1
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,092
BRAD: Here's a question for you.

2
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:56,096
What do kids need more?
A father or a dad?

3
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,723
What's the difference?

4
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,559
The way I see it, darn near
anyone can be a father...

5
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:01,602
(ROARING)

6
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:04,354
...but not everyone has the patience
or the devotion to be a dad.

7
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:05,731
As for me...

8
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,024
Anybody caught a Monarch yet?

9
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,901
...I've always wanted to be a dad.

10
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,570
Let me tell you, I love it!

11
00:01:11,654 --> 00:01:12,654
Yeah!

12
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:13,989
(ALL CHEERING)

13
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,491
And I love my Ford Flex.

14
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,327
It treats me to a smooth ride,
and you know what?

15
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,661
It didn't break the bank.

16
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,206
Room enough for the whole family.

17
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,500
Yes, I love being a dad.

18
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:29,046
And I love these two adorable
little rays of sunshine.

19
00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:32,466
Hey, Dylan! Good morning.

20
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:33,550
Whatever.

21
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,762
BRAD: Okay. I'm not their real dad.

22
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,514
Good morning, Mr. Whitaker.

23
00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,724
- I'm their stepdad.
- Good morning, Megan.

24
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,476
Can you please put this on the fridge?

25
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,688
Well, sure. Did you do
another drawing of our family?

26
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,232
- Uh-huh.
- Huh?

27
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:51,485
That's me and Dylan and Mommy.

28
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:52,653
So great.

29
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:55,739
And over here, far, far away,

30
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,282
is you.

31
00:01:57,367 --> 00:02:00,202
Oh? And am I wearing a baseball cap?

32
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,872
That's the knife in your head
'cause I was killing you in the eye.

33
00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:05,666
Oh, I see.

34
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,376
Well, I love how you drew my hair.

35
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:09,211
That's poop.

36
00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:12,548
Well, it's well-drawn.
And I'm guessing it's dog poop?

37
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,299
That's homeless man poop.

38
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:15,384
Oh.

39
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:17,636
All right. (SIGHING)

40
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:20,764
BRAD: I actually can't
father my own children,

41
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,517
ever since I hit a little
snafu at a dental office.

42
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:26,103
(MUFFLED) I've got
a little bit of a gag reflex.

43
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:27,980
Uh, close your eyes, breathe through
your nose, you'll be fine.

44
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:29,231
Oh. Okay.

45
00:02:29,399 --> 00:02:30,899
(INHALES DEEPLY)

46
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:34,403
(MACHINE SQUEAKING)

47
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:35,988
(BEEPS)

48
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:39,575
Oh, you got a really weird tongue.
You need to floss better.

49
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,368
BRAD: Ever since then,
my testicles have been

50
00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,078
more decorative than anything else.

51
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,204
Hey!

52
00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,456
And I thought I'd never have a family.

53
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:50,002
Until I met a stunning mom named Sara.

54
00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,421
Would you look at her?

55
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:55,841
I am one lucky so-and-so.
I hit the jackpot.

56
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,176
- Hi.
- Hi.

57
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,927
Sorry I'm taking so long.

58
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,388
I have to show that Sixty West
building to those new clients.

59
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:02,472
- I know.
- (GASPS)

60
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:05,225
- Oh, my God! The kids' lunches.
- Already packed. I wrote them

61
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,686
little inspirationaI notes
to start them on their day.

62
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,063
They've already eaten their breakfasts,
and you look perfect.

63
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,065
You are amazing.

64
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,944
Look at this, huh?
Another family drawing.

65
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,071
Oh, no. I am so sorry.

66
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,741
No, I think you're misunderstanding.
This is the first drawing

67
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,910
where I'm not dead already.

68
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,412
Sure, I've got a knife in my eye

69
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:27,206
and some homeless man
poop on my head,

70
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,626
(SIGHING) but this is
showing reaI progress.

71
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,628
I think she's starting to accept me.

72
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,755
You can find the good
in just about anything.

73
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,090
I love that about you. You know that?

74
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,550
Thanks.

75
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,052
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

76
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,016
Hello. I'm home.

77
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:30,352
Hey.

78
00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,104
How was the, uh...

79
00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:35,649
What's wrong?

80
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,818
He won't talk to me.
He said he only wants to talk to you.

81
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:40,654
You want to talk to me?

82
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,197
- Really?
- Mmm-hmm.

83
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,032
- You mean me and your mom?
- Mmm-mmm.

84
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,826
- Just me? By myself?
- Mmm-hmm.

85
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,411
Sure. I'm...

86
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:51,123
I'm totally free. Let's go to the den.
We'll sit there.

87
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,542
We'll sit.
We can do it sitting or standing?

88
00:04:54,168 --> 00:04:55,836
Doesn't matter. We're just gonna do it.

89
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:58,880
We're not gonna overthink it.
Yeah. Great. Okay, good.

90
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:04,011
Just the men, yeah.
A little rap session. Great.

91
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:05,846
(WHISPERING) Oh, my God.

92
00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:11,018
I just want you to know that
I'm just here to listen. All right?

93
00:05:11,352 --> 00:05:15,022
No judgments, no lectures,
just a compassionate ear.

94
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,233
- Well, there are these kids at schooI...
- Mmm-hmm.

95
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,485
...and they're bigger than me,
because they're fourth graders.

96
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:22,404
- (SHUTTER CLICKING)
- And...

97
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,866
Oh, was that weird?

98
00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,826
I'm sorry, I'm just...

99
00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:31,413
It's a big moment for me,
and I'm just trying to capture it.

100
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:32,831
It just came off awkward.

101
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,877
So, go ahead, continue telling
your story. Fourth graders.

102
00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:39,129
Anyway, there are
these fourth graders, and...

103
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,922
He actually confided in me.

104
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:44,259
I mean, it was that father-son feeling
I've been dying for,

105
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:47,054
and it was even better than
I thought it was gonna be.

106
00:05:47,597 --> 00:05:50,140
(SIGHS) I mean,
he really needed me. Me.

107
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:51,433
That is so great, honey.

108
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:52,809
He even said not to tell you.

109
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:56,521
So I'm actually totally betraying
his trust right now. (CHUCKLES)

110
00:05:56,606 --> 00:05:58,815
What are we gonna do about
those little snot-nosed fourth graders?

111
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,359
Oh, I think it's going to be fine.

112
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,945
He's going to try to do some
trust falls on the playground.

113
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,614
Really? You think that's gonna work?

114
00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:07,866
As long as they catch him. Yeah.

115
00:06:07,992 --> 00:06:08,992
Hey, Brad.

116
00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:10,452
Yeah?

117
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:13,663
If I ask you something, you
promise you won't cry again?

118
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,499
Of course, sweetie. What is it?

119
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:18,293
Well, at schooI,
they told us about this thing,

120
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,128
and it's called a Daddy-Daughter Dance.

121
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,797
(GASPING)

122
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,757
So, do you want to go with me?

123
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,133
(SOBBING)

124
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,927
You said you wouldn't cry, Brad.

125
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:30,847
I'm not. Megan, yes. A million times yes.

126
00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,058
I thought big people
weren't supposed to cry.

127
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,936
I think it's sweet that he's
crying like a little bitch.

128
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,312
(GASPS) Megan!

129
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,189
You are not supposed
to call people that word.

130
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:42,526
You know what? It takes a reaI
man to show his emotions.

131
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,194
(SOBBING LOUDLY)

132
00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:47,197
All right, that's a bit much.

133
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:49,866
VIZZINI: No more rhymes now, I mean it!

134
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,410
FEZZIK: Anybody want a peanut?

135
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:52,994
(ALL LAUGHING)

136
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:57,040
BRAD: We were finally
becoming a family.

137
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,583
- (PHONE RINGING)
- I'll get it!

138
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,503
After being pushed away
and treated like an outsider,

139
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:04,297
I was finally becoming
the dad that I always knew I could...

140
00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:05,507
Daddy!

141
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:08,218
Hi! Where are you?

142
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,053
Where's Cameroon?

143
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,180
Is that gunfire? CooI!

144
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,516
MEGAN: Daddy, Daddy!
I want to talk to Daddy.

145
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:16,726
Hi, Daddy.

146
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,019
Good.

147
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:20,063
- So your ex is calling, huh?
- (SIGHS) Yeah.

148
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:22,983
What a treat for the kids.
It's been a long time.

149
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,192
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

150
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:27,404
We're watching a really funny
movie with Mommy and Brad.

151
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:29,531
Oh, Brad is Mommy's new husband.

152
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,575
Wait. He doesn't know about me?

153
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,411
Well, I haven't talked to him
in six months.

154
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:35,954
We've been married eight months.

155
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,831
Brad, Daddy wants to talk to you.

156
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:40,292
- No! No, no. Don't, don't...
- I'm just going to say hi.

157
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:41,877
You don't need to do that. Brad, don't.

158
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,712
(CLEARS THROAT) Thank you, sweetie.

159
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:46,756
Hello, Dusty?
Super to make your acquaintance.

160
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,301
In fact, I just wish
I could shake your hand

161
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,553
and offer to buy you a cold one.

162
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,638
- Tomorrow?
- What?

163
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,849
BOTH: Daddy's coming! Yay!

164
00:07:56,559 --> 00:07:58,059
Oh, yeah, I guess I could pick you up.

165
00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,603
- (WHISPERS) No.
- Hmm?

166
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,062
It's Whitaker.

167
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:05,942
W- H-I-T-A-K-E-R. (CHUCKLES)

168
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:07,527
No, I'm not comfortable giving you

169
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:08,904
my SociaI Security number
over the phone.

170
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:13,492
Uh, okay, yeah, my credit score is 752.

171
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,701
I'm very proud of that. (CHUCKLES)

172
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:18,246
I'm sorry? What sort of fighting styles
am I proficient in?

173
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,540
I don't know if I've ever been
asked that before.

174
00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,001
Hello, Dusty, hello, hello? Hmm...

175
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:25,462
I lost him.

176
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:27,923
What just happened?
Did you just invite him to come here?

177
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,591
Is he coming tomorrow?

178
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,384
Well, I didn't know
he'd accept my offer so soon.

179
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,345
I mean, he really jumped at it.

180
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,931
Remember when I said
he was like Jesse James

181
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:37,390
and Mick Jagger had a baby?

182
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,769
Yeah, I just thought maybe
he was really skinny and

183
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:44,606
jittery, and had like a little bit
of a British accent, or something.

184
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,234
He's wild and he's crazy.
That's why I fell in love with him.

185
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,652
Then you end up with two kids.

186
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,279
And I'm stuck there holding the bag and
he's nowhere to be found.

187
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,198
It doesn't matter how much
love or passion,

188
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,658
or you can't breathe
without each other.

189
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,701
All of that stuff is stupid in comparison.

190
00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,537
When you have kids,
you have responsibilities.

191
00:08:58,621 --> 00:08:59,704
He doesn't understand that.

192
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:01,623
Honey, this is actually a good thing.

193
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:03,375
- (SIGHS)
- I'll welcome Dusty into our home,

194
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:06,628
and we'll establish some kind
but firm boundaries.

195
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,798
All right? It's what Step-By-Stepdad
calls "setting up a Loving Fence. "

196
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:12,717
A Loving Fence?
Wow, that sounds really great, honey.

197
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,720
But your self-help books
have never met Dusty Mayron.

198
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,389
He sounds like a rascaI,

199
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,224
but I don't think
it's anything I can't handle.

200
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,186
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

201
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,648
PANDA SINGER: Check. Check, check.

202
00:09:26,816 --> 00:09:29,651
Chinese Checkers,
Czech, Czech Republic, pop,

203
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:33,071
sibilance, sibilance, pop,
one, two, six, seven,

204
00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:35,156
check, check, check, check.

205
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,449
What do you got for me, Brad?

206
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:40,078
Oh, Mr. Holt, hello. Well, hopefully
the new voice of The Panda.

207
00:09:40,162 --> 00:09:41,246
Oh, listen.

208
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,749
I gotta leave early today. I gotta go
pick up my wife's ex at the airport.

209
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:47,919
Jesus, kid, how'd you
draw that shit detaiI?

210
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,547
Brad, why do you want
this deadbeat in your home?

211
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,258
Well, it's not that
I want him in my home,

212
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,844
it's just that the better
stepparenting books

213
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:58,179
say that the worst thing
you can do for the kids

214
00:09:58,264 --> 00:10:00,098
is to push out the biologicaI.

215
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,851
You're in the danger zone here,
Brad, and let me tell you why.

216
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:06,771
Kids that grow up without their dads
always end up obsessing over them.

217
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:09,774
Most of the hook-ups
that I've had in my adult life

218
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,693
have been with women
that had daddy issues.

219
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,570
I don't know if this is
an appropriate story.

220
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,822
Look, my wife would kill me
if she knew I was telling you this.

221
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,574
Well, then you shouldn't tell me this.

222
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:18,867
When I met her in Denver...

223
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,118
You're going to tell the story, aren't you?

224
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,786
...she was a topless maid.

225
00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:23,705
- Ninety-nine bucks an hour.
- Mmm-hmm.

226
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,958
Never met her father.
But who did she meet? Me.

227
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:30,420
And who did treat her like shit? Me.

228
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:31,796
I eventually loved her,

229
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,798
but every time she got out of line,

230
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,967
I'd just pull the Humvee over

231
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,552
and ask her to get out politely.

232
00:10:37,678 --> 00:10:39,054
And then I'd drive away.

233
00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:43,391
Guess what?
She showed up at home every time.

234
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,061
This story has no relevance
to my situation.

235
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,647
Oh, it doesn't at all. It's just a good story.

236
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,649
So, Pete, are we going
to hear this guy, or what?

237
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,068
(BEEPING)

238
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:56,279
(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

239
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:58,239
The Panda!

240
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,410
I'm sorry.

241
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:06,748
Keep it up, Brad.
You and I will fight in the parking lot.

242
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,167
BRAD: So today is the day

243
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,252
I'm finally meeting
the father of my children.

244
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,255
Am I nervous? You're darn right I am.

245
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,092
But who wouldn't be? (SIGHS DEEPLY)

246
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,595
And here's the thing.
I mean, Pepe, you know, kids...

247
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,807
...they see through things and,
at the end of the day,

248
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:25,684
they know who's been around...

249
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,477
Holy balls!

250
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,479
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

251
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,942
I hope that's not him.

252
00:11:43,285 --> 00:11:44,577
(GULPING)

253
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:51,543
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

254
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,753
There is no doubt this man
is your better in every way.

255
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,631
Well, you're kind to say that. Thank you.

256
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:59,634
Yeah, I feeI pretty good.

257
00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:04,139
- Hey, you Dusty?
- Nope.

258
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:05,974
What?

259
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,351
Are you sure?

260
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,232
Are you Dusty... No, you're not Dusty.

261
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,735
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

262
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:19,320
(ON RADIO) You've got
Jason Sinclair on The Panda,

263
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,489
the station everybody
in the office can agree on.

264
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,741
What is this?

265
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:23,908
Now if you're up in Wolf Trap
this weekend,

266
00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,493
do yourself a favor and check out...

267
00:12:26,328 --> 00:12:27,662
(DOOR OPENING)

268
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,498
Hey! Where have you been?

269
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,333
I called you like 100 times.

270
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,335
(SIGHS) I know, my phone died. Look...

271
00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:36,004
This motorcycle, is this...

272
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,172
Yes. He's here.

273
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:38,506
- He's here?
- Yes.

274
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,091
What's he doing inside there?

275
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:42,135
He's giving the kids
all kinds of Starbursts.

276
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,262
Starbursts? God damn it!

277
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,348
Sorry. Sorry. (EXHALES)

278
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,851
I'm a hot habanero pepper right now.

279
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,937
I got a few bullet points I want to
bring up with our friend Dusty,

280
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:56,566
starting with airport etiquette,
courtesy and expectation.

281
00:12:57,693 --> 00:12:59,110
MEGAN: Oh, good story, Daddy!

282
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,196
You like that story? It's all true. Hey!

283
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,447
Who wants some more Starbursts

284
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:05,033
and a couple of
uncirculated silver dollars?

285
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:06,618
So you are Dusty.

286
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,495
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

287
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,636
I sure am. You must be
the new and improved husband.

288
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,387
Bring it in, big guns.

289
00:13:27,556 --> 00:13:29,057
I already met you at the airport.

290
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:30,350
No, I don't recall that, friend.

291
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,310
Yeah, I walked right up to you
and asked if you were Dusty.

292
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:34,562
I'm pretty sure I'd remember
a heavy hitter like yourself.

293
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:35,814
(SCOFFS)

294
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:36,981
Well, must have been my mistake.

295
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,192
All right, that was me at the airport.

296
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,819
- Yeah, I know that.
- The truth is,

297
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,320
I saw you before you saw me,

298
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,531
and I'm thinking,
"This is the guy who's raising my kids?"

299
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:46,908
"And damn it if he doesn't
look like the reaI deaI."

300
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,076
I mean, look at you.

301
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,619
You figured it out, didn't you?

302
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:50,829
You cracked the code.

303
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,247
(CHUCKLES) I don't know about that.

304
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,832
Don't play that humble game with me.

305
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,126
He is so humble. He's just too humble.

306
00:13:57,253 --> 00:14:00,588
Honey, you got it goin' on.
Everybody says so.

307
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,590
Yeah, I got it goin' way on.

308
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,592
So you can understand
why I panicked at the airport.

309
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,095
- I froze, Brad. I'm sorry.
- It's fine.

310
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,180
Look, these are
tricky waters to navigate.

311
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,683
They sure are, man. I mean,
that is insightfuI.

312
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,519
You know, I thought it was weird Sara
didn't tell me about you before.

313
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,020
I thought, what's she hiding?

314
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,605
And now I know.

315
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:19,691
A champion.

316
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:23,111
Hey, Brad!
Did you see Dad's motorcycle?

317
00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:24,612
Isn't it cooI?

318
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,697
BRAD: It sure is.

319
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,616
What is that, an Indian?

320
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:29,784
Yep.

321
00:14:30,119 --> 00:14:32,620
I believe they're manufactured
in Minneapolis.

322
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,957
I've never been, but that's

323
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,625
the setting for
The Mary Tyler Moore Show.

324
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,461
And... What's the other... Rhoda.

325
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:42,964
Which I want to say was a spin-off.

326
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,051
Damn! You really know
your bikes, Brad. You ride?

327
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:48,136
Uh-huh. Yeah!

328
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:49,470
- Really?
- BRAD: Yeah.

329
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,140
I mean, not anymore. I did, you know,

330
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:55,560
back in college. I had a, um...

331
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:58,146
I had a Kawa-saki? Kawasaki Nine.

332
00:14:58,272 --> 00:14:59,397
Yeah.

333
00:14:59,481 --> 00:15:03,401
With the fenders and the...
The broiI joint. So...

334
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:04,652
Well, you should get on her, man.
Come on!

335
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:06,070
Take her out, see what she can do.

336
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,113
She's got a lot of power.

337
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:08,364
Oh, no, no, no.

338
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:10,033
Yeah, Brad! Brad... Please!

339
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:12,201
No. Hey, come on, kids.
It's time for bed.

340
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,078
It's way past your bedtime.
Let's brush your teeth.

341
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,497
All right, come on, guys,
listen to your mom. Hey, look...

342
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,833
(STUTTERS)
I don't want to overstep, but

343
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:22,253
it would mean the world to me
if I could tuck in our two little blessings.

344
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:27,550
Yeah. Yeah, sure, of course.
They're your kids. Tuck away.

345
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,344
Oh, thank you for that, Brad.

346
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:34,515
The King messed up.
He messed up bad.

347
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:37,268
He thought he could just
ride off to slay dragons,

348
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,854
and his Queen would always be
waiting for him.

349
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,940
And then one day
the King received word

350
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,858
that his dominion was being ruled over

351
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:46,194
by some curly-headed Step King
with good credit?

352
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:47,362
Oh, no!

353
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,113
Well, the King rode hard
up on his lands,

354
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:50,615
and when he arrived,

355
00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:54,369
he did gaze fondly upon the Queen,
remembering their good times together,

356
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,330
for he had known her in her prime,
when she was down for anything,

357
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,831
and I do mean anything.

358
00:15:58,916 --> 00:15:59,916
Psst...

359
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,086
Sounds like your dad's spinning
quite a yarn. Mind if I listen in?

360
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:05,713
Oh, actually, it's getting late.
You two need to get some sack time.

361
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,715
BOTH: No, we want more story, please!

362
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,636
Hey, I'd love to be in here all night,
but let's be respectfuI of Brad's rules,

363
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,721
no matter how arbitrary they seem.
All right?

364
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:16,140
Good night, my little golden treasures.

365
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,480
Good night, my little magicaI cherubs.

366
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,649
- Here comes some butterfly kisses.
- (GIGGLING)

367
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,275
And some Eskimo kisses.

368
00:16:26,568 --> 00:16:29,487
Good night, buddy.
Sleep tight. Sleep tight.

369
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:31,155
Hey, who wants good-night tickles?

370
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,615
- BOTH: Me!
- (DUSTY CHUCKLES)

371
00:16:32,741 --> 00:16:34,784
Good night, my little breath of God.

372
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,828
Good night, my little Jesus teardrop.

373
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:40,832
I almost forgot, my famous
good-night back scratches.

374
00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:43,001
- Oh, so relaxing, so relaxing.
- (SIGHING)

375
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:44,168
Good night, sweetie bear.

376
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,962
Hey, who wants twenty bucks?

377
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,714
- BOTH: I do! Me!
- Twenty dollars?

378
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,382
- What?
- Oh, yeah.

379
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:51,551
One for you, and one for you.

380
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:52,677
I don't know if that's appropriate.

381
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,761
Ah, don't worry about it.

382
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:54,929
BRAD: Okay. Good night.

383
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:59,934
So, uh, if you want to, why don't you
come by tomorrow after schooI?

384
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,102
Might be a good time to...

385
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,270
What about the cold one?

386
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,354
The cold one?

387
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,523
You promised me
a cold one and a handshake.

388
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,442
Cold one. One cold one, coming up.

389
00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:09,193
Great. I'll grab my jacket,
we'll go outside.

390
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:10,528
Perfect. All right.

391
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,447
Hey! Psst...

392
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,283
What are you doing?
What are you guys buddies now?

393
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:17,869
No. I mean, I offered him a cold one.

394
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:20,121
I really should honor
the cold one promise.

395
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:23,833
(SIGHS) Fine. You give him a cold one,
and then you get rid of him, okay?

396
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,168
You put up your Loving Fence,

397
00:17:25,252 --> 00:17:26,252
- remember?
- Mmm-hmm.

398
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,004
- Then you come to bed.
- Okay.

399
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,131
- Will do.
- Okay.

400
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,386
DUSTY: What you got
going on over here?

401
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:39,474
Oh, uh, that's a treehouse. A little, uh,

402
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:43,144
bonding project for Dylan and I.

403
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,730
Yeah, we've been at it
for about two months.

404
00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:46,981
DUSTY: It's looking good.

405
00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:48,149
BRAD: Thank you.

406
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,361
So, Dusty, how long do you think
you're going to be in town for?

407
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:56,115
Well, Brad, the truth is,
I'm wheels-up a week from tomorrow.

408
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,451
Time to get out there and
kick some ass for America.

409
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,828
Oh, I see. So you're a soldier?

410
00:18:00,996 --> 00:18:01,996
Nope.

411
00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:03,414
Oh, so you're a, uh...

412
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:04,665
Yep.

413
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,584
Yep, what?

414
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,586
(CHUCKLES) You don't want to know
any more than that, Brad.

415
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:10,588
Okay.

416
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:16,844
Um, listen, Dusty, I think that we should
set up a visitation schedule.

417
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:20,556
Right? That way, you feeI like
you have ample time with the children...

418
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,183
Why don't we cut the shit, Brad?

419
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:25,686
No, we don't have to cut the shit.

420
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,648
You want to know what I'm doing here,
why don't you quit looking at

421
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,191
whatever you wrote on your hand?

422
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:33,361
Be a man and ask me, Brad.

423
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,863
Okay. What are you doing here?

424
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:39,534
Now, we both know kids need
a single primary male role modeI.

425
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,702
Sara's made her choice.

426
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:44,288
I'm man enough to
let that role modeI be you.

427
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:46,874
I will vouch for you with my children.

428
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,044
I will give them my sacred
permission to trust you.

429
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,879
To love you and to

430
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:54,382
call you Dad.

431
00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:55,925
You'd do that for me?

432
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:57,093
No.

433
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,720
But I will do it for them.

434
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,598
That is what you want, isn't it, Brad?

435
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,101
More than anything in the world.

436
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:09,063
He played you.
You just got so played out there.

437
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:11,149
I know it looks that way,

438
00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:13,151
'cause I promised
I would ask him to leave,

439
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:16,737
and then I invited him to stay for a week,
but he didn't play me.

440
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:19,198
You know what he did? He cut the shit.

441
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:20,992
- Oh, he did?
- And I gotta say,

442
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,618
it was refreshing.

443
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:26,080
I think more of us could stand
to just cut the shit, you know.

444
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,999
- Right.
- In one conversation,

445
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:30,585
he just blew by
eight chapters in my stepdad book.

446
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:33,004
I mean, this is gonna be so good
for me and the kids.

447
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:36,090
Oh, baby, you have no idea
who you're dancing with.

448
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,592
Dusty gets into your head,

449
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,759
- that's what he does.
- (WHIRRING)

450
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:41,679
(MUFFLED) He has a very impressive,
rugged bravado,

451
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,849
there's no question. But I gotta say,

452
00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:49,145
I think in here, there's
a soft, soft creamy center.

453
00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:51,689
You know? I think he feels a lot.

454
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,901
He just... He needs
someone with this, a big ear.

455
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,611
And I got them. Mmm.

456
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,867
Oh, good morning, Dusty.

457
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,368
- Hey.
- You're up and at 'em.

458
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,536
- (OVEN TIMER DINGS)
- Yeah, I got up early

459
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:06,704
- and did a quick 20.
- Really?

460
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:08,539
- Twenty minutes of what?
- Oh, twenty miles.

461
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,333
Did a little light sparring,
then I whipped up

462
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,168
a pan of piping-hot
cinnamon rolls for my family.

463
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,836
And I made one for you, too.

464
00:20:14,129 --> 00:20:16,672
Wow. That's very impressive, thank you.

465
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:19,342
- DUSTY: Good morning, gang!
- Ooh, it smells yummy!

466
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,428
Our reaI dad's a super,
super-duper good cook!

467
00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:24,096
- Mmm-hmm.
- Here you go, guys.

468
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,433
Yeah, it looks an awfuI lot
like Cinnabon.

469
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,435
Well, thank you, Brad.
What a nice thing to say.

470
00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,355
Mmm, it tastes exactly like Cinnabon!

471
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:35,107
In fact, same shape,
same swirI, same frosting.

472
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:36,275
Well, now you're starting to
embarrass me,

473
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,652
but I do appreciate the compliment.

474
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,820
Good morning, Sar-bear!

475
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,948
- Morning.
- Hey, listen, guys,

476
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:44,617
Brad and I had a talk last night
about the importance of family.

477
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,203
And now that everyone's here,
I wanted to say a few words, okay?

478
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,454
I think that would be great.

479
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:52,291
Hey, kids, you know, families can be
ever-growing and changing things.

480
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:55,253
And sometimes someone new
knocks on the door of your heart

481
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,630
and you're not sure if you
have room in there for one more.

482
00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:00,383
But there's someone here now
that I hope you guys can learn to love.

483
00:21:00,509 --> 00:21:01,509
Okay?

484
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:03,386
(WHISTLING)

485
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:06,055
- Come here, boy!
- (GROWLING)

486
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,598
BOTH: A doggy! Yay!

487
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:10,476
You brought a dog home?

488
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,936
Yeah. Is that a problem?

489
00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,021
I mean, you seemed
really into it while I was teeing it up.

490
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,481
No, I thought you were talking about me.

491
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,483
- Oh, but you're not a dog, Brad.
- No... (SCOFFS)

492
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:19,568
Look, last night, when we talked...

493
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,988
Oh, yeah. Well, listen,
that's got to happen organically.

494
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,197
Why can't it happen now?

495
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,323
It just can't.

496
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:25,449
You're dirty.

497
00:21:25,534 --> 00:21:26,575
SARA: Dusty, how old is that thing?

498
00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,202
I'd guess him to be around 15.

499
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,371
I mean, I found him this morning,
living in a storm drain.

500
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,957
I named him Tumor,
because of how much he grows on you.

501
00:21:33,041 --> 00:21:35,042
BOTH: Mommy,
can we keep Tumor, please?

502
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,752
Oh, I'm gonna leave this one up to Brad.

503
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,379
BOTH: Please, Brad! Please!

504
00:21:39,339 --> 00:21:40,798
Why is he looking at me like that?

505
00:21:40,882 --> 00:21:42,675
- (GROWLING)
- He's only looking at me.

506
00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:44,760
Maybe we just get a puppy instead?

507
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,471
A puppy, Brad? What are they
going to learn from a puppy?

508
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:50,766
An old dog like Tumor here's
been out in the world, man. Living free.

509
00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:53,477
Fighting for survivaI and seeing things
we can only dream of.

510
00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,855
Just look at the wisdom
in those cloudy eyes.

511
00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:58,024
Besides, you know what happens
to old dogs at shelters.

512
00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:00,109
He's gonna have to walk the green mile
as soon as he gets there.

513
00:22:00,193 --> 00:22:02,236
No, Brad, no! Don't kill our dog!

514
00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:03,654
I hate you!

515
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,657
Okay. Okay. Fine.

516
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:09,744
He can live out his few
remaining weeks with us.

517
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,495
Yay! Thanks, Brad.

518
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:12,872
I don't hate you anymore.

519
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,082
He's going potty!

520
00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:16,709
SARA: Oh, my God.

521
00:22:16,793 --> 00:22:18,419
We'll clean it up. We don't mind.

522
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:19,837
Look at that.

523
00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:21,380
The dog's already
teaching them responsibility.

524
00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,507
Hey, guys, when you got to
pick up the potty, use gloves.

525
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,718
- He's definitely got worms in his poo.
- (BOTH GROANING IN DISGUST)

526
00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:32,767
(SIGHS)

527
00:22:33,935 --> 00:22:36,103
SARA: Dusty!
Can you please move this thing?

528
00:22:36,229 --> 00:22:37,813
I can't get my car out of the garage.

529
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:39,899
Hey, Brad, do you mind?
I want to grab a quick shower.

530
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,026
Yeah, sure, no problem.

531
00:22:43,236 --> 00:22:44,362
- Hey, honey.
- Hi, sweetie.

532
00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:45,529
It's blocking everything.

533
00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:48,032
No, I know. I know, don't worry.
We're on top of it.

534
00:22:48,116 --> 00:22:50,451
What are you doing? Brad, I don't...

535
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,329
Hey! Stay away from that, please.

536
00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:54,914
(GRUNTS)

537
00:22:54,998 --> 00:22:56,082
Honey, what are you doing?

538
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:57,458
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- (LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

539
00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,960
I don't know if that's a good idea, Brad.

540
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,128
Dusty!

541
00:23:01,296 --> 00:23:03,964
It's vibrating up into my shoulders.

542
00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:06,926
Hey, it's okay, Brad.
Look, she's a lot of bike, man.

543
00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:08,928
No, I'm good. Why don't you go
back in and take that shower,

544
00:23:09,012 --> 00:23:10,304
so you can get a shirt on?

545
00:23:10,597 --> 00:23:12,264
Oh, you got it.
Hey, you look good on that, man.

546
00:23:12,349 --> 00:23:13,557
Remember, one down, four up.

547
00:23:13,642 --> 00:23:15,434
Dusty, everyone knows it's one down...

548
00:23:15,602 --> 00:23:16,936
- (SCREAMING)
- (TIRES SQUEALING)

549
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:18,896
Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!

550
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,314
(ALL SCREAMING)

551
00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,316
(CRASHING)

552
00:23:33,161 --> 00:23:34,745
Did Brad just die?

553
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:38,332
I think we all need to prepare ourselves
for that possibility, pumpkin. Okay?

554
00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:43,671
Brad!

555
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,050
- (BRAD GROANING)
- (GASPING)

556
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:49,927
Oh, my God.

557
00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:51,095
- (COUGHING)
- Brad, are you all right?

558
00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:54,807
No, I'm not all right.
I'm in the wall. I'm scared.

559
00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:56,058
Oh, honey.

560
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:58,018
Jeez, Brad, I thought you said
you could ride.

561
00:23:58,228 --> 00:24:00,312
I can ride, okay.
Would you get a shirt on?

562
00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:01,605
I think if you could ride,

563
00:24:01,690 --> 00:24:03,399
you wouldn't be stuck
in a wall right now, Brad.

564
00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:05,568
SARA: Yeah.
I'm sorry to say it, but he's right.

565
00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:06,777
You almost killed the kids!

566
00:24:06,862 --> 00:24:08,487
DUSTY: Let's not beat up
on Brad here. Okay?

567
00:24:08,572 --> 00:24:09,738
He was showboating
for the kids a little bit,

568
00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:10,948
and things got out of hand.

569
00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:13,200
Let's all just be gratefuI
nobody got hurt. Okay?

570
00:24:13,493 --> 00:24:14,577
I got hurt!

571
00:24:14,661 --> 00:24:16,370
Okay, kids, listen up.
This is a good lesson

572
00:24:16,496 --> 00:24:19,206
on why you never wanna lie
about your ability to do things

573
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,375
you clearly can't do, okay, huh?

574
00:24:21,835 --> 00:24:23,627
I think my arm is stuck in the wall.

575
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,129
DUSTY: Brad, just stay still.
I'll get you out.

576
00:24:25,213 --> 00:24:27,214
No, no, no, no, no.
No, don't do anything.

577
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:29,633
And would you please
just go and get a shirt on?

578
00:24:29,718 --> 00:24:31,385
Just calm down, all right?

579
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:34,346
- (SARA SCREAMING)
- (GROANING)

580
00:24:37,058 --> 00:24:39,185
Hey, I'm really sorry about
what happened to your car.

581
00:24:39,394 --> 00:24:41,353
Yeah, and I'm sorry about
what happened to your bike.

582
00:24:41,438 --> 00:24:43,439
Oh, no damage. Not a scratch.

583
00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:45,566
- Oh, not even one scratch?
- Unbelievable.

584
00:24:45,942 --> 00:24:47,401
(LAUGHS) That's so good.

585
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:49,695
(ROOF THUDS)

586
00:24:53,867 --> 00:24:55,784
Let's keep it going! Inside the cones!

587
00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:57,369
Just like ice cream!

588
00:24:57,579 --> 00:24:58,787
Morning, Jerry.

589
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,956
Got to keep it inside the cones!

590
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:03,709
No, Daddy! You're supposed
to stay in the cones!

591
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:06,045
Whoa, whoa! Inside the cones!

592
00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:07,922
- Inside. Bring her in. That's better.
- (SIGHS)

593
00:25:08,006 --> 00:25:10,674
Let's keep those kids safe today, okay?
Thank you, Brad.

594
00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:12,092
Sorry, Doris.

595
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,680
It's okay. This whole drop-off line thing

596
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:18,182
can be a bit overwhelming
if you're not used to it.

597
00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:20,601
Yeah, well, I've landed a chopper
in the middle of a Cuban prison riot,

598
00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,353
Brad, I think I'm good.

599
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:23,437
(BEEPING)

600
00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:27,191
Bye, guys! I love you guys so much.
Have a great day, okay?

601
00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:28,943
- Bye, Daddy!
- Make sure you do all your work.

602
00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:30,444
Bye, guys. Have the best day.
I love you so...

603
00:25:33,949 --> 00:25:35,199
BRAD: Here's the exciting thing.

604
00:25:35,283 --> 00:25:39,328
We just opened up in our 68th market,
making The Panda America's

605
00:25:39,412 --> 00:25:41,580
number three smooth jazz station.

606
00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:43,123
Wow.

607
00:25:43,959 --> 00:25:47,294
And here it is. My, uh... My little nook.

608
00:25:48,129 --> 00:25:51,966
Wow. Oh, man, I gotta admit,
this is more than I expected.

609
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,467
Wow.

610
00:25:54,636 --> 00:25:55,886
I kind of envy you, Brad.

611
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:57,137
Oh, stop it.

612
00:25:57,389 --> 00:26:00,933
Ah, it's true. I mean, you're a nice guy,
making a comfortable living,

613
00:26:01,017 --> 00:26:03,185
and the most fantastic woman
in the world loves you dearly.

614
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:04,728
Really? Thanks for saying that.

615
00:26:04,854 --> 00:26:09,149
I mean it. And that sacrifice
she's making for you... That's true love.

616
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:10,359
Sacrifice?

617
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:11,569
Well, sure, Brad.

618
00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,195
You know how bad
that girI wants another baby.

619
00:26:14,823 --> 00:26:16,282
She wants another baby?

620
00:26:16,366 --> 00:26:17,741
For her to let that slip away

621
00:26:17,826 --> 00:26:20,703
and marry a man she knew to be barren,
that's true love.

622
00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,497
How do you know that I can't...

623
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:24,748
- Bradley.
- Yes.

624
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,917
Caroline says we're gonna hear some
new voice talent this a. m.?

625
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:28,836
Yes, sir, in about 15 minutes.

626
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:30,004
Okay. How'd it go

627
00:26:30,088 --> 00:26:32,631
- with the shitbag ex-husband?
- Uh-uh.

628
00:26:32,716 --> 00:26:35,426
You whip his ass with
that Loving Fence of yours?

629
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:37,970
(LAUGHS) Well,
actually it's interesting, Mr. Holt,

630
00:26:38,054 --> 00:26:40,681
because I want you to
meet Dusty Mayron.

631
00:26:41,099 --> 00:26:44,893
Jesus in the morning.
She was married to him first?

632
00:26:45,645 --> 00:26:48,022
Okay. Let's establish some
ground rules, pretty boy.

633
00:26:48,106 --> 00:26:49,231
- Airborne?
- Huh?

634
00:26:49,357 --> 00:26:51,984
Well, your lapeI pin.
101 st, that's one hell of a division, sir.

635
00:26:52,068 --> 00:26:54,486
Oh, well, thank you, Dusty.

636
00:26:54,696 --> 00:26:55,696
Are you Airborne?

637
00:26:55,780 --> 00:26:57,573
Oh, no, sir, I'm afraid
I don't share that honor,

638
00:26:57,657 --> 00:26:59,908
but I'm humbled to be in the
presence of anyone who does.

639
00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:02,536
Airborne Division?
Those guys love to fly.

640
00:27:03,580 --> 00:27:04,830
Very nice to meet you, sir.

641
00:27:04,914 --> 00:27:06,915
Thank you, thank you.
It's good to meet you.

642
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,042
My pleasure. It's an honor.

643
00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:09,877
Fast friends over there. (CHUCKLES)

644
00:27:10,545 --> 00:27:11,879
That's wonderfuI.

645
00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:13,339
Come on! No way!

646
00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:15,883
The whole time you're running guns
for the freedom fighters

647
00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:17,635
right under the carteI's noses,

648
00:27:17,719 --> 00:27:19,511
and they never suspected
it was you once?

649
00:27:19,679 --> 00:27:22,222
Well, I'm sure they started to suspect
once they were in a ball of fire

650
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,849
the size of four city blocks.

651
00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:24,933
(LAUGHING)

652
00:27:25,518 --> 00:27:27,478
That's great. I love that!

653
00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:29,021
Holy buckets, Brad!

654
00:27:29,105 --> 00:27:31,649
If this guy was my wife's ex,
I'd put a bullet in my skull.

655
00:27:31,733 --> 00:27:32,941
(BOTH LAUGH)

656
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:34,318
DUSTY: Come on, Leo, cut it out.

657
00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:36,945
Oh, uh... Sir, I think Barry's ready.

658
00:27:37,030 --> 00:27:38,322
You're really going to like this guy.

659
00:27:38,406 --> 00:27:40,658
Okay. Ready to listen.

660
00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:42,826
(BEEPING)

661
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:46,413
(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

662
00:27:46,748 --> 00:27:48,749
The Panda!

663
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:52,628
All right. Mmm-hmm.

664
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:55,422
- You like him, Brad?
- I do.

665
00:27:55,757 --> 00:28:00,094
I do. I mean, I think his voice
has a warm dependability

666
00:28:00,428 --> 00:28:03,097
that all Panda listeners could trust.

667
00:28:03,765 --> 00:28:04,807
What do you think, Duster?

668
00:28:04,891 --> 00:28:06,058
(BRAD LAUGHS)

669
00:28:06,142 --> 00:28:07,976
Does Dusty now work for The Panda?

670
00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:09,853
Yeah, Brad's right.

671
00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:12,022
I'm not really into smooth jazz.
I shouldn't comment.

672
00:28:12,148 --> 00:28:14,316
(SCOFFS) Nobody's into smooth jazz.

673
00:28:14,442 --> 00:28:15,651
I'm into smooth jazz.

674
00:28:15,777 --> 00:28:16,902
Of course you are, Brad.

675
00:28:17,404 --> 00:28:18,612
So what do you think, Dusty?

676
00:28:18,905 --> 00:28:20,531
I mean, it just seems a little flaccid.

677
00:28:20,615 --> 00:28:21,865
You know, I think you need a voice with

678
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:23,701
some virility and hope,
that tells listeners,

679
00:28:23,785 --> 00:28:26,954
"Hey! Maybe the next song
won't suck as bad as the last one. "

680
00:28:27,247 --> 00:28:29,248
Also, I think a strong ability
to be something like...

681
00:28:29,332 --> 00:28:32,292
(SINGING) One-oh-three-point-six

682
00:28:32,377 --> 00:28:34,712
The Panda!

683
00:28:38,007 --> 00:28:39,007
What...

684
00:28:39,467 --> 00:28:41,468
What just happened?

685
00:28:42,470 --> 00:28:44,805
He sang the tagline.

686
00:28:45,181 --> 00:28:46,724
- Good boy, Tumor!
- (CAR HONKING)

687
00:28:47,475 --> 00:28:48,809
BOTH: Daddy!

688
00:28:48,977 --> 00:28:50,018
DUSTY: Hey!

689
00:28:50,979 --> 00:28:52,479
Oh, perfect timing. Listen to this.

690
00:28:52,689 --> 00:28:54,440
DUSTY ON RADIO:
One-oh-three-point-six

691
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:56,567
The Panda!

692
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:58,026
- Is that you?
- Yeah!

693
00:28:58,111 --> 00:28:59,319
SARA: That's you?

694
00:29:00,155 --> 00:29:01,780
Why is that him?

695
00:29:01,990 --> 00:29:05,409
I took him to work, and 15 minutes later
he's the new voice of The Panda.

696
00:29:05,493 --> 00:29:08,495
Hey, you believe that? I record
one take at 9:30 this morning,

697
00:29:08,621 --> 00:29:09,955
it's already run 11 times.

698
00:29:10,081 --> 00:29:12,082
Do I really get 182 bucks
every time they play that?

699
00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:13,417
Yes. Every time, yes.

700
00:29:13,501 --> 00:29:14,752
Ooh! Money.

701
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:17,421
You see why I love America
even more than most people do?

702
00:29:18,006 --> 00:29:19,339
Hey. What's this?

703
00:29:19,424 --> 00:29:21,133
Just the handyman
I hired off Angie's List.

704
00:29:21,217 --> 00:29:23,010
He's upstairs fixing the damage.

705
00:29:23,636 --> 00:29:25,596
Your wife had to hire a man? For what?

706
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:27,139
Some framing, a little sheetrock repair,

707
00:29:27,223 --> 00:29:28,515
some masonry
and basic window glazing?

708
00:29:28,641 --> 00:29:30,350
Come on, Brad.
We can bang that out tonight.

709
00:29:32,645 --> 00:29:33,687
Yeah.

710
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:35,981
It's just basic sheetrock glazing

711
00:29:36,065 --> 00:29:38,692
and, you know, little whatamajigs.

712
00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:40,694
Get up there and

713
00:29:41,863 --> 00:29:43,697
get in there and crank it out.

714
00:29:43,948 --> 00:29:45,199
Dusty is pretty good with his hands.

715
00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,867
Pretty good with my hands,
Brad, she knows.

716
00:29:48,536 --> 00:29:50,788
Okay. Yeah, I'll just go up there and I'II...

717
00:29:50,872 --> 00:29:52,873
- Want me to do it? I'll tell him to screw.
- No, no, no, no.

718
00:29:52,957 --> 00:29:54,124
No, no, no. That's okay.

719
00:29:54,209 --> 00:29:55,292
I'll tell him,

720
00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:56,794
- "Guess what, bub?"
- Tell him the men are here.

721
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,086
I'll say that. I'll say, "The men are here. "

722
00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,880
- Let's do it.
- I don't want to imply to him

723
00:30:00,006 --> 00:30:01,882
that he's not a man. But I'll just say,

724
00:30:02,175 --> 00:30:04,176
"Hey, the boys are back in town. " Right?

725
00:30:04,594 --> 00:30:06,136
(HAMMERING)

726
00:30:09,891 --> 00:30:10,891
Oh, hi.

727
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,770
I'm Brad. Uh... My wife hired you.

728
00:30:14,854 --> 00:30:15,979
Nice to meet you, Brad.

729
00:30:16,064 --> 00:30:19,399
I just came up here to say that you...

730
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:23,737
That, um, you should have good luck.

731
00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:26,240
Thank you for your wishes of luck.

732
00:30:26,533 --> 00:30:27,699
I'll be downstairs.

733
00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:30,911
Well? What happened?

734
00:30:31,287 --> 00:30:32,871
Oh, you know, I think it's...

735
00:30:32,956 --> 00:30:36,333
He already started,
and I just think it feels wrong.

736
00:30:36,417 --> 00:30:37,584
Why? Because he's black?

737
00:30:37,752 --> 00:30:39,086
No. No, no.

738
00:30:39,420 --> 00:30:40,754
Megan! Dylan!

739
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,464
- What are you doing? Huh?
- Teaching moment.

740
00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:46,510
Guys, what would we call Brad
if he treated someone differently

741
00:30:46,594 --> 00:30:48,387
just because of the color of their skin?

742
00:30:48,471 --> 00:30:50,931
- (BOTH GASP)
- Brad's being racism?

743
00:30:51,015 --> 00:30:53,058
Racist, honey. Brad is a racist.

744
00:30:53,142 --> 00:30:54,935
- Honey.
- No, I mean... But not on purpose.

745
00:30:55,019 --> 00:30:56,353
Is Brad a Klan person?

746
00:30:56,604 --> 00:30:58,647
No. (LAUGHS)

747
00:30:58,731 --> 00:31:01,441
So I'm a racist if I don't fire someone?

748
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:02,526
Well, yeah, you are.

749
00:31:02,610 --> 00:31:03,694
Yeah, you are.

750
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:08,448
Sir, you're taking this all wrong.

751
00:31:08,575 --> 00:31:10,325
Right. So you get one look
at the color of my skin,

752
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,202
and all of a sudden you're
Mr. Do It Yourself, huh?

753
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:13,704
No, not at all. Please,

754
00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:15,414
allow me to pay you
for your time and traveI.

755
00:31:15,498 --> 00:31:17,916
Don't do me any favors, Paula Deen.

756
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,251
(SIGHS)

757
00:31:19,752 --> 00:31:20,794
I'm not a woman.

758
00:31:20,879 --> 00:31:22,296
You did the right thing.

759
00:31:22,380 --> 00:31:24,214
Boy, it doesn't feeI that way.

760
00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:25,632
Let's get cracking.
Where do you keep your tools?

761
00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:28,051
I know where Brad keeps his tools.
In the credenza.

762
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:30,012
- Yeah.
- You keep your tools

763
00:31:30,096 --> 00:31:31,555
- in the credenza, Brad?
- In the credenza. Mmm-hmm.

764
00:31:31,639 --> 00:31:32,848
Just easier to get to.

765
00:31:32,932 --> 00:31:34,224
- It's convenient.
- Yeah.

766
00:31:34,309 --> 00:31:35,309
(CLATTERING)

767
00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:38,312
This is a tackle box, Brad.
Are we going fishing?

768
00:31:38,396 --> 00:31:40,397
No. Unless you want to go fishing.

769
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:42,566
What have you got in here?

770
00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:44,902
A hammer, masking tape,
three C batteries and

771
00:31:44,986 --> 00:31:45,986
a tampon.

772
00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,112
Yeah, well, a tampon's handy for...

773
00:31:47,196 --> 00:31:48,906
Yeah, I know what they're handy for.

774
00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:51,074
So are we not going to fix it?

775
00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:52,367
Well, what do you want from me, Brad?

776
00:31:52,452 --> 00:31:53,619
To buy all the gear we need
would cost more

777
00:31:53,703 --> 00:31:55,996
than just hiring someone
off of Angie's List.

778
00:31:59,834 --> 00:32:01,376
- (GROWLING)
- (GASPS)

779
00:32:02,670 --> 00:32:04,004
And the King, he thought

780
00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:06,882
the Step King seemed okay at first,
a little soft, maybe,

781
00:32:06,966 --> 00:32:09,092
but, heck, the Queen
needed a meaI ticket.

782
00:32:09,344 --> 00:32:10,844
But the more the King
learned about him,

783
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:13,013
the more he doubted the
Step King's ability to lead.

784
00:32:13,264 --> 00:32:15,933
So the King decided
there was only one way to...

785
00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:17,351
Psst... Hey. Good story?

786
00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:19,603
Yeah. The King finally
came back to his castle.

787
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,773
But the eviI Step King
wouldn't give him his crown back.

788
00:32:22,857 --> 00:32:26,360
Oh, okay, yeah.
I think I've heard this story before.

789
00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:28,028
Ah, it's a story as old as time, Brad.

790
00:32:28,154 --> 00:32:30,781
Well, you know what? It turns out
the Step King wasn't eviI at all.

791
00:32:31,032 --> 00:32:32,157
He was a really good guy.

792
00:32:32,241 --> 00:32:34,326
Fun at parties, great conversationalist,

793
00:32:34,410 --> 00:32:36,370
affable. And he saw

794
00:32:36,454 --> 00:32:39,414
that the beautifuI Queen
and perfect Prince and Princess

795
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:42,793
were all alone, and he came
valiantly to their rescue.

796
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:44,836
Yeah, but wasn't
the Queen sad because

797
00:32:44,921 --> 00:32:47,047
the Step King couldn't give
her an heir to the throne?

798
00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:48,507
Okay, you know what?
Now this is getting personaI.

799
00:32:48,591 --> 00:32:51,468
Hey, Brad, come on.
We're just doing fairy tales here.

800
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:54,388
All right. Well, the Queen wasn't sad,

801
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:56,932
just for the record. (STUTTERING)

802
00:32:57,016 --> 00:32:59,601
The Step King was pretty sure
she was totally cooI with it.

803
00:32:59,686 --> 00:33:02,229
Yeah, Brad's right. I'm sure
the Queen was thrilled. Right?

804
00:33:02,730 --> 00:33:03,897
Right?

805
00:33:04,482 --> 00:33:05,565
Yeah.

806
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:12,322
Honey,

807
00:33:13,574 --> 00:33:15,158
what's the matter?

808
00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:17,869
Are you still sad about
Dusty finding your tampon?

809
00:33:17,954 --> 00:33:20,038
No. No, I mean,

810
00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:22,874
this is a little embarrassing,

811
00:33:22,959 --> 00:33:24,835
but it's just, I was...

812
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:29,673
Is there any chance
you still want another baby?

813
00:33:30,341 --> 00:33:33,677
Oh, my God.
What, did Dusty say something?

814
00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:36,680
He's just trying to get in your head.

815
00:33:36,931 --> 00:33:38,265
So it's not true then?

816
00:33:42,854 --> 00:33:45,522
Okay. Maybe I did want another baby.

817
00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:48,442
But it's not possible,
given what happened to your...

818
00:33:48,526 --> 00:33:51,403
And I'm not blaming them. I love them.

819
00:33:51,654 --> 00:33:53,196
They are my fuzzy little pals.

820
00:33:53,281 --> 00:33:54,406
You don't have to say that.

821
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:55,699
They are.

822
00:33:56,284 --> 00:33:59,119
I am 100% happy
with the family that I have.

823
00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:01,455
The only reason I'm putting up with him

824
00:34:01,539 --> 00:34:03,707
is because my kids
are so happy to see him.

825
00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:05,959
And I want them to have
a relationship with their father.

826
00:34:07,712 --> 00:34:08,879
You know what?

827
00:34:09,005 --> 00:34:10,422
I can't wait to see his face

828
00:34:10,506 --> 00:34:13,300
when he figures out
how much you really do for his kids.

829
00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,386
Yeah. I mean, I'm

830
00:34:17,388 --> 00:34:19,973
involved. I'm emotionally available.

831
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,141
Yeah, you are.

832
00:34:21,225 --> 00:34:22,893
You are darn right.

833
00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:27,064
It's high time Dusty sees
how a reaI dad does it.

834
00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:29,066
I am fired up!

835
00:34:29,484 --> 00:34:30,484
(SIGHS)

836
00:34:30,735 --> 00:34:32,110
Let's get some shut-eye.

837
00:34:32,904 --> 00:34:34,654
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

838
00:34:45,750 --> 00:34:47,667
(CHILDREN CHEERING)

839
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:15,695
(ALL CHEERING)

840
00:35:27,291 --> 00:35:28,291
Hallelujah!

841
00:35:35,216 --> 00:35:36,883
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

842
00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:40,303
Hey, dudes! Hey, T.J.!

843
00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:54,025
Brad! Look what Dad did!

844
00:35:54,110 --> 00:35:56,528
He finished the treehouse for you!

845
00:35:56,821 --> 00:35:58,488
Hey, hey! B-man!

846
00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:02,325
No, watch out, B!

847
00:36:02,451 --> 00:36:03,743
(BRAD GROANING)

848
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,620
Hey, Brad. Sorry about that.

849
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:06,830
- You all right?
- (CONTINUES GROANING)

850
00:36:06,914 --> 00:36:07,914
Brad, what do you think, man?

851
00:36:07,999 --> 00:36:09,624
Wow. Pretty cooI zipline.

852
00:36:09,750 --> 00:36:11,168
You like that, huh? It's military grade.

853
00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:13,086
You built all this today? With my tools?

854
00:36:13,171 --> 00:36:15,922
Oh, no, you can't build a treehouse
with a tampon, Brad.

855
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:17,591
No, I had a little bit of help.

856
00:36:17,842 --> 00:36:19,759
Yo, Dylan, PS4 is all hooked up.

857
00:36:19,969 --> 00:36:21,761
- Thanks, Uncle Griff.
- No problem, buddy.

858
00:36:21,888 --> 00:36:22,929
Uncle Griff?

859
00:36:23,222 --> 00:36:24,723
Dude, I went out for a beer last night,

860
00:36:24,807 --> 00:36:26,433
and who's tending bar
but our man Griffy?

861
00:36:26,517 --> 00:36:28,518
We get to talking and we just click.
You know what I mean?

862
00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:30,687
He's a great dude, man. He really is.

863
00:36:30,771 --> 00:36:32,981
I know how you feeI about him,
but just give him a chance.

864
00:36:33,107 --> 00:36:35,066
All right? He's having
a tough time at home,

865
00:36:35,151 --> 00:36:36,902
and your firing him sure didn't help.

866
00:36:37,111 --> 00:36:38,570
Well, I fired him because you made me!

867
00:36:38,654 --> 00:36:39,738
- I made you?
- Yeah.

868
00:36:39,822 --> 00:36:41,948
Am I in charge around here now?
Is my name on the mortgage?

869
00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:43,533
Last time I checked,
you were the man of the house,

870
00:36:43,618 --> 00:36:45,160
and me and Griffy
were just staying here.

871
00:36:45,244 --> 00:36:46,953
- He's not staying here.
- Because he's black?

872
00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:48,371
No, not because of that.

873
00:36:48,456 --> 00:36:50,498
Look, Griffy helped me
knock this out, all right?

874
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:52,667
So despite any prejudices
that you may or may not have...

875
00:36:52,793 --> 00:36:54,419
I don't have any prejudices.

876
00:36:54,503 --> 00:36:55,712
I said "may or may not. "

877
00:36:55,796 --> 00:36:56,922
- Well, it's may not.
- Well, that's good.

878
00:36:57,006 --> 00:36:58,632
Because that's one of the ones I said.

879
00:36:58,925 --> 00:37:00,467
Hey, kids, come on.
Helmets on the half-pipe.

880
00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:01,718
We got to be safe around here.

881
00:37:01,802 --> 00:37:02,928
Wait, half-pipe?

882
00:37:05,097 --> 00:37:07,098
Look, I know it's taking up
a lot of the yard, but it's gonna make

883
00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:08,642
your house the coolest place
in the neighborhood.

884
00:37:08,768 --> 00:37:10,268
I got a sound system, we got

885
00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:12,020
a couple Go-Pros. That's Corey
from Red Bull over there.

886
00:37:12,104 --> 00:37:13,480
Hey, Corey!

887
00:37:13,773 --> 00:37:14,898
You got a sponsor for my backyard?

888
00:37:14,982 --> 00:37:17,317
Hey, Mr. Mayron! You want next?

889
00:37:17,485 --> 00:37:19,152
Nicholas, please, it's Dusty!

890
00:37:19,487 --> 00:37:21,655
And, yes, I do. Brad, watch this run.

891
00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:25,909
I'm gonna dedicate this run
to my future X-Games champs,

892
00:37:25,993 --> 00:37:27,953
Dylan and Megan. This is for you!

893
00:37:28,079 --> 00:37:29,704
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

894
00:37:50,101 --> 00:37:51,393
(BLOWS)

895
00:37:51,477 --> 00:37:54,646
Looks like you picked the
wrong leisure activity, buddy.

896
00:38:03,155 --> 00:38:04,447
(ALL CHEERING)

897
00:38:04,532 --> 00:38:05,865
Thank you.

898
00:38:06,325 --> 00:38:07,951
- Oh, hey, Sara.
- Hi.

899
00:38:08,035 --> 00:38:09,202
Okay. Who's got next?

900
00:38:09,328 --> 00:38:10,662
BRAD: I do!

901
00:38:14,208 --> 00:38:15,709
Look!

902
00:38:16,752 --> 00:38:18,253
(ALL GASPING)

903
00:38:18,337 --> 00:38:20,505
Some cute little tricks there, Dusty.

904
00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:22,465
(LAUGHS)

905
00:38:22,550 --> 00:38:23,550
Really adorable.

906
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:24,843
Brad?

907
00:38:25,052 --> 00:38:26,344
Hey, who'd like to see
how we used to do it

908
00:38:26,429 --> 00:38:28,722
back in the empty pools of Encino,

909
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:30,974
Castaic, Irvine, Long Beach?

910
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:32,892
Santa Clarita?

911
00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:35,312
Santa Cruz?

912
00:38:35,896 --> 00:38:36,896
Fremont?

913
00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:39,149
Honey, no, please come down.

914
00:38:39,233 --> 00:38:41,735
Oh, I intend to, sister.

915
00:38:42,778 --> 00:38:45,155
Come on, Brad, it hasn't been that long.

916
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:46,406
Godspeed.

917
00:38:46,824 --> 00:38:48,366
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

918
00:38:48,784 --> 00:38:50,243
- (GRUNTS)
- ALL: Whoa!

919
00:38:51,912 --> 00:38:53,663
- (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
- (SCREAMING)

920
00:38:56,250 --> 00:38:58,001
Oh, my God! Brad!

921
00:38:58,085 --> 00:38:59,627
Oh, no, it's best not to touch him.
Wait a second.

922
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:01,296
What do you mean, don't touch him?
He's in trouble.

923
00:39:01,380 --> 00:39:02,922
Look, I know he's in trouble, okay?

924
00:39:03,049 --> 00:39:04,758
But if there's a problem, who
do you want to be in charge?

925
00:39:04,884 --> 00:39:05,884
You?

926
00:39:05,968 --> 00:39:07,969
Okay. All right, guys,
we have an emergency situation.

927
00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:10,263
And what's the first thing we do?
Anybody?

928
00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:12,557
- You! Redhead.
- Call 911.

929
00:39:12,767 --> 00:39:16,061
Close. But wrong.
First thing we do is remain calm.

930
00:39:16,145 --> 00:39:17,187
Yeah, that's good advice.

931
00:39:17,271 --> 00:39:19,689
The 911 operator can't understand you
if you're hystericaI, okay?

932
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:21,816
So let's all take a deep breath.
In for ten...

933
00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:23,985
Are you kidding me right now?
Help him!

934
00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:25,945
Hey, that doesn't sound calm, Sara.

935
00:39:26,030 --> 00:39:27,906
Now, please, call 911
and relate to the dispatcher

936
00:39:27,990 --> 00:39:29,824
- what happened calmly, okay?
- Okay, yes.

937
00:39:29,909 --> 00:39:31,701
Anybody know what we do next?

938
00:39:31,786 --> 00:39:33,036
Check for pulse!

939
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,038
Nice! My star pupiI! Come on up here.

940
00:39:35,122 --> 00:39:37,290
All right! Okay, two fingers on the neck,

941
00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:38,666
right below the ear.

942
00:39:38,751 --> 00:39:40,668
- Good. You feeI a heartbeat?
- Uh-uh.

943
00:39:41,128 --> 00:39:44,798
Okay, now that means that
Brad here is now clinically... Anybody?

944
00:39:45,007 --> 00:39:46,341
- You, Jean Jacket!
- Dead?

945
00:39:46,509 --> 00:39:47,884
Attaboy, Jean Jacket.
You're a smart kid.

946
00:39:47,968 --> 00:39:49,010
He is dead.

947
00:39:49,095 --> 00:39:51,679
All right, so what do we do?
Come on, we're losing him here.

948
00:39:51,764 --> 00:39:53,306
Give him C.P.R.?

949
00:39:53,599 --> 00:39:55,934
Yes! That's my girI.
Come on up here, sweetie.

950
00:39:56,143 --> 00:39:59,813
All right! All right, lock your fingers like
this and press down hard right here.

951
00:40:00,106 --> 00:40:01,648
- (GRUNTING)
- Oh, great job, sweetheart.

952
00:40:01,816 --> 00:40:02,774
Dusty, hurry!

953
00:40:02,858 --> 00:40:04,567
Okay, I'm going to go ahead
and take this one.

954
00:40:04,777 --> 00:40:05,985
Okay? Watch closely now.

955
00:40:06,112 --> 00:40:07,946
If you do your
chest compressions properly,

956
00:40:08,030 --> 00:40:10,323
it shouldn't take long. Clear out, guys.

957
00:40:10,491 --> 00:40:11,783
(WHIRRING)

958
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:14,411
(GASPING)

959
00:40:14,495 --> 00:40:15,954
- I got him! I got him!
- (COUGHING)

960
00:40:16,038 --> 00:40:17,414
(ALL CHEERING)

961
00:40:18,833 --> 00:40:21,418
My dad can bring people
back from the dead!

962
00:40:21,502 --> 00:40:22,669
(GROANING)

963
00:40:22,837 --> 00:40:24,879
Mr. Whitaker's a zombie!

964
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:26,589
(MUTTERING)

965
00:40:28,509 --> 00:40:32,345
Look, I'm okay, really.
I just got a little jolt.

966
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:34,848
You got a little killed
is what you got, Brad.

967
00:40:35,182 --> 00:40:36,850
We thought we lost you.

968
00:40:37,184 --> 00:40:38,560
Okay, I'm sorry.

969
00:40:38,686 --> 00:40:40,687
I just got tired of being
the lame stepdad.

970
00:40:40,813 --> 00:40:42,647
All the kids think he's Superman.

971
00:40:42,857 --> 00:40:44,524
Well, now you know how I felt.

972
00:40:44,859 --> 00:40:46,443
I always had to be the bad guy mom,

973
00:40:46,527 --> 00:40:49,028
giving out the carrots
and the punishments,

974
00:40:49,321 --> 00:40:51,865
and he would breeze in
from God only knows where

975
00:40:51,991 --> 00:40:53,950
and get to be the cooI, fun dad.

976
00:40:54,034 --> 00:40:55,994
Honey. Look. (SIGHS)

977
00:40:56,370 --> 00:40:57,829
I'll talk to him, okay?

978
00:40:57,913 --> 00:40:59,122
I'll tell him to get his stuff

979
00:40:59,206 --> 00:41:01,416
and get over
to the Red Roof Inn. Pronto.

980
00:41:01,876 --> 00:41:02,876
Great.

981
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,128
(TV PLAYING)

982
00:41:06,380 --> 00:41:09,382
Wait. Prince Hans is
actually the bad guy?

983
00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:11,134
Man, I didn't see that coming at all.

984
00:41:11,218 --> 00:41:12,552
He seemed like he really loved Anna.

985
00:41:13,053 --> 00:41:14,137
MEGAN: I hate Prince Hans.

986
00:41:14,221 --> 00:41:15,430
Dusty.

987
00:41:15,681 --> 00:41:17,474
- Hey, how you feeling, Sparky?
- (CHUCKLES)

988
00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:19,684
Sparky. That's hilarious.

989
00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:20,977
DUSTY: Brad, have you seen this movie?

990
00:41:21,061 --> 00:41:22,312
It's unbelievable, man.

991
00:41:22,396 --> 00:41:24,439
There's these two sisters,
one of them has ice powers.

992
00:41:24,565 --> 00:41:26,441
Yeah, I'm familiar with Frozen.

993
00:41:27,359 --> 00:41:29,068
Listen, Dusty, I need to talk to you now.

994
00:41:29,153 --> 00:41:30,195
I can't talk now, Brad.

995
00:41:30,279 --> 00:41:31,404
Just pause the movie!

996
00:41:31,489 --> 00:41:32,822
Can you guys talk out there, please?

997
00:41:32,907 --> 00:41:34,073
Griff, man. You gotta pause it, man.

998
00:41:34,241 --> 00:41:35,492
No! I don't want to ruin the momentum.

999
00:41:35,576 --> 00:41:38,745
He won't... Dude, if another song
comes on, you got to pause it. Okay?

1000
00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,246
Am I supposed to pause my emotions?

1001
00:41:40,331 --> 00:41:41,789
Just pause the song, man.

1002
00:41:42,208 --> 00:41:44,000
What's up? What's up?
What's going on, Brad?

1003
00:41:44,084 --> 00:41:45,418
- This shouldn't take long.
- Okay, good.

1004
00:41:45,878 --> 00:41:48,004
Listen, um, I just think
that you're being here...

1005
00:41:48,088 --> 00:41:49,964
Yeah. No problem.

1006
00:41:50,049 --> 00:41:51,466
...and now there's Griff here,

1007
00:41:51,592 --> 00:41:53,051
it's presenting some obstacles...

1008
00:41:53,177 --> 00:41:54,260
(SOBBING)

1009
00:41:55,304 --> 00:41:56,513
Stupid helmet!

1010
00:41:56,764 --> 00:41:57,889
Honey, what happened?

1011
00:41:57,973 --> 00:41:59,307
They pushed me off my bike again!

1012
00:41:59,391 --> 00:42:00,808
- I'm so sick of it!
- (CLATTERING)

1013
00:42:06,273 --> 00:42:08,900
I want them dead, Brad. All right?
I want their parents dead.

1014
00:42:08,984 --> 00:42:10,193
And if they don't have parents, I want

1015
00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:12,195
their primary caregivers dead.
Do you understand me?

1016
00:42:12,279 --> 00:42:13,363
- Okay, okay.
- He's okay.

1017
00:42:13,447 --> 00:42:16,074
Megan's upstairs playing with him.
I am so pissed about this.

1018
00:42:16,158 --> 00:42:17,283
Was it the fourth graders again?

1019
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,661
Fourth graders?
What, you knew about this, Brad?

1020
00:42:19,745 --> 00:42:22,288
Yeah. Dylan asked to speak
specifically to me about it.

1021
00:42:22,414 --> 00:42:23,748
- Really?
- So, we role-played

1022
00:42:23,832 --> 00:42:25,291
some conflict resolution dialogue.

1023
00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:26,876
Are you being serious right now, Brad?

1024
00:42:26,961 --> 00:42:29,379
What you need to be teaching him
is some ass-beating resolution.

1025
00:42:29,463 --> 00:42:32,799
Damn straight. You got to
make a statement. Set a tone.

1026
00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:35,093
It's kind of
a family matter over here.

1027
00:42:35,177 --> 00:42:36,636
No, Dusty and Griff are right.

1028
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:38,471
Those little punks need
their butts whooped.

1029
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:39,889
Hey, you got any Miracle Whip?

1030
00:42:39,974 --> 00:42:41,015
Yeah, it's behind the... (SIGHS)

1031
00:42:41,350 --> 00:42:43,685
Here. Hold on. Let me just get it for you.

1032
00:42:44,478 --> 00:42:47,480
Guys, I know we're upset right now,

1033
00:42:47,856 --> 00:42:49,566
but here's the thing.

1034
00:42:50,109 --> 00:42:51,776
Violence never solved anything.

1035
00:42:51,902 --> 00:42:52,944
Hey, check your history books, buddy.

1036
00:42:53,028 --> 00:42:54,362
Almost everything is solved by violence.

1037
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:55,780
There are better ways.

1038
00:42:55,906 --> 00:42:58,491
Okay. Name one. Besides dialoguing.

1039
00:42:58,617 --> 00:43:00,159
- Name one?
- Name one!

1040
00:43:00,494 --> 00:43:02,245
- What do you mean, name one?
- You said you could

1041
00:43:02,329 --> 00:43:03,621
solve problems with
things other than fighting.

1042
00:43:03,706 --> 00:43:04,789
- What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.

1043
00:43:04,873 --> 00:43:07,125
Well, you said you knew!
You act like you knew!

1044
00:43:07,209 --> 00:43:08,293
- Fine, yes!
- What?

1045
00:43:08,377 --> 00:43:10,044
Dancing! Dancing.

1046
00:43:13,048 --> 00:43:15,341
Did you... Did you just
say dancing, Brad?

1047
00:43:15,426 --> 00:43:19,178
It's very popular in youth culture
to resolve conflict through dancing.

1048
00:43:19,388 --> 00:43:21,681
They step up to each other
and get served

1049
00:43:21,849 --> 00:43:24,183
by crunking, or popping and locking.

1050
00:43:24,268 --> 00:43:26,519
They call each other out,
they take turns,

1051
00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:30,398
and it is no less intense
than a classic street brawI.

1052
00:43:30,691 --> 00:43:33,735
But, at the end of the day, no one's hurt.

1053
00:43:34,069 --> 00:43:36,404
And it's a great aerobic workout.

1054
00:43:36,864 --> 00:43:39,741
He's flailing a bit,
but he has a good point.

1055
00:43:39,867 --> 00:43:42,076
There's a rich history
of dance battles in film.

1056
00:43:42,411 --> 00:43:44,370
- You got Breakin' 1...
- I didn't even think of this.

1057
00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:46,456
...Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

1058
00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,291
One of the rare cases
where the sequeI was better

1059
00:43:48,375 --> 00:43:49,626
- than the originaI.
- Much better.

1060
00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:51,544
You got Step Up, Stomp the Yard.

1061
00:43:51,629 --> 00:43:53,212
He makes a solid point.

1062
00:43:53,589 --> 00:43:56,174
Honey, are you telling us that we
should teach Dylan to dance?

1063
00:43:56,258 --> 00:43:58,301
(SIGHS) No, I'm just saying

1064
00:43:58,761 --> 00:44:00,428
that teaching him to fight
isn't the answer.

1065
00:44:00,512 --> 00:44:03,931
Okay, but maybe teaching him
to fight back isn't so bad?

1066
00:44:05,934 --> 00:44:07,185
BRAD: Okay.

1067
00:44:08,270 --> 00:44:12,106
There we go. Perfect.
That's good, right there.

1068
00:44:13,108 --> 00:44:14,734
Yeah. A lot of protection.

1069
00:44:19,615 --> 00:44:20,823
All right, Dylan. You ready, buddy?

1070
00:44:20,908 --> 00:44:22,283
- I guess.
- Oh, you're ready.

1071
00:44:22,368 --> 00:44:24,494
Brad, Griff. You guys be
the fourth graders.

1072
00:44:24,578 --> 00:44:26,162
- I'll be Dylan.
- Okay.

1073
00:44:26,372 --> 00:44:28,748
All right. Hey, buddy,
the first thing you want to do

1074
00:44:28,832 --> 00:44:30,500
is call out the biggest one.

1075
00:44:30,834 --> 00:44:32,502
Hey! What's the matter?

1076
00:44:32,711 --> 00:44:33,836
You too much of a pussy to take me on

1077
00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:35,505
without your little bitches
to back you up?

1078
00:44:36,131 --> 00:44:39,676
Wow. Okay, yes.
That cut right through me, there.

1079
00:44:39,802 --> 00:44:41,803
I'm filled with inner shame right now.

1080
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:44,305
Saying to myself,
"Gosh, maybe I'm not behaving

1081
00:44:44,390 --> 00:44:47,475
"100% the way I want to. "
Right? Is that same page?

1082
00:44:47,559 --> 00:44:49,852
No. What the kid's gonna think
is, "Now I can beat your ass

1083
00:44:49,937 --> 00:44:52,605
"all on my own. " But now
you only got one bully to contend with.

1084
00:44:52,773 --> 00:44:54,440
Now bullies always open up
with some shoving first.

1085
00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:56,359
- Watch. Brad, give me a little shove.
- All right.

1086
00:44:56,443 --> 00:44:57,443
(YELPS)

1087
00:44:57,528 --> 00:44:58,695
Whoa, I didn't connect there, did I?

1088
00:44:58,779 --> 00:45:00,446
No. It was really close, though.

1089
00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:03,408
See what I did, buddy?
I turned my body just enough

1090
00:45:03,492 --> 00:45:05,993
to let his weight bring him in,
then I came right down Broadway.

1091
00:45:06,078 --> 00:45:07,620
- I'm not gonna hit you.
- Oh.

1092
00:45:07,705 --> 00:45:10,081
- Okay, relax. Okay?
- Mmm-hmm.

1093
00:45:10,165 --> 00:45:11,207
- Bam!
- (ALL GASP)

1094
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:12,458
It's called the element of surprise.

1095
00:45:12,584 --> 00:45:13,960
Then you start punking his ass!

1096
00:45:14,086 --> 00:45:16,170
You want some more of that, bitch, huh?
You like that, bitch?

1097
00:45:16,296 --> 00:45:18,005
All right. Do we really
need to use that word?

1098
00:45:18,090 --> 00:45:19,215
- No.
- Honey, yes.

1099
00:45:19,299 --> 00:45:20,842
Unfortunately, we do. I'm sorry.

1100
00:45:20,926 --> 00:45:22,760
You have to make him a bitch.

1101
00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:24,846
It's a fundamentaI step in
destroying a bully's psyche.

1102
00:45:25,013 --> 00:45:26,305
Now stay down, bitch!

1103
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,890
Then you kick that kid
right in the nuts!

1104
00:45:27,975 --> 00:45:29,016
Kick him in the nuts, Dylan!

1105
00:45:29,143 --> 00:45:30,476
Wait! I thought you were in my gang.

1106
00:45:30,561 --> 00:45:32,895
Yeah, but once Dylan tuned you up,
I switched sides.

1107
00:45:32,980 --> 00:45:34,731
What do you think happens
out there on the playground, Brad?

1108
00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:36,566
All right, now come on, buddy.
It's your turn. All right?

1109
00:45:36,692 --> 00:45:37,942
I'll be the fourth grader.

1110
00:45:38,068 --> 00:45:39,902
Can I just go inside already, please?

1111
00:45:39,987 --> 00:45:41,946
Hey, buddy come on, this is easy.
You can do this.

1112
00:45:42,030 --> 00:45:43,823
I said, no! I don't like this stuff.

1113
00:45:43,949 --> 00:45:46,492
I'll just stay away from them
from now on. Mom?

1114
00:45:46,618 --> 00:45:47,785
Okay, come here, buddy.

1115
00:45:47,870 --> 00:45:49,036
- Come on. It's all right.
- Brad.

1116
00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:50,663
Help me out here. Come on.

1117
00:45:52,249 --> 00:45:53,416
Hey, wait.

1118
00:45:54,251 --> 00:45:56,043
PaI, listen...

1119
00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:58,171
I know what it's like
to be afraid to go to schooI.

1120
00:45:58,380 --> 00:46:00,047
Okay? When I was your age,

1121
00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:02,717
this group of older kids
started picking on me.

1122
00:46:03,677 --> 00:46:05,762
I ran and I cried
underneath the bleachers.

1123
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:08,848
They bothered me every day,
because they knew

1124
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:10,933
I was too afraid to face them.

1125
00:46:11,643 --> 00:46:13,770
UntiI one day, I'd had enough.

1126
00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:16,189
And I socked Jesse Hubbard
right in the nose.

1127
00:46:16,523 --> 00:46:18,524
Really? And they left you alone?

1128
00:46:18,901 --> 00:46:20,234
Damn right they did.

1129
00:46:23,864 --> 00:46:25,865
Brad. (SOFTLY) That was good.

1130
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:29,994
Come here, buddy.
Hey, I'm proud of you. All right?

1131
00:46:30,204 --> 00:46:31,329
Now, look at me. I want you to

1132
00:46:31,413 --> 00:46:32,705
punch them right
in the Adam's apple. Okay?

1133
00:46:32,790 --> 00:46:34,665
I want you to shatter their throat.

1134
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:36,250
Hold on, hold on.

1135
00:46:37,377 --> 00:46:41,130
I'm sorry. Look, I'm having
a pang of guilt right now.

1136
00:46:41,215 --> 00:46:43,007
Full disclosure. Some of the elements

1137
00:46:43,091 --> 00:46:44,383
of my story weren't exactly true.

1138
00:46:45,260 --> 00:46:47,261
Um, the incessant crying, 100% true.

1139
00:46:47,554 --> 00:46:50,723
The constant bullying, absolutely,
it all happened, but I, uh...

1140
00:46:51,558 --> 00:46:53,684
I've never punched anyone
in my life.

1141
00:46:53,894 --> 00:46:55,061
I could have told you that.

1142
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:57,730
- Then what did you do?
- Yeah, what did you do?

1143
00:46:58,398 --> 00:47:00,483
Well, nothing at all.
In fact, sixth grade was so rough,

1144
00:47:00,567 --> 00:47:02,235
I changed my name to

1145
00:47:02,903 --> 00:47:04,111
Devin Lacecock.

1146
00:47:04,196 --> 00:47:05,863
Why the hell would you tell him that?

1147
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,241
I pretended to be blind
for an entire schooI year,

1148
00:47:08,408 --> 00:47:10,076
just to elicit empathy.

1149
00:47:10,577 --> 00:47:12,245
Which was great untiI

1150
00:47:12,538 --> 00:47:15,748
they found me intently watching
an episode of M*A*S*H.

1151
00:47:16,250 --> 00:47:17,959
In fact, it got so bad,
my parents had to refinance

1152
00:47:18,043 --> 00:47:19,585
our house to put me in private schooI.

1153
00:47:19,878 --> 00:47:23,089
Let's just do that.
Can I go to private schooI, please?

1154
00:47:23,549 --> 00:47:25,758
No, Dylan, we can't do that.
Want to know why?

1155
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,469
Because ever since that day,

1156
00:47:28,929 --> 00:47:30,680
I've always run away from conflict.

1157
00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:35,935
In fact, if I had a dad like Dusty
when I was your age, maybe

1158
00:47:36,395 --> 00:47:38,896
he could have taught me
how to stand up for myself.

1159
00:47:39,439 --> 00:47:41,607
So, wait. You're saying,

1160
00:47:41,733 --> 00:47:43,943
if I don't stick up for myself now,

1161
00:47:44,152 --> 00:47:46,445
I'll grow up to be a huge wussy like you?

1162
00:47:46,780 --> 00:47:51,450
Um, yes. That is the basic
gist of what I'm saying. Yes.

1163
00:47:51,785 --> 00:47:53,786
Okay. Then let's do this.

1164
00:47:54,204 --> 00:47:55,746
DUSTY: Come on, buddy, you got this.

1165
00:47:55,831 --> 00:47:56,914
Give me something. Come on.

1166
00:47:56,999 --> 00:47:58,749
Faster, harder, meaner, stronger.

1167
00:47:58,834 --> 00:48:00,084
You're fast, you're good.

1168
00:48:00,168 --> 00:48:01,460
You're a winner. You're a champion.

1169
00:48:01,628 --> 00:48:04,547
They got to let you off the leash, baby.
We got a little pit bull here.

1170
00:48:05,465 --> 00:48:08,467
That was really nice,
you guys. Good job.

1171
00:48:08,552 --> 00:48:10,720
It was really fun to watch the
two of you working together

1172
00:48:10,804 --> 00:48:13,264
like a couple of great co-dads.

1173
00:48:13,599 --> 00:48:14,765
Yeah.

1174
00:48:15,309 --> 00:48:17,643
Co-dads. That's...

1175
00:48:18,312 --> 00:48:19,437
That's good stuff.

1176
00:48:19,646 --> 00:48:22,148
You know what?
In that same spirit of unity,

1177
00:48:23,108 --> 00:48:24,525
I want to show my gratitude
for your inviting me

1178
00:48:24,651 --> 00:48:26,360
to stay here
and share moments like these.

1179
00:48:26,486 --> 00:48:28,613
Oh, about that, Dusty.
When I pulled you over there, actually...

1180
00:48:28,739 --> 00:48:31,198
No, what you've done here
does not go unnoticed.

1181
00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:32,658
And I repay my debts.

1182
00:48:32,951 --> 00:48:34,702
Look, Sara, I know how much
you want another child.

1183
00:48:34,828 --> 00:48:36,621
I think I can help
put a baby in there for you.

1184
00:48:36,705 --> 00:48:38,414
- Oh, my God!
- What are you saying?

1185
00:48:38,498 --> 00:48:40,666
- I mean I got a guy.
- Dusty, please! You got a guy?

1186
00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:42,627
Yes, I got a guy. A fertility doctor.

1187
00:48:42,711 --> 00:48:44,962
He's a buddy of mine.
I trained him for his first Ironman.

1188
00:48:45,047 --> 00:48:47,048
All right? Dr. Francisco is the reaI deaI.

1189
00:48:47,341 --> 00:48:49,342
- Dr. Emilio Francisco?
- You've heard of him?

1190
00:48:49,468 --> 00:48:51,010
Oh, my God, yeah.

1191
00:48:51,178 --> 00:48:53,054
He's been on Dr. Oz like 10 times.

1192
00:48:53,180 --> 00:48:54,430
Yeah, he's one of the top five

1193
00:48:54,514 --> 00:48:56,390
reproductive endocrinologists
in the country.

1194
00:48:56,516 --> 00:48:59,310
See? People wait years
to get an appointment with this guy.

1195
00:48:59,394 --> 00:49:00,728
Do you really think he would see us?

1196
00:49:00,812 --> 00:49:02,772
- Whoa, whoa, hold on.
- I know he would.

1197
00:49:02,856 --> 00:49:05,399
If anybody can help you
have a baby, he can.

1198
00:49:05,859 --> 00:49:07,234
Mommy's going to have a baby?

1199
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:08,611
CooI! Can we name it Griff?

1200
00:49:08,695 --> 00:49:09,779
Oh, thanks, D-man.

1201
00:49:09,863 --> 00:49:12,031
Look, you guys,
I don't know if this is a good idea.

1202
00:49:12,199 --> 00:49:13,950
What, you don't wanna name your baby
after a black person?

1203
00:49:14,034 --> 00:49:15,159
- Is that it?
- No!

1204
00:49:15,243 --> 00:49:16,702
You probably want to name it
something really white,

1205
00:49:16,787 --> 00:49:18,537
like Connor or Gordon.

1206
00:49:19,206 --> 00:49:22,917
Harland, or Scot with one T. Or Brad.

1207
00:49:23,001 --> 00:49:25,628
No, no, Griff is a lovely name.
I'm just saying,

1208
00:49:26,088 --> 00:49:28,214
I don't think it's a good
idea to get our hopes up,

1209
00:49:29,049 --> 00:49:31,092
because, in the end,

1210
00:49:31,218 --> 00:49:33,719
odds are, I'm going to let you down.

1211
00:49:34,388 --> 00:49:35,805
Okay, honey, but what if

1212
00:49:35,889 --> 00:49:38,683
I promise, promise, promise
not to get my hopes up?

1213
00:49:39,101 --> 00:49:41,060
We could just try, right? It can't hurt.

1214
00:49:42,437 --> 00:49:45,398
Okay, sure.
But you can't get your hopes up.

1215
00:49:45,565 --> 00:49:46,732
No. I won't, I won't! Thank you!

1216
00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:48,818
I feeI like you've already
gotten your hopes up.

1217
00:49:50,028 --> 00:49:51,529
- Where are you going?
- Nowhere!

1218
00:49:51,613 --> 00:49:53,280
- You calling your mother?
- No!

1219
00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:55,491
Okay, yes, but it's about something else.

1220
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,201
It's not about something else.

1221
00:49:57,619 --> 00:49:59,412
Damn it, Brad, he set you up.

1222
00:49:59,788 --> 00:50:02,999
He used this fancy doctor
to get your wife back on the baby train.

1223
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:07,253
When those test results come back
and prove that you can't give her a baby,

1224
00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:09,922
guess who's gonna be waiting
there cocked and loaded?

1225
00:50:10,298 --> 00:50:12,341
Well, I trust my wife,

1226
00:50:12,676 --> 00:50:14,760
so we really don't need to
keep talking about it, okay?

1227
00:50:14,928 --> 00:50:16,595
Let me tell you a little story, Brad.

1228
00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:21,100
When Jeneane, my fourth, and I
were returning from our honeymoon,

1229
00:50:21,184 --> 00:50:23,227
she told me that
she had a 23-year-old kid.

1230
00:50:23,478 --> 00:50:26,313
Brazilian boy.
Said she had him reaI young.

1231
00:50:26,606 --> 00:50:27,732
So he moves in with us.

1232
00:50:28,025 --> 00:50:29,442
Doesn't speak a lick of English.

1233
00:50:29,651 --> 00:50:32,820
There are the usuaI tensions.
I try to assert my authority.

1234
00:50:33,155 --> 00:50:35,698
"Andreas, get your feet off the furniture. "

1235
00:50:35,907 --> 00:50:38,743
"Andreas, you're too old
to sleep in bed with Mommy. "

1236
00:50:39,161 --> 00:50:41,787
"Andreas, you got to stay off the 'roids. "

1237
00:50:42,122 --> 00:50:44,540
And he'd get mad,
and hit me with a car antenna.

1238
00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:46,792
Eh... Maybe that's the way kids are.

1239
00:50:47,002 --> 00:50:48,461
No. Not really.

1240
00:50:48,545 --> 00:50:51,047
So I adopt him,
help him get his citizenship.

1241
00:50:51,548 --> 00:50:54,425
The second the papers come through,
guess what happens?

1242
00:50:54,634 --> 00:50:55,593
I already know.

1243
00:50:55,677 --> 00:50:57,678
Bam! They shack up together in Barstow.

1244
00:50:57,804 --> 00:50:59,722
It turns out Andreas

1245
00:50:59,806 --> 00:51:01,640
- is her boyfriend, Brad.
- Mmm-hmm.

1246
00:51:02,017 --> 00:51:03,684
I did not see it coming.

1247
00:51:03,810 --> 00:51:08,147
I actually did, about one,
two words into your story.

1248
00:51:08,231 --> 00:51:09,899
The moraI of this fable is,

1249
00:51:09,983 --> 00:51:11,609
it's good to know when you're beaten.

1250
00:51:12,152 --> 00:51:14,695
- You know I think the world of you, Brad.
- Thank you.

1251
00:51:14,821 --> 00:51:18,449
But if I'm being completely honest,
even I'm rooting for Dusty.

1252
00:51:19,034 --> 00:51:20,576
He's just so damn likeable.

1253
00:51:21,369 --> 00:51:24,955
You know, it's getting kind of late.
Shouldn't we just get back to work?

1254
00:51:25,373 --> 00:51:26,707
Okay, you win.

1255
00:51:27,542 --> 00:51:31,378
So where are we on The Panda Jam
numbers for next summer?

1256
00:51:32,672 --> 00:51:35,049
London, you still on the conference call?

1257
00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:39,678
Dusty Mayron, you crazy hijo de puta!

1258
00:51:40,555 --> 00:51:42,473
- (LAUGHS) Hey, what's up, Doc?
- (EXCLAIMING)

1259
00:51:42,557 --> 00:51:45,101
You look great, man. You still
rocking those Ironmans, huh?

1260
00:51:45,185 --> 00:51:47,269
Yeah, bro. I just finished BraziI in 11:40.

1261
00:51:47,354 --> 00:51:49,105
- That's unbelievable.
- Yeah. Well, come on.

1262
00:51:49,189 --> 00:51:50,397
Ain't nothing on you, man.

1263
00:51:50,524 --> 00:51:53,526
Hey, my first race,
I'm limping across the finish line

1264
00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:54,985
when this bastard laps me.

1265
00:51:55,195 --> 00:51:56,570
I mean, come on, who wins an Ironman,

1266
00:51:56,696 --> 00:51:58,614
then decides to go around again?
Who does that?

1267
00:51:58,698 --> 00:52:00,199
It sounds exhausting.

1268
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:03,786
Hey, I'm Dr. Francisco.
You must be Sara.

1269
00:52:03,954 --> 00:52:04,954
Hi. (LAUGHS)

1270
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,249
Dusty, you were not Iying
about this one. Very nice.

1271
00:52:08,917 --> 00:52:10,126
And you weren't Iying
about this one either.

1272
00:52:10,210 --> 00:52:11,544
You must be Chief Glowing Sack.

1273
00:52:11,628 --> 00:52:13,337
What? (LAUGHS)

1274
00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:14,797
Hey, come on,
I'm just lighting you up, man.

1275
00:52:14,881 --> 00:52:15,923
Come on, little hug.

1276
00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:18,884
Okay, come on back, y'all.
Let's take a look.

1277
00:52:19,886 --> 00:52:21,387
All right. So let's run it down.

1278
00:52:21,888 --> 00:52:23,305
I think we can safely say

1279
00:52:23,390 --> 00:52:25,391
that your issue has nothing
to do with X-rays.

1280
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,185
You know what, sweetheart, come here.
Let's see that pretty little hand.

1281
00:52:28,270 --> 00:52:29,937
Okay. Now put it right in here.

1282
00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:32,481
- Oh!
- Okay, you feeI that?

1283
00:52:32,566 --> 00:52:34,400
- Yeah.
- Okay, that is not how you want

1284
00:52:34,484 --> 00:52:35,776
testicles to be shaped.

1285
00:52:35,902 --> 00:52:38,904
Really? It feels like all the other...

1286
00:52:39,072 --> 00:52:40,072
Hi.

1287
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:42,700
Well, it cuts off blood flow, okay?
Limits potency.

1288
00:52:42,784 --> 00:52:44,910
You want them to...
You know what? Actually...

1289
00:52:45,579 --> 00:52:47,663
- Hey, Dusty!
- Hey.

1290
00:52:47,747 --> 00:52:49,915
- Why is he coming in here?
- Little help in here, please.

1291
00:52:50,125 --> 00:52:51,667
Oh, come on. You gotta put me
through this every time?

1292
00:52:51,751 --> 00:52:53,252
- Come on. Be a sport.
- All right.

1293
00:52:53,628 --> 00:52:54,795
Oh, my God! What are you doing?

1294
00:52:54,921 --> 00:52:56,422
Is this even ethicaI?

1295
00:52:56,798 --> 00:52:59,133
(GASPS) James and the Giant Peach.

1296
00:52:59,426 --> 00:53:00,509
(GULPS)

1297
00:53:00,594 --> 00:53:02,761
- Did you just gulp?
- No.

1298
00:53:03,013 --> 00:53:04,513
It's okay, I gulp every time.

1299
00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:08,517
You see, this... This is what you want.

1300
00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:10,269
Plump and bulbous.

1301
00:53:10,687 --> 00:53:12,688
Glassy smooth, like

1302
00:53:12,772 --> 00:53:15,191
two Patrick Stewarts,
you know what I mean?

1303
00:53:15,275 --> 00:53:17,318
Don't embarrass me in front
of Sara like this anymore, okay?

1304
00:53:17,402 --> 00:53:18,694
DR. FRANCISCO: Hey, sorry, bro.

1305
00:53:18,778 --> 00:53:21,280
So, ready to milk the cow,
see if we even got a sliver of hope here?

1306
00:53:21,364 --> 00:53:23,782
Hey, Dusty, come on, buddy. Want to
try to break your own record?

1307
00:53:23,867 --> 00:53:24,909
Oh, no, I'm good.

1308
00:53:24,993 --> 00:53:26,869
DR. FRANCISCO: Hey, come on, man.
I'm doing you a favor here.

1309
00:53:26,953 --> 00:53:29,163
Give me something to brag
about at the next symposium.

1310
00:53:29,289 --> 00:53:32,541
All right, fine. You want to break
the record, I gotta break the record.

1311
00:53:33,084 --> 00:53:35,085
(LAUGHS) Yeah. Kid came to play.

1312
00:53:35,545 --> 00:53:36,837
Should I grab a big cup, too?

1313
00:53:36,922 --> 00:53:37,963
What? Stop screwing around.

1314
00:53:38,131 --> 00:53:39,632
Come on. We're burning daylight here.

1315
00:53:46,765 --> 00:53:47,890
(DOOR OPENS)

1316
00:53:47,974 --> 00:53:49,767
(WOMEN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

1317
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:52,144
(SIGHS)

1318
00:53:56,316 --> 00:53:57,358
(ALL GASPING)

1319
00:53:57,442 --> 00:53:58,943
(ALL LAUGHING)

1320
00:54:08,870 --> 00:54:12,665
Hello. Quick question.
How difficult would it be

1321
00:54:12,749 --> 00:54:15,584
for someone to whip up
a batch of your Cinnabons?

1322
00:54:15,919 --> 00:54:17,836
Would you need
restaurant-grade ovens?

1323
00:54:17,921 --> 00:54:19,922
Bradsky. Could you
pass this along to Dusty?

1324
00:54:20,048 --> 00:54:21,382
It's his first resids check.

1325
00:54:21,508 --> 00:54:23,259
Disclaimer. It's more than you make.

1326
00:54:23,343 --> 00:54:25,010
- Don't get worried about it.
- How much more than...

1327
00:54:25,136 --> 00:54:28,055
Oh, and tell him,
8:30 sharp at my house.

1328
00:54:28,431 --> 00:54:30,266
He doesn't need to bring anything.
All right, buddy?

1329
00:54:30,350 --> 00:54:31,684
I've never been to your house.

1330
00:54:31,768 --> 00:54:33,185
No, you haven't.

1331
00:54:36,523 --> 00:54:39,858
SARA: Oh, my God,
my hair, it looks awfuI.

1332
00:54:40,193 --> 00:54:41,527
Doesn't Mommy's hair look pretty?

1333
00:54:41,611 --> 00:54:43,362
- No. Next slide, please.
- DUSTY: Oh, okay.

1334
00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:46,282
- Slides. Fun.
- DUSTY: Aw...

1335
00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:48,367
CooI. You guys climbed that?

1336
00:54:48,618 --> 00:54:51,287
Yuck. Why are you guys kissing
in every single picture?

1337
00:54:51,538 --> 00:54:53,539
Oh, Mommy used to kiss Daddy a lot.

1338
00:54:53,790 --> 00:54:55,374
SARA: Married people kiss a lot.

1339
00:54:55,500 --> 00:54:56,625
DUSTY: Ready?

1340
00:54:56,710 --> 00:54:58,043
Wow, China.

1341
00:54:58,336 --> 00:54:59,878
I loved it there.

1342
00:55:00,046 --> 00:55:02,298
Dylan, you were created right
there on that wall, buddy.

1343
00:55:02,382 --> 00:55:04,049
- Really?
- Dusty, that's enough.

1344
00:55:04,217 --> 00:55:06,468
- DUSTY: Okay, next slide.
- (SARA LAUGHS)

1345
00:55:06,636 --> 00:55:09,638
That's where your mom and I met,
doing The King and I in summer stock.

1346
00:55:10,223 --> 00:55:12,891
SARA: God,
that costume was so tight. (LAUGHS)

1347
00:55:13,393 --> 00:55:15,227
Next slide, please.

1348
00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:16,979
Oh, my God.

1349
00:55:19,065 --> 00:55:20,774
MEGAN: Is that baby me?
SARA: Mmm-hmm.

1350
00:55:32,912 --> 00:55:36,415
All right, you guys, let's,
um, get ready for bed.

1351
00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,959
- Okay?
- DUSTY: It's story time, Mayron family!

1352
00:55:39,044 --> 00:55:40,002
(CHILDREN CHEERING)

1353
00:55:40,086 --> 00:55:42,588
MEGAN: We don't have to wait
for Mr. Whitaker, do we?

1354
00:55:42,672 --> 00:55:47,009
I really don't like you,
but that shit is heartbreaking.

1355
00:55:51,264 --> 00:55:52,348
(DOOR CLOSING)

1356
00:55:52,432 --> 00:55:54,433
MEGAN: Yay! Griff's home!

1357
00:55:54,893 --> 00:55:56,310
So the King raised his mighty sword

1358
00:55:56,394 --> 00:55:58,604
and rained steeI
down upon the Step King.

1359
00:55:59,522 --> 00:56:01,190
But the Step King
blocked it with his shield.

1360
00:56:02,108 --> 00:56:04,860
And swung his cat o'nine tails
into the King's smug face.

1361
00:56:04,944 --> 00:56:07,613
Which the King easily brushed aside
like the feather of a gull.

1362
00:56:07,697 --> 00:56:10,366
And then the King did counter
with a barrage of slashes

1363
00:56:10,450 --> 00:56:13,744
and thrusts so fast and precise
that the Step King had no way to parry.

1364
00:56:13,828 --> 00:56:14,870
BOTH: Yay!

1365
00:56:14,954 --> 00:56:17,373
But he did. He did.
He parried all of them.

1366
00:56:17,457 --> 00:56:19,875
- Easily. It was no big deaI.
- BOTH: Aw.

1367
00:56:19,959 --> 00:56:22,628
Then he grabbed the King's
sword right out of his hand

1368
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:24,963
and smashed it over his knee.

1369
00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:26,173
BOTH: Boo!

1370
00:56:26,257 --> 00:56:28,842
That's when the King pulled out
a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!

1371
00:56:28,927 --> 00:56:30,844
Which is completely anachronistic.

1372
00:56:31,096 --> 00:56:34,390
So if we're doing any time period,
then the Step King just happened to be

1373
00:56:34,474 --> 00:56:36,308
wearing Kevlar body armor.

1374
00:56:36,559 --> 00:56:38,227
- Concussion grenade!
- Hand grenade.

1375
00:56:38,478 --> 00:56:39,812
- Rocket launcher.
- Missile launcher.

1376
00:56:39,896 --> 00:56:41,063
- Air strike.
- Nuclear strike.

1377
00:56:41,147 --> 00:56:42,606
- Black hole.
- God.

1378
00:56:42,982 --> 00:56:44,316
We know what this comes down to.

1379
00:56:44,567 --> 00:56:47,069
The Step King was very upset

1380
00:56:47,153 --> 00:56:49,071
because when the reaI King
pulled out his sword,

1381
00:56:49,406 --> 00:56:51,240
it was long and shiny,

1382
00:56:51,324 --> 00:56:53,409
and the Step King
did shudder at the size of it.

1383
00:56:53,493 --> 00:56:57,162
And while the Step King acknowledged
that the King carried a mighty,

1384
00:56:57,247 --> 00:56:58,831
beautifully engraved broadsword,

1385
00:56:59,165 --> 00:57:01,291
all the maidens in the land

1386
00:57:01,376 --> 00:57:03,794
preferred the more average-sized

1387
00:57:03,962 --> 00:57:05,671
Step King's sword because

1388
00:57:06,005 --> 00:57:07,297
it knew how to listen.

1389
00:57:07,382 --> 00:57:09,174
- (SCOFFS)
- And the King needs to realize

1390
00:57:09,259 --> 00:57:10,843
he's a guest in his castle

1391
00:57:11,177 --> 00:57:13,137
and he better mind his P's and Q's

1392
00:57:13,221 --> 00:57:15,264
because the Step King
has had it up to here

1393
00:57:15,348 --> 00:57:16,765
with the King's bullshit!

1394
00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:18,267
Brad said a naughty word.

1395
00:57:18,351 --> 00:57:22,104
Kids, I'm so sorry you had to hear
that inappropriate language.

1396
00:57:22,188 --> 00:57:23,355
Make sure you tell your mother.

1397
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,107
Brad, can I talk to you
in the hall, please?

1398
00:57:25,525 --> 00:57:26,942
(SIGHS)

1399
00:57:27,527 --> 00:57:30,237
Brad, what just
happened in there, man?

1400
00:57:30,530 --> 00:57:32,781
(WHISPERING) Look, the Step King
should not have

1401
00:57:32,866 --> 00:57:34,199
used inappropriate language

1402
00:57:34,367 --> 00:57:36,618
in front of the Prince and Princess,
he admits that.

1403
00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:37,703
Why are you still saying it
like that, Brad?

1404
00:57:37,829 --> 00:57:38,871
We're out in the hall.

1405
00:57:38,955 --> 00:57:41,039
I don't know. I'm upset.

1406
00:57:41,291 --> 00:57:42,541
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- Hold on.

1407
00:57:43,209 --> 00:57:44,334
Oh-ho-ho! Hello?

1408
00:57:44,794 --> 00:57:46,712
Yeah, Brad's here, he's doing good.

1409
00:57:46,963 --> 00:57:48,213
Hey, it's Dr. Francisco.

1410
00:57:48,298 --> 00:57:49,798
He wants us all to come in tomorrow.
9:30 work for you?

1411
00:57:49,883 --> 00:57:50,883
- Yeah, I guess so.
- Yeah,

1412
00:57:50,967 --> 00:57:53,218
we'll see you then.
All right, bud. Come on, man.

1413
00:57:53,887 --> 00:57:55,804
The doctor will be with you in a moment.

1414
00:57:55,889 --> 00:57:57,222
ALL: Thank you.

1415
00:58:01,060 --> 00:58:02,060
(SARA GRUNTING)

1416
00:58:02,145 --> 00:58:03,228
Hey, Brad,

1417
00:58:04,230 --> 00:58:05,564
whatever happens here,
I just want you to know

1418
00:58:05,690 --> 00:58:07,566
that I'm proud of you for doing your best.

1419
00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:08,817
- Okay?
- Thank you.

1420
00:58:08,902 --> 00:58:12,571
Hello, hello. Okay.
I'm going to cut right to the chase.

1421
00:58:12,822 --> 00:58:15,407
Sara, I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

1422
00:58:15,700 --> 00:58:17,910
Oh, God. That is
a tough break. I'm sorry.

1423
00:58:17,994 --> 00:58:20,245
Damn, that is a reaI shame.
My heart is melting.

1424
00:58:20,330 --> 00:58:21,997
Yeah, it's a reaI shame, Sara.

1425
00:58:22,081 --> 00:58:23,499
A reaI shame that
you're gonna have to put up

1426
00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:25,000
with Brad here pounding away on you

1427
00:58:25,251 --> 00:58:28,253
over and over,
now that he's got a fighting chance

1428
00:58:28,338 --> 00:58:29,671
of getting you pregnant.

1429
00:58:30,089 --> 00:58:32,174
- (GASPING)
- What? Oh, my God!

1430
00:58:32,258 --> 00:58:34,426
- Holy moly!
- Oh, my God.

1431
00:58:35,094 --> 00:58:37,387
Hey, Doc, Doc, don't give them
a false sense of hope.

1432
00:58:37,514 --> 00:58:40,557
Remember what you said about
the blood flow and the screwy 'nads?

1433
00:58:40,642 --> 00:58:42,851
Yeah, well, Brad has you
to thank for that, Dusty.

1434
00:58:42,936 --> 00:58:45,354
Okay, in lab rats,
whenever another alpha male

1435
00:58:45,438 --> 00:58:47,189
comes around,
it can spike testosterone,

1436
00:58:47,273 --> 00:58:48,565
driving up sperm counts.

1437
00:58:48,650 --> 00:58:51,318
Now, no guarantees, okay?
But with my help, Brad,

1438
00:58:51,402 --> 00:58:54,112
I think you got enough left in the tank
to make it all the way to baby town.

1439
00:58:54,197 --> 00:58:55,364
That's so wonderfuI. Thank you.

1440
00:58:55,448 --> 00:58:57,950
- BOTH: Thank you so much.
- Of course.

1441
00:58:58,034 --> 00:58:59,952
- Can we give you a hug?
- Oh, yeah. Come on in.

1442
00:59:00,954 --> 00:59:02,579
BRAD: Oh, my gosh.

1443
00:59:03,122 --> 00:59:04,998
- Did not expect this.
- Mmm...

1444
00:59:06,042 --> 00:59:07,751
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1445
00:59:20,306 --> 00:59:22,474
You virile sea snake, you.

1446
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,810
- I underestimated you, Brad.
- Yes, you did.

1447
00:59:25,228 --> 00:59:28,730
I can finally give Sara everything,
and it feels good.

1448
00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:30,148
Now, listen, this is what you need to do.

1449
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:33,318
You need to go and pee outside
the room that Dusty sleeps in.

1450
00:59:33,444 --> 00:59:35,904
He's gonna smell your urine
and know that

1451
00:59:35,989 --> 00:59:38,448
your virility is not to be taken lightly.

1452
00:59:39,576 --> 00:59:41,785
It's good advice.
I did it last year in the lobby.

1453
00:59:41,953 --> 00:59:44,079
Oh, I remember. It was a health hazard.

1454
00:59:44,163 --> 00:59:45,247
It scared the FedEx guy.

1455
00:59:45,331 --> 00:59:47,666
No, I'm going to take
the high road on this one.

1456
00:59:47,792 --> 00:59:49,251
Okay, fine, take the high road.

1457
00:59:49,419 --> 00:59:52,045
But jam a baby up in there
as quickly as you can, Brad.

1458
00:59:52,338 --> 00:59:54,923
Because, in the end, if Sara
does choose Dusty over you,

1459
00:59:55,008 --> 00:59:57,634
he has to be stepdad to your baby.

1460
00:59:57,719 --> 00:59:58,927
- How beautifuI is that?
- (LAUGHS)

1461
00:59:59,012 --> 01:00:00,262
Come on, five it.

1462
01:00:00,346 --> 01:00:02,931
No. You know, it feels strange

1463
01:00:03,016 --> 01:00:06,476
to high-five over the custody
of my unborn child.

1464
01:00:06,561 --> 01:00:07,644
I've been on Dusty's team.

1465
01:00:07,729 --> 01:00:10,272
I'm trying to jump over
to the winning team Brad.

1466
01:00:10,356 --> 01:00:12,232
- Get on this.
- I'd really rather not.

1467
01:00:12,358 --> 01:00:15,110
I'm trying to share a moment
with you here. Please five me.

1468
01:00:15,236 --> 01:00:17,362
It feels... No, thanks.

1469
01:00:17,780 --> 01:00:19,072
- Got it!
- Wait. No.

1470
01:00:19,157 --> 01:00:20,449
- Sweet.
- It didn't count.

1471
01:00:20,533 --> 01:00:21,617
I love you, Brad.

1472
01:00:21,701 --> 01:00:22,951
It's not a binding high-five.

1473
01:00:23,036 --> 01:00:24,411
Fat beans in there.

1474
01:00:25,246 --> 01:00:26,872
- Dusty?
- Brad.

1475
01:00:27,248 --> 01:00:28,749
What can I do for you?

1476
01:00:29,083 --> 01:00:31,585
Oh, wow, that's some
impressive up-downs.

1477
01:00:31,919 --> 01:00:33,253
Look, uh,

1478
01:00:34,213 --> 01:00:37,883
what you did for Sara and me,

1479
01:00:38,092 --> 01:00:39,593
that's a life-changer, and

1480
01:00:40,261 --> 01:00:42,095
I just wanted to say thank you.

1481
01:00:42,430 --> 01:00:44,097
And I'm sorry.

1482
01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:45,724
Sorry for what?

1483
01:00:46,267 --> 01:00:48,268
Well, here's the thing.

1484
01:00:48,895 --> 01:00:51,563
I mean, you show up,

1485
01:00:52,607 --> 01:00:56,276
here's this guy who's cooI and exciting.

1486
01:00:56,611 --> 01:01:01,657
I guess I felt a little competitive, and
slightly insecure, and I start thinking,

1487
01:01:01,741 --> 01:01:04,284
well, maybe you want to challenge me.

1488
01:01:05,620 --> 01:01:07,996
But today you proved that
all you really care about

1489
01:01:08,081 --> 01:01:09,498
is our family's happiness.

1490
01:01:09,582 --> 01:01:10,707
Oh, man.

1491
01:01:10,958 --> 01:01:12,292
I'm humbled.

1492
01:01:12,418 --> 01:01:14,127
I mean it. And you know what?

1493
01:01:14,587 --> 01:01:17,089
You're right.
I was challenging you, Brad.

1494
01:01:17,298 --> 01:01:18,799
- Yeah?
- The truth?

1495
01:01:19,634 --> 01:01:21,510
I see this new man in my kids' life.

1496
01:01:21,594 --> 01:01:24,471
He's kind and caring and successfuI,
and I don't even want to like you.

1497
01:01:25,139 --> 01:01:27,557
But I can't help it. I like you, Brad.

1498
01:01:28,142 --> 01:01:29,142
Really?

1499
01:01:29,310 --> 01:01:31,645
I was determined to push you out
and get my family back.

1500
01:01:31,771 --> 01:01:34,356
I was underhanded and
disingenuous about it.

1501
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,899
I feeI like a monster.

1502
01:01:35,983 --> 01:01:37,901
No. No, no, no.

1503
01:01:38,486 --> 01:01:39,528
(SIGHS)

1504
01:01:39,612 --> 01:01:42,948
At the risk of being disrespectfuI,
I want you to shut your mouth.

1505
01:01:43,449 --> 01:01:46,576
You are allowed
to have those feelings. Okay?

1506
01:01:47,245 --> 01:01:49,788
Heck, we're talking about
your own children here, for cripes' sake.

1507
01:01:51,165 --> 01:01:52,416
Clean slate?

1508
01:01:52,792 --> 01:01:54,126
Absolutely.

1509
01:01:54,877 --> 01:01:55,961
Come here.

1510
01:01:56,462 --> 01:01:57,796
(SIGHS)

1511
01:01:59,006 --> 01:02:01,133
You know what's funny?
You're not even sweating,

1512
01:02:01,300 --> 01:02:03,218
after doing all those push-ups.

1513
01:02:03,428 --> 01:02:04,636
That's exemplary.

1514
01:02:05,179 --> 01:02:06,179
(SIGHS)

1515
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:10,058
Thank you, Dusty.

1516
01:02:10,143 --> 01:02:11,143
Thank you, Brad.

1517
01:02:14,856 --> 01:02:15,856
Oh, uh...

1518
01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:20,444
You know, all that stuff about pushing
me out and taking over my family,

1519
01:02:20,528 --> 01:02:22,070
I mean, we're through all that, right?

1520
01:02:22,488 --> 01:02:24,406
Oh, no, no, no. I'm here to defeat you

1521
01:02:24,490 --> 01:02:26,283
and take back my family.
That can't change.

1522
01:02:26,367 --> 01:02:29,035
But now I'll follow your noble example
and do it above board.

1523
01:02:29,370 --> 01:02:32,122
Honestly. Like a man. Like you.

1524
01:02:32,540 --> 01:02:35,625
But we just hugged.
You said you like me.

1525
01:02:36,169 --> 01:02:37,544
Oh, I do like you, Brad, very much.

1526
01:02:37,628 --> 01:02:38,879
It doesn't make this any easier.

1527
01:02:39,213 --> 01:02:41,715
You know I'm gonna have to tell Sara
what you said in here today.

1528
01:02:41,841 --> 01:02:44,050
Of course.
It would be irresponsible not to.

1529
01:02:44,343 --> 01:02:45,969
She's not gonna like it.
She's gonna want you out.

1530
01:02:46,053 --> 01:02:47,304
You're right about that, Brad.

1531
01:02:47,388 --> 01:02:48,764
What the hell are you up to?

1532
01:02:48,848 --> 01:02:50,348
I just told you what I'm up to.

1533
01:02:50,558 --> 01:02:52,559
My head is spinning right now.

1534
01:02:52,852 --> 01:02:55,228
Hey, you got any sweet potatoes?
Or yams?

1535
01:02:55,354 --> 01:02:56,646
Sweet potatoes or yams?

1536
01:02:56,731 --> 01:02:59,149
Griff, you know we have yams, all right?

1537
01:02:59,233 --> 01:03:00,942
You made me buy them for you.

1538
01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:02,778
I wanted to respect
your house by asking you

1539
01:03:02,862 --> 01:03:05,197
before I got them.
I didn't want to just go grab yams.

1540
01:03:05,281 --> 01:03:07,157
Okay, I appreciate that.
I'm dealing with something.

1541
01:03:07,241 --> 01:03:09,493
- Just go get the yams.
- All right.

1542
01:03:09,577 --> 01:03:11,495
Here's the thing. You're right, Dusty.

1543
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:13,747
Yeah. I'm not going to tell Sara.

1544
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:15,916
But I'm gonna prove to you
that I'm the best.

1545
01:03:16,209 --> 01:03:19,211
You can eat my dust, Dusty.

1546
01:03:35,102 --> 01:03:38,438
Christmas already?
Why didn't anybody tell me?

1547
01:03:38,523 --> 01:03:40,315
It's not. It's the middle of ApriI.

1548
01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:44,861
- Daddy must have done this!
- BRAD: Ho, ho, ho, ho!

1549
01:03:45,404 --> 01:03:47,405
No, he didn't. (LAUGHS)

1550
01:03:47,949 --> 01:03:49,616
- Brad.
- Ho, ho!

1551
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:52,536
Claus is the name.
Santa Claus, if you please.

1552
01:03:52,620 --> 01:03:54,371
But this Brad you speak of

1553
01:03:54,455 --> 01:03:56,331
called me all the way up
at the North Pole.

1554
01:03:56,415 --> 01:03:59,084
He said his children
were so sad because

1555
01:03:59,293 --> 01:04:01,795
their biologicaI father
had missed so many

1556
01:04:01,921 --> 01:04:04,172
Christmases and birthdays

1557
01:04:04,257 --> 01:04:07,008
and speciaI family holidays,
so he asked me

1558
01:04:07,093 --> 01:04:09,719
to come here today so that Dusty

1559
01:04:09,804 --> 01:04:11,930
could experience one Christmas

1560
01:04:12,014 --> 01:04:13,890
with his kids before he leaves again.

1561
01:04:14,392 --> 01:04:15,892
Probably for a long, long time.

1562
01:04:15,977 --> 01:04:16,977
Ho, ho, ho!

1563
01:04:17,103 --> 01:04:18,478
Can we open presents?

1564
01:04:18,813 --> 01:04:20,647
You sure can, little girI.

1565
01:04:20,773 --> 01:04:22,107
I think they're from Brad.

1566
01:04:22,358 --> 01:04:24,276
In fact, all the presents are from Brad.

1567
01:04:24,652 --> 01:04:27,153
Let's see if any of the
presents are from Dusty.

1568
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:32,450
Nope. Not one present from Dusty.
All from Brad.

1569
01:04:32,535 --> 01:04:35,453
Hey, kids, let's not forget
who got you a dog. Remember?

1570
01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:37,372
Hey, Tumor, quit humping Mrs. Claus!

1571
01:04:37,456 --> 01:04:38,456
(GROWLING)

1572
01:04:38,958 --> 01:04:41,042
Okay, I am officially worried about you.

1573
01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:43,378
Don't worry, Claus hasn't forgotten you.

1574
01:04:44,922 --> 01:04:45,922
Huh?

1575
01:04:46,007 --> 01:04:47,632
- For me?
- Yeah.

1576
01:04:48,175 --> 01:04:49,885
(GASPS)

1577
01:04:49,969 --> 01:04:53,430
Oh, my God, honey, it's beautifuI.
I love it.

1578
01:04:53,681 --> 01:04:56,975
Wait, no! No! No, no. It's too much.

1579
01:04:57,435 --> 01:04:58,435
(TUMOR BARKS)

1580
01:04:58,519 --> 01:05:03,023
Oh, no, it looks like Tumor's
given away Megan's big gift.

1581
01:05:08,821 --> 01:05:10,113
(SCREAMING JOYFULLY)

1582
01:05:10,197 --> 01:05:11,865
A pony! A pony! A pony!

1583
01:05:11,991 --> 01:05:13,575
I know, it's a pony!

1584
01:05:13,868 --> 01:05:15,744
- Ho, ho, ho!
- (CONTINUES SCREAMING)

1585
01:05:15,828 --> 01:05:18,788
It's a pony, Dusty! A pony!

1586
01:05:18,873 --> 01:05:20,248
Can we name her Princess Elsa?

1587
01:05:20,416 --> 01:05:23,960
You can name him whatever you want,
because it's yours!

1588
01:05:24,587 --> 01:05:25,837
Brad, how can we afford a pony?

1589
01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:27,213
Where are we even
going to put that thing?

1590
01:05:27,340 --> 01:05:29,591
I can clear out some stable
space in the garage.

1591
01:05:29,675 --> 01:05:31,217
Look, it's only half a horse.

1592
01:05:31,844 --> 01:05:34,846
Okay? Think of it like
a big dog, only a lot better.

1593
01:05:35,222 --> 01:05:37,349
Oh, what's this? What the heck?

1594
01:05:37,558 --> 01:05:40,852
It's tickets to tonight's
NBA playoff game...

1595
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,729
- What?
- ... against Dylan's favorite team,

1596
01:05:42,813 --> 01:05:44,147
the Los Angeles Lakers?

1597
01:05:44,231 --> 01:05:46,358
Oh, thanks, Brad! You're the coolest!

1598
01:05:46,567 --> 01:05:48,026
I love you, Brad!

1599
01:05:48,361 --> 01:05:49,694
Not bad.

1600
01:05:50,363 --> 01:05:51,613
Not bad at all.

1601
01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:53,907
Merry Christmas, Whitaker family!

1602
01:05:54,241 --> 01:05:55,367
GRIFF: Christmas?

1603
01:05:56,243 --> 01:05:57,869
How long was I asleep for?

1604
01:05:58,871 --> 01:06:00,538
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1605
01:06:06,587 --> 01:06:08,088
- You guys got enough candy?
- Yeah!

1606
01:06:08,172 --> 01:06:10,340
Remember, you can have anything
you want, 'cause it's Christmas!

1607
01:06:10,424 --> 01:06:12,425
No, it isn't. It's not Christmas, kids.

1608
01:06:12,635 --> 01:06:15,470
- BRAD: All right. Here we are.
- Oh, sick! We're this close?

1609
01:06:15,554 --> 01:06:18,390
Yeah. Pretty good, right?
Megan, you sit down right there.

1610
01:06:18,474 --> 01:06:20,392
Perfect. Dylan, you sit next to me.

1611
01:06:20,601 --> 01:06:23,144
And, Dusty, I'm so sorry. Yeah.

1612
01:06:23,270 --> 01:06:25,313
I could only get four in a row.
I couldn't get five.

1613
01:06:25,398 --> 01:06:27,107
So you're across the aisle,
next to that gentleman.

1614
01:06:29,026 --> 01:06:30,360
All right, guys, I'll be right here.

1615
01:06:30,486 --> 01:06:32,028
- We can still chat.
- Bye, Daddy.

1616
01:06:33,614 --> 01:06:37,033
Look, there's Kobe! It's him!
He's right there.

1617
01:06:37,118 --> 01:06:40,286
Thank you, Brad, this is the best present
I've ever gotten.

1618
01:06:40,413 --> 01:06:42,330
- You are so welcome.
- In my whole life.

1619
01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:44,749
I'm glad to hear it's the
best present you've ever got!

1620
01:06:46,127 --> 01:06:47,502
How much did these seats cost?

1621
01:06:47,753 --> 01:06:48,878
Not too much.

1622
01:06:48,963 --> 01:06:50,547
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
let's give a big welcome

1623
01:06:50,631 --> 01:06:52,716
to all the kids from Hearts of Courage.

1624
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,593
Whoo! Hearts of Courage kids!

1625
01:06:55,678 --> 01:06:57,762
Proud of you, you're all miracles!

1626
01:06:58,597 --> 01:06:59,889
Whoo! I love kids!

1627
01:06:59,974 --> 01:07:01,391
All right, honey. That's plenty.

1628
01:07:01,475 --> 01:07:03,476
I just get excited
when I'm with my family!

1629
01:07:03,978 --> 01:07:06,146
Dusty! Dusty Mayron!

1630
01:07:06,647 --> 01:07:08,481
- Marco? Hey!
- (MARCO LAUGHS)

1631
01:07:08,607 --> 01:07:10,233
What's up, man?
Are you coaching now?

1632
01:07:10,317 --> 01:07:11,609
Yeah, I'm the new strength
and conditioning coach.

1633
01:07:11,694 --> 01:07:12,736
- Oh, man.
- Check you out.

1634
01:07:12,820 --> 01:07:14,154
Hey, I played ball with him in Italy.

1635
01:07:14,321 --> 01:07:16,156
This is my family. My little guy, Dylan.

1636
01:07:16,282 --> 01:07:17,907
He's the biggest Kobe fan in the world.

1637
01:07:17,992 --> 01:07:19,951
Really? Well, come on down.
I'll introduce you.

1638
01:07:20,077 --> 01:07:21,536
- What?
- What? You hear that?

1639
01:07:21,620 --> 01:07:22,662
You want to meet Kobe?

1640
01:07:22,747 --> 01:07:23,788
MARCO: Bring the whole family down.

1641
01:07:23,873 --> 01:07:25,290
You guys can sit with the team.

1642
01:07:25,374 --> 01:07:26,416
Hey, this is my little girI, Megan.

1643
01:07:26,500 --> 01:07:28,126
She just invited me to her first
Daddy-Daughter Dance.

1644
01:07:28,502 --> 01:07:29,961
- So sweet.
- What did he just say?

1645
01:07:31,338 --> 01:07:33,089
What the hell did he just say?

1646
01:07:33,466 --> 01:07:34,799
Oh, sorry. He's okay.

1647
01:07:34,967 --> 01:07:36,676
No, I'm not okay. He's not okay.

1648
01:07:36,761 --> 01:07:38,803
- Honey, you need to calm down.
- No! I'm not gonna calm down.

1649
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:40,096
She asked me first!

1650
01:07:40,181 --> 01:07:42,390
And now she's asking him?
No. It's not fair.

1651
01:07:42,475 --> 01:07:44,893
You know what, actually, it's very fair.
Okay? She has two dads.

1652
01:07:44,977 --> 01:07:47,020
She wants you both there.
You just have to accept that.

1653
01:07:47,146 --> 01:07:49,397
No, I'm not going to accept it. All right?

1654
01:07:49,482 --> 01:07:51,816
I do pick-up! I do drop-off!

1655
01:07:52,026 --> 01:07:53,610
Okay, I volunteer at schooI!

1656
01:07:53,694 --> 01:07:55,737
I listen to the tantrums and the crying

1657
01:07:55,821 --> 01:07:59,365
and the soundtrack of Frozen
that's on a goddamn loop all the time!

1658
01:07:59,867 --> 01:08:04,704
And he just waltzes in for a few days,
and now he gets to go as well? No!

1659
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:07,582
No, she's got to choose.
It's either me or him!

1660
01:08:07,666 --> 01:08:09,250
- Megan, you got to choose!
- (SARA SHUSHING)

1661
01:08:09,502 --> 01:08:10,585
- You got to choose!
- SARA: Hey!

1662
01:08:10,669 --> 01:08:12,087
It's the biggest decision of your life!

1663
01:08:12,171 --> 01:08:13,171
Hey!

1664
01:08:14,006 --> 01:08:16,591
You know what? I'm going to pretend
you're not acting like a crazy person,

1665
01:08:16,675 --> 01:08:18,384
because I know you're very upset.

1666
01:08:19,053 --> 01:08:21,262
But you need to get over yourself. Okay?

1667
01:08:21,347 --> 01:08:23,473
Now go down there and
be happy with your kids.

1668
01:08:23,557 --> 01:08:27,185
No! A scalper gouged me 18 grand
for these seats. I'm not leaving them!

1669
01:08:27,937 --> 01:08:29,020
What?

1670
01:08:29,313 --> 01:08:31,272
- (STAMMERING)
- What did you just say?

1671
01:08:31,357 --> 01:08:34,442
Yeah. Nothing. Let's just... You're right.

1672
01:08:35,069 --> 01:08:37,445
(SIGHS) I'm so much more relaxed now.
Thank you.

1673
01:08:37,905 --> 01:08:39,322
Yeah. Let's just go down... Let's just...

1674
01:08:39,406 --> 01:08:40,406
No!

1675
01:08:40,533 --> 01:08:43,409
I think you should sit
in your $18,000 seats,

1676
01:08:43,536 --> 01:08:46,871
and think of all the better ways
your family could have used that money.

1677
01:08:48,582 --> 01:08:49,749
Sara.

1678
01:08:51,252 --> 01:08:52,669
The guy from the nuclear sub thing?

1679
01:08:52,753 --> 01:08:54,671
- Mayron! That's him.
- That's the guy?

1680
01:08:54,755 --> 01:08:57,882
Can I get some beers down here?
Can I get five beers?

1681
01:08:58,926 --> 01:09:00,385
Excuse me, some beers!

1682
01:09:00,803 --> 01:09:02,387
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

1683
01:09:05,808 --> 01:09:07,142
(ALL CHEERING)

1684
01:09:37,298 --> 01:09:38,965
THE WHIP: What's up, everybody?

1685
01:09:39,300 --> 01:09:42,218
Let's make some noise!

1686
01:09:42,303 --> 01:09:43,887
Whoo-hoo!

1687
01:09:43,971 --> 01:09:47,307
Tonight, one lucky fan is going to

1688
01:09:47,391 --> 01:09:49,934
get a chance to shoot from half court

1689
01:09:50,102 --> 01:09:53,730
to win a family vacation
to Disney World!

1690
01:09:54,106 --> 01:09:55,648
(ALL CHEERING)

1691
01:09:57,151 --> 01:10:00,653
And our lucky fan is sitting in

1692
01:10:00,738 --> 01:10:02,947
section 113,

1693
01:10:03,324 --> 01:10:04,866
row 6,

1694
01:10:05,201 --> 01:10:08,703
C-1. Where is he?
Let's see it. Where is he?

1695
01:10:08,787 --> 01:10:10,413
It's me. It's me, I win!

1696
01:10:10,497 --> 01:10:11,831
- There he is.
- I win.

1697
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:15,627
I'm-a make it to Disneyland.
I'm-a make it all right.

1698
01:10:15,711 --> 01:10:17,086
- All right, Brad!
- Yay, Brad!

1699
01:10:17,171 --> 01:10:18,296
Yay, Brad!

1700
01:10:18,839 --> 01:10:20,506
All right, sir, how you doing?
What's your name?

1701
01:10:20,841 --> 01:10:23,176
First off, I love my kids.

1702
01:10:23,552 --> 01:10:25,178
He loves his kids! Let's give it up!

1703
01:10:27,681 --> 01:10:31,017
And if anyone was ever
to do anything to them,

1704
01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:33,394
- I would hurt them.
- Okay.

1705
01:10:33,854 --> 01:10:35,855
I would freakin' hurt them!

1706
01:10:36,357 --> 01:10:37,690
THE WHIP: Okay.

1707
01:10:38,025 --> 01:10:40,318
This guy over here
is trying to take them!

1708
01:10:40,527 --> 01:10:42,195
Trying to steal my family.

1709
01:10:42,529 --> 01:10:44,197
He doesn't sweat!

1710
01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:46,449
Okay, you know what?
Why don't we just shoot...

1711
01:10:46,533 --> 01:10:48,368
But I got news for you, buddy!

1712
01:10:48,702 --> 01:10:51,287
Last night, while you were sleeping,

1713
01:10:51,372 --> 01:10:52,997
I made love to our wife!

1714
01:10:53,332 --> 01:10:54,666
- Okay.
- My wife!

1715
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:57,543
BRAD: Sara, right over there!

1716
01:10:58,128 --> 01:11:00,004
Took my wiener out of my pants!

1717
01:11:00,089 --> 01:11:01,965
This is a family event, okay?

1718
01:11:02,049 --> 01:11:03,716
- Boo! Boo!
- All right.

1719
01:11:03,884 --> 01:11:05,051
So,

1720
01:11:05,552 --> 01:11:08,721
even if Sara does pick you,
you're going to have to be

1721
01:11:09,014 --> 01:11:11,015
the stepdad to my kid!

1722
01:11:11,141 --> 01:11:13,768
You see how you like it! Okay?

1723
01:11:13,936 --> 01:11:16,437
THE WHIP: Let's get somebody else
down here, all right? Somebody else...

1724
01:11:16,522 --> 01:11:18,314
Somebody else is going to win
a family trip!

1725
01:11:18,399 --> 01:11:19,732
Give me that ball, you.

1726
01:11:20,025 --> 01:11:23,194
This one's for Dylan and Megan
and Sara and Dylan.

1727
01:11:23,737 --> 01:11:25,238
Nothing but net.

1728
01:11:25,572 --> 01:11:27,740
THE WHIP: All right, he's going for it!
Nothing but net!

1729
01:11:31,203 --> 01:11:32,203
(GRUNTS)

1730
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:33,830
- (GROANING)
- (ALL GASPING)

1731
01:11:36,083 --> 01:11:37,083
Do-over!

1732
01:11:37,251 --> 01:11:38,876
- That's a do-over!
- No do-over. No.

1733
01:11:38,961 --> 01:11:40,295
It's a do-over!

1734
01:11:42,298 --> 01:11:43,881
- (GROANS)
- (ALL GASPING)

1735
01:11:49,430 --> 01:11:50,555
(BRAD THUDDING)

1736
01:11:50,639 --> 01:11:52,348
(ALL APPLAUDING)

1737
01:12:04,778 --> 01:12:08,031
THE WHIP: I'm so sorry
you had to see that. I'm so sorry.

1738
01:12:31,055 --> 01:12:32,597
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)

1739
01:12:43,942 --> 01:12:46,319
SARA: Hey, kids, why don't you go inside
and put on your pajamas?

1740
01:12:49,823 --> 01:12:52,450
- What are you doing?
- I'm comforting you.

1741
01:12:53,786 --> 01:12:57,080
Sara, look... Sorry, too soon. I know.

1742
01:12:57,164 --> 01:12:59,165
But I just want you to know
that I'm here for you and the kids.

1743
01:12:59,666 --> 01:13:02,335
Oh, really? You want to be
a reaI parent now? Is that what this is?

1744
01:13:02,461 --> 01:13:03,586
Absolutely. I'm here now.

1745
01:13:03,670 --> 01:13:05,713
Dusty, I'm working
crazy hours this week.

1746
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:08,216
With Brad gone, the kids
are gonna have to be dropped off,

1747
01:13:08,300 --> 01:13:10,218
picked up, taken to swimming lessons.

1748
01:13:10,427 --> 01:13:12,887
Dylan has a play date
with Eli on Tuesday,

1749
01:13:12,971 --> 01:13:15,348
and Megan has a dentist
appointment on Friday.

1750
01:13:15,474 --> 01:13:17,809
Sara, I know in the past
I've been unreliable,

1751
01:13:18,060 --> 01:13:20,436
but this is a new me. All right?
This is the new Dusty.

1752
01:13:21,522 --> 01:13:23,981
Well, you can't take them
to schooI on a motorcycle.

1753
01:13:24,066 --> 01:13:25,483
- You need a car.
- Done.

1754
01:13:26,693 --> 01:13:27,860
Okay.

1755
01:13:30,697 --> 01:13:32,365
Hey! You're not staying here!

1756
01:13:32,449 --> 01:13:33,825
Are you sure you don't need
company right now?

1757
01:13:33,909 --> 01:13:35,284
I mean, you're going through
a tough transition here.

1758
01:13:35,369 --> 01:13:36,828
Be here at 6:30
tomorrow morning.

1759
01:13:36,954 --> 01:13:38,329
Well, can I at least
come in and get my stuff?

1760
01:13:38,414 --> 01:13:39,455
No!

1761
01:13:39,540 --> 01:13:42,166
DUSTY: I'm gonna wait for a while,
in case you change your mind.

1762
01:13:42,918 --> 01:13:44,127
(SIGHS)

1763
01:13:46,880 --> 01:13:48,005
Hey.

1764
01:13:48,715 --> 01:13:49,757
Oh...

1765
01:13:49,842 --> 01:13:51,426
What did you throw Griff out for?

1766
01:13:53,220 --> 01:13:54,846
- This place is chaotic.
- (SCOFFS)

1767
01:13:55,180 --> 01:13:56,973
There's always some bullshit
going on in that house.

1768
01:13:57,057 --> 01:13:59,058
God, man.
Want to go to the Red Roof Inn?

1769
01:13:59,184 --> 01:14:00,226
Let's do it.

1770
01:14:00,561 --> 01:14:01,686
Is that Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

1771
01:14:01,770 --> 01:14:03,062
(MUFFLED) Yes, sir.

1772
01:14:27,629 --> 01:14:29,130
DORIS: Okay. No running!

1773
01:14:29,214 --> 01:14:31,549
All right. Lindsey! Sloane!
Car's open right down there!

1774
01:14:31,675 --> 01:14:35,470
Okay, sir, inside the cones!
Just like ice cream!

1775
01:14:35,554 --> 01:14:36,762
Keep it inside...

1776
01:14:36,847 --> 01:14:38,306
That's right! Thank you.

1777
01:14:38,390 --> 01:14:40,057
(CAR ENGINE REVVING)

1778
01:14:44,104 --> 01:14:47,315
Hi. I see you've been picking up
Megan and Dylan these past few days.

1779
01:14:47,399 --> 01:14:48,858
Should I expect you from now on?

1780
01:14:48,942 --> 01:14:51,319
Um, yeah, I'm their reaI dad,
so yeah, from now on.

1781
01:14:51,487 --> 01:14:53,196
Terrific. I see that you also

1782
01:14:53,280 --> 01:14:55,364
haven't signed up to
volunteer in the lane.

1783
01:14:55,449 --> 01:14:58,075
Brad was so good about
helping us out in the lane,

1784
01:14:58,243 --> 01:14:59,911
in the classroom, PTA, and so forth.

1785
01:14:59,995 --> 01:15:02,330
We could always count on him
for bake sales, Spring Sing,

1786
01:15:02,414 --> 01:15:04,415
costumes for Winter Pageant.
You know the drill.

1787
01:15:04,500 --> 01:15:06,417
I hope I can count on you
to be the new Brad.

1788
01:15:06,835 --> 01:15:08,586
Ah, sure, yeah. You can count on me.

1789
01:15:08,712 --> 01:15:11,339
I mean, I'm their reaI dad,
so, yeah, I'll be here every day.

1790
01:15:11,423 --> 01:15:14,217
Great. So, if your kids aren't out here,
I'm gonna need you to circle around

1791
01:15:14,301 --> 01:15:15,343
to the back of the line. Okay?

1792
01:15:15,427 --> 01:15:17,345
- No, I can't go around.
- Thanks.

1793
01:15:17,429 --> 01:15:18,804
I came ten minutes early
so I don't have to...

1794
01:15:18,889 --> 01:15:20,932
If your kids aren't here,
you have to go around!

1795
01:15:21,058 --> 01:15:22,850
I know. There's somebody
in front of me. Okay?

1796
01:15:22,935 --> 01:15:23,935
Just go around!

1797
01:15:24,019 --> 01:15:26,187
I can't just go over the
cones! I'm boxed in here!

1798
01:15:26,271 --> 01:15:27,939
- Go around!
- No, you can't! Okay?

1799
01:15:28,106 --> 01:15:29,524
She said stay in the cone,
like ice cream!

1800
01:15:29,608 --> 01:15:31,150
- (HONKING)
- Go around!

1801
01:15:31,276 --> 01:15:32,443
DORIS: Inside the cones!

1802
01:15:32,736 --> 01:15:34,111
Amanda has got a recitaI!

1803
01:15:34,238 --> 01:15:36,781
I have to get there! You need to go!

1804
01:15:36,949 --> 01:15:38,533
(HORN HONKING CONTINUES)

1805
01:15:38,784 --> 01:15:39,951
(REVVING ENGINE)

1806
01:15:42,538 --> 01:15:44,372
- (TIRES SQUEALING)
- DORIS: Hey!

1807
01:15:44,456 --> 01:15:46,874
We always stay inside the cones!

1808
01:15:47,292 --> 01:15:49,418
Cones! (GRUNTING)

1809
01:15:50,170 --> 01:15:52,046
Cones! Come on!

1810
01:15:55,717 --> 01:15:56,717
(MR. HOLT SIGHING)

1811
01:15:56,802 --> 01:15:59,762
Have you been living here
for the last few days, Brad?

1812
01:15:59,972 --> 01:16:00,972
No.

1813
01:16:01,807 --> 01:16:06,143
Then what's with the blankets
and the hot plate

1814
01:16:06,812 --> 01:16:07,937
and the B.O.?

1815
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:11,190
I crapped in the wastebasket.

1816
01:16:11,984 --> 01:16:15,653
You know, Brad, two years
into my thing with Charlene,

1817
01:16:15,988 --> 01:16:18,823
her first husband showed up.
OrientaI fellow.

1818
01:16:19,116 --> 01:16:21,993
You can't say that.
You cannot say "OrientaI."

1819
01:16:22,119 --> 01:16:26,122
His name was Yu or Wu.
It could have been Javier.

1820
01:16:26,498 --> 01:16:29,834
Anyway, I get off early one day,
get home, and

1821
01:16:30,127 --> 01:16:32,211
there he is, stark naked in our bed.

1822
01:16:32,504 --> 01:16:33,713
I didn't know what to think.

1823
01:16:33,797 --> 01:16:36,465
Really? You didn't know what to think?

1824
01:16:36,675 --> 01:16:40,011
Six months later,
I wake up in a Chinese prison

1825
01:16:40,345 --> 01:16:42,555
with a tattoo on my lower back

1826
01:16:42,681 --> 01:16:44,849
of a golf ball rolling
towards my butthole.

1827
01:16:45,142 --> 01:16:47,101
I can't hear these stories anymore.

1828
01:16:47,185 --> 01:16:49,145
I'm sorry. I know they're
supposed to help...

1829
01:16:49,354 --> 01:16:51,355
Griff! What are you doing here?

1830
01:16:51,690 --> 01:16:53,816
Thought you should know
Dusty came by the bar earlier.

1831
01:16:54,276 --> 01:16:56,110
He was talking about how
he can't do the daddy thing.

1832
01:16:56,194 --> 01:16:57,612
I tried to talk some sense into him,

1833
01:16:57,696 --> 01:16:59,447
but he seemed determined
to get out of town.

1834
01:16:59,531 --> 01:17:00,531
What, he's leaving?

1835
01:17:00,657 --> 01:17:03,451
I don't think I have to tell you,
but little Megan's dance is tonight,

1836
01:17:03,910 --> 01:17:05,161
and she's not going to have a daddy.

1837
01:17:05,245 --> 01:17:08,039
That's fantastic. Brad, you win.

1838
01:17:08,206 --> 01:17:11,626
And Dusty, because of
an act of cowardice, loses.

1839
01:17:12,044 --> 01:17:13,878
I mean, you're the daddy again.

1840
01:17:14,212 --> 01:17:15,880
Come on, hit that.

1841
01:17:18,592 --> 01:17:19,884
(SIGHS)

1842
01:17:20,552 --> 01:17:22,011
No, I'm not her daddy.

1843
01:17:23,722 --> 01:17:26,223
I wish more than anything I was,

1844
01:17:27,517 --> 01:17:28,559
but I'm not.

1845
01:17:28,852 --> 01:17:33,230
Yeah, you're right, Brad. A reaI dad
wouldn't give up on his kids so easy.

1846
01:17:36,151 --> 01:17:37,151
(DOOR CLOSING)

1847
01:17:42,574 --> 01:17:43,574
Griff!

1848
01:17:43,742 --> 01:17:45,618
Wait!

1849
01:17:45,911 --> 01:17:47,411
He's still in the room, Brad.

1850
01:17:47,746 --> 01:17:49,246
Oh, hey.

1851
01:17:49,706 --> 01:17:51,916
Sorry. I thought you stormed out.

1852
01:17:52,250 --> 01:17:55,878
What you said sounded like a storm-out,
and then I heard the door close.

1853
01:17:56,088 --> 01:17:57,838
I just thought that shit
was getting kind of personaI,

1854
01:17:57,923 --> 01:17:59,590
so it'd be good to close the door.

1855
01:17:59,883 --> 01:18:03,219
So extremely thoughtfuI.
Thank you. Yeah.

1856
01:18:03,428 --> 01:18:06,931
And just so you know
where my head was at,

1857
01:18:07,015 --> 01:18:09,350
I was going to chase you
down the hallway. Right?

1858
01:18:09,935 --> 01:18:12,853
You'd hear my footsteps and you're like,
"Is someone after... What's going on?"

1859
01:18:12,938 --> 01:18:17,108
Boom! It's me, and I'm like, "Griff, hey!

1860
01:18:17,442 --> 01:18:18,734
"You were right. "

1861
01:18:18,819 --> 01:18:22,279
Holy shit! That would be so uplifting.

1862
01:18:23,448 --> 01:18:24,448
Can we do that?

1863
01:18:25,450 --> 01:18:27,660
Griff, can you storm out, and Brad,
you go after him?

1864
01:18:27,744 --> 01:18:29,662
I don't really want any part of that.

1865
01:18:29,788 --> 01:18:32,206
That sounds like pure nonsense to me.

1866
01:18:32,290 --> 01:18:34,542
I don't want... I'd rather not.

1867
01:18:35,043 --> 01:18:37,294
We could just try it, you know?

1868
01:18:37,462 --> 01:18:41,132
No, that sounds forced
and weird to try to

1869
01:18:41,466 --> 01:18:44,051
recreate something.
Not even recreate.

1870
01:18:44,136 --> 01:18:46,137
It would be creating. It didn't happen.

1871
01:18:46,471 --> 01:18:48,139
It's over-discussed at this point.

1872
01:18:48,432 --> 01:18:49,390
Shouldn't you go see your kid?

1873
01:18:49,474 --> 01:18:50,975
- Yeah. Yeah.
- All right.

1874
01:18:51,268 --> 01:18:52,810
You guys go. Brad, can I come?

1875
01:18:52,936 --> 01:18:53,936
No.

1876
01:18:54,146 --> 01:18:56,230
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1877
01:19:07,325 --> 01:19:09,160
Daddy's not coming, is he?

1878
01:19:09,327 --> 01:19:12,997
Oh, honey, he'll be here. He promised.

1879
01:19:14,583 --> 01:19:16,625
I see cupcakes over there.

1880
01:19:17,419 --> 01:19:19,962
I think you should go eat some. Go on.

1881
01:19:21,006 --> 01:19:22,506
Go eat a lot of sugar.

1882
01:19:27,012 --> 01:19:28,512
(VIBRATING)

1883
01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:38,939
Dusty.

1884
01:19:40,025 --> 01:19:42,359
- Nope.
- Come on, Dusty.

1885
01:19:42,694 --> 01:19:43,778
Where are you going?

1886
01:19:43,862 --> 01:19:46,155
I'd pay a billion dollars
to take her to that dance.

1887
01:19:46,239 --> 01:19:48,032
- You're just gonna leave?
- You take her then.

1888
01:19:48,158 --> 01:19:50,451
I can't take her. Okay?
I'm not welcome after I said

1889
01:19:50,535 --> 01:19:52,119
I was gonna put a spite baby
in her mother.

1890
01:19:52,204 --> 01:19:54,121
- I guess that's out, then.
- Yeah, that is out.

1891
01:19:54,206 --> 01:19:56,040
- So it's gotta be you.
- (SIGHS)

1892
01:19:56,374 --> 01:19:59,251
I'm sorry, Brad,
I just can't do it, all right?

1893
01:19:59,336 --> 01:20:00,753
What do you mean, you can't do it?

1894
01:20:00,837 --> 01:20:02,671
I can't stay inside the cones.

1895
01:20:02,756 --> 01:20:04,840
Look, Dusty, the cones are
there for everyone's safety.

1896
01:20:04,925 --> 01:20:07,593
- It's not about the cones.
- You just said it was.

1897
01:20:07,677 --> 01:20:09,136
The cones are a metaphor, Brad.

1898
01:20:09,221 --> 01:20:11,305
I'm not the domestic type, okay?

1899
01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:13,224
Dusty, come on.
What are you talking about?

1900
01:20:13,308 --> 01:20:15,559
You're organized, you're handy.

1901
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:17,978
You make the best cinnamon rolls
I have ever tasted.

1902
01:20:18,063 --> 01:20:19,313
Those were Cinnabons, Brad. Come on.

1903
01:20:19,397 --> 01:20:21,273
You can't make rolls like that
in a conventionaI oven.

1904
01:20:21,358 --> 01:20:24,735
I knew it! I knew it.
I knew it from the beginning!

1905
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:26,654
So you've been telling
some tall tales, huh?

1906
01:20:26,738 --> 01:20:29,031
- All that SpeciaI Ops stuff.
- No, just the Cinnabons!

1907
01:20:29,115 --> 01:20:30,741
Why would you lie about Cinnabons?

1908
01:20:30,826 --> 01:20:32,660
'Cause I wanted to win. All right?

1909
01:20:32,744 --> 01:20:34,829
I wanted to prove that
I was a good dad, too, but I'm not.

1910
01:20:35,080 --> 01:20:37,414
Okay? Are you happy?
Is that what you want to hear?

1911
01:20:37,499 --> 01:20:39,750
All the noise and the mess
and all the choices.

1912
01:20:39,835 --> 01:20:41,335
You do one thing wrong,
you can screw them up for life.

1913
01:20:41,419 --> 01:20:44,171
- Do you realize that?
- Yeah.

1914
01:20:44,589 --> 01:20:45,965
Dads have to make
a lot of choices, okay?

1915
01:20:46,049 --> 01:20:47,258
And we blow most of them.

1916
01:20:47,342 --> 01:20:48,509
Yeah, and the other parents.

1917
01:20:48,593 --> 01:20:51,512
That kid, Eli. I was over there
for a play date. You know about this?

1918
01:20:51,596 --> 01:20:53,347
You can't just ride your bike
over to a friend's house,

1919
01:20:53,431 --> 01:20:54,431
to play Hot Wheels anymore,

1920
01:20:54,516 --> 01:20:55,850
now you got to make some kind of date?

1921
01:20:55,934 --> 01:20:57,309
- I know, it's a shame.
- Well, I'm over there,

1922
01:20:57,435 --> 01:20:59,478
and the kid's dad keeps
asking me if Dylan's gonna be

1923
01:20:59,563 --> 01:21:00,729
in the gifted program with Eli.

1924
01:21:00,814 --> 01:21:02,773
Like Dylan isn't as smart as
his little ball-scratcher kid.

1925
01:21:02,858 --> 01:21:04,608
I wanted to murder that smug prick.

1926
01:21:04,693 --> 01:21:07,862
Dusty, look, I hate that guy, too, okay?

1927
01:21:07,946 --> 01:21:10,614
But his son is Dylan's best friend,
so you suck it up.

1928
01:21:11,867 --> 01:21:17,079
(STUTTERING) I mean, that's most of
what dads do, is take shit.

1929
01:21:17,163 --> 01:21:19,081
I mean, that's what we do.

1930
01:21:19,207 --> 01:21:22,042
I can't do it, Brad.
I can't take shit like you do.

1931
01:21:22,127 --> 01:21:24,336
You take shit better than
anyone I've ever met,

1932
01:21:24,421 --> 01:21:26,547
and I mean that as a compliment
from the bottom of my heart.

1933
01:21:26,673 --> 01:21:28,382
- Thank you.
- But I'm sorry, Brad. I can't.

1934
01:21:28,466 --> 01:21:30,134
I can't do it, man.

1935
01:21:30,218 --> 01:21:32,219
You made a promise to Megan,
and you're gonna keep it.

1936
01:21:37,100 --> 01:21:38,392
Ow!

1937
01:21:39,936 --> 01:21:41,145
(GROANING)

1938
01:21:41,229 --> 01:21:43,063
Did you just punch me
in the face, Brad?

1939
01:21:43,189 --> 01:21:44,189
Ow, yes.

1940
01:21:44,566 --> 01:21:46,984
Knowing full well I got no choice
but to bust you up now?

1941
01:21:47,235 --> 01:21:48,819
I really wish you wouldn't.

1942
01:21:49,321 --> 01:21:51,822
If I did, you'd take that beatdown
for those kids, wouldn't you?

1943
01:21:53,658 --> 01:21:56,160
Yeah. Yeah, I would.

1944
01:22:04,753 --> 01:22:07,004
- Come on.
- Good luck, Dusty.

1945
01:22:07,422 --> 01:22:09,089
What? No, no, you gotta come.

1946
01:22:09,758 --> 01:22:13,636
It's just... I can't see Sara
after what I said.

1947
01:22:13,720 --> 01:22:15,846
Sara loves you, Brad. All right?
I know just what to say to her.

1948
01:22:15,931 --> 01:22:17,681
You just stand there
and look lost without her.

1949
01:22:17,766 --> 01:22:19,934
- I am lost without her.
- Well, that's good. Then let's go.

1950
01:22:20,060 --> 01:22:22,728
- But I look terrible.
- Yeah, you do. Come here.

1951
01:22:22,854 --> 01:22:24,813
- What are you doing?
- I'm fixing you up, man.

1952
01:22:27,108 --> 01:22:28,734
Dusty, get your hands out of my pants.

1953
01:22:28,818 --> 01:22:31,111
Calm down. Think I want to
touch your little dinky?

1954
01:22:31,196 --> 01:22:32,321
I'm trying to fix you up.

1955
01:22:33,698 --> 01:22:35,032
All right. Let me see.

1956
01:22:37,118 --> 01:22:39,620
Wow. I look great.

1957
01:22:39,704 --> 01:22:41,038
Here you go.

1958
01:22:41,122 --> 01:22:43,123
- That's incredible.
- Come on.

1959
01:22:43,416 --> 01:22:45,125
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

1960
01:22:49,130 --> 01:22:50,714
SARA: Hey, pumpkin.

1961
01:22:50,799 --> 01:22:54,468
Daddy wanted to be here,
I know he did. He just gets...

1962
01:23:07,524 --> 01:23:08,857
Whoa, whoa, whoa... Uh-oh.

1963
01:23:09,067 --> 01:23:10,901
She's doing her arms-folded thing.

1964
01:23:10,986 --> 01:23:15,572
You said she'd smile.
Maybe even start a slow clap.

1965
01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:17,241
Don't worry, I got this. Okay? Come on.

1966
01:23:17,993 --> 01:23:21,328
Oh, hey, look, it's the guy that
stranded his kids at schooI.

1967
01:23:21,579 --> 01:23:22,830
And look who he's with.

1968
01:23:22,914 --> 01:23:24,832
Did you get anybody pregnant
on your way over here, Brad?

1969
01:23:24,916 --> 01:23:26,000
No, I didn't.

1970
01:23:26,084 --> 01:23:27,584
- DUSTY: Sara, listen...
- No!

1971
01:23:27,711 --> 01:23:29,586
- Sara, please.
- No. I am not going to listen to you.

1972
01:23:29,671 --> 01:23:32,756
You know what? Your daughter's been
sitting there for two hours, heartbroken.

1973
01:23:32,841 --> 01:23:35,175
Sara, I am so sorry...

1974
01:23:35,427 --> 01:23:39,179
Oh, just, please. Will one of you idiots
just ask your daughter to dance?

1975
01:23:39,431 --> 01:23:40,764
- Really?
- SARA: Yes.

1976
01:23:41,182 --> 01:23:43,767
Neither one of you deserves her,
but yes.

1977
01:23:46,521 --> 01:23:48,272
- Go ahead, Dusty.
- No, you take the first one.

1978
01:23:48,356 --> 01:23:49,481
You've earned it more than I have.

1979
01:23:49,566 --> 01:23:51,108
Dusty, please, she's your daughter.

1980
01:23:51,192 --> 01:23:52,317
What the hell did I miss?

1981
01:23:53,528 --> 01:23:57,364
I'll tell you what. I'll vouch for you
to the kids and I'll take the first dance.

1982
01:23:57,449 --> 01:24:00,034
I'll say my good-byes,
and then I'll get out of your hair.

1983
01:24:02,037 --> 01:24:04,538
Wait, wait. When you say
"get out of your hair,"

1984
01:24:04,622 --> 01:24:06,790
you mean leave,
like leave-leave? Tonight?

1985
01:24:06,875 --> 01:24:09,543
Daddy! Brad!
The fourth graders are here.

1986
01:24:09,627 --> 01:24:11,378
They're picking on Dylan again.

1987
01:24:11,713 --> 01:24:13,881
That's it.
Those little shitheads are dead.

1988
01:24:13,965 --> 01:24:15,090
Where are they?

1989
01:24:16,760 --> 01:24:18,135
DUSTY: Those are the fourth graders?

1990
01:24:18,219 --> 01:24:20,846
- They're girls.
- Uh-huh. They're so mean.

1991
01:24:20,972 --> 01:24:22,723
Why are you even here at
the Daddy-Daughter Dance?

1992
01:24:22,807 --> 01:24:24,433
Are you a daughter? Are you a girI?

1993
01:24:24,517 --> 01:24:27,561
Are you too scared to take me on
without your little friends?

1994
01:24:27,645 --> 01:24:29,229
- Oh, no, he's calling out the big one.
- Oh-oh.

1995
01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:30,314
Oh, no, no, no.

1996
01:24:31,566 --> 01:24:32,566
Come on!

1997
01:24:33,109 --> 01:24:34,193
Dylan!

1998
01:24:34,819 --> 01:24:36,153
- (ALL GASP)
- Yes!

1999
01:24:36,404 --> 01:24:39,073
- Dylan, what are you doing?
- Did you see? Did you see?

2000
01:24:39,157 --> 01:24:40,616
I punched her in the face,
just like you taught me.

2001
01:24:40,700 --> 01:24:42,451
- What?
- And then I kicked her right in the nuts.

2002
01:24:42,535 --> 01:24:44,036
You like that, bitch? Huh?

2003
01:24:44,162 --> 01:24:45,621
- No, no, no!
- You want some more, bitch?

2004
01:24:45,997 --> 01:24:48,415
Sweetheart, what happened?
What's going on here?

2005
01:24:48,500 --> 01:24:50,084
He punched me in the face.

2006
01:24:50,210 --> 01:24:51,919
Then he kicked me in the swimsuit area.

2007
01:24:52,003 --> 01:24:53,837
Then he called me the "B" word.

2008
01:24:53,922 --> 01:24:55,089
Who did, him?

2009
01:24:55,173 --> 01:24:57,049
He did. I saw it.
He said they taught him to hit girls.

2010
01:24:57,175 --> 01:24:59,343
No, no. We thought
your daughter was a boy.

2011
01:24:59,469 --> 01:25:00,928
- What?
- No, what he means is that

2012
01:25:01,012 --> 01:25:02,846
Dylan told us that a fourth grader
was picking on him,

2013
01:25:02,931 --> 01:25:04,264
but he didn't tell us it was a girI.

2014
01:25:04,349 --> 01:25:06,767
Yeah, and if you had, we'd have told you
it's never okay to hit a girI.

2015
01:25:06,851 --> 01:25:07,935
And that she's probably
only bugging you

2016
01:25:08,019 --> 01:25:09,103
because she likes you, buddy.

2017
01:25:09,354 --> 01:25:11,105
I do not like him.

2018
01:25:11,356 --> 01:25:12,773
Oh, I think she likes him.

2019
01:25:12,857 --> 01:25:14,525
Ah, gross, whatever.

2020
01:25:14,651 --> 01:25:15,984
She totally does.

2021
01:25:16,069 --> 01:25:17,402
Are you calling my daughter a whore?

2022
01:25:17,487 --> 01:25:19,113
- What?
- They were implying it, Jerry.

2023
01:25:19,197 --> 01:25:20,322
Wait. That's quite a stretch.

2024
01:25:20,615 --> 01:25:22,616
Mrs. Troy, please. I got this.

2025
01:25:22,867 --> 01:25:24,952
Wait, first of all, which one
of you two is the kid's dad?

2026
01:25:25,286 --> 01:25:26,370
They both are.

2027
01:25:26,454 --> 01:25:27,538
(GASPS)

2028
01:25:27,622 --> 01:25:29,623
Oh, my gosh. Wow!

2029
01:25:30,041 --> 01:25:33,210
I'm sorry. That's the first time
he's ever referred to me as Dad.

2030
01:25:33,878 --> 01:25:35,546
It's something I've wanted
to hear for a long time,

2031
01:25:35,672 --> 01:25:37,422
so it's a bit poignant.

2032
01:25:37,507 --> 01:25:39,675
I tend to cry a lot

2033
01:25:40,051 --> 01:25:43,470
when things get emotionaI.
They tease me all the time.

2034
01:25:43,555 --> 01:25:45,305
- I'm actually the stepdad.
- Oh, is that right?

2035
01:25:45,390 --> 01:25:46,723
So you're the reaI dad, huh!

2036
01:25:47,642 --> 01:25:49,351
Hey. You don't want to
embarrass yourself, buddy.

2037
01:25:49,435 --> 01:25:51,186
You threatening me now, tough guy?

2038
01:25:51,271 --> 01:25:53,522
- He's threatening you, Jerry.
- Nobody's threatening anybody.

2039
01:25:53,648 --> 01:25:55,190
But you're gonna want to
back that up, Jerry.

2040
01:25:55,275 --> 01:25:56,817
And you, Squidward tie.
Quit being an instigator,

2041
01:25:56,901 --> 01:25:58,485
or I'm gonna have to
rap you in the mouth.

2042
01:25:58,570 --> 01:25:59,653
(YELPS)

2043
01:25:59,737 --> 01:26:01,822
Hey, hey, hey. Everyone just calm down.

2044
01:26:01,906 --> 01:26:03,240
We're at the Daddy-Daughter Dance.

2045
01:26:03,366 --> 01:26:05,033
You stay out of it, all right?
You don't count!

2046
01:26:05,118 --> 01:26:06,660
I want to talk to the reaI dad here.

2047
01:26:06,786 --> 01:26:08,912
Hey, Brad here is more of
a reaI dad than any of us.

2048
01:26:08,997 --> 01:26:10,581
You ever want to see
how you should be raising your kids,

2049
01:26:10,665 --> 01:26:11,748
go look at this guy.

2050
01:26:12,500 --> 01:26:15,169
Here I go again. What did I tell you?

2051
01:26:15,837 --> 01:26:18,839
- Really? You mean that?
- Yes, I do, Brad.

2052
01:26:18,923 --> 01:26:20,007
You're a great dad.

2053
01:26:20,633 --> 01:26:22,134
(ALL GASPING)

2054
01:26:23,261 --> 01:26:24,386
- Like that?
- You shouldn't have done that.

2055
01:26:24,470 --> 01:26:25,637
Yeah? Why?

2056
01:26:25,722 --> 01:26:27,306
I'm pretty sure he kills people for a job.

2057
01:26:27,682 --> 01:26:31,018
He's been rather vague with me,
but that's what I'm kind of surmising.

2058
01:26:31,186 --> 01:26:32,728
- Are we gonna do this?
- DUSTY: Oh, we're gonna do it.

2059
01:26:32,812 --> 01:26:34,354
- Okay. You ready?
- DUSTY: Yeah, I'm ready.

2060
01:26:34,439 --> 01:26:36,106
- This is what you get.
- MEGAN: Daddy.

2061
01:26:37,483 --> 01:26:39,651
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

2062
01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:48,118
Want another one? Come on in.

2063
01:26:51,456 --> 01:26:52,623
What's going on?

2064
01:26:55,293 --> 01:26:56,752
Is this like some UFC shit?

2065
01:26:56,878 --> 01:26:57,878
DUSTY: Come on, Brad.

2066
01:26:57,962 --> 01:26:59,296
That's right. It's a dance, Jerry.

2067
01:26:59,380 --> 01:27:01,715
Yeah. So dance, Jerry!

2068
01:27:06,721 --> 01:27:09,973
Yeah! You just got served, Jerry!

2069
01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:11,892
You just got a piping hot serving.

2070
01:27:11,976 --> 01:27:14,686
I'm not getting served.
You're getting served!

2071
01:27:14,771 --> 01:27:18,232
You don't know this about me, Jerry,
but I like to move my body.

2072
01:27:19,859 --> 01:27:21,526
Get it, Brad!

2073
01:27:23,488 --> 01:27:25,364
(ALL CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

2074
01:27:27,158 --> 01:27:28,575
Yeah! Yeah, Brad!

2075
01:27:32,747 --> 01:27:34,581
This is a dance! Let's go!

2076
01:27:39,379 --> 01:27:41,255
(ALL CHEERING)

2077
01:27:47,136 --> 01:27:48,136
(LAUGHING)

2078
01:27:52,684 --> 01:27:54,518
Am I the only one with my shirt off?

2079
01:27:56,771 --> 01:27:58,272
You know you can't leave, right?

2080
01:27:58,690 --> 01:27:59,690
You want me to stay?

2081
01:27:59,816 --> 01:28:02,276
These guys are growing up so fast.
You don't want to miss it.

2082
01:28:03,778 --> 01:28:05,362
You're sweating profusely.

2083
01:28:05,613 --> 01:28:07,948
- I know. I sweat a lot.
- That's cooI.

2084
01:28:09,951 --> 01:28:11,034
Thank you.

2085
01:28:43,901 --> 01:28:45,610
BRAD: So Dusty did stay.

2086
01:28:46,237 --> 01:28:47,696
And with the huge amount of money

2087
01:28:47,780 --> 01:28:49,656
he was making as
the voice of The Panda,

2088
01:28:49,741 --> 01:28:51,033
he built his own new castle

2089
01:28:51,117 --> 01:28:52,617
right down the street.

2090
01:28:53,745 --> 01:28:54,911
Hey!

2091
01:28:55,538 --> 01:28:58,415
But we kept Tumor because he didn't
get along with Dusty's new puppy.

2092
01:28:58,499 --> 01:29:00,834
(WHIMPERING)

2093
01:29:00,918 --> 01:29:02,919
It turns out Tumor was only five...

2094
01:29:03,212 --> 01:29:04,671
- (TUMOR GROWLING)
- ... so we're going to have him

2095
01:29:04,756 --> 01:29:06,381
for a long, long time.

2096
01:29:06,591 --> 01:29:08,508
- BRAD: Tumor!
- (DOORBELL RINGING)

2097
01:29:08,760 --> 01:29:10,427
And I was more than a little surprised

2098
01:29:10,553 --> 01:29:13,555
when Dusty showed up one day
with his new wife

2099
01:29:14,265 --> 01:29:15,432
and his new stepdaughter.

2100
01:29:15,725 --> 01:29:17,392
This is my stepdaughter, Adriana.

2101
01:29:17,477 --> 01:29:19,102
- Hey, Adriana. I'm Brad.
- Want to go play?

2102
01:29:19,604 --> 01:29:21,480
That's your brother and sister.
You guys play nice, okay?

2103
01:29:21,564 --> 01:29:22,856
Hey, hon. Who's at the door?

2104
01:29:22,940 --> 01:29:24,691
Oh, hey, Sara. This is my wife, Karen.

2105
01:29:24,776 --> 01:29:26,443
Oh, is it... Your wife?

2106
01:29:26,944 --> 01:29:30,530
SARA: That Karen, wow, she is so great.

2107
01:29:30,615 --> 01:29:32,157
It turns out she's

2108
01:29:32,283 --> 01:29:35,744
a doctor and a celebrated
novelist. I mean...

2109
01:29:36,287 --> 01:29:37,454
Hon, would you...

2110
01:29:37,789 --> 01:29:41,291
- Come here, Griff. Come here, Griff. Oh!
- KAREN: He's so cute.

2111
01:29:41,793 --> 01:29:45,170
SARA: And I was so surprised when
I found out that we're the same age.

2112
01:29:46,130 --> 01:29:48,298
I mean, she looks so young, right?

2113
01:29:48,925 --> 01:29:50,050
Good for her!

2114
01:29:50,134 --> 01:29:52,052
Honey, you look amazing tonight.

2115
01:29:52,136 --> 01:29:53,553
(LAUGHS) What are you talking about?

2116
01:29:53,638 --> 01:29:55,972
It's just my normaI clothes.
That's how I look.

2117
01:29:56,057 --> 01:29:57,724
I just got ready really fast.

2118
01:29:58,226 --> 01:30:00,102
Hey, Griff. Hey, little Griffy.

2119
01:30:00,228 --> 01:30:01,395
You want to come to Daddy?

2120
01:30:01,479 --> 01:30:03,313
What, you think I'm going to
pick his pockets or something?

2121
01:30:03,398 --> 01:30:04,981
- BRAD: No.
- He doesn't carry a wallet.

2122
01:30:05,066 --> 01:30:06,733
Oh, sweetie, be carefuI
with that knife, okay?

2123
01:30:06,818 --> 01:30:07,818
You're not my dad.

2124
01:30:08,903 --> 01:30:09,903
DUSTY: Brad was right.

2125
01:30:09,987 --> 01:30:11,571
Being a stepdad isn't always easy.

2126
01:30:11,823 --> 01:30:14,074
But he was also right that it's worth it.

2127
01:30:14,242 --> 01:30:16,410
And he was right about
the Ford Flex, too.

2128
01:30:16,577 --> 01:30:18,078
It's a great family car.

2129
01:30:18,162 --> 01:30:21,331
Got plenty of room for the kids,
gear, and plenty of pickup for me.

2130
01:30:21,499 --> 01:30:22,999
I got the Weekender package.

2131
01:30:23,084 --> 01:30:24,918
A few more bells and
whistles than Brad's,

2132
01:30:25,086 --> 01:30:26,670
but Brad doesn't need to know that.

2133
01:30:27,004 --> 01:30:28,088
(MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING)

2134
01:30:28,172 --> 01:30:29,172
(GASPS) Daddy!

2135
01:30:31,509 --> 01:30:33,343
Sweetie, I've been waiting for you to...

2136
01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:37,681
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

2137
01:30:52,280 --> 01:30:54,614
- Did you just gulp?
- No.

2138
01:30:54,949 --> 01:30:55,949
I heard a gulp.

2139
01:30:56,117 --> 01:30:57,451
DUSTY: (STAMMERS)
Well, a little bit, maybe.

2140
01:30:57,785 --> 01:30:58,952
- BRAD: Sure.
- There you are.

2141
01:30:59,287 --> 01:31:00,620
BRAD: He's a lot bigger than you.

2142
01:31:00,955 --> 01:31:03,290
He's got legs for arms.

2143
01:31:03,624 --> 01:31:05,125
Little star, guess what?

2144
01:31:05,376 --> 01:31:07,043
I like him. I like him a lot.

2145
01:31:07,295 --> 01:31:09,296
Yeah. I bet you he's
going to like us, too.

2146
01:31:09,547 --> 01:31:10,797
BRAD: Remember, Loving Fence.
DUSTY: Yeah.

2147
01:31:10,882 --> 01:31:11,965
BRAD: Just go say hi.

2148
01:31:12,300 --> 01:31:14,968
Yeah, look, I got this, buddy. Watch.

2149
01:31:15,428 --> 01:31:16,720
Hey. You must be Roger.

2150
01:31:16,888 --> 01:31:17,971
Nope.

2151
01:34:22,907 --> 01:34:24,616
(TUNING RADIO)

2152
01:34:24,700 --> 01:34:27,327
DUSTY: (SINGING)
One-oh-three-point-six

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01:34:27,411 --> 01:34:29,579
The Panda!

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01:34:29,705 --> 01:34:32,832
JASON SINCLAIR: Caught Kenny G.
at the United Center this weekend.

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01:34:32,917 --> 01:34:34,334
Man, can that guy put on a show.

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20,000 people on their feet
for the entire four hours.

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01:34:37,588 --> 01:34:38,838
You're listening to Jason Sinclair.

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This is The Panda.

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(SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING)