1 00:00:00,728 --> 00:00:02,261 Howdy! 2 00:00:02,330 --> 00:00:05,063 Welcome to the Thanksgiving country jamboree! 3 00:00:05,143 --> 00:00:06,609 - Wow. - We got the whole Dunphy clan, 4 00:00:06,678 --> 00:00:08,477 Claire, Phil, Luke, Alex and -- 5 00:00:08,546 --> 00:00:11,614 Well, and who is this happy farmhand? 6 00:00:11,683 --> 00:00:13,082 I'm Jerry. 7 00:00:13,151 --> 00:00:14,550 Jerry used to live next door. 8 00:00:14,619 --> 00:00:16,886 He's been going through a brutal divorce for years, 9 00:00:16,955 --> 00:00:18,387 and he was gonna spend Thanksgiving alone. 10 00:00:18,456 --> 00:00:19,989 Phil thought it'd be a good idea 11 00:00:20,058 --> 00:00:22,892 if he spent the day with a happy, functional family. 12 00:00:22,961 --> 00:00:25,628 We couldn't find one, so he's coming with us. 13 00:00:25,697 --> 00:00:27,897 - So, where's Haley? - She's with Rainer. 14 00:00:27,933 --> 00:00:29,766 They've been seeing a lot of each other, which is great. 15 00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:31,250 Funny thing is, he was my friend first, 16 00:00:31,318 --> 00:00:32,951 but now I never see him. Or Haley. 17 00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:34,486 - Phil. - It's what everybody's thinking. 18 00:00:34,555 --> 00:00:35,988 I don't want people walking on eggshells 19 00:00:36,057 --> 00:00:38,323 'cause he was my friend first, but now I never see him. 20 00:00:38,532 --> 00:00:39,331 Or Haley. 21 00:00:39,379 --> 00:00:41,746 I'm only allowed to see my children once a week. 22 00:00:41,815 --> 00:00:42,880 I hardly know them. 23 00:00:42,949 --> 00:00:44,949 Oh, well, Clark's head of the math club, 24 00:00:45,018 --> 00:00:46,918 and Tina's turned into a bit of a slut. 25 00:00:46,986 --> 00:00:48,686 Thanks for the update. 26 00:00:48,755 --> 00:00:51,456 - Okay, there they are! - Hi! 27 00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:53,491 Don't y'all look as pretty as a peach pie 28 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,625 on a Sunday afternoon? 29 00:00:54,694 --> 00:00:55,760 For the love of God, 30 00:00:55,829 --> 00:00:57,595 this is the last thing I need today. 31 00:00:57,664 --> 00:01:00,098 Hey, Flavor Flav, what's up with the giant watch? 32 00:01:00,166 --> 00:01:02,100 It's my doctor being a pain in the butt. 33 00:01:02,168 --> 00:01:03,634 One high reading, I got this thing 34 00:01:03,703 --> 00:01:05,269 taking my blood pressure all day. 35 00:01:05,338 --> 00:01:06,237 Wait, are you okay? 36 00:01:06,306 --> 00:01:09,340 No. He needs to quit cigars and the terrible food. 37 00:01:09,409 --> 00:01:11,275 Last week, I caught him in the garage 38 00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:12,376 eating a Polish sausage. 39 00:01:12,445 --> 00:01:14,145 What a man does behind his water heater 40 00:01:14,214 --> 00:01:15,279 is his own business. 41 00:01:15,348 --> 00:01:16,881 Don't worry about it. I've got it beat. 42 00:01:16,950 --> 00:01:17,950 Here's my trick. 43 00:01:18,017 --> 00:01:19,784 As soon as this thing goes off, 44 00:01:19,853 --> 00:01:21,919 I start singing sweet '70s soft rock 45 00:01:21,988 --> 00:01:23,221 to mellow myself out. 46 00:01:23,289 --> 00:01:25,156 Those songs could do anything. 47 00:01:25,225 --> 00:01:26,891 Seals and Crofts came on, 48 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,026 lady's bell bottoms came off. 49 00:01:30,163 --> 00:01:31,429 - Well... - Hey, y'all. 50 00:01:31,498 --> 00:01:33,064 Anybody have a hankering for a hush puppy? 51 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:35,199 Oh, geez. 52 00:01:35,268 --> 00:01:36,834 ♪ Summer breeze ♪ 53 00:01:36,903 --> 00:01:39,337 ♪ Makes me feel fine ♪ 54 00:01:39,405 --> 00:01:41,485 - What is going on here? - ♪ Blowing through the jas- ♪ 55 00:01:41,541 --> 00:01:42,673 It's a Thanksgiving jamboree! 56 00:01:42,742 --> 00:01:44,809 We have bales of hay. We have a cider press. 57 00:01:44,878 --> 00:01:46,511 Ooh, we're even deep-frying a turkey. 58 00:01:46,579 --> 00:01:47,612 And you're on-board with this? 59 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,580 Yes! Come on, it's good country fun. 60 00:01:49,649 --> 00:01:50,649 No. 61 00:01:50,717 --> 00:01:52,650 For Cam, maybe. 62 00:01:52,719 --> 00:01:54,318 What is happening? Is he hitting you? 63 00:01:54,387 --> 00:01:55,786 No. 64 00:01:55,855 --> 00:01:56,787 You did something, didn't you? 65 00:01:56,856 --> 00:01:57,955 You did! 66 00:01:58,024 --> 00:01:59,090 I didn't do anything. 67 00:01:59,159 --> 00:02:00,758 I'm -- I'm loving this, okay? 68 00:02:00,827 --> 00:02:01,926 Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:01,995 --> 00:02:03,861 That takes practice. 70 00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:06,697 No, I am not leaving here until you tell me what you did. 71 00:02:06,766 --> 00:02:08,166 Can I get you a mason jar of Chardonnay? 72 00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:09,234 Giddy up. 73 00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:12,570 Mr. Student Council President, 74 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:14,705 have you had a chance to look at my proposal 75 00:02:14,774 --> 00:02:17,008 updating the honor code to address cyber-bullying? 76 00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:18,276 One second. 77 00:02:22,749 --> 00:02:24,115 Why would you call me that? 78 00:02:25,652 --> 00:02:28,052 Luke somehow beat me in the election for president, 79 00:02:28,121 --> 00:02:29,620 and I still can't get over it. 80 00:02:29,689 --> 00:02:32,123 Not to be hyperbolic, but humans are a decade away 81 00:02:32,192 --> 00:02:33,791 from fighting apes on horseback. 82 00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:35,059 You're trying to tell me 83 00:02:35,128 --> 00:02:37,728 that there's absolutely nothing weird going on here? 84 00:02:37,797 --> 00:02:38,930 You are dressed like a character 85 00:02:38,998 --> 00:02:40,198 out of "It's Raining Mice and Men." 86 00:02:40,266 --> 00:02:41,532 I don't know what you're talking about, okay? 87 00:02:41,601 --> 00:02:44,268 I am enjoying this more than a farm animal 88 00:02:44,337 --> 00:02:46,704 missing a limb engaged in... 89 00:02:46,773 --> 00:02:48,573 some sort of activity. 90 00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:49,681 Okay, I did something bad. 91 00:02:49,742 --> 00:02:50,875 I knew it. 92 00:02:50,944 --> 00:02:52,144 Yeah, yeah, something real bad. 93 00:02:52,212 --> 00:02:53,444 I need Cam in a good mood before I tell him. 94 00:02:53,513 --> 00:02:55,479 Is it infidelity? If feels like infidelity. 95 00:02:55,548 --> 00:02:57,782 - I can't say. - Hey, Mitchell? 96 00:02:57,850 --> 00:03:00,384 It's your turn to feel the burn on the churn! 97 00:03:00,453 --> 00:03:03,287 Well, then I "butter" get over there. 98 00:03:03,356 --> 00:03:05,022 Okay, come on! 99 00:03:05,091 --> 00:03:07,058 Hey, Dwight. 100 00:03:07,126 --> 00:03:08,492 Ma'am. 101 00:03:08,561 --> 00:03:10,194 So, did they just happen to have this costume 102 00:03:10,263 --> 00:03:11,263 lying around in your size? 103 00:03:11,331 --> 00:03:12,730 Weirdly, they did. 104 00:03:12,799 --> 00:03:14,465 Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, Dwight 105 00:03:14,534 --> 00:03:16,634 has one of the most important games of the season next week 106 00:03:16,703 --> 00:03:18,069 and I can't have you getting him sick. 107 00:03:18,137 --> 00:03:19,137 Yeah, I'm over the mono. 108 00:03:19,205 --> 00:03:20,605 But it could still be contagious, 109 00:03:20,673 --> 00:03:22,173 and I have a fun costume idea for you. 110 00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:24,575 How about being an old-timey bank robber? 111 00:03:24,644 --> 00:03:28,145 You gotta cover that face before the marshal gets to town. 112 00:03:28,214 --> 00:03:30,281 Hi! Oh, what happened? 113 00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:32,550 Oh, nothing, just a Korean laser peel. 114 00:03:32,619 --> 00:03:35,186 Hurt like hell, but once the skin regenerates, 115 00:03:35,255 --> 00:03:37,288 it's gonna take ten years off these money makers. 116 00:03:37,357 --> 00:03:40,358 Hey! There she is. 117 00:03:40,426 --> 00:03:41,859 Thanks for dropping her off. 118 00:03:41,928 --> 00:03:44,528 Uh, actually, Rainer's daughter is with her mom, 119 00:03:44,597 --> 00:03:46,797 so I invited him to spend Thanksgiving with us. 120 00:03:46,866 --> 00:03:49,834 I am loving this country theme! 121 00:03:49,902 --> 00:03:52,203 This reminds me of when I worked for Newscenter Twelve 122 00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:54,238 in Tulsa, except no one here's bitter and drunk. 123 00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:58,276 Gosh, I would hate for you to feel weird, though, 124 00:03:58,344 --> 00:03:59,910 since this is just for family. 125 00:03:59,979 --> 00:04:01,479 Isn't that our old neighbor, Jerry, 126 00:04:01,547 --> 00:04:02,913 stuffing appetizers into a ziplock? 127 00:04:04,384 --> 00:04:06,984 You know what, Rainer, you are more than welcome to stay. 128 00:04:07,053 --> 00:04:08,386 Thank you. 129 00:04:08,454 --> 00:04:10,421 Okay, well, I guess the main thing 130 00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:11,989 is all the Dunphys are here. 131 00:04:12,058 --> 00:04:13,624 Hey, Rainer, what's the weather going to be like for tomorrow? 132 00:04:13,693 --> 00:04:15,726 Clear and sunny skies, highs in the mid 70s, 133 00:04:15,795 --> 00:04:17,595 but hang onto that umbrella 'cause Monday... 134 00:04:17,664 --> 00:04:19,030 Yeah, I just needed tomorrow, 135 00:04:19,098 --> 00:04:20,965 because that's when we're having our big family football game. 136 00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:22,400 Remember last year? 137 00:04:22,468 --> 00:04:23,601 We ran that play? 138 00:04:23,670 --> 00:04:24,702 The Haley Mary? 139 00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:25,936 Uh, but tomorrow we're supposed... 140 00:04:26,005 --> 00:04:27,705 To have sunny weather? Yeah, you said that. 141 00:04:27,774 --> 00:04:29,907 Rainer's taking me to Cabo for the weekend. 142 00:04:29,976 --> 00:04:31,375 So, I had a problem. 143 00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:32,843 I wasn't sure if my hairdryer 144 00:04:32,912 --> 00:04:35,212 ran on Mexican electricity. 145 00:04:35,281 --> 00:04:37,281 Oh, and telling my dad. 146 00:04:37,350 --> 00:04:39,016 I had two problems. 147 00:04:47,212 --> 00:04:50,545 Synced and corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com 148 00:04:51,928 --> 00:04:54,261 Doctor's call it "hysterical impotence." 149 00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:56,219 There's nothing physically wrong, per Se. 150 00:04:56,224 --> 00:04:57,757 But because of my divorce trauma, 151 00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,361 I guess I'm rewired down there. 152 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,628 I get it. 153 00:05:00,697 --> 00:05:02,030 Okay, city slickers, 154 00:05:02,099 --> 00:05:05,834 guess who has a genuine petting zoo in the backyard? 155 00:05:07,304 --> 00:05:08,503 ♪ Summer breeze ♪ 156 00:05:08,572 --> 00:05:10,839 ♪ Makes me feel fine ♪ 157 00:05:10,907 --> 00:05:12,207 All right! 158 00:05:12,275 --> 00:05:14,442 Wow! 159 00:05:14,511 --> 00:05:16,177 Animals! 160 00:05:16,246 --> 00:05:18,146 Oh, Cam, and you had the scarecrow 161 00:05:18,215 --> 00:05:19,881 made to look like Mitch! 162 00:05:19,950 --> 00:05:22,083 No, no, no, my mom sent that out from Missouri. 163 00:05:22,152 --> 00:05:23,251 I grew up with that. 164 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,120 I even learned how to dance with it. 165 00:05:25,188 --> 00:05:27,322 I guess, now that you mention it, I do have a-a type. 166 00:05:27,391 --> 00:05:28,690 Hey, what's on this goat's head? 167 00:05:28,759 --> 00:05:30,091 That's my big idea -- 168 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,127 A camera to capture everyone's delight! 169 00:05:32,195 --> 00:05:33,261 Guess what I call it. 170 00:05:33,330 --> 00:05:34,429 Goat-Pro? 171 00:05:34,498 --> 00:05:37,432 That's also a... good name, yep. 172 00:05:37,501 --> 00:05:40,502 Look, Joe. This is a goat. 173 00:05:41,838 --> 00:05:43,571 Ahh, I'm scared! 174 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,840 No, no, no, there's nothing to be scared of. 175 00:05:45,909 --> 00:05:48,109 That's the way he says, "I love you." 176 00:05:48,178 --> 00:05:50,111 Of all the animals, this one is the one 177 00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:53,782 that sounds the most like an informer being tortured. 178 00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:56,684 I cannot have another son that is afraid of animals. 179 00:05:56,753 --> 00:05:59,154 When Manny was 5, he went to a petting zoo 180 00:05:59,222 --> 00:06:01,523 with a backpack full of truffle popcorn. 181 00:06:01,591 --> 00:06:03,925 By the time they pulled the pigs off him, 182 00:06:03,994 --> 00:06:06,227 he was only wearing one sock. 183 00:06:06,296 --> 00:06:07,796 Joe, relax. 184 00:06:07,864 --> 00:06:10,365 Animals don't attack people for no reason. 185 00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:12,233 Let go of me! Oh, let go of me! 186 00:06:12,302 --> 00:06:14,302 - Run, Jerry! They do terrible things! - Shh! 187 00:06:14,371 --> 00:06:16,771 Ohh! 188 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,840 Hey. Good news. 189 00:06:18,909 --> 00:06:21,142 The box of hair products we pre-shipped has arrived 190 00:06:21,211 --> 00:06:22,877 and is waiting for us at the resort. 191 00:06:22,946 --> 00:06:24,379 I don't care about our hair anymore. 192 00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:26,214 Hey! That's crazy talk. 193 00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:28,716 I still haven't gotten up the guts to tell my parents. 194 00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:31,820 My mom will be cool, but my dad is gonna freak out. 195 00:06:31,888 --> 00:06:32,888 Well, I'll tell him. 196 00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:34,722 Your dad and I are buds. 197 00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:38,193 And I am excellent at delivering bad news with a smile. 198 00:06:38,261 --> 00:06:39,828 And that means the Coast Guard 199 00:06:39,896 --> 00:06:41,796 will be spending the holidays with their families, 200 00:06:41,865 --> 00:06:44,532 because the search has been called off. 201 00:06:44,601 --> 00:06:46,634 Wow, you're good. 202 00:06:46,703 --> 00:06:48,636 Phil. Hey. 203 00:06:48,705 --> 00:06:52,340 I know we haven't been spending enough time together lately, 204 00:06:52,409 --> 00:06:56,744 but I scored this amazing villa in Cabo for the weekend, 205 00:06:56,813 --> 00:06:58,780 and I wanted to take a special someone. 206 00:06:58,849 --> 00:07:00,014 Listening. 207 00:07:00,083 --> 00:07:01,816 I know you have your big family football game, 208 00:07:01,885 --> 00:07:03,451 but it's right on the water. 209 00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,386 Horseback riding on the beach. 210 00:07:05,455 --> 00:07:06,688 I see us both in white shirts. 211 00:07:06,756 --> 00:07:07,622 Phil. 212 00:07:07,691 --> 00:07:09,224 Claire, I know. 213 00:07:09,292 --> 00:07:11,372 It sounds like the best weekend of my life, mi amigo, 214 00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:12,293 but I can't. 215 00:07:12,362 --> 00:07:13,561 It's family time. 216 00:07:13,630 --> 00:07:14,662 He wants to take Haley. 217 00:07:14,731 --> 00:07:15,763 Yeah. 218 00:07:15,832 --> 00:07:17,032 Did you think I was asking you? 219 00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,901 What... brother can't yank a brother's chain? 220 00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,202 You trippin'? 221 00:07:21,271 --> 00:07:22,570 This guy! 222 00:07:24,107 --> 00:07:25,139 I'll send you some pictures. 223 00:07:25,208 --> 00:07:26,641 - Okay. - But not from the nude beach. Ooh! 224 00:07:26,710 --> 00:07:29,777 Oh, that's funny 'cause it's my naked daughter! 225 00:07:29,846 --> 00:07:31,646 And you're taking her away! 226 00:07:31,681 --> 00:07:32,681 It's okay. 227 00:07:33,648 --> 00:07:36,180 See? They like it when you pet them. 228 00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:37,815 And when you look into their eyes, 229 00:07:37,884 --> 00:07:39,617 you can see that they're very smart. 230 00:07:39,686 --> 00:07:41,986 They have a very deep soul. 231 00:07:42,055 --> 00:07:43,654 What's his name? 232 00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,957 Name? It's a goat. Just touch it. 233 00:07:46,025 --> 00:07:48,826 I know it's a bummer, Haley going to Cabo. 234 00:07:48,895 --> 00:07:51,495 I wouldn't salt those margarita glasses just yet. 235 00:07:51,564 --> 00:07:54,599 Once I remind her how much fun Thanksgiving weekend is here, 236 00:07:54,667 --> 00:07:56,100 she's not going anywhere. 237 00:07:56,169 --> 00:07:58,569 Well, I hope it goes better than your big presentation 238 00:07:58,638 --> 00:08:00,805 on why the Ice Capades were cooler than Coachella. 239 00:08:02,909 --> 00:08:04,508 - Hey, honey. - Hi. 240 00:08:04,577 --> 00:08:07,178 I heard you had some tentative travel plans. 241 00:08:07,247 --> 00:08:09,380 Actually, we just checked in for our flight online. 242 00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:10,982 Thanks for being so cool about this. 243 00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:12,383 Of course. Mmm. 244 00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:15,620 Potable water. 245 00:08:15,688 --> 00:08:17,121 We take this stuff 246 00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:18,656 for granted stateside, don't we? 247 00:08:18,725 --> 00:08:21,092 It's a five-star resort. I'm sure we'll be fine. 248 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,560 Smell those side dishes. 249 00:08:22,629 --> 00:08:23,895 They're gonna be even better tomorrow 250 00:08:23,963 --> 00:08:24,963 at the post-game picnic. 251 00:08:24,998 --> 00:08:26,063 You know what's not a picnic? 252 00:08:26,132 --> 00:08:27,365 Putting on your bedroom slipper 253 00:08:27,433 --> 00:08:28,833 and getting an ankle full of scorpion. 254 00:08:28,902 --> 00:08:30,501 Thanks, Dad. I'll take my chances. 255 00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:32,010 That's what you said about Coachella, 256 00:08:32,038 --> 00:08:34,005 and you missed Kristi Yamaguchi doing a triple twist lift 257 00:08:34,073 --> 00:08:35,740 with Jiminy Cricket. 258 00:08:36,876 --> 00:08:38,776 What? 259 00:08:38,845 --> 00:08:41,145 You are not allowed to eat those with your blood pressure. 260 00:08:41,214 --> 00:08:43,047 Don't worry. These chips won't show up for a couple of weeks, 261 00:08:43,116 --> 00:08:44,248 and by then I'll have switched doctors. 262 00:08:44,317 --> 00:08:46,484 Sorry, Gloria's orders. 263 00:08:46,552 --> 00:08:49,086 Hey, Jay, looks like you could use a little square dance. 264 00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:50,388 That would be about the last... 265 00:08:50,456 --> 00:08:52,189 ♪ Ho, grab your partner, swing 'em 'round ♪ 266 00:08:52,258 --> 00:08:53,758 ♪ Put on your best suit and go to town ♪ 267 00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:55,026 Cam, why are you... 268 00:08:55,094 --> 00:08:56,414 ♪ Eat some corn and ride a horse ♪ 269 00:08:56,462 --> 00:08:57,795 ♪ Are we having fun? Why, yes, of course! ♪ 270 00:08:57,864 --> 00:08:58,829 That's it! I'm out of here! 271 00:08:58,898 --> 00:09:00,097 Huh? 272 00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,766 I need some aspirin. I'm going to a pharmacy. 273 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:03,868 I'm coming too. No reason. 274 00:09:03,937 --> 00:09:06,037 Apparently, you don't need a reason to leave your family. 275 00:09:06,105 --> 00:09:08,739 I'll go too. I'm out of Ramen and Xanax. 276 00:09:09,609 --> 00:09:11,709 What's happening? 277 00:09:11,778 --> 00:09:13,477 This is what we in the weather game 278 00:09:13,546 --> 00:09:15,313 refer to as a "high-pressure system." 279 00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:20,384 This reminds me of the time 280 00:09:20,453 --> 00:09:21,953 I walked in on you watching "Top Gun". 281 00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:23,721 You need to stop telling that story. 282 00:09:23,790 --> 00:09:26,757 Whatever you did to Cam, it can't have been that bad. 283 00:09:26,826 --> 00:09:28,926 And it is not worth this. 284 00:09:28,995 --> 00:09:31,062 Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm worrying too much. 285 00:09:31,130 --> 00:09:32,130 You are. 286 00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:34,432 I gave Cam's Fizbo costume away. 287 00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,300 Oh, my God, he's gonna kill everyone in the house. 288 00:09:36,369 --> 00:09:38,135 The truck was here, and there were so many boxes, 289 00:09:38,204 --> 00:09:40,438 and you know how excited I get about a deduction. 290 00:09:40,506 --> 00:09:41,806 Listen to me. 291 00:09:41,874 --> 00:09:43,607 He's not going to believe that this was an accident. 292 00:09:43,676 --> 00:09:45,576 You can never, ever tell him. 293 00:09:45,645 --> 00:09:47,111 He's gonna know it's missing. 294 00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:48,813 I mean, he pulls it out for everything. 295 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,948 Birthday parties, brunches, hot yoga... 296 00:09:51,017 --> 00:09:52,783 - Blah. - Mm-hmm. 297 00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:54,085 I-I need to wait for the right moment. 298 00:09:54,153 --> 00:09:55,653 There's not gonna be a right moment. 299 00:09:55,722 --> 00:09:58,389 Hey, ain't nothing in the world that can get me down 300 00:09:58,458 --> 00:10:00,024 when I'm holding a little piglet. 301 00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,093 Look at her! 302 00:10:01,127 --> 00:10:02,927 It's time. Sweetie? 303 00:10:02,996 --> 00:10:04,261 - Don't do it. - Don't do what? 304 00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:06,063 I need you to sit down for this. 305 00:10:06,132 --> 00:10:07,064 Take a bale. 306 00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,299 Think of the children. 307 00:10:08,368 --> 00:10:10,001 Lily, Dwight. 308 00:10:10,069 --> 00:10:11,869 Um... 309 00:10:11,938 --> 00:10:14,538 I gave Fizbo away. 310 00:10:17,777 --> 00:10:19,010 What? 311 00:10:19,078 --> 00:10:20,718 I know how much that costume meant to you, 312 00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:24,115 and I am so, so sorry. 313 00:10:24,183 --> 00:10:26,217 Well, it's a lot to process. 314 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:29,186 - I know. - Accidents do happen. 315 00:10:29,255 --> 00:10:30,988 And I am holding a little piglet. 316 00:10:32,592 --> 00:10:34,392 I forgive you. 317 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:38,262 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a turkey to deep fry. 318 00:10:38,331 --> 00:10:39,630 Here. Hold Connor. 319 00:10:39,699 --> 00:10:41,966 No, I Okay. 320 00:10:44,137 --> 00:10:45,236 I married the sweetest, 321 00:10:45,304 --> 00:10:46,804 most understanding man on the planet. 322 00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:49,140 Or he did something even worse to you 323 00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:50,608 and wants to get you in a good mood. 324 00:10:50,676 --> 00:10:51,976 No. 325 00:10:52,045 --> 00:10:53,310 Yes! 326 00:10:55,782 --> 00:10:57,048 Hey! 327 00:10:57,116 --> 00:10:58,516 You don't have to cover your face. 328 00:10:58,584 --> 00:11:00,304 I don't care what Coach Cam says about mono. 329 00:11:00,353 --> 00:11:01,652 You're way too pretty. 330 00:11:01,721 --> 00:11:03,854 Oh, no. 331 00:11:03,923 --> 00:11:05,556 I mean, listen, I'm flattered, 332 00:11:05,625 --> 00:11:11,395 but even though you are so, so tall 333 00:11:11,464 --> 00:11:13,731 you are in high school and I'm... 334 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:14,732 Very beautiful. 335 00:11:15,802 --> 00:11:17,401 Well... 336 00:11:17,470 --> 00:11:20,438 I was going to say, "in college," but thanks. 337 00:11:21,641 --> 00:11:23,774 Stop it, oh, my God! 338 00:11:23,843 --> 00:11:25,276 Ugh! Dad is killing me. 339 00:11:25,344 --> 00:11:27,078 He's trying to guilt trip me out of going to Cabo. 340 00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:28,779 When is he gonna let me live my own life? 341 00:11:28,848 --> 00:11:30,381 Maybe when you stop living out of his basement 342 00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:31,482 and eating all of his food. 343 00:11:31,551 --> 00:11:33,451 You're right. I am a victim. 344 00:11:35,955 --> 00:11:37,955 I should get this tiny mouthwash for Haley. 345 00:11:38,024 --> 00:11:40,391 It's the abandon-your-family travel size. 346 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:41,859 Oh, dear God. 347 00:11:41,928 --> 00:11:44,495 I know -- Corn Nuts, two-for-one sale. 348 00:11:44,564 --> 00:11:46,831 I feel like God's giving me the middle finger. 349 00:11:46,899 --> 00:11:51,068 No. That's my wife's divorce lawyer. 350 00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:52,369 I can't believe it. 351 00:11:52,438 --> 00:11:54,271 That bastard was my ex's lawyer. 352 00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:56,107 - Are you kidding me? - Whoa. 353 00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:59,310 I bet he's here to buy some extra-small condoms, 354 00:11:59,378 --> 00:12:02,079 the kind that they keep behind the counter. 355 00:12:02,148 --> 00:12:03,981 Shut up. 356 00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:05,916 I keep having this dream that he's dying of thirst 357 00:12:05,985 --> 00:12:07,585 in the desert, and I hit him with my car. 358 00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:09,353 - I thought you were over it. - I thought I was. 359 00:12:09,422 --> 00:12:11,355 Let's get out of here before my cuff explodes. 360 00:12:11,424 --> 00:12:13,157 Yeah, he already ruined my family. 361 00:12:13,226 --> 00:12:15,392 I don't want him to ruin my Thanksgiving too. 362 00:12:16,662 --> 00:12:18,696 No. 363 00:12:18,764 --> 00:12:20,731 We're not going anywhere. 364 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:21,999 It's time someone stood up 365 00:12:22,068 --> 00:12:23,767 to the weasels who sweep into our lives, 366 00:12:23,836 --> 00:12:26,237 break up our families, and take our loved ones to Cabo. 367 00:12:26,305 --> 00:12:28,639 I feel like you're making this about you, but you're right. 368 00:12:28,708 --> 00:12:30,708 Do you know when my high blood pressure started? 369 00:12:30,776 --> 00:12:32,276 When I met that guy. 370 00:12:32,345 --> 00:12:34,245 Is this when someone's supposed to say, "Get him!" 371 00:12:34,313 --> 00:12:35,513 - No. - You hold him down. 372 00:12:35,581 --> 00:12:37,047 I'm gonna beat him with this orthopedic shoe. 373 00:12:37,116 --> 00:12:38,282 Come here! 374 00:12:38,351 --> 00:12:40,484 Let's not lock into our -- our first idea. 375 00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:42,419 I love you, Mr. Goat! 376 00:12:42,488 --> 00:12:44,054 Aw, you see, Joe? 377 00:12:44,123 --> 00:12:46,223 You listen to Mommy, and now you have a new best friend. 378 00:12:47,627 --> 00:12:48,526 What? 379 00:12:49,695 --> 00:12:51,395 You're cold? I'll go get you a blanket! 380 00:12:52,798 --> 00:12:54,265 Well, if he was going to get the pig a blanket, 381 00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:55,432 you know what that would be called. 382 00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:56,600 Pig in a blanket? 383 00:12:56,669 --> 00:12:57,868 Okay, I teed that one up for you. 384 00:12:57,937 --> 00:12:59,303 All right, it's time to fry this turkey. 385 00:12:59,372 --> 00:13:01,252 Somebody please lower my splatter goggles, boys? 386 00:13:01,307 --> 00:13:02,239 You heard him. 387 00:13:02,308 --> 00:13:03,574 You do it. 388 00:13:03,643 --> 00:13:05,376 You're not the president of goggle lowering. 389 00:13:05,444 --> 00:13:07,845 I would be if they took a vote. 390 00:13:07,914 --> 00:13:11,015 What could Cam have done? 391 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,616 Maybe he's the one who's having an affair. 392 00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:15,152 I saw a list of clues in a magazine. 393 00:13:15,221 --> 00:13:18,155 Has he joined a gym or bought sexy new underwear recently? 394 00:13:18,224 --> 00:13:19,957 I think it's sweet that you think 395 00:13:20,026 --> 00:13:23,494 we're capable of having an affair, but we're just so tired. 396 00:13:23,563 --> 00:13:24,895 All right now, boys, 397 00:13:24,964 --> 00:13:28,365 the key is you drop it nice and gentle like. 398 00:13:30,736 --> 00:13:31,835 Mono! 399 00:13:33,539 --> 00:13:34,738 Runaway goat! 400 00:13:35,708 --> 00:13:37,408 Ay! 401 00:13:37,476 --> 00:13:40,578 Aw, you wanted to run to the barn! 402 00:13:41,981 --> 00:13:43,113 Aw! 403 00:13:43,182 --> 00:13:45,950 Let me put a positive spin on this. 404 00:13:46,018 --> 00:13:47,985 Who here likes goat? 405 00:13:52,225 --> 00:13:53,724 Hello, you son of a bitch. 406 00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:56,460 Hope you like that deodorant, 'cause you stink! 407 00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:57,828 Wart remover -- 408 00:13:57,897 --> 00:13:59,063 Well, if that works, there'll be nothing left. 409 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:01,565 Well, well, well. Norbert and Pritchett. 410 00:14:01,634 --> 00:14:03,267 Jay, I don't think I ever got a chance 411 00:14:03,336 --> 00:14:05,269 to thank you for buying me my first Ferrari. 412 00:14:05,338 --> 00:14:06,604 I wish you drove it off a cliff. 413 00:14:06,672 --> 00:14:07,905 Like the one my house is on, 414 00:14:07,974 --> 00:14:09,373 which you also paid for, thank you? 415 00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:12,576 This doesn't sound like we're getting him. 416 00:14:12,645 --> 00:14:14,445 Look, you want some free legal advice, fellas? 417 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,848 Three words -- Ladies. Leave. Losers. 418 00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:20,251 No, sir, we have three words for you. 419 00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:22,186 Have you no sh-- Have you -- 420 00:14:22,255 --> 00:14:25,656 Have no -- have you no shame -- It can be four words. 421 00:14:25,725 --> 00:14:26,790 Who's this chuckle-head? 422 00:14:26,859 --> 00:14:28,459 Someone who you're never gonna know, 423 00:14:28,527 --> 00:14:30,427 'cause I'm happily married most of the time. 424 00:14:30,496 --> 00:14:32,029 Aw, that's what they all say. 425 00:14:32,098 --> 00:14:34,698 Then one day your wife wakes up and says, "Oh, my God! 426 00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:36,133 I married a moron!" 427 00:14:36,202 --> 00:14:39,436 She calls me, and I'm like, "Hello, Mrs. Chuckle--" 428 00:14:45,878 --> 00:14:47,311 Yeah, that's about right. 429 00:14:51,496 --> 00:14:52,528 He might have had a heart attack. 430 00:14:52,597 --> 00:14:53,997 We probably ought to do something. 431 00:14:54,065 --> 00:14:55,931 Oh, I saw some champagne back there. 432 00:14:56,041 --> 00:14:57,207 It's the guy on the ground! 433 00:14:57,276 --> 00:14:59,709 Oh! Take the defibrillator, I'll call 911. 434 00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:01,445 Guys, help me out. I don't know what I'm doing. 435 00:15:01,513 --> 00:15:02,746 I watch a lot of "Grey's Anatomy," 436 00:15:02,815 --> 00:15:04,614 but I fast-forward through the non-romantic scenes. 437 00:15:04,683 --> 00:15:05,949 No no no, we're not gonna save him! 438 00:15:06,018 --> 00:15:07,284 Jerry, no, Jerry. 439 00:15:07,352 --> 00:15:08,618 Jay, get him off me! 440 00:15:08,687 --> 00:15:11,488 Look at his basket. Wasn't much of a life. 441 00:15:11,557 --> 00:15:13,323 Ohh! 442 00:15:16,162 --> 00:15:18,129 Ah, hell, I'm gonna regret this. 443 00:15:19,271 --> 00:15:21,505 I'm feeling better, Pritchett. I think it was just gas. 444 00:15:21,575 --> 00:15:22,707 Better safe than sorry. 445 00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:24,776 Aah! 446 00:15:24,845 --> 00:15:27,045 Oh, I deserve some of the blame. 447 00:15:27,114 --> 00:15:29,147 I made my farmscape too inviting. 448 00:15:29,216 --> 00:15:31,649 Okay. This is a mess. 449 00:15:31,718 --> 00:15:32,784 What are we gonna do now? 450 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,166 Alex, how many goats have to die 451 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:37,669 until you get a handle on your insatiable appetite 452 00:15:37,738 --> 00:15:38,758 for high-school boys? 453 00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:40,297 Actually, i-it's my fault. 454 00:15:40,365 --> 00:15:42,065 Ooh, Dwight. We're good-looking guys. 455 00:15:42,134 --> 00:15:43,900 We don't apologize for it. 456 00:15:43,969 --> 00:15:45,702 I got you a blanket, Mr. Goat. 457 00:15:45,771 --> 00:15:47,304 No, no, no, no, no! 458 00:15:47,372 --> 00:15:49,606 We're going to wait for Santa Claus by the chimney! 459 00:15:49,675 --> 00:15:51,107 But it's Thanksgiving. 460 00:15:52,176 --> 00:15:53,243 What about Mr. Goat? 461 00:15:53,312 --> 00:15:55,212 How come I don't hear him anymore? 462 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,581 Ay, Mr. Goat is fine! 463 00:15:57,649 --> 00:15:59,082 Baaa! 464 00:15:59,151 --> 00:16:00,550 Did you hear that? 465 00:16:00,619 --> 00:16:02,185 What is it, Mr. Goat? 466 00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:03,620 Baaa! 467 00:16:03,689 --> 00:16:06,389 He's saying that he needs some time alone. 468 00:16:06,458 --> 00:16:08,725 Look, there's some cookies for Santa. 469 00:16:08,794 --> 00:16:10,760 Here, why don't you go and sit by the chimney and wait. 470 00:16:10,829 --> 00:16:13,230 Santa! 471 00:16:13,298 --> 00:16:16,700 Hey lookit, it's not my place to try to parent your kids. 472 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:17,901 Good. 473 00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,669 But one thing we learn on the farm 474 00:16:19,738 --> 00:16:22,372 is that death is a part of life. 475 00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,121 If you tell Joe what happened to that goat, 476 00:16:24,176 --> 00:16:25,576 death is gonna be part of your life. 477 00:16:25,644 --> 00:16:28,378 You know what, kids can handle a lot more than you think. 478 00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:30,881 And every step, from birth till the end, 479 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,283 has its own magical beauty. 480 00:16:33,352 --> 00:16:34,792 So, do we jam the goat in the garbage 481 00:16:34,853 --> 00:16:36,353 or heave it over the fence? 482 00:16:36,421 --> 00:16:37,988 Teach your children well. 483 00:16:38,056 --> 00:16:40,924 Hey. Thanks for before. 484 00:16:40,993 --> 00:16:42,792 You know, pushing me out of the way of the goat. 485 00:16:42,861 --> 00:16:43,861 Don't worry about it. 486 00:16:43,896 --> 00:16:45,662 It's more about protecting the office. 487 00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:48,665 Look, I think we both know you should have been president. 488 00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:51,835 Maybe I've been hard on you 'cause I'm jealous. 489 00:16:51,904 --> 00:16:53,970 Gloria: Yeah, okay. 490 00:16:54,039 --> 00:16:57,040 You two keep making out while I carry the dead goat. 491 00:17:04,583 --> 00:17:06,082 Mr. Goat? 492 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,818 Baaaa? 493 00:17:08,887 --> 00:17:11,454 Any suspicious activity on that phone bill? 494 00:17:11,523 --> 00:17:13,456 Well, Cam spent $100 on the psychic hotline... 495 00:17:13,525 --> 00:17:15,892 but that's normal during the run-up to award's season. 496 00:17:15,961 --> 00:17:17,294 - Oh. - Hey. 497 00:17:17,362 --> 00:17:18,962 I just saw we were running out of pumpkin dip, 498 00:17:19,031 --> 00:17:20,797 and I know it's your favorite, so I brought you some. 499 00:17:20,866 --> 00:17:22,032 What's your game? 500 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,633 - Yeah, show us your underwear. - What? 501 00:17:23,702 --> 00:17:25,769 Why are we so understanding about Fizbo, huh? 502 00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:26,770 What are you hiding? 503 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,038 - Hiding? - Mm-hmm. 504 00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:29,272 Shame on you. 505 00:17:29,341 --> 00:17:30,874 It's Thanksgiving. 506 00:17:30,943 --> 00:17:32,809 I want to celebrate with my husband, 507 00:17:32,878 --> 00:17:36,079 my daughter, my lovely family, Jerry. 508 00:17:36,148 --> 00:17:38,415 I think it's sad that you two look at life 509 00:17:38,483 --> 00:17:39,883 as some sort of game where everyone's trying 510 00:17:39,952 --> 00:17:41,551 to get away with something. 511 00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:43,553 Some people are just nice. 512 00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:46,556 They bought it. 513 00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,358 Truth is, I paid for the jamboree 514 00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:51,962 with money we had saved for a romantic Hawaiian vacation. 515 00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:55,198 I even sprung for fancy straw bales flown in from Missouri. 516 00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:59,035 Ohh. That's class. 517 00:18:01,940 --> 00:18:03,473 The hell happened here? 518 00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:06,309 I think I felt enough for one day. 519 00:18:06,378 --> 00:18:07,711 - Ohh! - Oh! 520 00:18:07,779 --> 00:18:10,714 It's possible I've been electrocuted one too many times. 521 00:18:10,782 --> 00:18:12,782 You know, I learned something today. 522 00:18:12,851 --> 00:18:16,353 I saw a man nearly die right in front of me. 523 00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:18,321 And this is a constant reminder 524 00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:20,357 that it can happen to me at any moment. 525 00:18:20,425 --> 00:18:22,325 It's a lot to think about. 526 00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:23,526 So I'm not gonna. 527 00:18:25,597 --> 00:18:26,796 Phil, get me a beer. 528 00:18:26,865 --> 00:18:28,732 Jerry, get me a scotch. 529 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,867 I learned something today, too. 530 00:18:30,936 --> 00:18:32,969 It's a lot right now, Jerry. 531 00:18:36,975 --> 00:18:38,308 Hey. 532 00:18:38,377 --> 00:18:40,310 What's a matter, kid? 533 00:18:40,379 --> 00:18:42,212 I loved Mr. Goat. 534 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,147 - He died. - Ohh. 535 00:18:44,216 --> 00:18:45,582 Please don't smoke. 536 00:18:45,651 --> 00:18:50,420 Hey, don't you worry about a thing, Joey. 537 00:18:50,489 --> 00:18:52,455 I'm not going anywhere. 538 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:01,031 Dad, I don't care what you say. 539 00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,099 I'm going to Cabo. 540 00:19:02,167 --> 00:19:03,167 You sure are. 541 00:19:03,201 --> 00:19:04,234 Sure, I'm gonna get kidnapped 542 00:19:04,302 --> 00:19:05,969 by Aztecs and sacrificed in a volcano. 543 00:19:06,038 --> 00:19:08,505 - I get it. - No, honey, I want you to go. 544 00:19:08,573 --> 00:19:11,608 I-I'm sorry about earlier. I was mad. 545 00:19:11,677 --> 00:19:13,443 And instead of talking about it, 546 00:19:13,512 --> 00:19:16,179 I pushed it down and it came out in some ugly ways 547 00:19:16,248 --> 00:19:19,649 with my beautiful daughter and a lawyer who has warts. 548 00:19:21,053 --> 00:19:22,952 Anyway, it's just more and more of your life 549 00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:25,555 is happening away from me, and it's normal and good, 550 00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:26,890 but it's hard. 551 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:28,958 Damn it, why do you have to be so sweet? 552 00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:30,060 Now I feel guilty. 553 00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:32,395 Don't. Go to Cabo. Have fun. 554 00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:34,197 You know, I could play football today. 555 00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:35,765 Run that Haley Mary? 556 00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:37,267 That would be so wonderful... 557 00:19:37,335 --> 00:19:39,235 - Oh! - Ow! 558 00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:42,038 - Electrocuted again? - Real bad. 559 00:19:43,608 --> 00:19:46,276 - Okay, break! - All right, everybody. 560 00:19:46,344 --> 00:19:49,212 Welcome to the 15th annual Thanksgiving football game, 561 00:19:49,281 --> 00:19:51,381 being played a day early. 562 00:19:51,450 --> 00:19:53,083 I'd be remiss if I didn't mention 563 00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:55,251 how beautiful it is that we're all together. 564 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,887 Is it just me, or can you feel the love... 565 00:19:57,956 --> 00:19:59,122 Can we please do this? 566 00:19:59,191 --> 00:20:01,825 - All right. - Down! 567 00:20:01,893 --> 00:20:02,992 Set. 568 00:20:03,061 --> 00:20:04,794 Phil, we're good, right? Oh, we're great. 569 00:20:04,863 --> 00:20:06,396 You should really take Claire to this resort. 570 00:20:06,465 --> 00:20:07,230 Very romantic. 571 00:20:07,299 --> 00:20:08,765 Blue, 39! 572 00:20:08,834 --> 00:20:10,667 Heart-shaped jacuzzi in every room. 573 00:20:10,736 --> 00:20:13,103 Kansas City, Kansas City... 574 00:20:14,372 --> 00:20:17,440 Actually, now I'm great. 575 00:20:17,509 --> 00:20:19,542 Oh, my God, Dad. Seriously? 576 00:20:19,611 --> 00:20:21,811 Ahh. 577 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,713 Ah, what a beautiful day. 578 00:20:25,376 --> 00:20:27,375 Oh, I am exhausted. 579 00:20:27,674 --> 00:20:29,674 I'm counting down the days till we're in Hawaii. 580 00:20:29,742 --> 00:20:31,909 Sweetie, I don't know if you can count that high. 581 00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:33,868 You remember how cool I was with the whole Fizbo thing? 582 00:20:33,937 --> 00:20:36,804 Cam, you spent the Hawaii money on this party, didn't you? 583 00:20:36,873 --> 00:20:38,506 What is wrong with us? 584 00:20:38,575 --> 00:20:40,308 From now on, can we just be honest with each other, 585 00:20:40,376 --> 00:20:41,475 all right? No more games. 586 00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:42,577 Deal. 587 00:20:42,645 --> 00:20:44,445 Hey, daddies. You look tired. 588 00:20:44,514 --> 00:20:46,280 I made you some grilled cheese sandwiches. 589 00:20:46,349 --> 00:20:47,982 Love you. 590 00:20:48,051 --> 00:20:50,174 - Well, there's something we did right. - Yeah. 591 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,400 I needed them in a good mood. 592 00:20:52,424 --> 00:20:54,424 I kept this from the petting zoo. 593 00:20:54,448 --> 00:21:00,448 Synced and corrected by gloriabg www.addic7ed.com