1
00:00:00,218 --> 00:00:01,532
And if it happens again,

2
00:00:01,532 --> 00:00:04,713
I'll put a lock on it so no one can enjoy it.

3
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:08,486
Moving on, item 7.

4
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,913
I'm afraid I have some tragic news.

5
00:00:10,913 --> 00:00:12,743
Item 6 wasn't tragic?

6
00:00:12,743 --> 00:00:13,788
Zip it!

7
00:00:13,788 --> 00:00:15,345
Agent hector ruíz, who had

8
00:00:15,345 --> 00:00:17,398
Infiltrated el frente rojo, was

9
00:00:17,398 --> 00:00:20,123
Killed last night when his cover was blown.

10
00:00:20,683 --> 00:00:21,520
Who?

11
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,938
How in the world did his cover get blown?

12
00:00:24,173 --> 00:00:25,580
gracias, amigo!

13
00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:27,710
Y viva la -- puta madre!

14
00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:29,476
Perdóname, señores.

15
00:00:29,476 --> 00:00:30,192
Hola?

16
00:00:30,192 --> 00:00:33,586
Ruíz. Hey, man. Talk to these chicks, all right?

17
00:00:33,586 --> 00:00:36,470
Tell them how we're really isis agents.

18
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,885
They don't believe me.

19
00:00:37,885 --> 00:00:39,137
hello!

20
00:00:39,137 --> 00:00:41,032
Señor wingman!

21
00:00:41,032 --> 00:00:42,423
He probably just got careless.

22
00:00:42,423 --> 00:00:44,074
I'm sure hector didn't get --

23
00:00:44,074 --> 00:00:44,842
Oh, come on!

24
00:00:44,842 --> 00:00:46,094
Ruíz was a loose cannon.

25
00:00:46,094 --> 00:00:48,272
He played it fast, and he played it loose.

26
00:00:48,272 --> 00:00:49,465
And in the end, he got burned.

27
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,039
Be that as it may... Loose cannon.

28
00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:54,447
...For isis to continue enjoying title 6 tax

29
00:00:54,447 --> 00:00:55,843
Incentives, we have to meet

30
00:00:55,843 --> 00:00:58,708
Certain...Diversity requirements.

31
00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:00,409
Oh, I think we're pretty diverse.

32
00:01:00,409 --> 00:01:01,538
Ha! Please. What?

33
00:01:01,538 --> 00:01:03,846
You're black...Ish. "Ish"?

34
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:05,386
Well, what's the word for it, lana?

35
00:01:05,386 --> 00:01:07,426
You freaked out when I said "Quadroon."

36
00:01:07,426 --> 00:01:09,035
Imagine that! You imagine it!

37
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:11,470
Both of you, imagine shutting up!

38
00:01:11,470 --> 00:01:14,180
Because after losing agent pak last year...

39
00:01:14,180 --> 00:01:15,340
Hey, tell this broad

40
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:17,270
What's up with isis, pak-man!

41
00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:19,793
Wokka wokka wokka!

42
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:21,561
...And then agent mgumbe...

43
00:01:21,561 --> 00:01:23,651
Hey, you going to this lame isis picnic?

44
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,539
Loose cannons!

45
00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:26,933
...The isis palette has become decidedly

46
00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:28,005
Monochromatic.

47
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:32,359
I'm 1/64th cherokee. What?!

48
00:01:32,359 --> 00:01:33,912
"A," No, you're probably not.

49
00:01:33,912 --> 00:01:35,013
And "B" Through "Z,"

50
00:01:35,013 --> 00:01:36,215
Nobody gives a shit.

51
00:01:36,215 --> 00:01:37,380
racist! What?!

52
00:01:37,380 --> 00:01:39,165
you're anti-native american!

53
00:01:42,193 --> 00:01:45,348
Item 8. We need a diversity hire.

54
00:01:45,348 --> 00:01:46,188
I vote asian chick.

55
00:01:46,188 --> 00:01:47,835
And after an Exhaustive search,

56
00:01:47,835 --> 00:01:50,108
I found the perfect candidate.

57
00:01:50,108 --> 00:01:51,869
So join me in welcoming our

58
00:01:51,869 --> 00:01:55,091
New isis agent... Stern.

59
00:01:55,091 --> 00:01:56,342
Conway stern.

60
00:01:56,342 --> 00:01:59,326
He's a diversity double whammy.

61
00:02:30,221 --> 00:02:33,635
So that was the firing range and the cafeteria,

62
00:02:33,635 --> 00:02:35,667
And -- do you keep kosher?

63
00:02:35,667 --> 00:02:38,044
Well, I-I do have a weakness for prawns.

64
00:02:38,044 --> 00:02:39,403
Me too!

65
00:02:39,403 --> 00:02:41,746
I'll have them make paella tomorrow.

66
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,547
Okay, that's the mainframe, and

67
00:02:43,547 --> 00:02:45,694
These are all just...Drones.

68
00:02:45,694 --> 00:02:46,980
Hey! "Drones"?

69
00:02:46,980 --> 00:02:48,646
Malory, t-these are the unsung

70
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:49,991
Heroes of isis.

71
00:02:49,991 --> 00:02:50,868
I mean, where would we be

72
00:02:50,868 --> 00:02:52,715
Without my man cyril in accounting...

73
00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,672
Hey, thanks...Bro.

74
00:02:54,672 --> 00:02:55,383
You got it, buddy.

75
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,504
...Or the lovely pam in human resources?

76
00:02:57,504 --> 00:02:59,248
Yeah, I am kind of lovely.

77
00:02:59,248 --> 00:03:01,555
A lt ast bunott

78
00:03:01,555 --> 00:03:02,690
Least -- I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

79
00:03:02,690 --> 00:03:04,129
me neither. See?

80
00:03:04,129 --> 00:03:05,445
They don't know anything!

81
00:03:05,445 --> 00:03:08,102
Now over here is a big corner office.

82
00:03:08,102 --> 00:03:09,302
I see it's currently empty.

83
00:03:09,302 --> 00:03:11,154
like my "Vagine."

84
00:03:11,154 --> 00:03:12,180
Yeah, but unlike your

85
00:03:12,180 --> 00:03:14,773
Dusty "Vagine," It's not gonna stay empty.

86
00:03:14,773 --> 00:03:15,605
Wait.

87
00:03:15,605 --> 00:03:17,391
You don't think you're getting the office?

88
00:03:17,391 --> 00:03:19,932
Well, I am the human resources director.

89
00:03:19,932 --> 00:03:21,005
But, pam, come on.

90
00:03:21,005 --> 00:03:22,622
Let's face it -- your entire job

91
00:03:22,622 --> 00:03:24,870
Could be done by a -- a bulletin board.

92
00:03:24,870 --> 00:03:26,015
You heard conway.

93
00:03:26,015 --> 00:03:27,774
I'm essential. How?

94
00:03:27,774 --> 00:03:29,077
I can go online and get a list

95
00:03:29,077 --> 00:03:31,194
Of every federal holiday for the next --

96
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:33,658
wow. 10,000 years. Wait. Really?

97
00:03:33,658 --> 00:03:35,334
10,000? oh. No.

98
00:03:35,334 --> 00:03:37,207
This isn't even on.

99
00:03:38,369 --> 00:03:39,453
I'm gonna get that office!

100
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:42,510
I'm getting it, pam! oh, my god.

101
00:03:42,510 --> 00:03:44,282
I am surrounded by idiots.

102
00:03:44,282 --> 00:03:45,603
And this...

103
00:03:45,603 --> 00:03:47,112
Is the locker room.

104
00:03:47,112 --> 00:03:48,324
Yeah, the, uh,

105
00:03:48,324 --> 00:03:49,600
Lockers were a tip-off.

106
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,511
Well, I'll leave you to it.

107
00:03:51,511 --> 00:03:53,801
But if you need anything,

108
00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,048
Well, you know how to whistle,

109
00:03:55,048 --> 00:03:55,895
Don't you, conway?

110
00:03:55,895 --> 00:03:58,122
Yep. Lips together, blow. Got it.

111
00:03:58,122 --> 00:04:02,198
malory: Oh you are just a little treasure!

112
00:04:03,075 --> 00:04:05,047
conway: Jesus, conway, what

113
00:04:05,047 --> 00:04:06,947
Have you got yourself into, man?

114
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,289
archer: You better praytce wasn't my mother.

115
00:04:09,289 --> 00:04:10,791
conway: I'm fairly confident

116
00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:12,477
That you misread that whole situation.

117
00:04:12,477 --> 00:04:13,142
archer: Oh, yeah?

118
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:16,391
conway: And I'm real confident you misread this one.

119
00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:19,594
Uh, how about this one?

120
00:04:19,594 --> 00:04:21,868
This one, uh, actually seems kind of gay.

121
00:04:21,868 --> 00:04:24,418
Maybe because our, uh, penises are touching.

122
00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:28,283
Yeah, so let's go on...

123
00:04:28,283 --> 00:04:30,153
Three!

124
00:04:30,817 --> 00:04:32,561
What, you, uh, you see something you like?

125
00:04:32,561 --> 00:04:35,022
Wh-- no, you...Queer.

126
00:04:35,022 --> 00:04:36,302
Oh, I'm queer?

127
00:04:36,302 --> 00:04:37,586
From the guy whose tiny gun came

128
00:04:37,586 --> 00:04:38,629
With a matching purse.

129
00:04:38,629 --> 00:04:40,837
Hey, it's got plenty of stopping power.

130
00:04:40,837 --> 00:04:42,607
What?! That little --

131
00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:45,554
God damn it, archer! See that?

132
00:04:45,554 --> 00:04:47,672
He was putting on his pants, and I stopped him.

133
00:04:47,672 --> 00:04:48,935
So you just watch your step,

134
00:04:48,935 --> 00:04:52,023
Mister, uh, damn it. Hey, right there,

135
00:04:52,023 --> 00:04:53,080
What you should have gone with

136
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,811
Was "Sammy gay-vis jr."

137
00:04:54,811 --> 00:04:56,259
Damn it! Come on.

138
00:04:56,259 --> 00:04:57,702
She doesn't need a corner office

139
00:04:57,702 --> 00:04:59,568
Just to xerox the isis

140
00:04:59,568 --> 00:05:01,683
Newsletter. Color xerox!

141
00:05:01,683 --> 00:05:02,994
And, what, you need more room

142
00:05:02,994 --> 00:05:05,094
To chop vegetables? All right!

143
00:05:05,094 --> 00:05:06,269
Obviously, I need to make a

144
00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:09,050
Decision, but which shall it --

145
00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:13,080
Or I could give conway both. You what?!

146
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,375
I already took care of those.

147
00:05:14,375 --> 00:05:16,648
Frodo and salsa were my operations!

148
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:18,409
conway: At ease, career admiral.

149
00:05:18,409 --> 00:05:20,078
Malory was getting impatient on salsa.

150
00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:22,214
lana: Salsa was a highly Complex operation.

151
00:05:22,214 --> 00:05:25,236
conway: Two phone calls. And as for frodo...

152
00:05:25,478 --> 00:05:28,408
lana: Wh-- conway: Well, some pun involving hobbits.

153
00:05:28,408 --> 00:05:29,534
like, I bet he wishes he was

154
00:05:29,534 --> 00:05:32,733
Wearing bilbo's coat of dwarven mithril, right?

155
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:33,889
conway: Gonna take your word on that.

156
00:05:33,889 --> 00:05:37,025
lana: Oh, yeah? Well, take my word on this --

157
00:05:37,025 --> 00:05:40,160
I'm the top agent around here, so watch it!

158
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:41,926
so, see, in middle-earth --

159
00:05:43,870 --> 00:05:45,840
Come on, buddy. You're kidding.

160
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:47,225
archer: No, I'm dead serious. Yeah?

161
00:05:47,225 --> 00:05:47,915
archer: I want to file an

162
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,072
H.R. Complaint against conway. On what grounds?

163
00:05:50,072 --> 00:05:52,606
archer: He touched my penis with his penis.

164
00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:56,603
archer: Yeah, he just came up to me and was like, "Byop."

165
00:05:56,603 --> 00:05:59,351
Where? archer: All of it -- head and shaft.

166
00:05:59,351 --> 00:06:01,073
No. archer: Oh, you mean where in the building?

167
00:06:01,073 --> 00:06:03,055
'cause that shouldn't matter. I've got this other

168
00:06:03,055 --> 00:06:07,102
Complaint from brett, who says you shot him again.

169
00:06:07,102 --> 00:06:08,879
archer: Here's the thing about brett.

170
00:06:10,853 --> 00:06:13,990
Aw, shit! Those were the newsletters!

171
00:06:13,990 --> 00:06:17,001
cyril, I need a little favor.

172
00:06:17,001 --> 00:06:20,239
cyril: Okay, cari-- oh, now itta "Crisl"?

173
00:06:20,239 --> 00:06:22,069
cris-tal!

174
00:06:22,069 --> 00:06:23,683
You know, like the champagne?

175
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:24,859
It's what hot black guys drink.

176
00:06:24,859 --> 00:06:26,359
cyril: Uh, you sure about that?

177
00:06:26,359 --> 00:06:27,818
and I want conway to drink

178
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,015
Me, so I need you to hook a sister up.

179
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,027
Well, I will... Certainly try.

180
00:06:32,027 --> 00:06:33,531
don't try. Do.

181
00:06:33,531 --> 00:06:34,693
And, here, use this.

182
00:06:36,943 --> 00:06:39,250
Uhh! Wow! What is this? tell conway that his

183
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:43,542
Secret santa wants to come early. cyril: Ew.

184
00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:44,919
or, you know, whoever brings

185
00:06:44,919 --> 00:06:47,021
Jewish people their christmas presents.

186
00:06:47,765 --> 00:06:48,828
lana: What are you doing?

187
00:06:48,828 --> 00:06:50,071
archer: Uh, none of your business-ing?

188
00:06:50,071 --> 00:06:51,422
And what kind of spy agency

189
00:06:51,422 --> 00:06:53,272
Scrimps on a freaking shredder?

190
00:06:53,272 --> 00:06:54,424
lana: Well, apparently the

191
00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:56,778
Kind that scrimps on background checks.

192
00:06:56,778 --> 00:06:58,627
Who is this guy? archer: I don't know, but I

193
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,109
Got a bad feeling about mother's

194
00:07:00,109 --> 00:07:01,700
Little "Project conway."

195
00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,145
lana: So, I must be having a

196
00:07:03,145 --> 00:07:04,630
Stroke, because we actually

197
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:05,842
Agree on something.

198
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,406
archer: Wait. Really? lana: Totally!

199
00:07:07,406 --> 00:07:08,557
I mean, he shows up out of

200
00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:10,040
Nowhere and starts trying to get

201
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,715
All up in everything?

202
00:07:11,715 --> 00:07:13,483
I mean, salsa, frodo --

203
00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:14,621
archer: Possibly mother.

204
00:07:14,621 --> 00:07:16,322
lana: And what do we even know about him?

205
00:07:16,322 --> 00:07:18,347
archer: Only that he's not circumcised.

206
00:07:18,347 --> 00:07:20,429
lana: Okay, glossing over

207
00:07:20,429 --> 00:07:22,645
How you know that -- we touched penises.

208
00:07:22,645 --> 00:07:24,365
No! Glossing!

209
00:07:24,365 --> 00:07:25,865
But a non-circumcised jewish

210
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:27,670
Guy -- that's not weird to you?

211
00:07:27,670 --> 00:07:28,484
No, why would -- I

212
00:07:28,484 --> 00:07:30,746
Mean, I'm not jewish, and I am

213
00:07:30,746 --> 00:07:32,294
Circumcised, so it can happen --

214
00:07:32,294 --> 00:07:34,110
lana: It doesn't work like that! archer: Lana, come on.

215
00:07:34,110 --> 00:07:36,418
I think we both know it works fine.

216
00:07:36,418 --> 00:07:37,624
lana: Oh, come on!

217
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,252
Not your dick, dumbass!

218
00:07:39,252 --> 00:07:40,364
archer: Oh, my god!

219
00:07:40,364 --> 00:07:41,848
This is about you and me, right?

220
00:07:41,848 --> 00:07:42,957
lana: Oh, my god!

221
00:07:42,957 --> 00:07:44,045
Get over yourself!

222
00:07:44,045 --> 00:07:45,260
archer: Hey, I am over me!

223
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,768
But apparently you're not!

224
00:07:48,353 --> 00:07:49,635
What the hell smells like shrimp?

225
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:53,867
just my sensual womanhood.

226
00:07:53,867 --> 00:07:55,658
Oh, wait.

227
00:07:55,658 --> 00:07:57,563
I'll bet your womanhood smells divine.

228
00:07:57,563 --> 00:07:58,455
conway!

229
00:07:58,455 --> 00:08:01,397
Now, whom can I thank for these shrimp?

230
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:02,580
me!

231
00:08:02,580 --> 00:08:05,444
Your secret jew santa!

232
00:08:15,855 --> 00:08:17,546
conway!

233
00:08:17,546 --> 00:08:20,177
That was amazing! Yeah.

234
00:08:20,177 --> 00:08:23,943
So, uh, okay. oh, my god.

235
00:08:23,943 --> 00:08:25,021
I hope I'm pregnant.

236
00:08:25,021 --> 00:08:26,395
What are you talking about?

237
00:08:26,395 --> 00:08:27,457
Well, the system bounced

238
00:08:27,457 --> 00:08:28,797
Back your sexual-harassment

239
00:08:28,797 --> 00:08:29,874
Complaint against conway.

240
00:08:29,874 --> 00:08:30,861
Well, unbounce it

241
00:08:30,861 --> 00:08:31,440
Back.

242
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,605
Who am I -- tron? Go talk to your mother.

243
00:08:33,605 --> 00:08:34,675
She's the one who bounced it.

244
00:08:34,675 --> 00:08:36,255
Why?! Whoa!

245
00:08:36,255 --> 00:08:37,167
Why would she do that?

246
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:39,829
Don't go starting rumors about conway boning your mother.

247
00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:41,003
Oh, my --

248
00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:44,979
You get any of that in

249
00:08:44,979 --> 00:08:46,028
The trash can?

250
00:08:46,028 --> 00:08:47,155
No.

251
00:08:47,155 --> 00:08:49,111
I, uh, missed on purpose.

252
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,405
Hey, malory, uh, you got a second?

253
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:52,887
I sincerely doubt it.

254
00:08:52,887 --> 00:08:54,763
It's about conway. Then yes!

255
00:08:54,763 --> 00:08:56,517
I have entire minutes!

256
00:08:56,517 --> 00:08:58,713
Isn't he just a dream come true?

257
00:08:58,713 --> 00:09:00,529
Well, that's the thing.

258
00:09:00,529 --> 00:09:02,619
How did you actually find conway?

259
00:09:02,619 --> 00:09:04,809
Well, he just sort of...Appeared...

260
00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:06,826
Okay. ...Like a foundling,

261
00:09:06,826 --> 00:09:08,062
Carved out of onyx!

262
00:09:08,062 --> 00:09:09,819
Yes, but from where?

263
00:09:09,819 --> 00:09:11,069
I mean, if you didn't do a

264
00:09:11,069 --> 00:09:12,108
Background check --

265
00:09:12,108 --> 00:09:13,356
Are you an idiot, or

266
00:09:13,356 --> 00:09:14,662
Do you just think I am?

267
00:09:14,662 --> 00:09:16,929
He totally checked out. Okay.

268
00:09:16,929 --> 00:09:18,127
So, do you mind if I just take a

269
00:09:18,127 --> 00:09:19,634
Little -- lana kane!

270
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:21,190
Just because now you're not

271
00:09:21,190 --> 00:09:22,731
The only black agent --

272
00:09:22,731 --> 00:09:24,415
Hey, that is not --

273
00:09:24,415 --> 00:09:26,568
"Urban," Whatever.

274
00:09:26,568 --> 00:09:28,397
You come in here and accuse

275
00:09:28,397 --> 00:09:31,934
Conway of what, exactly? Okay, fine.

276
00:09:31,934 --> 00:09:34,561
I can't provan rythingighthi now.

277
00:09:34,561 --> 00:09:36,633
But that never stopped j. Edna hoover from

278
00:09:36,633 --> 00:09:39,171
Persecuting martin luther king, now, did it?

279
00:09:39,171 --> 00:09:40,412
What does that have

280
00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:41,657
To -- wait.

281
00:09:41,657 --> 00:09:42,701
J. Edna?

282
00:09:42,701 --> 00:09:44,577
You never heard that -- how hoover was this

283
00:09:44,577 --> 00:09:47,867
Huge, cross-dressing chicken hawk? I had not.

284
00:09:47,867 --> 00:09:49,063
Well, that's exactly

285
00:09:49,063 --> 00:09:50,550
The kind of slanderous and

286
00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,310
Unsubstantiated rumor I will

287
00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:54,073
Not tolerate at isis!

288
00:09:54,073 --> 00:09:56,361
Think about that while you're on suspension.

289
00:09:56,361 --> 00:09:58,177
While I'm on what?! What, are you deaf

290
00:09:58,177 --> 00:10:00,591
And racist? I'm black!

291
00:10:00,591 --> 00:10:01,675
Oh, put it back in

292
00:10:01,675 --> 00:10:03,206
The deck.

293
00:10:03,206 --> 00:10:05,104
Hey, how's my lovely lady?

294
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:06,530
Suspended! What?!

295
00:10:06,530 --> 00:10:08,451
Malory suspended me

296
00:10:08,451 --> 00:10:09,549
Just because I had the nerve to

297
00:10:09,549 --> 00:10:10,931
Ask a few questions about her

298
00:10:10,931 --> 00:10:13,357
Little homeboy mcjewerson!

299
00:10:13,357 --> 00:10:15,443
Whoa. Lana, honey. What?!

300
00:10:15,443 --> 00:10:16,245
Even though it's

301
00:10:16,245 --> 00:10:17,838
Perfectly natural for you to be

302
00:10:17,838 --> 00:10:19,665
Jealous of conway --

303
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,586
Then she coldcocked you, huh?

304
00:10:22,586 --> 00:10:23,451
Yeah, with that big

305
00:10:23,451 --> 00:10:25,073
"Flintstoney" Fist of hers.

306
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,376
But, seriously, "Homeboy mcjewerson"?

307
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:28,945
Come on. I've heard worse than that.

308
00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,257
But it doesn't even make sense.

309
00:10:30,257 --> 00:10:32,345
I mean maybe if you were scottish or --

310
00:10:32,345 --> 00:10:33,624
Hey, man, racism,

311
00:10:33,624 --> 00:10:34,657
Anti-semitism -- you can't go

312
00:10:34,657 --> 00:10:36,498
Looking for the logic in it.

313
00:10:36,498 --> 00:10:37,953
Here, this'll help the swelling.

314
00:10:37,953 --> 00:10:39,688
Oh, thank you.

315
00:10:39,688 --> 00:10:41,417
Where'd you get the steak? Cristal.

316
00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:42,305
Yet another offering of

317
00:10:42,305 --> 00:10:44,455
Unrefrigerated meat and/or seafood.

318
00:10:44,455 --> 00:10:46,343
Yeah, she's kind of weird that way.

319
00:10:46,343 --> 00:10:49,347
Yeah, she's kind of weird a bunch of ways.

320
00:10:49,701 --> 00:10:51,601
What you doing, bird bones?

321
00:10:51,601 --> 00:10:53,251
looking for a pregnancy test online.

322
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:56,615
But there's a drugstore half a -- oh.

323
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,232
You mean that you take online?

324
00:10:58,232 --> 00:10:59,511
yeah, I want tonoe,w, lik now.

325
00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:00,541
Well, thank god for them

326
00:11:00,541 --> 00:11:01,650
Internets.

327
00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:03,441
What's this lame meeting about?

328
00:11:03,441 --> 00:11:05,057
no idea, and I'm busy, and go away.

329
00:11:05,057 --> 00:11:06,481
Excuse me? oh, my god.

330
00:11:06,481 --> 00:11:07,415
Why are you still here?

331
00:11:07,415 --> 00:11:09,253
Mother called me for a meeting.

332
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:10,903
But I thought you called a meeting.

333
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,719
Oh, and by the way, you don't

334
00:11:12,719 --> 00:11:13,683
Call a meeting!

335
00:11:13,683 --> 00:11:15,263
Only I call a meeting!

336
00:11:15,362 --> 00:11:16,649
I called the meeting.

337
00:11:16,649 --> 00:11:18,918
Which I love that you did that.

338
00:11:18,918 --> 00:11:20,161
I'm sorry. I know it's not standard

339
00:11:20,161 --> 00:11:21,671
Procedure, but we've got a problem.

340
00:11:21,671 --> 00:11:24,764
a problem? Or a blessing?

341
00:11:26,359 --> 00:11:28,285
A problem. It's a silent

342
00:11:28,285 --> 00:11:29,783
Submarine-propulsion system

343
00:11:29,783 --> 00:11:31,372
Called the "Whisper drive."

344
00:11:31,372 --> 00:11:33,731
Ooh, sounds sexy. Would you stop it?!

345
00:11:33,731 --> 00:11:35,215
Folks, please. Embarrassing.

346
00:11:35,215 --> 00:11:37,055
You're embarrassing. Jesus.

347
00:11:37,569 --> 00:11:40,099
This is wilhelm schmeck,

348
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,634
Inventor of the whisper drive.

349
00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:43,052
Yesterday schmeck went missing,

350
00:11:43,052 --> 00:11:44,691
Along with the plans for the whisper drive.

351
00:11:44,691 --> 00:11:46,455
I've tracked him to south beach,

352
00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:47,498
Where he's arranged to sell the

353
00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,613
Plans to cuban naval intelligence.

354
00:11:49,613 --> 00:11:51,687
If that happens, undetectable

355
00:11:51,687 --> 00:11:52,852
Cuban missile subs could be

356
00:11:52,852 --> 00:11:55,741
Parked right off miami beach.

357
00:11:56,272 --> 00:11:58,951
Just what miami needs -- more cubans.

358
00:11:58,951 --> 00:12:00,067
And all we need is a

359
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,835
Stand-in who resembles schmeck's

360
00:12:01,835 --> 00:12:02,923
Cuban contact.

361
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:06,071
Wh-- that looks nothing like me.

362
00:12:06,071 --> 00:12:07,716
Well, he's just a lot more handsome.

363
00:12:07,716 --> 00:12:08,814
Yeah, whatever.

364
00:12:08,814 --> 00:12:10,144
Zip it!

365
00:12:10,144 --> 00:12:11,858
Conway, dear, the plan?

366
00:12:11,858 --> 00:12:13,280
Using archer as bait,

367
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,409
We slip in just ahead of the

368
00:12:14,409 --> 00:12:16,417
Real cubans, capture schmeck,

369
00:12:16,417 --> 00:12:17,917
And recover the plans.

370
00:12:17,917 --> 00:12:19,148
And if we could run this thing

371
00:12:19,148 --> 00:12:20,371
Through your condo, that would

372
00:12:20,371 --> 00:12:22,471
Be -- you have a south beach condo?!

373
00:12:22,471 --> 00:12:25,036
Oh, hey, how's the, uh, lemon tree doing?

374
00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,170
Raúl says it already

375
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:27,939
Has tiny lemons.

376
00:12:27,939 --> 00:12:29,887
That was a wonderful thank-you gift.

377
00:12:29,887 --> 00:12:31,299
Well, it was a wonderful weekend.

378
00:12:31,299 --> 00:12:32,678
It was, wasn't it?

379
00:12:32,678 --> 00:12:33,829
You were there, in

380
00:12:33,829 --> 00:12:35,312
The condo, together?!

381
00:12:35,312 --> 00:12:36,831
Yeah, last weekend.

382
00:12:37,499 --> 00:12:38,934
Oh, for -- see?!

383
00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:40,147
That's what happens when you

384
00:12:40,147 --> 00:12:42,781
Drink all day and skip lunch!

385
00:12:42,781 --> 00:12:44,712
Oh, we were supposed to have

386
00:12:44,712 --> 00:12:46,056
Paella.

387
00:12:49,257 --> 00:12:50,815
Archer, come on, man.

388
00:12:50,815 --> 00:12:52,218
Let's go. You go!

389
00:12:52,218 --> 00:12:53,657
Get on the plane, buckle in,

390
00:12:53,657 --> 00:12:55,433
Sit there, and think about how

391
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:57,925
You're not the boss of me. Hey, babe.

392
00:12:57,925 --> 00:13:00,244
Got any extra puke bags? Why?

393
00:13:00,244 --> 00:13:01,910
You taking a moral inventory?

394
00:13:01,910 --> 00:13:03,072
Jesus, god!

395
00:13:03,072 --> 00:13:04,751
What are you doing here?

396
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,002
I'm trying to save -- our relationship?

397
00:13:07,002 --> 00:13:07,816
Lana -- archer!

398
00:13:07,816 --> 00:13:08,847
Maybe when I get

399
00:13:08,847 --> 00:13:10,546
Back, we can work out some kind

400
00:13:10,546 --> 00:13:12,013
Of bang-buddy deal, but --

401
00:13:12,953 --> 00:13:16,603
I want you to listen to me. Well, then

402
00:13:16,603 --> 00:13:17,917
Unperforate my eardrum!

403
00:13:17,917 --> 00:13:19,577
Un...

404
00:13:19,577 --> 00:13:21,261
Head up your ass!

405
00:13:21,261 --> 00:13:23,727
I think conway is totally up to something.

406
00:13:24,014 --> 00:13:25,691
You think I'm an idiot?

407
00:13:25,691 --> 00:13:27,297
I know he wants to marry mother

408
00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:28,797
And make her cut me out of the will...

409
00:13:28,797 --> 00:13:29,979
Archer -- ...Which is why I'm

410
00:13:29,979 --> 00:13:30,981
Going to kill him.

411
00:13:32,372 --> 00:13:33,583
Whatever the reason -- it's not because of

412
00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:35,741
The whole black-stepfather thing.

413
00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:36,990
I think you know me better than that.

414
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:37,852
Yeah, I do.

415
00:13:37,852 --> 00:13:39,207
So try not to do anything

416
00:13:39,207 --> 00:13:41,341
Stupid, okay? Conway could be dangerous.

417
00:13:41,341 --> 00:13:42,879
You know what's dangerous?

418
00:13:42,879 --> 00:13:44,145
Your obsession with me.

419
00:13:44,145 --> 00:13:45,256
Seriously, lana, call

420
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:46,617
Kenny loggins 'cause you're in

421
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:49,163
The danger zone -- from "Top gun."

422
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:50,765
Just be careful.

423
00:13:53,023 --> 00:13:54,215
No.

424
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,669
God, this is so...

425
00:13:57,669 --> 00:13:58,911
Classic mother!

426
00:13:58,911 --> 00:14:00,915
Yeah, it's, uh, pretty tastefully done, huh?

427
00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:01,953
No, you ass!

428
00:14:01,953 --> 00:14:03,239
The selfishness.

429
00:14:03,239 --> 00:14:05,182
She never shares anything with anybody.

430
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:06,253
You're keeping that

431
00:14:06,253 --> 00:14:07,297
Office for you?!

432
00:14:07,297 --> 00:14:08,350
I need it to escape

433
00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:09,599
The glare from those windows

434
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,616
Across the street.

435
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,718
From the -- there's no glare!

436
00:14:12,718 --> 00:14:13,888
Well, not now.

437
00:14:13,888 --> 00:14:15,026
But mid-April?

438
00:14:15,026 --> 00:14:17,246
Everg for almost 20 minutes.

439
00:14:17,246 --> 00:14:18,451
So, you're gonna keep

440
00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:20,610
That huge corner office empty the other...

441
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,453
90 gazillion percent of the time...

442
00:14:22,453 --> 00:14:23,570
Just because the glare

443
00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:25,692
Is annoying?! Well...

444
00:14:25,692 --> 00:14:27,507
Semi-annoying.

445
00:14:27,507 --> 00:14:28,625
Okay, you're meeting

446
00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,479
Schmeck at that café across the street down there.

447
00:14:30,479 --> 00:14:32,805
And, uh, why do you have that exactly?

448
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,515
Well, you never know what's gonna happen.

449
00:14:34,515 --> 00:14:35,756
Yeah, two people all

450
00:14:35,756 --> 00:14:37,814
Alone together, down here in

451
00:14:37,814 --> 00:14:39,732
South beach... So I'd rather have it

452
00:14:39,732 --> 00:14:42,465
And not need it... ...Than need it and

453
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,455
Not have it. Kind of like a

454
00:14:44,455 --> 00:14:46,732
Condom, I guess, which actually happened last weekend.

455
00:14:46,732 --> 00:14:48,578
Oh, my -- damn, man!

456
00:14:48,578 --> 00:14:49,851
I was kidding.

457
00:14:49,851 --> 00:14:51,094
Look, if you're too nervous --

458
00:14:51,094 --> 00:14:52,578
I'm fine, all right?

459
00:14:53,148 --> 00:14:55,398
Just let me rinse off my mustache.

460
00:14:55,566 --> 00:14:58,405
schmeck: You are more handsome in your photos.

461
00:14:58,405 --> 00:15:00,482
Yeah, talk to me about handsome.

462
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,827
schmeck: And you have no trace of cuban accent.

463
00:15:02,827 --> 00:15:05,348
Yeah, it's called tradecraft, genius. I blend.

464
00:15:05,348 --> 00:15:07,478
Just shut up and get the plans.

465
00:15:07,478 --> 00:15:09,597
You shut up and get the plans. schmeck: What?

466
00:15:09,597 --> 00:15:12,041
I mean, give me -- me those plans now.

467
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:13,546
Give me those plans. schmeck: You may have them

468
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,032
Once I confirm the balance in my swiss account.

469
00:15:16,032 --> 00:15:17,370
Oh, tell him not to bother.

470
00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:18,750
schmeck: What? Wait.

471
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:19,902
What are we doing?

472
00:15:20,772 --> 00:15:23,005
Conway! What the shit, man?!

473
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,430
What?! Schmeck was a traitor.

474
00:15:24,430 --> 00:15:27,451
Yeah, and now he's all over my $400 custom shirt!

475
00:15:27,451 --> 00:15:29,262
Well, I'll buy you a new one.

476
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,834
Now grab the plans before it's too late!

477
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:32,412
It's already too late...

478
00:15:32,493 --> 00:15:33,787
yes, it is!

479
00:15:33,787 --> 00:15:36,029
Now hand over -- ...Because it's

480
00:15:36,029 --> 00:15:38,532
Already soaked into the fibers, dumbass!

481
00:15:38,532 --> 00:15:40,102
This is linen!

482
00:15:41,884 --> 00:15:45,286
And that is a cuban hit squad.

483
00:15:45,286 --> 00:15:47,329
And you might want to duck.

484
00:15:50,943 --> 00:15:52,362
Oh, my god.

485
00:15:52,362 --> 00:15:53,646
Conway!

486
00:15:53,646 --> 00:15:55,288
That was amazing!

487
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,752
Yeah, well, you know. No, seriously!

488
00:15:57,752 --> 00:16:00,190
That was like -- that was like --

489
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:01,988
A charles whitman sampler?

490
00:16:01,988 --> 00:16:03,438
Damn it! Yes!

491
00:16:03,438 --> 00:16:04,982
And, seriously, thanks.

492
00:16:04,982 --> 00:16:07,516
Oh, don't thank me yet.

493
00:16:07,516 --> 00:16:09,140
Conway, no!

494
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:12,360
Now you can thank me.

495
00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:13,658
Oh, my god!

496
00:16:13,658 --> 00:16:15,597
You saved my life twice!

497
00:16:15,597 --> 00:16:16,647
You would have done the same for me.

498
00:16:16,647 --> 00:16:17,821
No, I wouldn't have!

499
00:16:17,821 --> 00:16:19,216
I mean, I was actually kind of

500
00:16:19,216 --> 00:16:20,362
Planning to kill you.

501
00:16:20,362 --> 00:16:21,880
Wait. What?! I know, I know.

502
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:23,423
Now I'm totally embarrassed.

503
00:16:23,423 --> 00:16:24,766
Hey, you know what?

504
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:26,176
Water under the bridge, dude.

505
00:16:26,176 --> 00:16:27,918
Matter of fact, come here. Let's man-hug it.

506
00:16:27,971 --> 00:16:30,330
All right. Okay. Um, yeah.

507
00:16:30,330 --> 00:16:31,043
I mean, after all, we

508
00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:33,868
Are gonna be family, once I marry your mom. What?!

509
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,566
I'm kidding!

510
00:16:35,566 --> 00:16:38,317
God, relax, man! 'cause for a second

511
00:16:38,317 --> 00:16:40,116
There, I was like -- I mean, not

512
00:16:40,116 --> 00:16:42,883
In a racist way -- but -- conway?

513
00:16:42,883 --> 00:16:44,190
Yeah, buddy.

514
00:16:44,190 --> 00:16:46,381
Are there more bad guys behind me?

515
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:47,663
Nope.

516
00:16:47,663 --> 00:16:49,069
You dick.

517
00:16:51,417 --> 00:16:52,590
You dumbass!

518
00:16:52,590 --> 00:16:54,169
I set this whole thing up.

519
00:16:54,169 --> 00:16:55,314
I just needed a stand-in for

520
00:16:55,314 --> 00:16:56,674
Those broke-ass cubans.

521
00:16:56,674 --> 00:16:58,212
Yeah, I get it.

522
00:16:58,212 --> 00:16:59,293
I mean, come on.

523
00:16:59,293 --> 00:17:00,939
The chinese will pay five times

524
00:17:00,939 --> 00:17:02,435
As much for the whisper drive.

525
00:17:02,435 --> 00:17:03,550
And once they do?

526
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:04,926
Let's just say you better learn

527
00:17:04,926 --> 00:17:06,489
How to use some chopsticks, buddy.

528
00:17:06,489 --> 00:17:07,754
Conway, wait!

529
00:17:07,754 --> 00:17:09,534
Just answer me one question.

530
00:17:09,534 --> 00:17:10,734
Yeah, make it quick.

531
00:17:10,734 --> 00:17:12,139
My ride's here.

532
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,826
And your lus are filling up with blood.

533
00:17:14,826 --> 00:17:17,670
Did you have sex with my mother?!

534
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,680
Wait. What?

535
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:20,302
That is your only question?

536
00:17:20,302 --> 00:17:22,330
Not who am I, not how did I

537
00:17:22,330 --> 00:17:24,338
Infiltrate isis, or who th

538
00:17:24,338 --> 00:17:25,685
Hell's flying the helicopter?

539
00:17:25,685 --> 00:17:27,428
Just answer the question!

540
00:17:27,428 --> 00:17:29,151
No, archer, I didn't

541
00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:30,640
Have sex with your mom!

542
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,127
Oh, thank god!

543
00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:33,790
That would have been a tough

544
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:35,231
Image to get out of my head.

545
00:17:35,231 --> 00:17:36,607
Thank you. That right there --

546
00:17:36,607 --> 00:17:38,453
That kind of racism is exactly

547
00:17:38,453 --> 00:17:40,608
Why I can't wait to see tiny

548
00:17:40,608 --> 00:17:42,528
Little chinese boots on your

549
00:17:42,528 --> 00:17:45,344
White-ass necks...

550
00:17:45,344 --> 00:17:47,467
Which may sound hypocritical, I

551
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,765
Know, but -- would you go?!

552
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:55,624
What the -- sorry, conway. Wait.

553
00:17:55,624 --> 00:17:57,174
Shit, I had something for this.

554
00:17:57,174 --> 00:17:58,238
Is it something like,

555
00:17:58,722 --> 00:18:00,052
"You don't get off the hook that

556
00:18:00,052 --> 00:18:01,698
Easy"? Damn it!

557
00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:02,774
He's good at those.

558
00:18:02,774 --> 00:18:04,890
Well, crawl on over there and blow him.

559
00:18:04,890 --> 00:18:07,477
Now drop the case, conway!

560
00:18:07,477 --> 00:18:09,382
It's cuffed on,

561
00:18:09,446 --> 00:18:10,524
Woman!

562
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,267
And how the hell are your hands

563
00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:13,803
That fricking str--

564
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:20,260
You haven't seen the last of conway stern...

565
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:24,425
Which is not my real na-a-a-me!

566
00:18:24,849 --> 00:18:25,683
So, let me guess.

567
00:18:25,683 --> 00:18:27,836
Yeah, whoever he is, he

568
00:18:27,836 --> 00:18:29,371
Ghosted an I.D. File into our

569
00:18:29,371 --> 00:18:30,730
Worldwide database.

570
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:31,778
Which you probably

571
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:34,388
Found while researching me,

572
00:18:34,639 --> 00:18:36,563
Lana, 'cause you're in the, uh,

573
00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:38,586
Danger zone!

574
00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:40,378
And those were his last

575
00:18:40,378 --> 00:18:42,341
Words right before he bled to

576
00:18:42,341 --> 00:18:43,993
Death on the rug.

577
00:18:43,993 --> 00:18:47,234
Which rug?! Good.

578
00:18:47,234 --> 00:18:49,071
I thought you meant in the bedroom.

579
00:18:49,071 --> 00:18:51,479
No, that one is just jute.

580
00:18:51,479 --> 00:18:52,528
Exactly.

581
00:18:52,528 --> 00:18:53,947
Guests come in from the beach.

582
00:18:53,947 --> 00:18:57,338
They're all sandy or whatever, and -- suspension?

583
00:18:57,338 --> 00:18:59,670
Lana, dear, you are getting a bonus!

584
00:18:59,670 --> 00:19:01,532
My god, you foiled that

585
00:19:01,532 --> 00:19:03,593
Perfidious conway, saved

586
00:19:03,593 --> 00:19:04,655
Sterling's --

587
00:19:04,655 --> 00:19:07,758
All right. Just pull the knife out.

588
00:19:08,754 --> 00:19:10,018
And then slap saran

589
00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:11,148
Wrap on the hole.

590
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:13,702
But leave me enough to make guacamole.

591
00:19:13,702 --> 00:19:15,461
No, you squeeze lemon juice

592
00:19:15,461 --> 00:19:17,377
Over it, then smoosh the saran

593
00:19:17,377 --> 00:19:19,023
Wrap right down on top.

594
00:19:19,023 --> 00:19:20,883
That way, it doesn't go brown.

595
00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:23,106
Oh, let the paramedics do that.

596
00:19:23,106 --> 00:19:25,072
You just have fun, dear.

597
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,600
Mm-hmm. Bye!

598
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,274
Oh, damn!

599
00:19:28,274 --> 00:19:29,298
Now I bet she's going to squeeze

600
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,663
Up all my brand-new lemons!

601
00:19:31,663 --> 00:19:32,777
And I'll have nothing left to

602
00:19:32,777 --> 00:19:34,634
Remind me of conway.

603
00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:35,858
except his little mocha

604
00:19:35,858 --> 00:19:38,090
Love child. His what?!

605
00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:39,539
yeah! You had sex with

606
00:19:39,539 --> 00:19:42,654
Conway?! yeah, and he totally impregnated me.

607
00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:43,740
Wait.

608
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,917
He was only here two days.

609
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,285
How is that pregnancy test

610
00:19:47,285 --> 00:19:48,322
Showing positive?

611
00:19:48,322 --> 00:19:50,942
oh, this is just a detergent pen.

612
00:19:50,942 --> 00:19:53,236
I just put a little blue sticker on it.

613
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000
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