1
00:00:11,857 --> 00:00:14,161
Lana: But it's Saturday.
2
00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,532
Fabian: [gasps] It is?
3
00:00:15,565 --> 00:00:17,301
Then I'll ask
all the terrorists
4
00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:18,738
who threaten
to destroy our world
5
00:00:18,771 --> 00:00:20,240
to take the day off.
6
00:00:20,274 --> 00:00:23,480
I just mean I had plans
to spend the day with AJ.
7
00:00:23,514 --> 00:00:25,183
Fabian: And AJ is?
8
00:00:25,217 --> 00:00:27,656
My daughter.
Fabian: Ah, children.
9
00:00:27,689 --> 00:00:29,726
The time goes so fast,
10
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,697
but we're all
making sacrifices.
11
00:00:31,730 --> 00:00:33,634
[glass clinking]
Excuse me, waiter?
12
00:00:33,668 --> 00:00:35,304
More champagne
in the next one.
13
00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:42,151
Calling you on a Saturday.
14
00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:44,288
It's a simple pickup.
An hour max.
15
00:00:44,322 --> 00:00:46,794
Especially with--
- No, no, no.
16
00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:48,430
Please don't say it.
17
00:00:48,463 --> 00:00:50,133
Fabian:
Agent Archer as backup.
18
00:00:50,167 --> 00:00:52,404
Archer on a Saturday?
19
00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:54,475
As in the day
after Friday night?
20
00:00:54,509 --> 00:00:56,179
Fabian:
I don't see the problem.
21
00:00:56,212 --> 00:00:58,751
[chuckles] Obviously.
Have you talked to him yet?
22
00:00:58,784 --> 00:01:00,254
No, actually.
23
00:01:00,287 --> 00:01:02,258
He hasn't picked up the phone
for some reason.
24
00:01:02,291 --> 00:01:05,230
Oh, yeah, "for some reason."
25
00:01:05,264 --> 00:01:06,499
[cool jazz music]
26
00:01:06,533 --> 00:01:08,303
[phone buzzes]
27
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:14,549
♪ ♪
28
00:01:14,583 --> 00:01:17,722
[clears throat]
Hey, Archer.
29
00:01:17,756 --> 00:01:19,693
No.
30
00:01:19,726 --> 00:01:22,732
[main title theme]
31
00:01:22,766 --> 00:01:29,713
♪ ♪
32
00:01:59,271 --> 00:02:00,541
Archer: Yes,
a shower was necessary, Lana.
33
00:02:00,575 --> 00:02:02,846
It was a night of many fluids.
34
00:02:02,879 --> 00:02:05,718
First of all, gross.
Archer: It really was.
35
00:02:05,752 --> 00:02:07,822
Second of all, hurry up.
36
00:02:07,856 --> 00:02:09,860
I had a whole special day
planned with AJ.
37
00:02:09,893 --> 00:02:11,830
Coney Island,
a fancy tea place.
38
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:14,435
Archer: Moist yet firm skin
doesn't just happen, Lana.
39
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,272
I'm on step two of ten.
40
00:02:16,306 --> 00:02:17,842
Hey, do you see
a pumice stone out there?
41
00:02:17,876 --> 00:02:20,180
Fabian wants us to pick up
a negotiation specialist.
42
00:02:20,213 --> 00:02:21,550
Codename: The Broker.
43
00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:22,852
He's worked
with all the major players;
44
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:25,290
Mafia, Yakuza, dictators,
dirty cops.
45
00:02:25,324 --> 00:02:26,660
[gasps] Cops!
46
00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:28,597
There was something
with police last night.
47
00:02:28,631 --> 00:02:29,933
[rock music]
48
00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:32,672
Whoo-hoo! Police horse!
[siren wailing]
49
00:02:32,706 --> 00:02:35,444
[horse whinnies]
50
00:02:36,312 --> 00:02:38,450
Yeah,
there's no way that happened.
51
00:02:38,483 --> 00:02:40,454
Archer: Then explain
these lance callouses.
52
00:02:40,487 --> 00:02:43,627
Anyway, the Broker's
a longtime go-between
53
00:02:43,661 --> 00:02:45,464
for criminal groups,
which means he has intel
54
00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:47,401
on all of them.
But now he's retiring,
55
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,873
so they all want to torture him
for info and then kill him,
56
00:02:49,906 --> 00:02:52,444
which means your shower routine
could cost a man his life
57
00:02:52,478 --> 00:02:54,583
and me my day with AJ.
58
00:02:54,616 --> 00:02:55,885
Hello?
59
00:02:55,918 --> 00:02:58,289
Archer: [muffled] Sorry,
step five is a face wash.
60
00:02:58,323 --> 00:03:00,227
Let's skip to step ten.
[toilet flushes]
61
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:03,199
[Archer yells]
62
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,736
It's not a big deal, Robert.
63
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:07,241
Just take AJ to the office
instead of my place.
64
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:09,646
Robert: It's not about
the physical distance, Lana.
65
00:03:09,679 --> 00:03:12,351
It's the emotional distance
from you working
66
00:03:12,384 --> 00:03:13,521
instead of spending time
with AJ.
67
00:03:13,554 --> 00:03:14,790
I'm not working.
68
00:03:14,823 --> 00:03:17,461
I just wanna show AJ
where Mommy works.
69
00:03:17,494 --> 00:03:18,931
Depressing even if true.
70
00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:20,535
Shut up.
Robert: Is that Archer?
71
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,371
- No, it's--
- Hey, Robert.
72
00:03:22,404 --> 00:03:23,373
Robert:
I wanna remind you,
73
00:03:23,406 --> 00:03:25,210
these are formative years
for AJ.
74
00:03:25,243 --> 00:03:26,714
One day you'll look back
and wish--
75
00:03:26,747 --> 00:03:28,517
That you didn't tell me
how to parent?
76
00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:29,720
I agree.
[phone beeps]
77
00:03:29,753 --> 00:03:31,657
So since you are working--
78
00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:33,359
love the lying to Robert,
by the way--
79
00:03:33,393 --> 00:03:34,796
who exactly
is taking care of AJ?
80
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,365
Seriously?
81
00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:37,936
Lana: Yeah, Pam,
I'm really sorry. I--
82
00:03:37,969 --> 00:03:39,906
No, I mean, this is amazing.
83
00:03:39,940 --> 00:03:42,545
Aunt Pam is gonna plan
so many great activities.
84
00:03:42,579 --> 00:03:45,818
Not to go all Ms. Frizzle,
but I might steal a bus.
85
00:03:45,852 --> 00:03:48,356
Lana: Just be at the office
in 15 minutes, okay?
86
00:03:48,389 --> 00:03:50,661
And one other thing...
87
00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:53,501
- Hello, Pam. Where is--
- Lana's upstairs.
88
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,938
She just sent me down to get AJ
to bring her upstairs
89
00:03:55,972 --> 00:03:58,611
to Lana, who we've established
is upstairs.
90
00:03:58,644 --> 00:04:00,615
And she can't come
down because...
91
00:04:00,648 --> 00:04:02,284
She...
92
00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:03,954
got her period.
- Oh.
93
00:04:03,988 --> 00:04:05,792
That's a few days early
for her,
94
00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:07,896
so I guess
she would be unprepared.
95
00:04:07,929 --> 00:04:10,400
AJ, you ready to come along
with Aunt Pammy?
96
00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:11,837
No,
I don't want to call you that.
97
00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:13,440
We've been working
on boundaries.
98
00:04:13,473 --> 00:04:14,843
Oh, that's okay.
99
00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:16,847
I'll just have to earn it
100
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,051
with activities!
101
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:21,289
Activities with Lana?
102
00:04:21,322 --> 00:04:22,525
Sure.
103
00:04:22,559 --> 00:04:24,395
Lana:
All right, there's the Broker.
104
00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,733
But Fabian says he's paranoid,
so don't spook him or--
105
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,904
Hey, Broker!
Broker, over here.
106
00:04:28,938 --> 00:04:30,842
[sighs] Damn it, Archer.
107
00:04:30,875 --> 00:04:33,379
I'm too hungover
for subterfuge, Lana.
108
00:04:33,413 --> 00:04:35,785
Uh, are you Broker,
or possibly "the Broker"?
109
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,522
Depends on who's asking.
110
00:04:37,555 --> 00:04:38,958
Vagueness, that's fun.
111
00:04:38,991 --> 00:04:41,462
Hi. Look, we're here
on orders from Fabian.
112
00:04:41,496 --> 00:04:44,803
Orders? Someone has the two
of you working on a Saturday?
113
00:04:44,836 --> 00:04:47,542
How awful!
- Ugh, do not get me started.
114
00:04:47,575 --> 00:04:49,345
I had a whole day planned
with my daughter.
115
00:04:49,378 --> 00:04:50,848
And I planned last night
around a day
116
00:04:50,882 --> 00:04:53,486
that would let me lay
passed out near, but not in,
117
00:04:53,521 --> 00:04:55,423
a pool of vomit.
- Oh, how dreadful!
118
00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:57,094
My sympathies
to the both of you.
119
00:04:57,127 --> 00:04:58,831
Oh, it's okay. I just--
120
00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:00,501
wait, how did we get on this?
121
00:05:00,535 --> 00:05:01,870
Fabian wants us to take you in.
122
00:05:01,904 --> 00:05:03,741
Oh, Fabian sent you.
123
00:05:03,774 --> 00:05:05,611
Oh, my apologies.
124
00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:07,314
You see, as a negotiator,
125
00:05:07,347 --> 00:05:09,018
I often get people
to talk about themselves
126
00:05:09,051 --> 00:05:11,422
as a distraction
if I need an easy escape.
127
00:05:11,455 --> 00:05:13,561
I call it "instant intimacy."
[chuckles]
128
00:05:13,594 --> 00:05:16,365
Wait, so you weren't actually
sympathizing with me?
129
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,635
Oh, no,
with you, it was real.
130
00:05:17,669 --> 00:05:19,506
But there are a lot of people
after me.
131
00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:20,775
Can't be too careful.
132
00:05:20,808 --> 00:05:23,848
Speaking of,
Fabian and I had a code word.
133
00:05:23,881 --> 00:05:26,620
Code word? Uh, one moment.
134
00:05:26,653 --> 00:05:29,058
[phone buzzing]
135
00:05:29,091 --> 00:05:30,761
[light music playing]
- Ooh.
136
00:05:30,795 --> 00:05:33,499
[phone buzzing]
137
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,437
Might be hard
to get that info.
138
00:05:35,470 --> 00:05:36,707
I have a code phrase.
139
00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,644
"This was a one-hour job,
and I have a gun."
140
00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:41,650
Archer! But, yeah, sorry.
We are in a rush.
141
00:05:41,683 --> 00:05:43,988
Do you have kids?
- Ah, flashbang!
142
00:05:44,021 --> 00:05:45,758
[Lana and Archer groaning]
Lana: Damn it.
143
00:05:45,791 --> 00:05:48,363
He got away.
- [coughs] Like I give a shit.
144
00:05:48,396 --> 00:05:51,402
What's my one rule?
- [sighs] No more flashbangs.
145
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:53,373
No more flashbangs.
146
00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,010
My otolaryngologist
already said
147
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:56,647
I'll be lucky
if I'm not deaf by 50.
148
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,684
There!
He's going for the platform.
149
00:05:58,717 --> 00:06:01,422
[exciting music]
150
00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:02,825
biker: What the hell?
151
00:06:02,859 --> 00:06:04,428
Hey, pal, I'm the one
who should be mad.
152
00:06:04,461 --> 00:06:05,665
This is a shit bike.
153
00:06:05,698 --> 00:06:07,902
[engine rumbling]
154
00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:15,083
♪ ♪
155
00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:18,691
Jesus, shouldn't these be
motorcycle accessible by now?
156
00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:23,534
♪ ♪
157
00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:24,669
[both yelling]
158
00:06:26,707 --> 00:06:28,443
Damn it. Hey!
159
00:06:28,476 --> 00:06:30,180
Has anyone seen
a mischievous little man?
160
00:06:30,213 --> 00:06:32,852
Yay high?
Strange air of sophistication?
161
00:06:32,885 --> 00:06:34,522
[Lana clears throat]
Lana? How did you--
162
00:06:34,556 --> 00:06:35,791
I got on the train, Archer.
163
00:06:35,825 --> 00:06:37,862
The "being good at your job"
option.
164
00:06:37,895 --> 00:06:39,733
Ooh, that one's fun.
165
00:06:39,766 --> 00:06:41,135
It teaches you animals
in English
166
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,574
and en Español.
167
00:06:43,607 --> 00:06:46,914
Uh, they used puerco for pig,
but cerdo is more common.
168
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,984
Cool!
This one's a coloring book.
169
00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:50,855
Pam,
when is my mom getting here?
170
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:51,857
[elevator dings]
171
00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:53,459
Pam? AJ?
172
00:06:53,493 --> 00:06:55,096
Cyril? Why are you here?
173
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:57,134
Oh,
just burning the midnight oil,
174
00:06:57,167 --> 00:07:00,440
but midday.
That midday oil.
175
00:07:00,473 --> 00:07:03,012
And why are you dressed
so casually?
176
00:07:03,046 --> 00:07:04,983
Fine, Pam, you got me.
177
00:07:05,016 --> 00:07:07,020
Sometimes I come in on weekends
to be at work
178
00:07:07,054 --> 00:07:08,891
but feel like I can goof off.
179
00:07:08,924 --> 00:07:10,093
Well, why don't you just--
180
00:07:10,126 --> 00:07:11,462
The thought of goofing off
181
00:07:11,495 --> 00:07:13,600
during real work hours
terrifies me.
182
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:14,936
[chuckles] Lame.
183
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,974
Um,
I wanna do something else.
184
00:07:17,007 --> 00:07:19,211
Like play
with a pretty dolly maybe?
185
00:07:19,244 --> 00:07:21,850
- Ha! Hyah!
- Ah! [groans]
186
00:07:21,883 --> 00:07:24,455
[chuckles] FYI,
she's working on boundaries.
187
00:07:24,488 --> 00:07:26,593
[weakly]
That's a good boundary.
188
00:07:26,627 --> 00:07:29,966
And it gives me an idea.
Activities!
189
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,637
Well, the thing
you have to understand
190
00:07:31,670 --> 00:07:33,574
is I'm an amateur marathoner,
191
00:07:33,607 --> 00:07:35,143
so it's easy for me
to outrun people.
192
00:07:35,176 --> 00:07:36,913
Maybe average people, not me.
193
00:07:36,947 --> 00:07:38,249
Says the guy I just outran.
194
00:07:38,282 --> 00:07:40,855
Ha! Getting on a train
doesn't count.
195
00:07:40,888 --> 00:07:42,792
Enough.
I'm sorry we chased you,
196
00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,495
but we do work for Fabian.
197
00:07:44,529 --> 00:07:46,265
He's just hard to reach
on a Saturday.
198
00:07:46,298 --> 00:07:48,169
- Must be nice.
- Well, I'm still alive,
199
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,173
so I'm inclined to believe you.
200
00:07:50,206 --> 00:07:52,779
But let me ask,
as agents for Fabian,
201
00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:55,851
do you think he's being honest
about his intent to help me?
202
00:07:57,187 --> 00:07:58,857
Aha! You don't trust him.
203
00:07:58,891 --> 00:08:00,728
- It's not--
- Not at all. 0%.
204
00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:02,197
- Well, time to run again.
- Wait.
205
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:04,803
There are people out there
who actually want to kill you,
206
00:08:04,836 --> 00:08:06,072
and they could be anywhere.
207
00:08:06,105 --> 00:08:09,078
Freeze!
The Broker's coming with us.
208
00:08:09,111 --> 00:08:10,681
No! He comes with us.
209
00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:13,019
[tense music]
210
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:15,791
Does no one
take the weekend off?
211
00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:20,935
Okay, clearly a lot happen
212
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,505
Can we just do
a quick roll call?
213
00:08:22,538 --> 00:08:24,509
- Nyet.
- Copy that, Russian Mafia.
214
00:08:24,542 --> 00:08:26,145
Well, God damn it, Dmitri.
215
00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,784
- Eh, can we get a move on here?
- Oh, and classic Mafia.
216
00:08:28,817 --> 00:08:29,953
Thanks, everyone.
217
00:08:29,986 --> 00:08:32,892
Looks like we have
Mexican standoff.
218
00:08:32,925 --> 00:08:35,296
Easy,
we don't use that term anymore.
219
00:08:35,330 --> 00:08:37,234
Plus, none of us
want to kill each other,
220
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:41,108
so it's more of a multicultural
awkward dinner party.
221
00:08:41,142 --> 00:08:43,246
Can you not antagonize
the mobsters?
222
00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:45,150
Big hand friend is smart.
223
00:08:45,183 --> 00:08:48,824
Now, give us Broker
and no one gets hurt.
224
00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:50,795
Except Broker, obviously.
225
00:08:50,828 --> 00:08:52,197
Hey, new idea.
226
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:54,769
I keep the Broker,
and everyone else gets hurt
227
00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:57,107
because he's under the
protection of Sterling Archer.
228
00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:01,616
The world greatest spy.
229
00:09:01,650 --> 00:09:03,252
I work for The Agency.
230
00:09:03,286 --> 00:09:05,758
Should that mean something?
231
00:09:05,791 --> 00:09:07,260
[gun cocks]
- Gentlemen, gentlemen!
232
00:09:07,294 --> 00:09:10,066
Might I suggest an alternative
where no one gets hurt,
233
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,937
especially me?
I mean, I get it.
234
00:09:11,970 --> 00:09:14,676
No one wants their secrets out.
I'd want me dead too.
235
00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:16,613
Right,
oh, it's nothing personal.
236
00:09:16,646 --> 00:09:18,784
For sure. You are okay guy.
237
00:09:18,817 --> 00:09:22,257
Look, comrade, I get it.
I mean, I've got secrets too.
238
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:24,929
Gosh, if people knew
that my grand-meemaw
239
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:26,867
still makes dinner
for me every Sunday...
240
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,104
Oh, my babushka does too.
241
00:09:29,138 --> 00:09:31,008
Come on, so does my nonna.
242
00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:34,214
Every Sunday night, she makes
a parmigiana could blow the--
243
00:09:34,248 --> 00:09:36,953
Oh, damn it.
He did it again.
244
00:09:36,987 --> 00:09:38,791
Hey, did you know
he runs marathons?
245
00:09:38,824 --> 00:09:40,160
He must bring that up a lot.
246
00:09:40,193 --> 00:09:43,032
- Ah, a lot.
- Everyone, stop.
247
00:09:43,065 --> 00:09:45,871
We want the Broker.
- Ha, get in line, buddy.
248
00:09:45,905 --> 00:09:48,242
Hiroshi!
Oh, we haven't seen the Yakuza
249
00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:50,714
since the Seattle negotiation.
250
00:09:50,748 --> 00:09:52,384
And now we have to outrun
a marathoner
251
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,689
and three
criminal organizations
252
00:09:54,722 --> 00:09:57,360
on a Saturday, Lana!
- No, we don't.
253
00:09:57,394 --> 00:09:59,699
I put a tracker on the Broker
while we had him.
254
00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:03,106
[sighs]
Because we always lose them.
255
00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:05,176
Ready, AJ?
I'm not gonna go easy on you
256
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:07,380
just because you're a--ah!
257
00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:10,353
- Whew. Let's go again.
- Damn, AJ.
258
00:10:10,386 --> 00:10:11,890
Where'd you learn to fight?
259
00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:13,359
My mom signed me up
for judo classes
260
00:10:13,392 --> 00:10:15,029
to help my self-confidence.
Hyah!
261
00:10:15,063 --> 00:10:16,867
Ah!
262
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,271
You know, there's such a thing
as too much confidence.
263
00:10:19,304 --> 00:10:20,774
Now remember, AJ,
264
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:22,645
your opponent won't always
fight clean,
265
00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:24,849
so it's good to mix in
some dirty boxing.
266
00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:27,020
Eyes, throat, groin.
267
00:10:27,053 --> 00:10:29,726
Or standard boxing,
hold the dirt.
268
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,228
AJ: Yah!
- Ooh! [whimpers]
269
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:32,899
Damn.
[phone rings]
270
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,268
Lana: Hey, Pam,
we're still on mission,
271
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,205
but we should be done soon.
How's AJ?
272
00:10:36,238 --> 00:10:38,142
Great.
She's playing with Cyril.
273
00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:40,648
No, no, no, no, no!
[groans]
274
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,250
[chuckles]
Toying with him anyway.
275
00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:44,756
Can you tell her I'll only
be gone a little bit longer?
276
00:10:44,789 --> 00:10:46,960
Plus her next few birthdays
and most holidays.
277
00:10:46,993 --> 00:10:48,797
Pam: Uh, you want me to say
that second part?
278
00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:51,368
No.
Cyril: Ah!
279
00:10:51,402 --> 00:10:52,905
Hmm. Too easy.
[phone beeps]
280
00:10:52,939 --> 00:10:54,308
Can we do something else?
281
00:10:54,341 --> 00:10:55,811
[ominous music]
282
00:10:55,845 --> 00:10:58,049
I'm not sure Krieger's lab
is the best place
283
00:10:58,082 --> 00:10:59,451
for a child.
- Preteen.
284
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,957
And why are you still in pads?
285
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:04,394
That last throw--
which I let you do--
286
00:11:04,428 --> 00:11:07,067
jammed the zipper.
- It'll be fine.
287
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,371
Just don't touch anything
or listen to anything
288
00:11:09,404 --> 00:11:10,841
that tells you to free it.
289
00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,277
[door buzzes]
Dang it, locked.
290
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:15,784
Probably for the best.
Now who wants--
291
00:11:15,818 --> 00:11:18,022
My mom always keeps
an extra bobby pin in her hair,
292
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:19,391
so I do too.
293
00:11:19,424 --> 00:11:21,897
Is it normal to be
intimidated by a child?
294
00:11:21,930 --> 00:11:23,432
For you? Absolutely.
295
00:11:23,466 --> 00:11:25,270
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
296
00:11:25,303 --> 00:11:26,806
The tracker says
he's in there.
297
00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:29,077
So now I'm at Coney Island
without my daughter.
298
00:11:29,111 --> 00:11:30,446
Yeah,
it's not a good look for you.
299
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:33,185
[gasps] Oh, my God!
- You see him?
300
00:11:33,219 --> 00:11:36,258
- Oh, I see him.
- We are mid-mission!
301
00:11:36,292 --> 00:11:38,262
Archer: And mid-Saturday!
302
00:11:38,296 --> 00:11:39,498
[ominous music]
303
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:42,170
Wow!
Is that a Raman spectrometer?
304
00:11:42,204 --> 00:11:44,107
Maybe. How do you know that?
305
00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:45,844
Mom sent me to science camp.
306
00:11:45,878 --> 00:11:47,380
It was right after
musical theater camp.
307
00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:48,917
We did a production of "Stomp!"
308
00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:50,854
Aunt Pammy would love
to see that!
309
00:11:50,888 --> 00:11:53,961
Not calling you that,
and I don't perform on command.
310
00:11:53,994 --> 00:11:56,733
- Great boundaries!
- Whoa.
311
00:11:56,766 --> 00:11:58,302
A sensory deprivation tank?
312
00:11:58,336 --> 00:12:00,273
But why does it have
so many wires?
313
00:12:00,306 --> 00:12:01,910
AJ, no!
314
00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:03,513
Cyril: Ah! It's opening!
- Kill whatever comes out.
315
00:12:03,547 --> 00:12:05,517
[gasps] What day is it?
316
00:12:05,551 --> 00:12:08,857
- It's... Saturday.
- What year?
317
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:10,928
The same one.
318
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:13,967
You are unbelievable.
319
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,038
I know, winning Poinkers
on my first try?
320
00:12:16,071 --> 00:12:17,407
You know
how impressive that is?
321
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:19,244
They glue those bottles down, Lana.
322
00:12:19,278 --> 00:12:21,348
I'll be impressed
if you help me find the Broker
323
00:12:21,382 --> 00:12:22,752
and get back to AJ.
324
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:24,923
I actually got this for AJ.
325
00:12:24,956 --> 00:12:28,095
I know what it's like to have
a mother who's neglectful--
326
00:12:28,129 --> 00:12:29,966
[fabric tearing]
327
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:31,435
And withholding.
328
00:12:31,468 --> 00:12:33,874
Wait, there he is.
Archer: Ugh, can we not?
329
00:12:33,907 --> 00:12:36,245
[exciting music]
330
00:12:36,278 --> 00:12:37,915
[Archer grunts]
- Ah!
331
00:12:37,949 --> 00:12:40,086
[winces] Ah!
332
00:12:40,119 --> 00:12:41,790
Honestly,
I'm glad it's you two.
333
00:12:41,823 --> 00:12:44,194
You seem like my best option.
- Of all bad options.
334
00:12:44,227 --> 00:12:45,998
But Fabian's better
than the criminals
335
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:47,467
who want to kill you.
- Eh, tough call.
336
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,237
Stop making this take longer!
337
00:12:49,271 --> 00:12:50,908
I've already lost
half the day with AJ.
338
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:52,477
Half the day of one weekend.
339
00:12:52,511 --> 00:12:54,448
It's not one weekend.
340
00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:56,285
There's always some mission
or emergency
341
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,122
or moron
who won't take our help--
342
00:12:58,155 --> 00:13:01,295
no offense--I just feel like
I'm blowing it as a mother.
343
00:13:01,328 --> 00:13:03,065
- I know how you feel.
- You have kids?
344
00:13:03,099 --> 00:13:05,069
Oh, God, no.
Had an absent mother.
345
00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,107
It drove me to a life of crime.
346
00:13:07,140 --> 00:13:09,244
Please? Please, Pam?
347
00:13:09,277 --> 00:13:11,181
Okay, just this once.
348
00:13:11,215 --> 00:13:13,386
This feels like
really bad babysitting.
349
00:13:13,419 --> 00:13:15,557
- We're not giving her a gun.
- It's okay.
350
00:13:15,591 --> 00:13:17,093
Grandma gave me
shooting lessons
351
00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:18,496
every year for my birthday,
352
00:13:18,530 --> 00:13:20,834
except when I was in Europe
because she said,
353
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,337
"They traded the right
to bear arms
354
00:13:22,370 --> 00:13:23,974
for having limp fries."
355
00:13:24,007 --> 00:13:26,813
Fine,
but no automatic weapons.
356
00:13:26,846 --> 00:13:28,049
[epic music]
357
00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:30,386
[growling, hissing]
358
00:13:30,420 --> 00:13:31,990
Nobody move.
359
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:34,562
[snarling]
- Aw, hi there, kitty.
360
00:13:34,595 --> 00:13:37,167
- AJ, you shouldn't--
- Rah!
361
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,505
That's what you sound like.
362
00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:42,110
Aw, look how ferocious you are.
[Babou purring]
363
00:13:42,143 --> 00:13:44,014
A ferocious little predator.
364
00:13:44,047 --> 00:13:46,318
What in the damn
zookeeper hell?
365
00:13:46,352 --> 00:13:48,189
[gasps] Language, Pam.
366
00:13:48,222 --> 00:13:50,259
- What are you doing here?
- It's Saturday.
367
00:13:50,293 --> 00:13:52,965
Babou likes to use weekends
to mark new territory.
368
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,936
So that means
the shooting range
369
00:13:54,969 --> 00:13:56,940
is now covered in ocelot urine?
- Yeah!
370
00:13:56,973 --> 00:13:58,910
Let's say it's just
the shooting range.
371
00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:00,346
[gunfire]
372
00:14:02,017 --> 00:14:04,321
That's...
alarmingly good grouping.
373
00:14:04,354 --> 00:14:06,526
Holy crap!
Who are you, even?
374
00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:08,295
It's just a hobby.
375
00:14:08,329 --> 00:14:09,999
Seriously, who is this kid?
376
00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:12,070
[alarm blaring]
- Hmm, that's weird.
377
00:14:14,041 --> 00:14:15,577
Lana:
How does it not worry you?
378
00:14:15,611 --> 00:14:17,548
Most things don't worry me,
and I don't know
379
00:14:17,581 --> 00:14:19,619
what you're talking about,
so those two reasons.
380
00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:22,357
I mean the idea
that we're ruining AJ.
381
00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:24,562
Lana, a million things
will ruin AJ.
382
00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:27,500
Us, weird friends,
a bad week at summer camp.
383
00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:30,006
Wait, that's your answer?
"She's already ruined"?
384
00:14:30,039 --> 00:14:31,442
I loved my summer camp.
385
00:14:31,475 --> 00:14:33,580
I keep my jogging shoes
in the basket I made.
386
00:14:33,613 --> 00:14:35,551
We get it, you run!
387
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,420
We're all messed up
by something, Lana.
388
00:14:37,454 --> 00:14:39,659
There's murderers
with great parents.
389
00:14:39,692 --> 00:14:42,130
All you can do
is what you're already doing.
390
00:14:42,163 --> 00:14:44,635
Try your best
and hope you get lucky.
391
00:14:44,669 --> 00:14:47,240
That--actually helps
a little.
392
00:14:47,273 --> 00:14:49,077
Thanks.
393
00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:51,148
Hey, Pam, we've got the Broker.
Everything's fine.
394
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:52,518
we'll be back at the office
in ten minutes.
395
00:14:52,551 --> 00:14:53,653
Pam: Cool.
396
00:14:53,687 --> 00:14:55,991
Uh, might want to make it sooner.
397
00:14:56,024 --> 00:14:57,962
Oh, boy.
398
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:03,406
Why would all these criminal
399
00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:04,976
go to our office?
400
00:15:05,009 --> 00:15:06,613
Maybe because
an idiot told them who he was
401
00:15:06,646 --> 00:15:07,982
and where he worked.
402
00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,351
I mean, that's one option.
403
00:15:09,384 --> 00:15:11,689
To be clear,
we're driving toward a building
404
00:15:11,723 --> 00:15:13,960
full of people who want
to torture and kill me?
405
00:15:13,994 --> 00:15:15,363
Correct?
- I don't wanna put plans
406
00:15:15,396 --> 00:15:17,100
in their mouths, but probably.
407
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,970
Ah.
Then I'll be getting out now.
408
00:15:19,004 --> 00:15:20,641
You didn't check him
for weapons?
409
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:22,310
It's Saturday!
410
00:15:22,343 --> 00:15:23,547
You can just pull over anywhere.
411
00:15:23,580 --> 00:15:25,116
Oh, shoot me.
412
00:15:25,149 --> 00:15:27,454
I am saving my daughter,
you jackhole.
413
00:15:27,487 --> 00:15:29,525
No sense dying
for her daughter.
414
00:15:29,559 --> 00:15:31,529
Uh, technically
she's my daughter too.
415
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:33,332
You two have
a child together?
416
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:34,702
Yes, but not through sex.
417
00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:36,706
This woman took my sperm
to have a baby.
418
00:15:36,739 --> 00:15:39,979
Lana: Oh, my God.
- Go on.
419
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:41,181
Yeah,
and then she never told me.
420
00:15:41,215 --> 00:15:42,685
I told you when I was ready.
421
00:15:42,718 --> 00:15:45,123
After AJ was born
during a coup.
422
00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:47,293
Not that you cared,
because you abandoned her.
423
00:15:47,327 --> 00:15:49,397
So you faked a kidnapping
to make me care?
424
00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:51,068
Only the first kidnapping.
425
00:15:51,101 --> 00:15:52,571
The other one was real.
426
00:15:52,605 --> 00:15:54,474
Anyway,
she's back from Switzerland,
427
00:15:54,509 --> 00:15:56,011
she barely knows me
as a father,
428
00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:58,282
and her mother
is going through a divorce.
429
00:15:58,315 --> 00:16:01,288
You know what?
We gotta save this kid.
430
00:16:01,321 --> 00:16:03,159
[engine roars]
431
00:16:03,192 --> 00:16:04,361
Listen up, people.
432
00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:06,331
Until Archer and Lana get back,
433
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,670
as the babysitter,
I'm in charge.
434
00:16:08,703 --> 00:16:11,308
- Yeah, of the kid.
- You wanna try me?
435
00:16:11,341 --> 00:16:13,312
Not yet, but keep yelling!
436
00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:15,216
You three,
load up in the armory
437
00:16:15,249 --> 00:16:17,020
then run and gun these mofos.
438
00:16:17,053 --> 00:16:19,759
- AJ, "mofos" means--
- I know.
439
00:16:19,792 --> 00:16:22,565
I'll find AJ a place to hide
until it's over.
440
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:24,334
Over meaning we win?
441
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:25,771
Sure.
442
00:16:25,804 --> 00:16:27,307
[intense music]
443
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:28,475
[guns cocking]
444
00:16:28,510 --> 00:16:30,179
♪ ♪
445
00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:33,118
Ah, not this again.
Oh, well.
446
00:16:33,152 --> 00:16:35,323
[guns cocking]
447
00:16:35,356 --> 00:16:36,526
Wait, wait, wait.
448
00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:38,730
We all want same thing, yes?
449
00:16:38,763 --> 00:16:40,601
The Broker dead and bloody.
450
00:16:40,634 --> 00:16:44,040
Then maybe we work together, comrades.
451
00:16:44,074 --> 00:16:46,044
Oh, come on, look at us.
452
00:16:46,078 --> 00:16:48,449
The Broker connecting us
one last time.
453
00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:50,319
This guy's the glue, you know?
454
00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:53,325
God bless
that soon-to-be dead man.
455
00:16:53,359 --> 00:16:55,196
[elevator dinging]
456
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:56,599
Can't you rig up an explosive
457
00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,269
that will take them out
all at once?
458
00:16:58,302 --> 00:17:00,507
Hey,
no backseat bomb building.
459
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,745
Yeah, we didn't tell you how
to make your terrible ties.
460
00:17:02,778 --> 00:17:04,247
Wait,
you think I make my ties?
461
00:17:04,281 --> 00:17:06,218
[elevator dings, gunfire]
462
00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:07,220
Ah!
463
00:17:11,194 --> 00:17:12,565
AJ, I need you to hide
in the lab.
464
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,167
But I can help.
465
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,737
I swear, I'm ready.
466
00:17:15,771 --> 00:17:18,475
I know you are, honey,
but you shouldn't have to be,
467
00:17:18,510 --> 00:17:20,079
so Pam's got this one,
468
00:17:20,112 --> 00:17:22,618
whether you call her
Aunt Pammy or not.
469
00:17:22,651 --> 00:17:24,522
[cracking knuckles]
All right, fellas!
470
00:17:24,555 --> 00:17:28,362
Don't tell Mom the babysitter's
about to kick your ass!
471
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:31,368
[all grunting]
472
00:17:31,401 --> 00:17:33,105
[gunfire]
473
00:17:33,138 --> 00:17:34,775
Ah!
Taking a lot of bullets here.
474
00:17:34,809 --> 00:17:36,779
Do you want me
to rush this bomb?
475
00:17:36,813 --> 00:17:39,317
No,
but I don't love being shot.
476
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:41,154
And I don't love criticism.
477
00:17:41,188 --> 00:17:43,125
Wait, wait, wait, you didn't
isolate the blast radius.
478
00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:44,427
It'll take us all out--
479
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,570
[coughs] How are we not dead?
480
00:17:48,603 --> 00:17:50,774
I built it so all the murder
went that way.
481
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:53,412
Are you
our demolitions expert now?
482
00:17:53,445 --> 00:17:56,318
It's more of a hobby/religion
for me.
483
00:17:56,351 --> 00:17:58,155
Come out, little girl.
484
00:17:58,188 --> 00:18:00,326
Ivan will not hurt you.
485
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,265
Ivan will just trade you
for Broker...
486
00:18:03,299 --> 00:18:05,537
and give puppy.
487
00:18:05,570 --> 00:18:07,708
You like puppy, huh?
488
00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:10,647
[Babou growling, Ivan screaming]
489
00:18:12,618 --> 00:18:14,722
This is for making me
490
00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:16,826
come to the office
491
00:18:16,859 --> 00:18:18,830
on a Saturday!
[both groaning]
492
00:18:18,863 --> 00:18:21,669
Sorry. Apologies.
Jacob, always a pleasure.
493
00:18:23,439 --> 00:18:24,407
Ah!
494
00:18:24,441 --> 00:18:27,180
[gun clicks]
495
00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,421
Tell me where my daughter is,
496
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,425
or I will rip out your eyes,
shove them up your ass
497
00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:35,564
so that you watch my fist
punch down your throat.
498
00:18:35,597 --> 00:18:37,635
I don't even know
who you are.
499
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:39,204
Ah!
- Mommy!
500
00:18:39,237 --> 00:18:42,176
- AJ!
- Ah!
501
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:44,715
Sweetie, what did we say
about gunfights?
502
00:18:44,749 --> 00:18:47,487
- Serpentine!
- Oh, how adorably competent.
503
00:18:48,757 --> 00:18:50,661
Right, drop your guns.
Do it!
504
00:18:50,694 --> 00:18:53,465
- Bombs too?
- Cheryl.
505
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,303
All right, let's all be cool.
506
00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:56,873
Said the man holding my child
507
00:18:56,906 --> 00:18:58,710
as a human shield.
- Preteen.
508
00:18:58,743 --> 00:19:01,181
This is a babysitter's
worst nightmare.
509
00:19:01,214 --> 00:19:03,319
Yeah, you're definitely
not getting a tip.
510
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:05,389
No, no, no, no, no,
let's all settle down.
511
00:19:05,423 --> 00:19:07,728
Big Tony, this isn't like you.
512
00:19:07,761 --> 00:19:09,732
I know, it's just,
this didn't go down
513
00:19:09,765 --> 00:19:10,901
like I thought it would,
all right?
514
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:12,871
So more problems with Angie?
515
00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:16,278
She wants a big wedding, and
all the guests are her friends,
516
00:19:16,311 --> 00:19:17,313
so--
[phone rings]
517
00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:20,887
Damn it!
[shoes tapping rhythmically]
518
00:19:20,921 --> 00:19:24,227
- Is that an Irish jig?
- Dance camp.
519
00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:25,496
Wh--
520
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:26,933
Damn it, if they kill him,
521
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,636
we wasted a whole Saturday
for nothing.
522
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:31,609
AJ, honey, I'm so sorry,
but--
523
00:19:31,642 --> 00:19:33,613
Go.
I'll stay with Aunt Pammy.
524
00:19:33,646 --> 00:19:37,387
Sh-she called me Aunt Pammy.
I earned it!
525
00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:38,523
[elevator dings]
- He went this way.
526
00:19:38,556 --> 00:19:39,959
I'll get my car
and meet you outside.
527
00:19:39,992 --> 00:19:42,698
I'm pretty sure I left it
in the garage last night.
528
00:19:42,731 --> 00:19:45,269
Hmm, but not totally sure.
529
00:19:45,302 --> 00:19:48,643
[horse whinnies]
Sergeant Strawberry!
530
00:19:48,676 --> 00:19:49,812
[horse whinnies]
- Is that a--oh!
531
00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:52,618
Yes, Lana, it's a lance!
532
00:19:54,588 --> 00:19:55,924
Lana: That's them up there.
533
00:19:55,957 --> 00:19:58,530
Ugh, could you ride
a little smoother?
534
00:19:58,563 --> 00:20:00,967
Sure, Lana, let me shift
Sergeant Strawberry's gears.
535
00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:04,909
[glass shatters, metal crunches]
536
00:20:08,683 --> 00:20:09,985
Ugh.
537
00:20:10,019 --> 00:20:11,488
Here, take the reins.
538
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,329
[Archer yelling]
- I'm only saying, Dimitri--
539
00:20:15,362 --> 00:20:16,966
[Archer laughing]
540
00:20:16,999 --> 00:20:20,406
Was that like 20 feet?
That's gotta be a record.
541
00:20:20,439 --> 00:20:21,542
I don't know,
felt closer to ten.
542
00:20:21,576 --> 00:20:22,745
Hey, you have running.
543
00:20:22,778 --> 00:20:24,682
Let me at least have this.
544
00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:25,784
[elevator dings]
545
00:20:27,888 --> 00:20:31,428
Broker, I'm thrilled
to see you alive.
546
00:20:31,461 --> 00:20:32,865
It's one
of my favorite things to be,
547
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:35,604
second only to wine tasting
at your vineyard, of course.
548
00:20:35,637 --> 00:20:36,973
How's the harvest?
- Ah.
549
00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:39,344
If the mildew doesn't get
my sauvignons,
550
00:20:39,377 --> 00:20:40,814
the beetles will.
551
00:20:40,847 --> 00:20:42,751
Then we must hurry to get
those grapes in a glass.
552
00:20:42,785 --> 00:20:44,989
[chuckles]
553
00:20:45,022 --> 00:20:46,826
Oh, how I've missed you.
554
00:20:46,859 --> 00:20:49,431
[chuckles]
- Okay, what's your trick?
555
00:20:49,464 --> 00:20:50,734
And does it work
on daughters?
556
00:20:50,767 --> 00:20:52,571
Instant intimacy?
Well, the trick is,
557
00:20:52,604 --> 00:20:53,773
there is no trick.
558
00:20:53,807 --> 00:20:56,445
I connect
because I genuinely care.
559
00:20:56,478 --> 00:20:59,451
Like how you both care
about your daughter.
560
00:20:59,484 --> 00:21:01,789
See, Lana?
The criminal negotiator
561
00:21:01,823 --> 00:21:03,993
thinks we're good parents.
- Mm, not what he said.
562
00:21:04,027 --> 00:21:05,997
- Wait, where's AJ?
- She's fine.
563
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,601
She wanted to wait
in Grandma's office.
564
00:21:07,634 --> 00:21:10,607
[cool music]
565
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,009
That had better be juice.
566
00:21:12,043 --> 00:21:14,648
Mommy!
567
00:21:14,682 --> 00:21:16,017
AJ, I'm so sorry.
568
00:21:16,051 --> 00:21:17,888
I wanted this to be
your best Saturday ever.
569
00:21:17,921 --> 00:21:19,324
But it was.
570
00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:20,994
I saw your office
and played with Babou
571
00:21:21,027 --> 00:21:22,664
and fired a gun and--
- Pam!
572
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:24,902
What matters
is we're all safe.
573
00:21:24,935 --> 00:21:28,041
The takeaway here
is she called me Aunt Pammy.
574
00:21:28,075 --> 00:21:30,947
And we all helped babysit,
which deserves compensation.
575
00:21:30,981 --> 00:21:33,352
- You're a multimillionaire.
- But I'm not a chump.
576
00:21:33,385 --> 00:21:34,889
Amen, sister!
577
00:21:34,922 --> 00:21:37,460
- Can we watch cartoons now?
- I would love that.
578
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:42,604
Oh, God, yeah, it's juice.
579
00:21:42,638 --> 00:21:44,742
Oh, my God, I still taste it.
580
00:21:44,775 --> 00:21:46,344
Someone get me some whiskey.
581
00:22:06,619 --> 00:22:09,558
Made in Georgia.