1 00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:03,172 Can people change? Well, that's a... tough one 2 00:00:03,173 --> 00:00:05,462 that's a tough one but i would say "yes", 3 00:00:05,463 --> 00:00:08,660 people can change. That's what I beliebe, anyway. 4 00:00:08,661 --> 00:00:10,622 And I will until the day I die. 5 00:00:10,623 --> 00:00:13,695 You do realize you're proving the exact opposite of your point? 6 00:00:14,256 --> 00:00:17,725 See, she's changed. She used to be very supportive about me. 7 00:00:18,889 --> 00:00:21,319 Come on... 8 00:00:23,328 --> 00:00:25,636 (screaming): Phill! 9 00:00:25,637 --> 00:00:27,948 Ow! Why is this so loud? 10 00:00:27,949 --> 00:00:29,611 Why is this so loud? 11 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:30,451 Make it stop. 12 00:00:30,452 --> 00:00:33,099 I just installed a sweet home theater system 13 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:34,338 at the family room. 14 00:00:35,738 --> 00:00:39,701 The trouble is - Claire struggles with technology. 15 00:00:39,702 --> 00:00:40,656 Of any kind. 16 00:00:40,657 --> 00:00:43,970 I mean, remotes, cell phones, computers... 17 00:00:45,065 --> 00:00:47,462 Haley, have you seen my blue... 18 00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:50,997 - Hey, Mrs. Dunphy. - Oh, hey, Dylan. 19 00:00:51,905 --> 00:00:54,576 You know I can see you, right? 20 00:00:54,577 --> 00:00:56,721 *** 21 00:00:57,473 --> 00:00:59,908 Haley is just in the bathroom, she'll be back in just a minute? 22 00:00:59,909 --> 00:01:01,632 Thank you. 23 00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:02,812 What are we poiting at? 24 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,076 At the TV. 25 00:01:04,077 --> 00:01:05,077 (chuckles) 26 00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:08,697 Honey, no, I'm sorry. It's a home theater. 27 00:01:08,698 --> 00:01:11,436 What so I - I can't point at the TV 28 00:01:11,437 --> 00:01:12,748 when I wanna watch the TV? - no. 29 00:01:12,749 --> 00:01:14,548 You pointg at the reciever. 30 00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:15,701 What's a reciever? 31 00:01:15,702 --> 00:01:19,570 Imagine our home theater system is a human body, 32 00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:22,462 so, then, the reciever is the brain. 33 00:01:22,463 --> 00:01:26,559 The TV is the face. - ***. 34 00:01:27,181 --> 00:01:29,367 So, he says those lies, and a lot many more. 35 00:01:29,368 --> 00:01:31,312 His heart - Boom! -Boom! 36 00:01:31,313 --> 00:01:33,411 Quadruple bypass, blow the valve. 37 00:01:33,412 --> 00:01:34,820 He look who it is! 38 00:01:34,321 --> 00:01:36,188 Hey, there he is. What a coinkydink. 39 00:01:36,223 --> 00:01:39,125 I was just getting some flowers for gloria for babysitting lily. 40 00:01:39,159 --> 00:01:41,193 You want me to take them to her? I would, 41 00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:43,329 But I have the most hilarious card for her at home. 42 00:01:43,363 --> 00:01:45,598 It's -- it's a hunky antonio banderas type 43 00:01:45,632 --> 00:01:48,300 In silk boxers, and on the inside it says, 44 00:01:48,335 --> 00:01:50,769 "thank you for last noche... 45 00:01:50,804 --> 00:01:53,272 But I can't find my pantalones." 46 00:01:53,306 --> 00:01:56,408 [ laughs ] 47 00:01:56,443 --> 00:01:58,544 I'm not doing it justice, really. 48 00:01:58,578 --> 00:02:00,312 Hi, I'm cameron. Oh, geez, I'm sorry. 49 00:02:00,347 --> 00:02:01,780 Guys, this is cameron. 50 00:02:01,815 --> 00:02:05,317 He's a, um... A f-friend of my son's. 51 00:02:05,352 --> 00:02:07,586 This is, uh, scotty, dale, hugo, and shorty. 52 00:02:07,621 --> 00:02:09,622 It's nice to meet you guys. 53 00:02:09,656 --> 00:02:12,024 You guys look like a scene out of "jersey boys." 54 00:02:12,058 --> 00:02:13,058 [ chuckles ] 55 00:02:17,197 --> 00:02:20,332 Ohh, so handsome! Thank you. 56 00:02:21,835 --> 00:02:24,503 Manny, are you wearing aftershave? Yes. 57 00:02:24,538 --> 00:02:25,771 For my date. 58 00:02:25,805 --> 00:02:28,240 This will be the first time she will ever smell me. 59 00:02:28,275 --> 00:02:29,608 Her name is whitney. 60 00:02:29,643 --> 00:02:31,877 I met her in an online book club. 61 00:02:31,912 --> 00:02:36,182 We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life. 62 00:02:36,216 --> 00:02:38,584 I think it's adorable that manny has a date. 63 00:02:38,618 --> 00:02:40,553 He even picked out the lunch menu. 64 00:02:40,587 --> 00:02:42,855 Grilled-cheese sandwich and tomato soup. 65 00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:44,490 Tomato soup because, you know, 66 00:02:44,524 --> 00:02:46,458 That tomato soup is like the blood 67 00:02:46,493 --> 00:02:48,727 And the vampires like to eat their blood. 68 00:02:48,762 --> 00:02:50,996 And then he wants me to take them out for ice cream, 69 00:02:51,031 --> 00:02:53,098 Well, because manny likes ice cream. 70 00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:54,366 Doorbell rings ] 71 00:02:54,401 --> 00:02:55,668 Oh, that must be her. 72 00:02:55,702 --> 00:02:58,537 If this goes well, you don't need to stick around. 73 00:03:04,244 --> 00:03:07,580 Hi, I'm whitney. I'm here for mny. 74 00:03:18,792 --> 00:03:21,760 Sync by deGroote. www.addic7ed.com 75 00:03:21,795 --> 00:03:24,029 [ beep ] see how that works? 76 00:03:24,064 --> 00:03:25,431 Sorry, sweetie. Sorry, daddy. 77 00:03:25,465 --> 00:03:26,765 Oh, it's all right. 78 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,601 We were just -- me and lily were just using the time 79 00:03:28,635 --> 00:03:31,470 To finally figure out how to use the car's voice-command thingy. 80 00:03:31,504 --> 00:03:33,305 Oh. Yeah, here, check it out. Watch. 81 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:34,306 [ beep ] 82 00:03:34,341 --> 00:03:37,009 Cd player, next track. 83 00:03:37,043 --> 00:03:38,877 Say a command. 84 00:03:38,912 --> 00:03:40,279 [ beep ] [ sighs ] 85 00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:43,482 Cd player, next track. 86 00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:45,751 Air conditioner on. Damn it. 87 00:03:45,785 --> 00:03:47,987 Wow, you're worse than your sister with this kind of stuff. 88 00:03:48,021 --> 00:03:49,989 It's a good thing lily doesn't have an ejector seat. 89 00:03:50,023 --> 00:03:51,690 Oh, guess what. 90 00:03:51,725 --> 00:03:53,759 I ran into your dad and some of his friends. 91 00:03:53,793 --> 00:03:56,161 Oh, really? Yeah. And get this -- 92 00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:59,465 He, uh, he referred to me as "a friend of my son." 93 00:03:59,499 --> 00:04:01,100 Seriously? 94 00:04:01,134 --> 00:04:04,436 Yeah. 95 00:04:04,471 --> 00:04:06,272 Well, I wasn't offended by it. 96 00:04:06,306 --> 00:04:08,040 Well, I am. 97 00:04:08,074 --> 00:04:11,510 I mean, w-would he refer to phil as "a friend of claire's?" no. 98 00:04:11,544 --> 00:04:13,078 I've heard him call phil a lot worse. 99 00:04:13,113 --> 00:04:15,114 Just let it pass. I should have never said anything. 100 00:04:15,148 --> 00:04:16,382 No, I'not letting it pass. 101 00:04:16,416 --> 00:04:18,017 He needs to know that that's not o 102 00:04:18,051 --> 00:04:20,052 And if he doesn't like it, he knows where he can go. 103 00:04:20,086 --> 00:04:21,553 Enter a destination. 104 00:04:21,588 --> 00:04:22,521 Hell! 105 00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:23,922 Mexican food. 106 00:04:23,957 --> 00:04:25,958 Shut up! 107 00:04:25,992 --> 00:04:28,127 I came out of the closet in my mid-20s. 108 00:04:28,161 --> 00:04:30,829 I had to actually come out to my dad three times 109 00:04:30,864 --> 00:04:32,731 Before he finally acknowledged it. 110 00:04:32,766 --> 00:04:35,567 I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong. 111 00:04:35,602 --> 00:04:39,638 Like I had said, "dad, I'm gray." 112 00:04:39,673 --> 00:04:41,940 And my parents, they always just knew. 113 00:04:41,975 --> 00:04:44,343 My mother says labor with me took 36 hours 114 00:04:44,377 --> 00:04:47,146 Because I came out of the womb like this, "hello!" 115 00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:48,681 [ indistinct conversations ] 116 00:04:48,715 --> 00:04:49,715 Hey, dad. Mitchell. 117 00:04:49,749 --> 00:04:51,283 Hey, you guys know my son, mitch. 118 00:04:51,318 --> 00:04:53,285 Hey. Hey, mitch. How's it hanging there, buddy? 119 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,387 Hey, heyhey, that's a great coat. 120 00:04:55,422 --> 00:04:57,756 Where'd you get that? Um, you know, I don't know. It was a gift. 121 00:04:57,791 --> 00:05:00,926 Really? What is it, suede? Microsuede? 122 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:04,196 Some kind of lambskin? It's very soft, you know? 123 00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:05,664 Thank you. 124 00:05:07,967 --> 00:05:11,003 Uh, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 125 00:05:11,037 --> 00:05:13,706 Be right back. Good seeing you. 126 00:05:13,740 --> 00:05:15,841 What's the matter? Um, "a friend of my son"? 127 00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:17,910 That's how you introduce cam? 128 00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:19,445 That's why you came here? 129 00:05:19,479 --> 00:05:21,313 Dad, it's -- it's just more than a little insulting. 130 00:05:21,348 --> 00:05:22,948 Cam and I have been together for five years. 131 00:05:22,982 --> 00:05:24,216 We -- we have a daughter. It's -- 132 00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:25,250 Look at these guys. 133 00:05:25,285 --> 00:05:27,486 They look like they came out of the 1800s. 134 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,356 You see hugo over there? After lunch, he ordered a sanka. 135 00:05:30,390 --> 00:05:32,858 No, they're -- they're not the ones that are uncomfortable with this. 136 00:05:32,892 --> 00:05:34,026 You are. You... 137 00:05:34,060 --> 00:05:36,562 You've never been completely accepting of me 138 00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:39,431 And now that I have a family, it's getting a little old. 139 00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:41,333 These guys don't understand the gay thing. 140 00:05:41,368 --> 00:05:44,269 Why create an awkward situation? That's all I'm saying. 141 00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:46,705 That's weird, because your friend shorty there -- 142 00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:48,774 Gay as they come. 143 00:05:50,844 --> 00:05:53,779 You got to be kidding. Mnh, no. My gaydar is never wrong, 144 00:05:53,813 --> 00:05:56,014 And it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse. 145 00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:58,350 What are you talking about, gay? The guy used to be married. 146 00:05:58,385 --> 00:06:00,252 Okay, well, that makes -- no, well, so did elton john, 147 00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:01,787 Merv griffin, cole porter -- 148 00:06:01,821 --> 00:06:03,522 Hey, you know what? You know what? Listen to me. 149 00:06:03,556 --> 00:06:05,557 You couldn't be more wrong about this. 150 00:06:05,592 --> 00:06:08,127 No, dad, u could not be more wrong -- about a lot of things. 151 00:06:08,161 --> 00:06:09,261 Good seeing you guys. 152 00:06:09,295 --> 00:06:10,529 Yeah! See you! 153 00:06:10,563 --> 00:06:11,997 That's a great coat! 154 00:06:12,031 --> 00:06:14,433 Ping! 155 00:06:22,201 --> 00:06:24,168 Phil dunphy. Hey, it's me. 156 00:06:24,203 --> 00:06:26,571 Hey! Listen, I've got a bunch of moms over here 157 00:06:26,605 --> 00:06:28,439 Who want to watch the talent-show dvd, 158 00:06:28,474 --> 00:06:31,142 And I can't get the sound to work. 159 00:06:31,176 --> 00:06:33,211 Is there a picture? Yes. 160 00:06:33,245 --> 00:06:35,813 Be honest. Did you do that thing where you get frustrated 161 00:06:35,848 --> 00:06:37,715 And you start pressing all the buttons? 162 00:06:37,749 --> 00:06:38,850 No. 163 00:06:38,884 --> 00:06:40,218 I have a theory 164 00:06:40,252 --> 00:06:42,854 That phil installs overly complicated things in the house 165 00:06:42,888 --> 00:06:45,723 Just so he has an excuse to talk to me like a child. 166 00:06:45,757 --> 00:06:47,725 Last month, it was the thermostat. 167 00:06:47,759 --> 00:06:49,961 [ to tune of "the wheels on the bus" ] ♪ the snowflake button ♪ 168 00:06:49,995 --> 00:06:52,063 ♪ makes it cold, cold, cold ♪ 169 00:06:52,097 --> 00:06:55,900 ♪ "set temperature" makes it hold, hold, hold ♪ 170 00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:58,903 ♪ the little flame makes it... ♪ 171 00:06:58,937 --> 00:07:00,905 Whitney: [ cries ] 172 00:07:00,939 --> 00:07:04,308 This is so humiliating. I am sorry. 173 00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:05,476 It's okay. 174 00:07:05,511 --> 00:07:08,679 He just seemed so mature online. 175 00:07:08,714 --> 00:07:10,448 How could I be so stupid? 176 00:07:10,482 --> 00:07:13,684 You're not stupid. Stupid isot following your heart 177 00:07:13,719 --> 00:07:15,353 And taking a chance on love. 178 00:07:15,387 --> 00:07:18,623 I mean, what kind of 11-year-old talks like that? 179 00:07:18,657 --> 00:07:20,591 Manny's an old soul. 180 00:07:20,626 --> 00:07:24,195 Here, use my handkerchief. 181 00:07:24,229 --> 00:07:26,364 You see what I mean? 182 00:07:26,398 --> 00:07:29,367 I'll just be alone for the rest of my life, and that's okay. 183 00:07:29,401 --> 00:07:31,536 No, don't say that. 184 00:07:31,570 --> 00:07:34,272 In my country, there is a saying that means, 185 00:07:34,306 --> 00:07:37,208 "love is just around the corner." 186 00:07:37,242 --> 00:07:40,745 I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes. 187 00:07:40,779 --> 00:07:41,913 Maybe for you. 188 00:07:41,947 --> 00:07:44,582 I mean, men must throw themselves at you every day. 189 00:07:44,616 --> 00:07:47,118 They'll do the same for you if you just... 190 00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:48,519 Just what? 191 00:07:48,554 --> 00:07:49,787 Put out? 192 00:07:49,821 --> 00:07:52,189 No, just -- like, the lipstick, 193 00:07:52,224 --> 00:07:54,425 The hair, push-up bra, you know. 194 00:07:54,459 --> 00:07:57,728 What's it matter? I'm never gonna be as pretty as you. 195 00:07:57,763 --> 00:08:00,331 Believe me, this takes a lot of work. 196 00:08:00,365 --> 00:08:03,034 You just need to find your inner beauty. 197 00:08:03,068 --> 00:08:06,370 It's hiding beneath a mask of insecurity. 198 00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:08,506 Okay, he's starting to freak me out. 199 00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:10,408 Manny, go play. Okay. 200 00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:16,614 Mitchell, how do these look to you? 201 00:08:16,648 --> 00:08:17,748 Like they're dying. 202 00:08:17,783 --> 00:08:19,884 I know, right? I saidomething to the florist, 203 00:08:19,918 --> 00:08:21,252 And he said, "oh, don't worry about it. 204 00:08:21,286 --> 00:08:22,920 They're gonna me back." they're not coming back. 205 00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:24,121 They've crossed to the other side! 206 00:08:24,156 --> 00:08:25,523 You are a funny man. Why? 207 00:08:25,557 --> 00:08:27,992 Well, because you're completely bothered by the flowers, 208 00:08:28,026 --> 00:08:30,595 But when my father introduces you as "a friend of my son" -- 209 00:08:30,629 --> 00:08:32,129 Doesn't faze you in the least. 210 00:08:32,164 --> 00:08:34,165 Because the florist played me for a fool. 211 00:08:34,199 --> 00:08:36,968 Your dad didn't mean any harm. He's just being who he is. 212 00:08:37,002 --> 00:08:39,537 Uh, when I was back east in law school, 213 00:08:39,571 --> 00:08:42,206 My dad used to call me every Saturday at 6:00 p.M. 214 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,674 Before people would go out, 215 00:08:43,709 --> 00:08:45,676 Just, you know, check in, catch up. 216 00:08:45,711 --> 00:08:49,981 And then I think the christmas of my second year, 217 00:08:50,015 --> 00:08:53,851 I finally got up the courage to tell him. 218 00:08:55,921 --> 00:08:59,724 After that, I-I pretty much just talked to my mom. 219 00:08:59,758 --> 00:09:01,292 Don't cry. 220 00:09:01,326 --> 00:09:03,828 I'm not crying. 221 00:09:03,862 --> 00:09:05,196 I'm home! 222 00:09:05,230 --> 00:09:07,898 We're here. Jay, this is whitney. 223 00:09:07,933 --> 00:09:09,467 We're giving her a makeover. 224 00:09:09,501 --> 00:09:11,736 Hi. You havesucy 225 00:09:11,770 --> 00:09:13,838 And a really beautiful house. 226 00:09:13,872 --> 00:09:16,440 Thanks. Uh, you two know each other how? 227 00:09:16,475 --> 00:09:17,675 She's my date. 228 00:09:17,709 --> 00:09:20,344 Of course she is. I'll be in here. 229 00:09:20,379 --> 00:09:22,380 I'll be right back. 230 00:09:22,414 --> 00:09:25,616 I'm sorry this didn't turn out like you wanted. 231 00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:26,784 That's okay. 232 00:09:26,818 --> 00:09:29,954 Probably didn't turn out how you wanted it, either. 233 00:09:29,988 --> 00:09:31,188 I'll tell you what. 234 00:09:31,223 --> 00:09:33,724 If neither of us is with anybody in 10 years, 235 00:09:33,759 --> 00:09:36,193 How about you and me give it a shot? 236 00:09:36,228 --> 00:09:39,363 That's disturbing... 237 00:09:39,398 --> 00:09:40,831 But maybe. 238 00:09:40,866 --> 00:09:42,733 How was your lunch with the boys? 239 00:09:42,768 --> 00:09:44,035 Good. Ran into mitchell and cam. 240 00:09:44,069 --> 00:09:46,237 Ay, nice. And you're not gonna believe this. 241 00:09:46,271 --> 00:09:47,972 Mitchell says shorty's gay. 242 00:09:48,006 --> 00:09:49,173 Shorty? 243 00:09:49,207 --> 00:09:51,776 Yeah, I believe it. Oh, come on! 244 00:09:51,810 --> 00:09:54,612 Well, he's a great dresser, a great dancer. 245 00:09:54,646 --> 00:09:56,213 That doesn't prove anything. 246 00:09:56,248 --> 00:09:57,782 And he's the only one of your friends that never hits on me. 247 00:09:57,816 --> 00:10:00,785 My friends hit on you? Ah, yes, all the time. But don't worry -- 248 00:10:00,819 --> 00:10:04,155 They're a bunch of harmless old men. They're my age. 249 00:10:04,189 --> 00:10:06,157 I'm sure it's very hard on shorty 250 00:10:06,191 --> 00:10:07,625 To keep a secret like that. 251 00:10:07,659 --> 00:10:09,427 Jay, I think you should talk to him. 252 00:10:09,461 --> 00:10:11,862 What? Yeah, you're the only one with a gay son. 253 00:10:11,897 --> 00:10:14,298 I'm sure he'll appreciate opening up to you. 254 00:10:14,332 --> 00:10:16,067 We're guys. We don't "open up." 255 00:10:16,101 --> 00:10:17,635 We talk about sports and cars, 256 00:10:17,669 --> 00:10:19,804 Getting up in the middle of the night to pee. 257 00:10:19,838 --> 00:10:21,806 But I'm sure you made it very easy 258 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,842 For mitch to come out of the closet. 259 00:10:24,876 --> 00:10:26,210 Yeah. 260 00:10:26,244 --> 00:10:29,146 Okay, I'm gonna finish my makeover... 261 00:10:29,214 --> 00:10:31,215 'cause I care about people... 262 00:10:31,249 --> 00:10:35,119 Because I want to help them change their lives. 263 00:10:35,153 --> 00:10:37,154 Jay, I'm hinting that you should call your friend, okay? 264 00:10:37,189 --> 00:10:40,391 Yes, I'm getting that. Okay, okay. 265 00:10:42,561 --> 00:10:44,895 Hey, hey, hey. Daddy in the hiz-ouse! 266 00:10:44,930 --> 00:10:46,397 [ crunch ] 267 00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:54,071 Phil: Why would you do that 268 00:10:54,106 --> 00:10:56,774 To a brand-new, very expensive remote? 269 00:10:56,808 --> 00:10:58,943 Because I lost my temper and it didn't work. 270 00:10:58,977 --> 00:11:00,311 Therefore, it's useless. 271 00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:02,580 Well, honey, when it comes to anything electronic, 272 00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:04,248 You're not exactly the best student. 273 00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:05,850 I am very smart. 274 00:11:05,884 --> 00:11:09,820 I had a 4.0 in college. How about you? I was almost that 275 00:11:09,855 --> 00:11:11,756 Despite my substantial time commitment to cheerleading. 276 00:11:11,790 --> 00:11:14,492 I thought we agreed not to bring up the cheerleading. 277 00:11:14,526 --> 00:11:17,194 Cheerleading in my college was cool. 278 00:11:17,229 --> 00:11:18,929 The football players were so jealous, 279 00:11:18,964 --> 00:11:21,632 They wouldn't even let me and my buddies trevor, scotty, and ling 280 00:11:21,666 --> 00:11:24,301 Go to their parties. 281 00:11:24,336 --> 00:11:28,139 Seriously, claire, you owe me an apology for baking that. 282 00:11:28,173 --> 00:11:29,440 Okay. 283 00:11:29,474 --> 00:11:31,809 Phil, I apologize for breaking the world's worst remote... 284 00:11:31,843 --> 00:11:34,512 That you bought... Stupidly. 285 00:11:34,546 --> 00:11:35,913 Excuse me, 286 00:11:35,947 --> 00:11:39,450 But the experts at cnet.Com rated it the best remote. 287 00:11:39,484 --> 00:11:41,986 They gave it three-and-a-half mice. Wow! 288 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,053 Well, I have an idea. 289 00:11:43,088 --> 00:11:44,822 Let's invite the gang from cnet over 290 00:11:44,856 --> 00:11:46,524 And your old buddies from cheerleading 291 00:11:46,558 --> 00:11:47,892 And we can have a nerd party. 292 00:11:47,926 --> 00:11:50,394 Ling is not a nerd. He built his own helicopter. 293 00:11:50,428 --> 00:11:51,829 And if he was alive today -- 294 00:11:51,863 --> 00:11:55,466 Sweetie, let's not talk about ling. It upsets you too much. 295 00:11:57,202 --> 00:11:58,836 You know what I'm gonna do? Hmm? 296 00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:01,806 I'm gonna buy a new remote -- the same remote. 297 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,474 And just to prove how wrong you are, 298 00:12:03,508 --> 00:12:05,309 I'm gonna teach our dumbest kid how to use it 299 00:12:05,343 --> 00:12:06,477 In 20 minutes or less. 300 00:12:06,511 --> 00:12:08,012 Who's our dumbest kid? 301 00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:09,814 Luke. Luke? 302 00:12:09,848 --> 00:12:12,183 No, luke understands electronics. 303 00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:13,217 Haley. 304 00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:14,518 No. Yeah. Haley. 305 00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:17,254 Teach haley to use the remote, and then I'll apologize. 306 00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:19,023 Haley? Mm-hmm. 307 00:12:19,057 --> 00:12:20,357 Come on! 308 00:12:20,392 --> 00:12:21,859 Jay: Hey, shorty. It's me. 309 00:12:21,893 --> 00:12:24,195 Uh, I was thinking of heading over to the driving range 310 00:12:24,229 --> 00:12:26,831 And hitting a few balls -- you want to join me? 311 00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:31,268 I don't know. Wear -- wear whatever you want. 312 00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:34,371 Oh, my god. Oh, god. Mitchell: What? 313 00:12:34,406 --> 00:12:36,674 The flowers -- they look so much better. 314 00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:39,710 This is a disaster. You do know what "disaster" means, right? 315 00:12:39,744 --> 00:12:43,247 You don't understand. I demanded that they come exchange them. 316 00:12:43,281 --> 00:12:45,416 I got all medieval on the florist. 317 00:12:45,450 --> 00:12:47,451 Cam, I heard you on the phone. 318 00:12:47,485 --> 00:12:48,786 You said you were displeased, 319 00:12:48,820 --> 00:12:50,454 But that's hardly going medieval. Excuse me. 320 00:12:50,488 --> 00:12:54,124 I said "very displeased," and I used my cowboy voice, so... 321 00:12:54,159 --> 00:12:55,426 W-what are you doing? 322 00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:57,761 I'm microwaving them so they look bad again. 323 00:12:57,796 --> 00:12:59,763 Well, that seems a little crazy, doesn't it? 324 00:12:59,798 --> 00:13:01,532 [ door buzzes ] 325 00:13:01,566 --> 00:13:03,500 Oh, no. That's the florist. 326 00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,769 Look, relax. Just take them out. 327 00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:08,205 I'll get the door. He'll never know the difference. 328 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,107 Hi. Florist. 329 00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:11,475 Hi. Yes, uh, me on in. 330 00:13:11,509 --> 00:13:14,144 He's -- he's over there with the flowers. Hello. 331 00:13:14,179 --> 00:13:17,348 I don't know what happened. They just, uh, somehow lost their vigor. 332 00:13:17,382 --> 00:13:19,783 They were like this when we came home. Cam. Cam... 333 00:13:19,818 --> 00:13:21,485 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 334 00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:23,020 Oh, my god! Oh! Oh! 335 00:13:23,054 --> 00:13:25,155 Oh, god! God! God! 336 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,457 [ water running ] 337 00:13:26,491 --> 00:13:30,060 Look at that. Two things flaming at once. 338 00:13:32,997 --> 00:13:34,384 Damn it! 339 00:13:34,384 --> 00:13:35,985 You know what the problem is? What? 340 00:13:36,019 --> 00:13:37,853 You're not moving your hips. They're frozen. 341 00:13:37,888 --> 00:13:39,588 Hips? Yeah, your hips. They're frozen. 342 00:13:39,623 --> 00:13:41,090 Here, let me show you. No, it's -- 343 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:43,392 No, no, no, no, no. Don't fight me. All right, shorty. 344 00:13:43,426 --> 00:13:45,494 Just bring the club back. Go ahead. All right? 345 00:13:45,529 --> 00:13:46,962 Now turn those hips. That's it. 346 00:13:46,997 --> 00:13:48,030 Yojust got to relax. 347 00:13:48,064 --> 00:13:49,765 You got to open up the stance a little bit. 348 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,667 Spad 'em, spread 'em. That's it. That'. 349 00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:53,669 If you don't relax, you're never gonna get that shaft 350 00:13:53,703 --> 00:13:55,304 Where it belongs. Hey, you know what? 351 00:13:55,338 --> 00:13:56,906 How about a coffee? Let's get a coffee. 352 00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:58,274 Sure. 353 00:13:58,308 --> 00:14:00,109 Phil: Now press the button labeled "activities." 354 00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,545 Where's that? It's to the right. To the right. 355 00:14:02,579 --> 00:14:04,246 And then -- and now choose "watch dvd." 356 00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:05,548 What?! 357 00:14:05,582 --> 00:14:07,650 Honey, you got to focus. We've only got 20 minutes. 358 00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:09,685 Pretend -- pretend the mall's closing. 359 00:14:09,719 --> 00:14:12,087 Dad, this is stupid. I watch tv on my computer. 360 00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,689 Why do I have to learn this? 361 00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:16,492 Because your mom doesn't think you can. Nobody can! 362 00:14:16,526 --> 00:14:19,562 Haley, listen to me. Listen to me. 363 00:14:19,596 --> 00:14:21,530 I know this seems impossible, 364 00:14:21,565 --> 00:14:23,599 But this is for all those times 365 00:14:23,633 --> 00:14:25,801 That mom told you she was right... 366 00:14:25,836 --> 00:14:28,838 And you knew she was wrong. 367 00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,308 I'll do it. 368 00:14:32,342 --> 00:14:34,410 That's my girl. 369 00:14:34,477 --> 00:14:36,745 You know, that guy's got a beautiful stroke. 370 00:14:36,780 --> 00:14:39,415 Look at his pants. No pleats. I like pants like that. 371 00:14:39,449 --> 00:14:42,218 You think I can get away with something like that? Sure, why not? 372 00:14:42,252 --> 00:14:44,687 Listen, shorty, uh... 373 00:14:44,721 --> 00:14:46,789 We've known each other a long time, right? 374 00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:48,524 What, 30 years? Yeah. 375 00:14:48,558 --> 00:14:50,726 And, uh... 376 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,229 I sense that you got a secret 377 00:14:53,263 --> 00:14:56,265 That's maybe causing you a lot of anguish. 378 00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,168 You heard something, right? 379 00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:02,338 Well, I had the same situation with my son, mitchell. 380 00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:03,839 Really? 381 00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:05,774 And I didn't handle it too well, either. 382 00:15:05,809 --> 00:15:07,576 And, uh... 383 00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:11,080 I just want you to know that you can open up to me, 384 00:15:11,114 --> 00:15:14,617 That I'm gonna do all I can to help you. 385 00:15:14,651 --> 00:15:16,285 [ exhales deeply ] 386 00:15:16,319 --> 00:15:18,354 Well, I mean, I... 387 00:15:18,388 --> 00:15:20,990 I never said this out loud before to anyone, 388 00:15:21,024 --> 00:15:23,993 But I guess if I did, it would be you. 389 00:15:24,027 --> 00:15:26,996 It's just that, jay, you see, I'm, uh... 390 00:15:28,298 --> 00:15:30,733 ...I'm... 391 00:15:30,767 --> 00:15:32,201 Go ahead. 392 00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:33,736 Yeah, go ahead. 393 00:15:33,770 --> 00:15:35,804 ...I'm in debt. Huh? 394 00:15:35,839 --> 00:15:39,208 I owe a bookie 20 g's, and he's a serious guy. 395 00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:42,745 And you offering to give me the dough -- this is beautiful! 396 00:15:42,779 --> 00:15:44,413 Wait a minute. You're not gay? 397 00:15:44,447 --> 00:15:47,549 Gay?! What are you talking about, gay? 398 00:15:47,584 --> 00:15:49,718 I'm not gay! Where'd you get gay?! 399 00:15:49,753 --> 00:15:52,388 Come on, I mean, you're blways talking about clothes and everything, right? 400 00:15:52,422 --> 00:15:55,524 My father was a tailor. I like clothes. So what? 401 00:15:55,558 --> 00:15:57,760 Are you calling my father gay? No! 402 00:15:57,794 --> 00:16:00,296 My father landed on normandy to save your ass. 403 00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:02,698 You know, if you weren't lending me 20 g's, 404 00:16:02,732 --> 00:16:05,234 I'd knock you out right now. 405 00:16:08,605 --> 00:16:10,439 Take a check? 406 00:16:10,473 --> 00:16:13,676 Cash would be better. 407 00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:16,712 Haley, you ready? 408 00:16:16,746 --> 00:16:19,315 Let's do this. 409 00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,050 Turn on the tv. 410 00:16:21,084 --> 00:16:23,085 [ beep ] 411 00:16:23,119 --> 00:16:24,620 Nice. 412 00:16:24,654 --> 00:16:26,689 Mute it. 413 00:16:26,723 --> 00:16:28,357 [ beep, no audio ] 414 00:16:28,391 --> 00:16:30,125 Un-mute it. [ beep ] 415 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,327 [ audio resumes ] 416 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:33,729 Put it on dvd. 417 00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:35,664 [ beeps twice ] 418 00:16:35,699 --> 00:16:37,433 Skip forward. 419 00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:39,935 Wait. Um... 420 00:16:39,970 --> 00:16:41,170 [ beep ] 421 00:16:42,439 --> 00:16:44,873 Okay. Back to tv. 422 00:16:44,908 --> 00:16:46,709 [ beep ] 423 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:49,645 Face! 424 00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:51,480 Don't get all cocky, phil. 425 00:16:51,514 --> 00:16:56,418 Let's see what happens to little haley when I do this. 426 00:16:56,453 --> 00:16:57,953 Ho! Ooh! 427 00:16:57,988 --> 00:16:59,188 Face. 428 00:16:59,222 --> 00:17:01,056 Dad, w-what do I do? 429 00:17:01,091 --> 00:17:02,758 Don't panic. We went through this. 430 00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:04,293 Just -- just think. 431 00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:06,428 Give up? Give up. Admit defeat. 432 00:17:06,463 --> 00:17:07,429 Haley... 433 00:17:07,464 --> 00:17:09,198 Okay, uh, let's see... 434 00:17:09,232 --> 00:17:13,235 You put the remote onto tv mode 435 00:17:13,269 --> 00:17:19,908 And then pre input till you get hdmi 1 and... 436 00:17:19,943 --> 00:17:22,678 [ triumphant music plays on television ] whoo! [ laughs ] 437 00:17:22,712 --> 00:17:24,680 I did it! She did it! 438 00:17:24,714 --> 00:17:25,981 [ laughter ] 439 00:17:29,285 --> 00:17:30,819 Fine, you proved your point. 440 00:17:30,854 --> 00:17:33,022 Everybody in this house is smarter than me. 441 00:17:33,056 --> 00:17:34,890 No, honey, you're missing the point. 442 00:17:34,924 --> 00:17:36,959 I taught haley how to use the remote in 20 minutes, 443 00:17:36,993 --> 00:17:39,328 So think how fast you can learn it. 444 00:17:39,362 --> 00:17:41,330 What's that supposed to mean? 445 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,565 See what I'm saying? 446 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,935 [ pounding on door ] jay: Mitchell, it's me! 447 00:17:46,970 --> 00:17:48,270 Hey, dad. 448 00:17:48,304 --> 00:17:49,438 Hi. Hi. 449 00:17:49,472 --> 00:17:52,174 I'm here to let you know your gaydar is broken. 450 00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:54,309 Shorty is not gay. 451 00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:56,178 No. I, um, I knew that. 452 00:17:56,212 --> 00:17:58,981 I just, uh -- I made that up to mess with you for dissing cam. 453 00:17:59,015 --> 00:18:01,917 What? That cost me20,000 bucks. 454 00:18:01,951 --> 00:18:04,319 What do you mean? I reached out to him, you know, 455 00:18:04,354 --> 00:18:06,021 To let him know it's okay to be gay. 456 00:18:07,157 --> 00:18:08,791 You did? Yeah... 457 00:18:08,825 --> 00:18:11,527 Right after one of the stranger golf lessons of my life. 458 00:18:11,561 --> 00:18:14,296 Turns out what he is is a lousy gambler, 459 00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:16,999 D now I'm the one on the hook for it. 460 00:18:17,033 --> 00:18:19,501 [ chuckles ] well, I'm so sorry. 461 00:18:19,536 --> 00:18:21,170 Then why are you smiling? 462 00:18:21,204 --> 00:18:23,338 I'm -- I'm proud of you, dad. You're growing. 463 00:18:23,373 --> 00:18:24,973 Just -- just stop it, please? 464 00:18:25,008 --> 00:18:27,009 Don't you see how hard this is for me? 465 00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:29,378 See, I used to be just like one of those guys. 466 00:18:29,412 --> 00:18:30,446 Now look at me. 467 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,381 I got a house looks like little colombia. 468 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,683 I got a gay son and a chinese granddaughter. 469 00:18:34,717 --> 00:18:35,784 Vietnamese. 470 00:18:35,819 --> 00:18:37,553 Only you would know the difference. 471 00:18:37,587 --> 00:18:40,289 Okay, don't worry, dad. You're not growing too much. 472 00:18:40,323 --> 00:18:41,890 Whitney: I'm a little nervous. 473 00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:43,125 Don't be! 474 00:18:43,159 --> 00:18:44,960 I'm sure you look beautiful. 475 00:18:44,994 --> 00:18:48,130 [ gasps ] whoa! 476 00:18:48,164 --> 00:18:49,631 What do you think? 477 00:18:49,666 --> 00:18:51,834 Look at you! [ chuckles ] 478 00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:53,335 Really? 479 00:18:53,369 --> 00:18:54,603 [ doorbell rings ] 480 00:18:54,637 --> 00:18:57,606 You gonna be fighting men off with a stick! 481 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,341 I don't know about that. 482 00:19:00,376 --> 00:19:01,610 Cameron! 483 00:19:01,644 --> 00:19:03,011 Hi! Sorry for the pop-over, 484 00:19:03,046 --> 00:19:04,780 But I just wanted to bring you these 485 00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:07,116 To thank you for babysitting lily again last night. 486 00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:08,917 Oh... Mwah! 487 00:19:08,952 --> 00:19:11,153 Gracias. You didn't need to do that. 488 00:19:11,187 --> 00:19:12,955 You know I love lily. I know. 489 00:19:12,989 --> 00:19:15,357 Come in. Say hello. 490 00:19:15,391 --> 00:19:16,892 Hey, cam. 491 00:19:16,926 --> 00:19:19,061 Cameron, this is my new friend, whitney. 492 00:19:19,095 --> 00:19:22,231 Whitney, this is cameron. Hello, it's nice to meet you. 493 00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:24,233 That... Is a spectacular dress. 494 00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:25,567 This old thing? I don't know... 495 00:19:25,602 --> 00:19:28,504 What about her hair? Oh, my gosh. 496 00:19:28,538 --> 00:19:30,405 It's like barbra streisand in "the way we were." 497 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:31,707 One of my favorites. 498 00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:32,841 Me too. 499 00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:36,745 Okay, who is reading "the forevers"? 500 00:19:36,779 --> 00:19:38,280 I am. [ gasps ] 501 00:19:38,314 --> 00:19:41,316 I am so obsessed with this whole vampire thing right now. 502 00:19:41,351 --> 00:19:43,318 Me too! 503 00:19:43,353 --> 00:19:46,188 I just met the sweetest guy named cameron. 504 00:19:46,222 --> 00:19:48,257 I think he might be the one. 505 00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:51,360 Mitchell: Can people change? I don't know. 506 00:19:51,394 --> 00:19:53,795 People are who they are... 507 00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:56,465 Give or take 15%. 508 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:59,868 That's how much people can change if they really want to. 509 00:19:59,903 --> 00:20:01,537 Well, I'll see you when I see you. 510 00:20:01,571 --> 00:20:02,704 Yeah, thanks for com-- 511 00:20:04,207 --> 00:20:05,407 [ rhythmic patting ] 512 00:20:05,441 --> 00:20:06,808 Okay. 513 00:20:11,147 --> 00:20:13,448 Haley, sweetie, wake u 514 00:20:13,483 --> 00:20:14,816 What? 515 00:20:14,851 --> 00:20:17,553 I need you to teach me to use the tv. 516 00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:18,887 Now? 517 00:20:18,922 --> 00:20:20,856 Why can't dad teach you? 518 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:24,526 Because we're married. 519 00:20:24,561 --> 00:20:28,363 Whether it's for themselves or for the people they love. 520 00:20:28,398 --> 00:20:30,432 That way. Yeah. And then press -- 521 00:20:30,466 --> 00:20:31,900 Mnh. I got it. 522 00:20:31,935 --> 00:20:33,936 Yeah. Yeah, 15%. 523 00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:35,470 [ beep ] 524 00:20:35,505 --> 00:20:37,206 [ both cheer ] 525 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,840 But you know what? 526 00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:41,143 Sometimes that's just enough. 527 00:20:41,177 --> 00:20:42,844 I did it! 528 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:48,205 All riall right.See you guys next week, huh? Jay, jay... 529 00:20:49,742 --> 00:20:51,543 Listen, I want to thank yo for, uh, you know, 530 00:20:51,577 --> 00:20:54,779 Helping me out with that jam, you know. , it was nothing. It was nothing. 531 00:20:54,814 --> 00:20:56,548 No. No, no, no. And I got you a little present. 532 00:20:56,582 --> 00:20:58,416 Oh, come on. You didn't have to do that. No, I did. 533 00:20:58,451 --> 00:21:01,720 Two tickets to see the great michael bublè. 534 00:21:01,754 --> 00:21:04,156 The guy sings like an angel. 535 00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:05,891 He's gonna be outside at one of the amphitheaters. 536 00:21:05,925 --> 00:21:06,858 Gloria's gonna love it. 537 00:21:06,893 --> 00:21:08,994 No. I'm talking about you and me. 538 00:21:09,028 --> 00:21:10,162 Oh, you and me? Yeah. 539 00:21:10,196 --> 00:21:11,263 Oh, well, that's a little, um... 540 00:21:11,297 --> 00:21:12,764 Yeah, I thought maybe we could have 541 00:21:12,798 --> 00:21:14,766 A little picnic since it's outside, you know? 542 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:17,469 I'll get some nice bottle of wine, a little cheese, 543 00:21:17,503 --> 00:21:19,971 Lay on a nice blanket, all right? Yeah, fine, yeah. 544 00:21:20,006 --> 00:21:22,774 Yo, hey, I like your hair. Who does your hair? 545 00:21:22,808 --> 00:21:26,144 Huh? Yo, handsome, who does your hair?