1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:03,003
[♪ theme music playing]

2
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,814
[Bob humming]

3
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{\an8}[grunts] Got to be some in there.

4
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,281
{\an8}[soft grunting]

5
00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:33,199
{\an8}Nope, that's just water.

6
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:38,246
{\an8}Hmm. <i>"Une bouteille de shampooing."</i>

7
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,834
{\an8}[sniffs] Smells like... lilies?

8
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:44,627
{\an8}Also, happiness?

9
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,755
{\an8}Eyebrows and mustache, get in on this.

10
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,006
{\an8}- Morning, kids.
- Hello.

11
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:49,507
{\an8}- Morning.
- [Tina] Whoa.

12
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,384
{\an8}- You look really nice today, Dad.
- I do?

13
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,595
{\an8}Yeah. I mean, not your clothes.
No offense.

14
00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,473
{\an8}I think it's your... hair, maybe?
It looks good.

15
00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:58,141
{\an8}- You wearing a wig?
- No, Louise.

16
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,352
{\an8}You do look really great today, Bob.
Your hair's got a lot of body.

17
00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,063
{\an8}And your body has a lot of hair.

18
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,523
{\an8}I used that stuff
that was on top of the toilet.

19
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,358
{\an8}- [Gene] Pee-pee?
- Oh, no! The fancy stuff?

20
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:10,195
{\an8}I was gonna use that.
You didn't use it all, did you?

21
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,946
{\an8}- Um...
- Aw, nuts.

22
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:14,365
{\an8}I found it yesterday
and I wanted to try it.

23
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{\an8}- Wait, you found it? W-where?
- Out at the dumpster.

24
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{\an8}That's my special lady.

25
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{\an8}- You got shampoo from a dumpster?
- Yeah!

26
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{\an8}What, um... else around here
do you get from dumpsters?

27
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{\an8}- Not food, right?
- Don't you worry about it.

28
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{\an8}Mm. I like dumpster eggs.
You can taste the danger.

29
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{\an8}[Mr. Frond] <i>So, if you find any of
the chess club's missing chess pieces,</i>

30
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{\an8}<i>check with us, mate. Check mate.</i>

31
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{\an8}<i>I was being Australian because of
the way they say "mate" all the time--</i>

32
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<i>You guys don't care. Okay, uh...
and one more announcement.</i>

33
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<i>This afternoon's
lunch recess is canceled.</i>

34
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What?

35
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{\an8}[Mr. Frond] <i>No students will be
permitted outside after lunch,</i>

36
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{\an8}<i>and must either go directly to the gym,</i>

37
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{\an8}<i>or, if you're more of a reader
than a do-er,</i>

38
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{\an8}<i>-you may go to the library.</i>
- Mm.

39
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{\an8}[Mr. Frond] <i>And any students
found outside after lunch</i>

40
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{\an8}<i>-are gonna get in so much trouble...</i>
- [groans]

41
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:02,997
{\an8}<i>...their grandchildren
will have detention.</i>

42
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<i>Yes, we can do that.</i>

43
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<i>Okay, have a great day!</i>

44
00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:07,669
No recess? Is that even legal?

45
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,255
LaBonz, get me on the horn
with the superintendent.

46
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- [Ms. LaBonz] No.
- Dang it!

47
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,926
- It is shiny. And bouncy.
- Uh-huh.

48
00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:17,262
Yeah, less matted down
with grease than usual.

49
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Thank you.

50
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,681
Well, I better get going.

51
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:23,059
T-minus 45 minutes
until funeral blastoff.

52
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That-that's not a technical term.
Just making it fun.

53
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,772
- I'm allowed to have fun sometimes.
- Right.

54
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- No, of course.
- Bye!

55
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I like Mort, but he always
makes me uncomfortable.

56
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,903
Anyway, I got to get going, too.

57
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,655
Want to get to my job early
so I can finish

58
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,448
in time to pick up Kathleen
this afternoon.

59
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,160
Oh, right. Her colonoscopy's today.

60
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,872
Aw, Teddy, it's so nice she asked you
to be the person that picks her up.

61
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:46,166
- Right?
- That's a big step in a relationship.

62
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,418
Scooping her up
after she gets her pooper checked.

63
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I know, and I do not want to blow it.

64
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,589
I want everything to go smoothly.
I cleaned my truck.

65
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I added some cushy pillows
to the passenger seat.

66
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I got all of Kathleen's favorite snacks

67
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she wasn't allowed to eat
for the last few days:

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Nuts, sunflower seeds...

69
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Oh, yum... sort of.

70
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And I made her a playlist:

71
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,101
"The Long and Windy Road,"
"Brown Eyed Girl."

72
00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,227
- Aw.
- Hmm.

73
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,812
I just want to make her
feel comfortable.

74
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:10,982
You know, Kathleen could have asked
her cousin, who lives in town, to do it.

75
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,525
But she didn't, she asked me.

76
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Take that, Cousin Muriel!
I win, you lose!

77
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I've met her, by the way.
She's very nice.

78
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What the hell is going on, no recess?
Even in prison you get recess.

79
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Bunch of hardened criminals
playing Foursquare.

80
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How are we gonna find out
what's going on?

81
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,707
I mean, do we bug their phones, or...

82
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,459
[Mr. Frond muffled]
It had to be during recess.

83
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- It was the only time they could do it.
- Okay, eavesdropping works, too.

84
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,589
- Only time who could do it?
- The drone operator.

85
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He wants us to say "pilot,"
but I'm not saying that.

86
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Good for you.

87
00:03:37,759 --> 00:03:38,968
Principal Spoors says,

88
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"If your school website
doesn't have a drone shot,

89
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,639
"you might as well
not have a school at all."

90
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:45,016
A drone's flying over the school
to shoot video?

91
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,434
Is our school <i>Top Gun?</i>

92
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:49,229
And, apparently, it's so expensive
we'll only get one shot at it,

93
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,272
so that's why we have
to keep the kids inside.

94
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:54,359
Principal Spoors thinks they'll try to
ruin the video when they see the drone.

95
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That is 100% true.

96
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Not ruin, improve.

97
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And if Spoors
doesn't get his drone shot,

98
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I don't get my two days off

99
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,243
to take my mother to Massapequa
to see her sister.

100
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,119
- Ooh, road trip.
- Mm-hmm.

101
00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:06,871
- [school bell ringing]
- Louise, the bell rang.

102
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:07,956
Oh. I guess it did.

103
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,832
Boy, it was a bit subtle,
don't you think?

104
00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:11,960
It was a bell. So, no.

105
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,005
[laughs] LaBonz, you are a hoot.
Okay, bye now!

106
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[softly] Meet back here
after next period.

107
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We'll talk strategy.
And we need to tell Tina.

108
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I'll call her assistant
and get it on her schedule.

109
00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:24,889
[phone ringing]

110
00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,350
Bob's Burgers.
Puttin' yum in your yappers.

111
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,060
- [Teddy] <i>Linda!</i>
- Oh, hey, Teddy.

112
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,353
You pick up Kathleen?

113
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,480
<i>No. That's actually why I'm calling.</i>

114
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,606
Oh, what's wrong?

115
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,525
<i>Uh... I'm kind of in the emergency room.</i>

116
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,735
- What?
<i>- I'm worried I'm not gonna make it--</i>

117
00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:39,946
- [loud beeping]
- Teddy? Teddy!

118
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,364
<i>Sorry, it was my phone.</i>

119
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:42,490
My face hit the button.

120
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:45,326
Anyway, I'm worried I'm not gonna
make it to pick up Kathleen.

121
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:48,621
I need your help.
But, uh, I'm fine, I'm fine.

122
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:49,872
[laughs]

123
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,958
I'm in a lot of pain, though. [sighs]

124
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,629
[Louise] You're in the emergency room?

125
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,423
W-What happened?
You sound kind of funny.

126
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:01,676
Well, I-I got an ice pack on my face
'cause I bit my lip.

127
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,636
You went to the ER
'cause you bit your lip?

128
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,764
- Not exactly. It started with the bee.
- The bee?

129
00:05:06,764 --> 00:05:08,599
[Teddy] <i>Yeah, it landed in my goggles.</i>

130
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,268
<i>And then I put them on.</i>

131
00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,978
<i>It stung me on my eyelid.</i>

132
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:14,731
<i>Then I kind of shot myself
in the foot with the nail gun.</i>

133
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,357
[yelling]

134
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,526
And, yeah, that's how I bit my lip.

135
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,861
- Oh, no!
- What?

136
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:22,071
Beesting on the eye,
then nail in the foot.

137
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:23,865
- Ooh.
- Aw, Bob says, "Ooh."

138
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:25,199
Aw, you poor thing.

139
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:28,536
But I'm calling because Kathleen is
gonna be done with her colonoscopy soon

140
00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,664
and I can't drive 'cause
my gas pedal foot has a nail hole in it

141
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,292
and I can't see
'cause my eye is swollen shut.

142
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,545
Okay, okay.
So you want me to go pick up Kathleen?

143
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,882
No, Linda! It's got to be me!
I got to be the one to pick her up.

144
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:42,300
Okay, well, what do you want me to do?

145
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,844
Can you come pick me up?
And then take me to get Kathleen?

146
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,472
Hold on. Hey, Bob?
Are you okay on your own for a bit?

147
00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:51,351
Sure. You go help Teddy and Kathleen.
My hair and I have got this.

148
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,852
Yeah, I could use a break from the hair.

149
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,896
Teddy, Bob's hair
is turning him into a monster.

150
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:55,980
A gorgeous monster.

151
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,149
I'm on my way.
Don't hurt yourself anymore!

152
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,736
Stay away from elevator shafts
and sit on your hands until I get there.

153
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,988
Okay, everyone, thank you for coming.

154
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,406
When this drone goes over,

155
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:08,701
I'm thinking resistance movement
meets covert op meets art piece.

156
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,204
That's what I tell the barber
when I go in for a haircut.

157
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,997
Hey, Tina.
What are you guys talking about?

158
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:16,417
You guys look more guilty than my Nana
sneaking pepperonis at a Papa John's.

159
00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,710
- [shushing]
- We found out why

160
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,379
we're not allowed outside during recess.

161
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,214
They're gonna shoot
a drone video of the school.

162
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,633
Oh! That's why
they won't let us outside?

163
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,842
A secret drone shot?

164
00:06:24,842 --> 00:06:27,053
They're worried we're gonna
moon the drone or something?

165
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,597
Yeah, so we're gonna do that.
Or something better. You in?

166
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,474
- Hecks yeah.
- Let's do a dance.

167
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:33,518
- [Louise groans]
- It's an overhead drone shot.

168
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,396
Those were invented for filming dance.
And for war.

169
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,815
You guys doing a dance
for a secret drone shot?

170
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,483
Guys, I'm not sure about the dancing.

171
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,360
What? Why? It's dancing.

172
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,195
Adults will notice dancing.

173
00:06:44,195 --> 00:06:46,072
We have to be unseen by the naked eye

174
00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,241
so they'll actually use it
on the website.

175
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,409
Who's got naked eyes?

176
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,994
I guess glasses
are like pants for your face.

177
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,246
- Oh!
- Shh.

178
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,415
People. People.
I've got this figured out.

179
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,624
We sneak out of lunch,

180
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:59,043
go to the storage area
with all the school play props,

181
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,254
we grab the bushes and the fog machine

182
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,423
that they used in that play,
<i>Bushes and Fog.</i>

183
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,882
Wasn't our best play.

184
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:08,261
And we're gonna use the bushes to form
the school's "butt," if you will,

185
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,054
and we're gonna use the fog machine

186
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:11,973
to make it look like
the school's butt is farting.

187
00:07:11,973 --> 00:07:13,766
But to the unsophisticated adults,

188
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:17,562
it'll just look like some shrubbery
and a bit of, uh, low-hanging cloud.

189
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,565
The school farting?
It's elegant, provocative.

190
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:24,318
But this could be the one chance
we ever have to do a dance for a drone.

191
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,779
I'm with J-Ju.
I say we dance, and just be like,

192
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:29,407
we're here in this moment, truly alive.

193
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,118
Guys, if we don't make the website
and cement our legacy,

194
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,453
what's the point of any of this?

195
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:37,206
Don't you want to be remembered as
incognito, school-flatulating legends?

196
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,624
You had me at flatulating.

197
00:07:38,624 --> 00:07:42,628
I guess I could get into being a legend.
Move over, John L... Legend.

198
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,713
- Okay.
- I'm in.

199
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:44,797
- Let's do it.
- [bell rings]

200
00:07:44,797 --> 00:07:46,382
We'll meet in the cafeteria
at lunch. Go!

201
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:49,218
And think of a cool codename
for yourself to add to the mystique.

202
00:07:49,218 --> 00:07:50,636
Mine's Treat Williams--

203
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,139
No, no, no, no. Admiral Lasagna.

204
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,267
- Linda!
- Teddy! Ooh.

205
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,102
- Does it look bad?
- No.

206
00:07:58,102 --> 00:07:59,854
No... No!

207
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:01,522
Sorry, it's a little messy.

208
00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,899
Is that a bag of salt?

209
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,525
Oh, yeah, that's where the salt went.

210
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,778
[sighs] Could we maybe...
stop by the job site

211
00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,489
and get my truck to pick up Kathleen?

212
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,866
Wait, wha?
Aren't you worried about being late?

213
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:12,950
It's on our way!

214
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,786
And, you know, I cleaned it
and it has the pillows and snacks

215
00:08:15,786 --> 00:08:18,331
and the, "Yay,
you got your colonoscopy!" mixtape.

216
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,707
And, uh, no ants.

217
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:21,167
Yeah, okay. Okay.

218
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,169
[entry bell jangles]

219
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,254
Hi. Welcome to Bob's Burgers.

220
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:26,380
- Hi.
- Hi. Hello.

221
00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:28,257
Have a seat. I'll get you some menus.

222
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,550
- Thanks.
- Thank you.

223
00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:33,763
[whispering in Arabic]

224
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:36,307
[Bob] <i>Hmm. Are they whispering about me?</i>

225
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:37,475
[all whispering in Arabic]

226
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:38,559
[Bob] <i>Mm, yep.</i>

227
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:39,977
[whispering continues]

228
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,939
- Is everything... okay?
- [in English] Yes. Thank you.

229
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,107
All right. Take your time.

230
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,487
[all whispering in Arabic]

231
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:56,536
[Bob] <i>Hmm, no-no boogers.</i>

232
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,704
<i>Mustache is relatively clean.</i>

233
00:08:58,704 --> 00:08:59,789
[sniffs]

234
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,749
[Bob] <i>Usual armpit smell.</i>

235
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,544
<i>Hm.</i>

236
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:07,004
Thank you.
I got an update from the clinic.

237
00:09:07,004 --> 00:09:09,173
Kathleen is in the recovery room.
Recovering.

238
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:11,092
Already? Oh, boy. Okay.

239
00:09:11,092 --> 00:09:12,510
Gonna go a little faster.

240
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,595
Yeah, but not over
the speed limit, right?

241
00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:16,931
No. Just maybe... ten over,

242
00:09:16,931 --> 00:09:19,100
- 12 over, 15 over.
- [groans]

243
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,645
Teddy, 15 miles over the speed limit
is still technically the speed limit.

244
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,272
They factor in for that sort of thing.

245
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,524
- [police siren wails]
- And... there's a siren.

246
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,901
- That's bad.
- Oh! Are we getting pulled over?

247
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,736
Do we gun it?
Should I gun it? Should we go?

248
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:31,821
Linda, no!

249
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:33,239
[Linda] Right, right.

250
00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:38,828
Okay, one at a time, we should slip out
and meet in the storage room.

251
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:41,247
Ugh! What if we started turning
like a human pinwheel?

252
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,291
That would look so cool from up above.

253
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:44,917
Love it. Busby Berkeley?

254
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:48,754
More like Busby You-Gotta-Be-Berserk-ly
not to be inspired by that idea.

255
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,214
Human pinwheel does sound fun.

256
00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:52,133
I've always wanted to be
part of a human something.

257
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,676
- No, no, no.
- Not that we're doing dancing,

258
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,636
but if we were, what would the song be?

259
00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:57,096
"I Think We're A Drone Now"?

260
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,682
No, Gene! Finish food. Do plan.

261
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,435
Ah! I will finish my food,
thank you very much.

262
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,437
And whoever else's food needs finishing.

263
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,772
- Fine.
- You're welcome!

264
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,400
- [Teddy] Uh...
- [Linda] Oh, boy.

265
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,819
[Teddy] Oh, God.
Oh, God, we're gonna be late!

266
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:14,071
- You know how fast you were--
- Sorry I was speeding, Officer.

267
00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:17,325
I've never driven this truck before.
But not because I stole it.

268
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:20,536
It's his truck. He just can't drive it.
Right now. 'Cause he's all messed up.

269
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:21,996
- I mean, look at him.
- Hi.

270
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,290
Uh-huh.
License and registration, please.

271
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,583
Okay.

272
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:28,336
Uh, officer, we're late to pick up
Teddy's special friend.

273
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,462
Uh, this is Teddy.

274
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,131
She asked him to be the one
to pick her up from her colonoscopy

275
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,799
- and it's kind of a big deal.
- [officer] Wait.

276
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:36,135
You're picking someone up
from a colonoscopy?

277
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,511
- Yes.
- It's the thing when

278
00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:39,722
- they put the camera up your--
- Oh, I know what it is.

279
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,601
A colonoscopy saved my nana's life.
And I was the one who picked her up.

280
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,019
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.

281
00:10:45,019 --> 00:10:47,021
Yeah. She's my best friend.

282
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,731
- Wow, that's nice.
- Great. That's great.

283
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,650
You know what?
I'm gonna give you an escort.

284
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,527
- An escort? A police escort?
- Seriously?

285
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,697
You're doing a good thing. And giving
escorts is my favorite part of the job.

286
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,948
It's kind of why I became a cop.

287
00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,659
Where's your friend
getting her colonoscopy?

288
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:03,079
- The Main Street Medical Center.
- Well, all right. Let the escort begin!

289
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,164
- Thank you, Officer!
- Yeah, thank you!

290
00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,541
I always wanted one of these.
A nice male escort.

291
00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:10,044
- [siren wailing]
- [Teddy] Wow.

292
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,046
Uh, I think we're actually
gonna make it on time.

293
00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:13,714
- You bet we are--
- [grunts]

294
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,675
- Oh, my God.
- No, no, no...

295
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,260
- You hit me!
- I'm sorry. Why did you stop?

296
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,222
There was a car in front of me.
We're not supposed to smash into those!

297
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,057
- [siren in distance]
- Okay, that's a good reason.

298
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,475
Oh, no. It's the cops.

299
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,102
Don't tell him
I was giving you an escort.

300
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,186
- What?
- Don't tell.

301
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,397
I'll get in so much trouble. Shh.

302
00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,440
[groans nervously]

303
00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,987
- Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- [whispering] Just lie for me.

304
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,281
- What? Lie to a cop?
- It's fine, it's fine.

305
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,449
People do it all the time.

306
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:43,994
Just tell him you rear-ended me,
but don't say anything about the escort.

307
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,996
- Eh...
- Everything okay, Earl?

308
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,749
Yeah, yeah. Uh, this, uh,
person that I've never met

309
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:51,168
until this very moment
just rear-ended me.

310
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:53,879
Uh, that's right,
I just plowed right into him...

311
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:55,297
into the police car.

312
00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:57,758
Hmm. And where were you
headed so fast, ma'am?

313
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:00,219
Oh, I was, uh...

314
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,972
I was going to go... have an affair.
With that guy.

315
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:05,474
Yeah. So, I was in a hurry
to cheat on my husband.

316
00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:06,559
[grunting] What?

317
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,810
Well, I for one believe that.

318
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,520
- Are you all right, sir?
- I've been better.

319
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,813
He got stung by a bee,

320
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,149
and he drove a nail into his foot,
and he bit his lip.

321
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,860
- But, uh, that's how I like 'em.
- This is all my fault!

322
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:19,113
It's my friend, she asked me
to pick her up after her colonoscopy.

323
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,240
- A colonoscopy, huh?
- Oh, God.

324
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:23,117
- Earl?
- Uh...

325
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,827
Where's the dang fog machine?

326
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,579
I haven't the foggiest. Sorry.

327
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,331
Louise, maybe the bush butt
doesn't need to fart?

328
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:32,460
Listen to yourself, Tina,
of course the bush butt needs to fart.

329
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,128
- What are you doing?
- Choreography.

330
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:36,338
Just in case we decide
to bust out some moves.

331
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,716
- No!
- We might not be able to help ourselves.

332
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,801
- [grunting]
- All right! We're dancing!

333
00:12:40,801 --> 00:12:42,344
- Zeke, ow! Ow, Zeke!
- I'm dancing!

334
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,555
- [Jimmy Jr.] Too much, too much!
- Ugh.

335
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,975
Here you go.
Uh, anyone need anything else?

336
00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,186
- More coffee?
- Uh, we're good. Thanks.

337
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:52,605
We just came
from our mom's funeral next door.

338
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,441
Oh. Uh, I'm-I'm so sorry for your loss.

339
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,277
Thank you. Uh... the thing is...

340
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,487
Yeah?

341
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,030
- You smell like our dead mom.
- Oh.

342
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:03,699
Sorry. I know
that must sound very strange.

343
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,367
[speaking Arabic]

344
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,162
[in English] He says
you <i>really</i> smell like our mom.

345
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,040
[both speaking Arabic]

346
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,918
[in English] He, uh,
he was wondering if you know why?

347
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,878
I, uh, uh, great question.

348
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:18,255
Uh, do you mind
if I call my wife real quick?

349
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,340
- Please.
- Of course.

350
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,424
I'll be right back.

351
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:22,092
Sorry about all this.

352
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:23,552
- The paperwork alone...
- [phone buzzing]

353
00:13:23,552 --> 00:13:24,929
Hello? Hi, Bob.

354
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:28,390
Lin, hi. D-Do you know why I might smell
like an old, dead woman?

355
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,518
What? You just have to floss, Bob.
I told you--

356
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:33,103
No. A family came in
after a funeral for their mom,

357
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:35,940
and the dad thinks
I smell like his late wife.

358
00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:37,024
Oh.

359
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,192
- Linda?
- Yeah?

360
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:40,778
The dumpster you got the shampoo from,
tell me the truth, Lin.

361
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,029
Was it Mort's dumpster?

362
00:13:42,029 --> 00:13:44,782
Did I wash my hair
with a dead woman's shampoo?

363
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,618
Yeah... Sorry.
Sometimes families give Mort stuff

364
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:49,203
so he can make their loved ones look

365
00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,247
as close to how they looked
when they were alive,

366
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:54,041
and he puts all the stuff
he doesn't use out by the dumpsters

367
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,126
and sometimes, if it's nice,
I, you know, I grab it.

368
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:57,628
- Oh, my God.
- Bob, I got to go.

369
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,213
We're running super late
'cause of the cops.

370
00:13:59,213 --> 00:14:01,507
- Cops? Why are there cops?
- It's fine, it's fine.

371
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,968
- Goodbye.
- Uh, well, that's it.

372
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:07,346
I called Muriel, the cousin.
She's gonna pick up Kathleen.

373
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:11,475
Oh, Teddy, I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry we got pulled over.

374
00:14:11,475 --> 00:14:14,687
But we really tried.
Kathleen will understand.

375
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,564
It's not that. I know she will.

376
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,942
It's just, I guess all of this
meant a lot to... me.

377
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,318
To be able to do this for her.

378
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,863
It's good for the heart,
to do nice stuff.

379
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:28,200
And I felt lucky
to have the chance to do it. I just...

380
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,952
[sighs] I care about her a lot.

381
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:32,413
[sighs] Aw, Teddy, you're so sweet.

382
00:14:32,413 --> 00:14:33,956
Okay, we're gonna figure this out.

383
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,166
You call off the cousin,
I'll deal with the fuzz.

384
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,751
- It's just the theater of it--
- Officers?

385
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:40,170
I'm really sorry about the fender bender
and the speeding.

386
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:42,006
- The what?
- I mean, the fender bender.

387
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,133
But my friend Teddy
promised his lady friend

388
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,135
that he'd pick her up
after her colonoscopy,

389
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:47,553
and that's a sacred trust.

390
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,346
And it's not just about the importance

391
00:14:49,346 --> 00:14:51,473
of sticking a camera up your butt
every few years,

392
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,558
this is about love.

393
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:53,684
This is about kindness.

394
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,895
This is about looking
deep inside ourselves

395
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:58,147
and seeing something special in there.

396
00:14:58,147 --> 00:14:59,690
And yeah, maybe some colon polyps.

397
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,525
And if we don't get there
in the next few minutes,

398
00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,611
Kathleen's cousin Muriel
is gonna pick her up

399
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,987
and we'll have failed!

400
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:06,614
So, what's it gonna be?

401
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:09,992
But this is the last one,
for real. Okay?

402
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:11,076
Mm-hmm.

403
00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,078
- [officer] Whee!
- [sirens wailing]

404
00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:14,330
All right!

405
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:17,833
The cousin's not picking up.
It's going to friggin' voice mail again.

406
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,753
Hey, Muriel, this is Teddy from before.

407
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:23,923
I'm back on track here,
so do not pick up Kathleen!

408
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,050
Do not pick her up, whatever you do!

409
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,761
Okay, great. Thanks again.
This is Teddy.

410
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,224
[groans] Still no answer.

411
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,310
Maybe she doesn't want to talk
'cause she's driving.

412
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,103
Damn you, safety-conscious Muriel.

413
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:41,732
[Linda] Look at these suckers
without a police escort. Poor saps.

414
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,902
[♪ suspenseful music playing]

415
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:48,280
- Okay. We need our distraction. Gene?
- [Gene] On it.

416
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:53,077
Oh, my. This is the biggest throw-up
I've ever seen in my life!

417
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,578
And it's so slippery!

418
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:57,998
A big slippery throw-up?
This is when my training kicks in.

419
00:15:57,998 --> 00:15:59,166
[Mr. Branca grunting]

420
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,751
Okay. Go, go, go!

421
00:16:04,004 --> 00:16:06,840
[♪ suspenseful music continues playing]

422
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,720
Just a normal extension cord,
nothing to be afraid of.

423
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:13,889
Pretty sure
it's been here the whole time.

424
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:15,766
[Dania] Okay, okay, he's coming.

425
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,644
So, uh... Yeah. It's the shampoo.

426
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,605
Apparently,
I used your late mother's shampoo

427
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:23,691
and that's, uh, why I smell like her.

428
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:27,319
- Dad called it.
- Yep. Uh, how did you get it?

429
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,780
It's from France
and they don't make it anymore.

430
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,448
Mom bought a case when she was in Paris.

431
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:36,078
Well, my wife got it from,
um, uh, the dumpster next door.

432
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,038
Oh! I-I told the mortician

433
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,957
that we didn't need
any of the cosmetics back.

434
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,834
There was only a little
left in the bottle.

435
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:46,255
It's true. Sorry, i-if it was upsetting.
Would you like anything else?

436
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,048
[speaking Arabic]

437
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,302
[sighs, in English]
Could we ask you a favor?

438
00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:55,723
- Sure.
- Um... Could our dad smell your hair?

439
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:58,517
He didn't really go close
to the casket during the service.

440
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,270
- He was upset.
- But he'd like to, um...

441
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:03,272
have a good sniff before we go.

442
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:04,356
Is that okay?

443
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,234
Kind of like that scene with Demi Moore
and Whoopi Goldberg in <i>Ghost?</i>

444
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,736
Oh. Uh, sure.

445
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:10,904
Uh, am I Demi or Whoopi?

446
00:17:10,904 --> 00:17:13,073
Either one. That-That's fine, of course.

447
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,575
[siren wailing]

448
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:16,160
[Teddy laughs] There's Kathleen.

449
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,328
We made it. We made it. Kathleen!

450
00:17:18,328 --> 00:17:20,581
Hello... everybody.

451
00:17:20,581 --> 00:17:22,875
Okay, we're good. Thanks, officers!

452
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,335
Oh, God. There's her cousin Muriel.

453
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:28,797
[Linda] I'll stop her. Hi...

454
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,633
Kathleen! Hi, I'm here. I'm here.

455
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,844
- Ready to go?
- Teddy, what happened to you?

456
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,263
Funny story.
I'll tell you while we're driving--

457
00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,431
While Linda's driving.

458
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,683
- Linda's driving?
- Let me help you to the truck.

459
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:42,019
Wait till you hear the mix I made you.

460
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,730
[♪ upbeat jazz music playing]

461
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,004
Oh, gosh darn it.

462
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,380
Do the dance.

463
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:12,049
- Do the dance!
- [gasps]

464
00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,133
[Zeke] Yeah!

465
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,510
Human Pinwheel!

466
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,719
Five, six, seven...

467
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:17,805
[♪ jazz music continues]

468
00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:28,982
Oh, no. They got out!

469
00:18:28,982 --> 00:18:30,359
[groans]

470
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,861
Stop! Stop it!
Stop that right now! Sto--

471
00:18:33,821 --> 00:18:36,490
Thank you, Teddy. So hungry.

472
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,326
[inhales]

473
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:41,703
[♪ jazz music continues]

474
00:18:57,344 --> 00:18:58,929
[Linda] Oh, I love the dancing.

475
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:00,806
It's like you're all listening
to a different song.

476
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,808
I was dancing to the high-pitched whine.

477
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,269
- That's not nice to say about Louise.
- Of the drone.

478
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,937
Oh, here's where Mr. Frond comes out

479
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,981
and chases Andy and Ollie
all around the field.

480
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,440
Oh, yeah. So angry.

481
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,943
Wait, is he joining the dance?
No, he's just yelling.

482
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:15,571
So, Mr. Frond knew it looked like this
and they still posted it?

483
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,281
I heard him say,
"Maybe no one will notice."

484
00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:19,408
- And then he ran to his car.
- Oh, yeah, there he goes.

485
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,785
{\an8}[Louise] It's kind of like
a butt-bush farting, right?

486
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:22,911
{\an8}[Linda] Yeah, sure.

487
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:25,747
{\an8}[Gene] Aren't we all? Aren't we all...