1 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,920 Ugh, I'm tired of being out here. 2 00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:08,555 I wanna go home. 3 00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:11,170 Eww, Earth? In space we can do whatever 4 00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:13,930 the hell we want with basically no responsibilities. 5 00:00:14,018 --> 00:00:16,058 Kind of my point. Maybe I'm ready to start 6 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:19,225 having a real life instead of being stuck here with your ass. 7 00:00:19,313 --> 00:00:22,141 Shh, my ass might hear you, and it's very sensitive. 8 00:00:22,234 --> 00:00:24,813 - Of course, you know that. - Not engaging. 9 00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:27,181 I'm just saying, maybe it's time to hang this all up and... 10 00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:30,389 Ugh, is this about your aching uterus again? 11 00:00:30,477 --> 00:00:32,123 Okay, who said anything about... 12 00:00:32,211 --> 00:00:34,373 Well, we haven't talked about settling down but... 13 00:00:34,461 --> 00:00:36,039 - Nope. - Key word "settling." 14 00:00:36,127 --> 00:00:37,295 I'm down with going to Earth. 15 00:00:37,383 --> 00:00:39,354 I could use some fresh faces to bang. 16 00:00:39,442 --> 00:00:43,895 And our bar stock is so low, I may have to resort to beer. 17 00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:45,340 Has everyone gone crazy? 18 00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:48,261 We're on the final frontier and you want to go back 19 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:51,174 to doing day jobs and gravity-laden sex? 20 00:00:51,262 --> 00:00:53,362 - Not my first preference. - I vote with Archer. 21 00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:56,044 - Robots don't get a vote. - I prefer "synthetic human." 22 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,721 No one gets to vote. I'm the captain. 23 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,799 Co-captain. And as the other co-captain, 24 00:01:02,887 --> 00:01:04,823 I am setting a course for Earth. 25 00:01:04,911 --> 00:01:09,059 No, Lana, I will not let you hyperspace us to Boring-town. 26 00:01:11,506 --> 00:01:12,905 What the... ow! 27 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,010 Holy spacesnacks! 28 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,708 It's a Dri'n battle cruiser. 29 00:01:19,809 --> 00:01:21,792 And somehow it hasn't noticed us. 30 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,344 No, we're too close 31 00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,128 for its long-range scanners to pick us up. 32 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,088 Great, let's just loop around this bad boy 33 00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,292 and hyperspace somewhere that is not Earth. 34 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,729 If we can destroy it, we will 35 00:01:30,817 --> 00:01:32,794 cripple pirate activity in this sector. 36 00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:33,971 Who cares? 37 00:01:34,059 --> 00:01:36,571 And collect a 30 million credit bounty 38 00:01:36,659 --> 00:01:39,081 - for taking it out. - As I was saying, 39 00:01:39,169 --> 00:01:43,367 who cares about combatting space piracy more than me? 40 00:01:43,455 --> 00:01:44,619 Exactly. 41 00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:48,330 The very reasonable reward is just icing on the cake. 42 00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:50,477 Guys, as captain of this ship... 43 00:01:50,565 --> 00:01:51,430 Co-captain. 44 00:01:51,518 --> 00:01:53,438 I am making an executive decision. 45 00:01:53,526 --> 00:01:55,516 We're taking out that Dri'n bastard. 46 00:01:55,604 --> 00:01:57,133 Like I already executively decided. 47 00:01:57,221 --> 00:01:59,821 Hands in. "Space cowboys" on three. 48 00:01:59,909 --> 00:02:01,682 One, two... 49 00:02:04,605 --> 00:02:06,694 What the hell are you doing? 50 00:02:38,727 --> 00:02:40,674 *ARCHER (2009)* Season 10 Episode 07 51 00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,399 *ARCHER (2009)* Episode Title :"1999: Space Pirates" 52 00:02:50,281 --> 00:02:51,585 Okay, here's the plan: 53 00:02:51,673 --> 00:02:53,755 After we board the ship, knock out a couple 54 00:02:53,843 --> 00:02:56,062 of Dri'n guards, and then... You'll love this... 55 00:02:56,150 --> 00:02:58,624 - Put on their clothes... - Not to be a buzzkill, 56 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:01,272 but you think there'll reallybe a plus-sized pirate on board? 57 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,312 - Ugh, this is a horrible plan. - I'm not finished. 58 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,677 Pam, you'll be our "prisoner." 59 00:03:06,765 --> 00:03:08,521 - Sweet! - Lucky. 60 00:03:08,609 --> 00:03:11,044 - Still a horrible plan. - Let me finish! 61 00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:14,671 We'll infiltrate the ship disguised as Dri'n guards. 62 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,513 That's it. That's the whole plan. 63 00:03:17,601 --> 00:03:18,695 This is not a plan. 64 00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:21,124 This is the plot of several famous films. 65 00:03:21,212 --> 00:03:22,920 Well, why do you think they're famous, Lana? 66 00:03:23,007 --> 00:03:24,872 We'll need Ray to get us some explosives. 67 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,741 He's taking a sick day. 68 00:03:26,828 --> 00:03:27,922 - Of course he is. - We get those? 69 00:03:28,009 --> 00:03:30,232 It's a miracle we don't crash into the sun 70 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:34,374 with all you Sick Day Cyrils and Personal Day Pams. 71 00:03:34,462 --> 00:03:37,382 It is a pretty generous package if you use it right. 72 00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:38,546 - Space phrasing. - Well, 73 00:03:38,634 --> 00:03:40,092 where am I supposed to get explosives? 74 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,906 "Thermite" be something I can do to help. 75 00:03:43,525 --> 00:03:45,826 Referencing thermite explosives. 76 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:47,972 I did not enjoy that. 77 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:49,403 Does this thing havean off switch? 78 00:03:49,469 --> 00:03:51,026 Aww, I have feelings. 79 00:03:51,113 --> 00:03:53,200 Volume control? Anything? 80 00:03:53,288 --> 00:03:55,302 Then we'll plant the thermite all over the ship 81 00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:57,614 and hola explosivo. 82 00:03:57,702 --> 00:04:00,043 - I'm confused. - It's Spanish, Pam. 83 00:04:00,131 --> 00:04:02,176 No, how will we get the "Seamus" out of here 84 00:04:02,264 --> 00:04:03,606 without us pinging their scanners? 85 00:04:03,694 --> 00:04:05,270 That's where Cyril and Carol come in. 86 00:04:05,358 --> 00:04:08,028 You two will disable the radar system on board. 87 00:04:08,116 --> 00:04:10,067 - Whoo-hoo! - Please don't. 88 00:04:10,155 --> 00:04:11,981 I can disable the radar system! 89 00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:14,293 Can you disable yourself? 90 00:04:14,381 --> 00:04:16,176 Beep, bop, boop. Ya burnt. 91 00:04:16,264 --> 00:04:17,371 Why not Krieger? 92 00:04:17,459 --> 00:04:19,395 I mean, he's qualified even if he is a replicant. 93 00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:21,051 Thank you, Lana, but I like to think 94 00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:23,115 I'm more of a Repli-can. 95 00:04:23,717 --> 00:04:24,754 No bots. 96 00:04:24,842 --> 00:04:26,569 Mother, you stay and run comms. 97 00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:27,733 Stay here? 98 00:04:27,821 --> 00:04:30,731 With the liquor? Well, if you insist. 99 00:04:30,819 --> 00:04:33,616 Space cowboys, let's ride! 100 00:04:33,704 --> 00:04:36,684 Would you stop trying to make "space cowboys" stick? 101 00:04:36,772 --> 00:04:38,278 It isn't. Fine, Lana. 102 00:04:38,366 --> 00:04:40,168 You stay here and be the world-weary 103 00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:42,598 space saloon/brothel madam. 104 00:04:42,686 --> 00:04:43,942 I wanna be a brothel madam! 105 00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:45,356 Ooh, I... I could be the banker 106 00:04:45,444 --> 00:04:46,371 and wear one of those green visors. 107 00:04:46,459 --> 00:04:49,014 Everybody stop making this stick! 108 00:04:49,178 --> 00:04:51,356 And if anything, I would be co-sheriff. 109 00:04:51,444 --> 00:04:52,395 That's not a thing. 110 00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:53,654 The whole thing's not a thing! 111 00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:55,512 Whoa, space cowboys. 112 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,895 - What is it now, Krieger? - I've got helpful gadgets! 113 00:04:57,983 --> 00:04:59,520 Like these voice changers! 114 00:04:59,608 --> 00:05:01,468 The Dri'n tongue is a beast, you know. 115 00:05:01,556 --> 00:05:04,436 Fine, but honestly, Krieger, this is all a little thirsty. 116 00:05:04,524 --> 00:05:07,145 - Like Lana's ovaries. - Not engaging. 117 00:05:07,233 --> 00:05:09,869 Doesn't someone need to be proposing 118 00:05:09,956 --> 00:05:11,756 before you're engaging? 119 00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:13,051 Not en... 120 00:05:13,277 --> 00:05:15,569 She totally disarmed your phrase. 121 00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:17,137 So what's our plan when these shitty 122 00:05:17,225 --> 00:05:18,268 voice changers don't work? 123 00:05:18,355 --> 00:05:19,919 - I can hear you. - Well, I picked up 124 00:05:20,006 --> 00:05:21,832 some phrases banging a pirate or two. 125 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,842 Here's how to say, "Faster, harder." 126 00:05:23,930 --> 00:05:25,278 Because that'll come in handy. 127 00:05:27,655 --> 00:05:28,998 Now you try it. 128 00:05:30,944 --> 00:05:34,231 No, it's more like... You know the sound you make 129 00:05:34,319 --> 00:05:36,840 after letting out a fart you've been holding in all day? 130 00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:38,723 Oh, please. You've never held in a fart 131 00:05:38,811 --> 00:05:41,045 - in your life. - Tough but fair. 132 00:05:42,336 --> 00:05:44,129 Like now, Pam. Now would have been 133 00:05:44,217 --> 00:05:45,297 a great time to hold it in. 134 00:05:49,912 --> 00:05:51,785 I have... I have no idea 135 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:54,021 what she said, but it just sounds funny. 136 00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:56,863 Jesus, Cyril, watch the landing. 137 00:05:56,951 --> 00:05:58,370 You gotta slide it in there gently. 138 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:03,043 You are a terrible pilot. 139 00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:05,473 You put me on a job that's not my specialty. 140 00:06:05,561 --> 00:06:07,866 - That's bad captaining. - Cocaptaining. 141 00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:10,129 - Oh, now you share the credit? - Fine. 142 00:06:10,217 --> 00:06:13,098 I should have assigned Cyril to his specialty of, uh... 143 00:06:13,186 --> 00:06:15,707 What is your specialty again? Space accounting? 144 00:06:15,795 --> 00:06:17,208 You're putting "space" in front of it 145 00:06:17,295 --> 00:06:18,801 to make it extra silly, but it's actually 146 00:06:18,888 --> 00:06:21,027 really an important part of running a ship. 147 00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,711 That was quick. 148 00:06:38,553 --> 00:06:39,881 He's asking... 149 00:06:46,488 --> 00:06:47,677 He was just asking 150 00:06:47,765 --> 00:06:49,848 where we got these human costumes, but... 151 00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:51,896 Oh, thank God you're here, Cyril. 152 00:06:51,984 --> 00:06:53,497 You're so quick on the draw. 153 00:06:53,585 --> 00:06:55,348 My blaster got stuck in its holster. 154 00:06:55,436 --> 00:06:57,047 - I can help with that. - Stop it! 155 00:06:57,135 --> 00:06:59,239 Unwanted advance in the workplace. 156 00:06:59,327 --> 00:07:01,770 Take it up with the Dri'n pirate HR. 157 00:07:02,278 --> 00:07:04,942 Get those uniforms on and put in your voice changers. 158 00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:06,325 More pirates will be coming. 159 00:07:06,413 --> 00:07:07,755 On my tits. What? 160 00:07:07,843 --> 00:07:09,236 Do you even have tits? 161 00:07:09,419 --> 00:07:10,856 They're retractable. 162 00:07:12,949 --> 00:07:15,098 Now, where is that mainframe? 163 00:07:15,193 --> 00:07:17,169 This ship has zero Feng Shui. 164 00:07:18,356 --> 00:07:19,638 Whoa. 165 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,466 There's gotta be a switch to get a laser bridge 166 00:07:22,554 --> 00:07:23,723 or something. 167 00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:26,419 Why people build dangerous ravines 168 00:07:26,507 --> 00:07:28,295 in spaceships is beyond me. 169 00:07:32,405 --> 00:07:34,083 You gotta warn me next time! 170 00:07:34,171 --> 00:07:36,911 We almost... and that hook is not secure! 171 00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,122 How do you even know the mainframe is on this side? 172 00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,263 Oh, I don't. 173 00:07:40,351 --> 00:07:42,193 I just find terror kind of hot, you know? 174 00:07:42,281 --> 00:07:43,499 I do not know. 175 00:07:43,587 --> 00:07:45,638 Not to mention the woman swinging the man across 176 00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:47,942 - is totally... - emasculating! 177 00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:49,510 Shit balls! 178 00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:52,973 Guys, remember, place them 179 00:07:53,061 --> 00:07:55,536 on the structural beams for maximum impact. 180 00:07:55,624 --> 00:07:58,013 I need more. I'm missing a testicle. 181 00:07:58,101 --> 00:08:00,380 - What the hell are you doing? - What's the big deal? 182 00:08:00,468 --> 00:08:02,192 It's thermite; throw it anywhere, 183 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,365 it's gonna blow up the ship. 184 00:08:03,452 --> 00:08:05,062 I'm not letting you waste thermite. 185 00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:06,903 Give me the thermite. 186 00:08:07,179 --> 00:08:09,606 - God damn it, Archer. - Uh-oh. 187 00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:12,950 It was an accident. Yeah, it was flirty horseplay. 188 00:08:13,038 --> 00:08:15,364 - These aren't toys. - Your boobs? 189 00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:17,552 - Because I beg to differ. - It's stuck. 190 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,950 Krieger, how do you peel off these thermite charges? 191 00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,724 - Oh, no worries there. - Oh, good. 192 00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:24,569 It's a super polymer. Can't be removed or disarmed. 193 00:08:24,657 --> 00:08:27,790 I thought they would peel off like air fresheners. 194 00:08:27,878 --> 00:08:30,758 They look like air fresheners. Just take your shirt off, then. 195 00:08:30,846 --> 00:08:33,326 I'm not wearing a shirt or bra under this. 196 00:08:33,414 --> 00:08:35,348 - Oh, I noticed. - We all noticed. 197 00:08:35,436 --> 00:08:36,536 Is it for the pirates? 198 00:08:36,624 --> 00:08:39,380 Because they do not make good husbands, Lana. 199 00:08:39,468 --> 00:08:42,091 I am not trying to get a pirate husband. 200 00:08:42,179 --> 00:08:44,872 This ship has no AC and pirate garb isn't exactly... 201 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,052 Oh, shit. 202 00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:54,278 Hey! 203 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,395 Huh, it actually worked. 204 00:09:00,621 --> 00:09:02,843 Almost like Krieger knows what he was doing. 205 00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:05,763 I'm sorry, Lana. He'll never be a space cowboy. 206 00:09:05,851 --> 00:09:08,745 Now, let's blow up this ship... Without blowing my tits off. 207 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,748 Give me one more. I need to finish my testicle. 208 00:09:10,836 --> 00:09:12,927 - Here. - Seriously? 209 00:09:13,015 --> 00:09:15,106 Guys, even for me this is getting childish. 210 00:09:15,194 --> 00:09:16,544 Don't mention children. 211 00:09:16,632 --> 00:09:18,591 Lana will smear her mascara. 212 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:21,943 Eavesdropping and lobbing insults is not running comms. 213 00:09:22,031 --> 00:09:23,435 I knew I should have done the assigning, 214 00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:26,060 because everyone you picked is spectacularly wrong 215 00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:27,278 for the job. 216 00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:28,928 See, this is what I'm talking about. 217 00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:30,448 Why would they put the mainframe 218 00:09:30,536 --> 00:09:31,932 right next door to the mess? 219 00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:33,716 The heat would be hellon the data core. 220 00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:34,951 What, did you read that in your 221 00:09:35,038 --> 00:09:36,605 spaceship architecture magazine? 222 00:09:36,693 --> 00:09:38,458 You mean "Starchitectural Digest"? 223 00:09:38,546 --> 00:09:40,489 Yes. Shall we get to work? 224 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,243 Um... 225 00:09:44,349 --> 00:09:46,606 do you know how to disable a radar system? 226 00:09:46,694 --> 00:09:47,695 No. 227 00:09:47,783 --> 00:09:49,333 Is this another "fear is hot" thing, 228 00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:50,335 or do you really not know? 229 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,645 Because I sure don't. 230 00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:53,840 Ugh, bad captaining! 231 00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:55,872 Mission accomplished. 232 00:09:56,682 --> 00:09:58,309 How long should we set the timers for? 233 00:09:58,397 --> 00:09:59,998 All right, let's see. Uh, Cyril and Cheryl 234 00:10:00,085 --> 00:10:01,695 have to disarm the radar; we all have to get 235 00:10:01,782 --> 00:10:03,698 to the hatch; and I haveto strip this pirate suit off 236 00:10:03,785 --> 00:10:05,137 so the bomb won't blowmy tits off. 237 00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:06,245 And Archer's baby-maker! 238 00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:07,659 Don't... don't say "baby," Pam, 239 00:10:07,747 --> 00:10:08,957 because you know... 240 00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,237 Shit! 241 00:10:11,325 --> 00:10:13,052 You set them off! How much time we got? 242 00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:14,987 - Shit, 11 minutes. - Jesus! 243 00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:16,713 Couldn't you have kicked a higher number? 244 00:10:16,879 --> 00:10:18,807 Or, you know, not at all? 245 00:10:18,895 --> 00:10:21,591 - We gotta run. - Yeah, not much of a runner. 246 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:23,464 Okay, guys, listen up. We have 11 minutes 247 00:10:23,552 --> 00:10:25,557 to get our asses off this ship before it explodes. 248 00:10:25,645 --> 00:10:28,198 Oh, God. If you find terror hot, 249 00:10:28,286 --> 00:10:29,981 I must be gorgeous to you right now. 250 00:10:30,069 --> 00:10:31,865 - Yeah. - No, stop! 251 00:10:31,953 --> 00:10:34,053 - I shouldn't even be here! - I should have been the one 252 00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,089 kicking back on the "Seamus" running comms! 253 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:39,012 For your information, I've got my hands full. 254 00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:40,349 Full of what, gin and tonics? 255 00:10:40,436 --> 00:10:42,050 I don't know what you're talking about. 256 00:10:42,137 --> 00:10:43,472 We can hear the ice clinking. 257 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,497 No, that's space static. 258 00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:47,362 Must be sun spots. 259 00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:49,479 We need you to connect us with Ray. 260 00:10:49,567 --> 00:10:51,799 - He's on a sick day! - We're going to blow up 261 00:10:51,886 --> 00:10:53,036 in 11 minutes. 262 00:10:53,124 --> 00:10:54,342 Closer to ten. 263 00:10:54,677 --> 00:10:57,581 Hold, please. Ray? 264 00:10:58,804 --> 00:11:00,342 Ray, thank God. We need your help. 265 00:11:00,429 --> 00:11:02,036 Yeah, kind of in the middle of something. 266 00:11:02,124 --> 00:11:04,880 Ray our surgery pod is not designed 267 00:11:04,968 --> 00:11:06,419 for recreational use. 268 00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:09,424 - This is a medical procedure. - Scented candles? 269 00:11:09,512 --> 00:11:12,575 Is it a crime to want to brighten up my colonoscopy? 270 00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:14,409 - I think not. - You said 271 00:11:14,497 --> 00:11:15,606 it wasn't recreational! 272 00:11:15,694 --> 00:11:17,911 Colorectal cancer's serious business. 273 00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:20,315 You should be checked every 10 years after 50. 274 00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:21,870 Ugh, how old are you? 275 00:11:21,958 --> 00:11:24,010 Or if you have atypical symptoms, 276 00:11:24,098 --> 00:11:25,737 like a change in bowel habits. 277 00:11:25,825 --> 00:11:27,448 Speaking of which, we're in the bowels 278 00:11:27,536 --> 00:11:29,487 - of an enemy battle cruiser! - I'll be wearing 279 00:11:29,575 --> 00:11:32,885 my colorectal blue ribbon that says, "I got tested." 280 00:11:32,973 --> 00:11:35,503 Tomorrow, after my sick day. Which you're interrupting. 281 00:11:35,591 --> 00:11:37,839 Ugh, we need you to walk us through disabling 282 00:11:37,927 --> 00:11:40,326 a giant spaceship radar system thingy. 283 00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:42,887 But my crisis vest is on Deck 2. 284 00:11:44,911 --> 00:11:46,208 - Ray! - Fine. 285 00:11:46,296 --> 00:11:48,362 Let old Ray just interrupt his prescribed 286 00:11:48,450 --> 00:11:50,378 lifesaving medical test to call up 287 00:11:50,466 --> 00:11:53,730 alien battle cruiser schematicson his sick day. 288 00:11:54,145 --> 00:11:56,237 Don't suppose you have a ship model number? 289 00:11:56,325 --> 00:11:57,919 We're inside the ship, so no. 290 00:11:58,007 --> 00:11:59,046 And kind of in a hurry! 291 00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:00,649 Do you see a blinking green light? 292 00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,547 We're dead. 293 00:12:04,785 --> 00:12:07,359 Don't you just crave its sweet release? 294 00:12:07,447 --> 00:12:11,515 Okay, sending you the disarming protocols... now. 295 00:12:11,653 --> 00:12:13,206 Thanks, Ray, you're a lifesaver. 296 00:12:13,294 --> 00:12:15,518 You're... God damn it, Ray. 297 00:12:15,606 --> 00:12:16,971 Is this a picture of your colon? 298 00:12:17,059 --> 00:12:18,346 - Aww. - Sorry. 299 00:12:18,434 --> 00:12:20,911 This wine might be mixing with my propofol. 300 00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:22,549 I do see why this is addictive. 301 00:12:22,637 --> 00:12:24,159 We only have eight minutes! 302 00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:26,276 Don't get your panties in a bunch. 303 00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,770 Also, do you see any polyps? 304 00:12:29,899 --> 00:12:31,596 Lana, how is it possible 305 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,573 you wanna give all this up for diapers? 306 00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,346 I don't know, maybe because I don't need 307 00:12:35,434 --> 00:12:36,674 to play two-bit space cowboy 308 00:12:36,762 --> 00:12:38,489 just because I'm scared of commitment. 309 00:12:38,577 --> 00:12:41,012 How dare you speak precisely the truth at me. 310 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,839 Hey, guys! Wait up! 311 00:12:42,927 --> 00:12:44,089 You used to be fun. 312 00:12:44,177 --> 00:12:45,565 Now you want to do not-fun stuff 313 00:12:45,652 --> 00:12:46,971 like settling down. 314 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:48,893 Well, I got news for you, sister. 315 00:12:48,981 --> 00:12:50,729 Don't say that, ever. 316 00:12:50,817 --> 00:12:54,174 - Settling is for potato chips. - Oh, God, Archer. 317 00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:56,745 Will you stop treating me like some baby-crazy cliché 318 00:12:56,839 --> 00:12:58,260 of maternal desire? 319 00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:03,792 Aww, look at them! 320 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,424 Oh, come on, Lana. 321 00:13:05,512 --> 00:13:07,870 Space ocelots. 322 00:13:07,958 --> 00:13:09,753 Actually, they're called "grimalkians." 323 00:13:09,841 --> 00:13:11,276 Shut your mouth, Pam. 324 00:13:11,364 --> 00:13:14,159 That is a goddamn space ocelot. 325 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,192 Ah, son of a bitch. 326 00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:20,065 - You're a real natural. - I've seen these before. 327 00:13:20,153 --> 00:13:22,268 A shithead ex of minehad one as a pet. 328 00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:24,520 - I think they're endangered. - No doubt the Dri'n 329 00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:26,505 stole them to sell their fur to illegal traders. 330 00:13:26,593 --> 00:13:29,581 Yeah, this ex was an illegal trader, so that all tracks. 331 00:13:29,669 --> 00:13:31,807 Shit, we've only got seven minutes 332 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:35,276 to get off this death star... Lowercase "D," lowercase "S"... 333 00:13:35,364 --> 00:13:38,768 And back to the "Seamus" beforewe explode in a million pieces. 334 00:13:38,856 --> 00:13:40,924 No, we can't blow up the ship with them on board. 335 00:13:41,012 --> 00:13:42,799 - They'll go extinct. - I'll watch anything 336 00:13:42,887 --> 00:13:44,260 that asshole loved burn. 337 00:13:44,348 --> 00:13:46,856 Just look how adorable they are. 338 00:13:46,944 --> 00:13:48,799 Ow! 339 00:13:48,887 --> 00:13:51,745 Guys, look at this! They love me! 340 00:13:51,833 --> 00:13:53,417 It's like I'm their king! 341 00:13:56,997 --> 00:13:59,278 Uh, Cyril, Cheryl? Did you guys... 342 00:13:59,366 --> 00:14:02,104 Fail spectacularly at the one task you were given? 343 00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:03,878 You said turn off the radar. 344 00:14:03,966 --> 00:14:05,815 You didn't say anything about an alarm! 345 00:14:05,903 --> 00:14:07,807 It was clearly implied. 346 00:14:07,895 --> 00:14:09,589 Yes, it was. Wasn't it? 347 00:14:09,677 --> 00:14:11,411 Yes, it was. 348 00:14:20,747 --> 00:14:22,662 All clear. No intruders in here. 349 00:14:22,859 --> 00:14:24,161 Oh, shit, is that English? 350 00:14:24,249 --> 00:14:26,040 He's the intruder you're looking for! 351 00:14:26,128 --> 00:14:27,712 Aww, balls. Mine's broken too. 352 00:14:29,842 --> 00:14:31,457 Hey, screw you for that. 353 00:14:31,545 --> 00:14:33,786 Girl's gotta self-preserve, dude. 354 00:14:34,152 --> 00:14:37,356 Okay, so now we need to rescue Cyril and Cheryl... 355 00:14:37,427 --> 00:14:40,205 Yeah, that's great, but we have another rescue first. 356 00:14:40,293 --> 00:14:42,026 - What? - The space ocelots, Pam. 357 00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:44,011 We've got six minutes, 358 00:14:44,099 --> 00:14:45,300 so let's start with the... 359 00:14:45,388 --> 00:14:47,694 widdle baby furballs. 360 00:14:47,782 --> 00:14:48,988 Oh, mother... 361 00:14:49,076 --> 00:14:50,870 Is not what you should be, 362 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,483 because these things do not like you. 363 00:14:53,571 --> 00:14:55,964 It is a hilarious twist of fate. 364 00:14:57,427 --> 00:14:59,956 Holy hell, those little twerps are quick. 365 00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:01,676 Oh, well. Let's get out of here. 366 00:15:01,764 --> 00:15:02,801 What the... 367 00:15:03,731 --> 00:15:06,607 - Aww, he likes you. - Um, no, Lana. 368 00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:08,300 He loves me. 369 00:15:08,388 --> 00:15:09,868 This guy is so cool. 370 00:15:09,956 --> 00:15:11,683 Here, Lana, get a picture. 371 00:15:11,771 --> 00:15:14,078 Just kick the little shit offand let's roll! 372 00:15:14,166 --> 00:15:15,277 We're buds! 373 00:15:15,365 --> 00:15:18,457 I'm a bad ass space cowboy, and he's my deputy! 374 00:15:18,545 --> 00:15:20,416 Don't you wanna jump on my shoulder 375 00:15:20,558 --> 00:15:22,074 and be my widdle deputy? 376 00:15:22,162 --> 00:15:24,164 I'm a co-space cowboy. 377 00:15:24,333 --> 00:15:27,870 Wow, jealousy isan ugly color on you, Lana. 378 00:15:28,679 --> 00:15:30,480 Something's wrong with this blaster! 379 00:15:31,958 --> 00:15:33,919 Have you tried opening your eyes? 380 00:15:34,231 --> 00:15:35,256 Yes! 381 00:15:35,344 --> 00:15:37,769 They actually are open! For real! 382 00:15:40,789 --> 00:15:43,152 Guess that's not a factor anyway. 383 00:15:45,503 --> 00:15:47,191 Where's the fire, brother? 384 00:15:47,792 --> 00:15:50,464 Oh, shit, was that English? 385 00:15:51,137 --> 00:15:52,799 Why'd you even open your big mouth, Archer? 386 00:15:52,886 --> 00:15:54,300 He was running right by us. 387 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,625 I think the better question is, why do we even have 388 00:15:56,713 --> 00:15:59,103 a ship robot if he can't even make 389 00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,574 his stupid robot gadgets work? 390 00:16:02,312 --> 00:16:04,923 - We're cut off! - My circulation is cut off. 391 00:16:05,026 --> 00:16:06,724 The grip on this thingis unreal. 392 00:16:06,854 --> 00:16:09,222 Look at this! He's eating this shit up. 393 00:16:11,249 --> 00:16:13,003 Come on, little buddy. 394 00:16:13,091 --> 00:16:15,615 Let's go in the fun tunnel. 395 00:16:16,116 --> 00:16:17,480 - Pam? - Nah. 396 00:16:17,568 --> 00:16:19,816 I don't do tight spaces I'm not familiar with. 397 00:16:19,954 --> 00:16:21,275 Just go. I'll hold them off 398 00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:22,535 and meet you at the dock. 399 00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:25,495 Come and get it, space dicks! 400 00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:29,094 Well, at least it's downhill.- A little too downhill. 401 00:16:29,181 --> 00:16:30,408 Are you surethis is an air vent? 402 00:16:30,495 --> 00:16:32,097 Of course it's an air vent. 403 00:16:38,689 --> 00:16:41,313 Ugh, you've gotta be shitting me. 404 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,198 Oops, I guess it wasn't an air vent. 405 00:16:49,228 --> 00:16:50,985 Ah, my blaster jammed! 406 00:16:51,282 --> 00:16:53,530 Blasters don't jam, you lying fleshbag! 407 00:16:53,618 --> 00:16:55,218 You're pathetic! Cover me! 408 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,272 - I thought you had a plan! - I do! 409 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:02,374 I'm making a necklace. 410 00:17:02,462 --> 00:17:03,860 I will give you one of my teeth. 411 00:17:03,948 --> 00:17:06,429 - Just get me off this ship. - Nope, it's not the same. 412 00:17:06,517 --> 00:17:08,032 It has to be from a kill. 413 00:17:08,235 --> 00:17:10,608 Unless that's something you might be interested in. 414 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,062 Ew, no. Hey, any chance 415 00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:14,343 of getting a rescue here? 416 00:17:14,431 --> 00:17:16,655 - Yeah, uh, about that. - Oh, Lana. 417 00:17:16,743 --> 00:17:18,124 Thank God. Archer had us escape 418 00:17:18,212 --> 00:17:20,351 in a stupid air vent that... Air vent, copy that. 419 00:17:23,485 --> 00:17:26,650 - Cyril, let her finish. - Oh, God, this is a dead end. 420 00:17:26,738 --> 00:17:28,319 We have two minutes! What do we do? 421 00:17:28,407 --> 00:17:29,897 Ugh, you're not gonna wet your uniform 422 00:17:29,985 --> 00:17:32,171 like last time? Not the time or place. 423 00:17:32,259 --> 00:17:34,099 Actually, this is a pretty good time and place. 424 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,723 New plan: we form a human-ocelot ladder... 425 00:17:36,811 --> 00:17:39,894 - Ugh, I'd rather just die. - To get back to the air vent. 426 00:17:39,982 --> 00:17:41,754 Stop calling it an air vent. 427 00:17:41,842 --> 00:17:42,913 Fine! 428 00:17:43,421 --> 00:17:44,474 Pam! 429 00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:46,920 - Thank God. - You're running the wrong way. 430 00:17:47,008 --> 00:17:48,052 Cannonball! 431 00:17:49,813 --> 00:17:51,396 It's in my mouth. 432 00:17:58,318 --> 00:18:00,693 This is not good. 433 00:18:03,045 --> 00:18:05,285 Even my little ocelotbud bailed. 434 00:18:05,373 --> 00:18:06,730 I'm calling Krieger for backup. 435 00:18:06,818 --> 00:18:09,910 No, Lana. Space cowboys do or die. 436 00:18:09,998 --> 00:18:11,371 He's our only option. 437 00:18:11,459 --> 00:18:15,802 Malory, Krieger, come in! Come in! 438 00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:17,864 Yes! It's Krieger. What do you need? I can do it! 439 00:18:17,952 --> 00:18:18,911 Get down here, stat. 440 00:18:18,999 --> 00:18:20,177 We need backup immediately. 441 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,669 - Trash compactor. - I'm on it! 442 00:18:21,757 --> 00:18:24,507 Yes! Needed by real humans. 443 00:18:29,155 --> 00:18:30,880 My God, why did we even bring him? 444 00:18:30,968 --> 00:18:32,341 This is it, people! 445 00:18:32,429 --> 00:18:33,871 This is the end! 446 00:18:33,958 --> 00:18:37,450 Brace yourselves for obliteration! 447 00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,286 I really like her this way. 448 00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:44,976 - I'm kind of into it myself. - Wait! Look! 449 00:18:53,147 --> 00:18:56,023 Jesus! They're demons in disguise. 450 00:18:56,286 --> 00:18:58,069 I've been fooled. 451 00:19:01,202 --> 00:19:02,630 - Ugh. - Oh, my God. 452 00:19:02,718 --> 00:19:04,819 Why does it have to be so gross? 453 00:19:07,452 --> 00:19:08,747 Stand back, folks. 454 00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:10,325 I've "bot" this. 455 00:19:10,413 --> 00:19:12,786 And once again, you and 456 00:19:12,874 --> 00:19:15,616 your iron heart are completely useless. 457 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:19,878 There's my pal! 458 00:19:19,982 --> 00:19:22,933 Back to normal. You can't quit me, can you? 459 00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:24,464 How much time? 460 00:19:24,552 --> 00:19:25,675 30 seconds. 461 00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:26,958 This is gonna be tight. 462 00:19:27,046 --> 00:19:28,716 It wouldn't be tight if you hadn't 463 00:19:28,804 --> 00:19:29,693 screwed up the assignments! 464 00:19:29,781 --> 00:19:30,904 Whatever, Lana. 465 00:19:30,992 --> 00:19:33,271 Maybe I screwed up the assignments on purpose 466 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,544 so you'd feel needed and want to stay. 467 00:19:35,632 --> 00:19:37,490 Oh, please. Maybe you're just saying that 468 00:19:37,578 --> 00:19:39,412 as a cool way to cover screwingup the assignments. 469 00:19:39,499 --> 00:19:42,224 Oh, go have an Earth baby, why don't you? 470 00:19:42,604 --> 00:19:44,909 Oh, we can't just leave these space ocelots here. 471 00:19:44,997 --> 00:19:46,714 - Grimalkians. - And, yes, we can. 472 00:19:46,802 --> 00:19:48,175 Pam, I'm not gonna do this with you. 473 00:19:48,262 --> 00:19:49,482 I'm already too upset. 474 00:19:49,924 --> 00:19:51,535 Oh, God, their eyes. 475 00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:53,573 - Even though they hate you? - Yep, even though. 476 00:19:53,661 --> 00:19:55,879 - 15 seconds! - I think these furry banshees 477 00:19:55,966 --> 00:19:57,445 are just gonna have to stay on board. 478 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:15,672 I meant on board the other ship. 479 00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,390 Oh, God damn it to shit! 480 00:20:17,519 --> 00:20:19,734 Can't these bastards stayin the cargo hold? 481 00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:22,006 Mommy's just joking. 482 00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:25,640 I think we all know who the fun parent is. 483 00:20:27,542 --> 00:20:29,574 Corrected & synced by srjanapala 484 00:20:47,337 --> 00:20:50,585 Made in Georgia.