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♪ ♪
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(Tina gulping)
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Tina, slow down.
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What's the rush?
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Yeah. Savor your cereal,
you monster.
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I can't look away.
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It's like watching
a crazed otter.
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I just wanna get to school.
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Ms. Jacobson is pairing us up
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with our Science Fair partners
today.
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It's fun not knowing
who it'll be.
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Ooh, exciting.
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Will it be a new friend?
An old friend?
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What if it's Jimmy Junior?
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We won't get a lot of work done,
if you know what I mean.
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Eh? Right?
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Mm. I mean, it wouldn't hurt
if you got paired
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with someone
who could get an "A."
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It's not up to me
who I get paired with.
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I mean, life is full
of possibilities.
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Maybe I'll get a good grade
in science...
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Or maybe you'll go
to summer school.
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Exactly. She gets it.
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Plus, grades ain't nothin'
but a number.
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All right, one more bite
and... I'm done.
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It's time for a great day.
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(grunts) I'm okay.
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JACOBSON:
Who's ready to find out
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who their Science Fair
partner is?
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TINA: Hell, yeah.
Uh, I mean, sure.
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JACOBSON:
Jocelyn, you're with...
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JOCELYN and TAMMY: Please say
Tammy, please say Tammy,
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-please say Tammy.
-MISS JACOBSON: Jimmy Junior.
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JOCELYN:
Oh, cool.
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And Tammy, you're with Zeke.
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-Tamma-lamma-ding-dong.
-Ugh.
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-JACOBSON: Calm down, Zeke.
-(chuckles)
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Henry, your partner is...
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Actually,
I can't have a partner.
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-What?
-I'm not supposed to work
with other people.
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Here's a doctor's note.
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It says I'm not supposed to work
with other people.
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Seriously?
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Uh, I'm sorry,
are-are you a doctor?
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Fine.
You're-You're working alone.
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Yes.
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Mmm. That's kinda sad, Henry.
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It's not sad, it's medical.
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Okay, let's move on. Tina,
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you're partners with Susmita.
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Nice. What's up, new friend?
High five?
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I, uh, can't reach.
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(straining):
Wait, we can do this.
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(grunts) We're touching fingers.
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That counts. Boom.
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I got an idea for a project.
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My grandma said all the bees
are dying.
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We're gonna run outta honey,
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and I am not using agave
like some idiot.
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I've always wanted to know,
like,
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why birds can fly
and not people.
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Yeah, and why do birds always
look at me weird?
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What about peanut butter?
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-What about peanut butter?
-There's no butter in it,
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and yet it's called
peanut butter.
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Pretty crazy, right?
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Maybe it's just 'cause
it spreads like butter?
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Hmm. Yeah.
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So should we just do that?
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Well, I've actually
always wanted
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to build a radio telescope.
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Oh. Totally.
What is that?
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So a radio telescope is like
a telescope for your ears.
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-Got it. Headphones.
-Nope. Not headphones.
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Exactly. Keep going.
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See, with a bunch of
modifications, you can use
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a regular home TV satellite dish
to study the radio waves
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from astronomical objects.
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We could build one and point it
at the Sun.
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I don't know what you just said,
but it sounds like an "A."
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And I'm really embarrassed
I suggested
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that super cool A-minus
peanut butter idea.
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So how about since you know how
to do all that,
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why don't I take care
of making us
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the best damn Science Fair board
you've ever seen?
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My bubble letters are amazing.
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I mean, they're pretty good.
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They're-they're fine.
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I might not do bubble letters.
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BOB: You want some more coffee,
Teddy?
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Yeah. Uh, what if it was called
sneezey instead of cough-ey?
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-Get it, Bob? Get it?
-Hmm.
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Now I don't wanna give you
any more. Ooh, they're here.
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You have four more just like
that in your truck, right?
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And I can't wait
to carry them all in here.
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He loves carrying things.
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I'm livin' the dream.
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BOB:
So you know how I've wanted
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a coatrack for the restaurant?
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Well, I was shopping online
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and I couldn't decide
which one to get.
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How many coatracks
can there be?
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Lin. So many.
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Some have circular mounts,
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some have tripod stands,
some are aluminum.
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Some look like actual trees,
those are fun.
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Okay. So you bought five of 'em?
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Yes. Because I'm a brilliant
shopper.
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They were on sale,
so I bought five.
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Now I can see them in person,
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pick my favorite,
and return the other four.
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-Genius.
-Wait.
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-Did you say they were on sale?
-Yeah.
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And you're sure
you can return them?
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-Yes.
-But they were on sale.
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-Wh-what are you getting at?
-Show me the website.
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Trust me. I definitely wouldn't
have bought them
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if you couldn't return-- Oh, no.
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No, no, no.
I can't return them.
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Great.
Now we own five coatracks.
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(sighs) Damn it.
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Hm. Why-Why are the boxes
so small?
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You probably have to
assemble them. I'm guessing.
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Oh, my God.
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It's for kids.
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Did you buy five children's
coatracks?
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We can't pay
for five coatracks.
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I mean, we did.
So what do we do?
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I guess you're selling 'em.
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(sighs) Do you want to buy
a tiny coatrack, Teddy?
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Now I bet you wish you'd laughed
at my sneezey joke.
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(sighs) I do. I really do.
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LOUISE: So, you guys are gonna
listen to the Sun?
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Just don't listen to anything
the Moon says; he's a liar.
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Quick S.F.Q.:
Science Fair question.
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Is there anything else we could
listen to besides the sun?
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Well, I was gonna use
my parents' old TV dish,
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but if we had a bigger one,
we could listen to planets,
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or satellites, or even try to
listen for extraterrestrials.
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Aliens? Well, yeah, Susmita.
Let's do that.
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-I mean, we could try.
-Wait.
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Why are we just gonna sit back
and listen for aliens?
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Can we send a message out?
Can we talk to them?
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Well, we don't actually know
if anything's out there.
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But what if the aliens
are out there,
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but they're also just sitting
back and listening for us?
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I mean, if Tom Hanks never sent
Meg Ryan that first e-mail,
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that movie would have been
called You've Got Computer.
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'Cause they both would have just
been sitting at their computers.
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That was the prequel.
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I guess if we had a bigger dish,
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we could send out a message.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop it.
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Whatever you do, do not
"send out a message."
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What? Why... not, Henry?
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Because we don't want the Earth
to be obliterated?
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What are you talking about?
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If you contact aliens,
they will come and destroy us.
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What? How do you know
they won't be super friendly?
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Based on simple probability,
there should be at least
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a hundred thousand civilizations
in our galaxy, right?
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And at least a thousand
Type III civilizations.
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I think you mean diabetes?
But go on.
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Type III civilizations.
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That means that they're billions
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of years more advanced than us.
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They can harness the energy
of the entire galaxy
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and travel between stars.
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Stars are just like us.
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That's right, Jocelyn.
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But we haven't met them. Why?
Well,
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it's probably because
one of these civilizations
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is massively predatory and is
wiping out the rest of them.
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Damn those Type III
civilizations.
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So our only hope of survival
is going unnoticed,
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so they don't ever find us.
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Therefore,
do not send out a signal.
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This teacher has a point.
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What? I'm-I'm not a teacher.
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I'm in your grade.
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Mm, no. You're a teacher.
Trust me.
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But you don't know that aliens
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are flying around
killing everybody.
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-Oh, my God.
-I mean,
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what if they're flying around
helping everybody?
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Like in a big space ambulance,
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and when they get our message,
they'll be really excited
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to come and see
if we need anything.
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Yeah, they could be super chill.
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I don't know, Tina. I'm kind of
on Team Henry with this one.
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What if you're the one
that ends the world?
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You don't wanna be that guy.
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What if they want to harvest
our penises?
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And who would blame them?
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Susmita, we're not gonna let
this guy scare us
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out of a good grade, are we?
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Uh... I'm not scared
if you're not scared.
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The only thing I'm scared of
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is how much of an "A"
we're gonna get.
200
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Hmm. "Meet in Branca's
supply closet."
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"...at 2:55."
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HENRY:
Thank you for coming.
203
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Did anyone follow you?
204
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,577
Gene's fart did. Apparently.
205
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Sorry. I thought I lost it in
the hallway, but she found me.
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We need to talk.
207
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,126
We have to stop Tina and
Susmita, and I have a plan.
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00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,338
But it involves you going
against your own sister.
209
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,840
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We would never do that.
210
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-You will be compensated.
-We'll do it.
211
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I hope you have connections
in the frozen yogurt world,
212
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'cause this boy works strictly
for gift cards.
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-So this is your dad?
-(grunts) I wish.
214
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-He's my dad's friend.
-Best friend.
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00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:20,982
Are you two, uh, best friends?
216
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We're getting there.
I mean,
217
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we're pretty great
Science Fair partners.
218
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Where'd you get the dish?
219
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I demo'd an old sports bar
last week
220
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and they had this thing
out back.
221
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I was gonna use it to watch
hockey talk shows,
222
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,535
but now it's gonna talk
to aliens.
223
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What a life this dish is having.
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Eh. (grunting)
225
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,625
And done. (sighs)
226
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:39,918
So, ready to go?
227
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Should we e-mail some aliens?
228
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Oh, no.
We still have a couple
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of things to do
before we turn it on.
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Hey, how's our
Science Fair board?
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Uh, I'm kicking some serious
butt on it, that's how it is.
232
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I haven't started it yet.
233
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,933
Um, but it's gonna be s-so good.
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All right, let's get to work.
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♪ ♪
236
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So what do we do now?
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First, we have to teach them
our language.
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00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:04,693
How do we do that?
239
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,028
Make them watch TV all day
like the mermaid in Splash ?
240
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,114
I was thinking we send
a binary code
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00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,616
as a kind of Rosetta stone
pictograph.
242
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,702
Hopefully, it can teach them
enough to start a conversation.
243
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,495
Sorry, now I'm just thinking
about Splash.
244
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,248
And then, to send our message,
we use Morse code.
245
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There's also Turner & Hooch.
Anything there?
246
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,253
Maybe we should focus on what
we're gonna say in our message?
247
00:08:23,294 --> 00:08:25,839
Good point. How do you say
"Tom Hanks" in Morse code?
248
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,924
Doo. Doo-doo-doo. Doo doo.
249
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,093
Doo-doo-doo-doo. Doo-doo.
Doo-doo doo-doo-doo.
250
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,594
-Doo-doo-doo.
-Nice.
251
00:08:31,636 --> 00:08:33,471
One burger-of-the-day
coming right up.
252
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:36,349
(clears throat) Uh, tell 'em
about our special, Bob.
253
00:08:36,391 --> 00:08:39,019
(sighs) Right, uh, we're also
having a special today.
254
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,521
With the purchase of any burger,
we'll throw in, uh,
255
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:44,024
a... coatrack for just ¤59.
256
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,150
I'm sorry? A-A what?
257
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:46,526
A-A-A coatrack.
258
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,653
-Uh, just show him.
-Oh. All right.
259
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,822
-Uh, d-do you like this one?
-(chuckles) What is that?
260
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,615
Is-Is that a little model
of a coatrack?
261
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:54,242
No, no, no.
This, this is the coatrack.
262
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,036
Oh. (chuckling)
I-I thought it was like
263
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,913
when you go buy a tent and
they have a little tiny model
264
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,915
of a tent on display;
I-I love those.
265
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,585
Aw. Tiny tents.
For little runaway mice.
266
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:06,421
So how many coatracks
can I put you down for?
267
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,173
I'll tell ya what.
If I have a baby
268
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,133
and that baby buys
a little coat,
269
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,218
I'll come back in here and get
one of your little coatracks.
270
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,595
Thank you.
271
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,681
Tina and Susmita
are still in here.
272
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,058
He's it going out there?
273
00:09:18,099 --> 00:09:19,976
Good. I have to cut
the wire going
274
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:23,605
from their telescope's amplifier
to their transmitter.
275
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:26,649
It'll basically create a private
Morse code network
276
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,568
between their telescope
and my laptop.
277
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:29,986
GENE:
Just gimme a heads-up
278
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,529
when you're outside.
279
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,031
HENRY:
I've been outside.
280
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,991
And I've been looking at you
this whole time.
281
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,951
Really good job
out there, buddy.
282
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,411
They're on the move.
283
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,871
HENRY:
I need more time.
284
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,331
-Stall them.
-On it.
285
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,916
Classic hall-stall.
286
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:44,918
Hey, what's up, T?
Hi, Susmita.
287
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,003
How's the Science Fair stuff
going?
288
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,297
Good. Um, we're kind of in
the middle of it right now.
289
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:52,133
Oh, ho-ho. So cool.
290
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,552
Tell me all about it.
291
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,222
We programmed a message that'll
hopefully teach aliens English.
292
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,140
We're about to go send it off.
293
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,518
-Um, see you later.
-Wait. I'm so proud of you.
294
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:02,977
-Oh.
-(both grunting)
295
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,312
What are you doing?
296
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,231
Shh. Just ten more seconds.
297
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,108
Get in here, Susmita.
298
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:10,318
-I'm proud of you, too. (grunts)
-(Tina groans)
299
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,112
Uh, okay.
Um, bye, Louise.
300
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,155
Thanks for the long hug
that kind of hurt.
301
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:15,907
The possums are out of the trap.
302
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,575
-Get out of there, Haber.
-(radio static)
303
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,703
-HENRY: Copy.
-Your walkie-talkie is sticky.
304
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,579
It's my brother's.
He threw up on it.
305
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,248
Yeah, that checks out.
306
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,667
Okay, the Rosetta code is sent.
307
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,460
Now we can follow up
with our first message.
308
00:10:27,502 --> 00:10:29,170
Oh, boy.
309
00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,505
We just type our message here,
310
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,132
it translates it
into Morse code,
311
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,216
and then we can send it off.
312
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:34,968
It'll take about a day
313
00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,220
for the message to get out
to the edge of our solar system.
314
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,055
And then if somebody
is flying by
315
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,307
and gets our message
and wants to answer,
316
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:43,309
it'll take another day
before we hear back.
317
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:44,394
Do you want to write it?
318
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:45,729
Uh, yeah. Wow.
319
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,480
Man, I don't know what to write.
320
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:49,232
Lot of pressure.
Let's see, uh...
321
00:10:49,274 --> 00:10:50,984
"What's shakin', bacon?
322
00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,736
"Oh, you might not know
what bacon is.
323
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,571
"It's from adorable animals
called pigs.
324
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,156
"They're pink.
We kill them,
325
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,907
"take out their bacon,
and eat it.
326
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:00,410
Um, we won't kill you though,
uh..."
327
00:11:00,452 --> 00:11:02,412
-Wh-Why don't I type?
-No, no, no, I got it.
328
00:11:02,454 --> 00:11:04,247
-Um, "Greetings from Earth"?
-Yeah.
329
00:11:04,289 --> 00:11:06,583
-And then "xoxo"?
-Sure.
330
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,501
-TINA: And send.
-(beeping)
331
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,920
♪ ♪
332
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,260
I bet we get a message back
in three,
333
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,553
two,
334
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,554
one.
335
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:20,597
Damn.
336
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,682
Tina, can I ask you something?
337
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,601
-Of course, partner.
-So,
338
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,103
you know how sometimes
you talk to boys and stuff?
339
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,521
-Big-time.
-Well,
340
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,940
there's this boy
I kind of like, but--
341
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,525
Never mind, never-never mind.
342
00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,694
Come on, do like this thing
and dish, girl.
343
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,446
Well, the problem is,
344
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,448
he's kind of aloof.
345
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,949
Got it. Dangerous bad boy.
346
00:11:39,991 --> 00:11:41,701
I can work with that.
Have you made a move?
347
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:44,496
No, I don't think he's into me.
Or anyone.
348
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,498
Look, I know it's scary
to put yourself out there.
349
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,833
-It is.
-But it's like jumping
into a pool.
350
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,586
If you don't take the leap,
then you're just the girl
351
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,755
in her bathing suit
looking at a pool.
352
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:55,590
-(chime, beeping)
-Whoa, it's the aliens!
353
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,093
Hang on.
It's probably just interference.
354
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,261
Wait, that's Morse code.
355
00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:01,346
What does that mean?
356
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,098
We made contact, Tina.
357
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,016
Holy crap!
What does the message say?
358
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,519
I don't know. We have to wait
for the pattern to start over.
359
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,687
This is incredible.
360
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,647
We made contact.
361
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,649
I'm your alien now, Tina.
362
00:12:12,691 --> 00:12:14,275
All right, we did it.
Now pay up.
363
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:16,778
Yeah! Where's
our frozen yogurt gift card?!
364
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,697
I've got your gift card
right here.
365
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,532
-(gasps)
-Gimme, gimme, gimme!
-Not so fast.
366
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,283
You'll get it
when the job's done.
367
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,702
But may I recommend no toppings?
368
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,078
That's how they get you.
369
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,413
Yeah, it really weighs down
your cup.
370
00:12:26,454 --> 00:12:27,747
I use Rice Krispies.
371
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:29,332
It adds crunch
and it weighs nothing.
372
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:31,042
Amateur, amateur, amateur!
373
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,794
Speaking of heaping
too much on top,
374
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,963
I'm regretting
that I let you write the message
375
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,214
from the aliens.
376
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,800
TINA:
"Dear, idiots of Earth!
377
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,051
"You should not be transmitting!
378
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,553
"We have a protocol to destroy
379
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,138
"any and all life we discover!
380
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,223
"You're lucky I got this message
and not my boss!
381
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,725
"He's a real pain in the glorg!
382
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,560
"Anyway, I have to tell him
about this.
383
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,562
"Maybe he won't want
to destroy your planet!
384
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,313
"I'll let you know tomorrow!
In the meantime,
385
00:12:52,355 --> 00:12:54,065
do not transmit
any more signals!"
386
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,401
-Holy crap, Susmita!
-Oh, my God!
387
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,070
Our Science Fair project
might have just destroyed Earth!
388
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,115
-(gasping)
-(whimpering)
389
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:04,868
What are they freaking out
about? Oh, yeah.
390
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,373
-(gasping)
-(whimpering)
391
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,791
The aliens might destroy Earth!
392
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,626
I know! This sucks.
393
00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:15,628
What do we do?
What do we do?
394
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:16,963
-Susmita.
-Yeah?
395
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,798
This might be
our last day on Earth.
396
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,383
If there's anything
we want to do,
397
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,135
I guess we should go do it.
398
00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,928
(panting)
Move! Out of the way!
399
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,347
-Hey, Tina...
-(sweeping romantic music plays)
400
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:28,183
(moaning)
401
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:29,934
-(panting)
-Whoa.
402
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,479
Ugh, why is your face so wet?
403
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,230
-(panting, shouts)
-(shouts)
404
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,566
Dang, Tina! I must be
a giant whoopee cushion,
405
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:37,984
'cause you just knocked
a fart out of me!
406
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,319
Aw, screw it.
407
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,154
-♪ ♪
-Mm, mwah.
-(grunting)
408
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:43,782
-Holy do-what-in-the-huh?
-(panting)
409
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,450
(bells tinkle)
410
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,035
Hi, kids. How was your day?
411
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,454
(groans)
I love you so much, Mom.
412
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,456
I love you, too, sweetie.
413
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:53,875
Dad, have you told Mom
how much you love her today?
414
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,503
Um, I-I think... maybe?
415
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:57,504
Tell her, damn it!
416
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,130
I-I love you, Lin.
417
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,465
Wait, what's happening?
418
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,466
Everything's fine.
419
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,967
Life is just so damn beautiful.
420
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,803
-Thank you.
-I freakin' love you, Gene.
421
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,805
-I, uh, love...
-I love you, too, Louise.
422
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,139
Yep, yep, that's good.
423
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,642
Aw, my Teeny Tina's emotional.
424
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:13,311
What about this coatrack?
Is it beautiful?
425
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,313
No, it's weird.
You shouldn't have bought it.
426
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,731
-He bought five.
-(emotional): I know.
427
00:14:16,773 --> 00:14:18,942
That was really dumb, Dad.
But I love you.
428
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,028
You're dumb.
I mean, I-I love you, too.
429
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,322
So, what did you do
after school yesterday?
430
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,990
I did some, um, kissing.
431
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,659
Well, because of your advice,
432
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,995
I, uh, wrote a note
to the boy I have a crush on.
433
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,081
Attagirl. Did he write back?
What did he say?
434
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,749
I didn't give it to him.
435
00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,918
Damn, Susmita.
The world's maybe about to end,
436
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,586
and you're sitting
on an unsent love note?
437
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,588
Funny advice
considering how we got here,
438
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,841
Miss Greetings From Earth
Please Come Kill Us.
439
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,759
-(beeping)
-Oh, my God.
440
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,387
This is it. It's going
through the translator.
441
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:49,305
TINA:
"Dear Earth idiots!
442
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,057
"I was gonna tell my boss
about your message.
443
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,476
"But he was in what I guess
you call 'the bathroom.'
444
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:56,646
"Anyway, he took forever,
and then my shift was over.
445
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,107
So, you guys got lucky.
I didn't tell him."
446
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,400
-He didn't tell him!
-(gasps)
447
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:01,901
"But if you ever send
another message,
448
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,278
"your planet will be destroyed.
449
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:05,447
So do not ever send
another message!"
450
00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,449
Oh, thank God.
451
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:10,118
Okay. Phew. Um, so should
we write back and say thanks?
452
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,412
-Tina, no!
-Right, right, right.
453
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:13,413
All right, this could work.
454
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,831
Why? Why is this gonna work?
455
00:15:14,873 --> 00:15:16,207
People like sidewalk sales?
456
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,793
Hey, Bob! Hey, uh,
what-what are you doing?
457
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,129
Something stupid,
I'll bet! Zoom!
458
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:24,591
We're having a sidewalk
mini coatrack super sale.
459
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,052
Coatracks?
Why would anyone need coatracks?
460
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,219
They're for putting coats on.
461
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,305
People need coatracks, Jimmy!
462
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:32,682
That's dumb! You just hang your
coat on the back of your chair.
463
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,267
You're dumb!
464
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:37,103
Oh, put a fettuccine
in your in-betweeny, Jimmy!
465
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,981
Ah, criminy sliminy,
I'm going inside.
466
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,276
It seems like we scared them
straight.
467
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:45,362
Give us the damn gift card,
Habes.
468
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,364
Thanks to your help, I think
we broke your sister's spirits
469
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:51,201
and put a lid on her reckless
sense of optimism for a while.
470
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,869
Here you go.
471
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,622
I feel really good about this.
472
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:58,291
Yeah, what does it matter
what Tina thinks of us?
473
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,960
We're gonna be eating
free frozen yogurt!
474
00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:02,295
I feel terrible.
475
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:03,963
Yeah...
476
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:06,800
That sneaky alien faker
son of a bitch!
477
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:09,052
And you guys, too! I-I can't
believe you helped him! Ugh!
478
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:10,637
I know! We're sorry!
479
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,889
And that's why we bought you
this gift card.
480
00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:14,891
-With our own money.
-Thank you.
481
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,601
-It's a good start.
-Yeah.
482
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,103
Wait, Susmita,
you know what this means?
483
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,604
Now we can do
our science project.
484
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,606
-Like, really do it.
-What do you mean?
485
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,817
We can fix our satellite
and resend our message
486
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:26,236
-to actual aliens.
-I don't know, Tina.
487
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,154
What? What do you mean
you don't know?
488
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,823
I mean, I'm mad at Henry,
489
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:31,366
and he shouldn't have messed
with our project.
490
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:33,159
But maybe he's right.
It's too risky
491
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,412
-to send out a message.
-Of course you'd say that.
492
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:36,996
You couldn't even give
a love note to a boy
493
00:16:37,038 --> 00:16:38,623
when you thought
it was your last day on Earth.
494
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,542
Ugh! I never should have
told you that.
495
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:43,294
Have you even started working
on our Science Fair board yet?
496
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,797
-Don't change the subject.
-The Science Fair is today!
497
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,799
That's literally the subject!
498
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,051
Look, I need to go type up
our conclusion.
499
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:51,720
We don't have a conclusion.
500
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,139
Our conclusion is that
there is no logical reason
501
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,933
to attempt to make contact
with extraterrestrials.
502
00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:58,977
Damn it, Susmita!
You sound just like Henry!
503
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,271
Well, at least
we can still get an "A," Tina.
504
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,272
Screw the "A"!
505
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:03,773
-(gasping)
-Yeah, you know what?
506
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,567
I don't think we should be
Science Fair partners anymore.
507
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:08,820
Well, I'm still turning in
the radio telescope project.
508
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,321
What are you turning in?
509
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,740
Uh, how 'bout
a little project called
510
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,158
"Peanut Butter:
What's Up with That?"
511
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,868
I still have time. Kind of.
512
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:15,869
We'll help you, T.
513
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,787
Well, good luck
with your peanut butter!
514
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,080
Good luck with your...
515
00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,915
never taking chances in life!
516
00:17:20,957 --> 00:17:22,459
See you at the Science Fair!
517
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,711
Oh, i-it's in the,
uh, auditorium, right?
518
00:17:24,753 --> 00:17:26,296
-Yeah.
-That's what I thought.
519
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:34,346
TINA:
...up... with... that?
520
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,931
Okay, Hildy in the cafeteria
didn't have any peanuts,
521
00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,933
but she let us take
a few handfuls of almonds.
522
00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,102
Not all of mine made it back.
523
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,771
Thanks.
I guess almonds will have to do.
524
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,939
Okay, we have two hours
until the Science Fair.
525
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,524
It's time to see
if you can make peanut butter
526
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:47,525
without using any butter.
527
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,902
Or peanuts.
528
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,528
(sighs)
It's starting to rain a little.
529
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,197
I'm shutting down
the super sidewalk
530
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,615
mini coatrack full-price sale.
531
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,033
How many did you sell?
532
00:17:55,075 --> 00:17:56,618
Lin, you know I didn't sell any.
533
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,953
Hey, look
at these little coatracks.
534
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,206
-Aren't these fun?
-This one looks
like a little tree.
535
00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,874
That's funny.
Trees are funny.
536
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,793
Um, do-do you want to buy it?
537
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,211
-Why would I buy it?
-(laughing)
538
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,129
I'm just gonna put my coat
on it, right?
539
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:10,048
Aw, people are using 'em.
540
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,549
Because people need coatracks.
541
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,051
This is what I've been saying!
542
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,636
Hey, wait,
those people with coats
543
00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,096
are going into Jimmy Pesto's.
544
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,597
Hey! He doesn't have coatracks!
545
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,599
Pesto's doesn't have coatracks!
546
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:23,019
He-he wants you to put your wet
coats on the back of your chair!
547
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,563
What? What? No, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey! That's not true!
548
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,566
-Yes, it is!
Come over here to Bob's Burgers!
-It's no-- No!
549
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,026
-We have coatracks!
-No! No!
550
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,237
-No! (groaning)
-Yes! Yes!
551
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,656
We win! Sort of.
552
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,408
Oh, Bobby! Mwah, mwah!
553
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,076
Now lift me up
like in The Notebook!
554
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:39,703
(grunts)
555
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,954
(strained):
I can't.
556
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:42,330
SUSMITA:
And that's why
557
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,582
we shouldn't attempt
to make contact
558
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:45,583
with extraterrestrials.
559
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,751
That's exactly right.
560
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,919
(panting)
561
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,671
Oh. Hi, Tina.
562
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:52,799
Uh, so I guess you and Susmita
aren't partners anymore?
563
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,343
We, uh, had
some scientific disagreements.
564
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:58,013
-Well, you're up.
-(exhales) So,
565
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,848
I started with some almonds.
566
00:18:59,889 --> 00:19:01,099
Your board says "peanuts."
567
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,767
Which are harder to find
than you may think.
568
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,854
Um, so, after crushing
these almonds,
569
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,689
they were transformed
into a powder.
570
00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:10,358
-(quietly): She's nailing this.
-Really strong start.
571
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,778
Um, and, honestly, I wish I was
still doing my other project,
572
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,613
but we came
to two different conclusions.
573
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,033
She thought it was logical
to never reach out to aliens,
574
00:19:18,074 --> 00:19:19,659
but I think it's only logical
575
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,161
that we need
to reach out to them.
576
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,162
-Wrong.
-Shh!
577
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:23,747
And why is that, Tina?
578
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,331
Well, if we never reach out--
579
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,167
Uh, j-just look
at all these other projects!
580
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,127
I mean, first off,
amazing boards.
581
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:31,379
Great job, everybody. Seems like
a lot of parents got involved,
582
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,298
but no judgment.
But look at-look at Zeke
583
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:34,716
and Tammy's board.
The bees are dying.
584
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:35,717
Preach, girl!
585
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:36,801
Sea levels are rising.
586
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,303
She's talking about our board.
587
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,554
No, Jocelyn.
588
00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:41,723
-We did the life of the sun.
-Oh.
589
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:44,309
Right. But what happens
when the sun burns out?
590
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:45,602
Spray tan, I guess?
591
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:48,021
A-And, uh, look at this one.
Overpopulation.
592
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:50,482
We're burning through
natural resources like crazy.
593
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,485
Wow, the Science Fair
is a real downer this year.
594
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,654
So, yeah, if-if we make contact
with aliens, they might kill us.
595
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,282
But what if we reach out
and the aliens help us?
596
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:02,035
They could act in alien movies.
That'd be cool.
597
00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:04,287
The thing you're afraid of could
be our only chance at survival.
598
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,872
In conclusion,
if we open ourselves up,
599
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,248
yes, we might get hurt.
600
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,833
But if we don't open
ourselves up,
601
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,085
we die alone.
602
00:20:10,126 --> 00:20:11,086
Oh, my God.
603
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,171
Did she just change my mind?
604
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,760
Good job, partner.
605
00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:20,845
Now, I've got to go make contact
606
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,681
with a boy I have a crush on.
607
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,516
-The one you wrote that note to?
-Yeah.
608
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,142
Get it, girl.
609
00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:27,977
-Henry?
-Uh, yes, Susmita?
610
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,646
I've got a message for you.
611
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:33,400
Doo-doo. Doo. Doo-doo. Doo.
Doo-doo-doo. Doo. Doo.
612
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,235
Oh, wow. Okay.
613
00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:36,736
I mean, 100%.
614
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,656
Doo. Doo-doo-doo.
Doo. Doo. Doo-doo...
615
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:43,076
I ho-I hope the aliens
destroy Earth right now.
616
00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,328
It was Henry? You got
to be beeping kidding me.
617
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,956
Hey, Tina! I can't wait
till the next last day on Earth!
618
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:49,791
I'm excited for that apocalypse!
619
00:20:49,833 --> 00:20:51,876
You know what I'm sayin'.
The apoca-lips.
620
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,461
Zeke, what-what
are you talking about?
621
00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:55,714
What? Uh, nothing.
Uh, come on.
622
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,590
-Come on, I'm gonna get ya.
(grunts) Come on, come on.
-Ow, Zeke. Ow.
623
00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:58,925
-Come on, come on.
-Aah, Zeke!
624
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:02,345
♪ Doo-doot doo-doot doo
means I love you ♪
625
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,055
No. No, it doesn't.
626
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:07,183
♪ Doot doo-doo-doot doo-doo-doot
means I care ♪
627
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,810
That actually means "egg."
628
00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:10,520
♪ Doo-doot doo-doot-doot
doo-doo ♪
629
00:21:10,562 --> 00:21:13,523
-Means, um, "oranges"?
-That means "cat."
630
00:21:13,565 --> 00:21:16,901
♪ Doo-doot doo-doo-doot doo-doo
means I'll always be there ♪
631
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,611
That's just "cat" again.
632
00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:20,822
♪ Doo-doot-doot doot-doot doo ♪
633
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:23,283
♪ Doo-doot doo-doot
doot-doo-doo ♪
634
00:21:23,324 --> 00:21:25,869
♪ Doo-doot
doo-doot doot doo doo ♪
635
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:27,912
♪ ♪
636
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:30,415
BOTH:
♪ Doo-doot doo-doot doo-doo ♪
637
00:21:30,457 --> 00:21:31,958
TINA:
♪ Means I love you... ♪
638
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,960
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH