1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:04,203
Greetings, members of
the league! Remember last week
2
00:00:04,205 --> 00:00:05,871
When I ran into a former flame?
3
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:08,640
Well, it was that night I made
a very important decision.
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:11,643
I never want to be
without you again.
Mmm.
5
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:12,945
Ruxin:
Oh, no, andre,
what are you
6
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:14,680
About to do?
So we went to mexico
7
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,615
And tied the knot!
We went to mexico
and tied the knot!
8
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:17,983
Wait, what?
(andre laughs)
9
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,885
Yeah!
I'm mrs. Meegan nowzick!
10
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:22,021
And I don't really
hate it that much.
11
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,622
The name, I mean.
Taco: Wow.
12
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,157
I could've notarized it.
You know
13
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,059
Venezuela's different
than mexico, right?
How so?
14
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,827
But right now, it's all about
15
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:30,796
My lady.
That's me.
16
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,866
And bam! Bam!
Baby.
17
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:36,035
I never thought I would be
embarrassed for vanilla ice
18
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,870
To be associated
with something.
19
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:40,572
♪ why don't you join us
in a dance where you are? ♪
20
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,642
♪ we are robots
who are in love. ♪
(groaning)
21
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,577
Can a baby miscarry itself?
22
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:47,813
♪ ♪
23
00:00:50,985 --> 00:00:52,684
Check it out.
24
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,554
Oh. Jesus, taco, what
the hell happened?
25
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,322
You know,
just normal wear and tear.
26
00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:59,358
This is not normal
wear and tear.
27
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,160
Well, also, the pony
knocked over a lava lamp.
28
00:01:01,162 --> 00:01:02,694
There was a fire...
29
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,063
The pony caught the
place on fire?
No, no, no.
30
00:01:04,065 --> 00:01:05,597
The pony caught himself on fire.
31
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,667
This was from smoking in a bed.
Was that you, taco?
32
00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:10,702
No, it was the pony. Aren't you
listening to what I'm saying?
33
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:13,072
Anyway, now all I have
to do is get insurance,
34
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,540
And I'm gonna make a fortune.
35
00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:16,508
Uh, it doesn't really work
that way.
36
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:18,177
It's all part of my master plan.
37
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,711
Step one
of the master plan:
38
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,114
Burn down the ebdbbnb.
Step two:
39
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,450
Vanish without a trace.
Why?
40
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:27,286
Can't tell you, jenny. I wish
I could, but I don't trust you.
41
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:28,854
Can you believe it?
42
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:30,389
Soon, the ebdbbnb
will be closing its doors.
43
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:33,792
What? Taco, you have
people in there.
44
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,294
Taco:
Hey, guys, watch out
45
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,529
For the hole in the floor
while you're having sex!
46
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:40,199
It's real dangerous in there.
You want to come up?
47
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,967
Ew. What? No.
48
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,635
Not with me,
with strangers.
49
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,537
Oh, god, taco.
50
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,072
All right, I'm going in.
51
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,641
Jenny: The rules of
the fertility bowl are simple:
52
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:52,611
When I win, kevin has said
he's gonna get a vasectomy.
53
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,613
And when I win, she's
gonna get her tubes tied.
54
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,881
Oh, boy.
55
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,249
Kevin: But this is
a very serious issue,
56
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,584
So we're gonna try to be
57
00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,885
Mature about it.
Yeah.
58
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,487
And that's why
I made a trophy.
59
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:04,256
Let me introduce you
to the snip.
60
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,892
Look at this.
That's a real trophy, babe.
Oh, yeah.
61
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,394
Your name's gonna go right here
for the rest of eternity.
62
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,429
We'll see about that.
63
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,663
Never run with the snip.
64
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:12,965
Be careful on the stairs.
65
00:02:12,967 --> 00:02:14,766
Carry the snip
with the sharp end down.
66
00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,068
Kevin: I don't really care
for this thing.
67
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,302
Then why didn't you make
your own trophy?
68
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,570
I was going to,
but the trophy place
69
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,805
Didn't have
plastic ovaries.
70
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,273
That's disgusting.
I know.
71
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,808
That's what the old lady
that worked there said.
72
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,476
Kevin: Wow.
Andre: We're so excited
73
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,578
You guys are here.
You guys.
This is great.
74
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,180
What is it exactly?
Andre: Oh, it's a
75
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,949
Baby gender party.
It is a baby gender party.
76
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:32,651
So it's a baby shower?
Meegan and andre:
No.
77
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,986
You have to buy other presents
the next time.
No.
78
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,354
Yeah, we'll have
a shower registry,
79
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:36,788
And this is the
gender registry.
80
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,323
I need a cocktail.
Yes.
81
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,359
Oh, we have boy cocktails
and girl cocktails,
82
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,427
So if you want a boy,
pick a blue cocktail;
if you want a girl,
83
00:02:42,429 --> 00:02:43,795
Pick a pink cocktail.
84
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:44,997
I'll just mix a little
of both in a glass
85
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,265
And call it an andre.
86
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,033
That's what he's been doing
all day.
87
00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,034
(laughter)
88
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,602
Great. Okay.
89
00:02:50,604 --> 00:02:52,938
I mean, how are they gonna
baby-proof this joint?
90
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,673
Well, andre already
people-proofed it.
91
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,709
Ooh. Anyone gonna take a hit
off of kevin's pubes?
92
00:02:57,711 --> 00:02:59,011
Mm. I don't smoke
the red stuff, thanks.
93
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:01,213
Hey, uh, pete,
what'd you get andre?
94
00:03:01,215 --> 00:03:03,782
Uh, nothing. Why?
What are you talking about?
You got to get him something
95
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:06,018
Extra special. You guys
are eskimo husbands.
96
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,053
While it's true we've spelunked
in the same cave,
97
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,955
Only I left something behind.
98
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,291
Ew.
That's so gross.
What, like a broken headlamp?
99
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,560
Oh, hold that thought.
Everybody!
100
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,528
I have a very important
announcement, everyone.
101
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,330
Now, I know you think today's
party can't get any better.
102
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,998
No one thought that.
103
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,834
Uh-oh. What's that?
(harmonizing)
104
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,003
Oh. I think
they're gonna sing.
105
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:27,873
I've reunited my college
a cappella group, the dre tones,
106
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,341
And we're
gonna bring
oh, no.
107
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,743
Our motown sound
108
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:34,079
Back to chi-town.
109
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,481
♪ do you recall ♪
110
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:38,317
♪ the time that we met ♪
111
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:42,321
♪ down by lake shore drive? ♪
112
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,755
♪ hope in the air ♪
113
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,924
♪ no one had a care ♪
114
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:49,761
♪ down by lake shore drive ♪
115
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,530
♪ and now marital bliss ♪
116
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,899
♪ dre's seed in her uterus ♪
♪ uterus ♪
117
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,200
Uterus?
118
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:57,703
♪ down by lake shore drive ♪
119
00:03:57,705 --> 00:04:01,607
♪ down by lake shore ♪
120
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:05,377
♪ drive... ♪
121
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:07,946
(laughs)
give it up for the dre tones!
Meegan: Yay!
122
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,014
Everybody clap!
Kevin: Wow.
123
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,682
Andre:
Yeah.
124
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,618
The dre tones!
You guys remember
the dre tones.
125
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,419
I know that you were busy for
the shows that you were supposed
126
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,455
To come see, but I figured
if you couldn't come to them,
127
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,956
They could come to you.
128
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,458
Anyway, I'd like to say
a few words, if I may.
129
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,926
Oh, my gosh. Taco
with a speech.
Speech!
130
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,461
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
First speech!
131
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:23,862
Andre, meegan,
132
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,197
This has nothing
to do with you.
133
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,633
Everyone, I want
you all to know
134
00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:30,602
That I am going
to mysteriously vanish,
135
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,070
And I want you
to know why.
136
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,606
I have been
summoned to court.
137
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,376
I knew that one day
it'd catch up to me. Yeah.
138
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,245
They want to put me on trial.
They want me to fry.
139
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,880
No, they want you
to be on a jury.
140
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,049
You can't be on a jury
and tried at the same time.
141
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:45,584
That's not how it works,
dum-dum.
142
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,286
I thought you
were a lawyer.
No, you don't...
143
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:48,654
Just...
What?
144
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,790
Taco, what exactly
are you on trial for?
145
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,425
Did you guys never ask
yourselves,
146
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,560
"how does he maintain
this decadent lifestyle?"
147
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,229
The bicycles,
148
00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:59,298
The vintage suits, the used van?
149
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,466
We pay for
all of that.
That's us.
150
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,335
The spear gun?
Us.
151
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,270
I guess we really just didn't
want to know the truth.
152
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,405
I appreciate that, ruspin.
153
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,406
So I guess
154
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:08,407
This is good-bye.
155
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,474
All right, bye. Later.
156
00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,509
I love you, guy...
157
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,444
Well, I don't love y...
158
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:16,081
What's just below like
and above dislike?
159
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,582
Neutral?
160
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:18,784
I neutral you guys.
161
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,585
Andre, I neutral
you less.
162
00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,020
So more towards like?
163
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,356
Taco: So I'm gonna
vanish right...
164
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,457
Now.
165
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,793
Poof. Smoke.
166
00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:28,827
This is crazy.
167
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,696
No. Let him go.
168
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,331
Vanishing! Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
169
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,701
I'll take some of that.
Vanishing food. Mmm.
170
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,370
And just like that,
he mysteriously vanished.
171
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:39,604
Vanishing!
172
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:41,440
Andre:
Well, everybody, let's not
173
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:45,177
Let one vanishing wreck a whole
afternoon of a cappella fun.
174
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,179
Oh, no. Let's just have
one more vanishing.
175
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,313
What? No. No, no more vanishing.
176
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:50,549
Poof! Smoke.
177
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,317
And you made a
pitch pipe appear!
(gasps)
178
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:53,719
Meegan:
Magic!
179
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,519
(plays note)
180
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:55,520
(harmonizing)
181
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,856
♪ rock-a-bye, baby ♪
182
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,257
♪ on the treetop... ♪
(grunts)
183
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,230
Dre tones:
♪ hello, hello, hello ♪
184
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,499
♪ hello, my baby,
hello, my honey ♪
185
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:11,470
♪ hello, my ragtime, ragtime
gal, send me a kiss by... ♪
186
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:14,072
The dre tones are
driving me crazy.
I know.
187
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,807
Andre is so sexy.
188
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:16,975
Hmm.
189
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,411
So, when does the
little pumpkin drop?
190
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:20,712
Labor day.
191
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,314
When did you guys
break up again?
192
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:23,548
Mm...
193
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,650
Oh, I remember.
You guys broke up
194
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:26,918
Around the beer mile.
195
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,687
That was week four
of the nfl season,
196
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,989
'cause c.J. Spiller was on
my bench, and he killed it.
197
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,591
And you said the baby
was due labor day.
198
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,393
Yeah.
Most people
don't know this,
199
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,561
But a baby actually gestates
for ten months.
200
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:37,596
I know. Don't remind me.
201
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:39,331
(chuckles)
but that means
202
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:41,700
The baby would have been
conceived at the end of October,
203
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,201
Not the beginning
of October,
204
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,337
Around week seven or
eight of the season.
205
00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:47,239
But you and andre had broken up
at that point.
206
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,841
I don't...
You know what, I'm probably
207
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,443
Mixing up my dates.
208
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,345
The doctor was just throwing
a lot of numbers out at me...
209
00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:54,913
I got some week five
210
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,382
Problems here. You got
a problem there, too.
211
00:06:57,384 --> 00:06:58,917
Oh, it's nothing.
Don't worry about it. Yeah.
212
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,419
Roethlisberger's out.
213
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,120
So what do I do,
pick up tyrod taylor?
I mean,
214
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,922
You can, but you'd never have
the balls to use him.
215
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,457
Tyrod taylor's
like buying a bowflex.
216
00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,125
You're gonna buy it
'cause it looks good,
217
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,593
And then you're like,
"I'm never gonna use this."
218
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,295
Never use him.
(grunts)
219
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,730
What is it, hemorrhoids?
220
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,065
No, it's just a weird night.
Sleep.
221
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,500
You know.
Hmm.
222
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,439
Meegan: ...Maybe could be
coming early or...
223
00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:22,741
It doesn't really matter, as
long as we have a healthy baby.
224
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,309
Hey, meegan.
Hmm?
225
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,578
Can I guess
what sex the baby is?
226
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:28,580
Sure.
227
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:30,449
I think the sex...
228
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,684
Was with pete.
229
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,789
(chuckles):
Oh, man!
230
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,992
Shark ruxin, sniffing out
the blood in the water
231
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,594
And chomping down on the truth!
232
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,929
Please don't tell andre.
It was one time.
233
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,964
Does pete know?
No!
234
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,799
He doesn't know,
and he cannot know.
235
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,800
Promise me
236
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,502
He will not ever
find out.
237
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,270
Keep that nasty finger
away from me.
238
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,772
Please, please, ruxin.
239
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,674
Um, meegan.
Meegan, come here.
240
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,975
I-I'll be right there, honey.
241
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,910
Hold on. Promise me.
242
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,178
Meegan.
243
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:01,480
Ruxin, promise me.
244
00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:02,981
Come here, come here.
I'm coming, honey.
245
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,417
(chuckles)
this is an amazing baby shower.
246
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:08,186
It is now time to announce
the sex of the nowzick baby.
247
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,021
Is it a boy or
is it a girl?
248
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:12,023
Mouth-roll, please!
249
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,025
♪ what's the sex? ♪
♪ what's the sex? ♪
250
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,696
♪ what's the sex? ♪
♪ what's the sex? ♪
251
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,598
(gasps)
252
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,700
It's a boy!
It's a boy!
253
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:23,201
(cheering)
254
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,309
Kevin: Between the dre tones
and the hummus,
255
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,512
I'm gonna barf.
Does your stomach hurt?
What...? Is that...?
256
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,813
Geez.
257
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,615
Unbelievable.
Nice job vanishing, taco.
258
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,383
The only thing vanishing
are our deli meats.
259
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,051
(sighs)
hey, honey, I'm home.
260
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,720
(chuckles)
oh, my god. What is this,
a youth hostel?
261
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:43,722
You guys look great.
Where you been?
262
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,124
Out.
We were at andre and
meegan's baby shower.
263
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,192
Don't tell him.
264
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,460
She's pregnant?
Jenny: Yeah.
265
00:08:48,462 --> 00:08:50,495
Oh, god, I hope it's not mine.
266
00:08:50,497 --> 00:08:51,563
Why would it be yours, rafi?
267
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:52,631
I've been jacking down
268
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:53,832
On their towels like crazy.
269
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,233
You think that's how it works?
Yeah.
270
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,502
She puts the towel on,
my biz gets on her leg--
271
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,803
Swim, swim, swim.
272
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,305
Next thing you know,
four months later,
273
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,307
Baby rafi comes out.
Well, congratulations
274
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,642
If you're having a baby, rafi.
275
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,343
Rafi: No, I don't want
a baby with meegan.
276
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,412
Plus, if you must know, my
very serious girlfriend margaret
277
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:08,413
And I have been trying.
278
00:09:08,415 --> 00:09:09,881
Oh.
Oh.
279
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,917
You and margaret
are still together.
Yeah.
280
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,385
But I don't know
if she can get pregnant or not.
281
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,753
I'm starting to worry
she might be seedless.
282
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,588
Either way,
it's... Time to go.
283
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,723
Cool.
So... You should be...
284
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,392
No, no, no. I'm sleeping
back here, behind the couch.
285
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:21,393
What?
Hmm?
286
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:22,928
Why?
Because margaret's
287
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,763
Already back there,
and I'm already hard.
288
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,998
So you guys should probably
get out of here pretty quick.
289
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,367
Jenny:
What? Oh.
Kevin: Um...
290
00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,269
You know what,
you-you might be right, rafi.
291
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,571
Rafi:
Cool.
292
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:35,907
It's about to get weird!
(chuckles)
293
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,076
You guys are welcome to stay and
watch. I'd love the audience.
294
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,579
(screams)
oh, my god!
295
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,513
What?
(screams)
296
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:42,781
No, no, no, no, no!
297
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,049
Someone murdered margaret!
298
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,384
First sofia,
now margaret!
299
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,954
Someone's murdering
the women that I love!
300
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,222
We're just gonna go to bed now.
I think we should...
301
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,591
(sobbing)
302
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,392
One, two, three.
(exhales)
303
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:55,760
Oh, baby.
304
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,197
(exhales, grunts)
mmm. Oh.
305
00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,700
One last time, baby.
Oh, this is the last time.
306
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,901
Rafi, the remote...
307
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,903
Huh? Don't judge me, brian.
308
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,404
I need you
to look at me, brian.
309
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:08,239
I need you to look at me
so I can finish, brian!
310
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:09,608
Oh, no.
311
00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:11,710
There are seeds!
312
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,612
She was pregnant!
313
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:17,215
Do I roll the dice
with stefon diggs or...
314
00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,385
Do I play it safe
315
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,087
With allen robinson?
316
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:23,989
God, andre's team is stacked.
317
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,825
If I tell him about
pete and meegan, he'll implode.
318
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,827
On the other hand...
319
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,562
I'm such a good friend.
320
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:32,597
I need a sign.
321
00:10:32,599 --> 00:10:34,232
(doorbell rings)
322
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,436
Shiva?
323
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,804
Rodney.
324
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,773
I'm so sorry I didn't
come to the funeral.
325
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,141
I was out of the country.
326
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,776
No, no, no.
You're here now,
327
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,511
And that's all that matters.
328
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,013
Shiva:
This is for you, geoffrey.
329
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:51,016
Oh, a baseball glove.
Thanks, the shiva.
330
00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,184
Just "shiva" is fine.
331
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,186
Oh, you did great, buddy.
Hey, go upstairs.
332
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,589
I'll tuck you in
in a bit, all right?
Okay.
333
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,993
Oh, my gosh. I didn't know
what to get you, I'm sorry.
334
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:06,197
Oh, shiva,
your presence is a gift.
335
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,999
Are you doing okay?
336
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,701
Is there anything
I can do for you?
337
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:12,103
Well, I mean,
338
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,172
There's... One thing.
339
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,173
What is this?
340
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,875
This is my fantasy lineup.
341
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:19,144
Okay, what do you want
me to do with this?
342
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,378
I want you to bless it.
343
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,546
What?
344
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,114
A blessing from the shiva.
Okay.
345
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,316
Rodney, you know
that I'm just a girl
346
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,618
You went to
high school with, right?
347
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,019
I don't have magical powers,
348
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,022
I can't help you win
a fake football league.
349
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,223
I know it seems crazy, but...
350
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,658
Is this really gonna help you?
351
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,160
More than anything
352
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,362
Anyone has done for me
since my wife died.
353
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,164
Okay.
354
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:40,832
Specifically
in the wide receiver area.
355
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,901
That's been a real bugaboo
this week.
356
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:44,869
This is what I would do...
357
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:47,172
Hey, you seen my pube trimmers?
Whoa.
358
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,740
Who's this?
Shiva, rafi.
359
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,508
Wow. Very firm grip.
360
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,744
You know what that means--
super good hand jobs.
361
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,746
Ruxin: Okay, rafi,
that's enough.
Sorry to interrupt,
362
00:11:54,748 --> 00:11:56,881
But, uh, I just
can't help but feel like
363
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,349
With sofia only,
like, a month dead,
364
00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,018
It's a little early
for you to be dating.
365
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,920
Oh, oh, no, no, no.
We're not dating.
366
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,354
Oh, whatever
you call it--
367
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,156
Like, finger-blasting,
ass-blasting.
No.
368
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,491
Okay. Okay...
Kissing on the mouths:
Upstairs, downstairs.
369
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,193
Wide... Wide receiver.
You know what?
370
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,028
I'm just gonna go.
Rafi: Front to back,
top to bottom.
371
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,830
Rodney... I'll
see you...
Swappin' poops, butt to butt.
372
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,765
I'll see you next week.
No.
373
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,033
Next week
is too late.
374
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,501
(grunts)
375
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,236
Ooh, you smell good.
What is that, mcdonald's?
376
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,537
Mmm. Wow.
377
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:21,039
She's like a big mac.
378
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,941
Shiva, just tell me
who to play at wide receiver!
379
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:24,008
(door closes)
380
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,276
Oh, rafi,
you screwed it up.
381
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,778
That was great.
You're welcome, man.
382
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,079
You're welcome?
Yeah.
383
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,247
No, you screwed me, rafi.
384
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,682
She was about
to bless my lineup.
385
00:12:30,684 --> 00:12:32,117
I'll bless your lineup.
386
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,184
Is that what we're
talking about here? (spits)
387
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,619
Yeah.
388
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,121
Oh.
389
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,989
There you go, bingo bango.
Blessed, rafi-style.
390
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,562
Ruxin:
Tell him. I shouldn't tell him.
391
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,898
Tell him.
392
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,734
Don't tell him.
393
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,636
Tell him.
394
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:54,239
Hey. Hey.
395
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,407
Hey!
396
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,243
What?! What the hell?
Who are you?
397
00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,744
Where am I?
398
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,446
Come on.
What are you, an idiot?
399
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,648
Who do I look like?
400
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,051
Should I know who you are?
I would think so.
401
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,887
Did you jerk off
into a sock when you were 12?
402
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,288
Yes, but who didn't?
Okay, yeah.
403
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,257
Camp whiterow.
You scored ten points
404
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:13,958
In the color war game,
you came home,
405
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,994
You told everybody
you scored 28.
28.
406
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,997
In the sixth grade, you played
ali hakim in oklahoma!
In oklahoma!
407
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,965
Oh, yeah. They cut the song.
Yeah, they cut my song,
"it's a scandal!"
408
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,634
"it's a scandal,
it's a... It's an outrage!"
"it's an outrage!"
409
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,002
It was a scandal!
A scandal!
410
00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:26,004
Both:
It was an outrage!
411
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:27,472
So you're me.
412
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,640
Sorry to say I am.
413
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,276
Yes, I'm ruxin
from the future.
414
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,478
The hair's a bummer, man.
415
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,613
The hair's a real bummer.
You know why that happened?
416
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,615
No.
After you told andre,
417
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,618
You lost your job, you lost your
friends, you lost the league.
418
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,121
So you're saying that because
I told andre, I lost my hair?
419
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,422
Yeah, I got used to it
after a while.
420
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,291
Really?
Yeah.
421
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:47,792
Do women?
There's a small
422
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:49,961
Percentage that has
a thing for it.
Really?
423
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,463
Yes. Those are the ones
you got to go after.
424
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:53,498
How are they?
425
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,333
Not great. Yeah.
426
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,435
Hey, come on, I want
to show you something.
Just show it to me here.
427
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,037
I can't show it to you here.
I'm comfortable in bed.
428
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:00,538
Why do I have to get
up and go somewhere?
Get-get up.
429
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,041
Come on, let's go.
I want to show you something!
430
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,710
All right, all right,
all right.
431
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,846
(both sigh)
432
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,450
So, what, I make
some decision
433
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,687
To tell andre, the league falls
apart, everything goes to shit?
434
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:16,721
Even worse.
435
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,224
Holy shit,
that's the oracle.
436
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,625
Jenny:
The freaky friedman kid?
437
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,827
My god, I'm gonna
go talk to him.
Okay.
438
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,295
I'll pay for the nuts.
Oracle!
439
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,798
Still licking food
and putting it back. Classic.
440
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,200
Excuse me?
You still play
fantasy football, man?
441
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,802
I'm having problems with
my number-two running back
442
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:32,337
This week.
I got melvin gordon.
443
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,738
Oracle:
I wouldn't worry about it.
444
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,507
See, what happens
this week is...
445
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:38,209
You die.
446
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,512
(snorts) okay. Uh, you don't
have to get so dramatic, man.
447
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,314
I haven't told you
the rest of my lineup.
448
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,250
I got melvin gordon or...
(gasps)
449
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,751
(choking)
450
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,823
Kevin? Kevin?
451
00:14:51,825 --> 00:14:53,491
Kevin! Kevin!
Oh, my god, help me! Help!
452
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,993
Oh, my god.
453
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:57,061
I can't believe
jenny's a widow.
Well,
454
00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,396
Didn't exactly
say that.
455
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,599
(filtered breathing)
456
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,270
Honey, I'm home from work.
457
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:06,871
How was your day?
458
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,873
Those kids wanted a spaceman
at their birthday party,
459
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,942
And they got one.
I bet they did.
460
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:13,444
Ellie, dinner!
461
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:15,113
Oh, my god.
Ellie: I heard you, mom.
462
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,215
Ugh, yuck.
I'll eat at the tattoo parlor.
463
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,583
Such a hard worker.
464
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:19,550
Sweetheart, what are
you gonna eat there--
465
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:20,551
Red bull and vodka?
466
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,353
Maybe, biatch.
467
00:15:22,355 --> 00:15:24,122
Are you gonna be bringing home
the older gentleman
468
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,723
You're in a casual
relationship with?
469
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,860
And don't forget to pick up
your kid at day care.
470
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:30,962
There he is.
471
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,965
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
not so fast, young man.
472
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,133
(gasps)
oh.
473
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,768
Chalupa batman, is that a joint?
474
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,036
What did I tell you?
475
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,138
Do not steal
from your father's stash!
476
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,205
Mm-mm.
477
00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:42,473
Use your vape instead.
478
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,142
Attaboy.
479
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:46,311
Look at this family
we've got, huh?
480
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:47,612
(both grunting)
481
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,714
Let's do it
in front of the kid.
482
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,316
Okay.
Okay, fine.
483
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,418
I want to see what happens
if I don't tell andre.
484
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,452
Do I win the shiva?
485
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,387
Maybe.
486
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,090
Mm.
Mm.
487
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:01,292
You know,
it is so flattering,
488
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:04,963
But you do not have to blast
my name every time you climax.
489
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:06,497
I actually legally do.
490
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,766
(laughs):
No, you don't.
491
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,435
Well, I'm happy you're happy,
because now
492
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,337
You're stuck with me, rodney.
493
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,472
Everybody calls me
somakanakram.
494
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,074
I can't believe
you took my name.
495
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:19,110
And legally changed my
first name to ruxin.
496
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,079
(giggles)
497
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:22,914
Okay, well, good to know
what happens, theoretically,
498
00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:24,749
In the future,
but what happens this year?
499
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:25,783
Do I win the league?
500
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:28,252
That's up to you.
501
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:31,322
So... Okay, I'll-I'll make
a decision here.
502
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,191
Just... I mean,
what do you think?
503
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,093
Do I play lesean mccoy? Does he
end up having a good week?
504
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:36,260
Come on, do the right thing.
505
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,595
I would do the right thing
if I knew
506
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,097
I had a rock-solid lineup.
507
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,132
Stop tinkering and choose.
508
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:44,035
Okay, fine. But you know where
I like to do my final tinkers.
509
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,970
Yes, I know where you like
to do your final tinkers.
510
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,472
Mm.
511
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,773
Mm.
512
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,341
Mm.
Mm.
513
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,275
Mm.
514
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:53,678
Mm...
Mm...
515
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,214
All right, I don't think
I need to be here for this.
516
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,349
I will, uh, let myself out.
517
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,218
Wow. I mean,
518
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,653
What a pleasure!
What a pleasure!
519
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:05,123
We have to get together!
We have to get together!
520
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,824
Aw... Oh, yeah.
Aw... Oh, yeah.
521
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,694
Uh, yeah, okay. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, uh...
522
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,896
Yeah, sure.
523
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,898
Mm...
524
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:17,702
Mm.
525
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,205
Is there a problem?
Nope.
526
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,240
No problem.
527
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:25,243
I just kind of forgot, uh...
528
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:34,085
(scoffs)
I hate myself.
529
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,320
(computer beeps, ruxin groans)
530
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:39,090
Oh, no, no!
531
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:42,026
Getting older sucks.
532
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:44,896
Whoa.
533
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,264
Pete eckhart.
Hey.
534
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,899
Hi, I'm james.
I'm with draftkings.
535
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:49,100
Welcome to fantasy football
world championships.
536
00:17:49,102 --> 00:17:50,401
Thanks.
537
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,869
Little fyi--
tournament's no different
538
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,404
Than what you've been
doing all season.
539
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,373
Here's the thing,
there's only ten players.
540
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,774
Highest score wins it all.
541
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,109
Oh, that's crazy--
my league is actually
542
00:17:58,111 --> 00:17:59,377
Doing the same thing this week.
543
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:00,545
Your other league
allows you to win
544
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,180
A million dollars at the end?
545
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,748
No, we-we compete for a trophy.
It's... It's actually
546
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,716
Named after this girl
we went to high school with.
547
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,019
Her name...
Great story. Nicky, get him
a ticket to paradise,
548
00:18:08,021 --> 00:18:09,220
Show him to his table.
549
00:18:09,222 --> 00:18:10,922
Good luck, peter.
Uh, okay, yeah.
550
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,090
See you out there, man.
551
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:14,625
This...
552
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:16,928
Oh, you know, I'm
in my high school
553
00:18:16,930 --> 00:18:18,729
League championships
at the same time,
554
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,031
So I'm pulling double duty.
555
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:21,432
Yeah, you should
definitely work on that.
556
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,367
I'll, uh, focus
on winning a million dollars.
557
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,735
Dick.
558
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,737
He's actually right.
The hell am I doing?
559
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,873
All right, set that lineup.
560
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,975
Adrian peterson. My eskimo
brother. I mean, it's a.D.
561
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,377
You got to do it, right?
Are you trying
to look at my lineup?
562
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:35,113
No, I was just
talking about football.
563
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,415
Why would I want to talk
about football with you?
564
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:39,417
I'm actively trying to beat you.
565
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:40,551
I also want you to lose.
566
00:18:40,553 --> 00:18:42,320
This is really fun.
567
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,589
I cannot believe
that we are ending the season
568
00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,124
Like we began it--
569
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,992
In shitty costumes.
570
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,728
Relax and behold
the maha shivaratri.
571
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:52,763
The great night
of shiva.
572
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,132
Wait, is this, like,
a real religious ceremony?
573
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,433
Yeah.
574
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:58,402
Om namah shivaya.
Praise shiva.
575
00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,937
Praise shiva.
Praise shiva.
576
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:01,439
Ruxin: Praise shiva.
Andre: Praise shiva.
577
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:02,507
We do not belong here.
578
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,941
We absolutely belong here.
579
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,943
Kevin: Yeah, we've got
the shiva, the sacko...
580
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,678
Jenny: And don't
forget the snip.
581
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,614
Ah.
I got to hand it
to you, commish.
582
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:10,982
How'd you swing this place?
583
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,950
Oh, I told 'em
that the trophies were...
584
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,685
A special offering.
585
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:15,786
And I did bring a way
586
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,788
For us to watch the late games
587
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,423
On the ipad.
588
00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,092
Ooh, all praise wi-fi.
589
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:22,527
While we're on the subject
of praising,
590
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,595
Let's do this right, shall we?
591
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,430
For you.
What are you doing?
592
00:19:26,432 --> 00:19:28,599
There are no false idols.
593
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,701
(speaking foreign language)
594
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,303
Kevin:
Oh, oh, guys, guys.
595
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,471
Quiet. It's starting.
596
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,306
(speaks foreign language)
597
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:37,542
(indian pop music playing)
598
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,017
That's cool.
How are the bears doing?
599
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,919
(man singing
in foreign language)
600
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,224
(whoops)
yeah!
601
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,128
Put your hands up!
Put your hands up! Ooh!
602
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,498
Ooh! Ooh!
603
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,399
Taco!
604
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,900
What's going on, guys?
605
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:06,003
I have reappeared! Smoke.
606
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,071
I couldn't stay away,
607
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:08,706
Even if means going to jail.
608
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:09,840
How's it going?
609
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,142
You come to this temple often?
610
00:20:11,144 --> 00:20:12,210
Taco, get over here!
611
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,945
I'll talk to you later.
612
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:16,380
Hey, guys.
613
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:17,481
What are you doing?
614
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:18,849
Wow, look at all these people
615
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,018
Worshiping the shiva.
616
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:22,920
Fantasy football's really taken
off over the past few years.
617
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:29,493
Yes! Matt forte, td!
That was a value pick, too.
618
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:31,262
Suck it, shit-sippers!
619
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,831
Excuse me. That's
inappropriate language.
620
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,399
Well, it's smack talk.
This is fantasy.
621
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:37,935
Come on.
Why would you think
that I sip shit?
622
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,670
Oh, you know what?
Forget it. You...
623
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:40,905
(cheering over tv)
aaron rodgers!
624
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,206
Td! Come on!
625
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:43,441
Man:
Stop.
626
00:20:43,443 --> 00:20:45,042
Don't look at me.
627
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,544
I want to foot-punch
your face.
628
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,379
I don't care. I'm winning.
629
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:51,115
(speaking foreign language)
630
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,251
Ooh, rudolfo,
give me a spritz of that.
631
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:56,087
You know what? Give me a little
kiss on this cheek, too.
632
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,588
(silly giggling)
633
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,924
Looks like the sacko
is concluding first.
Oh.
634
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:03,761
And tied with the lowest score,
we have pete and taco.
635
00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,196
Who's the sacko?
Pete's got no one left,
636
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:07,098
And you have
justin tucker.
637
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,133
Baltimore is about
to kick you guys.
Yup.
638
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:10,201
Justin tucker's
a kicker?
639
00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:11,302
Yup.
Yes!
640
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,770
I had justin tucker once.
641
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,372
You've had every kicker once.
642
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,941
Guys, I won! Pete eckhart!
I won a million dollars!
643
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,943
Yeah, you're also about
to get the sacko, so...
Man (over tv): Justin tucker
644
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,878
Gets ready for the kick
from 47 yards out.
Oh, shit.
645
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,113
Oh, kick is up.
Man (over tv): The kick is up.
646
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:23,881
And... Ooh, no good.
647
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,616
Yes!
Mm. No. Flag.
648
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,118
Man (on tv): Wait. We've got
a flag on the play.
Oh.
649
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:28,953
Offside, pittsburgh.
Five-yard penalty.
650
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:30,054
Kevin:
Offsides on pittsburgh!
651
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,322
Aah!
Offside?
652
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:32,957
That is a shitty call!
653
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:34,425
I don't know.
The ref said.
654
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:36,127
Yeah. Refs.
Okay. All right.
655
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:37,495
Uh. Rekick.
Man (over tv):
Here's the rekick. It's up.
656
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:39,430
And it's good.
And it's...
657
00:21:39,432 --> 00:21:40,731
Another three points.
...Good.
658
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,234
Oh, son of a... Sacko!
659
00:21:43,236 --> 00:21:45,136
No, no, no, I saw him miss it.
660
00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:46,304
I lost fair and square.
661
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:48,005
He didn't have
to redo it for me.
662
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:50,775
Pete, you lost because of
a bad call from the ref.
663
00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:52,476
Karma's a real bitch.
664
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:55,012
Should I remind you guys that
I just won a million dollars?
665
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:57,315
Should I remind you
you are... Sacko!
666
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:58,082
Sacko!
667
00:21:58,084 --> 00:21:59,150
Sacko!
Sacko!
668
00:21:59,152 --> 00:21:59,917
Oh, sacko!
669
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:00,785
♪ sack-oh! ♪
670
00:22:00,787 --> 00:22:01,652
Sacko!
671
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,654
Sacko del toro!
672
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,290
You know, I am rich enough that
this really shouldn't bother me,
673
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:07,525
But this really bothers me!
674
00:22:07,527 --> 00:22:09,627
Money can't buy you
not-sacko-ness.
675
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:12,096
What about the shiva?
We'll find out soon enough.
676
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:13,464
Ladies and gentlemen,
please come
677
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,132
And seek the blessings
of lord shiva.
678
00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:16,267
Oh, now's the time.
Here we go, guys.
Pete: Oh.
679
00:22:16,269 --> 00:22:17,968
This?
Yup, this way. Come on.
680
00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:20,137
Here we go. This.
681
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:23,441
All (chanting):
Om namah shivaya.
Om namah shivaya.
682
00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:26,344
Om namah shivaya.
683
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:30,214
Om namah shivaya.
Om namah shivaya.
684
00:22:30,216 --> 00:22:34,885
(shouting):
Shiva komedi somakanakram!
685
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:36,320
(whoops)
excuse me.
What...?
686
00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:37,955
Just, with you in one second.
687
00:22:37,957 --> 00:22:40,691
Now, first up, the
fertility bowl.
(jenny laughs)
688
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:43,894
With a score of 87 to 76,
I am happy to announce
689
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:46,130
I am keeping my parts
the way they are!
690
00:22:46,132 --> 00:22:47,365
What? No! No!
Yes!
691
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:48,733
No, give me that!
Let me see that!
692
00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:50,234
Sorry about
your balls, jenny.
What?
693
00:22:50,236 --> 00:22:51,502
Shut up, pete!
But if you're gonna
694
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:52,803
Open up the hood, you should
695
00:22:52,805 --> 00:22:53,971
Let me in there,
and I could just get...
696
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:55,873
What? No! Shut up
about my parts!
697
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,975
Jenny, here's the snip.
You are the winner.
No.
698
00:22:57,977 --> 00:22:59,810
No, I'm not taking that!
This whole thing is stupid!
699
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:01,979
I'm not doing it!
Jenny! Oh, jenny, come on!
700
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,848
Don't... What? What?
No, no, no, no, no.
Shiva.
701
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:05,249
Shiva, shiva, shiva.
All right, fine.
702
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:06,684
I wasn't gonna make her do it.
703
00:23:06,686 --> 00:23:08,185
I just wanted
to lord my victory over her.
704
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:10,221
Hurry up! Hurry up!
Everyone waiting here!
705
00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:12,189
Chill out.
Your league'll be next.
706
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:14,425
Now to the main event--
the shiva bowl.
707
00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:15,893
Pete:
Finally.
708
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,228
And the winner is...
709
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,196
A tie
710
00:23:19,198 --> 00:23:20,364
Between ruxin
711
00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:22,199
And the coin-- 84 to 84.
712
00:23:22,201 --> 00:23:23,567
Well, so that means I won.
713
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,102
No, we have to go
to the tie-breakers.
714
00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:26,504
The tie-breakers are
all even, as well.
715
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:28,038
Points, record,
head-to-head.
716
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,673
Well, I won.
I mean, what are you gonna do?
717
00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:30,875
How are we gonna solve this?
718
00:23:30,877 --> 00:23:32,076
I say flip the coin.
Yes.
719
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:33,544
Flip the coin?
720
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:35,579
The coin is obviously
gonna choose himself.
721
00:23:35,581 --> 00:23:37,114
Come on.
What do you mean,
"choose himself"?
722
00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:38,249
It's coin collusion!
Pete:
Okay, here it is.
723
00:23:38,251 --> 00:23:39,784
It is not coin collusion.
724
00:23:39,786 --> 00:23:41,085
I mean, this is a classic
case of coin collusion!
725
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,353
Well, how do we break
the tie, then?
726
00:23:42,355 --> 00:23:43,587
You can't have a race,
you can't...
727
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:45,289
Just... Flip it!
728
00:23:45,291 --> 00:23:47,691
You heard the man.
All right, we'll
flip the coin.
729
00:23:47,693 --> 00:23:49,393
You can call it
in the air, okay?
730
00:23:49,395 --> 00:23:51,095
Oh, thanks so much.
731
00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:52,530
Okay. Here we go.
732
00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:55,900
♪ ♪
733
00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,034
Heads. No, tails.
734
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,004
(heart beating)
735
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,241
Oh!
736
00:24:04,243 --> 00:24:06,444
Mother...
737
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,913
(bleep)
738
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:10,114
(bleep), future ruxin!
739
00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:11,615
He (bleep) me!
740
00:24:11,617 --> 00:24:12,950
If I ever see him again,
741
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,485
I'm gonna chop off
both of his butt cheeks,
742
00:24:14,487 --> 00:24:16,654
Use 'em as buns,
then chop off
743
00:24:16,656 --> 00:24:18,989
His meaty clackers,
stick 'em together
744
00:24:18,991 --> 00:24:22,293
In a big meatball sub,
and then make him eat it!
745
00:24:22,295 --> 00:24:23,761
Okay, I'm gonna go see how
746
00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:24,995
Jenny's doing, so...
747
00:24:24,997 --> 00:24:26,797
You had to tinker
on the coin flip.
748
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,933
Pete:
Is this what it comes down to?
749
00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:30,768
I mean, a coin
is our shiva bowl champion?
750
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:32,970
Shiva, is this what you want?
751
00:24:32,972 --> 00:24:35,139
Are we all so unworthy?
Yes.
752
00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:36,740
Now, get the hell off my stage!
753
00:24:36,742 --> 00:24:37,975
Well, I'll just keep this
for safekeeping.
Ooh! Change.
754
00:24:37,977 --> 00:24:39,410
Here we go.
755
00:24:39,412 --> 00:24:40,845
Just total bullshit!
Ruxin: Get your trophy.
756
00:24:40,847 --> 00:24:42,947
Oh. Oh, get my trophy, ruxin?
757
00:24:42,949 --> 00:24:44,615
I will get my trophy.
758
00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:47,818
I will get my trophy, and then
I will throw it directly into
759
00:24:47,820 --> 00:24:49,320
The trash!
Guys, I couldn't
find jenny... Hey!
760
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:50,488
(kevin and jenny screaming)
761
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:51,355
All:
Oh!
Jenny:
Oh, my god!
762
00:24:51,357 --> 00:24:52,456
(kevin screaming)
763
00:24:52,458 --> 00:24:54,158
Oh, my god!
764
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:55,926
(high-pitched screaming)
765
00:24:55,928 --> 00:24:57,595
Jenny: Oh, no!
Kevin: Oh!
766
00:24:57,597 --> 00:24:59,463
Oh, no!
Oh, god, is it bad?
767
00:24:59,465 --> 00:25:01,198
No.
No.
768
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,766
Yeah, it's awful.
769
00:25:02,768 --> 00:25:04,101
Ruxin:
Ugh, what a tragedy.
770
00:25:04,103 --> 00:25:06,470
I can't believe
I lost to the coin.
771
00:25:06,472 --> 00:25:08,138
What the (bleep)
is going on?
772
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:10,074
Just normal
fantasy football stuff.
(kevin screaming)
773
00:25:15,348 --> 00:25:17,014
(beeping)
kevin: What's going on?
What happened?
774
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:18,549
Just relax, kevin.
775
00:25:18,551 --> 00:25:20,184
You've lost a lot of blood,
but you're gonna be fine.
776
00:25:20,186 --> 00:25:21,685
Smells like bacon.
777
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:23,821
That... Is not bacon.
778
00:25:23,823 --> 00:25:25,289
We're cauterizing
the smaller vessels.
779
00:25:25,291 --> 00:25:26,590
(kevin gasping softly)
780
00:25:29,462 --> 00:25:31,629
(sighs)
781
00:25:31,631 --> 00:25:34,398
Hey, handsome,
you're awake.
782
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,166
What happened?
Shiva:
Kevin,
783
00:25:36,168 --> 00:25:39,003
You've suffered extensive trauma
from a sharp object.
784
00:25:39,005 --> 00:25:40,070
Oh. What?
785
00:25:40,072 --> 00:25:41,372
We couldn't save your testicles.
786
00:25:41,374 --> 00:25:42,840
Oh.
Oh, god.
787
00:25:42,842 --> 00:25:44,742
Kevin, you got straight-up
snipped by the snip.
788
00:25:44,744 --> 00:25:46,176
So I'm gonna lose my balls?
789
00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:47,044
They are gone.
790
00:25:47,046 --> 00:25:48,379
Did you keep them?
791
00:25:48,381 --> 00:25:50,047
Well, I can ask.
792
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:51,382
Please.
793
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,551
I want them
to go in the sacko.
794
00:25:54,353 --> 00:25:56,320
Pete:
I will go look
795
00:25:56,322 --> 00:25:57,721
In the dumpster right now
if that's where they are...
796
00:25:57,723 --> 00:25:59,256
Ruxin:
Hold on,
797
00:25:59,258 --> 00:26:01,525
So pete wins the sacko,
which means he gets andre's
798
00:26:01,527 --> 00:26:04,094
Beach house, and he now has
the money to fix it up,
799
00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:06,263
And he gets kevin's balls?
800
00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:08,198
How is this a sacko punishment?
801
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,402
Well, as
the sacko commissioner, um...
802
00:26:11,404 --> 00:26:14,204
It is decided?
803
00:26:14,206 --> 00:26:18,409
I'm sorry. Kevin just lost
both of his testicles,
804
00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:19,777
And all you care about
is your league?
805
00:26:19,779 --> 00:26:21,679
(quietly):
Hmm. Yeah.
806
00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:23,347
Yes. It was what
I was thinking about, too.
807
00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:24,715
Well, at least
you guys are consistent.
808
00:26:24,717 --> 00:26:26,250
Ever since I've
known you, you have
809
00:26:26,252 --> 00:26:28,352
Never stopped being stupid.
810
00:26:28,354 --> 00:26:30,087
Kevin, I've given this
a lot of thought,
811
00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:33,691
And I'm willing to donate
one of my testicles to you.
812
00:26:33,693 --> 00:26:36,093
No, I don't want it.
It'll be the
one I use less.
813
00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:38,228
Like the lazy-eye testicle,
the one that wanders.
814
00:26:38,230 --> 00:26:40,130
Here, feel this guy right here.
No. God almighty, taco.
815
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:41,532
That guy.
Oh, my god.
816
00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:42,866
Jenny:
Oh, god.
It's gonna be yours.
817
00:26:42,868 --> 00:26:44,234
It's gonna be in you.
818
00:26:44,236 --> 00:26:45,436
Andre: I just
want you to know
819
00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:46,604
That I'll do
the procedure.
820
00:26:46,606 --> 00:26:48,038
Let me see the canvas
821
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,907
I'm working with here.
(gasps)
taco: Oh!
822
00:26:49,909 --> 00:26:51,942
Oh, looks like someone sucked
the pork out of a dumpling.
823
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:53,477
Well, guess that's
the end of the season.
824
00:26:53,479 --> 00:26:55,045
All the winners and losers
are accounted for.
825
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:56,480
Except for one, pete.
826
00:26:56,482 --> 00:26:58,716
May I remind you of a bet
that you and I had
827
00:26:58,718 --> 00:27:00,618
About who would be happier
at the end of the season.
828
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:02,052
Right. Yes.
And I know that
829
00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:03,787
You won the house
and all that money.
830
00:27:03,789 --> 00:27:06,790
But I...
Am gonna be the father
831
00:27:06,792 --> 00:27:09,326
Of a beautiful baby boy.
832
00:27:09,328 --> 00:27:11,228
I won, and it's
not even close.
833
00:27:11,230 --> 00:27:12,997
Well, andre, I cannot
compete with that.
834
00:27:12,999 --> 00:27:14,732
As a consolation prize,
835
00:27:14,734 --> 00:27:16,567
I'll quit my job,
I'll never work again,
836
00:27:16,569 --> 00:27:18,969
And I will buy
a first-class plane ticket
837
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:20,804
And fly off
into the california sunset.
838
00:27:20,806 --> 00:27:22,139
Woe is me.
839
00:27:22,141 --> 00:27:24,642
Arrivederci.
840
00:27:24,644 --> 00:27:26,744
You know what pete used
to say about fantasy football?
841
00:27:26,746 --> 00:27:28,912
"there are many things
a man can do with his time,
842
00:27:28,914 --> 00:27:30,914
"but this...
843
00:27:30,916 --> 00:27:32,683
Is better than those things."
844
00:27:32,685 --> 00:27:34,118
(gasps)
845
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,954
Did you feel that?
Oh, my god, it kicked!
846
00:27:36,956 --> 00:27:38,322
We need to vine this.
Let's go. Come on.
847
00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:39,757
Okay.
Oh, my god.
848
00:27:39,759 --> 00:27:41,025
Meegan: It's so
exciting when he kicks!
849
00:27:41,027 --> 00:27:42,593
They seem happy.
850
00:27:42,595 --> 00:27:44,428
We're not gonna
tell andre, right?
851
00:27:44,430 --> 00:27:46,397
Wait. You knew?
852
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,834
This unmentionable
stays unmentioned.
853
00:27:50,836 --> 00:27:52,469
At least until the kid's
18th birthday.
854
00:27:52,471 --> 00:27:54,772
Mm.
You want to get
a coffee, talk about it?
855
00:27:54,774 --> 00:27:57,441
Let's go.
856
00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:03,514
Happy 18th birthday, son.
Thank you.
857
00:28:03,516 --> 00:28:06,016
I have spared no expense
making you into a great man.
858
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:08,519
Enrolling you
in the best magic camps
859
00:28:08,521 --> 00:28:10,721
And teaching you
the fine art of haberdashery.
860
00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:13,724
But this is the one
I'm most excited about.
861
00:28:13,726 --> 00:28:15,025
Your own fantasy team.
862
00:28:15,027 --> 00:28:16,560
Really, father?
863
00:28:16,562 --> 00:28:18,128
Welcome to the league!
864
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:19,697
(laughs)
865
00:28:19,699 --> 00:28:22,099
Welcome to the league!
866
00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:24,501
Okay.
867
00:28:24,503 --> 00:28:26,804
Huh? Your first
message board message!
868
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:30,240
Hello, andre.
You are watching this video
869
00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:31,408
18 years in the future.
870
00:28:31,410 --> 00:28:33,143
Andre, what's the future like?
871
00:28:33,145 --> 00:28:35,145
What are the douchiest
douche bags wearing now?
872
00:28:35,147 --> 00:28:37,214
I don't know.
We are shooting this video
873
00:28:37,216 --> 00:28:40,684
On the day your son,
andre ii, was born.
874
00:28:40,686 --> 00:28:41,919
The deuce!
875
00:28:41,921 --> 00:28:43,554
Named after your turd
of a father.
876
00:28:43,556 --> 00:28:44,755
He's not... Not a turd.
877
00:28:44,757 --> 00:28:46,323
It's actually
a more fashionable way
878
00:28:46,325 --> 00:28:48,092
To say "junior."
kevin: Speaking of which,
879
00:28:48,094 --> 00:28:49,993
We have something
we'd like to tell you.
880
00:28:49,995 --> 00:28:52,563
All (to tune of "hava nagila"):
♪ andre is not your father ♪
881
00:28:52,565 --> 00:28:55,399
♪ he's not your papa ♪
882
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:57,367
♪ biologically, hey! ♪
883
00:28:57,369 --> 00:29:00,504
♪ andre is not your pa,
andre is not your pa ♪
884
00:29:00,506 --> 00:29:03,674
♪ pa, pa, pa-pa-pa,
andre's not your pa ♪
885
00:29:03,676 --> 00:29:05,609
♪ hey! Who... Is? ♪
886
00:29:05,611 --> 00:29:07,678
♪ who, who, is, is? ♪
887
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,880
♪ pete's your dad, pete's
your papa, pete's your dad ♪
888
00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:11,615
♪ pete's your papa,
pete's your dad... ♪
889
00:29:11,617 --> 00:29:12,750
Pete's my father?
890
00:29:12,752 --> 00:29:18,422
♪ pete's your real live dad. ♪
891
00:29:18,424 --> 00:29:19,623
Let's grab a beer sometime.
892
00:29:19,625 --> 00:29:20,924
Welcome to
the league, buddy.
893
00:29:20,926 --> 00:29:22,359
Suck it!
894
00:29:24,530 --> 00:29:26,296
(laughs):
Yes!
895
00:29:26,298 --> 00:29:27,464
(whoops)
896
00:29:27,466 --> 00:29:28,966
(laughs):
Yeah!
897
00:29:53,826 --> 00:29:55,559
That's all, shit-sippers!
898
00:29:55,561 --> 00:29:57,928
(laughs, whoops)
899
00:29:57,930 --> 00:30:00,063
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh