1 00:00:02,444 --> 00:00:03,678 Did you see it? 2 00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:04,914 Does she know? 3 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:07,588 This is the last thing she needs today. 4 00:00:07,622 --> 00:00:09,090 No! 5 00:00:09,124 --> 00:00:10,259 Busy day at the Dunphy compound. 6 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,956 We have a wedding tonight, and this afternoon, 7 00:00:11,957 --> 00:00:14,608 Claire is debating Duane Bailey in the race for town council. 8 00:00:14,853 --> 00:00:17,616 And now the "Weekly Saver" says 9 00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:19,862 that some voters find Claire... quote... 10 00:00:19,964 --> 00:00:22,132 "angry and unlikable." 11 00:00:22,584 --> 00:00:26,084 To those voters, I say, "Wait till she sees this." 12 00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:28,503 No one can mention it to her. 13 00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:30,751 We can't have some unscientific poll 14 00:00:30,752 --> 00:00:32,398 shaking Claire's confidence. 15 00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:33,281 Phil... 16 00:00:33,790 --> 00:00:35,895 - What poll? - Too late. She knows. 17 00:00:36,193 --> 00:00:37,261 Who told her? 18 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:38,571 What is this, a witch hunt? 19 00:00:38,863 --> 00:00:39,880 Oh, my God. 20 00:00:41,098 --> 00:00:41,946 I have to go. 21 00:00:42,867 --> 00:00:44,785 Well, I just don't think it's a big deal. 22 00:00:44,786 --> 00:00:46,710 I mean, how many people read the "Weekly..." 23 00:00:46,711 --> 00:00:48,743 - "Saver"? - "Saver," anyway? 24 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,022 22,000... ish. 25 00:00:51,947 --> 00:00:53,448 My company adver... 26 00:00:53,482 --> 00:00:56,428 used to advertise with that newspaper. 27 00:00:56,694 --> 00:00:58,913 And how am I angry and unlikable? 28 00:00:58,914 --> 00:00:59,979 Can I take this one? 29 00:00:59,981 --> 00:01:00,841 I wouldn't. 30 00:01:00,982 --> 00:01:02,115 You seem angry now. 31 00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,750 I am angry, at that poll. 32 00:01:03,785 --> 00:01:06,150 I think it's the yelling. I would tone down the yelling. 33 00:01:06,151 --> 00:01:08,190 Honey, I don't yell for no reason. 34 00:01:08,191 --> 00:01:10,690 You yelled at my teacher for calling me "special." 35 00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:12,725 Honey, that was not a compliment. 36 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:15,829 - Sweetheart, you're not unlikable. - Thank you. 37 00:01:15,864 --> 00:01:17,391 - You just seem unlikable. - Ohh. 38 00:01:17,392 --> 00:01:19,409 But if we work on it, it's totally fixable. 39 00:01:19,410 --> 00:01:21,702 How? How, Phil? How are we gonna "work on it"? 40 00:01:21,736 --> 00:01:24,111 - First of all, lose the snippy attitude. - Mm-hmm. 41 00:01:24,112 --> 00:01:25,892 And I don't know... maybe we could have a mock debate. 42 00:01:25,893 --> 00:01:26,889 Oh. Good idea. 43 00:01:26,890 --> 00:01:28,841 That way, Mom can rehearse her views on the issues. 44 00:01:28,876 --> 00:01:30,004 Yeah, and we can point out all the little things 45 00:01:30,005 --> 00:01:31,669 she does that turn people off. 46 00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:34,307 Like that look. I would lose that look. 47 00:01:37,351 --> 00:01:39,123 Spooky, but better. 48 00:01:51,866 --> 00:01:53,731 All right. Thank you very much. 49 00:01:54,074 --> 00:01:56,463 Hey, Lily! Come here, honey! 50 00:01:56,712 --> 00:01:59,214 Hi! Do you know what this is? 51 00:01:59,215 --> 00:02:00,204 A box. 52 00:02:00,205 --> 00:02:02,473 - Containing? - She doesn't know "containing." 53 00:02:02,507 --> 00:02:03,507 Well, that's how she learns new words, 54 00:02:03,542 --> 00:02:04,675 by us using them. 55 00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,279 Or, that's how we lower her self-esteem, 56 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,647 by bombarding her with confusing vocabulary. 57 00:02:08,648 --> 00:02:10,716 What's the box containing? 58 00:02:10,717 --> 00:02:11,626 Told you. 59 00:02:11,685 --> 00:02:13,085 Okay. It's your dress. 60 00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:14,453 It's finally here! 61 00:02:14,488 --> 00:02:15,654 Aah! 62 00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:17,224 It's every little girl's dream 63 00:02:17,225 --> 00:02:18,986 to be a flower girl in a wedding. 64 00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:20,562 It's Lily's chance to shine. 65 00:02:20,563 --> 00:02:22,143 I was a 3-time ring bearer. 66 00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:24,922 It's Lily's chance to shine. 67 00:02:26,966 --> 00:02:28,506 Oh! 68 00:02:28,507 --> 00:02:29,622 Pretty! 69 00:02:29,623 --> 00:02:30,820 Oh, no, Cam... 70 00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:32,981 Cam, she's gonna look like Little Bo Peep. 71 00:02:32,982 --> 00:02:34,638 Or Little Bo Cheap. 72 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:36,720 Look at this fabric. It's already pilling. 73 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:38,108 Maybe it'll look better on. 74 00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:40,155 You mean "turned on"? 75 00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:43,091 No, it does not...Cam! Oh! 76 00:02:43,125 --> 00:02:43,783 I love it! 77 00:02:43,784 --> 00:02:45,050 No, you don't. 78 00:02:45,084 --> 00:02:47,136 Oh, my gosh. Are we really gonna let her wear this? 79 00:02:47,137 --> 00:02:49,305 You know what? If the bride wants to have a tacky wedding, 80 00:02:49,306 --> 00:02:50,512 she can have a tacky wedding. 81 00:02:50,513 --> 00:02:52,097 - Lily will be the bright spot. - Literally. 82 00:02:52,098 --> 00:02:53,599 Heard it as soon as I said it. 83 00:02:54,788 --> 00:02:56,515 Stella! 84 00:02:57,806 --> 00:02:59,784 Where's my good girl? 85 00:03:01,825 --> 00:03:03,254 Gloria, is Stella up there? 86 00:03:03,399 --> 00:03:06,032 No. But I am. 87 00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:08,735 Why don't you say "hello" to your wife when you come home? 88 00:03:08,736 --> 00:03:11,272 Well, why don't you greet me at the door, wagging your tail? 89 00:03:11,306 --> 00:03:13,618 Stella, honey! Where are you? 90 00:03:14,358 --> 00:03:15,543 Stella! 91 00:03:16,980 --> 00:03:18,044 My baby! 92 00:03:18,927 --> 00:03:21,642 Stella, I'm coming! I'm coming! 93 00:03:26,817 --> 00:03:29,088 You okay? You okay? 94 00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:31,620 Why are you swimming in your clothes? 95 00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:33,676 Because I'm self-conscious about my body. 96 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,080 Stella fell in the pool. 97 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,149 It's my fault. I let her out, 98 00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,167 and then I got caught up in my couponing. 99 00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:40,953 Any coupons for swim lessons? 100 00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:42,554 'Cause Stella needs some. 101 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,490 Seriously? Manny you teach to swim 102 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:45,590 by throwing him in the pool, 103 00:03:45,625 --> 00:03:48,260 but the dog gets swimming lessons? 104 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,729 I gotta say, it was unpleasant but effective. 105 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,231 We have to teach Stella how to swim. 106 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:53,399 Otherwise, she could drown. 107 00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,601 Why don't you teach her not to jump in the pool? 108 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,529 She didn't jump in the pool. She fell in the pool. 109 00:03:57,767 --> 00:03:59,553 Why, suddenly, would she jump in the pool 110 00:03:59,554 --> 00:04:00,678 when she doesn't know how to swim? 111 00:04:00,679 --> 00:04:02,734 Why does she bark at the vacuum? 112 00:04:02,735 --> 00:04:05,682 It's a thing. It is never going to play with you. 113 00:04:05,872 --> 00:04:07,826 Are you saying that Stella is stupid? 114 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:09,508 Are you covering her ears? 115 00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:11,009 Let's have a little compassion. 116 00:04:11,044 --> 00:04:14,239 She's probably still traumatized from her near-death experience. 117 00:04:14,794 --> 00:04:16,348 Again? What's happening?! 118 00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:18,817 Ay, no! 119 00:04:18,851 --> 00:04:21,153 Welcome, candidates. Mrs. Dunphy... 120 00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,520 Thank you for having me. 121 00:04:22,555 --> 00:04:23,489 And Councilman Bailey. 122 00:04:23,590 --> 00:04:24,756 Gosh, thank you so much, Alex. 123 00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:26,201 I'm deeply honored to be here, 124 00:04:26,202 --> 00:04:28,757 and I remain, as ever, a humble servant 125 00:04:28,758 --> 00:04:30,488 to the greatest little town 126 00:04:30,489 --> 00:04:32,057 in the greatest darn... 127 00:04:32,091 --> 00:04:33,565 eye-rolling. 128 00:04:33,908 --> 00:04:34,990 Playful eye rolling. 129 00:04:35,216 --> 00:04:37,303 How do we, as voters, know it's playful? 130 00:04:37,304 --> 00:04:38,346 I would avoid it. 131 00:04:38,347 --> 00:04:40,025 Okay. No eye rolling. 132 00:04:41,023 --> 00:04:42,224 And don't purse your lips like that. 133 00:04:42,258 --> 00:04:43,559 - It makes you look annoyed. - Mm-hmm. 134 00:04:45,298 --> 00:04:46,227 And don't touch your face. 135 00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:48,297 Yeah, no face touching. Seems nervous. 136 00:04:48,298 --> 00:04:50,277 Some of this is subjective. 137 00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:52,768 - What? What now? - Anger. 138 00:04:52,970 --> 00:04:54,569 It looks like you're scolding us. 139 00:04:55,063 --> 00:04:56,671 I will keep my hands at my sides. 140 00:04:56,706 --> 00:04:58,040 Not on your hips. You're not Superman. 141 00:04:59,075 --> 00:04:59,975 Can we get started? 142 00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:01,109 We haven't started? 143 00:05:01,144 --> 00:05:02,477 I've prepared some questions. 144 00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:03,846 Oh, goody! Actual questions. 145 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:04,846 Honk. Sarcasm. 146 00:05:04,848 --> 00:05:06,515 Just go. 147 00:05:06,549 --> 00:05:07,749 Okay, Mrs. Dunphy, 148 00:05:07,784 --> 00:05:10,319 why are you running for local office? 149 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,720 Okay, that's, um, that's good. 150 00:05:11,755 --> 00:05:14,389 I... um, I... 151 00:05:14,424 --> 00:05:15,691 Mom, you really shouldn't stutter 152 00:05:15,693 --> 00:05:17,092 over a basic question like that. 153 00:05:17,126 --> 00:05:19,223 You should at least know why you're running. 154 00:05:19,224 --> 00:05:21,372 I thought the moderator was supposed to be objective. 155 00:05:21,373 --> 00:05:22,639 Not if she's the only one in the room 156 00:05:22,641 --> 00:05:24,555 who has actual debate experience. 157 00:05:24,556 --> 00:05:26,038 Now why are you running? 158 00:05:26,471 --> 00:05:28,326 I saw the need for a stop sign in... 159 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,849 - Liar! - Phil! 160 00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,297 I-I just think you should be ready for anything. 161 00:05:33,310 --> 00:05:34,577 I saw the need for a s... 162 00:05:34,579 --> 00:05:35,545 What? 163 00:05:35,579 --> 00:05:37,514 Sorry. Accidental buzz. 164 00:05:37,548 --> 00:05:39,248 I saw the need for a stop sign in my neighborhood, 165 00:05:39,250 --> 00:05:41,103 and although I collected the necessary signatures 166 00:05:41,104 --> 00:05:43,420 and did the paperwork, I found local government 167 00:05:43,454 --> 00:05:44,719 to be entirely unhelpful... 168 00:05:45,122 --> 00:05:46,923 - when... what? - Too long. I'm bored. 169 00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:49,414 Yeah, next question. I feel like I'm in school. 170 00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:52,807 Some say the political system is bogged down 171 00:05:52,808 --> 00:05:54,682 by ideological hard-liners 172 00:05:54,683 --> 00:05:56,488 - unwilling to compromise. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 173 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:59,340 How would you respond to that, Councilman Bailey? 174 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:02,697 I would like to use my lifeline. 175 00:06:03,612 --> 00:06:04,749 I'll take this. 176 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,556 If elected, I would consider all perspectives, 177 00:06:07,557 --> 00:06:10,947 and I would not ignore opposing viewpoints. 178 00:06:11,617 --> 00:06:13,118 Helicopter. Just keep going. 179 00:06:13,152 --> 00:06:15,153 I would consider all perspectives, 180 00:06:15,155 --> 00:06:16,957 - and I wouldn't ignore opposing... - You suck! 181 00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:17,709 Luke! 182 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,090 You have to be ready for hecklers. 183 00:06:19,124 --> 00:06:20,625 He's right. 184 00:06:20,659 --> 00:06:22,843 Okay. I'm doing over. No buzzing. 185 00:06:23,071 --> 00:06:24,470 If elected, I... 186 00:06:25,521 --> 00:06:27,189 - What? - Too close to the mic. 187 00:06:27,224 --> 00:06:28,790 Phil, it's a hairbrush. 188 00:06:28,792 --> 00:06:29,959 Okay. 189 00:06:31,561 --> 00:06:34,930 If elected, I would consider all opinions 190 00:06:34,965 --> 00:06:37,032 and not ignore those of the opposition, 191 00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,701 as Councilman Bailey has done for six terms. 192 00:06:40,804 --> 00:06:42,471 What? That was a great answer. 193 00:06:42,505 --> 00:06:43,672 Well, I couldn't hear it 194 00:06:43,706 --> 00:06:46,511 because you were showing me the bad side of your face. 195 00:06:46,512 --> 00:06:47,821 I have a bad side? 196 00:06:47,822 --> 00:06:49,524 - Yeah, the left. - No. It's the right. 197 00:06:49,612 --> 00:06:51,613 Uh, Dad, it's totally the left. I mean, look at it. 198 00:06:51,647 --> 00:06:53,515 Sweetheart, why do you think I chose my side of the bed? 199 00:06:53,516 --> 00:06:54,786 Okay! Okay. Thank you. 200 00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:57,190 Thank you, family. This has been super-duper helpful. 201 00:06:57,824 --> 00:06:59,949 Hands, lips, sarcasm, eye-rolling, 202 00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:00,964 wrong side of the face. 203 00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:02,664 - Mm. - Oh, yeah. Now I see it. 204 00:07:03,509 --> 00:07:04,341 Yep. 205 00:07:07,174 --> 00:07:08,355 She's ready. 206 00:07:09,308 --> 00:07:11,673 And it's this, 207 00:07:11,674 --> 00:07:13,370 and it's this. 208 00:07:13,647 --> 00:07:15,548 Not this, 209 00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:17,315 but this. 210 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:18,717 - Okay. Okay, that's good, Cam. - And this. 211 00:07:18,752 --> 00:07:21,053 Save... let's save some petals for Lily, all right? 212 00:07:21,087 --> 00:07:22,454 Okay. Let's do it over here, sweetheart. 213 00:07:22,488 --> 00:07:23,121 - Right over here. - Okay. 214 00:07:23,723 --> 00:07:25,091 - There you go. - Oh, like you're coming down the aisle! 215 00:07:25,292 --> 00:07:27,526 - Yeah. Yeah. - Okay. 216 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:28,627 Not too many at once. That's good. 217 00:07:28,995 --> 00:07:29,928 - Okay. - You're doing great, Lil. 218 00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:31,297 Oh, she is, isn't she? 219 00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:32,931 Forget the bride. All the eyes are gonna be on her. 220 00:07:32,966 --> 00:07:35,167 Oh... 221 00:07:48,605 --> 00:07:50,344 I cannot believe you laughed! 222 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:52,883 I am sorry. But you know I have two weaknesses... 223 00:07:52,884 --> 00:07:55,119 children cursing and old people rapping. 224 00:07:55,121 --> 00:07:56,887 Cam, we have to tell her it's a bad word. 225 00:07:56,922 --> 00:07:58,889 No. That just gives it more power. 226 00:07:58,924 --> 00:08:00,892 The less we make of it, the better. 227 00:08:00,926 --> 00:08:02,493 Let's just pretend like it never happened. 228 00:08:02,527 --> 00:08:04,028 Okay. Yeah, maybe it... maybe it didn't. 229 00:08:04,196 --> 00:08:05,963 Maybe we... maybe we misheard. 230 00:08:05,998 --> 00:08:08,299 Yeah. Maybe she said "truck." 231 00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:09,667 Or... or "duck." 232 00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:12,469 Or "luck." She could have said "yuck." 233 00:08:12,504 --> 00:08:14,238 Daddy, can I have some ice cream? 234 00:08:14,272 --> 00:08:16,741 No, honey, if you're hungry, you can have some fruit. 235 00:08:16,775 --> 00:08:19,276 Fruit? 236 00:08:20,979 --> 00:08:22,645 I have two children. 237 00:08:30,361 --> 00:08:32,696 Phil? Phil, is this televised? 238 00:08:32,731 --> 00:08:34,899 I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make you nervous. 239 00:08:34,933 --> 00:08:36,634 Great plan. Really good plan. 240 00:08:36,668 --> 00:08:38,134 Throw me for a curveball at the last minute. 241 00:08:38,169 --> 00:08:39,870 Mom, chill. It's just public access. 242 00:08:39,904 --> 00:08:41,638 My debate team's on public access, 243 00:08:41,673 --> 00:08:43,807 and the only people who watch me are you guys. 244 00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,009 Yep. All the time. 245 00:08:45,079 --> 00:08:46,608 So maybe nobody will see this? 246 00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,403 No. We want people to see this. 247 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:51,186 That's how you win elections. That's the whole point. - Mm-hmm. 248 00:08:51,187 --> 00:08:53,796 Then Mom should do something so crazy and stupid, 249 00:08:53,797 --> 00:08:55,908 - it goes viral. - Mom, please don't go viral. 250 00:08:56,132 --> 00:08:58,267 Okay. I'll add that to my list of things not to do... 251 00:08:58,302 --> 00:09:00,803 don't touch my face, don't roll my eyes, 252 00:09:00,837 --> 00:09:02,170 don't point my fingers, 253 00:09:02,205 --> 00:09:03,772 and definitely don't go viral. 254 00:09:03,807 --> 00:09:05,554 Do any of you still believe in me? 255 00:09:05,555 --> 00:09:07,549 Of course we do. We're on your side. 256 00:09:07,550 --> 00:09:09,049 - The right side. - Mm. 257 00:09:09,051 --> 00:09:10,117 Not the left. 258 00:09:10,119 --> 00:09:11,318 Let's grab a seat. 259 00:09:13,722 --> 00:09:14,889 Right. Left. 260 00:09:14,923 --> 00:09:17,258 - Okay. Mom, just be confident. - Mm-hmm? 261 00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:19,493 Based on what? I just lost a debate in my living room, 262 00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:21,328 and people think I'm unlikable. 263 00:09:21,362 --> 00:09:22,763 That's just the word men use for powerful women 264 00:09:22,798 --> 00:09:24,131 because they feel threatened. 265 00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:28,035 So just forget everything else and be proud and powerful. 266 00:09:28,407 --> 00:09:29,835 How did you get so smart? 267 00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:31,833 I've always assumed adoption or baby switch. 268 00:09:31,834 --> 00:09:34,260 - Mm. - Hey. Hey. No kisses! 269 00:09:34,261 --> 00:09:35,119 Proud and powerful. 270 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:36,808 - Sorry. - And no apologizing. 271 00:09:37,009 --> 00:09:38,983 Yes! Shut up and get in there! 272 00:09:38,984 --> 00:09:40,585 - That's more like it! - Uh-huh! 273 00:09:40,619 --> 00:09:41,849 Yeah! 274 00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:43,581 Oh, God. 275 00:09:46,516 --> 00:09:47,224 There she is. 276 00:09:47,259 --> 00:09:49,093 - Go get 'em, Claire. - Thanks. 277 00:09:49,127 --> 00:09:50,227 Don't worry. We're going to cheer for you 278 00:09:50,262 --> 00:09:51,462 no matter what you say. 279 00:09:51,497 --> 00:09:54,031 Oh, good. More support from my loving family. 280 00:09:54,065 --> 00:09:55,833 Honk. Sarcasm. 281 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:57,772 Why'd you bring Stella? 282 00:09:57,773 --> 00:09:59,891 She keeps getting out and jumping in the pool. 283 00:09:59,892 --> 00:10:02,407 We don't wanna take any chances because she can't swim. 284 00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:04,095 Then why does she keep jumping in the pool? 285 00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:05,529 I've been thinking about it. I got a theory. 286 00:10:05,564 --> 00:10:07,622 She might be suicidal. 287 00:10:07,623 --> 00:10:09,563 What? That's crazy. 288 00:10:09,790 --> 00:10:12,316 There's not such thing as doggy suicide. 289 00:10:13,063 --> 00:10:14,957 Hi. Duane Bailey. 290 00:10:15,311 --> 00:10:16,970 Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear. 291 00:10:16,971 --> 00:10:18,604 In addition to being a public servant, 292 00:10:18,638 --> 00:10:21,373 I'm also an award-winning breeder of puggles. 293 00:10:21,408 --> 00:10:23,543 I've won the puggly. Twice. 294 00:10:23,577 --> 00:10:25,111 And I'm afraid that doggy suicide 295 00:10:25,145 --> 00:10:26,958 is all too real. 296 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:29,548 It's just the mainstream media doesn't report on it, 297 00:10:29,582 --> 00:10:32,102 'cause it's not as sexy as feline A.I.D.S. 298 00:10:32,103 --> 00:10:35,445 Stella is not suicidal. She's just... estupid. 299 00:10:35,446 --> 00:10:37,385 Well, that might be part of your problem. 300 00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,586 She senses you don't like her. 301 00:10:38,754 --> 00:10:39,853 You have no idea. 302 00:10:39,888 --> 00:10:41,521 This one's been against this little angel 303 00:10:41,556 --> 00:10:42,856 from the very beginning. 304 00:10:42,891 --> 00:10:43,991 Yeah, well, dogs pick up on that. 305 00:10:44,193 --> 00:10:45,425 You know, they're very sensitive. 306 00:10:45,460 --> 00:10:47,495 I like to call them, um... 307 00:10:47,696 --> 00:10:49,797 Bottomless pits of need. 308 00:10:49,831 --> 00:10:51,031 But not to their face, though. 309 00:10:51,066 --> 00:10:52,166 That would just destroy them. 310 00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:53,500 Not you. 311 00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:55,105 So now this is my fault? 312 00:10:55,107 --> 00:10:56,007 I think he knows what he's talking about. 313 00:10:56,041 --> 00:10:57,347 The man won a puggly. 314 00:10:57,348 --> 00:10:59,114 - Two. I won two pugglies. - We're done here. 315 00:10:59,115 --> 00:11:00,945 - In 2000... - Yeah. 316 00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:04,878 Do you have any idea what station this is on? 317 00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:05,850 Here, I'll look online. 318 00:11:05,879 --> 00:11:07,779 It's a Webcast? That would have been helpful to know 319 00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:08,790 900 channels ago. 320 00:11:08,791 --> 00:11:10,876 No, it's on public access or something. 321 00:11:10,877 --> 00:11:12,479 I wanna watch aunt Claire! 322 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,882 Okay. Well, first, honey, we need to talk about something. 323 00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:16,974 It's about that word you said this morning. 324 00:11:17,319 --> 00:11:18,185 What word? 325 00:11:18,186 --> 00:11:20,209 You know, the one that starts with "f"? 326 00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:22,230 - "Flower"? - No. 327 00:11:23,017 --> 00:11:24,402 - "Fruit"? - No. 328 00:11:24,403 --> 00:11:26,587 If she doesn't remember it, we shouldn't remind her. 329 00:11:26,588 --> 00:11:28,176 Oh, well, she said it three times. 330 00:11:28,177 --> 00:11:30,365 Oh, you mean. 331 00:11:31,147 --> 00:11:32,554 Cam, leave the room! 332 00:11:34,004 --> 00:11:36,530 No. I can do this. 333 00:11:36,806 --> 00:11:39,300 Lily, that is a bad word, 334 00:11:39,301 --> 00:11:41,663 and you are not allowed to say it ever. 335 00:11:41,664 --> 00:11:43,111 But it makes you laugh. 336 00:11:43,145 --> 00:11:44,512 Okay, well, Daddy shouldn't be laughing, 337 00:11:44,514 --> 00:11:47,158 and you should never say that word. 338 00:11:47,159 --> 00:11:48,301 Do you understand? 339 00:11:48,302 --> 00:11:49,682 Maybe. 340 00:11:50,424 --> 00:11:52,758 Okay. This is not a game, all right? 341 00:11:52,996 --> 00:11:54,029 If you say that word one more time, 342 00:11:54,064 --> 00:11:55,330 I'm gonna take away all your toys! 343 00:11:55,365 --> 00:11:57,399 I'm serious! She knows I'm not serious. 344 00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,235 What about the wedding? 345 00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:01,937 What if she says it there? She's like a ticking time bomb! 346 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,806 - Well, what are we gonna do, cancel? - Yes. 347 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:04,874 Maybe we just call and say, 348 00:12:04,908 --> 00:12:06,508 "we're not going to any more weddings 349 00:12:06,542 --> 00:12:08,510 - "until the gays can get married." - Oh, so now we're political? 350 00:12:08,544 --> 00:12:10,045 We leave town on gay pride weekend 351 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,881 because we don't like the traffic. 352 00:12:16,596 --> 00:12:20,825 But there's no substitute for experience. 353 00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:23,936 For example, I doubt my opponent is familiar 354 00:12:23,937 --> 00:12:26,680 with town ordinance 26-12B... 355 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:29,325 26-12B has to do with noise pollution... 356 00:12:29,326 --> 00:12:31,754 something, sir, that you are guilty of right now. 357 00:12:32,925 --> 00:12:34,943 Oh, no she di'int! 358 00:12:34,944 --> 00:12:35,768 Go, Mom! 359 00:12:35,769 --> 00:12:36,701 Ladies and gentlemen... 360 00:12:36,802 --> 00:12:37,525 Look at her eyes. 361 00:12:37,526 --> 00:12:39,499 I know. They're a little too close together. 362 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,101 It's been bugging me for years. 363 00:12:41,102 --> 00:12:43,805 No, she's in the zone. She's ready for anything. 364 00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:46,638 I do like to talk... about the issues. 365 00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:47,948 Speaking of issues, 366 00:12:47,949 --> 00:12:50,984 your husband seems to have some. 367 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,313 I'm sorry? 368 00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:54,849 I'm not sorry. What? 369 00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,918 Oh, well, I wouldn't want to bring it up, 370 00:12:56,952 --> 00:12:58,634 but since you asked, um... 371 00:12:58,635 --> 00:13:00,790 In February of last year, your husband, 372 00:13:00,791 --> 00:13:05,318 one, uh, Phillip Dunphy, was questioned at a local hotel 373 00:13:05,319 --> 00:13:08,499 for lewd and lascivious conduct. 374 00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:09,421 Oh, jeez. 375 00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:11,308 That's not true. 376 00:13:11,309 --> 00:13:13,054 Ma'am, according to this police report, 377 00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:15,650 he, uh, broke into a stranger's room, 378 00:13:15,651 --> 00:13:17,072 stripped naked... 379 00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:20,093 and then posed provocatively on the bed. 380 00:13:23,006 --> 00:13:24,865 That is technically true, 381 00:13:25,453 --> 00:13:28,254 but in all fairness, it was Valentine's Day. 382 00:13:28,255 --> 00:13:31,223 Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry. It was Valentine's Day. 383 00:13:31,225 --> 00:13:32,258 I'm not sure, uh, 384 00:13:32,292 --> 00:13:33,892 if your husband was born in this country. 385 00:13:33,926 --> 00:13:35,594 Ah. Perhaps he snuck in illegally, 386 00:13:35,629 --> 00:13:38,097 but here in America, we celebrate Valentine's Day 387 00:13:38,131 --> 00:13:39,665 with chocolates, 388 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:40,966 not our private parts. 389 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:41,801 Mm. 390 00:13:44,071 --> 00:13:45,937 - This is my new favorite show. - Shh! 391 00:13:45,939 --> 00:13:47,106 No, sir, 392 00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:49,484 he was looking for me, his wife, 393 00:13:49,485 --> 00:13:51,587 and he walked into the wrong room. 394 00:13:51,588 --> 00:13:53,355 If you believe that, I have some talking puggles 395 00:13:53,356 --> 00:13:54,780 I'd like to sell you. 396 00:13:55,719 --> 00:13:57,219 Do you believe this? 397 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,589 Talking dogs? I'm skeptical. 398 00:13:59,623 --> 00:14:01,406 - I won the puggly. Twice. - Be strong. 399 00:14:02,714 --> 00:14:04,575 I am glad that my opponent brought this up, 400 00:14:04,576 --> 00:14:09,274 as I feel that it speaks to his character more than mine. 401 00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:12,610 I think that we should raise the level of discourse 402 00:14:12,611 --> 00:14:14,037 and get back to the issues 403 00:14:14,038 --> 00:14:15,560 that the voters really care about. 404 00:14:15,561 --> 00:14:17,654 When he was naked, what were you wearing? 405 00:14:17,655 --> 00:14:19,983 I... don't think that's relevant. 406 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,479 Are you sex freaks? 407 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:25,223 My personal life has nothing to do with this. 408 00:14:25,224 --> 00:14:29,093 Uh...the...my opponent has brought this up 409 00:14:29,128 --> 00:14:31,330 to distract from his own record, 410 00:14:31,531 --> 00:14:33,932 which shows that in... in six years, 411 00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:36,868 he has achieved nothing more than writing one ordinance 412 00:14:36,903 --> 00:14:40,038 that allows private parties to have more than eight dogs. 413 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,240 Hmm. Hmm. 414 00:14:41,441 --> 00:14:43,274 It's like watching the Hindenburg. 415 00:14:43,309 --> 00:14:45,443 This is the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life. 416 00:14:45,477 --> 00:14:47,579 - Excuse me! - Stand by. 417 00:14:47,613 --> 00:14:50,415 I am Phil Dunphy, and I am not a pervert. 418 00:14:50,450 --> 00:14:54,152 I, like a lot of men in this town, 419 00:14:54,186 --> 00:14:57,188 enjoy making love to my wife. 420 00:14:58,647 --> 00:15:01,248 I mean, um... I mean with their wives. 421 00:15:01,282 --> 00:15:02,542 Not me, them. 422 00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:06,909 Look, I should probably just sit down and say nothing. 423 00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:07,748 But it's too late. 424 00:15:07,749 --> 00:15:10,082 I am standing, and I'm obviously talking, 425 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,851 and now you're looking at me, 426 00:15:11,886 --> 00:15:13,524 and I feel the need to keep going. 427 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,789 First of all... 428 00:15:17,123 --> 00:15:18,634 No charges were filed. 429 00:15:18,635 --> 00:15:20,965 Everyone had a good laugh... 430 00:15:20,966 --> 00:15:23,303 about the situation, not... not about me. 431 00:15:23,304 --> 00:15:24,970 Everything's fine down there. 432 00:15:25,730 --> 00:15:26,850 Anywho... 433 00:15:28,315 --> 00:15:29,485 Where were we? 434 00:15:29,486 --> 00:15:31,310 All over YouTube. 435 00:15:31,311 --> 00:15:32,647 We went viral. 436 00:15:32,677 --> 00:15:34,889 Some sick bastard auto-tuned me. 437 00:15:35,549 --> 00:15:36,518 ♪ I... ♪ 438 00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,580 ♪ Like a lot of men ♪ 439 00:15:37,581 --> 00:15:38,647 ♪ in this town ♪ 440 00:15:38,648 --> 00:15:41,809 ♪ I enjoy making love to my wife... wife ♪ 441 00:15:43,412 --> 00:15:45,166 ♪ and I don't know how to stop. ♪ 442 00:15:46,907 --> 00:15:47,907 ♪ I am a pervert. ♪ 443 00:15:47,908 --> 00:15:49,392 ♪ Pervert... per... ♪ 444 00:15:50,071 --> 00:15:52,003 Jay! Manny! 445 00:15:52,289 --> 00:15:54,228 We should have been there already! 446 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,922 Gloria, I'm tying my tie! 447 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,361 I'm accessorizing! 448 00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:00,771 And I thought I was the woman. 449 00:16:06,444 --> 00:16:07,398 The door. 450 00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,802 Ay! Estella, no! No! 451 00:16:10,207 --> 00:16:11,612 Ay! No! No! 452 00:16:11,613 --> 00:16:13,858 Estella, don't do it! Don't kill yourself! 453 00:16:14,046 --> 00:16:15,479 You are a perfectly fine dog! 454 00:16:15,514 --> 00:16:17,215 I don't hate you! 455 00:16:17,249 --> 00:16:19,483 Estella, okay, I was a little mean to you, 456 00:16:19,518 --> 00:16:21,186 but that's no reason to kill yourself! 457 00:16:21,220 --> 00:16:22,287 You are young! 458 00:16:22,321 --> 00:16:25,487 You still have so much left to smell! 459 00:16:25,488 --> 00:16:26,329 Ay! 460 00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:28,064 I am... I go! 461 00:16:28,066 --> 00:16:29,866 I'm coming! 462 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:31,234 I'm...Manny! 463 00:16:31,268 --> 00:16:33,737 Ay! Come on, Estella! 464 00:16:35,277 --> 00:16:36,908 - What happened? - Are you okay? 465 00:16:37,198 --> 00:16:38,700 She did it again. 466 00:16:38,701 --> 00:16:40,748 - And you jumped in to save her? - No, Jay! 467 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:43,631 I wanted to take a little swim before going to the wedding! 468 00:16:43,632 --> 00:16:45,339 Get her a towel she's shaking like a leaf. 469 00:16:52,193 --> 00:16:53,360 Oh, no, no, I meant... 470 00:16:53,394 --> 00:16:54,995 - I meant... - Thank you, Jay. 471 00:16:55,096 --> 00:16:57,564 The dog towel for me. 472 00:16:58,244 --> 00:16:59,444 For the wife. 473 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:04,483 Hi! 474 00:17:04,484 --> 00:17:06,288 Hey, guys, hi. 475 00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:08,284 - Hi. - Hey, what's shakin'? What's cooking? 476 00:17:08,613 --> 00:17:09,830 You saw the debate, didn't you? 477 00:17:09,831 --> 00:17:11,330 - The de-what? - No, that wasn't... 478 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,665 - that was today? - No, no. Was that on today? 479 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,699 Oh, I didn't remember. 480 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,567 You are the worst liars. 481 00:17:15,871 --> 00:17:17,534 It was phenomenal television. 482 00:17:17,535 --> 00:17:19,013 Oh, Lily. 483 00:17:19,423 --> 00:17:20,790 What a... 484 00:17:20,824 --> 00:17:21,615 dress. 485 00:17:21,616 --> 00:17:24,280 Oh, well, you ain't seen nothing yet. 486 00:17:25,528 --> 00:17:27,549 How about there... we go. 487 00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:28,663 Wow. Ohh. 488 00:17:28,697 --> 00:17:30,816 - Yikes. - She looks like a Lite Brite. 489 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:31,850 Luke, honey. 490 00:17:32,234 --> 00:17:34,302 Lily, sweetie, are you excited to be a flower girl? 491 00:17:34,336 --> 00:17:36,037 Yeah? 492 00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:37,239 Little bit nervous? 493 00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,873 Yeah? 494 00:17:38,908 --> 00:17:41,634 Why isn't she talking to me? Did she see the debate, too? 495 00:17:41,635 --> 00:17:43,269 Nope, she's on verbal lockdown. 496 00:17:43,303 --> 00:17:46,249 - Oh? - She's been dropping a certain curse word all day. 497 00:17:46,250 --> 00:17:47,606 - Mm. - Yeah. Yeah, so we're just hoping 498 00:17:47,607 --> 00:17:49,110 the next one doesn't happen during the wedding. 499 00:17:49,489 --> 00:17:51,514 If it does, it'll be the second most embarrassing thing 500 00:17:51,515 --> 00:17:52,997 to happen to our family today. 501 00:17:52,998 --> 00:17:54,825 Phil, you said it wasn't that bad. 502 00:17:54,826 --> 00:17:56,626 That was in the car. We're in a church now. 503 00:17:56,627 --> 00:17:57,421 Honey... 504 00:17:58,455 --> 00:18:00,622 Somebody turn her off. I think I'm having a seizure. 505 00:18:00,623 --> 00:18:03,183 - Oh, buddy. - Oh. Yeah. 506 00:18:04,859 --> 00:18:07,260 Oh, good. I thought that we were going to miss Lily. 507 00:18:07,261 --> 00:18:08,896 Ships at sea wouldn't miss Lily. 508 00:18:08,964 --> 00:18:10,764 Where have you guys been? 509 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:13,233 I had to jump in the pool to save the stupid dog... 510 00:18:13,268 --> 00:18:14,701 Who she loves. 511 00:18:14,735 --> 00:18:17,470 That I didn't let her down doesn't mean that I love her. 512 00:18:17,538 --> 00:18:19,506 I barely got Manny back in the pool 513 00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:21,408 after that possum incident. 514 00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:22,742 I thought it drowned, 515 00:18:22,777 --> 00:18:25,145 but turns out it was just playing possum. 516 00:18:25,179 --> 00:18:27,147 Yes, Papi. 517 00:18:38,026 --> 00:18:39,159 Good job! 518 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:42,762 Oh! 519 00:18:48,488 --> 00:18:50,957 You know what the worst part of today was? 520 00:18:50,991 --> 00:18:52,412 I imagine it's hard to choose. 521 00:18:52,413 --> 00:18:53,897 When everything was melting down, 522 00:18:53,898 --> 00:18:56,184 I realized I had an answer to your question, 523 00:18:56,185 --> 00:18:57,386 why I was running. 524 00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,600 I wanted to make my family proud, 525 00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:01,669 and I did the exact opposite. 526 00:19:01,704 --> 00:19:02,781 No. 527 00:19:02,782 --> 00:19:04,938 No, I did. I totally embarrassed you. 528 00:19:04,973 --> 00:19:06,840 No. No, Dad embarrassed me. 529 00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:09,018 I was proud of you. 530 00:19:09,433 --> 00:19:11,571 I think it's cool you're running for local office. 531 00:19:11,572 --> 00:19:14,600 I mean, it's totally nerdy, and that's kind of my thing. 532 00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,943 Hmm. Maybe it's kind of our thing. 533 00:19:26,653 --> 00:19:29,413 Ah. Some day, I'll walk you down the aisle. 534 00:19:29,717 --> 00:19:31,763 If you're not in perv jail. 535 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,052 Please be seated. 536 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:42,283 Friends, family, thank you for making... 537 00:19:42,317 --> 00:19:42,894 Really? 538 00:19:42,955 --> 00:19:44,787 Well, you know I cry at weddings. 539 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:46,353 Oh, no. 540 00:19:46,595 --> 00:19:48,443 - What? - Stop... stop crying. 541 00:19:48,857 --> 00:19:50,282 Well, just because you have ice water in your veins, 542 00:19:50,283 --> 00:19:51,980 - doesn't mean that... - No. No, Lily... 543 00:19:52,135 --> 00:19:53,615 No. Lily... 544 00:19:53,616 --> 00:19:54,949 He's fine. Daddy's fine. 545 00:19:54,984 --> 00:19:56,771 - Daddy's not sad. - Daddy, Daddy! 546 00:20:09,632 --> 00:20:12,581 You see? I told you it was funny. 547 00:20:18,074 --> 00:20:19,842 Excuse us. 548 00:20:19,876 --> 00:20:21,543 Congratulations. 549 00:20:23,079 --> 00:20:24,546 Bye, Lily. 550 00:20:28,471 --> 00:20:32,940 Yeah, that ought to do it. Go on, you little motorboat! 551 00:20:34,144 --> 00:20:35,558 Look at her go! 552 00:20:37,133 --> 00:20:38,327 Where's she going? 553 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,884 Oh, jeez, I think she's trying to get herself 554 00:20:39,885 --> 00:20:40,990 sucked into the filter. 555 00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:42,316 What'd you say to her? 556 00:20:42,587 --> 00:20:44,117 I didn't say anything! 557 00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,298 Wait a second. 558 00:20:46,127 --> 00:20:47,451 Jay, look. 559 00:20:48,627 --> 00:20:51,472 See? She was not trying to kill herself. 560 00:20:51,473 --> 00:20:54,509 She was just trying to get to the squeaky wiener! 561 00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:55,757 That must be why she's been jumping in. 562 00:20:55,758 --> 00:20:58,158 It must have been there all the time. That's hilarious! 563 00:20:58,159 --> 00:20:59,277 Ay, si! 564 00:20:59,516 --> 00:21:00,882 No, it's not! 565 00:21:00,883 --> 00:21:01,992 Not now. 566 00:21:02,573 --> 00:21:04,595 I'm saying it will be. 567 00:21:04,984 --> 00:21:06,057 Later.