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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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Look at us, walking to school.
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Walking so fast. A little too fast.
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- Let's slow down.
- Thank you.
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Sorry, I'm just so excited to
be working at your school today.
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Helping out in the front office.
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Doing my once-a-year
parent volunteering.
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Once a year seems like one
too many times, if you ask me.
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It's important to help out.
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And also, they make you feel
really bad if you don't do it.
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But I like it. Hanging
out in the office,
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copying, stapling, officing.
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Hey, we should have a little secret code
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to say hi to each other.
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- We could wave, like this.
- Okay.
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Very secret. You sure you're not CIA?
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Ugh, I wish Mom could be
at school all the time.
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Wait, Mom, how many grades
would you have to flunk
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to be back in my grade?
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- I don't know. Thirty?
- Okay, get on it.
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- Linda, good morning.
- Good morning to you, Ms. Selbo.
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Welcome back to the nerve
center of the school.
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Or nerd center, with some of these kids.
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- Ha! Aw, nerds.
- Yeah.
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Anyway, today, I would love your help
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- stuffing these envelopes.
- All right.
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- You need me to copy anything?
- No, that's okay.
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The last time you
volunteered here, you...
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Well, you're kind of
a hard button pusher.
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Two. Zero. Copy.
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Yeah, they just popped right off.
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- Those buttons.
- Not really.
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And, of course, if you want any coffee
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from the teachers'
lounge, help yourself.
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Before Coach Blevins fills up his
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"everybody look at me" huge thermos.
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Ooh, teachers' lounge coffee.
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- Yum.
- Well...
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So yeah, I'm volunteering today.
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That's great. I'm not.
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And you think Louise Belcher stole it?
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- What?
- Yes, I do.
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I can't prove she stole the
toy. I just know she did.
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It's so Louise to take
a... What's it called?
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The thingy you mash and it
shoots up like a missile.
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A mash missile?
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My Louise, a thief? Not my Louise.
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Maybe my Louise. No, no. Not my Louise.
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Well, I'm off to my counseling seminar.
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It's on executive function.
And it's a luncheon.
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It's an executive function luncheon.
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- Gotcha.
- But when I'm back this afternoon,
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I'll skillfully question
Louise, she'll confess,
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and then we can move on with our lives.
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- What if she doesn't confess?
- She will 'cause she did it.
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And if she doesn't, she still did it.
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'Cause I can't file
away this incident report
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until I have a name.
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Oh, and I put the incident
report in this thing.
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Did you know we had these?
With the little string? They're fun.
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Hey, Bob, I was at the pie place,
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Just One of the Pies,
and they had a promotion
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where people put their
business card in a bowl,
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and then they pick one and
the winner gets a free lunch.
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- You should do that.
- Uh, yeah. Maybe.
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I could be the first to enter.
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Is this your business card
that you hand out to people?
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Yeah, I mean... it's a little old.
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You don't like it?
What's the matter with it?
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Well, it says "The Handy Hubby."
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And "Hubby" is crossed out.
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- So it just says "The Handy."
- Yeah, well, I was married
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when I had those made, then I wasn't.
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And-and also, I can't
read your phone number.
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Yeah, 'cause I changed my phone number
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and I wrote in a new one,
but the pen was smudgy.
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You wrote your new number on every card?
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Well, I'm not gonna get them reprinted.
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We're not all millionaires, Bob.
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I mean, Teddy, I don't
think you want a card
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that says "The Handy" and then
a phone number written in pen.
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- It may be time to get new cards.
- It is?
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I think they're not expensive nowadays.
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You could probably do it online.
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Let's do it! You got your laptop?
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Oh, I didn't know I
was gonna be involved.
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I need you, Bob. I
need your artistic eyes.
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Plus you can help me not get hacked.
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- Why would you get hacked?
- I don't know.
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Oh, wait, it's your laptop.
You'd be getting hacked.
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- So, are you gonna go get it, or what?
- Oh, my God.
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Frond's already decided
Louise stole that kid's toy.
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But did she?
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Mmm. That is a good-tasting envelope.
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Psst. Hey, Mom. Remember? Our code?
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- This means I'm saying hi to you.
- Hi, Tina.
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I'm going to the nurse's
office for a Band-Aid.
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I scraped my knee.
Skirt life, am I right?
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Mm-hmm. Oh.
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- Uh, back in a sec.
- Okay.
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- Tina.
- Yeah?
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Listen. I got a question about Louise.
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Hey, guys.
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Shh. We're whispering for some reason.
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Fun. Need anything from the bathroom?
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- Up-bup-bup. Hold on.
- I can give you maybe 30 seconds.
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Do you two know anything about
a mash missile getting stolen?
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Oh, yeah. Jason Jeffers'
Burobu mash missile.
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Wait, Burobu? Like that
thing Louise is into?
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I thought those were only trading cards.
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I think they make different toys, too.
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And they might have
their own line of salsa.
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Oh, boy. Do you think Louise stole it?
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- What? No.
- Yeah. No, right?
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Yeah, probably not. But, I mean...
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She is a mischievous little minx.
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- Yeah.
- But no. Probably.
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So... you haven't,
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like, seen her with a mash missile
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or hiding a mash missile or anything?
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This is definitely past 30 seconds.
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I mean, this morning,
Gene and I were with Louise
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at her locker, and it was pretty empty.
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And so was her backpack.
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That's good, that's good.
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Her backpack was really empty.
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Like, man, fourth graders
do not get a lot of homework.
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It's coming, fourth
graders. It's coming.
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Okay. Kids, go. Gene, go.
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I already did a little.
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Knock, knock.
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Hi. I need to borrow Louise a sec.
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I just need to give
her her... lucky pencil.
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You don't have to talk
about it this much.
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Let's see this quote,
unquote lucky pencil.
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Listen, I don't know
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how else to ask this,
so I'm just gonna ask.
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Jason Jeffers' Burobu mash
missile that went missing.
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- You didn't take it, did you?
- What? No.
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- You're sure?
- Yes.
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Okay. Then I... believe you.
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Well, you should believe me.
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I'm also slightly hurt you'd think
I'd do that in the first place.
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I mean, I'm a spunky kid,
but a thief? No, ma'am.
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I know, I know. And I
was also a spunky kid.
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I, uh, borrowed stuff
from stores, you know?
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I set a few fires, I get it.
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- Geez, Mom.
- Not big fires. Just small ones.
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Well, one got big. But it started small.
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The point is, I understand.
You can tell me if you did it.
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Mom. I'm telling you I didn't do it.
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Even though it was Burobu,
your favorite thing.
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Yeah, I love Burobu. Cards.
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But the Burobu mash missile is duh-umb.
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It has nothing to do with
the cards or the world.
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Right. Okay. Too dumb for you to steal.
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Wait, why are you asking me this, Mom?
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Does someone think I did it?
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No. No. No. No. No.
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Okay, you just said "no" so many times.
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- I love you. Goodbye.
- Hey, you're pushing.
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-You're pushing
-Go, go... Hi! She's back.
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So Louise is innocent.
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But Mr. Frond is gonna try
and pin it on her anyway.
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Unless... I can prove she's innocent
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before Mr. Frond comes back.
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Okay. Yeah, that could work.
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- You can do this.
- Thank you for the encouragement.
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So, Mr. Frond thinks Louise
stole the mash missile thing?
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- Yeah.
- But she didn't.
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And I'm gonna prove it.
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Right. You keep saying that like that.
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But also, it's definitely something
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- she could have done, right?
- No.
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I mean, maybe?
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Oh, definitely maybe. But no.
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You said it was a Burobu
thing, right? She loves Burobu.
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Yeah, but she doesn't
like this Burobu thing.
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And Tina and Gene said
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that the mash missile
wasn't in her locker.
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And it wasn't in her
backpack, Mr. Quick to Judge.
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You know, we're lucky
I'm working here today.
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I can crack the case from the inside.
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- Um...
- Now I just need to get rid of Ms. Selbo.
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That doesn't sound good.
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Shh. It's fine. Love you.
We never spoke. Goodbye.
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Back from the teachers' lounge again.
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00:06:45,156 --> 00:06:47,115
Mmm, coffee, right? So brown.
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- You sure are staying caffeinated.
- Yeah, um, to be honest,
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Ms. Selbo, you're
looking a little groggy.
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00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,584
- Oh. That's fun to hear.
- Yeah.
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I guess I could use
some terrible coffee.
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Mm-hmm. I'll-I'll watch your desk.
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- Okay.
- No rush. Take your time.
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00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:04,495
Drink it there. It's a nice atmosphere.
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- Is it?
- Uh-huh.
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00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:09,490
Oh, this is a good envelope.
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00:07:09,956 --> 00:07:13,665
"Burobu mash missile belonging
to Jason Jeffers... " Mm.
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00:07:13,684 --> 00:07:16,275
"Last Tuesday, recess, on the grass,
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00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:17,646
put it down and it was gone."
201
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,057
- Hey, Mom.
- Ah!
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00:07:19,081 --> 00:07:20,149
I just found something
I wanted to give you.
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00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,006
Okay, what?
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Yeah, yeah. You, too.
"Possible suspects...
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Parentheses... The usual baddies."
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Some names. "Louise hearts
Burobu equals Louise did it."
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00:07:30,671 --> 00:07:32,850
- Unbelievable.
- Ooh, that's gritty.
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00:07:32,875 --> 00:07:34,449
- Gritty coffee.
- Crap.
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00:07:34,474 --> 00:07:37,367
Oh, no
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00:07:37,392 --> 00:07:39,018
And stuff. And st...
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00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,698
Oh, stuff. Oh, hey, you're back.
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00:07:40,723 --> 00:07:43,045
Yup. Am I perky enough for you now?
213
00:07:43,070 --> 00:07:44,248
Yeah, sure.
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00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:46,197
Okay, I've got some suspects.
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00:07:46,222 --> 00:07:47,700
I need to start eliminating some names.
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How do I do that?
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00:07:49,008 --> 00:07:50,280
Oh! Ms. Selbo?
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00:07:50,305 --> 00:07:51,804
You know what I've always wanted to see?
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00:07:51,829 --> 00:07:54,327
Uh, the list of who's absent and when.
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00:07:54,352 --> 00:07:55,517
You want to see that?
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00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:58,118
Yeah. I love all that
behind-the-scenes stuff.
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00:07:58,143 --> 00:08:01,462
- This? Y-You want to see this?
- Yeah. Wow.
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There's that name.
And there's that name.
224
00:08:04,235 --> 00:08:05,235
So interesting.
225
00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:07,095
You're kind of bumming me out, Linda.
226
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,196
Have you never seen
interesting things before?
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00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:11,389
Oh, this looks easy.
228
00:08:11,483 --> 00:08:14,202
Just got to type in
my info. Ugh, my name.
229
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,893
I don't have a good business card name.
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00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,677
What do you mean "good
business card name"?
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00:08:17,702 --> 00:08:20,064
You got a great business
card name. Bob Burger?
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00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,728
It's not Bob... Oh, my God.
233
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:22,954
Do you want to change your name?
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00:08:22,978 --> 00:08:25,909
I don't know. I bet I'd get more
business if my name was, like,
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00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:28,360
- Jim Thunder or something.
- I'd hire Jim Thunder.
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00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:31,052
Maybe not to do my taxes.
Or do heart surgery.
237
00:08:31,077 --> 00:08:32,652
- But anything else.
- Mmm.
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00:08:32,671 --> 00:08:35,413
Although, would Jim Thunder be
a handyman or something cooler?
239
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,415
Like a bounty hunter.
So maybe I could be
240
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:39,250
Jim Thunder Bounty Hunter.
241
00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:40,805
- I don't see why not.
- Hi, Lin.
242
00:08:40,829 --> 00:08:43,254
The kids on Frond's incident
report that aren't Louise,
243
00:08:43,274 --> 00:08:45,522
they were either absent
or they have an alibi.
244
00:08:45,547 --> 00:08:47,470
You're allowed to look
at the incident report?
245
00:08:47,503 --> 00:08:49,163
Probably not. But one kid was out sick,
246
00:08:49,187 --> 00:08:51,929
one kid was at a club meeting,
another kid had a sports thing.
247
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,189
What? How do you know all that?
248
00:08:53,214 --> 00:08:54,318
It's all written down.
249
00:08:54,343 --> 00:08:56,009
Also, if Ms. Selbo ever asks you,
250
00:08:56,028 --> 00:08:58,350
I really love filing
systems and lists of names.
251
00:08:58,375 --> 00:09:00,721
- Okay...
- I'm at a dead end here, Bob.
252
00:09:00,746 --> 00:09:03,533
Well, maybe it's somebody
else that liked Burobu?
253
00:09:03,558 --> 00:09:06,663
- Or... it's Louise.
- Yes. Right, good idea.
254
00:09:06,688 --> 00:09:08,275
Not Louise. But yes. Burobu people.
255
00:09:08,299 --> 00:09:10,580
Okay, I got to go save our kid. Bye.
256
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:12,847
All right, bye. I'm doing
important stuff, too.
257
00:09:13,655 --> 00:09:15,672
Slow, no bouncies, please and thank you.
258
00:09:15,697 --> 00:09:17,490
Got all of that one.
259
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:18,865
Attaboy, Rudes!
260
00:09:18,884 --> 00:09:21,506
Hi, kids. Uh, Louise, let's, uh, talk.
261
00:09:21,531 --> 00:09:23,850
- Okay.
- Listen, I've been trying to clear you,
262
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,033
but all I'm finding is
kids with perfect alibis.
263
00:09:26,058 --> 00:09:27,351
Who else likes Burobu?
264
00:09:27,376 --> 00:09:29,037
Mom, you're asking the wrong question.
265
00:09:29,061 --> 00:09:31,545
The mash missile is
offensive to Burobu fans.
266
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:32,645
We hate that thing.
267
00:09:32,714 --> 00:09:34,972
Oh. Maybe a Burobu kid destroyed it.
268
00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:37,694
Maybe they didn't want it.
They wanted to murder it.
269
00:09:37,719 --> 00:09:39,741
I don't know, man. I
can't think of anyone
270
00:09:39,766 --> 00:09:41,956
who would want to waste
their time on that cheap,
271
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:44,151
stupid, sticky, stinking hunk o' junk.
272
00:09:44,176 --> 00:09:46,260
- Louise, you're up.
- Mom, I got to go.
273
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,630
I have a ball to kick. Also,
I'm innocent, by the way.
274
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,264
Oh, yeah, that is a big thermos.
275
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,418
- What?
- Oh, nothing. Play balls!
276
00:09:53,297 --> 00:09:54,613
Eh, so many options.
277
00:09:54,638 --> 00:09:57,156
Yeah, I want to say,
too many? You know what?
278
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:58,854
A mechanic gave me a card one time.
279
00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:01,479
He was not a good mechanic,
but the card was great.
280
00:10:01,504 --> 00:10:03,725
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think I'm gonna go get it.
281
00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,515
Okay, you want to teach me how to cook
282
00:10:05,540 --> 00:10:07,201
- in case someone comes in?
- What? No.
283
00:10:07,225 --> 00:10:09,041
But if they say they
need food right now,
284
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,946
- I'll go in there and give it a shot?
- Teddy, no.
285
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:12,948
Might as well give me
your apron, just in case.
286
00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:13,988
No. No, thank you.
287
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,825
Ha. Got it. Mm-hmm.
288
00:10:16,976 --> 00:10:18,118
Hmm.
289
00:10:18,143 --> 00:10:19,309
Tina and Gene said the mash missile
290
00:10:19,329 --> 00:10:20,644
wasn't in her locker.
291
00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:22,527
And it wasn't in her
backpack, Mr. Quick to Judge.
292
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,885
I mean, I guess I could just peek
293
00:10:25,910 --> 00:10:27,803
in Louise's room since I'm here.
294
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:31,822
Just tilting the door
open. Not even going in.
295
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:33,323
Maybe going in a step or two.
296
00:10:33,343 --> 00:10:36,511
Please don't let darts
hit me in the face. Huh.
297
00:10:36,587 --> 00:10:39,307
Okay, checking out
the incident report again.
298
00:10:39,459 --> 00:10:40,550
Stuff, stuff, stuff.
299
00:10:40,653 --> 00:10:43,386
Victim statement. Jason went to lunch.
300
00:10:43,411 --> 00:10:45,447
He ate his peanut butter
and honey sandwich.
301
00:10:45,471 --> 00:10:47,315
Then he took his toy out of his locker,
302
00:10:47,339 --> 00:10:49,707
brought it to recess,
put it down on the grass,
303
00:10:49,709 --> 00:10:51,341
stepped away, and then it was gone.
304
00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:52,434
Wait a minute.
305
00:10:52,459 --> 00:10:54,419
Peanut butter and honey sandwich.
306
00:10:54,534 --> 00:10:56,415
Sticky fingers. Sticky.
307
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,849
I can't think of anyone who
would want to waste their time
308
00:10:58,868 --> 00:11:00,754
on that cheap, stupid,
sticky, stinking hunk o' junk.
309
00:11:00,778 --> 00:11:02,686
Sticky, sticky, sticky...
310
00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:04,591
How would she
know the toy was sticky?
311
00:11:04,615 --> 00:11:06,004
- Hi, Bob.
- Hey.
312
00:11:06,029 --> 00:11:07,928
So, the thing that went
missing was a Burobu
313
00:11:07,952 --> 00:11:09,337
- mash missile, right?
- Yeah.
314
00:11:09,361 --> 00:11:11,247
Well, I went into Louise's room.
315
00:11:11,272 --> 00:11:13,409
Did a giant ball roll
down and crush you?
316
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:14,774
Surprisingly, no.
317
00:11:14,776 --> 00:11:16,362
But on her desk was a Burobu Magazine,
318
00:11:16,386 --> 00:11:17,701
and the one page
319
00:11:17,726 --> 00:11:19,225
that was dog-eared in it
320
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:20,439
had a picture of the
Burobu mash missile.
321
00:11:20,464 --> 00:11:22,706
Oh, crap. And she said "sticky" to me.
322
00:11:22,784 --> 00:11:24,185
- Huh?
- It's a long story,
323
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:26,420
- but it's bad news for Louise.
- Crap.
324
00:11:26,445 --> 00:11:28,890
Hey, did you ask Linda about
the whole Jim Thunder thing?
325
00:11:28,915 --> 00:11:30,840
You're not a Jim Thunder, Teddy.
326
00:11:33,422 --> 00:11:35,886
- Crap. Crap. Crap.
- Oh, no, Linda, what's wrong?
327
00:11:35,905 --> 00:11:37,738
Uh, that was my husband.
328
00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:40,299
His... hat fell off.
329
00:11:40,318 --> 00:11:42,818
- Oh.
- Yeah. Husbands with their hats.
330
00:11:42,843 --> 00:11:44,219
Stay single, I say.
331
00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:46,959
Well, then. I'm gonna
eat my leftover soup.
332
00:11:46,984 --> 00:11:49,623
-Aw.
-It's not sad. It's just my lunch.
333
00:11:49,648 --> 00:11:51,600
Oh, is it lunchtime? For the kids, too?
334
00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:54,237
It is. They need to eat
every day, as it turns out.
335
00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:56,740
Be right back. Enjoy your
not sad leftover soup.
336
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:57,908
It's just regular soup.
337
00:11:58,181 --> 00:12:00,256
- Hey, kids.
- Oh, hey, Mom.
338
00:12:00,281 --> 00:12:02,795
I have been saving this
seat for you for years.
339
00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:04,990
Would you guys mind if I
spoke to Louise privately?
340
00:12:05,009 --> 00:12:06,659
Okay.
341
00:12:06,677 --> 00:12:07,913
- Is this good?
- A little more.
342
00:12:07,937 --> 00:12:09,991
She's here one day.
343
00:12:10,016 --> 00:12:12,233
Louise, look. Now would be
a good time to tell me the truth
344
00:12:12,257 --> 00:12:13,499
about taking the mash missile.
345
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:14,761
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mom.
346
00:12:14,786 --> 00:12:16,448
Why am I still being accused of this?
347
00:12:16,473 --> 00:12:18,256
And also, I told you the truth.
348
00:12:18,281 --> 00:12:20,397
And you can tell it's the
truth because it's the truth.
349
00:12:20,422 --> 00:12:22,887
Well, why'd you fold over the
page in your Burobu Magazine
350
00:12:22,912 --> 00:12:24,153
with the mash missile on it?
351
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:25,769
Wait, how do you know about that?
352
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:26,989
Did you search my room?
353
00:12:27,014 --> 00:12:28,916
- No. Your father did.
- What?
354
00:12:28,941 --> 00:12:30,932
- Did he get booby-trapped?
- He didn't, actually.
355
00:12:30,957 --> 00:12:32,690
- Must've been a malfunction.
- Wait a minute.
356
00:12:32,715 --> 00:12:34,687
- This is a private conversation.
- Sorry, sorry.
357
00:12:34,705 --> 00:12:36,257
First of all,
358
00:12:36,281 --> 00:12:37,901
I'm between booby traps right now.
359
00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:38,926
Second of all,
360
00:12:38,951 --> 00:12:40,279
I folded that page because of an ad
361
00:12:40,303 --> 00:12:42,361
for the special Slug-i-cane
collector's pack.
362
00:12:42,380 --> 00:12:43,840
Not because of a mash missile,
363
00:12:43,865 --> 00:12:45,748
which I keep telling you I didn't steal.
364
00:12:45,773 --> 00:12:48,444
It's getting less private,
with all the shouting.
365
00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:50,035
I think we're running out of table here.
366
00:12:50,054 --> 00:12:51,606
- I'm half-cheeking it.
- Okay, well.
367
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:54,877
When you were in PE, you said
the mash missile was sticky.
368
00:12:54,902 --> 00:12:56,889
Jason Jeffers ate a peanut
butter and honey sandwich
369
00:12:56,914 --> 00:12:58,803
before he took the
toy out of his locker.
370
00:12:58,828 --> 00:13:01,002
How would you know if it was
sticky unless you took it?
371
00:13:01,027 --> 00:13:03,785
Because his hands are
always sticky. That's his thing.
372
00:13:03,810 --> 00:13:06,374
Kids in our class literally
call him Sticky Sticky Jason.
373
00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:08,748
Louise, I can't tell
if you're lying to me,
374
00:13:08,773 --> 00:13:11,114
because now I'm realizing
you are really good at lying,
375
00:13:11,139 --> 00:13:12,288
better than I thought,
376
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,531
and I thought you
were pretty good at it.
377
00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:14,844
Okay, I think we're done here.
378
00:13:14,869 --> 00:13:16,465
Tina, Gene, storm off with me?
379
00:13:16,484 --> 00:13:18,036
- Oh. Um...
- I mean, I was done anyway.
380
00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:20,460
Would the last few bites of
my mac 'n' cheese cheer you up?
381
00:13:20,485 --> 00:13:22,373
No. Yeah, maybe.
382
00:13:22,707 --> 00:13:24,952
Hi, Mrs. Belcher. Mac
'n' cheesing it, huh?
383
00:13:24,977 --> 00:13:25,727
Uh-huh.
384
00:13:25,752 --> 00:13:27,788
Everything okay? You look kind of down.
385
00:13:27,812 --> 00:13:28,880
Or maybe you're just looking down
386
00:13:28,904 --> 00:13:30,383
'cause I'm shorter than you.
387
00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:32,459
They think Louise stole
the mash missile thing.
388
00:13:32,484 --> 00:13:34,483
- Oh, my.
- But she's a good girl, right?
389
00:13:34,485 --> 00:13:36,462
I mean, she's complicated.
390
00:13:36,487 --> 00:13:38,723
It's just if she took it, I
don't know where she put it.
391
00:13:38,747 --> 00:13:39,913
It's not in her room,
392
00:13:39,938 --> 00:13:41,588
and Tina and Gene said
it's not in her backpack
393
00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,136
- or her locker.
- Which locker?
394
00:13:43,161 --> 00:13:44,973
- What do you mean?
- Louise has two lockers.
395
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:46,363
Louise has two lockers?
396
00:13:46,388 --> 00:13:48,474
Yeah, her regular one, and
then her Rudyville locker.
397
00:13:48,499 --> 00:13:50,068
She calls it that
because it's near mine.
398
00:13:50,092 --> 00:13:51,455
Number 158, I want to say?
399
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,663
Ooh, I got to go.
400
00:13:52,687 --> 00:13:55,262
Louise, you sneaky
double-locker-haver.
401
00:13:55,723 --> 00:13:57,006
It's okay.
402
00:13:57,024 --> 00:13:58,093
You built it up too much, maybe.
403
00:13:58,117 --> 00:13:59,175
No. It's nice.
404
00:13:59,193 --> 00:14:00,434
It's clean, simple.
405
00:14:00,459 --> 00:14:02,109
- Who wants simple?
- Everybody?
406
00:14:02,134 --> 00:14:03,656
No. You know what I get from this?
407
00:14:03,681 --> 00:14:05,682
"I'm a boring mechanic,
and I'm dead inside."
408
00:14:05,707 --> 00:14:06,849
You don't get that from this.
409
00:14:06,867 --> 00:14:09,586
I want a card that says,
"Hey, world, check me out."
410
00:14:09,611 --> 00:14:11,691
♪ There's a banana,
that could be fun ♪
411
00:14:11,716 --> 00:14:13,500
No banana. Teddy, that
doesn't make any sense.
412
00:14:13,524 --> 00:14:15,191
♪ Ooh, a lasso border ♪
413
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:16,450
♪ Or a sunglasses sun ♪
414
00:14:16,469 --> 00:14:18,118
Why would someone have a lasso?
415
00:14:18,212 --> 00:14:19,770
Do cowboys have business cards?
416
00:14:19,795 --> 00:14:22,364
♪ Yes, cowboys have business cards ♪
417
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:24,200
And Western-wear salespeople.
418
00:14:24,218 --> 00:14:26,512
Wonder Woman. Ted Lasso. Lassie.
419
00:14:26,537 --> 00:14:29,682
♪ You ridiculous
person, less is more ♪
420
00:14:29,707 --> 00:14:32,351
♪ Don't be a kid in a candy store ♪
421
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:33,876
- Oh, there's candy.
- Mm.
422
00:14:33,878 --> 00:14:36,636
♪ They wouldn't call
it a business card ♪
423
00:14:36,656 --> 00:14:39,375
♪ If they didn't
want you to get busy ♪
424
00:14:39,826 --> 00:14:43,385
♪ Your choices are
literally making me dizzy ♪
425
00:14:43,410 --> 00:14:45,761
Also, I don't think you
understand "get busy."
426
00:14:45,786 --> 00:14:48,218
- ♪ Teddy, what you want is simple ♪
- ♪ Snowman, hockey sticks ♪
427
00:14:48,242 --> 00:14:51,151
- ♪ Elegant, clean ♪
- ♪ Dreidel, soccer ball, puppy dog ♪
428
00:14:51,170 --> 00:14:54,654
- ♪ White space.
♪ - ♪ Yin-yang. ♪
429
00:14:54,674 --> 00:14:57,463
- Hi. Can I order?
- Oh, yeah. Sorry.
430
00:14:57,861 --> 00:14:59,235
Mr. Frond's gonna be back soon.
431
00:14:59,253 --> 00:15:01,920
I got to get inside Louise's
second secret locker.
432
00:15:01,945 --> 00:15:03,330
But how do I do that?
433
00:15:03,349 --> 00:15:05,386
Do I get a crowbar? Or some dynamite?
434
00:15:05,411 --> 00:15:06,886
Oh. Or I look in there.
435
00:15:06,911 --> 00:15:09,002
Uh, Ms. Selbo, did you know,
436
00:15:09,022 --> 00:15:11,557
uh, they're giving out free batteries?
437
00:15:11,582 --> 00:15:13,817
In the teachers' lounge? Uh, right now.
438
00:15:13,842 --> 00:15:14,986
- Batteries?
- Yup.
439
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,396
Double-A, triple-A's,
double-D's.
440
00:15:17,635 --> 00:15:18,892
She's buying it.
441
00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:20,923
Seems like an odd
thing to be giving away
442
00:15:20,925 --> 00:15:22,182
in the teachers' lounge.
443
00:15:22,201 --> 00:15:23,403
Oh, crap. She's not buying it.
444
00:15:23,427 --> 00:15:24,760
Um, did I say batteries?
445
00:15:24,779 --> 00:15:28,008
I meant, uh, gift cards
for, uh, places you like.
446
00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:31,410
That doesn't make any
sense, but I do have to pee.
447
00:15:31,435 --> 00:15:33,527
Of course you do. All that coffee?
448
00:15:33,546 --> 00:15:36,196
- Take your time.
- I will. Thank you, Linda.
449
00:15:36,215 --> 00:15:39,025
I love... that we use volunteers.
450
00:15:43,281 --> 00:15:44,613
One... 158!
451
00:15:44,790 --> 00:15:46,684
Huh. Don't be in Louise's secret locker.
452
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:48,520
Don't be in Louise's secret locker.
453
00:15:48,544 --> 00:15:49,549
Oh, nuts.
454
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,324
Louise, no. Oh, my face!
455
00:15:54,233 --> 00:15:56,797
- No, no, no, no.
- Mom?
456
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,552
- What are you doing?
- Ah! What are you doing?
457
00:15:58,571 --> 00:16:01,215
Going to the bathroom. Oh, my God.
458
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,722
Louise, you lied to me.
459
00:16:02,742 --> 00:16:04,738
Oh, my Louise. Oh, my baby.
460
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:06,802
What if you get
suspended? You're branded.
461
00:16:06,821 --> 00:16:08,758
It'll follow you everywhere.
You'll never be president.
462
00:16:08,783 --> 00:16:11,133
- What? Wait, what?
- Mama's gonna help you.
463
00:16:11,158 --> 00:16:12,398
No one's gonna know you took it
464
00:16:12,476 --> 00:16:13,604
and hid it in your secret locker.
465
00:16:13,628 --> 00:16:15,455
I mean, yeah, it was my secret locker.
466
00:16:15,479 --> 00:16:16,639
I don't use it anymore.
467
00:16:16,664 --> 00:16:18,624
I want to believe you, but I don't
468
00:16:18,649 --> 00:16:21,004
because you're so good at
lying, so I am gonna eat it.
469
00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:22,546
That's what I'll do. I'll eat it.
470
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:23,828
- Ooh. Sticky.
- Mom. Mom.
471
00:16:23,853 --> 00:16:25,716
Mama's here. Mama's gonna help you.
472
00:16:25,747 --> 00:16:28,444
The executive function luncheon
wasn't much of luncheon.
473
00:16:28,469 --> 00:16:30,561
Assorted melon and hummus is not lunch.
474
00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:32,110
Put it back, put it back.
475
00:16:32,135 --> 00:16:34,565
Someone wrote "fart" on this locker.
476
00:16:34,590 --> 00:16:37,349
- Yup. They do that.
- Let me see if that'll wipe off.
477
00:16:37,443 --> 00:16:39,656
That's on there for good.
478
00:16:39,681 --> 00:16:41,781
Linda. Louise. What's going on?
479
00:16:41,806 --> 00:16:43,133
Louise, why aren't you in class?
480
00:16:43,158 --> 00:16:44,860
- I was going to the bathroom...
- I was just taking
481
00:16:44,884 --> 00:16:46,510
- a little walk.
- And then I saw my mom...
482
00:16:46,535 --> 00:16:48,227
Phillip, I forgot. Your mom called.
483
00:16:48,252 --> 00:16:51,647
She, uh, really wanted to
talk to you about... vitamins.
484
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:53,125
Of course.
485
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:56,462
That's all we talk about. I
guess I'll go call her back.
486
00:16:56,487 --> 00:16:57,797
I don't understand.
487
00:16:57,822 --> 00:16:59,466
- Why would you... ?
- Follow me.
488
00:17:00,691 --> 00:17:02,134
Why didn't you bust us?
489
00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,568
Even though I'm totally innocent.
490
00:17:03,586 --> 00:17:04,730
Right, right. Super innocent.
491
00:17:04,754 --> 00:17:06,399
- No, I know.
- You know what?
492
00:17:06,424 --> 00:17:09,642
That Louise is innocent,
because I took the mash missile.
493
00:17:09,667 --> 00:17:10,903
- You took it?
- Why?
494
00:17:10,927 --> 00:17:12,813
I was at my nephew's birthday party,
495
00:17:12,837 --> 00:17:16,080
and my nephew got that exact
same Burobu mash missile.
496
00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:17,726
Not from me. I-I got
him a scented candle.
497
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,235
That's a good present, right?
498
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:21,085
- Yeah, yeah.
- Eh, sure.
499
00:17:21,104 --> 00:17:22,748
But there is something
wrong with those mash missiles
500
00:17:22,772 --> 00:17:24,346
because kid after kid got hit
501
00:17:24,366 --> 00:17:26,068
in the butter beans by that thing.
502
00:17:26,092 --> 00:17:28,328
Okay, that toy's actually
starting to sound pretty fun.
503
00:17:28,359 --> 00:17:30,137
Then, a couple days
later, I'm playing solitaire
504
00:17:30,162 --> 00:17:32,121
on an absolute heater, when I hear
505
00:17:32,146 --> 00:17:34,409
Jason in the hall showing
off his new mash missile.
506
00:17:34,434 --> 00:17:35,743
I tried to warn him about it,
507
00:17:35,768 --> 00:17:37,268
and he said it was
just for show and tell.
508
00:17:37,286 --> 00:17:39,264
He wasn't gonna launch
it. But then later,
509
00:17:39,288 --> 00:17:40,933
that little punk brought it to recess
510
00:17:40,957 --> 00:17:42,693
and went to gather a bunch of kids.
511
00:17:42,717 --> 00:17:44,609
I was gonna yell at them a little bit.
512
00:17:44,627 --> 00:17:46,087
I'm allowed to yell at the kids.
513
00:17:46,112 --> 00:17:48,215
But I broke it. I sort of stepped on it.
514
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,301
I might have been pumped
up about the yelling.
515
00:17:50,326 --> 00:17:52,541
And I thought, "He's gonna
think I did it on purpose,"
516
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,887
so I hid it under my shirt.
517
00:17:53,912 --> 00:17:56,021
And I ran, Linda. I ran.
518
00:17:56,046 --> 00:17:58,910
And I was like, "I just
stole a toy from a child."
519
00:17:58,935 --> 00:18:01,694
I panicked and hid it
in an unassigned locker.
520
00:18:01,719 --> 00:18:03,272
And you were just gonna
let me fry for this?
521
00:18:03,296 --> 00:18:05,296
No, I was gonna move it somewhere...
522
00:18:05,329 --> 00:18:06,938
that I haven't figured out yet.
523
00:18:06,963 --> 00:18:08,724
Or make it explode? Somehow?
524
00:18:08,749 --> 00:18:10,536
Well, it's nice you didn't
want the kids' butter beans
525
00:18:10,561 --> 00:18:11,727
to get hurt, Ms. Selbo,
526
00:18:11,746 --> 00:18:13,318
but you got to come clean to Mr. Frond.
527
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,374
Hell no. I will lose my job.
528
00:18:15,399 --> 00:18:18,563
And I really like having
a job. They pay me money.
529
00:18:18,588 --> 00:18:20,546
It's somewhere to go during the day.
530
00:18:20,571 --> 00:18:22,237
Wait, what if we convinced Mr. Frond
531
00:18:22,257 --> 00:18:23,648
that there wasn't a crime?
532
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,552
Because if there's no
crime, then there's no time.
533
00:18:25,576 --> 00:18:27,979
- I like it, I like it.
- But I broke it.
534
00:18:28,004 --> 00:18:29,320
Actually, it's not broken.
535
00:18:29,338 --> 00:18:31,300
It's just really,
really cheap and awful.
536
00:18:31,324 --> 00:18:35,159
Look, you just got to
click this in there.
537
00:18:35,178 --> 00:18:38,190
Louise, look at you. You
little non-thieving smartie.
538
00:18:38,215 --> 00:18:39,307
I know.
539
00:18:39,562 --> 00:18:41,734
Okay, I am liking this mock-up.
540
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:43,069
The little hammers,
all around the outside.
541
00:18:43,093 --> 00:18:46,071
The cups-to-ounces
conversion chart on the back.
542
00:18:46,096 --> 00:18:47,816
The tic-tac-toe board on the front.
543
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,378
Yup. All the ideas are there.
544
00:18:50,403 --> 00:18:51,767
They-they all made it on there.
545
00:18:51,786 --> 00:18:53,729
You don't think it's too much, do you?
546
00:18:53,754 --> 00:18:55,658
I do. I thought I made it very clear
547
00:18:55,682 --> 00:18:56,917
that I think it's way too much.
548
00:18:57,021 --> 00:18:59,061
Maybe you just don't
have an artistic eye.
549
00:18:59,086 --> 00:19:01,512
You said you needed my artis...
You know what? Never mind.
550
00:19:01,537 --> 00:19:03,491
Plus a handyman does a lot of stuff.
551
00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:04,924
So I need a lot of stuff.
552
00:19:04,949 --> 00:19:07,428
Hi. Sorry to interrupt.
I'm looking for a handyman.
553
00:19:07,453 --> 00:19:09,010
I'd love to take one of your cards.
554
00:19:09,035 --> 00:19:12,042
Oh, no! This is my disgusting
old card that I hate now.
555
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,307
Here, uh... imagine all this on here.
556
00:19:14,332 --> 00:19:16,096
Or do you want to take
a picture of the screen?
557
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:19,191
Yeah, that's
great. I'll call you.
558
00:19:19,216 --> 00:19:21,683
- See, Bob?
- Ugh. Everyone is awful.
559
00:19:21,708 --> 00:19:23,770
Bob, I think I know
what's going on here.
560
00:19:23,795 --> 00:19:26,296
You want to make your own
card, put Bob Burger on it.
561
00:19:26,389 --> 00:19:28,447
I mean, a little. Not that name.
562
00:19:28,472 --> 00:19:30,167
Well, if I buy 500 of mine,
563
00:19:30,192 --> 00:19:32,474
I get a discount on the next 500. Eh?
564
00:19:32,494 --> 00:19:34,862
- Uh, okay.
- Ooh. Look at that cactus.
565
00:19:34,887 --> 00:19:37,233
That'd be good for a guy who sells...
566
00:19:37,258 --> 00:19:38,533
Yeah, it was in his locker.
567
00:19:38,558 --> 00:19:40,369
Right in his locker. The whole time.
568
00:19:40,393 --> 00:19:41,650
Isn't that right, Jason?
569
00:19:41,669 --> 00:19:43,577
No. I took it out of my locker.
570
00:19:43,730 --> 00:19:45,686
Did you? 'Cause it was right there.
571
00:19:45,711 --> 00:19:48,683
Yeah, Jason, you think
someone knew your combination,
572
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,561
opened your locker and put it in there?
573
00:19:50,586 --> 00:19:52,577
'Cause the only people who
could do that are myself
574
00:19:52,602 --> 00:19:55,896
and Ms. Selbo, and why on
earth would we do such a thing?
575
00:19:55,921 --> 00:19:58,327
- Yeah.
- Jason, don't touch that. Ew.
576
00:19:58,352 --> 00:20:00,976
And now there's jelly
on Unpopular Parker.
577
00:20:00,995 --> 00:20:02,144
Well, well, well.
578
00:20:02,163 --> 00:20:04,198
Does someone owe someone else
579
00:20:04,223 --> 00:20:05,959
and their volunteer mother an apology?
580
00:20:05,983 --> 00:20:08,942
- Yeah. Mr. Frond does. Oh.
- Sorry...
581
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:10,481
I accused...
582
00:20:10,505 --> 00:20:11,729
Oh, oh. There's the bell.
583
00:20:11,747 --> 00:20:12,867
Bye-bye. Everyone go now.
584
00:20:13,219 --> 00:20:15,490
Well, at least I didn't get fired.
585
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:16,901
That's good. For me.
586
00:20:16,919 --> 00:20:18,805
And I didn't do time for
a crime I didn't commit.
587
00:20:18,829 --> 00:20:20,658
Can save the time for my real crimes.
588
00:20:20,682 --> 00:20:22,808
- Just kidding.
- Uh-oh. End of the day.
589
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:24,735
I might not have stuffed some,
590
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,806
or most, or any of the envelopes.
591
00:20:26,831 --> 00:20:27,905
No, you did not.
592
00:20:28,755 --> 00:20:30,609
Louise, I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
593
00:20:30,634 --> 00:20:32,910
And then believed you. And
then didn't believe you.
594
00:20:32,935 --> 00:20:36,156
It's okay. You made up for it by
how far you would have gone for me.
595
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:37,421
Which does make me wonder
596
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:39,083
how big of a crime you'd
commit for your kids.
597
00:20:39,108 --> 00:20:42,684
- Should we test it out?
- Yeah. Let's do insider trading.
598
00:20:42,704 --> 00:20:44,372
- No.
- Outsider trading?
599
00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:45,832
- Okay.
- Yay!
600
00:20:45,856 --> 00:20:48,517
♪ When you wanna say hello ♪
601
00:20:49,101 --> 00:20:51,912
♪ But keep it on the down low ♪
602
00:20:52,196 --> 00:20:54,696
♪ Or blow a little kiss ♪
603
00:20:54,859 --> 00:20:57,026
♪ She won't wanna miss ♪
604
00:20:57,051 --> 00:20:58,776
♪ Well, it's the Flappity Dappity ♪
605
00:20:58,794 --> 00:21:00,368
♪ The Flappity Dappity ♪
606
00:21:00,388 --> 00:21:01,870
♪ Ooh, the Little Bitty Stinker ♪
607
00:21:01,889 --> 00:21:03,538
♪ The Little Bitty Stinker ♪
608
00:21:03,558 --> 00:21:05,184
♪ The Rubber Elbow Double Down ♪
609
00:21:05,209 --> 00:21:06,870
♪ The Rubber Elbow Double Down ♪
610
00:21:06,894 --> 00:21:09,430
- ♪ The ESP ♪
- ♪ Oh, the ESP ♪
611
00:21:09,455 --> 00:21:12,266
- ♪ The Fake Left, Go Right ♪
- ♪ The Fake Left, Go Right ♪
612
00:21:12,291 --> 00:21:13,974
♪ The Wiggle Waggle ♪
613
00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:15,604
- ♪ The Wiggle Waggle ♪
- Everybody now!
614
00:21:15,628 --> 00:21:18,773
♪ Just the Pinkies
and the Smoochicane. ♪
615
00:21:18,798 --> 00:21:22,726
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --