1 00:00:01,201 --> 00:00:02,734 Didn't you just cut his hair? 2 00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:06,337 Yes, but it's his kindergarten graduation party today. 3 00:00:06,405 --> 00:00:08,806 Okay, no messy goodbyes, I'm out of here. 4 00:00:08,874 --> 00:00:11,041 Ay, papi, I'm going to miss you. 5 00:00:11,110 --> 00:00:14,311 Can you at least stay for the party that I'm making for Joe? 6 00:00:14,359 --> 00:00:15,758 Mom, Mrs. Nussbaum is paying me 7 00:00:15,827 --> 00:00:17,827 to get her car to Delaware by Friday at noon. 8 00:00:17,896 --> 00:00:19,696 I already lost an hour looking for my driving gloves. 9 00:00:19,764 --> 00:00:22,865 You're plowing through the heartlands in an inchworm-green Camry 10 00:00:22,904 --> 00:00:24,837 with a bumper sticker that says "Meat is Murder." 11 00:00:24,906 --> 00:00:27,106 I hid these gloves for a reason. 12 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:31,630 Listen, uh, we weren't kidding about you being careful. 13 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:35,300 And, uh, not to get dramatic, just keep your wits about you. 14 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,735 Here. 15 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:37,936 What the hell is that? 16 00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,538 It's an air freshener. What does it look like? 17 00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,106 I'm going on the Martha Stewart 18 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,474 bed-and-breakfast tour of America, 19 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,075 not an Aboriginal manhood quest. 20 00:00:44,144 --> 00:00:45,310 I'm not saying you're gonna need it, 21 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,711 just better safe than sorry. 22 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,146 Slash, don't stab. 23 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,448 Uh... 24 00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:52,484 Stop wiggling. I'm almost done. 25 00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,321 Why'd you gasp? 26 00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,192 Ah! My hair is my identity! 27 00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:11,266 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:17,542 Uh, Cam? Uh, turns out I have to do that work thing after all. 29 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:18,944 I'll meet you at Joe's party? 30 00:01:19,012 --> 00:01:21,246 Oh, okay. Cal, come give your Uncle Mitchell a hug. 31 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,414 Hug! 32 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,648 No. No, no hug. No... where is he? 33 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,617 Which way is he coming from? Coming from? 34 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,619 Ahhh! 35 00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:30,613 Cam's sister's son is staying with us 36 00:01:30,682 --> 00:01:32,115 because, well, you know, she's back in jail. 37 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:35,277 But she didn't do anything terrible. She just didn't understand 38 00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,078 the rules of her probation from last time, when... 39 00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:38,747 When she did something a little terrible. 40 00:01:38,816 --> 00:01:40,749 But we're taking baby Cal back to 41 00:01:40,818 --> 00:01:42,117 live with my parents on the farm. 42 00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,019 Which is a good thing because he's not really a... 43 00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:45,487 a house baby. 44 00:01:45,556 --> 00:01:48,824 No, no, he's freakishly strong and off the charts size-wise. 45 00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:50,659 On the charts. 99th percentile. 46 00:01:50,727 --> 00:01:53,562 He has two teeth and I've seen him eat a whole chicken. 47 00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:55,997 All right, I got to go. 48 00:01:56,066 --> 00:01:57,399 - Wait, where's my hug? - Aww. 49 00:01:57,467 --> 00:02:00,402 - Hug! - Go! Go! Save yourself! 50 00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:01,903 Ohh. Yep. 51 00:02:01,972 --> 00:02:03,705 - Hey. - Hey! 52 00:02:03,774 --> 00:02:06,007 Our costumes are in the back. 53 00:02:06,076 --> 00:02:07,509 Phil and I are going to Hero-Con 54 00:02:07,578 --> 00:02:10,078 to indulge in our love of fantasy fiction. 55 00:02:10,147 --> 00:02:11,546 Um, I-I've always wanted to go, 56 00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:13,081 but i-it's a little nerd-forward, 57 00:02:13,150 --> 00:02:15,383 and I was always afraid my family would make fun of me. 58 00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:17,018 So I've asked Phil to keep it between us. 59 00:02:17,087 --> 00:02:19,254 That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. 60 00:02:19,323 --> 00:02:21,256 My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. 61 00:02:21,325 --> 00:02:22,724 - Don't ever Google that, by the way. - I already did. 62 00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:25,460 This year, there's a panel, um, on our favorite show, 63 00:02:25,529 --> 00:02:26,828 "Clash of Swords." 64 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:29,931 It's got a lot of graphic violence and female nudity, 65 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,199 but that's part of its appeal 66 00:02:31,268 --> 00:02:34,769 to the fierce warrior inside every man. 67 00:02:34,838 --> 00:02:36,338 My eyeliner keeps smudging. 68 00:02:36,406 --> 00:02:38,106 Thanks a lot, gal at the MAC counter. 69 00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:39,407 Who cares? We look great. 70 00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:40,775 Let's do this! 71 00:02:40,844 --> 00:02:44,279 Just remember we left our trusty steed in section 22B. 72 00:02:44,348 --> 00:02:45,413 I can't do it, Phil. 73 00:02:45,482 --> 00:02:46,648 Oh, okay. I can write it down. 74 00:02:46,717 --> 00:02:49,618 No, no. I-I-I thought I was ready, but I'm not. 75 00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:52,153 I'm not. I-I've fantasized so long about coming, 76 00:02:52,222 --> 00:02:54,356 and now that... that we're here, I am... 77 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,359 I'm mortified, okay? I'm a 40-year-old man. 78 00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,894 No, you're not. 79 00:02:58,962 --> 00:03:01,129 You're a 390-year-old Highland Norph. 80 00:03:01,198 --> 00:03:03,064 And you're walking in with a lifer. 81 00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:07,202 This baby gets us all-access and two free yards of mead. 82 00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:10,505 Through those doors lies your destiny. 83 00:03:10,574 --> 00:03:12,374 What's the Galderean word for "bravery"? 84 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,608 Lochtani. 85 00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:15,210 - Again! - Lochtani. 86 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:18,480 Namu oponggi su-whi-gorth! 87 00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:19,681 Have you seen Margaret? 88 00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:20,949 I need her to clear my day. 89 00:03:21,018 --> 00:03:23,718 I just found out you can get the Golf Channel online. 90 00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,120 Nope, she's out sick again. 91 00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:26,454 Oh, Dad, don't forget we're about to meet with 92 00:03:26,523 --> 00:03:28,056 those guys from that start-up. 93 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,292 Oh, right, aspiring closeteers 94 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,460 seeking advice from an industry legend. 95 00:03:32,529 --> 00:03:34,396 Yeah, just skip that part of your speech 96 00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,331 where you say "I didn't choose closets..." 97 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,699 They chose me! 98 00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:39,034 - Hey... - Oh. 99 00:03:39,102 --> 00:03:40,835 ...we didn't know where to hang up our puffer vests, 100 00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:43,571 so we just dropped them on some rando's desk. 101 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,807 Hi. You must be the guys from EzraVision. 102 00:03:45,876 --> 00:03:47,809 Yes, I am Nick. And these are my guys. 103 00:03:47,878 --> 00:03:49,177 Jay Pritchett, obviously. 104 00:03:49,246 --> 00:03:51,513 Fellas, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. 105 00:03:51,581 --> 00:03:53,615 Which one is gonna be holding the tape recorder? 106 00:03:53,684 --> 00:03:54,983 You know what? Why don't we just make this quick? 107 00:03:55,052 --> 00:03:56,651 We actually have to go hang out in a bike shop 108 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,553 that only plays Drake. 109 00:03:58,622 --> 00:04:02,057 So here's our offer, best and final. 110 00:04:02,125 --> 00:04:03,391 Offer for what? 111 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:05,026 For your company. 112 00:04:05,095 --> 00:04:06,261 We want to buy you out. 113 00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,129 I'm sorry, we thought that you were here to just, 114 00:04:08,198 --> 00:04:09,297 you know, get information. 115 00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:11,566 Get out of here! 116 00:04:11,635 --> 00:04:12,701 Dad, if you would just let me speak... 117 00:04:12,769 --> 00:04:14,035 Who do you think you are, 118 00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:15,770 marching in here like a bunch of hotshots? 119 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,105 And why is nobody wearing socks?! 120 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,708 Ooh, lower the B.P., O.G. 121 00:04:19,776 --> 00:04:21,276 We're actually trying to do you a favor. 122 00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,611 Okay, I think you have this twisted. 123 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,514 This company has been around since before you all were born. 124 00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:29,050 Except for maybe him. How is he part of this? 125 00:04:29,119 --> 00:04:30,385 This guy? 126 00:04:30,454 --> 00:04:32,754 - That's our over-40 diversity hire. - Ah. 127 00:04:32,823 --> 00:04:35,323 Listen, we have developed smart-closet technology 128 00:04:35,392 --> 00:04:37,959 that's gonna make places like this obsolete. 129 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,227 We are giving you a chance 130 00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:40,662 to get out while you're still ahead. 131 00:04:40,731 --> 00:04:44,232 Speaking of which... Get out of here! 132 00:04:44,301 --> 00:04:46,101 Okay. Offer's good for 48 hours. 133 00:04:46,169 --> 00:04:47,335 Two get out of heres? 134 00:04:47,404 --> 00:04:48,937 You believe these punks? 135 00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:50,605 I mean, what was with all this eye contact? 136 00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:54,075 In my day, nerds had the decency to stare at their shoes! 137 00:04:54,629 --> 00:04:56,529 Their website looks legitimate. 138 00:04:56,598 --> 00:04:58,464 I mean, they've got some pretty great clients. 139 00:04:58,533 --> 00:04:59,932 Wait a second, is that Margaret? 140 00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:02,368 She's working there. They must have poached her. 141 00:05:02,437 --> 00:05:04,737 Brainwashed her, is what they did. Margaret is very vulnerable. 142 00:05:04,806 --> 00:05:06,339 I've had to rescue her a bunch of times 143 00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:08,474 from cults and an Amway pyramid. 144 00:05:08,518 --> 00:05:10,351 Come on. Let's get our girl back! 145 00:05:10,796 --> 00:05:13,063 You were all the way out of the Grand Canyon 146 00:05:13,132 --> 00:05:15,232 before you realized no one was on my donkey. 147 00:05:15,301 --> 00:05:17,401 But, sure, let's go save Margaret. 148 00:05:17,470 --> 00:05:19,236 Oh, wow! 149 00:05:19,305 --> 00:05:22,206 Mom, my dinosaur party looks amazing! 150 00:05:22,275 --> 00:05:24,008 But we're in that room. 151 00:05:24,076 --> 00:05:27,678 Somebody must've done another dinosaur party right next to us. 152 00:05:27,747 --> 00:05:29,113 Gloria? 153 00:05:29,182 --> 00:05:31,081 Doctor Donna Duncan. 154 00:05:31,150 --> 00:05:33,584 You remember my stepson, Digby. 155 00:05:35,254 --> 00:05:37,021 He prefers nonverbal communication. 156 00:05:37,089 --> 00:05:38,622 This is your party? 157 00:05:38,691 --> 00:05:40,324 You see, I saw that you had signed up 158 00:05:40,393 --> 00:05:41,859 to throw a party for Miss Jessica's class, 159 00:05:41,928 --> 00:05:44,862 so I thought I'd throw a little party for Miss Elaine. 160 00:05:44,931 --> 00:05:48,265 It belches fire and then shoots candy all over the room. 161 00:05:52,301 --> 00:05:54,757 - Hey, girl, hey! - I'm not going on your road trip. 162 00:05:54,826 --> 00:05:56,592 - What? - Luke told me that you've been hounding 163 00:05:56,661 --> 00:05:58,260 him because you don't want to drive cross-country alone. 164 00:05:58,329 --> 00:05:59,695 Oh, I'm just trying to do you a favor. 165 00:05:59,764 --> 00:06:01,397 You're going to a conference in Memphis. 166 00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:03,131 It's only 12 hours out of my way. 167 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,500 Hey, no need to be afraid. 168 00:06:05,569 --> 00:06:07,235 Afraid? 169 00:06:07,304 --> 00:06:10,305 Manny, I'm a pretty girl who wears low-cut tops. 170 00:06:10,374 --> 00:06:12,740 I know what a scared 19-year-old boy looks like. 171 00:06:13,444 --> 00:06:16,911 Dude, you brought a pan flute to the fifth grade. 172 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:19,381 You serenade girls who are way out of your league. 173 00:06:19,449 --> 00:06:21,516 You're a baller. You got this. 174 00:06:21,585 --> 00:06:23,051 Thanks. 175 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,218 Anytime. 176 00:06:30,060 --> 00:06:32,494 Manny. Manny, this is kidnapping. 177 00:06:33,062 --> 00:06:36,064 - Wow, this office is huge. - Just placed it. 178 00:06:36,133 --> 00:06:38,432 This used to be Schweinberg's department store. 179 00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:40,568 Wall of TVs over there. 180 00:06:40,636 --> 00:06:42,770 I almost knocked down the display of fondue pots 181 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,639 when I saw they were letting Barbara Walters anchor the news. 182 00:06:45,708 --> 00:06:47,408 Look who's here! 183 00:06:47,477 --> 00:06:49,910 You are not gonna regret taking our offer. 184 00:06:49,979 --> 00:06:51,011 Let's celebrate. 185 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,681 We're not here to sell. We're here to bring Margaret home. 186 00:06:53,749 --> 00:06:55,116 Who's Margaret? 187 00:06:55,184 --> 00:06:56,283 Margie! 188 00:06:56,352 --> 00:06:58,018 Margie-Marge! 189 00:06:59,488 --> 00:07:00,721 How did they get you? 190 00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:03,223 Are you still wandering around alone in pet stores? 191 00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:06,893 I've told you, that's the kind of person these cults target! 192 00:07:06,962 --> 00:07:08,562 I like it here. 193 00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:12,466 They have one of those machines that makes every kind of soda. 194 00:07:12,534 --> 00:07:14,735 But you're diabetic. And a grown-up. 195 00:07:14,803 --> 00:07:17,204 You know, since you're here, why don't I show you the new model? 196 00:07:17,272 --> 00:07:18,472 Come here. Come over here. 197 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:22,275 Come here. This is the EzraVision Elitist. 198 00:07:22,344 --> 00:07:24,444 - Ohhh. - Stand right over there. 199 00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:25,979 Face forward. 200 00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:27,514 Good afternoon, Ezra. 201 00:07:27,582 --> 00:07:29,649 Good afternoon. How may I help you? 202 00:07:29,709 --> 00:07:32,310 - Who is that? - Ezra, full body scan. 203 00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:36,681 - Here we go. - Scan complete. Searching wardrobe. 204 00:07:36,750 --> 00:07:39,851 Based on today's weather forecast, here's your optimal outfit. 205 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,052 Check the label. 206 00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:45,156 - Just my size. - Yes, it is. 207 00:07:45,225 --> 00:07:46,691 See, this is the future of closets... 208 00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,192 automated, intelligent... 209 00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:50,061 That's what they said about the "mood closet" in the '70s, 210 00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:52,363 - and I buried them. -Very cranky. 211 00:07:52,423 --> 00:07:54,656 Yes, but he has earned the right to be cranky, 212 00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,359 because my father is a giant in this industry, 213 00:07:57,428 --> 00:08:00,028 and he had to skip his ice-cream sandwich today to come here. 214 00:08:00,097 --> 00:08:02,798 Nick, it's time for laser tag. 215 00:08:02,866 --> 00:08:04,800 Yes! You know what? 216 00:08:04,868 --> 00:08:06,835 No matter how it shakes out, you can keep the pants. 217 00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:08,570 Those are on me. Let's go! 218 00:08:08,639 --> 00:08:11,273 - Let's get the hell out of here. - Hang on, Dad. I... 219 00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:13,241 I don't like these dorks any more than you do, 220 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:15,310 but they might be onto something. 221 00:08:15,378 --> 00:08:16,744 What are you saying? You want to sell? 222 00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:19,347 No, I was thinking more of a merger. 223 00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,615 I did some digging, 224 00:08:20,684 --> 00:08:22,684 and they are two years behind on production. 225 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:25,186 They need our manufacturing, 226 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,555 and frankly, we need their technology. 227 00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:30,157 Nope, not gonna happen. End of conversation. 228 00:08:30,226 --> 00:08:31,659 Really? Oh. 229 00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,194 I-I'm having a business discussion. 230 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,296 I am not negotiating a new bedtime. 231 00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:37,064 I'm not taking on an outside partner. 232 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,100 Oh, I get it, 'cause you're not very good with partners. 233 00:08:39,168 --> 00:08:41,635 I mean, you put me in charge, like, nine times, 234 00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:44,438 but if it's an important decision, I should just shut up. 235 00:08:44,507 --> 00:08:45,706 Well, I can't help it 236 00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,474 if I have a sixth sense about this business. 237 00:08:47,543 --> 00:08:49,276 Closets chose me! 238 00:08:51,147 --> 00:08:52,880 Oh, my gosh! Hey! 239 00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:55,015 It's going great over there, huh? 240 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:56,650 What's this? Are these kids in trouble? 241 00:08:56,719 --> 00:08:59,553 That's a different, fancier party than this. 242 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,456 The only fun thing I have is that pyramid made out of... 243 00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:06,226 Ay, Cam, look what your giant baby nephew did! 244 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,795 Yeah, but you know, it's not his fault. 245 00:09:07,863 --> 00:09:10,130 He's three times the size of a child his age. 246 00:09:10,199 --> 00:09:11,632 And you know what, some Tucker boys 247 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:14,268 have a young growth spurt that's no picnic. 248 00:09:14,836 --> 00:09:16,636 I had to go to court to play Little League. 249 00:09:16,705 --> 00:09:18,772 Cameron, sweetie! 250 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,373 I thought I heard your voice 251 00:09:20,442 --> 00:09:23,510 cutting through the joyless silence of this... 252 00:09:23,578 --> 00:09:24,978 I want to say party, 253 00:09:25,047 --> 00:09:26,713 but I'm afraid it will sound sarcastic. 254 00:09:26,782 --> 00:09:27,981 You guys are friends? 255 00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:30,483 Uh, well, we go to the same blowout parlor, yeah. 256 00:09:30,552 --> 00:09:32,251 Wait a minute, did you pay for my Belizian blowout 257 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,420 just so I would shout the details of Gloria's party 258 00:09:34,489 --> 00:09:35,955 so you could outdo her? 259 00:09:36,024 --> 00:09:37,924 Oh, look at you catching on. 260 00:09:37,992 --> 00:09:40,293 Kids, sorry to wake you. 261 00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:42,328 But I'm gonna leave these wristbands here 262 00:09:42,397 --> 00:09:45,498 in case any of you want to come ride our roller coaster. 263 00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:47,400 The mechanical kind, 264 00:09:47,769 --> 00:09:49,301 not the emotional one you've been on 265 00:09:49,370 --> 00:09:50,736 since you came through these doors. 266 00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:52,672 Get out of here! 267 00:09:52,740 --> 00:09:54,640 Not you, not you, not you. 268 00:09:54,709 --> 00:09:56,475 Oh, God, this is worse than I thought. 269 00:09:56,544 --> 00:09:57,610 There are so many eyes on me. 270 00:09:57,679 --> 00:09:58,911 I mean, yes, sure, 271 00:09:58,980 --> 00:10:00,946 less because of all the cyclopses, but still. 272 00:10:01,015 --> 00:10:02,682 You can do this. Elf up. 273 00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:06,185 My two favorite Rhine maidens! Linda! Karen! 274 00:10:06,554 --> 00:10:08,487 Sold them a duplex. 275 00:10:08,556 --> 00:10:11,557 Sweet home Alduzzarna, 276 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:14,393 it's The Foolmaker from "Clash of Swords" season five! 277 00:10:14,461 --> 00:10:16,395 I'm only on season three. I feel lost. Help me. 278 00:10:16,463 --> 00:10:17,963 Oh, okay. During the Feast of Figs, 279 00:10:18,032 --> 00:10:19,865 the Forest Prince banished Migolaf the Wanderer 280 00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:21,700 to the outer reaches of The Forsaken Realm. 281 00:10:21,769 --> 00:10:24,336 Migolaf waylaid the Iguodalan Dwarves 282 00:10:24,405 --> 00:10:27,072 and cursed the high cleric to an eternity of feeble-mindedness 283 00:10:27,141 --> 00:10:29,208 using the mighty scepter known as... 284 00:10:29,276 --> 00:10:32,044 The Foolmaker. I got to get a selfie. 285 00:10:33,814 --> 00:10:35,447 - H'oww! - Ooh, careful! Careful! 286 00:10:35,516 --> 00:10:36,848 Oh, boy. Okay. 287 00:10:37,217 --> 00:10:38,383 Good thing it's not the real one 288 00:10:38,452 --> 00:10:40,018 or I'd be cursed to spend the rest of my days 289 00:10:40,087 --> 00:10:41,186 as a bumbling idiot. 290 00:10:41,555 --> 00:10:43,955 Aw, are you gonna have a little porridge maiden 291 00:10:44,024 --> 00:10:45,156 or a little warrior? 292 00:10:45,225 --> 00:10:47,292 I'm not pregnant, dipwad. 293 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,760 Phil, why would you say that?! 294 00:10:48,829 --> 00:10:50,361 I don't know, it just came out. 295 00:10:50,430 --> 00:10:52,630 I mean, The Foolmaker... 296 00:10:52,699 --> 00:10:54,632 You're not cursed, okay? It's a prop. It's not real. 297 00:10:54,701 --> 00:10:57,202 All right. The panel's this way. 298 00:10:57,570 --> 00:10:59,237 Hey, man. Sick scale armor! 299 00:10:59,305 --> 00:11:01,506 Oh, really? You think so? It's not too much with the cape? 300 00:11:01,574 --> 00:11:03,808 I wanted something that would go from feast to battle. 301 00:11:03,877 --> 00:11:05,243 - Crushed it. - Yes! 302 00:11:05,311 --> 00:11:06,611 Oh, we're about to take our annual Norph group photo. 303 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:07,979 - You coming? - Yes, yes! 304 00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:09,147 Phil, we're taking a pic... 305 00:11:09,215 --> 00:11:10,581 Oh, I'm sorry. I lost my friend. 306 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:13,317 Hey, most of us come alone. You don't have to pretend. 307 00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:14,719 I... Th... 308 00:11:14,787 --> 00:11:16,888 Oh, great, the Q&A's just starting. 309 00:11:16,956 --> 00:11:18,156 Mitch? 310 00:11:18,224 --> 00:11:19,323 That's a very, very good question... 311 00:11:19,392 --> 00:11:21,459 - Mitchell? - ...and the answer to that is... 312 00:11:21,528 --> 00:11:23,628 Scary ogre teeth. Where'd you get those? 313 00:11:23,696 --> 00:11:25,796 I'm guessing my birth parents. 314 00:11:25,865 --> 00:11:27,932 I'm so sorry. 315 00:11:28,401 --> 00:11:30,568 Why can't I just shut up? 316 00:11:31,804 --> 00:11:33,304 Sorry, was I going on too long? 317 00:11:33,372 --> 00:11:35,739 I didn't... 318 00:11:36,208 --> 00:11:38,508 You're Joel L.L. Logan. 319 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,012 What's your question, friend? 320 00:11:42,081 --> 00:11:43,814 - Oh, uh... - Don't be shy. 321 00:11:43,882 --> 00:11:45,115 I may have created this kingdom, 322 00:11:45,184 --> 00:11:48,451 but we're all fellow heirs to it. Isn't that right? 323 00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:54,323 In that case, Mr. Logan... 324 00:11:54,392 --> 00:11:56,159 Uh, I read on a fan page 325 00:11:56,227 --> 00:11:58,795 there's gonna be a Mozgovian uprising in the season finale 326 00:11:58,863 --> 00:12:00,997 that'll wipe out the entire ruling class, 327 00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:04,834 including the gruesome beheading of Adebayo the Righteous. 328 00:12:04,903 --> 00:12:07,370 Um... 329 00:12:07,438 --> 00:12:10,006 Wait, a-are you... are you gonna kill Adebayo? 330 00:12:10,074 --> 00:12:12,041 What? No, no. 331 00:12:12,110 --> 00:12:14,477 Who's... Who... Who's Adebayo? 332 00:12:14,546 --> 00:12:16,312 Oh, dear lord. It is true. 333 00:12:16,381 --> 00:12:19,448 You fool! Why would you ask him that?! 334 00:12:19,517 --> 00:12:21,951 We all stay off of spoiler sites for a reason! 335 00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:25,054 This show is the only thing I've got going on and you ruined it! 336 00:12:26,457 --> 00:12:27,623 Ohh! Ow! 337 00:12:27,692 --> 00:12:29,358 They let you bring your spheres?! 338 00:12:29,427 --> 00:12:31,194 They took away my tweezers! 339 00:12:32,979 --> 00:12:35,045 Manny? 340 00:12:35,114 --> 00:12:38,215 This is the check Mrs. Nussbaum gave me to drive her car to Delaware. 341 00:12:38,284 --> 00:12:39,550 It's yours if you come with me. 342 00:12:39,618 --> 00:12:41,652 - Okay. - Wait, what? 343 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,387 Well, Haley already warned me you'd be asking 344 00:12:43,455 --> 00:12:44,888 and I thought, "Sure." 345 00:12:44,957 --> 00:12:46,490 My favorite research institute is on the way. 346 00:12:46,559 --> 00:12:49,326 And I could bring my windsock and barometer 347 00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:51,395 for that new weather modeling project I've been noodling with. 348 00:12:51,463 --> 00:12:53,163 Huh. 349 00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:56,567 I couldn't help noticing a lot of loose hairs on your pillow 350 00:12:56,635 --> 00:13:00,537 and a stack of fully completed Sudoku books. 351 00:13:00,606 --> 00:13:03,173 Weren't you supposed to be taking it easy this summer? 352 00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:04,607 No school, no projects... 353 00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:06,075 Yeah, I'm loving it. 354 00:13:06,144 --> 00:13:07,610 What are the chances I open your dresser 355 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,279 and find a calendar with three X'd out days 356 00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:11,481 and a giant red circle around the date school starts again? 357 00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:13,816 You don't know me. 358 00:13:13,885 --> 00:13:17,120 Look, you're facing a challenge that scares you, 359 00:13:17,189 --> 00:13:19,422 but you know in your heart you need to take it on. 360 00:13:19,491 --> 00:13:21,558 Because it'll help you grow 361 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:24,694 and become a stronger, more balanced person. 362 00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:26,095 Ugh. 363 00:13:26,864 --> 00:13:29,531 Of course I know you're right, but it's hard! 364 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,634 People are out there discovering planets, 365 00:13:31,702 --> 00:13:33,335 and I'm in here doing BuzzFeed quizzes. 366 00:13:33,404 --> 00:13:34,970 Like if I were to be a Beatle, who would I be? 367 00:13:35,039 --> 00:13:37,339 I'd be Ringo. Who cares, Manny?! 368 00:13:37,408 --> 00:13:39,375 Manny? 369 00:13:40,811 --> 00:13:42,444 Whoo-hoo! 370 00:13:44,682 --> 00:13:47,182 I may have lost Phil, but I found my people. 371 00:13:47,251 --> 00:13:49,051 And the choreography was a snap. 372 00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,621 It's basically a river dance, uh, crossed with the hora. 373 00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:55,223 I bring news from the Catalina Room! 374 00:13:55,492 --> 00:13:58,126 A dark shadow has fallen upon the kingdom. 375 00:13:58,195 --> 00:13:59,928 The gods will not be pleased by this... 376 00:13:59,996 --> 00:14:01,262 Just get to it, Gary! 377 00:14:01,331 --> 00:14:02,664 Some dingus just spoiled the finale! 378 00:14:03,834 --> 00:14:05,400 This shall not go unpunished! 379 00:14:05,468 --> 00:14:06,868 Let's get him! 380 00:14:12,108 --> 00:14:14,342 Where have you been? I've been waiting forever. 381 00:14:14,411 --> 00:14:15,943 I was angry. I needed to take a walk 382 00:14:16,012 --> 00:14:18,312 so I could forget how pigheaded you can be. 383 00:14:18,381 --> 00:14:19,447 You want to take another lap? 384 00:14:19,515 --> 00:14:22,216 Dad, I am right about this. 385 00:14:22,285 --> 00:14:24,685 Eventually Nick is gonna figure out how to keep up with demand, 386 00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:26,520 and then where are we gonna be? 387 00:14:26,589 --> 00:14:28,856 I know your style has always been just tough it out 388 00:14:28,925 --> 00:14:30,991 and... and beat back every threat... 389 00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:33,527 That's not it, Claire. You're right. We can't beat these guys. 390 00:14:33,596 --> 00:14:35,896 A merger's the only long-term play. 391 00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,501 I just don't know who I am in there. 392 00:14:40,969 --> 00:14:42,135 What? 393 00:14:42,204 --> 00:14:44,638 They're all 25, zippin' around on their... 394 00:14:44,706 --> 00:14:46,139 The hoverboards? 395 00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:47,641 What's that make me, the cute old guy? 396 00:14:47,709 --> 00:14:49,042 The mascot? 397 00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:50,510 "Old man Pritchett's in the men's room. 398 00:14:50,579 --> 00:14:53,513 Let's go watch him cuss out the automatic faucets again." 399 00:14:53,982 --> 00:14:55,548 Aw, Dad. 400 00:14:55,617 --> 00:14:57,083 I can't promise that 401 00:14:57,152 --> 00:14:59,385 you wouldn't feel old in that building, 402 00:14:59,454 --> 00:15:01,187 but from the outside looking in, 403 00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:02,855 I mean, you're the guy 404 00:15:02,924 --> 00:15:05,858 who's holding his own with kids a third his age. 405 00:15:05,927 --> 00:15:10,029 That makes you like the... the Tony Bennett of closets. 406 00:15:10,098 --> 00:15:13,132 I told you I took an elevator with him in Rome, right? 407 00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:14,800 Yeah, you did. And you know what, 408 00:15:14,869 --> 00:15:15,968 in that building there's a bunch of people 409 00:15:16,037 --> 00:15:18,170 who have never heard that story. 410 00:15:18,539 --> 00:15:20,973 Did he have a Chihuahua with him? 411 00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,207 - A mink. - A mink? 412 00:15:22,276 --> 00:15:23,709 - A live mink. - Yeah. 413 00:15:23,777 --> 00:15:25,844 - All class. - Yeah. 414 00:15:25,913 --> 00:15:27,879 It's just a little intimidating. 415 00:15:27,948 --> 00:15:29,615 You don't think they're gonna be scared of you? 416 00:15:29,683 --> 00:15:32,317 Come on. Dad, look at them. 417 00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:36,021 I don't care what ironic T-shirt their closets pick out for them. 418 00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:39,266 Underneath, they're still nerds. 419 00:15:45,565 --> 00:15:46,798 Yeah, this might be okay. 420 00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:51,536 I want to see him. Let me through, let me through! 421 00:15:52,706 --> 00:15:53,771 You're the spoiler? 422 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,641 I didn't do it on purpose! It was The Foolmaker! 423 00:15:56,710 --> 00:15:59,611 The scepter is a prop, okay? It's just the power of suggestion. 424 00:15:59,679 --> 00:16:02,046 Mitchell, they want to take away my all-access pass. 425 00:16:02,115 --> 00:16:04,048 - You've got to help me. - You know this scoundrel? 426 00:16:04,117 --> 00:16:05,583 Uh, yeah, I think our kids go to school with one... 427 00:16:05,652 --> 00:16:07,252 - Mitchell! - Okay yes, yes... yes, I know him. 428 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:08,786 - I know him! - They're monsters. 429 00:16:08,855 --> 00:16:11,255 They've been pelting me with Chobani flail spheres. 430 00:16:11,324 --> 00:16:12,823 Wait... Ch-Chobani, like the yoghurt? 431 00:16:12,892 --> 00:16:14,859 The show took on corporate sponsors in season four. 432 00:16:14,927 --> 00:16:16,193 Oh. 433 00:16:17,296 --> 00:16:20,264 Seriously, Gary? I helped you build a deck! 434 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,266 Okay, stop, stop it! What are we doing, huh? 435 00:16:22,335 --> 00:16:24,001 Is this how Norphs behave? 436 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,070 Actually, we're quite war-like. 437 00:16:25,137 --> 00:16:26,270 Okay, well... 438 00:16:26,339 --> 00:16:29,072 Look, look, this man, he made a mistake, 439 00:16:29,641 --> 00:16:31,841 but if we banish him, 440 00:16:31,910 --> 00:16:34,878 we're no better than the people who shamed us all these years, 441 00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:37,547 who... who picked us last for team sports, 442 00:16:37,616 --> 00:16:41,518 who left us off of group e-mails about bar association dances. 443 00:16:41,586 --> 00:16:44,821 We're all oddballs and misfits and weirdos, 444 00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:48,758 but the great thing about this place is we all belong, 445 00:16:48,827 --> 00:16:50,660 especially this good man, 446 00:16:50,729 --> 00:16:53,730 who gave me the courage to conquer my fear 447 00:16:53,799 --> 00:16:56,132 and become part of this community. 448 00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:57,867 Let's welcome him back. 449 00:16:57,936 --> 00:16:59,569 The red one, Gary! 450 00:17:01,606 --> 00:17:04,040 Where is that dinosaur? 451 00:17:04,108 --> 00:17:05,541 I certainly hope I don't 452 00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,310 accidentally turn off the lights. 453 00:17:07,378 --> 00:17:10,146 As a gay man, I know every party planner in town. 454 00:17:10,215 --> 00:17:12,515 So I sent out a group text, and as luck would have it, 455 00:17:12,584 --> 00:17:14,917 my friend Ronaldo was wrapping up a kid's Peter Pan party. 456 00:17:14,986 --> 00:17:17,520 And I said, "Send me whatever you got." 457 00:17:17,589 --> 00:17:19,822 I think I hear some music! 458 00:17:19,891 --> 00:17:22,959 Where my Lost Boys at?! 459 00:17:23,427 --> 00:17:24,893 What the hell is this?! 460 00:17:24,962 --> 00:17:27,663 You said you were at a kid's Peter Pan party? 461 00:17:27,732 --> 00:17:30,566 No, no, no. I said, "Kit's Peter Pan party." 462 00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:32,568 It's his 11th time turning 50. 463 00:17:32,637 --> 00:17:34,803 Close your eyes! No! Don't look at that! 464 00:17:35,272 --> 00:17:36,772 Please, I'm so sorry! 465 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,807 Enough! Enough! 466 00:17:38,876 --> 00:17:41,009 Everybody out! Even the kids! 467 00:17:41,078 --> 00:17:43,879 I can't fight this anymore. Go to the nice party! 468 00:17:43,947 --> 00:17:45,347 Just follow the fairy! 469 00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,917 She meant me. Everybody calm down. 470 00:17:50,554 --> 00:17:51,820 Thank you so much for today. 471 00:17:51,888 --> 00:17:53,054 I-I never would've gone through with it 472 00:17:53,123 --> 00:17:54,656 if you hadn't inspired me. 473 00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,458 - I inspired you? - Mm. 474 00:17:56,526 --> 00:17:57,992 Wait. 475 00:17:58,061 --> 00:17:59,427 In book the third, the high cleric 476 00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,363 overcomes the curse of the Foolmaker 477 00:18:01,431 --> 00:18:02,931 by being pure of heart 478 00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,833 and goes on to be a great inspirer of people. 479 00:18:04,901 --> 00:18:05,901 Do you think... 480 00:18:10,574 --> 00:18:12,474 You seem glum. 481 00:18:12,542 --> 00:18:16,911 Perhaps you should be turning your passions elsewhere. 482 00:18:16,980 --> 00:18:19,247 You're right. I'm going back to vet school. 483 00:18:19,316 --> 00:18:21,782 It's about time I grew up. 484 00:18:23,619 --> 00:18:25,152 I'm sorry, Gloria. 485 00:18:25,221 --> 00:18:26,887 It's okay. I'm not mad. 486 00:18:26,956 --> 00:18:27,956 What happened to the party? 487 00:18:28,024 --> 00:18:29,990 Cam ruined it two ways. 488 00:18:30,059 --> 00:18:32,993 I just wanted a nice party for Joe. 489 00:18:33,462 --> 00:18:34,728 There's only so long 490 00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:37,097 that you can make things perfect for them. 491 00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,765 Suddenly, they move on. 492 00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:40,000 They wake up one morning 493 00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:43,470 and they want to drive a cross-country all alone. 494 00:18:43,538 --> 00:18:44,771 Oh, right, Manny. 495 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:47,741 I know you're scared, but your should feel proud. 496 00:18:47,809 --> 00:18:49,509 You took kind of a... 497 00:18:49,578 --> 00:18:51,077 You can say it... a weird kid. 498 00:18:51,146 --> 00:18:53,113 A weird kid, and turned him into somebody 499 00:18:53,181 --> 00:18:54,614 so comfortable with himself 500 00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:58,418 that he's willing to take on a pretty big adventure. 501 00:18:58,687 --> 00:18:59,886 Thank you, Cam. 502 00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:01,054 I wish I had that. 503 00:19:01,122 --> 00:19:02,255 I mean, I was a weird kid 504 00:19:02,324 --> 00:19:04,190 whose family only made him feel weirder. 505 00:19:04,259 --> 00:19:06,225 I mean, it took until today to do an adventure 506 00:19:06,294 --> 00:19:08,628 that I have wanted to do since I was Manny's age. 507 00:19:08,697 --> 00:19:10,630 I-I went to Hero-Con. 508 00:19:10,699 --> 00:19:11,798 Not in costume? 509 00:19:11,866 --> 00:19:12,965 Affirmative, Fizbo. 510 00:19:13,034 --> 00:19:15,301 Okay, if this is something you're into, why haven't you ever told me? 511 00:19:15,370 --> 00:19:18,904 I haven't told anyone. I mean, I tried with my mom once, 512 00:19:18,973 --> 00:19:21,507 but I chickened out and told her I was gay instead. 513 00:19:21,576 --> 00:19:23,275 And I-I wasn't even sure at that point. 514 00:19:23,344 --> 00:19:26,645 Why are there so many ways for a parent to break a kid? 515 00:19:26,914 --> 00:19:27,980 Ugh. 516 00:19:28,049 --> 00:19:29,049 Hug! 517 00:19:29,083 --> 00:19:31,750 No, no, no! 518 00:19:31,819 --> 00:19:34,586 - Oh. - Oh. 519 00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:37,623 Aw, you know, it makes me worried for this little guy. 520 00:19:37,692 --> 00:19:39,525 I love my parents, 521 00:19:39,593 --> 00:19:43,162 but they weren't exactly the best when I was... 522 00:19:43,230 --> 00:19:45,531 when I was this. 523 00:19:48,802 --> 00:19:50,135 Go play. 524 00:19:50,203 --> 00:19:54,439 Mitchell, I'm, uh, proud of the risk you took today 525 00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:55,907 following your heart. 526 00:19:55,976 --> 00:19:57,842 You should do more of that. 527 00:19:57,911 --> 00:20:00,045 Cam, should Cal live with us? 528 00:20:00,113 --> 00:20:02,247 He should. 529 00:20:02,316 --> 00:20:04,015 - Yeah. - Very well. 530 00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:06,084 Sorry we're late. Traffic, you know. 531 00:20:06,153 --> 00:20:07,752 I keep telling you to try Waze, 532 00:20:07,821 --> 00:20:11,189 but you're scared of technology, and you shouldn't be. 533 00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:13,458 We're merging Pritchett's with a high-tech closet company. 534 00:20:13,527 --> 00:20:15,093 Excellent. 535 00:20:15,162 --> 00:20:19,598 And, Gloria, you speak often of your passion for ventriloquism. 536 00:20:19,666 --> 00:20:21,266 It's been a long day, Phil. 537 00:20:21,335 --> 00:20:24,369 This one needs more time. 538 00:20:24,438 --> 00:20:25,704 Notes from the road. 539 00:20:25,772 --> 00:20:27,739 Alternate title, The United States of me. 540 00:20:27,808 --> 00:20:30,809 Fear... Friend or Foe? 541 00:20:30,877 --> 00:20:33,712 As children, we're taught to fear what can hurt us. 542 00:20:35,282 --> 00:20:38,516 But as adults, we're expected to conquer what we're afraid of. 543 00:20:40,621 --> 00:20:42,487 So what are fears? 544 00:20:42,556 --> 00:20:44,122 Do they keep us alive? 545 00:20:44,191 --> 00:20:45,490 Or do they keep us from living? 546 00:20:45,859 --> 00:20:46,958 Hey! 547 00:20:47,027 --> 00:20:48,593 You're blocking the driveway. Hit the road already. 548 00:20:48,662 --> 00:20:49,894 Okay, I'm going. 549 00:20:51,449 --> 00:20:55,017 Jay, hurry up, we want to go home. 550 00:20:55,042 --> 00:20:57,308 I can't get this damn thing to work! 551 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:59,434 Oh, no, is it one of those automatic sinks? 552 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:01,156 You know what? He should do a hard reboot. 553 00:21:01,181 --> 00:21:04,220 - Go back to the urinal and reapproach. - What's going on in there? 554 00:21:04,245 --> 00:21:06,603 I can't even get a trickle out of this thing! 555 00:21:06,628 --> 00:21:08,923 Oh, I find that thinking about it helps. 556 00:21:08,948 --> 00:21:10,510 It's the sink. 557 00:21:10,535 --> 00:21:12,485 It makes no sense that I'm waving my arms 558 00:21:12,510 --> 00:21:14,379 like I'm directing a plane into a gate! 559 00:21:14,404 --> 00:21:17,542 He's gonna break it like he broke the remote control. 560 00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:20,110 Let's just go, the paper towels thing is automatic too. 561 00:21:20,135 --> 00:21:21,705 Oh, Dad... 562 00:21:21,730 --> 00:21:26,730 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com