1
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:26,901
Got to be some in there.

2
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,199
{\an8}Nope, that's just water.

3
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:38,246
{\an8}Hmm. <i>"Une bouteille de shampooing."</i>

4
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,834
Smells like... lilies?

5
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,627
{\an8}Also, happiness?

6
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,755
{\an8}Eyebrows and mustache, get in on this.

7
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,006
{\an8}- Morning, kids.
- Hello.

8
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,507
{\an8}Morning.
Whoa.

9
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,384
{\an8}- You look really nice today, Dad.
- I do?

10
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,595
{\an8}Yeah. I mean, not your clothes.
No offense.

11
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,473
{\an8}I think it's your... hair, maybe?
It looks good.

12
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,141
{\an8}- You wearing a wig?
- No, Louise.

13
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,352
{\an8}You do look really great today, Bob.
Your hair's got a lot of body.

14
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,063
{\an8}And your body has a lot of hair.

15
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,523
{\an8}I used that stuff
that was on top of the toilet.

16
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,358
Pee-pee?
- Oh, no! The fancy stuff?

17
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,195
{\an8}I was gonna use that.
You didn't use it all, did you?

18
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,946
{\an8}- Um...
- Aw, nuts.

19
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,365
{\an8}I found it yesterday
and I wanted to try it.

20
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:17,285
{\an8}- Wait, you found it? W-where?
- Out at the dumpster.

21
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,870
{\an8}That's my special lady.

22
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:21,081
{\an8}- You got shampoo from a dumpster?
- Yeah!

23
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:24,167
{\an8}What, um... else around here
do you get from dumpsters?

24
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,419
{\an8}- Not food, right?
- Don't you worry about it.

25
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:29,798
{\an8}Mm. I like dumpster eggs.
You can taste the danger.

26
00:01:29,798 --> 00:01:33,510
<i>So, if you find any of
the chess club's missing chess pieces,</i>

27
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,929
{\an8}<i>check with us, mate. Check mate.</i>

28
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:39,641
{\an8}<i>I was being Australian because of
the way they say "mate" all the time--</i>

29
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,644
<i>You guys don't care. Okay, uh...
and one more announcement.</i>

30
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,813
<i>This afternoon's
lunch recess is canceled.</i>

31
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:45,939
What?

32
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:49,109
<i>No students will be
permitted outside after lunch,</i>

33
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,277
{\an8}<i>and must either go directly to the gym,</i>

34
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,863
{\an8}<i>or, if you're more of a reader
than a do-er,</i>

35
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,824
{\an8}<i>-you may go to the library.</i>
- Mm.

36
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:58,409
<i>And any students
found outside after lunch</i>

37
00:01:58,409 --> 00:02:00,787
{\an8}<i>-are gonna get in so much trouble...</i>

38
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,997
{\an8}<i>...their grandchildren
will have detention.</i>

39
00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:04,082
<i>Yes, we can do that.</i>

40
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,416
<i>Okay, have a great day!</i>

41
00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,669
No recess? Is that even legal?

42
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,255
LaBonz, get me on the horn
with the superintendent.

43
00:02:10,255 --> 00:02:11,673
No.
- Dang it!

44
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,926
- It is shiny. And bouncy.
- Uh-huh.

45
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,262
Yeah, less matted down
with grease than usual.

46
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,346
Thank you.

47
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,681
Well, I better get going.

48
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:23,059
T-minus 45 minutes
until funeral blastoff.

49
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,770
That-that's not a technical term.
Just making it fun.

50
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,772
- I'm allowed to have fun sometimes.
- Right.

51
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:29,649
- No, of course.
- Bye!

52
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,193
I like Mort, but he always
makes me uncomfortable.

53
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,903
Anyway, I got to get going, too.

54
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,655
Want to get to my job early
so I can finish

55
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,448
in time to pick up Kathleen
this afternoon.

56
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,160
Oh, right. Her colonoscopy's today.

57
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,872
Aw, Teddy, it's so nice she asked you
to be the person that picks her up.

58
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:46,166
- Right?
- That's a big step in a relationship.

59
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,418
Scooping her up
after she gets her pooper checked.

60
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:50,170
I know, and I do not want to blow it.

61
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,589
I want everything to go smoothly.
I cleaned my truck.

62
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,757
I added some cushy pillows
to the passenger seat.

63
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,384
I got all of Kathleen's favorite snacks

64
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:58,178
she wasn't allowed to eat
for the last few days:

65
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,888
Nuts, sunflower seeds...

66
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,389
Oh, yum... sort of.

67
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:02,807
And I made her a playlist:

68
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,101
"The Long and Windy Road,"
"Brown Eyed Girl."

69
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,227
- Aw.
- Hmm.

70
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,812
I just want to make her
feel comfortable.

71
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,982
You know, Kathleen could have asked
her cousin, who lives in town, to do it.

72
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,525
But she didn't, she asked me.

73
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,153
Take that, Cousin Muriel!
I win, you lose!

74
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,322
I've met her, by the way.
She's very nice.

75
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,826
What the hell is going on, no recess?
Even in prison you get recess.

76
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,370
Bunch of hardened criminals
playing Foursquare.

77
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,997
How are we gonna find out
what's going on?

78
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,707
I mean, do we bug their phones, or...

79
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,459
It had to be during recess.

80
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:32,503
- It was the only time they could do it.
- Okay, eavesdropping works, too.

81
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,589
- Only time who could do it?
- The drone operator.

82
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:36,674
He wants us to say "pilot,"
but I'm not saying that.

83
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:37,759
Good for you.

84
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:38,968
Principal Spoors says,

85
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,970
"If your school website
doesn't have a drone shot,

86
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,639
"you might as well
not have a school at all."

87
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,016
A drone's flying over the school
to shoot video?

88
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,434
Is our school <i>Top Gun?</i>

89
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,229
And, apparently, it's so expensive
we'll only get one shot at it,

90
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,272
so that's why we have
to keep the kids inside.

91
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:54,359
Principal Spoors thinks they'll try to
ruin the video when they see the drone.

92
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,152
That is 100% true.

93
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,987
Not ruin, improve.

94
00:03:57,987 --> 00:03:59,739
And if Spoors
doesn't get his drone shot,

95
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,074
I don't get my two days off

96
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,243
to take my mother to Massapequa
to see her sister.

97
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,119
- Ooh, road trip.
- Mm-hmm.

98
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:06,871
Louise, the bell rang.

99
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:07,956
Oh. I guess it did.

100
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,832
Boy, it was a bit subtle,
don't you think?

101
00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:11,960
It was a bell. So, no.

102
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,005
LaBonz, you are a hoot.
Okay, bye now!

103
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,674
Meet back here
after next period.

104
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,676
We'll talk strategy.
And we need to tell Tina.

105
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:22,345
I'll call her assistant
and get it on her schedule.

106
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,350
Bob's Burgers.
Puttin' yum in your yappers.

107
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,060
<i>Linda!</i>
- Oh, hey, Teddy.

108
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,353
You pick up Kathleen?

109
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,480
<i>No. That's actually why I'm calling.</i>

110
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,606
Oh, what's wrong?

111
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,525
<i>Uh... I'm kind of in the emergency room.</i>

112
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,735
- What?
<i>- I'm worried I'm not gonna make it--</i>

113
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,946
Teddy? Teddy!

114
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,364
<i>Sorry, it was my phone.</i>

115
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,490
My face hit the button.

116
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:45,326
Anyway, I'm worried I'm not gonna
make it to pick up Kathleen.

117
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:48,621
I need your help.
But, uh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

118
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,958
I'm in a lot of pain, though.

119
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,629
You're in the emergency room?

120
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,423
W-What happened?
You sound kind of funny.

121
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,676
Well, I-I got an ice pack on my face
'cause I bit my lip.

122
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,636
You went to the ER
'cause you bit your lip?

123
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,764
- Not exactly. It started with the bee.
- The bee?

124
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,599
<i>Yeah, it landed in my goggles.</i>

125
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,268
<i>And then I put them on.</i>

126
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,978
<i>It stung me on my eyelid.</i>

127
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,731
<i>Then I kind of shot myself
in the foot with the nail gun.</i>

128
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,526
And, yeah, that's how I bit my lip.

129
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,861
- Oh, no!
- What?

130
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,071
Beesting on the eye,
then nail in the foot.

131
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,865
- Ooh.
- Aw, Bob says, "Ooh."

132
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,199
Aw, you poor thing.

133
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:28,536
But I'm calling because Kathleen is
gonna be done with her colonoscopy soon

134
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,664
and I can't drive 'cause
my gas pedal foot has a nail hole in it

135
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,292
and I can't see
'cause my eye is swollen shut.

136
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,545
Okay, okay.
So you want me to go pick up Kathleen?

137
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,882
No, Linda! It's got to be me!
I got to be the one to pick her up.

138
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,300
Okay, well, what do you want me to do?

139
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,844
Can you come pick me up?
And then take me to get Kathleen?

140
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,472
Hold on. Hey, Bob?
Are you okay on your own for a bit?

141
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:51,351
Sure. You go help Teddy and Kathleen.
My hair and I have got this.

142
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,852
Yeah, I could use a break from the hair.

143
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,896
Teddy, Bob's hair
is turning him into a monster.

144
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:55,980
A gorgeous monster.

145
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,149
I'm on my way.
Don't hurt yourself anymore!

146
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,736
Stay away from elevator shafts
and sit on your hands until I get there.

147
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,988
Okay, everyone, thank you for coming.

148
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,406
When this drone goes over,

149
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,701
I'm thinking resistance movement
meets covert op meets art piece.

150
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,204
That's what I tell the barber
when I go in for a haircut.

151
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,997
Hey, Tina.
What are you guys talking about?

152
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:16,417
You guys look more guilty than my Nana
sneaking pepperonis at a Papa John's.

153
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,710
We found out why

154
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,379
we're not allowed outside during recess.

155
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,214
They're gonna shoot
a drone video of the school.

156
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,633
Oh! That's why
they won't let us outside?

157
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,842
A secret drone shot?

158
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:27,053
They're worried we're gonna
moon the drone or something?

159
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,597
Yeah, so we're gonna do that.
Or something better. You in?

160
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,474
- Hecks yeah.
- Let's do a dance.

161
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,518
It's an overhead drone shot.

162
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,396
Those were invented for filming dance.
And for war.

163
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,815
You guys doing a dance
for a secret drone shot?

164
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,483
Guys, I'm not sure about the dancing.

165
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,360
What? Why? It's dancing.

166
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,195
Adults will notice dancing.

167
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,072
We have to be unseen by the naked eye

168
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,241
so they'll actually use it
on the website.

169
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,409
Who's got naked eyes?

170
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,994
I guess glasses
are like pants for your face.

171
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,246
- Oh!
- Shh.

172
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,415
People. People.
I've got this figured out.

173
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,624
We sneak out of lunch,

174
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:59,043
go to the storage area
with all the school play props,

175
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,254
we grab the bushes and the fog machine

176
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,423
that they used in that play,
<i>Bushes and Fog.</i>

177
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,882
Wasn't our best play.

178
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:08,261
And we're gonna use the bushes to form
the school's "butt," if you will,

179
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,054
and we're gonna use the fog machine

180
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,973
to make it look like
the school's butt is farting.

181
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,766
But to the unsophisticated adults,

182
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:17,562
it'll just look like some shrubbery
and a bit of, uh, low-hanging cloud.

183
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,565
The school farting?
It's elegant, provocative.

184
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:24,318
But this could be the one chance
we ever have to do a dance for a drone.

185
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,779
I'm with J-Ju.
I say we dance, and just be like,

186
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,407
we're here in this moment, truly alive.

187
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,118
Guys, if we don't make the website
and cement our legacy,

188
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,453
what's the point of any of this?

189
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,206
Don't you want to be remembered as
incognito, school-flatulating legends?

190
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,624
You had me at flatulating.

191
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,628
I guess I could get into being a legend.
Move over, John L... Legend.

192
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,713
- Okay.
- I'm in.

193
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,797
Let's do it.

194
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,382
We'll meet in the cafeteria
at lunch. Go!

195
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:49,218
And think of a cool codename
for yourself to add to the mystique.

196
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,636
Mine's Treat Williams--

197
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,139
No, no, no, no. Admiral Lasagna.

198
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,267
- Linda!
- Teddy! Ooh.

199
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,102
- Does it look bad?
- No.

200
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,854
No... No!

201
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,522
Sorry, it's a little messy.

202
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,899
Is that a bag of salt?

203
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,525
Oh, yeah, that's where the salt went.

204
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,778
Could we maybe...
stop by the job site

205
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,489
and get my truck to pick up Kathleen?

206
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,866
Wait, wha?
Aren't you worried about being late?

207
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:12,950
It's on our way!

208
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,786
And, you know, I cleaned it
and it has the pillows and snacks

209
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,331
and the, "Yay,
you got your colonoscopy!" mixtape.

210
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,707
And, uh, no ants.

211
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,167
Yeah, okay. Okay.

212
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,254
Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers.

213
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,380
- Hi.
- Hi. Hello.

214
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,257
Have a seat. I'll get you some menus.

215
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,550
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

216
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,307
<i>Hmm. Are they whispering about me?</i>

217
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,559
<i>Mm, yep.</i>

218
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,939
Is everything... okay?
Yes. Thank you.

219
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,107
All right. Take your time.

220
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,536
<i>Hmm, no-no boogers.</i>

221
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,704
<i>Mustache is relatively clean.</i>

222
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,749
<i>Usual armpit smell.</i>

223
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,544
<i>Hm.</i>

224
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,004
Thank you.
I got an update from the clinic.

225
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,173
Kathleen is in the recovery room.
Recovering.

226
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:11,092
Already? Oh, boy. Okay.

227
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,510
Gonna go a little faster.

228
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,595
Yeah, but not over
the speed limit, right?

229
00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:16,931
No. Just maybe... ten over,

230
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,100
12 over, 15 over.

231
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,645
Teddy, 15 miles over the speed limit
is still technically the speed limit.

232
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,272
They factor in for that sort of thing.

233
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,524
And... there's a siren.

234
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,901
- That's bad.
- Oh! Are we getting pulled over?

235
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,736
Do we gun it?
Should I gun it? Should we go?

236
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:31,821
Linda, no!

237
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,239
Right, right.

238
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:38,828
Okay, one at a time, we should slip out
and meet in the storage room.

239
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,247
Ugh! What if we started turning
like a human pinwheel?

240
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,291
That would look so cool from up above.

241
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,917
Love it. Busby Berkeley?

242
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:48,754
More like Busby You-Gotta-Be-Berserk-ly
not to be inspired by that idea.

243
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,214
Human pinwheel does sound fun.

244
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,133
I've always wanted to be
part of a human something.

245
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,676
- No, no, no.
- Not that we're doing dancing,

246
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,636
but if we were, what would the song be?

247
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,096
"I Think We're A Drone Now"?

248
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,682
No, Gene! Finish food. Do plan.

249
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,435
Ah! I will finish my food,
thank you very much.

250
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,437
And whoever else's food needs finishing.

251
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,772
- Fine.
- You're welcome!

252
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,400
Uh...
Oh, boy.

253
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,819
Oh, God.
Oh, God, we're gonna be late!

254
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:14,071
- You know how fast you were--
- Sorry I was speeding, Officer.

255
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:17,325
I've never driven this truck before.
But not because I stole it.

256
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,536
It's his truck. He just can't drive it.
Right now. 'Cause he's all messed up.

257
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:21,996
- I mean, look at him.
- Hi.

258
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,290
Uh-huh.
License and registration, please.

259
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,583
Okay.

260
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,336
Uh, officer, we're late to pick up
Teddy's special friend.

261
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,462
Uh, this is Teddy.

262
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,131
She asked him to be the one
to pick her up from her colonoscopy

263
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,799
and it's kind of a big deal.
Wait.

264
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,135
You're picking someone up
from a colonoscopy?

265
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,511
- Yes.
- It's the thing when

266
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,722
- they put the camera up your--
- Oh, I know what it is.

267
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,601
A colonoscopy saved my nana's life.
And I was the one who picked her up.

268
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,019
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.

269
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,021
Yeah. She's my best friend.

270
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,731
- Wow, that's nice.
- Great. That's great.

271
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,650
You know what?
I'm gonna give you an escort.

272
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,527
- An escort? A police escort?
- Seriously?

273
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,697
You're doing a good thing. And giving
escorts is my favorite part of the job.

274
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,948
It's kind of why I became a cop.

275
00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,659
Where's your friend
getting her colonoscopy?

276
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,079
- The Main Street Medical Center.
- Well, all right. Let the escort begin!

277
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,164
- Thank you, Officer!
- Yeah, thank you!

278
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,541
I always wanted one of these.
A nice male escort.

279
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:10,044
Wow.

280
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,046
Uh, I think we're actually
gonna make it on time.

281
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,714
You bet we are--

282
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,675
- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no...

283
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,260
- You hit me!
- I'm sorry. Why did you stop?

284
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,222
There was a car in front of me.
We're not supposed to smash into those!

285
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,057
Okay, that's a good reason.

286
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,475
Oh, no. It's the cops.

287
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,102
Don't tell him
I was giving you an escort.

288
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,186
- What?
- Don't tell.

289
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,397
I'll get in so much trouble. Shh.

290
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,987
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Just lie for me.

291
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,281
- What? Lie to a cop?
- It's fine, it's fine.

292
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,449
People do it all the time.

293
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:43,994
Just tell him you rear-ended me,
but don't say anything about the escort.

294
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,996
- Eh...
- Everything okay, Earl?

295
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,749
Yeah, yeah. Uh, this, uh,
person that I've never met

296
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,168
until this very moment
just rear-ended me.

297
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:53,879
Uh, that's right,
I just plowed right into him...

298
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,297
into the police car.

299
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,758
Hmm. And where were you
headed so fast, ma'am?

300
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,219
Oh, I was, uh...

301
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,972
I was going to go... have an affair.
With that guy.

302
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,474
Yeah. So, I was in a hurry
to cheat on my husband.

303
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:06,559
What?

304
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,810
Well, I for one believe that.

305
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,520
- Are you all right, sir?
- I've been better.

306
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,813
He got stung by a bee,

307
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,149
and he drove a nail into his foot,
and he bit his lip.

308
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,860
- But, uh, that's how I like 'em.
- This is all my fault!

309
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:19,113
It's my friend, she asked me
to pick her up after her colonoscopy.

310
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,240
- A colonoscopy, huh?
- Oh, God.

311
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,117
- Earl?
- Uh...

312
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,827
Where's the dang fog machine?

313
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,579
I haven't the foggiest. Sorry.

314
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,331
Louise, maybe the bush butt
doesn't need to fart?

315
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:32,460
Listen to yourself, Tina,
of course the bush butt needs to fart.

316
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,128
- What are you doing?
- Choreography.

317
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:36,338
Just in case we decide
to bust out some moves.

318
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,716
- No!
- We might not be able to help ourselves.

319
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,801
All right! We're dancing!

320
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,344
- Zeke, ow! Ow, Zeke!
- I'm dancing!

321
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,555
Too much, too much!
- Ugh.

322
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,975
Here you go.
Uh, anyone need anything else?

323
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,186
- More coffee?
- Uh, we're good. Thanks.

324
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,605
We just came
from our mom's funeral next door.

325
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,441
Oh. Uh, I'm-I'm so sorry for your loss.

326
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,277
Thank you. Uh... the thing is...

327
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,487
Yeah?

328
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,030
- You smell like our dead mom.
- Oh.

329
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,699
Sorry. I know
that must sound very strange.

330
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,162
He says
you <i>really</i> smell like our mom.

331
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,918
He, uh,
he was wondering if you know why?

332
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,878
I, uh, uh, great question.

333
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,255
Uh, do you mind
if I call my wife real quick?

334
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,340
- Please.
- Of course.

335
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,424
I'll be right back.

336
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,092
Sorry about all this.

337
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,552
The paperwork alone...

338
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:24,929
Hello? Hi, Bob.

339
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:28,390
Lin, hi. D-Do you know why I might smell
like an old, dead woman?

340
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,518
What? You just have to floss, Bob.
I told you--

341
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,103
No. A family came in
after a funeral for their mom,

342
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,940
and the dad thinks
I smell like his late wife.

343
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,024
Oh.

344
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,192
- Linda?
- Yeah?

345
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:40,778
The dumpster you got the shampoo from,
tell me the truth, Lin.

346
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,029
Was it Mort's dumpster?

347
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,782
Did I wash my hair
with a dead woman's shampoo?

348
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,618
Yeah... Sorry.
Sometimes families give Mort stuff

349
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,203
so he can make their loved ones look

350
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,247
as close to how they looked
when they were alive,

351
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:54,041
and he puts all the stuff
he doesn't use out by the dumpsters

352
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,126
and sometimes, if it's nice,
I, you know, I grab it.

353
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,628
- Oh, my God.
- Bob, I got to go.

354
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,213
We're running super late
'cause of the cops.

355
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,507
- Cops? Why are there cops?
- It's fine, it's fine.

356
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,968
- Goodbye.
- Uh, well, that's it.

357
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,346
I called Muriel, the cousin.
She's gonna pick up Kathleen.

358
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:11,475
Oh, Teddy, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry we got pulled over.

359
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:14,687
But we really tried.
Kathleen will understand.

360
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,564
It's not that. I know she will.

361
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,942
It's just, I guess all of this
meant a lot to... me.

362
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,318
To be able to do this for her.

363
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,863
It's good for the heart,
to do nice stuff.

364
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:28,200
And I felt lucky
to have the chance to do it. I just...

365
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,952
I care about her a lot.

366
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,413
Aw, Teddy, you're so sweet.

367
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,956
Okay, we're gonna figure this out.

368
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,166
You call off the cousin,
I'll deal with the fuzz.

369
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,751
- It's just the theater of it--
- Officers?

370
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:40,170
I'm really sorry about the fender bender
and the speeding.

371
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,006
- The what?
- I mean, the fender bender.

372
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,133
But my friend Teddy
promised his lady friend

373
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,135
that he'd pick her up
after her colonoscopy,

374
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,553
and that's a sacred trust.

375
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,346
And it's not just about the importance

376
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,473
of sticking a camera up your butt
every few years,

377
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,558
this is about love.

378
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,684
This is about kindness.

379
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,895
This is about looking
deep inside ourselves

380
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,147
and seeing something special in there.

381
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,690
And yeah, maybe some colon polyps.

382
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,525
And if we don't get there
in the next few minutes,

383
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,611
Kathleen's cousin Muriel
is gonna pick her up

384
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,987
and we'll have failed!

385
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,614
So, what's it gonna be?

386
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,992
But this is the last one,
for real. Okay?

387
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,076
Mm-hmm.

388
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,078
Whee!

389
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,330
All right!

390
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,833
The cousin's not picking up.
It's going to friggin' voice mail again.

391
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,753
Hey, Muriel, this is Teddy from before.

392
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,923
I'm back on track here,
so do not pick up Kathleen!

393
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,050
Do not pick her up, whatever you do!

394
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,761
Okay, great. Thanks again.
This is Teddy.

395
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,224
Still no answer.

396
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,310
Maybe she doesn't want to talk
'cause she's driving.

397
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,103
Damn you, safety-conscious Muriel.

398
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,732
Look at these suckers
without a police escort. Poor saps.

399
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:48,280
Okay. We need our distraction. Gene?
On it.

400
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:53,077
Oh, my. This is the biggest throw-up
I've ever seen in my life!

401
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,578
And it's so slippery!

402
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:57,998
A big slippery throw-up?
This is when my training kicks in.

403
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,751
Okay. Go, go, go!

404
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,720
Just a normal extension cord,
nothing to be afraid of.

405
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,889
Pretty sure
it's been here the whole time.

406
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,766
Okay, okay, he's coming.

407
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,644
So, uh... Yeah. It's the shampoo.

408
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,605
Apparently,
I used your late mother's shampoo

409
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,691
and that's, uh, why I smell like her.

410
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:27,319
- Dad called it.
- Yep. Uh, how did you get it?

411
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,780
It's from France
and they don't make it anymore.

412
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,448
Mom bought a case when she was in Paris.

413
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:36,078
Well, my wife got it from,
um, uh, the dumpster next door.

414
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,038
Oh! I-I told the mortician

415
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,957
that we didn't need
any of the cosmetics back.

416
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,834
There was only a little
left in the bottle.

417
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:46,255
It's true. Sorry, i-if it was upsetting.
Would you like anything else?

418
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,302
Could we ask you a favor?

419
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:55,723
- Sure.
- Um... Could our dad smell your hair?

420
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,517
He didn't really go close
to the casket during the service.

421
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,270
- He was upset.
- But he'd like to, um...

422
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,272
have a good sniff before we go.

423
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,356
Is that okay?

424
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,234
Kind of like that scene with Demi Moore
and Whoopi Goldberg in <i>Ghost?</i>

425
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,736
Oh. Uh, sure.

426
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,904
Uh, am I Demi or Whoopi?

427
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:13,073
Either one. That-That's fine, of course.

428
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,160
There's Kathleen.

429
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,328
We made it. We made it. Kathleen!

430
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,581
Hello... everybody.

431
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,875
Okay, we're good. Thanks, officers!

432
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,335
Oh, God. There's her cousin Muriel.

433
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,797
I'll stop her. Hi...

434
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,633
Kathleen! Hi, I'm here. I'm here.

435
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,844
- Ready to go?
- Teddy, what happened to you?

436
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,263
Funny story.
I'll tell you while we're driving--

437
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,431
While Linda's driving.

438
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,683
- Linda's driving?
- Let me help you to the truck.

439
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:42,019
Wait till you hear the mix I made you.

440
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,004
Oh, gosh darn it.

441
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,380
Do the dance.

442
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,049
Do the dance!

443
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,133
Yeah!

444
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,510
Human Pinwheel!

445
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,719
Five, six, seven...

446
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,982
Oh, no. They got out!

447
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,861
Stop! Stop it!
Stop that right now! Sto--

448
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,490
Thank you, Teddy. So hungry.

449
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,929
Oh, I love the dancing.

450
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,806
It's like you're all listening
to a different song.

451
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,808
I was dancing to the high-pitched whine.

452
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,269
- That's not nice to say about Louise.
- Of the drone.

453
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,937
Oh, here's where Mr. Frond comes out

454
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,981
and chases Andy and Ollie
all around the field.

455
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,440
Oh, yeah. So angry.

456
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,943
Wait, is he joining the dance?
No, he's just yelling.

457
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,571
So, Mr. Frond knew it looked like this
and they still posted it?

458
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,281
I heard him say,
"Maybe no one will notice."

459
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,408
- And then he ran to his car.
- Oh, yeah, there he goes.

460
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,785
It's kind of like
a butt-bush farting, right?

461
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:22,911
Yeah, sure.

462
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,747
Aren't we all? Aren't we all...