1 00:00:00,971 --> 00:00:04,742 ♪ Twinkle, twinkle, little star ♪ 2 00:00:04,842 --> 00:00:09,380 ♪ How I wonder what you are ♪ 3 00:00:09,413 --> 00:00:13,351 ♪ Something, something, up so high ♪ 4 00:00:13,384 --> 00:00:18,422 - # Kicking, screaming, burned alive... # - Goddamn it, Cheryl, 5 00:00:18,522 --> 00:00:20,324 are you gonna shoot this goddamn thing or what? 6 00:00:20,358 --> 00:00:24,062 Well, it's hard for me to make a decision 7 00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:27,764 without knowing what this "or what" option is. Duh. 8 00:00:27,885 --> 00:00:33,324 For God's sakes, Lana, do you literally want to become lunch? 9 00:00:33,357 --> 00:00:34,824 The gas pedal is the one on the right. 10 00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:38,028 I'm trying. I can't get any power. 11 00:00:38,061 --> 00:00:40,698 Why are these guns so freaking loud? 12 00:00:40,731 --> 00:00:43,133 My earballs are on fire! 13 00:00:44,748 --> 00:00:49,386 - Shoot him in the dick! - Space snails don't have dicks. 14 00:00:49,387 --> 00:00:52,190 Technically, they have both male and female reproductive organs, 15 00:00:52,223 --> 00:00:54,392 so they can inseminate and be inseminated. 16 00:00:54,425 --> 00:00:56,527 Cyril's definitely been to those kind of parties. 17 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,228 - Space burn. - Would you idiots 18 00:00:58,229 --> 00:01:00,698 mind focusing on the problem at hand, please? 19 00:01:00,731 --> 00:01:04,034 Krieger, why can't I get any power from the boosters? 20 00:01:04,068 --> 00:01:06,804 What the hell is going on with the power supply? 21 00:01:06,904 --> 00:01:09,906 Goddamn it! Something must be depleting power from the ship. 22 00:01:09,907 --> 00:01:11,909 Did someone leave the fan on in the bathroom again? 23 00:01:11,942 --> 00:01:13,977 - Not me. - And why not? 24 00:01:14,078 --> 00:01:16,747 What is with all the banging and the shouting? 25 00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:19,363 Are we hosting a quinceañera? 26 00:01:22,986 --> 00:01:26,224 Oh, shiiit! 27 00:01:28,126 --> 00:01:30,294 Nooo! 28 00:01:31,629 --> 00:01:34,265 I left my purse in there! 29 00:02:06,916 --> 00:02:09,955 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 30 00:02:17,021 --> 00:02:20,158 - That was awesome. - Awesome? 31 00:02:20,191 --> 00:02:21,724 We're stuck inside a space nautilus 32 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,694 somewhere between his colon and his cloaca. 33 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,404 - What's a cloaca? - It's an organ that's used 34 00:02:26,405 --> 00:02:28,365 for excretion and also intercourse. 35 00:02:28,366 --> 00:02:31,201 - Smart. - Pam, shut up. 36 00:02:31,202 --> 00:02:32,902 You know, for the person who got us into this mess, 37 00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:35,539 you certainly are yelling at people a lot. 38 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:37,841 - You got us into this mess. - Hey, let's not point fingers. 39 00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:41,111 Especially yours, Lana. Those things are like cricket bats. 40 00:02:41,212 --> 00:02:42,946 You're the one who wouldn't listen to me 41 00:02:42,980 --> 00:02:44,481 and set our course for a galaxy 42 00:02:44,482 --> 00:02:46,550 to which we've never been before, and, as we can now see, 43 00:02:46,650 --> 00:02:49,687 is a ship-eating cosmo crustacean. 44 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,855 Well, you were the one making the flight super boring, 45 00:02:51,889 --> 00:02:55,024 so I started punching colored buttons on the navigation panel, 46 00:02:55,025 --> 00:02:58,662 building to a loud, yelly, final last point! 47 00:02:58,696 --> 00:03:00,664 Can we please figure out how the hell 48 00:03:00,698 --> 00:03:01,998 we're getting out of here? 49 00:03:01,999 --> 00:03:03,200 - Yeah! - We are totally boned. 50 00:03:03,201 --> 00:03:06,570 Would everyone relax. We'll just fire up the old plasma torch, 51 00:03:06,670 --> 00:03:09,907 cut an ulcer in this thing, and zorp our way out of here. 52 00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:15,746 Okay. Don't waste any more power. 53 00:03:15,846 --> 00:03:19,049 - It'll work. - No, it will not. 54 00:03:19,082 --> 00:03:22,018 - Well, not with that attitude. - That wasn't me, idiot. 55 00:03:22,019 --> 00:03:24,222 - I tried that, too, when I got here. - Wha... 56 00:03:24,255 --> 00:03:26,224 Can't you go anywhere these days 57 00:03:26,257 --> 00:03:28,759 without being accosted by the homeless? 58 00:03:28,859 --> 00:03:31,529 Um, so I guess I'll just wait out here, then, 59 00:03:31,562 --> 00:03:34,534 like some space-flunky. 60 00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:41,204 This is so stupid. "Lead us into battle, Cheryl." 61 00:03:41,205 --> 00:03:43,374 "Rescue the ship from certain doom, Carol." 62 00:03:43,407 --> 00:03:46,944 Who am I, Artemisia I of Caria? 63 00:03:49,713 --> 00:03:52,383 You know what I mean. 64 00:03:54,685 --> 00:03:56,520 Oh, God! 65 00:03:56,554 --> 00:03:59,557 - Is it... a human? - Of sorts. 66 00:03:59,590 --> 00:04:01,392 Smells like a diaper's coffin in here. 67 00:04:01,425 --> 00:04:04,027 This is why you don't invite them in. 68 00:04:04,061 --> 00:04:06,029 - She's a vampire? - Everyone shut up. 69 00:04:06,063 --> 00:04:08,399 Who are you and what are you doing here? 70 00:04:08,432 --> 00:04:12,603 My name is Glenda Price, captain of the starship Tristan of Coralia. 71 00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:17,408 I also commanded the CoreStart mission. 72 00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:20,811 Wrote a book about it. "Space Me, Space You." 73 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:24,146 About all the good we did 74 00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:26,484 and the lives we saved throughout the universe? 75 00:04:26,584 --> 00:04:29,420 The cover art is my Intergalactic Peace Prize medal? 76 00:04:29,453 --> 00:04:30,587 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember that. - I love Space Me, Space You. 77 00:04:30,588 --> 00:04:31,621 - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, space. 78 00:04:31,622 --> 00:04:34,441 Anyway, the Tristan was on an intergalactic 79 00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:37,159 humanitarian mission when we ran into the Zarglorp. 80 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:39,446 - What's the Zarglorp? - Seriously? 81 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,999 - Come on! - Even I know that was stupid. 82 00:04:42,099 --> 00:04:43,801 The creature that ate us, dummy. 83 00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:46,470 - Jesus, all right, sorry. - We were delivering 84 00:04:46,504 --> 00:04:49,907 medical supplies to poor children and burn victims 85 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:52,843 when an asteroid storm forced us off course 86 00:04:52,943 --> 00:04:54,678 into the Targluk Galaxy. 87 00:04:54,778 --> 00:04:58,448 - Is that how you all ended up there? - Uh... uh, y-yup. 88 00:04:58,449 --> 00:05:01,483 Asteroid storm. Size of eggs. 89 00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:04,655 Ah, yes. We got dragged in and swallowed whole. 90 00:05:04,688 --> 00:05:07,958 The Tristan is still wedged nearby in the digestive canal. 91 00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:10,928 - And your crew? - Oh, we made do at first. 92 00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:13,797 We played softball, taught ourselves piano. 93 00:05:13,831 --> 00:05:16,367 But then the rations ran out and, one by one, 94 00:05:16,467 --> 00:05:18,034 they killed themselves. 95 00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:19,469 - Wow. - Cheesy Petes. 96 00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:21,137 Captain, I am so sorry to hear that. 97 00:05:21,138 --> 00:05:24,375 Me too. We lived in our own little utopia. 98 00:05:26,009 --> 00:05:28,612 They were my best friends. 99 00:05:28,646 --> 00:05:31,114 Best friends? But they work for you. 100 00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:33,951 Anyhow, then, as they died, we'd eat them. 101 00:05:33,984 --> 00:05:35,485 Smart. 102 00:05:35,486 --> 00:05:37,388 Unfortunately, there's no way out of here. 103 00:05:37,488 --> 00:05:40,391 We'll slowly be digested over the next hundred years or so. 104 00:05:40,491 --> 00:05:42,724 A hundred years? That's, like, forever! 105 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,062 - Nobody lives that long, idiot. - You definitely won't 106 00:05:45,162 --> 00:05:46,862 if you don't keep your mouth shut. 107 00:05:48,732 --> 00:05:51,134 All right, calm down. We aren't spending the rest of our lives 108 00:05:51,168 --> 00:05:54,472 in some space prawn's shit factory. Krieger, figure out 109 00:05:54,505 --> 00:05:56,574 why there's no power to the boosters and fix it. 110 00:05:56,674 --> 00:05:59,743 - Yep, yep, yep. - Ray, fix anything damaged in the crash. 111 00:05:59,843 --> 00:06:02,145 Pam, Lana, and I will go back to the Tristan 112 00:06:02,179 --> 00:06:04,515 and collect anything that might help us get out of here. 113 00:06:04,548 --> 00:06:07,050 Cyril, I guess just keep being useless. 114 00:06:07,084 --> 00:06:08,685 - Captain? - What do you need? 115 00:06:08,686 --> 00:06:10,421 I want to help you all get to safety, 116 00:06:10,521 --> 00:06:12,490 like when I rescued the Vantaurians 117 00:06:12,523 --> 00:06:14,725 from that ELE on Vantaur Five, 118 00:06:14,758 --> 00:06:19,763 then used all my money to get them all universal health care. 119 00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:22,432 That's insurance that is accepted throughout the universe. 120 00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,768 Wow, what a goddamn saint you are. 121 00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:26,570 Do you have any blast charges on your ship? 122 00:06:26,604 --> 00:06:30,774 - Yes, but do not use them, because... - Great. Okay, Pam, this is crucial. 123 00:06:30,874 --> 00:06:32,676 Once we're out there, look for anything we can use 124 00:06:32,710 --> 00:06:34,445 to make me a drink. 125 00:06:34,545 --> 00:06:37,515 We're in the middle of a space creature's stomach. 126 00:06:37,548 --> 00:06:40,217 There's always something that can be a mixer, Lana. 127 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:42,520 I made a drink once out of Barbicide and hair gel. 128 00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:44,588 It's called a Moscow Mousse. 129 00:06:44,622 --> 00:06:47,724 Well, it seems like you all have this situation under control. 130 00:06:47,725 --> 00:06:50,461 Under control? We're currently food. 131 00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:54,031 Well, you know me. Always "glass half full." 132 00:06:54,064 --> 00:06:56,867 ♪ Ta-ta. ♪ 133 00:07:00,404 --> 00:07:02,706 Okay, pro: all my stuff is on board, 134 00:07:02,740 --> 00:07:04,240 including that kick-ass purse 135 00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:05,742 that has metal studs on the bottom 136 00:07:05,743 --> 00:07:07,878 so it doesn't touch gross restaurant floors. 137 00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:10,581 Con. I'm gonna have to keep doing 138 00:07:10,614 --> 00:07:14,652 stupid fighter pilot missions, and they're so boring 'cause I'm so good. 139 00:07:14,752 --> 00:07:16,085 Pro: I'm here. 140 00:07:16,086 --> 00:07:18,556 Is that you, voice in my head? 141 00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:21,324 You sound so much older. And drunker. 142 00:07:21,425 --> 00:07:23,427 Look at the screen, you glue-eating pinhead. 143 00:07:23,461 --> 00:07:26,263 Oh! I've seen this show! With the mean lady! 144 00:07:26,296 --> 00:07:28,832 - Um... Matlock! - Listen to me. 145 00:07:28,932 --> 00:07:32,402 We have to fly down into that monster this instant. 146 00:07:32,436 --> 00:07:34,171 For my purse? I know, right? 147 00:07:34,271 --> 00:07:36,273 It matches literally everything. 148 00:07:36,306 --> 00:07:38,442 No, you clod. To pick up Sterling, 149 00:07:38,476 --> 00:07:40,177 then get the hell out of here. 150 00:07:40,277 --> 00:07:41,944 Mm, no, thanks. 151 00:07:41,945 --> 00:07:44,081 What do you mean, "No, thanks"? 152 00:07:44,114 --> 00:07:47,283 I'm probably just better off leaving and starting a new life. 153 00:07:47,284 --> 00:07:48,618 Hey, you want to come? 154 00:07:48,619 --> 00:07:50,654 - Gals' trip! - Absolutely not! 155 00:07:50,688 --> 00:07:53,323 Now listen to me. We are flying back down there and... 156 00:07:53,356 --> 00:07:56,093 You're not my space supervisor! 157 00:08:00,598 --> 00:08:02,766 All right, Cyril, while we're gone, 158 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,500 keep Captain Price company. 159 00:08:04,502 --> 00:08:05,835 She's been through a lot. 160 00:08:05,836 --> 00:08:07,705 Maybe you'll learn a thing or two from her. 161 00:08:07,805 --> 00:08:09,338 Oh, from the woman who got her ship eaten 162 00:08:09,339 --> 00:08:10,840 and her whole crew killed? 163 00:08:10,841 --> 00:08:13,010 That's still more than you've ever accomplished, Cyril. 164 00:08:13,043 --> 00:08:15,846 Keep her company. 165 00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:18,315 Cyril, right? Come over here. 166 00:08:18,348 --> 00:08:21,218 Sit down. Let's have a chat, just you and I. 167 00:08:21,318 --> 00:08:24,370 Would you like to hear the story of how I saved 168 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:27,088 the Drang population after the Great Flood of the Mupak Valley? 169 00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:30,160 You know what? Yes, I would. 170 00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:31,661 Screw it, if we're dying in here, 171 00:08:31,662 --> 00:08:33,497 I'm gonna go ahead and finish that cake. 172 00:08:33,531 --> 00:08:36,276 I mean, I don't even care. 173 00:08:38,401 --> 00:08:39,835 - Krieger? - Still looking 174 00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:41,270 for the source of the power loss. 175 00:08:41,305 --> 00:08:43,140 Seems like it's been getting sucked all night. 176 00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:45,375 Space phrasing. All right, find it and fix it. 177 00:08:45,408 --> 00:08:47,009 Once this thing pukes us out, 178 00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,980 we're gonna need those boosters to get out of this galaxy. 179 00:08:53,517 --> 00:08:58,406 Don't worry, my child. Daddy's here. 180 00:08:58,441 --> 00:09:03,093 More... power. 181 00:09:12,202 --> 00:09:14,872 What was that bullshit back there with Cyril? 182 00:09:14,905 --> 00:09:16,539 "Keep Captain Price company"? 183 00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:18,776 Since when do you care about other people's feelings? 184 00:09:18,876 --> 00:09:21,078 Well, unlike you, Lana, I have empathy. 185 00:09:21,111 --> 00:09:24,714 - Oh, wait. Uh, sympathy? - I think it's "symphony." 186 00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:26,784 I can put myself in Price's shoes, okay? 187 00:09:26,884 --> 00:09:30,588 I know I'm gonna be the last survivor, resorting to cannibalism. 188 00:09:30,621 --> 00:09:33,791 Stuck here to die alone, literally eating dicks. 189 00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:36,893 - Oh, come on. - Or, you know, whatever Pam has. 190 00:09:36,894 --> 00:09:38,427 I hesitate to call that thing a dick. 191 00:09:38,428 --> 00:09:40,297 It's more like a garbage claw. 192 00:09:40,397 --> 00:09:43,132 Oh, pfft. Give me a break. You don't want to die alone? 193 00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:45,135 You were always gonna die alone. 194 00:09:45,235 --> 00:09:48,638 - What's that supposed to mean? - Archer, be honest. 195 00:09:48,639 --> 00:09:50,574 You're not close to anyone because you don't care. 196 00:09:50,608 --> 00:09:52,610 You don't even bother to listen to people, 197 00:09:52,643 --> 00:09:55,144 - especially me. - That's not true, Lana. 198 00:09:55,145 --> 00:09:56,845 I just listened to that entire sentence, 199 00:09:56,914 --> 00:10:00,282 - and it was excruciating. - Up top. 200 00:10:01,919 --> 00:10:04,454 Holy shitsnacks. 201 00:10:04,487 --> 00:10:06,323 These must be the suicidal crew members 202 00:10:06,423 --> 00:10:07,924 Price was talking about. 203 00:10:07,925 --> 00:10:10,460 Uh, you ever hear about someone committing suicide 204 00:10:10,493 --> 00:10:13,101 by bludgeoning themselves in the back of the head? 205 00:10:13,136 --> 00:10:14,932 Hey, the blast charges! 206 00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:18,769 Weren't you listening when Price said not to set those charges off? 207 00:10:18,802 --> 00:10:21,938 - I actually wasn't. What did she say? - Not to. 208 00:10:21,939 --> 00:10:23,774 Don't make things worse than they already are. 209 00:10:23,807 --> 00:10:26,276 Worse? We're in a monster's colon. 210 00:10:26,309 --> 00:10:28,578 We'll be safe here behind this big fleshy... 211 00:10:28,612 --> 00:10:32,315 - What is this, a tumor? - Aw, poor guy. 212 00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:41,659 Okay, now get back to the ship. 213 00:10:41,692 --> 00:10:43,426 Hey, what's that? 214 00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:48,999 Ugh. Some sort of parasites that live in this thing's digestive system. 215 00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:50,768 Yeah, I get those sometimes 216 00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:52,468 if I've been nosing through the trash. 217 00:10:52,469 --> 00:10:55,088 Ugh. Remember me saying 218 00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:57,306 something about not wanting things to get worse? 219 00:10:57,307 --> 00:11:00,043 I actually was listening then. 220 00:11:00,143 --> 00:11:02,612 Will you shut up and help me think of a plan? 221 00:11:02,646 --> 00:11:04,346 She said, while both talking 222 00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:06,912 - and not coming up with a plan. - Archer... 223 00:11:06,947 --> 00:11:08,518 Wait. I just came up with a plan. 224 00:11:08,551 --> 00:11:10,052 It's kind of complex. 225 00:11:10,053 --> 00:11:11,320 Run! 226 00:11:15,993 --> 00:11:18,696 I sliced the Florglap right in his face 227 00:11:18,729 --> 00:11:20,429 and I never looked back. 228 00:11:20,497 --> 00:11:24,534 And because of my heroism, they made a holiday in my honor. 229 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:27,070 I mean, not a bank holiday, but still. 230 00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,506 Wow, what a rewarding life. 231 00:11:29,539 --> 00:11:32,909 - So, tell me about your life, Cyril. - Oh, me? 232 00:11:32,910 --> 00:11:34,576 I've had a rough go of it. You don't want to hear it. 233 00:11:34,577 --> 00:11:37,147 Son, nothing matters to me more. 234 00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:39,516 A captain cares about her crew more than herself. 235 00:11:39,549 --> 00:11:41,217 That's the captain's code. 236 00:11:41,218 --> 00:11:44,755 Well, okay, if it's the captain's code. 237 00:11:44,855 --> 00:11:47,825 Uh, I guess it all started when I was about five... 238 00:11:47,858 --> 00:11:52,529 I never wanted to be a fighter pilot. I wanted to work in fashion. 239 00:11:52,562 --> 00:11:54,196 Wouldn't that be a sight to see? 240 00:11:54,197 --> 00:11:56,366 Totally. You see these outfits we're wearing, right? 241 00:11:56,399 --> 00:11:57,900 Who came up with this? 242 00:11:57,901 --> 00:12:00,103 Does anybody's ass look good in a flight suit? 243 00:12:00,203 --> 00:12:01,738 - No! - Well, you know, 244 00:12:01,739 --> 00:12:04,574 I have some friends in the design world. 245 00:12:04,607 --> 00:12:08,378 Hey! I just had a great idea. 246 00:12:08,411 --> 00:12:12,015 - You know what we should do? - Yes! We should rob them! 247 00:12:12,049 --> 00:12:13,884 No! We should fly down 248 00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:16,186 into that monster to get Sterling, then... 249 00:12:16,219 --> 00:12:18,956 I love it! You and me can be space pirates! 250 00:12:19,056 --> 00:12:21,792 With my fighter pilot skills and your "zerp-zerp" thing, 251 00:12:21,892 --> 00:12:24,194 we could run this galaxy! 252 00:12:24,227 --> 00:12:27,230 Ooh, let's plan our pirate outfits! 253 00:12:27,264 --> 00:12:29,032 And it turns out 254 00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:31,134 everyone did know it was my birthday 255 00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:33,971 and they skipped it just to hurt my feelings. 256 00:12:34,071 --> 00:12:37,440 To this day, I've never got to play spin the bottle! 257 00:12:37,474 --> 00:12:41,411 Wow. Life, she is a bitch. 258 00:12:41,444 --> 00:12:42,945 But you know what people say? 259 00:12:42,946 --> 00:12:46,616 - When things seem darkest... - What, Captain? 260 00:12:46,649 --> 00:12:49,076 Kill yourself. 261 00:12:51,454 --> 00:12:54,791 Oh, my dear boy, look at you. 262 00:12:54,792 --> 00:12:57,494 You're an exact replica of me. 263 00:12:57,594 --> 00:12:59,963 Though that hairline could use a little work. 264 00:12:59,997 --> 00:13:03,100 M-more power! 265 00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:06,837 - Shh, okay, okay. - More, more, more... 266 00:13:16,613 --> 00:13:18,147 Oh, no, I've killed him! 267 00:13:18,148 --> 00:13:22,652 Oh, God, no! Son, I didn't mean to kill you. 268 00:13:22,685 --> 00:13:25,422 M-Murder! 269 00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,791 - Murderer! - No, no, shh! 270 00:13:27,825 --> 00:13:29,359 - Murderer! Murderer! - No, no, shut up, shut up. 271 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,127 No, no, no, you're fine. 272 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,762 - Murderer! - You're fine. You're alive! Shh, shh, shh! 273 00:13:32,796 --> 00:13:37,667 - You are mur... - No, no! I am not a murderer, 274 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:40,037 you stupid head! 275 00:13:42,672 --> 00:13:45,808 - Figured out the power problem! - Okay, now, 276 00:13:45,809 --> 00:13:50,347 the rabbit goes around the tree and back into the hole. 277 00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:53,350 Is the dehydrated milk up here somew... 278 00:13:53,383 --> 00:13:55,051 The hell are you doing? 279 00:13:55,052 --> 00:13:57,855 - Killing myself. - Why, other than the obvious? 280 00:13:57,888 --> 00:14:00,690 Well, sometimes killing ourselves is the most 281 00:14:00,691 --> 00:14:03,493 noble thing we can do for our fellow survivors. 282 00:14:03,526 --> 00:14:05,495 Have you ever thought about it? 283 00:14:05,528 --> 00:14:07,364 Okay, nope, get that thing off your neck. 284 00:14:07,397 --> 00:14:11,501 Uh-oh. You know what we have on our hands here, Cyril? 285 00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:14,549 A dirty mutineer. 286 00:14:24,014 --> 00:14:26,549 "And finally, to my crewmates: 287 00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:28,385 I regret leaving this world so early, 288 00:14:28,418 --> 00:14:31,889 but I shall see you in the next." Good? 289 00:14:31,922 --> 00:14:35,425 Then maybe something like, um, "All my love, Cyril. 290 00:14:35,525 --> 00:14:37,527 P.S.: Please eat me." 291 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:40,430 Hmm. Yeah. 292 00:14:40,530 --> 00:14:42,900 See? He thinks it's good too. 293 00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:45,202 Now let's find you a load-bearing pipe. 294 00:14:52,775 --> 00:14:56,546 Hello? Can anyone hear me? 295 00:14:56,579 --> 00:14:57,947 Over. 296 00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,581 Ooh! What about eye patches? 297 00:14:59,582 --> 00:15:02,252 I mean, we don't actually have to have our eyes cut out 298 00:15:02,285 --> 00:15:04,254 to wear them... unless you want to. 299 00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:05,754 Can anyone hear me? 300 00:15:05,755 --> 00:15:08,391 Arr, this is Space Pirate Cheryl. Go ahead. 301 00:15:08,425 --> 00:15:10,260 There's a psycho loose on the ship! 302 00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:12,695 She's brainwashing the crew to kill themselves 303 00:15:12,729 --> 00:15:15,932 - so she can eat us! - Sterling! 304 00:15:15,933 --> 00:15:18,368 Cheryl, listen to me. We have to go in there! 305 00:15:18,401 --> 00:15:20,203 Duh, of course we have to go in there. 306 00:15:20,237 --> 00:15:23,572 There's someone brainwashing people into killing themselves! 307 00:15:23,573 --> 00:15:25,241 - Hurry up! - Let's go! 308 00:15:25,242 --> 00:15:26,808 All right, me hearties, open up! 309 00:15:26,809 --> 00:15:28,611 Here be breakfast! 310 00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:32,950 Well, well, well. Looks like we have 311 00:15:32,983 --> 00:15:35,785 a dirty traitor in our midst. 312 00:15:35,818 --> 00:15:38,438 I think you know what to do, Cyril. 313 00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:45,795 What the hell is this? 314 00:15:45,828 --> 00:15:48,831 - Cyril's trying to kill me! - Then I'm gonna kill myself. 315 00:15:48,932 --> 00:15:50,466 Then they want us to eat them. 316 00:15:50,467 --> 00:15:54,004 - Smart. - Cyril, you idiot, Price is space-mad. 317 00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:56,173 She convinced her crew to kill themselves 318 00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:59,276 - so she could eat them. - Wh... Wow. 319 00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:01,578 I... never. 320 00:16:01,611 --> 00:16:05,015 I am Glenda Macmillan Price, 321 00:16:05,115 --> 00:16:07,250 intergalactic hero, 322 00:16:07,284 --> 00:16:10,526 and I'll be damned if you'll accuse me... 323 00:16:13,190 --> 00:16:16,159 Hey, guys? We're down to auxiliary power. 324 00:16:16,193 --> 00:16:18,161 No way to know how that happened. 325 00:16:18,195 --> 00:16:20,830 But I do have an idea. Captain Price, you said 326 00:16:20,863 --> 00:16:23,266 your ship was lodged in the digestive tract, 327 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,969 - but it's not out of power, correct? - That's right. 328 00:16:26,003 --> 00:16:28,787 Well, if the fuel rods are undamaged, conceivably, we could 329 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,572 hook up our generator to the Tristan, throw the switch, 330 00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:33,676 and it could generate enough heat 331 00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:36,113 possibly to induce vomiting. 332 00:16:36,146 --> 00:16:38,015 - What the hell is that sound? - Those are the giant 333 00:16:38,048 --> 00:16:39,882 man-eating parasites that have been chasing us 334 00:16:39,983 --> 00:16:43,455 since Archer set off the blast charges Price told us not to! 335 00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:46,056 I think we all learned a valuable lesson from that 336 00:16:46,156 --> 00:16:48,525 that we wouldn't have known otherwise, and... 337 00:16:48,558 --> 00:16:49,992 ...now we know. 338 00:16:51,661 --> 00:16:54,330 You idiot! I've been successfully hiding 339 00:16:54,331 --> 00:16:56,682 - from those things for years! - Hey, how about this? 340 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,401 I say we try Krieger's idea. Lana, get behind the wheel 341 00:16:59,402 --> 00:17:01,037 and get this sucker ready to blow out of here. 342 00:17:01,038 --> 00:17:04,840 - Cyril, stop trying to kill yourself. - Aw, Archer. 343 00:17:04,841 --> 00:17:07,844 Help Krieger ready the boosters, then kill yourself if you want. 344 00:17:07,877 --> 00:17:09,712 Captain, you're coming with me and Pam back to your ship 345 00:17:09,746 --> 00:17:11,481 to show us where the fuel rods are. 346 00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:14,417 Then we hook them up and get the hell out. 347 00:17:14,517 --> 00:17:19,056 Whoohoo! Suicide cult, here I come! 348 00:17:21,724 --> 00:17:23,893 Damn it! How does this beast stay alive 349 00:17:23,926 --> 00:17:27,063 - with all these parasites? - Yeah. Plus I think we saw a tumor. 350 00:17:27,064 --> 00:17:28,831 He seems so young, too. 351 00:17:33,370 --> 00:17:36,902 Come on! I was about to do my finishing move. 352 00:17:42,545 --> 00:17:44,247 Hey, wait a minute, 353 00:17:44,281 --> 00:17:46,749 I thought you said the crew ran out of rations, Price. 354 00:17:46,783 --> 00:17:50,187 Fine! Yes! I went space-crazy, okay? 355 00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:53,523 I killed some of the crew, some killed each other at my order, 356 00:17:53,556 --> 00:17:56,759 and others killed themselves to escape my bloodthirsty wrath. 357 00:17:56,793 --> 00:17:58,795 You're like a dog with a bone about this. 358 00:17:58,895 --> 00:18:02,298 - God! - All right, here, hook them up. 359 00:18:02,299 --> 00:18:04,734 There's just one problem. 360 00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:06,402 Archer, what the hell is taking so long? 361 00:18:06,403 --> 00:18:07,936 We have to get moving. 362 00:18:07,937 --> 00:18:09,405 Uh, we've got a little problem. 363 00:18:09,406 --> 00:18:12,273 - What is it? - When we transfer power between the ships, 364 00:18:12,275 --> 00:18:14,744 the Seamus will immediately shoot out of this thing... 365 00:18:14,777 --> 00:18:17,329 Hopefully through its mouth and not its duke chute. 366 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:20,250 Shut up, Pam. But in doing so, 367 00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:23,253 whoever powers up the Tristan will be left behind. 368 00:18:23,286 --> 00:18:25,755 Over? 369 00:18:25,788 --> 00:18:28,057 - Well... - Wait, what's that? 370 00:18:28,091 --> 00:18:31,428 I-I can barely hear you. 371 00:18:33,663 --> 00:18:36,799 - Price should stay back? - I didn't hear anything. 372 00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:39,836 Unanimous vote, you say? 373 00:18:39,936 --> 00:18:42,004 Well, looks like the people have spoken. 374 00:18:42,105 --> 00:18:44,474 So give us, like, to the count of 60 to get back, 375 00:18:44,507 --> 00:18:47,577 - then juice this baby up. - The hell I'm staying back! 376 00:18:47,610 --> 00:18:49,679 Glenda Price didn't eat directly out 377 00:18:49,779 --> 00:18:52,649 of a bridge crewman's eye socket to die here today. 378 00:18:52,682 --> 00:18:55,118 Price, listen, you're a self-obsessed megalomaniac 379 00:18:55,152 --> 00:18:57,987 who sacrificed her crew for her own survival. 380 00:18:58,020 --> 00:18:59,720 You only ever thought of yourself. 381 00:18:59,789 --> 00:19:01,357 - You're a villain. - Ugh. 382 00:19:01,358 --> 00:19:03,326 But in your final moments, you can be remembered 383 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,282 for all the good you did instead of your, 384 00:19:06,283 --> 00:19:10,249 - you know, cannibalism. - But how would people know 385 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,001 what I did to save you all? 386 00:19:12,034 --> 00:19:15,772 Here, I'll record your heroic farewell. 387 00:19:15,805 --> 00:19:19,642 And I promise, the entire galaxy will hear it. 388 00:19:19,676 --> 00:19:24,214 Okay. This is Captain Glenda Price of the Tristan. 389 00:19:24,314 --> 00:19:28,285 Of all the many humanitarian missions I've been on, 390 00:19:28,318 --> 00:19:30,453 all the lives I've saved, 391 00:19:30,487 --> 00:19:34,624 this last act of bravery shall be my greatest. 392 00:19:34,657 --> 00:19:38,127 Sure, there will be songs of my courage 393 00:19:38,161 --> 00:19:41,831 and statues in my honor. 394 00:19:41,864 --> 00:19:45,535 But know that serving my fellow man... 395 00:19:48,171 --> 00:19:51,874 ...it was my privilege. 396 00:19:51,908 --> 00:19:54,311 Get out of here! 397 00:19:54,977 --> 00:19:59,154 - Captain's orders! - Aye, aye, Captain. 398 00:20:00,383 --> 00:20:02,151 For what it's worth, I would have liked being 399 00:20:02,185 --> 00:20:04,687 an outlaw space pirate with you! 400 00:20:04,721 --> 00:20:07,689 Even though you're kind of mean and mostly electromagnets, 401 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,426 you're still my favorite! 402 00:20:09,526 --> 00:20:13,896 I hope this thing chews you like gum, you crazy bitch. 403 00:20:13,930 --> 00:20:16,533 - All right, Lana, light it up. - Krieger, are we ready to go? 404 00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:20,069 - Yep, yep, yep. - Okay. Captain Price, for the final time, 405 00:20:20,102 --> 00:20:23,740 please power up for liftoff, you brave, brave soul. 406 00:20:23,773 --> 00:20:25,673 Aye, aye. 407 00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:30,680 Jesus Christ, it's one goddamn button, Price. 408 00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:32,749 How hard is it not to screw up the last moment of your life? 409 00:20:37,954 --> 00:20:40,089 It's working! 410 00:20:42,392 --> 00:20:44,794 It's working. Hold on. Here we go. 411 00:20:50,199 --> 00:20:52,935 That's them! They got out! 412 00:20:52,969 --> 00:20:58,741 - Fly away, you idiot! Fly away! - Stop yelling at me! 413 00:21:01,478 --> 00:21:05,782 Is it just me, or is this literally the best tea 414 00:21:05,815 --> 00:21:08,951 - in the entire galaxy? - That's probably the opium talking. 415 00:21:08,985 --> 00:21:11,788 Chasing that space dragon. Rawr! 416 00:21:11,951 --> 00:21:16,222 So now not only am I not a part of a suicide cult. 417 00:21:16,255 --> 00:21:19,000 I'm never gonna get a chance to be ever again. 418 00:21:19,035 --> 00:21:19,824 There, there, dear. 419 00:21:19,892 --> 00:21:22,795 You're dead to me. That must count for something. 420 00:21:22,895 --> 00:21:25,347 Aw, thanks. Hey, I forgot to ask... 421 00:21:25,348 --> 00:21:28,367 - how did you end up getting out of there? - We were able to generate 422 00:21:28,401 --> 00:21:31,203 enough heat from the fuel rods that the Zarglorp spit us out. 423 00:21:31,237 --> 00:21:33,239 Oh, of course... the extra fuel rods 424 00:21:33,272 --> 00:21:35,041 in the downstairs storage room. 425 00:21:35,074 --> 00:21:38,044 I was hoping you'd find those. Glad they worked out. 426 00:21:38,077 --> 00:21:40,921 Yeah, worked out for everybody. 427 00:21:41,714 --> 00:21:43,716 So you gonna upload Price's farewell 428 00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:46,985 - so the entire galaxy can hear it? - Are you kidding me? 429 00:21:46,986 --> 00:21:49,255 - I wasn't recording that. - Wait, what? 430 00:21:49,288 --> 00:21:51,223 What about your promise? 431 00:21:51,257 --> 00:21:55,662 - Wow, you really are an asshole. - Oh, I'm the asshole. 432 00:21:55,762 --> 00:21:58,623 Lana, that lady ate people. 433 00:21:59,398 --> 00:22:02,802 Hey, I could really go for a Moscow Mousse. 434 00:22:02,835 --> 00:22:04,856 You want one? 435 00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:10,031 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~