Darlene hoards everything.
Everything. There is no limit.
She's going to end up creating
A death trap for herself.
She's sleeping outside because she had-
Hold on, she's sleeping outside?
It's not safe, and she's the perfect victim.
This is keep!
-You want to keep all this? -Yes!
These empty boxes, they're literally garbage.
Micaela! ----! Like, no!
There's bugs in it.
You see something different than I see.
-It was outdated 20 years ago. -I don't care!
I have no idea how she's gonna
Get through all the other stuff.
♪
Oh, my god.
You guys think it's garbage, it's not!
I'm here to help you!
I put my whole ------- life on hold for you!
It's been rough.
I am standing up for that little girl that never had a voice.
I am doing it my way.
We're out of ------- time.
I came in here with a plan. Obviously, it's not working.
This is a cleanup fail.
-[crying] -it's okay.
♪
Oh, I've changed it around, I don't remember where I put it.
♪
My name is darlene...
And I am surrounded by a complete mystical mess.
I don't really like to do labels in life,
But I probably would be in denial to think that
I didn't have hoarding tendencies.
♪
Some people are like,
"wow, your house is like an oracle's haven."
♪
It's a very confusing...
Assembly of...
♪
...My healing artifacts.
And crystals and books.
Empty containers or alchemy stuff.
♪
Boxes and...
Trying things out and...
Things stacked, and weirdness.
My room looks like a festival puked all over the place.
♪
As a makeup artist on film sets,
When I try to do my makeup in the morning,
I don't have a place to sit down and do it,
So sometimes I do it in my bed,
Or I go into the living room.
Kitchen is like...
Too many machines and not enough space.
[groaning]
That back room,
I've emptied it like five times.
I just don't know what to do with it.
It's so confusing!
♪
My name is johnny.
I am a very close friend of darlene's.
♪
That house has really taken over her entire life.
♪
She's living outside.
Out. Side.
I am michaela, and darlene is my third cousin.
[dog barking in distance]
It's not safe.
There's an alley right behind her.
She's the perfect victim.
She has wild animals...
Walking through her bed.
♪
She has strange...
Men walking through her backyard.
There's no security.
There's, you know, weather.
[dog barking]
My fear is the safety of darlene.
I've been feeling so much like a prisoner
Inside the house.
It's actually kind of fun.
It's like my little adult like fort tent thing.
♪
[dog howling]
Darlene is not really afraid of anything.
Darlene is my unique, fun,
Fiery, adventurous cousin.
She's so multifaceted.
Oh, where is the vision...? Oh, yeah, there.
She's smart, spiritual.
♪
I did all of these courses and,
Immersed myself in all sorts of healing practices and
Therapies on my quest to like try to "fix myself".
This one, I allow the vision.
On the intuitive point, I allow myself to see.
[inhaling]
Growing up I don't think I understood,
From a 5d interconnected perspective.
My soul's journey needed to experience suffering,
And my purpose is learning how to alchemize and liberate
The pain, and not be drowning in all the mire forever.
Having a more 5d approach, where I want to move toward
More joy and love, even if it's painful and hard.
Ah, but why does sorcery still come up?
Darlene didn't have the easiest life.
She's spent a lot of money, therapeutically, with...
Stuff to get her passed out or block it or
Whatever she's trying to do.
Is the heart protector still an issue?
No. Okay, cool.
Didn't feel like it was an issue anymore.
♪
I think darlene has so much trauma that
She can't process it properly.
I just don't see the point to, like, go back and
Drum up the past.
Like, who cares?
♪
Darlene's mother was lovely.
There was only a few years of her life that
I got to see her talking.
♪
She was beautiful and charming and
Smiling all the time...
Even though she was super sick.
♪
[whispers] sorry.
♪
I feel so bad for darlene.
♪
She had like a very severe type where
She was immobile, literally.
Like, some people could have a little bit of mobility
Or dexterity, she had nothing.
My sister was a brittle diabetic,
Which means it could never regulate
Her blood sugar levels.
Not only did she have to get like needles every
Single day, several times a day, she'd make me do it,
Even though I was phobic of it.
She was such a little brat!
She did it because she knew that I hated doing it.
Darlene was very obedient.
I hate saying this, but she was like the kid
With the headgear and, like...
Wore it properly all day, every day.
Darlene is a people pleaser.
I've heard therapists say that having to take care of
My mom from the age of six probably created some
Complex post-traumatic stress syndrome and stuff.
I'm not aware if that affected me because
Taking care of my mom at the age of six was all I knew.
Darlene had not much of a life at all.
She was constantly caring for her sister, her mom.
She would lift her on the couch,
And change her diapers, and feed her.
I think my dad was there as much as he possibly could.
And I recognize now that he also needed time for himself.
Often he was at the legion or whatever.
And we'd have- we knew the number in our minds,
On speed dial.
I feel there could have been
A little more stepping up from...
Any family members.
I don't think it even occurred to me
To ask for help...
Because like my mom and my sister's life were at stake.
Darlene acted calm, but there was definitely
Something inside of her that felt like she had to
Act perfect and be perfect.
She was the top of everything she did.
Last thing anyone needed was for another like "handful".
But I was always super stressed all the time.
In fact, I played piano five times a day.
That was my stress relief, and it was the only time like
I would just, like, manage.
♪
When she went into palliative care,
Darlene was free in the world.
I remember the day she died, I was with some friends.
It was like...
[shuddering] something shifted,
I don't know how I knew, I just felt it.
Darlene was in l.A. When her mom passed away.
It's a very sensitive topic for her.
♪
Valerie and I had lots of conversations
About her emotions.
She would write poems and sing.
She was very artistic.
Because I was too busy doing my homework and being a
Good little girl to recognize that my sister,
Whom I loved, was suffering.
♪
And ultimately, it was the diabetes that she...
Ended up passing from.
After that, darlene was at our house a lot,
And then she came and lived with us for quite a while.
♪
So, when granny started getting sick in her old age,
Darlene was one of the only people that
Started caring for her granny.
Darlene is just automatic like that.
Granny wanted to die at home.
Since that was like her dying wish,
Then I gave up my film career for two years to, like,
Take care of her 24/7.
My grandmother loved this house so much,
She put so much into it.
She had 200 roses in the front yard.
People would come from all over to see this.
But it was always like neat and organized,
And she kept everything in immaculate condition.
I would never have thought the word hoarder would be
Applied to her, but she did have a lot of stuff.
Granny's house was a tidy,
Chaotic, organized mess.
And with darlene, it's slowly just
Built up, built up, built up.
♪
I just felt so bullied, you know?
So, that franticness, and my inability to make decisions...
"darlene, cleaning rags for you."
...Equals this.
[laughing] granny. "keep out of my drawers.
I worked and paid for everything myself.
It is all personal property." oh, granny, you're so cute.
[laughing]
♪
It's just a very beautiful, powerful process, you know?
And I'm glad that she didn't die alone.
I think darlene losing so many important figures
In her life, it's got her in a lost space.
♪
After granny's passing, darlene kind of just...
Let everything go.
I've been asking for support for years
With this clutter fest.
I'm tired of being a lone ranger,
Having to do everything by myself all the time.
She has a lot of friends that come, they go.
It's not abandonment,
But it seems like it is to darlene.
Darlene says she's abandoned a lot,
And I think that that actually stems from her past
More than her present.
♪
My name is paul, and...
My relationship to dar is I met her through a workshop
That my wife and I teach on energy work.
And what we're helping people to understand is breathing
And their own internal rhythm,
Their own heart frequency,
Which is the frequency of love.
♪
We form a kind of community as well so,
We got a group together and we came to her home and
We were trying to help her clean up.
As we were trying to take stuff out,
It was too much for her.
♪
My name is jessica, and I'm a friend of darlene's.
I met darlene through an intimacy and
Connection workshop.
I've tried to help her clean up the house.
I don't think anybody's been able to get through to her.
[muttering under her breath] ...Go upstairs.
I need a breakthrough.
All the weight and the heaviness of this is like...
[gasping] ...Just so suffocating.
♪
My biggest fear for darlene is that she just...
Dies inside that house with all her stuff.
♪ [suspenseful]
Or a bunch of ---- falls on her.
I just can't stand knowing that she's outside.
Being out on a patio in the winter, it's dangerous.
Everything in there right now is dangerous.
♪ [suspenseful]
I actually have driven out there to
Make sure she's still alive.
If something happened in that house,
In this condition right now...
♪
Darlene hoards everything.
Everything. Anything.
She'll keep the box it came in.
There is no limit.
She needs a safe place to live.
We've got rains coming, then we have winter,
Which means snow and ice...
And bone chilling cold weather.
♪
My biggest fear would be to continue to live like this.
I want to thrive, I don't want to survive.
I'm tired of surviving.
♪
[knocking]
I'm sarah ahmed.
I'm a psychotherapist that specializes in problematic
Behaviors, including hoarding disorder.
♪
-Hi! Darlene? -Hello, hi.
Hi, I'm sarah. Nice to meet you.
Hello, hello, hello. [laughing]
-Are you sleeping out here? -Yes.
There's a, a mattress.
-There's a pillow. -Yes. [laughing]
The house kind of got a little bit insane,
So then I'm like, oh, let's just go camping under here.
♪
Things kind of got overwhelming inside,
So you moved outside?
Yeah, I'm trapped in the house.
It's like I don't have a life.
It's like consuming every waking moment of my existence.
Do you have any safety concerns about sleeping
Outside instead of inside your home?
There's aspects that I love about sleeping outside,
But then, yeah, sometimes it does get a little bit scary.
Sometimes I just have a bad feeling
When I'm outside or whatever.
Then I try to also just breathe the fear in and
Check in, okay, is this a rational fear or not?
I'll tell you, I'd be terrified is I was outside
And I heard any sound.
What's coming up for you when we're out here?
Hm... Ah...
It was such a beautiful question to be asked,
It's like, wow, someone actually cares.
But sometimes it pisses me off when I feel like I don't
Know or I haven't thought about how I'm feeling,
Sometimes it's a little jarring.
Asking such a simple question should not be so triggering.
It tells me that we're dealing with somebody
Who's got a lot of complex emotions.
I'd love to put a pin on this conversation because I,
I know we're going to come back to it a lot.
Now, the reason why is because...
To be able to change our behavior,
We really have to understand ourselves.
Exactly, so...
I would love to see the other parts of the house as well.
So, let's go ahead.
♪
What do we have here?
I've cleared this room like five times.
I just never know what to do with it.
This is me trying to see if I want to do
My apothecary stuff, my essential oils stuff.
So my bath treatments.
And I don't really do a desk, sit-up desk, office-y thing.
I like to be in the living room. The living room!
So, darlene, what, what is this space?
There's apothecary. I see there's...
Superfoods, is that right?
Yes, essential- and then, local honey,
So then I have these cool machines to make, like,
Lavender infused honeys and stuff like that.
Oh, wonderful.
So, is this your work area, work station?
I guess so. I've been seeing, I've been...
Seeing if this feels right.
I'm trying to get a sense of the space,
And darlene is talking about many things at the same time,
And I'm having a hard time keeping up.
So, this is the kitchen.
It's so small.
I can't help but notice the stove over here.
Is there any safety concerns in the kitchen?
Like, how do you cook?
I didn't know the stove was unsafe until johnny was
Cooking a turkey meal and he got electrocuted.
-Oh, no! -[laughing]
I shouldn't be laughing, it's horrible.
Was he okay after?
Yeah, yeah, I guess so, but
I'm so glad I didn't know that it could,
We could get electrocuted.
And I'm so glad I forgot that I could be electrocuted
After that, because I've been
Still using it, I completely forgot.
It's not necessarily a great thing that you forgot because
You might find yourself in a situation where you might
Get electrocuted if you're using it.
Yeah, I just have to be mindful in this house.
-Okay. -The bathroom, so...
-[chuckling] -we're good.
The bathroom, yeah, the bathroom's so tiny,
You can't do anything with it.
-Okay. -Agh! Yeah, um...
So, this is gran's room, granny's room.
-Mhm. -Or, it used to be.
So, this has always been, like- once again,
Like I was saying, I've tried to make this room.
I've gutted it so many times.
And so, I've tried so many times to make it
Function as something, it just never fit.
Ugh.
This is granny's hospital bed under here,
And I've been thinking about that for many years.
Is it really the energy that I want to keep going forward?
There's pictures here.
-So, who are these people? -Ah, these people?
This is my sister who passed on.
-Mhm. -Um... Yeah.
And then the others as well, is you and your sister?
Or, I see a couple of different faces.
This is for her memorial, so it's just whomever.
-Mhm. -Yeah.
And, tell me a little bit about
Your relationship with your sister.
♪
I don't know, I don't remember much of the past,
And I don't really know what there is to say about it.
Were you also a caregiver for her?
Uh, caregiver, I never thought of it in terms of that.
Mhm.
[sighing] um...
♪
Sorry, I don't- I'm just lost with this questioning thing.
Is it fair for me to say that this room is
A very emotional space for you?
No, not emotional at all.
Just the question about the past is like-
'cause I'm confused about it.
Um, can I just pause for a moment because I,
I don't know what to do with that?
-Okay, that's okay. -I don't, don't, no, like...
That's okay, that's alright.
Tell me about the boxes in the room.
Like, I'd love to, like... I don't get what...
[sighing & muttering]
So, how about this? What's coming up for you?
-So, I've got a sister. -[stammering] I just...
Darlene is pissed at me when I ask about her sister,
And I'm very confused.
I remember my grandmother used to always be thinking
About my mom and my sister who passed on
Every single day. I'm like...
Whereas, like, I'm just like, granny, why?
Like, how is this helpful?
This is quite a simple question,
And I haven't even started to challenge her on things.
Can we just stop for a second?
I'm worried that any little trust I built with darlene
Is now completely gone.
♪
And if she can't trust me,
We're not going to get anywhere.
♪ [suspenseful]
♪
[darlene] my sister's death, like, I don't get what
She has to do with this problem in the house!
♪ [suspenseful]
Darlene refuses to make the connection between
Holding on to these items as a means to cope with
A lot of grief in her life.
These questions that I ask, does it feel triggering?
It's genuinely to, you know, get a better sense-
Just like, who are those people?
It's like, ah! What do those people have to do
With my life or my sister or anything?
And so, I was just like...
-Yeah, kind of threw you off. -Yeah.
My job here is to figure out how to connect with darlene
In order to help her start making changes
To her behavior.
♪
-How's it going? -Hey!
-Hello. -Hey, my name's julio.
-Hi, julio, I'm johnny. -Nice to meet you.
My name's julio rivera.
I'm a professional organizer
Who specializes in hoarding cleanups.
What am I walking into?
-[sighing] well... -Where do we start?
A bit of a nightmare, maybe?
It's going to be hard to walk through things.
Lots and lots and lots of boxes. Bags.
-Want to show me in? -Sure!
I'll just show you the basement.
-Come on down. -Okay...
-Oh, wow! -And it smells.
-Watch your step. -Yeah.
I don't believe that she actually knows what's in,
Like, a lot of these boxes.
She sort of inherited it, from history!
-From who? -From her grandmother.
Okay. What do you think is going to be the
Biggest hurdle for darlene?
-Letting go. -Mhm.
Even just one item, because nothing leaves.
Beyond you two, what other support does she have?
People have come and they've gone.
Many people have tried to help, then...
They completely ghost her.
Do you think that she's hanging onto things
Because people just leave her life?
Yeah.
And just the loss of life that...
She's only known growing up.
All of this around her is like a buffer.
But if you make suggestions
That she's not comfortable with,
She may just not want to talk to you for
A week or two, you know... -Yeah, that's what happens.
-So, she sort of goes dark. -She's going to hate us for it.
But, you know, we have to, like this is it.
[julio] the challenge is,
How do I empower her to be able to
Make the decisions that we need her to make here?
It's actually cleaner than when you were here last time.
-I think something's missing. -Yeah.
-What do you mean?
Usually it's like you're walking and it's just a little...
-Okay. -Walkway.
How is it that I can actually see this floor?
Where did she stash everything?
So what do you think she took out?
A shelf, books. A couch?
Something over here, for sure.
I'm looking around the house, and...
It's still very hoarded.
But, she has definitely hidden some things
She knows that we'll try and...
Get rid of.
♪
This is granny's room.
This pathway was never there before,
So you couldn't walk in there.
-It was all boxes. -Okay.
Waist-high, and then higher.
Okay.
Those pictures...
Aw...
That would be the mum and sister, right?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-[crying] sorry. -It's okay.
-There's granny. -[laughing]
This is the first time I've ever seen this here.
How much of it do you think has sentimental value to her?
Well, I mean, like, like stuff like this...
She can't get rid of that, but this is recycling.
It seems like she's come a long way in understanding,
As long as it's going directly to somewhere,
And she knows that it's going like, okay, that's recycle.
Okay.
Johnny, you haven't talked me into it yet.
-We're working on it. -[laughing] we'll see.
♪
-This is darlene's room. -This is the bedroom.
-Oh! Geez! -Watch your step.
This is much emptier. Her bed-
-Oh, wow! -We can see the mattress.
-Yeah! -Since last night.
Last night? Okay.
Because I see lots of clothes here.
-This is nothing. -This is nothing! Nothing.
-Okay. -This is nothing.
I don't know where it all went,
But she must have hid it. -Neither do I...
She started sleeping outside because
She had nowhere to like...
Okay, hold on.
She's sleeping outside?
It's, it's actually heartbreaking.
Um...
This is her new bedroom now?
-This is the bedroom. -That we were talking about?
-Ah, yeah. -Yes.
-Do you think that's safe? -No, absolutely not.
This doesn't scare her or worry her, and it should.
We're going to have to make sure darlene understands
The risks involved with her being out there.
Let's go throw her a lifeline. Let's help her out.
♪
Darlene, I wanted to introduce you to
Our organizer, julio.
He did a walkthrough of the house with
Micaela and johnny.
Darlene, pleasure to meet you.
We've got a great team of support for you here.
Is there any concerns that are coming up for you guys?
Um... There's a lot of stuff that you...
Is missing or hidden.
-No! [laughing] -are you sure?
No, a lot of it was recycling.
-Did you get rid of it? -Yeah.
-Where did it go? -In the backyard and stuff.
-You put it in the backyard? -Well, no, it just...
So, the recycling go to the recycling plant?
-Well, it's, no, it's just- -where is it?
Everything is everywhere it's supposed to be.
I'm a little bit confused here.
[laughing]
It sounds as though micaela and johnny,
You're concerned that there are certain things
That are being hidden away.
However, darlene,
You seem to disagree with that.
-I completely disagree! -Did I understand that right?
-Did it just disappear? -Yeah, where is it?
Before, it was all spread out.
So, I just spatially managed it differently.
-So, you just reorganized it. -Yes!
And tucked it into where you think it should be going?
-And shifted? -Yes.
Like, I just don't know why you guys are making a
Big deal of things that aren't a big deal.
-Oh, no, it's not a big deal. -Not at all.
What's it to them? Who cares!
Like, so what, I clean!
Don't keep pushing and, "meh, meh, meh."
That's something we're going to have to figure out
'cause it's a new dynamic. And also, at the same time,
To challenge you a little bit on that because,
Are there things that you're hiding?
Are you worried about people coming and taking your stuff
And just throwing it out, because that has
Happened in the past? -Yes.
That can be something you can communicate, right?
[micaela] if we don't get help with darlene
Through this process...
I don't think anything can help her.
♪
[julio] if we don't get this done,
I'm afraid that darlene is
Just going to end up isolating herself even more,
Hoarding even more,
And creating a death trap for herself.
♪
Just take a minute, you know, get ready.
And then we'll be good to go.
[darlene] okay.
♪
[indistinct chatter]
Feels like we're waiting for the bride.
Yeah.
♪
Everyone's outside, and I'm left alone to my own devices.
Who's in the house? I mean, you are.
You came and checked on me.
Someone noticed, darlene's not around,
Darlene's not outside.
I'm by myself, and everyone knows I've been struggling.
Where's everyone else?
We're all just getting settled in.
It's only 9 o'clock in the morning.
And johnny was here with you earlier.
No, he wasn't, he was here for a split second.
You have a ton of people here. I'm here with you.
You are. You are!
And like, this current moment isn't the past.
There's like a whole crew of people that will
Help you with the day.
Yeah, but it's not the organizational part.
It's just like, it's a bigger metaphor or life.
Yeah, of course.
Everyone's showing up physically, which I guess
In their mind, "yeah, I showed up!"
But it's like, what about emotionally?
Yeah.
But this is the point of my life.
This is how life has always been for me,
So I must have somehow energetically created that.
Everyone's caught up in their own little world.
Who cares about darlene?
♪
Hi. Are you okay?
-Hi. -Hi.
-Come here. It's okay. -Thanks, oh, thank you.
♪
I'm just feeling so isolated and separate,
Everyone's in their own little worlds right now.
No, no, we're all here for you.
This is all you.
But they're supposed to be here for me,
But they're outside talking with their own selves.
We're waiting for you.
Do you want to, what do you want?
I don't want waiting.
I wanted, like, people to be with me.
-And so I was feeling- -we're here for you.
Yeah, physically, but then nobody came in until
She came in, until you came in.
We're here. We're here, we're here.
-Yeah. -We're here!
I knew day one, if not the whole journey,
Was going to be impossible for her.
I'm scared for the next...
Days to come.
♪
-Let's do it! -Okay.
-Yeah? Okay. -Thank you.
This morning triggered darlene's past experience
With being left and abandoned.
♪
[laughing] ah, landing, woo!
What just happened?
Oh, my gosh, that's so wild.
Feeling good? Feeling light?
Darlene likes to be grounded, and...
-Wow. -Whoa!
I know she has paul here for that.
He seems to be helping her.
It's so wonderful to see all your supports over here.
It's gonna be a challenging week.
I know we've had a rough start to the morning.
For me, it wasn't rough at all.
That went perfect, yeah. It needed to come up.
Emotions come up because they want to go.
I just had a huge revelation about a pattern that was
Repeating over and over in my life,
And I feel like from moving through it, stuff shifted.
It actually feels like we can do this,
And I'm like, so excited.
I want to just get started and like take all this
Newness and like run with it.
Not that I won't necessarily have breakdowns again,
But um, yeah, let's just run with it.
We'll see.
First of all, darlene,
I would like to emphasize that you are in control.
My plan today is to start off by making a pathway
To get access to the bedrooms,
Go into the backyard and
Clearing a pathway there so that we can have
Access to the basement.
Part of the team- they are first hoarding cleanup-
Will be up here bringing stuff out,
While you will decide whether you want to
Keep, throw away, or donate.
Perfect.
Do you give us permission to start up here?
-Yes, absolutely. -In that case...
-Yeah, yeah! -Let's roll.
Let's get started.
♪
My goal this morning is to get the ball rolling
By getting her to make a decision about any items.
Got some things that were brought out.
[darlene] yeah.
[julio] if you want to start taking a look at it.
[darlene] this is what I've been doing my whole life
For the last month, so... -Okay.
I don't know what to do with it more than it already is.
Can you tell me a little bit about
What you were working on?
[sighing]
I'm trying to understand your thought pattern,
So that we can make some decisions.
Oh, this is makeup stuff.
Seeing the stuff that was coming out from
The front door, that...
Totally threw her off.
So, what is your vision of boxes and labels,
And how does that work?
You said you already sorted this stuff?
Yeah.
So, we have a color for each room,
And I just want to figure out with you,
Where would you like some of this stuff to go?
Do you want to do some of that right now?
Yes, yes, I do.
Can you explain to me the labels, the colors?
I don't get what the vision is.
We have a chart.
Oh, please, I want your chart. Just you tell me,
You tell me what you already have organized.
-Let me go grab it. -Okay, that would be brilliant.
So, I'll separate the different sections-
Yeah, right.
And then, and then, we'll just color code 'em.
And then you can tell me what you guys have figured out,
And I would love to see your "process".
So, that would be very helpful for me
To feel the container.
She got so caught up deflecting,
Going back to what the vision is.
How can there be a vision
If we can't even create a canvas for her?
Are there boxes to put-
Because I've already sorted these things.
Um, boxes.
I think there's some little ones here.
-Are there boxes or whatever? -Here.
I'm just not understanding.
Julio, you're going to go get some boxes and the colors.
So, darlene, why don't we just sit down
For a quick minute?
Can we just, I love working and talking.
I hate sitting and doing nothing.
Okay. Do I have your attention?
-I feel like I don't- -yeah, I, I love-
I have equal left-right brain hemisphere synchronization.
I can do, I like multitasking.
It makes me feel calmer and better.
So, to stop everything-
Darlene's feeling very overwhelmed.
It's really hard for me to connect with her.
If she's not going to be real with me,
We're not getting anywhere in this process.
This is the first round of things that got brought out.
Yeah.
Yes... And?
-What's coming up for you? -I don't know.
I just want to- I'll feel much better once I know
What your guys' method of colors and boxes, like,
I don't get what I'm supposed to be-
I need colors and boxes and labels.
I've already done this stuff.
This is the worst stuff to start with because
I'm already done this stuff, so...
Everybody's in motion now,
And things are leaving her home.
That's when she got
Very agitated and confused.
What's going on here?
-In my heart? -In your heart.
I'm not understanding the process, and- thank you, paul.
It's a real challenge to slow that down a little bit.
♪
So, I'm really trying to stay focused on
Entering the world dar's in...
To hopefully intermediate, if it needs to happen.
I don't get what there is to do,
Unless the next step is organizing the boxes and
Labels, so can we fricking please do that then?
But where are they? I'm not understanding.
-Can I ask you a question? -Yeah.
What does support look like for you right now?
Where are the boxes and labels?
The boxes are coming, the boxes are coming,
The colors are coming.
I want to know what support looks like...
Yeah, perfect.
...Because it sounds as though you don't feel
Supported right now.
-Here we go, okay? -Thank you.
-Darlene? -This isn't helping!
Okay, so tell me, what would be helpful?
I just want someone to fricking tell me
How to do this process.
I don't want this conversation.
I just want to be told the process.
And I just want to know where are the boxes and labels?
Darlene, we need to go through your things of
What you want to keep and what you don't want-
Yeah, this is- I've already organized this.
-This is keep! -You want to keep all this?
Yes! I'm not understanding what the challenge is.
When she saw all her stuff on the lawn,
I knew she was going to flip her ----.
For instance, like, this stuff is "car".
I don't know where "car" is going.
-Garage, garage. -See, I have no idea.
So now what happens?
[julio] when she's challenged,
She breaks down and needs support.
How can we get past that?
They've actually got a pretty good master plan,
And you're in control. And it's so beautiful.
-[muttering] -yeah, you just...
...You know, trust in the process.
It's not making any sense.
Stuff just came out of the house, that's it.
And she's on the verge of having another meltdown.
I've been doing this for six months,
So I know I'm keeping that stuff.
Well, it's not working. It is not -------working.
That stuff, ---- me, like that stuff
In the front room is big, I want that!
You can't live like that, though!
♪
Okay, that's the keep pile, so where is the other pile?
So, don't tell me it's not working!
I already know this part!
No, because we had to get it out of the room.
We just had to get it out of the room.
Yeah, so now what are we doing with that?
We're keeping it! We're keeping it.
So that's the keep pile, right?
Yes!
♪
So, maybe, can you explain to me,
And I can explain it to her? -Yeah, no problem.
This is that color map.
[darlene] like, I'm not understanding!
Like, what am I missing? What am I missing, paul?
[micaela] you're not missing anything.
[paul] it was a bit challenging to help her understand
The sorting process.
-This is all here. -Yeah.
Once you say where everything goes,
Then it goes down into the basement
In color-coded places.
♪
This is brilliant.
I just wanted it explained to me.
And they know what they're doing, so let's,
Let's take advantage of this...
And know that you're in complete control.
And things started to move again.
-Are we good? -Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you.
This is very helpful.
Thank you for showing me the vision.
-Now you know, right? -Yeah.
Can we start bringing the stuff out?
-Sure, yes, please. -And then you and I...
...We'll work through that process.
[cheering]
♪
My goal today, is to create some visible change
So that we can build on that as we go forward.
We're trying to focus on boxes.
Okay.
Jessica, some of these boxes
Have like one item in them.
Can you grab them and create a box of multiple items?
So we're not bringing out boxes with just one item.
Yeah, I can do that.
♪
Okay, can we- do you mind starting with this?
Yeah, that's what I figured.
I guess I'm putting like with like right now,
And I'm trying to figure out what's the best reasonable
Size, that's why I'm trying to separate the boxes
Into the size and shape.
Do you want to come with me on this side and
We can recycle some of these boxes?
Well, we might need it for organization-
No, no, you have them now. Look.
We have enough.
They have hundreds of boxes,
So we need to recycle some of these.
-Can we? ...How about- -well, I don't know yet.
She told me she can't wait to get rid of all these boxes in
Her basement to make room for new bins, freshly packed.
And this, I don't know what room...
She's just keeping everything.
That's okay.
But she's gotta actually let go.
A lot of this is organizing and then she can
Decide what she wants.
[chuckling] I know.
♪
Hi.
♪
I think a lot of these boxes are actually not helpful
For you, like, the open boxes over there.
Some of them are damaged as well.
Yeah, I don't want all these boxes,
So we could just get that straight,
I don't want all these boxes.
You don't want any of these boxes?
No, I did not say- I don't want all of these.
Got it.
But I have a problem with, like, everyone my
Whole entire life is, "oh, you have too many boxes,
Throw this out, meh, meh, meh."
And when I need boxes, like now,
When we're out of things to organize with, we need boxes.
So, here's my suggestion.
I want to ask julio if we have enough of these
Plastic boxes that you originally said you wanted,
To be able to organize the things you wanted.
Uh-huh.
-Hey, darlene? -Yes.
-I'll trade you. -Trade me what?
I'll trade you the bins for the boxes.
No, I don't do negotiations like that.
Thank you.
Where do I go from here?
All we can do is let her...
Shift things from one side to the other again.
-Are you free right now? -I sure am.
Yeah? Okay. Come on over.
I'm quite worried for her because right now
What I see is she doesn't trust us.
[indistinct conversation]
[sarah] it's the same case with julio as well.
[micaela] yes.
You guys are professionals, and she's not trusting that...
-Yeah. -And that's really sad.
Yeah.
And so, I really, really want to lean into...
The people she trusts, which is you, johnny.
It seems as though, really, she's trusting paul.
He is somebody who is...
Very connected to her.
And this is about her, and support for her,
And if he is somebody she trusts,
Then that's what we do.
-Yes. -Right?
I don't know paul, you know, two ways from Sunday,
But darlene seems to really like him.
I think he's going to help her process.
I think we need to talk to darlene about recycling
Some of these boxes.
She seems to be really, like, resonating with you,
And she's not listening to me.
This is such an easy thing to get rid of,
And that's like a huge step.
I'll talk to her a little bit and see what the options are.
-Sound good? -Yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, okay. -Da- yeah.
Uh-huh. Hey, dar...
So, they've got plastic containers, lots of them...
Yeah.
...To make sure that everything is flood proof,
Will all be labelled.
So, they're basically saying there's no need for boxes,
But if you feel you absolutely need them,
What could happen is
We could fold them all up and stack them,
At least they won't take up a lot of space.
Paul, you know, is almost encouraging her, like,
"we can collapse them and keep them for another day."
[darlene] apparently, everything's up to me.
So, it's so frustrating to me.
If you don't want to collapse the boxes, I'll do it.
I'm not collapsing boxes that we can get recycled.
Then you find something else that you want to go do.
What am I going to do? I can't get rid of anything!
I don't know, micaela, figure it out.
It sounds like you're not necessarily
Agreeing with darlene.
♪
I'm trying to be nice.
What is it that you want to say?
Well, this is, all needs to go.
This is all garbage, all of it.
Like I can't be here if- I cannot be here.
-[laughing] -darlene?
We're here to progress. This is not progressing.
♪
Paul...
I'm having trouble with micaela,
And that's not working.
It's very evident that she's avoiding
The real problem at hand.
It's not about the boxes, it's about letting go.
Darlene, would you like paul to communicate
On your behalf with micaela?
Sure, because I think paul understands me
More than anyone does.
I do not want to have to defend myself.
To just collapse them and keep them there for now.
Where are they gonna go, dar?
I don't know. I mean, I could get
My pendulum out and I can check the pendulum
To see if I can completely get rid of them.
Paul, do you think that all of these need to be discarded?
I'm getting my pendulum.
As far as I'm concerned, all of the boxes should go.
Can you say that when she's here, though?
We're not the ones who need to hear that, she is.
And she holds so much value in everything you say.
I think you're missing the point.
I'm trying to come into alignment with her movement
So we can get more done.
Honestly, since the morning, I haven't seen you
Get anything done with her.
Last time I came here, we got her whole
Deck cleaned, and it was garbage.
And I said, "this is garbage, you need to let it go."
[sarah] and I would love-
She completely lost it, going into trauma.
And, major trauma, so it's not- you're not dealing with
A simple, rational person right now.
You're telling her, "hey, you take the lead."
But then on the same time, you're saying this is
Somebody with complex trauma.
I don't think she's in a place to take the lead,
And that's why she needs her supports to step up.
Amongst everybody here, you are number one...
And you are the person who's not giving her that message.
Okay, I hear you. I'll talk to her.
Okay, I'll do, do what I can.
It may look like on the surface that I could be
More influential in moving things forward
With, with dar.
[johnny] micaela? Okay?
Yeah, I'm good. I just, this is like,
How do you not see this is disgusting?
I'm trying to really understand how I can
Best support her, and whether, you know,
The tough approach is actually going to help.
Can we talk for one sec?
I just had a massive realization.
I've been making other people's problems and
Projections my problem. Micaela's problem with boxes
Is her problem, but I keep on feeling that projection,
Making it my problem.
Mhm. But if you put them out of the way right now...
What do you want? Like,
What is going to make sure we get as much done
As we can for you? It would be,
Make sense to let the boxes go and clear that out.
I mean, these boxes, right?
Ah, that would be nice, if there's enough.
♪
Huh.
Okay.
It's a challenge right now,
It's a big challenge to get through to her.
The crew, the crew's like ready to do something with
That area, but they can't move because of the boxes.
So, is it valuable enough to stop the project moving?
Why don't they all take a break and...
They can all check themselves and figure out,
And I'm just going to figure out and do me.
♪
[humming]
[coughing]
♪
2013.
♪
Johnny?
[indistinct chatter in background]
♪
[clanging]
What was that?
That was a 1976 bottle of old coffee.
Yeah, but, johnny, it's up to me!
-Okay! -Not you!
Like even if I want to get rid of it, it's totally me.