1 00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:03,670 (SHUDDERS, EXHALES) 2 00:00:03,754 --> 00:00:04,838 Honey, what are you doing? 3 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:06,882 I just saw this incredible telekinesis video. 4 00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,842 I'm trying to make a piece of bacon levitate. 5 00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:10,802 Don't you have to, I don't know, work? 6 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,721 Are you saying it'll never happen? 7 00:00:12,804 --> 00:00:15,641 Is there perhaps a more colorful way of saying that? 8 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,477 I know you're trying to get me to say, "It'll happen when pigs fly." 9 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,270 That counts! (GASPS) 10 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,022 What? 11 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:23,690 Oh, my God. 12 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,150 Morning, Earth mates! 13 00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:26,610 Morning, Farrah... Huh. 14 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,487 Oh, my lower back is killing me. 15 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,240 Has anyone seen my healing crystal? 16 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:34,326 Mmm. That may be the only things of yours we haven't seen. 17 00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:35,953 Dylan's mom, Farrah, 18 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,080 came to see the babies and then she found out 19 00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:41,917 that her polyamorous quad was downgraded to a triad. 20 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,293 Now we're stuck with her. 21 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,671 -Polyamory... Can you imagine? -(CHUCKLING) 22 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:46,797 No. 23 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,008 She needs to go. 24 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,135 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 25 00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,189 (PLAYING DRUMS) 26 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,817 (VOCALIZING) 27 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,404 -Farrah! Farrah! Farrah! -(VOCALIZING INTENSELY) 28 00:01:10,487 --> 00:01:12,489 Do you have to do that right here? 29 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,074 Oh, I am so sorry, 30 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:17,202 I didn't realize you wanted it to keep flooding in the Philippines. 31 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,830 I don't want it to keep flooding in the Philippines, Claire. 32 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,665 It's okay, I'll just go in the other room. 33 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,250 -Great. -(PHONE RINGING) 34 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,377 Ugh. 35 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,087 It's Jerry. I can't. 36 00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,840 It's going to be 45 minutes about how much he misses Mom 37 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,092 and then some overshare about their sex life. 38 00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,178 -Claire, he's family. -(EXHALES) 39 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,514 Jerry! How are you? 40 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,475 Yeah. No, I know, we miss her, too. 41 00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,353 The babies? They're great. Yeah, constantly exploring, 42 00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,646 always sticking their fingers in everything. 43 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:45,731 (CHUCKLES) 44 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,691 (TITTERING) 45 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,945 Oh, whoa, yeah, what a fun image of my late mother-in-law. 46 00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:56,158 Really? Let me just check to see if we're gonna be around. 47 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,745 Jerry is following the butterfly migration to Mexico 48 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,788 and wants to stop by tomorrow to say hi. 49 00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,373 No way. Make up an excuse. 50 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,584 -I'm a terrible liar. -Tough. 51 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,002 The last thing we need around here 52 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:08,670 -is another hippie kook. -(SOFT THUDDING) 53 00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,048 Oh, it finally happened, I'm my father. 54 00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:15,093 Oh, my goddesses, there you are. (CHUCKLES) 55 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:19,515 Oh, Claire, would you be comfortable rubbing this just above my buttocks 56 00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,850 while I offer up a Tibetan pain chant? 57 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,519 Doesn't sound like me, 58 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:27,648 but I might know someone who could help you out. 59 00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:31,443 Honestly, Jerry, it's that, uh... (SMACK SLIPS) 60 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,695 Claire and I have hit a rough patch. 61 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:36,907 She's been huffing cans of whipped cream. 62 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,408 (SMACKS LIPS) I mean... 63 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,785 (SOFTLY) Help me. 64 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:43,163 Underneath our bed looks like backstage at a pie-eating contest. 65 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:45,082 -Invite him here. -What? 66 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,625 Just get him here as fast as you can. Come on. 67 00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544 Uh, actually, Jerry, everything's fine. 68 00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,671 Claire just agreed to seek help. See you tomorrow. 69 00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:51,839 What the hell was that? 70 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:54,925 Jerry's lonely. Farrah's lonely. They both glom onto us. 71 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,219 We set them up, they'll glom onto each other, 72 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:58,679 and then she can bang his drum. 73 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:00,097 My beautiful genius. 74 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:01,807 Oh! Sorry, hold on. 75 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,268 (GASPING) Ooh... 76 00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,230 Now, I just have to find someone to set you up with. 77 00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,232 Breaking out the good stuff, huh? 78 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,608 Well, you know what, we're finally 79 00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,277 close friends with a lesbian couple. 80 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,573 And I want them to feel as special to us as if they were real gays. 81 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:19,199 Cam, they're just as gay as we are. 82 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,534 Okay, hold on. One more. 83 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:21,869 Well, as I am. 84 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,162 Okay. 85 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:25,956 Hi. 86 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,542 Oh, my gosh, you guys are such a cute family. 87 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,086 Oh, gosh, that picture, that was taken at an amusement park. 88 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,671 -That's not the real Bigfoot. -(CHUCKLING) 89 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,840 "The real Bigfoot." Oh, my God, you're so funny. 90 00:03:34,923 --> 00:03:37,217 Yeah, sure. Okay, let's go with, "He was making a joke." 91 00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:39,553 So, you guys, speaking of families... 92 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,221 We're thinking about starting one of our own. 93 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,723 -Amazing! -Congratulations! 94 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,600 Oh! How are you going to do it? What's the plan? 95 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,768 Actually, we wanted to ask you something about that. 96 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,521 There comes a point in every gay man's life 97 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,399 when a lesbian couple asks him for his sperm. 98 00:03:52,482 --> 00:03:54,067 -Unless you're Mitchell and me. -Yeah. 99 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:57,821 All our friends have been asked, while we have been cruelly overlooked. 100 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,490 It's painful, it's like not getting picked to play kickball. 101 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,745 Well, that never happened to me. I was my kickball team's captain... 102 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:08,040 Well, only after our star broke his leg and had to be put down. 103 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,042 -He was... -A mule. 104 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,960 From a mile away. 105 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,795 Go ahead, ask us anything. 106 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,839 Well, you know we think the world of you guys. 107 00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:17,382 -Yes... -And we you. 108 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:20,886 First of all, would you judge us if we didn't adopt? Is that selfish? 109 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,387 -Um, no. -No. 110 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,972 -Such a relief. -(CHUCKLING) 111 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:27,184 Now, the next step is finding someone who can... 112 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,061 -Donate? -Yes. 113 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,772 You know, we don't want anyone involved financially or otherwise. 114 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,690 So we were just thinking of going to the sperm bank. 115 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,401 That's a good option but make sure the janitors are handsome, 116 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,195 because, you know, they have the keys to everything. 117 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,489 Well, we also thought about asking my brother. 118 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,158 Oh, you don't want to go down that road. It's too complicated. 119 00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:46,286 My daddy, my uncle, my daddy, my uncle. It's Chinatown. 120 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,705 Yeah, you want someone with a little distance, 121 00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,082 that you know and trust. 122 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,917 Who's attractive and healthy... 123 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,752 And who hasn't had mental illness in their family 124 00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:55,879 in at least a generation and a half. 125 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,631 Well, that's the dream. 126 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,591 -Well, dreams can come true. -Mmm-hmm. 127 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,510 Oh, my God, thank you, guys! 128 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,178 Oh! Thank you. 129 00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,638 If you think of someone, 130 00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:05,848 -will you let us know? -Yeah. 131 00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,351 BOTH: Lesbians. 132 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,436 -Here's your cappuccino. -JAY: Ah. 133 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,604 None for me. 134 00:05:12,688 --> 00:05:14,982 I don't need to be sharp to experience the empty void 135 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,109 that is life without Sherry Shaker. 136 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,319 What are these little drawings in the milk? 137 00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:21,113 That's me staring out a window. 138 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:22,865 I made the stars with my tears. 139 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:26,368 Papi, if you can survive me driving three blocks 140 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:29,121 with you on the roof of my car, you can survive this. 141 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,414 When did that happen? 142 00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,499 It wasn't gonna work out with Sherry, anyway. 143 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:35,127 She's Canadian. They have ducks on their money, 144 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,670 they sell milk in a bag. 145 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,922 I'll be in my room if anyone needs me. 146 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,800 Who am I kidding? No one needs me. 147 00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:46,180 All right, Papi, these things have a way of working out. I promise. 148 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:48,807 You promise? What did you do? 149 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,309 I called in a favor. 150 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:51,768 (CREAKING) 151 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:55,147 -Luke! -Again? I thought we were even. 152 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:57,107 I need you to do something for Manny. 153 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,358 It'll mean the world to him. 154 00:05:58,442 --> 00:05:59,484 Okay, I guess. 155 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:02,988 I want you to go to Sherry's improv show and talk him up to her. 156 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,073 I want her to regret breaking up with him. 157 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,366 No. Not that. 158 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:07,951 Anything but improv. 159 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,204 Improv is no different than getting waterboarded. 160 00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:13,248 Just stay calm, go to a pleasant place in your mind, 161 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,334 and remember that you're not actually dying. 162 00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:16,919 Fine, I'll do it. 163 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,337 Good boy. 164 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,714 Go back to sleep. 165 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:22,174 Why'd you bring a crowbar? 166 00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,592 No reason. 167 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,969 Gloria, we should not be involved. 168 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:29,473 You know what my dad always said to me every time I was down? 169 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,392 Nothing. I learned to figure everything out on my own. 170 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,978 This is your least attractive quality. 171 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,438 Where is your empathy? 172 00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,814 I have empathy. 173 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,108 That's the one where you care about people, right? 174 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,861 You don't go out of your way for anyone. 175 00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:44,738 Yes, I do. 176 00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,907 You remember that little valet at the club? 177 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,911 If I hadn't gotten him fired, he'd still be moving everybody's seats up. 178 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,247 Okay, here we go. 179 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:56,708 Some apricot jam from an old family recipe. 180 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:59,503 Not that you would be interested in any of my family recipes. 181 00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:00,754 Is everything okay? 182 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,589 -Eh, eh! -Why don't you want us to be your donor? 183 00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,716 -Oh! -MITCHELL: It's okay, just say it! 184 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:05,884 You're put off by my red hair. 185 00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,678 -Or is it his freckles? -Or my tendency to burn. 186 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,221 -Or is it his... -Can this one please be about you? 187 00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:10,347 -Yeah, yeah. -Wait. Are you saying 188 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,557 -you would donate for us? -(SIGHING) 189 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:15,102 (CHUCKLING) Honestly, we would love that, but we were afraid to put you on the spot, 190 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,562 and we didn't think you'd say yes. 191 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:19,022 -Well, of course, we'd say yes! -We adore you. 192 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,274 -(SQUEALS, GIGGLES) -Oh, Molly, 193 00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:21,441 I think we just found our daddy. 194 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:22,901 (LAUGHTER) 195 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,404 Okay, so which one of us do you want? 196 00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:27,322 I don't know. We haven't even had a chance to think about it. 197 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:28,490 -Yeah. -Well, would it be helpful 198 00:07:28,574 --> 00:07:29,741 if we you know, walked around? 199 00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:32,703 So you could take us in from shoulder to shank. 200 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,871 It's not the county fair. 201 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,581 All right, well, maybe we'll just go outside 202 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,374 and I don't know, kick something? 203 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,210 Or we could do a puzzle? Or we could spell Connecticut? 204 00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:42,921 Why don't you guys just decide? We're happy either way. 205 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,298 Shouldn't be a problem. 206 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,890 Oh, good, you're both here. Listen, I was thinking about yesterday. 207 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:53,974 How upset you are 208 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,976 and how you say I don't care about other people's feelings. 209 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:58,729 So, check this out. Brandi, get in here. 210 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,439 BRANDI: I'm not done with my cigarette. 211 00:08:00,564 --> 00:08:01,648 What did you do? 212 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,109 I was trying to figure out a way to help Manny to move on, 213 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,903 and all of a sudden, I met this little angel. 214 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,070 Brandi! 215 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:10,032 BRANDI: Hold on, the best part's right at the filter. 216 00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:12,910 You're gonna love her. She runs towels at the car wash. 217 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,161 Why did you encourage this? 218 00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,997 Hey, now, why settle for Sherry when you can have a little Brandi? 219 00:08:17,206 --> 00:08:18,415 I'll admit that's good. 220 00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,377 Holy... (BLEEP) 221 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,296 -(JAY LAUGHING) -This house. 222 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:27,341 So, this is how come you can afford the lava wax. 223 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:31,094 Brandi, this is my wife, Gloria. And this stud is my son, Manny. 224 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,971 Brandi, I'm sure you're very nice, 225 00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,724 but I'm dealing with losing the love of my life, 226 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,684 -and I just need some time. -(BRANDI SCOFFS) 227 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,103 I know what you're going through, honey. 228 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:43,899 My man saw Free Solo, and tried to scale the local bank. 229 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:47,694 He died doing what he loved, daring the cops to shoot him. 230 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,614 Jay, should I scream at you here or should we do it in the kitchen? 231 00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,032 I could go for a little snack. 232 00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:53,659 Now, listen, you guys get to know each other. 233 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,118 Manny, offer her a drink at the bar. 234 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,913 You got anything with cinnamon? I'm not particular. (LAUGHS) 235 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,375 What were you thinking, bringing a girl like that here? 236 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,544 What are you talking about? Brandi's a ton of fun. 237 00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:05,796 Oh, sure, maybe you don't bring her home to Mom... 238 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,840 -That's literally what you did. -(DOORBELL RINGS) 239 00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:10,217 I hope that that's her parole officer. 240 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:17,391 Ah... Luke, what a surprise! 241 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,475 (DOOR CLOSES) 242 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,060 How did your talk with Sherry go? 243 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,436 Not well. 244 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,564 What do you mean? Did you mention to her 245 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:26,233 that Manny was retweeted by one of the Property Brothers? 246 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,485 -Yeah, I brought that up. -And what did she say? 247 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,113 Uh, does she miss him? Will she take him back? 248 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,447 I don't think so. 249 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:35,117 -Why not? -Well, we kind of... 250 00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:36,910 ...kissed. 251 00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:38,996 What? 252 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,291 The Brandi plan's looking pretty good right now, huh? 253 00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,836 -Hello, family! -(CLAIRE CHUCKLES) 254 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,547 Hi, Jerry! Welcome, how are you? 255 00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,924 I'm sorry, I would've knocked, but you know I abhor violence. 256 00:09:51,008 --> 00:09:52,342 Hey. Oh... (EXHALES) 257 00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:55,137 Sorry, I was grinding polenta for our lunch and my arm's kind of tender. 258 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,597 Polenta elbow is a real thing. 259 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,766 Marianne Williamson was the only candidate with the guts to talk about it. 260 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:01,810 So, Jer, how are you doing? 261 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,646 I'm hanging in there. Very happy to see you both. 262 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,106 But the truth is, Claire, in this light, 263 00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:07,733 you're reminding me so much of your mother. 264 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:09,568 -Well, it's the hair. -Same neck. 265 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:14,740 Oh, you must be Jerry. I'm Dylan's mom, Farrah. 266 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,618 How wonderful to meet you. Full disclosure, I'm a hugger. 267 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,995 I'm sorry, I'm not very comfortable with that, 268 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,079 because I'm a kisser. 269 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,415 (JERRY LAUGHS) 270 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,791 JERRY: Oh, what a lovely necklace. 271 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:28,003 Well, thank you. It was made from the wreckage of a Japanese whaling ship. 272 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,755 How could the same people who gave us the haiku 273 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,632 want to hunt such a graceful creature? 274 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,301 Oh well, I can guarantee that absolutely no vegetables 275 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,178 were harmed in the making of this salad. 276 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,639 Actually, Claire, it's been proven that plants feel pain. 277 00:10:38,722 --> 00:10:40,849 Yes. They scream when you rip them from the ground. 278 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,518 Oh, um... 279 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,978 Then you're gonna hate what happened to these grapes. 280 00:10:45,103 --> 00:10:46,772 That's okay, they're drunk. 281 00:10:47,022 --> 00:10:48,565 -(LAUGHTER) -(PHIL CHUCKLES) 282 00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:51,068 Oh well, it is such a nice day outside. 283 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,445 Why don't the two of you enjoy your wine in the backyard 284 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:54,947 while we finish setting up in here? 285 00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,366 -What a lovely idea. -Oh, Farrah, 286 00:10:57,449 --> 00:11:00,619 did you know that Jerry is following the butterfly migration? 287 00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,288 -All the way to Mexico? -I could spend the winter and spring 288 00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:05,707 hammock camping in the Sierra Chincua sanctuary. 289 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,835 That is one of my favorite places on this Earth. 290 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,670 -Oh, you've been there? -Not in ages. 291 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,755 But I would love to visit in this life. 292 00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,423 Oh... 293 00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:16,718 This is going so much better than we even hoped. 294 00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,137 It's so weird, Jerry has such a type. 295 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:22,850 I mean Farrah and my mom are the... My mom... 296 00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,268 She's in the backyard. 297 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,186 PHIL: Oh, right. 298 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:27,479 Oh, God. 299 00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:29,106 Um, I don't know what happened. 300 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,108 It's DeDe. How did she get here? 301 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,442 I thought she was at Mitchell's house. 302 00:11:32,568 --> 00:11:33,861 I don't understand. 303 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,823 My mom's ashes are fused to the roots of the tree. 304 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,241 Of course. 305 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:43,036 DeDe, I never would have flirted with another woman in front of you. 306 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:46,206 Unless it was that kind of weekend, like that time in Taos. 307 00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,332 Ew! 308 00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:49,710 DeDe needs me. I shouldn't go anywhere. 309 00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:53,213 But... But what about the butterflies and Mexico? 310 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:56,758 Claire, I can feel it. Your mother is in pain right now. 311 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,553 Are we absolutely sure it's the tree? 312 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:02,431 Because I do have an eggplant parmesan under the broiler. 313 00:12:02,598 --> 00:12:03,682 I don't mean to overreact, 314 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:06,643 but I think the situation may call for some throat singing. 315 00:12:08,187 --> 00:12:11,190 (VOCALIZING) 316 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,861 -All right, Mitch, Cam. -(CAM SIGHS) 317 00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,321 -Okay, I'll go first. -Okay. 318 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,198 I'm tall, I'm strong, 319 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,283 -and I have a Matt Damon nose. -(SCOFFING) 320 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,993 -Okay. -Okay? 321 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,494 Mitchell, quick, me or Matt Damon? 322 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:25,621 -Don't think, just answer. -(MITCHELL STAMMERING) 323 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,039 -Okay, I'll give you that one. -Yeah. 324 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,249 All right, now me. Um... (VOCALIZING) 325 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,334 Perfect pitch. 326 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,044 Well, what this baby needs is rhythm. 327 00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,671 And I've never had a cavity. 328 00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:36,548 I... I have good penmanship. 329 00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:39,927 Well, I had an aunt that lived till 110 and she smoked a pipe every day. 330 00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,970 -I'm responsible. -I'm nurturing. 331 00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:43,847 Okay, I'm nurturing, too. 332 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:44,932 When Lily was a baby, 333 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:48,227 I sang her to sleep every night, with perfect pitch. (VOCALIZING) 334 00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:50,687 Well, I used to look at her through the window every morning 335 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,315 when I'd drop her off at school until the security guard took my picture. 336 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,442 Okay. You know what? 337 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:56,860 You. You be the donor. 338 00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,904 I don't think that I can have a kid in the world 339 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,405 and not be a part of their life. 340 00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,032 Oh, Mitchell, I don't think I can either. 341 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,660 It would kill me to have a little button-nosed beauty out there 342 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:08,038 kicking up a storm as the first female punter or the first male Rockette. 343 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,999 We begged them. We're going to look like such flakes. 344 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,377 -They're going to be heartbroken. -How do we tell them? 345 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,254 We're just going to have to be completely honest. 346 00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,673 We could tell them the microwave's been on the fritz, and we're both sterile. 347 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,216 Great, that, yeah. 348 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,179 Okay. 349 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,473 -Hi, it's us. -Hey. 350 00:13:26,557 --> 00:13:29,643 Hey, what a surprise. Honey, Mitch and Cam are here. 351 00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,895 Listen, we're sorry for dropping in like this, 352 00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:33,397 uh, but there's something we need to tell you. 353 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,481 Yeah. 354 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:35,607 What's up? 355 00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:38,610 Hi, okay, there's no easy way to say this, um... 356 00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:41,071 We're just not comfortable donating sperm. 357 00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,449 And, you know, listen, we were so flattered, 358 00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,827 but I think we just got caught up in the moment. 359 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,495 Oh! We get it. 360 00:13:48,579 --> 00:13:49,621 Yeah. No problem. 361 00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,248 -Oh, really? -It's totally fine. 362 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:52,666 Thank you so much for letting us know. 363 00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,418 -You guys are the best. -Oh yeah, okay. 364 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:55,586 -Have a good one. -Sure. 365 00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,171 -Bye. -Bye. 366 00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,298 I can't believe how well that went. 367 00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:02,718 Yeah, I know. I feel so much better, that was so easy. 368 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,970 Yeah. Like, really easy. 369 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,388 Wait, was it too easy? 370 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,977 I got this. 371 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,315 -Hi. -Hi, it's us again. 372 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,983 -Yeah. -Listen, um... 373 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,319 What just happened? 374 00:14:20,444 --> 00:14:23,071 Because we just cratered your entire family planning 375 00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,908 and all we get is, uh, "Have a good one"? 376 00:14:25,991 --> 00:14:27,910 You don't seem too broken up about it. 377 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,204 Oh! No. We're super sad. 378 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,206 -We're just lesbians. -Okay. 379 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:33,874 -Oh, of course. -That's on us. 380 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:35,209 That is on... 381 00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,418 (MAN LAUGHS) 382 00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:38,003 -Who's that? -Campbell. 383 00:14:38,086 --> 00:14:39,880 No, it's not. You're the one with the masculine laugh. 384 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:41,548 Yeah, and I'm suddenly aware 385 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,634 that we've been talking outside for a long time. 386 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,801 Do... Do you mind if we come in? 387 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:48,138 Yeah, no, not at all, Mitch and Cam, come on in to the house! 388 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,809 Hey, hey, Campbell, hi. Who's your hunk? 389 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,186 Hi, I'm Nathan. 390 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,855 -Nathan. -Hello, Nathan. What is... 391 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,857 Champagne. Were you celebrating? 392 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:02,110 With a man in possession of some pretty remarkable genetics. 393 00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:06,281 Oh, I get it, that's why you let us off the hook so easy. 394 00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,991 You were going to replace us. 395 00:15:08,242 --> 00:15:11,328 Okay, we're sorry. Yes, he's going to donate. 396 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,539 We did not plan this. We just met. 397 00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:14,998 -You just met? -Met? Where? 398 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:16,667 -How, when, how? -How? 399 00:15:16,792 --> 00:15:18,877 He was our Lyft driver. 400 00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,296 His car was really clean, he made excellent conversation. 401 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,632 And I mean look at him. You guys get it, right? 402 00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,300 That should be making babies. 403 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:28,303 Look, at least we can tell our friends that we were asked. 404 00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:31,348 Yeah, you know what? Hey, second place isn't bad. 405 00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:32,432 -Yeah. -Yeah. 406 00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:34,852 Oh, do you mind, could we get a picture with you 407 00:15:34,935 --> 00:15:36,854 just to show all our friends what it took to beat us out? 408 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,522 -Sure. -MITCHELL: Sorry, thanks. 409 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,274 -Okay. -Would it help if I took off my shirt? 410 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,192 -Uh, probably. Yeah. -CAM: In so many ways. 411 00:15:42,276 --> 00:15:43,610 Yes, it would, here. 412 00:15:43,694 --> 00:15:45,988 -There it is. Okay. -Wow. There it is. 413 00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:47,447 -Okay. -(CAMERA CLICKS) 414 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,116 Why would you kiss Sherry? 415 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,409 I didn't mean for it to happen. 416 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,577 I'm not surprised. 417 00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:53,245 I've seen you make out with a Mr. Potato Head. 418 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:57,124 It was a Mrs. Potato Head. She had the bow and the girl lips. 419 00:15:57,708 --> 00:15:59,251 I couldn't talk to Sherry before the show, 420 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:00,586 so I had to sit through it. 421 00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,421 The first sketch was so bad, I tried to bail, 422 00:16:02,504 --> 00:16:04,298 but they locked the doors. 423 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,925 Then she walked on to stage... 424 00:16:07,259 --> 00:16:11,096 Or should I say, the first octopus president walked on stage. 425 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,181 (LUKE CACKLING) 426 00:16:12,264 --> 00:16:14,683 Look, she's signing eight bills at once. 427 00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,894 And I'll never run out of ink. 428 00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,103 (LAUGHTER) 429 00:16:18,187 --> 00:16:20,230 Her performance was a Tour de France. 430 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,483 She was like a hot girl version of my dad. 431 00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:27,112 Afterwards, we kept talking and it just happened. 432 00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:30,115 I'm really sorry, but I think I may have real feelings for her. 433 00:16:30,324 --> 00:16:33,493 Listen to me, you are never going to see Sherry ever again. 434 00:16:33,744 --> 00:16:35,078 I have to tell Manny the truth. 435 00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:37,247 -Don't you dare. -Tell me what? 436 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,417 Manny, I'm sorry, but... 437 00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,213 I kissed Sherry. I feel terrible about it. 438 00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:47,466 Are you okay? 439 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:48,967 I will be. 440 00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:51,053 After I kick your ass! 441 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:52,429 -Hell yeah! -(IMPERCEPTIBLE) 442 00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,806 Manny, violence is never the answer. 443 00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:56,016 Kid, you don't know what you're doing. 444 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:58,977 Yes, I do. I got a "satisfactory" in Beginning Stage Combat. 445 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,729 And, action! Come here! 446 00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:03,774 -Luke, Luke! -JAY: Whoa! Easy, easy. 447 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:05,192 How could you? Of all the women! 448 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:06,777 -Come on, Luke. -JAY: No, no, no, no. 449 00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:09,196 Enough! 450 00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:12,616 Now, listen, I'm sorry that you're hurting so badly. 451 00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,702 And I'm sorry that my plan to help you move on was a disaster. 452 00:17:15,786 --> 00:17:17,538 But you're a good guy with a big heart, 453 00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:20,040 and you're gonna find the right person. I promise you. 454 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:22,626 And you. 455 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,796 It was big of you to want to tell Manny the truth to his face. 456 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,798 -Thanks. -But you crossed the line. 457 00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:29,925 You put yourself in front of your family 458 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,803 and you hurt a guy who loves you like a brother. 459 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,596 You disappointed the hell out of me. 460 00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,808 I'm gonna ask you to leave. 461 00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,227 I'm sorry, Manny. 462 00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:42,604 Sorry, Papi. 463 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,773 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 464 00:17:44,857 --> 00:17:46,817 I think I need to be alone for a while. 465 00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,235 BRANDI: I understand. 466 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,945 Just remember, Manny, 467 00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,823 I'm there for you whenever there's a rainy day. 468 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,324 'Cause we don't work those. 469 00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,579 -Keep your chin up, kid. -(DOOR OPENS) 470 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,914 -It's going to work out okay. -(DOOR CLOSES) 471 00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,500 I know. Thanks, Jay. 472 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:06,795 -(SIGHING) -I'm so sorry that I told you 473 00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:08,505 that you didn't care about other people. 474 00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:11,258 I care about other people, I'm really very sensitive. 475 00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:13,385 That's great, so maybe tomorrow, 476 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,555 you can take Joe to that little boys' princess party. 477 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,265 Little boys' princess party? 478 00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:20,434 (CHUCKLES) 479 00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,687 I think it's nice that he has the freedom to express himself that way. 480 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:25,772 Pretty good, huh? 481 00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:27,858 They want the parents to go dress up too. 482 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:29,193 Okay, I'm out. 483 00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:31,987 Forty-five minutes of sitar, and nothing. 484 00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,156 (SOFTLY) She can't be reasoned with. 485 00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:37,242 That's so DeDe. She's clearly still upset with us. 486 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,287 -She does hold a grudge. -CLAIRE: Phil. 487 00:18:40,621 --> 00:18:42,414 Claire, could you try and reason with your mother? 488 00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:47,753 Okay, Jerry, is it possible that you are projecting your guilt 489 00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:50,923 about moving on because that's not my mom over there. 490 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,343 I don't mean to seem indelicate, but you sound a little crazy right now. 491 00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,136 Please talk to the tree. 492 00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:58,472 Okay. 493 00:18:58,555 --> 00:18:59,890 Um... (CLEARS THROAT) 494 00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:03,685 Hey, uh, Mom. 495 00:19:04,895 --> 00:19:07,856 So, uh, Jerry wants to go to Mexico for a year... 496 00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:08,982 Four months. 497 00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,317 Worth a shot. 498 00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:15,405 And he's lonely, so he wants to take his new friend. 499 00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,449 What? 500 00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:21,453 You're... Really? You're okay with it? 501 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,747 She says, "Have fun." 502 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,999 How did she sound? Did she seem passive-aggressive? 503 00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,751 Yeah, maybe you should double-check, Claire. 504 00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:29,878 Great. Thank you, Phil. 505 00:19:30,212 --> 00:19:31,421 Mom... 506 00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:37,010 After missing you a lot and talking about very little else, 507 00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,178 um... 508 00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:43,016 Jerry finally met someone. It's actually Dylan's mom, Farrah, 509 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:46,144 and he wants to take her to Mexico. 510 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,107 She's listening. Keep going. 511 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,191 Um... 512 00:19:51,275 --> 00:19:54,611 Jerry is worried that this would upset you, 513 00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:55,696 but I told him 514 00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:58,782 that you want him to be happy and to move on, right? 515 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,618 (SOFTLY) Please move, please move. 516 00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:02,911 (GASPS) 517 00:20:02,995 --> 00:20:05,372 DeDe, does the rustling mean yes? 518 00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:07,124 (FARRAH GASPS) 519 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:10,043 Thank you, DeDe. I will always love you. 520 00:20:10,169 --> 00:20:11,378 (PANTING) 521 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,504 I need some water. 522 00:20:12,588 --> 00:20:15,048 -And let's go rescue that eggplant. -JERRY: Yes. 523 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:20,262 That was crazy, did you see that? 524 00:20:20,345 --> 00:20:22,514 Hold on, your mom wants 525 00:20:22,598 --> 00:20:23,932 -to say something. -What? 526 00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:25,851 "Hey, Claire Bear. 527 00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,645 "Maybe you should appreciate Phil's magic more, 528 00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:31,231 "especially since he just solved your problem." 529 00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:33,317 I can't believe it, you're a genius. 530 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:34,943 Thank you. 531 00:20:35,027 --> 00:20:36,111 -You're welcome. They don't call me... -(GASPS) 532 00:20:36,195 --> 00:20:37,696 ...Filament Dunphy for nothing. 533 00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,407 That is cute, but you are still selling houses, right? 534 00:20:40,574 --> 00:20:43,493 Oh, shoot, I have a showing in 20 minutes. 535 00:20:43,577 --> 00:20:45,287 Oh! (THUDS, GROANS) 536 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:49,499 Love you. 537 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,964 Oh! I guess I should be watering you more, huh? 538 00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:57,174 I've been busy. 539 00:20:57,466 --> 00:20:59,635 You're not even here and I feel like you're judging me. 540 00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:02,346 Fine, I haven't been busy. 541 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,056 I miss you. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 542 00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:06,517 It's probably why I didn't wanna see Jerry, 543 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,727 he reminds me so much of you. 544 00:21:08,977 --> 00:21:11,355 It's also why Farrah drives me nuts. 545 00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:15,067 If I'm gonna have a kook in my house, I want it to be you. 546 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:17,444 Phil... 547 00:21:18,237 --> 00:21:19,488 Phil, stop it. 548 00:21:22,157 --> 00:21:24,368 Shut up, Mom, I like this haircut.