1
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[theme music playing]
2
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{\an8}Aw, new pennies, so shiny.
3
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{\an8}You got your whole life ahead of ya.
Don't end up in the gutter.
4
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It's doing that weird clanky,
wobbly, screechy thing again.
5
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:30,488
- Your ding-a-ling?
- Or is it your butt this time?
6
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I'm guessing your back?
7
00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:33,074
{\an8}No, it's our meat grinder.
8
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{\an8}I think it's finally
seriously time to get a new one.
9
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,039
{\an8}Aw, really? But the meat grinder's
like part of the family.
10
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{\an8}It watched the kids grow up,
and never grinded them once.
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{\an8}I know. That was nice of it,
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{\an8}but it gets jammed all the time
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{\an8}and it fights me unless I wiggle
the crank halfway through every turn.
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{\an8}- So we're back on your ding-a-ling?
- Gene.
15
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{\an8}Oh, Gayle's here.
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{\an8}And she's running?
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{\an8}She fell. She's up.
Okay, she's fine. She's fine.
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{\an8}[panting]
Guess who you're looking at.
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{\an8}I know this one. Aunt Gayle.
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{\an8}You're looking at a contestant
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{\an8}on the next season
of Tough Stuff Island.
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- Tough Stuff Island?
- The TV show? The one on TV?
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That's the one.
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{\an8}Oh, that show where the contestants
are on an island
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{\an8}and they have to do
all sorts of obstacles and challenges?
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{\an8}But the hardest challenge is figuring
out where to poop, I assume.
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{\an8}- Yep.
- And the winner gets a million dollars.
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{\an8}Aunt Gayle,
you could win a million dollars.
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{\an8}I probably will, right?
Just as soon as they pick me.
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{\an8}After they see my audition tape,
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{\an8}which I haven't sent in yet,
'cause I haven't made it yet.
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{\an8}Hmm.
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{\an8}But, as far as everyone in
my apartment building thinks,
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{\an8}I've already been cast on the show.
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{\an8}Why do they think that?
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{\an8}- 'Cause I told them that.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
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{\an8}Isn't that gonna be a little hard since
they pick people who look muscle-y
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{\an8}and maybe mostly under 40?
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{\an8}No, Mom, there's always a scrappy
middle-aged contestant
40
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who can do one-armed pull-ups.
41
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I bet I could even do
two-armed pull-ups.
42
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[Tina] Whoa!
43
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Anyway, that's why I'm here, Linda.
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I need your help
making my audition tape.
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- [Bob] Oh...
- Uh-huh.
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I'm thinking I'll climb a building,
I'm a good climber,
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or swim across the ocean?
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You know, one of the littler ones.
Or both.
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Seems doable.
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I don't have it all worked out,
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but I do know that, at the end,
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I'm gonna rip off my shirt
and right here on my upper belly,
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it'll say "Cast Gayle."
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Which I would need to re-do
for the actual tape
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{\an8}because I wrote it upside down.
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- That's how you spell Gayle?
- I think so.
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What are we waiting for?
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Let's get cracking
on this audition tape, people.
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No. No, no, wait, hang on.
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I don't know about this one, Gayle.
It seems tough.
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Yeah, that's the name of the show.
Tough Stuff Island.
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But maybe too tough?
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Linda! Why can't you help me
for once in your life?
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Gayle, I help you all the time.
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I helped you build a fake person
to put in your window
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so burglars didn't think
you lived alone.
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I helped you build a panic room
for just your cats.
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I let you practice on me to see
if doing acupuncture was your thing.
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P.S, it's not.
And that was just last week.
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Okay, fine. You don't wanna help?
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I'll just tape a camera to my head and
do action stuff in front of a mirror.
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I just have to get a mirror.
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Don't worry, I'll never ask you
for anything ever again.
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Can I borrow some money?
For the camera and tape and the mirror?
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I'll pay you back
when I get the million.
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Yeah, we don't have
any hand-crank meat grinders,
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'cause we live in the present.
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All we have are these electric ones.
79
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Well, these cost more money
than my old one did.
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This one will grind between
four to five pounds per minute.
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Whoa. That would take me,
like, a half hour with my grinder.
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Yeah, this thing doesn't just
grind meat. It makes time.
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"It makes time." Wow.
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There's still magic in this world.
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I have a credit card.
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Okay, let's get that out.
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[host] This is when you gotta
dig deep.
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They're pushing 50-gallon drums
full of the heaviest sand we could find.
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This is when you're asking yourself,
"Am I Tough Stuff?"
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Why would Gayle even think
she could go on this show anyway?
91
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Those are young, strong people
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with body hair
where you'd expect it to be.
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- Mmm.
- And muscles.
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I mean, Gayle and I are past
that point in our lives.
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Like I could always do a split
on the dance floor
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and then I couldn't at my cousin
Teresa's wedding. Remember that?
97
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Uh... Uh-huh.
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And I was fine with that.
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I mean, I won't do
a split anymore. So what?
100
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Same for me.
I'll stop doing splits at weddings.
101
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- Bob.
- What?
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If you think your stuff is tough enough,
we wanna see your audition.
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But, of course,
not everyone's stuff is up to snuff.
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[host] Ouch! We'll be right back.
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What the hell was that?
106
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I wasn't looking.
I'm reading the grinder manual.
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They humiliate people
who send in bad auditions?
108
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Oh. Yeah. I kinda
remember that now.
109
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That's horrible!
110
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They don't say their names.
Don't they blur their faces?
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00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,033
You think those people don't know
who they are?
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And their families
and their neighbors?
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- That's gonna be Gayle!
- Right.
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Her name's gonna be written on her
hairy, jiggly belly for everyone to see.
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Like a sack of mayo
with hair stuck to it.
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Oh, God. Would it help to hear more
about the electric grinder?
117
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How many gears
you think it has?
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We've gotta shoot
her audition video.
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- We do?
- And edit it.
120
00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:03,928
Oh... Uh, okay.
121
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She cannot end up on that
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"Let's laugh at these idiots"
rejection reel, Bob.
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- She would be crushed.
- Yes! Got it!
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- Do you get it? Crushed!
- Yes, I got it.
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We'll help her make
a good audition tape?
126
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,857
Boring. Boring audition tape.
127
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,066
Why... Wait. Okay.
128
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Simple. Instantly forgettable.
129
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Okay, but not me, right?
I gotta stay in the restaurant.
130
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Plus, Lin, meat grinder?
131
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I don't know if you noticed,
but I got a new one and...
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- [snores]
- Okay, you're asleep.
133
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It has four gears, by the way.
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Four. Four, four.
135
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Yeah. Here, I'll hold up the picture.
136
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Oh, look who's the early bird nerd.
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Yeah, with the new grinder,
I was done downstairs pretty quick.
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Now I'm just figuring out
what to do with my morning.
139
00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:49,891
Organize paperwork maybe?
Learn French or Spanish?
140
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,392
It's just freed up a lot of time.
141
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,061
Too bad we're already grown, Papa.
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00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:55,438
Yeah. You coulda spent
more time with us, but you blew it.
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00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,647
Yeah. Oh, well.
144
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:58,149
Wanna come with us to the park?
145
00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,233
No, I'm busy.
146
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,195
Okay, all right, we're off
to film Gayle's audition tape.
147
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,488
We'll be back
as soon as we can.
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00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,365
Yep. We got some big ideas.
149
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,950
Gayle fights a bear.
Do we know a good place to rent a bear?
150
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,494
- Maybe no bears.
- We'll see.
151
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,455
Does anyone know if Gayle has
her helicopter pilot's license?
152
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,706
I wanna say she does?
153
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,918
I think we want this to be
a kinda normal audition tape, you know?
154
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,002
"Normal"?
155
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:20,713
I mean, great normal.
You know, exciting normal.
156
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:24,634
Like, "Wow! Can you believe how normal
that was, but also, really good?"
157
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,135
So, like bread?
158
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:29,263
Yes, exactly. We're gonna make
the bread of audition tapes.
159
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,973
Uh... Yeah, let's go.
160
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:33,559
'Cause I just thought
of a place that might rent bears.
161
00:06:33,559 --> 00:06:35,645
- Now I want bread.
- Bear first, then bread.
162
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,480
But the bear doesn't get any bread.
163
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- [Tina] Aw!
- Fine. One bread.
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[Gayle grunting]
165
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,153
Ooh.
166
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,988
You wanna film some of this?
167
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:50,827
No. So, I thought
we'd start over here with the step-ups.
168
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:51,911
- Step-ups?
- Step-ups?
169
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,037
Yeah, step-ups.
170
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,331
You step up on the beam,
and then you step down.
171
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:56,833
- Then what?
- You step up again.
172
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,876
- And then you...
- Step back down.
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Got it. Wait.
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00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,712
How 'bout Gayle does
a few step-ups,
175
00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,881
but then she rips the beam
out of the ground
176
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,216
and twirls it above her head?
177
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,969
We just have to
dig this part up a little bit.
178
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,680
No, no, no. The normal step-ups
are gonna look great on tape.
179
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,766
Okay. What if Gene climbs on
Gayle's back while she's doing it?
180
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:15,518
And I've got my hands
over her eyes
181
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,020
and I'm screaming,
"I'm doing this because I love you!"
182
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,564
Gayle, just do some step-ups.
183
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,274
- Gene, no climbing on Aunt Gayle.
- Boo.
184
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,067
And action!
185
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:26,821
♪ And I'm stepping up
And I'm stepping down ♪
186
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,239
[Louise] And rip it
out of the ground.
187
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,323
Okay.
188
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:30,908
[Linda] No, no, no, no.
Just stick with the stepping.
189
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,034
- Oh.
- [Linda] Yeah.
190
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,120
- And, Gene, get ready to mount Gayle.
- Always ready.
191
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,204
Kids, knock it off.
192
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:37,957
- Tina, you're the bear. In three, two...
- Wait, what?
193
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,459
- Cue Gene and the bear.
- No.
194
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,919
- [both yelling]
- Gayle, look out, bear!
195
00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,171
Cut, cut, cut! Cut!
196
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,965
Perfect! We'll clean it up in post.
Let's keep moving, people.
197
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:47,842
One burger of the day.
198
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,720
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
Come to papa, my lunchtime lover.
199
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:54,056
Hmm. I don't like it when you
call the burger your lunchtime lover.
200
00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,976
I thought you said it was okay
as long as it wasn't every time.
201
00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,313
- Fine, fine.
- Mmm. Mmm!
202
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,900
What? I won't say it next time.
I'll just think it.
203
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,986
No, I was just, you know, seeing what
you think of the burger.
204
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,112
It's good.
205
00:08:08,112 --> 00:08:09,363
Yeah. And?
206
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:12,617
And it fills
an empty hole inside of me?
207
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,535
It's the one time of the day
that I feel okay?
208
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:17,538
Sorry. I was just asking
about the burger itself.
209
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,124
- 'Cause I got a new meat grinder.
- Oh.
210
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,626
I kinda bared my soul there.
211
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:23,127
You're talking about the taste?
212
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:24,921
Yeah. Does it taste any different?
213
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,131
Okay. Yeah,
now I'm getting something.
214
00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:28,591
Mmm. There it is.
215
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:31,969
Different, but really good,
but not too different.
216
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:33,846
Is that right?
217
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:35,139
It's whatever you think.
218
00:08:35,139 --> 00:08:36,390
Is it what you want me
to think?
219
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:37,975
I didn't know there'd be
a quiz today, Bobby.
220
00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:39,060
Do you wanna see it?
221
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:41,646
- Fast, huh?
- So fast.
222
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,147
- This part lights up.
- Does it?
223
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:46,526
Yeah. It's a little work light, I guess.
Or maybe for parties?
224
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:47,985
It's a really nice meat grinder.
225
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:50,279
- You notice anything else?
- Uh...
226
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,740
I organized those shelves.
I mean, I started to.
227
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,451
Geez. I feel like you should put a sheet
over the old one,
228
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:56,953
so it doesn't have to watch this.
229
00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,955
I always pictured its eyes
were on the other side.
230
00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,331
So, it's staring at the wall.
231
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,875
You think the eyes are on that side?
They're on this side.
232
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,545
You know what? This is over.
Let's go back upstairs.
233
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,837
We're goin' back up.
234
00:09:06,837 --> 00:09:09,131
So, we're gonna get you
running on the beach.
235
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,385
The ocean's nice, and people can
sort of focus on that if they want to.
236
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,970
Maybe I could even pan to it a bit.
237
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,764
In the background, if need be,
and, you know, pan a little bit.
238
00:09:16,764 --> 00:09:19,976
And maybe you film Aunt Gayle
rescuing Tina from a shark attack.
239
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,394
Ooh, I like that.
240
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,397
Wait, why is a shark attacking me?
Does it know I'm a bear?
241
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,815
No, no shark attack. No.
242
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,609
How about you start on me,
a handsome sunbather.
243
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,528
Gayle enters frame,
running like the wind,
244
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:34,156
and she hurdles me, saying, "Nice tan,
young man." [growls seductively]
245
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:36,325
Kids, stop.
I know you're trying to help,
246
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:37,952
but Gayle is just gonna
do a normal,
247
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:40,204
hopefully coordinated,
running down the beach.
248
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:41,581
Action.
249
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,748
[grunting]
250
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,254
[Linda] And panning
to the ocean.
251
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,089
And... Go!
252
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:55,970
Wait, stop. Why are you doing that?
You look like a giant baby.
253
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:58,097
What? You know this is how
I climb stairs.
254
00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,558
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, they did that study?
255
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:03,185
This is how people
are supposed to climb stairs.
256
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:05,104
Everyone else is doing it
the dumb way.
257
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,940
How about we try it the dumb way
on this next take, okay?
258
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,609
I think this is gonna make
a good finale.
259
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,611
Finale? Going up stairs?
260
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,321
Yeah, look how many there are.
261
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:16,532
I'm sorry, Mom, do you think
finale means dumb, unimpressive thing?
262
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,619
You kids just don't understand editing.
We got a lotta stuff.
263
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,746
We put a little music under it,
it's gonna be great.
264
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:23,372
Just saying,
Gene is ready for Gayle
265
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,541
to kick him through
the goal post like a football.
266
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:26,751
It's not gonna hurt, is it?
267
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:27,877
Nah. Uh-uh.
268
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,921
Everyone, trust me. Okay?
Trust my vision.
269
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,423
And action.
270
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,885
This feels weird.
Does it look weird?
271
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,553
- [Tina] Really weird.
- Shush, shush.
272
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,141
- [♪ upbeat music plays]
- Huh?
273
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,518
[dryly] Wow. That's great.
274
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:46,854
You stopped it
before I ripped off my shirt.
275
00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:49,732
You got to see a little bit.
It's better. Leave 'em wanting more.
276
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,817
I say give 'em all of it all the time.
277
00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:53,819
Mom, can I talk to you in the kitchen?
278
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:56,489
It's about something private. My butt.
279
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,824
- And Tina and Gene need to come, too.
- Okay.
280
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,869
That tape isn't gonna get Aunt Gayle
on Tough Stuff Island.
281
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,829
We don't know that.
It's good enough.
282
00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,623
There's nothing better than
good enough.
283
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,250
A million dollars, Mom!
A million dollars!
284
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,585
Gayle said she's a good climber.
285
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:11,170
She didn't climb anything
besides stairs.
286
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,254
And the step-up.
287
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,422
- Right, and the step-up.
- Sort of.
288
00:11:13,422 --> 00:11:16,425
Was. She was a good climber.
She was a great climber.
289
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:19,428
But she can't climb to the top
of the Old Mill Drawbridge
290
00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:21,931
and jump into the canal like she
used to when we were teenagers.
291
00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:24,684
- Wait, what?
- You guys were teenagers? Hot.
292
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,311
Let's film that.
Why aren't we filming that?
293
00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,396
What? No!
294
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,523
I said it's not like she could do that.
295
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,067
That was a really long time ago.
Things are different now.
296
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,361
Yeah, do we even have
drawbridges anymore?
297
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:37,905
Did you guys live in a castle
when you were teenagers?
298
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,908
Come on, Mom. Climbing up a bridge?
Jumping into a canal?
299
00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:42,785
That's what we should've been
filming today.
300
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:44,286
Not the crapshow we just watched.
301
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:45,371
"Crapshow"?
302
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,123
Yeah. It means a show
that's not good.
303
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,792
I know, Tina.
That is the tape we are sending in.
304
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,877
Kids, I am going back
into the living room.
305
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,588
You meet me in there.
Bring crackers. And a better attitude.
306
00:11:54,588 --> 00:11:57,258
And cheese.
And that dip that might be expired.
307
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,385
Smell it first. Thank you.
308
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,971
Guys, if Aunt Gayle
says she can still climb that bridge,
309
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,806
then we gotta film her
climbing that bridge.
310
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,474
That's what'll get her on the show.
311
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:07,017
But what about everything
Mom said?
312
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,520
Tina, Mom is not on
"Team Million Dollars" anymore.
313
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,605
She's on "Team Being Weird,"
for some reason.
314
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:13,190
Sorry, I don't follow sports.
315
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,358
So, what do we do?
316
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:15,818
The only thing we can do.
317
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,406
- Next stop, Old Mill Drawbridge.
- Hi, kids!
318
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:21,949
[kids] Shh!
319
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,285
I brought coffee!
320
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,828
You kids drink coffee, right?
321
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,621
I ran out of filters,
so I used a T-shirt,
322
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,874
but I think it tastes better.
Try it.
323
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:32,710
Mmm! Cotton-y.
324
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:38,090
[Gene] So, this is what
the sun does in the morning.
325
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,800
Little showy-offy.
326
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,885
I've been up since 4:00.
327
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:44,096
My clocks are on Europe time 'cause
my cats think we all live in Paris.
328
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:45,681
That explains their attitude.
329
00:12:45,681 --> 00:12:48,476
Ah! I can't wait to see
the Old Mill Drawbridge.
330
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,395
When we were in high school,
Lin and I used to go there all the time.
331
00:12:51,395 --> 00:12:54,023
We smoked so much...
Meat there.
332
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:55,775
Ah, to be young again.
333
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:58,694
Smoking meat after school
like there's no tomorrow.
334
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:00,696
Where is Linda?
Why couldn't she come?
335
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:03,032
Uh, yeah, she wanted
to come, but...
336
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,869
She had to wash Father.
Today's the day. Once a month.
337
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,329
She hoses him off out back.
338
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:11,874
Okay. Makes sense.
Time for some pump-up tunes.
339
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:14,293
♪ Pump up the Gayle!
Pump it up... ♪
340
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,086
Is this you singing over the song?
341
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:19,340
Yeah. I heard it on the radio
and I recorded myself singing,
342
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,966
'cause I thought of
better lyrics.
343
00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,344
♪ Get the Gayle going
on the Gayle floor ♪
344
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:24,970
[Linda] Morning, babe.
345
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:28,599
Morning. I made breakfast.
And coffee. There's some breakfast left.
346
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,142
I've been up for a while.
347
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,645
Aw, can't you sleep in a little
with the new grinder?
348
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,648
You don't have to get up so early and
do all your grinding anymore. Right?
349
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,317
Yeah, but nobody
told my body, so, yeah,
350
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,569
breakfast, that I also
ate some of.
351
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:43,322
You don't need to know
how much there used to be. It was a lot.
352
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,449
- Why does it smell like fart in here?
- I mean...
353
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,992
Sulfur. It's sulfur-ey.
354
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,160
Yeah. Six eggs.
355
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:49,662
- Oh, my God. Bob.
- Yeah.
356
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:50,871
Did the kids have any?
357
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,249
No, 'cause they're gone.
They left, like, a while ago.
358
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,333
- They left?
- Yeah.
359
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,752
They said you knew they were going
with Gayle someplace,
360
00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:59,797
and they said if you're looking for
the audition tape, they have it,
361
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,466
'cause they wanna find
a cool envelope to put it in.
362
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:06,929
But now that I see your face, I feel
like I didn't ask enough questions.
363
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:10,015
And they had towels,
which I didn't ask about.
364
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,142
[yells] What?
365
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:15,521
♪ Gayle my day!
Gayle my day! ♪
366
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:17,648
- [cell phone vibrating]
- Who's that?
367
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:23,070
Oh, uh... It's someone named Spam Risk?
You don't wanna get that.
368
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,530
He sounds interesting.
369
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,074
No. Avoid.
His last name is Risk.
370
00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:30,035
His first name is working for me.
I say give him a chance.
371
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,704
But not today, right, Gene?
372
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:34,081
Right. Today we play
hard to get.
373
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:36,917
Hmm. I've never
done that before. Fun.
374
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:41,255
Argh! Now I gotta go to the bridge to
stop Gayle from doing something dumb
375
00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:42,715
'cause our dumb kids are dumb.
376
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,425
Where are the keys?
Where are the keys?
377
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:48,053
Linda, do you want me to drive?
You seem a little rage-y.
378
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,638
I am not rage-y!
379
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:52,182
No, right. It's just that
when you're like this,
380
00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:54,018
not rage-y at all,
but, you know,
381
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,562
you don't always drive as well
as you normally do.
382
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,564
- Move it, Slowbodan Milosevic.
- [honks]
383
00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,899
Yeah, you can drive.
384
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:04,320
[Gayle] Well, I haven't climbed it
in years, but it'll come back, right?
385
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,863
Just like climbing a bridge.
386
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,949
If anything, I've only gotten stronger
and hotter since then.
387
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,744
And my bottom muscles
are off the charts lately.
388
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,245
It sure is tall,
389
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,956
and leaning in a way
that looks hard to climb.
390
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:17,207
She says she can do it.
391
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:20,044
And she's got herself pumped up.
I'm pumped up. Are you pumped up?
392
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,170
I could "Gayle My Day."
393
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:22,296
That's the spirit.
394
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:24,131
All right, I'm going.
395
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:26,634
- Ready when you are, tough stuff.
- Island.
396
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:30,012
Oh. [grunts and wheezes]
397
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,932
We'll just put some music over it.
398
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,975
Go, go, go, go, go, drive, drive!
399
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,727
That's helpful, Lin. Thanks.
400
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,229
Ahh, we gotta stop Gayle
before she gets hurt.
401
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:40,940
Or makes a fool of herself.
Or both.
402
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,067
I mean, do you really think
she might get hurt?
403
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,611
I don't know. All I know
is that she's doing something
404
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,780
that people our age
should not try to do.
405
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,740
She's just... She's got to accept it.
406
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,909
We're old. We're middle-aged ladies.
407
00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,327
We're not as strong
as we used to be.
408
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,954
We're not shiny and new anymore.
409
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,123
I accept it. Look at me.
So I couldn't do a split at the wedding,
410
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,460
something I've been able to do since
I was a kid. So what? I'm fine with it.
411
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:04,129
Uh-huh. Yep.
I mean, you almost did a split.
412
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,297
You were more down than up.
413
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,341
I'm not talking about me, Bob.
414
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,885
I'm talking about Gayle!
This is about Gayle!
415
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,304
Right, I know. Obviously. Yeah.
416
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,014
- Look out for the duck!
- [yelps]
417
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,979
How am I doing?
Almost at the top?
418
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,230
Top-ish?
419
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,315
You still have
most of the bridge to go.
420
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,567
You gotta stop asking
every few seconds. You'll know.
421
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,362
- 'Cause you'll run out of bridge?
- [groans]
422
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:31,782
Crap. And maybe
pick up the pace, Gayle?
423
00:16:31,782 --> 00:16:33,325
A little bit. Huh? No reason.
424
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,828
Cut! Cut!
425
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,789
Hi, Linda. Hi, Bob.
Bob, you look nice and clean.
426
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,374
Hi, Gayle. Thank you?
427
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:44,128
Oh, hey, Mom. Wait, when did
that drawbridge get here?
428
00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:47,631
And how did Gayle get on it?
This is crazy. [chuckles nervously]
429
00:16:47,631 --> 00:16:48,757
Why are we cutting?
430
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:51,427
Is it 'cause of all my farting?
I thought they were silent.
431
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,511
Hang on, Gayle!
432
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,638
I gotta yell at the kids
about something for a second.
433
00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:57,141
Are you gonna yell at us
about how much you love us?
434
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,226
- [growls]
- Mmm-mmm. Mmm-mmm.
435
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:00,936
Do I just... I'll keep climbing.
436
00:17:00,936 --> 00:17:03,522
Yep. Keep up that great momentum.
437
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:06,066
Hello, Mother.
So, you seem upset.
438
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:08,360
I know you had some reservations
about doing this...
439
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,154
I am livid right now.
440
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,281
For one thing,
I told you kids not to do this.
441
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:13,824
For another,
there are so many reasons
442
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,576
Gayle should not be doing this!
443
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,660
Any of this!
444
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,996
Why not? I mean, yes,
it's a little dangerous,
445
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,540
but I don't think it's
break-all-your-bones dangerous.
446
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,834
Maybe "I'm gonna feel that
in the morning" dangerous.
447
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:26,170
Also, Mom, come on,
the tape we made is bad.
448
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,921
This is how she gets
on the show.
449
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:30,966
And wins all the money and generously
shares 50 to 65% of it with us.
450
00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,552
Kids! Aunt Gayle
is not gonna get on the show.
451
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,472
Do you actually think
Aunt Gayle's gonna get on the show?
452
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:37,681
I mean, yeah.
453
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:38,891
[Gene and Tina] Yeah.
454
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,935
Aunt Gayle's tough. She's scrappy
as hell, she's a firecracker.
455
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,228
I think she gets it from me.
456
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,813
[Gene] I wouldn't wanna
go up against her.
457
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:47,691
She's the kind of person who would bite
your nose off if she had to.
458
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,234
Throw your ding-a-ling in a river.
459
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,569
She doesn't have gym strength,
460
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,405
but she's got inner demon strength that
you do not wanna mess with.
461
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,157
I mean, Mom, look at her.
She's doing it.
462
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:57,618
She's climbing up a 30-foot bridge
that's at an angle.
463
00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,495
That's how I wanna be
when I'm middle-aged.
464
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,705
Me too. Maybe with a little less
of my underwear
465
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,373
sticking out of the top
of my shorts.
466
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:05,918
And bottom too, somehow?
But still...
467
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,044
She is doing it.
468
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:09,880
I mean, so, so slowly, but, yeah.
469
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,841
What were the other reasons
you didn't think Gayle should do this?
470
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:18,013
Oh, uh, I think, actually,
you guys were right. She's got this.
471
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:20,432
Looking good, Gayle!
Keep going!
472
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,558
That's what I'm doing.
473
00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:24,144
I'm just sayin', lookin' good!
Lookin' strong!
474
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:25,729
Not so much talking, please.
475
00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:28,774
Yep, yep. Sorry. I'm so proud of you.
You're an inspiration.
476
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,776
Still talking. Still distracting.
477
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:31,902
Sorry.
478
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:34,363
Thank you! [grunts]
479
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,078
- [triumphant music plays]
- Ahhh!
480
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:43,997
Cast me!
481
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:49,837
[all cheering]
482
00:18:49,837 --> 00:18:51,213
And cut!
483
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,674
[Bob] Look,
this electric grinder is amazing.
484
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:57,094
And, sure, it saves me a lot of time.
Too much time, maybe.
485
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,428
I don't have a lot of hobbies.
486
00:18:58,428 --> 00:19:01,431
Anyway, I thought it was
the same end product, but quicker,
487
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,517
but I don't know if it is, exactly.
488
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,269
I think they taste a little different.
489
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,104
And I think I know
what the difference was.
490
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,940
With the old hand grinder,
yeah, it was hard to crank it,
491
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:12,609
and it'd fight me
and sometimes I'd swear at it,
492
00:19:12,609 --> 00:19:16,155
but the meat wound up
having a little bit more texture.
493
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,198
You know what I mean?
More complexity.
494
00:19:18,198 --> 00:19:20,492
More like it had
been through something.
495
00:19:20,492 --> 00:19:24,079
I mean, it had been through
a grinder, obviously, but I dunno,
496
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,497
maybe it's all in my head.
497
00:19:25,497 --> 00:19:28,167
I guess I just miss that grind.
498
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:29,626
I need that grind.
499
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:33,088
I mean, you know, it's kind of
a metaphor for life, really.
500
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,382
We get older,
and it beats us up,
501
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:38,135
but we also get more textured,
more complex.
502
00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:42,556
More beautifully ground up
into delicious burgers.
503
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,224
So, you wanna return it?
504
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,684
Yes, please.
505
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:48,478
- There's a restocking fee.
- Yep, I figured. Okay.
506
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,105
And you saw
the line of people behind you.
507
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:51,648
Oh! Oh, my God.
508
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,818
Uh, sorry. Sorry.
Sorry about that.
509
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:59,740
{\an8}If you think your stuff is tough enough,
we wanna see your audition.
510
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:07,664
I think this is it.
I think this is the part.
511
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:08,999
There she is!
512
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,834
- Gayle!
- [Linda laughs]
513
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,377
[phone ringing]
514
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,923
Yes! Yes, we saw it! We just saw it.
We were all watching!
515
00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,966
Yeah, you looked amazing.
516
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:21,094
I know. I know, I'm sorry
you didn't get picked for the show.
517
00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:22,179
Oh, I know.
518
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:26,266
But, yeah, you were on the show,
technically. That's right.
519
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,603
Uh, I didn't see a nipple.
You thought you could see your nipple?
520
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:33,440
It's a good thing! Then, yeah.
Yeah, it looked good, it looked good.
521
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:38,820
Ah, what the hell.
522
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:43,533
[panting] Here it goes.
523
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:45,410
Oh, God. [grunts]
524
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,541
Holy split! I'm down!
I did it! I did it!
525
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:54,586
Bob! Kids! Come look!
I'm doing a split!
526
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:55,671
[kids] Yay, Mom!
527
00:20:55,671 --> 00:20:58,298
[Linda] But hurry up!
I need a little help up.
528
00:20:58,298 --> 00:21:00,884
- Mama's stuck! Mama's stuck!
- [Tina] Okay. Coming.
529
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:03,178
{\an8}♪ Pump up the Gayle
Pump her up ♪
530
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:05,097
{\an8}♪ While your feet
Are stomping ♪
531
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,765
{\an8}♪ And the Gayle is pumping ♪
532
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,600
{\an8}♪ Look ahead
The Gayle is jumpin' ♪
533
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,602
{\an8}♪ Pump the Gayle
A little more ♪
534
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,813
{\an8}♪ Get the Gayle goin'
on the Gayle floor ♪
535
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:14,314
{\an8}♪ See, 'cause that's where
the party's at ♪
536
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:16,650
{\an8}♪ And you'd find out
if you Gayle that ♪
537
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,487
{\an8}♪ Awa, a Gayle to stay ♪
538
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,323
{\an8}♪ Get your Gayle
on the Gayle tonight ♪
539
00:21:23,323 --> 00:21:27,577
{\an8}♪ Gayle my day, Gayle my
Gayle my day, Gayle ♪
540
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:28,870
{\an8}♪ Pump up the Gayle ♪
541
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:30,914
{\an8}♪ Pump her, pump her
Pump her, pump her ♪