, "Taste this.
361
00:13:04,273 --> 00:13:06,140
It's your familia."
362
00:13:06,209 --> 00:13:08,442
I feel like NERP is my familia.
363
00:13:08,511 --> 00:13:10,578
Yeah, we were all here on Christmas.
364
00:13:10,646 --> 00:13:12,746
Maybe it is the right time.
365
00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:14,882
My abuela is gone.
366
00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:18,686
My great aunts are all gone.
367
00:13:18,754 --> 00:13:20,788
They straightened the river.
368
00:13:20,857 --> 00:13:22,423
NERP can re-curve it.
369
00:13:22,491 --> 00:13:24,825
Maybe it is the time to say "Goodbye"
370
00:13:24,894 --> 00:13:26,660
to the one thing that is
a real connection to...
371
00:13:26,729 --> 00:13:28,429
You're not saying "Goodbye" to anything.
372
00:13:28,497 --> 00:13:30,030
This deal is done!
373
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:34,335
I'm so sorry to have put you
in this position.
374
00:13:34,403 --> 00:13:35,936
I will never ask you
to turn your back...
375
00:13:36,005 --> 00:13:38,310
- You blew it, you dummy!
- What?
376
00:13:38,341 --> 00:13:40,641
I wanted to sell that stupid sauce!
377
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:43,246
Wait a minute. I'm confused.
378
00:13:43,315 --> 00:13:45,015
Why did you tell her
that the deal was off?
379
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:46,516
I was trying to protect your legacy.
380
00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:48,698
What legacy? There's not legacy.
381
00:13:48,733 --> 00:13:51,779
I invented that whole story
to drive up the price.
382
00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:54,493
- Are you sure you're in sales?
- What about the pictures?
383
00:13:54,528 --> 00:13:58,102
I cut them out from Manny's
National Geographic old magazines.
384
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:02,473
Look, there's even a picture
at the Universal Studios tour.
385
00:14:02,577 --> 00:14:04,977
That's the "Psycho" house in the back!
386
00:14:05,046 --> 00:14:07,046
So, you want to get rid of the business?
387
00:14:07,115 --> 00:14:08,914
Yes, I hate that sauce.
388
00:14:08,983 --> 00:14:10,049
It's a dog!
389
00:14:10,118 --> 00:14:11,851
I have storage lockers all over town
390
00:14:11,919 --> 00:14:13,119
full of jars.
391
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:16,956
I tried to flush it,
but it eats up the pipes.
392
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:18,290
You could've just told me.
393
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:20,626
I didn't want to admit
that you were right
394
00:14:20,695 --> 00:14:24,301
and have to hear "I told you so"
for the rest of my life.
395
00:14:24,986 --> 00:14:26,352
Well, your life.
396
00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:28,921
But, it was the first thing
I was doing on my own
397
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:30,622
after getting married.
398
00:14:30,691 --> 00:14:31,991
And it was a failure.
399
00:14:32,059 --> 00:14:34,660
Honey, you've got to
cut yourself some slack.
400
00:14:34,729 --> 00:14:36,528
Do you know how many ideas I had to dump
401
00:14:36,597 --> 00:14:37,763
because they weren't working?
402
00:14:38,359 --> 00:14:41,760
I was a silent partner
of a professional Jai Alai league.
403
00:14:41,829 --> 00:14:43,529
With the ball and the scoopy thing?
404
00:14:43,597 --> 00:14:44,696
You guys! What was that?!
405
00:14:44,765 --> 00:14:46,465
Now I'm never gonna get
my own bean bag chair.
406
00:14:46,534 --> 00:14:48,400
No, it's gonna be fine.
We want to sell now.
407
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:49,768
It's too late. She's moved on.
408
00:14:49,837 --> 00:14:51,336
Nicole doesn't give second chances.
409
00:14:51,405 --> 00:14:52,671
Mostly because that's the name
410
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,840
of a failed rom-com she made
with Andrew McCarthy.
411
00:14:54,909 --> 00:14:56,675
That's where I've seen her before!
412
00:14:56,744 --> 00:14:58,610
Listen, this isn't over.
413
00:14:58,679 --> 00:15:00,612
I've had my back
against the wall before.
414
00:15:00,681 --> 00:15:02,781
Denver, Closet-Con, '97.
415
00:15:02,850 --> 00:15:05,684
I had a warehouse full of cedar shelves.
416
00:15:05,753 --> 00:15:08,720
- A storm blew in over the Rockies...
- You sold the closet. I get it.
417
00:15:08,789 --> 00:15:10,756
- Let's go up there.
- There's a whole story here.
418
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:14,567
Nicole! Look who came back!
419
00:15:14,636 --> 00:15:16,335
Listen, we were just talking outside,
420
00:15:16,404 --> 00:15:17,837
and maybe I was a little rash.
421
00:15:17,906 --> 00:15:19,372
Really?
422
00:15:19,441 --> 00:15:21,040
Maybe a big rash.
423
00:15:21,109 --> 00:15:22,508
I'm so happy to hear you say that
424
00:15:22,577 --> 00:15:24,477
'cause I haven't been able
to stop eating your salsa
425
00:15:24,546 --> 00:15:25,778
since you left.
426
00:15:25,847 --> 00:15:27,246
There's no way to prove that.
427
00:15:27,315 --> 00:15:28,581
Apropos of nothing,
428
00:15:28,650 --> 00:15:32,018
do you believe in Western medicine?
429
00:15:35,156 --> 00:15:36,823
Ahh! Sweet.
430
00:15:37,992 --> 00:15:39,992
- Luke!
- Dad?
431
00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,561
Need you bad, buddy.
432
00:15:41,629 --> 00:15:43,362
- Why are you yelling?
- Oh, don't tell Mom,
433
00:15:43,431 --> 00:15:45,898
but I worked out too hard,
and it clogged my ears.
434
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:49,168
I need some ice. And a heating pad.
And some aspirin.
435
00:15:49,237 --> 00:15:51,637
And some soft foods,
like Jell-o or soup.
436
00:15:51,895 --> 00:15:53,428
Can you poach an egg?
Can you even hear me?!
437
00:15:55,765 --> 00:15:57,098
Hi.
438
00:15:57,167 --> 00:15:58,232
Okay.
439
00:15:58,301 --> 00:15:59,834
- I'll be right back.
- Okay...?
440
00:16:01,538 --> 00:16:02,870
What's going on?
441
00:16:02,939 --> 00:16:05,039
Don't tell you father, but I can't move.
442
00:16:05,108 --> 00:16:06,874
Start me a tub and when it's ready,
443
00:16:06,943 --> 00:16:08,676
carry me upstairs and put me in it.
444
00:16:08,745 --> 00:16:09,944
Can you boil water for tea?
445
00:16:10,013 --> 00:16:11,112
I guess.
446
00:16:11,181 --> 00:16:12,814
Luke, what happened, chief?
447
00:16:12,882 --> 00:16:14,382
Uh, I'm helping Mom with something!
448
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:15,616
Don't say that!
449
00:16:15,685 --> 00:16:17,452
Claire, everything okay?!
450
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:20,121
Yes! I'm just stretching!
451
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:21,322
Me, too!
452
00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:23,658
Luke!
453
00:16:23,726 --> 00:16:26,560
Uh, he's helping me with
something on the computer!
454
00:16:26,763 --> 00:16:28,296
He's so good at computers!
455
00:16:28,364 --> 00:16:30,331
Oh, such a smart boy!
456
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,766
Okay, all right. This is nuts.
457
00:16:31,835 --> 00:16:34,101
What? No. Oh, boy.
458
00:16:37,214 --> 00:16:38,246
Hi.
459
00:16:38,315 --> 00:16:39,981
Oh, hi, honey.
Hey, sweetie.
460
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:42,083
Are you good?
461
00:16:42,152 --> 00:16:43,785
Oh, yeah, yeah.
462
00:16:43,854 --> 00:16:46,154
- Are you good?
- So good!
463
00:16:46,223 --> 00:16:47,389
I don't know what's going on here,
464
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:48,523
but neither of you are good!
465
00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,258
If you want someone to take care of you,
466
00:16:50,327 --> 00:16:53,694
I suggest once you can move,
you make another baby.
467
00:16:54,731 --> 00:16:57,332
You're hurting, too?
468
00:16:57,401 --> 00:16:59,034
That race, it almost destroyed me.
469
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,769
And I have to spend the rest of my life
in this position.
470
00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:02,891
What are we doing?
471
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,227
We're competing like
a couple of 40-year-olds.
472
00:17:05,295 --> 00:17:06,762
I haven't worked out in months.
473
00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:08,029
But, what's up with you?
474
00:17:08,098 --> 00:17:10,165
You're out on that
basketball court all the time.
475
00:17:10,234 --> 00:17:11,333
Claire.
476
00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,071
There's someone I'd like
for you to meet...
477
00:17:20,113 --> 00:17:22,113
This is Awesome Possum.
478
00:17:22,182 --> 00:17:23,448
Instead of working out,
479
00:17:23,517 --> 00:17:25,817
my super cool friends and I
have epic robot battles.
480
00:17:25,886 --> 00:17:27,485
The only time I break a sweat
481
00:17:27,554 --> 00:17:29,721
is when we run after
the ice cream truck.
482
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:31,389
Is this what giving up feels like?
483
00:17:31,458 --> 00:17:33,892
No, not if we do it together.
484
00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:37,229
Let's boldly walk forward
at a reasonable pace
485
00:17:37,297 --> 00:17:38,663
into this new future
486
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:40,565
where we don't have to pretend
to be strong or fast.
487
00:17:40,634 --> 00:17:42,567
- Can I make a confession?
- Yeah.
488
00:17:42,636 --> 00:17:44,603
Sometimes, I get hungry at, like, 5:00.
489
00:17:44,671 --> 00:17:45,870
Me, too!
490
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,872
Let's start having early dinners!
491
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:49,241
It makes so much sense.
492
00:17:49,309 --> 00:17:50,809
Old people are wise.
493
00:17:50,877 --> 00:17:52,010
Oh!
494
00:17:52,699 --> 00:17:55,434
Oh, no, Poss! No!
495
00:17:55,512 --> 00:17:56,978
No! I gave you life!
496
00:17:57,046 --> 00:17:58,746
Dr. Perry, this is Luke Dunphy.
497
00:17:58,815 --> 00:17:59,847
Forget what I said.
498
00:17:59,916 --> 00:18:01,282
I'd like to start college today.
499
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:03,050
No! Luke!
500
00:18:05,321 --> 00:18:06,754
Mitchell, come in here.
501
00:18:08,925 --> 00:18:11,559
Wow. Small room, big mirror, handcuffs.
502
00:18:11,628 --> 00:18:12,794
Overcharge for drinks,
503
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:14,195
and this could be a bar
in West Hollywood.
504
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:15,763
Okay, why aren't you taking this job?
505
00:18:15,832 --> 00:18:16,931
- I don't want to.
- Why not?
506
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,466
You hate freelancing.
You're barely doing it.
507
00:18:18,535 --> 00:18:20,001
I-I'm plenty busy.
508
00:18:20,069 --> 00:18:21,969
Are you? Because you know what?
509
00:18:22,038 --> 00:18:23,271
Lily and I saw you
510
00:18:23,339 --> 00:18:25,106
putting breadcrumbs
in your pocket the other day.
511
00:18:25,175 --> 00:18:27,041
Are you back to spending your afternoons
512
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,980
with the pigeons in the park, Mitchell?
513
00:18:29,015 --> 00:18:30,375
W... You know, they're hungry.
514
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:33,381
No, you're hungry. For a purpose.
515
00:18:33,449 --> 00:18:35,449
It's just not my thing.
516
00:18:36,719 --> 00:18:37,919
Sit down.
517
00:18:37,987 --> 00:18:39,987
Not your thing, huh?
518
00:18:40,357 --> 00:18:42,491
Okay, well, I snapped
this picture of you this afternoon.
519
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:44,126
Do you recognize the person
in this picture?
520
00:18:44,194 --> 00:18:46,461
Uh, Yes, it's me.
You just said that, so...
521
00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:48,363
Okay, well, what is
the expression on your face?
522
00:18:48,432 --> 00:18:50,765
- What are you doing?
- I asked a question!
523
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:53,468
"What is the expression
on your face?"
524
00:18:53,537 --> 00:18:54,636
It's a smile.
525
00:18:54,705 --> 00:18:56,404
And how would you describe
this..."smile"?
526
00:18:56,473 --> 00:18:58,006
Well, from ear-to-ear.
527
00:18:58,075 --> 00:18:59,474
Wh-where's Blitz with my donut?
528
00:18:59,543 --> 00:19:02,878
You'll get a donut when I get answers,
you piece of trash!
529
00:19:02,946 --> 00:19:04,312
Hey!
530
00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:05,480
Hey!
531
00:19:07,795 --> 00:19:09,795
Oh, my gosh, what...
532
00:19:09,863 --> 00:19:11,296
what's happening here, huh?
533
00:19:11,365 --> 00:19:13,165
I'm sorry, Mitchell. You know what?
534
00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:14,332
I'm just here to help you.
535
00:19:14,401 --> 00:19:15,867
Let's just you and me talk.
536
00:19:15,936 --> 00:19:18,403
Are you seriously trying
to good cop/bad cop me?
537
00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:20,172
No, I'm trying to get some understanding
538
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:23,275
because I was with you
the entire afternoon
539
00:19:23,343 --> 00:19:26,244
and you can't deny you had a great time.
540
00:19:26,313 --> 00:19:27,946
Wait a minute... except for when...
541
00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:29,481
when you got out of the car
to chase that guy down.
542
00:19:29,550 --> 00:19:31,950
- Mitchell, what happened?
- Nothing.
543
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:37,088
Okay, we were chasing after
that deadbeat guy,
544
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,101
and I started...I started
thinking about his kid.
545
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:43,004
And I just...I wanted
to catch him and make him pay.
546
00:19:43,073 --> 00:19:45,240
And then,
Stablitzky got him on the ground
547
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,944
and I saw his face and he was...
he was scared.
548
00:19:49,018 --> 00:19:51,918
There's a person there.
I don't know the whole story.
549
00:19:51,987 --> 00:19:55,122
I don't think that I can just
toss someone into prison.
550
00:19:55,190 --> 00:19:56,388
- Mitchell, come...
- See? This is why
551
00:19:56,426 --> 00:19:58,392
I didn't tell you, okay?
You're judging me.
552
00:19:58,460 --> 00:20:00,193
You're the tough, justice guy,
553
00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:02,262
and I'm just... I'm soft.
554
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,797
No, you're fair.
555
00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:06,500
And, of course, you can be
thoughtful and sensitive.
556
00:20:06,568 --> 00:20:08,068
But you can be tough.
557
00:20:08,137 --> 00:20:10,704
You remember the woman
in front of us at "Lion King"
558
00:20:10,773 --> 00:20:13,173
with the candy wrappers
and the big, giant hat?
559
00:20:13,242 --> 00:20:14,941
- Whoo, I went crazy on her.
- You sure did.
560
00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:16,510
And it is that passion
561
00:20:16,578 --> 00:20:20,180
that would make you
an amazing prosecutor.
562
00:20:20,249 --> 00:20:22,182
- Do you really think so?
- Of course.
563
00:20:22,251 --> 00:20:24,284
And nothing would thrill me more
564
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:25,852
than to watch you embark
565
00:20:25,921 --> 00:20:27,854
on this new chapter of your life.
566
00:20:27,923 --> 00:20:29,089
Aww.
567
00:20:29,158 --> 00:20:31,258
It is...it is a lot less money, though.
568
00:20:32,094 --> 00:20:34,061
Well, you know,
we don't have to decide today.
569
00:20:38,332 --> 00:20:41,763
Guys? Guys, you forgot me again!
570
00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,234
I like tacos too!
571
00:20:44,486 --> 00:20:45,965
Mitchell!
572
00:20:46,940 --> 00:20:48,096
Mitchell!
573
00:20:49,187 --> 00:20:53,063
- Haley? In my office, please.
- Coming!
574
00:20:54,362 --> 00:20:55,362
Okay...
575
00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:01,926
Where are you?
Something happened to my face.
576
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,533
- Okay, I'll...
- I got it.
577
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,388
He's got it.
578
00:21:13,663 --> 00:21:18,663
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