1 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:06,465 Are you awake? 2 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:08,926 I slept for six minutes two hours ago. 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,427 I'm gonna have to take a sleeping pill, 4 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:11,845 which means you're gonna have to hide my car keys, 5 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,514 laptop and Reba McEntire wig. 6 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:16,475 It's been a crazy couple of days. 7 00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,977 Uh, yesterday I found out I didn't get the college football coaching job 8 00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,562 that I had been chasing. 9 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:21,897 I was... I was devastated. 10 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:24,983 And moments before that, we got a phone call from our old adoption agency 11 00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:27,402 with the opportunity for us to adopt a baby boy. 12 00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:29,154 So, a door closes... 13 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,865 A window opens. But do you answer it? 14 00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:33,283 You don't answer windows. 15 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:36,495 How fun for you. Cam made a little mistake. 16 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:40,791 I keep making lists of all the pros and cons in my head. Uh... 17 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,584 The way a baby smells is on both. 18 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:44,711 Okay, all right. Pros? Go. 19 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:47,089 Okay, well, a baby to love. The sound of giggling. 20 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:48,173 (GIGGLES) 21 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,968 A bigger family, an extra vote on whether to pull the plug 22 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,302 on us when we get old. 23 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,179 I'm worried that Lily has an itchy trigger finger. 24 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,764 Yeah, and another child would help us figure out 25 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:58,392 how much of Lily's personality is our fault and what's on her. 26 00:00:58,517 --> 00:00:59,560 It would be nice to be vindicated. 27 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,396 -Okay, other pros. Christmases. -(SIGHS) Oh. 28 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,147 Dipping little toes into the ocean 29 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,357 -for the first time... -Yeah. 30 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,151 ...the way a toddler runs towards the door in their jammies... 31 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,862 -Hmm. -...saying "Daddy!" (CHUCKLES) 32 00:01:09,945 --> 00:01:12,114 Okay. You better hit me with some cons. I'm practically ovulating. 33 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,324 Okay. No sleep, car seats... 34 00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:15,659 -Oh. -...diapers, 35 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,704 coughs and colds, all the doctor's appointments, 36 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:20,873 -plastic toys everywhere. -Everywhere. 37 00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:22,749 Our place is already too small. 38 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:24,543 -We don't have enough bedrooms. -Mmm-mmm. 39 00:01:25,502 --> 00:01:28,630 Oh, God, the clock is ticking. We have half a day to give them an answer. 40 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,632 -Okay, you know what? No thinking... -(SIGHS) 41 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:31,717 ...on the count of three. 42 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,802 -Say yes or no. -(SIGHS) 43 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,305 One, two, three... 44 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:39,183 -I don't know. -I can't decide! 45 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:41,727 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 46 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:56,617 Hey, why is there a black Suburban outside with a driver? 47 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,202 My company sent it. 48 00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:02,080 I'm manning the Helo Dynamics booth for the job recruitment fair at Caltech. 49 00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:07,044 Wow! Look at you, being chauffeured in a giant SUV. 50 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,796 When I picture you driving, you're crying in a Prius. 51 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,465 I do cry less when I'm driven. 52 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,509 And that outfit is on point. 53 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:16,803 Well, I mean, it's sort of a triumphant return for me. 54 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,805 I spent four years there in sweats 55 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,433 with greasy hair, caring only about grades. 56 00:02:21,517 --> 00:02:22,684 The only time anyone ever noticed me 57 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:26,063 was when I pulled out all my eyebrows during finals week. 58 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,274 Now I have a big job, swanky apartment, 59 00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,944 shoes that cost more than my first laptop. 60 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,278 Oh, it's like a rom-com. 61 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:35,822 You left a nerd, and returned a hot nerd. 62 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:38,158 (GASPS) Oh! Speaking of hot people, 63 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,035 maybe I should go and recruit for NERP. 64 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:43,539 For legal reasons, we need a science-y person to endorse product. 65 00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,666 Considering we're all a bunch of people who didn't graduate college, 66 00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,126 we sell a lot of products that go inside of you. 67 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,462 Yeah. No, it doesn't really work that way. 68 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:54,383 A, you have to be invited, and B, no self-respecting scientist 69 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,885 is going to endorse the nonsense your company is pushing. 70 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,680 Excuse me, but our copper-infused toothpaste 71 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,140 is on the FDA's top 10 items to watch. 72 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:03,267 So... (SCOFFS) 73 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,020 Phil. Phil, can you come in here? 74 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,439 I've worked up a little presentation 75 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,900 for my Skype interview, and I would love to get your feedback. 76 00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,485 Yes, please. 77 00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,779 You've been such a cheerleader for me with all my magic shows 78 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,657 and SCARB dinners, I'd love to be yours. Hit it. 79 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,617 -(INHALES DEEPLY) -I'm gonna stop you right there. 80 00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:25,497 I've been out of work for a few months, and I've gotten kind of antsy. 81 00:03:25,581 --> 00:03:29,126 To channel my anxiety, I have cleaned, I have organized. 82 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,171 -Perhaps a bit obsessively. -Doctors were consulted. 83 00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,673 One, a therapist, so not even a real doctor. 84 00:03:34,756 --> 00:03:36,508 But meds were quickly dismissed. 85 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,677 We didn't want the sexual side effects. 86 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:43,515 Anyway, I am going to channel my anxiety into a career. 87 00:03:43,599 --> 00:03:45,893 I am interviewing for my dream job. 88 00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:51,565 Senior VP of my favorite organizing chain store, Organize 'Em. 89 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:54,359 -I'm so excited, I could have an organasm. -You're better than that. 90 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,572 So throughout the call, I'm gonna be referring 91 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,115 to this organizational system 92 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:03,493 that I created using the "Organize 'Em" products. 93 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,287 -Smart. -Yeah, watch. 94 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:11,084 Oh, Ms. Beckman, what an interesting point. I should jot that down. 95 00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:13,378 Boop... Bop... 96 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,172 -(PENCIL SHARPENER WHIRS) -Bam. 97 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:17,549 (BUZZ SAW WHIRRING NEARBY) 98 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,510 What the hell is that? 99 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,514 Oh, my God. What... 100 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,640 Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. 101 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,850 Your dad came over to help me. I gotta fix that step. 102 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,312 It splintered. I wiped out this morning and landed on my head. 103 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:31,438 Yeah, but my call. 104 00:04:31,522 --> 00:04:33,732 We gotta take care of that before someone gets hurt. 105 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,816 Someone did. 106 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,818 I mean, what if it was Haley with the babies, or Dylan? 107 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,237 Or me. I threw up. 108 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:42,616 Holy Moses, Gloria was here yesterday in heels. That could've been ugly. 109 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,742 I'm sleepy. 110 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,078 Buddy, you gotta move. Someone's gonna trip over you. 111 00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:50,666 Hey, guys, we can't do this right now. Okay? I've got an interview at 1:23. 112 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:51,792 Well, that's specific. 113 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,585 No, not for Audrey Beckman. 114 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:55,963 Her whole life is scheduled down to the second. 115 00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,673 She's a god to OCD people. 116 00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,007 Why do you think I've got that bumper sticker 117 00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,760 that says "Straighten It Like Beckman"? 118 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,262 Can I come down now? 119 00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,181 If I don't have the babies' bottles when they wake up, they're mean. 120 00:05:06,265 --> 00:05:08,433 You're not even in the terrible twos yet. 121 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,810 Oh. When do those start? 122 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,520 Okay, look, it's almost time. 123 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:14,690 Just, please, nobody make any noise, nobody go in that office. 124 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,400 I have all my ducks in a row. 125 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,026 I'm just gonna run upstairs and change my shirt. 126 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,320 -Uh, okay, but be careful. -I know what I'm doing, honey. 127 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:22,239 -I've got this. -(ALL EXCLAIMING) 128 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,365 Oh, boy! Oh, God! 129 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,326 My leg is stuck! Somebody do something. 130 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,496 I'm really good at getting rings off. Do you want me to butter your thighs? 131 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:32,124 Hey, Dylan, sometimes I like to play things out 132 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,126 in my head first, if that's helpful. 133 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,128 (TEXT MESSAGE TONE CHIMES) 134 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:39,381 Hey, honey, we need to talk to you about something. 135 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,467 Sweetie, this is something pretty big, and I want you to brace yourself. 136 00:05:42,551 --> 00:05:43,886 (MITCHELL INHALES DEEPLY) 137 00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:45,804 The adoption agency called... 138 00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:47,139 I'm not going back. 139 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:50,142 Do you know what happens to soft, entitled kids in Da Nang? 140 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:53,061 No, no, no, no, no. No, no, n... No, no. 141 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,439 There's a baby boy. 142 00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:56,982 Oh. 143 00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:58,358 I think you should do it. 144 00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,985 Really? Just like that? 145 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,279 Whatever stops you dropping by my sleepovers. 146 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,323 -You guys are way too focused on me. -(MITCHELL SIGHS) 147 00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,283 Plus, I think it'd be fun to have a baby brother. 148 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,035 -Oh. -Although... 149 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:09,203 Although what? 150 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:11,538 Aren't you guys kind of old to be having a baby? 151 00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,082 I'm getting into the juicy part of my teen years. 152 00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,792 I don't want to have to take over for you. 153 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,961 -Okay... We are not that old. -(MITCHELL CHUCKLES) 154 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,087 -You're like 50. -(MITCHELL GASPS) 155 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:20,255 Oh, my God! 156 00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:23,717 No. Daddy is 44, and I'm 48. 157 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,345 You do realize when the baby's a senior in high school, 158 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,971 you guys will be senior citizens? 159 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:31,475 -We will not be senior... Sixty-six. -Cam... 160 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,559 I'll be 66. 161 00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:33,685 And I'll be 61. 162 00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,687 -Well, 62. -Not until June! 163 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,236 It's not working. My leg is really stuck in there. Oh... 164 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,238 It might be time to return to my idea. 165 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,572 I'm not cutting my leg off. 166 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,866 Think about how fast you would run with a robot leg. 167 00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:50,285 Luke, your mom's not getting a robot leg. 168 00:06:50,786 --> 00:06:52,704 She'd need two, or she'd just run in circles. 169 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,206 JAY: Come on, let's check under the stairs. 170 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:56,166 Yes, please, and hurry. 171 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,001 What the hell is the matter with this house? 172 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,337 How could two steps be broken? 173 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:02,631 (SWITCH CLICKS) 174 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,301 My God, the humidity. My hair's gonna frizz out. 175 00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,262 That's why I never show any pictures from 'Nam. 176 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:12,140 No, I totally forgot about the humidifier for my mushroom log. 177 00:07:13,141 --> 00:07:16,228 It needed darkness and moisture. It must have rotted the wood. 178 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,438 -(PIPES CLANGING) -(PHIL GRUNTS) 179 00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:21,400 Wow, honey, you're really wedged in here tight. 180 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:22,484 CLAIRE: Yeah, no kidding. 181 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:26,738 Why can't you buy your mushrooms at a store like a normal person? 182 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:27,823 Store-bought mushrooms? 183 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:32,327 You really don't get my generation, boomer. Maybe this will enlighten you. 184 00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:33,453 Open up. 185 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,289 -Get your hand away from my... -PHIL: Open up. 186 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,294 That's damn good. 187 00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:44,423 Why do I always default to no? Is Gloria right? 188 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,633 Should I try slim-cut jeans? 189 00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,511 Guys, what's going on down there? 190 00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,722 Your foot's stuck between two copper pipes. 191 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,725 We're gonna have to cut it. It might take a while. 192 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,518 I don't have a while. 193 00:07:56,602 --> 00:07:58,812 I can't believe this. I'm going to miss my interview. 194 00:07:58,896 --> 00:08:00,606 And this was my dream job. 195 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:02,983 I was gonna get to organize the whole world, 196 00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,485 and now everything's gonna stay so messy. 197 00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:06,737 Can't you just reschedule it? 198 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,989 No. Phil, I'd look like a flake. 199 00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:12,868 This is an organizational company, not the loosey-goosey world of real estate 200 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,036 where everything's, 201 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,913 "See you noon to 3:00, and I'll bring the cookies." 202 00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:17,956 I'm sorry. I'm lashing out. 203 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,834 No, it's okay. The lion doesn't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep. 204 00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:23,212 Honey, just take the call from there. 205 00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:26,507 How ridiculous would I look taking a call on stairs? 206 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:27,799 Plus, I need my shelves. 207 00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:30,344 'Cause I had this whole thing worked out with the products. 208 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:31,637 You don't need gimmicks. 209 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:35,182 You were the CEO for Pritchett's freaking Closets. 210 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,808 You know how many people can say that? 211 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:37,935 Me and you. 212 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:41,438 And Margaret, every five years when I went under for my colonoscopy. 213 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:46,860 Fine. Give me my phone. I'll bomb the interview from right here. 214 00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:50,948 She's lost her confidence. She needs those shelves. 215 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,824 You know what? If she can't get to the office, 216 00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,326 we can bring the office to her. 217 00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,748 You're staring. I'm frizzing, aren't I? 218 00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,625 -(CAR DOOR OPENS) -(INAUDIBLE CONVERSATIONS) 219 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:04,711 ALEX: I've got to admit, walking onto that campus, 220 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,172 all those eyes on me, the adoration... 221 00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:09,258 It felt good. It felt right. 222 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:12,302 Like I had earned everything that was coming my way. 223 00:09:12,803 --> 00:09:13,846 You suck! 224 00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:16,890 No, you! 225 00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:20,310 -What? -Helo Dynamics is evil. 226 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,229 Excuse me? We help people. 227 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:25,607 Yeah, people like fascists, dictators, oligarchs. 228 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,694 What are you talking about? We make things like facial scanners 229 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:31,488 that detect predisposition to genetic diseases. 230 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,700 Which oppressive governments use to identify political dissidents. 231 00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:38,912 (SCOFFS) Well, I mean, it's also used on video chats 232 00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:41,915 to turn yourself into a unicorn. Name one thing more fun. 233 00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:44,877 Why don't you walk your fancy shoes out of here, you sellout? 234 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,088 Why is someone wearing socks and sandals yelling at your fabulous shoes? 235 00:09:48,172 --> 00:09:49,673 -BOY 1: Sellout! -I don't know. 236 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:50,924 And what are you doing here? 237 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:54,219 I'm recruiting for NERP. I told you I need a science-y person. 238 00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,763 You can't just saunter in here. You have to be approved. 239 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:59,224 Oh. Hey, kid. You don't care what you look like. You must be smart. 240 00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,976 Wanna work at a place that has a lot of hot girls? 241 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,854 Stop it! Could you make this horrible situation any worse? 242 00:10:04,229 --> 00:10:07,691 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 243 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,901 I didn't do that. 244 00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:11,528 ALL: (CHANTING) Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 245 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,155 I've never seen nerds swarm like this before. 246 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:15,240 We're not typically a clustering people. 247 00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:16,366 Oh, my God! It's Arvin. 248 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,535 No. I emailed him I'd be here. 249 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:20,787 Oh, this is going to be so awkward for me. 250 00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,040 The last time I saw him, I broke his heart. 251 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,124 Awkward for you? 252 00:10:24,208 --> 00:10:27,127 These people hate me so much, they're making eye contact. 253 00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:31,715 Alex, hi. What's all the... Haley? 254 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,009 Arvin. Hi. 255 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:35,344 I didn't know you'd be here. 256 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,429 (SIGHS) This isn't going to be easy to say. 257 00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,223 I got married, and I have twins. 258 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,349 ARVIN: I know. Yes. 259 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:43,268 It was the lead story in Dylan's holiday newsletter. 260 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:45,771 You sure you haven't been stalking a little? 261 00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,189 No, no, that's why. 262 00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,692 Alex, is this directed at you? 263 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:55,322 Yes. Yes, it is. And they are so mean! 264 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,573 ALL: (CHANTING) Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 265 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,783 Uh, excuse me. Uh... 266 00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:01,036 You all know I'm a cool guy, right? 267 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:06,917 I'm chill with you calling me "Arvin." We had class outside that one time. 268 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,335 Hmm? Will you just give us a minute? 269 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:12,130 I assure you, she will feel the full effects of my rage. 270 00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:13,423 (CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING) 271 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,509 -So, how have you been? -Not so great. 272 00:11:15,592 --> 00:11:19,513 -They're not fans of your employer? -Which is so unfair. 273 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:22,933 I'm doing very advanced research that could have far-reaching implications. 274 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,893 Yeah. Of course you are. One sec. 275 00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:28,897 -How do you sleep at night? -Okay, so you too? 276 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:32,568 No, of course not. I'm not here to judge you or your boss. 277 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,570 -Satan! -(CROWD CHEERING) 278 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,407 Anyway, I just thought I'd drop by and say a quick hello. 279 00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,783 Haley, lovely to see you. 280 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,034 You have to move on. 281 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:44,121 Alex, I wish you nothing but the best. Okay. 282 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,832 Right, guys. Now with feeling. 283 00:11:47,249 --> 00:11:50,335 ALL: (CHANTING) Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 284 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,755 Hell no, Helo! It's time you go! 285 00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:57,759 What Lily said really got to us. Maybe we are too old to have a new baby. 286 00:11:57,843 --> 00:12:01,430 Yesterday I found hairs on my ears and I yelled at the local news. 287 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:04,224 -And I called Seinfeld "Steinfeld." -(INHALES SHARPLY) 288 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:05,893 You know, but on the other hand, 289 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,478 there are a lot of men our age having babies. 290 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,481 Yes, but they have second wives and nannies, 291 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:12,983 who are often the same person. 292 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:17,154 We just needed to talk to a parent that had a baby when they were old. 293 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:20,407 You must be mistaken, because I had Joe when I was 35. 294 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,492 No, I remember, you had just turned... 295 00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,996 She's not gonna budge. Okay, just tell us, how hard is it? 296 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,665 Well, are there nights where you don't sleep 297 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:31,126 and you want to kill yourself? Of course. 298 00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:33,504 Are there shooting pains in your back 299 00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:38,675 from picking the baby and putting him down? Constantly. 300 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:39,843 Okay, well, is there a "but"? 301 00:12:39,927 --> 00:12:42,221 It's hanging in there, but it's not the same. 302 00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,599 Look, I know that you guys worry that you're too old, 303 00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:51,522 or too slow to have a baby at this age, but guess what. 304 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,856 -You can! -(CAM EXCLAIMS) 305 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:54,858 What the hell was that? 306 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:59,655 A doll. It was supposed to prove that you guys were ready to have a baby, 307 00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:02,658 but if this was a real one, you would've killed it. 308 00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:05,285 Well, wouldn't it be your fault for throwing it? 309 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,329 Give me a break. I was trying something. 310 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:09,706 I'm in the middle of selling a house. 311 00:13:09,790 --> 00:13:12,125 Oh, yeah. It's very cute, by the way. How many bedrooms is it? 312 00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,252 Three and a den. 313 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:15,921 Oh, that's one more than we have. Mitchell, this house, huh? 314 00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,673 Cam, I can't even begin to think about a house 315 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:20,509 when we haven't even made a decision about whether or not we're gonna... 316 00:13:20,592 --> 00:13:22,719 But maybe it's a sign. You know, the new job goes away, 317 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,012 baby comes along, and all of a sudden, 318 00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:25,806 we're standing in a charming three-bedroom... 319 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,932 Three and a half bath. 320 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,433 Which, holy cow, we could afford 321 00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,227 if we just switch back to grocery store face cream. 322 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,938 -No. -And it's in a great school district. 323 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,356 You know what? She's right about that. 324 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,607 They have a full-time nurse. 325 00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:37,734 We have a Band-Aid jar and a can of ginger ale. 326 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,363 Okay. We already have too much on our plate. We're not buying this house. 327 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,740 Oh, and in the basement, they have a karaoke room 328 00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:48,328 for people that want to impersonate divas without their fathers seeing them. 329 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,248 Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to look. 330 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,459 (JAY GRUNTS) 331 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:57,337 I don't know, guys. Does it really look like I'm in my office? 332 00:13:57,421 --> 00:13:58,630 Jaws wasn't a real shark, 333 00:13:58,714 --> 00:13:59,882 but I still wouldn't sit 334 00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:01,300 -on a toilet seat for months. -(CLAIRE SIGHS) 335 00:14:01,383 --> 00:14:02,384 How's this angle, Mom? 336 00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,970 Um... Eh, fine, I guess. 337 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:08,015 My cheek is itching. Is there something on my face? 338 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,726 Admiral Ackbar, what the hell happened to you? 339 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,394 I'll bet it was your stupid mushrooms. 340 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:16,190 Why do I try new things? I'm sticking to my Brett Favre jeans. 341 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,691 -(RINGING ON LAPTOP) -Oh, God! That's her, 342 00:14:17,774 --> 00:14:19,276 that's her. Shh! Everybody, quiet. 343 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,360 Wait. I have to get up there with the babies... 344 00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:21,695 Shh! Sit! 345 00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:23,155 (KEYBOARD CLACKS) 346 00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:26,366 Hi, Ms. Beckman. Thank you so much for this... 347 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:27,826 -(JAY SNEEZES) -(CLAIRE FEIGNS SNEEZING) 348 00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,912 ...opportunity. 349 00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,205 You're welcome. (SNEEZES) 350 00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:32,331 Uh... 351 00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:33,790 I wasn't mocking you. 352 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,627 It's just that whenever I hear someone sneeze, I have to sneeze, too, 353 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,086 so that it's an even number. 354 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:39,630 It's perfectly normal. 355 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,757 Oh. No, I completely understand. 356 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,593 A few years ago, I forgot to tap the towel rod twice 357 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:48,222 when I got out of the shower, and we lost George Michael that day, so... 358 00:14:48,305 --> 00:14:49,973 (WHISPERING) That was you? 359 00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,184 BECKMAN: Let me tell you a little bit about our company. 360 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:56,188 Oh. I'd love that, but first, I'd like to take some notes. 361 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,356 (CRASHING) 362 00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:58,982 (WHISPERING) Tilt up! 363 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,235 It's what I love about this industry. 364 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,320 Never a dull moment. 365 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,738 (WHISPERING) It's not plugged in! 366 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,032 (PHIL IMITATES PENCIL SHARPENER WHIRRING) 367 00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:08,992 -(CLAIRE BLOWS) -(PHIL GRUNTS) 368 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:12,996 We like to think of Organize 'Em as a wellness company... 369 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,706 (ALL SNEEZING) 370 00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:16,416 A mindfulness company... 371 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:17,835 (SHELF CREAKING) 372 00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:19,253 Are your shelves shaking? 373 00:15:19,795 --> 00:15:20,796 Uh... 374 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:23,841 Yeah. Yeah. I think we're having a little earthquake. 375 00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:26,009 You know what? Why don't I tell you a little something 376 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,094 about myself? 377 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,722 I like to think that I'm the kind of person 378 00:15:30,806 --> 00:15:34,184 who can see where the consumer trends are leaning, 379 00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:37,563 adjust quickly and lean back the other direction. 380 00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:38,939 (JAY GROANING SOFTLY) 381 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,274 -(PHIL GRUNTS) -(BABY COOING) 382 00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:41,942 Oh, my God! 383 00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:45,487 Do I love organizing. 384 00:15:45,571 --> 00:15:47,531 Baby, do I love it. 385 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,992 Ms. Dunphy, have you been drinking? 386 00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:52,452 Just lie. She can't smell your breath. 387 00:15:52,578 --> 00:15:54,121 No, Poppy, no! 388 00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,289 (JAY SCREAMS) 389 00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:56,915 -Oh... -(CRASHING) 390 00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:02,671 -What the hell is happening? -I'm calling it. 391 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,592 I'm sorry, Ms. Beckman. This was a terrible idea. 392 00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:11,263 Okay. I fell through a step, and my leg is stuck. 393 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:14,892 And, listen, there's no company I would rather work for. 394 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,393 I didn't want to cancel on you, 395 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:21,773 so I asked my family to make it look like this was my office. 396 00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:24,526 Jay Pritchett, closeteer, but you probably know that. 397 00:16:24,610 --> 00:16:25,944 (BOTH SNEEZING) 398 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:29,156 Could you just please get him out of my earshot? 399 00:16:29,573 --> 00:16:30,949 Yeah, yeah, sure. 400 00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,117 Listen. 401 00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:35,913 I wanted you to think that I was a person who had it all together, but I'm not. 402 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,665 The reality is I live in chaos. 403 00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:40,584 But that's why I love your products. 404 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,670 When my kids are fighting, or the grandkids are crying, 405 00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:47,591 or my husband is making pancakes on a pogo stick, 406 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,385 I know that I can go into my office 407 00:16:50,469 --> 00:16:53,347 and file bills in a color-coded divider, 408 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:56,350 and experience one moment of peace. 409 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,434 (SIGHS) 410 00:16:57,518 --> 00:16:59,853 I know I'm what your company needs, 411 00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,314 because I know how much I need your company. 412 00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:06,235 (SOFTLY) Wow. 413 00:17:06,777 --> 00:17:08,195 I got the job! 414 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,907 I'm so proud of her. I guess it's our lucky step. 415 00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,075 (THUDDING) 416 00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:14,535 (LUKE GROANS) 417 00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:16,328 Don't worry. It's just me. 418 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:18,038 -Oh. -See? (CHUCKLES) 419 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,332 -(ARVIN HUMMING) -(DOOR OPENS) 420 00:17:22,167 --> 00:17:23,710 You know what? You could have defended me. 421 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,337 Hmm. Should I have? 422 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,422 Are you saying you agree with them? 423 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:29,299 I found their chant rather simplistic. 424 00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:31,844 You know, I would have probably gone with something like, 425 00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:34,471 "Helo Dynamics is a multinational corporation 426 00:17:34,555 --> 00:17:37,474 "that prioritizes profits over ethics." 427 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,810 I knew it. You are judging me. 428 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,104 Do you judge all of your students like this? 429 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,188 Alex... 430 00:17:43,689 --> 00:17:46,400 All my students don't have the potential you do. 431 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,320 You are extraordinary. You are meant to change the world! 432 00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,699 It's not just me that thinks it. 433 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,869 -Dylan said so in his newsletter. -Oh, spare me. 434 00:17:56,952 --> 00:17:59,788 The sanctimonious academic looking down on the star pupil 435 00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:02,082 because of her $1,000 shoes. 436 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:04,501 -Those shoes were $1,000? -Damn it. 437 00:18:04,585 --> 00:18:06,461 Do they come with medicine for a village? 438 00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:09,339 You know what? I hate to say it, but I don't need your approval 439 00:18:09,423 --> 00:18:11,049 because I love what I do. 440 00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,594 Ah. Well, I am sorry to hear that. 441 00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:14,678 -Don't be. -I'm sorry, 442 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:19,266 because I'm assembling a research team to create AI capable of everything, 443 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:24,062 from discovering exoplanets in deep space to biomarkers of disease in humans. 444 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:28,650 And you would've been a superb addition 445 00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:31,528 to an exceptional team, but... (BLOWS RASPBERRY) 446 00:18:31,612 --> 00:18:35,574 Well, Professor, you can take that job 447 00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:37,993 and give it to me. 448 00:18:38,327 --> 00:18:40,078 But I'm going to need you to match my salary. 449 00:18:40,162 --> 00:18:42,122 -I'm not sure we have that kind of money. -Deal. 450 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:46,168 I'm gonna go see if I can still return these. 451 00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,048 And finally back to the beautiful family room. 452 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:53,217 -It's great. -I mean, it is beautiful. 453 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:57,721 I can see you both having a delightful misunderstanding here. 454 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,181 -Okay. Now, Mitchell... -MITCHELL: Hmm? 455 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:01,558 ...you know I'm not usually impulsive. 456 00:19:01,642 --> 00:19:03,519 Please. You never go to the grocery store alone 457 00:19:03,602 --> 00:19:04,728 and not come home with a balloon. 458 00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,939 That bathroom upstairs is amazing. 459 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:10,025 Yeah, and I do love the idea of me having my own sink. 460 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,528 Our housekeeper would finally realize who the real villain is. 461 00:19:12,611 --> 00:19:14,655 Okay, so we should do it. Let's do it. 462 00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:17,074 -Buy this house? -Yeah. 463 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:19,243 We haven't even made a decision about the baby yet. 464 00:19:19,326 --> 00:19:22,579 Oh. Another broker just sent me a text. 465 00:19:22,663 --> 00:19:24,665 An offer is coming at 6:00. 466 00:19:24,748 --> 00:19:26,750 Great. Another ticking clock. 467 00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:29,753 Let's also disarm a time-bomb while buying Beyoncé tickets online 468 00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:30,879 with an expired credit card. 469 00:19:30,963 --> 00:19:32,047 Okay, that one got to me. 470 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,215 I'm having a hard time breathing. 471 00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,299 I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack! 472 00:19:34,383 --> 00:19:37,010 And this big family room with the cozy fireplace 473 00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:39,346 is the perfect place to have that. 474 00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:42,474 Okay. You know what, Gloria? Stop. We need to think. 475 00:19:42,558 --> 00:19:45,269 No, no, we do not need to think. We need to stop this. 476 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:47,271 Okay, within the span of 18 hours, 477 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,232 we're supposed to completely and utterly change our lives? 478 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:53,485 No, no big, life-altering decisions should be made that way. 479 00:19:53,569 --> 00:19:55,529 (SIGHS) You're right. 480 00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,490 You know, it's... Then... let's not. 481 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:00,576 -Okay. -It's way too much. 482 00:20:00,659 --> 00:20:04,913 When things are right, it shouldn't be a struggle like this. You just know it. 483 00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:06,164 Yeah, I know. 484 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:08,500 That little boy, he's gonna find an amazing family, right? 485 00:20:08,584 --> 00:20:10,878 -Of course he is. -Yeah. Yeah. 486 00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:13,088 You know what? I already... 487 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:14,548 I already feel a little lighter. 488 00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:16,175 -And we don't need the stress of moving. -No. 489 00:20:16,258 --> 00:20:18,427 Because, you know what? I love our house. 490 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,637 -I do, too. -It is not perfect, but neither are we. 491 00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:22,431 -We aren't. -And neither is your car. 492 00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:24,808 Can you please remove that thing from the driveway? 493 00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,144 I'm trying to sell a lifestyle here. 494 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:28,270 -(CELL PHONE RINGING) -MITCHELL: Oh. 495 00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:32,316 -Is it the adoption agency? -Yeah. Um... 496 00:20:33,025 --> 00:20:34,818 -I'll tell them. -Yeah. 497 00:20:34,902 --> 00:20:35,903 Hello. 498 00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:43,911 Yes, my husband and I would love to adopt him. 499 00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:45,871 Let's write up an offer. 500 00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:57,299 -Dad, wake up. -Huh? What happened? 501 00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,968 -I think Daddy took a sleeping pill again. -MITCHELL: Oh. 502 00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:01,053 -Is he... -LILY: Yeah. 503 00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:02,179 Okay. 504 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:06,225 (SINGING IN COUNTRY ACCENT) He taught me to love him and promised to love 505 00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:09,728 And cherish me over all others above 506 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:12,022 -Come on, sing it with me, Tucson. -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) 507 00:21:12,606 --> 00:21:16,026 My poor heart is wondering No misery can tell... 508 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,946 Hey, Mitchell, I have a dozen wings for Reba. 509 00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:22,032 Yeah, okay. Thank you so much, Corey. We'll see you next time. 510 00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,283 Tony, I'm getting a little feedback in my ear here. 511 00:21:23,367 --> 00:21:24,368 (DOOR CLOSES) 512 00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:26,578 Tony Hammond, ladies and gentlemen!