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00:00:04,288 --> 00:00:09,233
ANCHOR: She's battled ivory poachers,
raging rivers, even tuberculosis...
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00:00:09,235 --> 00:00:13,807
and now Oscar-winner Rona Thorne
takes on the CIA and the KGB
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00:00:13,809 --> 00:00:16,421
in Dietrich Viener's
new thriller "Disavowed!"
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00:00:16,479 --> 00:00:19,541
RONA: Ohmigod it's going
to be amazing,
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00:00:19,579 --> 00:00:21,899
I play a spy
accused of being a double-agent
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so she has to clear her name and I
read Dietrich's script and I was like,
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00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:28,756
lookit me,
I was like "waaaaagh!"
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00:00:28,758 --> 00:00:30,575
so it's just going to be amazing.
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00:00:30,695 --> 00:00:33,027
PAM: Oh my God,
she's amazing!
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00:00:33,029 --> 00:00:34,528
CHERYL/CAROL: Eh, I dunno...
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00:00:34,530 --> 00:00:35,584
PAM: That's because you're an
idiot...
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00:00:35,616 --> 00:00:37,731
GILLETTE: Who obviously never
saw "River's Rage."
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00:00:37,851 --> 00:00:39,800
CHERYL/CAROL: I saw it,
but I was just like "ehh."
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00:00:39,802 --> 00:00:41,350
PAM: Wh-? ! Are you nuts?!
15
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,251
That scene when her
baby gets swept away?!
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00:00:43,371 --> 00:00:46,225
GILLETTE: Bawled so hard they made me
leave the theater, never saw the ending.
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00:00:46,345 --> 00:00:47,230
CHERYL/CAROL: Well, they find
the baby...
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00:00:47,350 --> 00:00:49,615
GILLETTE: Aaah! Don't tell me!
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CHERYLCH/CAROL: Dead.
GILLETTE: Dammit!
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00:00:51,536 --> 00:00:52,781
PAM: Yeah, jammed up
under a log...
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00:00:52,901 --> 00:00:55,617
Oh and that wet clingy shirt
she wears the whole time?!
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Nippletooown!
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00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:59,856
RONA: Ohmigod
that river was so... Cold!
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EVERYBODY: Waaaaagh!
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RONA: Waaaaagh!
Why? ! Are we screaming?!
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PAM: Do you know who you are?!
27
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RONA: I dooo!
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I do I do I do and I'm also supposed
to be meeting Malory Archer?
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00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:12,897
MALORY: Come in dear, come in...
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And the rest of you, don't you
have something better to do
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than stand around all day and...
shriek?
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GILLETTE: No.
LANA: Noooope.
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RONA: I'm sorry,
that sounded like no.
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MALORY: Lana, she has to
research her role...
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00:01:24,572 --> 00:01:26,834
LANA: This isn't, whatever, the
sheriff's department
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where you get to wear a windbreaker
and go on a ride-along.
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This is highly-classified
covert ops...
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00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,428
RONA: Yes! Covert ops!
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That's exactly the kind of
spy lingo I want to soak up!
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LANA: What part of "highly-classified"
do you not understand?
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RONA: All of it!
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That's why I'm here doing
research, so you can teach me!
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00:01:42,694 --> 00:01:44,009
MALORY: Which she
will be happy to do.
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00:01:44,011 --> 00:01:45,378
LANA: Wait a minute.
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00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:46,579
What're you getting out of this?
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00:01:46,581 --> 00:01:47,848
MALORY: Wh-? Nothing!
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Well, apart from a small
consideration from the studio...
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LANA: Uh-huh.
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00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:53,505
MALORY: Which we're still
negotiating, but...
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00:01:53,978 --> 00:01:55,557
Who's your agent, by the way?
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00:01:55,677 --> 00:01:59,729
RONA: He's not taking new clients, and Lana
please, you have to have to have to help me.
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00:01:59,731 --> 00:02:01,697
LANA: No I don't don't don't,
and I'm not...
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00:02:01,699 --> 00:02:03,066
ARCHER: Not really qualified.
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LANA: I'm sorry?
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ARCHER: It's not your fault, Lana.
I on the other hand, am qualified,
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since I happen to be the
world's greatest secret agent.
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RONA: But... you're a man.
ARCHER: And then some.
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00:02:12,816 --> 00:02:16,381
LANA: So obviously he can't give you
a woman's perspective like I can,
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so yes, I will be happy to help you.
ARCHER: Wh-?!
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RONA: Ohmigod this is
gonna be amaaazing!
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ARCHER: You're just doing this
to spite me!
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LANA: And?
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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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ARCHER: I should be teaching Rona
Thorne how to be a secret agent.
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00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:05,550
Not Lana.
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"Woman's perspective."
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I mean, I'm so obviously the best agent,
duh, how could she pick Lana over me?!
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WOODHOUSE: The mind
fairly boggles.
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ARCHER: Exactly!
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Wait, was that sarcasm?
WOODHOUSE: No, sir.
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ARCHER: Oh good.
Because your opinion matters.
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00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:22,399
And since you seem unclear on
the concept, that was sarcasm.
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WOODHOUSE: Well played, sir.
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ARCHER: Thank you.
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Thank you.
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LANA: But the minute this interferes with
my real assignments, we're finished.
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RONA: Ohmigod totally yes, I mean I'm just
acting but your work is so, so vital!
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00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:39,083
LANA: Well... I mean no,
it is, but...
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RONA: No! Don't do that,
I am so, lookit me, I am so.
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Inspired by you!
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00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,723
LANA: I... really?
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RONA: Ohmigod, you are like, the
epitome of an empowered woman,
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00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:52,831
and if I can bring even a tenth of your
strength and sexiness to my character?
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Oh my God!
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PAM: Yer kidding.
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00:03:56,335 --> 00:03:57,701
MALORY: And just exactly
what is so funny?
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00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:58,920
PAM: I... no, it's just...
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00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,038
CHERYL/CAROL: It's just kinda hard
to picture you as a young actress...
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00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,005
MALORY: For your information...
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00:04:02,007 --> 00:04:03,373
PAM: A young anything...
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00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:06,643
MALORY: My acting career,
shut up, was really taking off.
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00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:09,946
In fact, I was on my way to a
callback for a TV commercial,
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00:04:09,948 --> 00:04:15,186
doing the crossword on the 41 bus, and a man
leans over and says "If you like puzzles,
94
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:18,156
I may have a job for you,"
and guess who he was.
95
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,858
All: Wild Bill Donovan...
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00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,961
MALORY: Wild Bill Donovan,
head of the OSS!
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00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,794
Three weeks later I was in
Tunisia, killing a man.
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00:04:25,914 --> 00:04:30,970
But I always wondered, what if I
had gotten that commercial...?
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00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:33,072
CHERYL/CAROL: Guess that
Tunisian guy'd still be alive...
100
00:04:33,074 --> 00:04:38,844
MALORY: He was German, and this character,
Gerald Martin, the CIA director,
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00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:41,279
why couldn't that
be Geraldine Martin?
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00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,682
No, that's awful, um...
ooh, Malory!
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00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:49,156
But not Martin, something like Steele,
because she's a very strong woman who...
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00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:52,483
Who will remember that
at bonus time!
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00:04:52,956 --> 00:04:58,213
And she's also having a torrid affair
with one of the sexy young agents...
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00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,133
Who's black.
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00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,235
RONA: Waaaagh!
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00:05:03,237 --> 00:05:07,006
Ohmigod that is amaaazing!
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00:05:07,008 --> 00:05:08,808
LANA: And that
was a lot better...
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00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,876
at least that time you fired
downrange.
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00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:14,579
RONA: And ohmigod seriously, I am so like,
like, really super sorry about that.
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00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:15,521
BRETT: Totally my fault.
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00:05:15,641 --> 00:05:18,216
RONA: Please go buy a new suit at
Bergdorf's and send the bill to my manager.
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BRETT: Thanks, I will
take you up on that...
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Right after I go to the hospital.
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00:05:21,782 --> 00:05:26,591
RONA: Ohmigod if I like, possessed
the capacity to be embarrassed?
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00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:29,193
LANA: Eh. I shouldn't have started
you off with a fully-auto.
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00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:31,373
Let's see what we have
in a semi-automatic...
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00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,600
ARCHER: Well, that's no good...
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RONA: What's not?
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ARCHER Your stance,
you're fighting yourself.
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RONA: Excuse me?
ARCHER You're all rigid and stiff.
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00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:43,508
Which I'm all for, rimshot,
but not on the range.
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00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:46,744
You have to relax, let the weapon
be an extension of your body...
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00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,094
[ BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM ]
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00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:50,442
RONA: Oh my God...
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ARCHER: Aw, I meant to make
a frowny face...
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00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:56,388
But hey, speaking of your body,
and my body, and stiffness...
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[ BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM ]
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ARCHER: What the hell, Lana?!
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00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,059
[ indiscernible ]
Oh, I bet that really hurt, didn't it?
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00:06:01,179 --> 00:06:02,462
ARCHER: What?
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00:06:02,464 --> 00:06:04,397
[ indiscernible ]
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00:06:04,399 --> 00:06:06,399
ARCHER: Yeah ha ha ha,
grown-ups,
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00:06:06,401 --> 00:06:09,268
keep moving your lips
without making any... any...
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00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:11,570
Maahp. Mah mah mahp. Maaaahp!
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Excuse me.
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00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,207
LANA: Can you believe
I used to date him?
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00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,926
RONA: Yes.
LANA: And... wait, what?
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00:06:16,950 --> 00:06:19,878
RONA: And I bet he cheated on you just like
I bet every one of your boyfriends has,
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00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,445
going all the way back to...
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Sorry, but I assume you were
just an insanely gawky teenager?
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00:06:25,875 --> 00:06:27,899
LANA: There was some mild
gawkiness, but...
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RONA: Which you've never gotten over,
which is why, please don't hate me,
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00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:32,622
you're like, teeming
with insecurities...
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00:06:32,624 --> 00:06:34,929
LANA: Wh-? ! No I'm not!
RONA: When you totally shouldn't be!
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00:06:34,968 --> 00:06:37,594
You're gorgeous and smart and... ohmigod,
have you read "UnleasUnhing the Me"?!
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By Reinhart Schmoll?!
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You have to read it!
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Take my copy, it'll
change your life and...
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00:06:42,934 --> 00:06:46,181
Oh! And you have to start keeping a
journal of...
152
00:06:46,425 --> 00:06:48,540
Hey, where's my journal?
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00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:52,509
PAM: Umm... I maybe kinda
slightly... took it.
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GILLETTE: Why why why,
would you do that?!
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00:06:54,489 --> 00:06:55,486
CHERYL/CAROL: Didja
think it was meat?
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PAM: I... shut up... I just wanted, ya
know, to see what she's really like.
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GILLETTE: Give me that!
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00:06:59,929 --> 00:07:02,385
Little Miss... Invasion of the
Privacy Snatchers!
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00:07:02,387 --> 00:07:03,548
PAM: Oh, come on!
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00:07:03,578 --> 00:07:06,055
Haven't you ever snooped on
somebody you thought was dreamy?
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00:07:06,057 --> 00:07:07,226
GILLETTE: No!
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00:07:07,346 --> 00:07:11,661
Well, except Randy Trexler, who turns out was
just leading me on to get out of the draft
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00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:16,151
so I made a phone call to the draft board, and
now who's laughing, Mr. Hooks for Hands?!
164
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A booby trap blew his arms off.
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They said it was in a coconut!
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ARCHER: Mahp! Mmahp. Mmahp.
167
00:07:24,643 --> 00:07:28,494
Hi, yeah, please!
Keep gawking at the deaf person!
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00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:30,987
CHERYL/CAROL: Deaf people
are gross.
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00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,698
PAM: Not as gross as
the hook-hand ones.
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00:07:32,771 --> 00:07:35,401
CHERYL/CAROL: Eh. I dunno.
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00:07:38,610 --> 00:07:40,252
ARCHER: Mahp. Maaahp.
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KRIEGER: Yeah, quit doing that?
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00:07:42,081 --> 00:07:42,607
ARCHER: Mahp, what?
174
00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:43,856
KRIEGER: Stop? Not helping?
175
00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:45,838
ARCHER: Is that helping?
Frickin Lana,
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00:07:45,958 --> 00:07:47,899
even for her, this is over the line.
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00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:50,336
She is gonna wish
I was never born.
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00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,156
KRIEGER: Just gonna
softball it in like that?
179
00:07:53,158 --> 00:07:53,990
ARCHER Mahp, what?
180
00:07:53,992 --> 00:07:54,838
CYRIL: I'm sorry?
181
00:07:54,902 --> 00:07:56,823
MALORY: I said come in here,
I need your help.
182
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,761
CYRIL: But I'm on my way
to a SexAnon meeting.
183
00:07:58,763 --> 00:08:00,663
MALORY: Which is
exactly why I need you!
184
00:08:00,665 --> 00:08:03,155
CYRIL: You... oh no,
please Ms. Archer,
185
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,968
MALORY: Don't flatter yourself!
186
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:08,639
I'm talking about this,
the script for "Disavowed"!
187
00:08:08,641 --> 00:08:13,243
CYRIL: "Cut to Malory Steele, the fiftyish
and incredibly sexy CIA director..."
188
00:08:13,706 --> 00:08:14,589
spy comedy?
189
00:08:14,617 --> 00:08:15,650
MALORY: Wh-? No!
190
00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:16,771
CYRIL: Because that has
been done.
191
00:08:16,818 --> 00:08:18,772
MALORY: It's a taut,
sexy thriller!
192
00:08:18,892 --> 00:08:23,119
Or it will be, if I can just get all the
taut, sexy bits in the right order.
193
00:08:23,121 --> 00:08:26,853
CYRIL: Yikes yeah, you can't have a
flashback with a flash-forward in it,
194
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,983
MALORY: That's where you come in.
CYRIL: That's bad writing.
195
00:08:29,031 --> 00:08:31,285
MALORY: Because I wangled a
call with the studio execs,
196
00:08:31,313 --> 00:08:35,131
and I think I can sell them on
a rewrite, if you... fix it.
197
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:38,027
CYRIL: Well for starters, I don't
think you wanna say this guy is
198
00:08:38,065 --> 00:08:41,169
"as coal black and thick-muscled
as a field hand."
199
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:44,172
MALORY: I don't need you for
content, just for plot structure!
200
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:47,675
CYRIL: But racist overtones aside, it
really kinda limits your casting options.
201
00:08:47,677 --> 00:08:50,548
I mean, only two, three guys
could play that.
202
00:08:50,668 --> 00:08:53,862
RONA: You just have to find the right guy,
who's not intimidated by your power.
203
00:08:53,898 --> 00:08:55,207
LANA: Or my twin TEC-9's...
204
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,399
RONA: Or those big, steam-shovelly
scoops you call hands.
205
00:08:57,401 --> 00:08:58,599
I'm kidding!
206
00:08:58,636 --> 00:09:02,278
Look, lookit me, that's the gawky
six-foot teenager everybody cheats on,
207
00:09:02,306 --> 00:09:05,274
not the embodiment of sexy empowered
womanhood that you've become!
208
00:09:05,276 --> 00:09:07,199
LANA: Ya really think
I'm sexy and empowered?
209
00:09:07,237 --> 00:09:09,578
RONA: Wh-? You're like a...
brown Boudicca!
210
00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:11,947
Who I wrote an amazing poem about in...
211
00:09:12,163 --> 00:09:14,201
Damn, I wish I could find my journal!
212
00:09:14,486 --> 00:09:19,094
PAM: So then it's settled, we're a go
on Operation...What should we call it?
213
00:09:19,214 --> 00:09:20,427
CHERYL/CAROL: Dick Sledge.
214
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,501
GILLETTE: You wanna...?
215
00:09:22,621 --> 00:09:26,064
PAM: No, but it's like sour milk,
ya just gotta take a whiff.
216
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,100
What's the story, neckbonenes?
217
00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:31,605
CHERYLCH/CAROL: Sophomore year at my stupid
college I had a huge crush on the quarterback,
218
00:09:31,642 --> 00:09:33,611
this super-hot guy named
Dick Sledge...
219
00:09:33,731 --> 00:09:34,745
PAM: Sploosh.
GILLETTE: Jinx.
220
00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:36,099
CHERYL/CAROL:... but it was like
I was invisible,
221
00:09:36,219 --> 00:09:38,467
he wouldn't even sign my cast
when I broke my own arm.
222
00:09:38,587 --> 00:09:43,515
But I thought if I knew what he liked I'd have
an in, so one Saturday when he had a game
223
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:47,351
I broke into his dorm room to see what
kinda music he was into, or turtles,
224
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:49,653
or roll around in his clothes,
or whatever, but...
225
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,932
PAM: But you were so busy sniffin his
jock you didn't hear him come in...
226
00:09:53,052 --> 00:09:55,191
CHERYL/CAROL: Because
he totally snuck up on me!
227
00:09:55,193 --> 00:09:57,760
Then I guess I blacked out because I
don't remember stabbing him at all.
228
00:09:57,762 --> 00:09:59,329
PAM: Wh-? ! Why'd you have
a knife?!
229
00:09:59,331 --> 00:10:00,205
CHERYL/CAROL: I didn't!
230
00:10:00,325 --> 00:10:02,243
It was a stupid pair of scissors,
231
00:10:02,363 --> 00:10:05,058
and it was his fault for grabbing
me with his throwing hand!
232
00:10:06,503 --> 00:10:08,203
That's how his tendon
got severed!
233
00:10:08,205 --> 00:10:10,538
PAM: Holy shitsnacks.
234
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:12,145
CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, they said
he could've gone pro.
235
00:10:12,265 --> 00:10:14,443
GILLETTE: So, glossing over why
you broke your own arm...
236
00:10:14,445 --> 00:10:16,578
CHERYL/CAROL: So he'd sign
my cast.
237
00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:18,430
GILLETTE: What exactly
is your point?
238
00:10:18,550 --> 00:10:19,281
CHERYL/CAROL: Duh.
239
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:22,575
Just break into Rona's apartment and
put her stupid journal somewhere.
240
00:10:22,695 --> 00:10:23,820
PAM: Hey yeah!
241
00:10:23,822 --> 00:10:25,055
GILLETTE: Nooope!
242
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:25,734
MALORY: Why not?
243
00:10:25,854 --> 00:10:28,086
CYRIL: Because it's just not
believable that this guy...
244
00:10:28,206 --> 00:10:31,292
who, also, can not be named
Cassius...
245
00:10:31,412 --> 00:10:33,864
would risk his career
for a woman twice his age!
246
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,206
MALORY: So make her forty!
247
00:10:35,326 --> 00:10:36,832
CYRIL: Yeah,
and who's gonna play her?!
248
00:10:37,076 --> 00:10:38,902
MALORY: Wh-? Me!
That's the whole point!
249
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:42,618
CYRIL: You do realize there's a finite
supply of Vaseline in the universe!
250
00:10:42,738 --> 00:10:44,396
MALORY: Type! Nerd.
251
00:10:44,516 --> 00:10:47,935
ARCHER: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said
that, mahp, but I'm under a lot of stress.
252
00:10:48,055 --> 00:10:49,044
BILBO: Oh oh, and we're not?!
253
00:10:49,046 --> 00:10:52,290
Ya got any idea how
much I got on my plate?!
254
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:55,050
ARCHER: What, I coulda
crushed that!
255
00:10:55,052 --> 00:10:56,511
Now c'mon, let me help.
Whatcha got?
256
00:10:56,631 --> 00:10:59,111
DRONE: Well, we're picking up chatter
about a bomb threat in the Middle East...
257
00:10:59,231 --> 00:11:01,740
ARCHER: Who cares?!
I'm talking local, guys!
258
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,596
ARCHER: Yes, yes!
See, this is...
259
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,763
Wow, singlespaced, wanna
broad-stroke it for me?
260
00:11:08,792 --> 00:11:12,817
BILBO: Kolchenko, the new Soviet premier,
is scheduled to give a speech at the UN
261
00:11:12,869 --> 00:11:17,069
in favor of strategic arms limitations
talks, but the hardliners in the KGB...
262
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,689
ARCHER: Who am I, Kissinger?!
Broad strokes!
263
00:11:19,740 --> 00:11:22,672
BILBO: The KGB is gonna shoot this
prick as he walks into the UN.
264
00:11:23,982 --> 00:11:25,439
ARCHER: And?
BILBO: And what?
265
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,617
ARCHER: Was that so hard?
Count Snackula?
266
00:11:28,737 --> 00:11:32,507
GILLETTE: No, shut up, we go in, drop
the journal, and get out. No snooping.
267
00:11:32,627 --> 00:11:36,026
PAM: Aw c'mon, I just wanna see if me and
her have any stuff in common, like...
268
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,989
CHERYL/CAROL: Tons of cockporn
laying around?
269
00:11:38,109 --> 00:11:40,931
PAM: I don't have cockporn
just layin around!
270
00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:43,220
But sometimes, ya know,
you forget it's in the VCR!
271
00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:44,057
GILLETTE: How do you forget?
272
00:11:44,177 --> 00:11:47,917
PAM: Ya rub one out, flip back to
regular TV, "Superstars" is on,
273
00:11:48,037 --> 00:11:52,998
and all of a sudden here's Joe Frazier's dumb
ass drowning, and ya forget it's in there!
274
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:58,116
Until mom and dad come to visit to tell
ya she's got Lou Gehrig's disease.
275
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:01,252
GILLETTE: Why would you think
it's O.K. to share that?
276
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:03,020
ARCHER: Why are you idiots
in the armory?
277
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,288
And gimme those!
278
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,389
PAM: Hey, we're using those!
279
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,473
ARCHER: No you're not!
280
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:09,307
All this equipment is for
field operatives only.
281
00:12:09,342 --> 00:12:10,919
Now beat it, ladies,
I'm on a mission.
282
00:12:10,958 --> 00:12:12,254
CHERYL/CAROL: You're not
our supervisor!
283
00:12:12,374 --> 00:12:14,195
PAM: And, shut up,
we're on a mission too!
284
00:12:14,315 --> 00:12:17,597
CHERYL/CAROL: We're breaking into Rona's
apartment to hide the stupid journal Pam stole.
285
00:12:17,599 --> 00:12:18,665
ARCHER: You're kidding.
286
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:19,497
PAM: No.
GILLETTE: Yes.
287
00:12:19,617 --> 00:12:22,702
ARCHER: There's a sniper out there, whose
bullet could spark World War Three,
288
00:12:22,704 --> 00:12:26,171
and you idiots are tying up ISIS
resources on high school bullshit?!
289
00:12:26,173 --> 00:12:27,088
PAM: Yes.
GILLETTE: No.
290
00:12:27,208 --> 00:12:29,475
ARCHER: Because I don't really see
a downside to that, Archer-wise.
291
00:12:29,477 --> 00:12:31,010
Here, load up.
292
00:12:31,012 --> 00:12:33,125
Should be a big box of grenades
around here somewhere.
293
00:12:33,245 --> 00:12:36,416
CYRIL: Where? ! Tell me where Pinch
Two is supposed to go, and I'll...
294
00:12:36,418 --> 00:12:37,315
MALORY: Act Two!
295
00:12:37,435 --> 00:12:41,035
CYRIL: Act Two is wall-to-wall with this
love story you're making me shoehorn into...
296
00:12:41,155 --> 00:12:45,037
MALORY: The forbidden love between Malory
and Cassius is central to the plot!
297
00:12:45,095 --> 00:12:49,798
CYRIL: Oh for the... Why dontcha just make
it a shot-for-shot remake of Mandingo!
298
00:12:50,225 --> 00:12:54,732
ARCHER: Hate to interrupt, but
I'm off on a dangerous mission!
299
00:12:54,766 --> 00:12:56,394
CYRIL: That's what people
wanna see!
300
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:58,474
Not "Granny Gets Jungle Fever."
301
00:12:58,476 --> 00:12:59,294
MALORY: Get out!
302
00:12:59,414 --> 00:13:04,880
ARCHER: But even though it's super-dangerous,
I'm preventing World War Three, so...
303
00:13:04,882 --> 00:13:05,677
LANA: Wait, what?!
304
00:13:05,797 --> 00:13:09,046
ARCHER: Hm? Nothing,
no big deal, excuse me. Excuse me.
305
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:12,637
LANA: Nooope.
RONA: Ohmigod strong and sexy, amaazing!
306
00:13:12,757 --> 00:13:13,446
ARCHER: Will you shut up?!
307
00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:18,077
And if you don't mind, I have to stop KGB
snipers from assassinating the Soviet premier
308
00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:19,461
as he enters the UN.
309
00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:21,743
MALORY: Now there's a Pinch Two!
CYRIL: Yeah, that's pretty good...
310
00:13:21,863 --> 00:13:22,888
LANA: You're not
taking this mission.
311
00:13:22,947 --> 00:13:24,876
You never qualified
as a countersniper!
312
00:13:24,996 --> 00:13:26,200
ARCHER: I... would have!
313
00:13:26,202 --> 00:13:31,505
[ Alarm clock beeping ]
314
00:13:31,507 --> 00:13:33,590
ARCHER: Ya know,
if I'd gone to the... thing.
315
00:13:33,710 --> 00:13:35,876
LANA: Yeah, well, if your aunt
had balls she'd be your uncle.
316
00:13:35,878 --> 00:13:37,540
ARCHER: What?
CYRIL: There's your Pinch Two!
317
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:39,277
LANA: So I'll just be
taking these...
318
00:13:39,397 --> 00:13:40,270
RONA: And me!
319
00:13:40,390 --> 00:13:41,187
LANA: Nooope!
320
00:13:41,307 --> 00:13:43,381
RONA: Lana, please this
is perfect for my role!
321
00:13:43,501 --> 00:13:44,872
You have to have to have to!
322
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,363
LANA: No, this is the real
thing, Rona.
323
00:13:46,483 --> 00:13:48,510
ARCHER: Which is why
it's a job for a man.
324
00:13:48,630 --> 00:13:53,428
LANA: Which is why shut up because I, and
Rona, am and are taking the mission!
325
00:13:53,430 --> 00:13:55,531
RONA: Ohmigod,
this is gonna be...
326
00:13:55,533 --> 00:13:57,852
ARCHER: Don't! Say it!
I swear to God!
327
00:14:00,504 --> 00:14:02,004
RONA: (whispers) Amaaazing.
328
00:14:03,328 --> 00:14:04,409
RONA: Isn't this amazing?
329
00:14:04,473 --> 00:14:05,806
LANA: Not really, no.
330
00:14:06,044 --> 00:14:07,907
Actually kinda wish I'd let
Archer take this one...
331
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:11,053
RONA: But we're like, keeping the
world free for democracy or whatever!
332
00:14:11,112 --> 00:14:15,050
LANA: Not if I can't take out the KGB
sniper team, God knows where they are...
333
00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:17,520
LANA: There's about a bajillion
hide-sites around here...
334
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:20,655
ARCHER: And a hidden transmitter
in your rifle scope.
335
00:14:20,657 --> 00:14:22,105
You dumb idiot?
336
00:14:22,225 --> 00:14:22,957
MALORY: I'm sorry?
337
00:14:22,959 --> 00:14:23,726
STUDIO EXEC: You should be!
338
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:26,194
Look, I took this call as
a courtesy to Rona, okay?
339
00:14:26,196 --> 00:14:30,151
Which now I'm regretting, because
what kinda facacta bullshit is this?!
340
00:14:30,271 --> 00:14:32,400
"Disavowed" is a spy thriller!
341
00:14:32,402 --> 00:14:34,403
MALORY: Well, which is why we
want to change the title, to...
342
00:14:34,405 --> 00:14:36,839
STUDIO EXEC: To what,
"Mandingo Two"?!
343
00:14:36,841 --> 00:14:39,318
Wait, hang on, hang on, Jeannie?!
344
00:14:39,438 --> 00:14:42,145
Anybody doing a
"Mandingo" sequel?!
345
00:14:42,147 --> 00:14:43,723
When can you get me a treatment?
346
00:14:43,843 --> 00:14:44,970
MALORY: I, I...
CYRIL: Two weeks.
347
00:14:45,029 --> 00:14:48,996
STUDIO EXEC: Ya got a week, we're calling
it "Mandingo Two, The Enslavening!"
348
00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:51,841
MALORY: Well, Cyril? We did it.
349
00:14:51,961 --> 00:14:53,651
CYRIL: Yeah we kinda did,
didn't we?
350
00:14:53,771 --> 00:14:56,122
MALORY: A taut, sexy thriller...
351
00:14:57,727 --> 00:15:02,629
Oh yes, take me!
Take me, Cassius!
352
00:15:02,631 --> 00:15:05,124
RONA: Ohmigod Lana,
you seem really tense.
353
00:15:05,244 --> 00:15:06,811
You know what I do
when I'm tense?
354
00:15:06,931 --> 00:15:08,400
ARCHER: No, but I bet
you're gonna tell us...
355
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,030
RONA: Kelp tape!
ARCHER: What?
356
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:13,085
It's amazing, these like, kung-fu
monks make this fifty-foot tape,
357
00:15:13,118 --> 00:15:17,352
like a cloth measuring tape but it's kelp,
and you swallow it over like three days
358
00:15:17,472 --> 00:15:19,726
then you start to, ya know,
pass it,
359
00:15:19,846 --> 00:15:23,400
then you just slowly slowly pull it
out of you over three more days...
360
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:24,216
LANA: Wait, what?
361
00:15:24,336 --> 00:15:29,324
RONA: And it pulls all the toxins out of
your body and you just feel so clean!
362
00:15:29,326 --> 00:15:34,230
ARCHER: Yeah? While you're tangled up
in a half-mile of shit-covered tape?
363
00:15:34,232 --> 00:15:36,199
Frickin actresses.
364
00:15:36,201 --> 00:15:39,754
Okay, time for a little
tension-relief of my own...
365
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,467
RONA: And you know what else is
great, colonics...
366
00:15:43,494 --> 00:15:46,744
LANA: Will you shut up, I gotta window opening
up at... dammit, there's another one!
367
00:15:46,756 --> 00:15:48,011
RONA: This is so exciiiiting!
368
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:49,720
LANA: And another one, shit,
and another!
369
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:50,813
ARCHER: But that's not all!
370
00:15:50,815 --> 00:15:53,613
If you order now,
you'll also receive...
371
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:57,311
RONA: No way!
372
00:15:57,431 --> 00:15:59,055
LANA: Yup. He's down.
373
00:15:59,057 --> 00:16:00,752
Kreigerbot: But not forgotten.
374
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:06,169
ARCHER: Come, Kreigerbots!
Avenge your fallen comrade!
375
00:16:06,289 --> 00:16:08,405
What voice is that?
Is that from ***?
376
00:16:08,525 --> 00:16:10,432
LANA: Dammit,
they're everywhere!
377
00:16:10,434 --> 00:16:11,600
LANA: There's too many,
I can't...
378
00:16:11,602 --> 00:16:13,368
RONA: Lemme help,
tell me how to help!
379
00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:15,692
LANA: Shut up and grab that spotter
scope, and tell me where they are!
380
00:16:15,812 --> 00:16:17,942
RONA: Okay, there's a nice
way to do that.
381
00:16:18,062 --> 00:16:19,911
LANA: Will you just...?!
382
00:16:20,031 --> 00:16:24,387
RONA: Okay, there's a, wait, no that's
a... ohmigod I can see my penthouse!
383
00:16:24,507 --> 00:16:26,146
LANA: Well unless there's
a sniper in it...
384
00:16:26,266 --> 00:16:27,818
RONA: Well somebody's in it!
385
00:16:27,938 --> 00:16:30,480
Who the [BEEP] is in my
[BEEP] penthouse?!
386
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,444
GILLETTE: We are!
We're complying,
387
00:16:32,564 --> 00:16:34,141
COP: You! Get yer
frickin hands up!
388
00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:35,580
CHERYL/CAROL: You're not
my supervisor!
389
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,151
PAM: Shut up,
we're gonna go to prison!
390
00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:38,755
CHERYL/CAROL: No we're not,
just say the right stuff
391
00:16:38,875 --> 00:16:41,293
and they just send you
to a mental hospital for ten months.
392
00:16:41,592 --> 00:16:44,572
GILLETTE: I just this second realized
why you do macramé instead of knitting.
393
00:16:44,692 --> 00:16:46,283
CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, no
sharp objects on the ward.
394
00:16:46,403 --> 00:16:47,838
They were super
strict about that.
395
00:16:49,364 --> 00:16:50,974
COP: She's got a weapon,
drop it, drop it!
396
00:16:50,976 --> 00:16:52,184
CHERYL/CAROL: You're
not my supervisor!!
397
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:55,170
PAM: God Damn him!
398
00:16:55,290 --> 00:16:56,777
I told him no parties!
399
00:16:56,897 --> 00:16:59,787
Gimme it, gimme!
LANA: Hey, what the shit?! Rona, stop!
400
00:16:59,907 --> 00:17:03,083
This is a serious... ow!...
situation.
401
00:17:03,203 --> 00:17:05,663
RONA: I know and ohmigod
I am so sorry!
402
00:17:05,783 --> 00:17:07,657
Please please please
don't hate me!
403
00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:09,325
LANA: Unghh... what's wrong
with me...?
404
00:17:09,327 --> 00:17:11,260
RONA: It's tetrodoxin,
from the fugu fish.
405
00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:12,428
LANA: Whuh?!
406
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:14,831
ARCHER: Yeah, what?!
RONA: I'm a Russian sleeper, silly!
407
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:17,115
ARCHER: Jesus Lana, how did
you not see that?!
408
00:17:17,635 --> 00:17:23,981
LANA: [ indiscernible ]
409
00:17:24,101 --> 00:17:25,510
Oh, I never got to tell this.
410
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,704
RONA: Well, my parents were
sleepers in L.A.
411
00:17:27,824 --> 00:17:30,914
- still are, love them - and we were
encouraged to, ya know, blend,
412
00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:33,433
and so I ended up
being an actress.
413
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,718
LANA: [ indiscernible ]
414
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:40,891
RONA: Ohmigod I know, but the lengths
they go to, lookit me, you have no idea.
415
00:17:41,199 --> 00:17:43,699
BORIS: Is my new favorite device
of ever.
416
00:17:43,819 --> 00:17:48,436
I mean it, with the scnhozz and the
combover yer a dead ringer for Karl Malden!
417
00:17:51,163 --> 00:17:52,081
C'mon, buddy...
418
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,271
LANA: [ indiscernible ]
419
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,567
RONA: Lana hush.
420
00:17:55,687 --> 00:17:59,229
If you sit quietly, the poison should
wear off in like, four hours...
421
00:17:59,349 --> 00:18:01,705
But if you struggle,
your heart could...
422
00:18:01,825 --> 00:18:02,714
ARCHER: Freeze!
423
00:18:02,716 --> 00:18:04,549
Wait, where'd she... oww! Shit!
424
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,283
RONA: And we wouldn't want that.
425
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,804
ARCHER: Ammit!
LANA: [ indiscernible ]
426
00:18:08,924 --> 00:18:11,222
ARCHER: [ indiscernible ]
427
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,757
RONA: Ohmigod there's
Kolchenko's motorcade!
428
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:15,193
This'd be such an amazing
finish for "Disavowed!"
429
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,278
So bummed I won't be able
to work on it now...
430
00:18:17,398 --> 00:18:18,597
Ohmigod, on anything!
431
00:18:18,717 --> 00:18:20,420
Ohmigod, I won't be famous
anymore!
432
00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:22,333
ARCHER: [ indiscernible ]
433
00:18:22,652 --> 00:18:24,301
RONA: Not in the good way!
434
00:18:24,421 --> 00:18:25,720
RONA: Ohmigod, and the money?!
435
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,124
Last year I took home almost
two hundred grand...
436
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:29,641
RONA: In gift bags.
437
00:18:29,643 --> 00:18:30,954
LANA: Oh.
ARCHER: Oh.
438
00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:32,124
RONA: Ya think?!
439
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:34,787
Now some old guys in some
country I've never even been to
440
00:18:34,907 --> 00:18:38,152
expect me to throw all that away for
some lame, whatever, ideology?!
441
00:18:38,272 --> 00:18:39,380
LANA: So on't oo it!
442
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,129
RONA: I know, right?
Is that crazy?!
443
00:18:41,249 --> 00:18:42,949
LANA: Ess!
RONA: But if I do...
444
00:18:43,069 --> 00:18:45,530
there's some amazing stuff
happening in Soviet cinema...
445
00:18:46,504 --> 00:18:48,153
And they promised me
I could direct.
446
00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:50,229
LANA: Uh-uhhh...
447
00:18:50,231 --> 00:18:53,409
RONA: Yeah. Kolchenko's down...
that is so gross!
448
00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:56,228
ARCHER: [ indiscernible ]
449
00:18:56,348 --> 00:18:57,638
RONA: Kelp tape!
450
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,408
And Lana, promise me you'll
try it, especially after this.
451
00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:02,669
It reeally pulls the toxins out.
452
00:19:02,789 --> 00:19:06,211
Oh, and please read "The Unleashing
Of Me" and please please please
453
00:19:06,331 --> 00:19:07,952
don't beat yourself up over this!
454
00:19:08,072 --> 00:19:10,500
You are a sexy, empowered woman!
455
00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:11,519
LANA: Mm.
456
00:19:11,521 --> 00:19:13,811
RONA: And speaking of, wish me
luck on my directing career!
457
00:19:13,931 --> 00:19:15,216
Which is gonna be...
458
00:19:15,336 --> 00:19:16,158
LANA: M-mm!
ARCHER: Own say it!
459
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,505
RONA: Amaaaazing! I'm out!
460
00:19:20,831 --> 00:19:22,697
ARCHER: Ow long ee say
iss suff lass?
461
00:19:22,699 --> 00:19:25,000
LANA: Or ours.
462
00:19:25,002 --> 00:19:29,070
O muh...
er gehing off on iss!
463
00:19:29,072 --> 00:19:30,404
ARCHER: Ann?
464
00:19:30,732 --> 00:19:35,664
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com