1
00:00:35,746 --> 00:00:37,475
Hello, my name is Goody,
2
00:00:37,514 --> 00:00:41,177
and in 1841, I was bitten by a stem vampire.
3
00:00:41,218 --> 00:00:43,686
A stem is able to awaken the victims
4
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,347
they choose not to drain.
5
00:00:45,389 --> 00:00:47,050
Normally, this would be one of those tales
6
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,354
of gore and homicidal urges,
7
00:00:49,393 --> 00:00:51,293
but I've always looked on the bright side.
8
00:00:51,328 --> 00:00:53,125
So I learned to live on animal blood.
9
00:00:53,163 --> 00:00:54,528
And having eternal life
10
00:00:54,565 --> 00:00:57,398
gave me extra years with my loved ones.
11
00:00:57,434 --> 00:00:59,732
Nighttime used to be dull and dark,
12
00:00:59,770 --> 00:01:02,068
but things got a lot better in the '80s.
13
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:04,471
Oh, the 1880s, that is.
14
00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:07,033
The Industrial Revolution gave us electricity
15
00:01:07,077 --> 00:01:08,567
and light bulbs.
16
00:01:08,612 --> 00:01:11,172
And suddenly, nights were as bright as daytime.
17
00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:12,772
Telephones replaced letters,
18
00:01:12,816 --> 00:01:15,114
and the new subways let
you travel the whole city
19
00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:17,677
and still be in your coffin by sunrise.
20
00:01:17,721 --> 00:01:20,849
In the 1920s, things really turned modern.
21
00:01:20,891 --> 00:01:22,688
Skirts got shorter,
22
00:01:22,726 --> 00:01:25,889
jazz babies and flappers owned the night.
23
00:01:25,929 --> 00:01:27,419
The world belonged to the young,
24
00:01:27,464 --> 00:01:29,591
and I was an expert at being young.
25
00:01:29,633 --> 00:01:31,464
And then came my favorite invention...
26
00:01:31,501 --> 00:01:32,798
flickers.
27
00:01:32,836 --> 00:01:35,464
Chaplin, Keaton, Cagney...
28
00:01:35,505 --> 00:01:38,065
and in movies, they never got any older.
29
00:01:38,108 --> 00:01:39,473
I could relate.
30
00:01:39,509 --> 00:01:42,410
In the 1960s, I messed up.
31
00:01:42,446 --> 00:01:43,811
I let my guard down
32
00:01:43,847 --> 00:01:46,543
and I stupidly let myself fall in love.
33
00:01:46,583 --> 00:01:48,949
After that, things started to go downhill.
34
00:01:48,986 --> 00:01:52,080
In the '70s, I kinda lost interest in dating.
35
00:01:52,122 --> 00:01:54,852
But in the '90s, my stem turned Stacy.
36
00:01:54,891 --> 00:01:58,258
She was kind of lost and I took care of her.
37
00:01:58,295 --> 00:02:00,786
I taught her to get hometown
soil for her coffin,
38
00:02:00,831 --> 00:02:02,992
how to use hypnotic powers,
39
00:02:03,033 --> 00:02:05,297
and how to find the jugular on a rodent.
40
00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:08,202
And she taught
me about e-mail,
41
00:02:08,238 --> 00:02:10,798
Napster, and this great group,
42
00:02:10,841 --> 00:02:12,240
Green Day.
43
00:02:12,275 --> 00:02:13,640
So we have lots of fun.
44
00:02:13,677 --> 00:02:16,077
We party with normal kids, we go to college.
45
00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:18,343
I've got over 10,000 credits.
46
00:02:18,382 --> 00:02:20,612
I could graduate if it wasn't during the day.
47
00:02:21,918 --> 00:02:24,113
I love having a friend,
48
00:02:24,154 --> 00:02:26,418
or "bestie," as she calls it.
49
00:02:26,456 --> 00:02:28,447
And, aw, look how cute she is.
50
00:02:30,093 --> 00:02:32,152
- Hey, Goody.
51
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,493
- Goody, wake up. It's sunset.
52
00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:35,930
The only bad thing about Stacy
53
00:02:35,966 --> 00:02:37,456
are her practical jokes,
54
00:02:37,501 --> 00:02:40,800
which she thinks are way funnier
than they actually are.
55
00:02:40,837 --> 00:02:42,270
What?
56
00:02:42,305 --> 00:02:43,829
No, you didn't.
57
00:02:43,874 --> 00:02:45,865
Come on, let me out.
58
00:02:49,579 --> 00:02:52,104
- You got me
- Again.
59
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,554
Hurry, I've got an 8:00 class.
60
00:03:01,425 --> 00:03:03,359
Hey, Stacy.
Your friend from Boston
61
00:03:03,393 --> 00:03:04,792
sent your hometown soil.
62
00:03:04,828 --> 00:03:06,352
Oh, thank God.
63
00:03:06,396 --> 00:03:09,160
I hardly have any left.
My back has been killing me.
64
00:03:12,369 --> 00:03:14,599
"We're sorry but your package has
65
00:03:14,638 --> 00:03:16,606
accidentally been
harmed in delivery."
66
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:19,473
I think the Post Office
x-rays everything now,
67
00:03:19,509 --> 00:03:21,477
and this looked suspicious so they opened it.
68
00:03:21,511 --> 00:03:23,001
But this is just dirt.
69
00:03:23,046 --> 00:03:25,344
Yeah, but you know Homeland Security.
70
00:03:25,382 --> 00:03:28,249
Man, the terrorists ruined things for everybody.
71
00:03:30,620 --> 00:03:33,282
"Visit us at www..."
72
00:03:33,323 --> 00:03:34,756
why do they call it visiting?
73
00:03:34,791 --> 00:03:37,885
Isn't it more like "type us
a letter on the computer"?
74
00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:40,726
Visiting is when you go somewhere.
75
00:03:40,764 --> 00:03:42,425
Yeah, you're at one place on the Internet,
76
00:03:42,466 --> 00:03:43,933
and then you go someplace else.
77
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:45,958
- That doesn't make any sense.
- Yes, it does.
78
00:03:46,002 --> 00:03:48,027
So if you're reading a book
and you turn the page,
79
00:03:48,071 --> 00:03:49,800
are you visiting another page?
80
00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:53,367
Hold on.
You still can't find your mouth
81
00:03:53,410 --> 00:03:54,934
- without a mirror?
- Thank you.
82
00:04:00,317 --> 00:04:02,148
Sunrise is at 6:40.
83
00:04:02,185 --> 00:04:03,743
You know, I put that app in your phone.
84
00:04:03,787 --> 00:04:05,118
You don't need the almanac.
85
00:04:05,155 --> 00:04:07,282
I like my almanac.
86
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:09,758
What's with the mom jeans?
87
00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:11,954
- Jeans are jeans.
- Are you kidding?
88
00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:14,589
Jeans mark your age
more than a birth certificate.
89
00:04:15,732 --> 00:04:17,427
Trade shoes.
At least my gladiators
90
00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:18,957
will get you in the right millennium.
91
00:04:19,002 --> 00:04:21,266
- Those are cute.
- Race you.
92
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:23,169
Oh!
93
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:31,280
- Took you long enough.
- Well, that didn't count.
94
00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,612
- These aren't my shoes.
- Excuses, excuses.
95
00:04:33,650 --> 00:04:34,947
Oh, for goodness' sake.
96
00:04:34,985 --> 00:04:36,850
- What time does your class end?
- 9:30.
97
00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:38,354
Okay, then I'll meet you at work.
98
00:04:39,790 --> 00:04:41,655
Oh, God.
Where are you going?
99
00:04:43,093 --> 00:04:44,822
Come back here.
100
00:04:44,861 --> 00:04:47,853
- Goody!
101
00:04:47,898 --> 00:04:50,696
Cradle of Filth, Ozzy Osbourne, The Cure...
102
00:04:50,734 --> 00:04:52,463
Ooh, where?
103
00:04:52,502 --> 00:04:55,630
Oh, no. It's one of those
daytime festival things.
104
00:04:55,672 --> 00:04:57,162
Whose idiot idea was it
105
00:04:57,207 --> 00:04:59,038
to have rock concerts during the day?
106
00:05:05,215 --> 00:05:08,844
Mmm.
Let's check the traps.
107
00:05:08,885 --> 00:05:11,046
Ugh, rats will eat anything.
108
00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:18,024
Oh, dead one.
109
00:05:18,061 --> 00:05:20,188
Oh, trap got him?
110
00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:22,960
I think the artificial
sweeteners gave him cancer.
111
00:05:22,999 --> 00:05:25,661
53rd Street.
112
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:26,964
53rd Street.
113
00:05:27,003 --> 00:05:29,130
And 6th Avenue.
114
00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:32,971
53rd Street and 6th Avenue.
115
00:05:33,009 --> 00:05:34,772
- Penthouse suite.
116
00:05:34,811 --> 00:05:36,278
- We're being summoned.
117
00:05:36,313 --> 00:05:38,577
Ask me questions.
Who's the stupidest person on TV?
118
00:05:38,615 --> 00:05:41,209
- Uh, Snooki!
- Oh, yes. You're right.
119
00:05:41,251 --> 00:05:43,048
53rd Street.
120
00:05:43,086 --> 00:05:45,213
Who's the smartest?
121
00:05:45,255 --> 00:05:48,884
- Um, House or Frylock?
- Who?
122
00:05:48,925 --> 00:05:51,951
The limping doctor or the flying French fry.
123
00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:53,360
53rd Street.
124
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,263
- Okay, 53rd Street.
125
00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:00,128
Don't you love Times Square?
126
00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:02,001
It feels like the center of the world.
127
00:06:02,038 --> 00:06:04,131
I feel like a bunch of TVs threw up.
128
00:06:04,174 --> 00:06:06,233
Take a cab.
What are you, walking?
129
00:06:06,276 --> 00:06:08,011
Okay, okay.
We're coming.
130
00:06:08,812 --> 00:06:10,746
What kind of mood is she in?
131
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:12,509
- I've seen worse.
- Has she finished feeding?
132
00:06:12,549 --> 00:06:14,073
Because we don't want to be around any of that.
133
00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,417
Where are my offshoots?
134
00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:18,944
There they are.
135
00:06:19,956 --> 00:06:21,423
Look at the new fall line.
136
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:24,427
Gaultier, Prada.
137
00:06:24,461 --> 00:06:27,055
Dries.
138
00:06:27,097 --> 00:06:29,122
And I can never see how I look in them.
139
00:06:30,333 --> 00:06:32,460
What is the point of looking like this
140
00:06:32,502 --> 00:06:34,970
if I can never enjoy it?
141
00:06:35,005 --> 00:06:36,302
Hmm?
142
00:06:36,339 --> 00:06:38,603
- Oh, sucks hard.
- Not so nice.
143
00:06:38,642 --> 00:06:41,543
So put them on and then I will just imagine
144
00:06:41,578 --> 00:06:44,775
how much better they will look on me.
145
00:06:46,683 --> 00:06:48,947
Ivan, call Mr. Pizza Guy.
146
00:06:48,985 --> 00:06:50,577
I thought we were going out.
147
00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,019
I feel like a pizza guy.
148
00:06:52,055 --> 00:06:54,922
Oh, come on.
Those clothes are wearing you.
149
00:06:54,958 --> 00:06:56,823
Give it some juice.
150
00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:59,522
- I don't know about this one.
- Why not?
151
00:06:59,562 --> 00:07:01,826
It's just not for young people.
152
00:07:02,832 --> 00:07:04,231
Excuse me?
153
00:07:04,267 --> 00:07:07,566
Are you telling me about being young?
154
00:07:07,604 --> 00:07:09,435
Do you have any idea
155
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:12,168
how long I have been young?
156
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:14,073
She just means that, with the recession and all,
157
00:07:14,110 --> 00:07:16,044
girls of a certain age couldn't
afford something like this.
158
00:07:16,079 --> 00:07:18,980
Plus, it's fur.
It's like wearing a dead animal.
159
00:07:19,015 --> 00:07:20,983
Okay, here's the flaw in that argument.
160
00:07:21,017 --> 00:07:22,644
Why should the life of a mink
161
00:07:22,686 --> 00:07:25,211
be more valuable than the life of a pigeon?
162
00:07:25,255 --> 00:07:27,155
You two drink pigeons every day.
163
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:29,055
We set them free.
164
00:07:29,092 --> 00:07:31,856
- Stacy got attached.
- To pigeons?
165
00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:33,328
You know what?
We never should've named them.
166
00:07:33,363 --> 00:07:34,796
I know, you're so right.
167
00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,594
I mean, how can you hurt
something named Snuggles?
168
00:07:36,633 --> 00:07:38,157
- Or Mr. Doodles?
- Do you remember...
169
00:07:38,201 --> 00:07:40,192
You're pathetic.
170
00:07:41,938 --> 00:07:43,428
Pizza guy.
171
00:07:45,575 --> 00:07:46,769
Pizza guy.
172
00:07:49,379 --> 00:07:51,813
Who ordered the double cheese and sausage?
173
00:07:51,848 --> 00:07:53,611
You're late.
174
00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:55,675
They said 20 minutes or less.
175
00:07:55,719 --> 00:07:58,779
You kept me waiting, you bad boy.
176
00:07:58,822 --> 00:08:00,221
Sorry.
177
00:08:00,256 --> 00:08:03,157
You know what happens to bad boys.
178
00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:09,429
I hate when she's in town.
179
00:08:09,466 --> 00:08:11,525
- It's disgusting.
- I know.
180
00:08:11,568 --> 00:08:12,967
But let's just have a good time.
181
00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:14,994
- Come on, we deserve it.
- Taxi!
182
00:08:15,038 --> 00:08:16,528
Besides, it's goth night.
183
00:08:16,573 --> 00:08:19,041
And all the day players always dress up so cute.
184
00:08:19,075 --> 00:08:23,774
♪ Crash, the thunderous moan ♪
185
00:08:25,782 --> 00:08:30,583
♪ Thrash and rattle the bones ♪
186
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:32,520
♪ Alone... ♪
187
00:08:32,555 --> 00:08:33,954
We're the oldest ones here.
188
00:08:33,990 --> 00:08:35,685
Except for this schmo hawk.
189
00:08:35,725 --> 00:08:38,216
- Can I buy you ladies a drink?
- We never drink...
190
00:08:38,261 --> 00:08:39,956
mojitos.
191
00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:41,861
Maybe you should court someone your own age.
192
00:08:41,898 --> 00:08:44,332
- Oh, did you see that cute one?
- Mm-hmm.
193
00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:46,768
- Hey.
- Hey, Renfield.
194
00:08:46,803 --> 00:08:49,237
Adam Ant called.
He wants his makeup back.
195
00:08:49,272 --> 00:08:52,002
Oh, come on. Awaken me.
I wanna live forever.
196
00:08:52,042 --> 00:08:54,010
Then you should try eating more broccoli.
197
00:08:54,044 --> 00:08:56,410
No, I don't want to eat more
broccoli. I want to be undead.
198
00:08:56,446 --> 00:08:58,641
You are undead.
You're alive.
199
00:08:58,681 --> 00:09:01,275
Yeah, stop imagining crazy ideas.
200
00:09:02,485 --> 00:09:04,919
No.
201
00:09:04,954 --> 00:09:07,855
What?
- Stuck-up McVainypants is here.
202
00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:11,327
So what?
Just ignore him.
203
00:09:11,361 --> 00:09:12,919
Show him how much fun you're having.
204
00:09:14,397 --> 00:09:15,762
What? No!
No pictures.
205
00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:17,494
Wh... then take me.
206
00:09:17,534 --> 00:09:19,092
Come on.
Let's just go dance.
207
00:09:23,907 --> 00:09:26,307
Isn't this place a little Mickey Mouse for you?
208
00:09:29,946 --> 00:09:32,847
There is Donor Club in Chinatown.
209
00:09:32,882 --> 00:09:34,577
I don't know what you're talking about.
210
00:09:35,885 --> 00:09:38,080
I think I can sense a real vampire.
211
00:09:38,121 --> 00:09:41,113
Vampire?
That word is so cornball.
212
00:09:41,157 --> 00:09:43,625
And anyone who says "cornball"
213
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:45,560
is at least 80 years old.
214
00:09:47,363 --> 00:09:49,228
Okay.
I just don't appreciate
215
00:09:49,265 --> 00:09:50,755
being called the V-word.
216
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,131
You prefer ELF?
217
00:09:52,168 --> 00:09:54,830
Extended Life Form, yes.
218
00:09:54,871 --> 00:09:57,237
So gay.
219
00:09:57,273 --> 00:09:58,968
- Hey.
- Hi, Ivan.
220
00:09:59,008 --> 00:10:01,533
I see you met Vadim.
You know he's my stem.
221
00:10:01,578 --> 00:10:03,637
Oh, you're the Soviet stem.
222
00:10:04,747 --> 00:10:06,237
Ukrainian.
223
00:10:08,184 --> 00:10:09,913
Let's go to that club.
Blood Bank.
224
00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:12,319
We don't feed off of people.
225
00:10:12,355 --> 00:10:14,118
Oh, great.
226
00:10:14,157 --> 00:10:16,182
As long as Cisserus takes care of herself.
227
00:10:17,393 --> 00:10:19,884
- Why?
- Anything happens to her,
228
00:10:19,929 --> 00:10:22,523
your years will accrue.
229
00:10:22,565 --> 00:10:24,123
You wouldn't want
230
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,465
to look your age.
231
00:10:26,503 --> 00:10:28,130
Excuse me.
232
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,209
I am Vadim.
This is Ivan.
233
00:10:39,249 --> 00:10:41,615
I'll get my coat.
234
00:10:42,852 --> 00:10:45,685
- Oh, Juicy.
- She is asking for it.
235
00:10:45,722 --> 00:10:47,314
Yeah, I'd say.
236
00:10:50,593 --> 00:10:51,992
Listen to me.
237
00:10:52,028 --> 00:10:55,088
Vadim and Ivan are bad guys.
238
00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:56,598
I like bad guys.
239
00:10:59,836 --> 00:11:02,805
No, you like nice guys.
240
00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:05,831
Don't look at them and don't talk to them.
241
00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:07,365
Don't talk to them.
242
00:11:07,410 --> 00:11:09,970
And remember, nice guys.
243
00:11:10,013 --> 00:11:11,913
Nice guys.
244
00:11:17,687 --> 00:11:20,713
Guys that listen when you say stuff.
245
00:11:20,757 --> 00:11:23,191
Guys that compliment you.
246
00:11:23,226 --> 00:11:25,217
Hey, Juicy.
Where are you going?
247
00:11:25,261 --> 00:11:27,661
♪ ...a spell ♪
248
00:11:27,697 --> 00:11:31,292
♪ From chasing ♪
249
00:11:31,334 --> 00:11:35,270
♪ A star that's long since fell in ♪
250
00:11:35,305 --> 00:11:38,206
♪ Hills and valleys ♪
251
00:11:38,241 --> 00:11:42,007
♪ But mostly valleys ♪
252
00:11:42,045 --> 00:11:46,812
♪ Are all I can see before I go... ♪
253
00:11:50,853 --> 00:11:54,345
♪ Seen faintly ♪
254
00:11:54,390 --> 00:11:58,884
♪ A distant bell ♪
255
00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:02,159
♪ Rings hazy ♪
256
00:12:02,198 --> 00:12:04,496
♪ And echoes in a well of... ♪
257
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:06,798
- Hey. We're gonna go.
- BRB.
258
00:12:07,804 --> 00:12:10,204
Um, that only works if you're leaving.
259
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,730
"Be right back."
260
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:15,073
- Oh. SL.
- What?
261
00:12:15,111 --> 00:12:18,239
- "So long"?
- Close enough.
262
00:12:23,219 --> 00:12:25,483
So I tell my parents I'm coming
to the city for my music.
263
00:12:25,521 --> 00:12:27,648
And they say okay, as long as I go to NYU.
264
00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:29,317
You want?
265
00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:31,850
No thanks.
I'm already in the mood.
266
00:12:34,631 --> 00:12:36,292
So now they're all,
"What about law school?"
267
00:12:36,332 --> 00:12:38,197
And I go, "I told you I was
coming here for my music."
268
00:12:38,234 --> 00:12:40,668
So they're, "Then why did we
spend $100,000, Derek?"
269
00:12:40,703 --> 00:12:42,227
I'm like, "You got me.
You could've just gotten me
270
00:12:42,272 --> 00:12:44,001
Pro Tools and I'd be happy.
Law school is your dream,
271
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,337
not mine."
272
00:12:45,375 --> 00:12:47,002
And they think it's all about record deals,
273
00:12:47,043 --> 00:12:48,533
but it's so different now.
They're so old-fashioned.
274
00:12:48,578 --> 00:12:49,943
They just don't get it, you know?
275
00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:52,106
Hey, my parents believed in witches.
276
00:12:52,148 --> 00:12:54,412
Hold on, I gotta play you something.
277
00:12:57,587 --> 00:12:58,918
Mm.
278
00:13:07,764 --> 00:13:09,789
You've got...
you've got something.
279
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:12,824
Hmm?
You want a rail?
280
00:13:20,877 --> 00:13:23,072
A little bit won't hurt.
281
00:13:43,166 --> 00:13:45,760
I gotta get out of here.
282
00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:54,775
Hey, people can see you.
283
00:13:54,811 --> 00:13:56,244
What?
Nobody cares.
284
00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:58,770
Besides, the streets are wet
and my shoes are suede.
285
00:13:58,815 --> 00:14:01,477
Stacy, I kinda did something bad.
286
00:14:01,517 --> 00:14:03,917
- What?
- Well, this drummer guy
287
00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:06,387
was all coked up and his nose started bleeding.
288
00:14:06,422 --> 00:14:08,890
- Oh, no.
- I just licked a drop.
289
00:14:08,925 --> 00:14:10,790
And what now? Are you jonesing?
Do you have the hunger?
290
00:14:10,827 --> 00:14:12,021
No.
291
00:14:12,061 --> 00:14:14,256
I just had what came out.
It wasn't even flowing.
292
00:14:14,297 --> 00:14:18,165
But I know it would be so much
more satisfying than this whole
293
00:14:18,201 --> 00:14:20,328
get-dressed-go-out-
and-have-sex routine.
294
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:22,930
I mean, guys used to want to sing
295
00:14:22,972 --> 00:14:24,667
or paint or write.
296
00:14:24,707 --> 00:14:27,574
Now, it's like iPod hits and webisodes.
297
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:29,703
Half the time, I don't even know
what they're talking about.
298
00:14:29,746 --> 00:14:31,805
Well, we're going to group tomorrow.
That always helps.
299
00:14:31,848 --> 00:14:34,112
- Hey.
300
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:36,175
Didn't that used to be a yogurt place?
301
00:14:36,219 --> 00:14:37,777
Things keep changing around here.
302
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:40,516
Well, in the '70s, it was a methadone clinic
303
00:14:40,556 --> 00:14:42,854
and all the hippies
would be sitting on the stairs
304
00:14:42,892 --> 00:14:44,757
waiting for their medicine.
305
00:14:44,794 --> 00:14:47,160
And in the '50s, it was a dance studio,
306
00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:51,394
and everyone came to the Village to be beatniks.
307
00:14:51,434 --> 00:14:54,164
And before that, it was a German newspaper.
308
00:14:55,204 --> 00:14:56,694
How do you know this stuff?
309
00:14:57,707 --> 00:15:00,870
- The History Channel.
- Oh.
310
00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,935
- Uh-oh, birds.
311
00:15:02,979 --> 00:15:04,378
- Hurry. Go, go!
- Whoops!
312
00:15:04,414 --> 00:15:06,006
- Get back.
- Watch out, Kenny!
313
00:15:06,048 --> 00:15:08,250
Oh!
314
00:15:16,325 --> 00:15:18,350
That's Van Helsing.
Let him through.
315
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:21,853
Oh, no, no, no.
This doesn't have
316
00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:23,456
anything to do with Homeland Security
317
00:15:23,499 --> 00:15:25,160
so get away from my crime scene, huh?
318
00:15:25,201 --> 00:15:26,691
Did you recover the neck?
319
00:15:26,736 --> 00:15:29,569
Look, it's your garden variety John Doe.
320
00:15:29,605 --> 00:15:31,300
Killed, bled out someplace else,
321
00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:33,171
they hacked it up and dumped it here.
322
00:15:33,209 --> 00:15:35,939
You call this bled out?
It's bone dry.
323
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:37,809
- Detective.
324
00:15:37,847 --> 00:15:40,577
Excuse me, ma'am.
I need you to back up, please.
325
00:15:41,584 --> 00:15:43,176
What is that, a pizza carrier?
326
00:15:45,021 --> 00:15:47,080
There.
You happy now?
327
00:15:47,123 --> 00:15:49,887
Hey, if we find a subway map
and explosives, we'll call you.
328
00:15:52,829 --> 00:15:54,319
- Whoa.
329
00:15:56,599 --> 00:15:58,328
Good evening.
My name is Harry,
330
00:15:58,367 --> 00:16:00,335
and welcome to Sanguines Anonymous.
331
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,406
Tepish, you're a stem, aren't you?
332
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:09,138
Someone told me that if a stem dies,
333
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:11,043
all the offshoots die.
334
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,139
It's an old wives' tale, right?
335
00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:15,173
I thought as long as you stayed
out of the sun, you're okay.
336
00:16:15,218 --> 00:16:17,448
And if your stem died, you start aging.
337
00:16:17,487 --> 00:16:21,446
No, you start aging,
but not like the day players.
338
00:16:21,491 --> 00:16:24,722
You become your chronological age.
339
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:26,318
When were you awakened?
340
00:16:26,362 --> 00:16:28,057
1841.
341
00:16:28,097 --> 00:16:30,531
Ah, pfft.
Baby.
342
00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:33,626
Besides, 200 is the new 80.
343
00:16:33,669 --> 00:16:36,035
Stacy turned in 1992.
344
00:16:36,072 --> 00:16:38,540
Does she know how old you are?
345
00:16:38,574 --> 00:16:39,939
No.
346
00:16:39,976 --> 00:16:43,070
It seemed to comfort her
thinking we were the same age.
347
00:16:43,112 --> 00:16:44,340
Ah, I see.
348
00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:47,611
- You're from Cisserus, huh?
- You know her?
349
00:16:49,085 --> 00:16:50,575
We had a fling.
350
00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:52,053
Mm.
351
00:16:52,088 --> 00:16:54,522
That took about a century off my life.
352
00:16:54,557 --> 00:16:56,320
Hey.
353
00:16:57,727 --> 00:17:01,128
Tepish, would you like to start off tonight?
354
00:17:01,163 --> 00:17:02,892
Okay.
355
00:17:05,368 --> 00:17:07,632
Thank you, Harry.
356
00:17:07,670 --> 00:17:09,160
Hi, everyone.
357
00:17:09,205 --> 00:17:11,173
I am Vlad Tepish.
358
00:17:11,207 --> 00:17:12,435
You know, Vlad the Impaler.
359
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,999
Hi, Vlad Tepish.
360
00:17:14,043 --> 00:17:17,979
I have abstained from the fluids of homo sapiens
361
00:17:18,014 --> 00:17:21,916
for 362 years.
362
00:17:25,555 --> 00:17:27,352
I'm sure that you've heard about what I did
363
00:17:27,390 --> 00:17:28,880
to the Turkish army, huh?
364
00:17:28,925 --> 00:17:30,290
He impaled them.
365
00:17:30,326 --> 00:17:33,295
You youngsters have to learn how to substitute
366
00:17:33,329 --> 00:17:37,390
what you can't do with things
that are less harmful.
367
00:17:37,433 --> 00:17:40,698
Personally, I like knitting.
368
00:17:40,736 --> 00:17:42,328
Especially...
369
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:46,665
- this part.
370
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,438
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you.
371
00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:56,648
- Hi, I'm Stacy.
- Hi, Stacy.
372
00:17:56,686 --> 00:17:59,484
I've been in my 20s for two decades,
373
00:17:59,522 --> 00:18:03,117
and when I was a day player,
I was doing a lot of E.
374
00:18:03,159 --> 00:18:05,150
E?
I don't know what that is.
375
00:18:05,194 --> 00:18:07,355
That's ecstasy.
376
00:18:07,396 --> 00:18:10,832
And then one night,
I must've been pretty stoned,
377
00:18:10,866 --> 00:18:12,197
'cause I don't even remember,
378
00:18:12,234 --> 00:18:15,169
but I know Cisserus was feeding on me,
379
00:18:15,204 --> 00:18:17,331
and Goody was arguing that I would be a good
380
00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:19,102
clothing model for her.
381
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:21,905
So if it wasn't for Goody, I would be dead.
382
00:18:21,944 --> 00:18:24,037
Like, dead-dead.
383
00:18:25,414 --> 00:18:28,713
But she says that I saved her
because she'd been so lonely,
384
00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:31,447
and having a friend made
her want to keep existing.
385
00:18:31,487 --> 00:18:34,479
Even though I've never had human blood,
386
00:18:34,523 --> 00:18:36,423
I still feel tempted.
387
00:18:36,459 --> 00:18:38,893
But it's like drugs.
388
00:18:38,928 --> 00:18:41,419
We don't need
the high-highs.
389
00:18:41,464 --> 00:18:44,024
It's more satisfying to not hurt anybody
390
00:18:44,066 --> 00:18:45,658
and just have fun with your friends.
391
00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:51,033
- Thanks.
- Good meeting, people.
392
00:18:51,073 --> 00:18:53,234
Shall we?
393
00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:56,301
When it comes to drinking human blood,
394
00:18:56,345 --> 00:18:59,212
a single drop is too much,
395
00:18:59,248 --> 00:19:02,183
and a whole family is never enough.
396
00:19:02,218 --> 00:19:04,413
Support your fellow ELFs.
397
00:19:04,453 --> 00:19:08,082
Undead is not unfeeling.
398
00:19:08,124 --> 00:19:09,853
Great.
399
00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:29,739
What are you doing?
400
00:19:29,779 --> 00:19:31,371
Don't you hate it when you sprout fangs,
401
00:19:31,414 --> 00:19:33,541
part's white and then the other part's dingy?
402
00:19:33,582 --> 00:19:35,447
I never thought about it.
403
00:19:35,484 --> 00:19:37,952
- It's Renfield.
404
00:19:37,987 --> 00:19:40,353
- Hey, Renfield!
- Where are you guys?
405
00:19:40,389 --> 00:19:41,686
Let's go to SoHo House.
406
00:19:41,724 --> 00:19:43,555
I'm sick of these clip joints.
407
00:19:43,592 --> 00:19:46,789
How about this?
You go, and if it's great, text us.
408
00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:48,023
All right. G2G
409
00:19:48,064 --> 00:19:49,895
G2G.
410
00:19:49,932 --> 00:19:51,422
"Got to go."
411
00:19:51,467 --> 00:19:54,698
Why can't kids say entire words?
412
00:19:54,737 --> 00:19:56,637
It takes just as long to say letters.
413
00:19:56,672 --> 00:19:59,004
Remember, we said
that we'd keep up with the times
414
00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:00,770
even though it's not as good as the '80s.
415
00:20:00,810 --> 00:20:02,402
You don't hear me complaining every time
416
00:20:02,445 --> 00:20:04,345
a new song comes on that Devo is much better.
417
00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:06,245
That's true.
418
00:20:06,282 --> 00:20:07,943
You have a glob.
419
00:20:07,983 --> 00:20:10,451
- Here?
- Other side.
420
00:20:10,486 --> 00:20:13,455
- Here?
- A little higher.
421
00:20:13,489 --> 00:20:16,083
Doesn't it drive you crazy
422
00:20:16,125 --> 00:20:17,558
not knowing what you look like?
423
00:20:17,593 --> 00:20:19,151
You look the same as you always did.
424
00:20:19,195 --> 00:20:21,561
- You have pictures from before.
- No.
425
00:20:21,597 --> 00:20:23,224
You don't have any pictures
from your early years?
426
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:25,130
No.
427
00:20:25,167 --> 00:20:26,964
A guy in the park drew this.
428
00:20:27,002 --> 00:20:28,697
Do I look anything like this?
429
00:20:28,738 --> 00:20:30,638
Oh, yeah.
430
00:20:30,673 --> 00:20:32,436
- He really captured you.
- Oh.
431
00:20:32,475 --> 00:20:34,375
Hold on.
432
00:20:38,981 --> 00:20:42,542
Okay, she sort of has your structure.
433
00:20:42,585 --> 00:20:44,576
You have rounder eyes,
434
00:20:44,620 --> 00:20:46,417
shorter chin,
435
00:20:46,455 --> 00:20:49,117
change the hair,
436
00:20:49,158 --> 00:20:50,489
green eyes,
437
00:20:50,526 --> 00:20:52,289
and...
438
00:20:52,328 --> 00:20:54,421
fix the nose.
439
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:56,260
- And print.
440
00:21:00,503 --> 00:21:02,266
Oh, my God.
441
00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:06,700
- That's me.
- Yeah.
442
00:21:06,742 --> 00:21:08,801
It's been so long.
443
00:21:08,844 --> 00:21:13,042
I take back everything bad
I ever said about computers.
444
00:21:13,082 --> 00:21:14,549
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
445
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:15,811
- Ooh.
446
00:21:22,424 --> 00:21:25,293
- Good morning.
- Morning.
447
00:21:35,538 --> 00:21:37,870
Ew.
448
00:21:37,907 --> 00:21:40,068
Well, LASIK has come a long way.
449
00:21:43,379 --> 00:21:46,075
- Hi, I'm Joey.
- Hi, I'm Stacy.
450
00:22:20,115 --> 00:22:22,106
Hey, would you like to have
lunch with me sometime?
451
00:22:22,151 --> 00:22:23,618
- No.
- Okay.
452
00:22:24,787 --> 00:22:27,347
Um, no, what I meant was I work during the day
453
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:31,223
but I could have coffee or drinks.
454
00:22:31,260 --> 00:22:33,228
Okay, great.
455
00:22:37,433 --> 00:22:40,095
All right, any questions?
456
00:22:40,135 --> 00:22:41,625
Yes, Professor Quincy.
457
00:22:41,670 --> 00:22:43,934
How many surrealists does
it take to change a light bulb?
458
00:22:43,973 --> 00:22:46,464
- How many?
- A bicycle.
459
00:22:47,943 --> 00:22:50,207
Well, thank you for that wonderful
insight, Mr. Van Helsing.
460
00:22:52,514 --> 00:22:55,483
All right, I know
that was no "Talladega Nights."
461
00:22:55,517 --> 00:22:57,747
Now what was Dalí trying to do in this?
462
00:22:59,722 --> 00:23:03,089
Stacy, don't take a nap.
463
00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:04,615
You'll be up all day.
464
00:23:04,660 --> 00:23:07,720
I'm so tired.
I was IM'ing all day.
465
00:23:10,366 --> 00:23:12,357
I barely slept.
466
00:23:12,401 --> 00:23:14,028
I met someone at school.
467
00:23:14,069 --> 00:23:16,401
- What's his story?
- He's silly.
468
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:18,338
Goofy but cute.
469
00:23:18,374 --> 00:23:20,808
- What's his name?
- His name?
470
00:23:20,843 --> 00:23:22,777
Um, his name is Joey...
471
00:23:22,811 --> 00:23:24,210
Van Helsing.
472
00:23:24,246 --> 00:23:25,611
What?
473
00:23:25,648 --> 00:23:28,811
I'm sure it's a coincidence.
It's a common name.
474
00:23:28,851 --> 00:23:31,786
And you didn't hit it off with Timmy Hitler?
475
00:23:31,820 --> 00:23:33,287
Very funny.
476
00:23:33,322 --> 00:23:34,755
I don't like it.
477
00:23:35,758 --> 00:23:37,953
I can take care of myself.
478
00:23:41,563 --> 00:23:43,394
Guess what Joey wants to do this weekend?
479
00:23:43,432 --> 00:23:46,265
- Behead you?
- Ha-ha.
480
00:23:48,170 --> 00:23:49,694
I need to see my wife's chart.
481
00:23:49,738 --> 00:23:52,298
You know, I've asked about
four times in the past hour.
482
00:23:52,341 --> 00:23:55,208
So get me the goddamn chart.
483
00:23:55,244 --> 00:23:58,771
And don't start with the shifts.
484
00:23:58,814 --> 00:24:01,510
And you won't be sued for malpractice
485
00:24:01,550 --> 00:24:02,915
if you do it now.
486
00:24:02,952 --> 00:24:05,079
Hell no, we won't go.
487
00:24:05,120 --> 00:24:07,145
Hell no, we won't go.
488
00:24:07,189 --> 00:24:08,679
Hell no...
489
00:24:08,724 --> 00:24:11,192
Enough already.
I've had enough.
490
00:24:28,177 --> 00:24:30,611
Hi, honey.
Hi, honey.
491
00:24:30,646 --> 00:24:31,806
Love you.
492
00:24:31,847 --> 00:24:34,839
I told them not to bring
you any... look at this.
493
00:24:34,883 --> 00:24:37,317
I don't want you to eat this.
Look at this.
494
00:24:37,353 --> 00:24:39,719
They use this for breast
implants in the other wing.
495
00:24:39,755 --> 00:24:41,484
Guess where I went?
Cappuccino.
496
00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:44,321
- Oh...
- Look at this.
497
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,920
How much?
How much do we love cannoli?
498
00:24:50,466 --> 00:24:52,297
All right, maybe later.
499
00:24:54,303 --> 00:24:55,998
How you doing in there?
500
00:24:56,038 --> 00:24:58,700
- Ugh.
501
00:24:58,741 --> 00:25:02,370
- I'm tired.
- Oh, shit.
502
00:25:03,846 --> 00:25:06,076
- You got jury duty.
- What?
503
00:25:06,115 --> 00:25:09,414
- 8:00 a.m.
- No.
504
00:25:09,451 --> 00:25:11,112
How could this happen?
505
00:25:11,153 --> 00:25:13,280
We're paid in cash.
We don't do taxes.
506
00:25:13,322 --> 00:25:14,721
I don't even have a driver's license.
507
00:25:14,757 --> 00:25:16,281
Our credit cards are through a third party.
508
00:25:16,325 --> 00:25:18,520
Oh. I voted once.
509
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,892
- You what?
- I voted for Dukakis.
510
00:25:20,929 --> 00:25:24,023
- Dukakis?
- It was before I turned.
511
00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:25,863
And I was just thinking
about the good of the country.
512
00:25:25,901 --> 00:25:28,267
Country?
It's just business.
513
00:25:28,303 --> 00:25:30,498
From the Dutch West India Company
514
00:25:30,539 --> 00:25:32,006
to the slave trade.
515
00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:33,531
How do you know all this stuff?
516
00:25:34,710 --> 00:25:36,974
Um, The History Channel.
517
00:25:38,747 --> 00:25:40,840
Yay!
518
00:25:40,883 --> 00:25:43,716
If you're here and he's there,
why don't you talk?
519
00:25:43,752 --> 00:25:45,310
Nobody talks.
520
00:25:45,354 --> 00:25:46,878
Do you want him to think I'm 40?
521
00:25:50,692 --> 00:25:52,785
So, if the city has too much garbage,
522
00:25:52,828 --> 00:25:54,261
and rats eat garbage,
523
00:25:54,296 --> 00:25:56,230
why don't we just get rats to eat the garbage
524
00:25:56,265 --> 00:25:58,130
instead of spraying toxic crap everywhere?
525
00:25:58,167 --> 00:25:59,828
- Rats breed too quickly.
- So?
526
00:25:59,868 --> 00:26:01,062
What if we give them birth control?
527
00:26:01,103 --> 00:26:02,832
You mean get rats to put on condoms?
528
00:26:02,871 --> 00:26:05,237
Yeah.
Teensy-weensy little condoms.
529
00:26:05,274 --> 00:26:07,799
Who's that old hippie talking to Fred?
530
00:26:07,843 --> 00:26:09,743
You must mean the girls from
the graveyard shift.
531
00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,769
Shit.
I used to go out with him
532
00:26:11,814 --> 00:26:13,042
before you and I knew each other.
533
00:26:13,082 --> 00:26:15,243
Oh, my God. He's gonna
expect you to be like 40.
534
00:26:15,284 --> 00:26:17,775
- I know.
- Hi.
535
00:26:17,820 --> 00:26:20,050
Wow.
536
00:26:20,089 --> 00:26:21,681
How is it possible?
537
00:26:21,723 --> 00:26:23,520
How is what possible?
538
00:26:25,761 --> 00:26:27,922
Goody, you have not aged a day.
539
00:26:27,963 --> 00:26:29,760
Mister, my name is Susan.
540
00:26:29,798 --> 00:26:32,631
But my mother's name was Goody.
Did you know her?
541
00:26:32,668 --> 00:26:35,967
Goody Rutherford?
Is that your mother?
542
00:26:36,004 --> 00:26:38,234
Yes, but she passed away.
543
00:26:38,273 --> 00:26:41,367
Oh.
I-l-I'm sorry.
544
00:26:41,410 --> 00:26:44,345
My name is Danny Horowitz.
545
00:26:44,379 --> 00:26:46,973
Did she ever, uh, you know, like, mention me?
546
00:26:48,684 --> 00:26:50,743
I think.
547
00:26:50,786 --> 00:26:52,276
- But we have to get to work.
- Hey.
548
00:26:52,321 --> 00:26:55,779
Hi, I under... listen.
I have to talk to you.
549
00:26:55,824 --> 00:26:58,019
Please call me tomorrow.
550
00:26:58,060 --> 00:26:59,618
Okay.
Tomorrow night.
551
00:26:59,661 --> 00:27:02,289
Night, of course.
552
00:27:02,331 --> 00:27:04,196
Just like your mother.
553
00:27:04,233 --> 00:27:06,428
Okay.
554
00:27:12,774 --> 00:27:15,641
- So, is this your place?
- It's my parents' place.
555
00:27:15,677 --> 00:27:18,168
When my ex and I broke up, I was traveling
556
00:27:18,213 --> 00:27:21,114
and I haven't found a new place yet.
557
00:27:21,150 --> 00:27:23,675
- Iris recognition.
- So, what does your dad do?
558
00:27:23,719 --> 00:27:25,550
Well, he works for Homeland Security now,
559
00:27:25,587 --> 00:27:28,681
but he was with MI-6 in London
for quite a long time.
560
00:27:28,724 --> 00:27:31,454
So is he, um, some kind of spy?
561
00:27:31,493 --> 00:27:34,758
Yeah, like James Bond but shorter.
562
00:27:35,797 --> 00:27:37,856
Listen, Stacy.
There's something I have to tell you.
563
00:27:37,900 --> 00:27:41,097
- What?
- I'm older than you think.
564
00:27:41,136 --> 00:27:43,969
I've been helping my dad with
this project for a few years,
565
00:27:44,006 --> 00:27:47,464
and since I'm still in school,
you probably think I'm, like, 20.
566
00:27:47,509 --> 00:27:49,534
But I'm almost 25.
567
00:27:49,578 --> 00:27:53,173
- And since you're like 17...
568
00:27:53,215 --> 00:27:56,150
Um, actually I'm a little bit older
569
00:27:56,185 --> 00:27:57,948
than the other kids, too.
570
00:27:57,986 --> 00:27:59,783
You are?
571
00:28:00,856 --> 00:28:02,380
Well, great.
Well, how old are you?
572
00:28:02,424 --> 00:28:04,722
You don't ask a lady her age.
573
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,251
- Well, why not?
- Because it's very impolite.
574
00:28:07,296 --> 00:28:09,025
- How am I gonna find out?
- I don't know.
575
00:28:09,064 --> 00:28:11,089
I'm gonna nick your passport.
576
00:28:11,133 --> 00:28:13,693
I'm never going again.
The performance was ghastly.
577
00:28:13,735 --> 00:28:16,602
No, the clown was so...
578
00:28:16,638 --> 00:28:18,799
- Joey.
- Oh.
579
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,307
I didn't know you had company.
580
00:28:20,342 --> 00:28:22,139
We just got back.
This is Stacy.
581
00:28:22,177 --> 00:28:24,008
Stacy, my mother and father.
582
00:28:24,046 --> 00:28:25,445
- Hi, Stacy.
- Oh, pleasure.
583
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:26,811
- Nice to meet you.
- Uh, yeah.
584
00:28:26,848 --> 00:28:28,782
- How do you do?
- Hi.
585
00:28:28,817 --> 00:28:30,307
Well, I actually have to get to my job.
586
00:28:30,352 --> 00:28:33,617
- You work at night?
- Yeah, it's so depressing.
587
00:28:33,655 --> 00:28:37,022
But, you know, just until school gets out.
588
00:28:37,059 --> 00:28:38,856
- I have to go.
- I'll see you out.
589
00:28:41,063 --> 00:28:42,496
- Ta!
- Yeah.
590
00:28:43,966 --> 00:28:46,764
- Did you feel her hands?
- Freezing.
591
00:28:49,938 --> 00:28:51,530
I'm glad you're interested.
Are you a registered voter?
592
00:28:51,573 --> 00:28:53,268
No matter what's going on in the world,
593
00:28:53,308 --> 00:28:55,833
there's always someone
protesting or petitioning,
594
00:28:55,877 --> 00:28:58,175
and they always wind up in Union Square.
595
00:29:00,015 --> 00:29:03,542
Even in the 1840s, people were
pamphleteering for abolition.
596
00:29:03,585 --> 00:29:05,576
...southern flesh peddlers!
597
00:29:05,621 --> 00:29:07,885
Slavery will tear our country apart!
598
00:29:07,923 --> 00:29:09,948
Sir, may I proffer you a pamphlet?
599
00:29:09,992 --> 00:29:12,085
Abolition now!
600
00:29:12,127 --> 00:29:14,994
Sir... sir, may I proffer
you a pamphlet?
601
00:29:17,199 --> 00:29:18,757
And in the 1950s,
602
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,530
thousands of people protested to stop
603
00:29:21,570 --> 00:29:23,470
the execution of the Rosenbergs.
604
00:29:25,274 --> 00:29:28,368
Of course, in the '60s, there was
always a Vietnam demonstration.
605
00:29:28,410 --> 00:29:29,707
Hell no, we won't go!
606
00:29:29,745 --> 00:29:32,111
Hell no, we won't go!
607
00:29:32,147 --> 00:29:35,207
Hell no, we won't go!
Hell no...
608
00:29:35,250 --> 00:29:38,686
Must've been pretty crazy to see
your old boyfriend like that, huh?
609
00:29:39,688 --> 00:29:41,246
How long were you guys together?
610
00:29:41,290 --> 00:29:43,258
Over a year.
We never lived together,
611
00:29:43,292 --> 00:29:45,522
but we saw each other every night.
612
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:49,428
I forgot how nice it felt seeing
someone you love all the time.
613
00:29:50,766 --> 00:29:53,257
I wonder what Joey's parents think about me.
614
00:29:53,302 --> 00:29:54,860
So what did you think of Stacy?
615
00:29:54,903 --> 00:29:56,700
She's rather pale.
616
00:29:56,738 --> 00:29:58,035
How do you mean?
617
00:29:58,073 --> 00:30:00,098
What your mother means is she's...
618
00:30:01,109 --> 00:30:03,669
exceedingly white.
619
00:30:03,712 --> 00:30:05,373
So you don't like her because
of the color of her skin?
620
00:30:05,414 --> 00:30:06,745
Is that what you're telling me?
621
00:30:06,782 --> 00:30:08,272
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
622
00:30:08,317 --> 00:30:10,217
No, it's simply that she's not like us.
623
00:30:10,252 --> 00:30:12,083
You mean wealthy,
over-educated,
624
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,315
Upper-West-Side,
paranoid, ghoul-chasing...
625
00:30:14,356 --> 00:30:16,586
Oh, for fuck's sake.
She's undead!
626
00:30:16,625 --> 00:30:19,594
- And I forbid you to see her!
627
00:30:19,628 --> 00:30:21,118
You think everyone is a vampire.
628
00:30:21,163 --> 00:30:22,687
Just because somebody stays up late,
doesn't go to bed before 3:00...
629
00:30:22,731 --> 00:30:24,096
Well excuse me for being overly vigilant.
630
00:30:24,132 --> 00:30:25,599
...doesn't mean
they can just grow fangs,
631
00:30:25,634 --> 00:30:27,465
- put on a black cape...
- But I think beings
632
00:30:27,502 --> 00:30:29,663
- devoid of warm blood...
- ...and fly around town like a bat!
633
00:30:29,705 --> 00:30:31,104
Just because they're a little peaky,
634
00:30:31,139 --> 00:30:32,504
it doesn't mean they drink blood.
635
00:30:32,541 --> 00:30:34,668
...roam the street at night
looking for innocent victims.
636
00:30:34,710 --> 00:30:36,177
You are so intolerant.
637
00:30:36,211 --> 00:30:39,647
Enough!
Stop it, both of you.
638
00:30:39,681 --> 00:30:42,309
Let's just invite your little friend to supper.
639
00:30:42,351 --> 00:30:44,512
If she's one of them, we'll know.
640
00:30:44,553 --> 00:30:46,180
Fine.
641
00:30:48,056 --> 00:30:51,321
Tonight, we're meeting under sad circumstances.
642
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,885
I'm sure by now you've all heard about David's
643
00:30:53,929 --> 00:30:56,124
tragic Daylight Savings accident.
644
00:30:57,666 --> 00:30:59,600
Boy, one century you're here
645
00:30:59,634 --> 00:31:01,226
and the next you're gone.
646
00:31:02,571 --> 00:31:04,232
Do you sense something gross?
647
00:31:06,408 --> 00:31:08,035
Yes.
648
00:31:08,076 --> 00:31:09,441
I see we have a newcomer.
649
00:31:09,478 --> 00:31:11,503
Uh, yeah, hi.
I'm Rita.
650
00:31:11,546 --> 00:31:12,979
Hi, Rita.
651
00:31:13,014 --> 00:31:15,073
I am a psy-vampire.
652
00:31:17,452 --> 00:31:20,250
- What exactly is that?
- Psychic vampire.
653
00:31:20,288 --> 00:31:23,746
I'm able to feed off other people's auras.
654
00:31:23,792 --> 00:31:25,987
You know, I absorb their energy.
655
00:31:26,027 --> 00:31:28,325
How do you know you're not just annoying them?
656
00:31:29,564 --> 00:31:32,829
Psy-vampires are
a true vampiric subset, okay?
657
00:31:32,868 --> 00:31:35,098
And we don't need blood to draw...
658
00:31:38,473 --> 00:31:40,441
What the fuck is that?
659
00:31:42,544 --> 00:31:44,739
All right, all right.
Settle down.
660
00:31:44,780 --> 00:31:46,509
We really gotta be more careful
661
00:31:46,548 --> 00:31:48,345
about how we announce our meetings.
662
00:31:48,383 --> 00:31:50,681
Anybody else have something to share?
663
00:31:50,719 --> 00:31:52,778
Stacy got called in for jury duty,
664
00:31:52,821 --> 00:31:54,812
but she hasn't voted since the '80s.
665
00:31:54,856 --> 00:31:56,084
That happened to me.
666
00:31:56,124 --> 00:31:58,024
And they're bringing me in for an audit.
667
00:31:58,059 --> 00:31:59,686
Everybody call on your stems
668
00:31:59,728 --> 00:32:01,593
and any human-feeders
you know.
669
00:32:01,630 --> 00:32:03,154
But how are we gonna find Cisserus?
670
00:32:03,198 --> 00:32:04,529
You don't know her resting place?
671
00:32:04,566 --> 00:32:06,557
When she wants us, she summons us.
672
00:32:06,601 --> 00:32:08,330
We never call on her.
673
00:32:08,370 --> 00:32:09,701
Okay.
674
00:32:09,738 --> 00:32:11,330
We all gotta work together, folks.
675
00:32:11,373 --> 00:32:13,967
The community is being persecuted.
676
00:32:14,009 --> 00:32:16,136
I've seen it all before.
677
00:32:16,178 --> 00:32:19,944
Now instead of tortures,
they're using computers.
678
00:32:22,350 --> 00:32:24,545
Does Mr. Davidoff
know you are coming?
679
00:32:24,586 --> 00:32:27,111
Mr. Davidoff is aware
680
00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:29,646
we'll be here between
7:00 a.m. and 12:00 p.m.
681
00:32:30,659 --> 00:32:33,059
But don't you need a search warrant?
682
00:32:33,094 --> 00:32:36,928
Madam, you've insultingly
confused us with the police.
683
00:32:36,965 --> 00:32:38,432
I'm from Time Warner,
684
00:32:38,467 --> 00:32:40,731
and if you ever want to see Jon Stewart again,
685
00:32:40,769 --> 00:32:42,293
you'll open this door.
686
00:32:44,739 --> 00:32:46,400
Let's get some light in here.
687
00:32:51,613 --> 00:32:53,012
Morning, Sunshine.
688
00:33:17,739 --> 00:33:19,764
Buenas noches, chicas.
689
00:33:19,808 --> 00:33:21,298
Have you seen Ivan?
690
00:33:21,343 --> 00:33:23,311
He hasn't answered any of my summonses.
691
00:33:23,345 --> 00:33:25,336
Uh, I think we saw him last week.
692
00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:26,847
Something must have happened.
693
00:33:26,882 --> 00:33:28,474
He's not strong enough to ignore you.
694
00:33:28,517 --> 00:33:31,714
Well, you chicas will just have to fill in.
695
00:33:31,753 --> 00:33:34,586
But we're only good at modeling
and light clerical work.
696
00:33:34,623 --> 00:33:38,081
So, you fold these carefully,
697
00:33:38,126 --> 00:33:40,356
and you pack this soil.
698
00:33:40,395 --> 00:33:43,728
Don't you just love
these "As-seen-on-TV" bags?
699
00:33:49,804 --> 00:33:51,328
Look how much soil it can fit.
700
00:33:52,340 --> 00:33:54,001
Oh, it's a good thing we're here
because there's gonna be
701
00:33:54,042 --> 00:33:56,772
a big meeting with all the local stems and ELFs.
702
00:33:56,811 --> 00:33:59,041
There's been a lot of
persecution of the community.
703
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,310
- What do I care?
- Well, if you keep acting
704
00:34:01,349 --> 00:34:03,044
so recklessly, they're gonna find you.
705
00:34:03,084 --> 00:34:06,315
No one will ever find my lair.
706
00:34:06,354 --> 00:34:09,983
And I'm in the one place
no New Yorker ever goes.
707
00:34:10,025 --> 00:34:12,152
But your behavior makes
it harder for everyone else.
708
00:34:12,193 --> 00:34:13,717
For who?
709
00:34:13,762 --> 00:34:16,128
For Vlad Tepish and his doofus peasants?
710
00:34:16,164 --> 00:34:17,825
"Vlad the Impaler"?
711
00:34:17,866 --> 00:34:20,357
I'll tell you what that whole
impaling routine was.
712
00:34:20,402 --> 00:34:22,233
Compensation.
713
00:34:22,270 --> 00:34:23,999
You know what I'm saying?
714
00:34:24,039 --> 00:34:27,304
Besides, I am leaving town.
715
00:34:29,177 --> 00:34:31,543
And look at this pimpin'
travel coffin he made me.
716
00:34:33,214 --> 00:34:35,114
Here's the itinerary.
717
00:34:35,150 --> 00:34:37,482
Just get me on cargo before dawn.
718
00:34:37,519 --> 00:34:38,918
It's a private jet.
719
00:34:38,954 --> 00:34:40,854
Spain?
What's in Spain?
720
00:34:40,889 --> 00:34:42,914
It is not just the rain in Spain.
721
00:34:42,958 --> 00:34:44,789
Look at him.
722
00:34:44,826 --> 00:34:46,691
Diego Bardem.
723
00:34:46,728 --> 00:34:49,526
Only the handsomest,
most talented man in the world.
724
00:34:49,564 --> 00:34:52,533
- Do you know him?
- No, I don't know him.
725
00:34:52,567 --> 00:34:54,467
But I got mad love for him.
726
00:34:54,502 --> 00:34:55,935
And I'll tell you a secret.
727
00:34:57,772 --> 00:35:01,367
I am not gonna use any hypnotism.
728
00:35:02,844 --> 00:35:04,869
I want this to be real.
729
00:35:06,915 --> 00:35:10,612
I haven't felt this way about
anyone since Al Jolson.
730
00:35:10,652 --> 00:35:12,176
The Mammy guy?
731
00:35:13,188 --> 00:35:14,985
Yes, the Mammy guy.
732
00:35:15,023 --> 00:35:17,821
I mean, he was an amazingly dynamic performer.
733
00:35:17,859 --> 00:35:20,953
You have no idea because you never saw him live.
734
00:35:23,264 --> 00:35:24,788
No, no, no.
735
00:35:26,201 --> 00:35:27,828
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
736
00:35:33,308 --> 00:35:33,375
- Hey.
737
00:35:33,376 --> 00:35:35,639
- Hey.
738
00:35:36,645 --> 00:35:38,613
What did your parents say about me?
739
00:35:38,647 --> 00:35:41,013
- Are you near your computer?
- Yeah.
740
00:35:41,049 --> 00:35:42,346
Come on iChat.
I wanna see you.
741
00:35:43,351 --> 00:35:44,716
- Oh!
742
00:35:44,753 --> 00:35:47,688
I don't... I don't have iChat.
743
00:35:47,722 --> 00:35:49,451
Yeah, you do.
It's built in.
744
00:35:49,491 --> 00:35:51,891
Yeah, but my roommate was spray painting
745
00:35:51,926 --> 00:35:53,791
and she got paint on the lens.
746
00:35:53,828 --> 00:35:55,295
- So...
- Pfft.
747
00:35:55,330 --> 00:35:56,820
What did your parents say?
748
00:35:56,865 --> 00:35:59,561
They thought you were a bit pale.
749
00:36:01,236 --> 00:36:02,965
What do you mean pale?
750
00:36:03,004 --> 00:36:04,801
Well, you know, pale, fair skin.
751
00:36:04,839 --> 00:36:07,000
Like maybe you were sick or something.
752
00:36:07,042 --> 00:36:09,636
Well, it's just those environmental light bulbs.
753
00:36:09,678 --> 00:36:11,168
I mean, they make everybody look horrible.
754
00:36:11,212 --> 00:36:13,009
Look, they want you to come
for dinner on Friday.
755
00:36:13,048 --> 00:36:14,538
Can you make it?
756
00:36:14,582 --> 00:36:16,243
Oh, I'll be there.
757
00:36:21,423 --> 00:36:25,723
♪ Hope they got a jukebox on the moon ♪
758
00:36:28,196 --> 00:36:32,565
♪ 'Cause if they got a jukebox on the moon ♪
759
00:36:35,070 --> 00:36:40,167
♪ I'll be blasting off with you to play ♪
760
00:36:40,208 --> 00:36:42,642
♪ The juke box on the moon... ♪
761
00:36:45,346 --> 00:36:49,612
♪ Believe me when the moon is nice and bright ♪
762
00:36:52,053 --> 00:36:56,387
♪ Let's rock and roll all night... ♪
763
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:02,855
♪ When we hear our favorite tune play... ♪
764
00:37:03,998 --> 00:37:06,159
♪ The jukebox on the moon... ♪
- Ow!
765
00:37:09,404 --> 00:37:13,534
♪ Everything up there will be real nice... ♪
766
00:37:13,575 --> 00:37:16,203
Stay still.
767
00:37:16,244 --> 00:37:20,146
♪ It will be a teenage paradise... ♪
768
00:37:21,716 --> 00:37:24,276
- It's good, right?
- I think it's totally working.
769
00:37:24,319 --> 00:37:25,809
I'm gonna be so tan.
770
00:37:29,557 --> 00:37:31,047
Hi.
771
00:37:32,060 --> 00:37:33,550
Wow.
You look...
772
00:37:33,595 --> 00:37:35,062
Robust?
773
00:37:35,096 --> 00:37:37,564
Sure.
774
00:37:37,599 --> 00:37:39,692
Come in.
Dinner will be a few minutes.
775
00:37:39,734 --> 00:37:41,634
Let me give you the tour.
776
00:37:46,775 --> 00:37:48,265
What is all this stuff?
777
00:37:48,309 --> 00:37:50,174
Well, it's mostly stuff from my grandfather
778
00:37:50,211 --> 00:37:51,678
or my great grandfather.
779
00:37:51,713 --> 00:37:55,080
My father is an expert on vampirism.
780
00:37:55,116 --> 00:37:56,913
Told you my family's nuts.
781
00:37:56,951 --> 00:37:59,613
- What's this thing?
- Ah, well...
782
00:37:59,654 --> 00:38:02,350
if someone you suspect of being a vampire dies,
783
00:38:02,390 --> 00:38:04,551
you place this over their neck
before they're buried
784
00:38:04,592 --> 00:38:07,686
and if they wake up and try
to climb out of their coffin,
785
00:38:07,729 --> 00:38:10,459
they get beheaded.
786
00:38:10,498 --> 00:38:12,432
Dinner's ready!
787
00:38:22,143 --> 00:38:24,509
Hey, I know him.
788
00:38:24,546 --> 00:38:26,138
You know him?
789
00:38:26,181 --> 00:38:28,012
I mean, I know who he is.
790
00:38:28,049 --> 00:38:29,880
It's Vlad Tepish.
791
00:38:29,918 --> 00:38:32,011
It's pronounced "Tee-pees."
792
00:38:32,053 --> 00:38:36,490
He was one of the most sadistic
figures in history.
793
00:38:36,524 --> 00:38:40,255
Well, I guess that sort of
depends on your point of view.
794
00:38:40,295 --> 00:38:41,922
Really?
795
00:38:41,963 --> 00:38:44,090
How many points of view
can there be on the subject
796
00:38:44,132 --> 00:38:46,896
of impaling people and drinking their blood?
797
00:38:46,935 --> 00:38:49,130
If a weird stunt like that stops
798
00:38:49,170 --> 00:38:51,968
the entire Ottoman Empire
from taking over Europe.
799
00:38:52,006 --> 00:38:54,236
His armor is in the museum in Bucharest.
800
00:38:54,275 --> 00:38:56,573
I mean, they consider him a hero.
801
00:38:56,611 --> 00:38:59,774
Yeah, if it wasn't for him,
we'd all be speaking "Ottomanese."
802
00:38:59,814 --> 00:39:02,112
Didn't you like your fish?
803
00:39:02,150 --> 00:39:03,708
Shall we make something else for you?
804
00:39:03,751 --> 00:39:06,811
Oh, no, thank you,
Mrs. Van Helsing.
805
00:39:06,855 --> 00:39:09,187
I'm enjoying my dinner a great deal.
806
00:39:09,224 --> 00:39:13,217
Now, you must try our soup.
807
00:39:13,261 --> 00:39:15,661
It's an old Van Helsing recipe.
808
00:39:20,635 --> 00:39:22,330
Ahh!
809
00:39:22,370 --> 00:39:24,736
Not a fan of garlic?
810
00:39:24,772 --> 00:39:27,536
Oh, no, it's not the garlic.
It's the salt.
811
00:39:27,575 --> 00:39:29,634
Even the tiniest bit and I blow up
812
00:39:29,677 --> 00:39:32,111
like a Thanksgiving Day balloon.
813
00:39:32,146 --> 00:39:33,943
My father thinks that
if he gives us garlic breath,
814
00:39:33,982 --> 00:39:35,574
we won't make out.
815
00:39:35,617 --> 00:39:37,608
Not going to work, Pops.
816
00:39:37,652 --> 00:39:40,086
Ma, we'll take dessert later.
The movie starts at 9:30.
817
00:39:40,121 --> 00:39:41,611
I'll just get our things.
818
00:40:00,775 --> 00:40:02,504
Hmm.
819
00:40:02,543 --> 00:40:05,444
You have a very strong will,
Dr. Van Helsing.
820
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:07,744
What are your intentions with my son?
821
00:40:07,782 --> 00:40:09,113
What do you mean?
822
00:40:09,150 --> 00:40:12,119
Do you plan to suck the life out of him?
823
00:40:12,153 --> 00:40:15,020
No more than any other girlfriend.
824
00:40:16,124 --> 00:40:17,751
Hey, you ready?
825
00:40:19,494 --> 00:40:21,189
Thank you for dinner.
826
00:40:21,229 --> 00:40:23,459
- See you later.
827
00:40:24,999 --> 00:40:27,297
Oh, I know.
But did you see the girl
828
00:40:27,335 --> 00:40:29,530
who left with Joey?
Is she one of them?
829
00:40:29,570 --> 00:40:32,698
I wasn't really paying attention.
That girl, she seemed pretty dark.
830
00:40:32,740 --> 00:40:35,538
But it's all gonna be on my phone.
So hold on.
831
00:40:35,576 --> 00:40:38,511
Wait, I don't remember seeing empty chairs.
832
00:40:38,546 --> 00:40:40,309
What did I do wrong?
833
00:40:40,348 --> 00:40:42,976
You didn't do anything wrong.
834
00:40:51,559 --> 00:40:53,254
Why do people bother going out
835
00:40:53,294 --> 00:40:54,886
if the only thing they want to bond with
836
00:40:54,929 --> 00:40:56,294
is their little glowing boxes?
837
00:40:56,331 --> 00:40:58,162
Don't go grandma on me.
838
00:40:58,199 --> 00:40:59,928
- Oh, there's Renfield.
- Hey.
839
00:40:59,968 --> 00:41:02,334
Uh, you guys, um...
840
00:41:02,370 --> 00:41:05,203
kinda can't sit here unless
we order a $400 bottle.
841
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,469
- Don't worry about it.
- Bottle service.
842
00:41:09,610 --> 00:41:12,545
She left him 10 minutes ago.
The sex must be great.
843
00:41:12,580 --> 00:41:14,707
Oh, we haven't done it yet.
844
00:41:14,749 --> 00:41:17,115
Oh, so it's a purely textual relationship?
845
00:41:18,786 --> 00:41:21,584
I've been looking for you, you lifeless bitch.
846
00:41:21,622 --> 00:41:23,180
What is your problem?
847
00:41:23,224 --> 00:41:25,021
What did you do to Ivan?
848
00:41:25,059 --> 00:41:26,526
What are you talking about?
849
00:41:28,629 --> 00:41:31,655
First you kill my game with Juicy girl.
850
00:41:31,699 --> 00:41:33,599
Now Ivan is missing.
851
00:41:33,634 --> 00:41:35,363
Suckerin' succotash.
852
00:41:37,271 --> 00:41:39,239
- Guys, guys, guys!
853
00:41:39,273 --> 00:41:41,104
Not in front of the day players.
854
00:41:42,176 --> 00:41:44,007
The past few minutes, you remember nothing.
855
00:41:44,045 --> 00:41:45,342
Complete Sergeant Schultz.
856
00:41:45,380 --> 00:41:47,075
I know nothing!
857
00:41:47,115 --> 00:41:49,845
- I saw nothing!
- Now cut it out.
858
00:41:49,884 --> 00:41:52,352
Besides, why would we hurt Ivan?
859
00:41:52,387 --> 00:41:54,753
We'd just wind up doing more work for Cisserus.
860
00:41:54,789 --> 00:41:56,381
Actually, it's a good thing we ran into you.
861
00:41:56,424 --> 00:41:58,619
We need you to come to
a Sanguines Anonymous meeting.
862
00:41:58,659 --> 00:42:00,752
- No way.
- You don't have to join,
863
00:42:00,795 --> 00:42:02,956
but a lot of weird stuff has been going down.
864
00:42:02,997 --> 00:42:04,760
They're trying to force us out into the sun.
865
00:42:04,799 --> 00:42:07,563
You think this has something
to do with Ivan's disappearance?
866
00:42:07,602 --> 00:42:09,092
It might.
867
00:42:09,137 --> 00:42:11,765
Did anyone in his building see anything?
868
00:42:11,806 --> 00:42:13,865
The neighbor said the cable company was there.
869
00:42:13,908 --> 00:42:16,741
Can Time Warner just burst into
a person's home and kill them?
870
00:42:16,778 --> 00:42:18,405
Yeah, they're terrible.
871
00:42:20,281 --> 00:42:22,340
Come to a meeting.
We've got to figure this out.
872
00:42:22,383 --> 00:42:24,010
Everybody's getting audited.
873
00:42:24,052 --> 00:42:25,713
Well, you don't have to go.
874
00:42:25,753 --> 00:42:27,152
What?
875
00:42:27,188 --> 00:42:29,088
An audit is just the IRS saying,
876
00:42:29,123 --> 00:42:30,613
"We think you should
pay more taxes."
877
00:42:30,658 --> 00:42:32,649
And if you agree with them,
then you say, "Okay, how much?"
878
00:42:32,693 --> 00:42:35,491
But you only have to go in
if you wanna challenge them.
879
00:42:35,530 --> 00:42:37,157
How do you know this?
880
00:42:37,198 --> 00:42:38,665
I'm a CPA.
881
00:42:38,699 --> 00:42:40,189
- You are?
- Yeah.
882
00:42:40,234 --> 00:42:41,724
You just got some new clients.
883
00:42:43,237 --> 00:42:44,805
Not me.
I have a guy.
884
00:42:57,118 --> 00:42:58,608
What are you wearing?
885
00:42:58,653 --> 00:43:00,416
It's like the history of fashion.
886
00:43:00,455 --> 00:43:04,050
I'm going to see Danny.
I wanna look nice.
887
00:43:04,092 --> 00:43:06,253
Gibson Girl shirts were the prettiest.
888
00:43:06,294 --> 00:43:09,127
1960s skirts are great on short women.
889
00:43:09,163 --> 00:43:12,496
1970s shoes make you tall but are comfortable.
890
00:43:12,533 --> 00:43:14,364
Okay, but what's with the hat?
891
00:43:14,402 --> 00:43:15,801
It's a boater.
892
00:43:15,837 --> 00:43:17,634
People always said it looked spiffy on me.
893
00:43:17,672 --> 00:43:19,731
People from your barbershop quartet
894
00:43:19,774 --> 00:43:22,004
or people from the Republican convention?
895
00:43:22,043 --> 00:43:24,068
Oh, God.
896
00:43:25,913 --> 00:43:27,107
Here we are.
897
00:43:27,148 --> 00:43:29,639
"Architectural Digest" time.
Enjoy yourself.
898
00:43:29,684 --> 00:43:31,049
Sure you don't want anything to drink?
899
00:43:31,085 --> 00:43:32,814
- I'm sure.
- Well, I'm not.
900
00:43:32,854 --> 00:43:34,879
I need some coffee, man.
For energy.
901
00:43:37,191 --> 00:43:38,658
I just made this last week.
902
00:43:38,693 --> 00:43:40,684
- Oh.
- You work for the government?
903
00:43:40,728 --> 00:43:42,719
Do I look like I work for the government?
904
00:43:42,763 --> 00:43:44,390
I'm with the ACLU.
905
00:43:44,432 --> 00:43:46,992
Right now I'm in the middle
of this deportation case
906
00:43:47,034 --> 00:43:50,834
with abuses of wiretapping.
It's unbearable.
907
00:43:50,872 --> 00:43:52,737
Well, I thought if the government
908
00:43:52,773 --> 00:43:55,503
doesn't hear terrorist-related stuff,
they have to hang up.
909
00:43:55,543 --> 00:43:57,340
No.
910
00:43:58,346 --> 00:43:59,677
Ah, look at this.
911
00:43:59,714 --> 00:44:01,545
I was going through these
looking for your mother.
912
00:44:04,619 --> 00:44:06,086
Look at these.
913
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,145
She had this habit of just
914
00:44:08,189 --> 00:44:11,750
ducking out right before they took a picture.
915
00:44:11,792 --> 00:44:13,783
Well, she was superstitious.
916
00:44:13,828 --> 00:44:15,591
Still, I mean, it's a little nutty, isn't it?
917
00:44:15,630 --> 00:44:17,029
My God.
918
00:44:17,064 --> 00:44:19,191
- I have this one.
- You do? Really?
919
00:44:19,233 --> 00:44:21,030
She saved it?
920
00:44:21,068 --> 00:44:22,831
You better put yours in plastic.
921
00:44:22,870 --> 00:44:24,929
She liked this, huh?
Well, why not?
922
00:44:24,972 --> 00:44:27,270
I was not bad-looking
back then, huh?
923
00:44:28,676 --> 00:44:30,541
What an amazing time this was.
924
00:44:30,578 --> 00:44:33,479
Being young and in love.
925
00:44:33,514 --> 00:44:36,039
Feeling like you're a part of
something that really mattered.
926
00:44:37,885 --> 00:44:40,285
Your mother never mentioned
why she just disappeared?
927
00:44:40,321 --> 00:44:42,949
- Not really.
- Oh, man.
928
00:44:42,990 --> 00:44:44,582
Hey, you know what?
929
00:44:44,625 --> 00:44:48,391
I have to get movies for my wife
before the store closes.
930
00:44:48,429 --> 00:44:50,863
- Right on.
- Huh?
931
00:44:50,898 --> 00:44:52,798
My way.
932
00:44:52,833 --> 00:44:55,097
- I'll go with.
- Oh.
933
00:44:55,136 --> 00:44:56,626
All right, cool.
934
00:44:56,671 --> 00:44:58,764
You know, Angela is really in and out.
935
00:44:58,806 --> 00:45:01,536
And that's why I gotta get her
movies that she really loves.
936
00:45:01,576 --> 00:45:03,168
So, you know, when she dozes off,
937
00:45:03,211 --> 00:45:05,042
you know, she won't miss anything, really.
938
00:45:05,079 --> 00:45:07,138
- Can I help?
- Uh, no.
939
00:45:07,181 --> 00:45:08,842
When I see 'em, I'll know it.
940
00:45:08,883 --> 00:45:11,443
- Then I'm gonna look around.
- Okay, cool.
941
00:45:14,088 --> 00:45:15,885
Excuse me.
942
00:45:15,923 --> 00:45:17,720
Do you have any James Cagney posters?
943
00:45:17,758 --> 00:45:19,123
Oh, James Cameron?
944
00:45:21,262 --> 00:45:23,025
No, uh, James Cagney.
945
00:45:23,064 --> 00:45:25,555
You know, "Made it, Ma!
Top of the world!"
946
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,227
No.
947
00:45:27,268 --> 00:45:28,929
What about...
948
00:45:28,970 --> 00:45:30,801
- Fred Astaire?
- No.
949
00:45:30,838 --> 00:45:32,499
- Jack Lemmon?
- No.
950
00:45:32,540 --> 00:45:35,771
- Paul Newman.
- Oh, the salad dressing guy?
951
00:45:37,678 --> 00:45:40,511
- Yeah.
- No.
952
00:45:46,053 --> 00:45:47,577
Phones on the ground.
953
00:45:47,622 --> 00:45:50,750
Phones on the ground now.
Drop 'em!
954
00:45:50,791 --> 00:45:52,691
Hands in the air. Hands in the air.
Give me the money.
955
00:45:52,727 --> 00:45:54,285
Don't you point that.
He's got a heart condition.
956
00:45:54,328 --> 00:45:56,296
- Shut up!
- Oh, my God!
957
00:45:56,330 --> 00:45:58,059
Fuck.
Come on!
958
00:45:58,099 --> 00:45:59,896
- He's having a heart attack.
- No, no, no, lady.
959
00:45:59,934 --> 00:46:01,401
Get up and give me the money now.
960
00:46:01,435 --> 00:46:03,733
- Shit, come on!
- Oh!
961
00:46:06,007 --> 00:46:07,736
Stop it.
962
00:46:07,775 --> 00:46:09,037
Calm down.
963
00:46:20,655 --> 00:46:22,418
Mm.
Feel better?
964
00:46:22,456 --> 00:46:24,390
Yeah.
965
00:46:25,459 --> 00:46:27,188
You are gonna take this couple to the hospital.
966
00:46:27,228 --> 00:46:28,991
And no more stealing
967
00:46:29,030 --> 00:46:30,463
The bite was from your cat.
968
00:46:30,498 --> 00:46:32,898
You guys, take CPR courses.
969
00:46:32,933 --> 00:46:35,493
You hate junk food.
970
00:46:35,536 --> 00:46:37,367
And get "Public Enemy."
971
00:46:37,405 --> 00:46:39,532
The Cagney one.
972
00:46:41,208 --> 00:46:42,835
You all right?
973
00:46:43,911 --> 00:46:46,379
I could hypnotize you,
974
00:46:46,414 --> 00:46:48,974
but I've been wanting to tell you.
975
00:46:49,984 --> 00:46:51,781
So what are you saying?
You broke up with me 'cause
976
00:46:51,819 --> 00:46:54,049
you wouldn't drink my blood?
Is that what you're telling me?
977
00:46:54,088 --> 00:46:56,750
I don't drink human blood.
978
00:46:56,791 --> 00:46:59,726
You don't?
That guy, what was that?
979
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:03,161
No. Have you ever seen
a vampire bat?
980
00:47:04,665 --> 00:47:07,964
A little rodent can get
the blood out of an entire cow
981
00:47:08,002 --> 00:47:10,903
in a few minutes because
of this enzyme in their saliva.
982
00:47:10,938 --> 00:47:13,202
It's a completely safe blood thinner.
983
00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:14,867
And I also have it.
984
00:47:14,909 --> 00:47:17,377
I didn't drink that man's blood.
985
00:47:17,411 --> 00:47:20,209
I spit into him to stop the stroke.
986
00:47:20,247 --> 00:47:23,045
Oh.
You just spit into him.
987
00:47:23,084 --> 00:47:25,018
Oh, that's a whole other ball game.
988
00:47:25,052 --> 00:47:27,919
Well, if I didn't, he would have
had a lot of brain damage.
989
00:47:27,955 --> 00:47:29,388
How old are you?
990
00:47:31,625 --> 00:47:33,115
A little older than you.
991
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,720
So people can only be
around you for, like, what...
992
00:47:35,763 --> 00:47:36,957
a year or something?
993
00:47:36,997 --> 00:47:38,862
No, I could go around seven years
994
00:47:38,899 --> 00:47:40,890
without them expecting me to look older.
995
00:47:40,935 --> 00:47:44,427
And I would've stayed with
you for as long as possible.
996
00:47:44,472 --> 00:47:46,406
But when you became one of the student leaders,
997
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,170
people on the street recognized you.
998
00:47:49,210 --> 00:47:52,373
I thought,
"This is his time."
999
00:47:52,413 --> 00:47:56,110
You could have your choice
of any woman out there.
1000
00:47:56,150 --> 00:47:58,084
It didn't seem right to rob you of the chance
1001
00:47:58,119 --> 00:48:00,053
to meet someone amazing.
1002
00:48:01,789 --> 00:48:04,451
And you did, didn't you?
1003
00:48:04,492 --> 00:48:06,960
I did.
I really did.
1004
00:48:06,994 --> 00:48:08,723
And you know what?
I really should check
1005
00:48:08,763 --> 00:48:10,731
and see how she's doing.
1006
00:48:10,765 --> 00:48:12,096
And I gotta tell you something else.
1007
00:48:12,133 --> 00:48:15,034
I feel like I'm really, like,
tripping right now.
1008
00:48:15,069 --> 00:48:17,264
Am I gonna see you again?
1009
00:48:17,304 --> 00:48:19,704
Uh...
1010
00:48:19,740 --> 00:48:22,208
of course, yeah.
1011
00:48:31,852 --> 00:48:36,949
♪ 'Twas just a garden in the rain ♪
1012
00:48:36,991 --> 00:48:41,792
♪ Close to a little leafy lane ♪
1013
00:48:41,829 --> 00:48:46,892
♪ A touch of color 'neath skies of gray ♪
1014
00:48:51,238 --> 00:48:56,266
♪ 'Twas just a garden in the rain ♪
1015
00:48:56,310 --> 00:49:01,475
♪ But then the sun came out again ♪
1016
00:49:01,515 --> 00:49:05,417
♪ And set us happily ♪
1017
00:49:05,453 --> 00:49:08,286
♪ On our way. ♪
1018
00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:21,498
Okay, this is Germany before World War II.
1019
00:49:21,535 --> 00:49:23,469
The sleepwalker keeps murdering people,
1020
00:49:23,504 --> 00:49:25,836
but only because the evil guy
has him under a spell.
1021
00:49:25,873 --> 00:49:28,103
What does that remind you of?
1022
00:49:29,109 --> 00:49:30,838
I'm flummoxed.
1023
00:49:30,878 --> 00:49:33,403
Germany?
Evil spell?
1024
00:49:33,447 --> 00:49:35,005
Adolf?
1025
00:49:35,049 --> 00:49:36,812
Your eyes remind me of somebody.
1026
00:49:36,851 --> 00:49:38,716
Adolf Hitler.
1027
00:49:38,752 --> 00:49:40,481
No, that wasn't who I was thinking of.
1028
00:49:40,521 --> 00:49:43,684
Audrey Hepburn.
Same initials, though.
1029
00:49:43,724 --> 00:49:46,352
Can you please just focus on symbolism?
1030
00:49:46,393 --> 00:49:48,384
Sorry.
1031
00:49:49,497 --> 00:49:51,431
Can I be under your spell?
1032
00:49:51,465 --> 00:49:53,330
Or better still, you could be under my spell.
1033
00:49:53,367 --> 00:49:55,130
What are you gonna make me do?
1034
00:49:55,169 --> 00:49:57,262
Laugh hysterically.
1035
00:50:01,108 --> 00:50:03,941
♪ Get up on the table ♪
1036
00:50:03,978 --> 00:50:06,640
♪ See if that works for us ♪
1037
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:08,671
♪ Everything changes ♪
1038
00:50:08,716 --> 00:50:11,150
♪ Into nothing so outrageous ♪
1039
00:50:11,185 --> 00:50:12,675
♪ I can't get enough of your love ♪
1040
00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:14,187
♪ Never get enough ♪
1041
00:50:14,221 --> 00:50:16,212
♪ I can't get enough of your love ♪
1042
00:50:16,257 --> 00:50:18,748
♪ I can't get enough of your love. ♪
1043
00:50:18,792 --> 00:50:21,454
Holy shit.
1044
00:50:21,495 --> 00:50:24,157
Has it ever been like that for your before?
1045
00:50:24,198 --> 00:50:26,359
Not since the '80s.
1046
00:50:36,043 --> 00:50:37,533
Hey, where are you going?
1047
00:50:37,578 --> 00:50:38,943
Um, I've got an early class.
1048
00:50:38,979 --> 00:50:40,708
Well, ditch it and come back to bed.
1049
00:50:40,748 --> 00:50:43,842
I can't.
But I'll call you later.
1050
00:50:43,884 --> 00:50:45,511
Come on, my parents won't
be home until tomorrow.
1051
00:50:45,553 --> 00:50:48,579
Look, it's a little early in the
relationship to get into this,
1052
00:50:48,622 --> 00:50:50,055
but I've really gotta go.
1053
00:51:03,003 --> 00:51:04,732
What the...
1054
00:51:11,211 --> 00:51:13,179
- Something bothering you?
- What?
1055
00:51:14,281 --> 00:51:15,612
No.
1056
00:51:17,551 --> 00:51:20,042
If there's anything you wanna talk about...
1057
00:51:20,087 --> 00:51:22,851
maybe trouble with Stacy, or...
1058
00:51:26,694 --> 00:51:28,457
Yeah, 'cause you'd love that.
1059
00:51:28,495 --> 00:51:31,521
He's not answering my texts,
my tweets, my e-mails,
1060
00:51:31,565 --> 00:51:32,930
my voicemail, my Facebook messages...
1061
00:51:32,967 --> 00:51:34,434
Do you think he'll tell his father?
1062
00:51:34,468 --> 00:51:36,459
No, he wouldn't do that.
What about Danny?
1063
00:51:36,503 --> 00:51:37,936
Do you think he'll tell the authorities?
1064
00:51:37,972 --> 00:51:40,099
- He'd never.
- How do you know?
1065
00:51:40,140 --> 00:51:41,630
Danny hates authority.
1066
00:51:41,675 --> 00:51:43,472
I'm gonna go to his class
so he has to confront me.
1067
00:51:46,146 --> 00:51:47,738
- Are you mad at me?
1068
00:51:49,083 --> 00:51:50,607
- Don't go away.
- Huh? What?
1069
00:51:54,755 --> 00:51:56,586
- Really?
- Yeah.
1070
00:51:57,591 --> 00:51:59,786
How do you like them apples?
1071
00:51:59,827 --> 00:52:01,886
Garlic?
1072
00:52:01,929 --> 00:52:03,055
You were afraid of it the other night.
1073
00:52:03,097 --> 00:52:05,497
Yeah, because I've always hated garlic.
1074
00:52:07,301 --> 00:52:08,859
Can we please just talk about this?
1075
00:52:08,902 --> 00:52:11,632
- My father tried to warn me.
- Against what?
1076
00:52:11,672 --> 00:52:14,106
I have never harmed a human
being or a domestic animal
1077
00:52:14,141 --> 00:52:15,802
my entire life.
1078
00:52:15,843 --> 00:52:18,175
Oh, so you didn't go after me
'cause I'm a Van Helsing?
1079
00:52:18,212 --> 00:52:20,840
No. If anything,
I would've stayed away.
1080
00:52:20,881 --> 00:52:22,371
Besides, if I wanted to drink your blood,
1081
00:52:22,416 --> 00:52:24,976
would I have written you
this 10-page report
1082
00:52:25,019 --> 00:52:28,284
on Freud and his influence
on surrealist imagery?
1083
00:52:32,526 --> 00:52:35,017
How do I know you wrote this for me?
1084
00:52:35,062 --> 00:52:37,826
Because I also wrote one on World War I
1085
00:52:37,865 --> 00:52:39,992
and how it gave birth to Surrealism.
1086
00:52:40,034 --> 00:52:41,524
Actually, I like that one better.
1087
00:52:41,568 --> 00:52:43,365
Oh, you do?
1088
00:52:43,404 --> 00:52:45,634
So now you trust me, huh?
1089
00:52:45,673 --> 00:52:47,106
I trust you to give yourself the better grade.
1090
00:52:47,141 --> 00:52:48,574
I don't blame you.
1091
00:52:57,418 --> 00:52:59,579
You know I would never hurt you, right?
1092
00:52:59,620 --> 00:53:01,679
Yeah.
1093
00:53:01,722 --> 00:53:03,587
Well, then what is it?
Is it the day thing?
1094
00:53:03,624 --> 00:53:05,421
Do you want to have a girlfriend
1095
00:53:05,459 --> 00:53:07,120
you can go hiking with and go to the beach?
1096
00:53:07,161 --> 00:53:10,494
No, I'm... I'm more of
a night person.
1097
00:53:10,531 --> 00:53:12,021
Is it the blood, then?
1098
00:53:12,066 --> 00:53:15,558
- You wanna try new restaurants?
- No, I'm not much of a foodie.
1099
00:53:15,602 --> 00:53:17,263
So what is it?
1100
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:21,707
I hate it when my parents are right.
1101
00:53:29,750 --> 00:53:33,481
♪ Kinda like a blind man sippin' tea ♪
1102
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:37,149
♪ With someone like a movie queen ♪
1103
00:53:37,191 --> 00:53:40,319
♪ Just in time you reach out for me... ♪
1104
00:53:43,430 --> 00:53:45,591
Okay, now open.
1105
00:53:48,502 --> 00:53:49,992
Thank you!
1106
00:53:50,037 --> 00:53:52,198
You know what? I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no.
1107
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:54,537
I shouldn't be dumping all this on you.
1108
00:53:55,809 --> 00:53:57,743
Fine. Yay!
1109
00:53:57,778 --> 00:54:02,511
♪ Until you've changed your mind... ♪
1110
00:54:02,549 --> 00:54:03,948
Come on, just sign the petition.
1111
00:54:03,984 --> 00:54:06,043
- Okay.
- Okay.
1112
00:54:08,689 --> 00:54:10,020
Here you go.
Right there.
1113
00:54:12,025 --> 00:54:17,053
♪ There's nothing that's too fine... ♪
1114
00:54:19,333 --> 00:54:24,293
♪ Let's say forever till you change your mind ♪
1115
00:54:26,507 --> 00:54:31,706
♪ We'll say forever till you change your mind ♪
1116
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:39,209
♪ Let's stay together till you change your mind. ♪
1117
00:54:40,454 --> 00:54:42,445
- Ooh.
1118
00:54:43,690 --> 00:54:46,716
- Hey, Renfield. Come on in.
- Hey. How are you, Goody?
1119
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:48,921
Jesus.
1120
00:54:48,962 --> 00:54:50,953
- Hey, Renfield.
- Hey, how are you?
1121
00:54:50,998 --> 00:54:53,262
- Do you mind if I smoke?
- Yes.
1122
00:54:53,300 --> 00:54:55,393
But... I mean,
this can't bother you.
1123
00:54:55,435 --> 00:54:58,529
It bothers me if you're hurting yourself.
1124
00:54:58,572 --> 00:55:00,130
Well, then awaken me.
1125
00:55:00,174 --> 00:55:02,301
It doesn't work that way.
1126
00:55:02,342 --> 00:55:03,707
You're an accountant.
Do the math.
1127
00:55:03,744 --> 00:55:05,234
If every infected person
1128
00:55:05,279 --> 00:55:07,713
fed on or infected the rest of the people,
1129
00:55:07,748 --> 00:55:10,717
the entire population would've
eaten itself off the planet
1130
00:55:10,751 --> 00:55:13,151
Iong before Christ was even born.
1131
00:55:13,187 --> 00:55:15,849
Only a stem can turn someone.
1132
00:55:15,889 --> 00:55:17,379
Is that the sweater Tepish knit you?
1133
00:55:17,424 --> 00:55:19,221
Mm-hmm. It would be impolite
not to wear it.
1134
00:55:19,259 --> 00:55:20,783
And it goes with everything.
1135
00:55:20,828 --> 00:55:23,263
Wait till you see the one he's making you.
1136
00:55:24,965 --> 00:55:26,830
Okay, people.
1137
00:55:26,867 --> 00:55:28,732
This is an amazing event.
1138
00:55:28,769 --> 00:55:31,169
Except for Cisserus, we have all the stems
1139
00:55:31,205 --> 00:55:33,400
from the tri-state area.
1140
00:55:33,440 --> 00:55:36,409
- Vadim the Russian,
- Ukrainian.
1141
00:55:36,443 --> 00:55:39,003
- Ashwan from Kush.
- Hi, Ashwan.
1142
00:55:39,046 --> 00:55:41,674
- Ghuri, the Turkish stem.
- Hi, Ghuri.
1143
00:55:41,715 --> 00:55:43,182
Yuppa, yuppa.
1144
00:55:43,217 --> 00:55:44,946
I'd like to start by asking,
1145
00:55:44,985 --> 00:55:47,579
how many of you have gotten subpoenas?
1146
00:55:50,691 --> 00:55:52,090
Excuse me.
1147
00:55:52,125 --> 00:55:55,754
Why do not we just eat the lawyers?
1148
00:55:55,796 --> 00:55:59,391
You crazy.
We can't eat all the lawyers.
1149
00:55:59,433 --> 00:56:00,730
Why not?
1150
00:56:00,767 --> 00:56:02,826
Let's just say eating lawyers
is out of the question.
1151
00:56:02,870 --> 00:56:04,337
- I know you can sense
1152
00:56:04,371 --> 00:56:06,396
that we have day players among us.
1153
00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:08,840
This is my granddaughter, Sarah.
1154
00:56:08,876 --> 00:56:11,071
- Hi, Sarah.
- And this is our friend Renfield.
1155
00:56:11,111 --> 00:56:13,341
He's a CPA so he can help with the IRS stuff.
1156
00:56:13,380 --> 00:56:16,611
And I understand we have a lawyer here.
1157
00:56:16,650 --> 00:56:18,208
You absolutely do.
1158
00:56:18,252 --> 00:56:20,652
How you doin?
My name is Danny.
1159
00:56:20,687 --> 00:56:23,281
- Hi, Danny.
- And I'm from the ACLU.
1160
00:56:23,323 --> 00:56:25,553
From what I understand, you can't be forced out
1161
00:56:25,592 --> 00:56:28,425
during the day and you don't
want anyone to molest
1162
00:56:28,462 --> 00:56:30,430
your resting places.
1163
00:56:30,464 --> 00:56:33,194
But the government can enter
your home any time they want
1164
00:56:33,233 --> 00:56:34,632
because of the Patriot Act.
1165
00:56:34,668 --> 00:56:36,693
See what's going down now
1166
00:56:36,737 --> 00:56:39,900
is that all your cell phones and your iPhones
1167
00:56:39,940 --> 00:56:42,534
and all the computers are helping them find you.
1168
00:56:42,576 --> 00:56:46,672
So I urge you not to use
any of your electronic devices.
1169
00:56:46,713 --> 00:56:49,273
How will we do anything?
1170
00:56:49,316 --> 00:56:51,113
How do we even stay in touch with each other?
1171
00:56:51,151 --> 00:56:53,244
I used to write things down.
1172
00:56:53,287 --> 00:56:56,484
- Oh, yeah. Like in a datebook.
- Right.
1173
00:56:56,523 --> 00:56:59,151
But I need my computer
to tell me sunrise and sunset.
1174
00:56:59,192 --> 00:57:01,387
Oh, I can tell everyone that on my almanac.
1175
00:57:04,998 --> 00:57:07,899
Under "Sky Watch," it's got phases of the moon,
1176
00:57:07,935 --> 00:57:11,803
high tide, sunrise and sunset,
and... good Lord!
1177
00:57:11,838 --> 00:57:13,328
What?
What is it?
1178
00:57:13,373 --> 00:57:16,171
Total eclipse of the sun in two weeks.
1179
00:57:16,209 --> 00:57:17,437
Hold on, hold on.
1180
00:57:17,477 --> 00:57:19,570
2:10 to 3:40.
1181
00:57:19,613 --> 00:57:21,513
Too bad that wasn't
the exact time of our summons.
1182
00:57:21,548 --> 00:57:23,482
If we had face time, we could use hypnotism.
1183
00:57:24,484 --> 00:57:26,611
No, why? That wouldn't
make any difference.
1184
00:57:26,653 --> 00:57:28,746
Couldn't we just change
the times of the appointments?
1185
00:57:28,789 --> 00:57:31,417
Yeah. We could get you
completely eliminated
1186
00:57:31,458 --> 00:57:33,221
from their system.
We could delete and change
1187
00:57:33,260 --> 00:57:34,591
everything in their computers.
1188
00:57:34,628 --> 00:57:36,994
You know, I can see why
1189
00:57:37,030 --> 00:57:38,691
you have sworn off human blood.
1190
00:57:38,732 --> 00:57:40,597
Awesome.
Do you want to join?
1191
00:57:40,634 --> 00:57:42,693
How would you ladies like to be my wives?
1192
00:57:42,736 --> 00:57:44,328
Eat me.
1193
00:57:44,371 --> 00:57:47,272
- All right.
- Not literally.
1194
00:57:58,218 --> 00:58:00,778
Oh, are you okay?
1195
00:58:00,821 --> 00:58:03,187
You were sick yesterday, too.
1196
00:58:04,725 --> 00:58:06,886
Look what I got you.
1197
00:58:06,927 --> 00:58:08,861
- Pure pharmaceutical grade.
1198
00:58:08,895 --> 00:58:11,159
Oh, but they're so cute.
1199
00:58:11,198 --> 00:58:14,190
They're not like vermin.
They could be somebody's pets. Hi!
1200
00:58:14,234 --> 00:58:15,667
I figured they wouldn't make you sick.
1201
00:58:15,702 --> 00:58:17,499
It's nothing.
I'm fine.
1202
00:58:17,537 --> 00:58:19,971
It's just when I get up.
1203
00:58:20,007 --> 00:58:22,601
Quit futzing.
We have to go.
1204
00:58:24,845 --> 00:58:26,335
Oh, don't start with me.
1205
00:58:26,380 --> 00:58:29,178
- Drop waists are coming back.
- Yeah, says who?
1206
00:58:29,216 --> 00:58:31,343
I saw a picture of Keira Knightley in one.
1207
00:58:31,385 --> 00:58:32,818
Yeah, right.
1208
00:58:32,853 --> 00:58:35,185
That's because Keira Knightley's in a movie.
1209
00:58:35,222 --> 00:58:38,191
- Ha, look at you!
- I know.
1210
00:58:38,225 --> 00:58:40,318
This was my college interview outfit.
1211
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,225
Were you trying for a football scholarship?
1212
00:58:42,262 --> 00:58:45,026
Ha-ha. It's the only thing
I have that looks respectful.
1213
00:58:46,299 --> 00:58:48,733
- Whoa, check it out.
- I know, it's crazy.
1214
00:58:48,769 --> 00:58:52,705
Mom, look!
I've never seen it before.
1215
00:58:52,739 --> 00:58:56,698
Don't look directly at it, honey.
1216
00:58:56,743 --> 00:58:59,541
Wow, I totally forgot what it was like.
1217
00:58:59,579 --> 00:59:01,843
It's an entirely different world.
1218
00:59:01,882 --> 00:59:04,316
Oh, so many women.
1219
00:59:04,351 --> 00:59:05,477
Have a nice day.
1220
00:59:05,519 --> 00:59:08,147
Come on, everybody. Let's go.
We only have two hours.
1221
00:59:08,188 --> 00:59:10,383
Hey, so do you know where we're going?
1222
00:59:10,424 --> 00:59:11,721
You will do what my accountant says.
1223
00:59:11,758 --> 00:59:12,918
It's CPA.
1224
00:59:18,698 --> 00:59:20,928
Okay, this is Ghuri.
1225
00:59:20,967 --> 00:59:23,265
This is file number 318.
1226
00:59:23,303 --> 00:59:24,930
This Vlad Tepish.
1227
00:59:24,971 --> 00:59:27,439
He was granted asylum in, um...
1228
00:59:27,474 --> 00:59:29,635
1583.
1229
00:59:29,676 --> 00:59:33,168
Currently married to a US citizen.
1230
00:59:33,213 --> 00:59:35,272
Well, four.
1231
00:59:35,315 --> 00:59:36,339
Yeah, that's okay.
1232
00:59:36,383 --> 00:59:38,408
Child of an American fiancée.
1233
00:59:38,452 --> 00:59:40,113
For an adjustment of status.
1234
00:59:40,153 --> 00:59:42,986
A student visa so he can matriculate at UCLA.
1235
00:59:43,023 --> 00:59:44,513
Go Bruins.
1236
00:59:44,558 --> 00:59:45,957
Yeah.
1237
00:59:50,997 --> 00:59:54,364
Stacy Daimer is unable to perform
jury duty obligations.
1238
00:59:54,401 --> 00:59:56,961
Unable to perform jury duty obligations.
1239
00:59:57,003 --> 00:59:59,369
- In fact, I'll just delete them.
- Just delete them.
1240
00:59:59,406 --> 01:00:00,998
Put the deleted names in the trash.
1241
01:00:01,041 --> 01:00:02,440
Deleted names in trash.
1242
01:00:02,476 --> 01:00:03,807
- Empty the trash.
- Empty the trash.
1243
01:00:03,844 --> 01:00:07,143
Ask the IT guy to remove the hard drive.
1244
01:00:07,180 --> 01:00:09,842
- Go, go, go!
- Excuse us, coming through!
1245
01:00:33,173 --> 01:00:35,232
Joey!
1246
01:00:52,592 --> 01:00:54,856
Yeah!
1247
01:00:59,232 --> 01:01:01,029
Let me see. Open.
1248
01:01:03,370 --> 01:01:05,065
Hold it up.
Hold it up.
1249
01:01:05,105 --> 01:01:06,970
Aw, beautiful color.
1250
01:01:07,007 --> 01:01:10,534
They're having the book launch
party for The Situation
1251
01:01:10,577 --> 01:01:12,442
right now on 10th.
What do you say?
1252
01:01:12,479 --> 01:01:13,912
- Ugh.
- Not worth the candle.
1253
01:01:13,947 --> 01:01:15,380
We're happy here.
1254
01:01:15,415 --> 01:01:17,576
Every A-lister in New York
will be there.
1255
01:01:17,617 --> 01:01:19,448
You can have whoever you want.
1256
01:01:19,486 --> 01:01:21,545
Mm.
You get tired of that.
1257
01:01:23,156 --> 01:01:24,919
Oh, I like this song.
1258
01:01:24,958 --> 01:01:26,482
- You wanna dance.
- Yeah, do you?
1259
01:01:26,526 --> 01:01:28,391
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1260
01:01:34,434 --> 01:01:35,924
Aren't you gonna dance?
1261
01:01:35,969 --> 01:01:37,300
Me?
I don't think so.
1262
01:01:37,337 --> 01:01:40,204
- I'm not very good, no.
- Yes, you are.
1263
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:42,401
- I remember.
- Yeah, but I don't remember.
1264
01:01:42,442 --> 01:01:45,605
♪ I've had enough?
1265
01:01:45,645 --> 01:01:49,308
♪ You had nothing up your sleeve ♪
1266
01:01:49,349 --> 01:01:51,374
♪ Time... ♪
1267
01:01:51,418 --> 01:01:55,149
- Do you sleep with henchmen?
1268
01:01:57,290 --> 01:01:59,485
♪ I ♪
1269
01:02:00,927 --> 01:02:04,886
♪ I ♪
1270
01:02:04,931 --> 01:02:07,024
♪ I know ♪
1271
01:02:07,067 --> 01:02:08,762
♪ This road ♪
1272
01:02:08,802 --> 01:02:12,363
♪ Is long ♪
1273
01:02:12,405 --> 01:02:15,374
♪ Like roses ♪
1274
01:02:15,408 --> 01:02:20,471
♪ Through the thorns ♪
1275
01:02:22,816 --> 01:02:24,909
Joey had to go.
His dad is bugging out.
1276
01:02:24,951 --> 01:02:26,816
- Problems at work, no doubt.
1277
01:02:28,588 --> 01:02:30,317
Hmm.
Wonder who that could be.
1278
01:02:30,357 --> 01:02:32,587
Oh, isn't it insane?
1279
01:02:32,626 --> 01:02:34,423
I was dating for 25 years
1280
01:02:34,461 --> 01:02:37,487
and I've never imagined to feel
this way about somebody.
1281
01:02:37,530 --> 01:02:39,327
What about you and Danny?
1282
01:02:39,366 --> 01:02:41,527
Mm, I never stopped loving him.
1283
01:02:41,568 --> 01:02:44,560
But his wife's sick so there's
no even thinking about it.
1284
01:02:44,604 --> 01:02:46,401
I'm just happy around him.
1285
01:02:46,439 --> 01:02:47,963
Reminds me of being hopeful.
1286
01:02:48,008 --> 01:02:50,602
But how great would it be
if we both had relationships?
1287
01:02:50,644 --> 01:02:52,271
I mean, wouldn't it be so cool...
1288
01:02:52,312 --> 01:02:53,836
Mott Street.
1289
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:55,871
Mott Street.
Oh!
1290
01:02:55,915 --> 01:02:57,644
What is she doing back so soon?
1291
01:02:57,684 --> 01:02:59,174
I guess things didn't work out with Diego.
1292
01:02:59,219 --> 01:03:00,652
- Ugh.
- She's in Chinatown.
1293
01:03:00,687 --> 01:03:03,223
God, just when things were going so well.
1294
01:03:04,824 --> 01:03:07,224
Mm.
1295
01:03:07,260 --> 01:03:09,455
Oh... oh, God.
1296
01:03:10,897 --> 01:03:13,297
I've never seen real dead people.
1297
01:03:13,333 --> 01:03:14,766
What did you do?
1298
01:03:14,801 --> 01:03:16,530
You know how it is
1299
01:03:16,569 --> 01:03:18,935
when you eat Chinese.
1300
01:03:18,972 --> 01:03:21,497
Half an hour later you're hungry again.
1301
01:03:21,541 --> 01:03:23,202
How could you?
1302
01:03:24,978 --> 01:03:27,276
Oh, I just can't stop eating.
1303
01:03:27,314 --> 01:03:28,872
I'm so depressed.
1304
01:03:28,915 --> 01:03:31,145
Why didn't he like me?
1305
01:03:31,184 --> 01:03:34,244
I am so much more bomb-ass
than his girlfriend.
1306
01:03:34,287 --> 01:03:36,812
Maybe she wasn't a homicidal maniac.
1307
01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:38,084
Maybe.
1308
01:03:38,124 --> 01:03:40,319
This is disgusting!
1309
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:41,691
I know.
1310
01:03:41,728 --> 01:03:44,196
I could so easily hate myself.
1311
01:03:44,230 --> 01:03:47,324
But just because you overdid it one day,
1312
01:03:47,367 --> 01:03:50,165
doesn't mean you have to be bad all weekend.
1313
01:03:50,203 --> 01:03:51,864
- What's wrong with him?
1314
01:03:53,440 --> 01:03:55,635
Finish him off, will ya?
1315
01:03:58,411 --> 01:04:01,005
I said kill him.
1316
01:04:12,225 --> 01:04:15,388
You really can't kill.
1317
01:04:15,428 --> 01:04:18,625
You guys are so useless.
1318
01:04:18,665 --> 01:04:20,326
Forget it.
1319
01:04:21,868 --> 01:04:25,235
Hey, can I have a fortune cookie, at least?
1320
01:04:37,617 --> 01:04:40,085
That was way too close.
1321
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:41,610
And I didn't put in rollers.
1322
01:04:41,654 --> 01:04:43,178
I'm gonna have coffin hair tomorrow.
1323
01:04:43,223 --> 01:04:44,850
I know.
1324
01:04:44,891 --> 01:04:48,383
Goody, I don't think I can
do anything like that again.
1325
01:04:48,428 --> 01:04:50,157
Me either.
1326
01:04:57,170 --> 01:04:59,968
The world changes, we have to adapt.
1327
01:05:00,006 --> 01:05:01,871
These violent old ways
1328
01:05:01,908 --> 01:05:03,671
don't make any sense anymore.
1329
01:05:03,710 --> 01:05:05,974
But she won't listen.
1330
01:05:06,012 --> 01:05:09,448
- She's insane.
- Oh, tell me about it.
1331
01:05:11,684 --> 01:05:14,050
Tepish, is there anything like a...
1332
01:05:14,087 --> 01:05:15,918
Sanguine's doctor?
1333
01:05:15,955 --> 01:05:17,513
Stacy is sick.
1334
01:05:17,557 --> 01:05:19,286
That's impossible.
We don't get sick.
1335
01:05:19,325 --> 01:05:22,817
That's what I thought, but every night
when we get up, she vomits.
1336
01:05:22,862 --> 01:05:25,797
Just how old was she when she was awakened?
1337
01:05:25,832 --> 01:05:27,322
20.
1338
01:05:27,367 --> 01:05:29,096
And I assume there is a boyfriend.
1339
01:05:29,135 --> 01:05:30,796
- Why?
1340
01:05:30,837 --> 01:05:32,862
She's not sick.
She's pregnant.
1341
01:05:32,906 --> 01:05:35,033
So she can have a baby?
1342
01:05:35,074 --> 01:05:38,009
No, the pregnancy will end by itself.
1343
01:05:38,044 --> 01:05:40,035
Unless she turns back.
1344
01:05:40,079 --> 01:05:42,343
Like, if Cisserus dies?
1345
01:05:42,382 --> 01:05:44,942
Cisserus.
1346
01:05:44,984 --> 01:05:47,646
Don't you worry, hmm?
1347
01:05:47,687 --> 01:05:50,781
Stacy will be just fine in about a week.
1348
01:05:52,025 --> 01:05:54,323
They notified us about a patient having seizures
1349
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:56,590
who had a double puncture wound.
When I asked who checked him in,
1350
01:05:56,629 --> 01:05:58,790
I went back to their surveillance cameras.
1351
01:05:58,832 --> 01:06:00,663
- Where's the body?
- Mount Sinai.
1352
01:06:00,700 --> 01:06:03,225
- Tell them we're coming.
- Mm-hmm.
1353
01:06:03,269 --> 01:06:07,296
All right, sit down, listen to me.
1354
01:06:08,541 --> 01:06:10,202
Now, I know you think I'm crazy,
1355
01:06:10,243 --> 01:06:13,076
but you have to do something for me.
1356
01:06:13,112 --> 01:06:14,238
Sure.
1357
01:06:14,280 --> 01:06:16,271
Carry this with you at all times.
1358
01:06:16,316 --> 01:06:19,285
- What?
- This is how you load it.
1359
01:06:19,319 --> 01:06:21,310
Only use the silver bullets.
1360
01:06:21,354 --> 01:06:23,219
Only use them on what?
Stacy?
1361
01:06:23,256 --> 01:06:25,053
Just keep it with you.
1362
01:06:25,091 --> 01:06:27,355
Don't give me any shit.
1363
01:06:27,393 --> 01:06:31,625
When a problem comes along,
like hunger, you must whip it.
1364
01:06:31,664 --> 01:06:34,497
It says this guy's a comic?
He's not even funny.
1365
01:06:34,534 --> 01:06:36,126
I've never seen him in anything.
1366
01:06:36,169 --> 01:06:37,796
What's on?
1367
01:06:37,837 --> 01:06:40,135
"Assholes Insult People
More Talented Than Them."
1368
01:06:40,173 --> 01:06:43,472
"The Excessively '80s
Countdown."
1369
01:06:43,510 --> 01:06:44,943
Oh, show Goody.
1370
01:06:44,978 --> 01:06:46,377
Oh.
1371
01:06:46,412 --> 01:06:50,178
So my father decided to give me this.
1372
01:06:50,216 --> 01:06:51,774
Hmm.
That's weird.
1373
01:06:51,818 --> 01:06:53,149
Oh, careful.
It's got silver bullets in it.
1374
01:06:54,921 --> 01:06:57,151
What's he thinking?
1375
01:06:57,190 --> 01:06:59,090
He's got more paranoid
1376
01:06:59,125 --> 01:07:00,683
since he saw the footage from the hospital.
1377
01:07:00,727 --> 01:07:02,592
What footage?
1378
01:07:02,629 --> 01:07:05,655
This guy just seemed to fly
from a cab to the front door.
1379
01:07:05,698 --> 01:07:07,188
I'm such an idiot.
1380
01:07:07,233 --> 01:07:09,599
Why didn't I look for surveillance cameras?
1381
01:07:09,636 --> 01:07:11,604
- Wait a minute, you...
- No, no. We didn't do anything.
1382
01:07:11,638 --> 01:07:14,368
It was...
it was our stem, Cisserus.
1383
01:07:14,407 --> 01:07:16,637
She's a monster.
1384
01:07:16,676 --> 01:07:18,735
She's gonna louse it up for all of us.
1385
01:07:18,778 --> 01:07:21,246
Don't trip.
We'll talk to Tepish.
1386
01:07:21,281 --> 01:07:23,715
Oh, I saw him after work
1387
01:07:23,750 --> 01:07:25,615
and he said you'll be feeling better soon.
1388
01:07:25,652 --> 01:07:27,142
You're just pregnant.
1389
01:07:27,186 --> 01:07:29,916
- What?
1390
01:07:29,956 --> 01:07:32,015
- I'm pregnant?
- We're gonna have a baby.
1391
01:07:32,058 --> 01:07:33,753
I'm pregnant!
1392
01:07:33,793 --> 01:07:35,522
Oh, my God!
1393
01:07:35,562 --> 01:07:37,291
Oh, I can't believe this.
I'm pregnant?
1394
01:07:37,330 --> 01:07:39,025
You want a baby?
1395
01:07:39,065 --> 01:07:40,896
Well...
1396
01:07:40,934 --> 01:07:43,232
yeah.
1397
01:07:43,269 --> 01:07:45,737
I'm over 40. How many more
chances am I gonna get?
1398
01:07:45,772 --> 01:07:47,262
And besides,
I'll make a kick-ass father.
1399
01:07:47,307 --> 01:07:48,831
All right.
1400
01:07:48,875 --> 01:07:51,173
Forget cell phones, forget iPhones,
1401
01:07:51,210 --> 01:07:53,974
forget PowerBooks, forget iPads.
1402
01:07:54,013 --> 01:07:55,480
Yay.
1403
01:07:55,515 --> 01:07:58,313
Now I can do everything I want
1404
01:07:58,351 --> 01:08:00,216
with my iPad Mini.
1405
01:08:00,253 --> 01:08:01,845
That looks just like your phone.
1406
01:08:01,888 --> 01:08:03,651
But it doesn't make calls.
1407
01:08:03,690 --> 01:08:05,590
I got my tweets,
I got my e-mails,
1408
01:08:05,625 --> 01:08:07,217
I got my friends, I got my alerts, I got...
1409
01:08:07,260 --> 01:08:09,160
So as the day progresses, you can read
1410
01:08:09,195 --> 01:08:11,561
thousands of unsolicited messages,
1411
01:08:11,598 --> 01:08:15,500
advertisements, and the mindless
brain vomit of acquaintances?
1412
01:08:15,535 --> 01:08:17,400
Someone sounds hormonal.
1413
01:08:17,437 --> 01:08:18,961
Maybe you're pregnant, too!
1414
01:08:19,005 --> 01:08:20,939
So annoying.
1415
01:08:20,974 --> 01:08:23,636
You have to keep learning to use new crap
1416
01:08:23,676 --> 01:08:25,303
that doesn't actually do anything better
1417
01:08:25,345 --> 01:08:27,813
than the old crap, which is
incompatible with the new crap,
1418
01:08:27,847 --> 01:08:30,680
all so you can have blogs
and watch fake teenagers
1419
01:08:30,717 --> 01:08:32,378
and real housewives?
1420
01:08:32,418 --> 01:08:35,285
And it's all happening too fast
1421
01:08:35,321 --> 01:08:37,152
and I'm tired.
1422
01:08:37,190 --> 01:08:41,149
I'm just sick and tired of it all.
1423
01:08:41,194 --> 01:08:43,822
It's okay.
1424
01:08:43,863 --> 01:08:45,854
We don't have to get the iPad Minis.
1425
01:08:49,769 --> 01:08:51,168
No, I'm sorry...
1426
01:08:51,204 --> 01:08:53,934
Look. Only a couple stations,
but they had Groucho Marx.
1427
01:08:53,973 --> 01:08:55,964
No, that's not Groucho.
1428
01:08:56,009 --> 01:08:57,499
Groucho was the mustache guy.
1429
01:08:57,543 --> 01:08:59,101
Yeah, he had glasses and a cigar.
1430
01:08:59,145 --> 01:09:01,045
Yeah, a cigar and glasses.
1431
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:02,877
You'll split $25 between you.
Are you ready?
1432
01:09:02,915 --> 01:09:04,678
- Yes.
- Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?
1433
01:09:04,717 --> 01:09:06,344
Were people really that stupid?
1434
01:09:06,386 --> 01:09:08,650
No, that's what he'd ask when he felt bad
1435
01:09:08,688 --> 01:09:10,280
and wanted to give 'em a few bucks.
1436
01:09:10,323 --> 01:09:11,984
Is Grant's Tomb in New York?
1437
01:09:12,025 --> 01:09:14,084
- No. No.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1438
01:09:14,127 --> 01:09:15,651
Have any of you ever been there?
1439
01:09:15,695 --> 01:09:17,629
- No.
- No.
1440
01:09:17,664 --> 01:09:20,497
- That's it.
- What?
1441
01:09:20,533 --> 01:09:24,299
God, the place no New Yorker ever goes.
1442
01:09:24,337 --> 01:09:26,601
Of course, Cisserus would want a monument.
1443
01:09:26,639 --> 01:09:28,197
And it's gota tomb
1444
01:09:28,241 --> 01:09:30,038
Oh, my God.
You're probably right.
1445
01:09:30,076 --> 01:09:31,543
Come on.
1446
01:09:34,414 --> 01:09:36,006
- Show me again.
- Yeah, here.
1447
01:09:36,049 --> 01:09:38,415
I guess I totally can tell, but it's...
1448
01:09:38,451 --> 01:09:40,078
it's like, I don't know.
I always thought you'd be
1449
01:09:40,119 --> 01:09:41,848
the first one to have a baby.
Is that weird?
1450
01:09:41,888 --> 01:09:43,378
- But now that it's happening...
- Listen.
1451
01:09:43,423 --> 01:09:46,551
You have to decide something
independent of me or Joey.
1452
01:09:46,592 --> 01:09:49,857
This baby won't survive in your condition.
1453
01:09:49,896 --> 01:09:52,262
If you want it, you have to turn back.
1454
01:09:52,298 --> 01:09:53,822
How does that even...
1455
01:09:53,866 --> 01:09:55,527
Cisserus would have to be killed.
1456
01:09:55,568 --> 01:09:57,092
That's right.
1457
01:09:57,136 --> 01:10:00,264
I'd be in my '40s.
1458
01:10:00,306 --> 01:10:01,796
But I'd be a mom.
1459
01:10:03,543 --> 01:10:06,944
- You'd be older, too.
- I know.
1460
01:10:06,979 --> 01:10:08,503
I can't decide for the both of us.
1461
01:10:08,548 --> 01:10:12,211
How do you feel about not being young anymore?
1462
01:10:12,251 --> 01:10:13,741
Which part...
1463
01:10:13,786 --> 01:10:16,584
running around to clubs and dating idiots?
1464
01:10:16,622 --> 01:10:19,557
Would be nice not to
have to fake all the references.
1465
01:10:19,592 --> 01:10:21,184
- Ugh.
- Like acting nostalgic over
1466
01:10:21,227 --> 01:10:23,559
"Hey, Arnold" instead of
"Happy Days."
1467
01:10:23,596 --> 01:10:25,962
Not to mention
the slang, "BTW."
1468
01:10:25,998 --> 01:10:27,659
And the clothes and the music.
1469
01:10:27,700 --> 01:10:30,498
Staying young is getting old.
1470
01:10:30,536 --> 01:10:33,699
Plus, we'll have a baby.
1471
01:10:35,842 --> 01:10:38,606
What are we even talking about?
We can't kill Cisserus.
1472
01:10:38,644 --> 01:10:40,441
She's lasted hundreds of years.
1473
01:10:40,480 --> 01:10:42,744
But that's because nobody knew where she was.
1474
01:10:42,782 --> 01:10:44,010
But she's very sturdy.
1475
01:10:44,050 --> 01:10:46,348
And let's face it, we're wimps.
1476
01:10:46,385 --> 01:10:49,786
Yeah, but she's sloppy.
And conceited.
1477
01:10:49,822 --> 01:10:51,289
And we'll call in
the heavy-hitters.
1478
01:10:51,324 --> 01:10:52,689
Who?
1479
01:10:52,725 --> 01:10:54,852
Your future father-in-law.
1480
01:10:57,196 --> 01:11:00,098
I just have to do one thing first.
1481
01:11:00,099 --> 01:11:02,363
You said for a little more time,
you'd do anything.
1482
01:11:02,401 --> 01:11:04,926
- Did you mean it?
- Of course, but what can I do?
1483
01:11:04,971 --> 01:11:06,939
Would you change your schedule and stay up later
1484
01:11:06,973 --> 01:11:09,237
and promise to let her only have animals?
1485
01:11:09,275 --> 01:11:12,005
Now, wait a minute.
Can you keep her alive?
1486
01:11:12,044 --> 01:11:15,343
- Not exactly alive.
- But not dead?
1487
01:11:15,381 --> 01:11:17,906
I can't but he can.
1488
01:11:17,950 --> 01:11:20,111
- It's up to you.
- Yeah.
1489
01:11:20,153 --> 01:11:22,451
Yeah, I can't lose her.
1490
01:11:26,292 --> 01:11:29,125
I need privacy to do this.
1491
01:11:32,265 --> 01:11:34,699
♪ Oh ♪
1492
01:11:34,734 --> 01:11:37,760
♪ Here it comes ♪
1493
01:11:37,804 --> 01:11:40,295
♪ Here comes comes the night ♪
1494
01:11:41,941 --> 01:11:45,172
♪ Yeah, here comes the night... ♪
1495
01:11:48,314 --> 01:11:50,612
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Here comes the night ♪
1496
01:11:54,353 --> 01:11:55,547
♪ There they go ♪
1497
01:11:55,588 --> 01:11:57,818
♪ Funny how they look so good together ♪
1498
01:11:57,857 --> 01:12:02,021
♪ Wonder what is wrong with me... ♪
1499
01:12:02,061 --> 01:12:03,858
- Ah.
1500
01:12:03,896 --> 01:12:07,889
♪ Why can't I accept the fact she's chosen him ♪
1501
01:12:07,934 --> 01:12:11,461
♪ And simply let them be ♪
1502
01:12:13,306 --> 01:12:15,001
♪ Here it comes ♪
1503
01:12:17,376 --> 01:12:19,401
♪ Here comes the night ♪
1504
01:12:22,515 --> 01:12:24,983
♪ Here comes the night ♪
1505
01:12:26,485 --> 01:12:29,750
♪ Yeah, here comes the night... ♪
1506
01:12:45,905 --> 01:12:49,033
That's enough.
It doesn't take that long.
1507
01:12:59,585 --> 01:13:01,416
Your wife is very sweet.
1508
01:13:03,456 --> 01:13:06,118
- Yeah.
- So, uh...
1509
01:13:06,158 --> 01:13:08,217
I am just wondering,
1510
01:13:08,261 --> 01:13:10,923
are you guys getting along, or, uh...
1511
01:13:10,963 --> 01:13:13,557
any chance of breaking up in the future?
1512
01:13:16,969 --> 01:13:18,459
Danny.
1513
01:13:25,945 --> 01:13:27,606
Thank you.
1514
01:13:27,647 --> 01:13:29,877
You're welcome.
1515
01:13:38,157 --> 01:13:41,126
Come on, open up.
1516
01:13:41,160 --> 01:13:43,185
- Who's there?
- I'm a friend of your son.
1517
01:13:43,229 --> 01:13:46,221
- I wanna help you.
- You want to help me?
1518
01:13:46,265 --> 01:13:49,029
I've got some news for you, Grandpa.
1519
01:13:54,073 --> 01:13:55,768
Did you say Grandpa?
1520
01:14:01,013 --> 01:14:04,505
I thought all victims
turned into vampires or died.
1521
01:14:04,550 --> 01:14:07,041
I've never heard of anyone turning back.
1522
01:14:07,086 --> 01:14:08,883
Well, I've never known anyone firsthand.
1523
01:14:08,921 --> 01:14:11,617
But apparently, if you're young enough...
1524
01:14:11,657 --> 01:14:13,420
those are useless on a stem.
1525
01:14:16,529 --> 01:14:20,829
Are you really sure this isn't just
Joey's rebelliousness?
1526
01:14:20,866 --> 01:14:23,630
I mean, do they seem serious?
1527
01:14:23,669 --> 01:14:26,263
Well, I've never seen Stacy like this before.
1528
01:14:26,305 --> 01:14:28,364
And he's so excited to be a dad.
1529
01:14:28,407 --> 01:14:31,137
I believe they really are in love.
1530
01:14:31,177 --> 01:14:33,077
When did you awaken?
1531
01:14:33,112 --> 01:14:34,739
1841.
1532
01:14:34,780 --> 01:14:37,078
I survived a feeding and begged her to turn me.
1533
01:14:37,116 --> 01:14:39,209
You wanted to become a vampire?
1534
01:14:39,251 --> 01:14:41,981
It was the lesser of two infections.
1535
01:14:42,021 --> 01:14:44,455
In 1840, there was an epidemic of cholera
1536
01:14:44,490 --> 01:14:45,980
in lower Manhattan.
1537
01:14:46,025 --> 01:14:49,051
It was a painful and degrading death.
1538
01:14:49,095 --> 01:14:51,757
My husband and sisters had all passed.
1539
01:14:51,797 --> 01:14:55,062
But, miraculously, my children were fine.
1540
01:14:55,101 --> 01:14:58,969
Not to be indelicate,
but I had digestive rumblings
1541
01:14:59,005 --> 01:15:00,768
that I knew were the early symptoms,
1542
01:15:00,806 --> 01:15:03,673
and orphans did not fare well in those days.
1543
01:15:03,709 --> 01:15:05,734
So did your kids survive?
1544
01:15:05,778 --> 01:15:09,771
My son lived to the ripe old age of 63.
1545
01:15:09,815 --> 01:15:12,409
And my daughter married Peter Meester,
1546
01:15:12,451 --> 01:15:14,612
and lived to be 99.
1547
01:15:14,653 --> 01:15:16,644
Unprecedented at the time.
1548
01:15:16,689 --> 01:15:19,283
Well, not many elderly people
had strong young mothers
1549
01:15:19,325 --> 01:15:20,815
to look out for them.
1550
01:15:22,428 --> 01:15:24,726
After the grandchildren, it would've been hard
1551
01:15:24,764 --> 01:15:26,789
to stay in their lives and not scare them.
1552
01:15:29,568 --> 01:15:31,832
- Did you get that?
- Got it.
1553
01:15:31,871 --> 01:15:35,637
You know, the only surefire
way is to behead her.
1554
01:15:35,674 --> 01:15:39,405
Everything else might just piss her off.
1555
01:15:39,445 --> 01:15:41,379
And when Cisserus is dead,
1556
01:15:41,414 --> 01:15:44,247
Stacy will be a normal girl.
1557
01:15:44,283 --> 01:15:47,218
Normal for Stacy.
1558
01:15:47,253 --> 01:15:50,586
But, what happens to you, then?
1559
01:15:52,024 --> 01:15:54,288
I saved my kids.
1560
01:15:54,326 --> 01:15:55,850
Let's go save yours.
1561
01:15:57,430 --> 01:15:59,523
Here you go.
Here's your family tree.
1562
01:16:02,034 --> 01:16:03,831
Your living descendants.
1563
01:16:03,869 --> 01:16:07,168
A great-great-great-great grandson.
1564
01:16:07,206 --> 01:16:10,539
A drug addict.
Incarcerated.
1565
01:16:10,576 --> 01:16:15,309
Four doctors.
One in Doctors Without Borders.
1566
01:16:15,347 --> 01:16:17,781
Two professors, four teachers,
1567
01:16:17,817 --> 01:16:19,808
and in the House of Representatives,
1568
01:16:19,852 --> 01:16:22,787
Jane Rutherford, who chairs several committees.
1569
01:16:22,822 --> 01:16:24,449
She looks like you.
1570
01:16:26,158 --> 01:16:27,648
Thank you.
1571
01:16:28,661 --> 01:16:31,289
All right, leave the guns.
1572
01:16:31,330 --> 01:16:34,265
Bring the axes, hatchets, blades.
1573
01:16:34,300 --> 01:16:38,134
All right, let's go get this dried up bitch.
1574
01:16:40,272 --> 01:16:42,365
Well, I don't go to those places much, either.
1575
01:16:42,408 --> 01:16:45,468
But it just shows you can meet
someone really nice.
1576
01:16:45,511 --> 01:16:48,002
Well, I never go to those places, so...
1577
01:16:48,047 --> 01:16:49,947
I can't believe I met you, though.
1578
01:16:49,982 --> 01:16:52,883
- You are beautiful.
- You're so sweet.
1579
01:16:54,453 --> 01:16:57,320
- Would you like to sit?
- Oh, would I?
1580
01:16:59,191 --> 01:17:02,183
- Nice here.
- Isn't it?
1581
01:17:02,228 --> 01:17:04,526
Oh.
1582
01:17:04,563 --> 01:17:06,724
Isn't your wife worried about
1583
01:17:06,765 --> 01:17:08,665
where you are so late?
1584
01:17:08,701 --> 01:17:11,898
She's on a trip and what she
don't know won't hurt her.
1585
01:17:14,306 --> 01:17:16,501
Aren't you a bad boy?
1586
01:17:16,542 --> 01:17:18,976
I can be very bad.
1587
01:17:19,011 --> 01:17:22,469
So what does a dirty boy
like you do for a living?
1588
01:17:22,515 --> 01:17:24,312
I'm a dentist.
1589
01:17:24,350 --> 01:17:27,012
You're a dentist?
1590
01:17:27,052 --> 01:17:29,020
What a lucky break.
1591
01:17:29,054 --> 01:17:31,284
Because I have something
I'm really concerned about.
1592
01:17:31,323 --> 01:17:33,086
Can I show you?
1593
01:17:36,929 --> 01:17:40,695
I've never seen anything like that in my...
1594
01:17:40,733 --> 01:17:43,702
- Oh, no! No!
1595
01:17:47,573 --> 01:17:49,734
Run!
Get out of here!
1596
01:17:53,012 --> 01:17:54,741
You asshole.
1597
01:17:54,780 --> 01:17:56,509
Let's go.
1598
01:18:05,591 --> 01:18:07,388
You bad girls.
1599
01:18:07,426 --> 01:18:09,986
I am very disappointed in you.
1600
01:18:10,029 --> 01:18:12,589
After all I've done for you,
1601
01:18:12,631 --> 01:18:15,623
this is how you pay me back?
1602
01:18:16,869 --> 01:18:19,030
Are you okay?
1603
01:18:19,071 --> 01:18:21,130
Who treats their stem like this?
1604
01:18:26,812 --> 01:18:28,780
Those needed gunpowder!
1605
01:18:38,324 --> 01:18:40,258
Duck!
1606
01:18:45,598 --> 01:18:47,065
Oh, my God.
We did it.
1607
01:18:47,099 --> 01:18:50,068
No. You guys, we have
to get her into the tomb.
1608
01:18:50,102 --> 01:18:51,501
- Help me.
- Okay, okay.
1609
01:18:51,537 --> 01:18:54,267
Argh.
1610
01:18:54,306 --> 01:18:56,467
When did my ass get so flat?
1611
01:19:00,379 --> 01:19:02,574
Can I just say... ow!
1612
01:19:06,719 --> 01:19:08,209
Wait... what are we gonna do
about the body?
1613
01:19:08,254 --> 01:19:09,585
Oh, it'll die in a minute.
1614
01:19:09,622 --> 01:19:11,021
Where were you?
1615
01:19:11,056 --> 01:19:12,853
What? You asked me
to get a chainsaw.
1616
01:19:12,891 --> 01:19:14,882
I get halfway here
and realize it needs gasoline.
1617
01:19:14,927 --> 01:19:17,327
Do you know where to get gasoline
at 4:00 in the morning?
1618
01:19:17,363 --> 01:19:18,921
Why didn't you get it where you got the saw?
1619
01:19:18,964 --> 01:19:20,659
Because I thought you plugged them in.
1620
01:19:20,699 --> 01:19:21,927
What am I, a lumberjack?
1621
01:19:21,967 --> 01:19:24,231
In the forest, you're plugging things in?
1622
01:19:24,270 --> 01:19:26,670
- Yes, like a hairdryer or a...
- Joey!
1623
01:19:26,705 --> 01:19:28,172
♪ For I have seen the glory ♪
1624
01:19:28,207 --> 01:19:30,971
♪ Of the coming of the Lord... ♪
1625
01:19:31,010 --> 01:19:33,877
- Come on, come on!
♪ He has trampled out ♪
1626
01:19:33,912 --> 01:19:36,881
♪ The vintage where
the grapes of wrath are stored... ♪
1627
01:19:36,915 --> 01:19:40,510
Come on! Come on!
I don't believe this.
1628
01:19:46,525 --> 01:19:48,356
- Hurry!
- Hurry.
1629
01:19:52,531 --> 01:19:54,123
Okay, close it.
1630
01:19:58,037 --> 01:19:59,772
- Whoa.
- Okay, let's go.
1631
01:20:04,843 --> 01:20:06,435
You feel anything?
1632
01:20:06,478 --> 01:20:07,809
No.
1633
01:20:08,814 --> 01:20:10,338
Wait.
1634
01:20:26,565 --> 01:20:28,260
That's it?
1635
01:20:28,300 --> 01:20:29,699
You've aged 20 years?
1636
01:20:29,735 --> 01:20:32,670
Well, I didn't drink, smoke,
do drugs, or sunbathe.
1637
01:20:39,578 --> 01:20:43,241
Oh, well, maybe your genes just aren't as good.
1638
01:20:43,282 --> 01:20:45,716
But with Botox and laser resurfacing...
1639
01:20:49,154 --> 01:20:51,281
Don't tell me you lied about your age.
1640
01:20:51,323 --> 01:20:52,756
Oh, come on.
1641
01:20:52,791 --> 01:20:55,351
Who the hell names their kid Goody anymore?
1642
01:20:58,330 --> 01:21:00,389
You won't get any older, will you?
1643
01:21:00,432 --> 01:21:01,990
It's okay.
1644
01:21:02,034 --> 01:21:04,059
I've been around long enough.
1645
01:21:04,103 --> 01:21:05,730
I'm tired.
1646
01:21:06,939 --> 01:21:08,770
I should've known.
1647
01:21:08,807 --> 01:21:10,741
Every time I turned on the History Channel,
1648
01:21:10,776 --> 01:21:12,767
all I saw was stuff about Hitler.
1649
01:21:14,179 --> 01:21:17,148
Don't be sad. I was gonna go
into the sun before I met you.
1650
01:21:17,182 --> 01:21:19,275
You showed me how to have fun.
1651
01:21:27,559 --> 01:21:29,288
Is there anything you want?
1652
01:21:29,328 --> 01:21:30,727
Yes.
1653
01:21:30,763 --> 01:21:32,628
I don't wanna be here.
1654
01:21:32,664 --> 01:21:34,962
I want to be in the center of things.
1655
01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:36,831
Let's go.
1656
01:21:48,046 --> 01:21:49,809
You all right?
1657
01:22:02,194 --> 01:22:05,595
You all right?
How do you feel?
1658
01:22:05,631 --> 01:22:07,394
Hungry.
1659
01:22:07,433 --> 01:22:10,334
How about one of those pretzel things?
1660
01:22:10,369 --> 01:22:12,098
Joey, can you go get
one of those pretzel things?
1661
01:22:12,137 --> 01:22:13,968
- Of course.
- Thanks.
1662
01:22:39,398 --> 01:22:42,162
♪ I recall a summer day ♪
1663
01:22:42,201 --> 01:22:45,398
♪ When you and I strolled away ♪
1664
01:22:45,437 --> 01:22:49,066
♪ And suddenly a storm drew nigh ♪
1665
01:22:51,043 --> 01:22:53,568
♪ Seeking shelter from the rain ♪
1666
01:22:53,612 --> 01:22:55,978
♪ We hurried down a little lane... ♪
1667
01:22:56,014 --> 01:22:57,982
Goody. Goody.
1668
01:22:58,016 --> 01:23:00,382
♪ Found a lovely spot nearby... ♪
1669
01:23:04,389 --> 01:23:08,758
♪ 'Twas just a garden in the rain ♪
1670
01:23:09,761 --> 01:23:13,128
♪ Close to a little leafy lane... ♪
1671
01:23:13,165 --> 01:23:14,598
Oh, my God.
1672
01:23:14,633 --> 01:23:19,400
♪ A touch of color 'neath skies of gray... ♪
1673
01:23:23,642 --> 01:23:28,636
♪ The raindrops kissed the flower beds ♪
1674
01:23:28,680 --> 01:23:32,241
♪ The blossoms raised their pretty heads ♪
1675
01:23:33,318 --> 01:23:38,346
♪ A perfumed thank you, they seemed to say ♪
1676
01:23:41,360 --> 01:23:45,296
♪ Surely here was charm beyond compare ♪
1677
01:23:45,330 --> 01:23:48,299
♪ To view ♪
1678
01:23:48,333 --> 01:23:51,996
♪ Maybe it was just that I was there ♪
1679
01:23:52,037 --> 01:23:56,235
♪ With you ♪
1680
01:23:56,275 --> 01:23:59,938
♪ 'Twas just a garden in the rain ♪
1681
01:24:01,013 --> 01:24:04,608
♪ But then the sun came out again ♪
1682
01:24:05,784 --> 01:24:10,915
♪ And set us happily on our way ♪
1683
01:24:16,228 --> 01:24:20,927
♪ 'Twas just a garden in the rain ♪
1684
01:24:20,966 --> 01:24:25,596
♪ But then the sun came out again ♪
1685
01:24:26,605 --> 01:24:30,473
♪ And set us happily ♪
1686
01:24:30,509 --> 01:24:33,569
♪ On our way. ♪
1687
01:25:11,883 --> 01:25:13,441
Oh!
1688
01:25:14,519 --> 01:25:16,316
Hey, I saw that.
1689
01:25:16,355 --> 01:25:18,255
What? She looked at me.
I wasn't doing anything.
1690
01:25:18,290 --> 01:25:19,814
Need I remind you that I gave you
1691
01:25:19,858 --> 01:25:21,348
- the best years of my life?
- Best years of my life.
1692
01:25:21,393 --> 01:25:23,884
Yeah, and I'm not talking five, 10 years here.
1693
01:25:23,929 --> 01:25:25,419
We're talking infinity.
1694
01:25:25,464 --> 01:25:26,954
Do you have any idea what that's like?
1695
01:25:26,999 --> 01:25:29,331
I'm starting to get an idea.
1696
01:25:32,771 --> 01:25:34,932
All right, Goody. Watch this.
1697
01:25:39,111 --> 01:25:40,510
Too frightening.
1698
01:25:40,545 --> 01:25:43,013
Is it too frightening?
1699
01:25:43,048 --> 01:25:44,640
Bleh!
1700
01:25:50,155 --> 01:25:54,023
Well, you got Grandpa that time.
1701
01:25:57,062 --> 01:26:00,896
♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪
1702
01:26:00,932 --> 01:26:05,028
♪ Remember me to Herald Square ♪
1703
01:26:05,070 --> 01:26:09,234
♪ Tell all the gang at 42nd Street ♪
1704
01:26:09,274 --> 01:26:13,608
♪ That I will soon be there ♪
1705
01:26:13,645 --> 01:26:17,513
♪ Whisper of how I'm yearning ♪
1706
01:26:17,549 --> 01:26:21,451
♪ To mingle with that old-time throng ♪
1707
01:26:21,486 --> 01:26:25,217
♪ Give my regards to old Broadway ♪
1708
01:26:25,257 --> 01:26:29,353
♪ And say that I'll be there 'ere long ♪
1709
01:26:29,394 --> 01:26:33,854
♪ Give my regards to Broadway ♪
1710
01:26:33,899 --> 01:26:37,767
♪ Remember me to Herald Square ♪
1711
01:26:37,803 --> 01:26:41,967
♪ Tell all the gang at 42nd Street ♪
1712
01:26:42,007 --> 01:26:45,711
♪ That I will soon be there ♪
1713
01:26:45,744 --> 01:26:50,044
♪ Whisper of how I'm yearning ♪
1714
01:26:50,082 --> 01:26:53,745
♪ To mingle with that old-time throng ♪
1715
01:26:53,785 --> 01:26:57,881
♪ Yes, give my regards to old Broadway ♪
1716
01:26:57,923 --> 01:27:03,919
♪ And tell them
I'll be there 'ere long. ♪
1717
01:27:43,001 --> 01:27:46,698
♪ I was broken up ♪
1718
01:27:46,738 --> 01:27:51,175
♪ I let you rest in pieces ♪
1719
01:27:51,209 --> 01:27:54,178
♪ I've had enough ♪
1720
01:27:54,212 --> 01:27:58,308
♪ You had nothing up your sleeve ♪
1721
01:27:58,350 --> 01:28:02,946
♪ Time slid on by ♪
1722
01:28:06,224 --> 01:28:09,250
♪ I ♪
1723
01:28:09,294 --> 01:28:11,455
♪ I got mine ♪
1724
01:28:19,070 --> 01:28:22,631
♪ I was in a fit ♪
1725
01:28:22,674 --> 01:28:27,077
♪ Just living like a gypsy ♪
1726
01:28:27,112 --> 01:28:30,673
♪ You were born to quit ♪
1727
01:28:30,715 --> 01:28:34,378
♪ You gave good guys a bad name ♪
1728
01:28:34,419 --> 01:28:37,320
♪ I ♪
1729
01:28:37,355 --> 01:28:39,323
♪ Took my time ♪
1730
01:28:42,194 --> 01:28:44,685
♪ I ♪
1731
01:28:46,264 --> 01:28:49,961
♪ I ♪
1732
01:28:50,001 --> 01:28:56,099
♪ I know this road is long ♪
1733
01:28:57,676 --> 01:29:00,440
♪ Like oceans ♪
1734
01:29:00,478 --> 01:29:04,414
♪ Through the storm ♪
1735
01:29:05,951 --> 01:29:08,442
♪ Like roses ♪
1736
01:29:08,486 --> 01:29:13,981
♪ Through the thorns ♪
1737
01:29:39,084 --> 01:29:42,315
♪ Anytime at all ♪
1738
01:29:42,354 --> 01:29:46,916
♪ When I feel like I'm drowning ♪
1739
01:29:46,958 --> 01:29:51,019
♪ You will give it all ♪
1740
01:29:51,062 --> 01:29:54,225
♪ You'll give it all up frowning ♪
1741
01:29:54,266 --> 01:29:57,258
♪ I ♪
1742
01:29:57,302 --> 01:29:59,702
♪ Bide my time ♪
1743
01:30:02,374 --> 01:30:04,842
♪ I ♪
1744
01:30:06,211 --> 01:30:10,170
♪ I ♪
1745
01:30:10,215 --> 01:30:16,711
♪ I know this road is long ♪
1746
01:30:17,756 --> 01:30:20,486
♪ Like oceans ♪
1747
01:30:20,525 --> 01:30:25,963
♪ Through the storm ♪
1748
01:30:25,997 --> 01:30:28,431
♪ Like roses ♪
1749
01:30:28,466 --> 01:30:33,335
♪ Through the thorns ♪
1750
01:30:38,710 --> 01:30:41,235
♪ I was broken up ♪
1751
01:30:42,847 --> 01:30:45,281
♪ I let you rest in pieces ♪
1752
01:30:46,918 --> 01:30:48,886
♪ I have had enough ♪
1753
01:30:50,155 --> 01:30:53,022
♪ You had nothing up your sleeve this time ♪
1754
01:30:54,192 --> 01:30:56,854
♪ You gave good guys a bad name. ♪