1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:01,928 - Come on in. - Hey-o! 2 00:00:01,953 --> 00:00:03,373 - Hi! - Hello. 3 00:00:03,398 --> 00:00:05,298 Do you love our sweaters? 4 00:00:05,368 --> 00:00:07,694 I thought they would be perfect for the Snow Ball dance. 5 00:00:07,719 --> 00:00:09,385 I got them at the store where you buy things 6 00:00:09,454 --> 00:00:10,687 that go with the other things. 7 00:00:10,755 --> 00:00:12,255 Oh, I know that place. That's where we got 8 00:00:12,324 --> 00:00:14,107 our Salt-N-Pepa salt and pepper shakers. 9 00:00:14,132 --> 00:00:16,865 Claire can never tell which one is which. 10 00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:19,662 A confusing idea poorly executed. 11 00:00:19,731 --> 00:00:20,867 Stop implying I'm a racist. 12 00:00:20,892 --> 00:00:23,273 How did we get roped into this chaperone thing? 13 00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:26,102 This incredibly annoying PTA mom, Marjorie, 14 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,889 keeps hounding us to volunteer for things, 15 00:00:27,914 --> 00:00:29,703 and we finally ran out of excuses. 16 00:00:29,728 --> 00:00:31,465 Ooh, I should probably tell her we're coming. 17 00:00:32,581 --> 00:00:33,599 Unreal. 18 00:00:33,624 --> 00:00:34,679 "Where are you?" 19 00:00:34,704 --> 00:00:35,953 "Are you with Claire?" 20 00:00:35,978 --> 00:00:37,444 "How far away are you?" 21 00:00:37,469 --> 00:00:39,492 "Text me when you're close." 22 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,757 "I locked my keys in my car." 23 00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:43,229 Oh, that's from Haley. 24 00:00:43,254 --> 00:00:44,906 Much as I'd love to meet this dingbat, 25 00:00:44,931 --> 00:00:47,023 how many chaperones do they really need? 26 00:00:47,125 --> 00:00:50,343 Takes one person to turn a garden hose on those dry humpers. 27 00:00:50,368 --> 00:00:52,201 If Phil is going, you are going. 28 00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:55,654 I don't like being the only person in the room without a husband. 29 00:00:55,679 --> 00:00:57,281 It's my one insecurity. 30 00:00:57,306 --> 00:00:58,668 Phil's just trying to be nice. 31 00:00:58,693 --> 00:01:00,136 He doesn't want to go to this thing, either. 32 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,640 Actually, I was looking forward to it. 33 00:01:01,665 --> 00:01:03,850 Maybe meet some of these so-called cheerleaders. 34 00:01:03,875 --> 00:01:06,175 Watch their faces when I tell them we could kewpie a scorpion 35 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,055 into a cradle catch and then pop up into a split extension. 36 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:11,214 Most of that stuff's illegal now. 37 00:01:11,239 --> 00:01:13,616 I think what Phil's trying to say is that 38 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:16,937 he and I haven't had a boy's night in a good while. 39 00:01:16,962 --> 00:01:19,088 I mean, wouldn't it be nice to just hang out together, 40 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:20,429 just you and me? 41 00:01:20,453 --> 00:01:22,093 What do you say, buddy? 42 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:24,695 What?! 43 00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:28,975 Might be nice to have a hang with my boy Jay. 44 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,633 If it's fine with you. 45 00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,635 Sure, it's the least I could do, because tomorrow 46 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,837 you are going to help Luke with his homework 47 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:36,640 while I visit wine country. 48 00:01:36,665 --> 00:01:38,151 I want to go. 49 00:01:38,176 --> 00:01:40,943 That's just what she calls lying on the trampoline drinking Chardonnay. 50 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:41,968 Ah. 51 00:01:41,993 --> 00:01:43,846 Oh, yes! We're on our way. 52 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:44,912 - Okay. - Bye-bye. 53 00:01:44,937 --> 00:01:46,215 - Bye. - Have fun, you two. 54 00:01:46,248 --> 00:01:48,076 Don't worry about us. We'll have a blast. 55 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,552 We'll have a good time. We'll have a good time. 56 00:01:49,621 --> 00:01:51,354 Yes! 57 00:01:51,423 --> 00:01:53,589 This is gonna be so great! 58 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:54,857 Sure it will. Maybe give them about 59 00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:57,607 a five-minute lag time before you hit the road. 60 00:01:57,632 --> 00:01:58,795 What do you mean? You... 61 00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:00,306 you said we were gonna do something together. 62 00:02:00,331 --> 00:02:02,734 I was just trying to get us out of that stupid dance. 63 00:02:02,773 --> 00:02:04,054 Oh. 64 00:02:04,649 --> 00:02:06,523 - Okay. - Enjoy your night, Phil. 65 00:02:06,548 --> 00:02:09,133 I've got a date with an epic Western about a crooked sheriff, 66 00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:12,275 and I'm at the first of what I predict to be many wrongful hangings. 67 00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:14,177 Well, if you're not up for doing anything, 68 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,750 I think I'll just go to the dance. 69 00:02:15,775 --> 00:02:17,524 What? No. You can't do that. 70 00:02:17,549 --> 00:02:18,781 Makes me look like a jerk. 71 00:02:18,817 --> 00:02:20,734 - Well, then what am I supposed to do? - Whatever you like. 72 00:02:20,759 --> 00:02:22,952 - I want to go to the dance. - How are you not getting this? 73 00:02:22,977 --> 00:02:25,406 Fine. I'll just go home. 74 00:02:25,734 --> 00:02:26,856 You're going to the dance, aren't you? 75 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:29,304 - Of course I am. - All right, you win. 76 00:02:29,656 --> 00:02:31,545 - We'll do something. - Awesome! 77 00:02:31,617 --> 00:02:33,257 - What do you want to do? - Gosh, I don't know. 78 00:02:33,282 --> 00:02:35,198 I mean, dancing is still so much in the air. 79 00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:36,910 - Uh-huh - Where are you going? 80 00:02:36,935 --> 00:02:38,140 Scotch country. 81 00:02:46,586 --> 00:02:50,585 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 82 00:02:51,125 --> 00:02:52,923 We're low on ice in bucket 12. 83 00:02:53,719 --> 00:02:55,588 Hey, hey, those crab cakes have to last all night. 84 00:02:55,613 --> 00:02:57,046 Push the cheese. 85 00:02:58,188 --> 00:02:59,297 Setlist? 86 00:03:00,625 --> 00:03:01,761 You're starting with "Get Lucky"? 87 00:03:01,786 --> 00:03:03,867 Come on, we're telling a story here. 88 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,029 Do you know what time it is? 89 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,218 I thought you were gonna help me set up. 90 00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:11,148 Sorry, buddy. I was worrying about the big-picture stuff. 91 00:03:11,297 --> 00:03:13,475 Hmm. Is there enough room for it here, 92 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,248 or should I put it in the back entrance? 93 00:03:15,273 --> 00:03:17,625 You can certainly put it in a back entrance. 94 00:03:18,242 --> 00:03:21,341 Oh, my gosh, doesn't everything look so lovely? 95 00:03:21,366 --> 00:03:22,498 Well, it's high school. 96 00:03:22,523 --> 00:03:24,334 Dress it up all you want, it's still the place I spent 97 00:03:24,359 --> 00:03:26,943 four years being tormented by sadistic bullies. 98 00:03:26,968 --> 00:03:28,687 Nice shirt, Michelle. 99 00:03:28,712 --> 00:03:30,855 Oh, you know what? Times have changed. 100 00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:32,716 In high school, did you ever imagine 101 00:03:32,741 --> 00:03:34,618 you'd end up with the football coach? 102 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,253 The football coach? No. 103 00:03:36,278 --> 00:03:38,725 The swim coach, Mr. Artino, almost nightly. 104 00:03:38,750 --> 00:03:41,068 Oh, Coach Tucker, Mitchell. 105 00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,314 Thank you for volunteering. 106 00:03:42,339 --> 00:03:43,371 I couldn't say no. 107 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:45,195 The kids on the team practically begged me. 108 00:03:45,231 --> 00:03:48,853 It's an amazing thing to matter so much and inspire so many. 109 00:03:48,878 --> 00:03:50,878 Oh, no, I think they just wanted you here 110 00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:51,953 so they can prank you. 111 00:03:52,004 --> 00:03:53,170 - Hmm? - Yeah. 112 00:03:53,195 --> 00:03:54,975 The football team has something all worked out. 113 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,568 I don't know what it is 'cause I checked out 114 00:03:56,593 --> 00:03:58,131 after they capped my salary. 115 00:03:58,156 --> 00:03:59,912 But there's usually a mess, 116 00:03:59,937 --> 00:04:02,506 so you might want to throw a poncho over all that finery. 117 00:04:02,531 --> 00:04:05,092 Oh. Oh, my God, I hate pranks so much. 118 00:04:05,117 --> 00:04:07,576 Now I'm gonna spend the whole dance paranoid 119 00:04:07,601 --> 00:04:08,863 wondering what they're gonna do. 120 00:04:08,888 --> 00:04:10,131 Is it gonna hurt? Am I gonna cry? 121 00:04:10,156 --> 00:04:11,522 You're a clown. 122 00:04:11,624 --> 00:04:13,367 Isn't that mostly just pranking people? 123 00:04:13,392 --> 00:04:16,393 No, it is not. Clowns are loving and joyful. 124 00:04:16,462 --> 00:04:18,672 You know what? I was warned about this kind of ignorance. 125 00:04:18,697 --> 00:04:21,750 Don't make me regret marrying outside the big top. 126 00:04:22,034 --> 00:04:23,390 What? 127 00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:27,308 We got to keep our eyes peeled 128 00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,244 for kids trying to bring alcohol in here. 129 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,276 I cannot make it through this thing without a drink. 130 00:04:31,301 --> 00:04:33,182 Marjorie, 12:00. 131 00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:34,506 Oh, God. 132 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,075 Quick, pretend we're having a fight. 133 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,176 - Then she won't come over here. - Mm-hmm. 134 00:04:38,201 --> 00:04:40,690 You stole my inheritance, you gold digger! 135 00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:42,548 Wow, you had that one ready to go. 136 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:43,872 There you are. 137 00:04:43,897 --> 00:04:44,963 Did you get my texts? 138 00:04:44,988 --> 00:04:46,554 Look what I've already confiscated. 139 00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:49,413 Oh, shameful. I'll take that. 140 00:04:49,438 --> 00:04:52,120 So, I still need volunteers to call parents 141 00:04:52,145 --> 00:04:53,745 for silent auction items. 142 00:04:53,770 --> 00:04:56,170 I've divided it into six-hour shifts, 143 00:04:56,195 --> 00:04:58,674 so if you switch ears every half-hour, 144 00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,098 it's actually not bad. 145 00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:02,302 Can I count on you two ladies? 146 00:05:02,327 --> 00:05:05,745 I'm so busy, but I can't speak for Gloria. 147 00:05:05,878 --> 00:05:08,640 My phone English no so good. 148 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,128 I get it. I'm a bit of a nag-eroo. 149 00:05:11,153 --> 00:05:12,237 Mm. 150 00:05:12,262 --> 00:05:13,795 Like my mom always jokes, 151 00:05:13,820 --> 00:05:15,253 you know who you should bore with this? 152 00:05:15,278 --> 00:05:17,678 Your husband. Oh, right, he left you. 153 00:05:22,341 --> 00:05:23,874 That woman is so uptight. 154 00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:25,398 - You know what she needs? - Mm. 155 00:05:25,423 --> 00:05:26,643 A man. 156 00:05:26,668 --> 00:05:29,469 That is a very old-fashioned attitude, 157 00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:32,118 which in this case, seems pretty accurate. 158 00:05:32,143 --> 00:05:34,309 A man, a man, a man. Where can we find one. 159 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,835 Hey, Siri, record "Antiques Roadshow." 160 00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:38,359 I can't think of anyone. 161 00:05:38,384 --> 00:05:39,839 Principal Brown. 162 00:05:39,864 --> 00:05:41,331 He's single. We could fix them up. 163 00:05:41,356 --> 00:05:43,542 - At the Winter dance. - Mm-hmm. 164 00:05:43,567 --> 00:05:44,878 That's so romantic. 165 00:05:44,903 --> 00:05:47,504 Yes, and maybe she'll get off our backs 166 00:05:47,529 --> 00:05:49,395 if she spends more time on hers. 167 00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:52,120 You really are your father's son. 168 00:05:57,962 --> 00:05:58,971 Hey, you okay? 169 00:05:58,996 --> 00:06:00,969 Guy just made fun of my bow tie in front of everyone. 170 00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,160 Asked if I was trying to look gay. 171 00:06:02,185 --> 00:06:03,331 Oh, that is charming. 172 00:06:03,356 --> 00:06:05,890 So I-I guess high school hasn't changed that much, has it? 173 00:06:05,915 --> 00:06:08,116 Look, I want you to put this back on 174 00:06:08,141 --> 00:06:10,175 and wear this with pride. 175 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,026 This was soaking wet before you threw it in there, right? 176 00:06:13,051 --> 00:06:15,089 We're gonna let it go. It's fine. 177 00:06:15,114 --> 00:06:16,870 All right. 178 00:06:17,230 --> 00:06:18,854 Where is this idiot? 179 00:06:22,742 --> 00:06:24,308 Are you trying to look gay? 180 00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:26,090 'Cause you don't have the pecs, the pores, 181 00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:27,748 or the pants for it, slugger. 182 00:06:27,773 --> 00:06:31,141 Hey, here's a reference that hairstyle's old enough to get. 183 00:06:31,166 --> 00:06:32,633 It's not twerking. 184 00:06:32,874 --> 00:06:34,908 Yeah, well, you're just... you're just a... you're a... 185 00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:35,999 - Ah? - you're a... you're a... 186 00:06:36,024 --> 00:06:38,464 So, I'm gonna go squeeze in a dance real quick 187 00:06:38,489 --> 00:06:40,589 while you stagger to the end of that sentence. 188 00:06:45,087 --> 00:06:47,082 Leslie Kwan Collins, Daily Dolphin. 189 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,898 I know who you are. We've been friends since kindergarten. 190 00:06:48,923 --> 00:06:51,867 Care to comment on what my sources are calling 191 00:06:51,892 --> 00:06:53,523 "The best Snow Ball ever?" 192 00:06:53,548 --> 00:06:55,703 Sure, but I'm not the one responsible 193 00:06:55,728 --> 00:06:57,367 for this party's success. 194 00:06:57,392 --> 00:06:58,658 They all are. 195 00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:00,812 I'm just a humble servant who made it all happen. 196 00:07:01,861 --> 00:07:03,995 Can you excuse us, please? Thank you. 197 00:07:04,020 --> 00:07:05,367 You are unbelievable. 198 00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:07,292 Stop. I can't keep hearing this. 199 00:07:07,317 --> 00:07:09,117 I'm the one who made all this happen. 200 00:07:09,149 --> 00:07:12,740 Do you have any idea how hard it is doing all this for $8,000? 201 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,446 - Yeah, of course not, because... - Wait, wait, wait. 202 00:07:14,471 --> 00:07:16,112 The budget for this was $800. 203 00:07:16,156 --> 00:07:18,523 You spent $8,000? That's the budget for the whole year. 204 00:07:18,592 --> 00:07:20,492 I texted you, "What's my budget for the Snow Ball." 205 00:07:20,517 --> 00:07:23,100 You replied $8,000, followed by a gratuitous gif 206 00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:24,685 of a guy getting hit in the nards. 207 00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:27,136 It's like just don't skateboard down a railing, right? 208 00:07:28,502 --> 00:07:29,768 - Principal Brown. - Yep? 209 00:07:29,793 --> 00:07:31,847 If we were to go over with the student council budget, 210 00:07:31,872 --> 00:07:33,777 how hard would it be to get a little extra money? 211 00:07:33,802 --> 00:07:34,883 Oh, no problem. 212 00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:37,109 We would just sell the Rembrandt in the faculty lounge. 213 00:07:37,177 --> 00:07:38,610 See? Problem solved. 214 00:07:38,712 --> 00:07:40,812 - He's being sarcastic. - Why? What's wrong? 215 00:07:40,914 --> 00:07:43,081 Nothing. Just playing "What if all the money got spent?" 216 00:07:43,106 --> 00:07:45,076 Oh, can you imagine? 217 00:07:45,101 --> 00:07:46,918 We'd have to cancel every other school event, 218 00:07:46,943 --> 00:07:48,776 starting with the wrestling banquet, 219 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:51,467 and those hopped-up psychos would rip your heads off! 220 00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,003 And then you'd bleed to death, 221 00:07:54,028 --> 00:07:55,727 'cause we can't afford a school nurse anymore, right? 222 00:07:55,752 --> 00:07:57,537 Ooh! Oysters. 223 00:08:01,432 --> 00:08:03,199 Oh! Nice try, boys! 224 00:08:03,869 --> 00:08:06,156 You guys are cool. Just, uh, move along. 225 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:10,441 Hey, Cam. Uh, do you know a kid named Damien Warmack? 226 00:08:10,473 --> 00:08:11,486 Oh, yeah. 227 00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:12,643 - Mean little kid. - Yeah. 228 00:08:12,668 --> 00:08:14,178 He fat shamed my whole defensive line. 229 00:08:14,247 --> 00:08:15,392 There's nothing more sad than watching 230 00:08:15,417 --> 00:08:17,900 a once terrifying nose tackle pick croutons out of his salad. 231 00:08:17,925 --> 00:08:19,057 Oh, God, I'm so conflicted. 232 00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,931 A gay kid is now bullying football players, 233 00:08:20,956 --> 00:08:22,384 which I guess, you know, seems like progress, 234 00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:23,837 but the wrong kind of progress. 235 00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,509 - Would you like a... - Oh! 236 00:08:28,304 --> 00:08:32,470 In my defense, bruschetta mostly ends up on the floor anyway. 237 00:08:32,498 --> 00:08:33,666 Cam, I think you might be 238 00:08:33,691 --> 00:08:35,306 more worried about this prank than you need to be. 239 00:08:35,331 --> 00:08:36,931 Well, I just don't understand why they want to prank me. 240 00:08:36,956 --> 00:08:38,088 I thought they liked me. 241 00:08:38,113 --> 00:08:39,342 Of course they like you. 242 00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:40,962 You can't prank someone you don't like. 243 00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,720 That's... that's just assault. 244 00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:44,778 But pranking you is their bizarre way 245 00:08:44,803 --> 00:08:46,002 of saying that they love you. 246 00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:49,345 Is this your bizarre way of not validating my feelings? 247 00:08:50,259 --> 00:08:51,816 Okay, we could go bowling. 248 00:08:51,884 --> 00:08:54,445 Hmm. Had my league last night. I'm a little bowled out. 249 00:08:54,470 --> 00:08:55,967 Fair enough. Round of mini golf? 250 00:08:55,992 --> 00:08:58,466 Great idea. Wait up. I'll go get my frog and my slingshot. 251 00:08:58,491 --> 00:08:59,857 We'll hop on our bikes and go down there. 252 00:08:59,926 --> 00:09:01,635 - We could get something to eat. - Already ate. 253 00:09:01,660 --> 00:09:03,065 - Go to the movies? - Hate the lines. 254 00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:05,064 - How about a bar? - So, we drive across town, 255 00:09:05,097 --> 00:09:07,182 pay a 200% markup on the same glass of scotch 256 00:09:07,207 --> 00:09:08,977 I'm holding in my hand right now... 257 00:09:09,002 --> 00:09:11,302 just so some drunken old broad can stagger over 258 00:09:11,371 --> 00:09:13,137 and tell me I look like Ernest Borgnine. 259 00:09:13,206 --> 00:09:15,673 You know what? I'm done trying. 260 00:09:15,775 --> 00:09:17,208 I'm sorry there isn't a single thing 261 00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:18,267 you'd have fun doing with me. 262 00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,620 Oh, come on! 263 00:09:19,645 --> 00:09:21,041 Don't get all hurt. 264 00:09:21,066 --> 00:09:24,033 I promise your next idea, I'll say yes to. 265 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,219 - Really? - Thanks, Jay. 266 00:09:28,244 --> 00:09:29,720 You held out for something awesome, 267 00:09:29,745 --> 00:09:31,795 and I think we nailed it. 268 00:09:34,794 --> 00:09:35,897 One, please. 269 00:09:35,922 --> 00:09:38,723 That'll be $8, plus whatever tip you feel is appropriate. 270 00:09:38,748 --> 00:09:40,659 It was free an hour ago. 271 00:09:40,684 --> 00:09:41,984 You used to be able to throw a baby 272 00:09:42,009 --> 00:09:43,358 in the back seat without strapping it in. 273 00:09:43,382 --> 00:09:44,612 Times change, my friend. 274 00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,015 Hey, Delgado. 275 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,107 I hope this punch isn't as watered down 276 00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:53,911 as your performance in "A Streetcar Named Desire to Hang Myself." 277 00:09:53,936 --> 00:09:56,811 Damien, you're just... you look... 278 00:09:56,836 --> 00:09:58,760 Damn it, I hate how much I like that jacket. 279 00:10:00,187 --> 00:10:01,386 Hey. 280 00:10:01,411 --> 00:10:03,312 - I know what you're doing. - Excuse me? 281 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,867 I know how hard it is to be a gay teen. 282 00:10:05,892 --> 00:10:08,526 In high school, I only had one friend. 283 00:10:08,628 --> 00:10:09,627 Really? 284 00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:11,362 What was Oscar Wilde like? 285 00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:12,830 You're lashing out. 286 00:10:12,855 --> 00:10:15,671 Because you're angry and you're insecure, 287 00:10:15,696 --> 00:10:17,768 and you just want everyone else to feel as bad as you do. 288 00:10:17,870 --> 00:10:19,203 Maybe. 289 00:10:19,228 --> 00:10:21,038 But come on. 290 00:10:21,065 --> 00:10:23,946 It must've been easier for you looking like Michael Fassbender. 291 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:26,271 I do not look like... 292 00:10:26,296 --> 00:10:27,953 You think I look like Michael Fassbender? 293 00:10:27,978 --> 00:10:29,713 Yeah, if he were older and shorter 294 00:10:29,738 --> 00:10:31,037 and played by Kathy Griffin. 295 00:10:31,062 --> 00:10:32,132 Uh... 296 00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:38,836 Hey, hey. That Damien Warmack kid is so mean. 297 00:10:38,861 --> 00:10:41,158 Honing in on these poor kids' insecurities 298 00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,166 and then just lacerating them. 299 00:10:43,191 --> 00:10:44,918 I-I don't look like Kathy Griffin, do I? 300 00:10:44,943 --> 00:10:46,342 I'll tell you what's mean, 301 00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:49,677 is my team making me wait all night for this damn prank. 302 00:10:49,707 --> 00:10:51,035 Or, "Mitch, you're being ridiculous. 303 00:10:51,103 --> 00:10:52,184 "You're a very handsome man, 304 00:10:52,209 --> 00:10:53,278 "and if you had to be played by a woman, 305 00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:54,395 "it would be a young Ann-Margret." 306 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:55,783 - Hey, Coach. - Oh, God! Just do it! 307 00:10:55,808 --> 00:10:56,894 Just do it! 308 00:10:56,919 --> 00:10:59,432 Oh, Principal Brown, sorry. Sorry, I thought... 309 00:10:59,457 --> 00:11:00,878 I thought you were the prank. 310 00:11:00,903 --> 00:11:02,657 Prank? Oh, no. 311 00:11:02,682 --> 00:11:04,582 That was a little misunderstanding on my part. 312 00:11:04,607 --> 00:11:07,035 Turns out the new wrestling coach is being pranked. 313 00:11:07,105 --> 00:11:08,385 Yeah, they're gonna do that thing where 314 00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:09,787 you spin a guy around a bunch of times, 315 00:11:09,812 --> 00:11:10,817 you get him good and dizzy, 316 00:11:10,842 --> 00:11:12,707 and then you tie him to a tree for the weekend. 317 00:11:12,732 --> 00:11:14,058 Oh, God. Shouldn't you stop them? 318 00:11:14,126 --> 00:11:16,160 I would, but he's been parking in my spot lately. 319 00:11:16,229 --> 00:11:18,562 I guess it's a relief they're not pranking me. 320 00:11:18,631 --> 00:11:20,283 Yes. You can finally relax. 321 00:11:20,308 --> 00:11:21,365 Can I? 322 00:11:21,434 --> 00:11:23,234 Knowing Coach Wilson's only been here seven months? 323 00:11:23,302 --> 00:11:25,051 He's never brought his team homemade banana loaf, 324 00:11:25,076 --> 00:11:26,988 and yet they care enough to terrorize him? 325 00:11:27,013 --> 00:11:28,939 Okay, you're gonna have to land on a position. 326 00:11:28,964 --> 00:11:31,275 I just don't understand why they begged me to be here 327 00:11:31,377 --> 00:11:32,710 if they're not gonna prank me. 328 00:11:32,778 --> 00:11:34,445 Because they love you, 329 00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:36,413 and you're making a real difference in their lives. 330 00:11:36,438 --> 00:11:37,648 Oh, well, I-I... 331 00:11:37,717 --> 00:11:39,583 I'm just kidding. They think you're a pushover, 332 00:11:39,652 --> 00:11:41,085 and with you here, they can get away with anything. 333 00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,844 That's ridiculous, because nothing gets past me. 334 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,504 Excuse me. Thank you. 335 00:11:44,557 --> 00:11:45,923 - Mm-hmm. - What is that? 336 00:11:45,948 --> 00:11:47,013 Look at this. 337 00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:48,222 Oh. 338 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,644 I'm gonna go pour this down the drain. 339 00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:55,192 Cheers. 340 00:11:59,395 --> 00:12:00,434 Having fun? 341 00:12:00,459 --> 00:12:02,909 Hey, I'm just trying to keep up appearances. 342 00:12:02,934 --> 00:12:05,709 If I panic, everybody panics. 343 00:12:05,778 --> 00:12:07,364 How much money did you make at the drink station? 344 00:12:07,389 --> 00:12:08,655 Only about $200. 345 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:09,779 That's enough. 346 00:12:10,016 --> 00:12:11,448 A caddy at the country club where I work 347 00:12:11,473 --> 00:12:12,806 knows this dog track in Hindsdale. 348 00:12:12,885 --> 00:12:14,739 There's 40-to-1 odds on a greyhound, 349 00:12:14,764 --> 00:12:16,262 Whippet Good, who... 350 00:12:16,906 --> 00:12:18,672 Okay, the money's gone. 351 00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:22,069 One time. 352 00:12:22,094 --> 00:12:23,657 - No, it's stupid. - Just try it. 353 00:12:23,682 --> 00:12:25,439 - I'm not doing it. - No one else is around. 354 00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:27,532 - I don't care. - Come on, I'll start. 355 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:31,936 ♪ A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh ♪ 356 00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:35,696 ♪ A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh ♪ 357 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,501 - ♪ A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh, ♪ - ♪ In the jungle ♪ 358 00:12:37,526 --> 00:12:38,979 - ♪ A-weem-o-weh, a-weem-o-weh ♪ - ♪ The mighty jungle... ♪ 359 00:12:39,004 --> 00:12:40,337 All right, that's it! 360 00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,585 Get out. We're doing something else. 361 00:12:44,491 --> 00:12:46,546 Somebody thinks you're cute. 362 00:12:46,571 --> 00:12:48,218 Claire, please, this isn't high school. 363 00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:49,653 Well, no, wait a minute. It is high school. 364 00:12:49,722 --> 00:12:50,988 - Mm. - Okay. 365 00:12:51,013 --> 00:12:52,522 All right, so who is it? 366 00:12:53,392 --> 00:12:56,794 My favorite is a 1929 Bread Master. 367 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:57,991 Some people might say 368 00:12:58,016 --> 00:13:01,842 that collecting vintage toasters is a crumby hobby. 369 00:13:03,402 --> 00:13:04,568 Thank you. 370 00:13:04,593 --> 00:13:07,281 Marjorie, I was just talking to Principal Brown, 371 00:13:07,306 --> 00:13:09,073 and he into you, girl. 372 00:13:09,141 --> 00:13:12,476 Really? He's hotter than a 1930s Sunbeam Toastrite. 373 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,726 Don't. 374 00:13:15,915 --> 00:13:17,534 I can't talk right now, Mom. 375 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:20,469 No, I'm not home alone on a Saturday night. 376 00:13:20,494 --> 00:13:23,932 I'm at a dance, and a boy likes me. 377 00:13:24,256 --> 00:13:25,723 We good at this! 378 00:13:25,825 --> 00:13:27,299 Why are you talking like that? 379 00:13:27,324 --> 00:13:28,703 I don't know. 380 00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:30,127 Excuse me, hi. Hey. 381 00:13:30,152 --> 00:13:32,323 I don't know exactly how to do this, 382 00:13:32,348 --> 00:13:34,580 but I'm very flattered by your interest in me, 383 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,180 and just so you know, the feeling is mutual. 384 00:13:37,205 --> 00:13:38,235 What? 385 00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:40,214 I don't know if you're into camping, but I can get a tent. 386 00:13:40,239 --> 00:13:42,840 I'm married. My rear end is at home. 387 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,494 I meant Marjorie. 388 00:13:44,832 --> 00:13:45,798 Oh! 389 00:13:45,823 --> 00:13:48,289 Oh, no. She's way too intense. 390 00:13:48,314 --> 00:13:50,369 No. And once you've imagined yourself 391 00:13:50,394 --> 00:13:52,791 sitting by a campfire playing your clarinet for Gloria... 392 00:13:52,816 --> 00:13:54,328 Marjorie loves the outdoors. 393 00:13:54,353 --> 00:13:56,854 Yes, she even has a camping toaster. 394 00:13:56,879 --> 00:14:00,835 She is a super lady, but, guys, I'm only 45. 395 00:14:00,992 --> 00:14:03,102 I'm holding out for fireworks. 396 00:14:03,127 --> 00:14:05,096 Oh, here comes Damien. 397 00:14:05,121 --> 00:14:08,356 Do not tell him that I thought I had a shot with Gloria. 398 00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:11,301 My mom doesn't believe that Principal Brown likes me. 399 00:14:11,326 --> 00:14:12,365 Can you tell her? 400 00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:14,771 Gloria? 401 00:14:15,074 --> 00:14:17,508 My phone English no so good. 402 00:14:19,604 --> 00:14:21,709 - How about ice cream? - Too cold. 403 00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:22,788 - Coffee? - Too late. 404 00:14:22,813 --> 00:14:24,523 Oh, wait a minute. I'm such an idiot. 405 00:14:24,591 --> 00:14:26,158 I forgot about the Clint Eastwood retrospective 406 00:14:26,226 --> 00:14:27,392 followed by the scotch tasting 407 00:14:27,461 --> 00:14:29,027 where famous athletes from the '70s tell stories 408 00:14:29,096 --> 00:14:30,676 about how life used to be in Youngstown. 409 00:14:30,701 --> 00:14:31,774 - Really? - No! 410 00:14:31,799 --> 00:14:33,074 It doesn't exist. 411 00:14:33,099 --> 00:14:34,833 What you want does not exist. 412 00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:36,401 What are you doing? 413 00:14:36,470 --> 00:14:38,090 I don't care what you do, 414 00:14:38,115 --> 00:14:39,538 but I'm going into that dance. 415 00:14:39,649 --> 00:14:41,583 I like to see the kids all dressed up and happy 416 00:14:41,608 --> 00:14:43,449 and trying to look older than they are. 417 00:14:43,474 --> 00:14:46,324 The first girl I ever kissed was at a high school dance. 418 00:14:46,349 --> 00:14:47,590 Huh. 419 00:14:47,615 --> 00:14:49,614 It was actually to "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." 420 00:14:49,683 --> 00:14:51,309 I guess that's why it was in my head. 421 00:14:51,334 --> 00:14:55,154 Let's just say the lion did not sleep that night. 422 00:14:55,632 --> 00:14:57,599 I was slamming Mountain Dews like a wild man. 423 00:14:57,624 --> 00:14:59,848 Marsha Goulding. 424 00:14:59,873 --> 00:15:01,526 I had this huge crush on her. 425 00:15:01,595 --> 00:15:04,457 Finally got my nerve up to ask her to the Spring Fling. 426 00:15:04,482 --> 00:15:07,032 First dance, I was terrified. I'm tromping all over her feet. 427 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:09,067 But as the dances went on, it got easier, 428 00:15:09,136 --> 00:15:12,804 and right in the middle of Sam Cooke singing "You Send Me," 429 00:15:12,873 --> 00:15:14,472 I went for it. 430 00:15:14,771 --> 00:15:16,541 I was just so surprised she kissed me back. 431 00:15:18,612 --> 00:15:21,580 Well, you can't have your first kiss again, 432 00:15:21,615 --> 00:15:23,535 but you can have your next one right in there. 433 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:24,916 Oh, what the hell. Give Gloria a thrill. 434 00:15:24,985 --> 00:15:26,816 That's great, Jay, 'cause you complete her. 435 00:15:26,841 --> 00:15:29,168 - Oh, Phil. - No, literally. 436 00:15:29,193 --> 00:15:30,922 You complete her. 437 00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:35,209 You're the butt of this joke. 438 00:15:35,234 --> 00:15:36,867 Give me the sweater. 439 00:15:37,223 --> 00:15:39,802 Marjorie is smart and organized, 440 00:15:39,835 --> 00:15:41,662 and if you ever need hand sanitizer or a Band-Aid, 441 00:15:41,687 --> 00:15:42,816 she always has it on her. 442 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:45,103 She's like a sexy, sexy drugstore. 443 00:15:45,128 --> 00:15:46,728 She's as cute as a button. 444 00:15:46,753 --> 00:15:48,961 Like a grown-up Cabbage Patch doll. 445 00:15:48,986 --> 00:15:50,452 - Yeah. - Yeah, that seems like 446 00:15:50,477 --> 00:15:51,877 it'd be a whole lot of e-mails. 447 00:15:51,979 --> 00:15:53,078 It's a hard pass. 448 00:15:53,180 --> 00:15:54,746 But, Principal Brown, you know what they say 449 00:15:54,771 --> 00:15:57,559 about a mom who's enthusiastic in the streets. 450 00:15:57,584 --> 00:15:59,199 That's not a saying. 451 00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:01,953 Why are the two of you suddenly so interested in my love life, anyway? 452 00:16:01,978 --> 00:16:03,441 Because we care. 453 00:16:03,466 --> 00:16:04,756 You don't even know my first name. 454 00:16:04,858 --> 00:16:05,996 Yes, we do. 455 00:16:06,021 --> 00:16:08,493 It's, um... Prince? 456 00:16:09,216 --> 00:16:10,595 Lucky guess. 457 00:16:10,697 --> 00:16:12,230 I was over at the carving station, 458 00:16:12,299 --> 00:16:15,395 and I thought, "You know who'd love some prime rib? 459 00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:16,902 "Principal Prince Brown." 460 00:16:16,927 --> 00:16:18,184 Oh. 461 00:16:18,209 --> 00:16:19,615 Marjorie, I'm afraid 462 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:22,217 you and I are pawns in a very sick game 463 00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:23,909 being orchestrated by these two. 464 00:16:24,011 --> 00:16:25,543 They're working very hard to put us together, 465 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:26,778 and I don't know why. 466 00:16:26,813 --> 00:16:29,512 I've never seen them work very hard in anything, 467 00:16:29,537 --> 00:16:30,926 except getting out of volunteering. 468 00:16:30,951 --> 00:16:34,176 Hey, to be fair, we volunteer for plenty of things. 469 00:16:34,201 --> 00:16:37,801 Yeah, don't you remember me holding a hose at the car wash? 470 00:16:37,826 --> 00:16:40,051 Yeah, everybody remembers that. 471 00:16:40,076 --> 00:16:41,918 So you're not interested in me? 472 00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:43,895 Well, we've always had a working relationship, 473 00:16:43,964 --> 00:16:46,598 and I guess I've just never thought of you in that way. 474 00:16:46,667 --> 00:16:47,799 As a woman? 475 00:16:47,901 --> 00:16:51,202 When I'm at work, I turn off that part of myself. 476 00:16:51,305 --> 00:16:52,637 Oh. 477 00:16:52,739 --> 00:16:53,972 Oh. 478 00:16:54,074 --> 00:16:56,832 Uh, it has turned back on. 479 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,824 - Okay. - Oh. 480 00:16:58,849 --> 00:17:00,941 Oh, I'm gonna check the... the fire exits. 481 00:17:00,966 --> 00:17:02,514 We're going to stack chairs. 482 00:17:02,616 --> 00:17:03,903 Whatever. 483 00:17:04,685 --> 00:17:05,583 I've got it. 484 00:17:05,652 --> 00:17:06,885 We start a fake marching band 485 00:17:06,987 --> 00:17:08,586 and get the money for the instruments up front. 486 00:17:08,655 --> 00:17:10,886 You just described the exact plot of "The Music Man." 487 00:17:10,911 --> 00:17:13,024 - How'd that turn out? - Won four Tonys. 488 00:17:13,126 --> 00:17:15,193 Five. Ugh. 489 00:17:15,262 --> 00:17:16,294 How could you let this happen? 490 00:17:16,396 --> 00:17:17,829 I don't know. You were texting me 491 00:17:17,962 --> 00:17:20,324 while I was live streaming my breakfast, and... 492 00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:21,495 Wait a minute. 493 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,893 I did say $800. 494 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:24,035 Look. 495 00:17:24,104 --> 00:17:26,143 Oh, my God, this is all my fault. 496 00:17:26,168 --> 00:17:27,495 Well, well, well. 497 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:30,504 Looks like the dunce cap is on the other foot. 498 00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:32,786 Hey! 499 00:17:32,811 --> 00:17:35,440 Is what an animal your size grazes on. 500 00:17:35,465 --> 00:17:36,748 Hay is... 501 00:17:36,850 --> 00:17:37,983 You're a cow. 502 00:17:39,286 --> 00:17:40,512 Okay. 503 00:17:41,537 --> 00:17:44,051 You're the perfect weight for your frame. 504 00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:48,803 Hey. 505 00:17:48,828 --> 00:17:50,439 Another proud moment for the struggle. 506 00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:52,116 Ugh. Here she comes. 507 00:17:52,141 --> 00:17:54,211 Martin Luther Queen, yes. 508 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,357 By all means, tell me about the struggle. 509 00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:58,993 Okay, you nasty little twink. 510 00:17:59,062 --> 00:18:00,414 You owe everything to me 511 00:18:00,439 --> 00:18:02,141 and all the gays that came before you. 512 00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:03,865 It's because of everything we fought for 513 00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:05,590 that you get to snark your way through high school 514 00:18:05,615 --> 00:18:07,014 with lifts in your shoes 515 00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:10,106 instead of spending it terrified, shoved in a locker. 516 00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,032 I was really proud of that. 517 00:18:12,815 --> 00:18:13,789 Wow. 518 00:18:14,499 --> 00:18:16,305 Just so you know. 519 00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:19,039 Exfoliating with a dry brush pre-shower 520 00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:21,331 will really help you with all of this. 521 00:18:21,421 --> 00:18:23,469 It'll make you look 50 again. 522 00:18:24,414 --> 00:18:26,514 I'm not really proud of what came next. 523 00:18:28,064 --> 00:18:30,264 You shove like a girl! 524 00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,617 What are you doing? 525 00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:32,841 The piper needs to be paid. 526 00:18:33,033 --> 00:18:34,299 You hired a piper? 527 00:18:34,324 --> 00:18:37,992 No. I made a mistake, and I need to accept the consequences. 528 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,641 Classmates, could I have everyone's attention, please? 529 00:18:42,666 --> 00:18:44,466 I have some troubling news. 530 00:18:44,491 --> 00:18:47,092 I know you may all think of me as the golden boy, 531 00:18:47,117 --> 00:18:49,367 the prodigy, the wunderkind. 532 00:18:49,392 --> 00:18:50,458 Who are you? 533 00:18:50,483 --> 00:18:51,582 Indeed. 534 00:18:51,607 --> 00:18:53,006 I'm not sure I know anymore. 535 00:18:53,304 --> 00:18:54,860 We have a little situation, 536 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,450 and I just want to be as up front as I can. 537 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:57,852 Hold on a minute. 538 00:18:57,954 --> 00:18:58,953 I'm the President. 539 00:18:58,978 --> 00:19:00,377 I should do this. 540 00:19:00,548 --> 00:19:04,812 We need to raise $8,000 for a classmate in need. 541 00:19:04,837 --> 00:19:07,895 If we don't get this money, he may never walk again. 542 00:19:07,964 --> 00:19:10,398 We're gonna make a Kickstarter, and if you want to show 543 00:19:10,423 --> 00:19:12,523 your date you're the kind of sensitive, caring person 544 00:19:12,548 --> 00:19:14,999 who deserves to be rewarded in a physical way, 545 00:19:15,391 --> 00:19:17,009 you'll give generously. 546 00:19:18,541 --> 00:19:20,007 Wow, you're a good liar. 547 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,853 I take it back. You deserve to be President. 548 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,653 We never should've helped that little punk 549 00:19:25,678 --> 00:19:27,044 get out of that locker. 550 00:19:27,069 --> 00:19:30,127 I didn't know he was gonna be so brutal about your sweater. 551 00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:33,907 All right, hand it over. 552 00:19:33,932 --> 00:19:35,990 - What? - This is a blaze-free zone, wastoid. 553 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:37,594 I got eyes all over this place. 554 00:19:37,619 --> 00:19:38,727 I know what vape is. 555 00:19:38,752 --> 00:19:40,227 - Coach, that's just my... - Just your... 556 00:19:40,252 --> 00:19:41,985 Hey, Coach, can I talk to you for a second? 557 00:19:42,342 --> 00:19:43,307 Yeah, what's up? 558 00:19:43,332 --> 00:19:44,524 Yeah, I, uh, just wanted to let you know 559 00:19:44,549 --> 00:19:45,949 that that's, uh... that's his inhaler. 560 00:19:45,974 --> 00:19:47,201 It's his... oh. 561 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,369 What is wrong with you? 562 00:19:48,394 --> 00:19:49,693 - I'm sorry. - Sorry. 563 00:19:49,718 --> 00:19:51,318 It's just... I give everything to these boys, 564 00:19:51,384 --> 00:19:53,001 and all they think of me is that I'm a pushover 565 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,813 not even worthy of a lousy prank. 566 00:19:54,844 --> 00:19:56,266 Cam, have you seen Gloria? 567 00:19:56,291 --> 00:19:58,289 What? Yeah, oh, last time I saw her, 568 00:19:58,314 --> 00:19:59,907 she was somewhere over here. 569 00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:04,128 Oh, that was for me! 570 00:20:04,153 --> 00:20:06,921 That was supposed to be for me! My boys love me! 571 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:13,443 I just wanted to read my book. 572 00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,589 Oh, hi there. I'm Luke Dunphy, 573 00:20:16,614 --> 00:20:18,065 Student Body President. 574 00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:19,761 - And I'm Manny... - But this isn't about us. 575 00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,128 We have a classmate who's in a pretty bad spot. 576 00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:25,464 But it doesn't have to end that way. 577 00:20:25,489 --> 00:20:28,518 With your help, we can save him from getting beaten up. 578 00:20:28,543 --> 00:20:29,868 By... by his disease. 579 00:20:29,893 --> 00:20:32,727 A disease no kid should have to wrestle with. 580 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:35,530 We just need to raise $8,000 to... 581 00:20:35,632 --> 00:20:38,133 Or $9,000 to get him that super deluxe treatment. 582 00:20:38,235 --> 00:20:39,239 We only need $8,000... 583 00:20:39,264 --> 00:20:41,950 I'm Luke Dunphy, and I approve this message. 584 00:20:43,344 --> 00:20:46,531 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com