1 00:00:00,589 --> 00:00:04,832 Okay, Joey, you take this club, and you hit that ball. 2 00:00:04,867 --> 00:00:07,092 - Any questions? - Why does this say "Manny"? 3 00:00:07,127 --> 00:00:09,811 Don't worry about it. They were only used once. 4 00:00:09,846 --> 00:00:11,723 It was a swing and a miss for both of us. 5 00:00:11,732 --> 00:00:15,764 I needed to find a way to spend more quality time with Joe. 6 00:00:15,799 --> 00:00:17,870 I couldn't take another Saturday of hide-and-seek. 7 00:00:17,905 --> 00:00:20,751 At this point, I've spent more time in the closet than Mitchell. 8 00:00:20,786 --> 00:00:21,984 (CHUCKLES) 9 00:00:22,019 --> 00:00:23,996 Golf is a very complicated sport. 10 00:00:24,031 --> 00:00:26,236 I don't want you to get frustrated if you don't... 11 00:00:26,271 --> 00:00:28,438 Holy cow! 12 00:00:28,473 --> 00:00:30,843 - Do you think you can do that again? - Yeah. It's easy. 13 00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:32,779 Okay, Mr. Cocky. 14 00:00:32,847 --> 00:00:35,214 You know, there is a thing called beginner's... 15 00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:36,916 What the hell? 16 00:00:36,985 --> 00:00:38,418 Hey, Brady. 17 00:00:38,773 --> 00:00:40,707 Hey, Jay, what's up? Oh, is this your grandson? 18 00:00:40,775 --> 00:00:42,308 I can't do this again. This is my son. 19 00:00:42,377 --> 00:00:45,178 Just take a look at his swing and tell me what you think. 20 00:00:46,781 --> 00:00:50,283 Wow. Your mom must be some athlete. 21 00:00:50,352 --> 00:00:52,051 Just so you know, I'm not a guy who's charmed 22 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,254 when the help gets familiar. 23 00:01:01,973 --> 00:01:06,973 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com 24 00:01:09,058 --> 00:01:11,626 How's everybody this fine morning? 25 00:01:11,694 --> 00:01:13,661 Welp, I'm on my third day of my New Year's Resolution 26 00:01:13,730 --> 00:01:15,396 to not say things nobody cares about. 27 00:01:15,465 --> 00:01:16,597 Damn it. 28 00:01:16,666 --> 00:01:19,433 Oh, yay, Homeowners Association. 29 00:01:19,502 --> 00:01:21,602 I need their approval to put a She Shed in the backyard 30 00:01:21,671 --> 00:01:23,004 where the teeter-totter used to be. 31 00:01:23,072 --> 00:01:24,372 I don't understand. 32 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,541 She said, "She Shed down by the seesaw." 33 00:01:26,609 --> 00:01:28,276 How are you not famous? 34 00:01:28,344 --> 00:01:30,444 Yes, bravo, but what's a She Shed? 35 00:01:30,513 --> 00:01:31,846 Well, it's just a simple little structure 36 00:01:31,915 --> 00:01:35,516 where I can go to be alone and do yoga or meditate 37 00:01:35,585 --> 00:01:37,652 and nobody can bother me. 38 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:38,953 Oh, so a glass of wine and a cigarette in the tub 39 00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:40,254 isn't cutting it anymore? 40 00:01:40,323 --> 00:01:43,024 I don't smoke, honey. I have a tobacco-scented candle. 41 00:01:43,092 --> 00:01:44,692 They don't make tobacco-scented... 42 00:01:44,761 --> 00:01:46,727 This is more of that stuff no one cares about. 43 00:01:46,796 --> 00:01:48,396 Congratulations, honey. 44 00:01:48,464 --> 00:01:50,665 Don't pretend you're happy for me. 45 00:01:50,733 --> 00:01:53,467 Luke and I wanted to use that space to put in a batting cage. 46 00:01:53,536 --> 00:01:54,969 Claire wanted her She Shed. 47 00:01:55,038 --> 00:01:58,506 We were in a stalemate, so we settled the dispute like adults. 48 00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:02,910 (EXHALES SHARPLY) 49 00:02:04,514 --> 00:02:06,480 Come on, Dad. Batting cage. 50 00:02:06,549 --> 00:02:07,849 I really need to blink, buddy. 51 00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:09,350 You can blink when you're dead. 52 00:02:11,588 --> 00:02:14,021 - (GROANS) - Ah, yes! Yes! 53 00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:17,592 All those Magic Eye posters paid off. Ah! 54 00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:20,127 I'm gonna get myself one of those fuzzy little rugs. 55 00:02:20,196 --> 00:02:22,496 - They turned me down. - What? 56 00:02:22,565 --> 00:02:24,765 Why on Earth would they do th... 57 00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:27,335 I... I'm gonna find out how to get in touch with somebody 58 00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:28,870 from down at that Homeowners Association 59 00:02:28,938 --> 00:02:30,338 and find out what the hell is going on. 60 00:02:30,406 --> 00:02:31,572 Claire, I know you're upset, 61 00:02:31,641 --> 00:02:32,940 but I don't think you should do that. 62 00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:34,408 Well, look at that. 63 00:02:34,477 --> 00:02:36,043 They have a meeting this afternoon. 64 00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,645 I'll just go down there in person. 65 00:02:37,714 --> 00:02:41,182 Honey, I get a lot of my referrals from the HOA. 66 00:02:41,251 --> 00:02:42,817 We can't afford to alienate them. 67 00:02:42,886 --> 00:02:45,186 They are the ones who are alienating people. 68 00:02:45,255 --> 00:02:47,388 They all live on that stupid cul-de-sac. 69 00:02:47,457 --> 00:02:49,123 They only do things for each other. 70 00:02:49,192 --> 00:02:51,993 Probably swing if they weren't so aggressively unattractive. 71 00:02:52,061 --> 00:02:54,629 You know, I find the term "She Shed" offensive. 72 00:02:54,697 --> 00:02:57,431 Shouldn't ours just be called a shed and theirs a "He Shed"? 73 00:02:57,500 --> 00:02:59,166 Why do you bother making resolutions? 74 00:02:59,235 --> 00:03:01,168 This is so frustrating. 75 00:03:01,237 --> 00:03:02,603 - If it's any comfort... - (SIGHS) 76 00:03:02,672 --> 00:03:04,605 ...you're not the only one to be stung by these people. 77 00:03:04,674 --> 00:03:07,541 Their ridiculous parking regulation made me give up my dream 78 00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:10,211 of owning the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. 79 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,381 Dah! Fine. I will move on. 80 00:03:13,449 --> 00:03:15,182 So does this mean we can get our batting cage? 81 00:03:15,251 --> 00:03:17,485 Luke, too soon. 82 00:03:17,553 --> 00:03:18,753 (SIGHS) 83 00:03:20,957 --> 00:03:23,224 I'm really proud of you, Mom. Letting go shows real growth. 84 00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:25,092 I'm going to that Homeowners Association meeting, 85 00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:26,460 and I'm getting my She Shed. 86 00:03:26,529 --> 00:03:27,828 But you just told Dad... 87 00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:30,264 I let him do magic. He lets me break promises. 88 00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,533 We both know what we married. 89 00:03:32,602 --> 00:03:37,038 You were at the course again? That's every morning this week. 90 00:03:37,106 --> 00:03:39,440 That's how you make a champion. You should see Joe play. 91 00:03:39,509 --> 00:03:41,909 It's like watching Merv Griffin interview. 92 00:03:41,978 --> 00:03:43,978 There's a certain finesse to it. 93 00:03:44,047 --> 00:03:45,513 Hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you training for? 94 00:03:45,581 --> 00:03:46,581 Nothing. 95 00:03:46,649 --> 00:03:48,849 Yeah, then go have a pudding cup. 96 00:03:48,918 --> 00:03:52,553 These high-performance protein bars are for elite athletes. 97 00:03:52,622 --> 00:03:53,854 Go ahead, Joey. Fuel up. 98 00:03:53,923 --> 00:03:55,790 You have a trophy to bring back today. 99 00:03:55,858 --> 00:03:56,991 What are you talking about? 100 00:03:57,060 --> 00:03:58,592 There's a kiddie tournament up at the club, 101 00:03:58,661 --> 00:04:00,094 and I signed Joe up for it. 102 00:04:00,163 --> 00:04:02,229 Jay, you're pushing him too hard. 103 00:04:02,298 --> 00:04:03,798 What are you talking about? Kid loves it. 104 00:04:03,866 --> 00:04:07,335 He'll tell you himself after he ices his shoulder. 105 00:04:07,403 --> 00:04:10,404 Ooh, that's the stuff. 106 00:04:10,473 --> 00:04:11,806 You know, Gloria, with the right training, 107 00:04:11,874 --> 00:04:13,040 this kid could go all the way. 108 00:04:13,109 --> 00:04:15,576 Me managing his golf career can be my second act. 109 00:04:15,645 --> 00:04:16,844 You're 70. 110 00:04:16,913 --> 00:04:19,246 Your second act was two acts ago. 111 00:04:19,315 --> 00:04:21,649 Stop living through him. It's too much pressure. 112 00:04:21,718 --> 00:04:23,551 Why are you making such a big deal about it? 113 00:04:23,619 --> 00:04:25,186 It's a... It's a kiddie golf tournament. 114 00:04:25,254 --> 00:04:27,221 It's like a... a playdate I don't hate being at. 115 00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:28,356 It's a bad idea. 116 00:04:28,424 --> 00:04:31,225 What if Joe wants to do something that is less competitive, 117 00:04:31,294 --> 00:04:34,328 like reading or papier-mâché? 118 00:04:34,397 --> 00:04:36,831 Let's not break out the Manny playbook just yet. 119 00:04:36,899 --> 00:04:39,300 Playbill would've been more cutting. Why am I helping you? 120 00:04:39,369 --> 00:04:40,901 I know you think you have the monopoly 121 00:04:40,970 --> 00:04:42,336 on deciding what's best for Joe, 122 00:04:42,405 --> 00:04:44,238 but I have parenting instincts, too. 123 00:04:44,307 --> 00:04:47,141 I deferred to Dede every single time on Mitch and Claire, 124 00:04:47,210 --> 00:04:49,977 and this time I'm going with my gut. 125 00:04:50,046 --> 00:04:52,346 Mitch and Claire turned out to be wonderful people. 126 00:04:52,415 --> 00:04:53,514 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not knocking them. 127 00:04:53,583 --> 00:04:54,915 I love all my children equally. 128 00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:57,618 Bup, bup, bup, bup! That's winner water. 129 00:05:02,112 --> 00:05:04,646 Whoa, whoa. What's going on, Cam? 130 00:05:04,715 --> 00:05:05,814 I was gone for 45 minutes, 131 00:05:05,883 --> 00:05:07,582 and now our living room's a beauty salon? 132 00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:09,360 What, do you have a pit crew or something? 133 00:05:09,429 --> 00:05:11,729 Ooh, look at you using "pit crew" in a sentence like a boy. 134 00:05:11,798 --> 00:05:13,598 Is this all for Lily's party? You... (SIGHS) 135 00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:15,500 I thought we were just gonna do pizza and a movie. 136 00:05:15,569 --> 00:05:17,569 Okay, there are 12-year-old girls coming over here. 137 00:05:17,637 --> 00:05:19,971 Do you remember how mean and judgmental Haley was at that age? 138 00:05:20,371 --> 00:05:22,404 Yeah, I faked being sick that Thanksgiving. 139 00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:24,506 I was too scared to eat corn in front of her. 140 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:25,874 Of course you were. 141 00:05:25,943 --> 00:05:27,976 The only word she said to me that entire year was "ew." 142 00:05:28,045 --> 00:05:30,312 Anyway, Lily wants to impress these older girls, 143 00:05:30,381 --> 00:05:34,049 so I set up a full-service salon to do makeovers. 144 00:05:34,118 --> 00:05:36,385 And you're qualified to do that because...? 145 00:05:36,453 --> 00:05:37,853 Okay, my uncle was in the business 146 00:05:37,922 --> 00:05:39,321 of mules appear younger for sale, 147 00:05:39,390 --> 00:05:42,090 so I think I know a thing or two about hair and make-up. 148 00:05:42,159 --> 00:05:45,261 Hi, hi. I brought y'all some stuff 149 00:05:45,296 --> 00:05:46,831 - for Lily's party. - Oh, my God. 150 00:05:46,866 --> 00:05:48,539 Thought you might not want to get into your own stash. 151 00:05:48,588 --> 00:05:50,488 I know how pricy your lady creams are. 152 00:05:50,557 --> 00:05:53,157 Okay, she's lashing out because I inherited Mama's skin. 153 00:05:53,226 --> 00:05:55,514 And I got Daddy's strong flickin' finger. 154 00:05:55,549 --> 00:05:56,560 - Don't do it! Don't! - Cam... 155 00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:57,601 Cam, you said that you were gonna keep this small. 156 00:05:57,664 --> 00:05:59,697 See, now I feel like you didn't tell me about this 157 00:05:59,766 --> 00:06:02,033 so that you could set it all up before I could say no. 158 00:06:02,101 --> 00:06:03,301 Okay, that is just not true. 159 00:06:03,369 --> 00:06:05,269 Not everyone is as calculating as you think. 160 00:06:05,338 --> 00:06:08,138 But, hey, I know where this is coming from, 161 00:06:08,486 --> 00:06:09,885 and it's not your fault. 162 00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:11,487 Seriously? This again? 163 00:06:11,556 --> 00:06:12,755 This sounds private. 164 00:06:12,824 --> 00:06:14,890 If you want me to leave, forget it. 165 00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:16,692 Okay, a-any time we have an argument, 166 00:06:16,761 --> 00:06:18,661 Cam blames it on how I was brought up. 167 00:06:18,730 --> 00:06:19,929 My therapist says 168 00:06:19,997 --> 00:06:22,565 that it's his way of deflecting responsibility. 169 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,500 - You go to therapy? - Mm-hmm. 170 00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:26,435 You mean like one of those Woody Allen movies? 171 00:06:26,504 --> 00:06:27,837 Plenty of people go to therapy. 172 00:06:27,905 --> 00:06:29,038 Not farm folk. 173 00:06:29,107 --> 00:06:31,340 We solve our own problems, not that we had many. 174 00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:33,409 That's right, because you had a storybook childhood. 175 00:06:33,478 --> 00:06:35,411 I never said "storybook," although one time 176 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,547 I did come home to a family of bears eating our porridge. (CHUCKLES) 177 00:06:38,570 --> 00:06:42,017 Don't make us sound like hicks. It was Tuna Helper. 178 00:06:42,044 --> 00:06:43,476 But we did have our share of problems. 179 00:06:43,545 --> 00:06:45,879 - Ah! - Problems? What problems? 180 00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:47,848 Uh, Mama and Daddy? 181 00:06:47,916 --> 00:06:50,050 It's not like they had the perfect marriage. 182 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,318 Thank you. Thank you. 183 00:06:51,386 --> 00:06:52,953 I knew there was stuff. Everybody has stuff. 184 00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:54,421 No, there is no stuff. 185 00:06:54,489 --> 00:06:56,790 She's just making this up to get under my radiant skin. 186 00:06:56,859 --> 00:06:58,225 If you don't know what I'm talking about, 187 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,860 I'm not gonna tell you right before you host a big ol' party. 188 00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:03,963 Oh, no, no. We've got time. Come on, come on. Let's hear it. 189 00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:07,633 You don't remember that time Daddy didn't live with us for a year 190 00:07:07,668 --> 00:07:09,558 'cause he was shacked up with that diner waitress 191 00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:11,432 - Jannie Sue Butler? - Oh (SCOFFS) please. 192 00:07:11,467 --> 00:07:13,825 The only time Daddy ever left was to go to war. 193 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:17,063 It was 1977. What war, Cam? 194 00:07:17,098 --> 00:07:18,812 The V... Hmm? 195 00:07:18,847 --> 00:07:21,996 He left us 'cause he turned 40, he got his first liver spot, 196 00:07:22,031 --> 00:07:25,020 and that bimbo reminded him of the Bionic Woman... 197 00:07:25,055 --> 00:07:27,222 mostly on account of her fake arm. 198 00:07:29,028 --> 00:07:31,195 Oh, did you really not know this? 199 00:07:31,263 --> 00:07:32,396 What? 200 00:07:32,465 --> 00:07:34,398 I did not realize how big that was gonna be. 201 00:07:34,467 --> 00:07:35,933 (DOORBELL RINGS) 202 00:07:36,001 --> 00:07:37,835 Cam, hey. Y-You're okay, right? 203 00:07:37,903 --> 00:07:41,605 Cam, I-I-I can't face these 12-year-olds by myself. 204 00:07:41,674 --> 00:07:45,275 12-year-olds? I got to change my shirt. 205 00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:48,345 - (DOORBELL RINGING RAPIDLY) - They're already angry. 206 00:07:48,414 --> 00:07:51,448 - (RINGING CONTINUES) - Um, okay. Uh... 207 00:07:52,753 --> 00:07:53,853 What are you guys doing? 208 00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:55,847 - Putting up our batting cage. - Oh, careful. 209 00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:57,181 It's really easy to get caught in the net. 210 00:07:57,250 --> 00:07:58,917 Okay, well, you may want to take a beat. 211 00:07:58,985 --> 00:08:01,252 Mom went down to the HOA meeting to fight for her shed. 212 00:08:01,321 --> 00:08:02,714 - Uh-oh. - I only hope she keeps her cool 213 00:08:02,739 --> 00:08:04,088 and accepts their decision. 214 00:08:04,157 --> 00:08:07,392 Yeah, based on her long history of letting things go. 215 00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:09,060 Dad, we have a problem. 216 00:08:09,129 --> 00:08:11,095 Maybe not, buddy. The HOA never reverses itself. 217 00:08:11,164 --> 00:08:13,064 If they did, we'd be having this conversation 218 00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:14,799 in the front seat of a giant hot dog. 219 00:08:14,868 --> 00:08:17,001 - I am the HOA. - What? 220 00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:18,515 I intercepted Mom's application 221 00:08:18,584 --> 00:08:20,417 and forged a rejection letter from the board. 222 00:08:20,486 --> 00:08:22,319 - Why?! - Because you told me to. 223 00:08:22,388 --> 00:08:24,621 When did I tell you to do that?! 224 00:08:25,958 --> 00:08:27,257 (GROANS) 225 00:08:27,326 --> 00:08:29,459 Ah, yes! Yes! 226 00:08:29,528 --> 00:08:32,663 All those Magic Eye posters paid off! Ah! 227 00:08:33,489 --> 00:08:34,955 (SIGHS) This sucks. 228 00:08:35,024 --> 00:08:38,257 Who knows? Maybe the HOA board will reject her application. 229 00:08:38,294 --> 00:08:40,094 Things have a way of working themselves out. 230 00:08:40,763 --> 00:08:43,130 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 231 00:08:43,199 --> 00:08:44,799 I think so. 232 00:08:45,102 --> 00:08:47,669 - You gave me the signal. - What signal?! 233 00:08:47,738 --> 00:08:50,472 That wink when you want me to secretly take care of something. 234 00:08:50,541 --> 00:08:54,409 Of course I was winking. I was just in a staring contest. 235 00:08:54,478 --> 00:08:57,045 Wait. Did you say you've done this before? 236 00:08:57,114 --> 00:08:59,681 Do you think Alex's cello set itself on fire? 237 00:08:59,750 --> 00:09:01,083 Oh, my God. 238 00:09:01,151 --> 00:09:03,719 I got to get down to that meeting before your mother... 239 00:09:03,787 --> 00:09:04,920 (GRUNTS) 240 00:09:04,989 --> 00:09:06,822 Untangle me quickly! 241 00:09:06,890 --> 00:09:08,423 Wait. Was that a wink? 242 00:09:08,492 --> 00:09:10,092 Do you not want me to untangle you? 243 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,326 D-Do you want me to untangle you slowly? 244 00:09:11,395 --> 00:09:12,461 There's no signal! 245 00:09:14,543 --> 00:09:16,908 Refreshing cucumber water? No? 246 00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:19,010 Refreshing cucumber water? No? 247 00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:21,546 - Are you thirs... - Hey, you're doing great. 248 00:09:21,615 --> 00:09:23,582 Just don't get nervous and turn all red. 249 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,717 Do I do that? Am I doing that right now? Do people notice? 250 00:09:25,786 --> 00:09:26,918 (SIGHS) 251 00:09:26,987 --> 00:09:28,086 Okay, you're not 12. It's okay. 252 00:09:28,155 --> 00:09:30,222 It got better. It got better. 253 00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:32,581 - Hey, Cam. H-How you feeling? - Hi. 254 00:09:32,616 --> 00:09:34,992 If you need some time to process that stuff about your dad, y-you sh... 255 00:09:35,011 --> 00:09:36,143 Oh, no. I'm fine. 256 00:09:36,212 --> 00:09:38,112 Unlike the chlorine in Melanie's hair 257 00:09:38,181 --> 00:09:39,981 that won't do any permanent damage. 258 00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:41,716 - Hey! - I'm working here, sweetie. 259 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:46,050 Hi, girls. I'm Lily's cool Aunt Pam. 260 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,819 I brought lighters for everyone. 261 00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,120 Please be nice. 262 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,290 All right. We are done. What do you think? 263 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:54,259 I wanted to look like Selena Gomez. 264 00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,394 Oh, well, I wanted a daddy that would respect his wedding vows, 265 00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:59,264 but we can't all get what we want. Dream smaller. There you go. 266 00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,200 Okay, okay. See, it's stuff like that 267 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,735 that makes me think that you're not okay. 268 00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:05,737 Mitchell, it's just a joke. It's barbershop sass. 269 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,372 They love it when I go there. 270 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:11,576 All right, Violet, get your fancy can in the chair. You're up. 271 00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:15,846 Hi. So, what are we doing today? 272 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:18,816 - I was thinking of an updo. - I like a high pony for you. 273 00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,518 - There we go. - Ow. 274 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:24,989 Oh, so, Vi, I've seen your mom at Parent Night. 275 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,758 You know what? I've never seen your dad. 276 00:10:27,851 --> 00:10:30,985 - He works late a lot. - Well, I hope that's true, sweetie. 277 00:10:31,054 --> 00:10:33,955 - Why wouldn't it be? - I don't know. Sometimes fathers lie. 278 00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:36,357 It's better for you to find out now than when you're a 40-year-old man. 279 00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:39,661 40? Okay, speaking of fathers lying. Can I talk to you for a second? 280 00:10:39,729 --> 00:10:41,529 - Cam, move away, move away. - Hmm? 281 00:10:43,333 --> 00:10:46,100 - Cam... Cam, clearly you're not okay. - Okay, you know what? 282 00:10:46,169 --> 00:10:48,303 I thought... I thought I could tamp it down, put it in a room, 283 00:10:48,371 --> 00:10:51,022 seal it shut just like we did Grandpa when he got rabid. 284 00:10:51,057 --> 00:10:53,240 Okay, listen, I-I may have checked with my therapist 285 00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:55,297 on the off chance that you would want to talk to someone. 286 00:10:55,332 --> 00:10:58,645 No, sir. If I open that door, there's no telling what we'll find. 287 00:10:58,713 --> 00:11:00,813 You know what? I... You know I cry inexplicably 288 00:11:00,882 --> 00:11:02,115 when I hear "Smooth Operator." 289 00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:03,883 I don't want to know what that's about. 290 00:11:03,952 --> 00:11:05,618 Hey, hey, just... just give it a shot. 291 00:11:05,687 --> 00:11:07,387 Yeah, she's the best, and if... 292 00:11:07,455 --> 00:11:09,288 if it makes you uncomfortable, we can leave, all right? 293 00:11:09,357 --> 00:11:11,524 She... She has an opening this afternoon. 294 00:11:11,593 --> 00:11:12,725 What if the party's still going on? 295 00:11:12,794 --> 00:11:14,726 Your sister's here. They'll be fine. 296 00:11:14,761 --> 00:11:16,531 Okay, truth. 297 00:11:16,566 --> 00:11:18,258 How old were you when you first kissed a boy? 298 00:11:18,499 --> 00:11:20,199 Hmm... a boy person? 299 00:11:21,644 --> 00:11:23,243 I love that you're here, 300 00:11:23,312 --> 00:11:25,913 but don't you guys have a laundry room at the school? 301 00:11:25,981 --> 00:11:27,080 It's really humid down there, 302 00:11:27,149 --> 00:11:28,715 and my hair is challenging enough as it is. 303 00:11:28,784 --> 00:11:30,884 I thought you'd be going to Joe's tournament. 304 00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:34,321 No, he doesn't need me over there. I would be adding more pressure. 305 00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:36,890 Well, you always kept a low profile at my ribbon-dancing competitions. 306 00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:38,191 I couldn't even find you in the stands. 307 00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:43,563 Ah, yeah, with the ribbon and the swooshing. 308 00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:47,242 But Joe worries me because stress can destroy a child. 309 00:11:47,311 --> 00:11:50,812 Take it from Cartagena's junior regional backstroke champion. 310 00:11:50,881 --> 00:11:52,180 You used to swim? 311 00:11:52,249 --> 00:11:55,617 Like a cigarette boat fleeing to international waters. 312 00:11:56,337 --> 00:11:59,771 But all that stress brought the darkness in me. 313 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,642 I started pulling out my hair, and... there was an incident. 314 00:12:03,711 --> 00:12:04,910 What kind of incident? 315 00:12:04,979 --> 00:12:06,311 I'm ashamed to admit it, 316 00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,380 but when I lost one of the big races, 317 00:12:08,449 --> 00:12:10,849 I might have hit one of the other swimmers 318 00:12:10,918 --> 00:12:12,618 in the leg with a skimmer pole. 319 00:12:12,686 --> 00:12:14,486 You Tonya Harding-ed another girl? 320 00:12:14,555 --> 00:12:16,989 No, in Colombia, they call it the Gloria Ramirez-ing. 321 00:12:17,057 --> 00:12:18,323 (SIGHS) 322 00:12:18,392 --> 00:12:21,627 Mom, just because you freaked out doesn't mean Joe will. 323 00:12:21,695 --> 00:12:23,195 At the end of the day, 324 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,997 he's only going to remember that you weren't there. 325 00:12:25,065 --> 00:12:26,165 I don't know. 326 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:28,834 I think it would mean a lot to him. I know it meant a lot to me 327 00:12:28,903 --> 00:12:31,370 when you cheered on me and my ribbon-dancing partner, Josh. 328 00:12:31,438 --> 00:12:33,372 Uh, yeah, 'cause you guys were so great. 329 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:34,971 (LAUGHS) I danced alone. 330 00:12:39,030 --> 00:12:40,529 Next order of business, 331 00:12:40,598 --> 00:12:44,099 uh, Lisa would like to put in a little moat in her yard. 332 00:12:44,168 --> 00:12:47,336 Aww, and with a drawbridge from the sidewalk to the front door. 333 00:12:47,405 --> 00:12:49,631 I've always dreamed of being a princess. 334 00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:51,011 All in favor? 335 00:12:51,046 --> 00:12:52,626 - ALL: Aye! - Eyesore. 336 00:12:52,661 --> 00:12:53,742 Claire, did you say something? 337 00:12:53,811 --> 00:12:56,946 I'm sorry. You're just gonna rubber-stamp Princess Lisa here, 338 00:12:57,014 --> 00:12:59,748 and I can't have a She Shed in my backyard? 339 00:12:59,817 --> 00:13:01,116 Could you please wait your turn? 340 00:13:01,185 --> 00:13:03,568 W-We haven't moved on to new business yet. 341 00:13:03,603 --> 00:13:06,403 Fine. Motion to discuss new business? 342 00:13:06,438 --> 00:13:09,252 Seconded. Recognizing Claire Dunphy. Thank you. 343 00:13:09,287 --> 00:13:11,052 I'm not leaving here until I have my permit. 344 00:13:11,087 --> 00:13:12,334 What are you talking about? 345 00:13:12,369 --> 00:13:14,685 I submitted a request to build a simple structure 346 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,960 you can't even see from the street. 347 00:13:16,995 --> 00:13:20,039 Speaking of which, why is nobody sounding the alarm 348 00:13:20,074 --> 00:13:22,441 over Gary's avant-garde mailbox? 349 00:13:22,476 --> 00:13:24,659 - It's a penis, Gary. - Honey. 350 00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:26,696 What? What? Oh! What are you doing here? 351 00:13:26,731 --> 00:13:28,004 I was gonna ask you the same thing. 352 00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:30,077 I'm so sorry to interrupt. Keep up the great work. 353 00:13:30,112 --> 00:13:32,614 It couldn't have been easy keeping that sewer gator under wraps. 354 00:13:32,649 --> 00:13:34,060 (LAUGHTER) What alligator? 355 00:13:34,095 --> 00:13:37,337 - (LAUGHTER) - No, that. See that? That's not fair. 356 00:13:37,461 --> 00:13:40,083 Just because I'm not part of your little cul-de-sac cult... 357 00:13:40,118 --> 00:13:42,616 - your little cult-de-sac... - Oh, that was a good one. 358 00:13:42,651 --> 00:13:44,108 I think you made your point. Why don't we get going? 359 00:13:44,143 --> 00:13:46,467 Claire, this is the first we're hearing about your She Shed. 360 00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:50,201 Oh. Then I've got something for you right here. 361 00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:51,390 She's got a gun! 362 00:13:51,425 --> 00:13:53,463 It's a letter, Lisa... 363 00:13:53,498 --> 00:13:57,213 A rejection letter on HOA stationery. 364 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,645 - Stationery? - Mm-hmm! 365 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:02,021 In the interest of saving trees, we do all our correspondence via e-mail. 366 00:14:02,056 --> 00:14:03,593 Come on, Claire, we don't need to sit here 367 00:14:03,628 --> 00:14:05,574 and listen to these pillars of the community. 368 00:14:05,609 --> 00:14:09,567 Then who sent me this letter? Who knew I even wanted a She Shed? 369 00:14:09,602 --> 00:14:11,711 Who even...cared? 370 00:14:17,195 --> 00:14:18,861 Okay. 371 00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:20,863 It's a straight shot, pal. 372 00:14:20,932 --> 00:14:23,332 You got this. How are you feeling? 373 00:14:23,401 --> 00:14:24,667 I'm nervous. 374 00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:26,769 My son was being tested as an athlete, 375 00:14:26,838 --> 00:14:28,738 but I was being tested as a father. 376 00:14:28,806 --> 00:14:32,875 What I said then would help shape the man Joe would become. 377 00:14:32,944 --> 00:14:34,677 Nerves are for losers. 378 00:14:34,746 --> 00:14:36,579 What you're feeling is excitement 379 00:14:36,648 --> 00:14:38,180 because for the first time in your life... 380 00:14:38,249 --> 00:14:40,522 you're doing something that actually matters. 381 00:14:40,557 --> 00:14:43,105 These other kids... they want you to choke 382 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:44,205 because you're king of the mountain, 383 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,728 and they're climbing to reach you. 384 00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:47,990 You've got to be ready to step on their fingers. 385 00:14:48,059 --> 00:14:49,325 That sounds mean. 386 00:14:49,394 --> 00:14:50,660 They would do the same thing to you. 387 00:14:50,728 --> 00:14:53,095 Now, get out there and take what is ours. 388 00:14:53,164 --> 00:14:54,363 And have fun. 389 00:15:03,374 --> 00:15:05,141 (SCREAMS) 390 00:15:05,209 --> 00:15:07,143 Huh. That's new. 391 00:15:10,145 --> 00:15:12,444 She's right behind me. She knows about the letter. 392 00:15:12,513 --> 00:15:14,423 What are we gonna do? We have to think of an excuse. 393 00:15:14,458 --> 00:15:16,748 We don't have time! (BREATHING HEAVILY) 394 00:15:18,061 --> 00:15:20,662 Huh. Guess she hit a light. 395 00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:22,230 All right. Well, let's think this through. 396 00:15:22,299 --> 00:15:23,331 - (DOOR OPENS) - Oh. 397 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,934 Really, Phil?! You just turned and ran? 398 00:15:26,002 --> 00:15:27,201 Sweetheart, I... 399 00:15:27,938 --> 00:15:29,871 - I... - Don't you run again. 400 00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:31,172 Okay. 401 00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:33,374 I have one question. Why? 402 00:15:33,443 --> 00:15:34,709 It's complicated. 403 00:15:34,778 --> 00:15:36,311 How is it complicated? 404 00:15:36,379 --> 00:15:38,446 You printed fake stationery and forged a letter 405 00:15:38,515 --> 00:15:40,281 so you could have a stupid batting cage. 406 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:41,916 - It's not his fault. - Luke... 407 00:15:41,985 --> 00:15:44,085 - I'm gonna tell her. - (SIGHS) 408 00:15:44,154 --> 00:15:45,687 - He got scared. - What? 409 00:15:45,755 --> 00:15:48,157 He thought you would like being out there alone in your shed so much 410 00:15:48,192 --> 00:15:49,805 you'd stop wanting to spend time with him. 411 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:50,867 Come on. 412 00:15:50,902 --> 00:15:53,718 He was worried maybe you'd start sleeping out there. 413 00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,589 Pretty soon it's where you and your friends go to drink 414 00:15:56,624 --> 00:15:58,231 and complain about your husbands. 415 00:15:58,266 --> 00:15:59,646 Oh, I don't need a shed for that. 416 00:15:59,681 --> 00:16:01,636 - We... We do it on a group text. - Huh? 417 00:16:01,671 --> 00:16:02,929 Honey, I didn't know that's how you felt. 418 00:16:02,964 --> 00:16:04,489 Why didn't you say something? 419 00:16:04,524 --> 00:16:07,287 I guess I'm not comfortable being vulnerable... 420 00:16:07,322 --> 00:16:09,384 ...except... except with Luke. 421 00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:12,028 The whole reason I wanted to get that shed 422 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,330 was to give myself a place to calm down 423 00:16:14,399 --> 00:16:17,032 and spare you some of my insanity. 424 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,462 If anything, I... I thought it would help our relationship. 425 00:16:20,497 --> 00:16:21,681 Sweetheart. 426 00:16:21,716 --> 00:16:25,586 - He accepts your apology. - I got it from here, buddy. Mm. 427 00:16:26,409 --> 00:16:29,710 We got our batting cage... sort of. 428 00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:31,379 Ugh! 429 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,815 Hey, Mom, think we can get in there any time soon? 430 00:16:33,883 --> 00:16:36,350 Not after the day I've had! 431 00:16:36,419 --> 00:16:38,786 Come on, buddy. Let's try again tomorrow. 432 00:16:40,289 --> 00:16:41,355 Come on. 433 00:16:42,058 --> 00:16:43,224 Yeah! 434 00:16:44,193 --> 00:16:45,892 Here you go. 435 00:16:46,663 --> 00:16:49,030 What is this?! I need a putter! 436 00:16:49,098 --> 00:16:51,299 Take it easy. You're only down by one stroke. 437 00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:52,933 Don't remind me! (SHOUTS) 438 00:16:53,002 --> 00:16:55,770 He's fine, everybody. He's fine. 439 00:16:55,838 --> 00:16:57,305 Good luck, Joe. 440 00:16:57,373 --> 00:17:00,381 Gloria? I-I guess you're here to pull Joey out of the tournament. 441 00:17:00,416 --> 00:17:01,695 No, no. I came to cheer him on. 442 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,159 No, but I thought about what you were saying, 443 00:17:03,194 --> 00:17:05,198 and even though you weren't right, I'm gonna let you have this one. 444 00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,610 You can do this, baby. 445 00:17:06,645 --> 00:17:09,000 I'm trying to concentrate! 446 00:17:09,035 --> 00:17:10,452 What is that all about? 447 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,477 I don't know, Gloria. You seem to make him tense. 448 00:17:15,214 --> 00:17:16,247 (SCREAMS) 449 00:17:16,316 --> 00:17:18,916 - Uh, and there's this other thing. - I knew it! 450 00:17:18,985 --> 00:17:20,384 You were in my eyeline! 451 00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:22,420 No. Wait. Joe, come here! 452 00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:24,922 - I'm going to step on your fingers! - Joe, come back here! 453 00:17:24,991 --> 00:17:27,418 - I'm the king of the mountain! - Give me the club! 454 00:17:27,453 --> 00:17:30,469 Give me the club. Give me the club! (GRUNTING) 455 00:17:30,504 --> 00:17:31,973 Why?! 456 00:17:32,008 --> 00:17:33,373 Not again. 457 00:17:34,105 --> 00:17:35,696 You're gonna love hockey. 458 00:17:36,966 --> 00:17:38,265 - Okay. - (SCOFFS) You know what? 459 00:17:38,334 --> 00:17:40,668 If people back home knew I was in a therapist's office, 460 00:17:40,736 --> 00:17:43,571 it would be all over the "Rumors and Ramblins" section 461 00:17:43,639 --> 00:17:45,372 of the Grasshopper Gazette. 462 00:17:45,441 --> 00:17:48,809 "Liberal Left Coast Breaks Local Hero." What are you typing? 463 00:17:48,878 --> 00:17:50,077 Exactly what you just said, 464 00:17:50,146 --> 00:17:51,512 but don't worry, it's for my therapy, not yours. 465 00:17:51,581 --> 00:17:53,314 You know what? This is your therapy, 466 00:17:53,382 --> 00:17:54,849 and I don't want to be here. 467 00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:56,317 Cam, come on. You need this. 468 00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:59,293 Just give it a shot. Come on! 469 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,919 - (SIGHS) - Hello, Mitchell. 470 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,044 (GENTLY) Hi, Dr. Green. 471 00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:04,440 Thank you so much for making the time to see us. 472 00:18:04,475 --> 00:18:06,696 - Okay, what's that voice? - Hmm? 473 00:18:06,731 --> 00:18:08,229 Are you tamping down your crazy to impress your therapist 474 00:18:08,297 --> 00:18:11,898 like you do when you clean up before the housekeeper comes? 475 00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:13,966 (CHUCKLES) I appreciate what you're saying, 476 00:18:14,001 --> 00:18:17,831 I hear you, and I'm gonna give it some thought. 477 00:18:17,866 --> 00:18:19,649 What the hell? Can we move into this place? 478 00:18:19,684 --> 00:18:21,255 - You must be Cameron. - Yes. 479 00:18:21,290 --> 00:18:23,433 So nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you... 480 00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:24,774 Da-ba-mnh-mnh. Unh-unh. 481 00:18:24,809 --> 00:18:28,191 Mitchell, how do you feel about how you're behaving right now? 482 00:18:28,226 --> 00:18:30,199 I don't love it. Can I... Can I restart? 483 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:31,661 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 484 00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:33,524 A-All right. Um, you know what? 485 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:35,129 This... This... I don't want to be here. 486 00:18:35,164 --> 00:18:36,769 - This just isn't me. - (SIGHS) 487 00:18:36,804 --> 00:18:40,510 The art on the wall is weird. The candy bowl feels like a test, uh... 488 00:18:40,545 --> 00:18:43,593 You know what? I'm gonna have, uh, just one. 489 00:18:43,628 --> 00:18:46,545 Nope. I'm gonna have all of them. 490 00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:49,153 - (CLEARS THROAT) - Nope. I'm just gonna leave. 491 00:18:49,188 --> 00:18:51,874 Cam, the first step is the hardest, but it's worth it. 492 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,799 It takes time to work through family issues. 493 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,657 Yeah, she's right. Some people spend their whole lives... 494 00:18:56,692 --> 00:18:58,619 trying to resolve these things. 495 00:18:58,654 --> 00:19:00,574 What would I... What would I even say to her? 496 00:19:00,609 --> 00:19:05,169 That my dad left for a year with the town floozy 497 00:19:05,204 --> 00:19:06,709 and I thought he was off being a war hero 498 00:19:06,744 --> 00:19:07,837 and that I'm an idiot 499 00:19:07,872 --> 00:19:09,775 and... and that I'm never gonna forgive him? 500 00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:12,672 I don't care that he came... came back to us. 501 00:19:12,707 --> 00:19:15,487 He lied to me, and he let me grow up thinking my mama 502 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:18,242 was the most important thing to him in the world. 503 00:19:18,277 --> 00:19:19,330 He's a phony. 504 00:19:19,365 --> 00:19:22,982 You know, maybe, you know, he did do the best 505 00:19:23,017 --> 00:19:25,498 he... he knew how, you know? 506 00:19:25,533 --> 00:19:29,674 He always did make me feel safe and... and happy. 507 00:19:29,709 --> 00:19:31,229 (SOBS) 508 00:19:31,264 --> 00:19:33,507 (VOICE BREAKING) Maybe he was just trying to protect me, 509 00:19:33,542 --> 00:19:36,199 because he did love me with all of his heart, 510 00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:38,987 and, actually, I feel like I know him, 511 00:19:39,022 --> 00:19:42,883 like, even better now and love him even more. 512 00:19:42,918 --> 00:19:47,956 (GASPS) I am the person I am because of all my experiences. 513 00:19:47,991 --> 00:19:50,204 And I like me. 514 00:19:51,166 --> 00:19:54,614 And I have a daddy to thank for that. 515 00:19:54,649 --> 00:19:57,348 Whew. Ooh! 516 00:19:57,383 --> 00:19:59,649 Hey! That felt great. 517 00:19:59,684 --> 00:20:01,653 Oh, my gosh. I feel healed. 518 00:20:01,688 --> 00:20:03,148 Yeah, well, it's a good start, but therapy really is a... 519 00:20:03,183 --> 00:20:06,635 No, no, no, no, no, no. That was extraordinary. 520 00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:08,693 I have never seen anything like that. 521 00:20:08,728 --> 00:20:10,499 He doesn't need me. 522 00:20:10,534 --> 00:20:11,917 Here. 523 00:20:11,952 --> 00:20:15,139 Have a hard candy and a good life. 524 00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:18,256 Wait, wait, wait, wait. He's done? No, no. 525 00:20:18,291 --> 00:20:21,186 Okay, I have... I have been coming here for 10 years, 526 00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:23,348 and I am just barely scratching the surface. 527 00:20:23,383 --> 00:20:25,046 You call him extraordinary. 528 00:20:25,081 --> 00:20:28,080 Meanwhile, I've been pouring out my soul to you every week, 529 00:20:28,115 --> 00:20:30,104 and I get... boop... nothing. 530 00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:33,745 Mitchell, I did clear out the full hour. 531 00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:36,012 If you'd like to... 532 00:20:36,047 --> 00:20:37,732 (GENTLY) That would be great, Doctor. Thank you so much. 533 00:20:37,767 --> 00:20:40,433 I would love that. Cam, I will see you at home. Okay, okay. 534 00:20:41,876 --> 00:20:44,134 - You chose the right one. - I'm waiting! 535 00:20:45,194 --> 00:20:47,670 You sure do know how to hide, buddy. 536 00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,876 I'm looking everywhere. 537 00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:54,668 Nope. Not under the pool table. 538 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,616 Where, oh where, could you be? 539 00:20:57,641 --> 00:21:01,050 Manny, I am very busy. Can't this wait? 540 00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:03,279 I've waited 10 years. This is happening. Sit. 541 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,591 - Hey, I'm watching something. - Yes, you are! 542 00:21:05,616 --> 00:21:08,628 (CLEARS THROAT) Presenting "Rhapsody in Ribbon." 543 00:21:11,493 --> 00:21:13,314 You're it. I'm hiding. 544 00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:21,621 JOE: One, two, three, four, five, six... 545 00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:23,046 Synced and corrected by BLuk www.addic7ed.com