1 00:00:02,090 --> 00:00:04,520 Councilwoman Dunphy, how do you respond 2 00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:07,880 to allegations that you look super sexy in your new suit? 3 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:09,690 Uh, I haven't been elected yet. 4 00:00:09,690 --> 00:00:11,950 Come on, kids! We gotta vote! 5 00:00:11,950 --> 00:00:14,280 - Honey, come on. Please stop filming. - I'm just excited! 6 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,740 After today, you are going to be a councilwoman, 7 00:00:17,890 --> 00:00:20,110 and I am going to be a first husband. 8 00:00:20,110 --> 00:00:21,240 And if you don't stop filming, 9 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,230 you're going to be my first husband. 10 00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,470 All right, everybody, come on! 11 00:00:24,470 --> 00:00:25,990 Do you know what you're doing, kids? 12 00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:28,190 You guys are manning the phone banks. 13 00:00:28,190 --> 00:00:29,320 Alex, you're in charge of that. 14 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,950 Wh-why is she in charge? And what's--what's a phone bank? 15 00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,220 That's why. 16 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,440 - Phil. - I got it. 17 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,430 I will be driving 50 of our finest senior citizens to the polls, 18 00:00:37,430 --> 00:00:39,580 assuming, of course, that they remember that I'm coming for them. 19 00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,300 - Where you at? - High-five. 20 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:43,300 Old people occasionally forget things. 21 00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,840 Okay. All right, everybody, let's go. Let's go. 22 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:46,070 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Real quick! 23 00:00:46,070 --> 00:00:48,600 Sorry. Everybody get in there. Jump in there. 24 00:00:48,850 --> 00:00:51,750 I just want to say how proud of you we all are. 25 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,140 You're an inspiration. 26 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,020 Who would have thought that 20 years ago 27 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,630 when you were still in the bloom of your youth-- 28 00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,310 Okay, I'm gonna go start the car. 29 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,340 Claire likes to win. 30 00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:02,420 When she was 8, a little girl scout friend of hers 31 00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,480 bragged she could sell the most cookies. 32 00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:06,580 Damn if Claire didn't walk the neighborhood 33 00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:09,970 till she got blisters on her feet and won by ten boxes. 34 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,210 Best part is 35 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:13,480 Claire wasn't even a girl scout. 36 00:01:15,130 --> 00:01:17,180 The choice is Claire! 37 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,260 Vote Claire Dunphy for town council. 38 00:01:21,470 --> 00:01:23,210 Aw, I love it! 39 00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:25,770 - What do you think, huh? - I love it. 40 00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:27,590 We got it on Craigslist. 41 00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:31,850 Came off a taco truck. 42 00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:33,800 - It did. - I love that you're doing this for me. 43 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,570 - Thank you! - You're welcome. 44 00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:37,800 I know how important winning is to Claire. 45 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,500 And I love to festoon things. 46 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,670 We're her dream team. 47 00:01:40,670 --> 00:01:42,590 So we cleared the whole day, dropped Lily off at school, 48 00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:43,900 and voted first thing. 49 00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:47,960 Although, uh, one of us had a bit of a dimpled chad situation. 50 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,750 Can you tell me how this machine works again, Chad? 51 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,230 Oh, sure. No problem. 52 00:01:53,610 --> 00:01:55,270 Just wanna look in here. Just-- 53 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,074 Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org 54 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,650 Thank you. Thank you. 55 00:02:09,650 --> 00:02:10,870 - Bye! Bye!- Thank you, guys! 56 00:02:10,870 --> 00:02:15,260 I can see Clairely now that Duane is gone. 57 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,560 Bye! Thank you! Oh, my gosh. 58 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,450 Okay, everybody, get in the car. Let's go. Let's go. 59 00:02:20,450 --> 00:02:21,660 Good luck today, Claire. 60 00:02:21,660 --> 00:02:23,290 Oh, Laurie, thank you. 61 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:26,010 Hey, by the way, we have some really good news. 62 00:02:26,110 --> 00:02:28,220 - What's that? - Becky got into the University of Oregon. 63 00:02:28,220 --> 00:02:29,990 Oh, congratulations! 64 00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:31,130 Any news, Haley? 65 00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:32,720 Uh, uh, no, not-- not yet, 66 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,570 but, you know, super psyched! 67 00:02:34,990 --> 00:02:37,240 This whole waiting-to-hear thing has been a nightmare 68 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,000 since the very first letter. 69 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,600 I'm too nervous. I can't do it. 70 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,510 "Dear miss Dunphy, 71 00:02:45,550 --> 00:02:47,380 we regret to inform you..." 72 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:52,250 What?! Don't leave me hanging! 73 00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:56,330 After that, I decided to only tell my parents good news. 74 00:02:57,170 --> 00:02:58,620 I have one school left, 75 00:02:58,780 --> 00:03:00,110 and the only good news I've gotten 76 00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:01,360 is that my annoying neighbor Becky 77 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,290 is moving back east to Oregon. 78 00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:06,280 - Manny, write this down. - I didn't bring a pen. 79 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:09,330 Election day is America at its finest. 80 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,790 The people speak, and the government listens. 81 00:03:11,790 --> 00:03:13,060 I don't know what they do in Colombia. 82 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,330 No one does, and don't ask. 83 00:03:14,330 --> 00:03:15,850 I mean, we know that voting's a privilege, 84 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:17,870 but for my daughter to have her name on that ballot, 85 00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,500 it just means so much more-- 86 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,090 You know what? I think I'm gonna vote later. 87 00:03:23,090 --> 00:03:24,360 What? Where are you going? 88 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:25,910 Ah, the line is too long. 89 00:03:26,490 --> 00:03:29,340 It's only three people! And nobody has a gun! 90 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,930 We're here, we're Claire, 91 00:03:33,950 --> 00:03:35,490 get used to it! 92 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,200 You know, I'm not sure if that's tracking. 93 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,480 Here, let me try one. 94 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:43,820 You don't have to be Clairevoyant to know who to vote for. 95 00:03:44,210 --> 00:03:46,380 Vote Dunphy for town council. 96 00:03:46,380 --> 00:03:48,390 Uh, uh, uh, Claire Dunphy. 97 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,570 Uh, C-Caire's her first name. 98 00:03:50,570 --> 00:03:52,870 I'm sorry if that wasn't Claire. 99 00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:56,260 Oh, my God. Look at that. There's a trash can right there, 100 00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:59,030 and that guy just threw his paper on the sidewalk. 101 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,340 Hey! You in the yellow jacket. 102 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:03,800 Pick it up and put it in the trash. 103 00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:10,040 - Oh, my God. He did it. - Yes, he did. 104 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:12,200 Ooh, here. Let me try one.I'll try... 105 00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:15,100 Hey, dragon tattoo, no jaywalking! 106 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:17,360 oh, my gosh. 107 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,220 This is an instrument of power. 108 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,390 How could they not sell tacos? 109 00:04:21,390 --> 00:04:22,960 You know what we could do with this thing? 110 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,460 Cam, we could really make a difference. 111 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,020 We could be the voice of change. 112 00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:28,310 Ooh, I got it! 113 00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,800 Let's go yell at the dry cleaner that lost my shirt. 114 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:33,060 Come on, gang. 115 00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:37,540 Today is the Dunphys at their best. 116 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:42,040 I'm from the "Weekly Saver." Mind if I ask you 117 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:44,430 - a couple questions about the big election? - Not at all. 118 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:45,620 Fire away. 119 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:47,110 Who are you voting for today? 120 00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:49,260 Claire Dunphy. 121 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,300 Finally. I've been waiting for someone to say that name. 122 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:52,260 Why? 123 00:04:52,530 --> 00:04:54,780 Uh... Because I am Claire Dunphy. 124 00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:57,700 Oh, sorry. They moved me over from ad sales. 125 00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:58,720 We take turns reporting. 126 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,410 How do you feel about your chances today? 127 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:02,440 Not as good as I did a few minutes ago. 128 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:03,780 No, she feels great. 129 00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:06,550 Um, her spirits are high. The whole family's high. 130 00:05:06,850 --> 00:05:08,360 - There's your headline. - Phil, no. 131 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:09,600 Uh, how about a photo of all of you? 132 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,630 - Yeah. Sure. Yes. - Mom, mom, mom. Tag. 133 00:05:11,630 --> 00:05:12,580 - Tag's still on. - Oh, my Goodness. 134 00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:13,120 Thank you. 135 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,850 That would have been a really awkward picture. Okay. 136 00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:19,860 No! 137 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:20,610 What is that? 138 00:05:20,610 --> 00:05:21,630 Is that a tooth? 139 00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:23,010 - Ew! - Awesome! 140 00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,270 How old are you? No! 141 00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:25,960 - Do it again! - How does that even happen? 142 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,750 It's a-a fake tooth from an old ice-skating injury. 143 00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:30,690 - It just fell out. - Oh, my gosh. Why today?! 144 00:05:30,690 --> 00:05:31,940 - What about the... - Let's not overreact. 145 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:35,000 - Let's--let me see it. - Okay. All right. 146 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:38,810 Got it. Thanks. 147 00:05:45,430 --> 00:05:46,600 What happened back there? 148 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,510 Line was too long. I couldn't wait. 149 00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:51,430 I've seen you wait 45 minutes in line for sherbet! 150 00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:53,360 Well, I happen to like sherbet, okay? 151 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,820 That place I take you 152 00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,400 has the greatest sherbet on the west coast. 153 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,230 They got lime sherbet, they got coconut sherbet. 154 00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:00,370 Why are we talking about sherbet? 155 00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:01,710 He's clearly changing the subject. 156 00:06:01,710 --> 00:06:02,820 Why aren't you in school? 157 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,070 He's doing it again. 158 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:06,860 Manny's right. You're being very ardilla. 159 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,850 - "Ardilla"? - Yeah, you know, the-- 160 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:10,520 The one that--that-- 161 00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:11,850 - Rabbit? I was being rabbit-y? - No, another one 162 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:13,800 - With the cheeks and the tail and... - Chipmunk? 163 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:15,860 - Possum? -Okay, obviously she means squirrel. 164 00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:16,960 You were being squirrely then, 165 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,080 - You're being squirrely now. - Better than being a rat. 166 00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:21,060 Manny, give us a minute. 167 00:06:21,110 --> 00:06:23,600 Oh, sure. I served him up on a silver platter. 168 00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:28,600 What? 169 00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:31,960 All right, it's no big deal. 170 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,350 There was a woman working there. 171 00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,530 I didn't want her to see me. 172 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,410 - Who is she? - Her name is Dottie. 173 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,710 She's the first woman I dated after my divorce. 174 00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:41,980 You dated a Dottie after Dede? 175 00:06:41,980 --> 00:06:43,500 Y-you're focusing on the wrong thing here. 176 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,560 The--the point is it ended badly. 177 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,990 I tried to let her down easy, but, uh, 178 00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:49,910 she didn't take it too well. 179 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,330 Actually, I don't know how she took it, 180 00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:52,780 'cause I wasn't there. 181 00:06:53,370 --> 00:06:55,880 We dated a few weeks, then after we... You know, 182 00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:58,490 I slipped out of her house before she woke up 183 00:06:58,490 --> 00:06:59,790 and never called her again. 184 00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:02,500 Put my pants on in her yard, put the car in neutral, 185 00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:04,410 let it roll down the driveway, lights off. 186 00:07:04,410 --> 00:07:06,110 Hey, I can't talk about this anymore. 187 00:07:06,550 --> 00:07:08,430 So because of this woman, 188 00:07:08,430 --> 00:07:10,370 you didn't vote for your daughter? 189 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,780 It's Claire! We need her to win! 190 00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:15,990 I don't want to be around when something that tight comes unraveled. 191 00:07:15,990 --> 00:07:17,060 I'll figure out something. 192 00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:18,830 Maybe those poll workers take shifts. 193 00:07:18,830 --> 00:07:21,540 Stop hiding in your little cave like a-- 194 00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:24,870 Like, you know. Like the-- the--the-- 195 00:07:24,950 --> 00:07:26,160 - I really don't wanna do this again. - No, the-- 196 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:29,450 No. No. The big one, like, uh, the monster furry one. 197 00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:32,440 Ay, why can't I remember any animal names? 198 00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,260 Climb aboard the Dunphy Express. 199 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,730 Next stop--democracy. 200 00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:39,970 - Well--no, no... - Please don't go. 201 00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:41,710 I won't do that anymore. I promise. 202 00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:44,480 Oh. Uh, we need to make a quick stop. 203 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:45,770 I gotta pick up my new glasses. 204 00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:48,360 No can do. I, uh... 205 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,180 I got a lot of people waitin', so... 206 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,950 It'll just take two minutes. 207 00:07:51,950 --> 00:07:54,530 I can't even see the ballot without my glasses. 208 00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:56,870 I mark the wrong box, 209 00:07:56,870 --> 00:07:58,920 next thing you know I'll be married to a guy. 210 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,490 Yeah, I-- I don't think it's mandatory, Walt. 211 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:04,440 I'm a good dancer. They'll come for me. 212 00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:06,300 Oh, yeah. 213 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,330 They will break all your buttons... 214 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:10,410 and say you brought it in that way. 215 00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:11,690 Okay, go, go, go! 216 00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,650 Turns out we had a lot of axes to grind. 217 00:08:14,650 --> 00:08:17,990 And a hybrid, so there was virtually no stopping us. 218 00:08:17,990 --> 00:08:20,000 Do not see that movie! 219 00:08:20,020 --> 00:08:22,420 You will neither laugh nor cry! 220 00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:23,540 "Best pizza in the city"? 221 00:08:23,540 --> 00:08:25,620 Not even the best pizza on this street. 222 00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:28,880 They do not do the hair of the people on those pictures! 223 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,480 "Totally free checking"? 224 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,860 Don't bank on it! 225 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:34,410 Okay, that was really fun, 226 00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,570 But now we gotta go back to campaigning for Claire. 227 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:37,930 We've been saying that for two hours. 228 00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:39,800 Yes, but now I-I really mean it. 229 00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:42,040 - Oh, my god, there's Sandy! - Sandra Bullock? 230 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:43,290 Yeah, Sandra Bullock. 231 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,230 We're such good friends, I call her "Sandy," So... 232 00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:47,480 No, Sandy who works at Lily's preschool. 233 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:48,370 - Right there. - Oh, yeah. 234 00:08:48,370 --> 00:08:50,470 - You know, she got engaged. - No! 235 00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,580 - To the gay boyfriend? - Totally. 236 00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:54,480 Oh, how does she not see it? 237 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,580 If I was with somebody that gorgeous, 238 00:08:55,580 --> 00:08:57,060 I'd overlook a few quirks, too. 239 00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:58,320 First of all, thank you. 240 00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,610 Second of all... 241 00:08:59,630 --> 00:09:00,840 point well taken. 242 00:09:01,260 --> 00:09:03,810 I don't know. Poor Sandy. I feel so bad for her. 243 00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,750 - Well, it's better than being alone. - Is it? 244 00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:07,040 She's looking over here. 245 00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:09,030 - Oh, my god. - Mitchell, you're sitting on the button. 246 00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,730 What? No--no, I'm not. No, I'm not! 247 00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,090 The--it's stuck! 248 00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:13,000 And you're the one that had it last 249 00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,810 - when you were talking to the cheese shop! - Because you know what? 250 00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:16,190 If you advertise truffle cheese, 251 00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:18,650 - there are certain expectations... - Hi, Sandy. 252 00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:23,620 Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy. 253 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,520 - What a beautiful name. - She used to be a citizen. 254 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,470 I'm calling on behalf of Claire Dunphy for town council. 255 00:09:27,470 --> 00:09:29,200 All right. How about this? 256 00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:30,890 if you vote for Claire Dunphy... 257 00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:34,670 You won't have to pay taxes for the rest of your life. 258 00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:35,950 Vote for Claire! 259 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,640 Luke! What are you doing? 260 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:39,550 You can't say that! 261 00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:41,680 Oh, like she'd be the first politician 262 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,400 to make a promise she can't keep. 263 00:09:43,410 --> 00:09:45,830 Well, maybe I don't want to talk to you, either. 264 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:47,940 Maybe you are the one that is bothering me! 265 00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,310 How do you like that? Eh? 266 00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,980 Gloria, I'm gonna have to ask you again 267 00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:55,630 to please stick to your script. 268 00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:57,310 But everybody's saying no to me! 269 00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:58,370 I don't get it. 270 00:09:58,370 --> 00:10:00,200 Usually when I ask someone to do something, 271 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,200 they just do it! 272 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,510 Maybe it's because these people can't see you. 273 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:04,720 I don't like it. 274 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:08,270 Can't you just hook me up to some sort of camera? 275 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,310 Well, thank you, Maggie, for the vote. 276 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,580 Okay. Bye-bye. 277 00:10:13,970 --> 00:10:14,990 Here's your seat. 278 00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:18,060 Thank you. Um, you'll have to excuse me. 279 00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:20,680 I'm a little nervous. I've never been on the radio before. 280 00:10:20,790 --> 00:10:21,800 Don't worry about it. 281 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,250 - Just think of it as a conversation. - Okay. 282 00:10:24,250 --> 00:10:26,530 Here are your headphones. Volume control. 283 00:10:26,530 --> 00:10:28,510 - Don't get too far from the mike. - Okay. 284 00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:30,000 Make sure your cell phone's off. 285 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,480 Oh. Cell phone. Right. Um... 286 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:32,840 And you're not chewing gum, are you? 287 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,240 No, I'm not. I just had some temporary 288 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:35,950 dental work done. 289 00:10:35,950 --> 00:10:37,250 The last thing I need-- 290 00:10:39,650 --> 00:10:42,210 And welcome back to "A matter of record." 291 00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:44,120 I'm Cecil Van Gundy. 292 00:10:44,540 --> 00:10:47,540 Joining us now in studio is district 43 293 00:10:47,540 --> 00:10:51,110 town council candidate Claire Dunphy. 294 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:53,870 Thank you, Cecil. 295 00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,410 It's a pleasure to be here. 296 00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:58,700 So... You're a first-time candidate. 297 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,310 Tell us what got you involved. 298 00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:02,490 It all started with a, um... 299 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:03,950 With a stop sign. 300 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:08,050 I was concerned about safety in our neighbourhood 301 00:11:08,050 --> 00:11:12,760 and I was not getting any satisfaction from city hall. 302 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:14,270 What's wrong with mom? 303 00:11:14,270 --> 00:11:15,450 Oh, this isn't good. 304 00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,200 She sounds drunk! 305 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,690 That's not her drunk voice. 306 00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:21,250 Tell us about some of the other issues facing our town. 307 00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:23,510 Where do you stand on the city's 308 00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:25,510 sewage and sustainability initiative, 309 00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:28,010 the so-called S.S.I.? 310 00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:29,840 One cannot really talk about 311 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,150 s-s-sewage and sustainability 312 00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:35,500 without first discussing... recycling. 313 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,480 This city can do more... 314 00:11:37,490 --> 00:11:39,050 - What the hell's wrong with her? - with the recycling program... 315 00:11:39,060 --> 00:11:40,130 She sounds drunk! 316 00:11:40,130 --> 00:11:42,080 - ...currently... - It's a tooth thing. 317 00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:43,880 What's wrong? 318 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:45,830 Oh, I'm almost out of air. Oh, boy. 319 00:11:45,940 --> 00:11:47,100 Is that serious? 320 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,280 Is oxygen serious? 321 00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,640 You know what? I lost a ton of time getting your glasses. 322 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:52,900 I'm just gonna drop you at home. 323 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,110 You can get your air. I can drive other people. 324 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,270 I don't have any more tanks at home. 325 00:11:57,270 --> 00:11:59,250 Why? That seems like bad planning. 326 00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:00,720 Well, I forgot to order them. 327 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,030 My pills make me forget things. 328 00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,390 Oh, shoot! I gotta take my pill! 329 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:06,670 Please tell me you have it with you. 330 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,930 Of course I do, but I have to take 'em with food. 331 00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:10,800 - Don't I? - Are you asking me? 332 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,690 Uh, yes! I do take them with food! 333 00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:15,000 Ooh. I don't feel so well. 334 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,750 Okay, I'll get you whatever you want! 335 00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,870 I'll get you the air, I'll get you the food. 336 00:12:18,870 --> 00:12:20,550 Then I'll vote for your drunk wife. 337 00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:22,460 That is not her drunk voice! 338 00:12:23,430 --> 00:12:25,600 Thank you so much for voting. 339 00:12:25,660 --> 00:12:27,930 We appreciate it. 340 00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:33,620 Hi. I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me. Jay Pritchett. 341 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,470 Uh, can I get in-- in and out really quick? 342 00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:36,230 Thank you. This is all I needed. 343 00:12:36,230 --> 00:12:37,790 Thank you very much. Thank you very much. 344 00:12:39,770 --> 00:12:41,570 All right. Claire, Claire, Claire. 345 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,760 Claire, Claire-- ahh, ahh. Here. 346 00:12:46,610 --> 00:12:48,400 I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 347 00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:51,180 Hello, Dottie! 348 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:58,510 Jay! It's so nice to see you! 349 00:12:58,660 --> 00:13:00,980 - Is it? - Oh, why wouldn't it be? 350 00:13:02,330 --> 00:13:04,780 That was a long time ago. Water under the bridge. 351 00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:06,610 - We're good. - Oh, that's great. 352 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:09,020 Thank you so much for voting. 353 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:11,050 You remember my daughter Claire. She's-- 354 00:13:11,060 --> 00:13:12,570 She's running for town council. 355 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:15,750 - Oh, isn't that neat? - Yeah, I'm so proud. 356 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:18,780 So you're gonna put it in there, huh? 357 00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,230 Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah. Definitely. 358 00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:23,390 cause every vote counts, you know. 359 00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:25,470 Thank you so much for voting. 360 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:27,320 - You know... - Yeah. 361 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,490 Boy, I'd sure like to see the sweet sight 362 00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:32,220 of my vote... counting. 363 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:34,930 Why would I say I'd do something and not do it? 364 00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:36,540 That would make me a liar... 365 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:38,610 instead of a trusting widow 366 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,620 Who fell asleep in the warm embrace 367 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,730 of a man who promised to make breakfast. 368 00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:44,310 Okay, here it is. 369 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:46,580 Look, I am so sorry. 370 00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:50,480 You were the first woman I'd been with besides my ex-- 371 00:13:50,590 --> 00:13:51,810 35 years. 372 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,080 I panicked. 373 00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:55,640 An-and it wasn't 'cause y-you weren't pretty naked 374 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,700 or anything like that. 375 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,310 I'd have run from Angie Dickinson. 376 00:13:58,310 --> 00:14:00,140 - Oh, lucky her. - Dottie-- 377 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,760 - Good-bye, Jay! - Dottie, Dottie, please. 378 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,460 I'm just trying to get my ballot in the box. 379 00:14:03,470 --> 00:14:05,040 oh, yeah, that sounds familiar. 380 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:06,780 Yeah, but you don't have to do anything. 381 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,290 Just let me put it in! 382 00:14:08,290 --> 00:14:09,770 Uhh. Shouldn't have said that. 383 00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:12,940 We are so sorry. 384 00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:15,880 We did not mean for you to hear any of that. 385 00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:16,510 Yes, and you know what? 386 00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:18,500 We shouldn't have been gossiping in the first place. 387 00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:19,390 But what if you're right? 388 00:14:19,390 --> 00:14:21,550 What if Gregory is gay? 389 00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,280 When my mom said it, I didn't believe her. 390 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,030 She lives in Iowa. 391 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,330 But coming from you two! 392 00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:26,500 - Means nothing. - No. 393 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,340 We barely know your fiance. 394 00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:31,360 - If he says he's straight, he's straight. - Mm. Straight. 395 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:32,820 We're getting married in a month. 396 00:14:32,820 --> 00:14:34,050 People are flying in. 397 00:14:34,050 --> 00:14:35,540 He signed us up for dance classes. 398 00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:36,600 Oh, my god! 399 00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,330 No. No, no, no. Hey. 400 00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:39,650 - This is what gays do. - Yeah. 401 00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:40,760 - We gossip. - We gossip a lot. 402 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:41,970 He gossips! 403 00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:44,180 No. No. You're missing the point, okay? 404 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,000 We see a great-looking guy like Gregory, 405 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,830 and we say he's gay because we want him to be gay! 406 00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:50,810 - Really? Really? Are you sure? - Yes. Yes. 407 00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,000 Absolutely. Look at what we do with movie stars. 408 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:53,440 Okay. 409 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,770 You know? Hugh Jackman-- he sings, he dances, 410 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,050 He's dreamy! 411 00:14:57,050 --> 00:15:00,110 So obviously we would want him on our team! 412 00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:01,490 - Yeah. - But he's straight. 413 00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:03,420 Trust me, I know. 414 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,270 I said hello to him once in a restaurant, 415 00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:07,940 and there was absolutely no chemistry. 416 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:09,830 Well, if that isn't proof... 417 00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:12,540 Three weeks later, Sandy and Gregory got married, 418 00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:14,750 and everyone said the wedding was beautiful. 419 00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:16,560 Gregory did the flowers.... 420 00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,910 Which is perfectly normal for a straight guy. 421 00:15:22,780 --> 00:15:25,670 The Greeks do one thing right, and it's lamb! 422 00:15:25,670 --> 00:15:27,410 All right. Let's go vote. 423 00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:30,150 Why the hell does your wife want to be a politician, anyway? 424 00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:31,870 You heard her. She wanted to put up 425 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,570 a stop sign at Bristol and Greenleaf, 426 00:15:33,570 --> 00:15:34,480 But then she ran into-- 427 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,220 Wait, wait, wait! 428 00:15:35,220 --> 00:15:36,720 That's near where I live! 429 00:15:36,730 --> 00:15:38,930 Yeah. We're neighbors. Let's go! 430 00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:40,810 No way I'm voting for that! 431 00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:42,610 Too much government already. 432 00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:44,620 I didn't fight a war so some politician 433 00:15:44,620 --> 00:15:47,220 could tell me where I have to stop my car. 434 00:15:47,420 --> 00:15:48,800 You don't even drive! 435 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,410 That's 'cause that Barack Obama took my license away. 436 00:15:51,410 --> 00:15:53,620 I don't think he was involved in the decision! 437 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,510 I left the house today to get 50 votes for my wife. 438 00:15:56,510 --> 00:15:57,720 I'm not going home with zero. 439 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,140 The least you can do is walk right in there 440 00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:01,490 and punch a hole for the woman 441 00:16:01,490 --> 00:16:04,310 who drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday! 442 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,920 I don't like it! Goes against everything I believe in. 443 00:16:06,980 --> 00:16:08,800 Really? A stop sign?! 444 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,130 But I'll do it, 'cause you're a good kid. 445 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,280 And I had a nice day... 446 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:15,910 till you started yelling at me. 447 00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:17,780 So sorry. Thank you. 448 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,200 Here you go. 449 00:16:20,330 --> 00:16:23,320 You know, my wife was an alcoholic, too. 450 00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:24,770 Okay. Let's just go vote. 451 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,370 That's veteran political reporter 452 00:16:28,380 --> 00:16:28,950 Walter Shapiro. 453 00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:30,790 Hi, everyone! 454 00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:33,990 - Any news? - Not yet, not yet, 455 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,990 But even if I lose, at least now I know 456 00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,880 I have a future in radio. 457 00:16:38,270 --> 00:16:40,820 I couldn't. People need to see me. 458 00:16:41,190 --> 00:16:43,790 Before we get the results, I just want to thank you all 459 00:16:43,790 --> 00:16:45,940 for everything you've done for me. 460 00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:50,510 Mitch and Cam, for campaigning for me all day 461 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,260 in your little Claire-mobile. 462 00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,940 - It's the least we could do. - Yeah. 463 00:16:53,940 --> 00:16:54,960 Literally. 464 00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:56,810 We probably did more for Hugh Jackman's career 465 00:16:56,810 --> 00:16:58,260 than we did for Claire's. 466 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,110 And, Manny and Gloria, 467 00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:03,900 thank you for making all those phone calls. 468 00:17:03,910 --> 00:17:05,040 And, dad... 469 00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:06,670 for all your support. 470 00:17:06,690 --> 00:17:09,500 I don't think I convinced anyone to vote for Claire. 471 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,210 I don't think I even voted. 472 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,390 And my husband... 473 00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:16,090 who drove around 474 00:17:16,090 --> 00:17:20,830 I don't know how many senior citizens today to the polls. 475 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:22,800 One. 476 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:25,220 And my beautiful children, 477 00:17:25,220 --> 00:17:28,120 whose faith has given me the confidence 478 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,260 to believe that I can do this. 479 00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:31,160 I can--oh. 480 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:32,760 - Somebody else answer it. I lost. - Mom. Mom. 481 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,390 - I can feel it. I-- - Mom. 482 00:17:33,390 --> 00:17:35,320 You can do it. Mom. Answer the phone. 483 00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:39,040 Hello? 484 00:17:39,530 --> 00:17:40,520 This is she. 485 00:17:44,010 --> 00:17:45,660 Thanks so much for calling. 486 00:17:46,020 --> 00:17:46,960 Bye-bye. 487 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,880 I have some bad news. 488 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:58,690 Because someone's gonna be busy now that she's a councilwoman? 489 00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:01,870 No, no, I wasn't doing that fake thing. 490 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,990 - I really lost. I lost. - Ay, no. 491 00:18:06,730 --> 00:18:09,750 I'm so sorry. But you know what? 492 00:18:10,850 --> 00:18:14,130 We are still just so proud of you. 493 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,320 Yeah! I-- I don't know about you, 494 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:21,200 But, um... I could use a glass of wine. 495 00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,890 Ohh. Now you're gonna hear her drunk voice. 496 00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,530 Mom? 497 00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:34,430 You okay? 498 00:18:34,430 --> 00:18:36,290 Yes. Fine. I'm good. 499 00:18:36,290 --> 00:18:38,250 I'm fine. I'm not fine. I wanted to win, 500 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,200 And... and I'm so embarrassed. 501 00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:46,340 I mean, everybody out here worked so hard for me, 502 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:48,320 and they believed in me, 503 00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:49,890 and I let 'em down. 504 00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:54,280 Oh, honey. 505 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:56,510 Oh, sweetheart. 506 00:18:56,520 --> 00:19:00,070 Well, don't cry. I'm gonna be fine, sweetie. 507 00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:01,470 Really, I am. 508 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:04,940 Just knowing you care so much makes me feel better. 509 00:19:06,030 --> 00:19:08,030 No, I got four rejection letters 510 00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:10,070 I never told you guys about. 511 00:19:12,210 --> 00:19:13,220 What? 512 00:19:13,930 --> 00:19:18,170 I got rejected from U.C.S.B., Oregon, Wisconsin... 513 00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:19,540 - Oh, no. - And Northwestern. 514 00:19:19,540 --> 00:19:21,840 Well, we were overshooting on that one. 515 00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:23,560 What about, uh... 516 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,730 It came today. My last chance. 517 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,290 I'm too scared to open it. 518 00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:31,320 Whatever it says in there, 519 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,360 your father and I are crazy proud of you. 520 00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:35,530 Okay? 521 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,450 I did start trying this year. 522 00:19:37,450 --> 00:19:39,320 I know you did. You did. 523 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,120 You have nothing to be ashamed of. 524 00:19:43,070 --> 00:19:44,330 Neither do you. 525 00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:47,690 It's a little bit different. 526 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:50,640 No, it's exactly the same. 527 00:19:50,910 --> 00:19:53,570 Except you tried really hard the whole time, 528 00:19:53,570 --> 00:19:54,920 not just at the end. 529 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:57,930 You're right. 530 00:19:58,070 --> 00:19:59,210 It is the same. 531 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:01,440 We have nothing to be ashamed of... 532 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,740 So let's open that together. 533 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:05,710 Yeah, open it. 534 00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,630 What? No! What are you doing here? 535 00:20:07,630 --> 00:20:09,800 No. Come on, haley. We believe in you. 536 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,650 Do it! 537 00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,430 You can always work for me. 538 00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:14,200 Come on. You can do it. You can do this. 539 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,090 - Come on, Haley. - All right. 540 00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,660 Open. Open, open, open. 541 00:20:21,090 --> 00:20:22,570 "Dear Miss Dunphy, 542 00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:24,800 We regret to inform you..." 543 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:25,990 Oh, honey. 544 00:20:26,090 --> 00:20:28,820 "While we cannot offer you admission at this time, 545 00:20:28,820 --> 00:20:31,000 "You are a promising candidate, and therefore 546 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,580 We would like to place you on our wait list!" 547 00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:34,220 Oh, my god, I got wait-listed! 548 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:35,620 We will take it! 549 00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:37,300 Yeah! 550 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,480 Congratulations! Congratulations! 551 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,250 Our daughter might be going to college! 552 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,360 Phil, look. 553 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:52,930 A stop sign. 554 00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:54,800 It's addressed to you. 555 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,560 "Dear Claire, I won. You lost. 556 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,230 "Here's your stupid stop sign. 557 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:05,730 "Next time you think about bothering me, 558 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,500 "Please take its advice. 559 00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:10,850 Your councilman, the honorable Duane Bailey." 560 00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:12,790 Honey, you did it! 561 00:21:12,790 --> 00:21:13,770 I did it. 562 00:21:14,030 --> 00:21:16,030 I made our neighborhood a little bit safer. 563 00:21:16,030 --> 00:21:18,320 I may have even saved life. 564 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:24,770 You idiot, there's stop sign! Can't you read? 565 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:27,070 we need speed bumps. 566 00:21:27,070 --> 00:21:30,190 No, no. No! Honey! 567 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,067 Download Movie Subtitles Searcher from www.OpenSubtitles.org