[♪ theme music playing]
Gene, what are you doing? Why are you opening the cash register?
- [Gene] Found the pickle. - I thought that was a good hiding spot.
Kids, please don't put a pickle in the cash register.
I shouldn't have to say that.
Dad, that attitude's not really in the spirit of Hide the Pickle.
Do you think maybe you could play a different game
or not play a game and just help?
Also, maybe you shouldn't call the game Hide the Pickle.
- Why? What's wrong with Hide the Pickle? - Well, it... Uh, never mind.
Hey, Sergeant Bosco. Are we under arrest? [laughs]
- Oh, God. Are we? - Not as far as I know.
So, Bob, how's things?
I'm actually doing pretty good. I, uh--
Listen, Bob, let me just interrupt your rambling and cut to the chase here.
I need you to teach me how to be a burger cook
for an undercover operation.
- [gasps] - Uh... What?
You'll be compensated for your time, and you and your family
will be anonymous and unconnected to this investigation in every way.
- Wait. - Undercover operation.
I'll take this one, Dad. Yes, Sergeant Bosco, we are 100% in.
Ooh, undercover. Who are you going after? The Mob?
Or a bunch of naughty surfers
like in that movie where Keanu Reeves gets mad and shoots his gun in the air?
He probably killed a bunch of birds.
Investigating officers aren't allowed to divulge details
of the case to citizens who assist in officer training.
Well, I'm sure you can tell us.
Since we're part of this investigation now.
No, we're not.
You can't back out now. We're in too deep.
- [Bob] Tina. - If you can't tell us anything,
then, darn, I think we might be too busy to help.
I guess you'll have to find another burger restaurant. Ugh, bummer.
I don't wanna have to find another restaurant.
I already did the paperwork for this one.
Yeah.
[sighs] Okay, fine. Just don't tell the chief I told you.
The guy we're going after is a veteran thief.
Jewelry, uncut gems, art. And he's got a crew.
They just pulled a job. I mean, we think it was them.
But we don't have a smoking gun. That's where you come in, Bob.
This guy, Vincent Bartos, he's got a burger joint.
- Really? - It's a front.
Lots of bad guys have fronts. They launder money through them.
Garages that don't fix any cars,
crappy restaurants that don't have any customers.
- Dad, are we a front? - Louise.
But get this.
Our guy, he's starting to take his burger place
a little more seriously.
- Actually trying to make good food. - Dad, you should try--
Yeah. Yup. Gene, thank you.
He fired his last line cook,
and he's advertising for a real legit experienced burger cook.
We got a warrant to send me in undercover.
I have a job interview in a week.
I don't get it.
You're gonna make burgers for the guy until he confesses?
No. We know the restaurant's a meeting place for his crew.
Anything I overhear while working there is admissible.
We pull him in, we prosecute.
Oh, and, uh, my undercover name is Joe Josephs.
That way, I only have to remember the one name.
Uh, is this guy dangerous?
No. I mean, maybe he's cut off a few fingers in the past
of people who have double-crossed him.
- Oh! - As one does.
- Maybe. Unconfirmed. - [Bob groans]
Relax, Bob. It's only dangerous for me.
But if my cover gets blown and I get killed,
it will be mostly your fault for not doing a good job preparing me.
But no pressure.
- Great. - [Bob groans]
And to repeat, you will remain anonymous and unconnected in any way.
I sent in a fake resume with fake references.
And as far as Vincent knows,
I worked at a place in Long Island called Grillsville,
which is no longer there.
He called the number I gave for reference,
and he got my buddy Mack,
who's a cop and who's amazing at accents.
- What accent did he do? - I don't know. Italian or something.
- Why Italian? - 'Cause Mack's Italian.
So he's just doing his normal voice.
I'm just saying my backstory is covered.
I just need to learn how to tie my apron or twirl a spatula,
- or whatever burger guys do. - Um...
- Come on, Dad. - [all] Please.
- [sighs] Okay, I'll teach you. - Yeah!
[kids cheering]
How many weapons do we each get? Ten?
You're gonna need wigs. Everybody go get their wigs.
- [Bob] Okay, uh... So-- - Meat goes on the grill?
[chuckling] Yeah. I'm just trying to think how to teach this.
- Uh, Bob? - Yeah?
You know everyone knows how to cook a burger, right?
Everyone has a grill, everyone makes burgers.
My neighbor makes burgers every weekend, and he is by far the dumbest guy ever.
Yes. I know, everyone makes burgers,
but in a restaurant it's all about consistency.
Can you make a good burger 20 times in a row?
Money. Will people give it to you?
[Bosco] Totally. That's great.
Um, are you looking at men's bathing suits?
Yes. When the new suits come out, I like to see what's available.
- I need you to listen. - [groans] Fine.
Hey, teach me the lingo. That'll be good.
How do you say, "Cheeseburger, rare, hold the onion"?
Uh, I mean, just like that.
No, no. You should say something like, um,
"Burn one, bloody, yellow blanket, no tears."
Or "One brown round, no crown, in the mouth and flush it down."
One hot single beef boy, no wedding ring.
Kids, come on.
Sometimes I call French fries spud buddies.
[sighs] Linda, can you make them do things out there?
- Right, right, right. Kids, go, work. - [Gene groans]
Oh, oh! What if you say,
"One Patty LaBelle, not so well, no smell"?
- Oh, that's good. - Thank you, Lin. Helpful.
So all of these went on at different times, right?
We need to keep track of each one.
When to flip, when to take it off. Which of them are rare.
- Which are medium-- - Oh! The nozzle of the ice cream maker.
- What? - [Louise] Nope.
Sergeant Bosco, you can't play Hide the Pickle with my kids.
- What? - Stop playing that game with them.
Louise, stop. We're busy.
- [Louise] Fine. - All right. Okay.
What's his dill?
♪ Joe Josephs, Joe Josephs ♪
♪ You're under arrest ♪
♪ Joe Josephs, Joe Josephs ♪
♪ He'll play "Hide the Pickle" the best ♪
♪ Joe Josephs, Joe Josephs ♪
♪ His burger dreams Putting you to the test ♪
- Long day. No lunch break? - No. We're a lunch place.
It would be pretty hard to take a lunch break.
- Order up. - All right. You know what?
Let's see what you've learned.
- You make it. - Oh. I make it?
- Yup. Go ahead and make it, Joe. - Who's Joe?
Isn't that the cover name you told us to call you?
Oh, right. You, uh, you just said it weird.
So make it myself?
Yes. The thing you wanted me to teach you.
That I've been trying to teach you all day.
- Make a burger. - Oh, wow. The big show.
You've been training for this
your whole life for a couple hours today.
You can do it, Sergeant Bosco. Maybe.
Okay. Uh, first I put a patty on the grill?
- Yes. - Nailing it.
- Where are they again? - In the fridge.
The meat's in the fridge.
- So you're gonna... - Take it out?
- Yes. And... - Cook it?
- Yes. And... - Cook it real good.
[all groan]
Season the patty. Right?
When it goes on the grill, season the patty.
Okay, okay. You didn't tell me that.
I told you five times. You weren't listening.
You were playing Hide the Pickle.
I thought that was part of the training.
It should be.
[sighs] You said you needed to learn how to pass as a burger cook.
I told you to teach me some of the lingo.
Seasoning. There.
That's lingo. It's a super-cool restaurant word.
- Seasoning. - That's not cool.
- But it can be spicy. [chuckles] Sorry. - You're not gonna fool anyone.
They'll know you're lying.
They'll know you're a cop. You're gonna be in danger.
And when they have your funeral, I'm gonna go and tell everyone
that I tried to teach you how to put salt on a patty.
- But you never listened! - Fine. I quit. [grunts]
How do you untie this apron?
- Aw. [tsks] - [cell phone ringing]
What is it? Oh, oh. Hi, Chief.
Really? No, no, it's fine. I can do it.
That was the chief. The job interview got moved up.
- It's today at 3:00 p.m. - What?
So, uh, what were you saying about seasoning?
I was saying sometimes it's spicy... Oh, oh.
You meant... Um, uh, okay.
The interview's today?
We were supposed to have a week to teach you.
I don't know, Bob. Apparently the guy called
and said we could move up the interview to today,
and my chief thinks if I say no, he'll hire someone else. So I'm going.
He moved the appointment to today? What if you have plans?
Yeah. Like learning how to cook a burger
so you can go undercover as a burger chef.
The chief wants me to go, but, uh, that still leaves us, um... 10 minutes.
So, teach. Good, this time. Are you looking at my hands?
- Um... - 'Cause parts of them might get
- chopped off or-- - The finger parts.
Is it better to spend this time making fake fingers?
- Stop it. You're freaking me out. - Okay, okay, uh...
Oh, God. So, um, all right.
There's not enough time to make you not bad at cooking burgers.
I think we need just to teach you how to fake it,
so you can get through this interview.
Then, if you actually get the job, we can start trying to teach you again.
- Bob, 10 minutes. - [sighs] All right.
I guess just act like the old-timers do.
Those guys don't read any blogs.
They don't even like cooking, I don't think.
So just say, "I just do it how I do it. I don't know all the fancy words."
I like that. "I don't know how to do it. I just do it how they... how you do it."
- What? No. - Close enough, though, right?
Feels right. "I don't know all the words.
"I just do it how I do it."
- Whoa. I just believed that. -"I'm a burger guy."
"I'm not trying to make a big blog show."
- Ah, lost me. Wait. No. Still works. - [all] Yeah.
[Linda] Bob, you okay?
You've been doing that for not too alarming an amount of time.
Maybe he's finally getting serious about wiping. I'm not there yet.
We haven't heard from Bosco,
and I'm very, very, very nervous about it.
Because of the "if he doesn't seem like a real chef,
"they'll know he's a cop and his fingers might get chopped off" thing?
- Yes, Tina. - Got it.
Ugh! This is the not-fun part of undercover work.
Being with your even more than usual stressed-out dad.
I should be at that thief's restaurant, butterfly-knifing all over the place.
But instead, I'm here looking for the pickle, which is right here.
- Damn. - I'm sure Bosco is fine, Bob.
Not hearing from him could be a good thing.
Maybe it's going great
and they've just been shaking hands and nodding
- for the last 30 minutes. - [phone rings]
- Hello. - Whoa. That's an intense greeting, Bob.
Oh, hey, Teddy. I thought you were someone else.
Sometimes I do too, Bob.
Anyway, I missed lunch 'cause the job I'm on is taking forever.
But I'm gonna make it for an early dinner.
I'm really craving a burger right now.
I'm getting the shakes, which is not good because I'm on a roof.
- Uh-huh. - I just wanted to make sure
- Mort wasn't in my seat. - What?
I know it's weird. I mean, I like the guy.
It just bugs me if I'm not there and Mort's in my seat.
- He's got his own seat. - Yeah, Mort's not here, Teddy.
- Did he tell you to say that? - No, no. Teddy, I gotta go.
Will you just put something on the seat so no one sits in it?
- Like a menu or a hat. - Yep, yep.
Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers. Let me get you a menu.
Actually, you know what? I think I know what I'm getting.
I'll have the burger of the day.
- The Your Swiss Is On My List burger. - You got it.
I've been meaning to try this place for a while.
I'm hearing really good things.
Uh, Bob, you want to stop wiping and, uh, go do a burger?
Huh? Oh. Sorry. Uh, I'll get that started for you.
So, new burger of the day every day, huh?
Oh. Uh, yeah.
He doesn't feel the same way about underpants.
- Louise. - It's unfortunate.
Well, it's good to challenge people's expectations, right?
- About the burgers, not the underpants. - Ha. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.
Ugh. There's nowhere else to look. Where is it, Louise?
And don't say it's in your stomach
'cause you two made it very clear we weren't allowed to eat it anymore.
Sorry about them. They're playing Hide the Pickle.
It's a game where they hide a pickle and then they find it.
He knows, Dad. It's literally in the name.
I'm gonna use the bathroom real quick.
Or I can hold it if, uh, there's a pickle in there that needs finding.
We've checked. There isn't.
[doorbells chime]
- Bob, we have to talk. - Bosco, you're okay!
You're alive. Oh, thank God.
I didn't get you killed. That's so great.
Now our dad can stop doing his anxious butt clenches.
So, how'd the interview go? Did you get the job?
You joining the burger-making nation?
Well, you may get a call about someone who used to work here,
and I just need you to pretend you know what they're talking about.
Is that Joe? What do you know!
- Vincent? - Huh?
- Vincent? - Whoa.
- What's going on? - [chuckles]
Well, Vincent, I love that you're here.
This is so good.
Should I go get the wigs?
So, yeah. Bob, this is Vincent.
Vincent, this is Bob and Linda and their children.
We're the children that you saw before and also now.
- Hello again. - Hi.
And I'm Joe, which we all know.
Okay. That's enough introducing.
So, Joe, you came by to visit your old boss?
- Wait. What-- - Yep. Sure did.
Can't keep me away, can you, Bob?
Uh... Yeah.
Look at us. My old boss and hopefully my new boss.
Don't you two fight over me now.
[all laughing awkwardly]
One burger of the day for, for you.
Thank you, Bob. Looks great.
Oh, hey, Bob. Uh...
Will you show me your, uh, spatula
- that you were talking about? - What, what?
You know, you know, the cool one that you got
that you really wanted to show me. That one. Remember?
- Oh, oh, okay. - I kind of want to see this spatula.
[Bob] Why is the jewel thief in my restaurant?
It was going sort of bad.
I said that "I don't know how to do it, I just do it" thing you said.
That's not what I said to say.
And then he was like, "The place you used to work isn't around anymore.
"Did you work anywhere else?"
- So you said here? - Yes. And he really liked that.
- He's heard of you. - So, do you think he's on to us?
I'm not sure. Maybe he just decided
he had to eat at Bob's Burgers right away, right?
Or he thinks I'm a cop and you're the guy who helped the cop,
and he's here to feel it out and maybe kill both of us.
- Oh, my God. - Just keep it together, Bob.
We just got to keep it together.
Oh, like how you blurted out the name of my restaurant
at your interview, Joe Josephs?
You see? This is why I couldn't work here anymore.
You never supported me.
Great spatula, Bob. So glad we went to go look at it.
I'm gonna seriously consider getting that one for myself.
- Yeah, you should get one. - Then you can flip each other off.
Gene. Uh, so, uh, how's the burger?
- It's amazing. You're an artist. - Oh, uh, thank you.
That's how I taught Joe also, too,
to, to be that way.
Ha! Yeah. I just do what you do, how you do it.
- Yup. - Yup.
Uh, Tina, Gene, Louise,
how would you like to go play your Hide the Pickle game upstairs?
- Doesn't that sound fun? - The pickle is still hidden down here.
Uh-huh. Sure, uh, but maybe you could just
use a different pickle that's in the upstairs fridge?
Yeah. Yeah.
- Whoa. - A different pickle?
Do you hear yourself right now?
Yeah. Seriously, Bob.
So, Joe, visiting the old stomping grounds, huh?
Oh, yeah. Visiting the place that I worked at.
And there was that spatula question I had for Bob.
- You know, chef stuff. - [Gene] Spat chat.
Oh, no.
- Hey, Teddy. - Hey, Teddy.
[gasps] Teddy knows Bosco.
- He'll ruin everything. - Oh, no.
Remember I told you guys to put a menu or a hat on my stool?
Bob, what happened?
Putting a man there is not saving it. Every other seat is empty.
What happened? It's nothing against you, sir.
Nothing against... You seem fine, but...
- One burger of the day, please, Bob. - Uh, to go, though, right?
- Right. Wait. What? - You're getting this to go.
You called earlier and you said you'd swing by and pick up a burger to go.
I did? I don't remember doing that. Oh, God. What else did I do?
I'll go make it right now. Linda, maybe you, uh, should chat with Teddy.
He seems like he, you know, wants to chat.
I love to chat with Teddy. Uh...
- Teddy, you got new pants? - I don't know.
They're not new, but there's something new.
- Turn this way. - Oh, yeah, there's a swagger.
- I see it. - There's a swagger?
Oh, almost done. You know what? This one's on the house.
Since you, uh, since you're thinking about hiring Joe here.
No, no, no, no. Please.
On the house? What? Hi.
- Hey. How you doing? - Wait. Who's Joe?
- Hey, it's uh-- - [Bob] Burger's almost ready, Teddy!
- Not pants, shoes! - What?
- New shoes. Isn't that it? - Yeah, scuffed-up work boots.
You must have paid a pretty penny for those.
Good scuffing. Nothing worse than a bad scuff job.
[whistles] Must be nice.
So close. Just moments away, Teddy. I know you're in a hurry.
- Funny vibe in here. - Nope.
- Normal. Normal vibe. - Yeah, I don't see it.
- Are you good? Uh, can I clear that? - Almost there, Teddy!
It's, like, exciting,
- but you only have two customers. - Three.
- He's not a customer, of course, Teddy. - Huh?
- Joe? Joe's not a customer. - Done!
Mmm, uh, hot off the grill.
Here you go. Get this home as fast as possible.
You want to eat it hot, right?
- It's a burger. - I could eat it right here.
No, no, you have those plans. It's fine. We get it.
You know what? This one's on the house too.
It is? This is free?
- We hate money. - We're post-capitalists.
- See you soon, buddy. - Okay. Uh, bye, everybody.
Well, glad you came by. Nice to meet you.
Love this. You all getting a chance to meet.
You know, I just... This is kind of a golden opportunity.
- I feel like I can't pass it up. - Oh, yeah? What's that?
I mean, we can kind of complete the interview right now.
I've had Bob's amazing burger.
You're here. I want to taste one of yours.
Oh, um...
Well, sure.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
Use the special spatula.
Okay. Here I go, then. Into the kitchen, where the grill is.
- You don't have to say that. - All right, bye.
Well, I'll just, uh, take this, um... Oh, the cup
back into the kitchen and, uh, and wash it.
Yeah, sure. But no coaching. This is a tryout.
No way. I wouldn't... Yeah, I get it.
[stammering] You don't need to with Joe.
He's so good, Joe Josephs.
[whispering] Get the patty out of the fridge
and season it with salt and pepper.
Right, right. Where's the salt and pepper?
[Bob] Above the grill with the spices.
Salt is a spice?
Oh, my God. We're gonna get murdered.
Oh! Uh, I gotta help Bob with that cup, uh, in case he breaks it.
You know chefs. So clumsy.
[whispering] Bob, I got an idea. The to-go burger.
But I gotta hurry so I don't miss Teddy.
What? Ahhh!
I mean, ah, that's such a good amount of salt to use.
Teddy, I need you to come back with your to-go bag.
- [Teddy] What? - I know it sounds weird.
But come back as fast as you can
and bring the burger and meet me in the back alley. Okay?
It's, um... We want to make you a different burger.
Can I eat this one and then you can also make me another one?
[Linda] No, Teddy. That one's... It's no good.
It fell on the floor and then a fly sat on it and a cockroach.
- It's not a deal breaker. - [Linda] Teddy, just come!
I forgot to ask you how you'd like that cooked.
- Medium, please. Thank you. - Medium. Got it.
Just medium? Like, right up the middle?
- Right up the middle. - Middle medium.
One Malcolm in the Middle coming up.
Just gonna flip this bad boy.
- [Bosco] Oops. - Whoa.
- Oh. - Oh.
- Well, I just do it
how you would do it, you know?
Oh, thank God. Give me the burger, Teddy.
Thank you so much.
- I just... I just need-- - [groaning]
Teddy, let it go. We're gonna make you a special burger.
- So much better than this one. - When? Can I have it now?
Thirty minutes. Buy a newspaper or something.
A newspaper? What is this? 1986?
What, am I gonna see how Dukakis is doing in the polls?
- Teddy, trust me. Go. - [groans] Fine.
[whispering] Bob, Teddy's burger.
It's untouched. Mostly. Bag's warm.
- Ah! You're a genius. - Oh, I know.
Just gonna put the patty on the bun. Oops. Oops. Oops.
Line it up a little better there. The cheese is melted, right?
Yeah, yeah, it is. It's totally melted.
Okay. Go ahead and sit down.
It's taste test time. The best kind of test.
[whispering] What are you doing?
I'm switching it out so he eats my burger.
Wait. What? But I think I did pretty good.
And I just... I worked so hard for this.
Are you kidding me?
Okay. Here's the burger.
- Enjoy. - Oh, looks good.
Yeah, it does. Nice one, Uncle Joe.
All right, all right, all right. Don't make a big deal.
- He's modest. And grumpy. - Uncle Mumpy.
- It's delicious. - [all exhale]
Oh, good.
Oh, I mean, oh, food is, uh, good.
Oh, my God. I got to say, Joe,
I kind of thought you were, like, not a chef at all.
- [all laugh] - What's that? This guy? Such a chef.
But, uh, I feel like maybe, you know, your style is just unconventional
because you had such an unconventional teacher.
I mean, the way you cook, honestly, it makes no sense,
and frankly, it defies everything I know about food.
But maybe that's just 'cause I have more to learn.
Thanks, I guess. Glad you liked it. So do I get the job or what?
Joe, I think I found my new chef.
- Great. - All right.
Well, I better get going. I'll give you a call tomorrow.
Bob, Linda, kids, it's been a true pleasure.
Who's your favorite?
- Uh, I like the Teddy guy. - Damn it.
I hope I can feed you all at my place sometime.
- Ooh, what do you serve? - Um, burgers?
Oh, I was hoping it was kebabs.
- You're my least favorite. - [Gene groans]
[cell phone ringing]
What is it?
Oh, my God. This is a nightmare. It's never gonna end.
We have to actually teach him how to cook,
or he's gonna blow it on his first day.
Which is what? Tomorrow?
Oh, Bob, we'll figure it out. We got this far.
We could be undercover cops.
- You could. - I'm missing something.
Louise, we won, but we lost 'cause Bosco's really got to cook now.
We switched the burgers. That one was mine.
I don't have to cook. It's over. Investigation's over.
[all] What?
That was the chief. Vincent's not our guy.
They got a match on partial fingerprints we found at the scene.
Someone else on file.
So they're arresting that guy for the heist.
So you can turn down the job?
Yep. I'll tell him I broke my arm tonight
doing something really cool.
- Is rollerblading cool? - Visor or no visor?
I honestly don't think I could have cut it anyway.
You have a really stressful job.
I mean, I've been shot at, stabbed, planted a ton of drugs,
but I think I'd rather do my job than yours.
- Oh. Thanks? - Wait a minute.
Fingerprints from another criminal were at the scene?
Fingerprints? From another criminal's fingers?
- Don't you guys get it? - Is it something about fingerprints?
He used someone else's cut-off finger to put their fingerprints at the scene.
- Nah. - Yeah. Vincent wouldn't do that.
He called me an artist.
I'm right. I solved this case. You guys are dumb.
You couldn't even find the pickle, and I hid it right under your faces.
Right here. Wait. Where is it?
Still got it.
[all yelp]
I couldn't wait, Linda. I just want a burger.
Burger!
[♪ mysterious music playing]