1
00:00:00,140 --> 00:00:02,619
He said picking up litter
was the best time of his life.

2
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:04,779
That demonstrates
his rather low expectations.

3
00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:07,700
I never said that about the litter.

4
00:00:07,701 --> 00:00:09,700
Where did you get that?
The guy in the mask.

5
00:00:09,701 --> 00:00:12,260
Who is he?
It's you.

6
00:00:12,261 --> 00:00:15,501
It's over. No more community service.

7
00:00:15,502 --> 00:00:18,461
And I have no job,
no money, no girlfriend.

8
00:00:18,462 --> 00:00:20,701
OK, so I'm immortal...

9
00:00:20,702 --> 00:00:23,861
but other than that I've basically
got fuck all going for me.

10
00:00:23,862 --> 00:00:25,302
Does anyone fancy a drink?

11
00:00:25,303 --> 00:00:27,342
Yeah, sure, man.

12
00:00:27,343 --> 00:00:29,982
You know, apart from all
the killing and the dying and stuff,

13
00:00:29,983 --> 00:00:33,982
it really wasn't as bad
as I thought it was going to be.

14
00:00:38,784 --> 00:00:42,783
# EELS: Christmas Is
Going To The Dogs

15
00:00:47,425 --> 00:00:50,384
# Get off your sled, and go to bed

16
00:00:50,385 --> 00:00:53,184
# Don't you ever tire?

17
00:00:53,185 --> 00:00:56,265
# Throw a bone, I'm finally home

18
00:00:56,266 --> 00:00:58,985
# Curled up by the fire

19
00:00:58,986 --> 00:01:01,465
# Snow is fallin' from the sky

20
00:01:01,466 --> 00:01:04,866
# Like ashes from an urn

21
00:01:04,867 --> 00:01:07,506
# Sweet dreams, my little one... #

22
00:01:07,507 --> 00:01:08,986
What a loser.

23
00:01:08,987 --> 00:01:10,586
# Now it's my turn... #

24
00:01:10,587 --> 00:01:12,666
Fuck you!

25
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:16,667
# Well, Christmas
is going to the dogs... #

26
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:23,788
Ah! Merry Christmas, little fella!

27
00:01:28,309 --> 00:01:30,548
Hey, I'm not a paedophile!

28
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:33,669
Yeah... Ah... Ah... Ah...

29
00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:35,869
Oh! No! No...

30
00:01:35,870 --> 00:01:39,869
Oh, shit!

31
00:01:47,431 --> 00:01:51,430
# And Christmas is going to the dogs

32
00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:57,111
# We're scarfin' down the turkey
and eggnog

33
00:01:59,112 --> 00:02:03,112
# And things aren't looking
very good, it's true

34
00:02:04,913 --> 00:02:08,912
# So I'll just lay here, and chew

35
00:02:10,753 --> 00:02:14,673
# So I'll just stay here

36
00:02:14,674 --> 00:02:18,673
# And chew #

37
00:02:35,516 --> 00:02:37,155
# The city breathing

38
00:02:37,156 --> 00:02:38,995
# The people churning

39
00:02:38,996 --> 00:02:40,675
# The conversating

40
00:02:40,676 --> 00:02:44,676
# The price is what?

41
00:02:56,678 --> 00:02:58,677
# The conversating

42
00:02:58,678 --> 00:03:00,557
# This place is heaven

43
00:03:00,558 --> 00:03:04,558
# And if you see them... #

44
00:03:29,038 --> 00:03:33,038
It was crap,
he nearly came in his pants...

45
00:03:33,759 --> 00:03:37,758
You should try giving him one...!
>

46
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,679
You're going to break your neck.

47
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,599
I'm not pushing you around
in a wheelchair.

48
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,880
I have to learn sometime.

49
00:03:51,881 --> 00:03:55,720
Show me...

50
00:03:55,721 --> 00:03:59,240
You'd better do it.

51
00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:02,521
So being Santa sucks a big fat cock.

52
00:04:02,522 --> 00:04:04,481
Two pints of lager please, barmaid.

53
00:04:04,482 --> 00:04:06,921
Are you going to pay for them?
No.

54
00:04:06,922 --> 00:04:10,602
Oh, come on! I've been working for
the council scraping up dog shit.

55
00:04:10,603 --> 00:04:14,282
That's thirsty work.

56
00:04:14,283 --> 00:04:16,802
So how did it all
go so right for you?

57
00:04:16,803 --> 00:04:19,842
You end up with a cool flat,
and a beautiful girlfriend?

58
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,363
I think it's dead romantic, I do.

59
00:04:21,364 --> 00:04:25,363
I think I liked it better when you
suffered from a crippling shyness.

60
00:04:27,924 --> 00:04:31,924
No way! No more free drink...

61
00:04:38,525 --> 00:04:40,485
You're going to get us both sacked.

62
00:04:40,486 --> 00:04:43,405
Do you really want to spend your
life working in some shitty bar?

63
00:04:43,406 --> 00:04:44,405
No...

64
00:04:44,406 --> 00:04:47,965
Then I'm doing you a favour.
Refill!

65
00:04:47,966 --> 00:04:50,766
This is fucking ridiculous!

66
00:04:50,767 --> 00:04:52,926
I had to walk back
from the other side of the estate.

67
00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:54,526
Are you OK?

68
00:05:04,808 --> 00:05:05,767
Want a look?!

69
00:05:05,768 --> 00:05:07,487
I wouldn't mind.

70
00:05:07,488 --> 00:05:11,488
After all, it is nearly Christmas.

71
00:05:18,289 --> 00:05:21,929
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
That's how babies become dwarfs.

72
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:24,129
I like dwarfs.

73
00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:25,649
Me too. Who are you?

74
00:05:25,650 --> 00:05:27,609
I'm Marnie.

75
00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:30,290
And this baby of yours,
who's the dad?

76
00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:34,290
Depends if it's white, or black,
or Chinese or...French.

77
00:05:34,891 --> 00:05:36,410
Those brown babies are very cute.

78
00:05:36,411 --> 00:05:39,011
And I like a Chinese baby
as much as the next man.

79
00:05:39,012 --> 00:05:40,971
Me too.

80
00:05:40,972 --> 00:05:43,371
Whoever the dad is, he's not around.

81
00:05:43,372 --> 00:05:44,931
So you're all alone in the world...

82
00:05:44,932 --> 00:05:47,211
apart from the living organism
growing inside you?

83
00:05:47,212 --> 00:05:51,212
Looks that way.

84
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:53,052
We should probably go for a drink.

85
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:54,652
Swap some funny stories.

86
00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:57,012
See if we have
similar tastes and interests.

87
00:05:57,013 --> 00:06:00,333
Overcome some emotional hurdles.
And have a few huge rows.

88
00:06:00,334 --> 00:06:02,893
What did you do, you stupid prick?!

89
00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:04,013
I'm sorry, baby,

90
00:06:04,014 --> 00:06:06,933
I didn't know we were exclusive -
and she had massive tits.

91
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,133
It'll never happen again.

92
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:09,814
We make up, and before you know what

93
00:06:09,815 --> 00:06:11,974
I've trapped you
in a serious relationship.

94
00:06:11,975 --> 00:06:14,014
That would be
the conventional way to do it.

95
00:06:14,015 --> 00:06:16,494
There's just one problem.

96
00:06:16,495 --> 00:06:18,495
I can't drink.

97
00:06:18,496 --> 00:06:20,895
So...I guess we should
skip all that other stuff

98
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:24,895
and get straight down
to the shagging.

99
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:49,658
I don't want to poke
the baby in the eye.

100
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,738
Just...do it gently.

101
00:06:51,739 --> 00:06:55,738
Fuck me, Santa.

102
00:07:14,981 --> 00:07:18,981
I'm here about my power.

103
00:07:41,864 --> 00:07:45,863
Take a seat.

104
00:07:48,065 --> 00:07:51,464
So what can you do?

105
00:07:51,465 --> 00:07:53,864
Er...

106
00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:56,625
Anyone who touches me,

107
00:07:56,626 --> 00:07:58,105
they want to shag me.

108
00:07:58,106 --> 00:08:02,105
super-horny or something.

109
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:05,545
I can see how that
would be a problem.

110
00:08:05,546 --> 00:08:09,546
How much do you want for it?

111
00:08:09,827 --> 00:08:13,826
I don't want anything,
I...just want it gone.

112
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:18,027
Can you do that?

113
00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:22,907
That's why I'm here.

114
00:08:23,708 --> 00:08:25,827
You won't use it on anyone, will you?

115
00:08:25,828 --> 00:08:29,148
I can't use the powers
while I'm holding them.

116
00:08:29,149 --> 00:08:30,668
What will you do with it, then?

117
00:08:30,669 --> 00:08:34,668
That's not your problem.

118
00:08:35,790 --> 00:08:37,869
Look...

119
00:08:37,870 --> 00:08:41,869
..I can give you your life back.

120
00:08:42,270 --> 00:08:46,270
That's what you want, right? >

121
00:08:47,511 --> 00:08:51,510
Give me your hand.

122
00:09:57,758 --> 00:10:01,757
It's all there.

123
00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:31,080
Hi.
Hi.

124
00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:32,800
I don't want you to freak out...

125
00:10:32,801 --> 00:10:36,281
Why would I...

126
00:10:36,282 --> 00:10:40,081
There's this guy. I went to see him.
He took my power.

127
00:10:40,082 --> 00:10:41,841
How?

128
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:44,762
He touched me. It's gone.

129
00:10:44,763 --> 00:10:46,642
What's he going to do with it?

130
00:10:46,643 --> 00:10:48,042
I don't know.

131
00:10:48,043 --> 00:10:52,042
Doesn't matter. It's gone.

132
00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:56,723
I want to be able to touch you.

133
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:03,524
I want it to be like it was.

134
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:09,044
We had great sex.

135
00:11:09,405 --> 00:11:13,405
I miss having sex with you.

136
00:11:14,686 --> 00:11:18,685
Kiss me.

137
00:11:19,686 --> 00:11:21,685
# ..when my baby

138
00:11:21,686 --> 00:11:25,686
# When my baby comes home

139
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:32,687
# He said not to worry

140
00:11:32,688 --> 00:11:35,607
# Don't sit by the phone

141
00:11:35,608 --> 00:11:38,407
# Soon I'll be home, baby

142
00:11:38,408 --> 00:11:41,647
# You'll never be alone

143
00:11:41,648 --> 00:11:44,648
# I expect to see him

144
00:11:44,649 --> 00:11:47,008
# Sometime today

145
00:11:47,009 --> 00:11:49,888
# I know my baby

146
00:11:49,889 --> 00:11:53,129
# Is never going away... #

147
00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:58,089
Doesn't matter.

148
00:11:58,090 --> 00:12:00,449
Simon...

149
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:04,450
..look at me.

150
00:12:05,611 --> 00:12:08,450
He was much better than me,
wasn't he?

151
00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:12,451
No... It was different.

152
00:12:16,532 --> 00:12:20,091
I hate thinking about
you being with him.

153
00:12:20,092 --> 00:12:22,332
It was you!

154
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:25,812
You're the same person.

155
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:29,812
Except he's much better than me,
isn't he?

156
00:12:36,334 --> 00:12:40,333
You'll always love him
more than you love me.

157
00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:46,414
Simon...

158
00:13:27,619 --> 00:13:31,619
How are you doing that? >

159
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:41,140
I'm Jesus Christ...

160
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:43,980
..and I have been reborn.

161
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:18,668
I want to be there for you,
you and the baby.

162
00:14:18,669 --> 00:14:19,989
Have you got any money?

163
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:22,029
I'm not being funny,
you look seriously poor.

164
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:25,949
Maybe I'm a multimillionaire who just
chooses to live in the community centre.

165
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,109
And are you?

166
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:31,110
No. That would be ridiculous!

167
00:14:34,231 --> 00:14:38,230
40, 60...

168
00:14:38,631 --> 00:14:41,591
1.67. Oh!

169
00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:44,111
1.68.

170
00:14:44,112 --> 00:14:47,231
That's everything I have
in the entire world. Take it.

171
00:14:47,232 --> 00:14:49,912
I want you to have it.

172
00:14:49,913 --> 00:14:53,912
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

173
00:14:53,953 --> 00:14:57,952
Actually, can I just get
50p back for a Kit-Kat?

174
00:15:02,634 --> 00:15:04,033
Oh, Jesus!

175
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:05,233
What's wrong?

176
00:15:05,234 --> 00:15:07,353
The baby's on my bladder.
I pissed myself.

177
00:15:07,354 --> 00:15:08,754
Oh. Don't worry about it.

178
00:15:08,755 --> 00:15:12,554
I've pissed and shit myself
more times than I can remember.

179
00:15:12,555 --> 00:15:16,554
Me too.

180
00:15:24,676 --> 00:15:27,235
I'll be right with you.
Hiya. You must be Barry?

181
00:15:27,236 --> 00:15:29,956
Nathan's told me so much about you.

182
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,596
Phew!

183
00:15:36,597 --> 00:15:38,437
Who's she?

184
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:39,917
He took her power.

185
00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:42,037
So how much did she get for it?

186
00:15:42,038 --> 00:15:44,557
Nothing.
She wanted to get rid of it.

187
00:15:44,558 --> 00:15:46,197
She can touch people.

188
00:15:46,198 --> 00:15:50,198
I can touch her.

189
00:15:51,319 --> 00:15:52,358
We had sex.

190
00:15:52,359 --> 00:15:56,358
Ah! So you finally get to
sample the goods, and they're...

191
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:00,039
Not as advertised?

192
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,839
Is she one of those girls with really
long pubes, down to her knees?

193
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:04,679
No.

194
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,479
No.
Has she got an extroverted vagina?

195
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,960
Because they can fix that
in an operation, man!

196
00:16:08,961 --> 00:16:10,280
I was shit.

197
00:16:10,281 --> 00:16:11,680
Oh!

198
00:16:11,681 --> 00:16:15,360
So you're after some sex tips
from a far more experienced lover!

199
00:16:15,361 --> 00:16:16,560
Two words.

200
00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:18,481
Fisherman's Friend.

201
00:16:18,482 --> 00:16:20,761
Isn't that a cough sweet?

202
00:16:20,762 --> 00:16:24,281
You pop one of those bad boys in your
mouth and then you head due south

203
00:16:24,282 --> 00:16:26,561
and you pleasure her, orally.

204
00:16:26,562 --> 00:16:29,962
And it's the menthol.
She'll feel like her pussy's on fire.

205
00:16:29,963 --> 00:16:31,762
Huh?

206
00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:35,682
Ah, I always keep some on me,
just in case I'm required to perform.

207
00:16:35,683 --> 00:16:37,283
Go on.

208
00:16:37,284 --> 00:16:38,523
That's for you.

209
00:16:38,524 --> 00:16:42,523
I think that young lady is going
to have a very merry Christmas!

210
00:16:43,964 --> 00:16:45,763
I'll tell you something else, man,

211
00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:49,764
if the girl's pregnant,
it makes the baby kick like a nutter!

212
00:16:52,405 --> 00:16:56,404
See you, man.

213
00:17:03,486 --> 00:17:07,486
Hi.

214
00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:17,287
So, what have you got?

215
00:17:17,288 --> 00:17:19,167
Immortality.

216
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:23,167
So that's off the A list.

217
00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:27,088
How much d'you want for it?

218
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,368
I will not settle for a penny less...

219
00:17:29,369 --> 00:17:33,368
than one million pounds.

220
00:17:33,849 --> 00:17:37,849
# EARTHA KITT: Santa, Baby

221
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:44,409
What's this?

222
00:17:44,410 --> 00:17:47,810
That's two grand,
for you and the baby.

223
00:17:47,811 --> 00:17:51,690
Yeah, it should've been more, but I
got really beaten down on the price.

224
00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:53,290
How did you get it?

225
00:17:53,291 --> 00:17:55,530
Did you suck off
some fat German tourist?

226
00:17:55,531 --> 00:17:59,531
No! No. I sold my immortality.

227
00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:01,651
What?

228
00:18:01,652 --> 00:18:05,652
It's a long and
totally ridiculous story.

229
00:18:05,733 --> 00:18:09,732
I am here to help you change your
life today, right now, this moment.

230
00:18:10,573 --> 00:18:13,412
I know what it's like
living on this estate.

231
00:18:13,413 --> 00:18:16,573
I know what it's like to feel
disappointment, to feel pain,

232
00:18:16,574 --> 00:18:18,413
to feel angry...
What's all this?

233
00:18:18,414 --> 00:18:20,773
Our Lord, Jesus Christ,
has risen again.

234
00:18:20,774 --> 00:18:21,853
Right.

235
00:18:21,854 --> 00:18:23,573
Good for him.

236
00:18:23,574 --> 00:18:26,214
- It's nice he's come back in time
for Christmas. - Yeah.

237
00:18:26,215 --> 00:18:29,894
I promise I will change your lives
forever, this day, this moment.

238
00:18:29,895 --> 00:18:32,534
Give us the money. Do it!

239
00:18:32,535 --> 00:18:35,455
I know what it's like to...

240
00:18:35,456 --> 00:18:39,175
Did no-one ever tell you
that stealing is a sin?

241
00:18:39,176 --> 00:18:41,935
Who are you?
I'm Jesus Christ.

242
00:18:41,936 --> 00:18:48,776
- Yeah? Well, I need to score, so you're
getting robbed. - I don't think so.

243
00:18:59,818 --> 00:19:03,817
It's another miracle!

244
00:19:04,058 --> 00:19:07,778
You need to do
some serious repenting.

245
00:19:07,779 --> 00:19:10,578
If you wish to enter
the Kingdom of Heaven,

246
00:19:10,579 --> 00:19:14,579
you must give generously, so that
we can spread the word of our Lord.

247
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:21,259
Spread.

248
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,581
It's so weird that I can do this.

249
00:19:37,582 --> 00:19:39,061
How does it feel?

250
00:19:39,062 --> 00:19:42,461
It's so nice not to have
to think about it anymore.

251
00:19:42,462 --> 00:19:44,302
Maybe we'd all be better off
without them.

252
00:19:44,303 --> 00:19:45,382
What're you saying?

253
00:19:45,383 --> 00:19:49,302
I'm saying this random teleporting
all over the place,

254
00:19:49,303 --> 00:19:50,942
it's a pain in the arse.

255
00:19:50,943 --> 00:19:53,302
What has any of us
actually achieved with our powers?

256
00:19:53,303 --> 00:19:54,943
Apart from saving all our lives?

257
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:57,223
We wouldn't need saving
if it wasn't for the powers.

258
00:19:57,224 --> 00:19:59,183
We don't need to be caught up
in this bullshit.

259
00:19:59,184 --> 00:20:02,703
D'you think it's all right
to just flog our powers like that?

260
00:20:02,704 --> 00:20:05,224
I don't know if you've noticed, but
we're not exactly living the dream.

261
00:20:05,225 --> 00:20:08,024
You always hated hearing
what people thought about you.

262
00:20:08,025 --> 00:20:09,424
That's because most people
are two-faced dickheads.

263
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:10,984
I think we should see this guy.

264
00:20:10,985 --> 00:20:14,985
See how much he offers us.

265
00:20:17,786 --> 00:20:21,785
Look, it's worth
having a conversation.

266
00:20:23,747 --> 00:20:27,746
All right.

267
00:20:37,348 --> 00:20:39,747
What're you doing here?

268
00:20:39,748 --> 00:20:41,827
I wanted to know what he was doing
with the powers. Why are you here?

269
00:20:41,828 --> 00:20:44,268
20 fucking grand!

270
00:20:44,269 --> 00:20:45,668
You sold your powers?

271
00:20:45,669 --> 00:20:46,668
Yeah, mate.

272
00:20:46,669 --> 00:20:49,868
Yeah, mate. You shouldn't be doing this.
We were given them for a reason.

273
00:20:49,869 --> 00:20:50,348
And what reason's that?

274
00:20:50,349 --> 00:20:53,189
- And what reason's that? - I'll give you
20,000 reasons for getting rid of 'em.

275
00:20:53,190 --> 00:20:54,509
It's like in Superman II,

276
00:20:54,510 --> 00:20:57,749
when Superman gives up his powers
so he could be with Lois Lane.

277
00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:59,229
And?

278
00:20:59,230 --> 00:21:00,749
General Zod took over the world!

279
00:21:00,750 --> 00:21:03,430
That's totally relevant,
except there ain't no General Zod,

280
00:21:03,431 --> 00:21:06,350
and that's 20,000.

281
00:21:06,351 --> 00:21:10,350
Later.

282
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:13,751
I just want us
to be a normal couple.

283
00:21:13,752 --> 00:21:16,071
I don't think we ever can be.

284
00:21:16,072 --> 00:21:19,351
Yeah, but...
You don't need to be invisible.

285
00:21:19,352 --> 00:21:21,992
You're not that person anymore.

286
00:21:21,993 --> 00:21:25,072
You've moved on. We've all moved on.

287
00:21:25,073 --> 00:21:29,072
It's part of who I am.

288
00:21:30,033 --> 00:21:34,033
You told me we should do this.

289
00:21:34,274 --> 00:21:37,353
Are you from the future?

290
00:21:37,354 --> 00:21:38,953
I told you we should
give up our powers?

291
00:21:38,954 --> 00:21:40,153
Yeah.

292
00:21:40,154 --> 00:21:44,154
We're supposed to do this.

293
00:21:58,956 --> 00:22:02,956
Are you buying or selling?

294
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:26,439
Coming to bed?

295
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:30,039
This is part of the sex.
You just need some practice.

296
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,480
It's how you get good.

297
00:22:33,481 --> 00:22:37,400
# Oh, happy day

298
00:22:37,401 --> 00:22:40,120
# Oh, happy day

299
00:22:40,121 --> 00:22:42,321
# Oh, happy day

300
00:22:42,322 --> 00:22:44,681
# When Jesus washed

301
00:22:44,682 --> 00:22:46,521
# When Jesus washed

302
00:22:46,522 --> 00:22:49,841
# Oh, when he washed

303
00:22:49,842 --> 00:22:51,002
# When he washed

304
00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:52,882
# When Jesus washed

305
00:22:52,883 --> 00:22:54,522
# When Jesus washed

306
00:22:54,523 --> 00:22:56,042
# He washed my sins away

307
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:57,362
#Oh, happy day

308
00:22:57,363 --> 00:22:59,522
# Oh, happy day

309
00:22:59,523 --> 00:23:01,523
# Oh, happy day

310
00:23:01,524 --> 00:23:05,523
# When Jesus washed

311
00:23:05,724 --> 00:23:07,203
# When Jesus washed

312
00:23:07,204 --> 00:23:09,723
# Oh, when he washed

313
00:23:09,724 --> 00:23:11,724
# When Jesus washed

314
00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:13,324
# When Jesus washed

315
00:23:13,325 --> 00:23:14,924
# When Jesus washed

316
00:23:14,925 --> 00:23:16,884
# He washed my sins away

317
00:23:16,885 --> 00:23:18,164
# Oh, happy day

318
00:23:18,165 --> 00:23:19,765
# Oh, happy day

319
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:20,885
# Oh, happy day

320
00:23:20,886 --> 00:23:22,045
# It's a happy day

321
00:23:22,046 --> 00:23:26,045
# He taught me how to watch

322
00:23:31,967 --> 00:23:35,526
# Fight and pray

323
00:23:35,527 --> 00:23:39,407
# Fight and pray

324
00:23:39,408 --> 00:23:43,407
# And he'll rejoice

325
00:23:44,608 --> 00:23:48,607
# In things we say

326
00:23:49,529 --> 00:23:51,488
# Things we say

327
00:23:51,489 --> 00:23:55,088
# Oh, happy day

328
00:23:55,089 --> 00:23:57,568
# Oh happy day

329
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:59,569
# Oh, happy day

330
00:23:59,570 --> 00:24:01,369
# Oh, happy day

331
00:24:01,370 --> 00:24:02,889
# Oh, happy day

332
00:24:02,890 --> 00:24:05,329
# Oh, happy day

333
00:24:05,330 --> 00:24:08,289
# Oh, happy day

334
00:24:08,290 --> 00:24:12,250
# Oh, happy day, oh, happy day

335
00:24:12,251 --> 00:24:16,250
# Oh, happy day, oh, happy day

336
00:24:16,931 --> 00:24:19,771
# Oh, happy day, oh, oh, yeah

337
00:24:19,772 --> 00:24:23,411
# Oh, happy day, oh, happy day

338
00:24:23,412 --> 00:24:27,411
# Oh, happy day... #

339
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,412
Jesus?

340
00:24:37,413 --> 00:24:41,413
Hi.

341
00:24:51,295 --> 00:24:55,294
Is that really the best you can do?

342
00:24:56,975 --> 00:24:59,135
I'll break it down for you.

343
00:24:59,136 --> 00:25:02,295
Do you want to go to heaven,

344
00:25:02,296 --> 00:25:06,255
or d'you want to burn in hell
for all eternity? Hm.

345
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:07,615
That's all they had to give.

346
00:25:07,616 --> 00:25:11,616
If they won't give willingly,
you take it from them.

347
00:25:12,257 --> 00:25:16,256
You said robbing people was wrong.

348
00:25:17,497 --> 00:25:21,497
Now you're doing it for God, it's OK.

349
00:25:23,658 --> 00:25:27,658
Go forth unto the world,
and bring me some money!

350
00:25:49,141 --> 00:25:53,140
Chin chin! Here's to life.

351
00:26:00,422 --> 00:26:04,381
So now you're going travelling, suddenly
you're all cool about giving out free drinks?

352
00:26:04,382 --> 00:26:06,581
I am so looking forward to not
having to listen to your shit.

353
00:26:06,582 --> 00:26:10,582
I'll miss you, too.

354
00:26:15,663 --> 00:26:16,983
What?

355
00:26:16,984 --> 00:26:18,743
You look amazing.

356
00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:20,263
Do you think so?

357
00:26:20,264 --> 00:26:23,783
Yeah, well classy.

358
00:26:23,784 --> 00:26:25,703
The woman in the shop
thought I was shoplifting.

359
00:26:25,704 --> 00:26:28,184
Got my wad of cash out.
She looked proper sick.

360
00:26:28,185 --> 00:26:30,264
Should've seen her.

361
00:26:30,265 --> 00:26:33,264
Set me up.

362
00:26:33,265 --> 00:26:34,664
So where are you going first?

363
00:26:34,665 --> 00:26:37,305
Thailand. We fly to Bangkok,
then we hit the beaches.

364
00:26:37,306 --> 00:26:41,305
D'you think you might have a go
on one of those Thai lady boys?

365
00:26:41,466 --> 00:26:43,545
Yeah. I see that happening.

366
00:26:43,546 --> 00:26:46,666
You may not know until it's too late.
I didn't have a clue, man.

367
00:26:46,667 --> 00:26:48,066
Have you been to Thailand?

368
00:26:48,067 --> 00:26:50,986
No. I met this little fella
at a party on the estate.

369
00:26:50,987 --> 00:26:52,906
What, and you went with him?

370
00:26:52,907 --> 00:26:55,947
Let's just say,
I didn't not go with him.

371
00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:58,947
I was very drunk, and he had his cock
and balls taped into his arse crack.

372
00:26:58,948 --> 00:27:02,947
From where I was kneeling,
it looked like a bald little pussy.

373
00:27:04,988 --> 00:27:08,628
Can I get you something?
Empty the till and the safe!

374
00:27:08,629 --> 00:27:10,228
Yeah, good one, mate.

375
00:27:10,229 --> 00:27:13,748
What the fuck are you doing?!

376
00:27:13,749 --> 00:27:18,989
Just give us the money. Do it!
All right.

377
00:27:18,990 --> 00:27:20,749
And the safe.

378
00:27:20,750 --> 00:27:22,789
They don't trust me with
the keys to the safe.

379
00:27:22,790 --> 00:27:24,429
That's because you're always
giving people free drinks.

380
00:27:24,430 --> 00:27:26,510
Back off!
Move!

381
00:27:26,511 --> 00:27:30,510
Give us your money!
Give us your cash!

382
00:27:34,471 --> 00:27:35,471
Where's yours?

383
00:27:35,472 --> 00:27:37,831
I haven't got any.
I never have any. Ask anyone.

384
00:27:37,832 --> 00:27:38,951
Hand it over.

385
00:27:38,952 --> 00:27:40,231
Just give him the money!

386
00:27:40,232 --> 00:27:41,951
No. That's for Marnie and the baby!

387
00:27:41,952 --> 00:27:44,591
Do you think I'm joking?

388
00:27:44,592 --> 00:27:47,512
Actually,
I really couldn't give a fuck.

389
00:27:47,513 --> 00:27:49,192
Back off!

390
00:27:49,193 --> 00:27:51,512
Go ahead.

391
00:27:51,513 --> 00:27:55,153
Shoot me!

392
00:27:55,154 --> 00:27:57,553
I'm immortal!

393
00:27:57,554 --> 00:28:01,193
No, you're not.

394
00:28:01,194 --> 00:28:05,194
Nikki!

395
00:28:08,435 --> 00:28:12,434
Someone call an ambulance!

396
00:28:18,476 --> 00:28:21,555
Is she breathing?

397
00:28:21,556 --> 00:28:25,556
Nikki!

398
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,680
I'm going to get my power back.
I'm going to turn back time.

399
00:29:06,521 --> 00:29:10,520
I'm going to save her.

400
00:29:11,481 --> 00:29:14,041
I knew there was
something up with that lad.

401
00:29:14,042 --> 00:29:18,041
If I'd had my power,
I could've stopped it.

402
00:29:20,802 --> 00:29:24,802
If I die, I won't be there
for Marnie and the baby.

403
00:29:32,843 --> 00:29:36,443
I can't go back to being like that.

404
00:29:36,444 --> 00:29:40,443
I'm sorry.

405
00:30:00,246 --> 00:30:02,205
I need my power back.

406
00:30:02,206 --> 00:30:04,406
That's not going to be possible.

407
00:30:04,407 --> 00:30:05,926
What're you talking about?

408
00:30:05,927 --> 00:30:07,126
I don't have it.

409
00:30:07,127 --> 00:30:08,166
What d'you mean, you don't have it?

410
00:30:08,167 --> 00:30:10,526
I sold it to an old Jewish guy.

411
00:30:10,527 --> 00:30:14,527
He said he wanted to
rewind time and kill Hitler.

412
00:30:14,848 --> 00:30:16,567
You've got to admire his ambition.

413
00:30:16,568 --> 00:30:18,807
My girlfriend's dead.
I need my power.

414
00:30:18,808 --> 00:30:20,527
C'mon, man!

415
00:30:20,528 --> 00:30:24,168
I'm sorry about your girlfriend,
but I can't help you.

416
00:30:24,169 --> 00:30:26,528
What about the rest of our powers?

417
00:30:26,529 --> 00:30:28,048
We're gonna need those back, too.

418
00:30:28,049 --> 00:30:30,568
They're still available, at a price.

419
00:30:30,569 --> 00:30:34,489
How much?

420
00:30:34,490 --> 00:30:38,009
Shall we say 40,000, each.

421
00:30:38,010 --> 00:30:40,289
You only paid us 20 grand!

422
00:30:40,290 --> 00:30:43,570
What, you got 20,000 for your power?

423
00:30:43,571 --> 00:30:45,130
Yeah. How much did you get?

424
00:30:45,131 --> 00:30:47,610
We don't need to get into that now.

425
00:30:47,611 --> 00:30:48,890
You robbed me, you bastard!

426
00:30:48,891 --> 00:30:51,771
You all agreed a price
you were happy to sell at.

427
00:30:51,772 --> 00:30:55,771
I didn't think it through,
so legally, it's still mine.

428
00:30:57,772 --> 00:31:01,772
You get me my power.

429
00:31:01,893 --> 00:31:05,892
It's not going to happen.

430
00:31:08,093 --> 00:31:11,773
You either get him his power back,
or I start kicking you in the balls.

431
00:31:11,774 --> 00:31:15,773
Yeah, I've seen her do it.
You won't enjoy it one little bit.

432
00:31:16,934 --> 00:31:20,934
I really wouldn't do
that if I were you.

433
00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:26,334
Him?
Are you for real?

434
00:31:26,335 --> 00:31:28,254
He couldn't fuck his way
out of a paper bag, mate.

435
00:31:28,255 --> 00:31:32,255
Look at him. He's got the body of a small,
malnourished, prepubescent child.

436
00:31:35,216 --> 00:31:38,135
Oh? Hey there, little fella...

437
00:31:38,136 --> 00:31:42,136
Argh!

438
00:31:48,657 --> 00:31:52,577
Open the fucking door!
Open the fuck...

439
00:31:52,578 --> 00:31:54,657
Open it!

440
00:31:54,658 --> 00:31:58,657
What're you gonna do?

441
00:32:03,259 --> 00:32:07,258
Argh. I think he broke a rib.

442
00:32:30,302 --> 00:32:32,341
Hi.

443
00:32:32,342 --> 00:32:35,981
Fuck off.

444
00:32:35,982 --> 00:32:38,381
That wasn't very friendly.

445
00:32:38,382 --> 00:32:40,622
What do you want?

446
00:32:40,623 --> 00:32:43,062
I just want to chat.
I'm Jesus.

447
00:32:43,063 --> 00:32:47,062
I know you. The guy who takes
the powers. You were there.

448
00:32:48,823 --> 00:32:52,663
You got me.

449
00:32:52,664 --> 00:32:53,983
You're very pretty.

450
00:32:53,984 --> 00:32:57,983
That's original.

451
00:32:58,024 --> 00:33:02,024
I want to fuck your brains out.

452
00:33:04,185 --> 00:33:08,184
Come on, let's go.

453
00:33:12,546 --> 00:33:16,225
Jesus?

454
00:33:16,226 --> 00:33:19,706
I, er... I shot someone.

455
00:33:19,707 --> 00:33:21,026
You did what?

456
00:33:21,027 --> 00:33:23,386
I didn't mean to.

457
00:33:23,387 --> 00:33:27,386
She's dead.

458
00:33:31,268 --> 00:33:35,267
You've got my power.

459
00:33:41,869 --> 00:33:43,908
She was just a girl.

460
00:33:43,909 --> 00:33:45,628
I killed her!

461
00:33:45,629 --> 00:33:49,629
Are you sorry?

462
00:33:50,150 --> 00:33:54,149
Then God forgives you.

463
00:33:54,550 --> 00:33:58,350
Seriously?
Just like that?

464
00:33:58,351 --> 00:34:01,470
Just like that.
Everything bad you've ever done.

465
00:34:01,471 --> 00:34:05,470
All the stealing,
drugs and masturbating.

466
00:34:09,512 --> 00:34:13,511
Don't worry about it.
You're forgiven!

467
00:34:18,113 --> 00:34:22,112
Off you go, then.

468
00:34:44,515 --> 00:34:48,515
Alisha? What is it? What happened?

469
00:34:48,556 --> 00:34:49,995
I lied to you.

470
00:34:49,996 --> 00:34:53,995
You never said we were
supposed to give up our powers.

471
00:34:56,756 --> 00:35:00,756
But I just wanted us to be normal.

472
00:35:01,797 --> 00:35:03,476
You shouldn't have done that.

473
00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:07,477
Sorry!

474
00:35:08,038 --> 00:35:12,037
We started this,
and now Nikki's dead.

475
00:35:12,518 --> 00:35:13,917
It's OK.

476
00:35:13,918 --> 00:35:17,918
No, it's not OK.

477
00:35:18,519 --> 00:35:21,718
What is it?

478
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,478
There's a guy calling himself Jesus.

479
00:35:25,479 --> 00:35:29,479
He's got my power.
He used it on me.

480
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:31,199
Did you...?

481
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:35,199
No. I got away,

482
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,040
but the boy who robbed the
bar, he was there, and...

483
00:35:38,041 --> 00:35:42,040
I think the Jesus guy
put him up to it.

484
00:35:44,721 --> 00:35:48,001
Where're you going?

485
00:35:48,002 --> 00:35:50,521
I'm going to kill Jesus.

486
00:35:50,522 --> 00:35:54,521
I'm coming with you.

487
00:36:06,034 --> 00:36:09,273
Ah! Everybody, this is Marnie.

488
00:36:09,274 --> 00:36:09,873
Hi.

489
00:36:09,874 --> 00:36:11,153
Hi.
These are my friends.

490
00:36:11,154 --> 00:36:12,273
I'm not your friend.

491
00:36:12,274 --> 00:36:13,433
She's lying.

492
00:36:13,434 --> 00:36:17,434
The guy who killed Nikki.
He was doing it for Jesus.

493
00:36:29,236 --> 00:36:30,835
Oh, what?

494
00:36:30,836 --> 00:36:32,835
Is that the guy?

495
00:36:32,836 --> 00:36:34,075
Can I help you?

496
00:36:34,076 --> 00:36:37,596
You can't go around pretending
to be Jesus. What's God gonna say?

497
00:36:37,597 --> 00:36:39,556
You haven't even got a beard!

498
00:36:39,557 --> 00:36:41,596
Hey! I gave my life to him.

499
00:36:41,597 --> 00:36:44,476
I went without money and sex.
What a joke!

500
00:36:44,477 --> 00:36:47,317
I preached and prayed,
and no-one gave a shit.

501
00:36:47,318 --> 00:36:49,677
You do a few miracles, everyone
thinks you're the messiah.

502
00:36:49,678 --> 00:36:51,637
Have you seen that lot out there?

503
00:36:51,638 --> 00:36:55,078
I've given their lives....meaning.

504
00:36:55,079 --> 00:36:56,598
I'm sorry. Would you mind

505
00:36:56,599 --> 00:36:58,558
getting her to stop?
That's very distracting.

506
00:36:58,559 --> 00:37:00,238
One of your followers
killed my girlfriend...

507
00:37:00,239 --> 00:37:02,118
You're exploiting the vulnerable.

508
00:37:02,119 --> 00:37:04,719
You're taking money off pupils.
You're sexually assaulting girls.

509
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:07,479
Hey.
That's the Catholic Church for you.

510
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:09,719
He's got a point.
When I was growing up in Ireland,

511
00:37:09,720 --> 00:37:12,399
if the priests weren't fiddling with
you, you were one of the ugly kids.

512
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,400
I'm going to finish you.

513
00:37:35,763 --> 00:37:38,082
We may have done sod all with our
powers, but we never abused them.

514
00:37:38,083 --> 00:37:40,642
We never raped or murdered anyone.

515
00:37:40,643 --> 00:37:43,162
She raped me, and we
killed loads of people.

516
00:37:43,163 --> 00:37:45,043
OK. But we're the good guys.

517
00:37:45,044 --> 00:37:47,563
Every time we get anywhere near him,
he'll just fuck off somewhere else.

518
00:37:47,564 --> 00:37:50,203
We need our powers.
We can use this to buy them back.

519
00:37:50,204 --> 00:37:52,123
And then we're kicking
the shit out of Jesus!

520
00:37:52,124 --> 00:37:56,124
He's not Jesus, all right?

521
00:37:57,205 --> 00:37:59,604
This way.

522
00:37:59,605 --> 00:38:01,324
Should you be carrying
something heavy like this?

523
00:38:01,325 --> 00:38:05,325
I'm fine.

524
00:38:05,806 --> 00:38:07,005
I think that belongs to me.

525
00:38:07,006 --> 00:38:09,245
Come and get it
if you fucking want it.

526
00:38:09,246 --> 00:38:11,125
Back this way, back this way.

527
00:38:11,126 --> 00:38:13,405
If the mountain won't come
to Mohammed...

528
00:38:13,406 --> 00:38:17,406
Now he's starting on the Muslims!

529
00:38:44,450 --> 00:38:48,449
Ah, shit! We've killed Jesus!

530
00:38:52,090 --> 00:38:53,770
Just in case he really is Jesus.

531
00:38:53,771 --> 00:38:56,490
Our Lord has sacrificed himself,
again.

532
00:38:56,491 --> 00:39:00,010
He's not Jesus! He's just a
dickhead with a few super powers.

533
00:39:00,011 --> 00:39:02,170
Super powers?

534
00:39:02,171 --> 00:39:06,171
Do you really expect me
to believe that?

535
00:39:06,212 --> 00:39:07,811
Ah! Did you piss yourself again?

536
00:39:07,812 --> 00:39:11,811
My waters have broken.
The baby's coming... Ow!

537
00:39:15,613 --> 00:39:18,132
What do we do?

538
00:39:18,133 --> 00:39:20,052
Where's the fucking ambulance, mate?

539
00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:22,012
I've called it two times!

540
00:39:26,534 --> 00:39:29,413
You've got
to be fucking kidding me.

541
00:39:29,414 --> 00:39:31,733
Does anyone know anything about
delivering babies,

542
00:39:31,734 --> 00:39:33,294
because I think this is happening
right now...

543
00:39:33,295 --> 00:39:34,054
Hot towels!

544
00:39:34,055 --> 00:39:35,974
Hot towels!
Right!

545
00:39:35,975 --> 00:39:37,454
We haven't got any.

546
00:39:37,455 --> 00:39:38,494
Oh, you're a big fucking help(!)

547
00:39:38,495 --> 00:39:39,974
Where's the ambulance?

548
00:39:39,975 --> 00:39:41,254
- Oh, you're a big fucking help(!)
Where's the ambulance? - It's on its way!

549
00:39:41,255 --> 00:39:42,615
How close is it
to actually coming out?

550
00:39:42,616 --> 00:39:43,615
I don't know.
...How does it feel, baby?

551
00:39:43,616 --> 00:39:45,935
It feels like my cunt's
being ripped apart!

552
00:39:45,936 --> 00:39:48,575
I'm no expert,
but that sounds normal.

553
00:39:48,576 --> 00:39:52,576
Right.
I'm going down for a quick peak.

554
00:39:57,577 --> 00:40:00,976
There's a little baby
coming out of your twat!

555
00:40:00,977 --> 00:40:03,177
Me and Marnie talked about it,

556
00:40:03,178 --> 00:40:05,137
and we want all of you
to be the baby's godparents.

557
00:40:05,138 --> 00:40:06,697
She doesn't even know us.

558
00:40:06,698 --> 00:40:09,337
She hasn't got any other friends,
and neither have I.

559
00:40:09,338 --> 00:40:12,778
I told her there's no-one in the
world I trust more than you guys.

560
00:40:12,779 --> 00:40:14,018
You said that about us?

561
00:40:14,019 --> 00:40:16,938
Well, no, not really.
So what d'you say?

562
00:40:16,939 --> 00:40:19,658
Will you please shut the fuck up?!

563
00:40:19,659 --> 00:40:23,659
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry, baby. Come on. Just push.

564
00:40:35,701 --> 00:40:39,700
Hello!

565
00:40:39,701 --> 00:40:43,701
He looks like me.

566
00:40:52,063 --> 00:40:55,182
Hey, there, little fella.

567
00:40:55,183 --> 00:40:57,182
It's OK. Daddy's here.

568
00:40:57,183 --> 00:41:01,183
# Little donkey, little donkey

569
00:41:03,144 --> 00:41:07,143
# On the dusky road

570
00:41:08,264 --> 00:41:12,264
# Gotta keep on plodding onwards

571
00:41:13,665 --> 00:41:17,664
# With your precious load

572
00:41:18,785 --> 00:41:22,785
# Been a long time, little donkey

573
00:41:23,826 --> 00:41:27,825
# Through the winter's night

574
00:41:28,506 --> 00:41:32,506
# Don't give up now, little donkey

575
00:41:33,747 --> 00:41:37,746
# Bethlehem's in sight

576
00:41:38,747 --> 00:41:42,747
# Ring out the bells tonight

577
00:41:44,228 --> 00:41:48,227
# Bethlehem, Bethlehem

578
00:41:49,468 --> 00:41:53,468
# Follow the star tonight

579
00:41:55,109 --> 00:41:59,108
# Bethlehem, Bethlehem. #

580
00:42:03,790 --> 00:42:05,829
You've seriously lost your cool.

581
00:42:05,830 --> 00:42:09,830
Oh, shut up. It's Christmas.

582
00:42:13,791 --> 00:42:17,790
Sorry, Jesus.

583
00:42:20,912 --> 00:42:23,511
I think I'm having another!
I think I'm having twins!

584
00:42:23,512 --> 00:42:26,231
What?! Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

585
00:42:26,232 --> 00:42:26,951
What is it?

586
00:42:26,952 --> 00:42:28,191
What is it?
You're giving birth to an alien!

587
00:42:28,192 --> 00:42:32,192
Get it out, get it out!

588
00:42:43,154 --> 00:42:47,153
It's the afterbirth, you dickhead!

589
00:43:01,316 --> 00:43:03,155
Anyway, so...

590
00:43:03,156 --> 00:43:07,155
happy Christmas, one and all.

591
00:43:33,479 --> 00:43:34,918
That is a fucking horrible jumper.

592
00:43:34,919 --> 00:43:38,919
Shut up. It was a Christmas present
from Marnie. That's very rude.

593
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,679
Is there any reason why have
to have the same powers as before?

594
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,760
Mine died with that Jesus guy.

595
00:43:49,761 --> 00:43:53,760
He said if we've got the money,
we can take our pick.

596
00:44:05,442 --> 00:44:09,442
OK.

597
00:44:13,323 --> 00:44:17,323
So who's first?

598
00:44:17,924 --> 00:44:21,923
You're all such pussies! I'll do it.

599
00:44:49,367 --> 00:44:53,366
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