1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:05,303
I cannot believe you!

2
00:00:05,303 --> 00:00:08,562
Are you out of your big, fat, russian skull?

3
00:00:08,562 --> 00:00:11,492
Of all the dumb stunts you've --Nikolai,

4
00:00:11,492 --> 00:00:12,803
how could you do this?

5
00:00:12,803 --> 00:00:14,804
With kgb surveillance team.

6
00:00:14,804 --> 00:00:17,118
They -- not how how, you ass.

7
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,529
Why how?

8
00:00:18,529 --> 00:00:20,877
For record of activities in kraków.

9
00:00:20,877 --> 00:00:23,322
Oh, some blurry 8mm of --

10
00:00:23,322 --> 00:00:26,122
No, we have the digital hi-def now!

11
00:00:26,122 --> 00:00:28,527
Wonderful -- so they can blow it up for the jury

12
00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:29,798
at my treason trial.

13
00:00:29,798 --> 00:00:31,909
Is amazing -- no loss of resolution.

14
00:00:31,909 --> 00:00:34,980
Damn your bloodshot eyes. I'm serious.

15
00:00:35,058 --> 00:00:36,689
I will not let that happen to you.

16
00:00:36,689 --> 00:00:38,906
You let this happen and, by doing so,

17
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,718
jeopardized Our entire operation.

18
00:00:40,718 --> 00:00:42,670
Darling, please, don't say that.

19
00:00:42,670 --> 00:00:46,564
I have no idea how this ramón limón got the disk.

20
00:00:46,564 --> 00:00:48,913
He must have gone rogue.

21
00:00:48,985 --> 00:00:51,391
Oh, all hispanics look roguish.

22
00:00:51,391 --> 00:00:53,554
the kgb had no idea about my plan.

23
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,991
So, please, do not blame major jakov.

24
00:00:55,991 --> 00:00:57,681
Oh, right, how could I?

25
00:00:57,681 --> 00:00:59,760
The important thing is that the disk does not

26
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:00,996
fall into The wrong hands.

27
00:01:00,996 --> 00:01:02,134
You mean wronger hands.

28
00:01:02,134 --> 00:01:04,714
Like your government's...Or mine.

29
00:01:04,714 --> 00:01:06,095
I find it very surprising

30
00:01:06,095 --> 00:01:09,955
that castro okayed an Operation with such potential

31
00:01:09,955 --> 00:01:11,435
to Embarrass the soviets.

32
00:01:11,435 --> 00:01:14,135
Well, he is... Unpredictable,

33
00:01:14,135 --> 00:01:15,766
which is why I'm Planning ahead for my retirement

34
00:01:15,766 --> 00:01:17,788
In beautiful miami.

35
00:01:17,788 --> 00:01:21,767
And so, here are the keys and the deed to my condo

36
00:01:21,767 --> 00:01:23,024
in South beach.

37
00:01:23,024 --> 00:01:24,704
A nice start to a new start.

38
00:01:24,704 --> 00:01:27,812
But what of the financial arrangements?

39
00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,734
You'll get the money when I get the disk.

40
00:01:29,734 --> 00:01:31,536
And if you've made copies --

41
00:01:31,536 --> 00:01:34,281
I tried, but your russian was smart enough

42
00:01:34,281 --> 00:01:35,617
to Copy-protect the disk.

43
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,354
Yeah, he's a real genius.

44
00:01:37,354 --> 00:01:40,295
But if you try to double-cross me, well,

45
00:01:40,295 --> 00:01:43,737
you Should know what...Kind of a...

46
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,422
Man you are...Dealing with.

47
00:01:46,422 --> 00:01:49,151
Oh, ramón, I think I know exactly

48
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:51,095
what kind of man You are.

49
00:01:51,095 --> 00:01:54,324
I said I could eat the absolute pants off some A protein

50
00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:28,125
I don't suppose he's up.

51
00:02:28,125 --> 00:02:29,432
No, ma'am, and

52
00:02:29,432 --> 00:02:30,764
From the looks of it -- not to

53
00:02:30,764 --> 00:02:33,040
Mention the lemur -- I would

54
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,631
Hazard he's taking a personal day.

55
00:02:35,631 --> 00:02:37,191
The hell he is.

56
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,889
Woodhouse, we got any lube?

57
00:02:38,889 --> 00:02:41,181
Like, at this point, even olive oil would...

58
00:02:41,181 --> 00:02:43,943
...Help me get that drawer unstuck.

59
00:02:43,943 --> 00:02:47,385
Jesus god, sterling, schoolgirls?

60
00:02:47,385 --> 00:02:48,715
Th-those are just costumes.

61
00:02:48,715 --> 00:02:50,186
And I suppose that makes it better?

62
00:02:50,186 --> 00:02:52,017
Doesn't it? Oh, and, uh, woodhouse,

63
00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:53,670
I told My guests you'd pack their lunch.

64
00:02:53,670 --> 00:02:54,526
I'll do my best, sir.

65
00:02:54,526 --> 00:02:57,143
I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.

66
00:02:57,143 --> 00:02:58,208
Yeah, like I told you

67
00:02:58,208 --> 00:02:59,529
He would, you idiot!

68
00:02:59,529 --> 00:03:00,747
Will you please focus?

69
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:03,792
Now, I know you're familiar with the honeypot.

70
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:06,716
Seducing and blackmailing a hot female enemy agent.

71
00:03:06,716 --> 00:03:08,689
I love the honeypot.

72
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:09,860
I'm sure you do.

73
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:13,705
But this time, you may not find the target...Appealing.

74
00:03:13,705 --> 00:03:15,221
What? Is it pam?

75
00:03:15,221 --> 00:03:18,249
Seriously, whoever -- it's all the same in the da-- no.

76
00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:20,510
Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes!

77
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:21,871
Come on, have gillette do this.

78
00:03:21,871 --> 00:03:23,785
Sterling, you're the only one I can trust.

79
00:03:23,785 --> 00:03:27,581
And don't even get me started on miss gillette.

80
00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:29,080
She has never liked me.

81
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,814
But someday I'm gonna write a Book

82
00:03:30,814 --> 00:03:32,616
about this place, mm-hmm,

83
00:03:32,616 --> 00:03:34,963
A real smackerooni.

84
00:03:34,963 --> 00:03:37,638
Sterling, please, I need your help!

85
00:03:37,638 --> 00:03:40,748
This ramón limón is blackmailing me!

86
00:03:40,749 --> 00:03:42,372
With what? What's he got on you?

87
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,734
It's...None of your nosy beeswax.

88
00:03:44,734 --> 00:03:46,193
Well, then it sucks to be

89
00:03:46,193 --> 00:03:48,564
You'll be whom it sucks to be

90
00:03:48,564 --> 00:03:50,536
if I have to call my bridge partner.

91
00:03:50,536 --> 00:03:52,242
Ohh, who's your bridge partner?

92
00:03:52,242 --> 00:03:53,954
The district attorney.

93
00:03:53,954 --> 00:03:54,606
So?

94
00:03:54,606 --> 00:03:56,950
Sir, that stolen lemur bit one of your

95
00:03:56,950 --> 00:03:58,368
Prostitutes right in the face,

96
00:03:58,368 --> 00:04:00,019
And she says she can't go to

97
00:04:00,019 --> 00:04:04,050
Hospital because she's "Tripping balls."

98
00:04:05,404 --> 00:04:08,084
You know, when I was little, I used to pretend you

99
00:04:08,084 --> 00:04:09,173
Weren't my mother?

100
00:04:09,173 --> 00:04:10,540
Me, too.

101
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:15,237
Bang. Bang. Ew. Kill. Bang.

102
00:04:15,237 --> 00:04:16,337
shock. Shut up.

103
00:04:16,337 --> 00:04:17,571
Oh, my god -- bang.

104
00:04:17,571 --> 00:04:19,112
I hesitate to even ask.

105
00:04:19,112 --> 00:04:20,347
we're doing "Kill, bang,

106
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:21,862
Again -- hesitation.

107
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:23,197
It's on the isis intranet.

108
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:25,454
You click through pictures of everybody who works here,

109
00:04:25,454 --> 00:04:26,328
and say if you'd rather --

110
00:04:26,328 --> 00:04:28,436
kill them or bang or marry them.

111
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:31,072
Wow, that is entirely inappropriate.

112
00:04:31,072 --> 00:04:33,592
That's what I said, but if you go through the whole list,

113
00:04:33,592 --> 00:04:36,153
you can see what everybody said about everybody.

114
00:04:36,153 --> 00:04:37,507
Everybody? Like --

115
00:04:37,507 --> 00:04:41,460
like lana and if -- I don't know -- maybe she said "Bang"

116
00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:42,504
About mr. Archer.

117
00:04:42,504 --> 00:04:43,416
I got ups! Hey --

118
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:44,162
Move it, chubs.

119
00:04:44,162 --> 00:04:46,645
Dr. Krieger's covert team installed

120
00:04:46,645 --> 00:04:48,331
these surveillance cameras while limn was

121
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:49,707
out shopping yesterday.

122
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:51,872
Yep, we've got video and audio,

123
00:04:51,872 --> 00:04:54,672
with a satellite feed back to these hard drives --

124
00:04:54,672 --> 00:04:56,334
same setup I've got in my van.

125
00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:58,974
Jesus, krieger, you're still taping bum fights?

126
00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:01,971
No, now I'm into something...Darker.

127
00:05:01,971 --> 00:05:04,703
Since that obnoxious little castro

128
00:05:04,703 --> 00:05:06,670
is such a raging homophobe...

129
00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:07,789
Fidel hates the gays.

130
00:05:07,789 --> 00:05:09,716
...It's a safe bet he'd have ramn killed

131
00:05:09,716 --> 00:05:11,634
if he ever found out he was gay.

132
00:05:11,634 --> 00:05:13,295
So, once you seduce him --

133
00:05:13,295 --> 00:05:14,895
Whoa, whoa, whoa, i thought nobody else

134
00:05:14,896 --> 00:05:16,469
was whoa. Supposed to know about this.

135
00:05:16,469 --> 00:05:17,506
He won't remember.

136
00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:20,369
Yeah, no, I'm -- i am shit-faced.

137
00:05:20,369 --> 00:05:22,148
ms. Archer, you have a phone call.

138
00:05:22,148 --> 00:05:23,230
I'm busy.

139
00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:25,123
um, we all are. Bang.

140
00:05:25,123 --> 00:05:26,953
Uh, kill, I guess.

141
00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:27,985
Thanks a lot.

142
00:05:27,985 --> 00:05:29,035
It's a bad picture,

143
00:05:29,036 --> 00:05:30,300
but he says it's urgent -- pam.

144
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,083
Something about recent developments in krakw.

145
00:05:32,083 --> 00:05:36,347
Krakw? Oh, for -- sterling, get to miami,

146
00:05:36,348 --> 00:05:39,473
and don't come back until you've completed your...

147
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:40,731
Assignment.

148
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,526
Taking one for the team, huh?

149
00:05:42,526 --> 00:05:43,356
Hopefully not.

150
00:05:43,356 --> 00:05:44,051
Well, if you do,

151
00:05:44,051 --> 00:05:46,040
i've developed a proprietary chemical compound

152
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:49,385
which may come in handy. I call it "Formula 'k.'"

153
00:05:49,385 --> 00:05:51,348
And it makes you temporarily gay?

154
00:05:51,348 --> 00:05:53,457
I don't know. Just started human testing...

155
00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:55,897
By dosing danny the intern's coffee.

156
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,452
Danny is definitely feeling something!

157
00:05:58,452 --> 00:06:00,810
I think I'm going to pass.

158
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:01,768
Suit yourself.

159
00:06:01,768 --> 00:06:04,318
Just means more for me and danny.

160
00:06:04,318 --> 00:06:06,182
Who is loving it!

161
00:06:12,065 --> 00:06:15,335
Mamá, por favor, no comienzas, eh?

162
00:06:15,335 --> 00:06:18,669
Sí, mamá, estoy buscando una novia.

163
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,860
I have ascertained the target, sir.

164
00:06:20,860 --> 00:06:24,094
And he's actually quite handsome.

165
00:06:24,094 --> 00:06:25,693
And I suppose that makes it better.

166
00:06:25,693 --> 00:06:26,444
Doesn't it?

167
00:06:26,444 --> 00:06:28,786
No, it -- woodhouse, this is miami.

168
00:06:28,786 --> 00:06:30,717
Don't you have any cooler clothes?

169
00:06:30,717 --> 00:06:32,401
No, sir, not anymore.

170
00:06:32,401 --> 00:06:33,902
And your shoes!

171
00:06:33,902 --> 00:06:36,921
Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?!

172
00:06:36,921 --> 00:06:40,853
Seriously, that's like, eggs 101, woodhouse.

173
00:06:40,853 --> 00:06:43,092
Now I know you've lost your mind.

174
00:06:43,092 --> 00:06:45,322
You want me to defect to russia?

175
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:48,771
Just, you know, if the worst happens.

176
00:06:48,771 --> 00:06:49,960
That is the worst!

177
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,542
Standing in the snow for beet rations in my blahniks?

178
00:06:53,542 --> 00:06:54,280
Come on!

179
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:57,835
I'm head of kgb! I have my beets delivered.

180
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:58,597
Nikolai!

181
00:06:58,597 --> 00:07:03,466
Free stolichnaya, beluga caviar, my own private limousine.

182
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:06,938
The soviet system is actually incredibly unfair.

183
00:07:06,938 --> 00:07:08,860
And it just sounds wonderful, but --

184
00:07:08,860 --> 00:07:11,202
Hey, I'm just putting it out there.

185
00:07:11,202 --> 00:07:12,374
Well, just put it back in.

186
00:07:12,374 --> 00:07:14,304
You're the whole reason I'm in this mess!

187
00:07:14,304 --> 00:07:16,041
I'm trying to help.

188
00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:19,712
I mean, if that cuban does not fall for the honeypot --

189
00:07:19,712 --> 00:07:23,373
Oh, I think he will. I've got my top man on it...

190
00:07:23,373 --> 00:07:25,828
1111

191
00:07:32,044 --> 00:07:33,535
Mamá, tengo que irme.

192
00:07:34,782 --> 00:07:35,407
Can I help you?

193
00:07:35,407 --> 00:07:36,166
Well, I don't know.

194
00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:37,761
Can you?

195
00:07:37,761 --> 00:07:40,423
Is this some sort of viral marketing?

196
00:07:40,423 --> 00:07:41,675
W-what? No, I meant --

197
00:07:41,675 --> 00:07:44,334
Or are you asking me specifically if I have a penis?

198
00:07:44,334 --> 00:07:47,081
Uh, it's more of a conversation starter.

199
00:07:47,081 --> 00:07:49,994
And here's a conversation ender -- adios.

200
00:07:49,994 --> 00:07:51,902
Ohh! Bilingual snap!

201
00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:52,736
thank you.

202
00:07:52,736 --> 00:07:55,426
Do you not see me rocking this chiseled slab

203
00:07:55,426 --> 00:07:57,022
of Hard man-body?

204
00:07:57,022 --> 00:07:59,556
I mean, come on! Are you gay or not?

205
00:07:59,556 --> 00:08:02,647
I am, but you -- you are so not my type.

206
00:08:02,647 --> 00:08:04,962
Wh-- hey, I am everybody's type!

207
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,802
Oh, please.

208
00:08:06,802 --> 00:08:09,279
What? You are entirely too gay.

209
00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:10,409
No, I'm not!

210
00:08:10,409 --> 00:08:10,938
Are you kidding?

211
00:08:10,938 --> 00:08:13,134
Oh, my god, you, like, sneeze glitter.

212
00:08:13,134 --> 00:08:14,995
11111

213
00:08:17,352 --> 00:08:20,860
So, yeah, I'm an isis agent and that ramón guy's

214
00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:23,125
a Cuban agent and I'm supposed to run

215
00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:24,855
what we call a honeypot on Him.

216
00:08:24,855 --> 00:08:26,808
And I can't believe you have all this stuff

217
00:08:26,808 --> 00:08:28,648
and it's, like, Portable.

218
00:08:28,648 --> 00:08:30,175
I can't believe you blab all over the world

219
00:08:30,175 --> 00:08:31,327
that You're a secret agent.

220
00:08:31,327 --> 00:08:33,094
I can't believe you're a hairdresser

221
00:08:33,094 --> 00:08:35,209
and rudi's An interior decorator.

222
00:08:35,209 --> 00:08:36,666
Oh, my god, he's the best in miami.

223
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:37,542
Thank you.

224
00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:38,974
You're quite welcome, sir.

225
00:08:38,974 --> 00:08:40,402
If I had a spoon...

226
00:08:40,402 --> 00:08:41,243
No, no, don't --

227
00:08:41,243 --> 00:08:42,278
...I would eat you up.

228
00:08:42,278 --> 00:08:43,179
Don't be nice to him.

229
00:08:43,179 --> 00:08:44,276
So, this spy agency -- is it like

230
00:08:44,276 --> 00:08:47,148
the real Cia, james bond-y deal, or what?

231
00:08:47,148 --> 00:08:49,592
Charles, isis employs some of the world's foremost

232
00:08:49,592 --> 00:08:53,472
Intelligence analysts, covert operatives, and scientists.

233
00:08:53,472 --> 00:08:56,185
Wait, did cyril play this stupid game?

234
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:57,798
you'll have to play to find out.

235
00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:00,786
Danny! Danny, stop running!

236
00:09:00,786 --> 00:09:02,368
We got to keep that heart rate

237
00:09:02,368 --> 00:09:03,159
Down, buddy!

238
00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:04,470
- Okay.  - Danny!

239
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:07,974
Kill. Bang. Bang. Ew. Kill.

240
00:09:07,974 --> 00:09:09,399
Well, thanks a lot!

241
00:09:09,399 --> 00:09:11,283
Pam, it's a bad picture.

242
00:09:11,283 --> 00:09:13,898
I think that's hot. Like, somebody murdering me --

243
00:09:13,898 --> 00:09:16,275
It's so...Intimate.

244
00:09:16,275 --> 00:09:18,751
So, yeah, basically, we're the front line in the

245
00:09:18,751 --> 00:09:20,300
Fight against tyranny.

246
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:21,082
Thank you.

247
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:22,133
My pleasure, sir.

248
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:23,700
I want to dress you up like a little gnome

249
00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,411
and just Have you live in my garden.

250
00:09:25,411 --> 00:09:27,104
I would like some new clothes.

251
00:09:27,104 --> 00:09:30,035
Shut up. But also -- and speaking of Clothes --

252
00:09:30,035 --> 00:09:31,692
these seem way too normal.

253
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:33,727
What, "Normal" As opposed to "Gay"?

254
00:09:33,727 --> 00:09:35,724
Implying that "Gay" Is abnormal?

255
00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:38,254
Not abnormal, just... Gay.

256
00:09:38,254 --> 00:09:39,933
Look, in spite of your personality,

257
00:09:39,933 --> 00:09:41,255
you get plenty Of women, right?

258
00:09:41,255 --> 00:09:42,837
Duh and/or hello!

259
00:09:42,837 --> 00:09:45,766
So, duh and/or hello -- just act like you

260
00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:47,074
Normally do around women.

261
00:09:47,074 --> 00:09:47,967
Really?

262
00:09:47,967 --> 00:09:51,169
Because how hard is it to poach a goddamn egg properly?!

263
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,322
I believe he means before you lure them

264
00:09:55,322 --> 00:09:56,507
into the apartment, sir.

265
00:09:56,507 --> 00:09:58,694
Oh, yeah, that makes more sense.

266
00:09:58,694 --> 00:10:00,821
So, I just like, what, approach him in a bar?

267
00:10:00,821 --> 00:10:02,686
Yeah, if I were you, i'd try the cockfight.

268
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:03,739
A cockfight?

269
00:10:03,739 --> 00:10:05,029
Yeah, it's the name of a gay bar.

270
00:10:05,029 --> 00:10:06,652
But they also have actual cockfights.

271
00:10:06,652 --> 00:10:09,492
Yeah, latino men -- you take the bad with the good.

272
00:10:09,492 --> 00:10:11,544
Jesus, man, what is your problem?

273
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:13,635
You are -- blonde, brunette.

274
00:10:13,635 --> 00:10:15,749
I thought I made it clear you are not my type.

275
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:16,988
Is that where we landed on that...

276
00:10:16,988 --> 00:10:19,989
aaaa. Is your ego so large

277
00:10:19,989 --> 00:10:21,725
you cannot handle a single rejection?

278
00:10:21,725 --> 00:10:23,629
Yes. Let me buy you a drink.

279
00:10:23,629 --> 00:10:25,435
I already have a drink.

280
00:10:25,435 --> 00:10:27,105
Why don't you buy him one?

281
00:10:27,105 --> 00:10:28,065
He could use it.

282
00:10:28,065 --> 00:10:30,503
W-w-why don't we all have one and...

283
00:10:30,503 --> 00:10:32,372
Talk about it.

284
00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:36,760
Seriously, woodhouse, how can you be so totally awesome

285
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:37,975
and not be gay?

286
00:10:37,975 --> 00:10:41,547
Well, I was very fond of a boy at school once --

287
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:47,371
Reggie thistleton. But he died in the war, at flanders.

288
00:10:47,371 --> 00:10:48,049
rud flanders?

289
00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:48,955
What war was that?

290
00:10:48,955 --> 00:10:50,783
Oh, the great war.

291
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,098
They're all great.

292
00:10:52,098 --> 00:10:54,092
Oh, my god, yes, those nazi uniforms?

293
00:10:54,092 --> 00:10:54,701
Hugo boss!

294
00:10:54,701 --> 00:10:55,458
Shut up.

295
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:56,391
Swear to god.

296
00:10:56,391 --> 00:10:58,601
And look at slut just getting home.

297
00:10:58,601 --> 00:11:00,100
Well, I guess our advice worked.

298
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:00,966
No, it didn't.

299
00:11:00,966 --> 00:11:02,443
Ramón blew me off.

300
00:11:02,443 --> 00:11:03,803
Then where were you all night?

301
00:11:03,803 --> 00:11:05,399
Way the christ out in the everglades,

302
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:07,642
burying some dominican guy's rooster!

303
00:11:07,642 --> 00:11:10,787
Fun! Oh, you mean literally.

304
00:11:10,787 --> 00:11:11,624
Yes!  - Sorry.

305
00:11:11,624 --> 00:11:12,626
I mean, look at my clothes.

306
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:15,469
And what the hell are you wearing, woodhouse?

307
00:11:15,469 --> 00:11:17,167
I --  - We bought those for him,

308
00:11:17,167 --> 00:11:18,684
and if you throw them off the roof,

309
00:11:18,684 --> 00:11:21,160
I will fly to new york and fling acid in your face.

310
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:21,981
Thank you.

311
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,249
Oh, great.

312
00:11:24,249 --> 00:11:26,562
Mother, I have nothing to report yet.

313
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,417
This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

314
00:11:28,417 --> 00:11:30,613
How hard could it be to talk a gay man

315
00:11:30,613 --> 00:11:32,158
into having anonymous sex?

316
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,605
Do you see the stereotypes we put up with?

317
00:11:34,605 --> 00:11:36,207
Look, you don't know what I'm dealing with.

318
00:11:36,207 --> 00:11:37,789
You don't know what i'm dealing with!

319
00:11:37,789 --> 00:11:42,152
See? Here is my nice building, my limousine, my mother.

320
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:44,640
Oh, and my apartment is two bedrooms,

321
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:46,410
so she won't even have to move out.

322
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,674
So, you just listen to me, mr. Man --

323
00:11:48,674 --> 00:11:52,446
get me some video of hot man-on-man action

324
00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:54,431
by tonight or don't bother coming home.

325
00:11:54,431 --> 00:11:57,059
She sounds fabulous.

326
00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:58,552
Yeah, she's actually not.

327
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,554
But the stereotype thing has got me thinking because --

328
00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:02,405
let's see -- ramn is latino.

329
00:12:02,405 --> 00:12:04,737
And latinos are all about machismo.

330
00:12:04,737 --> 00:12:07,648
So, you may have to out-macho him.

331
00:12:07,648 --> 00:12:10,259
out-macho a gay guy? Oh, my stars!

332
00:12:10,259 --> 00:12:12,074
Or -- wait -- you could just

333
00:12:12,074 --> 00:12:13,711
be a sarcastic bitch your whole life.

334
00:12:13,711 --> 00:12:14,863
Thank you.

335
00:12:14,863 --> 00:12:18,034
Wait a -- did you set this whole thing up just

336
00:12:18,034 --> 00:12:20,659
so I'd have to come live with you and your mother?

337
00:12:20,659 --> 00:12:22,746
No! It was merely incompetence!

338
00:12:22,746 --> 00:12:24,758
And I suppose that makes it better?

339
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:26,415
Doesn't it?

340
00:12:26,415 --> 00:12:27,986
Wait a minute. How do you know

341
00:12:27,986 --> 00:12:29,648
ramn's playing jai alai right now?

342
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,070
Um, he's latino.

343
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:33,022
So, it's either that or dominoes.

344
00:12:33,022 --> 00:12:35,346
Stereotypes exist for a reason.

345
00:12:35,346 --> 00:12:37,399
Okay, we're off to get our scrotums waxed.

346
00:12:38,628 --> 00:12:40,452
...Cuantas veces --

347
00:12:40,452 --> 00:12:43,660
Ramón, hey! I have a proposition for you!

348
00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,208
Puta madre.

349
00:12:45,208 --> 00:12:48,624
Mamá, have to call you back. Don't you ever give up?

350
00:12:48,624 --> 00:12:51,288
Not when it comes to somebody refusing to have sex

351
00:12:51,288 --> 00:12:53,819
with me -- you know, consensually or whatever.

352
00:12:53,819 --> 00:12:56,851
So, me and you, one on one -- loser has to do

353
00:12:56,851 --> 00:12:58,491
whatever the winner says.

354
00:12:58,491 --> 00:13:01,177
If I win, I want you to leave me alone.

355
00:13:01,177 --> 00:13:04,522
Fine, but if I win, we go to your place and have,

356
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:06,871
You know, gay sex.

357
00:13:06,871 --> 00:13:08,903
Have you ever even played jai alai?

358
00:13:08,903 --> 00:13:10,345
Uh, actually, lacrosse,

359
00:13:10,345 --> 00:13:11,997
but it's jai alai for white people.

360
00:13:11,997 --> 00:13:12,968
Lacrosse is gay.

361
00:13:12,968 --> 00:13:15,680
You're gay. I mean, I am, too. We're both gay.

362
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:17,451
Seriously, I can serve this pelota

363
00:13:17,451 --> 00:13:19,203
almost 200 miles an hour.

364
00:13:19,203 --> 00:13:20,732
Big whoop, that little squishy --

365
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:22,532
jesus! Is this made of limestone?!

366
00:13:22,532 --> 00:13:24,357
It's a dangerous game, amigo.

367
00:13:24,357 --> 00:13:25,839
Yeah, well, I'm dangerous

368
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:29,053
and I'm gonna win and gay sex.

369
00:13:29,053 --> 00:13:31,261
okay. Go stand over there.

370
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:32,258
Where? Over here?

371
00:13:32,258 --> 00:13:34,174
Mm, little more far.

372
00:13:34,174 --> 00:13:35,355
What? Here?

373
00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:37,037
see, see, that's good, right there.

374
00:13:37,037 --> 00:13:38,450
Yeah, that's what you're gonna be saying

375
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:41,871
when I'm, uh, all inside you with gay sex.

376
00:13:41,871 --> 00:13:43,783
Vamos a ver. Are you ready?

377
00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:46,285
Yeah, I'm ready. Wait. Wait. Do I need a helmet?

378
00:13:46,285 --> 00:13:47,572
Probably.

379
00:13:50,214 --> 00:13:51,309
I mean, after all...

380
00:13:51,309 --> 00:13:53,973
You are playing a very dangerous

381
00:13:53,973 --> 00:13:56,481
Yw archer:

382
00:14:01,949 --> 00:14:04,325
There he is. Welcome back, amigo.

383
00:14:04,325 --> 00:14:05,460
Jesus christ...

384
00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:10,445
Who apparently uses the same awful decorator as my mother.

385
00:14:10,445 --> 00:14:13,465
Trust me -- whoever decorated this condo is not in heaven.

386
00:14:13,465 --> 00:14:16,338
And neither are you, agent sterling archer of isis.

387
00:14:16,338 --> 00:14:18,053
Wait. You know who I am?

388
00:14:18,053 --> 00:14:19,789
Duh and/or hola!

389
00:14:19,789 --> 00:14:21,222
So, you know why I'm here.

390
00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:23,165
I assume because your mother forced you

391
00:14:23,165 --> 00:14:25,646
to pose as a gay man in the hopes of catching me in a --

392
00:14:25,646 --> 00:14:27,437
how you say? -- pot of honey.

393
00:14:27,437 --> 00:14:29,553
Yeah, which is just so just classic her.

394
00:14:29,553 --> 00:14:31,645
Ohh, you should meet my mother. She --

395
00:14:31,645 --> 00:14:33,789
No, no, no, shut up. Listen, my mother --

396
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:38,521
Oh, my god, that's her. Ay, díos mio, it's her!

397
00:14:41,717 --> 00:14:45,770
Viva la revolución de los hijos!

398
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,906
I c-- I can't believe we hung up on them.

399
00:14:47,906 --> 00:14:49,421
That was so thoroughly awesome.

400
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,058
This is awesome.

401
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:52,021
Here, try it.

402
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:53,673
No, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's raw, man.

403
00:14:53,673 --> 00:14:56,866
No. The citric acid from the limes actually cooks

404
00:14:56,866 --> 00:14:58,119
the fish. Try it.

405
00:14:58,119 --> 00:15:00,656
Mmm. Mmm. Oh, my, ramón.

406
00:15:00,656 --> 00:15:02,002
Right? That is amazing.

407
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,023
Mam always said,

408
00:15:03,023 --> 00:15:06,281
"Ramn, un hombre real debe saber cocinar."

409
00:15:06,281 --> 00:15:08,128
Mine always said, "Sterling, come in here

410
00:15:08,128 --> 00:15:09,039
and check me for lumps."

411
00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,670
Holy shit. Was that out loud?

412
00:15:10,670 --> 00:15:12,638
Hey, it's okay. This is a safe place.

413
00:15:12,638 --> 00:15:14,194
Yeah, but it -- but it's not, though.

414
00:15:14,194 --> 00:15:15,254
Are you referring to these?

415
00:15:15,254 --> 00:15:17,352
Ha! You found krieger's cameras?

416
00:15:17,352 --> 00:15:19,558
I think he is not so good at his job.

417
00:15:19,558 --> 00:15:24,387
-danny!  -Dude, that whole

418
00:15:24,387 --> 00:15:25,828
Agency's not so good at their jobs.

419
00:15:25,828 --> 00:15:28,329
kill. Kill.

420
00:15:28,329 --> 00:15:30,465
God, when do I get to the end so

421
00:15:30,465 --> 00:15:31,390
I can see what cyril said?

422
00:15:31,390 --> 00:15:33,039
you seriously don't think that's hot?

423
00:15:33,039 --> 00:15:34,625
I seriously think you're scary.

424
00:15:34,625 --> 00:15:37,291
no, no, no, no. Like, a big, sweaty fireman

425
00:15:37,291 --> 00:15:38,863
Carries you out of a burning building,

426
00:15:38,863 --> 00:15:41,568
lays you on the sidewalk, and you think, "Yeah,

427
00:15:41,568 --> 00:15:42,929
Okay, he's gonna give me mouth to mouth,"

428
00:15:42,929 --> 00:15:46,621
But instead he just starts choking the shit out of you.

429
00:15:46,621 --> 00:15:47,878
And the last sensation

430
00:15:47,878 --> 00:15:49,448
that you feel before you die is

431
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:52,037
he is squeezing your throat so hard

432
00:15:52,037 --> 00:15:54,927
That a big, wet blob of drool

433
00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:57,368
Drips off his teeth and just -- flp! --

434
00:15:57,368 --> 00:16:00,850
Falls right onto your popped-out eyeball.

435
00:16:03,377 --> 00:16:04,827
Jesus christ.

436
00:16:04,827 --> 00:16:05,958
I know, right?

437
00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:06,959
What the hell?!

438
00:16:06,959 --> 00:16:08,740
I'm wet just thinking about it.

439
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:11,266
Cyril!! Cyril, you get your ass out here right now!

440
00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:12,674
is she freaking 'cause cyril said

441
00:16:12,674 --> 00:16:14,027
he wanted to bang danny the intern?

442
00:16:14,027 --> 00:16:15,984
No, I think it's 'cause he said he wanted to marry her.

443
00:16:15,984 --> 00:16:17,656
she's so weird.

444
00:16:17,656 --> 00:16:19,579
Hey, will you choke me a little bit?

445
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,926
Psh! That's nothing compared

446
00:16:21,926 --> 00:16:23,674
to the pendejos I have to work with.

447
00:16:23,674 --> 00:16:24,980
Well, at least you haven't banged

448
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:26,622
half of them like yours truly.

449
00:16:26,622 --> 00:16:29,074
I can't. If fidel finds out I'm gay,

450
00:16:29,074 --> 00:16:31,346
He'd -- well, that's why you're here.

451
00:16:31,346 --> 00:16:32,837
And maybe it's the concussion,

452
00:16:32,837 --> 00:16:35,018
but I seriously feel crappy about that.

453
00:16:35,018 --> 00:16:38,191
No, I feel crappy. I should not have tried

454
00:16:38,191 --> 00:16:39,291
to blackmail your mother.

455
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:41,298
Yeah, what's on this thing, anyway?

456
00:16:41,298 --> 00:16:44,674
Get on the floor, you tacky-ass,

457
00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:46,688
"White after labor day wearing" Bitches!

458
00:16:46,688 --> 00:16:47,395
Thank you!

459
00:16:47,395 --> 00:16:48,823
Charles and rudi?! What the --

460
00:16:48,823 --> 00:16:49,938
What is the meaning of this?

461
00:16:49,938 --> 00:16:51,744
Sorry, we're a hit squad -- forgot to tell you.

462
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,317
Turns out fidel is unhappy

463
00:16:53,317 --> 00:16:54,757
that one of his top agents is gay!

464
00:16:54,757 --> 00:16:56,169
Ay, díos mio!

465
00:16:56,169 --> 00:16:58,248
Hey, save your breath for cooling your ceviche.

466
00:16:58,248 --> 00:16:59,454
Ceviche is already --

467
00:16:59,454 --> 00:17:00,014
I know!

468
00:17:00,014 --> 00:17:02,331
You dicks were working for castro this whole time?

469
00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:04,094
Positutely, yes.

470
00:17:04,094 --> 00:17:06,425
But we were having such a blast hanging with woodhouse --

471
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:08,326
Who is fine, by the way.

472
00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:10,039
I am genuinely sorry about this.

473
00:17:10,039 --> 00:17:11,749
But may I keep the clothes?

474
00:17:11,749 --> 00:17:13,321
Forever and always.

475
00:17:13,321 --> 00:17:15,131
Not that you care!

476
00:17:15,131 --> 00:17:16,403
Yeah, I actually don't!

477
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,300
So, are you two even really gay?

478
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,453
As big old tangerines, yes.

479
00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:21,985
Then how can you work for castro?

480
00:17:21,985 --> 00:17:23,570
You know his stance on homosexuality.

481
00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:26,881
Because, commie, I have something called a mortgage.

482
00:17:26,881 --> 00:17:28,771
Hey, whoa, whoa. If this is about money,

483
00:17:28,771 --> 00:17:31,616
I know somebody who'd pay a whole lot of money

484
00:17:31,616 --> 00:17:32,762
to get this back.

485
00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:33,622
Sterling, no!

486
00:17:33,622 --> 00:17:34,543
Ramón, shut up.

487
00:17:34,543 --> 00:17:35,731
Yeah, let the mummy talk.

488
00:17:35,731 --> 00:17:36,867
I can't let you do this.

489
00:17:36,867 --> 00:17:37,772
What the --

490
00:17:37,772 --> 00:17:40,478
You'll never take me alive, bastardos!

491
00:17:40,478 --> 00:17:42,966
Let's outsource it to some cracked-up --

492
00:17:42,966 --> 00:17:44,842
That's what I said. Know why?

493
00:17:44,842 --> 00:17:45,557
So you could be all

494
00:17:45,557 --> 00:17:47,378
Little miss "Hindsight's 20/20"!

495
00:17:47,378 --> 00:17:48,634
Here, take this!

496
00:17:48,634 --> 00:17:50,020
Why did you have a salad gun?

497
00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:51,623
Hey, I was going to kill you.

498
00:17:51,623 --> 00:17:53,650
Oh, you are just the worst kind of --

499
00:17:53,651 --> 00:17:55,408
Me? Your mother started all of this.

500
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,488
So, give them the fricking disk!

501
00:17:56,488 --> 00:17:58,848
If I do that, it will become public,

502
00:17:58,848 --> 00:18:00,494
and if you see what's on this disk --

503
00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,774
well, if you weren't gay, you will be.

504
00:18:02,774 --> 00:18:05,634
what is it, a sex tape of mother?

505
00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:08,357
Oh, my --

506
00:18:09,876 --> 00:18:11,650
But there, youee? It's gone now.

507
00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:15,401
Oh, god. So, it's okay. Just let it all out.

508
00:18:15,401 --> 00:18:17,363
Jesus god, do you ladies want to put on your nightgowns,

509
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,882
crack open a tube of cookie dough, and just talk it out?

510
00:18:19,882 --> 00:18:21,812
God damn it! You know, we're dealing

511
00:18:21,812 --> 00:18:23,142
with Some profound issues here, you queer!

512
00:18:23,142 --> 00:18:25,647
What the hell, man?

513
00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:27,669
Sorry, I-I meant "Homosexual."

514
00:18:27,669 --> 00:18:30,555
No, you idioto, we have a finite number of bullets.

515
00:18:30,555 --> 00:18:32,025
Oh. My bad.

516
00:18:32,025 --> 00:18:33,129
"Oh, my bad."

517
00:18:33,129 --> 00:18:34,910
Puta madre.

518
00:18:34,910 --> 00:18:36,280
Now who feels stupid?

519
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,888
My guess is both of you.

520
00:18:37,888 --> 00:18:40,950
Since the last thing you see is gonna be that horrific sofa.

521
00:18:40,950 --> 00:18:44,062
Oh, shut up. I bet you're not even a real interior decorator.

522
00:18:44,062 --> 00:18:45,918
Well, he's not licensed or anything,

523
00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:47,266
but he's got a real flair for it --

524
00:18:47,266 --> 00:18:47,919
Thank you!

525
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:50,559
So, how about stand up and let us paint the walls

526
00:18:50,559 --> 00:18:51,399
with your brains?

527
00:18:51,399 --> 00:18:52,129
Take this.

528
00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,158
Jesus, a claymore?

529
00:18:54,158 --> 00:18:54,712
I can explain --

530
00:18:54,712 --> 00:18:55,661
You were gonna frag me?

531
00:18:55,661 --> 00:18:57,962
No, this was for decorating.

532
00:18:57,962 --> 00:18:59,634
What? Look at this place.

533
00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,586
I was going to have to start from scratch.

534
00:19:01,586 --> 00:19:03,207
I Don't know. The kitchen's not bad.

535
00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:04,592
Oh, my god, are you kidding?

536
00:19:04,592 --> 00:19:06,197
That kitchen's awful. Oh, crap.

537
00:19:06,197 --> 00:19:08,019
No, thank you.

538
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:16,041
Ramón, was that not totally epic?

539
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:19,126
Sí, sterling, because you live to tell the tale.

540
00:19:19,126 --> 00:19:21,898
No, no, no, because my mother's condo got trashed!

541
00:19:21,898 --> 00:19:24,724
God, she is gonna freak when -- wait, wait, wait.

542
00:19:24,724 --> 00:19:25,846
Where's charles and rudi?

543
00:19:25,846 --> 00:19:27,997
Hmm. I think they must have escaped,

544
00:19:27,997 --> 00:19:30,218
However implausible that may seem.

545
00:19:30,218 --> 00:19:32,120
That does seem implausible.

546
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,877
And so I must now go into hiding.

547
00:19:34,877 --> 00:19:36,600
Fidel will keep sending hit squads,

548
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,839
and he will not stop until I am dead.

549
00:19:38,839 --> 00:19:41,125
So, what, just a life on the run?

550
00:19:41,125 --> 00:19:44,203
Sí, just like el dr. David banner.

551
00:19:44,203 --> 00:19:45,954
How do you say "The hulk" In spanish?

552
00:19:45,954 --> 00:19:46,668
"El hulk."

553
00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:47,360
Gay.

554
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,134
What? We don't have a word for "Hulk."

555
00:19:49,134 --> 00:19:50,161
You have a word for "Gay?"

556
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:52,521
"Gay." archer: Gayer!

557
00:19:52,521 --> 00:19:55,068
Jesus, spanish, our jobs aren't enough?

558
00:19:55,068 --> 00:19:56,114
Now you got to take our words?

559
00:19:56,114 --> 00:19:56,817
Sterling!

560
00:19:56,817 --> 00:19:58,488
I didn't mean that. It was racist,

561
00:19:58,488 --> 00:20:01,027
and even though you were gonna shoot and/or frag me,

562
00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:03,051
I really feel like we had a kind of a connection.

563
00:20:03,051 --> 00:20:07,067
I'm sad because we had a connection, and now --

564
00:20:07,067 --> 00:20:09,216
Now I feel like a dick, so, come on --

565
00:20:09,216 --> 00:20:11,329
let me turn that frown upside down.

566
00:20:11,329 --> 00:20:12,199
How?

567
00:20:12,199 --> 00:20:14,641
Well, the bedroom was untouched by the explosion.

568
00:20:14,641 --> 00:20:15,854
I'm listening.

569
00:20:15,854 --> 00:20:17,620
So, let's blow the shit out of it.

570
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:19,474
Oh. I thought you meant you wanted to...

571
00:20:20,735 --> 00:20:22,278
ramón!

572
00:20:22,278 --> 00:20:24,321
And just why is that so funny?

573
00:20:24,321 --> 00:20:27,285
Not that. Woodhouse -- he's all tied up somewhere,

574
00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:30,463
sca-- -- scared and alone...

575
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:31,463
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