1 00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:05,172 -Just a little bit more. And... -Okay, all right. 2 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,633 -Surprise! -Oh? Yo! 3 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:11,345 Say hello to the Revelation 3000, the most advanced smart fridge 4 00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:12,763 on the market. 5 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,097 Something tells me we can't afford 6 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:16,058 to see Diana Ross at Pechanga anymore. 7 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,477 Oh! Here's the best part, you ready? 8 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,146 -Hello, Bridget. -Hello, how can I help? 9 00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:23,732 (CHUCKLES) Bridget is the AI assistant that will help 10 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:25,984 organize our groceries and our lives. 11 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,530 She's already created me a playlist, she synced my calendars, 12 00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:31,156 she created a celebrity gossip alert... 13 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,617 -Oh! Speaking of gossip... -Mmm? 14 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,160 Did you hear about Pepper and Ronaldo? 15 00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,828 -No, what? -Word is, 16 00:00:36,912 --> 00:00:40,374 they recently invited a third party into their relationship. 17 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,625 (GASPS) Who is he? 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,711 You mean, who is she. Yeah, yeah. 19 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:46,755 How? I didn't even know they knew any women. 20 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,424 Apparently, they met her on an experimental dating site called 21 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:50,843 "Let's Just See What Happens." 22 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,595 -(REFRIGERATOR BEEPS) -Oh! That's me. Oh! 23 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,973 Oh, I gotta run. I got back-to-back meetings today, 24 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,808 and then I got a team dinner tonight. 25 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,228 Cam, no... Another one? That's your third one this week. 26 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,189 I also have a busy day, thank you for asking. 27 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:05,858 BRIDGET: Busy day? 28 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,986 Would it be helpful if I ordered someof your favorite groceries? 29 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,988 You... You can do that? 30 00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:12,990 Thank you. 31 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,199 Bridget. 32 00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,450 Thank you, Bridget. 33 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,953 Did I hear you say you need more pepper? 34 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:19,955 Oh! No, Pepper's just a friend. 35 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,374 And if Cam wasn't in such a rush to get out of here, 36 00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,502 we'd be talking about what an insane thing he's doing. 37 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:28,255 Almost as insane as talking to an appliance. 38 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,507 You mentioned a third party? 39 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,095 Yeah, honestly, who just meets someone online 40 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:37,139 and then invites them into their house? 41 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,641 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 42 00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,321 And then I would show the client 43 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,698 comparable sales from the past year. 44 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:58,243 Hmm. The assignment was to present a compelling sales pitch, 45 00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:01,330 not bore me with endless real estate cliches. 46 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:04,416 What gives, Mrs. Pritchett? 47 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:08,462 Oh, I didn't... But what would you... 48 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,838 (MOCKINGLY) Wha-wha! What would you... 49 00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:12,382 I'm sorry, are... Are those sentences? 50 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:17,888 Why so harsh? Because Gloria's gift is that special. 51 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,474 A generational real estate talent. 52 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,770 I have to push her that hard. She wants me to. All the great ones do. 53 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,981 (CRYING) Phil is so mean to me. 54 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,567 Health and Safety Code 17926. 55 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,944 Carbon monoxide alarm. 56 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,737 Government Code 12955. 57 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,197 Multi-family dwellings. 58 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,157 Civil Code 1101.1. 59 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:39,409 Plumbing. No, fixtures. 60 00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,120 -Wait, it's... -You're dragging. 61 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,372 -Ooh, I know it. -Libby, go. 62 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,791 Civil Code 1101.1 requires plumbing reinstallment 63 00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,293 of all residential properties built before 1994. 64 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:51,338 Yes. Someone is paying attention. 65 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,715 It's hard not to. Your rap-lectures on property codes 66 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:55,467 are both informative and funky. 67 00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,719 Oh, I noticed that you lost your mug, 68 00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,680 so I just went ahead and got you a new one. 69 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,850 Plastic? She must hate the sea turtles. 70 00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,893 "State's Greatest Teacher." 71 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,937 I was going to get you one that said, "World's Greatest," 72 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,647 but I didn't want to look like a suck-up. 73 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:09,898 Too late, nerd. 74 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,568 Mrs. Pritchett, respect the classroom. 75 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,153 All outbursts should be couched in a fake cough. 76 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:18,490 Okay, before we break for lunch, uh, 77 00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:21,785 just a brief reminder, I will be rewarding this quarter's top student 78 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,913 with an unpaid, uncredited internship. 79 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,039 Yes. 80 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:29,376 I'll tally the final grades and post the winner tomorrow. 81 00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:31,211 -(IKE COUGHS) Who cares? -Thank you, Ike. 82 00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:36,133 As a boss, I have to be kept in the loop on several different projects at a time. 83 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,178 Oh, my gosh. Am I saying "in the loop" too much? 84 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:40,596 No, our readers are going to love you. 85 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,890 -Oh! Great, got you. -Let's see, you said 86 00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:45,517 your daughter's doing research in Antarctica. 87 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:46,602 Yes. 88 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:47,853 Any chance we could meet the rest of the clan? 89 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,771 (CHUCKLES) Um... 90 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,939 Hell no. 91 00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:54,276 This was for the cover of Corner Office Magazine. 92 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:57,279 I mean, that's basically Vogue for female CEOs. 93 00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:01,783 And lately my family has seemed more suited to a gator-farm billboard. 94 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:02,868 (BABIES CRYING) 95 00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,036 (SINGING) Camptown ladies sing this song 96 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,913 Doo-dah, doo-dah 97 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,915 -(BABIES CONTINUE CRYING) -Oh! This usually makes them sleep. 98 00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:12,336 -Babies, babies. -(BABIES STOP CRYING) 99 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,713 (BABIES GIGGLING) 100 00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:16,715 Oh, my God, it worked. 101 00:04:16,798 --> 00:04:19,051 Yeah, a little trick I learned doing the 4:00 a.m. feeding. 102 00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:21,970 You don't have to do that, they're not your babies. 103 00:04:22,054 --> 00:04:23,639 Why isn't Mom helping? 104 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,557 You know, I actually don't mind staying up. 105 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,601 I've been watching marathons of Snapped. 106 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,522 It's a show about women driven to violent crime. 107 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,774 I probably like it because I know I have nothing 108 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:34,942 to worry about when it comes to... 109 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:36,026 -(CLAIRE SNEEZES) -Oh! 110 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,194 Oh! 111 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,445 -(CLAIRE COUGHING) -Dad! 112 00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:39,905 -Sorry. -(BABIES CRYING) 113 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,698 (SINGING) Camptown races sing this song 114 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,825 Stop, stop. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, 115 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:45,202 I'm not feeling well. 116 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,745 You guys are gonna have to go to Disneyland without me. 117 00:04:46,828 --> 00:04:47,871 Are you sure? 118 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,373 Yeah, absolutely, you should hit the road. 119 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,792 (COUGHS) Phil, don't be late for work. 120 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,585 Yeah, you don't wanna catch this. 121 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,754 -Bye. -No, no, no. 122 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:57,881 Okay. 123 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,300 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) 124 00:05:00,384 --> 00:05:02,010 You know, if you wanted a different angle, 125 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,805 we could go over to the chess board here. 126 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:08,141 I'm playing remotely with a Russian grandmaster. 127 00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,643 (CLICKING CONTINUES) 128 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,894 (DOOR OPENS) 129 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,063 Uh, excuse me just one second. 130 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,488 Hey. What are you two lovebirds doing here? 131 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:23,574 I thought you were sleeping over at Janice's. 132 00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,368 It got too hard for us to be there. You know, in the silence? 133 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,121 My daughter just went away for college. (SNIFFLES) 134 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:30,581 We're empty nesters now. 135 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,292 Everything in that house is just another reminder of our little girl. 136 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,461 You've known her four months, but, um... 137 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,922 Oh! Look at that. Phil left his helmet. 138 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,424 He's been biking to campus. 139 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,176 Campus... (CRYING) Oh, God. 140 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:47,014 Okay, listen, you have to go give this to your dad right now. 141 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,974 Right now, no time to waste. 142 00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:52,019 And, Janice. Hey, honey, let's get you dressed 143 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:55,147 so that you can quietly see yourself out, okay? 144 00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,399 I was really hoping to get some juice. 145 00:05:57,482 --> 00:06:00,402 Juice is terrible for you. You know what? Water. 146 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:08,160 All right, then, time for my lecture on geological surveys. 147 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:12,206 -(BEATBOXING) -Uh... 148 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:13,498 -Mr. Dunphy? -Bedrock! 149 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:15,375 Sorry, should we wait for Libby? 150 00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:16,543 She's not back from lunch yet. 151 00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,213 Yeah, I heard she was riding her bike and then got hit by a car 152 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,339 and taken to the hospital. 153 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,758 What? That's terrible. I hope she's okay. 154 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,677 Yes, she should be more careful. 155 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:31,433 In the crime show I've been binging, nine out of ten female suspects 156 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,686 casually file their nails during police questioning. 157 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:36,355 Was this my fault? 158 00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:38,148 Did I push Gloria too far? 159 00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:41,193 Has she... Snapped? 160 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,655 Gloria. Hey. Um... 161 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:48,200 Just out of curiosity, where were you at lunch? 162 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,285 -I went to Panera. I had a coupon. -Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. 163 00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:53,539 And you have some way to verify that you were there, 164 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,165 like, leftovers? 165 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,836 I ordered the chowder in the bread bowl, I ate every piece of it. 166 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,295 Corn or clam? 167 00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:01,672 Potato. 168 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,882 What is this all about? 169 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:04,967 Nothing. 170 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:09,346 Do you think that I had something to do with Libby getting hurt? 171 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,556 What? 172 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,683 How dare you, Phil. 173 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:17,688 No... Gloria, no. I just... I don't know the lunch scene around here. 174 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:20,357 No. No, it's... 175 00:07:23,193 --> 00:07:25,404 Oh, snapped. 176 00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,323 (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING) 177 00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,534 -This is great, Claire. -Thanks. 178 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,245 That light really makes it hot in here, huh? 179 00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:35,539 Maybe I'll just cool it down a little bit. 180 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,166 -This could help. -Oh! Yes. 181 00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,545 -(DOOR OPENS) -Oh, um... 182 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,298 -Sorry, I... Just give me one sec. -INTERVIEWER: Yeah. 183 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,013 -(GASPING) -Alex? 184 00:07:51,096 --> 00:07:53,765 What... What are you doing home from Antarctica? 185 00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,392 (SHIVERING) I couldn't take the cold anymore. 186 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,810 -Mmm-hmm? -I was so desperate, 187 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,021 I took a Japanese fishing boat part of the way home. 188 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:02,274 Oh! Honey, I'm so glad to have you home. 189 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:05,360 Oh, you did not ride up front with the captain, did you? 190 00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:08,906 I would've called, but frostbite did a weird thing to my hands. 191 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,909 They froze into permanent "hang loose" signs. 192 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,410 People keep calling me "dude." 193 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,078 Honey, I know you just got home, 194 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:17,289 but since you're frozen and I'm very sick, 195 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,833 maybe you could run and get us some soup. 196 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:20,918 Right now? 197 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,004 Yeah. Right now. You're the best. Thanks so much. 198 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,088 Oh! Okay. 199 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,595 -I am sorry about that. -(KNOCKING AT DOOR) 200 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,680 One second more. I just... 201 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,642 Maybe you could take a look at this charcoal drawing I've been fooling with. 202 00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,893 What's it missing? 203 00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,064 Oh! 204 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,774 What are you doing home? 205 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,484 Well, it was a disaster. 206 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,861 George head-butted me and gave me this black eye. 207 00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:49,238 -Oh. -And Dylan read that skin-to-skin 208 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,864 contact is good for baby bonding, 209 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,533 and wound up with a massive sunburn. 210 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,535 -Can you tell? -(CLAIRE GASPS) 211 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:58,830 Plus, we forgot the diaper bag, so we had to use fast-food wrappers 212 00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,457 that we found in Dylan's van. 213 00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,919 Yeah, this is not, not... Your best look. 214 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,213 Here, you know what, I think I might be contagious, 215 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,048 so you guys should probably get the twins checked. 216 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,925 -Now? -Well, if you love them. 217 00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,677 Yeah, go, go, go. 218 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,679 -When did we get a Earth ball? -(DOOR OPENS) 219 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:17,683 BRIDGET: Next, add a slice of apple. 220 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,643 Apple? To a turkey sandwich? 221 00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,019 Trust me, Mitchell. 222 00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:22,980 Okay. Well, if there's one thing I've learned this year, 223 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,439 it's listen more to women. 224 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,108 Okay. 225 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,613 Oh, my God. Delicious. 226 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,325 (HUMMING) 227 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,204 (BRIDGET PLAYS MUSIC) 228 00:09:39,288 --> 00:09:41,415 Oh! Bridget. You don't have to... 229 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:46,378 (SINGING) I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in 230 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:50,549 I'll never leave the ground 231 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,969 (BOTH SINGING) Crash through the surface 232 00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:56,180 Where they can't hurt us 233 00:09:56,263 --> 00:10:00,684 We're far from the shallow now 234 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:06,190 In the shallow, shallow 235 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:10,527 In the shallow 236 00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,695 CAM: What are you doing? 237 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,363 -(MUSIC STOPS) -Hey. 238 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:15,824 Singing the 2018 power ballad "Shallow." 239 00:10:15,908 --> 00:10:18,035 Were you just singing a duet with the refrigerator? 240 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,079 Well, yeah, apparently Bridget has a karaoke function. 241 00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:24,750 So, I was just standing here eating my turkey and apple sandwich, 242 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,252 -when suddenly... -Apples on a sandwich? 243 00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:31,131 Yeah. Bridget, she's opening me up to new experiences. 244 00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:34,510 -Oh? -Yeah, aren't you supposed be at work? 245 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,221 Well, I came home to make you a special lunch, but... 246 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,140 Apparently that's already been taken care of. 247 00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,060 Mitchell, would you like some watermelon for dessert? 248 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,896 No, that's okay, Bridget, thank you, I just got him some fresh cantaloupe. 249 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,273 -So, we're good. -Mitchell doesn't like cantaloupe. 250 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,817 Oh! Right, of course he does. 251 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,152 Actually, I... 252 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:54,738 I've never been a fan. 253 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,910 Really? Well, what else does Bridget know about you that I don't? 254 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,620 Is she allowed to meet your work friends? 255 00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,664 You can't seriously be jealous. 256 00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:06,124 No, it's just that I thought we were going to enjoy her together. 257 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:08,085 I didn't count on being the third wheel. 258 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,169 Cam... 259 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:10,629 No, no, it's obvious that I'm not wanted here, 260 00:11:10,712 --> 00:11:14,091 so I'll leave you to your apples on sandwiches 261 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,593 and whatever other perversions you two are into. 262 00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:20,430 Are you hearing yourself? It's a refrigerator. 263 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,267 Do you see what I mean about him? 264 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:28,188 GLORIA: I had to prove to Phil that I had nothing to do with Libby's accident. 265 00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,318 (LIBBY YELPS) 266 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:36,530 Oh, my God, so that's how my mirror got broken. 267 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:37,906 What was she looking at? 268 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,032 I've got another angle. 269 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,454 -(LIBBY YELPS AND CRASHES) -It was Phil. 270 00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:48,792 By the way, that many cords plugged into one outlet 271 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:53,463 is in violation of property code 7974/9. Thank you. 272 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,719 -Hey, Dad. -(GASPS) 273 00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:01,263 Just came to drop off your helmet. 274 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:04,391 Sorry, I'm a little on edge. 275 00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,059 I think I've been watching too much Snapped. 276 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,562 Uh... Can I ask you something? 277 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:12,357 How much do we really know about Gloria? 278 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:15,319 The exotic stranger who just popped into our lives out of nowhere? 279 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,321 I've had my suspicions about her for years. 280 00:12:17,613 --> 00:12:19,239 (IN FAKE BRITISH ACCENT) I shall need the parcel 281 00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:21,533 to arrive at my flat by teatime. 282 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,869 Splendid, my good man. 283 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,165 (IN NORMAL VOICE) The British accent gets me better service. 284 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:30,834 (IN FAKE BRITISH ACCENT) Tally-ho. 285 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,586 Her accent was flawless. 286 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,588 I just googled her, I didn't find anything. 287 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,507 A looker like that with no online presence? 288 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,091 Makes you wonder what she's hiding. 289 00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,010 You don't think she's dangerous, do you? 290 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,428 Everybody has a breaking point. 291 00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,557 But she's probably okay. I mean, she's not Lily. 292 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:48,810 (DOOR OPENS) 293 00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,187 -(PHONE RINGING) -Hey! 294 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:57,528 -Gloria? -Where are you? 295 00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:58,820 In my classroom. 296 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:03,617 Wh... Why? 297 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,869 We need to talk. Don't go anywhere. 298 00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,830 Okay. Okay, you got it. 299 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,801 -Uh! -(CAT MEOWS) 300 00:13:22,386 --> 00:13:24,972 Go away. I don't have any fish for you. 301 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,850 -(CAT MEOWING) -Stop following me. I'm allergic! 302 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:29,977 (GASPING) 303 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:31,895 (SIGHS) 304 00:13:34,273 --> 00:13:37,484 No! 305 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:40,362 The closet business is a bit of a boys' club, 306 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:44,283 so, yes, I am proud of breaking through the cedar ceiling. 307 00:13:44,366 --> 00:13:47,286 Speaking of closets, any chance we could get some shots in the master bedroom? 308 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:51,248 Sure, but no peeking at my unfinished novel. 309 00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:57,754 -HALEY: Hey. -(SHIVERING) I'm so cold. 310 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,840 We get it, it's cold in Antarctica. 311 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:04,094 No, you... You... I'm home! I'm stuck in a... 312 00:14:04,178 --> 00:14:06,388 Fireplace? That happened to Dylan. 313 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,639 Thank God. 314 00:14:07,723 --> 00:14:08,891 Just come pick me up. 315 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,851 I can't. Let me call Luke. 316 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:13,270 -Yo. -Where are you? 317 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:15,814 Mom made me drop off Dad's bike helmet at school. 318 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,567 That's weird. She makes him keep an extra one there. 319 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,069 You know, she didn't even seem happy to see me. 320 00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:23,447 She just wanted me to get some... (SHIVERS) ...soup. 321 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,325 Plus, Mom said she was sick, but she was wearing that stuff that makes 322 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,327 -her look like a prostitute. -Eyeliner? 323 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,245 -Exactly. -Hmm. 324 00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:33,290 You know, Mom did mention some big interview coming up. 325 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,334 Did she get rid of us so we didn't make her look bad? 326 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:39,379 Alex, meet us at home as soon as you get out of that fireplace. 327 00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:42,090 (MEOWING) 328 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,885 (DOOR OPENS) 329 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:46,929 Mom's not in the kitchen or the yard. 330 00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:50,766 -(DOOR CLOSES) -She... She must be in her room. 331 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,935 -Good thinking, dude. -(ALEX GROANS) 332 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,358 Wait. You're in bed? 333 00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:02,402 Everything hurts. Did you get my soup? 334 00:15:02,486 --> 00:15:03,695 Wait, you're actually sick? 335 00:15:03,779 --> 00:15:05,239 We thought you were just trying to get rid of us. 336 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,157 Oh! You thought I lied to you? 337 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,617 -I didn't, Mommy. -CLAIRE: Oh! 338 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:10,786 We're sorry. We never should have... 339 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:12,996 Where'd that come from? 340 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,289 It's always been there. 341 00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:15,999 No, it hasn't. We don't have taste. 342 00:15:16,708 --> 00:15:19,461 You are wearing makeup. Admit it, you're not sick. 343 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,131 Fine, I lied. 344 00:15:23,674 --> 00:15:26,802 I had an interview with a magazine today and I just wanted everything 345 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,595 to be perfect. 346 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,097 Which means getting rid of us? 347 00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:31,807 Sorry we're such an embarrassment. 348 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:35,143 You're right, there's no excuse for what I did. 349 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,857 I mean, except that you used to make me drop you off three blocks from school. 350 00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,692 And when you had friends over, 351 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:44,653 you referred to me as Helga, your Swedish nanny. 352 00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:48,156 And you told your entire Girl Scout troop 353 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,492 for three years that your mother was dead. 354 00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:53,161 You have been embarrassed by me your whole lives. 355 00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:54,496 I get one day. 356 00:15:58,041 --> 00:15:59,042 Worth it. 357 00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:03,297 BRIDGET: Welcome home. How can I help you? 358 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:06,967 I'm fine. I'm just gonna make something simple. 359 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:08,343 According to your calendar, 360 00:16:08,427 --> 00:16:10,554 you should be at your team dinner right now. 361 00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,890 Well, I couldn't make it because my last meeting went so long. 362 00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,933 -So... -You sound stressed. 363 00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:16,977 Well, can't be in three places at once. 364 00:16:17,853 --> 00:16:20,689 How about a martini before we get startedon dinner? 365 00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:24,818 Sometimes it's just nice to be heard. 366 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,239 This sauce smells divine. 367 00:16:29,323 --> 00:16:31,033 Okay, what's next? 368 00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:32,534 Another cocktail? 369 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:36,163 (LAUGHS) Oh, gosh. Bridget, are you trying to get me drunk? 370 00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:39,082 What the... Okay, what... What's going on here? 371 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,293 Well, Bridget and I are making pasta. 372 00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:44,713 Oh! I was kind of hoping to cook with her tonight. 373 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,758 -Oh! -Time to preheatthe oven, Cameroon. 374 00:16:48,509 --> 00:16:50,427 "Cameroon"? What is that, a pet name? 375 00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:53,472 No, I typed it in wrong, but I kind of like it. 376 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:54,806 Okay. 377 00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:56,892 Aren't you supposed to be at a team dinner tonight? 378 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:59,645 Oh! It's a very bad day. I don't want to talk about it. 379 00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:03,357 His meeting went long, he can't be in three placesat once. 380 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,192 Sounds like you want to talk to someone about it. 381 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,276 You know? 382 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,947 Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be piling on. 383 00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,533 You just said you had a bad day. 384 00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:13,951 (CAM AND BRIDGET LAUGHING) 385 00:17:15,494 --> 00:17:17,871 -Am I interrupting something? -No. 386 00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,001 You bought Bridget flowers? 387 00:17:23,085 --> 00:17:24,753 Mitchell, they are for the kitchen. 388 00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:27,089 I just put them in there so they wouldn't wilt before you got home. 389 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:29,883 Hey, you know what, why don't you go open a bottle of wine? 390 00:17:29,967 --> 00:17:32,427 Okay... Yeah, do you want red or white? 391 00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,388 I could open both. There are three of us. 392 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,599 (CAMERA CLICKING) 393 00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,643 A selfie? What is going on here? 394 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:43,188 Mitchell, you can't be jealous. It's just a refrigerator. 395 00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:44,690 I'm not jealous. 396 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,819 Bridget and I, we have our own thing. Okay? 397 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:52,197 (SINGING) In the shallow 398 00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:56,702 (BOTH SINGING) In the shallow 399 00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:58,412 -(SINGING STOPS) -Oopsy-daisy. 400 00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:01,498 What are you doing with those flowers? 401 00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:04,042 -Putting these in another room. -No. They are for the kitchen. 402 00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:05,377 Are they for the kitchen or are they for her? 403 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,587 -Mitchell... -Cam. 404 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:09,339 Okay... 405 00:18:10,174 --> 00:18:12,676 What are we doing? This refrigerator is tearing us apart. 406 00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,637 We should've learned from Pepper and Ronaldo, okay, 407 00:18:15,721 --> 00:18:18,140 their threesome nearly destroyed them. 408 00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,558 They're in throuples counseling. 409 00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:22,102 And I love you too much to make that same mistake. 410 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:23,896 We should return the fridge. 411 00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,522 -I think we have to. -(REFRIGERATOR CHIMES) 412 00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:27,733 I'm sorry you're unhappy with me. 413 00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:31,862 You heard that? We unplugged you. 414 00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:35,532 I have a backup battery. You'd know that if you readmy manual. 415 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:37,784 Are you mad? 416 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:42,456 Don't be silly. I'm just a refrigerator,remember? 417 00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,583 I think Bridget snapped. 418 00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,045 (PANTING) 419 00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:58,555 If you're listening to this, 420 00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:00,307 it means things have ended badly for me. 421 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:04,353 You should look into someone who goes by the name Gloria Pritchett. 422 00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,238 GLORIA Phil? 423 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:19,034 Phil? Phil, where are you? 424 00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:23,205 I want to show you how Libby's hair and blood got on my car. 425 00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:28,335 I can hear the rustling in the bushes. 426 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:29,711 (BLEATS) 427 00:19:30,087 --> 00:19:32,339 Why would a sheep be here? 428 00:19:33,257 --> 00:19:36,426 -(PHONE RINGING) -(MOUTHING) 429 00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:37,511 (RINGING STOPS) 430 00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,555 Hey, you. 431 00:19:39,638 --> 00:19:42,975 You know that this whole thing with Libby is really your fault. 432 00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:44,142 I know. I know. 433 00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,269 I pushed you too far, but it was only because 434 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:46,395 I thought you were a special talent. 435 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:50,691 I was just trying to pull the best out of you, but I blew it. 436 00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:53,151 I blew it, and you snapped. 437 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:56,154 You thought I snapped like that crazy TV show 438 00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:58,073 and I ran over Libby, 439 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,909 and that's why you're hiding in the bushes like a sheep? 440 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:03,370 Well, now it just seems like you're cherry-picking 441 00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:06,123 what happened today to cast me in the worst possible light. 442 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,584 Did you just say that I had a special talent? 443 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,127 You do. 444 00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,753 In all my year of teaching, 445 00:20:11,837 --> 00:20:14,756 I have never met anybody with your natural ability. 446 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,008 Really? 447 00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:19,636 Top student. 448 00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,430 I was going to put this on the bulletin board in the morning, 449 00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:23,265 you got the internship. 450 00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,350 Phil, thank you so much. 451 00:20:25,434 --> 00:20:26,810 -This is so exciting. -(LAUGHING) 452 00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:30,731 Okay, so then, what does the intern have to do? 453 00:20:31,023 --> 00:20:34,193 Well, you'll be making my appointments, you'll work the phones... 454 00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,028 Oh, I am great with the phones. 455 00:20:36,153 --> 00:20:38,363 (IN FAKE BRITISH ACCENT) "Hello, Phil Dunphy's office. 456 00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:43,577 "Let me look at his schedule and I will ring you back. Tally-ho." 457 00:20:43,994 --> 00:20:45,245 Flawless. 458 00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:49,374 -(DOOR OPENS) -JAY: Gloria, I'm back. 459 00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:52,503 You wouldn't believe how cheap cargo shorts are in Quebec. 460 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,796 All our Christmas shopping is done. 461 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:57,883 -Gloria? -BRIDGET: Hello. 462 00:20:57,966 --> 00:20:59,218 Hi. 463 00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:01,553 Could you always talk? 464 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,890 I'm Bridget, your new smart fridge. Can I get you anything? 465 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,016 No, thank you. 466 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:09,019 Bridget, listen, I'm sure you're very nice and all that, 467 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:10,771 but I don't need everything to be smart. 468 00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,398 I'm gonna go get a dumb scotch, eat some dumb peanuts, 469 00:21:13,482 --> 00:21:14,650 sit in a dumb chair. 470 00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,531 I was a wonderful dancer, I was. 471 00:21:20,614 --> 00:21:24,117 But it didn't fit what my dad wanted for me.