1 00:00:00,262 --> 00:00:01,867 CLAIRE: Ready for your big camping trip? 2 00:00:01,896 --> 00:00:03,081 You sure you got everything you need? 3 00:00:03,106 --> 00:00:05,974 Everything but the one thing I'd truly be lost without... 4 00:00:06,009 --> 00:00:09,530 Your Camry. My GPS is broken. Can we trade cars? 5 00:00:09,565 --> 00:00:14,020 I recently left my real-estate partners to strike out on my own. 6 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:17,723 But before facing the wilds of the housing market, 7 00:00:17,758 --> 00:00:21,028 I'm gonna boost my confidence with six rugged nights of camping 8 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,974 at Yosemite National Park and one at the Kawayu Lodge. 9 00:00:24,009 --> 00:00:26,787 I'm... I'm concerned, of course, 10 00:00:26,822 --> 00:00:29,278 about readjusting to civilization, 11 00:00:29,313 --> 00:00:31,913 so I've reserved the garden suite 12 00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,182 in case I'm more comfortable sleeping outside. 13 00:00:34,217 --> 00:00:35,288 (SNORTS) 14 00:00:35,706 --> 00:00:39,680 Uh... only because I am picturing myself 15 00:00:39,715 --> 00:00:41,983 in a line of people sweeping the woods with flashlights, 16 00:00:42,018 --> 00:00:45,192 are you sure a week in the woods is a good idea? 17 00:00:45,227 --> 00:00:47,426 Sweetheart, if anything, I'm over prepared. 18 00:00:47,461 --> 00:00:50,172 I have two weeks worth of food, water purifiers... 19 00:00:50,207 --> 00:00:51,806 a flare gun. 20 00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:53,474 Oh, don't wave that thing around in the house. 21 00:00:53,509 --> 00:00:54,523 Give me a little bit of credit. 22 00:00:54,558 --> 00:00:56,302 I'm not gonna shoot off a flare gun in the house. 23 00:00:56,337 --> 00:00:58,059 (AIR MATTRESS INFLATES) 24 00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:11,970 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 25 00:01:13,042 --> 00:01:16,234 Hey, Lily, the library is saying that "Stripey the Zebracorn" 26 00:01:16,303 --> 00:01:18,937 is two months overdue? What... what's that about? 27 00:01:19,005 --> 00:01:21,940 We have a new librarian, and she's a little... 28 00:01:22,008 --> 00:01:23,808 She's been drunk e-mailing a lot. 29 00:01:23,877 --> 00:01:25,410 Oh, that poor thing. 30 00:01:25,478 --> 00:01:27,145 Lily, go find that book. 31 00:01:27,214 --> 00:01:29,247 And the fine's coming out of your allowance. 32 00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:31,516 You'll really believe anything, won't you? 33 00:01:31,585 --> 00:01:33,918 - I will not. - Really? Okay... 34 00:01:33,987 --> 00:01:36,054 Um, hey, remember when you had your grandmother 35 00:01:36,122 --> 00:01:38,823 ship us a certain Appalachian hex poppet 36 00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:40,786 because you thought our house had evil spirits? 37 00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:42,405 Okay, yeah. Do you have a better explanation 38 00:01:42,462 --> 00:01:44,849 of why there were cries and giggles echoing through our walls? 39 00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:48,366 Yes. Our contractor found this in one of the vents. 40 00:01:48,435 --> 00:01:49,500 Listen... 41 00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:50,702 (TOY COOING, LAUGHING) 42 00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:51,870 (GASPS) 43 00:01:51,938 --> 00:01:54,072 Yeah, I think it's one of those dolls they give high-school girls 44 00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:55,773 who are high risk for getting pregnant? 45 00:01:55,842 --> 00:01:58,409 When would one of those girls have been in this house? 46 00:01:59,546 --> 00:02:02,547 I think I was babysitting Lily, 47 00:02:02,616 --> 00:02:05,416 and I kinda remember it turning into a party situation. 48 00:02:05,485 --> 00:02:08,586 You know, I sort of recall the air conditioning blasting 49 00:02:08,655 --> 00:02:10,288 and I had to shove something in the vent to block it, 50 00:02:10,357 --> 00:02:13,258 which was pretty responsible, considering my friend Alicia 51 00:02:13,326 --> 00:02:15,493 brought her actual baby there. (CHUCKLES) 52 00:02:15,562 --> 00:02:18,396 So many teens going down the wrong path. I see it every day. 53 00:02:18,465 --> 00:02:20,498 Uh, seems like you're trying to change the subject 54 00:02:20,567 --> 00:02:21,699 from you being gullible. 55 00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:23,801 Only because I have a more pressing concern. 56 00:02:23,870 --> 00:02:26,237 Today, I have to oversee my first detention 57 00:02:26,306 --> 00:02:27,739 as acting vice principal, 58 00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:29,440 and I'm... I've just been racking my brain 59 00:02:29,509 --> 00:02:31,075 of how I'm gonna reach these kids. 60 00:02:31,144 --> 00:02:33,678 It's, uh, detention. How about "shut up and do your homework"? 61 00:02:33,747 --> 00:02:37,248 (CRYING, MUMBLING) 62 00:02:37,317 --> 00:02:39,350 What's... what's wrong with her? Should I get the hex poppet? 63 00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:41,185 I'm just cry-talking. 64 00:02:41,254 --> 00:02:43,288 - I threw my neck out changing Cal. - Oh, no. 65 00:02:43,356 --> 00:02:46,124 Now whenever I move, all of me comes with it. 66 00:02:46,192 --> 00:02:47,425 Oh, gosh. Oh, you know what? 67 00:02:47,494 --> 00:02:52,463 Why don't you let us take baby Cal, and you go get yourself a rubdown. 68 00:02:52,532 --> 00:02:56,701 (SIGHS) You're an angel. Shouldn't be but a few hours. 69 00:02:57,570 --> 00:03:00,104 (WHISPERING) Hey, are you an even bigger rube than I thought? 70 00:03:00,173 --> 00:03:01,639 - There's nothing wrong with her neck. - (DOOR OPENS) 71 00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:03,341 - (NORMAL VOICE) Oh my God, the baby! - What?! 72 00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,043 - (NECK CRACKS) - No! (WHIMPERING) 73 00:03:05,111 --> 00:03:07,378 He... he winked at me. 74 00:03:07,447 --> 00:03:08,579 JAY: You're gonna love it, Joe. 75 00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:11,783 My dad took me to an air show like this for my 12th birthday. 76 00:03:11,851 --> 00:03:15,920 We saw Blue Angels, fighter jets, a B-52 bomber. 77 00:03:15,989 --> 00:03:18,275 - Something got bombed? - Well, my dad. 78 00:03:18,310 --> 00:03:20,224 He got in a drinking contest with some fly boys. 79 00:03:20,293 --> 00:03:23,294 But that just made it extra fun, 'cause I got to drive us home. 80 00:03:23,363 --> 00:03:27,265 GLORIA: Joe, why is the fort still in the middle of the living room? 81 00:03:27,334 --> 00:03:29,767 - I need it. - For what? Apaches? 82 00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:32,337 - Are you being attacked? - Feels like it. 83 00:03:32,405 --> 00:03:34,839 Take it down. I've told you three times already. 84 00:03:34,908 --> 00:03:37,742 If you don't do it now, we're not going to the air show. 85 00:03:37,811 --> 00:03:40,050 Wait, no fair! Why am I being punished? 86 00:03:40,781 --> 00:03:43,715 MANNY: Oh, I didn't expect you guys to be home. 87 00:03:43,783 --> 00:03:45,316 Uh, we're just gonna use the pool. 88 00:03:45,385 --> 00:03:47,552 - Jay, Gloria... - Gloria? 89 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:50,588 This is Dr. Karen Fisk. She's a movement teacher at my school. 90 00:03:50,657 --> 00:03:51,923 Your son is very talented. 91 00:03:51,992 --> 00:03:54,989 Well, it's always very nice to meet one of Manny's teachers. 92 00:03:54,995 --> 00:03:57,095 Why don't I get us something to drink 93 00:03:57,163 --> 00:04:00,565 and maybe some delicious brownies that I was about to throw away 94 00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,800 because they're only for the good children! 95 00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:05,370 Keep your brownies! 96 00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:07,772 It's cute, that grown-up routine 97 00:04:07,841 --> 00:04:10,074 Manny's putting on to impress his girlfriend. 98 00:04:10,143 --> 00:04:12,977 She's not his girlfriend. She's his teacher. 99 00:04:13,046 --> 00:04:15,747 Gloria, he brought her home when he thought no one would be around. 100 00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:18,182 Manny has been bringing his teachers home 101 00:04:18,251 --> 00:04:19,784 since he was a little kid. 102 00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:23,406 His 9th birthday party turned into a PTA meeting. 103 00:04:23,441 --> 00:04:26,952 Gloria, I think you're just not seeing what you don't want to see. 104 00:04:26,987 --> 00:04:29,439 Believe me, Jay, I see everything. 105 00:04:29,474 --> 00:04:31,221 (JOE GROANS) 106 00:04:31,356 --> 00:04:33,010 CLAIRE: The dentist says your new mouth guard 107 00:04:33,045 --> 00:04:34,113 should be there tomorrow. 108 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:36,733 Alex, I am sure you can make it through one night... 109 00:04:37,231 --> 00:04:40,900 I-I don't know, hit the materials lab and whip up some mouth flubber. 110 00:04:40,902 --> 00:04:42,135 Oh, Claire, thank goodness. 111 00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:44,470 - There was a bit of a trucking mix-up. - Mm-hmm. 112 00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:47,652 Irving was sent to Julian and can't get to Visalia. 113 00:04:47,687 --> 00:04:51,875 Well, send Dustin to Visalia and have Irving hit Julian and Ramona. 114 00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,258 Dustin can't hit Visalia and also Irvine. 115 00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:57,746 - Well, can Julia hit Irvine? - Not Irvine and Tustin. 116 00:04:57,781 --> 00:05:00,382 Fine... Send Julia to Julian, Ramón to Ramona, 117 00:05:00,417 --> 00:05:02,185 Dustin to Tustin, Irving to Irvine, 118 00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:03,993 and I'll drive the damn truck to Visalia! 119 00:05:04,028 --> 00:05:06,358 - You? - Yes, of course me, Margaret! 120 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,651 'Cause I have to handle everything anyhow! 121 00:05:08,686 --> 00:05:12,965 - If not me, who? - Oh, no. Mi Hu is going to Carlsbad. 122 00:05:14,459 --> 00:05:16,626 These are your future, 123 00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:20,597 and they're headed... out... 124 00:05:20,665 --> 00:05:23,132 the window... never to return. 125 00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:24,300 You drop this, Coach? 126 00:05:24,369 --> 00:05:26,135 (CLEARS THROAT) Yes. 127 00:05:26,204 --> 00:05:27,537 (WHISPERING) (SNICKERING) 128 00:05:27,606 --> 00:05:28,671 Oh, it must be Halloween, 129 00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:29,806 because somebody's passing out snickers! 130 00:05:29,875 --> 00:05:32,208 - Shane? - Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. 131 00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:34,711 Oh, it's okay, Shane. I know your type. 132 00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:36,579 Tough guy. Know it all. 133 00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:38,848 It's like looking in a mirror. That's right, Shane. 134 00:05:38,917 --> 00:05:40,083 I was you. 135 00:05:40,151 --> 00:05:42,118 Till a local sheriff put me in jail. 136 00:05:42,187 --> 00:05:45,350 In a little program called Scared Straight, 137 00:05:45,385 --> 00:05:47,237 which, now that I'm saying it out loud, 138 00:05:47,272 --> 00:05:48,735 could have had a double meaning. 139 00:05:48,770 --> 00:05:50,946 24 hours in the joint 140 00:05:50,981 --> 00:05:54,364 with some of the most dangerous characters this side of Hell. 141 00:05:54,432 --> 00:05:56,399 Maybe, uh... 142 00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:58,031 Maybe you'd like to meet some of them. 143 00:06:00,135 --> 00:06:01,468 (SHOUTS) 144 00:06:01,536 --> 00:06:02,969 (GRUFF VOICE) I don't know what you're lookin' at, 145 00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:06,605 'cause I don't ever remember sellin' you a lookin' license! 146 00:06:07,843 --> 00:06:10,653 (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hey, it must be 5:00 a.m. 147 00:06:10,688 --> 00:06:11,812 outside the McDonald's, 148 00:06:11,847 --> 00:06:14,684 because the fresh meat just got delivered! 149 00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:16,732 And the Weasel likes fresh meat! 150 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:20,303 (GRUFF VOICE) Hey, you back off him! That new boy's mine! 151 00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:23,304 Oh...Uncle Cam... 152 00:06:23,623 --> 00:06:24,624 - "Like." - (LAPTOP BEEPS) 153 00:06:24,693 --> 00:06:27,126 (IRISH ACCENT) My friend, Billy. Billy Club. 154 00:06:27,195 --> 00:06:29,562 - Ay, Cam... - Whack! 155 00:06:29,748 --> 00:06:31,075 - "Like." - (CELLPHONE BEEPS) 156 00:06:31,164 --> 00:06:33,628 MARGARET: Do you even know how to drive a truck? 157 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,293 No, Margaret, I don't... 158 00:06:35,368 --> 00:06:36,934 but unlike the rest of the world, 159 00:06:37,003 --> 00:06:40,201 sometimes I just figure things out on my own. 160 00:06:40,236 --> 00:06:41,976 (ENGINE STARTS) 161 00:06:42,011 --> 00:06:43,675 Backing up... 162 00:06:47,630 --> 00:06:49,207 Shut up, Margaret. 163 00:06:49,820 --> 00:06:51,792 Survival vlog, entry one. 164 00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:54,228 After a five-mile hike and ride down some rapids, 165 00:06:54,296 --> 00:06:55,996 I've decided to make my camp here. 166 00:06:56,265 --> 00:06:57,731 The rapids were treacherous. 167 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,066 I took on water 168 00:06:59,134 --> 00:07:01,301 and quickly realized my only chance for survival 169 00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:03,403 was to push my companion overboard... 170 00:07:03,472 --> 00:07:05,472 my constant companion... 171 00:07:05,541 --> 00:07:06,873 fear. 172 00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,108 Please stay out of my blind spot. 173 00:07:09,177 --> 00:07:11,878 Merging. Merging! 174 00:07:11,946 --> 00:07:13,146 - (CAR HORN HONKS) - Sorry! 175 00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:14,380 PHIL: Here's the thing. 176 00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:16,816 In the wild, you either shrink from the challenge, 177 00:07:16,885 --> 00:07:18,384 or you realize that confidence is half the battle 178 00:07:18,453 --> 00:07:20,786 and you become the master of your environment. 179 00:07:20,888 --> 00:07:22,988 Okay... 180 00:07:23,057 --> 00:07:24,256 All right. 181 00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:26,625 Thank you, thank you. Thank you. 182 00:07:26,694 --> 00:07:28,260 This isn't so bad. 183 00:07:28,329 --> 00:07:29,561 Yeah. 184 00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:32,541 - (TRUCK HORN HONKS) - That's right, Prius... move it. 185 00:07:32,546 --> 00:07:33,562 PHIL: Yep. 186 00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:36,088 Sometimes it's just a matter of thrusting your chest out, 187 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,733 staking your claim... 188 00:07:37,768 --> 00:07:39,250 and letting nature know 189 00:07:39,285 --> 00:07:41,644 there's a new sheriff in town. 190 00:07:41,679 --> 00:07:43,575 (FLARE GUN FIRES) 191 00:07:43,644 --> 00:07:49,448 (BIRDS CAWING) 192 00:07:50,368 --> 00:07:53,369 This chorizo, these plantains, it's all so delicious. 193 00:07:53,437 --> 00:07:55,504 When did you develop a taste for Colombian? 194 00:07:55,573 --> 00:07:57,272 It's called bandeja paisa. 195 00:07:57,341 --> 00:08:00,885 - Oh talented, smart and speaks Spanish. - (CHUCKLES) 196 00:08:01,912 --> 00:08:02,912 Oh, please. 197 00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,280 Everybody wants to touch those cheeks. 198 00:08:05,349 --> 00:08:07,216 He looks like one of those babies 199 00:08:07,284 --> 00:08:10,485 that blow a cloud across the ceiling of a church. 200 00:08:10,547 --> 00:08:13,348 So, tell us, Dr. Karen, what do you teach? 201 00:08:13,416 --> 00:08:15,302 Well, the best way would be to show you. 202 00:08:15,352 --> 00:08:18,119 - Why don't we find our legs? - Fun. 203 00:08:18,188 --> 00:08:20,455 - Now stand beside me and follow along. - Mm-hmm. 204 00:08:20,524 --> 00:08:25,493 Imagine you're carrying two pails of water. 205 00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:26,967 Uh-huh. Deep breath. 206 00:08:27,036 --> 00:08:29,112 (BREATHES DEEPLY) No, no, no. Your chest shouldn't be lifting. 207 00:08:29,138 --> 00:08:30,604 Come place your hands on my neck. 208 00:08:33,342 --> 00:08:35,642 Do you feel how still and open my breathing is? 209 00:08:35,711 --> 00:08:38,745 - Oh, a little sensitive there. - Yeah, you have a little bite there. 210 00:08:38,814 --> 00:08:40,414 - Oh, my bad. - ( KAREN LAUGHS) 211 00:08:40,482 --> 00:08:42,416 (CHOKES) Okay, that's a little tight. 212 00:08:42,484 --> 00:08:45,085 But I can see where Manny gets his soft hands from! 213 00:08:45,154 --> 00:08:47,621 - Oh, that's very, very eye-opening. - MANNY: Mom. Mom. 214 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:50,490 Uh, let's check on the dessert in the kitchen. 215 00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:55,929 What kind of schools allow a teacher to date a student? 216 00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:57,285 I'm guessing any art school. 217 00:08:57,354 --> 00:08:59,688 He can't date a 30-year-old. 218 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,861 Manny's still a child. 219 00:09:01,896 --> 00:09:03,758 Manny wasn't a child when I met him. 220 00:09:04,273 --> 00:09:05,639 Look, there was a 10-year period 221 00:09:05,708 --> 00:09:07,041 where there was at least one empty chair 222 00:09:07,110 --> 00:09:10,110 at my house every Thanksgiving because I had a lot to say 223 00:09:10,179 --> 00:09:11,912 about who Mitchell and Claire were dating. 224 00:09:11,981 --> 00:09:15,782 So learn from my one and only parental mistake. 225 00:09:16,652 --> 00:09:20,103 Uh, maybe Karen and I should head out. I'm sensing some tension. 226 00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:22,022 No, no, no. This is your house, 227 00:09:22,091 --> 00:09:25,058 and you're supposed to be comfortable here. 228 00:09:25,423 --> 00:09:27,256 So, just hang out. 229 00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:28,691 Have more wine. 230 00:09:28,759 --> 00:09:30,593 And don't worry about driving. 231 00:09:30,661 --> 00:09:32,428 You can spend the night here tonight. 232 00:09:32,496 --> 00:09:33,729 Are you sure, Mom? 233 00:09:33,798 --> 00:09:36,799 Yeah, I'm sure. I'll go get some more wine. 234 00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:39,835 Any tips on how she moves? 235 00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:42,271 - I've never seen anything like it. - Right? 236 00:09:44,035 --> 00:09:46,175 - Hello, Shane. - Acting Vice Principal Tucker. 237 00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,477 I know you think you're pretty cute right now, 238 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,979 but before this day is done, 239 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,905 I will get you to admit you sent out that video. 240 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,108 I did send out that video. 241 00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:56,785 - I knew you'd crack. - Look, uh... 242 00:09:56,854 --> 00:10:00,489 I'm sorry. I just really need these kids to accept me. 243 00:10:00,524 --> 00:10:01,689 No, Shane, you don't. 244 00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:04,161 Because they're popular, you think you need their approval. 245 00:10:04,196 --> 00:10:06,107 (SIGHS) 246 00:10:06,142 --> 00:10:07,513 I'm a cop. 247 00:10:07,548 --> 00:10:08,883 Oh, are you, now? 248 00:10:08,918 --> 00:10:11,722 There's concern about some drug traffic at this school. 249 00:10:11,757 --> 00:10:14,223 I am here, undercover, to shut it down. 250 00:10:14,258 --> 00:10:16,921 (MOCKINGLY) Okay, yeah. 251 00:10:17,759 --> 00:10:19,992 Okay, well, I kind of always knew you were police. 252 00:10:20,027 --> 00:10:22,844 Well, sure. You're law enforcement, too. 253 00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:25,084 - We know our own. - Cop eyes. 254 00:10:25,812 --> 00:10:29,542 - Cop eyes. - Okay. So what's the play? 255 00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,891 There's this new designer drug called Dexomorphone. 256 00:10:31,926 --> 00:10:33,593 - Mm-hmm. - Kids are calling them "Dum-Dums." 257 00:10:33,628 --> 00:10:35,548 So there's this big deal going down tonight 258 00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:37,598 on the north campus during the basketball game. 259 00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,870 - And you want my help with the bust. - Yes. 260 00:10:40,159 --> 00:10:43,360 By being nowhere near there. I don't want to spook these dealers. 261 00:10:43,429 --> 00:10:47,464 Copy that. But in case you need backup, I should be near north campus. 262 00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,600 Or nowhere near there. 263 00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:52,202 Or there... 264 00:10:52,271 --> 00:10:54,905 but slouched down in my car so no one sees me. 265 00:10:55,553 --> 00:10:58,175 - Or at your house. - Right. 266 00:10:58,244 --> 00:10:59,610 Okay. 267 00:11:00,078 --> 00:11:01,444 (WHISPERING) Cop eyes. 268 00:11:02,486 --> 00:11:04,419 Okay. Okay. 269 00:11:04,488 --> 00:11:06,688 Are we gonna go outside? Yes, we are. 270 00:11:07,924 --> 00:11:08,957 Careful. 271 00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:10,825 How many times have I told you not to leave this here? 272 00:11:10,894 --> 00:11:11,993 Someone's gonna trip on it. 273 00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:14,763 There's a lot going on with me right now. My body's changing. 274 00:11:14,831 --> 00:11:16,131 Okay. You always use that. 275 00:11:16,199 --> 00:11:18,400 Hey, today, you're gonna learn about responsibility. 276 00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:21,236 Today, you are gonna take care of a baby. 277 00:11:21,304 --> 00:11:23,605 - (BABY COOS) - Do you want a toy? 278 00:11:23,673 --> 00:11:27,909 Little tough love. Long overdo, if you ask me. 279 00:11:28,261 --> 00:11:29,894 But it's gonna be good for you, sweetie. 280 00:11:29,962 --> 00:11:32,096 - (BABY CRYING) - He's crying. 281 00:11:32,165 --> 00:11:33,531 Well, that's what babies do. 282 00:11:33,599 --> 00:11:37,702 You just got to pick it up, and you got to soothe it. 283 00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:41,405 - All right, then. Okay. - It's okay. 284 00:11:41,474 --> 00:11:42,873 - It worked. - Good. 285 00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:45,042 Just keep it up for the rest of the afternoon. 286 00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:47,044 Wait! I don't know what I'm supposed to do! 287 00:11:47,113 --> 00:11:49,246 Well, welcome to being a parent. 288 00:11:49,452 --> 00:11:50,784 (CAMERA BEEPS) 289 00:11:50,853 --> 00:11:53,420 Survival vlog number two. 290 00:11:53,489 --> 00:11:57,524 Um...I descended into the water attempting to retrieve my gear. 291 00:11:57,593 --> 00:12:00,127 - I encountered slippery rocks... - (INSECT BUZZING) 292 00:12:00,196 --> 00:12:02,429 ...a cold, brisk current, 293 00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:04,365 and although I have no photographic evidence of it, 294 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:06,567 a sea serpent. 295 00:12:06,635 --> 00:12:10,437 My ensuing thrashing stunned a passing trout. 296 00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:14,041 I then foraged some wild blueberries and honey 297 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:17,044 from what turned out to be a not... (CHUCKLES)... 298 00:12:17,113 --> 00:12:20,414 altogether abandoned hive. 299 00:12:20,483 --> 00:12:23,617 Just goes to show you... 300 00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:26,153 I don't need all that fancy equipment. 301 00:12:26,222 --> 00:12:29,056 Phil Dunphy can survive in the wild, even... 302 00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:31,925 (ANIMAL ROARING IN DISTANCE) 303 00:12:34,030 --> 00:12:35,295 Ha! Ha! 304 00:12:35,364 --> 00:12:37,564 That sounded big, didn't it? 305 00:12:37,633 --> 00:12:40,234 Good thing I smell like berries, honey, and raw fish, 306 00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,770 so I'm basically all three courses of a bear's favorite meal! 307 00:12:42,838 --> 00:12:46,407 (BEAR GROWLING IN DISTANCE) 308 00:12:47,525 --> 00:12:49,991 - (HORN HONKS) - (CHUCKLES) That's right. 309 00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:52,006 - Watch them scatter. - (RINGING) 310 00:12:52,517 --> 00:12:54,633 - PHIL: Hello? - Oh, hi, honey! 311 00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:56,551 I've been out of cell range for most of the day. 312 00:12:56,586 --> 00:12:57,751 I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing. 313 00:12:57,820 --> 00:13:00,620 Oh. Great, great. 314 00:13:00,689 --> 00:13:02,389 The air, the, uh... the trees... 315 00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:04,891 Moss only grows on the north side of trees, right? 316 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,728 I feel like I might be walking in circles. 317 00:13:07,796 --> 00:13:10,197 Is there something called, uh, fool's moss? 318 00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:11,398 I don't know. 319 00:13:11,467 --> 00:13:12,833 You sound out of breath. Is everything okay? 320 00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:15,302 No, Claire, I'm worried that a bear 321 00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:18,671 or even a family of bears is hunting me. 322 00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,180 Of course I'm okay. 323 00:13:20,248 --> 00:13:21,581 I've only been out here for a couple hours. 324 00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,550 Uh, uh, what kind of man do you think I am? 325 00:13:23,618 --> 00:13:25,952 Well, it sounds like we're both having an adventure. 326 00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:28,221 I just got on a scale, and guess how much I weigh. 327 00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:29,656 5 tons! 328 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,225 Yeah, well, we all put on a few around the holidays. 329 00:13:32,294 --> 00:13:34,260 Mwah! Let me call you back a little later. 330 00:13:34,329 --> 00:13:36,883 Meanwhile, uh, I am sending you a pic 331 00:13:36,918 --> 00:13:40,005 of me enjoying nature at my last known location 332 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,262 in my very identifiable red Gore-Tex jacket. 333 00:13:42,297 --> 00:13:43,977 Anyhoo, leave a check out for the gardener, 334 00:13:44,046 --> 00:13:45,345 and you gave my life meaning. 335 00:13:45,414 --> 00:13:46,780 (CAN RATTLING) 336 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:48,827 (BABY GIGGLING) 337 00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:51,837 You're a giggly one, aren't ya? Oh, I miss that sound. 338 00:13:51,906 --> 00:13:53,205 - (RINGTONE PLAYS) - Hi. Can I look? 339 00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,274 Hey, Lily, how's it going? 340 00:13:55,343 --> 00:13:57,676 I'm trying my best, but I don't really know what I'm doing. 341 00:13:57,745 --> 00:13:59,754 Well, better to make your mistakes on this one. 342 00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,804 - You know? - (CHIME DINGS) 343 00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,047 Oh, hold on one second. 344 00:14:02,116 --> 00:14:03,749 Oh, someone's sending me a video of daddy. 345 00:14:03,818 --> 00:14:06,752 - CAMERON: (HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Hey! - No, not the Weasel. Okay. 346 00:14:06,821 --> 00:14:08,225 Honey, I got to call you back, all right? 347 00:14:08,262 --> 00:14:09,268 Wait! 348 00:14:09,303 --> 00:14:10,844 God, he must be so humiliated. 349 00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:12,424 You know he's a doll. 350 00:14:12,459 --> 00:14:14,259 Thank you. Thank you. That's sweet. Thank you. 351 00:14:14,632 --> 00:14:15,931 - (HORN HONKS) - CAMERON: Mitchell. 352 00:14:16,024 --> 00:14:17,323 - Cam. - Hey, hey, hey! 353 00:14:17,392 --> 00:14:20,282 I saw that video that's going around. I am so sorry. 354 00:14:20,307 --> 00:14:21,361 Oh, doesn't bother me. 355 00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:23,596 Good! Good, 'cause it shouldn't, you know? 356 00:14:23,665 --> 00:14:24,864 You're just trying to make a difference. 357 00:14:24,933 --> 00:14:27,166 If those kids don't appreciate that, that is their loss. 358 00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:28,568 - Yeah. And... - Mm-hmm. 359 00:14:28,637 --> 00:14:32,429 - ...it's part of a big sting operation. - What? 360 00:14:32,464 --> 00:14:33,973 So, I shouldn't be telling you this, 361 00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:36,376 but Shane, the guy who shot the video, 362 00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:40,161 is actually an undercover cop. 363 00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:41,562 - Oh. - Yeah, and he did the video 364 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,032 to sort of, like, humiliate me to get some street cred. 365 00:14:45,331 --> 00:14:48,699 And there's a big drug deal going on tonight, 366 00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,334 but he wants me to steer clear. 367 00:14:50,402 --> 00:14:53,103 Is anyone else aware of Shane's "21 Jump Street" double life? 368 00:14:53,172 --> 00:14:56,840 Well, he's not gonna broadcast it out loud for everyone. 369 00:14:56,909 --> 00:14:59,309 But you did get some paperwork or identification? 370 00:14:59,378 --> 00:15:02,045 Okay. You know what? I think it's hilarious that 371 00:15:02,114 --> 00:15:04,148 the person you don't trust is a hero, 372 00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:07,221 who's helping fight the Dexomorphone problem that's plaguing... 373 00:15:07,256 --> 00:15:09,609 - I'm sorry. What? - The street name is "Dum-Dums," 374 00:15:09,644 --> 00:15:12,240 and Shane says there's literally Dum-Dums everywhere. 375 00:15:12,275 --> 00:15:15,076 Okay. So, Shane... 376 00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:18,083 not a 16-year-old drug dealer who enjoys humiliating you... 377 00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,121 but a baby-faced police officer, has deputized you, 378 00:15:21,156 --> 00:15:23,879 and your first assignment is to stay as far away as possible 379 00:15:23,914 --> 00:15:26,812 from a huge "Dum-Dum" deal that's about to go down? 380 00:15:27,272 --> 00:15:29,030 Cam, I mean, come... I love how trusting you are, 381 00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:31,629 but when you start missing things that are that obvious, 382 00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:34,302 then, well, you know, I don't have to say anything more. 383 00:15:36,849 --> 00:15:39,082 You know, I can finish up here if you want to go upstairs. 384 00:15:39,151 --> 00:15:42,753 Nah, nah, I'm fine. 385 00:15:42,821 --> 00:15:44,521 You know, um... 386 00:15:44,590 --> 00:15:47,124 Mom really surprised me before. 387 00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:49,993 This is the first time she's treating me like an adult. 388 00:15:50,062 --> 00:15:51,395 And Karen's great. 389 00:15:51,463 --> 00:15:53,530 I mean, It's nice to be with a mature woman, 390 00:15:53,599 --> 00:15:54,898 someone with experience. 391 00:15:54,967 --> 00:15:56,967 So you two haven't slept together, huh? 392 00:15:59,471 --> 00:16:02,606 She suggested we come here. I said fine. 393 00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:05,008 You don't know how relieved I was you guys were home. 394 00:16:05,077 --> 00:16:06,576 But then Mom was so cool with it. 395 00:16:06,645 --> 00:16:09,953 I mean, where's the crazy Colombian the one time I need her? 396 00:16:09,988 --> 00:16:11,102 This is dry. 397 00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,589 But you like Karen, right? 398 00:16:15,657 --> 00:16:18,458 A lot, but, I mean... 399 00:16:18,527 --> 00:16:19,993 bad enough she's older than I am, 400 00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:21,361 she's also a movement professor. 401 00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,529 I swear to God, before today, 402 00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:25,164 I'd never heard those two words together. Now it's all I hear. 403 00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:27,934 Look... 404 00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,637 it's normal to be nervous. 405 00:16:30,706 --> 00:16:32,205 Don't do anything you're not ready for. 406 00:16:33,028 --> 00:16:35,562 Talk to her about what you're feeling. 407 00:16:35,631 --> 00:16:38,331 You'll be surprised how much easier things get 408 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,134 after one honest conversation. 409 00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:44,004 Thanks, Jay. 410 00:16:45,974 --> 00:16:47,274 One down, one to go. 411 00:16:47,342 --> 00:16:49,209 Joe?! You ready to talk? 412 00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,613 JOE: For oatmeal raisin? Don't waste my time. 413 00:16:54,182 --> 00:16:56,616 - Is this stuff any good? - It better be. 414 00:16:56,685 --> 00:16:58,118 I laid out half my bar mitzvah bonds to get it. 415 00:16:58,186 --> 00:17:00,120 Sick movie of Coach Tucker, by the way. 416 00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:01,221 (LAUGHTER) 417 00:17:01,289 --> 00:17:02,856 Glad you enjoyed the film, boys. 418 00:17:02,925 --> 00:17:04,090 Now you can be in one of your own! 419 00:17:04,159 --> 00:17:06,426 - What the hell are you doing?! - My job. 420 00:17:06,495 --> 00:17:08,695 I guess I really am a vice principal. 421 00:17:08,871 --> 00:17:10,137 A Miami vice principal... 422 00:17:10,206 --> 00:17:12,339 No, I guess it doesn't really need the "Miami," does it. 423 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,529 I can't believe this. 424 00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:15,464 You're busted. What do we got here? 425 00:17:15,533 --> 00:17:17,500 Oh, let me guess... your... your drug money, 426 00:17:17,568 --> 00:17:20,903 walkie-talkie. What's this? A badge. 427 00:17:20,972 --> 00:17:23,572 - (SIREN WAILS, POLICE RADIO CHATTER) - Wow. 428 00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,113 Mitchell's really gonna owe you an apology. 429 00:17:25,182 --> 00:17:26,214 Mm. 430 00:17:28,718 --> 00:17:30,151 (HORN HONKS TO THE TUNE OF "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT") 431 00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:31,786 (HORN HONKS IN DISTANCE) 432 00:17:31,855 --> 00:17:34,022 Drive strong, brother. 433 00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,857 (CHUCKLES) 434 00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:38,392 (BEEPS, RINGING) 435 00:17:38,561 --> 00:17:39,760 PHIL: Hey, Claire. 436 00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,329 Hi, honey. How's it going? 437 00:17:41,397 --> 00:17:43,664 Just sitting here by a perfect mountain stream. 438 00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:47,334 Nothing beats the raw beauty of the great outdoors. 439 00:17:47,464 --> 00:17:48,730 How's everything going there? 440 00:17:48,798 --> 00:17:50,465 Couldn't be better. 441 00:17:50,534 --> 00:17:53,201 I'm on my way home now, but we were down a driver, 442 00:17:53,270 --> 00:17:56,538 so I got to drive a truck today, and I'm loving it. 443 00:17:56,606 --> 00:17:58,773 Makes me feel like a real man. 444 00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:01,442 Yeah? What's that feel like? 445 00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:02,843 Something going on with you? 446 00:18:04,014 --> 00:18:09,684 Honey, I haven't been, uh, totally honest with you. 447 00:18:09,753 --> 00:18:12,653 I didn't quit Woosnam, Keneally & Dunphy. 448 00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:15,313 They... They asked me to leave. 449 00:18:15,381 --> 00:18:17,448 Oh, honey. What happened? 450 00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:21,352 Well, you know, those guys have always been super aggressive, 451 00:18:21,445 --> 00:18:22,478 and they didn't feel like 452 00:18:22,547 --> 00:18:28,250 I have the same killer instinct that... that they do. 453 00:18:28,319 --> 00:18:29,885 Maybe they're right. 454 00:18:29,954 --> 00:18:33,105 Is that what this whole crazy camping thing is about? 455 00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,312 Proving how tough you are? 456 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,580 Maybe, a little, 457 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:38,116 especially since I'll be going out on my own. 458 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:41,152 Phil, this is a huge thing you've been going through. 459 00:18:41,457 --> 00:18:43,290 Why didn't you say something? 460 00:18:43,359 --> 00:18:45,593 Well, you've had such a busy week. 461 00:18:45,661 --> 00:18:47,695 I don't want to be another fire you had to put out. 462 00:18:47,764 --> 00:18:49,497 Okay, listen to me. 463 00:18:49,565 --> 00:18:53,000 Remember how terrified I was when I took over for my dad? 464 00:18:53,069 --> 00:18:55,603 The night before my first day in the big office, 465 00:18:55,671 --> 00:18:59,974 I was up, heart pounding, pacing a hole in the living-room floor. 466 00:19:00,043 --> 00:19:02,243 And suddenly, you were there. 467 00:19:02,311 --> 00:19:05,713 You just put your arms around me, and it made me realize 468 00:19:05,782 --> 00:19:07,796 I'm not going through this alone. 469 00:19:07,831 --> 00:19:09,784 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 470 00:19:09,852 --> 00:19:11,318 So forget your idiot partners 471 00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,387 and whatever it is you're trying to prove 472 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:14,989 with this stupid camping trip. 473 00:19:15,058 --> 00:19:19,130 You're great at what you do, and also... 474 00:19:19,729 --> 00:19:22,196 What? How... How... 475 00:19:22,265 --> 00:19:25,387 I'm gonna hang up now. I love you. Goodbye. 476 00:19:25,422 --> 00:19:26,467 (CELLPHONE BEEPS) 477 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,958 You didn't sound so good on the phone. 478 00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:32,562 I called the hotel, and they said you checked in early. 479 00:19:32,949 --> 00:19:34,582 Honey, I know I like to complain 480 00:19:34,651 --> 00:19:37,085 about people coming to me to solve their problems, 481 00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:39,687 but don't you dare not come to me with yours. 482 00:19:39,756 --> 00:19:41,089 By the way, if you don't want people 483 00:19:41,157 --> 00:19:42,991 to come to you to solve their problems all the time, 484 00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,126 - maybe don't be so good at it. - (CHUCKLES) 485 00:19:45,195 --> 00:19:47,061 - Mm. - Mm. 486 00:19:47,130 --> 00:19:49,998 - Mm. - Well... 487 00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:53,144 Now that you're so into the wild... 488 00:19:53,213 --> 00:19:56,314 I like where this is going. 489 00:19:56,383 --> 00:19:58,983 - Rawr! - Don't...do that, please. 490 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,714 - You okay? - (SIGHS) 491 00:20:05,783 --> 00:20:07,583 Joe is sleeping in a fort downstairs, 492 00:20:07,652 --> 00:20:11,353 and Manny's upstairs sleeping with a doctor. 493 00:20:11,422 --> 00:20:13,052 I don't know what the rules are anymore. 494 00:20:13,077 --> 00:20:15,958 No one does, but for what it's worth, I think you made the right call. 495 00:20:16,027 --> 00:20:18,561 I am at least winning one of these fights. 496 00:20:19,329 --> 00:20:20,963 Storming the fort? 497 00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:24,700 I'm gonna go and drag him out of there and put him in his bed. 498 00:20:24,769 --> 00:20:28,504 I'm still bigger than Joe, even though that Manny's, like... 499 00:20:30,007 --> 00:20:31,674 Trust me. 500 00:20:31,742 --> 00:20:35,010 The little boy in Manny isn't gone yet. 501 00:20:40,384 --> 00:20:47,256 â(Trademark)ª 502 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:51,358 LILY: Finally! Where have you been? 503 00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,492 I have been out walking Cal and guess who's right behind me. 504 00:20:54,517 --> 00:20:55,762 Actually, I've been the one who... 505 00:20:55,787 --> 00:20:58,956 Who will be going to Disneyland if she plays her cards right. 506 00:20:58,981 --> 00:21:00,181 PAM: Where's my little angel? 507 00:21:00,206 --> 00:21:02,797 Oh, hey, hey! Tell me about your rubdown, huh? 508 00:21:02,822 --> 00:21:04,222 - Oh! - Oh, boy! 509 00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:05,666 Oh, I cant get it. 510 00:21:05,905 --> 00:21:09,373 Now I'm so free and loose I cant pick up anything, move around. 511 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:10,798 Yep, I'm like an owl. 512 00:21:10,823 --> 00:21:13,328 Oh, there's my little angel! 513 00:21:13,353 --> 00:21:16,435 You know what? Thanks for this. Let me treat you to a bite. 514 00:21:16,460 --> 00:21:17,473 - Oh! - Come on! 515 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:18,683 Lily, we'll be right back. 516 00:21:18,708 --> 00:21:21,097 - How was he? - So quiet, so easy! 517 00:21:21,122 --> 00:21:26,122 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com