1
00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:02,043
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
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{\an8}Aw, hey there, big guy.
How you feeling this morning, huh?

3
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:26,526
- Uh, good.
- Okay. I'm just checking.

4
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- You're a tough little cookie.
- Thanks, Linda.

5
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You guys talking about Dad's hemorrhoid?

6
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- Oh, you mean Gary?
- You named my hemorrhoid?

7
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Yeah. Gary. He lives in your butt.

8
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{\an8}Well, Gary has moved out.
It's just my butt now.

9
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{\an8}- Brian?
- Wait. My butt's name is Brian?

10
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{\an8}Big old Brian.

11
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{\an8}- Well, I'm glad you're feeling better.
- So much better, yeah.

12
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{\an8}What the doctor was gonna do to you
sounded like a horror movie.

13
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{\an8}- We don't have to talk about it.
- Seems like we do.

14
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{\an8}The doctor said if your dad's
hemorrhoid didn't get smaller,

15
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,013
{\an8}they'd put a needle
up his butt and drain it.

16
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{\an8}- (ALL GROANING)
- Nope.

17
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{\an8}They were about to do it,

18
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{\an8}but then I started to get nauseous
and I was dry-heaving. In a brave way.

19
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{\an8}So he said we could wait a few days
and see if it got better on its own.

20
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{\an8}- And it did.
- Yeah.

21
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{\an8}It's totally better. All gone.

22
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{\an8}On its own.
Never will have to do that needle thing.

23
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{\an8}- Butt needle.
- Gene.

24
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{\an8}Why isn't Gretchen calling me back?

25
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{\an8}Ugh, I know why.

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{\an8}'Cause I melted her lookbook
at the salon and she's really upset.

27
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{\an8}I'm still a little confused
how you melted something

28
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{\an8}while getting a haircut.

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{\an8}(SIGHS) I was in the chair
looking at Gretchen's lookbook.

30
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{\an8}She has old magazine cutouts
of every hairstyle she's ever done.

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{\an8}She puts inspirational stuff
in there too.

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{\an8}Some cute dogs, Jason Priestley.

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{\an8}Anyway, Gretchen had to step away,

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{\an8}and she put down her curling iron.

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{\an8}So I then decided I wanted
to read a magazine.

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{\an8}So I put down the lookbook on top of
the curling iron, which I did not see.

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{\an8}Apparently, you're not
supposed to do that.

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{\an8}- Because of fire?
- Yes, Tina.

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{\an8}It melted in the middle and got
sort of roasted around the edges.

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{\an8}- Like a Cubano.
- Anyway, I feel horrible.

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I'm just gonna call her again.
Damn it. Voicemail. Hey, Gretchen.

42
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Oh, my God. I bet you look
so pretty today. I can't stand it.

43
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That's a weird-looking squirrel.

44
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Wait. Never mind.

45
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That's just a wet sock
laying in the road.

46
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- It makes you think.
- Well, well, well.

47
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What do we have here? Free stuff?
<i>Veterinarian,</i> the board game.

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"Feel the high-paced intensity
of a veterinarian's office

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-"from the comfort of your living room."
- Damn.

50
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Who's excited to play this after school?

51
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I mean, the television
still works, right?

52
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Look. You get to operate
on dogs, birds, cats.

53
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There's a spinner thing.
That's fun, right?

54
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Oh, you guys kept walking.

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Gretchen.

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- Hi, Linda.
- Hi.

57
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You're not here to beat me up, right?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

58
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No. I just got my nails done.

59
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Okay. Well, how about a free burger?
On the house.

60
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- Sure. I could eat.
- Wait. On the house? Seriously?

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One burger of the day
for Gretchen, Bobby.

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- Okay.
- Hi, Bob. How are you? You look good.

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- Hi, Gretchen.
- His hemorrhoid went away.

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- Thanks, Lin.
- They were gonna use a butt needle.

65
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Lin. Yep, yep. But it's fine now.

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It's all good. Bye.

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- I figured out how you can pay me back.
- Yeah?

68
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- You're friends with a limo driver?
- Yeah.

69
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Well, you know how I'm planning
my sister Jestain's bachelorette party?

70
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- Yeah.
- And everything was gonna be great.

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We were gonna eat at the Oyster Palace.

72
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- Oh, yum.
- Yeah, she likes the seafood tower.

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It's like they put
the whole ocean on that thing.

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After dinner, we're going to Pickles

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to see a different kind of seafood
tower. If you know what I mean.

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- I think I do. Should I say?
- Teddy, no.

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And we were gonna drive around
all night in a limo,

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which apparently you have to book
in advance, which I did not do.

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So I was wondering
if your friend could help me out

80
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and I'll forget all about
you burning my lookbook

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that I worked on for 15 years!

82
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Okay. Okay. Yes.
I'll call her. I'll call her.

83
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- Oh, frick, Linda. I'm out of town.
- No.

84
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Yeah, I'm staying with my friend Axel
in Cedarburg, Wisconsin, for the week.

85
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He bought a bunch of goats.

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His neighbors are mad at him,
and I don't blame them.

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He doesn't have a fence. Wait.

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- What?
- Use my limo. Ow. Ow.

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You just have to find
a driver you can trust

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who's comfortable handling
a large, elegant vehicle

91
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that's also a rolling work of art.

92
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- Do you know someone like that?
- I mean, I...

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- What about me?
- Done. You're a limo driver now.

94
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- Seriously?
- Of course.

95
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You just have to pay for gas
and clean up any pukes or poops.

96
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Or puke-poops, which is a thing.

97
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Thank you so much, Nat.
I'll take good care of her.

98
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Yes. Now I don't have
to burn something you love.

99
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This is gonna be
the best bachelorette party.

100
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I'm the best big sister ever!

101
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This bachelorette party's gonna suck.
I screwed up.

102
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None of Jestain's friends can come.

103
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Okay, slow down. Tell me what happened.

104
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I forgot to send the email invite.

105
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All her friends are doing
other things tomorrow night.

106
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- All of them?
- Yeah. One of them's an ER doctor.

107
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Another one's visiting her mom
in Florida. I mean, come on.

108
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And another one already has plans

109
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because the person let them know
more than a day before the event.

110
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So now we have an empty limo,
except for me,

111
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Jestain and Ms. Baker,
our third grade teacher.

112
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- Your third grade teacher?
- I was desperate.

113
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Third grade teachers
can be friends, Linda.

114
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Should we do it on a different night?

115
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No. It has to be tomorrow.

116
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Jestain asked her boss
for the night off weeks ago.

117
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That Wing You Do
doesn't just let waitresses

118
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take off whatever
night they want. (SIGHS)

119
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That limo's gonna feel so empty.

120
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Well, uh, I could go, maybe, as a guest.

121
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- Huh?
- I mean, I know Jestain, sort of.

122
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I met her that time at the salon
when she brought you wings.

123
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And then you ate the wings
while you did my hair.

124
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- Okay.
- My sister Gayle could come maybe.

125
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She's sort of fun for people
to be around.

126
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- Yeah.
- Then it'll be you, me,

127
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:23,489
and our little sisters hanging out
and shouting woo. And Ms. Baker too.

128
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Yeah. Maybe that could work
and not be too weird.

129
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:29,287
We just need to find a new limo driver.
Ooh, what about Bob?

130
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:31,748
Wait. You want me to drive the limo?

131
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Bobby, please. I need this night
to go well so Gretchen will forgive me.

132
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:36,544
And driving is just like sitting.

133
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:38,755
So, really you'll just be
sitting all night.

134
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,340
Mmm-hmm. I love sitting.

135
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,301
Well, maybe you want to sit down here
and play a little board game

136
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,719
that's fun for the whole family.

137
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,803
- Nope.
- Sorry, Tina.

138
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,638
Not feeling it right now.
Okay. I get it.

139
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:50,141
- So Bob can do it. Bob's gonna drive.
- GRETCHEN: <i>Great.</i>

140
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<i>Hey, this is gonna be okay, right?</i>

141
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:53,519
Of course. We're gonna give Jestain

142
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the bachelorette party of her dreams

143
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:59,233
with people she kind of knows.
All right.

144
00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:04,530
- (TINA WHISTLES)
- Thank you.

145
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,866
Doesn't your father
look like a real limo driver?

146
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,159
What can't this guy do?

147
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- Touch his toes.
- Hmm.

148
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:10,328
- Touch his knees.
- Okay.

149
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- Brush his teeth.
- Let's not play this game.

150
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,248
Wait. Where's Jen?
She should be here by now.

151
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,918
That's the first rule of babysitting.
Be at the place.

152
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,712
I'm gonna call her.
Hi, Jen. It's Linda Belcher.

153
00:06:19,837 --> 00:06:22,465
- Hi, Linda. It's Jen.
- Are you on your way?

154
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,342
- In life?
- To our house.

155
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,677
I'm not babysitting until next weekend,

156
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:29,931
so if I left now,
I'm worried I'd get there too early.

157
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,016
Next weekend? No, tonight.

158
00:06:32,016 --> 00:06:35,186
Oh, it, uh, can't be tonight
because I wrote down

159
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,106
"Linda Belcher, babysit next weekend."

160
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,566
Tonight I wrote down
"teach night school."

161
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,486
Guys, go ahead and take out
your graphing calculators.

162
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,863
I should probably
get off the phone. Bye.

163
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:47,907
Okay, Tina, you're in charge tonight.

164
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:51,244
In charge, huh? So they have to do
or play whatever I say?

165
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,205
- No, Mom, please.
- She's gonna make us neuter animals.

166
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,083
Sorry. She's the oldest.
She's in charge, and we got to go.

167
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,086
Don't neuter anything I wouldn't neuter,
and stay out of my room.

168
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:03,756
Uh-oh. Just going over a speed bump.

169
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:08,094
Front wheels and back wheels.

170
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,264
- (SIGHS) Yeah, we did it.
- He's very bad at driving.

171
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,850
What are you wearing?
Is that your Renaissance faire outfit?

172
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:16,185
- Yeah. I also sleep in it sometimes.
- (PHONE VIBRATES)

173
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,771
- Ooh, hey, Gretchen.
<i>- I just thought of something.</i>

174
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:20,857
<i>Bob can't be Bob, your husband.</i>

175
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,484
<i>It kind of ruins the magic.
Can he be someone else?</i>

176
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,236
Um, yep. Bob, you got that?

177
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,904
- What am I doing?
<i>- Gotta go. Bye.</i>

178
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,699
- Pretend you're just the limo driver.
- Okay.

179
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,325
And come up with a fake name.

180
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:33,244
- Really?
- You should have an accent.

181
00:07:33,244 --> 00:07:35,079
Wait. What?
I don't want to do an accent.

182
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,164
You gotta do it.

183
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:39,834
Oh, Bob, pretend you're an ex-con
putting your life back together.

184
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,128
And you didn't mean
to hurt all those people,

185
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,921
but their ghosts come
to see you at night

186
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,424
and give you little riddles
to solve about their lives.

187
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,760
- Do I say all of that or...
- No, that's just your vibe.

188
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:52,930
Oh, my God. Look at this freaking limo!

189
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:57,268
Hello. Ciao. I am
your limousine driver, Dob.

190
00:07:57,435 --> 00:08:01,814
Dob, the driver.
Uh, and I am not married. I'm single.

191
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,858
Not me. I'm getting married.

192
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,360
Hello, Dob.
It's nice to have never met you.

193
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:09,697
Glad you could make it, Linda.
And Gayle, right?

194
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,575
This is Ms. Baker.
I haven't seen her since third grade.

195
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,119
I brought stickers.
Jestain always liked stickers.

196
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,204
Gretchen liked fighting.

197
00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:19,290
Well, now look at her.
Or look at me, 'cause she did my hair.

198
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,833
She's a genius with hair.

199
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:23,628
Like that Einstein guy.
Have you seen the hair on him?

200
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:27,298
Whoo! I can't believe
we're going to Pickles after dinner!

201
00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,759
Gretch, remember
the last time we were there?

202
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:30,843
Of course I do.

203
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,845
- The tea party!
- The tea party!

204
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,806
Tea party? Is that, like,
a sex thing I don't know about?

205
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:39,769
No. The three dancers were on stage
having an actual tea party.

206
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,646
Not just any dancers either.

207
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:45,650
The best dancers at Pickles.
Throb, Rocket and Steve. Oh...

208
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:50,696
Yeah, sitting in little chairs, little
saucers, teacups, tiny sandwiches.

209
00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,532
And then the music kicked in.

210
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,659
<i>And when those men formed a pyramid,</i>

211
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,827
<i>and the guy on top
sprayed tea everywhere,</i>

212
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:59,413
<i>like he was the damn fountain
at the Bellagio...</i>

213
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:04,043
In that moment,
everything in the world felt beautiful.

214
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:05,169
Oh, my God.

215
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:07,588
And I got to be there
with my big sister.

216
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,508
If we see that performance
tonight... Wow.

217
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,093
Oh, you're seeing it. Don't worry.

218
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:13,803
Look how many singles I brought.

219
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,681
- $40 worth of singles.
- Whoo!

220
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:20,393
- I dropped one. I dropped some more.
- I love my big sister!

221
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,769
Oh, red light.

222
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,188
Hi. How's your sandwich?

223
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:28,276
Now look. I know you guys are a little
on the fence about playing this game.

224
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,778
- On the fence?
- But I'm in charge, so we're doing it.

225
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:33,990
So, it says the player
who has saved the most animals wins.

226
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,117
You spin the spinner thing
and move your piece.

227
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,285
Gene, you go first.

228
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,203
GENE: Four.

229
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:42,748
Ooh, exciting.
Procedure card. See what it says.

230
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:47,753
"Express poodle's anal glands.
Collect $150." Yeah.

231
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:51,132
Way to go, Gene. My turn.
Six. Big number. Heh.

232
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:56,178
"Fake credentials"? "License suspended"?
"Lose two turns"? "Pay $200"?

233
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:58,806
What? But... Uh... Having fun. Heh.

234
00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,100
All right, Louise, your turn.

235
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,394
- Okay.
- Hope you get a six. Kidding. Heh.

236
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:08,482
(WITH ACCENT) Oh, we're going to drive
by Pickles on our way to dinner.

237
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,110
Maybe if we look real hard,
we'll see some abs.

238
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:14,363
- Yeah, a little abs-setizer. Whoo!
- What the...

239
00:10:14,488 --> 00:10:16,449
(REGULAR VOICE) Uh-oh. Linda? Linda?

240
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,492
- What?
- Pickles is being fumigated.

241
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:19,744
- What?
- Look.

242
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,580
Oh, no. Oh, my God.
You know what? Don't drive this way.

243
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,748
- Turn, turn, turn!
- What?

244
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:24,832
- Turn!
- Oh, my God.

245
00:10:24,832 --> 00:10:26,542
(WITH ACCENT) Hang on, everyone.

246
00:10:26,542 --> 00:10:31,422
- (ALL GASP)
- Sorry. That street was, uh, no good.

247
00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:35,009
What a mysterious man.
I wonder what demons he's running from.

248
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:39,055
Welcome to the Oyster Palace, ladies.

249
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,808
Uh, Gretchen, hang back here
for a second. Everyone else go in.

250
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,936
Everything's fine.
Ooh, oh, I can smell the oysters.

251
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:47,188
What is it? What's going on?

252
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,190
Pickles is closed. They're fumigating.

253
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,109
- What? No, no, no.
- That's why I turned like that.

254
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:55,571
- I'm a good driver.
- Didn't you call and make a reservation?

255
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,365
Who makes a reservation at a strip club?

256
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,867
"Hey. Hi. Can you reserve
some naked men for us?"

257
00:10:59,867 --> 00:11:02,036
I just figured you'd called
or something.

258
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,872
- What are we gonna do?
- Is there another strip club nearby?

259
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:07,667
There was Dingles in Bog Harbor,
but it shut down last year.

260
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,586
And, of course,
Todd's Tush Tavern closed a while back.

261
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:14,173
So Pickles is really the only option.
I keep screwing this up.

262
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,383
What? No.

263
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,510
You heard how much Pickles meant to her.

264
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:21,055
Can we at least wait till after dinner
to tell her we're not going?

265
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,516
No. You're not telling her anything.

266
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,476
You asked for my help,
and I'm gonna help you.

267
00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:29,397
I don't just burn precious lookbooks.
I also put out fires.

268
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,565
- (GASPS) I just got chills.
- Yeah. Yeah.

269
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,151
Wait. Jen. Jen's cousin
works at Pickles.

270
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,236
Hot Cousin Dave?

271
00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:38,364
Yes. Maybe we can call Jen
and get his number.

272
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,533
And maybe he can get us
the numbers of those guys.

273
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,826
Throb, Rocket, and Steve?

274
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,911
- Yeah.
- Wait. And then what?

275
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,413
There's no Pickles right now.

276
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,082
Well, maybe we all
go to a different place.

277
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,917
Maybe they'll come to Gretchen's place.

278
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,211
Damn it. My landlady
said no more parties

279
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,923
since the one where I kind of peed
off my balcony onto her balcony.

280
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:59,260
What is a balcony for, then?
What are you using your balcony for?

281
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,679
I mean, there is a place we could use.

282
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:02,805
- Bob.
- Oh, no.

283
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:06,100
- Come on. We're desperate.
- I don't know if that's even legal.

284
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,894
- We'll cover up the windows.
- But we serve food there.

285
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:10,813
What if penis sweat gets everywhere?

286
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,565
I mean, it won't get everywhere.

287
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,651
- Do it for Gretchen.
- Yeah, do it for me. And Jestain.

288
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:17,903
Oh, my God. My sweet little Jestain.

289
00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:19,905
- Ugh, fine.
- All right!

290
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,366
- Pickles at the restaurant.
- Oh, my God. Thank you.

291
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:24,994
We should get inside
and eat oysters. For Jestain.

292
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:28,539
Right. Bobby, can you call Jen
and all the other people?

293
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:30,207
(SIGHS) Accent or no accent?

294
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:34,003
Feel your way through it. Have fun.
Thank you. Love you. Bye. Oysters!

295
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:39,759
Okay, 50 bucks for giving
a parakeet CPR.

296
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,845
- Pretty good deal.
- I'm rolling in veterinarian dough.

297
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:45,765
Lopping off dog testicles
is easy money, baby.

298
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,099
Tina, it's your turn.

299
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,059
Break a leg. Not a dog's leg.

300
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,896
- Again. That was sad.
- Here I go.

301
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,149
Three. Mmm-hmm. "A cat was hit by a car.

302
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,151
"Spin an even number
for a blood transfusion

303
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,987
"or lose the patient in your next turn."
You've got to be kidding.

304
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,782
- You got this, T. Do it for kitty.
- Five. Damn it!

305
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,700
Ooh! Sorry, kitty.

306
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,161
She can be friends with the other ones
you lost.

307
00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,579
- In pet heaven.
- (GROANS)

308
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:11,373
Tina, it doesn't seem like
you're really enjoying this.

309
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:14,877
- We don't have to keep playing.
- What are you talking about?

310
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:18,047
I love this game. I don't even care
at all how bad I'm doing.

311
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:20,716
(WHISPERS) I heard
she went to the worst vet school.

312
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,345
Do you think Bob can pull this off?

313
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:26,555
Oh, yeah.
Bob is great at talking on the phone.

314
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,432
Unless it's to my mother or people.

315
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:31,143
But maybe he's great
at talking to male strippers.

316
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,394
(SIGHS) I'm so nervous.

317
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:34,855
I'm gonna drink some more
of my Scotch on the Beach.

318
00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:36,315
Excuse me, waiter.

319
00:13:36,315 --> 00:13:38,275
Can I take these shells home with me?

320
00:13:38,275 --> 00:13:39,985
Those are yours to keep, ma'am.

321
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,905
Yes. Anyone else keeping your shells?
Can I have your shells?

322
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:44,865
- Want my shrimp tails?
- Give them to me.

323
00:13:44,865 --> 00:13:47,159
Should we get around round?
You want another round?

324
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:50,204
- Ms. Baker, look at you.
- What? It's not a school night.

325
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,872
Who wants stickers?

326
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:53,958
- I'll take one.
- Everybody getting stickers.

327
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:57,920
I'm so full of seafood,
but I'm saving room for Pickles!

328
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,214
- Yeah, definitely.
- Pickles.

329
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,299
I'm putting my sticker on my face.

330
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,261
Hot Cousin Dave, it's Bob Belcher.

331
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:07,137
Your cousin Jen babysits for us.

332
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:11,600
I mean, our kids. We're grown-ups.
Quick work question for you.

333
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:14,979
Do you happen to have
Throb, Rocket and Steve's phone numbers?

334
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:16,939
Which Throb? There's more than one?

335
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:19,108
Hi. Is this, um, Throb?

336
00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:22,862
Oh, sorry. Terry.
Your real name isn't Throb. Of course.

337
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,991
Well, Hot Dave gave me your number.
You guys don't call him that?

338
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:30,703
I think he's pretty hot.
I'm wondering if you're busy...

339
00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:33,747
Oh, you're at a nursing home?
Stripping? Right.

340
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:38,252
Not stripping. You're with your father.
That's nice. Is he mobile?

341
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:41,589
You're making pizza.
That's great, Rocket.

342
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:45,467
Well, tell your son
happy birthday from me.

343
00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:49,096
Hey, Steve. My name is Bob.
I got your number from Hot Dave,

344
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,724
who I guess isn't considered hot
in your community.

345
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:56,478
But anyway, this is kind of a Hail Mary.
But here it is.

346
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,731
ALL: (SINGING) <i>We're getting in the limo</i>

347
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,858
<i>We're getting in the limo</i>

348
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:04,236
- Whoa, Ms. Baker loosened up.
- A lot of Mai Tais. So many.

349
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:06,322
Well, are they coming? I'm freaking out.

350
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,948
- I don't know.
- What do you mean?

351
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,408
Throb is with his dad.

352
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,994
And it's Rocket's son's birthday.
They're having pizza.

353
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:15,664
But I left a voicemail for Steve.
A good voicemail, I think.

354
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,124
I mean, you know, for me.

355
00:15:17,124 --> 00:15:18,542
So we don't know if he's coming?

356
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:20,544
What do we do? We get Bob to strip?

357
00:15:20,544 --> 00:15:22,463
Bob, what are you
comfortable showing us?

358
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:24,423
I don't think that's a good plan.

359
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:27,343
I think we take her to the restaurant
and hope Steve shows up.

360
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,678
- Oh! We're screwed.
- Well, who knows?

361
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:33,307
Maybe she's full of shrimp and oysters
and shots that Gretchen made up

362
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:34,808
that used vodka and tartar sauce

363
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:37,311
in a way that seemed to make
the bartenders uncomfortable.

364
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,271
And now she's sitting down
in the cozy limo,

365
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,565
and she won't be that excited
for strippers anymore.

366
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,651
Strippers! Strippers!

367
00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,694
OTHERS: Strippers! Strippers!

368
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:53,035
Well, we are here, ladies, at
the restaurant... I mean, uh, Pickles.

369
00:15:53,035 --> 00:15:56,246
- The private Pickles place.
- Yep. Private Pickles.

370
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,832
It's better than regular old
public Pickles

371
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:03,796
because here you get the dancers,
or maybe a dancer, all to ourselves.

372
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,256
- It's like a premium package.
- Yeah. Yeah.

373
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:10,427
Dob, any word on your limo driver phone
about anything?

374
00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:12,972
- Nothing.
- Wait. Isn't this your restaurant? Hey.

375
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,348
You haven't been here before.

376
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,183
- You don't know where you are.
- Ow!

377
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,601
Looks like a burger place.

378
00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:19,687
That's why it's such
a good private club.

379
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:20,980
Let's go in. Whoo!

380
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,191
{\an8}"Spin an odd number, or the bunny
will have to be euthanized."

381
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,901
I don't know if I can take this.

382
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:28,862
Tina, I can't believe I'm saying this,
but it's pretty late.

383
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,197
We should probably go to bed.

384
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,533
No. We started this
and we have to finish it.

385
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,326
Kids, what are you still doing up?

386
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,620
I'm just getting sheets
for the restaurant.

387
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:39,373
- Is the restaurant cold?
- Um, here's the thing.

388
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:42,001
Sometimes mommies and daddies
are doing a bachelorette party

389
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:45,212
and the strip club is closed,
and the strippers have to come to you.

390
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:48,632
- We know all that.
- Meaning come to the restaurant?

391
00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:51,010
Uh, yes. We hope. We haven't heard back.

392
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,512
Are you sure we shouldn't
come down and help out?

393
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:55,431
Serve waters, choreograph numbers?

394
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:58,517
Sorry. Kids at a bachelorette party
kinda kills the vibe. No offense.

395
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,352
Now go to bed. And stay out of my room.

396
00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:03,731
Okay. Yeah, we'll just go to bed
while Pickles is going on downstairs.

397
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,233
That's what I say every night.
Talking about my "hmm-hmm."

398
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,485
Okay, I have a proposal
as your babysitter.

399
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:10,738
We stop the game,
get the ladder, go into the attic,

400
00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:13,699
drop into the crawl space and watch
the strippers through the vent.

401
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:17,911
Whoa. Okay. I like sneaking into places.
Let's do that.

402
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,165
Good game, everybody. Who knows
who would've won? Neck and neck.

403
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,916
I feel bad about that cat's neck.

404
00:17:22,916 --> 00:17:26,754
Great. Let's go see some grown-ups
acting like maniacs around ding-a-lings.

405
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,255
(MUSIC THUMPING)

406
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,091
Good wine here, huh?
Tastes like it was opened this week.

407
00:17:31,091 --> 00:17:34,219
(GROANS) He's not coming.
This is a disaster.

408
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:38,098
(SIGHS) I'm so sorry, Gretchen.
Do you want me to strip?

409
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:41,769
I mean, I would if we could,
you know, make it a lot darker in here.

410
00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:45,355
- Like, pretty much completely dark.
- No, let's just call it.

411
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:49,026
But thanks.
I'm just gonna tell her. (GROANS)

412
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:51,612
Jestain, I screwed up everything.
No strippers are coming.

413
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,447
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- Huh? What do you mean?

414
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,949
I forgot to invite all your friends
until it was too late.

415
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:57,743
That's why they're all busy tonight.

416
00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,788
And I forgot to get a limo.
And Dob is actually Bob.

417
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:02,915
He's a burger cook
and this is his restaurant.

418
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,124
Hi. Hello.

419
00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:07,086
I never called Pickles,
so I didn't know that they were closed.

420
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,879
I just messed up everything.

421
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,799
I'm the worst person
you could have asked to do this.

422
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:13,217
- Oh.
- Boo.

423
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:16,053
I'm sorry. I wanted this to be great.

424
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:20,349
I wanted to do this for you
'cause you look up to me so much.

425
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,018
There's more crying
at this strip club than I expected.

426
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:25,229
Huh, it was a lot of work
to get down here,

427
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,773
and I'm not sure how we get out.
It's fine. Never mind.

428
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,108
I'm sorry, Jestain.

429
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,526
I'm a terrible big sister.

430
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,319
- Gretchen...
- I ruined your party.

431
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,571
- You're not terrible.
- You don't get it, Linda.

432
00:18:34,571 --> 00:18:36,615
You're always the perfect older sister.

433
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,783
- Mmm.
- I mean, I'm not.

434
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:38,867
Definitely not.

435
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,870
- Okay, Gayle.
- She makes a lot of mistakes.

436
00:18:41,870 --> 00:18:44,414
One time she tried
to sleep with my husband.

437
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:45,958
No, Gayle, that was you.

438
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,085
- My husband and you. Bob.
- That's true.

439
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,795
Well, that's not how I remember it.

440
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,881
I'm just saying big sisters
are allowed to make mistakes too.

441
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:53,966
We're not perfect.

442
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:57,302
Otherwise, how do little sisters know
it's okay not to be perfect?

443
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,179
Oh, that's what you've
been doing for me.

444
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:00,681
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

445
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:04,351
Gretch, I know tonight
didn't go exactly as planned.

446
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:06,311
Like, none of my friends could come.

447
00:19:06,311 --> 00:19:08,730
Though Ms. Baker is
making her way up there.

448
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:12,067
- That's right.
- But you're the coolest person I know.

449
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:15,821
You're, like, the one I want to be with
on my bachelorette party night.

450
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:19,241
- I freaking love you.
- I freaking love you too.

451
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,035
- I still have a hemorrhoid!
- What?

452
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:26,498
It's not better. It hurts.
I'm in a lot of pain right now. I lied.

453
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,084
I knew it. That man has been clenched
for three days.

454
00:19:29,084 --> 00:19:31,253
I was so scared at the doctor, Lin.

455
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,797
When he was about to put
the needle in my butt,

456
00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:36,175
I just wanted you to be there
to hold my hand.

457
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,845
But I was too embarrassed to ask you
to come to the butt doctor with me.

458
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,472
Oh, my God.
Of course I'd hold your hand.

459
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,057
I don't want you to be scared.

460
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:46,727
- You're my big, strong boy.
- Thanks, Lin.

461
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,980
Um, sorry. It seemed like
we were all confessing things.

462
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:52,024
- Are we in the right place?
- Steve?

463
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:53,734
- You came!
- Oh, hi, Steve.

464
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:55,944
It was hard to say no to that voicemail.

465
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,279
That guy sounded so desperate.

466
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,282
Hey. That was me. I get that a lot.

467
00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:01,783
I brought my friend, Smooth.

468
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,785
I'm sorry we can't do
the tea party routine,

469
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:06,038
but Smooth and I can do
the double Dutch routine.

470
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,874
- I don't know if you've seen that one.
- Ah, tea party...

471
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,668
Sorry. We need a third person
for the high tea finale.

472
00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:14,087
- We form kind of a pyramid.
- Oh, I know.

473
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,881
The double Dutch is still pretty good.

474
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,050
I mean, it's no tea party, but what is?

475
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,594
I'll be your third.

476
00:20:20,594 --> 00:20:22,221
- Oh, damn.
- Seriously?

477
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,848
- Um...
- I know every move, and I'm strong.

478
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,100
- I'll be the base.
- Right on. I'll be the top.

479
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,727
Can we borrow some cups and saucers?

480
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:29,811
- Uh...
- Sure.

481
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:32,064
- Smooth?
- Let's serve some tea.

482
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,815
- (MUSIC THUMPING)
- All right. Here we go.

483
00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:35,651
This makes me want tiny sandwiches.

484
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,487
Wait. Where's he going? No.
Are they climbing onto the counter?

485
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,572
We see their feet.
I don't want to just see feet.

486
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,991
Watching you right now
is my favorite part so far.

487
00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:46,203
You look like a dog that got locked out
of a tennis ball store.

488
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,497
GENE: Too soon.
She lost a lot of dogs today.

489
00:20:48,497 --> 00:20:49,998
- BOB: Oh, God.
- (WOMEN CHEERING)

490
00:20:49,998 --> 00:20:52,751
- Take it all off!
- You gotta be freaking kidding me.

491
00:20:53,377 --> 00:20:55,837
BOB: Careful with the cups.
Careful with the cups.

492
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,173
(TEA PARTY SONG PLAYING)