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00:00:10,307 --> 00:00:12,314
This week, the world
lost a great man,
2
00:00:12,315 --> 00:00:14,322
and I lost a mentor.
3
00:00:15,012 --> 00:00:19,024
For nearly 60 years,
Professor ringmaster Al Uzielli
4
00:00:19,025 --> 00:00:23,408
helped young hopefuls like me
find their clown persona.
5
00:00:23,419 --> 00:00:24,436
"Professor ringmaster"?
6
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It's a very prestigious title
at clown college.
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00:00:27,398 --> 00:00:30,506
One step below
piemaster general.
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Where's Lewis?
9
00:00:32,016 --> 00:00:33,028
Who knows?
10
00:00:33,029 --> 00:00:35,029
Okay, guys, it's just us.
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00:00:35,029 --> 00:00:36,029
Lift on three.
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00:01:07,229 --> 00:01:17,990
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru
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Hey, how come you guys haven't
accepted my friend requests?
14
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I didn't know
you were on Facebook.
15
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Yeah. You said it was
only for teenagers
16
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and people looking
to have affairs.
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Well, I figured if you
can't fight it...
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Not the having the affair.
That's still bad.
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00:01:30,738 --> 00:01:33,012
No. Not that, but there's
nothing wrong with catching up
20
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with a few old friends, right?
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Or doing a little social
networking with by B.F.F.s?
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Mm.
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Social networking
or social not-working?
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Oh! You know what we gotta do?
25
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We gotta get a picture of us
all together on a boat.
26
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I think that's a thing now.
27
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So what do you say?
Accept my friend thingy.
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Sorry, mom, I-I didn't get
a friend thingy from you.
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Yeah, you know, they have
a lot of blocks on there
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to protect kids from weirdos.
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Mm. Okay. Good, good.
I'll send it again.
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00:02:00,016 --> 00:02:02,036
Great. Please do.
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00:02:02,037 --> 00:02:03,999
Please don't.
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00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,006
We got her request
the first time, but ignored it.
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00:02:06,007 --> 00:02:07,997
I can't have her on there
snooping around
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seeing what I'm doing
at parties.
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Or posting pictures of us
on family vacations
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wearing old, dorky clothes.
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What?
What's wrong with this?
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00:02:17,024 --> 00:02:22,007
Dad, check it out.
I made one giant oreo.
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00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:24,995
Luke, what are you doing?
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You gotta eat it
like it's an ear of corn.
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- Genius.
- Aw.
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00:02:28,237 --> 00:02:29,580
Wow. New suit?
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00:02:29,580 --> 00:02:30,927
New everything.
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Kids, gather 'round.
It's time for a life lesson.
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Aren't we already gathered?
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Let me tell you something.
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Hard work, determination,
and perseverance always win out.
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I am living proof
that nice guys can finish first.
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Today I have a chance
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to get the biggest listing
of my career.
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Oh, I have never seen
this man so focused.
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I'm like a boxer
before the big fight.
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That's why I didn't have sex
with Claire last night.
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Sorry, honey.
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Mm. It's... it's okay.
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But as soon as I get
this listing... ding!
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Let's just stop. Stop.
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00:03:08,999 --> 00:03:09,998
I see you.
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What? I'm scratching.
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00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:14,008
Hey, mom?
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00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:16,029
Is it okay if I have a friend
come over tomorrow?
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00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:20,016
Who? Reuben? Or the nervous one
that gets the nosebleed?
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00:03:20,016 --> 00:03:21,024
It's Griffin Cooper.
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00:03:21,025 --> 00:03:22,999
Griffin Cooper?
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00:03:22,999 --> 00:03:24,744
Griffin Cooper is, by far,
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00:03:24,744 --> 00:03:26,081
the coolest kid
in Manny's grade.
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00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,005
He's a terrific athlete,
he's confident.
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00:03:28,024 --> 00:03:31,032
Manny's a great kid, sure,
but he's not exactly cool.
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00:03:31,033 --> 00:03:34,024
He can't even open a door cool.
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Salutations, Wyatt.
I'm so glad you're joining me
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00:03:36,038 --> 00:03:38,024
for an afternoon of mirth.
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00:03:39,024 --> 00:03:41,016
Ah, good evening,
Reuben-San.
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00:03:41,016 --> 00:03:42,991
May I ask you
to remove your shoes?
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Tonight, we are going Japanese.
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00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:49,015
Ah! Hebalaboo ridabeley
lai mubay rumboo.
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I invented a new language
this morning.
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00:03:51,016 --> 00:03:53,012
When did you guys
become buddies?
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00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:54,676
Was it a football game
in the yard?
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00:03:54,676 --> 00:03:56,866
- You made a great catch?
- No, that didn't happen.
82
00:03:57,003 --> 00:04:00,008
But the librarian told me
one day I'll be a great catch.
83
00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:04,999
I'm really not getting
that relationship.
84
00:04:04,999 --> 00:04:07,020
Why can't you just be happy
that Manny's making new friends?
85
00:04:07,021 --> 00:04:09,007
No. 'Cause
it doesn't add up.
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00:04:09,008 --> 00:04:10,991
Cool kids like
Griffin Cooper...
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00:04:10,991 --> 00:04:12,357
they don't hang out
with kids like Manny.
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00:04:12,441 --> 00:04:13,905
Manny's very cool.
89
00:04:13,995 --> 00:04:16,990
Maybe those kids are finally
catching up to him.
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00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:19,020
Wait a minute. I get it.
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00:04:19,020 --> 00:04:20,037
Couple of days last week,
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00:04:20,038 --> 00:04:23,028
I took Manny to school
on my motorcycle.
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00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,994
Griffin must think
I'm pretty boss.
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Yes, Jay.
It's all because of you.
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00:04:28,999 --> 00:04:30,998
Kids are looking
for role models.
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00:04:30,999 --> 00:04:33,008
Why do you think fonzie
was so popular?
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00:04:33,008 --> 00:04:34,744
He told people
that they were rich,
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00:04:34,744 --> 00:04:37,342
but really took their money
with his scheme?
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00:04:37,557 --> 00:04:38,956
No, that's a...
100
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,990
Yes.
101
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:43,024
Those people were victims
of a fonzie scheme.
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Mm.
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It's showtime.
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00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,023
Hey, Dunphy.
105
00:04:57,024 --> 00:04:59,990
You gettin' ready
for your one-woman show?
106
00:04:59,991 --> 00:05:01,007
Mitzi.
107
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:03,032
Mitzi Roth...
a notorious poacher
108
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:06,032
in the world of high-end
residential real estate.
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00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:09,007
We call her
the "nightmare on elm street,"
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because she sold a lot
of houses on elm street.
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What are you doing here, Mitzi?
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I have an appointment.
This is my listing.
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Oh, I didn't think that was
dotted line yet, jazz hands.
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No worries. I may have
an interested buyer.
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- I'll bring him to you.
- Really?
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Okay, but could you
come back later?
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I really need to have them
to myself right now.
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Oh, yeah, okay.
I completely understand.
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Okay, thanks.
You're welcome.
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Wait. What?
121
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What are you doing?
122
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Watch this.
123
00:05:35,227 --> 00:05:36,335
- Hello?
- Oh, it's Mitzi Roth.
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00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,127
And Phil Dunphy.
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00:05:38,185 --> 00:05:39,944
I may have a prospective buyer
for your beautiful house.
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- I was wondering if maybe I could come in...
- Hey, Stan! Hey, Patti!
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And just have a look
for a little while.
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- We've got a lot to talk about.
- Come on in.
129
00:05:45,999 --> 00:05:47,032
Um...
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00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:49,007
Hey, guys. Yeah.
131
00:05:49,008 --> 00:05:52,007
I'm wondering if maybe we
shouldn't be alone for this.
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I'm in.
133
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Go back to condos, Dunphy.
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Oh, my God! This place
is absolutely gorgeous.
135
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Stunning. Stunning.
136
00:06:02,024 --> 00:06:05,994
- You are in such good hands with Phil.
- Hey.
137
00:06:05,995 --> 00:06:07,016
How are you guys?
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00:06:07,017 --> 00:06:08,990
I mean, fingers crossed,
though.
139
00:06:08,991 --> 00:06:10,615
You know, so many new companies
go belly-up.
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00:06:10,678 --> 00:06:13,028
- Terrible.
- Well, good to... good to see you, Mitzi.
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00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:15,036
- Guys, how are you?
- Oh, no. No, no, it's fine.
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00:06:15,037 --> 00:06:17,990
- It's fine. Come and take a look.
- Yeah.
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00:06:17,991 --> 00:06:20,011
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Mitzi, please!
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00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:22,007
Mitzi, please! Please!
145
00:06:22,008 --> 00:06:25,002
- What are you doing?
- Oh, my God! He shoved me!
146
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:26,028
- What?!
- He shoved me!
147
00:06:26,029 --> 00:06:28,028
- For God sakes!
- Phil! Oh, my God!
148
00:06:28,029 --> 00:06:31,002
I thought you had your
anger problem under control!
149
00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:33,019
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- I don't have an anger...
150
00:06:33,020 --> 00:06:34,020
I don't... anger problem.
151
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:36,994
I don't have an anger problem.
152
00:06:37,668 --> 00:06:40,202
Whoa. Hey. It's over?
What the hell?
153
00:06:40,231 --> 00:06:41,237
You're an hour late.
154
00:06:41,238 --> 00:06:43,210
Huh. Good to see you, too,
chuckleberry.
155
00:06:43,211 --> 00:06:46,230
Look at that. Your oversized
pants are starting to fit.
156
00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:49,209
Hello, Lewis.
157
00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:51,238
Hello, Fizbo.
158
00:06:51,239 --> 00:06:53,238
For several years,
I was one half
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00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:56,209
of the renowned clown duo
Fizbo & Lewis.
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00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:57,217
We were huge.
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00:06:57,218 --> 00:06:59,210
In children's parties.
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00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,235
Anyway, I disbanded the group
shortly after I met Mitchell.
163
00:07:01,236 --> 00:07:05,197
It's hard to have a relationship
and a clown career.
164
00:07:05,197 --> 00:07:07,208
That's the reason there are
so many single clowns.
165
00:07:07,209 --> 00:07:08,235
Just one of the reasons.
166
00:07:08,236 --> 00:07:11,204
Anyway, um, Lewis
hasn't spoken to me since.
167
00:07:11,205 --> 00:07:13,235
He's still bitter,
and I don't blame him.
168
00:07:13,235 --> 00:07:15,214
It's kind of like
I broke up The Beatles.
169
00:07:15,215 --> 00:07:18,222
Of children's parties.
170
00:07:18,222 --> 00:07:19,235
What do you say we hit a bar?
171
00:07:19,236 --> 00:07:21,205
Tip a few back to Al, huh?
172
00:07:21,205 --> 00:07:22,231
I heard you were in jail.
173
00:07:22,232 --> 00:07:25,193
Yeah? I heard you're still doing
that lame giant scissors bit,
174
00:07:25,193 --> 00:07:26,205
you blue-haired hack.
175
00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:27,213
Who's in?
176
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:28,234
- I'll go.
- I'll go.
177
00:07:28,235 --> 00:07:30,201
- Yeah, sure.
- Just give me a minute. I gotta redo my lips.
178
00:07:30,202 --> 00:07:31,218
- All right.
- Cerveza.
179
00:07:32,231 --> 00:07:34,218
What about you, fizzy?
180
00:07:34,218 --> 00:07:36,819
You gonna come or you gonna
break up this party, too?
181
00:07:39,231 --> 00:07:41,214
Hey, shotgun, bitches!
182
00:07:43,214 --> 00:07:45,192
I should, you know,
probably go.
183
00:07:45,193 --> 00:07:46,891
- You know, for... for Al.
- Oh, yeah, no, of course.
184
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,587
But, hey, listen, don't let him
get to you, all right?
185
00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:51,150
No. It's fine. It's all
seltzer under the bridge.
186
00:07:51,197 --> 00:07:53,205
Just one drink,
and then I'll be home.
187
00:07:53,205 --> 00:07:54,224
Okay.
Just drive me home first?
188
00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:56,201
No, you, uh, you... you take
the car.
189
00:07:56,202 --> 00:07:59,200
I, uh, I'll go with the guys.
190
00:07:59,201 --> 00:08:02,210
In that tiny car? How are you
all possibly gonna...
191
00:08:02,210 --> 00:08:05,197
Forget I asked!
192
00:08:12,732 --> 00:08:15,718
It's 5:00 in the morning.
193
00:08:15,719 --> 00:08:17,710
Daddy's juggling!
194
00:08:17,711 --> 00:08:19,723
Lily, honey,
what are you doing up?
195
00:08:19,723 --> 00:08:22,233
- Are you just getting home?
- Yeah, things got a little out of hand.
196
00:08:22,233 --> 00:08:23,641
Somebody had a flower
that squirted Tequila.
197
00:08:23,733 --> 00:08:26,718
What do you mean "somebody"?
I want full credit.
198
00:08:26,719 --> 00:08:27,731
What up, red?
199
00:08:27,732 --> 00:08:28,740
Really?
200
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:29,744
Teach me to juggle!
201
00:08:29,745 --> 00:08:31,710
It's very simple.
202
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,751
The key is to be aware
of where everything is
203
00:08:33,752 --> 00:08:35,732
at all times.
204
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:36,744
Oh!
205
00:08:38,732 --> 00:08:41,710
And don't forget
the importance of balance! Oh!
206
00:08:41,711 --> 00:08:43,710
- Whoa!
- Okay. Okay. Come on.
207
00:08:43,711 --> 00:08:45,314
I think I cracked my eggs.
208
00:08:46,711 --> 00:08:48,719
We're out of eggs?
Are you yolking?
209
00:08:48,719 --> 00:08:51,711
And I haven't eaten
in five days!
210
00:08:52,728 --> 00:08:54,727
Five days! Are you cereal?
211
00:08:54,728 --> 00:08:56,732
Whoa!
212
00:08:56,732 --> 00:09:00,740
Lily, don't ever do that.
213
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,739
Okay. You two are deliberately
not confirming me.
214
00:09:07,740 --> 00:09:10,735
Everybody else has accepted
my Facebook requests...
215
00:09:10,736 --> 00:09:13,710
Your father, Uncle Mitchell...
216
00:09:13,711 --> 00:09:14,727
Adele.
217
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:16,751
That's right. Adele has
agreed to be my friend,
218
00:09:16,752 --> 00:09:18,715
and my own daughters haven't.
219
00:09:18,715 --> 00:09:21,170
Yeah, you may just be
a fan of Adele, and...
220
00:09:21,176 --> 00:09:23,712
What is so private
that I can't possibly see it?
221
00:09:23,719 --> 00:09:24,743
Nothing.
222
00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:27,751
Nothing. You just don't
want to be my friend.
223
00:09:27,752 --> 00:09:30,731
Great. I can see
my next status update...
224
00:09:30,732 --> 00:09:32,727
"My daughters are monsters."
225
00:09:32,728 --> 00:09:35,735
You're not gonna believe this.
Mitzi got the listing.
226
00:09:35,736 --> 00:09:37,740
Oh, no, honey.
That's awful.
227
00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,734
She cheated, she lied,
and she won.
228
00:09:39,735 --> 00:09:40,757
Kids, gather 'round.
229
00:09:40,758 --> 00:09:42,743
Again, we are gathered.
230
00:09:42,744 --> 00:09:44,756
You wanna get ahead?
Don't play by the rules.
231
00:09:44,757 --> 00:09:46,735
Turns out nice guys finish last
232
00:09:46,736 --> 00:09:49,735
in this cold,
dog-eat-dog world.
233
00:09:49,736 --> 00:09:51,751
It's not fair.
Why don't you play dirty, too?
234
00:09:51,752 --> 00:09:53,735
You could take her down.
235
00:09:53,736 --> 00:09:56,722
Honey, 'cause your dad
is a better man than that.
236
00:09:56,723 --> 00:09:58,403
- He has values and morals and...
- Shh.
237
00:09:58,406 --> 00:09:59,641
You. Keep talking.
238
00:09:59,715 --> 00:10:01,751
Well, just off
the top of my head,
239
00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:04,719
you could take my spy pen
and record her
240
00:10:04,719 --> 00:10:05,726
admitting what she did.
241
00:10:05,727 --> 00:10:07,750
And then you could play it
for those people
242
00:10:07,922 --> 00:10:09,459
so they realize
what a jerk she is.
243
00:10:09,466 --> 00:10:10,476
Your dad is never gonna
do that...
244
00:10:10,515 --> 00:10:11,969
You're a regular
chatterbox today!
245
00:10:11,969 --> 00:10:13,120
Get me that pen!
246
00:10:16,697 --> 00:10:19,728
- I got it!
- Remember, pal, keep it simple.
247
00:10:21,719 --> 00:10:22,722
Hey, Manny.
248
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,756
Griffin... legendary creature
of Greek mythology
249
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:27,744
with the head of a lion
and wings of an eagle.
250
00:10:27,744 --> 00:10:28,744
What'd you say, Jay?
251
00:10:28,745 --> 00:10:30,719
Never mind.
252
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:35,722
Jay Pritchett.
Nice to meet you.
253
00:10:35,723 --> 00:10:37,722
Nice to meet you, too.
254
00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:40,731
You know, I, uh, I saw
a little of that basketball game
255
00:10:40,732 --> 00:10:43,714
of yours last week.
You were lightin' it up.
256
00:10:43,715 --> 00:10:44,727
Thanks.
257
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,727
I was lighting it up, too, Jay.
258
00:10:46,728 --> 00:10:48,714
Who's hot? We're hot!
259
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,727
Mustangs are hot!
260
00:10:50,728 --> 00:10:51,735
Hey!
261
00:10:51,736 --> 00:10:52,748
Hey!
262
00:10:52,748 --> 00:10:55,752
Hola, Griffin.
How are you?
263
00:10:57,740 --> 00:10:59,756
Oh. 13.
264
00:10:59,757 --> 00:11:01,751
I'm fine.
265
00:11:01,752 --> 00:11:04,715
So what do you boys
have planned for today?
266
00:11:04,715 --> 00:11:06,451
Well, it's kind of
a surprise for Griffin,
267
00:11:06,811 --> 00:11:08,814
but let's just say
it involves decoupage.
268
00:11:08,837 --> 00:11:11,732
- Oh, jeez.
- Come on. Let's go.
269
00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:13,807
Good-bye.
270
00:11:15,736 --> 00:11:17,718
Oh, no.
271
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,710
- What?
- You were right.
272
00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:21,731
This boy is not here
to see Manny.
273
00:11:21,732 --> 00:11:23,739
I told you. You see
the way he looks at me?
274
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:26,718
No, fonzie,
the way he looks at me.
275
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:29,718
He couldn't talk.
He kept staring.
276
00:11:29,719 --> 00:11:31,747
He was just like
my teachers back in school.
277
00:11:31,748 --> 00:11:33,743
Gloria, you're very pretty.
278
00:11:33,744 --> 00:11:35,740
But the kid idolizes me.
279
00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:36,757
Really?
280
00:11:38,711 --> 00:11:39,744
Griffin! Manny!
281
00:11:39,745 --> 00:11:42,715
Do you want to go with Jay
to ride his motorcycle,
282
00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:44,709
or you want to go with me
to the supermarket
283
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:45,734
and buy a couple of onions?
284
00:11:45,735 --> 00:11:46,744
Motorcycle rides!
285
00:11:46,745 --> 00:11:49,710
Onions sound good.
286
00:11:49,711 --> 00:11:51,732
Huh.
287
00:11:51,732 --> 00:11:54,719
Guess he has a thing
for you, too.
288
00:11:55,740 --> 00:11:57,714
Hey! We're back!
289
00:11:57,715 --> 00:11:59,719
Hey, I-I just finished
cleaning the kitchen,
290
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,414
so if anyone has to do
a spit take,
291
00:12:01,445 --> 00:12:02,638
please do it over the sink.
292
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:05,719
We felt really bad about that,
so we got you a present.
293
00:12:05,719 --> 00:12:07,155
What... what's the deal
with this?
294
00:12:07,208 --> 00:12:08,895
I open it up and snakes
fly out, or a fire?
295
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,894
No, we just know
that you like to read.
296
00:12:10,988 --> 00:12:11,683
- Yeah.
- So open it.
297
00:12:11,752 --> 00:12:13,751
Aah! Got him!
298
00:12:13,752 --> 00:12:16,711
No. No. That's exactly
what I expected.
299
00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:17,750
'Member, when I told you?
300
00:12:17,751 --> 00:12:18,750
Okay. Look,
it's almost go time,
301
00:12:18,751 --> 00:12:20,744
so we should have a shot
and go white up.
302
00:12:20,745 --> 00:12:22,747
I'm sor... excuse me.
"White up"?
303
00:12:22,748 --> 00:12:25,415
Oh, yeah. Lewis got a call to do
a birthday party this afternoon,
304
00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:26,704
so we're gonna put
the old act back together.
305
00:12:26,724 --> 00:12:29,715
Yeah, Fizbo & Lewis,
together again.
306
00:12:29,715 --> 00:12:30,728
And they said
it would never happen.
307
00:12:30,729 --> 00:12:32,715
Said. Hoped.
308
00:12:32,715 --> 00:12:33,728
Could I talk to you
for a second?
309
00:12:33,729 --> 00:12:35,714
Uh-oh.
Trouble in queer-a-dise.
310
00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:39,711
Okay, look, gonna go out
to the car for smokes.
311
00:12:39,711 --> 00:12:41,577
Please tell me "smokes"
is not another clown,
312
00:12:41,577 --> 00:12:43,581
'cause I don't think I could
handle another one of him.
313
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:44,715
Oh, Lewis is not that bad.
314
00:12:44,728 --> 00:12:46,728
Well, what do you see
in that guy, cam?
315
00:12:46,728 --> 00:12:48,717
I don't know. Maybe the fact
that he doesn't roll his eyes
316
00:12:48,718 --> 00:12:50,711
every time I talk
about the art of clowning...
317
00:12:50,712 --> 00:12:51,731
Like that.
318
00:12:51,732 --> 00:12:54,719
He may have had his faults,
but we were great together.
319
00:12:54,719 --> 00:12:55,736
We had an unspoken language.
320
00:12:55,737 --> 00:12:58,739
We finished each other's
balloon animals.
321
00:12:58,740 --> 00:13:00,714
But you would never know,
322
00:13:00,715 --> 00:13:03,736
because you have never been
to one of our performances.
323
00:13:03,736 --> 00:13:04,757
Birthday parties.
324
00:13:04,758 --> 00:13:06,756
You hate my clown side.
325
00:13:06,757 --> 00:13:09,731
No. No.
No. I don't hate it.
326
00:13:09,732 --> 00:13:12,722
Just admit it. I basically
already know you do.
327
00:13:12,723 --> 00:13:14,756
Okay. Okay.
Cards on the table.
328
00:13:14,757 --> 00:13:17,743
- It's not my favorite thing that you...
- Oh, how dare you?
329
00:13:17,744 --> 00:13:20,718
I am a clown.
It's who I am!
330
00:13:20,719 --> 00:13:22,710
If you squeeze me,
do I not honk?
331
00:13:22,711 --> 00:13:23,719
Eye roll!
332
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,748
Oh, like I had a choice!
333
00:13:29,719 --> 00:13:30,736
Knock, knock.
334
00:13:30,736 --> 00:13:31,744
What are you doing here?
335
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:34,727
Hey, um, I-I brought you
some... soup.
336
00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:37,735
You know, I thought about it,
and maybe I did push you.
337
00:13:37,736 --> 00:13:39,751
So... how's the ankle?
338
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:43,723
Oh, come on, Dunphy.
You know I flopped.
339
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,715
Haven't you ever seen
an nba game?
340
00:13:45,716 --> 00:13:48,731
Oh, I'm sorry.
In your case, WNBA.
341
00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:50,711
So that was all a ruse?
342
00:13:50,711 --> 00:13:51,738
The oldest trick in the book.
343
00:13:51,739 --> 00:13:53,736
You need to step up
your game, son.
344
00:13:53,737 --> 00:13:56,727
You know what? I almost
feel sorry for you.
345
00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:59,743
Come here. Give me a big hug.
346
00:13:59,744 --> 00:14:01,751
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
347
00:14:01,752 --> 00:14:03,714
No hard feelings, huh?
348
00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:04,727
- None at all.
- Good.
349
00:14:04,728 --> 00:14:06,744
Because I just recorded
your entire confession...
350
00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:08,727
Right here on my...
351
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:10,743
Spy pen?
352
00:14:10,744 --> 00:14:12,751
Second-oldest trick
in the book.
353
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,718
Um...
354
00:14:14,719 --> 00:14:18,718
Oh, God. A real man would have
just poisoned the soup.
355
00:14:18,719 --> 00:14:20,714
Are we... done here?
356
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:27,261
Ah. Thank you.
357
00:14:27,262 --> 00:14:29,194
Hey, mom. Guess what?
358
00:14:29,212 --> 00:14:31,216
Griffin invited us all
over to his house
359
00:14:31,216 --> 00:14:33,193
for a pool party
and barbecue tonight.
360
00:14:33,194 --> 00:14:34,202
Pool party, huh?
361
00:14:34,203 --> 00:14:36,185
Yeah, and he said
bring your swimsuits.
362
00:14:36,186 --> 00:14:37,216
He was pretty adamant about it.
363
00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:38,694
It's 50 degrees outside.
364
00:14:38,742 --> 00:14:39,742
Sounds fun.
365
00:14:39,742 --> 00:14:40,759
Great. I'll call him.
366
00:14:42,734 --> 00:14:44,856
You know, you're basically
agreeing to a date
367
00:14:44,858 --> 00:14:45,656
with a 13-year-old boy.
368
00:14:45,751 --> 00:14:48,741
Jay, we use this go get us
tables at restaurants,
369
00:14:48,742 --> 00:14:50,742
why can't we use this
to get Manny a friend?
370
00:14:50,742 --> 00:14:52,527
Because he's not really
getting a friend.
371
00:14:52,599 --> 00:14:53,940
Oh, but when you thought
that he was trying
372
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,687
to ride your motorcycle,
it was okay.
373
00:14:55,751 --> 00:14:57,766
Maybe now I don't like
what he's trying to ride.
374
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,734
Manny likes Griffin.
375
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:01,761
Maybe someday, if they spend
enough time together,
376
00:15:01,762 --> 00:15:02,772
Griffin will like Manny.
377
00:15:02,773 --> 00:15:06,733
What? Griffin doesn't like me?
378
00:15:06,734 --> 00:15:08,741
No, no, no, papi.
He loves you.
379
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,751
But you just said
someday Griffin will like me.
380
00:15:10,751 --> 00:15:12,732
That means
he doesn't like me now.
381
00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:13,830
You know what, kid?
382
00:15:13,831 --> 00:15:18,745
We think that Griffin
might be hanging out with you
383
00:15:18,746 --> 00:15:21,750
because he's got a little crush
on your mother and me.
384
00:15:21,751 --> 00:15:24,733
- On you?
- Wow. I can't believe it.
385
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,750
- Listen, it's fine. You're gonna be fine.
- Okay? I'm sorry.
386
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,772
Are you kidding?
It's fantastic!
387
00:15:28,772 --> 00:15:29,830
How is it fantastic?
388
00:15:29,831 --> 00:15:31,751
I'm only hanging out with him
389
00:15:31,751 --> 00:15:33,744
because I have the hots
for his sister Chloe.
390
00:15:33,745 --> 00:15:35,734
You've met Griffin.
The kid's a doorknob.
391
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:37,829
So you're just using him?
392
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,772
Yeah, and I felt really guilty
about it until now.
393
00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:41,830
Now it's a win-win.
394
00:15:41,831 --> 00:15:43,746
Not for me!
395
00:15:43,746 --> 00:15:44,749
Just suck it up, mom.
396
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,742
I've done a lot for you
over the years.
397
00:15:46,743 --> 00:15:48,771
Jay, you, too.
This girl could be the one.
398
00:15:48,772 --> 00:15:50,830
Then I'm out of your hair
forever.
399
00:15:50,830 --> 00:15:52,767
Pool party, mom.
Dress accordingly.
400
00:15:58,742 --> 00:16:00,741
Can you help me
reach that box of cereal?
401
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:01,766
Ugh.
402
00:16:01,767 --> 00:16:03,758
Hey. You're Mitzi Roth.
403
00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:05,741
I recognize you from your ads.
404
00:16:05,742 --> 00:16:07,734
Smokin', right?
405
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:08,732
I'm Luke Dunphy.
406
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:09,751
My dad's Phil Dunphy.
407
00:16:09,752 --> 00:16:11,734
I'm sorry.
408
00:16:11,734 --> 00:16:12,763
Why do you hate him so much?
409
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:15,758
It's just business, kid.
It's not personal.
410
00:16:15,759 --> 00:16:18,754
Well, it's personal to us.
411
00:16:18,755 --> 00:16:21,741
I've never seen my dad
so worried before.
412
00:16:21,742 --> 00:16:23,734
I have this spy pen,
413
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:24,767
and I heard him
talking to my mom,
414
00:16:24,768 --> 00:16:28,754
and he's scared about paying for
my sister's college next year.
415
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,733
And I guess he's nervous
about some kind of party,
416
00:16:31,734 --> 00:16:33,758
because he said
there's a big balloon payment.
417
00:16:33,759 --> 00:16:36,825
Anyways, he's like
the best dad ever,
418
00:16:36,826 --> 00:16:41,734
so maybe you could be
a little nicer to him.
419
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:42,751
There you are, buddy.
420
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,762
Check it out. They're giving
away free jelly beans.
421
00:16:45,763 --> 00:16:46,762
Hey, Mitzi.
422
00:16:46,763 --> 00:16:48,741
Dunphy.
423
00:16:48,742 --> 00:16:50,750
You have a very nice kid there.
424
00:16:50,751 --> 00:16:53,733
He's mine.
425
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:55,771
Thank you. Thank you.
426
00:16:55,772 --> 00:16:59,742
Hey, so I was thinking
after, uh, little Fizbo,
427
00:16:59,742 --> 00:17:01,016
we could do the ladder bit.
428
00:17:01,016 --> 00:17:03,082
Ah, crap.
I forgot the ladder.
429
00:17:03,082 --> 00:17:05,063
You know what?
I'll remember it next weekend.
430
00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:06,371
What's next weekend?
431
00:17:06,738 --> 00:17:08,766
We got a town fair
in thousand oaks
432
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,767
and a birthday party
in Pasadena.
433
00:17:10,767 --> 00:17:12,522
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I-I can't do that.
434
00:17:12,522 --> 00:17:13,666
W-what do you mean?
435
00:17:13,751 --> 00:17:15,742
I'm the one with outstanding
warrants in Pasadena.
436
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:17,758
We're taking Lily
to the aquarium next weekend.
437
00:17:17,759 --> 00:17:21,734
You know, Lewis, this was
just a onetime thing, right?
438
00:17:21,734 --> 00:17:23,767
What happened to "we're putting
the act back together"?
439
00:17:23,768 --> 00:17:26,733
Well, that was just for today.
440
00:17:26,734 --> 00:17:28,937
Oh. Oh, sure.
441
00:17:29,026 --> 00:17:30,750
- I'm... I'm sorry if you thought...
- No, no, no.
442
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:31,829
I get it.
443
00:17:31,830 --> 00:17:33,830
You're a family man now.
444
00:17:35,751 --> 00:17:38,750
Hey...
445
00:17:38,751 --> 00:17:40,755
Let's go out there
and make this the best show
446
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:42,734
Fizbo & Lewis have ever done.
447
00:17:44,738 --> 00:17:45,830
You got it, partner.
448
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:49,733
Ladies and germs,
boys and girls,
449
00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:51,772
say hello to my good friend...
450
00:17:51,772 --> 00:17:54,767
Little Fizbo!
451
00:17:58,755 --> 00:18:00,772
Hello, big people!
452
00:18:00,772 --> 00:18:02,746
Hi!
453
00:18:04,755 --> 00:18:06,826
Let's get this party started!
454
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:14,829
Wow, all this dancing
sure has made me hungry!
455
00:18:14,830 --> 00:18:16,826
Wish I had something to eat!
456
00:18:16,826 --> 00:18:18,755
Heh! Oh!
457
00:18:19,830 --> 00:18:22,734
Oh, forgot I had
that fish over there.
458
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:23,744
Don't know why
he's so mad at me!
459
00:18:23,745 --> 00:18:24,830
He was fine just a minute ago.
460
00:18:24,831 --> 00:18:26,750
Ohh! Okay!
461
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:28,745
Somebody's
a little punchy today!
462
00:18:28,746 --> 00:18:29,771
Oh. Hey.
463
00:18:29,772 --> 00:18:31,638
What's the frying pan
doing here?
464
00:18:31,676 --> 00:18:32,783
When did we add a frying pan
to the act?
465
00:18:32,783 --> 00:18:34,768
We don't need...
Nope! Don't need the frying pan!
466
00:18:35,027 --> 00:18:35,741
Ow! Oh, gosh!
467
00:18:35,742 --> 00:18:37,751
Why are you doing that?
Stop doing that.
468
00:18:37,751 --> 00:18:38,772
Screw you, you traitor.
469
00:18:38,773 --> 00:18:40,742
Ow! That hurts!
470
00:18:40,742 --> 00:18:41,740
Seriously, stop it!
471
00:18:41,741 --> 00:18:42,763
Know what hurts?
Abandonment.
472
00:18:47,742 --> 00:18:49,751
Listen to 'em laughing.
We could have been something.
473
00:18:49,752 --> 00:18:52,767
We could have been some...
I can't do this bit by myself!
474
00:18:56,763 --> 00:18:57,826
Uhh!
475
00:18:57,826 --> 00:18:59,767
Somebody! Somebody!
This isn't pretend!
476
00:18:59,768 --> 00:19:01,759
Someone grab an adult, please!
477
00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:07,766
Mitzi.
478
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:09,758
Your kid forgot his cereal.
479
00:19:09,759 --> 00:19:11,771
There's a surprise
in every box.
480
00:19:11,772 --> 00:19:14,733
Spoiler alert...
it's diabetes.
481
00:19:14,734 --> 00:19:16,766
You drove all the way
over here for this?
482
00:19:16,767 --> 00:19:18,738
Okay, look, here's the deal.
483
00:19:18,738 --> 00:19:21,100
- You can have that listing if you want it.
- What?
484
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,741
Yeah, the couple
are a real pain.
485
00:19:22,742 --> 00:19:24,011
I'm too old
for that kind of headache.
486
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,685
Just keep your mouth shut
about it.
487
00:19:25,752 --> 00:19:28,737
- Thank you so much.
- I just said "zip it"!
488
00:19:28,738 --> 00:19:29,762
- Oh. You did.
- Unbelievable.
489
00:19:29,763 --> 00:19:31,758
I'm so sorry.
But thank you.
490
00:19:31,759 --> 00:19:34,734
Bye!
491
00:19:34,734 --> 00:19:35,767
Kids, gather 'round!
492
00:19:35,768 --> 00:19:37,829
- We are right here!
- Oh.
493
00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:42,745
Let me tell you something...
people are fundamentally good.
494
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:45,737
The key is, you find
that goodness deep within 'em.
495
00:19:45,738 --> 00:19:46,750
Twist it,
496
00:19:46,751 --> 00:19:48,771
and turn it to your advantage.
497
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,741
Hello. Psh!
498
00:19:50,742 --> 00:19:53,755
And... there she is.
499
00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:54,765
What are you gonna hit?
500
00:19:54,766 --> 00:19:57,396
College, balloon payment,
greatest dad ever.
501
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:58,760
Nice. Do you want me to squirt
some tears in your eyes?
502
00:19:58,827 --> 00:20:00,741
Dad, please.
503
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,759
I was fake crying
before I could walk.
504
00:20:02,759 --> 00:20:05,767
How do you think I got out
of eating all those salads?
505
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:13,755
Can you help me reach
that box of cereal?
506
00:20:13,756 --> 00:20:14,754
Ugh.
507
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,762
Oh, hey.
You're Mitzi Roth, right?
508
00:20:16,763 --> 00:20:18,754
I recognize you from your ads.
509
00:20:18,755 --> 00:20:20,741
Smokin', huh?
510
00:20:20,742 --> 00:20:22,829
I can't believe
you got that listing back!
511
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:25,733
- Sweetheart!
- Honey! Oh.
512
00:20:25,734 --> 00:20:26,750
- Honey?
- Mm-hmm?
513
00:20:26,751 --> 00:20:27,825
Ding?
514
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:31,733
You sure you
wanna ding a chatterbox?
515
00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:32,771
- Mnh-mnh.
- Oh. Uh...
516
00:20:32,772 --> 00:20:34,750
Honey...
517
00:20:35,675 --> 00:20:36,581
Buddy, quick...
518
00:20:36,646 --> 00:20:37,674
What's the trick
to those fake tears?
519
00:20:37,697 --> 00:20:39,690
The three stooges are all dead.
520
00:20:39,691 --> 00:20:42,665
Yeah, that's good.
521
00:20:45,439 --> 00:20:49,343
Well, it looks like
somebody likes Coldplay.
522
00:20:49,343 --> 00:20:50,368
Mm. Right. You saw.
523
00:20:50,369 --> 00:20:51,434
Uh-huh.
524
00:20:51,435 --> 00:20:54,434
Did you see the pictures
I posted from Thanksgiving?
525
00:20:54,435 --> 00:20:56,263
Totes adorbs.
526
00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:57,305
- I'm going to kill myself.
- Hmm.
527
00:20:57,376 --> 00:21:00,375
You gotta check out my wall.
Right there.
528
00:21:00,376 --> 00:21:02,434
"Spring break, 1990,
New Orleans."
529
00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:04,375
Is that you?
530
00:21:04,376 --> 00:21:06,351
What?
531
00:21:06,351 --> 00:21:08,364
Some guy from your college
tagged you in a picture.
532
00:21:08,365 --> 00:21:10,371
What is "tagging"?
What is "tagging"?
533
00:21:10,372 --> 00:21:13,342
Why are you drinking
out of a funnel?
534
00:21:13,343 --> 00:21:15,350
And why is his hand on your...
535
00:21:15,351 --> 00:21:16,351
Untag it!
536
00:21:16,351 --> 00:21:17,381
Oh, my goodness!
537
00:21:17,382 --> 00:21:20,343
Un... untag it!
Girls, I'm serious! Untag it!
538
00:21:20,343 --> 00:21:21,351
Tear down the wall!
539
00:21:21,376 --> 00:21:27,839
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