1 00:00:00,742 --> 00:00:02,475 Are you sure we need that much ice, buddy? 2 00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,811 All NBA players use cold water immersion therapy. 3 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,078 Let's do it. 4 00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:09,365 You're right. It's not that b... 5 00:00:09,390 --> 00:00:10,656 Aah! 6 00:00:10,725 --> 00:00:14,027 One year ago today, I had the chance to be a hero. 7 00:00:14,096 --> 00:00:16,129 It was the annual high school charity basketball game... 8 00:00:16,198 --> 00:00:17,997 parents versus teachers. 9 00:00:18,067 --> 00:00:19,599 We were raising money for Mrs. Martin 10 00:00:19,668 --> 00:00:23,302 in the attendance office who lost her house in a mudslide. 11 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,837 One minute it was present, the next it was absent. 12 00:00:25,906 --> 00:00:28,894 Down 2, a second left, I was fouled. 13 00:00:28,919 --> 00:00:31,527 The game was in my hands. 14 00:00:34,515 --> 00:00:35,881 I crumbled under the pressure. 15 00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:38,617 I've waited a year for my shot at redemption 16 00:00:38,686 --> 00:00:40,129 and left nothing to chance. 17 00:00:40,154 --> 00:00:41,219 Harder! 18 00:00:41,244 --> 00:00:43,621 I have worked out like a madman... 19 00:00:43,698 --> 00:00:47,133 passing and dribbling drills, agility training... 20 00:00:47,194 --> 00:00:49,067 ... and I top it all off 21 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,154 with 100 free throws every day... 22 00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:53,043 23. 24. 23 00:00:53,068 --> 00:00:55,239 ... no matter how tired I am. 24 00:00:56,617 --> 00:00:58,817 85. 25 00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:02,750 It had been a year of painful training, but I was ready. 26 00:01:02,835 --> 00:01:04,317 Aah! 27 00:01:13,791 --> 00:01:16,837 Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:17,682 --> 00:01:21,684 I spilled juice on the rug. Please don't tell Mama. 29 00:01:21,963 --> 00:01:23,786 Don't tell Mama? 30 00:01:23,855 --> 00:01:25,989 What about, "Don't tell Papa?" 31 00:01:26,058 --> 00:01:28,258 A boy is supposed to fear his father. 32 00:01:28,327 --> 00:01:30,260 I shook in my boots around my old man, 33 00:01:30,329 --> 00:01:31,793 just like he did around his. 34 00:01:31,862 --> 00:01:34,997 To this day, I hear the crack of a Schlitz 35 00:01:35,066 --> 00:01:37,466 or smell some Singleton's Beard Tonic, 36 00:01:37,535 --> 00:01:40,754 and I'm sweating like a mob rat in Little Italy. 37 00:01:45,510 --> 00:01:47,343 Ow! Oh, I tripped! 38 00:01:47,412 --> 00:01:49,010 Enough! 39 00:01:49,079 --> 00:01:51,513 How many times have I told you to pick up your toys? 40 00:01:51,581 --> 00:01:53,635 You're funny! 41 00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:56,397 Enough! Pick up your toys! 42 00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:02,901 Gloria! What a surprise! 43 00:02:02,926 --> 00:02:04,292 There's a mom at Manny's school 44 00:02:04,361 --> 00:02:06,460 that I've had some problems with. 45 00:02:06,485 --> 00:02:10,130 She's your typical blonde airhead Barbie doll doctor. 46 00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:11,631 Hola, Donna. 47 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,133 Did you wander in by mistake? 48 00:02:13,202 --> 00:02:14,937 You know they don't sell shoes here. 49 00:02:14,962 --> 00:02:17,504 Oh, no, I see you buy a lot of hot dogs. 50 00:02:17,573 --> 00:02:20,006 It's so sad when someone just gives up. 51 00:02:20,076 --> 00:02:21,141 I'm selling these 52 00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:23,211 at the high school charity basketball game. 53 00:02:23,236 --> 00:02:24,669 Poor Mrs. Martin. 54 00:02:24,738 --> 00:02:26,937 This year we're raising money to get her a new kidney 55 00:02:27,006 --> 00:02:28,873 So, can we count on you? 56 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,308 For the kidney? 57 00:02:30,377 --> 00:02:31,877 To write a check, 58 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,697 - like you always do. - Yes. 59 00:02:33,722 --> 00:02:37,049 Money is almost as good as actually doing something. 60 00:02:39,051 --> 00:02:40,817 $40 at the estate sale? Can you believe that? 61 00:02:40,842 --> 00:02:43,013 Like, there's no way you'd even notice. 62 00:02:43,082 --> 00:02:44,588 Dad, hi. 63 00:02:44,657 --> 00:02:46,222 Turn on channel 12. 64 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:48,376 It's an exposé on cheap lumber 65 00:02:48,401 --> 00:02:50,871 that's got some chemical in it that's making people sick, 66 00:02:50,896 --> 00:02:53,930 and Closets, Closets, Closets, Closets bought a bunch of it. 67 00:02:53,999 --> 00:02:56,077 Oh, look... there's Earl's daughter, Shirl. 68 00:02:56,102 --> 00:02:57,147 _ 69 00:02:57,217 --> 00:02:58,506 We caught up with the local man 70 00:02:58,531 --> 00:02:59,955 who reported flu-like symptoms 71 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,121 after contact with the tainted wood. 72 00:03:02,146 --> 00:03:03,420 I just wanted to give my wife 73 00:03:03,445 --> 00:03:06,248 a closet as beautiful as she is. 74 00:03:06,864 --> 00:03:08,881 - Didn't we buy some of... - Shh! Shh, shh, shh! 75 00:03:08,906 --> 00:03:11,379 Can you believe Earl's dum-dum daughter 76 00:03:11,404 --> 00:03:13,286 bought wood from those bozos? 77 00:03:13,311 --> 00:03:14,744 Of course, when you two were growing up, 78 00:03:14,812 --> 00:03:16,212 she was always the slow one. 79 00:03:16,281 --> 00:03:19,014 You remember when she thought that balloon was her friend? 80 00:03:19,083 --> 00:03:20,617 Balloon-da Carlisle. 81 00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:23,738 Right. Well, back to it, Dad. 82 00:03:23,763 --> 00:03:25,087 See you later. 83 00:03:25,156 --> 00:03:28,157 I knew that deal was too good to be true. 84 00:03:28,226 --> 00:03:30,270 And now I'm gonna look as stupid as a girl 85 00:03:30,295 --> 00:03:32,594 who pet two different class rabbits to death. 86 00:03:32,663 --> 00:03:34,195 A spot of tea, sir? 87 00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,131 Only if it's the fancy kind. 88 00:03:36,199 --> 00:03:37,299 Oh, my God. 89 00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:38,533 How good have our accents gotten? 90 00:03:38,602 --> 00:03:40,168 - It's insane. - Yeah. 91 00:03:40,237 --> 00:03:43,004 When Haley was 4, she and I had our first tea party, 92 00:03:43,073 --> 00:03:45,307 and since then, we've made it a tradition 93 00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:47,195 to meet for high tea once a year. 94 00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:49,510 It's a time I've really come to cherish. 95 00:03:49,579 --> 00:03:50,911 I don't love the whole tea thing. 96 00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:52,813 Mitchell and Haley always come back giggling 97 00:03:52,882 --> 00:03:56,751 over shared secrets, and I feel left out. 98 00:03:56,819 --> 00:04:01,054 I once tried to start my own uncle-niece tradition, but... 99 00:04:01,123 --> 00:04:02,490 I'm not questioning the methodology 100 00:04:02,558 --> 00:04:04,236 behind accelerated mass spectrometry. 101 00:04:04,261 --> 00:04:06,069 I'm merely pointing out that it's not singular 102 00:04:06,094 --> 00:04:07,994 in its power to separate a rare isotope 103 00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:09,929 from an abundant neighboring mass. 104 00:04:09,998 --> 00:04:12,965 What's going on with you and that handsome weatherman? 105 00:04:13,034 --> 00:04:15,602 - Things are great, mostly. Yeah. - Mm! 106 00:04:15,671 --> 00:04:16,936 Oh. "Mostly"? 107 00:04:17,005 --> 00:04:18,638 Well, what's... what's going on? 108 00:04:18,722 --> 00:04:22,189 I mean, do you think it's okay... 109 00:04:22,242 --> 00:04:25,639 for your partner to ask you to do... anything? 110 00:04:25,664 --> 00:04:28,146 Mm, no. Not anything anything. 111 00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:29,779 I mean, we all have our boundaries. 112 00:04:29,804 --> 00:04:31,917 I mean, there are still things I wouldn't ask Cam to do. 113 00:04:31,942 --> 00:04:33,687 Okay. So, um, 114 00:04:33,712 --> 00:04:36,254 Rainer and I were in bed the other night, and... 115 00:04:36,324 --> 00:04:37,856 And? 116 00:04:37,925 --> 00:04:39,572 He asked me to do something 117 00:04:39,597 --> 00:04:41,522 I'm not totally comfortable with. 118 00:04:41,547 --> 00:04:43,838 What'd he ask you to do? 119 00:04:43,863 --> 00:04:46,342 No... no judgments. Just whenever you're ready. 120 00:04:46,367 --> 00:04:48,232 So, he was lying on his side, 121 00:04:48,301 --> 00:04:49,767 and he said that that was part of it, 122 00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:52,470 and then he asked me to c... 123 00:04:52,539 --> 00:04:53,805 Haley! 124 00:04:53,873 --> 00:04:55,806 What'd he ask you to do? Quick, write it down on this napkin. 125 00:04:55,874 --> 00:04:57,331 Rainer, what are you doing here? 126 00:04:57,356 --> 00:04:59,126 Uh, you left your earbuds in my car. 127 00:04:59,151 --> 00:05:00,782 I know you like to use them to ignore people. 128 00:05:00,807 --> 00:05:02,620 Aww! Do you want to join us? 129 00:05:02,645 --> 00:05:04,034 You don't mind, do you, Uncle Mitch? 130 00:05:04,059 --> 00:05:05,973 No! 131 00:05:07,676 --> 00:05:09,652 Feels weird to be back here. 132 00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:11,676 This gym got the better of me once. 133 00:05:11,701 --> 00:05:14,377 - Dad, you're psyching yourself out. - You're right. 134 00:05:14,402 --> 00:05:16,488 The only thing different between this year and last 135 00:05:16,513 --> 00:05:18,279 is I'm prepared this year. 136 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:22,088 And DeAndre Jordan and Charles Barkley are here. 137 00:05:22,494 --> 00:05:24,452 Is this where we get our hand stamped? 138 00:05:24,497 --> 00:05:26,704 Sometimes I like to leave and come back to things. 139 00:05:26,799 --> 00:05:29,266 Uh, why... why are you here? 140 00:05:29,335 --> 00:05:31,468 Our agent's wife is a math teacher at the school. 141 00:05:31,536 --> 00:05:32,635 Let's go get our seats. 142 00:05:32,704 --> 00:05:34,136 We don't want anybody to block us. 143 00:05:34,205 --> 00:05:37,103 Yeah, yeah. I... I get that. 144 00:05:37,609 --> 00:05:39,476 So, I'm playing in front of two NBA stars? 145 00:05:39,544 --> 00:05:41,444 Plus, once people know they're here, 146 00:05:41,513 --> 00:05:43,480 the crowd will be like five times the size it was last year. 147 00:05:43,548 --> 00:05:45,915 Well, we still live in a world with a fire marshal. 148 00:05:45,984 --> 00:05:47,877 Wait. They're probably just here to show their faces 149 00:05:47,902 --> 00:05:49,775 and make a quick exit. 150 00:05:50,064 --> 00:05:51,920 Dad, don't let them faze you. 151 00:05:51,989 --> 00:05:53,443 This is what you've trained for. 152 00:05:53,468 --> 00:05:55,437 - You're ready. - You're right. 153 00:05:55,462 --> 00:05:57,615 I just need to shake the jitters off a little bit. 154 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,027 I got you, Larry. 155 00:05:59,096 --> 00:06:00,366 Spot up. 156 00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,005 No! 157 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:04,741 Gloria? Is that you? 158 00:06:04,937 --> 00:06:08,202 My brain's having a hard time processing you in this context. 159 00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:11,361 Yeah, I came to sell my nachos to raise money. 160 00:06:11,386 --> 00:06:12,786 - How nice. - Mm-hmm. 161 00:06:12,811 --> 00:06:15,510 Although, some people are saying it's too little too late, 162 00:06:15,578 --> 00:06:18,678 that you can't just show up and get credit for it. 163 00:06:18,703 --> 00:06:19,803 I think it's mean, 164 00:06:19,828 --> 00:06:22,316 but some people are saying it seems disingenuous. 165 00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,393 I just got here. 166 00:06:23,418 --> 00:06:25,018 When did you talk to all these people? 167 00:06:25,086 --> 00:06:26,553 I think you'll find this crowd 168 00:06:26,622 --> 00:06:28,327 no lika da nachos. 169 00:06:28,352 --> 00:06:30,508 - I'm sorry if that sounds racist. - No, it didn't. 170 00:06:30,533 --> 00:06:34,037 I don't even know what language you were trying to make fun of. 171 00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:36,024 Okay, since you're not leaving, 172 00:06:36,049 --> 00:06:37,789 - you can set up down there. - Ah. 173 00:06:37,852 --> 00:06:38,977 No. 174 00:06:39,002 --> 00:06:41,534 It's very dark, and it's very far away! 175 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,368 Good luck! 176 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,838 Looks like that picture I Instagrammed of the three of us 177 00:06:45,907 --> 00:06:47,706 - is a big hit with Rainer Nation. - Oh! 178 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,642 And is it safe to post your location like that? 179 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:52,271 - Aren't you worried about stalkers? - Oh, no, it's fine. 180 00:06:52,296 --> 00:06:55,113 Most of my followers are just overly excited, love-starved old ladies. 181 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,782 Oh, I see your exclusive tea party opened up. 182 00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,017 He just posted that. 183 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,718 What, are you circling the restaurant? 184 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:03,454 - Hey, Rainer Shine. - You sat next to him at Thanksgiving. 185 00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,523 Right! Manny! Sit down. Join us. 186 00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:08,554 Actually, Cam, could I talk to you for a second? 187 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,895 Okay, before Rainer walked in, 188 00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,669 Haley was about to tell me something upsetting 189 00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:14,483 he asked her to do in the bedroom. 190 00:07:15,586 --> 00:07:18,718 Now, I didn't get much, but he asked her to c... 191 00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:19,870 To what? 192 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,171 He asked her to c... 193 00:07:21,239 --> 00:07:22,443 Are you kidding me? 194 00:07:22,468 --> 00:07:24,608 Okay, no one else come near us. Thank you. 195 00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:27,062 That's all she got out... "c..." 196 00:07:27,087 --> 00:07:28,402 And then Rainer walked in. 197 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,047 Well, we have to find out. 198 00:07:30,115 --> 00:07:32,381 As her uncles, we need all the information we can 199 00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:33,883 so we can advise her properly. 200 00:07:33,952 --> 00:07:35,184 Yeah. She's dating an older man. 201 00:07:35,252 --> 00:07:37,753 If she's uncomfortable, it's our duty to protect her. 202 00:07:37,822 --> 00:07:39,221 Okay. So we said all that. 203 00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:41,090 - What could be "c..." be? - Hmm? 204 00:07:41,158 --> 00:07:42,355 - Carrot? - Mnh-mnh. 205 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:43,425 Cupping? 206 00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:46,272 You don't think it could be a Canadian long jump, do you? 207 00:07:46,297 --> 00:07:48,653 What part would a woman play in that? 208 00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:53,835 - That's the last of the paper trail. - Great. 209 00:07:53,860 --> 00:07:55,758 Okay, and so the red pins on this map 210 00:07:55,783 --> 00:07:57,639 mark all the locations of closets 211 00:07:57,708 --> 00:07:59,173 that were made with the toxic wood. 212 00:07:59,242 --> 00:08:00,852 Okay, and we have recalled 213 00:08:00,877 --> 00:08:02,343 9 out of 10 of the contaminated closets, 214 00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:03,645 so we only have to track down one more. 215 00:08:03,714 --> 00:08:05,178 And since you didn't ask, the green pins 216 00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:07,965 are all the addresses of potential fathers of mine. 217 00:08:08,582 --> 00:08:10,618 Oh, hey. How're you doing? 218 00:08:10,686 --> 00:08:14,157 Did I hear somebody using my shredder without signing it out? 219 00:08:14,182 --> 00:08:16,461 - No. - Confetti! 220 00:08:16,486 --> 00:08:18,592 - Hey! - The kid doesn't fear me as he should, 221 00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:20,400 so I brought him in here to show him my scary boss side. 222 00:08:20,425 --> 00:08:21,428 - Play along. - Okay. 223 00:08:21,497 --> 00:08:23,768 - Ben, how dumb do you think I am? - You found out? 224 00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,321 Of course I found out. I know everything. 225 00:08:25,366 --> 00:08:26,365 It was her idea! 226 00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:27,667 - Ben! - No, he's doing great. 227 00:08:27,736 --> 00:08:29,052 You're in big trouble, mister. 228 00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:30,714 Jay, I'm so sorry. We were just trying to s... 229 00:08:30,739 --> 00:08:31,838 Enough! 230 00:08:31,906 --> 00:08:33,205 Come on, Joe! 231 00:08:33,274 --> 00:08:35,317 Enough! 232 00:08:37,445 --> 00:08:38,877 Could you have rolled over any faster? 233 00:08:38,946 --> 00:08:40,012 My dad didn't know anything. 234 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,579 That was just a big act for his kid. 235 00:08:41,649 --> 00:08:43,715 Yeah, I know. I was playing along to... 236 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,050 Save it, okay? 237 00:08:45,075 --> 00:08:49,343 Somewhere, one of these green pins is very disappointed. 238 00:08:55,395 --> 00:08:58,829 Nachos. Come get some nachos. 239 00:08:58,898 --> 00:09:00,998 No one even knew that I was back there. 240 00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:03,823 You know it's loud when you can't hear my voice! 241 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,435 My goodness. 242 00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,879 At this rate, I'll break my own sales record. 243 00:09:07,940 --> 00:09:09,073 - Oh. - Hola. 244 00:09:09,142 --> 00:09:11,142 Do you guys want to try some nachos? 245 00:09:11,210 --> 00:09:12,276 That sounds pretty good. 246 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,144 Ugh, you are so transparent, Glenn. 247 00:09:14,212 --> 00:09:15,753 Come, come, come. 248 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,081 We're expanding to chips. 249 00:09:21,619 --> 00:09:23,920 - Mmm. Mmm! - Cam, you're staring. 250 00:09:23,973 --> 00:09:25,901 No, I'm not. So are you. 251 00:09:25,942 --> 00:09:27,157 Ooh, I should take this. 252 00:09:27,225 --> 00:09:28,639 It might be drizzle-related. 253 00:09:29,727 --> 00:09:31,136 So, Haley, 254 00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:33,385 we are here to help you. Tell us what "c..." is. 255 00:09:33,430 --> 00:09:34,663 You told him? 256 00:09:34,732 --> 00:09:36,883 You can confide in us. We're middle-aged gay men. 257 00:09:36,908 --> 00:09:39,068 Whatever it is, we have heard of it. 258 00:09:39,136 --> 00:09:40,202 Fine. 259 00:09:40,270 --> 00:09:41,570 The other night, Rainer asked me 260 00:09:41,638 --> 00:09:44,639 if I would be into candling. 261 00:09:45,533 --> 00:09:48,475 - Oh. - Oh. 262 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:49,977 You know what that is, right? 263 00:09:50,062 --> 00:09:51,212 - Yes! - Yes! 264 00:09:51,237 --> 00:09:53,533 It's when you do the... 265 00:09:53,558 --> 00:09:54,958 and then... and then you... 266 00:09:54,983 --> 00:09:57,784 and then you do the... the boop, boop. 267 00:09:57,987 --> 00:10:01,550 Candling is where you light a hollow candle 268 00:10:01,575 --> 00:10:03,448 and insert it... 269 00:10:03,492 --> 00:10:05,579 into one of the ear canals... 270 00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:07,660 to remove ear wax. 271 00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:09,429 Ah... oh, God. 272 00:10:09,497 --> 00:10:10,697 The thing is, I don't know if I want to be 273 00:10:10,766 --> 00:10:12,199 that intimate with Rainer. 274 00:10:12,267 --> 00:10:14,534 Am I really ready to see gunk coming out of his ear? 275 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:16,636 I mean, like, what if he stops being sexy? 276 00:10:16,705 --> 00:10:17,971 Well, it is intimacy like that 277 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,240 that separates casual dating from something more serious. 278 00:10:20,308 --> 00:10:21,640 But what about what you said earlier, 279 00:10:21,709 --> 00:10:24,110 how even committed relationships like yours have boundaries? 280 00:10:24,178 --> 00:10:25,410 Excuse me, what boundaries? 281 00:10:25,479 --> 00:10:27,546 Hey, my phone died. Can I borrow one of yours? 282 00:10:27,615 --> 00:10:29,548 You told her we have boundaries? 283 00:10:29,617 --> 00:10:31,283 You told them I asked you to candle me? 284 00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:33,763 Okay, I feel like this tea's getting away from us. 285 00:10:34,917 --> 00:10:38,152 Nachos! Get your nachos here! 286 00:10:39,712 --> 00:10:40,911 Get! 287 00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,307 Get! 288 00:10:46,055 --> 00:10:48,332 Goaltending! Ref, do your job! 289 00:10:48,401 --> 00:10:50,399 - I'm a pharmacist. - Oh, sorry. 290 00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:54,605 - Phil. - Oh! 291 00:10:54,674 --> 00:10:56,807 - You seem a little tight, man. - Hey, DeAndre Jordan. 292 00:10:56,876 --> 00:10:58,976 Uh, no, no, no, just working out the Jim-jams. 293 00:10:59,044 --> 00:11:01,299 - First half's about getting a read. - Yeah, right. 294 00:11:01,324 --> 00:11:03,147 I didn't realize that fans were coaching. 295 00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:04,982 And you're helping the parents. 296 00:11:05,050 --> 00:11:06,984 Teachers are the backbone of our country. 297 00:11:07,052 --> 00:11:09,093 Get out of here. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. 298 00:11:09,118 --> 00:11:11,093 I'm so sick of you acting like you know everything. 299 00:11:11,118 --> 00:11:13,222 Going to therapy did nothing for you. 300 00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:14,991 First of all, stop transferring. 301 00:11:15,059 --> 00:11:17,026 Secondly, how about I coach that team, 302 00:11:17,095 --> 00:11:18,427 you coach this team? 303 00:11:18,496 --> 00:11:21,493 10 Dolphin Dollars you and Phil are going down. 304 00:11:21,518 --> 00:11:23,166 - Oh, um... - 10? 305 00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:25,268 You can't even get a Foam Flipper with that. 306 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:27,636 - Let's make it 50. - D.J., please. 307 00:11:27,705 --> 00:11:29,037 How bout 50 real ones? 308 00:11:29,106 --> 00:11:30,505 Okay. Make it five grand. 309 00:11:30,573 --> 00:11:32,308 That's the jump? 310 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:34,092 - Go win this for me. - Okay. 311 00:11:34,117 --> 00:11:35,826 We're on the same team! 312 00:11:35,851 --> 00:11:37,478 Foul! Somebody fouled me! 313 00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:38,680 Stop flopping! 314 00:11:38,748 --> 00:11:39,948 Phil, come on, man. Focus! 315 00:11:40,017 --> 00:11:41,283 We just bet our Olympic gold medals. 316 00:11:41,351 --> 00:11:44,385 Why? No one's making you do this! 317 00:11:45,878 --> 00:11:47,565 I hate that I made you uncomfortable. 318 00:11:47,588 --> 00:11:49,659 I-I just wanted us to be real with each other. 319 00:11:49,684 --> 00:11:51,080 I want that, too. 320 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:53,826 I think I'm ready. I will candle you. 321 00:11:53,894 --> 00:11:54,927 Oh, look at that... 322 00:11:54,995 --> 00:11:56,829 two virtual strangers breaking down walls 323 00:11:56,897 --> 00:11:58,243 when I didn't even know we had any. 324 00:11:58,268 --> 00:11:59,658 When I told Haley we had boundaries, 325 00:11:59,674 --> 00:12:01,340 I just meant that there are certain things 326 00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:03,611 - I'd rather not ask you to do. - Like what? 327 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:04,811 We should be open and honest 328 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,081 about whatever our wants and needs are. 329 00:12:07,149 --> 00:12:09,014 As long as we're being real, 330 00:12:09,084 --> 00:12:10,616 there's something you need to know. 331 00:12:10,685 --> 00:12:12,153 There is absolutely nothing I... 332 00:12:12,178 --> 00:12:14,528 - Shh! I want to hear this. - Give me your hands. 333 00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:16,622 Okay, deep breath. Come on, Haley. 334 00:12:18,450 --> 00:12:20,440 I draw in my eyebrows. 335 00:12:20,465 --> 00:12:21,631 Oh. 336 00:12:21,656 --> 00:12:23,200 This is the real me. 337 00:12:25,299 --> 00:12:26,998 Did he leave? Is he still here? 338 00:12:27,067 --> 00:12:30,297 I'm still here, and you're still beautiful. 339 00:12:30,322 --> 00:12:32,070 Stop running from me. 340 00:12:32,139 --> 00:12:33,846 Fine. 341 00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:35,857 I have a confession of my own. 342 00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:37,015 Two seconds. 343 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:38,940 I've never told anyone this. 344 00:12:40,581 --> 00:12:42,246 I use tape to pull my neck back. 345 00:12:42,315 --> 00:12:43,893 I knew it! 346 00:12:44,050 --> 00:12:45,849 Wow. So brave. 347 00:12:45,918 --> 00:12:48,285 - I feel so naked right now. - Me, too. 348 00:12:48,354 --> 00:12:50,187 They look exactly the same, right? 349 00:12:50,256 --> 00:12:51,322 No, what they look is happy 350 00:12:51,347 --> 00:12:52,400 because they are brave enough 351 00:12:52,425 --> 00:12:53,824 to be vulnerable with each other. 352 00:12:53,849 --> 00:12:55,583 - Cam... - It's just ironic 353 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,468 that you won't ask me to do whatever it is 354 00:12:58,493 --> 00:13:00,194 because you're worried I'll judge you, 355 00:13:00,219 --> 00:13:02,332 but I'm judging you now for not trusting me, 356 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,155 and that hurts. 357 00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:08,338 You're right, of course. 358 00:13:08,406 --> 00:13:10,340 This is only bringing us closer together. 359 00:13:10,408 --> 00:13:12,408 Uh-huh! Who'd you say normally does this? 360 00:13:12,477 --> 00:13:14,655 Uh, this place near my old office. 361 00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,078 - Lily in a pinch. - Okay, well, I think that's it. 362 00:13:17,148 --> 00:13:18,347 Oh, no, you have to go over it one more time. 363 00:13:18,415 --> 00:13:20,672 Okay, we're not painting a bridge. 364 00:13:21,789 --> 00:13:24,498 Okay, I've checked twice. There's no invoice for this last closet. 365 00:13:24,523 --> 00:13:25,709 Well, there has to be, 366 00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:27,348 and we've got to find it before my dad does. 367 00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,324 Is there any chance you accidentally shredded it? 368 00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:31,493 Don't worry. If I did, it's an easy restore. 369 00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:35,199 I was regional jigsaw champion in the under-60 category. 370 00:13:37,209 --> 00:13:38,832 That weird sneeze. 371 00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:41,001 You sound like the guy who was sick on the news. 372 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,837 No, that guy was falling apart. 373 00:13:43,862 --> 00:13:45,695 - Aah! - You can't be infected. 374 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,975 It's not like you've spent any time around that wood. 375 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,410 I mean, you don't hang out in the warehouse. 376 00:13:49,463 --> 00:13:51,173 I've seen how much those guys pants you. 377 00:13:51,214 --> 00:13:52,344 Oh, my God. 378 00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:53,547 My mom has a new boyfriend, 379 00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:55,182 and she doesn't want him to know she has kids, 380 00:13:55,250 --> 00:13:57,884 so when he comes over, I sleep in the conference room. 381 00:13:57,909 --> 00:13:59,729 Which is where the sample closet is, 382 00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:01,237 which is why there's no record of it! 383 00:14:01,262 --> 00:14:02,597 Oh, God! 384 00:14:04,821 --> 00:14:06,459 I don't like to talk about it a lot, 385 00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:08,518 but I have a certain expertise in timber. 386 00:14:08,543 --> 00:14:09,728 Even blindfolded, 387 00:14:09,797 --> 00:14:12,731 I can tell a Galapagos teak from a Maltese cherry. 388 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,866 Came in handy for a cop friend of mine. 389 00:14:14,935 --> 00:14:17,355 Helped him round up the Cedar Boys. 390 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,305 Dad? Hey! 391 00:14:19,373 --> 00:14:20,972 What are you doing in here, huh? 392 00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:22,708 I'm checking out this new wood. 393 00:14:22,776 --> 00:14:24,685 It's not new wood. 394 00:14:26,479 --> 00:14:27,878 The hell's the matter with him? 395 00:14:27,947 --> 00:14:30,081 - He's got allergies. Yeah. - Allergies. Allergies. 396 00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:31,716 Oh, Dad, have you... have you seen 397 00:14:31,784 --> 00:14:33,459 this new fish tank we just got? 398 00:14:33,484 --> 00:14:34,553 Check it. 399 00:14:34,578 --> 00:14:35,687 Where did you say we got this wood? 400 00:14:35,747 --> 00:14:37,578 Please, stop obsessing about the wood. 401 00:14:37,611 --> 00:14:39,377 - Hungry little sucker, huh? - Oh, yeah. 402 00:14:39,402 --> 00:14:40,791 You sure that's okay for him to eat? 403 00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:41,958 Yeah, it's fine. 404 00:14:42,027 --> 00:14:44,228 Those fish are celebrated for their hardiness. 405 00:14:44,296 --> 00:14:45,395 Yeah, hardy. 406 00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:47,030 Yeah, they're very popular amongst rappers 407 00:14:47,099 --> 00:14:50,800 'cause they do equally well in Jacuzzis and champagne. 408 00:14:50,869 --> 00:14:52,202 Where's Joe? 409 00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:53,570 - He's with Margaret. - Oh, okay. 410 00:14:53,639 --> 00:14:55,272 I'm gonna bring him in here, have him check out this fish. 411 00:14:55,341 --> 00:14:57,307 - That's a good idea. - Getting back to this wood. 412 00:14:57,376 --> 00:14:59,875 Dad, the wood is fine. It's... 413 00:15:00,154 --> 00:15:01,611 Oh, my... 414 00:15:01,679 --> 00:15:03,979 Turns out, the wood doesn't just make people sick. 415 00:15:04,048 --> 00:15:05,448 It also kills fish. 416 00:15:05,516 --> 00:15:08,351 Well, I couldn't let Dad know I bought murder wood, 417 00:15:08,419 --> 00:15:10,519 so I sent Ben to get a replacement fish 418 00:15:10,588 --> 00:15:11,754 from the tank in the lobby. 419 00:15:11,779 --> 00:15:14,085 So, those seem right to you? Hmm? 420 00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:16,725 They're study enough. Smooth pivot. 421 00:15:17,508 --> 00:15:19,060 Even glide. 422 00:15:19,129 --> 00:15:21,863 I was already suspicious of that wood, but then it kills a fish? 423 00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:24,300 Claire obviously bought some of that tainted lumber, 424 00:15:24,325 --> 00:15:25,734 and then she tries hide it? 425 00:15:25,802 --> 00:15:28,637 She must think I'm denser than a Ponderosa maple. 426 00:15:28,705 --> 00:15:31,270 - That's a nice, easy ride. - Yeah. 427 00:15:32,093 --> 00:15:34,158 Hey, kiddo, why's your hand wet? 428 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,550 It's not. It's sweaty. 429 00:15:35,575 --> 00:15:37,020 I went to the gym this morning. 430 00:15:37,045 --> 00:15:39,079 Fridays, I do legs and hands. 431 00:15:39,148 --> 00:15:40,614 Claire, here's the water you asked for. 432 00:15:40,683 --> 00:15:41,948 Thank you! 433 00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:44,752 My tooth just fell out. 434 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:46,353 You know, I got a little something stuck in my throat. 435 00:15:46,422 --> 00:15:47,488 Give me a slug of that water. 436 00:15:47,556 --> 00:15:49,256 Oh, no, you don't want this lobby water. 437 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,424 - I just need a sip. - It's from the fountain, 438 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,992 and the warehouse guys put their mouth all over it. 439 00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:55,194 - Just give it to me. - I can't. 440 00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:01,106 Oh, my God, you actually did it. 441 00:16:01,131 --> 00:16:03,442 Can you feel that thing swimming around in your belly? 442 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:04,937 You knew there was a fish in there? 443 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,638 I saw you toss the other one out. 444 00:16:06,707 --> 00:16:08,307 You're so afraid of getting caught screwing up, 445 00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,122 you'd swallow an animal? 446 00:16:10,147 --> 00:16:12,156 This sort of seems like a family thing, 447 00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:14,655 and my vision is tunneling, so... 448 00:16:15,459 --> 00:16:17,916 All right, well, we recalled all the bad wood, 449 00:16:17,984 --> 00:16:20,151 but that doesn't mean that we didn't screw up. 450 00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:21,872 So, go ahead, let me have it. 451 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:23,154 Tear my head off. 452 00:16:23,223 --> 00:16:25,155 Tell me how I've disappointed you yet again. 453 00:16:25,224 --> 00:16:27,090 And what is happening? 454 00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:30,127 All day long I've been trying to get Joe to fear me. 455 00:16:30,196 --> 00:16:32,755 Maybe that's not the best thing for kids. 456 00:16:32,849 --> 00:16:34,097 _ 457 00:16:34,122 --> 00:16:36,500 - Hi. - Well, I made six Dolphin Dollars 458 00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,369 plus 20 real ones from some weirdo 459 00:16:38,438 --> 00:16:40,337 who wanted me to ladle cheese straight into his mouth. 460 00:16:40,405 --> 00:16:42,138 Ew. All right, papi, thank you so much, 461 00:16:42,207 --> 00:16:45,208 but I still need help attracting customers over there. 462 00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:46,976 Oh, I can see if Phil has that thing in his car 463 00:16:47,045 --> 00:16:48,478 that flails around like this. 464 00:16:48,547 --> 00:16:49,579 Claire? 465 00:16:49,648 --> 00:16:51,729 - No, his Tube Dude. - Oh. 466 00:16:52,618 --> 00:16:53,750 Oh! 467 00:16:53,909 --> 00:16:55,462 Can I help you with anything? 468 00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:56,586 I'm just going to buy a snack 469 00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,019 with my last five Dolphin Dollars. 470 00:16:58,088 --> 00:16:59,287 I don't want to throw them away. 471 00:16:59,357 --> 00:17:00,389 That's how they get you. 472 00:17:00,458 --> 00:17:02,524 The nachos are amazing. 473 00:17:02,593 --> 00:17:04,593 But do not get anything from the stand that is over there... 474 00:17:04,662 --> 00:17:05,728 The hot dog lady? 475 00:17:05,796 --> 00:17:07,629 She just said the same thing about you. 476 00:17:07,654 --> 00:17:10,443 You two remind me of me and DeAndre Jordan. 477 00:17:10,468 --> 00:17:12,434 We have a rivalry, and I don't know why. 478 00:17:12,503 --> 00:17:15,169 Maybe in life, we resent people who hold up a mirror 479 00:17:15,238 --> 00:17:17,701 and force us to look at the worst in ourselves. 480 00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:20,452 I see what you're saying, Charles Barkley. 481 00:17:20,477 --> 00:17:22,195 And that's what we call an assist. 482 00:17:23,312 --> 00:17:24,874 Hand stamp. 483 00:17:26,315 --> 00:17:28,969 Donna, we have to stop this fighting. 484 00:17:28,994 --> 00:17:32,452 A wise man once told me that we resent mirrors 485 00:17:32,521 --> 00:17:34,921 that show us what we don't want to see. 486 00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:36,625 That's ridiculous. 487 00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:37,891 I love mirrors. 488 00:17:37,916 --> 00:17:39,393 But the point is that I was mad 489 00:17:39,461 --> 00:17:42,562 because you made me see who I really am, 490 00:17:42,631 --> 00:17:45,532 and I was shocked to see what I have become. 491 00:17:45,601 --> 00:17:46,666 Stop talking. 492 00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:48,467 You're sounding human, and I don't like that. 493 00:17:48,536 --> 00:17:52,471 I am soft, privileged lady, and I thought that bothered me. 494 00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:55,608 Until today, I realized that it doesn't. 495 00:17:55,676 --> 00:17:57,309 I don't want to do this. 496 00:17:57,378 --> 00:17:59,845 I love my pretty, pretty life. 497 00:17:59,914 --> 00:18:01,580 The only thing that makes me feel bad 498 00:18:01,649 --> 00:18:05,230 is that I don't really feel bad about it. 499 00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:10,010 Thank you so much for opening up to me. 500 00:18:10,035 --> 00:18:12,215 I almost started to feel something for you, 501 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,125 but then when you said you don't feel guilty, 502 00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:17,028 my rage returned tenfold. 503 00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,997 And I need that rage. It gets me up in the morning. 504 00:18:20,066 --> 00:18:23,901 Well, if it helps you, I eat everything I want, 505 00:18:23,969 --> 00:18:26,288 and I work out like once a year. 506 00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,313 You're horrible. 507 00:18:29,035 --> 00:18:31,207 Oh, thank you. 508 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,410 All right, guys... tie game, three seconds left. 509 00:18:33,479 --> 00:18:35,546 There's only one thing that they're not gonna be expecting. 510 00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,714 - We're gonna get the ball to Phil. - What? 511 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,416 They're not even guarding you. 512 00:18:39,484 --> 00:18:41,751 I'm so sure of this play, I just bet Barkley my car. 513 00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:43,252 Is it a-a Honda? 514 00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:45,521 No, it's a Phantom with my head as the hood ornament. 515 00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,256 All right, let's win this thing. 516 00:18:47,325 --> 00:18:49,926 Phil, honey, hi! I'm sorry we're late, 517 00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:51,427 but at least we're here for the end of the game. 518 00:18:51,496 --> 00:18:53,362 I could really use a win on the day I drank a fish. 519 00:18:53,431 --> 00:18:54,697 Drank like a fish. 520 00:18:54,766 --> 00:18:56,631 Wow, a bunch of NBA players are tweeting about this bet 521 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,399 between Charles Barkley and DeAndre Jordan. 522 00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,936 And they're live-streaming it, so like 60,000 people are watching. 523 00:19:01,004 --> 00:19:02,904 Since when do people care about basketball? 524 00:19:02,973 --> 00:19:05,206 Calm down, Phil. You can do this, pal. 525 00:19:05,275 --> 00:19:07,308 You choose now to believe in me for the first time? 526 00:19:08,434 --> 00:19:09,811 All right, Phil. You got this, man. 527 00:19:12,531 --> 00:19:13,578 Two shots! 528 00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,016 I can't go, Coach. 529 00:19:16,085 --> 00:19:17,506 Ow! My ankle. 530 00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:21,254 Well, well, well... 531 00:19:21,323 --> 00:19:23,536 League rules dictate, if a player can't attempt 532 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:25,425 a free throw because of injury, 533 00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:27,528 opposing team gets to pick the shooter. 534 00:19:27,597 --> 00:19:29,755 Right, but you're not a know-it-all. 535 00:19:29,780 --> 00:19:31,631 Don't give this anger power. 536 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:34,538 I pick you. Don't choke. 537 00:19:36,737 --> 00:19:38,281 Come on, honey. Come on, Phil. 538 00:19:46,214 --> 00:19:47,880 Phil Dunphy to the free-throw line. 539 00:19:47,948 --> 00:19:49,314 Tie score. 540 00:19:49,383 --> 00:19:52,056 This is for all the marbles, folks. 541 00:19:57,124 --> 00:19:58,323 Come on! 542 00:20:01,194 --> 00:20:02,528 What happened? 543 00:20:02,596 --> 00:20:04,462 It's gonna take an hour to get the power back up, 544 00:20:04,531 --> 00:20:06,163 so they called the game. 545 00:20:06,232 --> 00:20:08,578 I just feel so bad for Phil. 546 00:20:08,603 --> 00:20:10,835 You know him as this happy-go-lucky guy, 547 00:20:10,904 --> 00:20:13,838 but he has been beating himself up over this for a year. 548 00:20:13,907 --> 00:20:16,774 Oh, and he was so close! 549 00:20:16,843 --> 00:20:19,043 It's gonna haunt him never knowing 550 00:20:19,111 --> 00:20:21,478 if he would have made that shot. 551 00:20:24,416 --> 00:20:25,664 Game's on the line. 552 00:20:27,332 --> 00:20:29,234 Everybody's watching. 553 00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:34,791 This one's for all the marbles, folks. 554 00:20:50,973 --> 00:20:52,986 Son of a bitch made it. 555 00:20:53,011 --> 00:20:54,848 You know, I'm glad we're doing this again. 556 00:20:54,864 --> 00:20:56,931 Yeah, I think we just put too much pressure on it the first time. 557 00:20:56,999 --> 00:20:58,165 You know, humans aren't the only ones 558 00:20:58,234 --> 00:20:59,366 who respond badly to pressure. 559 00:20:59,435 --> 00:21:01,535 Did I ever tell you about the day without eggs? 560 00:21:01,604 --> 00:21:04,203 It was at the start of the Omelet Days Festival. 561 00:21:04,272 --> 00:21:06,405 Up with the sun, I grab my basket, 562 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:07,955 into the hen-house I go... 563 00:21:07,980 --> 00:21:11,334 34 hens, nary an egg. 564 00:21:11,379 --> 00:21:12,727 I know, I know. 565 00:21:12,752 --> 00:21:16,215 My grandpa said it was the worst case of avian anxiety 566 00:21:16,284 --> 00:21:18,050 he'd seen since Pearl Harbor. 567 00:21:18,119 --> 00:21:20,919 That's when they had to take the radio out of the coop.