1 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,200 They just walked out of there! 2 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,240 Yeah, I know, I was sort of sitting next to you. 3 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,560 The whole Waters family. They just walked right out of there! 4 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,240 Again, I was in the room. How do they always manage that?! 5 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:18,680 They're good. 6 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,480 They're greedy and they'll do it again, 7 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,760 and next time we're going to catch them in the act. 8 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:23,760 How? 9 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:34,320 No good? 10 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,400 They always know we're coming. How do they always know?! 11 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,720 They're good, they work at it. 12 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,280 They're never going to stop. Well, neither are we. 13 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:53,720 Argh! 14 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,440 Argh! 15 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:07,320 Argh! AARGH! 16 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:09,920 Oh! Greg... 17 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,160 In the act! 18 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:16,320 It's the only way we're going to do this, in the act! 19 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:26,881 COMPUTER BEEPS 20 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,160 They're still blocking it? 21 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,440 Yeah. Very efficiently hacked. 22 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,000 They must be bloody pleased with themselves. 23 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,200 They must be. 24 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:01,400 Right then? 25 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,880 Ah, no! No, you've got to make the arrest. This one's yours, boss. 26 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,040 You've never called me boss before. 27 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,440 Oh, well, look what happens when you're good. 28 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:12,680 You know how most days aren't good days? 29 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,921 This is a good day. Not for the Waters family. TEXT ALERT 30 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,960 OK, ten men on the roof, all exits covered. 31 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,560 The bank's closed, so we've no hostages to worry about. TEXT ALERT 32 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,840 Sorry, no, go on. Go on. 33 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,001 Um, we've got the tunnel entrance covered... TEXT ALERT 34 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:26,680 ...and Davies, Willow and Christie 35 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,961 are heading up armed response on Mafeking Road. TEXT ALERT 36 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,760 Sorry, I'd better get this. It's him, isn't it? 37 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,680 I, I, I have to go. What?! 38 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,000 You make the arrest. No way! 39 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,120 Sorry, you'll be fine. I'm cool with this. 40 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,400 Jones will get all the credit if you leave now, you know he will. 41 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,520 Yeah, well, yeah, it doesn't matter, I have to go. 42 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,520 Back up! I need maximum back up! 43 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,480 Baker Street now! 44 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,200 What's going on?! 45 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,120 This is hard. What? 46 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,480 Really hard. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. 47 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,960 Do you know any funny stories about John? 48 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:26,640 What?! 49 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,680 I need anecdotes. Didn't go to any trouble, did you? 50 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:30,880 SIRENS WAIL, HELICOPTER HOVERS 51 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:13,420 VIOLIN MUSIC 52 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,720 Shut up, Mrs Hudson. I haven't said a word. 53 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,760 You're formulating a question, 54 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,240 it's physically painful watching you think. 55 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,160 I thought it was you playing. 56 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,320 It was me playing. MUSIC STOPS 57 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:10,800 I am composing. 58 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,200 You were dancing. 59 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,680 I was road-testing. 60 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:15,880 You what? 61 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,720 Why are you here? 62 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,560 I'm bringing you your morning tea. You're not usually awake. 63 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,000 You bring me tea in the morning? 64 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,760 Well, where do you think it came from? 65 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,160 I don't know. I just thought it sort of happened. 66 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,800 Your mother has a lot to answer for. 67 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,360 Hmm, I know. I have a list. 68 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,560 Mycroft has a file. 69 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,600 So, it's the big day then. 70 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,760 What big day? 71 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:42,320 The wedding! John and Mary getting married. 72 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,160 Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, 73 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:48,040 have a party, go on a short holiday, then carry on living together. 74 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:50,320 What's big about that? It changes people, marriage. 75 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:51,920 Hmm, no it doesn't. 76 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:56,200 Well, you wouldn't understand, cos you always live alone. 77 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,440 Your husband was executed for double murder. 78 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,640 You're hardly an advert for companionship. 79 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:04,360 Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine. 80 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,880 As does lethal injection. 81 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:09,320 My best friend, Margaret, she was my chief bridesmaid, 82 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,680 we were going to be best friends forever, we always said that, 83 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,400 but I hardly saw her after that. 84 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,120 Aren't there usually biscuits? I've run out. Have the shops? 85 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:20,720 She cried the whole day, saying, "Ooh, it's the end of an era." 86 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,480 I'm sure the shop on the corner is open. 87 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,200 She was probably right, really. I remember she left early. 88 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:30,400 I mean, who leaves a wedding early? So sad. 89 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,760 Hmm. Anyway, you've got things to do. 90 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,840 No, not really. I've got plenty of time to get ready... Biscuits! 91 00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,840 Oh! I really am going to have a word with your mother. 92 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:41,520 You can if you like, she understands very little. 93 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,280 Right then. 94 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,000 Into battle. 95 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:11,681 CHURCH BELLS TOLL 96 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,840 Congratulations! 97 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:18,720 OK, hold it there, I want to get this shot of the newlyweds. 98 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,160 Er, just the bride and groom, please. 99 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,000 Sherlock... Oh, sorry. 100 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,520 OK, three, two, one, cheese. 101 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:41,640 The famous Mr Holmes. I'm very pleased to meet you. 102 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,960 But no sex, OK? Sorry?! 103 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,240 You don't have to look so scared, I'm only messing. 104 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,880 Bridesmaid, best man, it's a bit traditional. 105 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,320 Is it? But not obligatory. 106 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:57,040 If that's the sort of thing you're looking for, the man over there in blue is your best bet. 107 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,320 Recently divorced doctor with a ginger cat... 108 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,600 A barn conversion and a history of erectile dysfunction. 109 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,080 Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet. 110 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,480 Yeah, maybe not. 111 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,200 Sorry, there was one more deduction there than I was expecting. 112 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,640 Mr Holmes, you're going to be incredibly useful. 113 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,840 Hello. Lovely to meet you. 114 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:24,640 How are you? Beautiful, Mary. 115 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,640 Thank you. Congratulations. 116 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:27,680 David! 117 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:32,440 Ah, ah, Mary. Congratulations, you look, um, very nice. 118 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,720 Thanks. John, congratulations. You're a lucky man. Thank you. 119 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,320 Um, David, this is Sherlock. Hmm. 120 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:42,280 Um, yeah, we've um... We've met. 121 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:49,720 So, what exactly are my duties as an usher? 122 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,400 Let's talk about Mary first. 123 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,840 Sorry, what? 124 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:58,520 Well, I think you know what. You went out with her for two years. 125 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,880 Er, ages ago. We're... We're just good friends now. 126 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,120 Is that a fact? 127 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:06,320 Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes, regardless of time or current location, 128 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:10,040 suggesting you have her on text alert. In your Facebook photographs of the happy couple, 129 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,480 Mary takes centre frame, whereas John is always partly or entirely excluded. 130 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,320 Well, you can't assume from that I've still got some kind of interest in Mary... 131 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,840 You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on on no less than three separate occasions. 132 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,520 Do you have anything to say in your defence? 133 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,480 I think from now on, we'll downgrade you to casual acquaintance. 134 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,920 No more than three planned social encounters a year 135 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,760 and always in John's presence. 136 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,320 I have your contact details. I will be monitoring. 137 00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:39,000 They're right about you. You're a bloody psychopath. 138 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:42,200 High functioning sociopath, with your number. 139 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,880 Um... 140 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,760 Hello. Darling. Thank you. 141 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,960 You look fabulous. Thank you. 142 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:02,880 Thanks for coming, thank you. 143 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,320 Er, yes, well done in the service, Archie. 144 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,280 He's really come out of his shell. I don't know how you did it. Um... 145 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,280 Basically it's a cute smile to the bride's side, 146 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,640 cute smile to the groom's side and then the rings. No. 147 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,280 And you have to wear the outfit. No. 148 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,280 You really do have to wear the outfit. What for? 149 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,200 Grown-ups like that sort of thing. Why? 150 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,320 I don't know, I'll ask one. 151 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,720 You're a detective. 152 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,320 Yep. Have you solved any murders? 153 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,560 Sure, loads. Can I see? 154 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,240 Yeah, all right. 155 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,001 COMPUTER BEEPS 156 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,280 What's all the stuff in his eye? 157 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,000 Maggots. Cool! 158 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,280 Hmm. 159 00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:55,040 He said you had some pictures for him, as a treat? 160 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,240 Er, yes, if he's good. 161 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,800 Beheadings. Lovely little village. 162 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,160 Hmm? What did you say? 163 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,400 Hold it. 164 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:11,440 Nice. 165 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:18,040 I'm starving. Thanks. 166 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,240 I had to lose so much weight to get into this dress. 167 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:20,740 JOHN LAUGHS 168 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,200 Hmm, he's nice. 169 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,760 Traces of two leading brands of deodorant, both advertised for their strength, 170 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,960 suggestive of a chronic body odour problem, manifesting under stress. 171 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,680 OK, done there. What about his friend? 172 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,920 Long-term relationship, compulsive cheat. Seriously? 173 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,160 Waterproof cover on his smart-phone. 174 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,200 Yet his complexion doesn't indicate outdoor work. 175 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,360 It suggests he's in the habit of taking his phone into the shower with him, 176 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:52,120 which means he often receives texts and emails he'd rather went unseen. Can I keep you? 177 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,920 Do you like solving crimes? Do you have a vacancy? 178 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,240 So, Harry? Er, no. No show. 179 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,720 Darling, I'm so sorry. 180 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,680 Yeah, it was a bit of a punt asking her, I suppose. 181 00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:05,320 Still, free bar, wouldn't have been a good mix. 182 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,320 Oh. God, wow! 183 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,400 Is that...? He came. 184 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:20,000 So that's him, Major Sholto. Uh-huh. 185 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:26,400 If they're such good friends, why does he barely even mention him? 186 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,840 He mentions him all the time to me, never shuts up about him. 187 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,960 About HIM? Mm-hmm. 188 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,400 Urgh! I chose this wine, it's bloody awful! 189 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,280 Yes, but it's definitely him that he talks about? Mm-hmm. 190 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,400 I'm very, very, glad to see you, sir. 191 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,680 I know you don't really do this sort of thing. 192 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,000 Well, I do for old friends, Watson. 193 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:48,760 John. 194 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,840 It's good to see you. You too. 195 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,560 Civilian life suiting you, then? 196 00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:59,400 Er, er, yes. Well, I think so, sir. No more need for the trick cyclist? 197 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,080 No, I go now and then. Sort of a top-up. 198 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,840 Therapy can be very helpful. 199 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,440 Where are you living these days? 200 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,640 Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere. You wouldn't know it. 201 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:17,080 You look well... I've never even heard him say his name. 202 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,480 Well, he's almost a recluse, you know, since... Yes. 203 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,320 I didn't think he'd show up at all. 204 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,560 John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met. 205 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,600 He is? He's the most unsociable? Hmm. 206 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,120 Ah, that's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy. 207 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,240 Oh, Sherlock! 208 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:35,640 Neither of us were the first, you know. Stop smiling. 209 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,640 It's my wedding day! 210 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,640 Urgh! 211 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,140 BANGING 212 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:08,020 PHONE RINGS 213 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,680 Yes? What, Sherlock? 214 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,800 Why are you out of breath? Filing. 215 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:19,640 Either I've caught you in a compromising position or you've been working out again. 216 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,640 I favour the latter. What do you want? 217 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,240 I need your answer, Mycroft, as a matter of urgency. 218 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:28,200 Answer? Even at the eleventh hour, it's not too late, you know. 219 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,360 Oh, Lord! 220 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,560 Cars can be ordered, private jets commandeered. 221 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,520 Today. It's today, isn't it? 222 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,760 No, Sherlock, I will not be coming to the night-do, 223 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,440 as you so poetically put it. 224 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,360 What a shame. Mary and John will be extremely d... 225 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,320 Delighted not to have me hanging around. 226 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,760 Oh, I don't know. 227 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,880 There should always be a spectre at the feast. 228 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,280 So, this is it, then? The big day. 229 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,280 I suppose I'll be seeing a lot more of you from now on. 230 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,840 What do you mean? Just like old times. 231 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,360 No, I don't understand. 'Well, it's the end of an era, isn't it?' 232 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,400 John and Mary, domestic bliss. 233 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,600 No, no, no. I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter. 234 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,120 What? Nothing. I know that silence. What? 235 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,840 Well, I'd better let you get back to it. 236 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,440 You have a big speech or something, don't you? 237 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,960 What? Cakes, karaoke, mingling. 238 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,320 Mycroft! This is what people do, Sherlock. They get married. 239 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:30,040 I warned you, don't get involved. 240 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,000 Involved? I'm not involved. No... 241 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,440 John asked me to be his best man, how could I say no? Absolutely. I'm not involved. 242 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,600 I believe you. Really, I do. 243 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:41,440 Have a lovely day and do give the happy couple my best. 244 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:43,920 I will. 245 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,080 Oh, by the way, Sherlock, do you remember Redbeard? 246 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,600 I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft. 247 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,640 No, of course you're not. 248 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,120 Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock. 249 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,080 Pray silence for the best man. 250 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:21,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 251 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,040 Ladies and gentlemen, 252 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,600 family and friends, 253 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,080 and... 254 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,880 um, others. 255 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,160 Er... 256 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,920 A-also... 257 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,000 Greg... Molly. I've just had a thought. 258 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,080 Is that a brain? 259 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,200 What if John asks Sherlock to be his best man? 260 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,560 Well, he will, won't he? He's bound to. Exactly. 261 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:08,840 So? So, he'll have to make a speech, in front of people. 262 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,480 There'll be actual people there, actually listening. 263 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,800 Well, what's the worst that could happen? 264 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,040 Helen-Louise probably wondered the same. 265 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,600 Helen-Louise? 266 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:23,580 PHONE RINGS 267 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,040 Oh, hello dear. 268 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,480 I was just thinking, if John does ask Sherlock... 269 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,560 What, the speech, dear? No, it'll be fine. 270 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,520 It's not just the speech, though, is it? 271 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:36,201 MRS HUDSON LAUGHS 272 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,240 Oh, brilliant! 273 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,400 Mrs Hudson? Hello, darling. Are you all right? 274 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,960 I was coming to see Sherlock and I thought you were... 275 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,440 No... Possibly dying. 276 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,480 Oh, sorry. 277 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,920 What's wrong? 278 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,520 The telegrams! 279 00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:02,040 Sorry, what? 280 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,760 Oh, sorry. 281 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,760 Telegrams! 282 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,880 Right, um... 283 00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:16,840 First things first, telegrams. 284 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,320 Well, they're not actually telegrams, we just call them telegrams. I don't know why. 285 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,040 Wedding tradition. 286 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:25,440 Because we don't have enough of that already, apparently. 287 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:26,520 "To Mr and Mrs Watson, 288 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,240 "so sorry I am unable to be with you on your special day. 289 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,440 "Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stanford." Aah. Aw. 290 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,160 "To John and Mary, all good wishes for your special day," 291 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,360 "with love and many big..." 292 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,520 "Big squishy cuddles from Stella and Ted." 293 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,720 "Mary, lots of love..." 294 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,560 Yeah? 295 00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,520 "Poppet. Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from Cam." 296 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,840 "Wish your family could have seen this." 297 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,520 "Special day..." "Very special day..." 298 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,040 "Love..." "Love..." "Love..." "Love..." "Love..." 299 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,160 Bit of a theme, you get the general gist. People are basically fond. 300 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:06,721 QUIET LAUGHTER 301 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,640 John Watson. 302 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,320 My friend, John Watson. 303 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,840 John... 304 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,360 When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. 305 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,960 Sherlock? What was that noise downstairs? 306 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,360 Oh, it was Mrs Hudson laughing. 307 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,600 Hmm, it sounded like she was torturing an owl. 308 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,760 Yeah, well, it was laughter. 309 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,960 Could have been both. 310 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,320 Busy? 311 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:38,440 Oh, just occupying myself. Sometimes it's so hard not smoking. 312 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,680 Mind if I interrupt? 313 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:41,800 Be my guest. 314 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,960 Tea? Er... 315 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,920 So, er, the big question. 316 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,200 Mm-hmm? 317 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,680 The best man. 318 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,040 The best man? 319 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,320 What do you think? Billy Kincaid. 320 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,400 Sorry, what? Billy Kincaid, the Camden Garrotter, best man I ever knew. 321 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,560 Vast contributions to charity, never disclosed. 322 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:06,400 Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure 323 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,520 and ran the best and safest children's homes in north England. 324 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:14,080 Yes, every now and again there'd be some garrotings, but stacking up the lives saved against the garrotings, 325 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,320 on balance I'd say he... For my wedding. 326 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:17,920 For me, I need a best man. 327 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,280 Oh, right. Maybe not a garrotter. 328 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,800 Gavin? Who? 329 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,840 Gavin Lestrade? He's a man and good at it. 330 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,840 It's Greg. And he's not my best friend. 331 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,560 Oh, Mike Stanford, I see. 332 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,760 Well, he's nice. Um, though I'm not sure how well he'd cope with all... 333 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,560 No, Mike's great, but HE'S not my best friend. 334 00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:42,360 Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest and most important day of my life... 335 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:44,880 Well... No, it is. It is. 336 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,200 And I want to be up there with the two people 337 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,400 that I love and care about most in the world. Yes. 338 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,520 So Mary Morstan... Yes. 339 00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:00,240 And... 340 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,480 ...you. 341 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,600 I confess at first I didn't realise he was asking me. 342 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:14,600 When finally I understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. 343 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,480 I explained to him that I'd never expected this request and I was a little daunted in the face of it. 344 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,760 Sherlock... 345 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,240 I nonetheless promised I would do my very best to accomplish a task which was, for me, 346 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:34,680 as demanding and difficult as any I had ever contemplated. 347 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,520 Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he placed in me and indicated that I was, 348 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:42,200 in some ways, very close to being moved by it. 349 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,880 No, it's getting a bit scary now. 350 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,320 It later transpired that I'd said none of this out loud. 351 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:51,820 LAUGHTER 352 00:22:58,320 --> 00:22:59,480 So, in fact... 353 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,920 You, you mean... Yes. 354 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,680 I'm your... 355 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,640 best... Man. ..friend? 356 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:14,960 Yeah, of course you are. 357 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:19,720 Of course... You're my best friend. 358 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,360 How was that? 359 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:33,080 Surprisingly OK. 360 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,840 So you'll have to make a speech, of course. 361 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,160 Done that. Done that. 362 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,000 Done that bit, done that bit. 363 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:52,680 Done that bit. Hmm. 364 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,160 I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. 365 00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,400 All emotions, and in particular love, 366 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,760 stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. 367 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,120 A wedding is, in my considered opinion, 368 00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:09,760 nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational 369 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,800 and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. 370 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,120 Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society, 371 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:19,000 and in time, one feels certain, our entire species. 372 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,040 But anyway, let's talk about John. Please. 373 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,960 If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, 374 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,880 this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it is that he has many fine qualities of his own 375 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,600 that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. 376 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:43,120 Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, 377 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:46,320 from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. 378 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,600 It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. 379 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,080 There is a certain analogy there, I feel. And contrast is, after all, 380 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,840 God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. 381 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,280 Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy 382 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,280 designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot. 383 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:02,780 MUTTERING 384 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,360 The point I'm trying to make is that I am 385 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:12,320 the most unpleasant, rude, 386 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,160 ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole 387 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,520 that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. 388 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,000 I am dismissive of the virtuous, 389 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:23,080 unaware of the beautiful 390 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,720 and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. 391 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,400 So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, 392 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,640 it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend. 393 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,320 And certainly not the best friend 394 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,640 of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being 395 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,480 I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. 396 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,880 John, I am a ridiculous man. 397 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:50,240 Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. 398 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,320 But, as I am apparently your best friend, 399 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:55,400 I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. 400 00:25:57,960 --> 00:25:59,480 Actually, now I can. 401 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,760 Mary, when I say you deserve this man, 402 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,400 it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. 403 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:15,080 John, you have endured war and injury and tragic loss - 404 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:19,960 so sorry again about that last one - so know this, today you sit between 405 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:24,200 the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. 406 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:28,320 In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. 407 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,760 And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say, 408 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:34,520 we will never let you down and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that. 409 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,280 (If I try and hug him, stop me.) Certainly not. 410 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:46,520 Ah, yes. Now onto some funny stories about John. 411 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,280 What's wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? John? 412 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,080 Oh, Sherlock! 413 00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,480 Did I do it wrong? No, you didn't. Come here. 414 00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:57,980 APPLAUSE 415 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,680 I haven't finished yet. Yeah, I know, I know. 416 00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,080 So onto some funny stories now... Can you wait till I sit down? 417 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,480 So, onto some funny stories about John. 418 00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:21,680 If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would be better. 419 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:22,840 On we go. 420 00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:28,440 So for funny stories, one has to look no further than John's blog. 421 00:27:28,440 --> 00:27:30,320 The record of our time together. 422 00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:32,680 Of course, he does tend to romanticise things a bit, 423 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,840 but then, you know, he's a romantic. 424 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,160 We've tackled some strange cases. 425 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,240 The Hollow Client... 426 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,080 The Poison Giant... 427 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:53,800 Get down, John! 428 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,600 We've had some frustrating cases... 429 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:09,120 What is that? 430 00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,680 A French decathlete found completely out of his mind, 431 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,720 surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes, 432 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:16,240 all empty except this one. 433 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,960 And what's in that one? 434 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,080 Inexplicable. 435 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,080 Touching cases... 436 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,360 She's going to ring the doorbell. 437 00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:34,840 Oh, no. She's changed her mind. 438 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,680 Oh, she's going to do it. No, she's leaving. 439 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,800 She's leaving. Oh, she's coming back. 440 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:45,040 She's a client, she's boring. I've seen those symptoms before. Hmm? 441 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,640 Oscillation on the pavement always means there's a love affair. 442 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,840 And of course I have to mention the elephant in the room... 443 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:53,881 ELEPHANT TRUMPETS 444 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:58,040 But we want something 445 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:00,880 very particular for this special day, don't we? 446 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:04,560 The Bloody Guardsman... 447 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:11,240 Need to work on your half of the church, Mary, looking a bit thin. 448 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,760 Oh, orphan's lot. Friends, that's all I have, lots of friends. 449 00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,440 Schedule the organ music to begin at precisely 11:48... 450 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,920 But the rehearsal's not for another two weeks, just calm down. 451 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:21,760 Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm. 452 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:24,040 Let's get back to the reception, come on. 453 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,840 John's cousin, top table? 454 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,560 Hmm, hates you. Can't even bear to think about you. 455 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,560 Seriously? Second class post, cheap card. 456 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:34,720 Bought at a petrol station. Look at the stamp, three attempts at licking, 457 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,960 she's obviously unconsciously retaining saliva. 458 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,360 Ah, let's stick her by the bogs. Oh, yes. 459 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,960 Who else hates me? 460 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,160 Oh, great, thanks. 461 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,240 "Priceless painting nicked." Looks interesting. 462 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,600 Table four... Done. 463 00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,120 "My husband is three people." 464 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,720 Table five... Major James Sholto - who he? 465 00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:59,120 John's old commanding officer. I don't think he's coming. He'll be there. 466 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,400 Well, he needs to RSVP, then. He'll be there. Oh. 467 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:04,800 "My husband is three people." It's interesting. 468 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,880 It says he has three distinct patterns of moles on his skin. 469 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,520 Identical triplets, one in half a million births. Solved it without leaving the flat. 470 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:14,040 Now, serviettes... Swan or Sydney Opera House? 471 00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:16,680 Where did you learn that? Many skills are required in the field 472 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,480 of criminal investigation... Fibbing, Sherlock. I once broke an alibi by demonstrating 473 00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,560 the exact severity of a fold... I'm not John, I can tell when you're fibbing. OK, I learnt it on YouTube. 474 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,160 Opera House, please. Oh, hang on, I'm buzzing. 475 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,800 Hello? 476 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,280 Oh, hi, Beth. 477 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:35,280 Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not. 478 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,960 Actually, if that's Beth, it's probably for me too, hang on. 479 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:47,080 He knows we don't have a friend called Beth, he's going to figure out that it's code. 480 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,520 He's YouTubing serviettes. He's thorough. He's terrified. Of course he's not. 481 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:54,160 When you're scared of something you start wishing it sooner, just to get it all going. 482 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:56,640 But why would he be scared that we're getting married? 483 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,240 It's not going to change anything, we'll still do stuff. 484 00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,560 You need to prove it to him. I told you to find him a new case. 485 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,560 I'm trying. But you need to run him, OK? Show him it's still the good old days. 486 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,440 That just sort of happened. 487 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:23,320 Sherlock, um, mate... 488 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,080 I have... 489 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,560 I've smelled 18 different perfumes, 490 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:36,440 I've sampled nine different slices of cake, which all tasted identical. 491 00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:40,440 I like the bridesmaids in purple... Lilac. Lilac. 492 00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,720 Um, there are no more decisions left to make. 493 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,840 I don't even understand the decisions that we have made. 494 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,920 I'm faking opinions, and it's exhausting. 495 00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:53,640 So, please, before she comes back... pick something. 496 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,360 Anything. Pick one. Pick what? 497 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,000 A case. Your inbox is bursting. 498 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:03,720 Just... get me out of here. 499 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:05,920 You want to go out on a case? Now? 500 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:08,840 Please. Sherlock, for me. 501 00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:14,360 Don't you worry about a thing, I'll get you out of this. 502 00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:16,240 Oh. 503 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:19,080 "Dear Mr Holmes, my name is Bainbridge." 504 00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,720 "I'm a Private in Her Majesty's Household Guard." 505 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,080 "I'm writing to you about a personal matter..." 506 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,440 "One I don't care to bring before my superiors," 507 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:27,800 "it would sound so trivial." 508 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,760 "But I think someone's stalking me." 509 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,440 "I'm used to tourists, it's part of the job," 510 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,320 "but this is different." 511 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:36,720 "Someone's watching me." 512 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,880 "He's taking pictures of me every day." 513 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,640 "I don't want to mention it to the Major, but it's really preying on my mind." 514 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,920 Uniform fetishist? All the nice girls like a soldier. 515 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,920 It's "sailor". And Bainbridge thinks his stalker is a bloke. 516 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,360 Let's go and investigate. Please. 517 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:02,560 Elite guard. 40 enlisted men and officers. 518 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,840 Why this particular Grenadier? Curious. 519 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:08,560 Now you're talking. OK. Bye! 520 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:11,800 Er, we're just going to... I need, um, Sherlock to help me 521 00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,320 choose some er... Ties. Socks. 522 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:15,720 Why don't we go with socks? Yeah. 523 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,600 I mean, you've got to get the right ones. 524 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,040 Exactly, to go with my... Tie. Outfit. 525 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,080 That'll take a while, right? Is my coat in there? Yes. 526 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,840 I'm just going to take him out for a bit. Run him. 527 00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:31,200 I know. You said you'd find him a case. Hmm. 528 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,000 Coming, Sherlock? Coming! 529 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,120 Taxi! 530 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,520 Company halt! 531 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,720 Right turn! 532 00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,520 We're here to see Private Stephen Bainbridge. 533 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,000 He's on duty right now, sir. 534 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,040 But I'll certainly let him know when he's free. 535 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,360 And when will that be? 536 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,280 Another hour. 537 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,000 Do you think they give them classes? 538 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,440 Classes? 539 00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,720 How to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds. 540 00:34:36,720 --> 00:34:40,840 Afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system. 541 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:42,280 Bum-itch. 542 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,240 Oh. 543 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,280 So why don't you see him any more? 544 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:53,320 Who? Your previous commander, Sholto. 545 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,280 Previous commander? 546 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:56,680 I meant ex. 547 00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,080 "Previous" suggests that I currently have a commander. 548 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,480 Which you don't. Which I don't. Of course you don't. 549 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,600 He was decorated, wasn't he? A war hero? 550 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,000 Not to everyone. 551 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:08,920 He led a team of crows into battle. 552 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,120 Crows? 553 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,240 New recruits. It's standard procedure - break the new boys in. 554 00:35:13,240 --> 00:35:14,400 But it went wrong. 555 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:18,480 They all died, he was the only survivor. 556 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,840 The press and families gave him hell, he gets more death threats than you. Oh, I wouldn't count on that. 557 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,680 And why have you suddenly taken an interest in another human being? 558 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,240 I'm "chatting". 559 00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,440 I won't be trying THAT again. 560 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,560 Changing the subject completely... 561 00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:43,160 you know it won't alter anything, right, me and Mary getting married? 562 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,080 We'll still be doing all this. 563 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,280 Oh, good. If you were worried. 564 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:48,600 I wasn't worried. 565 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:51,600 Hmm. 566 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,640 The thing about Mary, 567 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,000 she has completely turned my life around. 568 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:01,440 Changed everything. 569 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,280 But, for the record, 570 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,520 over the last few years there are two people who have done that, 571 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:11,440 and the other one is... 572 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,080 a complete dickhead. 573 00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,160 Can I ask what this is in connection with? 574 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:51,360 Private Bainbridge contacted us about a personal matter, sir. 575 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:54,240 Nothing's personal when it concerns my troops. 576 00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:56,280 What do you really want? 577 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,120 I'm here on a legitimate enquiry. 578 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:03,000 Are you press? Digging for some bloody Royal story or something? 579 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:04,960 No, sir, I'm Captain John Watson, 580 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,280 Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. 581 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:08,840 Retired. 582 00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:11,920 You could be a used-car salesman now, for all I know. 583 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:16,160 Bainbridge? 584 00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:17,920 Gentleman here to see you. 585 00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:20,960 Bainbridge! 586 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,200 I know you, don't I? 587 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:32,440 Hmm? 588 00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,560 I've seen you in the papers. 589 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,240 You hang around with that detective, 590 00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:41,920 the one with the silly hat. 591 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,120 What the hell does Bainbridge want with a detective? 592 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,920 I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say. 593 00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:51,120 You're not at liberty to say? He's a soldier in my regiment. 594 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,800 I'll be damned if he's going to get up to cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. Sir! 595 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,440 Sir! What's going on? It's Bainbridge, sir. 596 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:58,480 He's dead. 597 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,280 My God! 598 00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,240 Ah! No, let me take a look, sir, I'm a doctor. 599 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:15,440 What? 600 00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:16,680 Sergeant, arrest this man! 601 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:18,120 What? No, no! I'm a doctor! 602 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,160 Oh, you're a doctor now too? Sergeant. 603 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:21,400 Let me examine him, please! 604 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,360 Sir, caught this one snooping around. 605 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:24,840 Is that what this is all about? 606 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,040 Distracting me, so that this man could get in here 607 00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,480 and kill Bainbridge? Don't be... 608 00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:30,600 Kill him with what? Where's the weapon? What? 609 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:32,960 Where's the weapon? Go on, search me - no weapon. 610 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,680 Bainbridge was on parade, he came off duty five minutes ago. 611 00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:37,520 When's this supposed to have happened? 612 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,800 You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower. No. No?! 613 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:45,000 He's soaking wet and there's shampoo in his hair. He got into the shower, then someone stabbed him. 614 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,760 The cubicle was locked from the inside, sir. I had to break it open. 615 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:51,360 You must have climbed over the top. But then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I? 616 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:54,320 Major, please! I'm John Watson, Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers, 617 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,960 three years in Afghanistan, a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand 618 00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:58,560 and Bart's bloody Hospital! 619 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,400 Let me examine this body! 620 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:08,960 Thank you. 621 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,800 Suicide? 622 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,560 No. The weapon again, no knife. 623 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:19,480 Now, there is a wound to the abdomen. 624 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,120 Incredibly fine. 625 00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,600 Man stabbed to death, no murder weapon. 626 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,320 Door locked from the inside. 627 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,160 Only one way in or out of here. Sherlock... 628 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,120 Hmm? He's still breathing. 629 00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:32,920 Oh, my God! 630 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,040 What do we do? Give me your scarf. What? 631 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,360 Quickly, now! Call an ambulance! 632 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,360 What? Call an ambulance, now! 633 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:40,760 Do it! 634 00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,280 Nurse, press here, hard. 635 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:44,680 Nurse? Yeah, I'm making do. 636 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:46,480 Keep pressure on that wound. 637 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,680 Stephen? Stephen, stay with me. 638 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,840 Private Bainbridge had just come off guard duty. 639 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,240 He'd stood there for hours, plenty of people watching, 640 00:40:55,240 --> 00:40:56,480 nothing apparently wrong. 641 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,880 He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead 642 00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,040 from a wound in his stomach, 643 00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,400 but there was no weapon. 644 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,160 Where did it go? 645 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:06,520 Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this - 646 00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,840 a murderer who can walk through walls, 647 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,080 a weapon that can vanish. But in all of this, 648 00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,360 there is only one element which can be said to be truly remarkable. 649 00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,200 Would anyone like to make a guess? 650 00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,040 Come on, come on, 651 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,880 there is actually an element of Q&A to all of this. 652 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,560 Scotland Yard, have you got a theory? 653 00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:35,720 Yeah, you, you're a detective, broadly speaking. Got a theory? 654 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:37,480 Er, um, if the, er... 655 00:41:37,480 --> 00:41:38,560 If the... If the... 656 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,160 If the blade was propelled through the, erm... 657 00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,600 ...grating in the air vent, 658 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:49,080 maybe a ballista or a catapult, um... 659 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,720 Somebody tiny could crawl in there. 660 00:41:51,720 --> 00:41:54,360 So, yeah, we're looking for a dwarf. 661 00:41:54,360 --> 00:41:55,680 Brilliant. 662 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:56,960 Really? No. 663 00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:58,120 Next? 664 00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,560 (He stabbed himself.) 665 00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:00,960 Hello, who was that? 666 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:02,600 Tom? 667 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:06,560 Got a theory? 668 00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:14,200 Attempted suicide, with a blade made of compacted blood and bone. 669 00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,520 Broke after piercing his abdomen, 670 00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,960 like a meat... 671 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,360 dagger. 672 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,000 A meat dagger? 673 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:23,960 Yes. (Sit down.) 674 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,200 No. 675 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,640 There was one feature, and only one feature, of interest 676 00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,560 in the whole of this baffling case, 677 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:36,120 and quite frankly it was the usual - John Watson. 678 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:39,640 Who, while I was trying to solve a murder, instead saved a life. 679 00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:43,360 There are mysteries worth solving 680 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,000 and stories worth telling. 681 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:48,320 The best and bravest man I know 682 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,600 and, on top of that, he actually knows how to do stuff. 683 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,400 Except wedding planning and serviettes, he's rubbish at those. 684 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:54,880 Hmm. The case itself remains 685 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,360 the most ingenious and brilliantly planned murder, or attempted murder, 686 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:00,760 I've ever had the pleasure to encounter. 687 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:04,760 The most perfect locked-room mystery of which I am aware. 688 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,680 However, I'm not just here to praise John, 689 00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:08,800 I'm also here to embarrass him, so let's move on to... 690 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:10,120 No, wait... How was it done? 691 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:11,920 How was what done? The stabbing? 692 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:15,800 I'm afraid I don't know. 693 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,000 I didn't solve that one. 694 00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:21,800 It can happen sometimes, it's very, very disappointing. 695 00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,320 Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night. 696 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,400 Of course there's hours of material here, 697 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:28,840 but I've cut it down to the really good bits. 698 00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:32,320 Murder scenes? 699 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,080 Locations of murders? 700 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:36,520 Hmm, pub crawl, themed. 701 00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:39,040 Yeah, but why can't you just do Underground stations? 702 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:42,000 It lacks the personal touch. We're going to go for a drink in every... 703 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,400 In every street where you've found a corpse. Delightful! 704 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:45,680 Where do I come in? 705 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,400 Don't want to get ill. That would ruin it, spoil the mood. 706 00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:50,880 You're a graduate chemist, can't you just work it out? 707 00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:52,760 I lack the practical experience. 708 00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,000 Meaning you think I like a drink? 709 00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,240 Occasionally. That I'm a drunk. No... No. 710 00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,840 You look... well. 711 00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:06,520 I am. 712 00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:08,000 How's... 713 00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,400 Tom? 714 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,520 Not a sociopath. 715 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:14,600 Still? Good. 716 00:44:14,600 --> 00:44:16,760 And we're having quite a lot of sex. 717 00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,960 OK. I want you to calculate John's ideal intake, and mine, 718 00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,120 to remain in the sweet spot for the whole evening. 719 00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:26,280 Light-headed - good. 720 00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,760 Urinating in wardrobes - bad. 721 00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,040 Hmm. 722 00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,560 Two, erm... beers, please. 723 00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:33,640 Pints? 724 00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:36,440 443.7 millilitres. 725 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:40,440 Ah. 726 00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:43,660 JOHN SIGHS 727 00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,640 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT What, are we on a schedule? 728 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,320 You'll thank me. 729 00:45:05,600 --> 00:45:07,200 Cheers. Cheers. 730 00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:14,640 Over there. What? 731 00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,920 Toilets - any second now you're going to need... 732 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,480 Hang on, tell me after. I need the loo. Hmm, on schedule. 733 00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,960 Eh? Nothing. Go! 734 00:45:27,240 --> 00:45:28,920 How long? Sorry? 735 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,400 Your visit. 736 00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:33,760 Estimate approximate volume discharge... 737 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,160 Stop talking now. 738 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:43,000 Oh, quick, one more. He mustn't see. 739 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,200 Here you go. Cheers. 740 00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:02,480 I know ash! Don't tell me I don't! 741 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:09,240 All right, enough! That's... Stand up. 742 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,440 Ash. I know ash. 743 00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,880 I have an international reputation. 744 00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,560 Do you have an international reputation? 745 00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,760 No, I don't have an international reputation. No. 746 00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:35,480 And I can't even remember what for. 747 00:46:38,720 --> 00:46:43,480 It's crime... something or other. 748 00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,880 Oh, what are you doing back? 749 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:49,680 I thought you were going to be up late. 750 00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:51,760 Ah, Hudders. What time is it? 751 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,760 You've only been out two hours. 752 00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:07,760 Am I a vegetable? 753 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:10,400 You or the... thing...? Pffrrrt! 754 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:13,040 Funny! 755 00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:14,280 Thank you. 756 00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,480 Come on. No, you're not a vegetable. It's your go. 757 00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:20,560 Erm... 758 00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,640 am I human? 759 00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:23,880 Sometimes. 760 00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,240 Can't have sometimes. 761 00:47:25,240 --> 00:47:26,440 It has to be, um... 762 00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,040 Yes, you're human. Yes, I know, OK. And am I a man? 763 00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,520 Yep. Tall? 764 00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,760 Not as tall as people think. 765 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,440 Hmm. Nice? 766 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:37,920 Ish. 767 00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:39,000 Clever? 768 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:40,040 I would say so. 769 00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:41,320 You would. 770 00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:43,160 Hmm, am I important? 771 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:44,720 To some people. 772 00:47:44,720 --> 00:47:47,400 Do people like me? 773 00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,200 Erm, no they don't. 774 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:52,240 You tend to rub them up the wrong way. 775 00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:53,840 OK. 776 00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:55,920 Am I the current King of England? 777 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:56,420 JOHN LAUGHS 778 00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,960 You know we don't have a King. 779 00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:02,120 Don't we? No. 780 00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,080 Your go. 781 00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:13,360 I don't mind. Am I a woman? 782 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:14,000 SHERLOCK GUFFAWS 783 00:48:15,400 --> 00:48:17,440 What? 784 00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:19,680 Yes. 785 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,400 Am I... pretty? 786 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,000 This? 787 00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,880 Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, 788 00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:31,640 influences and role models. 789 00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,120 Yeah, but am I a pretty lady? 790 00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:40,200 I don't know who you are, I don't know who you're supposed to be. 791 00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:41,400 You picked the name! 792 00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:43,440 But I picked it at random from the papers. 793 00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,840 You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you, Sherlock? 794 00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:51,280 So I am human, I'm not as tall as people think I am. I'm... 795 00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:53,400 I'm nice-ish, clever, 796 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:55,000 important to some people. 797 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,840 But I tend to rub them up the wrong way. 798 00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:00,840 Got it. 799 00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:02,560 Go on, then. I'm you, aren't I? 800 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,361 KNOCK AT DOOR Client! 801 00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:06,840 Hello. 802 00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,040 Hello. Come on. 803 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,040 Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes? 804 00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,200 I don't... a lot. 805 00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:21,200 I mean, I don't date all that much. 806 00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:26,160 And he seemed nice, you know? 807 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:29,040 We seemed to automatically connect. 808 00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,480 We had one night, 809 00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,200 dinner, such interesting conversation. 810 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,440 It was lovely. 811 00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:37,960 To be honest, 812 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:40,720 I'd love to have gone further, 813 00:49:40,720 --> 00:49:44,920 but I thought, no, this is special, 814 00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,680 let's take it slowly. 815 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,240 Exchanged numbers, 816 00:49:48,240 --> 00:49:50,760 he said he'd get in touch and then... 817 00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:59,680 Maybe he wasn't quite as keen as I was, 818 00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:03,200 but I just thought 819 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:06,480 at least he'd call to say that we were finished. 820 00:50:13,440 --> 00:50:15,560 I went round there, 821 00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,880 to his flat, no trace of him. 822 00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:23,320 Mr Holmes, I honestly think 823 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:27,440 I had dinner with a ghost. 824 00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:33,120 Mr Holmes? 825 00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,240 With a ghost, Mr Holmes! 826 00:50:40,240 --> 00:50:43,160 Boring, boring, boring. No... 827 00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,720 fascinating. 828 00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:47,640 John. John! Wake up. 829 00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,240 I apologise about my... You know... Him. 830 00:50:51,240 --> 00:50:52,600 Rude. Rude! 831 00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,400 I checked with the landlord 832 00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:59,600 and the man who lived there died. 833 00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,480 Heart attack. 834 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:05,440 And there we are having dinner one week on. 835 00:51:05,440 --> 00:51:08,880 And I found this thing online, 836 00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,360 a sort of chatroom thing, 837 00:51:11,360 --> 00:51:15,600 for girls who think they're dating men from the spirit world. 838 00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,040 Don't worry, I'll find him in ten minutes. 839 00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:20,320 What's your dog's name? 840 00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,960 Yeah, I'm there if you want it... John, wake up. 841 00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,480 Went to... Yeah. 842 00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:27,160 The game is... something. 843 00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:29,240 On? 844 00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:30,880 Yeah, that, that. 845 00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:32,040 OK. 846 00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,520 Oh, it's nice. 847 00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:45,240 Nice place. 848 00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,440 See anything? Hmm? 849 00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,160 Any clues, Mr Holmes? 850 00:51:54,160 --> 00:51:56,200 Oh, errrm... 851 00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:19,160 I'm just going to whip this out. 852 00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,880 You all right? Hmm? Yeah, he's clueing. What? 853 00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:40,800 He's... Hmm? He's clueing for looks. 854 00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:53,880 Mr Holmes? 855 00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:54,380 HE SNORES 856 00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,520 Mr Holmes! I'm calling the police. Oh, no... 857 00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:03,240 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 858 00:53:03,240 --> 00:53:05,480 No, look, this is a famous detective, 859 00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,280 it's Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 860 00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:09,680 What do you think you're doing? 861 00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,040 Don't compromise 862 00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,400 the integrity of the... 863 00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:14,900 HE VOMITS 864 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:20,880 Crime scene. 865 00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:28,720 Yeah, that. 866 00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,000 CELL DOOR SLAMS OPEN Wakey-wakey! 867 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:51,720 Oh, my God. 868 00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:53,600 Greg... Is that Greg? 869 00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,000 Get up. I'm going to put you two in a taxi. 870 00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:58,680 I managed to square things with the desk sergeant. 871 00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,200 Ha! What a couple of lightweights - 872 00:54:01,200 --> 00:54:03,240 you couldn't even make it to closing time! 873 00:54:03,240 --> 00:54:04,760 Can you whisper? HE SHOUTS: Not really! 874 00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:10,480 Come on. 875 00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:25,560 Well, thanks for a... 876 00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:27,920 You know... an evening. 877 00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:28,920 It was awful. 878 00:54:28,920 --> 00:54:32,000 Yeah. I was going to pretend, but... 879 00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:33,640 it was, truly. 880 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,040 That woman, Tessa... 881 00:54:35,040 --> 00:54:36,280 What? 882 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:38,760 Dated a ghost, most interesting case for months. 883 00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:40,320 What a wasted opportunity! 884 00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,360 OK. 885 00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:50,760 How are you feeling? 886 00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,120 Hmm. 887 00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:55,600 It's just like old times, having you back here. 888 00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:59,880 I thought I'd make your favourite, one last time. 889 00:54:59,880 --> 00:55:02,800 Oh. Don't sound so final about it, 890 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:05,720 I will be visiting, you know. Ooh, I've heard that one before! 891 00:55:05,720 --> 00:55:07,760 No, it's different now, though, isn't it? 892 00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:09,880 It's different to when we thought we'd lost him. 893 00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,080 Well, marriage changes everything, John. 894 00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:16,080 Does it? Yeah. You might not think it, but it does. 895 00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:18,160 It's a different phase in your life. 896 00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:19,440 You meet knew people, 897 00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,080 cos you're a couple, 898 00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:25,040 and then you just let your old friends slip away. 899 00:55:25,040 --> 00:55:28,240 It won't be like that. Well, if you've found the right one, 900 00:55:28,240 --> 00:55:31,320 the person that you click with, it's the best thing in the world. 901 00:55:31,320 --> 00:55:34,360 Well, I have. I know I have. Oh, I'm sure. 902 00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:35,560 She's lovely. 903 00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:37,880 Yeah, I think so. What about you? 904 00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:39,160 Me? 905 00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:42,440 Did you think you'd found the right one when you married Mr Hudson? 906 00:55:42,440 --> 00:55:45,520 No. It was just a whirlwind thing for us. 907 00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:48,800 I knew it wouldn't work, but I just got sort of swept along. Right. 908 00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,000 And then we moved to Florida. 909 00:55:51,000 --> 00:55:52,440 We had a fantastic time, 910 00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,680 but of course I didn't know what he was up to. (The drugs.) 911 00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,040 Drugs?! He was running, erm... 912 00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,000 Oh, what do you call it? 913 00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,200 Erm... A... 914 00:56:02,200 --> 00:56:04,040 cartel. 915 00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,040 And got in with a really bad crowd. 916 00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:09,320 Right. And then I found out about all the other women. 917 00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,120 I didn't have a clue. 918 00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:15,520 So, when he was actually arrested for blowing someone's head off, 919 00:56:15,520 --> 00:56:19,000 it was quite a relief, to be honest. 920 00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:21,600 Oh. 921 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,720 It was purely physical between me and Frank. 922 00:56:24,720 --> 00:56:27,080 We couldn't keep our hands off each other. 923 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,640 I know, there was one night... 924 00:56:29,640 --> 00:56:31,080 FAINT FOOTSTEPS Oh, is that Sherlock? 925 00:56:31,720 --> 00:56:32,920 Is it? 926 00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:34,160 FAINT FOOTSTEPS That's Sherlock. 927 00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:40,840 Urgh... 928 00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,440 There are going to be others. 929 00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,480 Others? Victims, women. 930 00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:01,600 Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house. 931 00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,160 This ghost, however, is willing to commute. Look. 932 00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:27,160 Hmm... 933 00:57:27,160 --> 00:57:29,080 Not you. Not you. 934 00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,280 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 935 00:57:31,280 --> 00:57:33,400 Not you. Not you. 936 00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,240 Not you. 937 00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:36,800 Not you. Not you. 938 00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:38,280 Hmm... 939 00:57:38,280 --> 00:57:39,920 Not you. 940 00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,320 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 941 00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:45,720 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 942 00:57:45,720 --> 00:57:46,880 Not you, you, you, or you, or you. 943 00:57:46,880 --> 00:57:51,160 Or not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you. 944 00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:53,920 Not you. 945 00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:02,360 Hi. 946 00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:03,880 Gail. 947 00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:10,720 Charlotte. 948 00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:14,440 Robyn. 949 00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:18,480 Vicky. 950 00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:28,240 How did you meet? 951 00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:30,480 Came up to me in a pub. Same gym as me. 952 00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,520 We just got chatting on the bus. 953 00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:33,600 Online. 954 00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:35,600 Name? Told you. 955 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,400 His name. Oscar. 956 00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:39,280 Mike. Terry. 957 00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:41,840 Erm... Love Monkey. 958 00:58:41,840 --> 00:58:43,600 Your place? 959 00:58:43,600 --> 00:58:44,880 ALL: His place. 960 00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:47,320 Address? 961 00:58:47,320 --> 00:58:48,641 THEY ALL GIVE DIFFERENT ADDRESSES 962 00:58:51,520 --> 00:58:52,720 Nothing happened. 963 00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:55,800 It was just... very romantic. 964 00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,520 Four women in four nights. He must have something special. 965 00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:00,200 He was very charming. He listened. 966 00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:01,360 He was sweet. 967 00:59:01,360 --> 00:59:02,680 He had a lovely... 968 00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,720 You OK? 969 00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:08,240 You've let your food go cold. Mrs Hudson will play hell. 970 00:59:08,240 --> 00:59:09,520 Not now, John. 971 00:59:13,000 --> 00:59:15,000 Sorry about that. 972 00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:16,600 He had a lovely manner. 973 00:59:16,600 --> 00:59:19,640 Different names, different addresses. 974 00:59:19,640 --> 00:59:21,000 Describe him. 975 00:59:21,000 --> 00:59:22,080 Short blonde hair. 976 00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:23,480 Dark hair. Long. 977 00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:25,120 Ginger. I like gingers. 978 00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:26,320 Couldn't tell. 979 00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,200 He had a mask on. 980 00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,280 He's stealing the identity of corpses, 981 00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:35,560 getting their names from the obituary columns. 982 00:59:35,560 --> 00:59:36,880 All single men. 983 00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:38,320 He's using the dead man's flat 984 00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,960 under the assumption it will be empty for a while. 985 00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:42,320 Free love nest. 986 00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:43,320 I feel sick. 987 00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:44,320 It's gruesome. 988 00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:46,240 That's awful. Clever... 989 00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:47,080 Bastard! 990 00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,600 Hello, Tessa. 991 00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:55,080 Meanwhile, back to business. 992 00:59:55,080 --> 00:59:56,840 No-one wants to use a dead man's home. 993 00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:00,280 At least not until it's been cleared. 994 01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,440 So, he disguises himself. 995 01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:06,360 Steals the man's home, steals his identity. 996 01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:09,000 But only for one night. Then he's gone. 997 01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:11,160 He's not a ghost, John. He's a Mayfly. 998 01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,520 He lives for a day. 999 01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:17,640 So, what was it he was looking for? 1000 01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:18,680 Job? 1001 01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:20,160 Gardener. Cook. 1002 01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,760 Private nurse. I do security work. 1003 01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:22,960 Maid. 1004 01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,120 Obvious. You all work for the same person. 1005 01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:43,040 No, no, not the same employer. Damn! 1006 01:00:43,040 --> 01:00:44,440 Come on, we can do this. 1007 01:00:44,440 --> 01:00:45,560 Ideal night out? 1008 01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:46,880 Clay-pigeon shooting. 1009 01:00:46,880 --> 01:00:48,000 Line dancing. 1010 01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,080 Pictures. 1011 01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:50,880 Wine in front of the telly. 1012 01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:52,600 Dungeon. 1013 01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:55,520 Make-up? Clarins. 1014 01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:56,920 No7. 1015 01:00:56,920 --> 01:00:58,960 Maybelline. Nothing special. 1016 01:00:58,960 --> 01:00:59,920 Whatever's cheap. 1017 01:00:59,920 --> 01:01:01,600 Perfume? 1018 01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:03,680 Chanel. Chanel. Chanel. 1019 01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:06,120 Chanel. Estee Lauder. 1020 01:01:07,320 --> 01:01:08,760 Ideal man? 1021 01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,040 George Clooney. 1022 01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:11,560 Oh...! Home-loving. 1023 01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:13,520 He'd have to like cuddling. 1024 01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:16,080 Caring. Ten things. 1025 01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:18,280 One - someone who isn't competitive with other men. 1026 01:01:18,280 --> 01:01:20,400 Two - someone who isn't constantly 1027 01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:23,880 trying to define himself by his masculinity... 1028 01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:26,280 There's a unifying factor, 1029 01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:27,720 there has to be. 1030 01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:29,600 None of you reported anything stolen. 1031 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:35,680 Security guard, gardener, cook, maid, private nurse. 1032 01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,560 He's romancing his way up a pecking order. 1033 01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:40,520 Somebody's pecking order. Come on, think. Unless... 1034 01:01:41,640 --> 01:01:43,640 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? 1035 01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:45,160 ALL: No. 1036 01:01:45,160 --> 01:01:47,040 Gotcha! What do you mean? 1037 01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,520 Everyone has secrets and they all replied too quickly. 1038 01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:52,320 Got to go. See you. No... Wait! Bye-bye. Wait! 1039 01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,040 Sorry, sexy, some secrets have to stay secret. 1040 01:01:55,040 --> 01:01:56,840 Enjoy the wedding. 1041 01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:02,680 Why? WHY would he date all of those women and not return their calls? 1042 01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:05,200 You're missing the obvious, mate. Am I? 1043 01:02:05,200 --> 01:02:06,640 He's a man. 1044 01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,720 But why would he change his identity? 1045 01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:10,120 Maybe he's married. 1046 01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:13,360 Oh... 1047 01:02:13,360 --> 01:02:15,040 Married. 1048 01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:16,160 Obvious, really. 1049 01:02:16,160 --> 01:02:17,880 Our Mayfly Man was trying to escape 1050 01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:19,600 the suffocating chains of domesticity 1051 01:02:19,600 --> 01:02:21,840 and instead of endless nights in watching the telly 1052 01:02:21,840 --> 01:02:25,520 or going to barbecues with the awful, dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand, 1053 01:02:25,520 --> 01:02:28,920 he used his wits, cleverness and powers of disguise to play the field. He was... 1054 01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,280 On second thoughts, 1055 01:02:33,280 --> 01:02:36,280 I probably should have told you about the elephant in the room. 1056 01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:38,920 However, it does help to further illustrate 1057 01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:40,800 how invaluable John is to me. 1058 01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:44,480 I can read a crime scene the way he can understand a human being. 1059 01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,440 I used to think that's what made me special - quite frankly I still do. 1060 01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:48,640 But a word to the wise, 1061 01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:51,480 should any of you require the services of either of us, 1062 01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:53,320 I will solve your murder, 1063 01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:56,200 but it takes John Watson to save your life. 1064 01:02:56,200 --> 01:02:57,800 Trust me on that, I should know, 1065 01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:00,040 he's saved mine so many times and in so many ways. 1066 01:03:02,480 --> 01:03:06,120 This blog is the story of two men 1067 01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:09,600 and their, frankly, ridiculous adventures 1068 01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:12,480 of murder, mystery and mayhem. 1069 01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,280 But from now on, there's a new story. 1070 01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:20,680 A bigger adventure. 1071 01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:23,600 Ladies and gentlemen, 1072 01:03:23,600 --> 01:03:28,200 pray, charge your glasses and be upstanding. 1073 01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,240 Today begin the adventures 1074 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:32,120 of Mary Elizabeth Watson 1075 01:03:32,120 --> 01:03:33,960 and John Hamish Watson. 1076 01:03:33,960 --> 01:03:38,080 The two reasons why every single one of us is... 1077 01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:56,960 What did you say? 1078 01:03:56,960 --> 01:04:00,400 You said... 1079 01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:03,640 "John Hamish Watson." 1080 01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:06,080 You said that. You said "Hamish." 1081 01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,600 This is a famous detective, it's Sherlock Holmes 1082 01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:11,400 and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 1083 01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:13,320 How did you know? 1084 01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:15,520 How did YOU know his middle name? 1085 01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:17,640 He never tells anyone, he hates it. 1086 01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:23,520 John "H" Watson? 1087 01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:24,960 Yep. 1088 01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:34,280 Henry? Shut up. 1089 01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:35,520 Humphrey? 1090 01:04:35,520 --> 01:04:37,240 Shut up. 1091 01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:38,041 SHOWER RUNS Higgins? 1092 01:04:40,080 --> 01:04:42,160 'Go away!' 1093 01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:44,840 It took him years to confide in me. 1094 01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,200 Oh... 1095 01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,960 That's my birth certificate. 1096 01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:50,200 Yep. 1097 01:04:54,600 --> 01:04:56,840 And the woman - she knew. 1098 01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:00,760 Hamish. 1099 01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:01,561 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 1100 01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:03,800 John Hamish Watson, 1101 01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:06,840 just if you were looking for baby names. 1102 01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:08,680 God knows where she is. 1103 01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:15,400 Out of my head, I am busy! 1104 01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:19,280 There's only one time that name's been made public. 1105 01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:21,200 Does it have to be on the invitation? 1106 01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:23,200 It's your name. 1107 01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:24,960 It's traditional... It's funny... 1108 01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:29,520 'Enjoy the wedding...' 1109 01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:35,640 Enjoy the wedding. 1110 01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:37,760 The wedding. You knew about the wedding. 1111 01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:40,280 More importantly, you'd seen a wedding invitation. 1112 01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,520 Now barely 100 people had seen that invitation. 1113 01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:44,640 The Mayfly Man only saw five women. 1114 01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:46,800 For one person to be in both groups... 1115 01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:48,400 could be a coincidence. 1116 01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:50,520 Oh, Sherlock! 1117 01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:52,720 What do we say about coincidences? 1118 01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:54,160 The universe is rarely so lazy. 1119 01:05:54,160 --> 01:05:57,200 So, the balance of probability is? Someone went to great lengths 1120 01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:01,560 to find out something about this wedding. What great lengths? They lied. Assumed false identities. 1121 01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:03,520 Which suggests? Criminal intent. 1122 01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:04,760 Also suggests? 1123 01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:06,160 Intelligence, planning. 1124 01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:08,600 Clearly. But more importantly? 1125 01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:11,480 The Mayfly Man. 1126 01:06:12,640 --> 01:06:13,880 The Mayfly Man is... 1127 01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:16,080 Here today! 1128 01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:18,880 Ooh, sorry. I... 1129 01:06:20,360 --> 01:06:21,520 Another glass, sir? 1130 01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:23,320 Thank you, yes, thank you. Yes. 1131 01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:25,600 Something's going to happen, right here. 1132 01:06:28,920 --> 01:06:30,040 Now, where were we? 1133 01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:30,960 Could be any second. 1134 01:06:34,800 --> 01:06:36,160 You have control of the room. 1135 01:06:36,160 --> 01:06:37,720 Ah, yes. 1136 01:06:37,720 --> 01:06:40,840 Raising glasses and standing up. Very good. Thank you. 1137 01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:42,280 Don't lose it. 1138 01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,560 And down again. 1139 01:06:52,520 --> 01:06:53,680 Ladies and gentlemen, 1140 01:06:53,680 --> 01:06:56,000 people tell you not to milk a good speech. 1141 01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:58,400 Get off early, leave 'em laughing. 1142 01:06:59,920 --> 01:07:02,640 Wise advice I'll certainly try to bear in mind. 1143 01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:03,880 But for now... 1144 01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:05,520 part two! 1145 01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:08,040 Part two is more action-based. 1146 01:07:08,040 --> 01:07:11,760 I'm going to walk around, shake things up a bit. 1147 01:07:11,760 --> 01:07:14,560 Who'd go to a wedding? That's the question. 1148 01:07:14,560 --> 01:07:17,200 Who would bother to go to any lengths 1149 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:19,240 to get themselves to a wedding? 1150 01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:22,120 Well, everyone. 1151 01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:24,680 Weddings are great, love a wedding. What's he doing? 1152 01:07:24,680 --> 01:07:26,440 Something's wrong. 1153 01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,960 And John's great too. 1154 01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:30,600 Haven't said that enough, barely scratched the surface. 1155 01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:31,960 I could go on all night 1156 01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:36,280 about the depth and complexity of his jumpers, 1157 01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:38,600 and he can cook. 1158 01:07:38,600 --> 01:07:42,160 Does... erm... a thing. A thing with peas... 1159 01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:45,640 Once. Might not be peas, might not be him. 1160 01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:48,640 But he's got a great singing voice, or somebody does. 1161 01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:50,920 Too many, too many, too many, too many! 1162 01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:55,040 Sorry, too many jokes about John. 1163 01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:58,040 Now... Criminal intent. 1164 01:07:58,040 --> 01:07:59,720 Where was I? Ah, yes. 1165 01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:01,560 Extraordinary lengths. 1166 01:08:01,560 --> 01:08:03,280 Speech. Speech. 1167 01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,000 Let's talk about... 1168 01:08:05,000 --> 01:08:07,480 All of which is suggestive of... 1169 01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:11,560 Murder! Sorry, did I say murder? 1170 01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:12,840 I meant to say marriage. 1171 01:08:12,840 --> 01:08:15,440 But, you know, they're quite similar procedures, 1172 01:08:15,440 --> 01:08:16,680 when you think about it. 1173 01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:18,520 The participants tend to know each other 1174 01:08:18,520 --> 01:08:20,280 and it's over when one of them's dead. 1175 01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:23,760 In fairness, murder is a lot quicker though. Janine, what about this one? 1176 01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:27,760 Acceptably hot? More importantly, his girlfriend's wearing new uncomfortable underwear 1177 01:08:27,760 --> 01:08:31,920 and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off his jacket, or point out the grease smudge on his neck. 1178 01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:34,560 He's going home alone. Also he's a comics and sci-fi geek, 1179 01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:37,520 they're always tremendously grateful, really put the hours in. 1180 01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:39,160 Jeff, the gents. 1181 01:08:39,160 --> 01:08:40,440 Loos now, please. 1182 01:08:40,440 --> 01:08:43,400 Greg. The loos, please. Why? 1183 01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:45,640 Oh, I don't know, maybe it's your TURN. 1184 01:08:46,720 --> 01:08:48,640 Yeah, actually, now you mention it. 1185 01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,440 Sherlock, any chance of a... An end date for this speech? 1186 01:08:51,440 --> 01:08:52,520 Got to cut the cake. 1187 01:08:52,520 --> 01:08:54,560 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, 1188 01:08:54,560 --> 01:08:57,320 can't stand it when I finally get the chance to speak for once. 1189 01:08:57,320 --> 01:08:58,640 Vatican cameos. 1190 01:08:58,640 --> 01:09:00,560 What did he say? What does that mean? 1191 01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:02,520 Battle stations, someone's going to die. 1192 01:09:02,520 --> 01:09:03,800 What?! 1193 01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:07,560 Narrow it down. Narrow it down. 1194 01:09:08,840 --> 01:09:10,640 Narrow it down! 1195 01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:12,400 Argh! No, no! 1196 01:09:12,400 --> 01:09:14,840 Not you! 1197 01:09:16,240 --> 01:09:19,440 You. It's always you. 1198 01:09:19,440 --> 01:09:22,200 John Watson, you keep me right. 1199 01:09:23,840 --> 01:09:25,120 What do I do? 1200 01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:26,760 You've already done it. 1201 01:09:26,760 --> 01:09:28,880 Don't solve the murder. 1202 01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:30,080 Save the life. 1203 01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,560 Sorry, off piste a bit. 1204 01:09:32,560 --> 01:09:33,880 Back now. Phew! 1205 01:09:33,880 --> 01:09:36,800 Let's play a game. Let's play murder. 1206 01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:39,320 Sherlock! 1207 01:09:39,320 --> 01:09:42,200 Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. 1208 01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:43,560 Who exactly would you pick? 1209 01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:46,560 I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear. 1210 01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:49,560 If someone could move Mrs Hudson's glass just slightly out of reach, 1211 01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:50,560 that would be lovely. 1212 01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:54,840 More importantly, who could you only kill at a wedding? 1213 01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:57,920 Most people you can kill any old place. 1214 01:09:57,920 --> 01:09:59,000 As a mental exercise, 1215 01:09:59,000 --> 01:10:01,400 I've often planned the murder of friends and colleagues. 1216 01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:02,520 Now, John, I'd poison. 1217 01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:05,600 Sloppy eater, dead easy. I've given him chemicals and compounds, 1218 01:10:05,600 --> 01:10:07,080 that way he's never even noticed. 1219 01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:09,320 He missed a whole Wednesday once, didn't have a clue. 1220 01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:12,880 Lestrade's so easy to kill it's a miracle no-one's succumbed to the temptation. 1221 01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:16,760 I've got keys to my brother's house, I could break in and asphyxiate him, if the whim arose. 1222 01:10:16,760 --> 01:10:18,560 He's pissed, isn't he? Ow! 1223 01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:20,120 So, once again, 1224 01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:22,680 who could you only kill here? 1225 01:10:22,680 --> 01:10:24,240 Clearly it's a rare opportunity, 1226 01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:26,200 so it's someone who doesn't get out much. 1227 01:10:26,200 --> 01:10:28,120 Someone for whom a planned social encounter 1228 01:10:28,120 --> 01:10:30,360 known about months in advance is an exception. 1229 01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:32,000 Has to be a unique opportunity. 1230 01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:35,680 And since killing someone in public is difficult, 1231 01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:37,840 killing them in private isn't an option. 1232 01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:41,240 Someone who lives in an inaccessible or unknown location, then. 1233 01:10:41,240 --> 01:10:42,960 Someone private perhaps, 1234 01:10:42,960 --> 01:10:45,000 obsessed with personal security. 1235 01:10:46,440 --> 01:10:48,320 Possibly someone under threat. 1236 01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:55,480 Major James Sholto, who he? I don't think he's coming. 1237 01:10:55,480 --> 01:10:56,480 He'll be there. 1238 01:10:56,480 --> 01:10:58,360 Where are you living these days? 1239 01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:00,440 Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere. 1240 01:11:00,440 --> 01:11:02,040 The press and families gave him hell. 1241 01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:03,880 He gets more death threats than you. 1242 01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,320 A recluse? 1243 01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:09,360 Small household staff. 1244 01:11:09,360 --> 01:11:11,440 Job? Gardener. Cook. Private nurse. Maid. 1245 01:11:11,440 --> 01:11:13,440 High turnover for additional security. 1246 01:11:13,440 --> 01:11:16,480 I do security work. Probably all signed confidentiality agreements. 1247 01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:18,920 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? ALL: No. 1248 01:11:18,920 --> 01:11:21,520 There is another question that remains. Rather a big one, 1249 01:11:21,520 --> 01:11:24,200 a huge one - how would you do it? How do you kill someone in public? 1250 01:11:24,200 --> 01:11:26,000 There has to be a way. This has been planned. 1251 01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:28,040 Mr Holmes! Hello, Archie, what's your theory? 1252 01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:30,480 Get this right and there's a headless nun in it for you. 1253 01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:33,200 The invisible man could do it. The who, what, why, when, where? 1254 01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:37,640 The invisible man with the invisible knife. The one who tried to kill the Guardsman. 1255 01:11:53,680 --> 01:11:54,840 Bainbridge? 1256 01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:56,560 Bainbridge! 1257 01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:07,600 (Oh, not just planned - planned and rehearsed.) 1258 01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:09,720 Ladies and gentlemen, 1259 01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:11,360 there will now be a short interlude. 1260 01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:13,440 The bride and groom... 1261 01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:18,120 ALL: The bride and groom. 1262 01:12:18,120 --> 01:12:21,880 Major Sholto's going to be murdered, I don't know how or by whom, but it's going to happen. 1263 01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:24,440 Excuse me, coming through. Consulting. 1264 01:12:24,440 --> 01:12:28,960 Stay here. Please be careful. Excuse me. Coming through. 1265 01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:31,440 Excuse me. 1266 01:12:31,440 --> 01:12:33,640 I'm sorry, one more. Oops. I'm so sorry. 1267 01:12:33,640 --> 01:12:34,640 Thank you. 1268 01:13:00,120 --> 01:13:03,160 How can you not remember which room? You remember everything. 1269 01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:05,560 I have to delete something! 207. 1270 01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:15,520 Major Sholto? Major Sholto! 1271 01:13:17,320 --> 01:13:20,920 Major Sholto! If someone's about to make an attempt on my life, 1272 01:13:20,920 --> 01:13:23,360 it won't be the first time. I'm ready. 1273 01:13:23,360 --> 01:13:25,360 Major, let us in. Kick the door down. 1274 01:13:25,360 --> 01:13:26,560 I really wouldn't. 1275 01:13:26,560 --> 01:13:31,120 I have a gun in my hand and a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes. 1276 01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:34,480 You're not safe in there. Whoever's after you, we know a locked room doesn't stop him. 1277 01:13:34,480 --> 01:13:36,440 The invisible man with the invisible knife. 1278 01:13:36,440 --> 01:13:40,280 I don't know how he does it. I can't stop him and that means he'll do it again! Solve it, then! 1279 01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:42,120 I'm sorry? 1280 01:13:42,120 --> 01:13:45,240 You're the famous Mr Holmes, solve the case, on you go. 1281 01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:47,880 Tell me how he did it and I'll open the door. 1282 01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:50,160 Please, this is no time for games, 1283 01:13:50,160 --> 01:13:51,640 just let us in, you're in danger! 1284 01:13:51,640 --> 01:13:53,200 So are you, so long as you're here. 1285 01:13:53,200 --> 01:13:56,120 Please, leave me. 1286 01:13:56,120 --> 01:13:59,640 Despite my reputation, I really don't approve of collateral damage. 1287 01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:02,840 Solve it. Sorry? Solve it and he'll open the door, like he said. 1288 01:14:02,840 --> 01:14:06,080 I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now? Because it matters now. 1289 01:14:06,080 --> 01:14:09,120 What are you talking about? Get your wife under control! She's right. 1290 01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,000 Oh, you've changed! No, she is. Shut up! 1291 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:13,280 You are not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. 1292 01:14:13,280 --> 01:14:14,400 You're a drama queen! 1293 01:14:14,400 --> 01:14:18,160 Now, there's a man in there about to die, the game is on - solve it! 1294 01:14:33,920 --> 01:14:35,000 Bainbridge? 1295 01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:39,200 Bainbridge! 1296 01:14:42,320 --> 01:14:44,680 Though in fairness, he's a drama queen too. I know. 1297 01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:46,760 Major Sholto, no-one's coming to kill you. 1298 01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:49,560 I'm afraid you've already been killed several hours ago. 1299 01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:50,720 What did you say? 1300 01:14:50,720 --> 01:14:52,280 Don't take off your belt. 1301 01:14:52,280 --> 01:14:53,800 My belt? 1302 01:14:53,800 --> 01:14:54,920 His belt, yes. 1303 01:14:54,920 --> 01:14:57,320 Bainbridge was stabbed hours before we even saw him, 1304 01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:58,880 but it was through his belt. 1305 01:14:58,880 --> 01:15:00,720 Tight belt, worn high on the waist. 1306 01:15:00,720 --> 01:15:02,720 Very easy to push a small blade through the fabric 1307 01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:03,960 and you wouldn't even feel it. 1308 01:15:03,960 --> 01:15:06,840 The belt would bind the flesh together when it was tied tight. 1309 01:15:06,840 --> 01:15:09,440 Exactly. But when you took it off... Delayed-action stabbing. 1310 01:15:09,440 --> 01:15:12,320 All the time in the world to create an alibi. Major Sholto? 1311 01:15:12,320 --> 01:15:13,600 So... 1312 01:15:16,400 --> 01:15:19,680 I was to be killed by my uniform. 1313 01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:22,000 How appropriate. 1314 01:15:24,080 --> 01:15:25,560 He solved the case, Major, 1315 01:15:25,560 --> 01:15:28,560 you're supposed to open the door now. A deal is a deal. 1316 01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:30,600 I'm not even supposed to have this any more, 1317 01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:32,720 they gave me special dispensation to keep it. 1318 01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:35,040 I couldn't imagine life out of this uniform. 1319 01:15:35,040 --> 01:15:38,080 I suppose, given the circumstances, I don't have to. 1320 01:15:41,080 --> 01:15:42,440 When so many want you dead, 1321 01:15:42,440 --> 01:15:44,400 it hardly seems good manners to argue. 1322 01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:52,840 Whatever you're doing in there, James, stop it, right now! 1323 01:15:52,840 --> 01:15:54,560 I will kick this door down! 1324 01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:57,480 Mr Holmes, you and I are similar, I think. 1325 01:15:57,480 --> 01:16:00,280 Yes, I think we are. There's a proper time to die, isn't there? 1326 01:16:00,280 --> 01:16:01,600 Of course there is. 1327 01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:05,320 And one should embrace it when it comes. 1328 01:16:05,320 --> 01:16:06,360 Like a soldier. 1329 01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:09,160 Of course one should, but not at John's wedding! 1330 01:16:11,320 --> 01:16:13,040 We wouldn't do that, would we, 1331 01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:15,360 you and me? 1332 01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:18,120 We would never do that to John Watson. 1333 01:16:23,240 --> 01:16:24,600 I'm going to break it down. 1334 01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:26,640 Wait, wait, wait, you won't have to. 1335 01:16:32,920 --> 01:16:35,560 I believe I am in need of medical attention. 1336 01:16:35,560 --> 01:16:38,360 I believe I'm your doctor. 1337 01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:56,200 Pretty good. 1338 01:16:56,200 --> 01:16:58,280 Just hold your nerve on your turning. 1339 01:16:58,280 --> 01:16:59,960 Why do we have to rehearse? 1340 01:16:59,960 --> 01:17:02,200 Because we are about to dance together in public 1341 01:17:02,200 --> 01:17:03,720 and your skills are appalling. 1342 01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:04,220 SHE LAUGHS 1343 01:17:05,320 --> 01:17:07,320 Wow, you're a good teacher. Hmm. 1344 01:17:07,320 --> 01:17:09,160 And you're a brilliant dancer. 1345 01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:11,040 Can I let you in on something, Janine? 1346 01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:12,520 Go on, then. 1347 01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:14,600 I love dancing, I've always loved it. 1348 01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:15,680 Seriously? 1349 01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:16,640 Watch out. 1350 01:17:20,680 --> 01:17:23,200 Oh! 1351 01:17:23,200 --> 01:17:25,560 Never really comes up in crime work, but, you know, 1352 01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:28,440 I live in hope of the right case. Oh, I wish you weren't... 1353 01:17:28,440 --> 01:17:31,600 whatever it is you are. 1354 01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:34,440 I know. Well, glad to see you've pulled, Sherlock, 1355 01:17:34,440 --> 01:17:37,280 what with murderers running riot at my wedding. 1356 01:17:37,280 --> 01:17:38,960 One murderer... One nearly murderer. 1357 01:17:38,960 --> 01:17:41,360 Loves to exaggerate - you should try living with him. 1358 01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:42,880 Sherlock. 1359 01:17:42,880 --> 01:17:44,640 Got him for you. 1360 01:17:44,640 --> 01:17:47,760 Ah, the photographer, excellent. Thank you. 1361 01:17:47,760 --> 01:17:50,120 May I have a look at your camera? 1362 01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:53,120 Erm, what's this about? I was halfway home. 1363 01:17:53,120 --> 01:17:55,200 You should have driven faster. 1364 01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:57,960 Ah, yes. Yes! 1365 01:17:57,960 --> 01:17:59,720 Very good. 1366 01:17:59,720 --> 01:18:02,320 Now you see... Perfect. 1367 01:18:02,320 --> 01:18:04,720 What is? Are you going to tell us? 1368 01:18:04,720 --> 01:18:06,280 Try looking yourself. 1369 01:18:07,960 --> 01:18:11,240 Look for what? Is the murderer in these photographs? 1370 01:18:11,240 --> 01:18:13,040 It's not what's in the photographs, 1371 01:18:13,040 --> 01:18:15,120 it's what's not in them. Not in any of them. 1372 01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:16,400 Sherlock? 1373 01:18:16,400 --> 01:18:18,760 The showing-off thing, we've discussed it before... 1374 01:18:20,440 --> 01:18:24,000 There is always a man at a wedding who is not in any photograph, 1375 01:18:24,000 --> 01:18:25,800 who can go anywhere. 1376 01:18:25,800 --> 01:18:28,600 And even carry an equipment bag around with him if he likes. 1377 01:18:28,600 --> 01:18:30,560 And you never even see his face. 1378 01:18:30,560 --> 01:18:32,160 You only ever see... 1379 01:18:40,960 --> 01:18:42,240 The camera. 1380 01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:43,760 What are you doing? What is this? 1381 01:18:43,760 --> 01:18:46,400 Jonathan Small, today's substitute wedding photographer, 1382 01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:48,280 known to us as the Mayfly Man. 1383 01:18:48,280 --> 01:18:53,000 His brother was one of the raw recruits killed in that incursion. 1384 01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:55,080 Johnny sought revenge on Sholto, 1385 01:18:55,080 --> 01:18:57,400 worked his way through Sholto's staff, 1386 01:18:57,400 --> 01:18:58,600 found what he needed. 1387 01:18:58,600 --> 01:19:00,800 An invitation to a wedding. 1388 01:19:00,800 --> 01:19:04,320 The one time Sholto would have to be out in public. 1389 01:19:04,320 --> 01:19:08,120 So he made his plan and rehearsed the murder, 1390 01:19:08,120 --> 01:19:11,640 making sure of every last detail. 1391 01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:25,400 Brilliant, ruthless, 1392 01:19:25,400 --> 01:19:27,320 and almost certainly a monomaniac. 1393 01:19:27,320 --> 01:19:30,320 Though, in fairness, his photographs are actually quite good. 1394 01:19:30,320 --> 01:19:31,920 Everything you need is on that. 1395 01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:34,960 You probably ought to arrest him or something. 1396 01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:37,080 Do you always carry handcuffs? 1397 01:19:37,080 --> 01:19:39,120 Down, girl. Come on, quick. 1398 01:19:39,120 --> 01:19:41,600 It's not me you should be arresting, Mr Holmes. 1399 01:19:41,600 --> 01:19:44,160 Oh, I don't do the arresting, I just farm that out. 1400 01:19:44,160 --> 01:19:46,360 Sholto, he's the killer, not me. 1401 01:19:46,360 --> 01:19:48,600 I should have killed him quicker. 1402 01:19:51,200 --> 01:19:53,120 I shouldn't have tried to be clever. 1403 01:19:54,480 --> 01:19:56,280 You should have driven faster. 1404 01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:06,920 Right. 1405 01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:09,521 SOLO VIOLIN PLAYS 1406 01:21:14,680 --> 01:21:15,520 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 1407 01:21:25,520 --> 01:21:27,520 Ladies and gentlemen, just one last thing 1408 01:21:27,520 --> 01:21:29,560 before the evening begins properly. 1409 01:21:29,560 --> 01:21:33,320 Apologies for earlier, a crisis arose and was dealt with. 1410 01:21:33,320 --> 01:21:35,320 More importantly, however, 1411 01:21:35,320 --> 01:21:37,200 today we saw two people make vows. 1412 01:21:37,200 --> 01:21:38,640 I've never made a vow in my life 1413 01:21:38,640 --> 01:21:40,400 and after tonight I never will again. 1414 01:21:40,400 --> 01:21:42,600 So, here in front of you all, 1415 01:21:42,600 --> 01:21:44,320 my first and last vow. 1416 01:21:45,520 --> 01:21:47,520 Mary and John, 1417 01:21:47,520 --> 01:21:49,320 whatever it takes, 1418 01:21:49,320 --> 01:21:51,320 whatever happens, 1419 01:21:51,320 --> 01:21:52,680 from now on, 1420 01:21:52,680 --> 01:21:55,200 I swear I will always be there. 1421 01:21:55,200 --> 01:21:56,560 Always. 1422 01:21:56,560 --> 01:21:57,960 For all three of you. 1423 01:21:57,960 --> 01:22:00,440 Erm... Sorry, I mean... I mean two of you. 1424 01:22:00,440 --> 01:22:02,960 All two of you. Both of you, in fact. I just miscounted. 1425 01:22:02,960 --> 01:22:04,840 Anyway, it's time for dancing. 1426 01:22:04,840 --> 01:22:06,680 Play the music again, please. Thank you. 1427 01:22:06,680 --> 01:22:08,720 OK, everybody, just dance, don't be shy. 1428 01:22:08,720 --> 01:22:10,800 Dancing, please. Very good. 1429 01:22:10,800 --> 01:22:13,560 Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting. 1430 01:22:13,560 --> 01:22:15,280 Deduction? Increased appetite... 1431 01:22:15,280 --> 01:22:17,240 I'm starving. Change of taste perception. 1432 01:22:17,240 --> 01:22:19,400 Oh, I chose this wine, but it's bloody awful! 1433 01:22:19,400 --> 01:22:20,680 You were sick this morning. 1434 01:22:20,680 --> 01:22:22,360 You assumed it was just wedding nerves. 1435 01:22:22,360 --> 01:22:24,520 You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. 1436 01:22:24,520 --> 01:22:27,720 All the signs are there. The signs? 1437 01:22:27,720 --> 01:22:29,680 The signs of three. 1438 01:22:29,680 --> 01:22:31,560 What? 1439 01:22:31,560 --> 01:22:33,480 Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test. 1440 01:22:34,560 --> 01:22:37,680 Well, the statistics for the first trimester are... 1441 01:22:37,680 --> 01:22:38,720 Shut up! 1442 01:22:40,200 --> 01:22:41,480 Just shut up. 1443 01:22:41,480 --> 01:22:42,680 Sorry. 1444 01:22:42,680 --> 01:22:44,840 How did he notice before me? 1445 01:22:44,840 --> 01:22:47,320 I'm a bloody doctor. It's your day off. It's YOUR day off! 1446 01:22:47,320 --> 01:22:48,440 Stop. Stop panicking. 1447 01:22:48,440 --> 01:22:51,240 I'm not panicking. I'm pregnant, I'm panicking! Don't panic. 1448 01:22:51,240 --> 01:22:52,880 None of you panic. 1449 01:22:52,880 --> 01:22:54,640 Absolutely no reason to panic. 1450 01:22:54,640 --> 01:22:58,600 Oh, and you'd know, of course! Yes, I would. You're already the best parents in the world, 1451 01:22:58,600 --> 01:23:01,120 look at all the practice you've had. What practice? 1452 01:23:01,120 --> 01:23:05,040 Well, you're hardly going to need me around now that you've got a real baby on the way. 1453 01:23:12,680 --> 01:23:14,720 Are you all right? Yeah! 1454 01:23:21,440 --> 01:23:24,600 Dance. Hmm? Both of you now, go, dance. 1455 01:23:24,600 --> 01:23:27,880 We can't just stand here, people will wonder what we're talking about. Right. 1456 01:23:27,880 --> 01:23:29,120 Well, what about you? 1457 01:23:29,120 --> 01:23:32,560 Yeah, we can't all three dance, there are limits. Yes, there are. Ahem. 1458 01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:34,440 Come on, husband, let's go. 1459 01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:36,480 This isn't a waltz, is it? No. 1460 01:23:36,480 --> 01:23:38,200 Don't worry, I have been tutoring him. 1461 01:23:38,200 --> 01:23:41,880 He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains. Mrs Hudson came in one time. 1462 01:23:41,880 --> 01:23:44,040 I don't know how those rumours started! 1463 01:23:48,280 --> 01:23:50,240 ♪ Spinnin' my head around and taking my body under 1464 01:23:52,320 --> 01:23:54,360 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1465 01:23:56,640 --> 01:24:00,440 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1466 01:24:10,040 --> 01:24:13,480 ♪ Oh, I 1467 01:24:13,480 --> 01:24:17,240 ♪ I got a funny feelin' when she walked 1468 01:24:17,240 --> 01:24:19,280 ♪ In the room 1469 01:24:19,280 --> 01:24:21,680 ♪ Hey, I 1470 01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:26,400 ♪ As I recall it ended much too soon 1471 01:24:28,920 --> 01:24:31,720 ♪ Oh, what a night 1472 01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:35,480 ♪ Why'd it take so long to see the light? 1473 01:24:35,480 --> 01:24:40,440 ♪ Seemed so wrong but now it seems so right 1474 01:24:40,440 --> 01:24:44,520 ♪ What a lady, what a night 1475 01:24:56,200 --> 01:25:01,960 ♪ Oh, I felt a rush like a rolling ball of thunder 1476 01:25:01,960 --> 01:25:05,640 ♪ Spinnin' my head around and taking my body under 1477 01:25:05,640 --> 01:25:08,600 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1478 01:25:10,120 --> 01:25:13,640 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1479 01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:16,520 ♪ Oh, what a night... ♪