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KRIEGER: So there's your breast
cancer tumor, and the portacath,
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00:00:06,443 --> 00:00:08,894
through which you take cyclophosphamate
intravenously...
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00:00:09,014 --> 00:00:09,860
ARCHER: Sim.
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00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,448
KRIEGER: And you're taking
tetraphenol orally?
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00:00:12,516 --> 00:00:13,916
ARCHER: E também português.
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Em CD-ROM.
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KRIEGER: Boa sorte!
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ARCHER: Obrigado.
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And I dunno Krieger, maybe it's
because I'm just a badass,
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00:00:20,758 --> 00:00:22,392
but chemotherapy is
kind of a breeze.
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KRIEGER: Yeah, that's my point.
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Two weeks of chemo with no hair
loss, and you're not experiencing
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- any nausea?
- No, gracias a
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dubi mediciano.
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Which, I gotta tell ya: huge fan.
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KRIEGER: Yeah?
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ARCHER: Yeah, and I
advocate its use.
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As a potential role
model, I advocate it.
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KRIEGER: To combat chemotherapy-related
nausea, or for cannabidiol's
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clinically-proven ability to
inhibit cancer cell growth?
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ARCHER: It does that?
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KRIEGER: Yep, and if you
need more lemme know.
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I got a guy.
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ARCHER: Me too.
He's called a pharmacist.
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KRIER: Yeah, and is he the same pharmacist
who gave you all these chemo drugs?
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ARCHER: Well he damn sure
didn't give it to me.
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You would not believe how
much cancer medicine costs...
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Those pills are like eighty
bucks each, and the IV stuff is
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literally two grand a bag, so
why the hell are you poking
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a hole in my bag Krieger?!
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KRIEGER: Because I want
to run a few tests.
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And so, if the reagent turns blue...
ARCHER: What does that mean, is that good?
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KRIEGER: No. It means this
eighty-dollar pill is one
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hundred percent sucrose.
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ARCHER: What?
KRIEGER: Sugar?
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ARCHER: I know what
sucrose is, idiot!
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But there's medicine
in there too, right?!
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KRIEGER: Ummm, no. Not a trace.
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ARCHER: Wh-?! So I've been treating
my breast cancer with... sugar pills?!
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KRIEGER: Yeah, you didn't think it was
weird your chemo drugs were chewable?
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ARCHER: No!
Little kids get cancer!
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KRIEGER: Aww... they do.
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ARCHER: What about the
intravenous drug?!
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KRIEGER: Right, yes,
the cyclophosphamate.
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Mmmm...
ARCHER: "Mmmm" what?!
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KRIEGER: "Mmmm" no, this
isn't cyclophosphamate.
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ARCHER: Well what the... Krieger!
What the hell is it?!
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KRIEGER: Well, this is just an
educated guess, but... Zima?
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Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Oh my God, are you serious?
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MALORY: Counterfeit cancer drugs?!
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ARCHER: Yeah, basically
candy corn and Zima.
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LANA: Jesus...
ARCHER: Which, probably why I've
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been in such a great mood, but
MALORY: But Sterling, your tumor!
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All this time, it's been...?
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ARCHER: Growing, I guess.
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MALORY: Oh, Sterling...
LANA: Plus God knows how many
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other cancer patients have
been taking that stuff.
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ARCHER: Like Ruth...
PHARMACIST: Here you go, folks.
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A week's supply of breast cancer
chemotherapy drugs, and of course,
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your medical marijuana.
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RUTH: Oh, you poor thing.
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Does someone you love
have breast cancer?
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ARCHER: Yeah. Me.
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I'm uh, name's Archer.
RUTH: Ruth.
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And don't you worry, dear.
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We can beat cancer
with this medicine.
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Even if I can barely pay for it.
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ARCHER: Don't you worry, Ruth...
I'm gonna make them pay for it.
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MALORY: What're you...
Sterling no, you're not well!
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What are you going to do?
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ARCHER: Cry havoc, and let
slip the hogs of war.
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LANA: Dogs of war.
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ARCHER: Whatever farm animal
of war, Lana, shut up.
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PHARMACIST: [terrified whimper]
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LANA: I think he gets it.
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ARCHER: Just film the confessions,
Lana, don't editorialize.
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Do you get it?
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PHARMACIST: Yes! Look, please...
ARCHER: Because I swear
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to God I will strip back down
and show you all over again.
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PHARMACIST: I get it! I get it!
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You have a lot of guns!
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ARCHER: And a knife.
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Which I am going to push, very slowly,
into your urethra...
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LANA: Ew.
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ARCHER:... if you don't answer
my questions. Number one...
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ARCHER: Wow. What a pussy.
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I could barely even keep up, he
was spilling the beans so fast.
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LANA: Well, you threatened to
shove a knife up his dick hole.
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Which again, ick.
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ARCHER: Well excuse me,
Lana, it's a rampage.
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LANA: Still though.
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You really wanna take
on the Irish mob?
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ARCHER: No, I don't.
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But they're the ones switching
out life-saving cancer drugs
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with candy and Zima!
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And why couldn't it
be the Brazilian mob?
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00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:29,349
Estou aprendendo português.
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00:04:31,531 --> 00:04:33,632
Plus I can only assume a
Brazilian mob would be a
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jillion times sexier.
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Seriously, these potato-heads
have to be the unsexiest mob
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of all time.
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PADDY: You know who yer
messin with, boyo?!
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You ve any idea who our boss is?!
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Nope, but 100 people surveyed
number 1 answered I'm the board.
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Name the douchebag,
who's in charge.
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PADDY: Vincent.
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Van Go[BEEP]yerself.
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ARCHER: Vincent Van
Go[BEEP]myself.
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Survey says!
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LANA: Jesus, Archer!
ARCHER: What, Lana?!
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I said it was a rampage!
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LANA: Still though!
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00:05:06,366 --> 00:05:06,999
PADDY: Rrrngh!
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00:05:07,066 --> 00:05:07,833
Oh, you son of a hoor!
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00:05:07,901 --> 00:05:10,669
ARCHER: Save it for
the Fast Money round.
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Hundred people surveyed, number
one answer's still on the board.
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Name the douchebag,
who's in charge.
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Gonk gonk. Need an answer.
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ARCHER: Cock-flavored spit.
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Well, you never know what's
going to be on the board.
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Let me see cock-flavored spit.
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Guys, that's two strikes!
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One more and the innocent
Honduran janitors get a chce
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to steal the bank!
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ARCHER: I'm just assuming you guys don't
know what actually goes on here.
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Hope that doesn't sound racist.
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Okay, kid...
LANA: He is a kid, Archer, so...
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ARCHER: Lana!
You're in the isolation booth!
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Looking for the douchebag, who's in...
PADDY: Mikey Hannity,
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You say one word and I'll cut
yer yella heart out myself...
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MIKEY: Oh! Christ!
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ARCHER: Mikey, listen to me.
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I have breast cancer.
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TOMMY: Ha! Breast cancer.
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ARCHER: So you'll forgive my impatience
because I and a lot of other people
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I've been trying to fight cancer
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- with your bosses fake chemo drugs.
- Chemo?
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They just told me it was cream for
male pattern baldness.
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Do I look like I need bald guy cream?
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No, but I...
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Luckily, I can barely get a comb
through this.
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It's so thick my barber charges me double.
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I love my hair.
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- As I am sure you love your kneecap.
- Franny Delaney.
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He rules everything out here and Brooklyn.
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Numbers, protection, dope, prostitution.
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Victimless crimes, Mickey.
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Tell me about the counterfeit chemo drugs.
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They make the pharmacist
buy the real stuff.
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Delaney says... I swear I don't know who,
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but they switch it
with the fake stuff here.
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And those pricks do out the packet.
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What? You guys are in on this?
And I was worried about sounding racist.
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- Were you?
- They don't even know what goes on here.
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They can't even read English.
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What all those dirty beaners care about is
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- taking American jobs.
- Well, relax, Kennedy.
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It wasn't all that long ago
that everybody hated the Irish.
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For swarming over here
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in their potato boats
and taking all the jobs.
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Yeah, they... Wait, what?
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And I'm pretty sure...
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...and guys feel free to correct me...
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...that Beaner is a
pejorative term for a Mexican,
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Is that corrector or nao?
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Huh... Had to be a little more
overlap with the Portuguese.
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Well, plus they're gagged.
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Still, though...
And third, is this the real stuff?
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MIKEY: Yeah, this is all real.
Why?
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ARCHER: Because I'm way
behind on my treatment.
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LANA: Wait, Archer,
what are you doing?
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ARCHER: I'm sorry, did I
mention I have cancer?
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LANA: I know, but now?
In... mid-rampage?
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You really think
that's a good idea?
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ARCHER: To take my prescribed
chemotherapy
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00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:23,153
for my said aforementioned cancer?!
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Yes, idiot! I do!
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I'm sorry I called you an idiot.
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LANA: Yeah?
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ARCHER: Yeah, you
were totally right.
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Not a smart mid-rampage move.
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LANA: Wh-?!
And you think that is?!
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ARCHER: Yes, idiot! I do!
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Sorry. Again. I'm not myself.
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But you are kinda being a bitch.
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LANA: Okay so, day two of the
chemo-fueled rampage and, wow,
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how ya holdin up?
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ARCHER: Not great.
Uh, I've got wine coolers on my feet,
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because my toenails are popping
off like pogs, uh,
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00:08:01,718 --> 00:08:05,823
fair amount of gastric distress,
and umm...scarf.
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00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:06,952
LANA: Yeah well, suck it up.
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00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:08,761
I tracked Delaney to an
all-night poker game.
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00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:10,196
ARCHER: Great, one second?
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00:08:14,023 --> 00:08:16,643
I never thought I'd say this,
but I really miss the Zima.
196
00:08:17,522 --> 00:08:21,268
MALORY: I mean was I there for every
single recital and lacrosse game? No.
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00:08:21,388 --> 00:08:23,412
Is our adult relationship perfect?
198
00:08:23,532 --> 00:08:24,541
No.
199
00:08:24,661 --> 00:08:28,322
But I... I just can't even imagine
life without my precious Sterling.
200
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,711
GILLETTE: Have you
ever told him that?
201
00:08:29,831 --> 00:08:31,318
MALORY: What, are you kidding?
No.
202
00:08:31,438 --> 00:08:32,246
GILLETTE: Wow, really?
203
00:08:32,366 --> 00:08:35,071
My mom told me how much she
loved me all the time.
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MALORY: Exactly.
Look how you turned out.
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00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:39,376
GILLETTE: Um...
with high self-esteem?
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00:08:40,124 --> 00:08:41,311
PAM: Whatcha doin, Krieger?
207
00:08:41,379 --> 00:08:44,080
KRIEGER: Well I feel bad for
Archer, so I'm making him some
208
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:45,582
Portuguese flashcards.
209
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:46,465
CYRIL: Portuguese?
210
00:08:46,585 --> 00:08:49,152
But isn't... I thought
Krieger was a German name.
211
00:08:49,220 --> 00:08:51,021
KRIEGER: Oh, über German.
It means "warrior."
212
00:08:51,088 --> 00:08:52,081
CHERYL/CAROL: So how come
you know Portuguese?
213
00:08:52,201 --> 00:08:56,119
KRIEGER: Because I grew up
in Braz... istol County, Rhode Island?
214
00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:58,228
Lotta Portuguese in Rhode Island.
215
00:08:58,348 --> 00:08:59,111
CYRIL: Where you're from.
216
00:08:59,231 --> 00:09:00,037
KRIEGER: Born and raised!
217
00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:01,771
CYRIL: Uh-huh.
What's the state capital?
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00:09:01,891 --> 00:09:02,538
KRIEGER: Of?
219
00:09:02,658 --> 00:09:03,827
CYRIL: Rhode Island.
220
00:09:04,985 --> 00:09:06,270
KRIEGER: Dallas?
CYRIL: Aha!
221
00:09:06,390 --> 00:09:07,066
PAM: What?
222
00:09:07,186 --> 00:09:08,886
CHERYL/CAROL: It's Austin, duh!
223
00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:10,340
CYRIL: It's Providence!
224
00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:12,976
But I bet he knows the capital of Brazil!
Don't you?!
225
00:09:13,044 --> 00:09:14,878
KRIEGER: I don't have to answer that!
Who do...
226
00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:17,280
CYRIL: Warum hast du
Umzug nach Brasilien?!
227
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,164
KRIEGER: Weiter den
Kampf der mein Führer!
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00:09:19,555 --> 00:09:21,205
Scheisse.
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00:09:21,698 --> 00:09:24,402
CYRIL: Oh my God...
PAM: What the heck was that all about?
230
00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,806
CHERYL/CAROL: Duh!
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00:09:26,356 --> 00:09:27,659
I actually have no idea.
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00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:28,713
PAM: No shit.
233
00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:31,356
CHERYL/CAROL: Yeah, I
don't know why I do that.
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00:09:31,964 --> 00:09:35,750
LANA: Because I don't
want it in my car!
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00:09:36,434 --> 00:09:38,001
ARCHER: Well what do you
want me to do, Lana,
236
00:09:38,069 --> 00:09:39,112
just throw it out the window?!
237
00:09:39,232 --> 00:09:41,268
LANA: Obviously!
ARCHER: Oh.
238
00:09:41,661 --> 00:09:44,474
Ha-ha. Uh-oh.
239
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,324
Gonna be sick again.
240
00:09:45,444 --> 00:09:46,598
LANA: Not in here you're not.
241
00:09:46,718 --> 00:09:48,583
- Then pull over, Lana.
- No, we're late.
242
00:09:48,703 --> 00:09:51,000
You already missed your
shot at Delaney as it is.
243
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:52,983
ARCHER: Well then now
this is happening.
244
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:54,050
LANA: Wh-?
245
00:09:54,118 --> 00:09:55,315
ARCHER: Lana, did
you see my scarf?
246
00:09:55,435 --> 00:09:57,520
LANA: Yes, Archer, I saw your scarf.
247
00:09:57,588 --> 00:09:59,657
ARCHER: All my hair fell out.
LANA: I'm sorry.
248
00:09:59,777 --> 00:10:02,179
ARCHER: Me too.
It was my fifth best feature.
249
00:10:04,286 --> 00:10:08,798
RUTH: Oh, I think it's your sweetness...
ARCHER: Nobody's ever called me sweet before.
250
00:10:08,866 --> 00:10:12,820
RUTH: Well, you're sweet enough to come
see a sick old lady in the hospital.
251
00:10:12,940 --> 00:10:13,503
ARCHER: What?
252
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,574
I didn't come by to see you, I'm
trying to bang a candy-striper.
253
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:20,137
But, um... it's not good, huh?
254
00:10:20,257 --> 00:10:21,411
RUTH: No, dear.
255
00:10:21,479 --> 00:10:24,914
Afraid it's just not responding
to those chemo drugs.
256
00:10:24,982 --> 00:10:27,083
NURSE: You two can't
smoke in here!
257
00:10:27,151 --> 00:10:29,463
RUTH: Oh, unwad your panties.
258
00:10:31,656 --> 00:10:32,589
ARCHER: Yeah!
259
00:10:32,657 --> 00:10:33,652
LANA: Archer!
260
00:10:33,772 --> 00:10:35,293
ARCHER: What?!
LANA: We're here.
261
00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:37,145
ARCHER: Oh. Right.
262
00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:38,585
LANA: You good?
263
00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:46,741
ARCHER: Rampaaaaaaaaage!
264
00:10:47,233 --> 00:10:48,246
LANA: [sigh]
265
00:10:48,366 --> 00:10:49,621
ARCHER: Little help?
266
00:10:49,882 --> 00:10:51,227
KRIEGER: Leave me alone!
267
00:10:51,347 --> 00:10:52,642
I'm not a Nazi!
268
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:54,244
CYRIL: Yeah, well what
about your father?!
269
00:10:54,312 --> 00:10:56,513
KRIEGER: No, he was a scientist!
270
00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:58,948
CYRIL: Pretty sure the
Nazis had scientists.
271
00:10:59,016 --> 00:10:59,916
KRIEGER: No they didn't!
272
00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:02,270
That's why we...
They lost the war!
273
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:03,420
Lack of science!
274
00:11:03,487 --> 00:11:08,024
CYRIL: Well, we'll just see what Ms. Archer
has to say about this Nazi beeswax.
275
00:11:08,092 --> 00:11:09,170
KRIEGER: Fine!
276
00:11:09,778 --> 00:11:12,985
Or, you know... not fine.
277
00:11:13,535 --> 00:11:17,233
LANA: Because between the cancer
and the chemo and the just
278
00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,536
shit-tons of weed...
ARCHER: Actually yeah, good idea,
279
00:11:19,603 --> 00:11:21,313
let's hang back a
sec and burn one down.
280
00:11:21,433 --> 00:11:25,863
LANA: No. And I know it's not my business,
but I think you might have a problem.
281
00:11:25,983 --> 00:11:27,427
ARCHER: Yeah, it's called cancer?
282
00:11:27,547 --> 00:11:28,599
LANA: Well, and drug abuse.
283
00:11:28,719 --> 00:11:29,830
ARCHER: Thanks, Woodsy.
284
00:11:30,293 --> 00:11:31,614
The Drug Owl.
285
00:11:31,682 --> 00:11:33,483
Now shut up and kick
in the door for me.
286
00:11:33,551 --> 00:11:35,141
And do it badass like I would.
287
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,787
If I still had toenails.
288
00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:39,422
WHITEY: Shite, Joey,
ya call this a hand?
289
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,323
More like a foot.
290
00:11:40,443 --> 00:11:43,363
A great big...
ARCHER: Franny Delaney!
291
00:11:43,483 --> 00:11:45,795
Stand your ass up!
292
00:11:45,863 --> 00:11:47,764
WHITEY: Oh, ya just missed him.
293
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:51,239
Shame too, cuz he just
loves the E Street Band.
294
00:11:52,703 --> 00:11:55,372
ARCHER: Did he just
crack on my scarf?
295
00:11:55,439 --> 00:11:59,151
LANA: I think he did.
What the shit, Archer?!
296
00:11:59,271 --> 00:12:01,453
ARCHER: Oh, ow, sorry.
You idiot, asshole.
297
00:12:01,573 --> 00:12:05,639
Now we're even, Lana. From the time
you did that to me. I am sorry.
298
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:11,187
WHITEY: Speakin of hurt, boy,
yer steppin into a great big world of it.
299
00:12:11,307 --> 00:12:15,840
So I suggest ya take yer bulldyke friend...
ARCHER: Lana! Lana!
300
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:18,561
Lanaaaaa!
LANA: What!
301
00:12:18,629 --> 00:12:20,330
ARCHER: Well first of all
you don't have to yell, Lana.
302
00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:21,631
I don'have ear cancer.
303
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:25,902
Second, until I find out where
Delaney is, please stop shooting people.
304
00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:27,404
WHITEY: Go ahead and shoot me!
305
00:12:27,471 --> 00:12:29,939
Cuz ain't nothin in the
world can make me talk!
306
00:12:30,007 --> 00:12:35,011
ARCHER: Well, you say that...
WHITEY: W-what are ya doin back there?!
307
00:12:35,079 --> 00:12:38,181
ARCHER: Don't worry about what I'm
doing, concentrate on what you're doing.
308
00:12:38,249 --> 00:12:39,582
WHITEY: W-what am I doin?
309
00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:42,352
ARCHER: For starters you can
apologize to my friend for
310
00:12:42,420 --> 00:12:43,486
your homophobic remarks.
311
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:46,415
WHITEY: I-I'm sorry, darlin!
I had no idea you were a gay!
312
00:12:46,535 --> 00:12:48,906
LANA: What? ARCHER: She's not gay,
she just has big hands.
313
00:12:49,026 --> 00:12:50,608
LANA: What?
ARCHER: Nothing, shut up.
314
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:53,323
I'm gonna assume you know the
difference between an M-26 and
315
00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:55,842
a Mark Two fragmentation grenade, so...
WHITEY: What?!
316
00:12:55,962 --> 00:12:57,777
LANA: What?
ARCHER: Oh sorry, do you not?
317
00:12:58,217 --> 00:13:02,139
Okay, the Mark Two has kinda...
nubbly ridges?
318
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,080
Ya feel those?
319
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,475
Different circumstances, might
actually feel pretty good.
320
00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:07,477
WHITEY: W-wait, son, now
just wait a second...
321
00:13:07,545 --> 00:13:10,108
ARCHER: Another key difference
is the pin.
322
00:13:10,228 --> 00:13:12,647
WHITEY: Oh, Jaysus...
ARCHER: See? The striking
323
00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:13,790
lever's the same, though.
324
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:14,673
Spring-loaded.
325
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:17,797
Which reminds me: did you know
that men can also benefit from
326
00:13:17,917 --> 00:13:19,389
doing Kegel exercises?
327
00:13:19,457 --> 00:13:20,059
WHITEY: [terrified whimper]
328
00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:21,419
ARCHER: Case in point, huh?
329
00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:24,155
Now where's your
cancer-patient-killing boss?
330
00:13:24,633 --> 00:13:25,820
ARCHER: Okay I got it, let's go.
331
00:13:25,940 --> 00:13:28,267
LANA: Wait, you're just gonna leave
him with a grenade stuck up his ass?!
332
00:13:28,387 --> 00:13:30,178
ARCHER: Yes, Lana,
I am on a rampage!
333
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:31,796
And also kidding,
it's a smoke grenade.
334
00:13:31,916 --> 00:13:32,749
WHITEY: Oh, thank...
335
00:13:36,396 --> 00:13:38,099
LANA: Asshole.
ARCHER: What?
336
00:13:38,456 --> 00:13:39,876
LANA: What?
337
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:43,013
ARCHER: What? What. Lana.
338
00:13:46,485 --> 00:13:50,627
ARCHER: What?!
I thought it was a smoke grenade.
339
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:53,754
LANA: They look exactly nothing alike!
340
00:13:54,623 --> 00:13:56,172
ARCHER: What?
341
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:59,494
ARCHER: What're you doing,
Delaney's not here.
342
00:13:59,561 --> 00:14:02,263
LANA: No, but my ENT doctor is.
343
00:14:02,331 --> 00:14:03,188
ARCHER: You like him?
344
00:14:03,308 --> 00:14:04,632
Because I sure do.
345
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:07,643
Good bedside manner, knows
all the parts of the ear.
346
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:09,800
- What was his name again?
- Mr. Archer?
347
00:14:10,176 --> 00:14:11,620
I guess you heard about Ruth.
348
00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:13,613
ARCHER: What?
NURSE: About Ruth. I guess you heard.
349
00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:16,754
ARCHER: What?!
NURSE: Ruth! Your friend! Is dead!
350
00:14:16,874 --> 00:14:17,523
ARCHER: W-what?
351
00:14:17,643 --> 00:14:21,983
RUTH: Regis. I wake up early
every morning and watch Regis.
352
00:14:22,051 --> 00:14:25,383
And that smile of his...
well, it gets me through the day.
353
00:14:25,503 --> 00:14:27,468
ARCHER: I'm gonna
start doing that.
354
00:14:27,588 --> 00:14:29,157
RUTH: Oh, you must.
355
00:14:29,224 --> 00:14:32,659
Regis is the best.
ARCHER: No, Ruth...you're the best.
356
00:14:33,525 --> 00:14:34,972
LANA: Archer.
ARCHER: Hm?
357
00:14:35,092 --> 00:14:37,541
LANA: Archer!
ARCHER: What? ! Oh.
358
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:40,601
Man, what've I been doing?
359
00:14:40,669 --> 00:14:42,959
LANA: Chain-smoking joints
the size of tampons.
360
00:14:43,079 --> 00:14:44,482
ARCHER: Ew.
LANA: Figure of speech.
361
00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:45,322
ARCHER: Still though. Ew.
362
00:14:45,442 --> 00:14:47,642
LANA You're not rampaging?
I thought you were rampaging.
363
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:50,111
ARCHER: Right yes, here we go.
Alright.
364
00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:52,109
I got this.! Franny Delaney!
365
00:14:52,229 --> 00:14:53,339
Let's take a walk!
366
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,582
DELANEY: A walk?
367
00:14:54,650 --> 00:14:56,451
Is that some sorta joke?
368
00:14:56,518 --> 00:14:58,853
ARCHER: A roll, then. Whatever.
369
00:14:58,921 --> 00:15:00,688
CYRIL: Are you not
listening to me?!
370
00:15:00,756 --> 00:15:01,889
MALORY: Well obviously not.
371
00:15:01,957 --> 00:15:05,026
My God, how is there not one
picture of us together?
372
00:15:05,094 --> 00:15:08,096
CYRIL: Krieger's father
was a Nazi scientist!
373
00:15:08,163 --> 00:15:11,065
MALORY: And JFK's father
was a bootlegger.
374
00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:14,802
CYRIL Wh-? That's like comparing
apples to... Nazi oranges!
375
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,204
MALORY: Oranges, exactly.
376
00:15:16,271 --> 00:15:18,630
Do you like powdered orange
breakfast drink?
377
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,365
- No, not really.
- How about micro-wave ovens,
378
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,842
Neil Armstrong, hook and loop fasteners?
379
00:15:24,451 --> 00:15:26,622
- Okay, you lost me.
- None of those things
380
00:15:26,742 --> 00:15:28,784
would be possible without
the Nazi scientists
381
00:15:28,904 --> 00:15:30,723
we brought back after World War II.
382
00:15:30,789 --> 00:15:34,547
- The Nazis invented Neil Armstrong?
- Rockets,
383
00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:36,577
which put him on the moon.
384
00:15:36,697 --> 00:15:38,765
After the war ended we were snatching up
385
00:15:38,885 --> 00:15:40,676
Kraut scientists like hot cakes.
386
00:15:40,796 --> 00:15:44,419
You don't believe me? Walk into NASA
sometime and yell "Heil Hitler!".
387
00:15:44,539 --> 00:15:46,831
They all jump straight up.
But, Cyril...
388
00:15:46,951 --> 00:15:50,252
I know all about Dr. Krieger's origins.
389
00:15:50,372 --> 00:15:53,216
And I also know that nobody
likes a tattle tale.
390
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:56,130
- Yes, Cyril.
- And if it's one thing I've learned
391
00:15:56,250 --> 00:16:00,211
in all my years as a spy master
is that you keep your friends...
392
00:16:00,331 --> 00:16:02,414
- ...close.
- Yeah, Cyril.
393
00:16:02,534 --> 00:16:05,270
And possible genetic clones of Adolf Hitler
394
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:07,122
- ...closer.
- Yeah, Cyril.
395
00:16:07,242 --> 00:16:09,214
- Wait, what?
- Yeah, what?
396
00:16:09,726 --> 00:16:12,679
Oh, my God, it was you.
397
00:16:12,799 --> 00:16:16,276
My 15th birthday... You...
You were at the compound.
398
00:16:19,533 --> 00:16:21,294
When they finish, bring me the boy.
399
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,205
[ screaming ]
400
00:16:23,325 --> 00:16:27,054
And then my pet dobermans
accidentally ate my father.
401
00:16:27,174 --> 00:16:28,222
My father...
MALORY: Oh, Krieger...
402
00:16:28,477 --> 00:16:30,411
Nothing's an accident.
403
00:16:30,479 --> 00:16:31,913
PAM: Holy shitsnacks!
404
00:16:31,980 --> 00:16:34,081
Krieger's one of the
boys from Brazil!
405
00:16:34,149 --> 00:16:35,183
CHERYL/CAROL: Duh!
406
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:36,851
Oh my God, seriously, I'm sorry.
407
00:16:36,919 --> 00:16:38,191
I think I need help or something.
408
00:16:38,311 --> 00:16:39,587
PAM: No shit.
409
00:16:39,655 --> 00:16:41,923
LANA: And one more crack about
"monster hands" and I promise
410
00:16:41,990 --> 00:16:45,259
you that I will shoot your fat
Irish faces off I'm sorry, was that racist?
411
00:16:45,327 --> 00:16:47,395
I'm not mad at you, I'm
sorry, I'm mad at Archer.
412
00:16:47,462 --> 00:16:49,230
Thanks to him I've got
two perforated eardrums,
413
00:16:49,298 --> 00:16:53,234
and I guess I've just been...
Getting hotboxed all day in my car!
414
00:16:53,302 --> 00:16:56,370
Shit, which I'm trying to
sell, but fat chance now!
415
00:16:56,438 --> 00:17:00,107
Bet it smells like... weed...
and rampage...
416
00:17:00,175 --> 00:17:02,330
Damn it, that is classic him!
417
00:17:03,178 --> 00:17:04,355
You guys have any snacks?
418
00:17:04,475 --> 00:17:05,238
ARCHER: Here.
419
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,483
This is good, right here.
420
00:17:06,603 --> 00:17:08,061
DELANEY: For what, boyo?
421
00:17:08,336 --> 00:17:09,550
We havin a picnic?
422
00:17:09,618 --> 00:17:10,715
ARCHER: Oh my God
do you have snacks?
423
00:17:10,835 --> 00:17:14,455
DELANEY: No.
What I have, is a plane to catch.
424
00:17:14,523 --> 00:17:15,756
ARCHER: Yeah? To where?
425
00:17:15,824 --> 00:17:17,925
Some bigger mansion somewhere
else you bought with the
426
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:19,961
profits from your
fake chemo drugs?
427
00:17:20,028 --> 00:17:21,262
DELANEY: Pretty much, yeah.
428
00:17:21,330 --> 00:17:24,031
So if you're gonna shoot me...
ARCHER: Oh don't worry,
429
00:17:24,099 --> 00:17:25,166
I'm gonna shoot you.
430
00:17:25,234 --> 00:17:26,734
DELANEY: No yer not.
431
00:17:26,802 --> 00:17:28,436
You're an ISIS agent.
432
00:17:28,503 --> 00:17:30,465
Ya got a sense of
honor, fair play.
433
00:17:31,102 --> 00:17:32,006
What?
434
00:17:32,074 --> 00:17:36,377
ARCHER: You obviously haven't seen
my movie "Terms of Emrampagement,"
435
00:17:36,445 --> 00:17:39,080
hang on that was lame...
DELANEY: Ya killed my men, sure,
436
00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:40,214
but they were armed.
437
00:17:40,282 --> 00:17:42,709
I'm just a sick old
man in a wheelchair.
438
00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:45,887
You can't do it, boy. I know you.
ARCHER: You don't know me!
439
00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:48,322
DELANEY: I know you
better than yer muther...
440
00:17:48,390 --> 00:17:50,947
Who I had for three
days, at Dûc Quay.
441
00:17:52,076 --> 00:17:54,228
ARCHER: Can you, um, go
ahead and repeat that?
442
00:17:54,296 --> 00:17:57,302
DELANEY: I said I had your mother
for three days at Dûc Quay.
443
00:17:57,422 --> 00:18:01,006
ARCHER: And was that uh, hopefully,
some sort of Vietcong prison camp?
444
00:18:01,126 --> 00:18:03,337
DELANEY: Single's resort.
Phuket, Thailand.
445
00:18:03,405 --> 00:18:05,306
Whole place ran on beads.
446
00:18:05,374 --> 00:18:09,010
But lemme tell ya boyo,
that muther o' yers found a
447
00:18:09,077 --> 00:18:11,145
whole new way to use 'em!
448
00:18:11,213 --> 00:18:13,047
ARCHER: To use... the beads?
449
00:18:13,115 --> 00:18:15,549
DELANEY: Oh yeah. Boop!
450
00:18:15,617 --> 00:18:18,386
And then zzzzzziiiinnnng!
451
00:18:18,453 --> 00:18:20,189
Like an SSP racer.
452
00:18:21,690 --> 00:18:23,253
Good times.
453
00:18:23,373 --> 00:18:24,692
Goodbye, Archer.
454
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:27,535
Tell yer muther to
gimme a call sometime.
455
00:18:32,167 --> 00:18:33,238
ARCHER: Delaney?
456
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,936
DELANEY: Yes?
457
00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:37,405
ARCHER: Did you see
Regis this morning?
458
00:18:37,472 --> 00:18:39,745
DELANEY: Yes. Why?
459
00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:52,372
DELANEY: Yes. Why?
460
00:18:59,861 --> 00:19:02,196
MALORY: Oh for the love of...
ARCHER : Shut up! Shut up,
461
00:19:02,264 --> 00:19:03,698
here it comes!
462
00:19:03,765 --> 00:19:05,099
Booyakashaaaaa!
463
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:06,834
Right in the face!
464
00:19:06,902 --> 00:19:09,337
I swear to God, I could
watch this a million times.
465
00:19:09,404 --> 00:19:11,305
MALORY: I'd swear to
God we already have.
466
00:19:11,373 --> 00:19:12,740
ARCHER: Well too bad, mother.
467
00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:14,008
MALORY: Booyakashaaa!
468
00:19:14,076 --> 00:19:14,709
Booyakashaaa!
469
00:19:14,776 --> 00:19:16,577
ARCHER: Hey just because
he was your boyfriend...
470
00:19:16,645 --> 00:19:17,979
MALORY: What, "boyfriend"?!
471
00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:20,648
It was two weeks in Phuket,
anything goes over there.
472
00:19:20,716 --> 00:19:22,683
PAM: Zzzzzziiiinnnng!
473
00:19:22,751 --> 00:19:24,819
Ahem. Wildly inappropriate.
474
00:19:24,886 --> 00:19:25,786
KRIEGER: Seriously, Pam.
475
00:19:25,854 --> 00:19:27,235
PAM: Okay, Clone Wars.
476
00:19:27,355 --> 00:19:28,404
KRIEGER: Zing.
477
00:19:28,464 --> 00:19:29,584
ARCHER: And Mother, we had a deal.
478
00:19:29,704 --> 00:19:33,227
I supply the mimosas and bagels and
lox, and you people shut up and
479
00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:36,263
ingest them and watch
"Terms of Emrampagement."
480
00:19:36,331 --> 00:19:38,385
LANA: Ugh...
ARCHER: Which, obviously, working title.
481
00:19:38,505 --> 00:19:39,600
LANA: We have watched it!
482
00:19:39,668 --> 00:19:42,303
CYRIL: Every Friday for
the past three months!
483
00:19:42,371 --> 00:19:44,038
PAM: I'm not complainin...
ARCHER: See?
484
00:19:44,106 --> 00:19:46,874
Twelve straight weeks and Pam's
still on Team Live Badass.
485
00:19:46,994 --> 00:19:48,743
LANA: Yeah, and Team Live Badass?
486
00:19:48,810 --> 00:19:50,578
That's the best you
could come up with?
487
00:19:50,645 --> 00:19:52,380
ARCHER: Well, Lana, since
you already had dibs on
488
00:19:52,447 --> 00:19:55,282
Team I Have An Oversized Vagina...
LANA: Hey shut up!
489
00:19:55,350 --> 00:19:55,950
ARCHER: You shut up!
490
00:19:56,018 --> 00:19:59,729
And everybody else shut up and
watch "Terms of Emrampagement!"
491
00:20:01,323 --> 00:20:03,457
CYRIL: Why don't you
call it "Magnum P.U."?
492
00:20:03,525 --> 00:20:05,860
ARCHER: It's a working title!
Idiots!
493
00:20:05,927 --> 00:20:07,513
MALORY: Liked him better
when he had cancer...
494
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,583
ARCHER: First of all,
what the shit? ! Mother!
495
00:20:09,703 --> 00:20:12,066
And second of all too bad,
because the doctor says
496
00:20:12,134 --> 00:20:14,104
my cancer is in total remission.
497
00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:15,951
Seriously, what is cancer?
498
00:20:16,071 --> 00:20:19,407
So I'll probably never get any
sort of cancer again, ever.
499
00:20:19,474 --> 00:20:22,076
So shut up and watch my movie.
500
00:20:22,144 --> 00:20:23,644
For which I really
need a better title.
501
00:20:23,712 --> 00:20:25,889
CHERYL/CAROL: How about
"Citizen Dickbag"?
502
00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:27,669
"Snark Victory"?
503
00:20:29,782 --> 00:20:30,954
CHERYL/CAROL: Wait, I got it!
504
00:20:31,074 --> 00:20:32,547
Casablampkin.
505
00:20:32,667 --> 00:20:42,917
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com