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00:00:02,837 --> 00:00:05,045
♪ ♪
2
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[linda] okay, I'm putting
in a load of laundry,
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So everybody smell yourself.
4
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Are your pajamas okay
or are they funky?
5
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-[sniffs] mine are okay.
-[gene and louise sniff]
6
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Mine are better than tina's.
7
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Mine kind of smell like soup,
so I'm good.
8
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Okay then, I'm gonna do it.
You know the drill.
9
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Nothing else on
but the tv, right?
10
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-[kids] yes.
-Wait. Is the tree off?
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-[kids] yes.
-Bob, I'm starting the washer.
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No toaster, no microwave,
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-Okay?
-What?
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-Did he say "yup?"
-[kids] uh-huh.
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Lin? Linda?
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Did you say you're starting
a wash? I hope not
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-'cause I'm making toast.
-I couldn't hear you.
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-Are you in the kitchen?
-No. I'm in the bathroom,
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-But I'm making toast.
-[linda] you're "making it go"?
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Good for you. I'm proud of you.
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-[kids gasping]
-that's not good.
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-Oh, crap.
-No! No!
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Off tv bad!
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The whole subpanel's fried.
25
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This wiring is a disaster.
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None of this is up to code.
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You're lucky
just the panel blew.
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Your whole house could have
been a christmas roast.
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-Aw.
-Not in a good way.
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Ah.
-Ah, well, uh,
as the landlord here,
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I should tell you
that this all feels very judgy.
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What's "code," really?
Just a way to be judgy.
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-Who did this work?
-Well, uh, this was
a collaboration
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Over the years with... Involving
many different talents.
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Who can say who did what?
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Is this dried blood?
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Uh, it's ketchup.
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Uh, our handyman
does repairs down here
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And says he works better
when he's eating.
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-He doesn't.
-Hm.
-Oh.
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-Mm-hmm.
-I can fix it,
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But you won't have power
for three or four days.
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What?!
But christmas is in two days!
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I know.
And I'm excited to be here.
45
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We can't have no power
for christmas!
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Your landlord should
put you up somewhere.
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What, me?
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Why is it always
the landlord's problem?
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Ugh, fine.
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Let's go and let him
do his precious up-to-code work.
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Should the sign just say,
"electricity's out.
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See you when we see you"?
That-that sounds wrong.
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Well, you're in luck.
I can put you up at the lodge.
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-The lodge?
-Yes. My family's
old hunting lodge.
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We don't use it much.
It's a bit, uh, hunty lodgey.
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My father bought it
when we were kids
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So he'd have a place
to do his falconry.
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-Falcon crest?
-Falconry. It's a-it's a--
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-Oh.
-It's-it's a kind of hunting
with trained falcons.
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He wasn't any good at it
and they usually flew away,
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But we just kept
buying him more falcons.
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It was nice, actually,
because he was hard to shop for.
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Can you excuse us a sec?
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Are we gonna spend christmas
in mr. Fischoeder's lodge?
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Not be in our house?
For christmas?
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It sounds sad and terrible.
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I know, but power is good?
68
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Why did mr. Fischoeder have
to call a real electrician?
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Teddy could have
gotten us through christmas.
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-Teddy did this.
-Don't blame him
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Just 'cause he doesn't know
what he's doing.
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(groans) can we bring
our christmas stuff?
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And the tree?
Make it feel more like home?
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Sure. Wait. The tree? How?
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We-we already decorated it.
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-I need the tree, bob.
-Uh, okay, okay.
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-I need it.
-I got it.
-[clears throat]
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Well, you seem very excited.
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And I was thinking
of not standing here anymore.
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So, can I call the caretaker
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And tell him not to drive up
to the lodge tonight?
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-The caretaker?
-Yes, old mr. Mccormick.
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You'd be
doing me a favor, really,
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If you'd spend
a few nights there.
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I wouldn't have to
pay that crank
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To lick the pipes
or whatever it is he does
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To keep the heat
and water running.
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-Lick the pipes?
-I don't know.
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It's an old house, but we pay
old crotchety mccormick
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To go up there,
and if you good folks go up,
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You can lick the pipes and, uh,
I could save the five dollars.
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Look at the tree, poor thing.
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Is there any way
we can play it some music
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Or a podcast or something?
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-I don't think so.
-Okay, never mind.
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We got the cooking stuff,
we got the stockings.
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Oh, I forgot the deodorant.
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Eh, that's okay.
Maybe, santa'll bring some.
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-Yeah.
-Wait. Oh, crap!
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How will santa know that we're
going to a different house?
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Is there paperwork we
have to fill out or something?
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He knows, honey.
They track our phones, I think.
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-That sounds right.
-Yeah.
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Okay, uh, so do we know that
for sure?
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-Do we know that for sure?!
-Louise, it'll be fine.
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We have to go. I want to try
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And make it up the mountain
before dark.
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[linda] okay.
Everyone, say, "bye, house."
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[all]
bye, house.
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[gasps]
uh, you, too, restaurant! Phew.
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That was close.
We almost had to go back.
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[bob]
oh, god. I'm not sure
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The tires can handle this.
They're-they're pretty bald.
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Look who's talking.
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Yeah, aren't we supposed
to have chains or something?
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Like cool chains
that connect to our wallets?
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[bob]
oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god.
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[louise]
this is like a nightmare.
-[bob] I know.
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I-I'm very scared,
but I'm being brave.
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-No, dad. The santa thing.
-Oh.
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I had very reasonable stuff
on my list,
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And I was exactly
a reasonable amount of good,
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So I was expecting
to run the table this year.
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I was gonna get the whole list.
The whole list!
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No screaming unless we're
tumbling off the cliff, please.
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Louise, honey, calm down.
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We'd all rather be home
for christmas in the place
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Where we've spent
every christmas
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Since you kids were born,
but we're not, and that's fine.
130
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-It's fine.
-Guys, there's no way
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Santa's gonna be able
to find us.
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Do your phones
even work up here?
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I'm pretty sure
santa's got, um, sleigh-dar.
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Hit him up on linkedin.
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[bob]
oh, I don't like that.
136
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We gonna make it,
or is this the end?
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Could go either way.
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Dad, you said you wanted
to get there before dark.
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-Yup.
-But it's dark.
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-Yup.
-So we really got to hurry.
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-[bob whimpers]
-dad's voice keeps
getting higher.
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Kids, no talking to your father.
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Close your eyes. Try to rest.
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And if we end up upside down
in a ravine,
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Go ahead
and eat your father and me.
146
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[gene]
I call mom's legs!
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-[louise] whoa.
-[gene] whoa.
-[tina] whoa.
148
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-[bob] thank god we made it.
-[linda sighs]
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[bob] I did that. I did it.
150
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[linda] good driving, bobby.
Pretty much.
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All right, everyone
grab something and bring it
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Into mr. Fischoeder's old, dark,
not-too-scary, mountain mansion.
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It's kind of cool looking.
And... We're alive.
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I'm still just so happy
about that.
155
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Once we turn on some lights
and start a fire
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And bring in the decorations,
I bet it'll be really nice.
157
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Yeah, I've had a box
of ornaments
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On my lap for 90 miles.
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-They'd better earn their keep.
-You're right, kids.
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We'll christmas the hell
out of this place.
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But, uh, let's do all
the decorating stuff tomorrow,
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-Right?
-Oh, yeah.
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Tonight, I'm only unpacking
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The rudolph the red wine
reindeer glasses
165
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And pouring us a glass of--
oh, my god!
166
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-What?
-Where's the tree?!
167
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:50,599
-Oh my god.
-Where's the tree?!
168
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,188
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
169
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The tree must have fallen off
on the drive up here.
170
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Oh, I knew we should have
put the tree on my lap somehow.
171
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,653
Or at least that thing
where you hold onto it
172
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With one arm out the window.
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00:06:05,491 --> 00:06:07,866
Like dad did with my old
mattress before it blew off.
174
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,868
We should have had
a professional come tie it on.
175
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:12,579
Like a surgeon,
a-a tree surgeon or something.
176
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Instead of us burger people.
177
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-We did our best.
-That doesn't sound like us.
178
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It was the road.
That bumpy, snowy, evil road.
179
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Uh, okay, okay.
So it's... It fell off.
180
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:24,383
We'll just drive back down
and get it.
181
00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,510
-Oh, no, no. No.
-Yes, bob. The tree!
182
00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:28,887
Linda, it-it's a miracle
that we're here.
183
00:06:28,931 --> 00:06:30,639
We shouldn't have driven
on that road
184
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:33,642
In this car with these tires,
and it's snowing.
185
00:06:33,769 --> 00:06:35,268
Every moment,
the road is getting worse.
186
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,062
We-we can't drive back to town.
187
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:40,107
Oh! Bobby, I can't stand
thinking about our tree
188
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,567
Outside in the cold all alone.
189
00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,404
It's fine. That's how a tree
spends its entire life.
190
00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:47,030
-Well, that's just awful.
-I know.
191
00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:49,825
-Awful.
-Yup. Come on,
let-let's go inside.
192
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,493
[whines]
193
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,329
Uh, I'll, uh,
I'll put this down
194
00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:56,081
And, uh, feel
for a light switch.
195
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,791
Well, your father's gone.
He's never coming back.
196
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,252
I'd take out my phone if
I had one and use it as a light,
197
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:01,920
-But, you know.
-Tina not now.
198
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,131
-You won't let me get a phone...
-Shushies.
199
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:06,216
-Aah!
-Aah!
-Bad falcon!
200
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:07,968
This is kinda nice.
201
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,178
Looks like they updated
the kitchen at some point.
202
00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,931
A guy could maybe
cook a christmas meal in here?
203
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,350
-[gene] guy fieri?
--Louise] chimney. Okay, check.
204
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,352
That's one thing
going for us, santa-wise.
205
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,229
And we can have
all our shareholder meetings
206
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,857
At this totally
normal-sized table,
207
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,651
-So that's good.
-Um, that's terrifying.
208
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,862
It's, uh, very falcony.
209
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:27,904
Why is it so big?
210
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,573
Oh, god,
I'll have to look at it
211
00:07:29,658 --> 00:07:30,949
While I'm cooking, too.
212
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:32,284
Uh, I bet we'll all
get used to it,
213
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:34,077
And then we won't even
notice it anymore. Maybe?
214
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,412
Yeah, like dad's dead tooth.
215
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,122
-Or his dead toenail.
-They're not dead,
216
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,540
They're just struggling.
217
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,584
Well, should we figure out
where they put the beds
218
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:41,877
In this winter wonderland?
219
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:44,129
I call the room with
the fewest dead animals.
220
00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:46,631
-What the heck is that?
-There's a little plaque.
221
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,508
It says "indoor funicular
222
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,720
By the argyle elevator and
mechanical amusements company."
223
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,597
I loved their first album,
but then
224
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:54,890
Stevie nicks left the band.
225
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,808
-Should we ride it?
-Let's see if we can
226
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,852
Figure out
how to work it. Oh.
227
00:07:58,979 --> 00:07:59,978
Top or bottom.
228
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,688
-That's the eternal question.
-Okay.
229
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:02,981
Ready?
Here-here we go.
230
00:08:03,141 --> 00:08:05,108
Everyone hold on to something
so you don't
231
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,110
Fall when it takes off.
232
00:08:07,229 --> 00:08:09,488
[machine humming]
233
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:12,824
-Are we moving?
-No, it hasn't started yet.
234
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,034
Or wait. Has it?
235
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:16,411
Should we just get out
and take the stairs?
236
00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:17,329
[gene]
gross.
237
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,497
I call top bunk!
238
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,749
Oh. No one else
is sleeping in here?
239
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,501
Hey, I'm in
the elmer fudd suite.
240
00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:25,003
Fyi, I might have scary
dreams tonight. No reason.
241
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,255
Is everyone else's bed
the size of our kitchen?
242
00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:29,382
What? No.
These beds are small.
243
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:33,595
-Did you say yours is big?
-Uh, no. Good night.
244
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:35,680
[bob] why would anyone
245
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,140
Put that painting
in a dining room?
246
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:39,518
-It'd look ridiculous
in the bathroom?
-[sighs]
247
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,478
You know what should
go right there? The tree.
248
00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:43,146
It could look out
the window if it wants.
249
00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:45,899
-And think about what it's done.
-God, there's weird stuff
250
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,567
On mr. Fischoeder's
caretaker's list.
251
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,277
"beat the rugs with the drapes
252
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,364
"while the curtains watch,
get mail from mailbox,
253
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,075
"burn mail,
brush teeth on bear head.
254
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,702
Never break eye contact."
hm.
255
00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:58,954
Dad, stop talking about
the list.
256
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,872
The only list
that matters is santa's.
257
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,207
Here's a thought.
What if he finds you
258
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,575
By the smell of the cookies?
259
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,835
-Oh, my god, the cookies.
-Yeah, I know. I'm smart.
260
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,629
I forgot the flour
for the cookies.
261
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,923
What?
So no tree and no cookies?
262
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:12,008
We need to pull
this together, people.
263
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,843
Maybe mr. Fischoeder has flour?
264
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,845
I hope so, but I'm worried that
265
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:18,306
If it is there
it might be very old.
266
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:19,808
Or cocaine.
Also, louise,
267
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,893
I-I think I can still
make cookies for santa
268
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,521
-Without flour.
-Do you think santa's
gluten-free, dad?
269
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:27,399
-I--
-do you think santa's
gluten-free, dad?!
270
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,275
-Uh...
-Do you?!
271
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,110
I think santa's mostly gluten.
272
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:32,153
No flour, no cocaine,
but how about rum?
273
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,281
Ugh!
This is a disaster.
274
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,408
Look, we can at least
solve the tree problem.
275
00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,201
We're surrounded
by christmas trees.
276
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,703
Let's just chop one down.
277
00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:42,122
A different tree?
A stranger tree?
278
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,999
That we just met
in the forest somewhere?
279
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,668
-I-I guess we could do that.
-But our tree.
280
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:49,671
That we brought home.
That knows us and loves us.
281
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,424
Mom, a tree in the hand
is better than one in a ditch.
282
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:55,927
Oh, my god, poor tree
in a ditch. Ugh, okay, fine.
283
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,096
Fine, we can go look.
284
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,974
Well, the good news
is that axe seems pretty heavy,
285
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,642
So there's no way dad has
the upper body strength
286
00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,102
To go full shining on us.
287
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,646
Yeah. Half shining at most.
No offense, dad.
288
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,231
I think I could shining
all of you if I had to.
289
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,649
Although I'm tired
because I didn't
290
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,235
Get enough sleep last night
on that little bed.
291
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:14,195
Oh, yeah,
those beds are so tiny.
292
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,739
-Uh, how-how about this one?
-Eh.
293
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:17,407
-Or this one's nice.
-Meh.
294
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,076
-Okay. How about this guy, huh?
-Eh...
295
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:23,121
It's just, none of these trees
have what our tree has:
296
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:24,748
That effortless charm and wit.
297
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:28,043
That perfect bushiness, but
without being cocky about it.
298
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,919
It was a little cocky.
299
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,921
Okay, fine.
300
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,506
Do it.
That one.
301
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,216
So, I guess I just start
302
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,468
Chopping at the trunky part?
303
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,762
No technical terms.
Dumb it down for us.
304
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,097
All right, maybe like, uh...
305
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,475
Wait. Do trees die
when you cut them down?
306
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,268
-Yeah, tina.
-Right.
307
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:47,479
-[louise] uh...
-[tina groaning]
308
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:49,230
-[gene whimpering]
-[linda] eh...
309
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,067
-Forget it, forget it,
-yeah.
310
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,193
-Stop, stop, stop.
-Phew.
-Oh, thank god.
311
00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,361
Bob, I want to go down and
312
00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:55,987
-Look for our tree.
-[bob groans]
313
00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,864
The sun is out.
The road is clear.
314
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,991
And we need flour.
You stay with the kids.
315
00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,159
I'll just zip down
to that little market
316
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:02,494
At the bottom of the mountain
317
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,371
And be back quicker
than you can lick a pipe.
318
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:05,955
Oh, right, we haven't
licked the pipes yet.
319
00:11:06,041 --> 00:11:07,791
-This is a good plan.
-But, lin,
320
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:08,917
We don't even know
where it fell off.
321
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,211
Sure we do.
Somewhere between here
322
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,712
And the bottom of the mountain.
323
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,130
She's hot on its trail.
324
00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:15,382
Even if you find the tree,
325
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,008
How-how will you get it
in the car?
326
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,302
I'll use my superhuman
christmas magic mom strength.
327
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,221
Yeah. Or she'll just
close the door on it
328
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,514
And drag it alongside the car
329
00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,099
Like she does
with her purse sometimes.
330
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,392
And her skirts.
331
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,018
And if that doesn't work,
I'll come get you
332
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,395
And we'll both do it.
333
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,271
I'm gonna save christmas.
Oh, wait.
334
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,856
I don't have my keys.
Or my wallet.
335
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:33,108
And I better
go inside and pee first.
336
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,234
Uh, let's all go in.
337
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,319
But maybe mr. Axe stays outside?
338
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,030
Oh, yeah. Mr. Axe
is gonna go back in the shed
339
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:40,865
With his friend mr. Machete.
340
00:11:40,951 --> 00:11:42,909
And I think
I saw a hand grenade,
341
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,828
So nobody go in there.
342
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:47,247
[linda]
don't worry, tree,
I'm coming for you.
343
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,708
Dang it, I wish
I gave you a flare gun.
344
00:11:49,793 --> 00:11:51,876
Okay, I got to stay positive.
345
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:54,212
Can't give up.
Christmas miracle time.
346
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,339
Here we go.
I'm gonna find you.
347
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:59,092
Oh, crap, I'm at
the bottom of the mountain.
348
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,594
[all grunting]
349
00:12:01,722 --> 00:12:03,179
Louise, you don't seem
that into this.
350
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,390
You're not aiming for my glasses
like you usually do.
351
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:07,517
Yeah, I know, sorry. It's just,
look at that big field.
352
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,978
I guess we're calling anything
a field these days.
353
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,646
You think if we spelled
something out with fire,
354
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,357
Santa could see it from
his satellite or whatever?
355
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,526
-Come on.
-Oh, yeah, that could work.
356
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,612
But maybe not fire,
because it's fire. Um,
357
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,531
-What about sticks?
-And stones?
358
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,574
No, wait-- our bones.
359
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,909
At least I got the stupid flour.
360
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,995
Oh, tree, I give up.
I'm never gonna find you.
361
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,955
Oh, my god, there you are!
362
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,373
Our tree. It's our tree!
363
00:12:30,459 --> 00:12:32,250
I never gave up on you.
Whoa. Okay, don't die.
364
00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,710
Don't die. Don't die.
365
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:39,591
I can't wait to tell bob
I found our tree. And he thought
366
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:40,884
I couldn't do it.
367
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,469
I'll only say "I told you so,"
like, four times.
368
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,971
Maybe five.
Why isn't it ringing?
369
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,181
Oh, no bars.
370
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,476
It's kind of steep,
but it's safe, right?
371
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,511
Safe-ish. Whoa.
372
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,897
Whoa! Whoa. Whoa...
373
00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,732
Okay, okay.
374
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:56,691
Oh, boy.
375
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:57,942
Okay, here we go.
Here we go.
376
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,778
This is better.
This is better.
377
00:12:59,863 --> 00:13:01,112
Oh, and butt's getting
pretty wet.
378
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,448
Butt's getting wet.
[shouting]
379
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,241
Whoa. [shouting]
380
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:06,618
[grunts]
381
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,536
And that's how you do that.
382
00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:11,122
Hey, lin, uh,
I haven't heard from you.
383
00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,124
Uh, hope you're okay and, uh,
384
00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:15,084
Not, uh,
running out of gas somewhere
385
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,796
Or being torn apart
by anything in the woods.
386
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:19,422
Not-not that you would
get torn apart.
387
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,758
You're-you're a strong person.
I definitely would.
388
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,803
Between the two of us,
I would be the one to get torn--
389
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:26,137
Forget it. Call me.
390
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,640
[louise]
[sighs] boy, this is taking
a long time.
391
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:31,142
Do you think "bel" kind of
gets the point across?
392
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,645
[gene]
as long as he doesn't think
it's bell biv devoe.
393
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,730
-[tina] or harry belafonte.
-[gene] or mr. Belvedere.
394
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:37,816
Oh, god.
Okay, okay. We got to finish it.
395
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,400
But we're running out
of big branches.
396
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:42,695
We could use mom and dad's
clothes. Or gene?
397
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:44,447
I am good at lying down.
398
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,699
[groaning]
399
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,912
Aah! Whoa.
400
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,705
No! Oh, come on.
401
00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,583
Why does dragging
a christmas tree
402
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:59,629
Up a snowy mountain
have to be so hard?
403
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:04,467
Okay, I don't love that.
404
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,386
Oh, sun's gone.
405
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,221
Ooh, that is cold.
That is very cold.
406
00:14:08,306 --> 00:14:10,557
Can you die of cold?
No, right?
407
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,766
That's only in the movies.
408
00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:13,601
[bob]
[grunts] get up there.
409
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:15,562
Oh... [grunts] come on.
410
00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:16,938
What are you doing?
411
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,356
Uh, I'm trying to make it
so that I don't have to
412
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,691
Look at this painting anymore.
413
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,484
-[grunts]
-you did it. Good job.
414
00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:24,779
Thanks. I-I'm just glad
it finally w-- mm.
415
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,990
-Oh, sorry.
-Yeah. What are you doing?
416
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,283
We're looking for stuff
to spell out
417
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,784
A giant message to santa.
418
00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:32,161
You don't love the clothes
you brought with you, right?
419
00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,998
I don't love them,
but I want to keep them inside.
420
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,124
Like your feelings.
421
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,500
Can't you just use branches
422
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:38,626
Since we're in the woods?
423
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:39,794
We found some, but it's snowy,
424
00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:40,628
And they're deep down,
425
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,422
And our tiny hands got cold.
426
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,549
So we're actually gonna
need this. Thank you.
427
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,718
-No, no, no, I need that.
-I need this.
428
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:47,969
-No.
-I need this!
429
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,429
-Louise.
-Fine.
430
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,514
[grunts] uh... Uh-oh.
431
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,682
So you took care of that.
432
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:54,809
Uh, it turns out
I'm not good at--
433
00:14:54,936 --> 00:14:56,311
-No, louise, no, no.
-What?
434
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,729
-No. Put it down.
-Okay...
435
00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:58,813
-What about...
-Put it down.
436
00:14:58,940 --> 00:15:00,690
Ugh! Do you hate presents?
437
00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:01,774
Aah! I'm all right.
438
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:05,820
Ah, ha, ha, tina!
You beautiful beast.
439
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:08,072
Dad, are these allowed outside?
440
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,490
-Any objections?
-Mm.
441
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:11,618
Gene, come grab
these spelling sticks.
442
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:12,911
If I wanted to carry skis,
443
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,079
I would have gone with ken
to breckenridge.
444
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,956
[panting]
oh, please.
445
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,291
Please let me make it
to the car.
446
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,002
Oh, I can't wait
to put that heater on.
447
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,421
I love that heater so much.
448
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:24,547
Almost there.
449
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:27,508
So tired.
Body giving out.
450
00:15:27,636 --> 00:15:29,010
Spirit giving out.
451
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,346
Bladder holding on. Mostly.
452
00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:32,388
Hang on, tree.
453
00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:35,683
I'm gonna put ornaments
all over you.
454
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,894
Whoa...!
455
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,270
Oh! Oh, thank god.
456
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,899
Thank god--
no! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
457
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,317
Oh! [shouting]
458
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,069
Oh!
459
00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:50,782
No...!
460
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:53,159
-[bird screeches]
-oh, hush.
461
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,582
Hey, lin, uh, me again.
Please don't be dead.
462
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:00,833
That's my one request.
463
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,419
Oh, and flour.
But mostly don't be dead
464
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:06,172
Because I don't know
how I'd go on without you.
465
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,716
And also, you're better
at wrapping presents than me.
466
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,718
-Okay, goodbye.
-Dad, go to the window.
467
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,304
Look out-look out the window.
Go, go, go to the window, dad.
468
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,848
Okay. "belcher."
looks good.
469
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,558
I hope you're excited
to bring all that
470
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:18,935
Back in the house later.
471
00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:20,770
That sounds like
a caretaker's responsibility.
472
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,563
So, okay,
I'm gonna take a walk,
473
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,442
Mostly to, uh, you know,
get some air, enjoy nature.
474
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,277
But also to see
if your mom crashed the car
475
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,821
And is freezing to death
somewhere.
476
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:31,614
-[kids] oh.
-She has been gone a while.
477
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,616
I just assumed she and the tree
ran off together
478
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:36,077
And she'd send for the children
once they're settled.
479
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,246
Honestly, guys, it's a long shot
mom would be able
480
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:39,872
To find the tree.
I'm sorry.
481
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,749
But I-I'm gonna
see if I can find her.
482
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:44,669
But mom is in a car.
You are on your--
483
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,337
No offense-- very slow legs.
484
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:47,964
Well, I-I need to do something.
485
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,382
Your-your mom might be stuck.
486
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,300
Is this partly
to get away from the painting?
487
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,761
No. A little.
I really don't like it.
488
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:55,805
It'll be okay.
I'll be back soon.
489
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,390
Uh, with your mom.
Who's fine.
490
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,933
And the car.
Both in one piece.
491
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:01,602
Hopefully. Totally alive.
Both of them.
492
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:04,731
Uh, well, not the ca--
it's fine.
493
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,650
[grunting]
494
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,447
Whoa! Oh, okay.
495
00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,449
Okay, we got a problem.
496
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,577
Oh! I don't know
how to tell you this.
497
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:20,455
I'm not gonna be able
to bring you up, tree.
498
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,706
[sniffles]
huh.
499
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,374
I could tell you that
I'm gonna go get bob
500
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,668
And a rope,
and we'll be back for you,
501
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,378
But here's the thing.
502
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,505
I don't think
that's a good idea.
503
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,300
I love you, tree,
but if I come back with bob
504
00:17:32,460 --> 00:17:34,969
And we both die,
the kids'll be all alone,
505
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,763
And I don't think they'll put
themselves to bed
506
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,514
At a reasonable hour.
You know?
507
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,184
And I'm kind of missing
christmas eve over here.
508
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,394
I know I picked you
out of all the other trees,
509
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,146
And you were the one,
you really were.
510
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:48,566
[sniffles] but I got to
leave you here, my sweet baby.
511
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:50,234
Mama's got to go.
512
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:51,986
Here.
513
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:53,696
I know you like ornaments.
514
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:55,990
Eh. Eh. [sniffles]
515
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,366
There. [sniffles]
516
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,952
You look beautiful.
Okay.
517
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,955
Okay, I got to go now.
518
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:06,959
Nope, nope, you can't come.
You can't come.
519
00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,961
I'm sorry. Sorry.
520
00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:11,464
I'm sorry. Get off!
521
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,758
Get off! I'm sorry.
522
00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:16,219
You look beautiful.
523
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,471
[grunting]
524
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:26,729
Is that linda?
525
00:18:26,856 --> 00:18:28,272
Bob? Bob!
526
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,233
-Linda!
-What are you doing out here?
527
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,234
Uh, looking for you.
528
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,902
I left you a bunch of messages.
529
00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:34,403
I didn't have any bars.
530
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,988
Were you looking for the tree
this whole time?
531
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:37,323
I found it.
532
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,616
-You did?
-Yeah.
533
00:18:38,701 --> 00:18:40,952
We, uh, we got ourselves
into a little situation.
534
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,955
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You have a stick in your hair.
535
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,582
And snow in my pants
and in my underwear.
536
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,960
Everything's numb down there.
I'm not peeing, am I?
537
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,879
I-I don't think so.
Uh, but where-where's the tree?
538
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:54,048
Ugh.
The tree didn't make it, bob.
539
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,967
-Oh.
-Yep, yep.
540
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,844
She's gone. She's gone.
541
00:18:57,929 --> 00:19:00,096
-Oh, I'm sorry, lin.
-Yeah.
542
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,932
-[bob] did you get the flour?
-Yes, I got the flour.
543
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,726
Geez, have some respect
for the dead, huh?
544
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:08,062
Look who got flour.
545
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,438
-Mom!
-Mom!
-Momala!
546
00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:10,940
My genie beanie. Aw.
547
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,484
My teeny tina.
And my squeezy louisey.
548
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,112
-Dad's back, too.
-Good to see you, man.
549
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:17,238
I should have been here,
550
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,614
Spending the day
with my babies.
551
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,658
And I couldn't bring home
our christmas tree.
552
00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,451
-I'm really sorry.
-That's okay.
553
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:23,578
-We made one.
-[gasps]
554
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,372
Oh, it's the best
christmas tree ever.
555
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,125
[louise]
yeah, 'cause where's santa
gonna put the presents, right?
556
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,877
I mean, we assumed
you were gonna get the tree,
557
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,838
-But just in case, tina said
we should make a backup.
-What?
558
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,007
I love it.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
559
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:37,341
Sorry I've been
such a crumb bum
560
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,093
About coming here.
I just want to be
561
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,803
Wherever you guys are.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah,
562
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,388
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
Christmas!
563
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,557
So you dug down in the snow
and found more branches?
564
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,226
God no. We borrowed some
from the santa signal
565
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,645
And then we just filled in
with some perfectly okay things
566
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:51,439
From the house that you said
were fine to take.
567
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,357
-[linda]
oh, you used the towels.
-[tina] all of them.
568
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:56,569
-We weren't gonna bathe, right?
-Why start now?
-[bob] mm.
569
00:19:56,654 --> 00:19:57,945
And we made dad something, too.
570
00:19:58,114 --> 00:19:59,989
-[bob] you covered it?
-[gene] we used wrapping paper
571
00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,699
And the cheap tape mom buys,
so we may have to
572
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,075
Re-stick it a few times.
573
00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:04,702
That looks so much better.
574
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:07,330
It's like they're excited
about opening that present.
575
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,123
Which is probably a dead bunny.
576
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,833
Okay, I'm gonna
go dig the snow out of my butt,
577
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,044
And then let's bake
some cookies!
578
00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,004
I bet mrs. Claus
says the same thing every year.
579
00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,840
[louise] all right, the ball's
in your court, santa.
580
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,592
The full list!
581
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,385
[santa] ♪ gluten, ho, ho, ho! ♪
582
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,846
♪ there's no disputin'
I love gluten ♪
583
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:26,057
♪ ah ♪
584
00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:28,059
♪ gluten, ho, ho, ho! ♪
585
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:30,561
♪ you're darn tootin'
I love gluten ♪
586
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,521
♪ ho, ho! ♪
587
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:34,106
♪ you got celiac? ♪
588
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,900
♪ well, I got your back ♪
589
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:38,986
♪ but if I have
that snack attack ♪
590
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:41,864
♪ gimme that gluten,
ho, ho, ho! ♪
591
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,367
♪ there's no disputin'
I love gluten ♪
592
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,577
♪ ho, ho, ho! ♪
593
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:49,497
Merry christmas, everybody!
594
00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:52,083
Where's my cookies?
I earned 'em.
595
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:55,086
Captioning sponsored by
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