1 00:00:02,911 --> 00:00:05,295 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:20,246 --> 00:00:22,021 Look at us, walking to school. 3 00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,023 Walking so fast. A little too fast. 4 00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:25,916 -Let's slow down. -Thank you. 5 00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:28,268 Sorry, I'm just so excited to be working at your school today. 6 00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:30,178 Helping out in the front office. 7 00:00:30,272 --> 00:00:32,514 Doing my once-a-year parent volunteering. 8 00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,108 Once a year seems like one too many times, if you ask me. 9 00:00:35,277 --> 00:00:36,760 It's important to help out. 10 00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:39,354 And also, they make you feel really bad if you don't do it. 11 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,281 But I like it. Hanging out in the office, 12 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,267 copying, stapling, officing. 13 00:00:43,285 --> 00:00:44,951 Hey, we should have a little secret code 14 00:00:45,104 --> 00:00:46,270 to say hi to each other. 15 00:00:46,288 --> 00:00:47,713 -We could wave, like this. -Okay. 16 00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:50,365 Very secret. You sure you're not CIA? 17 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,551 Ugh, I wish Mom could be at school all the time. 18 00:00:52,778 --> 00:00:54,961 Wait, Mom, how many grades would you have to flunk 19 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,280 to be back in my grade? 20 00:00:56,298 --> 00:00:59,116 -I don't know. Thirty? -Okay, get on it. 21 00:00:59,209 --> 00:01:00,893 Linda, good morning. 22 00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:02,544 Good morning to you, Ms. Selbo. 23 00:01:02,712 --> 00:01:05,122 Welcome back to the nerve center of the school. 24 00:01:05,124 --> 00:01:07,066 Or nerd center, with some of these kids. 25 00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,234 -Ha! Aw, nerds. -Yeah. 26 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,236 Anyway, today, I would love your help 27 00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:13,146 -stuffing these envelopes. -All right. 28 00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:15,315 -You need me to copy anything? -No, that's okay. 29 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,225 The last time you volunteered here, you-- 30 00:01:17,394 --> 00:01:19,319 Well, you're kind of a hard button pusher. 31 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,062 -(banging) -Two. Zero. Copy. 32 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,730 Yeah, they just popped right off. 33 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,065 -Those buttons. -Not really. 34 00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:25,417 And, of course, if you want any coffee 35 00:01:25,494 --> 00:01:27,235 from the teachers' lounge, help yourself. 36 00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,329 Before Coach Blevins fills up his 37 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:31,590 "everybody look at me" huge thermos. 38 00:01:31,741 --> 00:01:33,425 Ooh, teachers' lounge coffee. 39 00:01:33,502 --> 00:01:34,985 -Yum. -Well... 40 00:01:35,078 --> 00:01:36,762 So yeah, I'm volunteering today. 41 00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:39,431 -That's great. I'm not. -(laughs nervously) 42 00:01:39,658 --> 00:01:40,674 (humming) 43 00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:43,160 MS. SELBO: And you think Louise Belcher stole it? 44 00:01:43,178 --> 00:01:44,436 -What? -FROND: Yes, I do. 45 00:01:44,588 --> 00:01:47,514 I can't prove she stole the toy. I just know she did. 46 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,182 It's so Louise to take a-- what's it called?-- 47 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,610 the thingy you mash and it shoots up like a missile. 48 00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:53,112 MS. SELBO: A mash missile? 49 00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:55,930 LINDA: My Louise, a thief? Not my Louise. 50 00:01:56,024 --> 00:01:59,267 Maybe my Louise. No, no. Not my Louise. 51 00:01:59,436 --> 00:02:00,935 Well, I'm off to my counseling seminar. 52 00:02:00,955 --> 00:02:02,028 It's on executive function. 53 00:02:02,181 --> 00:02:03,363 And it's a luncheon. 54 00:02:03,515 --> 00:02:04,939 It's an executive function luncheon. 55 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,867 -Gotcha. -But when I'm back this afternoon, 56 00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,444 I'll skillfully question Louise, she'll confess, 57 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,371 and then we can move on with our lives. 58 00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,540 -What if she doesn't confess? -She will 'cause she did it. 59 00:02:13,692 --> 00:02:15,300 And if she doesn't, she still did it. 60 00:02:15,452 --> 00:02:17,043 'Cause I can't file away this incident report 61 00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,453 until I have a name. 62 00:02:18,547 --> 00:02:20,472 Oh, and I put the incident report in this thing. 63 00:02:20,624 --> 00:02:22,699 Did you know we had these? With the little string? 64 00:02:22,718 --> 00:02:24,217 They're fun. 65 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,960 Hey, Bob, I was at the pie place, 66 00:02:26,054 --> 00:02:28,480 Just One of the Pies, and they had a promotion 67 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,056 where people put their business card in a bowl, 68 00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,542 and then they pick one and the winner gets a free lunch. 69 00:02:32,636 --> 00:02:34,211 -You should do that. -Uh, yeah. Maybe. 70 00:02:34,229 --> 00:02:35,654 I could be the first to enter. 71 00:02:35,731 --> 00:02:38,882 Is this your business card that you hand out to people? 72 00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:40,901 Yeah, I mean... it's a little old. 73 00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:42,644 You don't like it? What's the matter with it? 74 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,905 Well, it says "The Handy Hubby." 75 00:02:45,057 --> 00:02:46,481 And "Hubby" is crossed out. 76 00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:49,226 -So it just says "The Handy." -Yeah, well, I was married 77 00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:51,411 when I had those made, then I wasn't. 78 00:02:51,563 --> 00:02:53,397 And-and also, I can't read your phone number. 79 00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:54,915 Yeah, 'cause I changed my phone number 80 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:57,176 and I wrote in a new one, but the pen was smudgy. 81 00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:59,178 You wrote your new number on every card? 82 00:02:59,254 --> 00:03:00,754 Well, I'm not gonna get them reprinted. 83 00:03:00,906 --> 00:03:02,163 We're not all millionaires, Bob. 84 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:04,457 I mean, Teddy, I don't think you want a card 85 00:03:04,609 --> 00:03:07,519 that says "The Handy" and then a phone number written in pen. 86 00:03:07,671 --> 00:03:09,930 -It may be time to get new cards. -It is? 87 00:03:10,006 --> 00:03:11,932 I think they're not expensive nowadays. 88 00:03:12,084 --> 00:03:13,341 You could probably do it online. 89 00:03:13,435 --> 00:03:14,842 Let's do it! You got your laptop? 90 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,178 Oh, I didn't know I was gonna be involved. 91 00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:19,105 I need you, Bob. I need your artistic eyes. 92 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,532 Plus you can help me not get hacked. 93 00:03:20,609 --> 00:03:22,609 -Why would you get hacked? -I don't know. 94 00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:24,611 Oh, wait, it's your laptop. You'd be getting hacked. 95 00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:27,539 -So, are you gonna go get it, or what? -Oh, my God. 96 00:03:27,691 --> 00:03:31,025 LINDA: Frond's already decided Louise stole that kid's toy. 97 00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,211 But did she? 98 00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:34,287 Mmm. That is a good-tasting envelope. 99 00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:36,440 Psst. Hey, Mom. Remember? Our code? 100 00:03:36,458 --> 00:03:38,475 -This means I'm saying hi to you. -Hi, Tina. 101 00:03:38,477 --> 00:03:40,293 I'm going to the nurse's office for a Band-Aid. 102 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,554 I scraped my knee. Skirt life, am I right? 103 00:03:42,706 --> 00:03:43,964 Mm-hmm. Oh. 104 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:45,057 -Uh, back in a sec. -Okay. 105 00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:46,299 -(quietly): Tina. -Yeah? 106 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,951 Listen. I got a question about Louise. 107 00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:49,286 -Hey, guys. -(shushing) 108 00:03:49,304 --> 00:03:50,804 Shh. We're whispering for some reason. 109 00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,898 Fun. Need anything from the bathroom? 110 00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:54,215 Up-bup-bup. Hold on. 111 00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,883 I can give you maybe 30 seconds. 112 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:58,478 Do you two know anything about a mash missile getting stolen? 113 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,964 Oh, yeah. Jason Jeffers' Burobu mash missile. 114 00:04:00,983 --> 00:04:03,483 Wait, Burobu? Like that thing Louise is into? 115 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,302 I thought those were only trading cards. 116 00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:06,745 I think they make different toys, too. 117 00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:08,472 And they might have their own line of salsa. 118 00:04:08,565 --> 00:04:11,083 Oh, boy. Do you think Louise stole it? 119 00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,810 -What? No. -Yeah. No, right? 120 00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:16,146 Yeah, probably not. But, I mean... 121 00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,981 She is a mischievous little minx. 122 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,833 -Yeah. -But no. Probably. 123 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,075 So... you haven't, 124 00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,153 like, seen her with a mash missile 125 00:04:23,171 --> 00:04:25,079 or hiding a mash missile or anything? 126 00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,581 This is definitely past 30 seconds. 127 00:04:26,675 --> 00:04:28,267 I mean, this morning, Gene and I were with Louise 128 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,935 at her locker, and it was pretty empty. 129 00:04:30,086 --> 00:04:31,103 And so was her backpack. 130 00:04:31,254 --> 00:04:32,771 That's good, that's good. 131 00:04:32,922 --> 00:04:34,273 Her backpack was really empty. 132 00:04:34,424 --> 00:04:36,833 Like, man, fourth graders do not get a lot of homework. 133 00:04:36,852 --> 00:04:38,760 -It's coming, fourth graders. It's coming. -(groaning softly) 134 00:04:38,854 --> 00:04:41,855 -Okay. Kids, go. Gene, go. -I already did a little. 135 00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:43,356 Knock, knock. 136 00:04:43,509 --> 00:04:45,600 Hi. I need to borrow Louise a sec. 137 00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:48,361 I just need to give her her... lucky pencil. 138 00:04:48,514 --> 00:04:50,514 You don't have to talk about it this much. 139 00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:52,849 Let's see this quote, unquote lucky pencil. 140 00:04:52,942 --> 00:04:54,200 Listen, I don't know 141 00:04:54,353 --> 00:04:55,852 how else to ask this, so I'm just gonna ask. 142 00:04:55,945 --> 00:04:58,204 Jason Jeffers' Burobu mash missile that went missing. 143 00:04:58,299 --> 00:05:00,132 -You didn't take it, did you? -What? No. 144 00:05:00,283 --> 00:05:01,358 -You're sure? -Yes. 145 00:05:01,451 --> 00:05:03,302 Okay. Then I... believe you. 146 00:05:03,453 --> 00:05:05,362 Well, you should believe me. 147 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:06,638 I'm also slightly hurt you'd think 148 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,456 I'd do that in the first place. 149 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,550 I mean, I'm a spunky kid, but a thief? No, ma'am. 150 00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:13,645 I know, I know. And I was also a spunky kid. 151 00:05:13,722 --> 00:05:16,890 I, uh, borrowed stuff from stores, you know? 152 00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:18,317 I set a few fires, I get it. 153 00:05:18,544 --> 00:05:21,545 -Geez, Mom. -Not big fires. Just small ones. 154 00:05:21,563 --> 00:05:23,380 Well, one got big. But it started small. 155 00:05:23,473 --> 00:05:25,991 The point is, I understand. You can tell me if you did it. 156 00:05:26,218 --> 00:05:27,717 Mom. I'm telling you I didn't do it. 157 00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:30,070 Even though it was Burobu, your favorite thing. 158 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,313 Yeah, I love Burobu. Cards. 159 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,407 But the Burobu mash missile is duh-umb. 160 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:37,243 It has nothing to do with the cards or the world. 161 00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,412 Right. Okay. Too dumb for you to steal. 162 00:05:39,565 --> 00:05:41,656 Wait, why are you asking me this, Mom? 163 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,233 Does someone think I did it? 164 00:05:43,326 --> 00:05:46,327 No. No. No. No. No. 165 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:48,213 Okay, you just said "no" so many times. 166 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:50,240 -I love you. Goodbye. -Hey, you're pushing. 167 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,926 -You're pushing -Go, go-- Hi! She's back. 168 00:05:53,078 --> 00:05:54,519 So Louise is innocent. 169 00:05:54,671 --> 00:05:57,414 But Mr. Frond is gonna try and pin it on her anyway. 170 00:05:57,507 --> 00:05:59,340 Unless... I can prove she's innocent 171 00:05:59,434 --> 00:06:01,175 before Mr. Frond comes back. 172 00:06:01,269 --> 00:06:02,602 Okay. Yeah, that could work. 173 00:06:02,754 --> 00:06:04,696 -You can do this. -Thank you for the encouragement. 174 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:11,111 BOB: So, Mr. Frond thinks Louise stole the mash missile thing? 175 00:06:11,263 --> 00:06:12,429 -Yeah. -BOB: But she didn't. 176 00:06:12,447 --> 00:06:13,521 And I'm gonna prove it. 177 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,265 Right. You keep saying that like that. 178 00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:16,875 But also, it's definitely something 179 00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:18,543 she could have done, right? 180 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,769 No. 181 00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:20,879 I mean, maybe? 182 00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,956 Oh, definitely maybe. But no. 183 00:06:23,108 --> 00:06:25,291 You said it was a Burobu thing, right? She loves Burobu. 184 00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,277 Yeah, but she doesn't like this Burobu thing. 185 00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:28,553 And Tina and Gene said 186 00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,447 that the mash missile wasn't in her locker. 187 00:06:30,465 --> 00:06:32,449 And it wasn't in her backpack, Mr. Quick to Judge. 188 00:06:32,467 --> 00:06:34,134 You know, we're lucky I'm working here today. 189 00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,952 I can crack the case from the inside. 190 00:06:35,971 --> 00:06:38,730 -Um... -Now I just need to get rid of Ms. Selbo. 191 00:06:38,849 --> 00:06:39,898 That doesn't sound good. 192 00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:42,308 Shh. It's fine. Love you. We never spoke. Goodbye. 193 00:06:42,461 --> 00:06:44,310 Back from the teachers' lounge again. 194 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,296 Mmm, coffee, right? So brown. 195 00:06:46,389 --> 00:06:47,964 You sure are staying caffeinated. 196 00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:49,408 Yeah, um, to be honest, 197 00:06:49,635 --> 00:06:52,244 Ms. Selbo, you're looking a little groggy. 198 00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,562 -Oh. That's fun to hear. -Yeah. 199 00:06:54,731 --> 00:06:57,307 I guess I could use some terrible coffee. 200 00:06:57,325 --> 00:06:59,066 Mm-hmm. I'll-I'll watch your desk. 201 00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:01,161 -Okay. -No rush. Take your time. 202 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,813 Drink it there. It's a nice atmosphere. 203 00:07:03,982 --> 00:07:06,091 -Is it? -Uh-huh. (tittering) 204 00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:08,818 Oh, this is a good envelope. 205 00:07:08,837 --> 00:07:12,914 "Burobu mash missile belonging to Jason Jeffers..." Mm. 206 00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,175 "Last Tuesday, recess, on the grass, 207 00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,768 put it down and it was gone." 208 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:18,103 -GENE: Hey, Mom. -Ah! 209 00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:19,271 I just found something I wanted to give you. 210 00:07:19,422 --> 00:07:21,255 -Okay, what? -(blowing kiss) 211 00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:23,275 Yeah, yeah. You, too. "Possible suspects-- 212 00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:26,019 parentheses-- the usual baddies." 213 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,428 Some names. 214 00:07:27,506 --> 00:07:29,506 "Louise hearts Burobu equals Louise did it." 215 00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:32,099 -Unbelievable. -Ooh, that's gritty. 216 00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:33,768 -Gritty coffee. -Crap. 217 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,680 Oh, no (grunting) 218 00:07:36,773 --> 00:07:38,272 And stuff. And st-- 219 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,183 Oh, stuff. Oh, hey, you're back. 220 00:07:40,185 --> 00:07:42,294 Yup. Am I perky enough for you now? 221 00:07:42,445 --> 00:07:43,369 Yeah, sure. 222 00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,446 Okay, I've got some suspects. 223 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:46,965 I need to start eliminating some names. 224 00:07:47,042 --> 00:07:48,300 How do I do that? 225 00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:49,468 Oh! Ms. Selbo? 226 00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,118 You know what I've always wanted to see? 227 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,379 Uh, the list of who's absent and when. 228 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:54,639 You want to see that? 229 00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:57,367 Yeah. I love all that behind-the-scenes stuff. 230 00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,537 -This? Y-You want to see this? -Yeah. Wow. 231 00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:03,464 There's that name. And there's that name. 232 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,483 So interesting. 233 00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:06,376 You're kind of bumming me out, Linda. 234 00:08:06,394 --> 00:08:09,470 Have you never seen interesting things before? 235 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,638 Oh, this looks easy. 236 00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:13,325 Just got to type in my info. Ugh, my name. 237 00:08:13,476 --> 00:08:15,142 I don't have a good business card name. 238 00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,495 What do you mean "good business card name"? 239 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,313 You got a great business card name. Bob Burger? 240 00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,907 It's not Bob-- (sighs) Oh, my God. 241 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,075 Do you want to change your name? 242 00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,502 I don't know. 243 00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:25,245 I bet I'd get more business if my name was, like, 244 00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,488 -Jim Thunder or something. -I'd hire Jim Thunder. 245 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,175 Maybe not to do my taxes. Or do heart surgery. 246 00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:31,901 -But anything else. -BOB: Mmm. 247 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,662 Although, would Jim Thunder be a handyman or something cooler? 248 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,664 Like a bounty hunter. So maybe I could be 249 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,499 -Jim Thunder Bounty Hunter. -(cell phone buzzing) 250 00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,851 -I don't see why not. -Hi, Lin. 251 00:08:40,078 --> 00:08:42,503 The kids on Frond's incident report that aren't Louise, 252 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,581 they were either absent or they have an alibi. 253 00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:46,599 You're allowed to look at the incident report? 254 00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,360 Probably not. But one kid was out sick, 255 00:08:48,436 --> 00:08:51,178 one kid was at a club meeting, another kid had a sports thing. 256 00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,438 What? How do you know all that? 257 00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:53,439 It's all written down. 258 00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:55,258 Also, if Ms. Selbo ever asks you, 259 00:08:55,277 --> 00:08:57,202 I really love filing systems and lists of names. 260 00:08:57,353 --> 00:08:59,704 -Okay... -I'm at a dead end here, Bob. 261 00:08:59,856 --> 00:09:02,782 Well, maybe it's somebody else that liked Burobu? 262 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,267 Or... it's Louise. 263 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,785 Yes. Right, good idea. 264 00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,453 Not Louise. But yes. Burobu people. 265 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,530 Okay, I got to go save our kid. Bye. 266 00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:11,866 All right, bye. I'm doing important stuff, too. 267 00:09:12,702 --> 00:09:14,719 Slow, no bouncies, please and thank you. 268 00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:16,388 (groans) Got all of that one. 269 00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,114 -Attaboy, Rudes! -(Rudy panting) 270 00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:20,392 Hi, kids. Uh, Louise, let's, uh, talk. 271 00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:22,677 -Okay. -Listen, I've been trying to clear you, 272 00:09:22,788 --> 00:09:25,212 but all I'm finding is kids with perfect alibis. 273 00:09:25,307 --> 00:09:26,398 Who else likes Burobu? 274 00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,215 Mom, you're asking the wrong question. 275 00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,794 The mash missile is offensive to Burobu fans. 276 00:09:30,854 --> 00:09:31,811 We hate that thing. 277 00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:34,221 Oh. Maybe a Burobu kid destroyed it. 278 00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:36,800 Maybe they didn't want it. They wanted to murder it. 279 00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:38,651 I don't know, man. I can't think of anyone 280 00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:41,137 who would want to waste their time on that cheap, 281 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,897 stupid, sticky, stinking hunk o' junk. 282 00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:45,141 -COACH BLEVINS: Louise, you're up. -Mom, I got to go. 283 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,752 I have a ball to kick. Also, I'm innocent, by the way. 284 00:09:47,904 --> 00:09:49,312 Oh, yeah, that is a big thermos. 285 00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:52,073 -What? -Oh, nothing. Play balls! 286 00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:53,650 Eh, so many options. 287 00:09:53,743 --> 00:09:56,261 Yeah, I want to say, too many? You know what? 288 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,821 A mechanic gave me a card one time. 289 00:09:57,839 --> 00:10:00,006 He was not a good mechanic, but the card was great. 290 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,583 I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I'm gonna go get it. 291 00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,661 Okay, you want to teach me how to cook 292 00:10:04,663 --> 00:10:06,253 -in case someone comes in? -What? No. 293 00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:07,755 But if they say they need food right now, 294 00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:09,924 -I'll go in there and give it a shot? -Teddy, no. 295 00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,960 Might as well give me your apron, just in case. 296 00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,111 No. No, thank you. 297 00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:15,971 Ha. Got it. Mm-hmm. 298 00:10:15,973 --> 00:10:17,115 Hmm. 299 00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:18,432 Tina and Gene said the mash missile 300 00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:19,767 wasn't in her locker. 301 00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:21,861 And it wasn't in her backpack, Mr. Quick to Judge. 302 00:10:22,013 --> 00:10:23,029 (Linda's voice echoing) 303 00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:24,939 I mean, I guess I could just peek 304 00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:26,607 in Louise's room since I'm here. 305 00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:30,945 Just tilting the door open. Not even going in. 306 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,446 Maybe going in a step or two. 307 00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,634 Please don't let darts hit me in the face. Huh. 308 00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:38,285 LINDA: Okay, checking out the incident report again. 309 00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:39,545 Stuff, stuff, stuff. 310 00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,307 Victim statement. Jason went to lunch. 311 00:10:42,534 --> 00:10:44,534 He ate his peanut butter and honey sandwich. 312 00:10:44,594 --> 00:10:46,386 Then he took his toy out of his locker, 313 00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:48,830 brought it to recess, put it down on the grass, 314 00:10:48,832 --> 00:10:50,464 stepped away, and then it was gone. 315 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,557 Wait a minute. 316 00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:53,559 Peanut butter and honey sandwich. 317 00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:55,469 Sticky fingers. Sticky. 318 00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:57,972 I can't think of anyone who would want to waste their time 319 00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,807 on that cheap, stupid, sticky, stinking hunk o' junk. 320 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,809 (echoing): Sticky, sticky, sticky... 321 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,644 LINDA: How would she know the toy was sticky? 322 00:11:03,738 --> 00:11:05,238 -(gasps) Hi, Bob. -Hey. 323 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,998 So, the thing that went missing was a Burobu 324 00:11:07,075 --> 00:11:08,315 -mash missile, right? -Yeah. 325 00:11:08,484 --> 00:11:10,243 Well, I went into Louise's room. 326 00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:12,078 Did a giant ball roll down and crush you? 327 00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:13,897 Surprisingly, no. 328 00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,415 But on her desk was a Burobu Magazine, 329 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:16,824 and the one page 330 00:11:16,902 --> 00:11:18,401 that was dog-eared in it 331 00:11:18,494 --> 00:11:19,569 had a picture of the Burobu mash missile. 332 00:11:19,587 --> 00:11:21,829 Oh, crap. And she said "sticky" to me. 333 00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,239 -Huh? -It's a long story, 334 00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:25,091 -but it's bad news for Louise. -BOTH: Crap. 335 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,352 Hey, did you ask Linda about the whole Jim Thunder thing? 336 00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:29,354 You're not a Jim Thunder, Teddy. 337 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,009 -Crap. Crap. Crap. -Oh, no, Linda, what's wrong? 338 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,861 Uh, that was my husband. 339 00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:39,422 His... hat fell off. 340 00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:41,941 -Oh. -Yeah. Husbands with their hats. 341 00:11:42,093 --> 00:11:43,201 Stay single, I say. 342 00:11:43,394 --> 00:11:45,595 Well, then. I'm gonna eat my leftover soup. 343 00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:48,431 -Aw. -It's not sad. It's just my lunch. 344 00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:50,283 Oh, is it lunchtime? For the kids, too? 345 00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:51,567 It is. 346 00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:53,360 They need to eat every day, as it turns out. 347 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,863 Be right back. Enjoy your not sad leftover soup. 348 00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,031 It's just regular soup. 349 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,125 -Hey, kids. -Oh, hey, Mom. 350 00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:01,611 I have been saving this seat for you for years. 351 00:12:01,704 --> 00:12:04,113 Would you guys mind if I spoke to Louise privately? 352 00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:05,782 -Okay. -(Gene and Tina grunt) 353 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,966 -Is this good? -A little more. 354 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,451 -(grunts) -She's here one day. 355 00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:09,619 Louise, look. 356 00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:11,287 Now would be a good time to tell me the truth 357 00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:12,622 about taking the mash missile. 358 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:13,565 Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mom. 359 00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:15,308 Why am I still being accused of this? 360 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,310 And also, I told you the truth. 361 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,886 And you can tell it's the truth because it's the truth. 362 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,889 Well, why'd you fold over the page in your Burobu Magazine 363 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,149 with the mash missile on it? 364 00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:24,892 Wait, how do you know about that? 365 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,060 Did you search my room? 366 00:12:26,137 --> 00:12:27,971 -No. Your father did. -What? 367 00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,581 -Did he get booby-trapped? -He didn't, actually. 368 00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:31,416 -Must've been a malfunction. -Wait a minute. 369 00:12:31,643 --> 00:12:33,810 -This is a private conversation. -Sorry, sorry. 370 00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,253 -(both grunting) -First of all, 371 00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:36,829 I'm between booby traps right now. 372 00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:37,981 Second of all, 373 00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,332 I folded that page because of an ad 374 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,484 for the special Slug-i-cane collector's pack. 375 00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:42,761 Not because of a mash missile, 376 00:12:42,988 --> 00:12:44,578 which I keep telling you I didn't steal. 377 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,265 It's getting less private, with all the shouting. 378 00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:49,158 I think we're running out of table here. 379 00:12:49,177 --> 00:12:50,602 -I'm half-cheeking it. -Okay, well. 380 00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:53,679 When you were in PE, you said the mash missile was sticky. 381 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,515 Jason Jeffers ate a peanut butter and honey sandwich 382 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,500 before he took the toy out of his locker. 383 00:12:57,519 --> 00:12:59,760 How would you know if it was sticky unless you took it? 384 00:12:59,854 --> 00:13:01,595 Because his hands are always sticky. 385 00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,172 That's his thing. 386 00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:05,191 Kids in our class literally call him Sticky Sticky Jason. 387 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,785 Louise, I can't tell if you're lying to me, 388 00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:09,862 because now I'm realizing you are really good at lying, 389 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,105 better than I thought, 390 00:13:11,199 --> 00:13:12,348 and I thought you were pretty good at it. 391 00:13:12,441 --> 00:13:14,017 Okay, I think we're done here. 392 00:13:14,019 --> 00:13:15,351 Tina, Gene, storm off with me? 393 00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:16,795 -Oh. Um... -I mean, I was done anyway. 394 00:13:16,946 --> 00:13:19,297 Would the last few bites of my mac 'n' cheese cheer you up? 395 00:13:19,524 --> 00:13:21,190 No. Yeah, maybe. 396 00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:23,468 Hi, Mrs. Belcher. Mac 'n' cheesing it, huh? 397 00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:24,544 Uh-huh. 398 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,471 Everything okay? You look kind of down. 399 00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:27,639 Or maybe you're just looking down 400 00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:29,307 -'cause I'm shorter than you. -(sighs) 401 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:30,867 They think Louise stole the mash missile thing. 402 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,369 -Oh, my. -But she's a good girl, right? 403 00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:35,221 I mean, she's complicated. 404 00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:37,482 It's just if she took it, I don't know where she put it. 405 00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:38,799 It's not in her room, 406 00:13:38,893 --> 00:13:40,301 and Tina and Gene said it's not in her backpack 407 00:13:40,395 --> 00:13:41,894 -or her locker. -Which locker? 408 00:13:42,047 --> 00:13:43,896 -What do you mean? -Louise has two lockers. 409 00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,323 Louise has two lockers? 410 00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,158 Yeah, her regular one, and then her Rudyville locker. 411 00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:48,827 She calls it that because it's near mine. 412 00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,144 Number 158, I want to say? 413 00:13:50,238 --> 00:13:51,478 -(bell ringing) -Ooh, I got to go. 414 00:13:51,573 --> 00:13:54,148 Louise, you sneaky double-locker-haver. 415 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,892 TEDDY: It's okay. 416 00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:56,909 You built it up too much, maybe. 417 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,061 No. It's nice. 418 00:13:58,079 --> 00:13:59,320 It's clean, simple. 419 00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:01,064 -Who wants simple? -Everybody? 420 00:14:01,082 --> 00:14:02,415 No. You know what I get from this? 421 00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:04,250 "I'm a boring mechanic, and I'm dead inside." 422 00:14:04,402 --> 00:14:05,735 You don't get that from this. 423 00:14:05,753 --> 00:14:08,346 I want a card that says, "Hey, world, check me out." 424 00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:10,515 ♪ There's a banana, that could be fun ♪ 425 00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:12,333 No banana. Teddy, that doesn't make any sense. 426 00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:14,077 ♪ Ooh, a lasso border ♪ 427 00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:15,336 ♪ Or a sunglasses sun ♪ 428 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,004 Why would someone have a lasso? 429 00:14:17,098 --> 00:14:18,356 Do cowboys have business cards? 430 00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:21,250 ♪ Yes, cowboys have business cards ♪ 431 00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,086 And Western-wear salespeople. 432 00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:25,271 Wonder Woman. Ted Lasso. Lassie. 433 00:14:25,423 --> 00:14:28,441 ♪ You ridiculous person, less is more ♪ 434 00:14:28,593 --> 00:14:31,110 ♪ Don't be a kid in a candy store ♪ 435 00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:32,762 -Oh, there's candy. -Mm. 436 00:14:32,764 --> 00:14:35,522 ♪ They wouldn't call it a business card ♪ 437 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,192 ♪ If they didn't want you to get busy ♪ 438 00:14:38,286 --> 00:14:42,271 ♪ Your choices are literally making me dizzy ♪ 439 00:14:42,365 --> 00:14:44,716 Also, I don't think you understand "get busy." 440 00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:47,034 -♪ Teddy, what you want is simple ♪ -♪ Snowman, hockey sticks ♪ 441 00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:50,037 -♪ Elegant, clean ♪ -♪ Dreidel, soccer ball, puppy dog ♪ 442 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:53,540 -♪ White space. ♪ -♪ Yin-yang. ♪ 443 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,227 -Hi. Can I order? -Oh, yeah. Sorry. 444 00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,121 LINDA: Mr. Frond's gonna be back soon. 445 00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,806 I got to get inside Louise's second secret locker. 446 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,216 But how do I do that? 447 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,093 Do I get a crowbar? Or some dynamite? 448 00:15:04,095 --> 00:15:05,570 Oh. Or I look in there. 449 00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:07,888 Uh, Ms. Selbo, did you know, 450 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,241 uh, they're giving out free batteries? 451 00:15:10,468 --> 00:15:12,635 In the teachers' lounge? Uh, right now. 452 00:15:12,728 --> 00:15:13,745 -Batteries? -Yup. 453 00:15:13,896 --> 00:15:16,155 Double-A, triple-A's, double-D's. 454 00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:17,564 She's buying it. 455 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,809 Seems like an odd thing to be giving away 456 00:15:19,811 --> 00:15:21,068 in the teachers' lounge. 457 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,161 LINDA: Oh, crap. She's not buying it. 458 00:15:22,313 --> 00:15:23,646 Um, did I say batteries? 459 00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:26,482 I meant, uh, gift cards for, uh, places you like. 460 00:15:26,484 --> 00:15:30,169 That doesn't make any sense, but I do have to pee. 461 00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:32,413 Of course you do. All that coffee? 462 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,082 -Take your time. -I will. Thank you, Linda. 463 00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,353 I love... that we use volunteers. 464 00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:41,940 (mumbling) 465 00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,499 One-- 158! 466 00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,501 Huh. Don't be in Louise's secret locker. 467 00:15:45,594 --> 00:15:47,278 Don't be in Louise's secret locker. 468 00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,262 Oh, nuts. 469 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,031 Louise, no. Oh, my face! 470 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,511 -No, no, no, no. -LOUISE: Mom? 471 00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,438 -What are you doing? -Ah! What are you doing? 472 00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,032 Going to the bathroom. Oh, my God. 473 00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,608 Louise, you lied to me. 474 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,444 Oh, my Louise. Oh, my baby. 475 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,688 What if you get suspended? You're branded. 476 00:16:05,707 --> 00:16:07,448 It'll follow you everywhere. You'll never be president. 477 00:16:07,525 --> 00:16:09,875 -What? Wait, what? -Mama's gonna help you. 478 00:16:10,044 --> 00:16:11,210 No one's gonna know you took it 479 00:16:11,362 --> 00:16:12,453 and hid it in your secret locker. 480 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,138 I mean, yeah, it was my secret locker. 481 00:16:14,365 --> 00:16:15,456 I don't use it anymore. 482 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,383 I want to believe you, but I don't 483 00:16:17,535 --> 00:16:19,368 because you're so good at lying, so I am gonna eat it. 484 00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:20,979 That's what I'll do. I'll eat it. 485 00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,463 -Ooh. Sticky. -Mom. Mom. 486 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,465 (shushing) Mama's here. Mama's gonna help you. 487 00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:27,210 The executive function luncheon wasn't much of luncheon. 488 00:16:27,228 --> 00:16:29,320 Assorted melon and hummus is not lunch. 489 00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:30,637 (gasps) Put it back, put it back. 490 00:16:30,732 --> 00:16:33,307 (sighs) Someone wrote "fart" on this locker. 491 00:16:33,476 --> 00:16:36,235 -Yup. They do that. -Let me see if that'll wipe off. 492 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,312 -(all gasping) -That's on there for good. 493 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,314 Linda. Louise. What's going on? 494 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,815 Louise, why aren't you in class? 495 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,409 -I was going to the bathroom... -I was just taking 496 00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,228 -a little walk. -...and then I saw my mom-- 497 00:16:45,321 --> 00:16:46,729 Phillip, I forgot. Your mom called. 498 00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:50,324 She, uh, really wanted to talk to you about... vitamins. 499 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,734 (groans) Of course. 500 00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:55,013 That's all we talk about. I guess I'll go call her back. 501 00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:56,347 I don't understand. 502 00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:58,016 -Why would you--? -Follow me. 503 00:16:58,167 --> 00:16:59,500 (lock clicks) 504 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,667 Why didn't you bust us? 505 00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:02,245 Even though I'm totally innocent. 506 00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,337 Right, right. Super innocent. 507 00:17:03,431 --> 00:17:04,838 -No, I know. -You know what? 508 00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:08,251 That Louise is innocent, because I took the mash missile. 509 00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,510 -You took it? -Why? 510 00:17:09,604 --> 00:17:11,420 I was at my nephew's birthday party, 511 00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:14,757 and my nephew got that exact same Burobu mash missile. 512 00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,259 Not from me. I-I got him a scented candle. 513 00:17:16,427 --> 00:17:17,610 That's a good present, right? 514 00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,762 -LINDA: Yeah, yeah. -LOUISE: Eh, sure. 515 00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:21,355 SELBO: But there is something wrong with those mash missiles 516 00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:23,023 because kid after kid got hit 517 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,617 in the butter beans by that thing. 518 00:17:24,769 --> 00:17:26,860 Okay, that toy's actually starting to sound pretty fun. 519 00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:28,454 SELBO: Then, a couple days later, I'm playing solitaire 520 00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,456 on an absolute heater, when I hear 521 00:17:30,608 --> 00:17:32,942 Jason in the hall showing off his new mash missile. 522 00:17:33,111 --> 00:17:34,293 I tried to warn him about it, 523 00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:35,945 and he said it was just for show and tell. 524 00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:37,797 He wasn't gonna launch it. But then later, 525 00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:39,540 that little punk brought it to recess 526 00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:41,300 and went to gather a bunch of kids. 527 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,286 I was gonna yell at them a little bit. 528 00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:44,562 I'm allowed to yell at the kids. 529 00:17:44,789 --> 00:17:46,622 But I broke it. I sort of stepped on it. 530 00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:48,791 I might have been pumped up about the yelling. 531 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,218 And I thought, "He's gonna think I did it on purpose," 532 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,236 so I hid it under my shirt. 533 00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:54,572 And I ran, Linda. I ran. 534 00:17:54,723 --> 00:17:57,391 And I was like, "I just stole a toy from a child." 535 00:17:57,485 --> 00:18:00,244 I panicked and hid it in an unassigned locker. 536 00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:01,821 And you were just gonna let me fry for this? 537 00:18:01,973 --> 00:18:03,973 No, I was gonna move it somewhere... 538 00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:05,566 that I haven't figured out yet. 539 00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,401 Or make it explode? Somehow? 540 00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,087 Well, it's nice you didn't want the kids' butter beans 541 00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:10,404 to get hurt, Ms. Selbo, 542 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,923 but you got to come clean to Mr. Frond. 543 00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:13,983 Hell no. I will lose my job. 544 00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:17,077 And I really like having a job. They pay me money. 545 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,171 It's somewhere to go during the day. 546 00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:20,914 Wait, what if we convinced Mr. Frond 547 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,325 that there wasn't a crime? 548 00:18:22,343 --> 00:18:24,176 Because if there's no crime, then there's no time. 549 00:18:24,253 --> 00:18:26,587 -I like it, I like it. -But I broke it. 550 00:18:26,681 --> 00:18:27,997 Actually, it's not broken. 551 00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:29,849 It's just really, really cheap and awful. 552 00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:33,836 Look, you just got to click this in there. 553 00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,614 Louise, look at you. You little non-thieving smartie. 554 00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:37,857 I know. 555 00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:40,343 Okay, I am liking this mock-up. 556 00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:41,677 The little hammers, all around the outside. 557 00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:44,622 The cups-to-ounces conversion chart on the back. 558 00:18:44,773 --> 00:18:46,290 The tic-tac-toe board on the front. 559 00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:48,942 Yup. All the ideas are there. 560 00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,444 They-they all made it on there. 561 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,321 You don't think it's too much, do you? 562 00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,206 I do. I thought I made it very clear 563 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:55,524 that I think it's way too much. 564 00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,618 Maybe you just don't have an artistic eye. 565 00:18:57,712 --> 00:19:00,138 You said you needed my artis-- You know what? Never mind. 566 00:19:00,214 --> 00:19:01,955 Plus a handyman does a lot of stuff. 567 00:19:02,049 --> 00:19:03,457 So I need a lot of stuff. 568 00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:05,885 Hi. Sorry to interrupt. I'm looking for a handyman. 569 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,386 I'd love to take one of your cards. 570 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,539 Oh, no! This is my disgusting old card that I hate now. 571 00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:12,708 Here, uh... imagine all this on here. 572 00:19:12,768 --> 00:19:14,543 Or do you want to take a picture of the screen? 573 00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:17,563 (chuckles) Yeah, that's great. I'll call you. 574 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,489 See, Bob? 575 00:19:18,716 --> 00:19:20,158 Ugh. Everyone is awful. 576 00:19:20,385 --> 00:19:22,309 Bob, I think I know what's going on here. 577 00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,829 You want to make your own card, put Bob Burger on it. 578 00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,056 I mean, a little. Not that name. 579 00:19:27,149 --> 00:19:28,557 Well, if I buy 500 of mine, 580 00:19:28,576 --> 00:19:31,151 I get a discount on the next 500. Eh? 581 00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,337 -Uh, okay. -Ooh. Look at that cactus. 582 00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,581 -That'd be good for a guy who sells-- -(shushing) 583 00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:37,008 Yeah, it was in his locker. 584 00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:38,918 Right in his locker. The whole time. 585 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,327 Isn't that right, Jason? 586 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,254 No. I took it out of my locker. 587 00:19:42,407 --> 00:19:44,015 Did you? 'Cause it was right there. 588 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:47,018 Yeah, Jason, you think someone knew your combination, 589 00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:48,686 opened your locker and put it in there? 590 00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:51,004 'Cause the only people who could do that are myself 591 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,433 and Ms. Selbo, and why on earth would we do such a thing? 592 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,602 -Yeah. -Jason, don't touch that. Ew. 593 00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:59,513 And now there's jelly on Unpopular Parker. 594 00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:00,681 Well, well, well. 595 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,608 Does someone owe someone else 596 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,427 and their volunteer mother an apology? 597 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,112 -Yeah. Mr. Frond does. Oh. -FROND: Sorry... 598 00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:08,948 -I accused-- -(bell ringing) 599 00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,266 Oh, oh. There's the bell. 600 00:20:10,284 --> 00:20:11,358 Bye-bye. Everyone go now. 601 00:20:11,452 --> 00:20:14,027 Well, at least I didn't get fired. 602 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,438 That's good. For me. 603 00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:17,215 And I didn't do time for a crime I didn't commit. 604 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,124 Can save the time for my real crimes. 605 00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,219 -Just kidding. -Uh-oh. End of the day. 606 00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,203 I might not have stuffed some, 607 00:20:23,297 --> 00:20:25,281 or most, or any of the envelopes. 608 00:20:25,299 --> 00:20:26,373 No, you did not. 609 00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:28,784 Louise, I'm sorry I didn't believe you. 610 00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:30,970 And then believed you. And then didn't believe you. 611 00:20:31,122 --> 00:20:32,471 It's okay. 612 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,623 You made up for it by how far you would have gone for me. 613 00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:35,958 Which does make me wonder 614 00:20:36,051 --> 00:20:37,626 how big of a crime you'd commit for your kids. 615 00:20:37,645 --> 00:20:41,221 -Should we test it out? -Yeah. Let's do insider trading. 616 00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,798 -No. -Outsider trading? 617 00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,242 -Okay. -ALL: Yay! 618 00:20:44,393 --> 00:20:47,561 ♪ When you wanna say hello ♪ 619 00:20:47,638 --> 00:20:50,581 ♪ But keep it on the down low ♪ 620 00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:53,233 ♪ Or blow a little kiss ♪ 621 00:20:53,327 --> 00:20:55,494 ♪ She won't wanna miss ♪ 622 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,313 ♪ Well, it's the Flappity Dappity ♪ 623 00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:58,905 ♪ The Flappity Dappity ♪ 624 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,407 ♪ Ooh, the Little Bitty Stinker ♪ 625 00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,075 ♪ The Little Bitty Stinker ♪ 626 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,594 ♪ The Rubber Elbow Double Down ♪ 627 00:21:03,746 --> 00:21:05,337 ♪ The Rubber Elbow Double Down ♪ 628 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,840 -♪ The ESP ♪ -♪ Oh, the ESP ♪ 629 00:21:07,992 --> 00:21:10,601 -♪ The Fake Left, Go Right ♪ -♪ The Fake Left, Go Right ♪ 630 00:21:10,828 --> 00:21:12,511 ♪ The Wiggle Waggle ♪ 631 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,013 -♪ The Wiggle Waggle ♪ -Everybody now! 632 00:21:14,165 --> 00:21:15,606 ♪ Just the Pinkies and the Smoochicane. ♪ 633 00:21:15,716 --> 00:21:16,849 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 634 00:21:17,001 --> 00:21:18,501 and TOYOTA. 635 00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:19,694 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org