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♪ ♪
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Look at us, walking to school.
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Walking so fast.
A little too fast.
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-Let's slow down.
-Thank you.
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Sorry, I'm just so excited to
be working at your school today.
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Helping out in the front office.
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Doing my once-a-year
parent volunteering.
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Once a year seems like one
too many times, if you ask me.
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It's important to help out.
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And also, they make you feel
really bad if you don't do it.
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But I like it.
Hanging out in the office,
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copying, stapling, officing.
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Hey, we should have
a little secret code
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to say hi to each other.
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-We could wave, like this.
-Okay.
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Very secret.
You sure you're not CIA?
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Ugh, I wish Mom could be
at school all the time.
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Wait, Mom, how many grades
would you have to flunk
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to be back in my grade?
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-I don't know. Thirty?
-Okay, get on it.
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Linda, good morning.
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Good morning to you, Ms. Selbo.
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Welcome back to
the nerve center of the school.
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Or nerd center,
with some of these kids.
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-Ha! Aw, nerds.
-Yeah.
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Anyway, today,
I would love your help
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-stuffing these envelopes.
-All right.
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-You need me to copy anything?
-No, that's okay.
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The last time
you volunteered here, you--
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Well, you're kind of
a hard button pusher.
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-(banging)
-Two. Zero. Copy.
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Yeah, they just popped
right off.
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-Those buttons.
-Not really.
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And, of course,
if you want any coffee
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from the teachers' lounge,
help yourself.
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Before Coach Blevins
fills up his
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"everybody look at me"
huge thermos.
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Ooh, teachers' lounge coffee.
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-Yum.
-Well...
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So yeah, I'm volunteering today.
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-That's great. I'm not.
-(laughs nervously)
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(humming)
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MS. SELBO: And you think
Louise Belcher stole it?
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-What?
-FROND: Yes, I do.
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I can't prove she stole the toy.
I just know she did.
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It's so Louise to take a--
what's it called?--
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the thingy you mash
and it shoots up like a missile.
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MS. SELBO:
A mash missile?
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LINDA:
My Louise, a thief?
Not my Louise.
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Maybe my Louise.
No, no. Not my Louise.
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Well, I'm off to
my counseling seminar.
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It's on executive function.
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And it's a luncheon.
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It's an executive
function luncheon.
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-Gotcha.
-But when I'm back
this afternoon,
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I'll skillfully question Louise,
she'll confess,
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and then we can move on
with our lives.
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-What if she doesn't confess?
-She will 'cause she did it.
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And if she doesn't,
she still did it.
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'Cause I can't file away
this incident report
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until I have a name.
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Oh, and I put the incident
report in this thing.
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Did you know we had these?
With the little string?
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They're fun.
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Hey, Bob, I was
at the pie place,
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Just One of the Pies,
and they had a promotion
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where people put
their business card in a bowl,
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and then they pick one and
the winner gets a free lunch.
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-You should do that.
-Uh, yeah. Maybe.
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I could be the first to enter.
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Is this your business card
that you hand out to people?
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Yeah, I mean...
it's a little old.
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You don't like it?
What's the matter with it?
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Well, it says "The Handy Hubby."
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And "Hubby" is crossed out.
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-So it just says "The Handy."
-Yeah, well, I was married
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when I had those made,
then I wasn't.
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And-and also, I can't read
your phone number.
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Yeah, 'cause I changed
my phone number
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and I wrote in a new one,
but the pen was smudgy.
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You wrote your new number
on every card?
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Well, I'm not gonna
get them reprinted.
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We're not all millionaires, Bob.
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I mean, Teddy, I don't think
you want a card
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that says "The Handy" and then
a phone number written in pen.
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-It may be time
to get new cards.
-It is?
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I think they're not
expensive nowadays.
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You could probably do it online.
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Let's do it!
You got your laptop?
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Oh, I didn't know
I was gonna be involved.
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I need you, Bob.
I need your artistic eyes.
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Plus you can help me
not get hacked.
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-Why would you get hacked?
-I don't know.
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Oh, wait, it's your laptop.
You'd be getting hacked.
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-So, are you gonna go
get it, or what?
-Oh, my God.
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LINDA:
Frond's already decided
Louise stole that kid's toy.
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But did she?
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Mmm. That is a good-tasting
envelope.
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Psst. Hey, Mom.
Remember? Our code?
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-This means
I'm saying hi to you.
-Hi, Tina.
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I'm going to the nurse's office
for a Band-Aid.
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I scraped my knee.
Skirt life, am I right?
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Mm-hmm. Oh.
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-Uh, back in a sec.
-Okay.
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-(quietly): Tina.
-Yeah?
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Listen. I got a question
about Louise.
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-Hey, guys.
-(shushing)
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Shh. We're whispering
for some reason.
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Fun. Need anything
from the bathroom?
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Up-bup-bup. Hold on.
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I can give you maybe 30 seconds.
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Do you two know anything about
a mash missile getting stolen?
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Oh, yeah. Jason Jeffers'
Burobu mash missile.
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Wait, Burobu?
Like that thing Louise is into?
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I thought those were only
trading cards.
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I think they make
different toys, too.
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And they might have
their own line of salsa.
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Oh, boy.
Do you think Louise stole it?
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-What? No.
-Yeah. No, right?
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Yeah, probably not.
But, I mean...
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She is a mischievous
little minx.
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-Yeah.
-But no. Probably.
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So... you haven't,
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like, seen her with
a mash missile
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or hiding a mash missile
or anything?
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This is definitely
past 30 seconds.
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I mean, this morning,
Gene and I were with Louise
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at her locker,
and it was pretty empty.
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And so was her backpack.
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That's good, that's good.
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Her backpack was really empty.
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Like, man, fourth graders
do not get a lot of homework.
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-It's coming, fourth graders.
It's coming.
-(groaning softly)
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-Okay. Kids, go. Gene, go.
-I already did a little.
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Knock, knock.
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Hi. I need to borrow
Louise a sec.
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I just need to give her
her... lucky pencil.
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You don't have to talk
about it this much.
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Let's see this
quote, unquote lucky pencil.
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Listen, I don't know
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how else to ask this,
so I'm just gonna ask.
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Jason Jeffers' Burobu
mash missile that went missing.
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-You didn't take it, did you?
-What? No.
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-You're sure?
-Yes.
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Okay. Then I... believe you.
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Well, you should believe me.
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I'm also slightly hurt
you'd think
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I'd do that in the first place.
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I mean, I'm a spunky kid,
but a thief? No, ma'am.
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I know, I know.
And I was also a spunky kid.
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I, uh, borrowed stuff
from stores, you know?
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I set a few fires, I get it.
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-Geez, Mom.
-Not big fires. Just small ones.
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Well, one got big.
But it started small.
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The point is, I understand.
You can tell me if you did it.
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Mom. I'm telling you
I didn't do it.
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Even though it was Burobu,
your favorite thing.
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Yeah, I love Burobu. Cards.
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But the Burobu mash missile
is duh-umb.
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It has nothing to do with
the cards or the world.
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Right. Okay.
Too dumb for you to steal.
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Wait, why are you
asking me this, Mom?
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Does someone think I did it?
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No. No. No. No. No.
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Okay, you just said "no"
so many times.
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-I love you. Goodbye.
-Hey, you're pushing.
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-You're pushing
-Go, go-- Hi! She's back.
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So Louise is innocent.
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But Mr. Frond is gonna try
and pin it on her anyway.
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Unless...
I can prove she's innocent
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before Mr. Frond comes back.
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Okay. Yeah, that could work.
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-You can do this.
-Thank you
for the encouragement.
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BOB:
So, Mr. Frond thinks Louise
stole the mash missile thing?
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-Yeah.
-BOB: But she didn't.
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And I'm gonna prove it.
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Right. You keep saying that
like that.
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But also,
it's definitely something
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she could have done, right?
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No.
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I mean, maybe?
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Oh, definitely maybe. But no.
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You said it was a Burobu thing,
right? She loves Burobu.
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Yeah, but she doesn't like
this Burobu thing.
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And Tina and Gene said
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that the mash missile
wasn't in her locker.
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And it wasn't in her backpack,
Mr. Quick to Judge.
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You know, we're lucky
I'm working here today.
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I can crack the case
from the inside.
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-Um...
-Now I just need
to get rid of Ms. Selbo.
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That doesn't sound good.
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Shh. It's fine. Love you.
We never spoke. Goodbye.
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Back from
the teachers' lounge again.
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Mmm, coffee, right? So brown.
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You sure are staying
caffeinated.
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00:06:48,133 --> 00:06:49,408
Yeah, um, to be honest,
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Ms. Selbo, you're looking
a little groggy.
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00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:54,562
-Oh. That's fun to hear.
-Yeah.
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00:06:54,731 --> 00:06:57,307
I guess I could use
some terrible coffee.
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00:06:57,325 --> 00:06:59,066
Mm-hmm.
I'll-I'll watch your desk.
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00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:01,161
-Okay.
-No rush. Take your time.
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Drink it there.
It's a nice atmosphere.
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-Is it?
-Uh-huh. (tittering)
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Oh, this is a good envelope.
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"Burobu mash missile belonging
to Jason Jeffers..." Mm.
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00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,175
"Last Tuesday, recess,
on the grass,
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00:07:15,327 --> 00:07:16,768
put it down and it was gone."
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-GENE: Hey, Mom.
-Ah!
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00:07:18,330 --> 00:07:19,271
I just found something
I wanted to give you.
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00:07:19,422 --> 00:07:21,255
-Okay, what?
-(blowing kiss)
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Yeah, yeah. You, too.
"Possible suspects--
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parentheses--
the usual baddies."
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Some names.
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"Louise hearts Burobu
equals Louise did it."
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00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:32,099
-Unbelievable.
-Ooh, that's gritty.
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00:07:32,194 --> 00:07:33,768
-Gritty coffee.
-Crap.
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00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,680
Oh, no (grunting)
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And stuff. And st--
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Oh, stuff. Oh, hey, you're back.
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Yup. Am I perky enough
for you now?
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Yeah, sure.
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00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:45,446
Okay, I've got some suspects.
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I need to start
eliminating some names.
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How do I do that?
225
00:07:48,527 --> 00:07:49,468
Oh! Ms. Selbo?
226
00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,118
You know what I've always
wanted to see?
227
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:53,379
Uh, the list of
who's absent and when.
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You want to see that?
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00:07:54,791 --> 00:07:57,367
Yeah. I love all that
behind-the-scenes stuff.
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-This? Y-You want to see this?
-Yeah. Wow.
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00:08:00,630 --> 00:08:03,464
There's that name.
And there's that name.
232
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,483
So interesting.
233
00:08:04,634 --> 00:08:06,376
You're kind of
bumming me out, Linda.
234
00:08:06,394 --> 00:08:09,470
Have you never seen
interesting things before?
235
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:10,638
Oh, this looks easy.
236
00:08:10,732 --> 00:08:13,325
Just got to type in my info.
Ugh, my name.
237
00:08:13,476 --> 00:08:15,142
I don't have
a good business card name.
238
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,495
What do you mean
"good business card name"?
239
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,313
You got a great business
card name. Bob Burger?
240
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:20,907
It's not Bob--
(sighs) Oh, my God.
241
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,075
Do you want to change your name?
242
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,502
I don't know.
243
00:08:23,653 --> 00:08:25,245
I bet I'd get more business
if my name was, like,
244
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,488
-Jim Thunder or something.
-I'd hire Jim Thunder.
245
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:30,175
Maybe not to do my taxes.
Or do heart surgery.
246
00:08:30,326 --> 00:08:31,901
-But anything else.
-BOB: Mmm.
247
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,662
Although, would Jim Thunder be
a handyman or something cooler?
248
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,664
Like a bounty hunter.
So maybe I could be
249
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,499
-Jim Thunder Bounty Hunter.
-(cell phone buzzing)
250
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,851
-I don't see why not.
-Hi, Lin.
251
00:08:40,078 --> 00:08:42,503
The kids on Frond's incident
report that aren't Louise,
252
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,581
they were either absent
or they have an alibi.
253
00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:46,599
You're allowed to look
at the incident report?
254
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:48,360
Probably not.
But one kid was out sick,
255
00:08:48,436 --> 00:08:51,178
one kid was at a club meeting,
another kid had a sports thing.
256
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,438
What? How do you know all that?
257
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:53,439
It's all written down.
258
00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:55,258
Also, if Ms. Selbo
ever asks you,
259
00:08:55,277 --> 00:08:57,202
I really love filing systems
and lists of names.
260
00:08:57,353 --> 00:08:59,704
-Okay...
-I'm at a dead end here, Bob.
261
00:08:59,856 --> 00:09:02,782
Well, maybe it's somebody else
that liked Burobu?
262
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,267
Or... it's Louise.
263
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:05,785
Yes. Right, good idea.
264
00:09:05,937 --> 00:09:07,453
Not Louise. But yes.
Burobu people.
265
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,530
Okay, I got to go
save our kid. Bye.
266
00:09:09,624 --> 00:09:11,866
All right, bye.
I'm doing important stuff, too.
267
00:09:12,702 --> 00:09:14,719
Slow, no bouncies,
please and thank you.
268
00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:16,388
(groans)
Got all of that one.
269
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,114
-Attaboy, Rudes!
-(Rudy panting)
270
00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:20,392
Hi, kids.
Uh, Louise, let's, uh, talk.
271
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:22,677
-Okay.
-Listen, I've been
trying to clear you,
272
00:09:22,788 --> 00:09:25,212
but all I'm finding is
kids with perfect alibis.
273
00:09:25,307 --> 00:09:26,398
Who else likes Burobu?
274
00:09:26,625 --> 00:09:28,215
Mom, you're asking
the wrong question.
275
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,794
The mash missile is
offensive to Burobu fans.
276
00:09:30,854 --> 00:09:31,811
We hate that thing.
277
00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:34,221
Oh. Maybe a Burobu kid
destroyed it.
278
00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:36,800
Maybe they didn't want it.
They wanted to murder it.
279
00:09:36,968 --> 00:09:38,651
I don't know, man.
I can't think of anyone
280
00:09:38,804 --> 00:09:41,137
who would want to waste
their time on that cheap,
281
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,897
stupid, sticky,
stinking hunk o' junk.
282
00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:45,141
-COACH BLEVINS: Louise,
you're up.
-Mom, I got to go.
283
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,752
I have a ball to kick.
Also, I'm innocent, by the way.
284
00:09:47,904 --> 00:09:49,312
Oh, yeah, that is a big thermos.
285
00:09:49,331 --> 00:09:52,073
-What?
-Oh, nothing. Play balls!
286
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:53,650
Eh, so many options.
287
00:09:53,743 --> 00:09:56,261
Yeah, I want to say, too many?
You know what?
288
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,821
A mechanic gave me a card
one time.
289
00:09:57,839 --> 00:10:00,006
He was not a good mechanic,
but the card was great.
290
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,583
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think I'm gonna go get it.
291
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,661
Okay, you want to teach me
how to cook
292
00:10:04,663 --> 00:10:06,253
-in case someone comes in?
-What? No.
293
00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:07,755
But if they say
they need food right now,
294
00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:09,924
-I'll go in there
and give it a shot?
-Teddy, no.
295
00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,960
Might as well give me
your apron, just in case.
296
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,111
No. No, thank you.
297
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:15,971
Ha. Got it. Mm-hmm.
298
00:10:15,973 --> 00:10:17,115
Hmm.
299
00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:18,432
Tina and Gene said
the mash missile
300
00:10:18,452 --> 00:10:19,767
wasn't in her locker.
301
00:10:19,861 --> 00:10:21,861
And it wasn't in her backpack,
Mr. Quick to Judge.
302
00:10:22,013 --> 00:10:23,029
(Linda's voice echoing)
303
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:24,939
I mean, I guess
I could just peek
304
00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:26,607
in Louise's room since I'm here.
305
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:30,945
Just tilting the door open.
Not even going in.
306
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,446
Maybe going in a step or two.
307
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,634
Please don't let darts
hit me in the face. Huh.
308
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:38,285
LINDA:
Okay, checking out
the incident report again.
309
00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:39,545
Stuff, stuff, stuff.
310
00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:42,307
Victim statement.
Jason went to lunch.
311
00:10:42,534 --> 00:10:44,534
He ate his peanut butter
and honey sandwich.
312
00:10:44,594 --> 00:10:46,386
Then he took his toy
out of his locker,
313
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:48,830
brought it to recess,
put it down on the grass,
314
00:10:48,832 --> 00:10:50,464
stepped away,
and then it was gone.
315
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,557
Wait a minute.
316
00:10:51,710 --> 00:10:53,559
Peanut butter
and honey sandwich.
317
00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:55,469
Sticky fingers. Sticky.
318
00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:57,972
I can't think of anyone who
would want to waste their time
319
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,807
on that cheap, stupid, sticky,
stinking hunk o' junk.
320
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,809
(echoing):
Sticky, sticky, sticky...
321
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,644
LINDA:
How would she know
the toy was sticky?
322
00:11:03,738 --> 00:11:05,238
-(gasps) Hi, Bob.
-Hey.
323
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,998
So, the thing that went missing
was a Burobu
324
00:11:07,075 --> 00:11:08,315
-mash missile, right?
-Yeah.
325
00:11:08,484 --> 00:11:10,243
Well, I went into Louise's room.
326
00:11:10,395 --> 00:11:12,078
Did a giant ball roll down
and crush you?
327
00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:13,897
Surprisingly, no.
328
00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:15,415
But on her desk was
a Burobu Magazine,
329
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:16,824
and the one page
330
00:11:16,902 --> 00:11:18,401
that was dog-eared in it
331
00:11:18,494 --> 00:11:19,569
had a picture of
the Burobu mash missile.
332
00:11:19,587 --> 00:11:21,829
Oh, crap.
And she said "sticky" to me.
333
00:11:21,907 --> 00:11:23,239
-Huh?
-It's a long story,
334
00:11:23,332 --> 00:11:25,091
-but it's bad news for Louise.
-BOTH: Crap.
335
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,352
Hey, did you ask Linda about
the whole Jim Thunder thing?
336
00:11:27,429 --> 00:11:29,354
You're not a Jim Thunder, Teddy.
337
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,009
-Crap. Crap. Crap.
-Oh, no, Linda, what's wrong?
338
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,861
Uh, that was my husband.
339
00:11:37,013 --> 00:11:39,422
His... hat fell off.
340
00:11:39,441 --> 00:11:41,941
-Oh.
-Yeah. Husbands with their hats.
341
00:11:42,093 --> 00:11:43,201
Stay single, I say.
342
00:11:43,394 --> 00:11:45,595
Well, then.
I'm gonna eat my leftover soup.
343
00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:48,431
-Aw.
-It's not sad.
It's just my lunch.
344
00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:50,283
Oh, is it lunchtime?
For the kids, too?
345
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:51,567
It is.
346
00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:53,360
They need to eat every day,
as it turns out.
347
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,863
Be right back. Enjoy your
not sad leftover soup.
348
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,031
It's just regular soup.
349
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,125
-Hey, kids.
-Oh, hey, Mom.
350
00:11:59,294 --> 00:12:01,611
I have been saving
this seat for you for years.
351
00:12:01,704 --> 00:12:04,113
Would you guys mind
if I spoke to Louise privately?
352
00:12:04,132 --> 00:12:05,782
-Okay.
-(Gene and Tina grunt)
353
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,966
-Is this good?
-A little more.
354
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,451
-(grunts)
-She's here one day.
355
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:09,619
Louise, look.
356
00:12:09,712 --> 00:12:11,287
Now would be a good time
to tell me the truth
357
00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:12,622
about taking the mash missile.
358
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:13,565
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mom.
359
00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:15,308
Why am I still being
accused of this?
360
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,310
And also, I told you the truth.
361
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,886
And you can tell it's the truth
because it's the truth.
362
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:21,889
Well, why'd you fold over
the page in your Burobu Magazine
363
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,149
with the mash missile on it?
364
00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:24,892
Wait, how do you know
about that?
365
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,060
Did you search my room?
366
00:12:26,137 --> 00:12:27,971
-No. Your father did.
-What?
367
00:12:28,064 --> 00:12:29,581
-Did he get booby-trapped?
-He didn't, actually.
368
00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:31,416
-Must've been a malfunction.
-Wait a minute.
369
00:12:31,643 --> 00:12:33,810
-This is a private conversation.
-Sorry, sorry.
370
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,253
-(both grunting)
-First of all,
371
00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:36,829
I'm between booby traps
right now.
372
00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:37,981
Second of all,
373
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,332
I folded that page
because of an ad
374
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,484
for the special Slug-i-cane
collector's pack.
375
00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:42,761
Not because of a mash missile,
376
00:12:42,988 --> 00:12:44,578
which I keep telling you
I didn't steal.
377
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,265
It's getting less private,
with all the shouting.
378
00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:49,158
I think we're running out
of table here.
379
00:12:49,177 --> 00:12:50,602
-I'm half-cheeking it.
-Okay, well.
380
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:53,679
When you were in PE, you said
the mash missile was sticky.
381
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:55,515
Jason Jeffers ate a
peanut butter and honey sandwich
382
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,500
before he took the toy
out of his locker.
383
00:12:57,519 --> 00:12:59,760
How would you know if it was
sticky unless you took it?
384
00:12:59,854 --> 00:13:01,595
Because his hands are
always sticky.
385
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,172
That's his thing.
386
00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:05,191
Kids in our class literally
call him Sticky Sticky Jason.
387
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,785
Louise, I can't tell
if you're lying to me,
388
00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:09,862
because now I'm realizing
you are really good at lying,
389
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,105
better than I thought,
390
00:13:11,199 --> 00:13:12,348
and I thought you were
pretty good at it.
391
00:13:12,441 --> 00:13:14,017
Okay, I think we're done here.
392
00:13:14,019 --> 00:13:15,351
Tina, Gene, storm off with me?
393
00:13:15,370 --> 00:13:16,795
-Oh. Um...
-I mean, I was done anyway.
394
00:13:16,946 --> 00:13:19,297
Would the last few bites of
my mac 'n' cheese cheer you up?
395
00:13:19,524 --> 00:13:21,190
No. Yeah, maybe.
396
00:13:21,284 --> 00:13:23,468
Hi, Mrs. Belcher.
Mac 'n' cheesing it, huh?
397
00:13:23,619 --> 00:13:24,544
Uh-huh.
398
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,471
Everything okay?
You look kind of down.
399
00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:27,639
Or maybe you're just
looking down
400
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:29,307
-'cause I'm shorter than you.
-(sighs)
401
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:30,867
They think Louise stole
the mash missile thing.
402
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,369
-Oh, my.
-But she's a good girl, right?
403
00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:35,221
I mean, she's complicated.
404
00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:37,482
It's just if she took it,
I don't know where she put it.
405
00:13:37,633 --> 00:13:38,799
It's not in her room,
406
00:13:38,893 --> 00:13:40,301
and Tina and Gene said
it's not in her backpack
407
00:13:40,395 --> 00:13:41,894
-or her locker.
-Which locker?
408
00:13:42,047 --> 00:13:43,896
-What do you mean?
-Louise has two lockers.
409
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,323
Louise has two lockers?
410
00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,158
Yeah, her regular one,
and then her Rudyville locker.
411
00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:48,827
She calls it that
because it's near mine.
412
00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:50,144
Number 158, I want to say?
413
00:13:50,238 --> 00:13:51,478
-(bell ringing)
-Ooh, I got to go.
414
00:13:51,573 --> 00:13:54,148
Louise, you sneaky
double-locker-haver.
415
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,892
TEDDY:
It's okay.
416
00:13:55,910 --> 00:13:56,909
You built it up too much, maybe.
417
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,061
No. It's nice.
418
00:13:58,079 --> 00:13:59,320
It's clean, simple.
419
00:13:59,414 --> 00:14:01,064
-Who wants simple?
-Everybody?
420
00:14:01,082 --> 00:14:02,415
No. You know
what I get from this?
421
00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:04,250
"I'm a boring mechanic,
and I'm dead inside."
422
00:14:04,402 --> 00:14:05,735
You don't get that from this.
423
00:14:05,753 --> 00:14:08,346
I want a card that says,
"Hey, world, check me out."
424
00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:10,515
♪ There's a banana,
that could be fun ♪
425
00:14:10,666 --> 00:14:12,333
No banana. Teddy,
that doesn't make any sense.
426
00:14:12,410 --> 00:14:14,077
♪ Ooh, a lasso border ♪
427
00:14:14,095 --> 00:14:15,336
♪ Or a sunglasses sun ♪
428
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,004
Why would someone have a lasso?
429
00:14:17,098 --> 00:14:18,356
Do cowboys have business cards?
430
00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:21,250
♪ Yes, cowboys
have business cards ♪
431
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,086
And Western-wear salespeople.
432
00:14:23,104 --> 00:14:25,271
Wonder Woman.
Ted Lasso. Lassie.
433
00:14:25,423 --> 00:14:28,441
♪ You ridiculous person,
less is more ♪
434
00:14:28,593 --> 00:14:31,110
♪ Don't be a kid
in a candy store ♪
435
00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:32,762
-Oh, there's candy.
-Mm.
436
00:14:32,764 --> 00:14:35,522
♪ They wouldn't call it
a business card ♪
437
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,192
♪ If they didn't want you
to get busy ♪
438
00:14:38,286 --> 00:14:42,271
♪ Your choices are literally
making me dizzy ♪
439
00:14:42,365 --> 00:14:44,716
Also, I don't think
you understand "get busy."
440
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:47,034
-♪ Teddy, what you want
is simple ♪
-♪ Snowman, hockey sticks ♪
441
00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:50,037
-♪ Elegant, clean ♪
-♪ Dreidel, soccer ball,
puppy dog ♪
442
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:53,540
-♪ White space. ♪
-♪ Yin-yang. ♪
443
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,227
-Hi. Can I order?
-Oh, yeah. Sorry.
444
00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:58,121
LINDA:
Mr. Frond's gonna be back soon.
445
00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,806
I got to get inside Louise's
second secret locker.
446
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,216
But how do I do that?
447
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:04,093
Do I get a crowbar?
Or some dynamite?
448
00:15:04,095 --> 00:15:05,570
Oh. Or I look in there.
449
00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:07,888
Uh, Ms. Selbo, did you know,
450
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,241
uh, they're giving out
free batteries?
451
00:15:10,468 --> 00:15:12,635
In the teachers' lounge?
Uh, right now.
452
00:15:12,728 --> 00:15:13,745
-Batteries?
-Yup.
453
00:15:13,896 --> 00:15:16,155
Double-A, triple-A's,
double-D's.
454
00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:17,564
She's buying it.
455
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,809
Seems like an odd thing
to be giving away
456
00:15:19,811 --> 00:15:21,068
in the teachers' lounge.
457
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,161
LINDA:
Oh, crap. She's not buying it.
458
00:15:22,313 --> 00:15:23,646
Um, did I say batteries?
459
00:15:23,665 --> 00:15:26,482
I meant, uh, gift cards
for, uh, places you like.
460
00:15:26,484 --> 00:15:30,169
That doesn't make any sense,
but I do have to pee.
461
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:32,413
Of course you do.
All that coffee?
462
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,082
-Take your time.
-I will. Thank you, Linda.
463
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:38,353
I love...
that we use volunteers.
464
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:41,940
(mumbling)
465
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:43,499
One-- 158!
466
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,501
Huh. Don't be in Louise's
secret locker.
467
00:15:45,594 --> 00:15:47,278
Don't be in
Louise's secret locker.
468
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,262
Oh, nuts.
469
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,031
Louise, no. Oh, my face!
470
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,511
-No, no, no, no.
-LOUISE: Mom?
471
00:15:55,530 --> 00:15:57,438
-What are you doing?
-Ah! What are you doing?
472
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,032
Going to the bathroom.
Oh, my God.
473
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,608
Louise, you lied to me.
474
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,444
Oh, my Louise. Oh, my baby.
475
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,688
What if you get suspended?
You're branded.
476
00:16:05,707 --> 00:16:07,448
It'll follow you everywhere.
You'll never be president.
477
00:16:07,525 --> 00:16:09,875
-What? Wait, what?
-Mama's gonna help you.
478
00:16:10,044 --> 00:16:11,210
No one's gonna know you took it
479
00:16:11,362 --> 00:16:12,453
and hid it
in your secret locker.
480
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:14,138
I mean, yeah,
it was my secret locker.
481
00:16:14,365 --> 00:16:15,456
I don't use it anymore.
482
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,383
I want to believe you,
but I don't
483
00:16:17,535 --> 00:16:19,368
because you're so good at lying,
so I am gonna eat it.
484
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:20,979
That's what I'll do.
I'll eat it.
485
00:16:21,206 --> 00:16:22,463
-Ooh. Sticky.
-Mom. Mom.
486
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,465
(shushing) Mama's here.
Mama's gonna help you.
487
00:16:24,633 --> 00:16:27,210
The executive function luncheon
wasn't much of luncheon.
488
00:16:27,228 --> 00:16:29,320
Assorted melon and hummus
is not lunch.
489
00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:30,637
(gasps)
Put it back, put it back.
490
00:16:30,732 --> 00:16:33,307
(sighs) Someone wrote
"fart" on this locker.
491
00:16:33,476 --> 00:16:36,235
-Yup. They do that.
-Let me see if that'll wipe off.
492
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,312
-(all gasping)
-That's on there for good.
493
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,314
Linda. Louise. What's going on?
494
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:41,815
Louise, why aren't you in class?
495
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,409
-I was going to the bathroom...
-I was just taking
496
00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,228
-a little walk.
-...and then I saw my mom--
497
00:16:45,321 --> 00:16:46,729
Phillip, I forgot.
Your mom called.
498
00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:50,324
She, uh, really wanted to
talk to you about... vitamins.
499
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,734
(groans) Of course.
500
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:55,013
That's all we talk about.
I guess I'll go call her back.
501
00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:56,347
I don't understand.
502
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:58,016
-Why would you--?
-Follow me.
503
00:16:58,167 --> 00:16:59,500
(lock clicks)
504
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,667
Why didn't you bust us?
505
00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:02,245
Even though
I'm totally innocent.
506
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,337
Right, right. Super innocent.
507
00:17:03,431 --> 00:17:04,838
-No, I know.
-You know what?
508
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:08,251
That Louise is innocent,
because I took the mash missile.
509
00:17:08,344 --> 00:17:09,510
-You took it?
-Why?
510
00:17:09,604 --> 00:17:11,420
I was at my nephew's
birthday party,
511
00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:14,757
and my nephew got that exact
same Burobu mash missile.
512
00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:16,259
Not from me.
I-I got him a scented candle.
513
00:17:16,427 --> 00:17:17,610
That's a good present, right?
514
00:17:17,762 --> 00:17:19,762
-LINDA: Yeah, yeah.
-LOUISE: Eh, sure.
515
00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:21,355
SELBO:
But there is something wrong
with those mash missiles
516
00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:23,023
because kid after kid got hit
517
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,617
in the butter beans
by that thing.
518
00:17:24,769 --> 00:17:26,860
Okay, that toy's actually
starting to sound pretty fun.
519
00:17:27,029 --> 00:17:28,454
SELBO:
Then, a couple days later,
I'm playing solitaire
520
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,456
on an absolute heater,
when I hear
521
00:17:30,608 --> 00:17:32,942
Jason in the hall showing off
his new mash missile.
522
00:17:33,111 --> 00:17:34,293
I tried to warn him about it,
523
00:17:34,445 --> 00:17:35,945
and he said it was just
for show and tell.
524
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:37,797
He wasn't gonna launch it.
But then later,
525
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:39,540
that little punk
brought it to recess
526
00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:41,300
and went to gather
a bunch of kids.
527
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,286
I was gonna yell at them
a little bit.
528
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:44,562
I'm allowed to yell at the kids.
529
00:17:44,789 --> 00:17:46,622
But I broke it.
I sort of stepped on it.
530
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:48,791
I might have been pumped up
about the yelling.
531
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,218
And I thought, "He's gonna think
I did it on purpose,"
532
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,236
so I hid it under my shirt.
533
00:17:52,463 --> 00:17:54,572
And I ran, Linda. I ran.
534
00:17:54,723 --> 00:17:57,391
And I was like, "I just
stole a toy from a child."
535
00:17:57,485 --> 00:18:00,244
I panicked and hid it
in an unassigned locker.
536
00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:01,821
And you were just gonna
let me fry for this?
537
00:18:01,973 --> 00:18:03,973
No, I was gonna
move it somewhere...
538
00:18:04,066 --> 00:18:05,566
that I haven't figured out yet.
539
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,401
Or make it explode? Somehow?
540
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:09,087
Well, it's nice you didn't want
the kids' butter beans
541
00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:10,404
to get hurt, Ms. Selbo,
542
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:11,923
but you got to come clean
to Mr. Frond.
543
00:18:12,150 --> 00:18:13,983
Hell no. I will lose my job.
544
00:18:14,076 --> 00:18:17,077
And I really like having a job.
They pay me money.
545
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,171
It's somewhere to go
during the day.
546
00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:20,914
Wait, what if
we convinced Mr. Frond
547
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,325
that there wasn't a crime?
548
00:18:22,343 --> 00:18:24,176
Because if there's no crime,
then there's no time.
549
00:18:24,253 --> 00:18:26,587
-I like it, I like it.
-But I broke it.
550
00:18:26,681 --> 00:18:27,997
Actually, it's not broken.
551
00:18:28,015 --> 00:18:29,849
It's just really,
really cheap and awful.
552
00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:33,836
Look, you just got to
click this in there.
553
00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:36,614
Louise, look at you.
You little non-thieving smartie.
554
00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:37,857
I know.
555
00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:40,343
Okay, I am liking this mock-up.
556
00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:41,677
The little hammers,
all around the outside.
557
00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:44,622
The cups-to-ounces
conversion chart on the back.
558
00:18:44,773 --> 00:18:46,290
The tic-tac-toe board
on the front.
559
00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:48,942
Yup. All the ideas are there.
560
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,444
They-they all made it on there.
561
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,321
You don't think
it's too much, do you?
562
00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,206
I do. I thought
I made it very clear
563
00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:55,524
that I think it's way too much.
564
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:57,618
Maybe you just don't
have an artistic eye.
565
00:18:57,712 --> 00:19:00,138
You said you needed my artis--
You know what? Never mind.
566
00:19:00,214 --> 00:19:01,955
Plus a handyman does
a lot of stuff.
567
00:19:02,049 --> 00:19:03,457
So I need a lot of stuff.
568
00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:05,885
Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
I'm looking for a handyman.
569
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,386
I'd love to take
one of your cards.
570
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,539
Oh, no! This is my disgusting
old card that I hate now.
571
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:12,708
Here, uh...
imagine all this on here.
572
00:19:12,768 --> 00:19:14,543
Or do you want to take
a picture of the screen?
573
00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:17,563
(chuckles) Yeah, that's great.
I'll call you.
574
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,489
See, Bob?
575
00:19:18,716 --> 00:19:20,158
Ugh. Everyone is awful.
576
00:19:20,385 --> 00:19:22,309
Bob, I think I know
what's going on here.
577
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,829
You want to make your own card,
put Bob Burger on it.
578
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:27,056
I mean, a little.
Not that name.
579
00:19:27,149 --> 00:19:28,557
Well, if I buy 500 of mine,
580
00:19:28,576 --> 00:19:31,151
I get a discount
on the next 500. Eh?
581
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:33,337
-Uh, okay.
-Ooh. Look at that cactus.
582
00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,581
-That'd be good
for a guy who sells--
-(shushing)
583
00:19:35,733 --> 00:19:37,008
Yeah, it was in his locker.
584
00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:38,918
Right in his locker.
The whole time.
585
00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,327
Isn't that right, Jason?
586
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,254
No. I took it out of my locker.
587
00:19:42,407 --> 00:19:44,015
Did you?
'Cause it was right there.
588
00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:47,018
Yeah, Jason, you think someone
knew your combination,
589
00:19:47,245 --> 00:19:48,686
opened your locker
and put it in there?
590
00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:51,004
'Cause the only people
who could do that are myself
591
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,433
and Ms. Selbo, and why on earth
would we do such a thing?
592
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,602
-Yeah.
-Jason, don't touch that. Ew.
593
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:59,513
And now there's jelly
on Unpopular Parker.
594
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:00,681
Well, well, well.
595
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,608
Does someone owe someone else
596
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,427
and their volunteer mother
an apology?
597
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,112
-Yeah. Mr. Frond does. Oh.
-FROND: Sorry...
598
00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:08,948
-I accused--
-(bell ringing)
599
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,266
Oh, oh. There's the bell.
600
00:20:10,284 --> 00:20:11,358
Bye-bye. Everyone go now.
601
00:20:11,452 --> 00:20:14,027
Well, at least
I didn't get fired.
602
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,438
That's good. For me.
603
00:20:15,456 --> 00:20:17,215
And I didn't do time
for a crime I didn't commit.
604
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:19,124
Can save the time
for my real crimes.
605
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:21,219
-Just kidding.
-Uh-oh. End of the day.
606
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,203
I might not have stuffed some,
607
00:20:23,297 --> 00:20:25,281
or most,
or any of the envelopes.
608
00:20:25,299 --> 00:20:26,373
No, you did not.
609
00:20:26,467 --> 00:20:28,784
Louise, I'm sorry
I didn't believe you.
610
00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:30,970
And then believed you.
And then didn't believe you.
611
00:20:31,122 --> 00:20:32,471
It's okay.
612
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,623
You made up for it by how far
you would have gone for me.
613
00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:35,958
Which does make me wonder
614
00:20:36,051 --> 00:20:37,626
how big of a crime
you'd commit for your kids.
615
00:20:37,645 --> 00:20:41,221
-Should we test it out?
-Yeah. Let's do insider trading.
616
00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,798
-No.
-Outsider trading?
617
00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,242
-Okay.
-ALL: Yay!
618
00:20:44,393 --> 00:20:47,561
♪ When you wanna say hello ♪
619
00:20:47,638 --> 00:20:50,581
♪ But keep it on the down low ♪
620
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:53,233
♪ Or blow a little kiss ♪
621
00:20:53,327 --> 00:20:55,494
♪ She won't wanna miss ♪
622
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,313
♪ Well, it's the
Flappity Dappity ♪
623
00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:58,905
♪ The Flappity Dappity ♪
624
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,407
♪ Ooh, the
Little Bitty Stinker ♪
625
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,075
♪ The Little Bitty Stinker ♪
626
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,594
♪ The Rubber Elbow Double Down ♪
627
00:21:03,746 --> 00:21:05,337
♪ The Rubber Elbow
Double Down ♪
628
00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,840
-♪ The ESP ♪
-♪ Oh, the ESP ♪
629
00:21:07,992 --> 00:21:10,601
-♪ The Fake Left, Go Right ♪
-♪ The Fake Left, Go Right ♪
630
00:21:10,828 --> 00:21:12,511
♪ The Wiggle Waggle ♪
631
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,013
-♪ The Wiggle Waggle ♪
-Everybody now!
632
00:21:14,165 --> 00:21:15,606
♪ Just the Pinkies
and the Smoochicane. ♪
633
00:21:15,716 --> 00:21:16,849
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
634
00:21:17,001 --> 00:21:18,501
and TOYOTA.
635
00:21:18,594 --> 00:21:19,694
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org