1
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:03,670
(SHUDDERS, EXHALES)
2
00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:04,838
Honey, what are you doing?
3
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:06,882
I just saw this incredible
telekinesis video.
4
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,842
I'm trying to make
a piece of bacon levitate.
5
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,802
Don't you have to, I don't know, work?
6
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,721
Are you saying it'll never happen?
7
00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,641
Is there perhaps a more
colorful way of saying that?
8
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,477
I know you're trying to get me to say,
"It'll happen when pigs fly."
9
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,270
That counts! (GASPS)
10
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,022
What?
11
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,690
Oh, my God.
12
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,150
Morning, Earth mates!
13
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,610
Morning, Farrah... Huh.
14
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,487
Oh, my lower back is killing me.
15
00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,240
Has anyone seen my healing crystal?
16
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,326
Mmm. That may be the only things
of yours we haven't seen.
17
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,953
Dylan's mom, Farrah,
18
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,080
came to see the babies
and then she found out
19
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:41,917
that her polyamorous quad
was downgraded to a triad.
20
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,293
Now we're stuck with her.
21
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,671
-Polyamory... Can you imagine?
-(CHUCKLING)
22
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:46,797
No.
23
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,008
She needs to go.
24
00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,135
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
25
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,189
(PLAYING DRUMS)
26
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,817
(VOCALIZING)
27
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,404
-Farrah! Farrah! Farrah!
-(VOCALIZING INTENSELY)
28
00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,489
Do you have to do that right here?
29
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,074
Oh, I am so sorry,
30
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:17,202
I didn't realize you wanted
it to keep flooding in the Philippines.
31
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,830
I don't want it to keep flooding
in the Philippines, Claire.
32
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,665
It's okay, I'll just go in the other room.
33
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,250
-Great.
-(PHONE RINGING)
34
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,377
Ugh.
35
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,087
It's Jerry. I can't.
36
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,840
It's going to be 45 minutes
about how much he misses Mom
37
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,092
and then some overshare
about their sex life.
38
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,178
-Claire, he's family.
-(EXHALES)
39
00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,514
Jerry! How are you?
40
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,475
Yeah. No, I know, we miss her, too.
41
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,353
The babies? They're great.
Yeah, constantly exploring,
42
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,646
always sticking
their fingers in everything.
43
00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:45,731
(CHUCKLES)
44
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,691
(TITTERING)
45
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,945
Oh, whoa, yeah,
what a fun image of my late mother-in-law.
46
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:56,158
Really? Let me just
check to see if we're gonna be around.
47
00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,745
Jerry is following
the butterfly migration to Mexico
48
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,788
and wants to stop by tomorrow to say hi.
49
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,373
No way. Make up an excuse.
50
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,584
-I'm a terrible liar.
-Tough.
51
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,002
The last thing we need around here
52
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,670
-is another hippie kook.
-(SOFT THUDDING)
53
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,048
Oh, it finally happened, I'm my father.
54
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:15,093
Oh, my goddesses, there you are.
(CHUCKLES)
55
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,515
Oh, Claire, would you be comfortable
rubbing this just above my buttocks
56
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,850
while I offer up a Tibetan pain chant?
57
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,519
Doesn't sound like me,
58
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:27,648
but I might know someone
who could help you out.
59
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:31,443
Honestly, Jerry, it's that, uh...
(SMACK SLIPS)
60
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,695
Claire and I have hit a rough patch.
61
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:36,907
She's been huffing cans of whipped cream.
62
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,408
(SMACKS LIPS) I mean...
63
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,785
(SOFTLY) Help me.
64
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:43,163
Underneath our bed looks
like backstage at a pie-eating contest.
65
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,082
-Invite him here.
-What?
66
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,625
Just get him here as fast as you can.
Come on.
67
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544
Uh, actually, Jerry, everything's fine.
68
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,671
Claire just agreed to seek help.
See you tomorrow.
69
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,839
What the hell was that?
70
00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:54,925
Jerry's lonely. Farrah's lonely.
They both glom onto us.
71
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,219
We set them up,
they'll glom onto each other,
72
00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,679
and then she can bang his drum.
73
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,097
My beautiful genius.
74
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,807
Oh! Sorry, hold on.
75
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,268
(GASPING) Ooh...
76
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,230
Now, I just have to find
someone to set you up with.
77
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,232
Breaking out the good stuff, huh?
78
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,608
Well, you know what, we're finally
79
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,277
close friends with a lesbian couple.
80
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,573
And I want them to feel as special
to us as if they were real gays.
81
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,199
Cam, they're just as gay as we are.
82
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,534
Okay, hold on. One more.
83
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,869
Well, as I am.
84
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,162
Okay.
85
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:25,956
Hi.
86
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,542
Oh, my gosh,
you guys are such a cute family.
87
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,086
Oh, gosh, that picture,
that was taken at an amusement park.
88
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,671
-That's not the real Bigfoot.
-(CHUCKLING)
89
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,840
"The real Bigfoot."
Oh, my God, you're so funny.
90
00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,217
Yeah, sure. Okay,
let's go with, "He was making a joke."
91
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,553
So, you guys, speaking of families...
92
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,221
We're thinking about
starting one of our own.
93
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,723
-Amazing!
-Congratulations!
94
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,600
Oh! How are you going to do it?
What's the plan?
95
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,768
Actually, we wanted
to ask you something about that.
96
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,521
There comes a point
in every gay man's life
97
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,399
when a lesbian couple
asks him for his sperm.
98
00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,067
-Unless you're Mitchell and me.
-Yeah.
99
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:57,821
All our friends have been asked,
while we have been cruelly overlooked.
100
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,490
It's painful, it's like not
getting picked to play kickball.
101
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,745
Well, that never happened to me.
I was my kickball team's captain...
102
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:08,040
Well, only after our star broke
his leg and had to be put down.
103
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,042
-He was...
-A mule.
104
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,960
From a mile away.
105
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,795
Go ahead, ask us anything.
106
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,839
Well, you know we think
the world of you guys.
107
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,382
-Yes...
-And we you.
108
00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,886
First of all, would you judge us
if we didn't adopt? Is that selfish?
109
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,387
-Um, no.
-No.
110
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,972
-Such a relief.
-(CHUCKLING)
111
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:27,184
Now, the next step
is finding someone who can...
112
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,061
-Donate?
-Yes.
113
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,772
You know, we don't want
anyone involved financially or otherwise.
114
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,690
So we were just thinking
of going to the sperm bank.
115
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,401
That's a good option but make
sure the janitors are handsome,
116
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,195
because, you know,
they have the keys to everything.
117
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,489
Well, we also thought about
asking my brother.
118
00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,158
Oh, you don't want to go down that road.
It's too complicated.
119
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:46,286
My daddy, my uncle,
my daddy, my uncle. It's Chinatown.
120
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,705
Yeah, you want someone
with a little distance,
121
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,082
that you know and trust.
122
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,917
Who's attractive and healthy...
123
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,752
And who hasn't had mental
illness in their family
124
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,879
in at least a generation and a half.
125
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,631
Well, that's the dream.
126
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,591
-Well, dreams can come true.
-Mmm-hmm.
127
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,510
Oh, my God, thank you, guys!
128
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,178
Oh! Thank you.
129
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,638
If you think of someone,
130
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:05,848
-will you let us know?
-Yeah.
131
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,351
BOTH: Lesbians.
132
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,436
-Here's your cappuccino.
-JAY: Ah.
133
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,604
None for me.
134
00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,982
I don't need to be sharp
to experience the empty void
135
00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,109
that is life without Sherry Shaker.
136
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,319
What are these
little drawings in the milk?
137
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,113
That's me staring out a window.
138
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,865
I made the stars with my tears.
139
00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:26,368
Papi, if you can survive
me driving three blocks
140
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,121
with you on the roof of my car,
you can survive this.
141
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,414
When did that happen?
142
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,499
It wasn't gonna work out
with Sherry, anyway.
143
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:35,127
She's Canadian.
They have ducks on their money,
144
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,670
they sell milk in a bag.
145
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,922
I'll be in my room if anyone needs me.
146
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,800
Who am I kidding? No one needs me.
147
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:46,180
All right, Papi, these things
have a way of working out. I promise.
148
00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,807
You promise? What did you do?
149
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,309
I called in a favor.
150
00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,768
(CREAKING)
151
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:55,147
-Luke!
-Again? I thought we were even.
152
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,107
I need you to do something for Manny.
153
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,358
It'll mean the world to him.
154
00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,484
Okay, I guess.
155
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:02,988
I want you to go to Sherry's
improv show and talk him up to her.
156
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,073
I want her to regret breaking up with him.
157
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,366
No. Not that.
158
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,951
Anything but improv.
159
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,204
Improv is no different than
getting waterboarded.
160
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:13,248
Just stay calm,
go to a pleasant place in your mind,
161
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,334
and remember
that you're not actually dying.
162
00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:16,919
Fine, I'll do it.
163
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,337
Good boy.
164
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,714
Go back to sleep.
165
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,174
Why'd you bring a crowbar?
166
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,592
No reason.
167
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,969
Gloria, we should not be involved.
168
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:29,473
You know what my dad
always said to me every time I was down?
169
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,392
Nothing. I learned to figure
everything out on my own.
170
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,978
This is your least attractive quality.
171
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,438
Where is your empathy?
172
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,814
I have empathy.
173
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,108
That's the one where you care
about people, right?
174
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,861
You don't go out of your way for anyone.
175
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:44,738
Yes, I do.
176
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,907
You remember that little
valet at the club?
177
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,911
If I hadn't gotten him fired,
he'd still be moving everybody's seats up.
178
00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,247
Okay, here we go.
179
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,708
Some apricot jam
from an old family recipe.
180
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:59,503
Not that you would be
interested in any of my family recipes.
181
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:00,754
Is everything okay?
182
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,589
-Eh, eh!
-Why don't you want us to be your donor?
183
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,716
-Oh!
-MITCHELL: It's okay, just say it!
184
00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:05,884
You're put off by my red hair.
185
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,678
-Or is it his freckles?
-Or my tendency to burn.
186
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,221
-Or is it his...
-Can this one please be about you?
187
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,347
-Yeah, yeah.
-Wait. Are you saying
188
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,557
-you would donate for us?
-(SIGHING)
189
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,102
(CHUCKLING) Honestly, we would love that,
but we were afraid to put you on the spot,
190
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,562
and we didn't think you'd say yes.
191
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,022
-Well, of course, we'd say yes!
-We adore you.
192
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,274
-(SQUEALS, GIGGLES)
-Oh, Molly,
193
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,441
I think we just found our daddy.
194
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:22,901
(LAUGHTER)
195
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,404
Okay, so which one of us do you want?
196
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,322
I don't know. We haven't even
had a chance to think about it.
197
00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,490
-Yeah.
-Well, would it be helpful
198
00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:29,741
if we you know, walked around?
199
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:32,703
So you could take us in
from shoulder to shank.
200
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,871
It's not the county fair.
201
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,581
All right, well,
maybe we'll just go outside
202
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,374
and I don't know, kick something?
203
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,210
Or we could do a puzzle?
Or we could spell Connecticut?
204
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,921
Why don't you guys just decide?
We're happy either way.
205
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,298
Shouldn't be a problem.
206
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,890
Oh, good, you're both here.
Listen, I was thinking about yesterday.
207
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:53,974
How upset you are
208
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,976
and how you say I don't care
about other people's feelings.
209
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,729
So, check this out. Brandi, get in here.
210
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,439
BRANDI: I'm not done with my cigarette.
211
00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:01,648
What did you do?
212
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,109
I was trying to figure out
a way to help Manny to move on,
213
00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,903
and all of a sudden,
I met this little angel.
214
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,070
Brandi!
215
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,032
BRANDI: Hold on,
the best part's right at the filter.
216
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,910
You're gonna love her.
She runs towels at the car wash.
217
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,161
Why did you encourage this?
218
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,997
Hey, now, why settle for Sherry
when you can have a little Brandi?
219
00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,415
I'll admit that's good.
220
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,377
Holy... (BLEEP)
221
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,296
-(JAY LAUGHING)
-This house.
222
00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,341
So, this is how come
you can afford the lava wax.
223
00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:31,094
Brandi, this is my wife, Gloria.
And this stud is my son, Manny.
224
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,971
Brandi, I'm sure you're very nice,
225
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,724
but I'm dealing with
losing the love of my life,
226
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,684
-and I just need some time.
-(BRANDI SCOFFS)
227
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,103
I know what you're going through, honey.
228
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,899
My man saw Free Solo,
and tried to scale the local bank.
229
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:47,694
He died doing what he loved,
daring the cops to shoot him.
230
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,614
Jay, should I scream at you here
or should we do it in the kitchen?
231
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,032
I could go for a little snack.
232
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:53,659
Now, listen,
you guys get to know each other.
233
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,118
Manny, offer her a drink at the bar.
234
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,913
You got anything with cinnamon?
I'm not particular. (LAUGHS)
235
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,375
What were you thinking,
bringing a girl like that here?
236
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,544
What are you talking about?
Brandi's a ton of fun.
237
00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:05,796
Oh, sure, maybe you don't
bring her home to Mom...
238
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,840
-That's literally what you did.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
239
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,217
I hope that that's her parole officer.
240
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:17,391
Ah... Luke, what a surprise!
241
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,475
(DOOR CLOSES)
242
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,060
How did your talk with Sherry go?
243
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,436
Not well.
244
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,564
What do you mean?
Did you mention to her
245
00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:26,233
that Manny was retweeted
by one of the Property Brothers?
246
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,485
-Yeah, I brought that up.
-And what did she say?
247
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,113
Uh, does she miss him?
Will she take him back?
248
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,447
I don't think so.
249
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,117
-Why not?
-Well, we kind of...
250
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:36,910
...kissed.
251
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:38,996
What?
252
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,291
The Brandi plan's looking
pretty good right now, huh?
253
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,836
-Hello, family!
-(CLAIRE CHUCKLES)
254
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,547
Hi, Jerry! Welcome, how are you?
255
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,924
I'm sorry, I would've knocked,
but you know I abhor violence.
256
00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,342
Hey. Oh... (EXHALES)
257
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,137
Sorry, I was grinding polenta
for our lunch and my arm's kind of tender.
258
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,597
Polenta elbow is a real thing.
259
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,766
Marianne Williamson was the only candidate
with the guts to talk about it.
260
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,810
So, Jer, how are you doing?
261
00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,646
I'm hanging in there.
Very happy to see you both.
262
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,106
But the truth is, Claire, in this light,
263
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,733
you're reminding me
so much of your mother.
264
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,568
-Well, it's the hair.
-Same neck.
265
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:14,740
Oh, you must be Jerry.
I'm Dylan's mom, Farrah.
266
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,618
How wonderful to meet you.
Full disclosure, I'm a hugger.
267
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,995
I'm sorry,
I'm not very comfortable with that,
268
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,079
because I'm a kisser.
269
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,415
(JERRY LAUGHS)
270
00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,791
JERRY: Oh, what a lovely necklace.
271
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:28,003
Well, thank you. It was made from the
wreckage of a Japanese whaling ship.
272
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,755
How could the same people
who gave us the haiku
273
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,632
want to hunt such a graceful creature?
274
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,301
Oh well, I can guarantee
that absolutely no vegetables
275
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,178
were harmed in the making of this salad.
276
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,639
Actually, Claire,
it's been proven that plants feel pain.
277
00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,849
Yes. They scream when you rip
them from the ground.
278
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,518
Oh, um...
279
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,978
Then you're gonna hate
what happened to these grapes.
280
00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,772
That's okay, they're drunk.
281
00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,565
-(LAUGHTER)
-(PHIL CHUCKLES)
282
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:51,068
Oh well, it is such a nice day outside.
283
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,445
Why don't the two of you
enjoy your wine in the backyard
284
00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:54,947
while we finish setting up in here?
285
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,366
-What a lovely idea.
-Oh, Farrah,
286
00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:00,619
did you know that Jerry
is following the butterfly migration?
287
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,288
-All the way to Mexico?
-I could spend the winter and spring
288
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,707
hammock camping in
the Sierra Chincua sanctuary.
289
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,835
That is one of my favorite
places on this Earth.
290
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,670
-Oh, you've been there?
-Not in ages.
291
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,755
But I would love to visit in this life.
292
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,423
Oh...
293
00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,718
This is going so much better
than we even hoped.
294
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,137
It's so weird, Jerry has such a type.
295
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:22,850
I mean Farrah and my mom are the...
My mom...
296
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,268
She's in the backyard.
297
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,186
PHIL: Oh, right.
298
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,479
Oh, God.
299
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,106
Um, I don't know what happened.
300
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,108
It's DeDe. How did she get here?
301
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,442
I thought she was at Mitchell's house.
302
00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:33,861
I don't understand.
303
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,823
My mom's ashes are fused
to the roots of the tree.
304
00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,241
Of course.
305
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,036
DeDe, I never would have flirted
with another woman in front of you.
306
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:46,206
Unless it was that kind of weekend,
like that time in Taos.
307
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,332
Ew!
308
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,710
DeDe needs me. I shouldn't go anywhere.
309
00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:53,213
But... But what about
the butterflies and Mexico?
310
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,758
Claire, I can feel it.
Your mother is in pain right now.
311
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,553
Are we absolutely sure it's the tree?
312
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,431
Because I do have an eggplant
parmesan under the broiler.
313
00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:03,682
I don't mean to overreact,
314
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,643
but I think the situation may
call for some throat singing.
315
00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,190
(VOCALIZING)
316
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,861
-All right, Mitch, Cam.
-(CAM SIGHS)
317
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,321
-Okay, I'll go first.
-Okay.
318
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,198
I'm tall, I'm strong,
319
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,283
-and I have a Matt Damon nose.
-(SCOFFING)
320
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,993
-Okay.
-Okay?
321
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,494
Mitchell, quick, me or Matt Damon?
322
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:25,621
-Don't think, just answer.
-(MITCHELL STAMMERING)
323
00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,039
-Okay, I'll give you that one.
-Yeah.
324
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,249
All right, now me. Um... (VOCALIZING)
325
00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,334
Perfect pitch.
326
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,044
Well, what this baby needs is rhythm.
327
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,671
And I've never had a cavity.
328
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:36,548
I... I have good penmanship.
329
00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:39,927
Well, I had an aunt that lived
till 110 and she smoked a pipe every day.
330
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,970
-I'm responsible.
-I'm nurturing.
331
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:43,847
Okay, I'm nurturing, too.
332
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:44,932
When Lily was a baby,
333
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:48,227
I sang her to sleep every night,
with perfect pitch. (VOCALIZING)
334
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,687
Well, I used to look at her
through the window every morning
335
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,315
when I'd drop her off at school until
the security guard took my picture.
336
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,442
Okay. You know what?
337
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:56,860
You. You be the donor.
338
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,904
I don't think that
I can have a kid in the world
339
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,405
and not be a part of their life.
340
00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,032
Oh, Mitchell, I don't think I can either.
341
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,660
It would kill me to have
a little button-nosed beauty out there
342
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:08,038
kicking up a storm as the first female
punter or the first male Rockette.
343
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,999
We begged them.
We're going to look like such flakes.
344
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,377
-They're going to be heartbroken.
-How do we tell them?
345
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,254
We're just going to have to be
completely honest.
346
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,673
We could tell them the microwave's
been on the fritz, and we're both sterile.
347
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,216
Great, that, yeah.
348
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,179
Okay.
349
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,473
-Hi, it's us.
-Hey.
350
00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:29,643
Hey, what a surprise.
Honey, Mitch and Cam are here.
351
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,895
Listen, we're sorry
for dropping in like this,
352
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,397
uh, but there's something
we need to tell you.
353
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,481
Yeah.
354
00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:35,607
What's up?
355
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:38,610
Hi, okay, there's no easy way
to say this, um...
356
00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:41,071
We're just not comfortable donating sperm.
357
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,449
And, you know, listen,
we were so flattered,
358
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,827
but I think we just got
caught up in the moment.
359
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,495
Oh! We get it.
360
00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:49,621
Yeah. No problem.
361
00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,248
-Oh, really?
-It's totally fine.
362
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,666
Thank you so much for letting us know.
363
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,418
-You guys are the best.
-Oh yeah, okay.
364
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,586
-Have a good one.
-Sure.
365
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,171
-Bye.
-Bye.
366
00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,298
I can't believe how well that went.
367
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:02,718
Yeah, I know.
I feel so much better, that was so easy.
368
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,970
Yeah. Like, really easy.
369
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,388
Wait, was it too easy?
370
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,977
I got this.
371
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,315
-Hi.
-Hi, it's us again.
372
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,983
-Yeah.
-Listen, um...
373
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,319
What just happened?
374
00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:23,071
Because we just cratered
your entire family planning
375
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,908
and all we get is, uh, "Have a good one"?
376
00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,910
You don't seem too broken up about it.
377
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,204
Oh! No. We're super sad.
378
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,206
-We're just lesbians.
-Okay.
379
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:33,874
-Oh, of course.
-That's on us.
380
00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,209
That is on...
381
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,418
(MAN LAUGHS)
382
00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:38,003
-Who's that?
-Campbell.
383
00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,880
No, it's not.
You're the one with the masculine laugh.
384
00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,548
Yeah, and I'm suddenly aware
385
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,634
that we've been talking
outside for a long time.
386
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,801
Do... Do you mind if we come in?
387
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,138
Yeah, no, not at all,
Mitch and Cam, come on in to the house!
388
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,809
Hey, hey, Campbell, hi.
Who's your hunk?
389
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,186
Hi, I'm Nathan.
390
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,855
-Nathan.
-Hello, Nathan. What is...
391
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,857
Champagne. Were you celebrating?
392
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:02,110
With a man in possession
of some pretty remarkable genetics.
393
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:06,281
Oh, I get it, that's why
you let us off the hook so easy.
394
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,991
You were going to replace us.
395
00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:11,328
Okay, we're sorry.
Yes, he's going to donate.
396
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,539
We did not plan this. We just met.
397
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:14,998
-You just met?
-Met? Where?
398
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,667
-How, when, how?
-How?
399
00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,877
He was our Lyft driver.
400
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,296
His car was really clean,
he made excellent conversation.
401
00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,632
And I mean look at him.
You guys get it, right?
402
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,300
That should be making babies.
403
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:28,303
Look, at least we can tell
our friends that we were asked.
404
00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:31,348
Yeah, you know what?
Hey, second place isn't bad.
405
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,432
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
406
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,852
Oh, do you mind,
could we get a picture with you
407
00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,854
just to show all our friends
what it took to beat us out?
408
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,522
-Sure.
-MITCHELL: Sorry, thanks.
409
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,274
-Okay.
-Would it help if I took off my shirt?
410
00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,192
-Uh, probably. Yeah.
-CAM: In so many ways.
411
00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:43,610
Yes, it would, here.
412
00:15:43,694 --> 00:15:45,988
-There it is. Okay.
-Wow. There it is.
413
00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:47,447
-Okay.
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
414
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,116
Why would you kiss Sherry?
415
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,409
I didn't mean for it to happen.
416
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,577
I'm not surprised.
417
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,245
I've seen you make out
with a Mr. Potato Head.
418
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:57,124
It was a Mrs. Potato Head.
She had the bow and the girl lips.
419
00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:59,251
I couldn't talk to Sherry before the show,
420
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,586
so I had to sit through it.
421
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,421
The first sketch was so bad,
I tried to bail,
422
00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,298
but they locked the doors.
423
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,925
Then she walked on to stage...
424
00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:11,096
Or should I say, the first octopus
president walked on stage.
425
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,181
(LUKE CACKLING)
426
00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:14,683
Look, she's signing eight bills at once.
427
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,894
And I'll never run out of ink.
428
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,103
(LAUGHTER)
429
00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:20,230
Her performance was a Tour de France.
430
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,483
She was like a hot girl version of my dad.
431
00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:27,112
Afterwards, we kept talking
and it just happened.
432
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:30,115
I'm really sorry, but I think
I may have real feelings for her.
433
00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:33,493
Listen to me, you are never
going to see Sherry ever again.
434
00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:35,078
I have to tell Manny the truth.
435
00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:37,247
-Don't you dare.
-Tell me what?
436
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,417
Manny, I'm sorry, but...
437
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,213
I kissed Sherry. I feel terrible about it.
438
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:47,466
Are you okay?
439
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:48,967
I will be.
440
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:51,053
After I kick your ass!
441
00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:52,429
-Hell yeah!
-(IMPERCEPTIBLE)
442
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,806
Manny, violence is never the answer.
443
00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:56,016
Kid, you don't know what you're doing.
444
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,977
Yes, I do. I got a "satisfactory"
in Beginning Stage Combat.
445
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,729
And, action! Come here!
446
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,774
-Luke, Luke!
-JAY: Whoa! Easy, easy.
447
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,192
How could you? Of all the women!
448
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,777
-Come on, Luke.
-JAY: No, no, no, no.
449
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,196
Enough!
450
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:12,616
Now, listen, I'm sorry
that you're hurting so badly.
451
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,702
And I'm sorry that my plan
to help you move on was a disaster.
452
00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:17,538
But you're a good guy with a big heart,
453
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:20,040
and you're gonna find the right person.
I promise you.
454
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:22,626
And you.
455
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,796
It was big of you to want to tell
Manny the truth to his face.
456
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,798
-Thanks.
-But you crossed the line.
457
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,925
You put yourself in front of your family
458
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,803
and you hurt a guy
who loves you like a brother.
459
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,596
You disappointed the hell out of me.
460
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,808
I'm gonna ask you to leave.
461
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,227
I'm sorry, Manny.
462
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:42,604
Sorry, Papi.
463
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,773
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
464
00:17:44,857 --> 00:17:46,817
I think I need to be alone for a while.
465
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,235
BRANDI: I understand.
466
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,945
Just remember, Manny,
467
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,823
I'm there for you
whenever there's a rainy day.
468
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,324
'Cause we don't work those.
469
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,579
-Keep your chin up, kid.
-(DOOR OPENS)
470
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,914
-It's going to work out okay.
-(DOOR CLOSES)
471
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,500
I know. Thanks, Jay.
472
00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,795
-(SIGHING)
-I'm so sorry that I told you
473
00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:08,505
that you didn't care about other people.
474
00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:11,258
I care about other people,
I'm really very sensitive.
475
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,385
That's great, so maybe tomorrow,
476
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,555
you can take Joe to that
little boys' princess party.
477
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,265
Little boys' princess party?
478
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:20,434
(CHUCKLES)
479
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,687
I think it's nice that he has the freedom
to express himself that way.
480
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,772
Pretty good, huh?
481
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:27,858
They want the parents to go dress up too.
482
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,193
Okay, I'm out.
483
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,987
Forty-five minutes of sitar, and nothing.
484
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,156
(SOFTLY) She can't be reasoned with.
485
00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:37,242
That's so DeDe.
She's clearly still upset with us.
486
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,287
-She does hold a grudge.
-CLAIRE: Phil.
487
00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,414
Claire, could you try
and reason with your mother?
488
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:47,753
Okay, Jerry, is it possible
that you are projecting your guilt
489
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:50,923
about moving on because
that's not my mom over there.
490
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,343
I don't mean to seem indelicate,
but you sound a little crazy right now.
491
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,136
Please talk to the tree.
492
00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:58,472
Okay.
493
00:18:58,555 --> 00:18:59,890
Um... (CLEARS THROAT)
494
00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:03,685
Hey, uh, Mom.
495
00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:07,856
So, uh, Jerry wants to go
to Mexico for a year...
496
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:08,982
Four months.
497
00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,317
Worth a shot.
498
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:15,405
And he's lonely,
so he wants to take his new friend.
499
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,449
What?
500
00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:21,453
You're... Really? You're okay with it?
501
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,747
She says, "Have fun."
502
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,999
How did she sound?
Did she seem passive-aggressive?
503
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,751
Yeah, maybe you should
double-check, Claire.
504
00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:29,878
Great. Thank you, Phil.
505
00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,421
Mom...
506
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:37,010
After missing you a lot
and talking about very little else,
507
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,178
um...
508
00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:43,016
Jerry finally met someone.
It's actually Dylan's mom, Farrah,
509
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:46,144
and he wants to take her to Mexico.
510
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,107
She's listening. Keep going.
511
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,191
Um...
512
00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:54,611
Jerry is worried
that this would upset you,
513
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:55,696
but I told him
514
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:58,782
that you want him to be happy
and to move on, right?
515
00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,618
(SOFTLY) Please move, please move.
516
00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:02,911
(GASPS)
517
00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,372
DeDe, does the rustling mean yes?
518
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,124
(FARRAH GASPS)
519
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:10,043
Thank you, DeDe.
I will always love you.
520
00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,378
(PANTING)
521
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,504
I need some water.
522
00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:15,048
-And let's go rescue that eggplant.
-JERRY: Yes.
523
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,262
That was crazy, did you see that?
524
00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,514
Hold on, your mom wants
525
00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:23,932
-to say something.
-What?
526
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,851
"Hey, Claire Bear.
527
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,645
"Maybe you should appreciate
Phil's magic more,
528
00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:31,231
"especially since he just
solved your problem."
529
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:33,317
I can't believe it, you're a genius.
530
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:34,943
Thank you.
531
00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:36,111
-You're welcome. They don't call me...
-(GASPS)
532
00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:37,696
...Filament Dunphy for nothing.
533
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,407
That is cute, but you are still
selling houses, right?
534
00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:43,493
Oh, shoot,
I have a showing in 20 minutes.
535
00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:45,287
Oh! (THUDS, GROANS)
536
00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:49,499
Love you.
537
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,964
Oh! I guess I should be
watering you more, huh?
538
00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:57,174
I've been busy.
539
00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,635
You're not even here
and I feel like you're judging me.
540
00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:02,346
Fine, I haven't been busy.
541
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,056
I miss you. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
542
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,517
It's probably why
I didn't wanna see Jerry,
543
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,727
he reminds me so much of you.
544
00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:11,355
It's also why Farrah drives me nuts.
545
00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:15,067
If I'm gonna have a kook in my house,
I want it to be you.
546
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,444
Phil...
547
00:21:18,237 --> 00:21:19,488
Phil, stop it.
548
00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:24,368
Shut up, Mom, I like this haircut.