Look at us going to a birthday party as a family.
Nothing cooler than partying with your parents.
Damn straight. See, they even let us say damn.
Uh-huh. Don't say damn.
So I sort of see how me, Gene and Tina
got invited to Rudy's dad's birthday party,
'cause we're Rudy's friends.
But Mom and Dad, what's going on there?
Well, we saw him at the parent-teacher conference.
He guilt-invited us.
- We were guilt-invited. - Yeah.
Oh. Sorry to be "on his phone" guy.
Just shooting off a quick email.
Ooh, email? Who are you emailing?
- Oh, a bowling alley. - That's fun.
- Yeah, just planning a bowling party. - Uh, Rudy's party?
No. Mine. It's a little thing I do for my birthday every year.
Oh, I love bowling.
Oh, uh, do you want to come
- to the party? - You don't have to do that.
Yeah. Yes.
Well, I just hope Rudy has a good time.
He's up to his butt in divorced parent dating drama,
and he deserves to have fun tonight.
By the way, have we made you guys sign paperwork saying you won't get divorced?
No? I'll have Ken draw it up. He did my estate papers.
I like our odds.
I love your dad as much as I did the first time I told him I loved him.
Remember that, Bob? You remember when I first said I love you?
Y... Yes.
- Remember where we were? - I do.
Where were you guys, Dad?
Um...
Maybe he remembers, but he's getting choked up thinking about it?
We were, um... Uh...
- No, he forgot. - Oh, it's okay you forgot.
Your brain is just full of burger toppings.
I'm gonna remember. It's, um...
Do you remember when I farted
and it sounded like someone saying, "What's up?"
- Yes. - So you can remember that.
Well, that was right when we got in the car.
- Yeah. - Yeah. So that's more recent.
I just wanted to make sure everyone caught that. Pretty special.
Certainly was.
Was it outdoors, the place where you first said I love you, or indoors?
Bob, don't worry about it.
- Hey, Rudy. - Hey, guys. Thanks for coming.
It was surprisingly hard to get kids our age excited
about a 44-year-old man's birthday party.
I don't know why. We love people talking about podcasts and back pain.
You guys want to get some slushies?
It's all-you-can-drink slushies. My dad's treat.
- Whoa! - Nice.
All I can drink? 'Cause that's probably different
from all you can drink.
Whoa! I'm getting a brain freeze just thinking about it.
- Mom, Dad, smell you later. Bye. - Smell... Yeah, yeah.
- Who doesn't love a free slushy? - Maybe that lady.
If it was socially acceptable to lick that off the floor, I would.
- It isn't, is it? - Uh, Rudy? Everything okay?
You're looking very un-slushy.
Yeah. Sorry. It's my mom's boyfriend, Paul.
Look at him. Smiling, listening to people talk, making eye contact.
What's up with that?
- Ugh! Hate that. - I'm just worried about my dad.
He's fragile, especially since he and Vicki broke up.
- Oh, no. Who broke up with who? - It was pretty mutual.
He sent her a text saying, "We need to talk,"
and she wrote back, "Break up?"
Then she gave her own text a thumbs up,
and that was that.
Damn.
So what I'm hearing is your dad's a free man again.
He's back on the market.
Yeah, he's selling hot dad by the pound.
It's just Dad's like a delicate caterpillar
waiting to become a big, strong, beautiful butterfly.
But that's not gonna happen if Mr. Nice All the Time Paul
comes over and steps on Dad's sweet little cocoon.
And how is Paul stepping on your dad's cocoon?
Seriously, Tina? Look at him. I just... It doesn't feel good.
- It's just not good. - Rudy. Rudy, just breathe.
- I'm bad at that. - Oh, right.
I just want tonight to be the bowling party of his dreams
and the perfect 44th birthday.
Okay. Done.
- What? - Done. It shall be so.
Just leave it to me, Gene and also Tina.
- Okay. - Another round, please, sir.
And don't skimp on the cheer-up syrup.
Men's size 11 and a ladies' size nine and a half.
These are cute. Look at these, Bob.
I mean, they're bowling shoes. But sure.
I would wear these, like, in the world.
- Really? - It's hard to find cute shoes. You know.
- Oh, I do know. - Oh, hey. You guys made it.
- Yeah. Hi. - Happy birthday.
- Great shoes. Aren't they nice? - Ah. Yes.
We were just waiting for our lane assignment. I guess it's pretty busy.
- Oh, do you want to... - No.
- ...bowl in our lane? - I wasn't... I was not...
- ...saying that at all. - Sure. Right, Bob?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Okay. I'll just tell the guy at the counter to add you.
- Yay! Fun. - Oh, my God. We did it again.
I love these shoes. I'm putting them on.
They got my size right on the back. That's fun.
So, our job tonight is to make your dad look good.
Set him up for success. Help him shine.
And if Paul looks like a pathetic dork by comparison, that's fine too.
So, what are your dad's strengths?
Well, the man knows how to rock a pant pleat.
I've noticed. You can cut a finger on those bad boys.
He's also a pretty good bowler.
They don't call him Spare-ticus for nothing.
And by they, I mean me.
Great. Okay. Well, we can work with that.
But Paul is Paul. He's probably great at bowling.
He's good at everything.
I once saw a valet throw him his keys from, like, six feet away.
And Paul caught it like it was nothing.
- Whoa... - Right?
I mean, Paul doesn't seem that athletic and naturally strong but also gentle.
I don't feel like giving him a trophy just for the cool way he's standing.
I just wish my dad was still with Vicki.
She was, you know, whatever the opposite of fun is.
But at least he wouldn't be single
while Mom was hugging it up with Paul over there.
Okay. All right. All right.
Listen. We've got the bowling thing. We've got the dating thing.
Maybe we just get him a girlfriend that's good at bowling?
You can get a girlfriend in one night, right?
Uh...
Rudy, any prospects here right now, by any chance?
I mean, there's that lady over there, Sherry from his Indian cooking class.
They're both allergic to cumin, and they really bonded
over how dumb it is for people with a cumin allergy to take that class.
- Aw! - Also,
I wish I could have plucked my dad's one crazy eyebrow hair.
I mean, it really would've helped his chances.
- Oh, yeah, I can see it from here. - Yeah, it's a beast.
Is it possible it's moving around on its own?
Rudy, come on. Our lane's ready.
Oh, and, kids, your parents are bowling with us.
Lucky you. Seriously, though, they're a fun couple.
Them plus your mom and Paul. That makes six.
- Did you say Mom and Paul? - Yeah. There they are.
- Hey. - Hey.
- See you soon, bowling buddies. - Oh, boy. That's it.
Dad and "good at everything" Paul are bowling against each other.
Paul will crush him.
Worst-case scenario, Dad's cocoon getting stomped,
caterpillar guts everywhere.
No, no, no. Okay. All right, listen.
We're not gonna let Paul humiliate your father on his birthday, okay?
I promise. I swear it by my reusable slushy cup.
Yeah, you heard me.
Ooh! Ow!
- Brain freeze. - Here. Let me rub your head.
- Thank you. - There you go.
- It still hurts. - I know. Let me really rub it.
Ahh! Hey.
- Really, really rub it. - Rudy!
Rudy!
Oh, God. It's all happening.
Hold it together, Rudes. We're gonna handle this.
I know you're saying words, but all I can hear
is my dad's cocoon crunch, crunch, crunching under Paul's feet.
- That's Gene eating tortilla chips. - Sorry.
There he is. Good ball choice, son.
Thanks. Yeah, I coordinated it with my shirt.
Well, I noticed.
- Hey, kids. - Kids, meet shoes. Shoes, meet kids.
- Oh. Hi. - Hey. There they are.
- And here we are. - Are you ready to roll?
'Cause it's bowling.
- Oh. Yeah. - The balls are round, so they roll.
- Yeah. - Oh, man.
Lame but somehow charming puns? That's my dad's territory.
Know what? I'm gonna pop over to the men's room.
I got a birthday bladder, AKA too many fizzy waters.
- Don't start without me. - Okay, let's move.
I'm gonna go stall Paul so he can't bowl,
and I'll just keep that going until the party's over.
- Tina. - Yeah.
Go to the cumin lady from Indian cooking class. Make it happen.
It would be nice if Sylvester had a new girlfriend in, like, 20 minutes.
- Uh... - Perfect. Gene.
Slushy duty. Got it.
No. Go with Rudy, follow Sylvester to the bathroom
and pluck those eyebrows with extreme prejudice.
- On it. - Wait, Rudy.
What's Paul's deal again? What's he do?
He's an occupational therapist.
If people have pain that makes it difficult to do things,
he helps them with exercises or advice.
As if we couldn't hate him any more.
- I know. - Okay. Everybody break.
- Go. Go. - Okay, okay.
- Okay. - Dad.
- Hey, Dad. - Yeah. What?
- Dad. - Yeah. What is it?
I just learned that Paul here is an occupational therapist.
- Uh, yeah. Yes, I am. - My dad needs that. Lots of it.
- I do? - Oh. Are certain motions painful?
- I mean, yeah. - Which ones?
- Um, all of them. - See what I mean?
Oh.
Hi.
- Hi. - Having some popcorn? Cool. Cool. Cool.
Phew! Birthdays. Am I right?
Stand up. Let me look.
- Sure. - Little sound there.
Uh, wait. Do you not make sounds when you stand up?
Let's see you touch your toes.
- Touch, like, touch? - Give it a shot.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
- You whistled twice. Is that bad? - Yeah. It's a two-whistler.
- Yep. - Oh, God.
Ow! Ow!
It's worth it, Dad. I'm sorry. I love you.
The hair is fighting back. It wants to live!
- I'm gonna kill it. - Don't let it into your mind!
- Kids. Ow! - It knows what you're afraid of.
It seems like you guys have great chemistry.
He's learning to cook Indian food. You're learning to cook Indian food.
Maybe it's time to take it to the next level and move in together.
I'm sorry. Who are you?
So your right shoulder is about two inches higher than your left.
- It is? - Yes. That's even.
Does that hurt? It's not supposed to.
I mean, so this is normal? This is how standing is?
- I'm afraid so. - Okay, let's bowl.
- I am very ready. - Yeah. Here. I'll give you my card.
No, no, no. Don't bowl. He needs help now.
He's got so many problems. I can't believe he's survived this long.
It's okay, Louise. I'll be fine, I think.
- Crap. - Here we go. My dad's up first.
Go, me. It's my birthday and I'm bowling.
- Oof. - Hey, it's just his first roll.
- Tina, how'd it go? - Sherry wants to move slow.
I guess she thinks asking Sylvester to be her boyfriend
after they've gone on no dates is "very confusing."
- Ridiculous. - Oh, God.
Well, hey, three pins are better than nothing.
Yeah.
The intimidation factor is already there.
Paul's gonna bowl the pants off my dad at his own birthday party.
Beautifully-pleated pants.
And those eyebrows are bringing the razzle dazzle.
I can't watch.
Maybe I'll bail and go drown my sorrows in slushy.
- I'm in. - I can slush. Louise?
Uh...
Huh. What if we... Guys, come with me. I have an idea.
- Come with you where? - Anywhere but here is good.
- Hey, bud. - Your turn.
Go on without me. We're doing kid stuff.
Not that I'm not totally comfortable with everything going on here
in this area of the bowling alley, so...
Um... Okay, bye.
- What are we doing? - Also a question I was going to ask.
We're doing what it takes to give your dad an amazing night.
Are we getting him a gift from what I think is an extension cord museum?
You kids aren't allowed back here.
Right, right. So sorry for whatever this is we're doing.
I was thinking this didn't look like a bathroom.
Okay. Get out now.
- Wait. Please. - What?
- This is Rudy. Rudy, say hi. - Hello. I'm Rudy.
And it's his dad's birthday,
and his dad's about to bowl against Paul, who's his mom's new boyfriend.
And Paul's good at everything.
And he's gonna kick Rudy's dad's butt, and he's gonna look like...
Like, what were you saying? Like a dead caterpillar or something?
Yeah, he's gonna look like an unrealized butterfly.
Yeah. So we just wanna help him win. You know, from back here somehow.
I mean, it would be a lot like cheating, but it would be for charity.
So, yeah. It's fine. We'll figure out something else.
I love it.
- Huh? What? - I've got a Paul.
But my Paul is named Penny and she makes my dad very happy.
- How dare she? - Okay. We're cheating.
- We are? - Yeah, Tina, we are.
- You're going down, Penny. - Paul.
- Uh-uh. - No, it's important.
Lane check. Rudy's dad and Paul are playing on this lane right now.
And last we saw, my dad was bowling like ass.
Sorry. I said ass.
So we've got to make this cheating stuff happen soon.
I feel like helping Sylvester by cheating is maybe not the best idea.
And also just cheating in general.
Tina, Rudy is our friend, and if our friend wants his dad
to bowl an amazing game and teach Paul a lesson
he will never freaking forget, that's what we're gonna do.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
How is this gonna work? Sorry. I didn't catch your name.
No names. The less we know about each other, the better.
It's on your nametag.
- Rachel. - Crap.
Okay. I have an idea of how we can do this, but I haven't tried it before.
And it's risky.
When your dad's ball hits the pins, there's just enough clearance
over the backstop for us to toss an extra pin in there.
And if we hit them just right, then it's nothing but strikes.
Fantastic.
- Oh. Gutter ball. - Please don't let it be Spare-ticus.
Argh! They look good, but they don't actually help me bowl better.
- You're lucky you're hot. - You talking to me?
- Yeah, you too. - I know.
Okay. I need two kids. One to grab the pin
before it gets swept into the pin elevator
and one to hold on to the person grabbing the pin
so they don't fall into the machine.
Sounds dangerous.
Pin-setting used to be done by child laborers,
so I'm sure that means it's perfectly safe.
We can't see anything from back here.
How will we know when it's Rudy's dad's turn?
Good point. We need eyes on the outside.
I'll do it.
Gene, no offense, but if we send you out there,
we're gonna find you face down at the slushy bar.
- And your point is? - I'll go. I would love to be not here.
No. Your "I'm not doing anything bad" face is...
Let's just say it. Really bad.
- Oh. Well, what about... - Ugh. I'll go.
Be sneaky. Peek at the scoreboard,
memorize the bowling order, and report back.
Sneak and a peek. Got it.
Oof. Sylvester's losing pretty bad.
But we still have, like, half a game left to turn it around.
Whoa. Mom and Dad are not bringing it.
- Hey, Louise. - Ugh. They spotted me.
Hey, Dad, Mom. Rough game.
I'm beginning to think that as athletes, you guys are kind of not elite.
Yeah. We're bad at this.
Oh! Did you say I love you when we were at a sports game of some kind?
No. But one time you threw up on me at a baseball game.
- Yeah, but lovingly. - Yeah. Kinda.
Lot of peanuts.
Check out Paul with the big blue ball.
Okay. So Sylvester's up after Paul.
Hmm. You can totally see Rachel's elbow right now,
and I think Gene's knees for some reason.
It's fine. It's fine. These lanes are so long and adult eyesight is so bad.
Oh! Bananas. It's a split.
You're still way ahead of me. It's gonna be hard to catch you.
That's a good pun, though. Banana split.
- Oh! I didn't realize I did that. - Really?
Better get back there.
- Huh. - What?
- You're not doing it again, are you? - Doing what?
Letting someone win. I've been watching you.
You haven't been doing that spinny thing with your wrist you usually do.
My trademark spinderella? I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, you do. Did you pluck your eyebrow hair?
- Gene and Rudy pulled it out of my face. - Oh!
And it was long.
Wait. Why would he let Paul win?
Oh, boy.
Are we a go? Is Sylvester up?
He's next. But we might need to call off the plan, like, right now.
- What? Why? - We don't need it.
I don't think... I'm pretty sure Sylvester is letting Paul win.
- What did you say, Louise? - Your dad is letting Paul win.
Huh? But why?
I say we're still doing the plan. Paul has this coming.
Penny has this coming, always fostering shelter dogs, asking about my day,
making Christmas magical. You're not my mom, Penny.
She sounds like a monster.
She is.
Louise, this is happening.
- No, wait. - I'm closing the door now.
- Watch your fingers. - What? No.
- She said watch your fingers. - Son of a bowling ball.
Rudy. Gene. Tina. Come on. Someone, open up.
Everyone in position. Ignore the pounding and the yelling
and any dumb voices inside of you that are like,
"This is wrong. I shouldn't do this."
- Tina, what should we do? - Uh...
- Okay, great. - Stay strong. That's what you should do.
Okay. Not good. Not good. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.
Whoa!
- Street shoes. - Sorry.
- Louise? - What the heck are you doing?
Well, I dropped a nickel over here, and I gotta get it.
- You dropped a nickel? - Yes.
Louise, we're poor, but we're not that poor.
- I can get you another nickel, I think. - One second. Sorry. Sorry.
You're still wearing shoes on the lane.
I know. I know. Just one second.
Lane integrity is important.
Rudy. Rudy, can you hear me in there?
- Buddy. - Don't try and change my mind, Louise.
Are you standing on the lanes? That's pretty frowned upon.
Listen. We don't have to do this. Your dad doesn't need our help.
There's a good chance he's throwing the game
because he's a nice guy who's really good at bowling
but doesn't want to make his ex-wife's new boyfriend look bad, or something.
And doing this plan could ruin everything.
And I'm pretty sure our hands would get mangled by this machine.
But the dad stuff too.
Also, if you get caught, which I'm gonna tell you
with some outside knowledge is not not a possibility...
And me being here right now isn't helpful. Sorry.
Anyway, if you get caught cheating, it'll make it weird with you and Paul.
It'll make it weird with Paul and your dad.
It'll make everything weird.
Don't listen to her. We've got to do this.
Stuff actually seems pretty okay between Sylvester and Paul.
I'm realizing the person who doesn't seem okay is you.
- Me? - No. Rudy.
- Oh. Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah.
Child in lane 10, talking to the pins.
Clear the lane, please. That's not how bowling works.
Just a minute!
Rudy, listen. 'Cause they're about to put me in bowling jail.
It's possible you just needed a friend to talk to
and not a genius to make a slightly complicated cheating plan.
- Louise? - Yeah?
It would be a cool birthday present to Sylvester
if you stop doing that in the middle of his game.
Also, we forgot to get you a birthday present. Just remembering now.
Whoops.
Fine. Well, here comes the strike.
- Huh. - Not bad.
Hey.
So, you're not gonna do the cheating thing?
I don't want to say it was my nervous farts
that convinced them to leave that back room, but maybe.
I mean, the farts were possibly a factor.
I think I'm gonna go call Penny and apologize for my text.
I mean, it wasn't actually any words,
just a GIF of an orangutan giving the middle finger.
But still, I feel bad.
- It's a solid GIF, though. - Yeah.
Bye, shoes.
You weren't good bowling shoes, but you made me feel beautiful.
Do you need more time, or can we...
No, we're good. Are we good?
There you go. And then it's done.
Well, that was fun. Huh?
- Dad, did you let Paul win? - What? No.
Okay, fine.
Hey. The whole macho "must beat ex-wife's new boyfriend at sports" thing
it's just not me.
Plus, he's not my competition, you know?
He's part of your mom's life now and your life and mine.
Yeah.
But it doesn't change anything about you and me.
I'll always be your dad, and you'll always be my rad son.
My rad son, Rudy.
- I know. - I rhymed it.
I just want you to be okay, Dad.
I am okay. Sure, this is not how I thought our marriage would turn out,
but I've got great friends and a great therapist.
And there are wonderful shows on TV now, Rudy. Wonderful.
- I haven't even started The Crown. - I hear it's very nuanced.
Hey. Don't underestimate your old dad. I've got a lot of life ahead of me.
- Hey, Sylvester. - Hey, Sherry.
I'm heading out. Sorry we barely got to talk tonight.
- At least, not directly. - Yeah. Well, see you in class.
Hey, I hear we're cooking chicken vindaloo next week.
Yup. I'm vinda-looking forward to seeing you there.
Vinda-you too.
- Whoa! - Yeah.
Oh, my God. Did you see that?
Big time. That girl talked to you.
Last people to leave the party.
We just keep getting cooler.
- Amen. - Hey, Dad.
Did you ever figure out where Mom first said I love you?
No. And thank you for bringing it up, Tina.
You're welcome.
Lin, I'm sorry I can't remember that really nice important thing.
Bob, I told you, it's fine. Here's the story.
We were by the beach
and a seagull pooped in my hair and we didn't have any napkins,
and so you just used your shirt and I said it.
Then you said, "That's a lot of poop."
Aw!
- Now you remember? - Yeah. How did I not remember that?
Haven't we all wiped seagull poop off Mom at some point in our lives?
You'll just say I love you to anyone who wipes poop off you.
That's how you know.
Middle-aged bowling party MIddle-aged bowling party
Ain't too old to roll
Middle-aged bowling party MIddle-aged bowling party
Ain't too old to roll
First frame It's a low impact game
Second frame Ooh, back pain
Third frame Joints feel enflamed
Ah
Middle-aged bowling party MIddle-aged bowling party
Ain't too old to roll