1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,392
Good morning!

2
00:00:03,408 --> 00:00:05,064
There's the birthday boy!

3
00:00:05,090 --> 00:00:07,371
65 candles on one cake.

4
00:00:07,372 --> 00:00:08,817
This is a big day for you...

5
00:00:08,818 --> 00:00:11,254
and for the astronauts
who can see it from space.

6
00:00:11,255 --> 00:00:12,861
Happy birthday to you.

7
00:00:12,862 --> 00:00:16,533
Thank you. And just so everyone knows,
I want a quiet day.

8
00:00:16,677 --> 00:00:18,077
No surprises.

9
00:00:18,687 --> 00:00:20,159
No surprises.

10
00:00:20,531 --> 00:00:22,948
Last night, I found out
that I am pregnant,

11
00:00:23,111 --> 00:00:25,582
so Jay's gonna get
one big surprise.

12
00:00:26,372 --> 00:00:27,921
Okay, two if you count

13
00:00:27,922 --> 00:00:30,498
the barbecue apron
with the bikini body on it.

14
00:00:30,503 --> 00:00:31,786
I don't blame you, Jay.

15
00:00:31,787 --> 00:00:33,967
You'd had enough excitement
in one lifetime--

16
00:00:33,968 --> 00:00:37,052
The dawn of flight,
printed books, agriculture.

17
00:00:37,053 --> 00:00:38,567
All right, what's with all the jokes?

18
00:00:38,568 --> 00:00:39,842
It's insult comedy.

19
00:00:39,843 --> 00:00:42,147
I've been watching old
Dean Martin roasts online.

20
00:00:42,957 --> 00:00:44,678
Like this guy knows
from the Internet.

21
00:00:44,679 --> 00:00:45,352
The other morning,

22
00:00:45,353 --> 00:00:47,272
I saw him looking for the crank
on the front of his car.

23
00:00:47,273 --> 00:00:49,513
- Okay, you're done.
- I make fun, and we laugh.

24
00:00:49,514 --> 00:00:50,964
But in all seriousness,

25
00:00:50,965 --> 00:00:53,427
if you see a light today,
don't walk towards it.

26
00:00:55,398 --> 00:00:57,609
I'm sorry I was asleep
when you got home.

27
00:00:57,932 --> 00:00:59,972
Cam and Mitch
must be disappointed.

28
00:01:00,274 --> 00:01:02,417
They were really geared up
to get that kid.

29
00:01:02,418 --> 00:01:04,050
But there's a silver lining.

30
00:01:04,051 --> 00:01:06,848
You might be right.
Babies are a lot of work.

31
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:08,168
No, that's not what I mean.

32
00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,206
- I'm-- - Ah, you know, and these two
aren't getting any younger.

33
00:01:10,207 --> 00:01:12,622
The last thing they need
is to start over.

34
00:01:12,623 --> 00:01:14,108
Would that be so bad?

35
00:01:16,288 --> 00:01:17,147
Hey, Jay.

36
00:01:17,239 --> 00:01:18,039
- Hey!
- Hi.

37
00:01:18,323 --> 00:01:19,818
What are you doing?

38
00:01:19,823 --> 00:01:21,350
- What the heck is that?
- What?

39
00:01:21,351 --> 00:01:22,208
Get him!

40
00:01:22,696 --> 00:01:25,024
Jay has been very explicit

41
00:01:25,025 --> 00:01:27,865
about what he wants
to do for his 65th birthday,

42
00:01:28,778 --> 00:01:31,642
but Phil Dunphy
reads between the lines.

43
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,490
What the hell is going on?!
What are you doing?!

44
00:01:34,491 --> 00:01:36,046
Making your birthday dreams
comes true.

45
00:01:36,047 --> 00:01:37,609
It's your special day, buddy.

46
00:01:37,610 --> 00:01:38,496
Should we put him in the trunk?

47
00:01:38,497 --> 00:01:39,704
Why would we put him in the trunk?

48
00:01:39,705 --> 00:01:40,995
You said there were no bad ideas.

49
00:01:40,996 --> 00:01:42,549
Get this stupid thing off me!

50
00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:43,998
I thought you said the hood
would calm him down.

51
00:01:43,999 --> 00:01:45,408
It works with my falcon.

52
00:01:45,843 --> 00:01:48,615
Don't worry, Gloria.
We'll have him back in time for dinner.

53
00:01:48,616 --> 00:01:50,577
Which for him is
at 4:00 in the afternoon.

54
00:01:50,881 --> 00:01:52,856
'Cause he's old! I love it!

55
00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:05,185
Sync: YYeTs || Corrections: gloriabg
ReSync by www.SubtitleReSync.com

56
00:02:05,938 --> 00:02:07,525
This is really good coffee.

57
00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:08,935
It really is.

58
00:02:09,142 --> 00:02:10,867
- Ahh.
- Is it a medium roast or...

59
00:02:11,102 --> 00:02:12,022
Uh, dark.

60
00:02:12,577 --> 00:02:14,619
Oh. I was gonna say dark.
I don't know why I said medium.

61
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:15,794
Well, you would've been right.

62
00:02:18,996 --> 00:02:19,853
Is it whole milk or...

63
00:02:19,854 --> 00:02:21,262
- 2%.
- 2%.

64
00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:25,545
Okay. This is ridiculous.

65
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,530
We need to talk about
the elephant in the room.

66
00:02:30,566 --> 00:02:31,579
The giant stuffed elephant

67
00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:33,629
was a gift from
our good friend Pepper.

68
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:36,438
Gay guys having kids is--
it's relatively new,

69
00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:38,137
so our community
has not yet learned

70
00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:39,640
how to modulate baby gifts.

71
00:02:39,641 --> 00:02:41,842
When Steven and Stefan
had little Rocco,

72
00:02:41,843 --> 00:02:43,167
our friend Longinus sent over

73
00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:44,810
the whole cast of "Yo gabba gabba".

74
00:02:44,811 --> 00:02:46,862
Now Rocco cries whenever
he sees bright colors.

75
00:02:46,863 --> 00:02:48,148
I'm not allowed over there.

76
00:02:48,957 --> 00:02:50,966
I guess we should
donate it somewhere,

77
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:53,532
along with the 800-pound gorilla.

78
00:02:55,656 --> 00:02:57,660
I mean, you know, now that
we're not getting a baby.

79
00:02:57,661 --> 00:02:58,747
A decision, by the way,

80
00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:00,742
which seems even better
in the light of day.

81
00:03:00,743 --> 00:03:02,264
Mm. No, I totally agree.

82
00:03:02,612 --> 00:03:04,319
- So we're good?
- No, we're great.

83
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,999
- We couldn't have handled this any better.
- No.

84
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,194
Where's my new baby brother?

85
00:03:09,506 --> 00:03:11,309
Okay. Uh, slight oversight.

86
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:13,486
Can I see him?
Can we name him Larry?

87
00:03:13,539 --> 00:03:15,908
Okay, sweetie.
Here, have a seat with us.

88
00:03:16,052 --> 00:03:16,941
Um, listen.

89
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,240
There's something
we need to tell you.

90
00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,704
Is it about Larry?

91
00:03:20,705 --> 00:03:22,924
Well, uh, yes.
Uh, sort of.

92
00:03:22,925 --> 00:03:26,025
Um, it--it turns out that...
We're not getting a baby.

93
00:03:26,026 --> 00:03:29,466
Yeah, and I know this--
this makes you very sad,

94
00:03:29,596 --> 00:03:31,037
but I promise you
we're still a family--

95
00:03:31,038 --> 00:03:32,407
Can I have a kitten?

96
00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:33,600
A kitten?

97
00:03:33,601 --> 00:03:35,232
If I can't have a brother,

98
00:03:35,233 --> 00:03:38,112
then I want a kitten named Larry.

99
00:03:39,416 --> 00:03:42,080
Okay, w-what's this about?
Is Larry on a show?

100
00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:44,844
He's not, which is what's weird.

101
00:03:47,964 --> 00:03:49,848
- Ooh! How was prom?
- So fun.

102
00:03:49,849 --> 00:03:51,456
Michael and I danced all night...

103
00:03:51,457 --> 00:03:52,552
And then we stayed after
and helped clean up,

104
00:03:52,553 --> 00:03:53,260
which was awesome

105
00:03:53,261 --> 00:03:55,748
because I got to meet
next year's trig teacher.

106
00:03:56,016 --> 00:03:57,648
That is not the prom I remember.

107
00:03:57,649 --> 00:03:59,744
I have such a bad headache!

108
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,289
That's the prom I remember.

109
00:04:01,590 --> 00:04:02,496
Were you drinking?

110
00:04:02,497 --> 00:04:04,839
Mom, do we really
have to do this?

111
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,040
You ask if I was drinking,
I say "No,"

112
00:04:07,041 --> 00:04:08,904
and we both know
that that's not true.

113
00:04:09,439 --> 00:04:12,159
I mean, aren't we past
this point in our relationship?

114
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,728
No, young lady, we are not.

115
00:04:13,729 --> 00:04:15,033
Then I wasn't drinking.

116
00:04:16,086 --> 00:04:17,735
Me neither, Mrs. D.

117
00:04:18,114 --> 00:04:20,484
Dear God. Tell me he
did not spend the night here.

118
00:04:20,485 --> 00:04:22,976
Mom, do we really
have to do this?

119
00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:26,740
Mom, I have a big decision to make

120
00:04:26,741 --> 00:04:28,264
about poetry camp this summer.

121
00:04:28,265 --> 00:04:30,265
Is this about
the walking sticks again?

122
00:04:30,295 --> 00:04:32,352
Pack them all and decide
when you're there.

123
00:04:32,353 --> 00:04:34,873
I can either focus
on sonnets or free verse.

124
00:04:34,963 --> 00:04:37,248
I've always fancied
myself a sonneteer,

125
00:04:37,429 --> 00:04:39,200
But I'm thinking
the free verse girls

126
00:04:39,201 --> 00:04:40,729
will be freer with everything,

127
00:04:40,895 --> 00:04:42,108
If you catch my meaning.

128
00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:45,173
Hmm? Ay. I'm sorry, Manny.

129
00:04:45,174 --> 00:04:47,392
I'm sure you will make
the right decision.

130
00:04:47,456 --> 00:04:49,488
Are you okay?
You seem distracted.

131
00:04:49,718 --> 00:04:52,349
Manny, sit down.
I have to tell you something.

132
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:53,816
What?

133
00:04:55,143 --> 00:04:57,088
I am pregnant.

134
00:04:57,661 --> 00:04:58,635
You're what?

135
00:04:58,636 --> 00:05:00,384
I'm going to have a baby.

136
00:05:01,152 --> 00:05:02,205
Wow.

137
00:05:02,206 --> 00:05:03,224
What?

138
00:05:03,225 --> 00:05:04,452
You're not happy?

139
00:05:04,453 --> 00:05:05,629
Yeah. Sure.

140
00:05:05,921 --> 00:05:07,552
It's just a lot to take in.

141
00:05:07,978 --> 00:05:10,258
And I'll be honest, this isn't coming
at a great time for me,

142
00:05:10,259 --> 00:05:11,875
with everything
I've got going on.

143
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:14,080
This is not your responsibility.

144
00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,477
Neither is our
wooden salad bowl,

145
00:05:15,478 --> 00:05:16,913
but I'm the only one who oils it.

146
00:05:16,914 --> 00:05:19,360
Without me, that thing would
soak up dressing like a sponge.

147
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,173
Manny, I can take care of a baby.

148
00:05:21,174 --> 00:05:22,528
I took care of you.

149
00:05:22,529 --> 00:05:25,233
Please. I was an anomaly.
I self-potty trained.

150
00:05:25,501 --> 00:05:27,456
I just did not get the appeal

151
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:29,571
of intentionally
soiling one's pants.

152
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:30,871
That said,

153
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:33,376
I will admit to missing
the kisses on my tummy.

154
00:05:33,872 --> 00:05:35,224
How did Jay take it?

155
00:05:36,114 --> 00:05:37,881
I haven't been able
to tell him yet.

156
00:05:38,007 --> 00:05:39,776
He might not be too thrilled.

157
00:05:39,985 --> 00:05:43,200
Do you think? I was starting
to wonder the same thing.

158
00:05:43,201 --> 00:05:44,760
He doesn't deal well with change.

159
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:45,685
I know.

160
00:05:45,686 --> 00:05:48,557
He still checks the front step
for the evening paper.

161
00:05:48,736 --> 00:05:51,121
Don't worry, mom.
I'm sure he'll adapt.

162
00:05:51,604 --> 00:05:54,656
Although, he still does
call the remote the "Clicker."

163
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,453
Ay, yeah.

164
00:06:00,832 --> 00:06:03,776
I'm bored, daddy.
Make the car dance.

165
00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:05,707
All right.
But just for a second, all right?

166
00:06:09,897 --> 00:06:11,094
Do it again.

167
00:06:11,095 --> 00:06:12,800
No. Once was enough.

168
00:06:12,977 --> 00:06:17,536
If I can't have a brother,
then I want the car to dance.

169
00:06:17,537 --> 00:06:20,160
Wow, you are really comfortable
playing that card.

170
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:21,984
Hey!

171
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,294
They wouldn't take 'em.

172
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,455
They were afraid
they might have bedbugs.

173
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:32,352
Are you serious?
They rejected our donation?

174
00:06:32,353 --> 00:06:33,504
I was so offended,

175
00:06:33,505 --> 00:06:35,152
I almost didn't buy
this fiestaware creamer.

176
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,094
2 bucks.

177
00:06:36,095 --> 00:06:37,309
Didn't know what they had.

178
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:38,977
Ah! Score.

179
00:06:39,479 --> 00:06:41,216
So what are we gonna do now?

180
00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:44,512
Get a kitten and
then name it Larry.

181
00:06:44,639 --> 00:06:47,232
Lily, honey, this is hardly
the day to get a kitten, okay?

182
00:06:47,233 --> 00:06:48,276
Would you just tell her?

183
00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:49,522
I don't know.

184
00:06:50,059 --> 00:06:51,436
I kinda want one now.

185
00:06:52,065 --> 00:06:53,536
You know, we have
been through a lot,

186
00:06:53,537 --> 00:06:57,248
and maybe the presence
of a cuddly little friend

187
00:06:57,249 --> 00:06:58,938
will help us ease the pain.

188
00:06:59,189 --> 00:07:00,657
Okay, so what you're saying is,

189
00:07:00,658 --> 00:07:02,560
You have a child-shaped
hole in your heart,

190
00:07:02,561 --> 00:07:05,330
And your plan is
to cram a cat into there?

191
00:07:06,816 --> 00:07:08,024
He has a name.

192
00:07:09,743 --> 00:07:11,870
I can't wait till your eyes
adjust to the light,

193
00:07:11,871 --> 00:07:13,469
and we see the look on your face.

194
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:14,794
I hate you guys.

195
00:07:14,795 --> 00:07:17,120
Hey, Phil, you ever think
about growing a beard?

196
00:07:17,121 --> 00:07:18,589
I mean, you got the face for it.

197
00:07:18,590 --> 00:07:19,480
- You think?
- Yeah.

198
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,554
That's funny. I always thought so,
but my wife doesn't.

199
00:07:21,555 --> 00:07:22,228
Oh, what does she know?

200
00:07:22,229 --> 00:07:24,819
Come on, you got a great nose,
those deep-set eyes.

201
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,304
I mean, you would look good.

202
00:07:26,658 --> 00:07:27,627
Thanks, Shorty.

203
00:07:27,628 --> 00:07:30,600
It's, uh, sort of a Jon Hamm
in between projects.

204
00:07:30,601 --> 00:07:31,949
Okay, put me back in the trunk.

205
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:32,969
Relax, you're almost there.

206
00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:34,091
Nope, I'm done now!

207
00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:35,540
- Hey, Jay, no!
- No! No! No! Hey!

208
00:07:35,651 --> 00:07:37,954
Jay! Jay!

209
00:07:38,310 --> 00:07:39,872
- Jay!
- Son of a bitch!

210
00:07:39,928 --> 00:07:41,081
Somebody help me!

211
00:07:41,213 --> 00:07:43,430
I would, but-- but
these pants are cashmere!

212
00:07:43,431 --> 00:07:44,711
I got you, Jay!

213
00:07:45,884 --> 00:07:47,904
You gotta calm him down!

214
00:07:48,109 --> 00:07:50,376
- Punch him in the head!
- Don't punch him in the head!

215
00:07:50,377 --> 00:07:52,779
Don't make me punch you!
I will punch you to save you!

216
00:07:52,780 --> 00:07:53,866
I think I'm being waterboarded.

217
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,411
You're making me do this!

218
00:07:56,993 --> 00:07:58,377
Get this thing off me!

219
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,940
Happy birthday.

220
00:08:02,283 --> 00:08:06,272
We're taking you fishing.

221
00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:08,916
For whatever it's worth,

222
00:08:08,917 --> 00:08:11,136
Dylan was very
responsible last night.

223
00:08:11,217 --> 00:08:13,010
He's a good guy to have
around the house.

224
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:14,944
Mm. Where we going with this?

225
00:08:14,945 --> 00:08:17,088
Well, since I can't move in
with him anymore,

226
00:08:17,089 --> 00:08:18,658
he can't afford his apartment.

227
00:08:18,659 --> 00:08:21,792
So I was wondering
if it would be okay

228
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,276
if he could stay with us
for a couple weeks?

229
00:08:24,277 --> 00:08:26,176
Sure. Oh, you know what?

230
00:08:26,177 --> 00:08:27,698
Why don't you guys take our room?

231
00:08:30,421 --> 00:08:31,854
She's being facetious.

232
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,061
Sarcastic.

233
00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:36,176
Dylan no stay.

234
00:08:36,177 --> 00:08:37,041
What?!

235
00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:38,388
Oh, come on!
He helps out a lot.

236
00:08:38,389 --> 00:08:40,096
He is very handy.

237
00:08:40,332 --> 00:08:43,360
Really? The guy who
locked himself in his car?

238
00:08:43,361 --> 00:08:46,368
You are in no position to be
asking for favors, young lady.

239
00:08:46,369 --> 00:08:48,857
Here. Drink this.
It's for your hangover.

240
00:08:49,856 --> 00:08:50,915
Ugh. It smells gross.

241
00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,637
Well, then you better
drink it fast.

242
00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:58,729
Ew! I'm gonna throw up!
Ugh! Ugh!

243
00:09:03,232 --> 00:09:04,544
That's a hangover cure?

244
00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:06,144
No.

245
00:09:07,106 --> 00:09:08,471
Well, this is probably shot.

246
00:09:09,266 --> 00:09:12,153
Once again, I'd like to apologize
for punching you in the head.

247
00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:14,272
It really was the only way
to save you

248
00:09:14,273 --> 00:09:16,889
since you were bound and...
hooded,

249
00:09:17,152 --> 00:09:18,656
which leads me
to my second apology.

250
00:09:18,657 --> 00:09:21,157
Gentlemen, come on.
As my uncle used to say,

251
00:09:21,376 --> 00:09:24,036
let's not let a botched kidnapping
ruin our whole afternoon.

252
00:09:24,037 --> 00:09:26,136
He's right.
The whole point of this

253
00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:29,152
is for you to enjoy the lake
with your three best friends.

254
00:09:29,578 --> 00:09:30,674
Stan coming?

255
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,334
Burn!

256
00:09:33,056 --> 00:09:35,272
So... 65, huh?

257
00:09:35,705 --> 00:09:38,151
You're heading into
the best years of your life.

258
00:09:38,272 --> 00:09:38,897
That's right.

259
00:09:38,898 --> 00:09:40,576
You put in the work.
You climbed the mountain.

260
00:09:40,577 --> 00:09:42,780
Now it's time to reap the rewards.

261
00:09:42,781 --> 00:09:43,558
I guess you're right.

262
00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:44,637
Sounds pretty good to me.

263
00:09:44,638 --> 00:09:46,336
You know, the more I look at you,

264
00:09:46,337 --> 00:09:48,389
the angrier I get that
you don't got a beard.

265
00:09:48,390 --> 00:09:49,578
I had a soul patch once.

266
00:09:49,579 --> 00:09:52,171
A soul patch?
That's like a beard's crap.

267
00:09:52,691 --> 00:09:54,836
I golfed six times last week.

268
00:09:54,896 --> 00:09:57,055
Found 42 balls-- a new record.

269
00:09:57,056 --> 00:09:58,694
I don't think my falcon
could have found that many,

270
00:09:58,695 --> 00:10:01,184
And he can spot
a mouse at 600 yards.

271
00:10:01,185 --> 00:10:02,857
Whats that have to do with beards?

272
00:10:02,858 --> 00:10:04,800
I thought we were talking
about Jay turning 65

273
00:10:04,801 --> 00:10:06,109
and how good that's gonna be.

274
00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:07,648
That's right.
It's gonna be great, Jay.

275
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:10,009
I'm telling ya.
I got a vegetable garden.

276
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,768
Two years ago, it was a patch
of dirt in my backyard.

277
00:10:12,793 --> 00:10:15,512
Now I got tomatoes,
I got five kinds of beans,

278
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,669
I got squash.

279
00:10:16,670 --> 00:10:18,110
And between you and me,

280
00:10:18,336 --> 00:10:20,469
I'm even thinking about
pickling my own cucumbers.

281
00:10:20,470 --> 00:10:22,283
Why would that be
between you and me?

282
00:10:22,284 --> 00:10:25,280
Because there's a
finite number of pickles.

283
00:10:25,377 --> 00:10:27,179
But don't worry.
All you guys are on the list.

284
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:28,692
Well, I'd like to make a toast.

285
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:31,891
To Jay, who's not
particularly buoyant.

286
00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,455
And again,
I'm very sorry about that.

287
00:10:33,456 --> 00:10:36,128
But he's the best father-in-law
a guy could ask for.

288
00:10:36,129 --> 00:10:38,820
- All right. - And we're--we're all
really lucky to know him. Cheers.

289
00:10:38,821 --> 00:10:40,480
- Here, here.
- Salud.

290
00:10:40,905 --> 00:10:41,932
Thanks, guys.
You know what?

291
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:44,128
It is kinda nice
being out here with all of ya.

292
00:10:44,155 --> 00:10:45,667
Hey, let's do some fishing.

293
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,104
I'm starting to feel better
now that I'm finally getting dry.

294
00:10:48,576 --> 00:10:49,591
Let's do this!

295
00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:50,763
- Let's go!
- All right!

296
00:10:57,568 --> 00:10:58,464
Sure.

297
00:10:58,465 --> 00:10:58,832
You know,

298
00:10:58,833 --> 00:11:00,670
I had a little peppermints
schnapps at my prom,

299
00:11:00,671 --> 00:11:02,336
but I hid it from my parents

300
00:11:02,337 --> 00:11:04,649
and I kicked my boyfriend out
before they woke up.

301
00:11:04,784 --> 00:11:06,096
It's called respect.

302
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,088
I'm pregnant.

303
00:11:09,929 --> 00:11:11,441
You're gonna get fat.

304
00:11:12,232 --> 00:11:13,642
You--oh!
I mean...

305
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:15,819
That's great. It's great!
You're pregnant!

306
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:17,359
It's great! Congratulations!

307
00:11:18,946 --> 00:11:20,288
It was a surprise.

308
00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:22,464
Yeah, I'll bet.
What did my dad say?

309
00:11:22,465 --> 00:11:23,886
I haven't told him yet.

310
00:11:23,887 --> 00:11:27,296
I worry that he's going to think
it's not such great news.

311
00:11:27,936 --> 00:11:29,968
Ohh, no.
Don't be silly.

312
00:11:29,984 --> 00:11:31,343
He's gonna be thrilled.

313
00:11:32,576 --> 00:11:34,568
I knew he wasn't gonna be thrilled.

314
00:11:34,683 --> 00:11:36,864
And if history was any indication,

315
00:11:36,974 --> 00:11:38,822
he wasn't gonna be able to hide it.

316
00:11:39,077 --> 00:11:42,336
It's a French Canadian
delicacy called poutine.

317
00:11:42,656 --> 00:11:43,360
Mm. Well, it looks like vomit,

318
00:11:43,361 --> 00:11:46,176
so I'm not pou-ting it in my mouth.

319
00:11:49,527 --> 00:11:50,614
We're here!

320
00:11:52,786 --> 00:11:53,852
What'd you do to your hair?

321
00:11:53,853 --> 00:11:55,392
I thought I'd try
something different.

322
00:11:55,397 --> 00:11:56,613
What, looking old?

323
00:11:59,498 --> 00:12:00,500
I had to get to dad

324
00:12:00,501 --> 00:12:03,168
before he said something
insensitive to Gloria.

325
00:12:04,625 --> 00:12:07,008
But she is gonna get
really fat, though.

326
00:12:09,277 --> 00:12:10,683
Dad, call me back.

327
00:12:10,684 --> 00:12:12,233
I have something
very important to tell you

328
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:14,017
so when you get home
you don't say something stupid

329
00:12:14,018 --> 00:12:15,360
like you usually do.

330
00:12:15,371 --> 00:12:16,939
Oh, happy birthday.

331
00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,906
Yeah. I've gotta say,

332
00:12:20,071 --> 00:12:23,040
you're handling this baby thing
better than I would've expected.

333
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:23,862
What do you mean?

334
00:12:23,863 --> 00:12:25,952
You're used to being
the only kid in the house.

335
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:29,054
Now there's gonna be a new kid.
Jay's kid.

336
00:12:29,079 --> 00:12:29,859
So?

337
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,616
Well, the old Manny
would've been worried

338
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:33,617
That Jay would love
the new kid more.

339
00:12:33,764 --> 00:12:36,095
I think you're underestimating
how adorable I am.

340
00:12:36,096 --> 00:12:38,816
You're right.
You're way cuter than a baby.

341
00:12:39,123 --> 00:12:40,595
I'm gonna go check on dinner.

342
00:12:42,742 --> 00:12:45,856
Sometimes I just like to toss
a grenade and run away.

343
00:12:47,317 --> 00:12:48,647
All right, take a whiff.

344
00:12:48,648 --> 00:12:49,456
Make sure you like it,

345
00:12:49,457 --> 00:12:51,334
'cause that's what
our couch is gonna smell like.

346
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:53,856
Okay, hi.
Yes, we're gonna take this one.

347
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,847
Oh, I'm gonna need you
to slow down a bit.

348
00:12:55,848 --> 00:12:57,634
There's a process
we need to go through

349
00:12:57,635 --> 00:12:59,776
to see if you're a suitable
cat guardian.

350
00:12:59,777 --> 00:13:01,246
Oh, really?
Because I thought the process was,

351
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,165
I say, "We'll take this one."

352
00:13:02,166 --> 00:13:04,129
And then you say, "Thank God
because we have too many cats."

353
00:13:04,130 --> 00:13:07,168
No. We need to ensure these cats
are going to good homes.

354
00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:09,006
That's why we need you
to fill out this form,

355
00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:10,720
And then there'll be a site visit.

356
00:13:10,721 --> 00:13:13,280
Okay, um, we've just been
through a very frustrating year

357
00:13:13,281 --> 00:13:15,138
trying to adopt a baby, so...

358
00:13:15,506 --> 00:13:17,156
You'll forgive us
if we're not really in the mood

359
00:13:17,157 --> 00:13:19,392
to jump through
too many hoops for a cat.

360
00:13:19,393 --> 00:13:21,345
Oh. Why wouldn't they
give you a baby?

361
00:13:21,346 --> 00:13:22,859
- It's complicated.
- So are cats.

362
00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:24,928
Are they? 'cause that one
over there has been licking

363
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,163
itself ever since we got here.

364
00:13:26,164 --> 00:13:28,732
Okay, you know what?
I'm--I can't do this.

365
00:13:29,492 --> 00:13:30,838
What about Larry?

366
00:13:30,839 --> 00:13:32,448
I'm sorry, Lily.
Not today.

367
00:13:35,093 --> 00:13:37,164
Mitchell stormed off,
but I couldn't.

368
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,740
I had to give her
a piece of my mind.

369
00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:39,776
And how'd that go?

370
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,862
I may have strayed
off topic just a bit.

371
00:13:42,007 --> 00:13:42,986
No, sir!

372
00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:45,568
No, she will always be
Norma Jeane Baker to me.

373
00:13:45,569 --> 00:13:46,879
What is your point, exactly?

374
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,757
That like the
thrice-married starlet,

375
00:13:48,758 --> 00:13:51,808
this cat is being deprived
a stable home.

376
00:13:51,809 --> 00:13:53,177
I'm sorry if you're upset.

377
00:13:53,178 --> 00:13:55,134
You're the one who
should be upset, ma'am.

378
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,455
We are animals lovers.

379
00:13:57,663 --> 00:14:00,529
That cat would've been
on the receiving end of affection

380
00:14:00,530 --> 00:14:02,306
24 hours a day.

381
00:14:02,389 --> 00:14:06,346
Satisfying its every need
would've been our top priority.

382
00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,150
Okay, in light of that tableau,

383
00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:17,920
I would like to take back
the phrase "receiving end."

384
00:14:18,985 --> 00:14:21,550
Mom, I've decided I'm not
going to poetry camp.

385
00:14:21,551 --> 00:14:22,716
What? Why not?

386
00:14:22,717 --> 00:14:24,160
'Cause by the time I come back,

387
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:25,903
Jay will have turned
my room into a nursery.

388
00:14:25,904 --> 00:14:26,845
No, he won't.

389
00:14:26,846 --> 00:14:28,075
I'm not his real kid.

390
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,912
I'll be as insignificant
as a whisper in a windstorm.

391
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,699
Oh, listen to you.
You have a gift.

392
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,187
You have to go
to the poetry camp.

393
00:14:35,188 --> 00:14:36,256
I don't think I can risk it.

394
00:14:36,257 --> 00:14:39,040
Manny, please. I have too much
to worry about right now.

395
00:14:39,041 --> 00:14:40,176
- Okay?
- You?

396
00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:41,686
I dug a pretty big hole for myself

397
00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,363
with those insult jokes
this morning.

398
00:14:43,582 --> 00:14:45,193
Why didn't I learn from Rickles?

399
00:14:45,194 --> 00:14:46,912
You gotta end with some ticker.

400
00:14:49,225 --> 00:14:50,107
Okay, I give up.

401
00:14:50,108 --> 00:14:52,124
I can't find a position
that's not sexual.

402
00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:54,412
- Just calm down.
- I can't calm down.

403
00:14:54,413 --> 00:14:57,309
You know, maybe we're not
as okay as we keep saying we are.

404
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,079
- I know.
- Maybe we should go away.

405
00:15:00,086 --> 00:15:02,350
You know, go someplace to heal.

406
00:15:02,351 --> 00:15:03,375
Where?

407
00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:05,696
Well, someplace with
a vibrant theater scene...

408
00:15:06,629 --> 00:15:08,180
Top-notch restaurants...

409
00:15:08,925 --> 00:15:10,092
The jewel of Missouri's white river.

410
00:15:10,093 --> 00:15:11,271
We're not going to Branson.

411
00:15:11,272 --> 00:15:14,424
Okay, fine.
Where would you go?

412
00:15:14,563 --> 00:15:16,416
I don't know.
Maybe Europe?

413
00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:17,323
London?

414
00:15:17,335 --> 00:15:19,392
Just somewhere far away.

415
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:23,247
- I'm just sad, Cam.
- I am, too.

416
00:15:23,776 --> 00:15:25,952
You know, I had
our mornings all planned out.

417
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:29,639
The baby and I would
walk Lily to kindergarten

418
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,068
and then cut back home
through the park

419
00:15:31,069 --> 00:15:32,736
and feed those ducks
that you're not supposed to feed

420
00:15:32,737 --> 00:15:34,243
but everybody does.

421
00:15:34,995 --> 00:15:36,632
I bought a picture frame
for my desk,

422
00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:38,912
and it's just sitting there,

423
00:15:39,527 --> 00:15:41,023
waiting for his face.

424
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:42,337
Come here.

425
00:15:45,638 --> 00:15:46,752
I already feel better.

426
00:15:46,753 --> 00:15:47,761
Me, too.

427
00:15:47,762 --> 00:15:49,546
See what the power
of a hug can do?

428
00:15:49,888 --> 00:15:51,798
Just saved us a long
plane ride with a toddler.

429
00:15:51,799 --> 00:15:54,878
- And a cat that we didn't want.
- Oh, we're still getting that.

430
00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,813
All right, how does this look?

431
00:15:59,298 --> 00:16:01,682
Perfectly innocent.
They're not even touching.

432
00:16:02,566 --> 00:16:04,064
Great. Okay. Let's go.

433
00:16:04,065 --> 00:16:05,153
All right.

434
00:16:05,414 --> 00:16:06,848
You ready, honey?

435
00:16:11,864 --> 00:16:13,481
Go. Go.

436
00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,851
Hey, Mrs. Dunphy?

437
00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:18,591
I heard about what Haley asked you,
and just so you know,

438
00:16:18,592 --> 00:16:21,152
I never wanted
to put you in that position.

439
00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:23,280
- I'll be fine.
- That's good to know.

440
00:16:24,632 --> 00:16:26,928
My cousin Dylan said
I could stay at his house.

441
00:16:27,168 --> 00:16:29,425
Well, not really at his house.

442
00:16:29,426 --> 00:16:31,952
More like behind it...
In the garage.

443
00:16:31,953 --> 00:16:32,840
Okay.

444
00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:34,528
Well, actually,
there are no walls,

445
00:16:34,529 --> 00:16:36,042
So it's more of a porte cochere.

446
00:16:36,043 --> 00:16:37,016
Fancy.

447
00:16:37,017 --> 00:16:38,594
Anyway, I'll be sleeping in it.

448
00:16:38,595 --> 00:16:39,955
It's got a bathroom.

449
00:16:40,546 --> 00:16:41,871
More of a half-bath.

450
00:16:41,872 --> 00:16:43,352
It's a coffee can.

451
00:16:44,057 --> 00:16:45,632
- Ohh.
- Anyway, I'll be fine

452
00:16:45,633 --> 00:16:48,134
once I find a nice tent
to protect me from the coyotes.

453
00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:50,496
Well, be sure to hang
your food up high.

454
00:16:51,144 --> 00:16:52,320
We're back!

455
00:16:52,903 --> 00:16:54,374
Birthday boy's here!

456
00:16:54,797 --> 00:16:56,105
Hey, Jay, you're all wrinkled.

457
00:16:56,106 --> 00:16:57,695
Yeah, yeah, I'm old. I get it.

458
00:16:57,696 --> 00:16:59,040
No, I mean your clothes.

459
00:16:59,041 --> 00:17:00,891
Yeah, when I was your age,
I was wearing animal skins.

460
00:17:00,892 --> 00:17:01,830
Bam! You got me.

461
00:17:01,831 --> 00:17:03,680
I think, bam!
You got yourself.

462
00:17:03,681 --> 00:17:04,955
I'm just expressing concern.

463
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:06,794
Let me guess--
about my bone density.

464
00:17:06,795 --> 00:17:08,154
You know,
you're a real smart-ass.

465
00:17:08,155 --> 00:17:10,528
At this rate, I'll be living
in the basement.

466
00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:11,700
Lucky.

467
00:17:12,045 --> 00:17:14,573
Dad? Dad, okay, quick.
Just come here one second.

468
00:17:14,574 --> 00:17:15,487
I gotta tell you something.

469
00:17:15,488 --> 00:17:20,256
Somebody is about to tell you
some very important news.

470
00:17:20,257 --> 00:17:21,883
And for the first time
in your life,

471
00:17:21,884 --> 00:17:23,488
I need you to react nicely.

472
00:17:23,489 --> 00:17:26,089
- I always react nicely.
- You never do.

473
00:17:26,090 --> 00:17:29,280
And this person in question
is very vulnerable right now.

474
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:32,402
So could you please just
be loving and supportive?

475
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,705
- Happy birthday, dad!
- Oh, thank you.

476
00:17:34,706 --> 00:17:36,128
That's a boy.

477
00:17:36,129 --> 00:17:38,592
Sorry we're late,
but it's for a good reason.

478
00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:41,661
We're thinking about
getting a cat.

479
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:45,056
Well, isn't that wonderful?

480
00:17:45,057 --> 00:17:48,096
I'm thrilled for you both.
This is a heck of a decision.

481
00:17:48,097 --> 00:17:49,657
You have my full support.

482
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:52,818
Okay.

483
00:17:52,819 --> 00:17:54,880
I think it'll be a perfect
addition to the family.

484
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:57,216
I know I'll love the heck out
of the little bugger.

485
00:17:57,217 --> 00:17:59,564
I'm just hoping that little one
over there doesn't get jealous.

486
00:17:59,565 --> 00:18:01,116
Oh, this little one
will be just fine

487
00:18:01,117 --> 00:18:02,681
now that he knows
where he stands--

488
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,384
In the shadow of your new baby!

489
00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:05,533
What's he talking about?

490
00:18:05,659 --> 00:18:08,090
He's talking about I am pregnant.

491
00:18:08,091 --> 00:18:10,016
- Oh, come on!
- Pregnant?!

492
00:18:10,017 --> 00:18:11,066
You gotta be kidding me!

493
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:13,293
Oh, gross. I didn't know
grandpa could still do it.

494
00:18:13,294 --> 00:18:14,731
Don't be disrespectful, Luke.

495
00:18:14,732 --> 00:18:16,608
Anyone could do it with Gloria.

496
00:18:16,609 --> 00:18:20,352
And if you're too set in your
old ways to be happy about it,

497
00:18:20,353 --> 00:18:21,726
I can raise it on my own.

498
00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:23,871
I have done it before,
and I can do it now!

499
00:18:23,872 --> 00:18:27,488
I come from a very long line
of strong Latin women

500
00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:30,176
whose husbands
are nowhere to be found!

501
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:33,605
- Are you done?
- Yes!

502
00:18:33,701 --> 00:18:35,445
- Can I say something?
- Go on!

503
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,072
That's the greatest news
I've ever heard.

504
00:18:39,693 --> 00:18:40,551
It is?

505
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:44,000
I spent the day hearing what
my future had in store for me,

506
00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:45,941
and I didn't like one bit of it.

507
00:18:46,074 --> 00:18:47,866
It felt like my life was ending.

508
00:18:48,832 --> 00:18:51,440
And now you're telling me
that I get to have a new start...

509
00:18:52,678 --> 00:18:53,974
with the woman of my dreams.

510
00:18:56,118 --> 00:18:57,414
I think I'm gonna cry.

511
00:18:57,618 --> 00:18:58,908
I'm way ahead of you.

512
00:18:58,909 --> 00:18:59,764
Can you believe this?

513
00:18:59,765 --> 00:19:01,903
I know. They wouldn't
even let us get a cat.

514
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:03,647
It's gonna be great!

515
00:19:03,677 --> 00:19:05,472
I'm gonna get so fat.

516
00:19:05,473 --> 00:19:06,761
Mostly great.

517
00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:15,552
Oh, gross.
They're at it again.

518
00:19:15,553 --> 00:19:17,404
If you don't like it, don't look.

519
00:19:18,504 --> 00:19:20,031
She looks great, doesn't she?

520
00:19:20,032 --> 00:19:21,215
Yeah.

521
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:23,815
Not really gaining weight
the way I would've expected.

522
00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:26,688
I finally understand why people
say pregnant women glow.

523
00:19:27,039 --> 00:19:28,887
Phil, I have had three children.

524
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,535
Hey, dad, Gloria,
open our present.

525
00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:34,613
Ooh! I hope it's something fancy.

526
00:19:34,861 --> 00:19:37,676
It's for the baby. I love it!

527
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:41,180
We got it in a shop
at Heathrow, duty free.

528
00:19:41,888 --> 00:19:43,315
Not for long.

529
00:19:43,628 --> 00:19:45,008
Isn't it absolutely brilliant?

530
00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:47,623
Okay, we were in London two weeks.
Lose the accent, Madonna.

531
00:19:47,624 --> 00:19:49,369
Why is your face all scratched up?

532
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,647
Stupid Larry.

533
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,147
This feels so weird.

534
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:53,376
It suits you.

535
00:19:53,494 --> 00:19:55,477
Don't even joke about it.

536
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,547
That's it. He is moving out
of the house tomorrow.

537
00:19:58,651 --> 00:19:59,710
Really?

538
00:19:59,711 --> 00:20:01,224
Oh, and that beard is going.

539
00:20:01,344 --> 00:20:04,152
Fine, but it's gonna kill Shorty.

540
00:20:04,896 --> 00:20:07,028
Okay, everybody,
let's gather together.

541
00:20:07,029 --> 00:20:09,536
Manny's gonna read us
a little something

542
00:20:09,537 --> 00:20:11,749
that he prepare
in his poetry camp.

543
00:20:11,750 --> 00:20:12,878
Thank you, mom.

544
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:15,377
This is for my new
baby brother or sister.

545
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:17,977
"Welcome, little one.

546
00:20:18,275 --> 00:20:20,366
Open your eyes and take your place.

547
00:20:20,607 --> 00:20:22,080
This is where you're meant to be,

548
00:20:22,144 --> 00:20:24,048
Nestled in the bosom
of your mother."

549
00:20:24,049 --> 00:20:25,071
Lucky baby.

550
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,112
- What?
- Love you, baby.

551
00:20:27,857 --> 00:20:29,376
"This is where you're meant to be,

552
00:20:29,377 --> 00:20:30,961
in the arms of your father.

553
00:20:31,322 --> 00:20:34,114
His long, long journey
has readied him for this day,

554
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,353
though his skin may be loose,

555
00:20:36,354 --> 00:20:37,786
his hair but a wisp,

556
00:20:37,813 --> 00:20:39,480
and his eyes milky with age,"

557
00:20:39,481 --> 00:20:40,687
All right, we're done here.

558
00:20:44,512 --> 00:20:45,512
Get a drink.

559
00:20:47,328 --> 00:20:49,912
Don't feel bad about
making move out, Mrs. D.

560
00:20:49,936 --> 00:20:51,232
I knew this day
would come eventually,

561
00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:52,624
and I'm totally covered.

562
00:20:52,625 --> 00:20:54,379
Great. So we'll see you around.

563
00:20:54,380 --> 00:20:56,203
I got a place with
an old friend of mine.

564
00:20:56,204 --> 00:20:59,452
Well, not so much
of a place as a storage pod.

565
00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:02,637
And not so much of a...
friend as a raccoon.

566
00:21:02,644 --> 00:21:04,172
Good to know you'll have company.

567
00:21:04,433 --> 00:21:07,134
I call him bubbles because
his mouth is all foamy.

568
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:09,194
Dylan, I'm on to your little game.

569
00:21:09,195 --> 00:21:10,333
I know non of this is true.

570
00:21:10,334 --> 00:21:12,435
You just try to guilt me
into I letting you stay.

571
00:21:12,436 --> 00:21:14,636
You're right, I'm sorry.

572
00:21:14,701 --> 00:21:16,349
I'll just live in my car.

573
00:21:16,898 --> 00:21:18,122
Think I can borrow a coat hanger

574
00:21:18,123 --> 00:21:20,103
in case I get lock in there again.

575
00:21:20,104 --> 00:21:21,711
- God.
- What's going on?

576
00:21:22,837 --> 00:21:24,073
No, no no.
All of it.

577
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:27,481
Sure you don't wanna dance
with the devil before I get rid of it.

578
00:21:27,482 --> 00:21:28,323
Go.

579
00:21:28,573 --> 00:21:31,808
Fine.

580
00:21:32,008 --> 00:21:34,508
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