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00:00:02,739 --> 00:00:04,743
♪ ♪
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[Gene] The French toast
is exquisite today.
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- Your father made it.
- You made it?
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It's so good
I assumed it was frozen.
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Uh, thank you?
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So, have you thought any more
about the contest, Dad?
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Ready to change your maybe
to a yes?
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Here's the flyer
for it again in case
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you need to refresh your memory.
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I'm familiar
with the flyer, Louise.
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You taped it to my face
after I fell asleep last night.
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- Yes.
- And I don't think you're
supposed to take things off
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the community center
bulletin board.
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How else do you expect me
to get a fun
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senior water aerobics poster?
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There are no good ones on eBay.
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Have you even read
the flyer, Dad?
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- Yeah.
- Read it again. Here we go.
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[moans]
"Come enter the Father-Daughter
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"Boogie Board Battle
for a fun day in the sun,
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hosted by Little Squirts
Surf Shirts."
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And it says first prize
is a hundred bucks.
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That's a lot of cheddar.
"Cheddar" means money, right?
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- On the streets?
- [Linda] Yeah, sure, Tina.
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Too bad it's only
for 12 and under.
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I'd get'er that cheddar.
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It also says everyone
who enters gets
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a free Little Squirts
Surf Shirt.
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Better be a new one, before
it gets any squirts on it.
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Uh, but we don't have
boogie boards, so--
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Well, the flyer says
they have loaners.
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- Oh.
- Come on. You, me, next weekend
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and a hundred smackers
that we split.
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Or you just give it all to me
because it's kind of weird
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- to split money with a child.
- Hmm.
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And didn't Mom say
you actually used to be good
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- at boogie boarding, somehow?
- He was.
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How? Was your body
different then?
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- Or was water different?
- Actually, your father's got
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- the perfect body
for boogie boarding.
- Thank you, Linda.
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He's very buoyant. Like a seal.
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How come we've never
seen you do it?
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[muffled grunting]
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Well, uh,
we opened the restaurant,
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and then, uh, we had kids,
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and I guess life happened.
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- But did it, though, for you?
- Louise...
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I mean, there was also
that other thing
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- that happened.
- [Gene] What thing?
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World War II? I'm not sure
how old you guys are.
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I think what your mom's
referring to is, one time,
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- I had a pretty vicious wipeout.
- He had a little incident--
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- Little incident?
I almost drowned.
- Drowned?
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You were in six inches of water.
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Yeah, deadly inches.
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I saw that, Lin.
You just shook your head.
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No, I didn't.
What's that over there?
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- [Tina] Hmm?
- Linda, I didn't even look
where you were pointing.
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I did. What did I miss?
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Honey, I believe
you believe it was scary.
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It was. It...
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Everyone, it was. You know what?
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- I-I'm not talking
about it anymore.
- Good.
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Well, what do you say,
ready to get back on the board?
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Win a hundred bucks?
And my love?
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- Um...
- Yeah?
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- All right, yes. Okay, fine.
- Ho, ho, yes.
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- Hmm.
- Good choice, good choice.
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It's the triumphant return
to the ocean
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for the voluptuous Seal-Man.
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[Teddy moans]
I love eating.
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- We know you do.
- Did I say that out loud?
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- Y-You did.
- So, your birthday's
this weekend.
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And remember
what you said last year.
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So what'd you end up doing
for your birthday, Teddy?
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- Well, I had that root canal,
and on my way home...
- Uh-huh.
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...I noticed my tires
were a little low...
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- Uh-huh.
- ...so I went
and filled them up.
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- Aw.
- Then I remembered
I was out of coffee filters
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- and toilet paper...
- [sighs]
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- ...so I swing by the store--
- Enough, enough!
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Teddy, I can't
take this anymore.
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Every year,
it gets sadder and sadder.
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I'm sorry, I'm-I'm just not
a big birthday person.
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Listen, you. Either next year
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you do something nice
for your birthday
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or I will make you.
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Are you threatening me, Linda?
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Promise me, Teddy.
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- Promise me.
- Okay, okay, I promise.
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So, what you doing this year?
It better be good.
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You gonna do something
with Kathleen?
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Eh, she's in Ireland
for a family reunion.
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Dang it.
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They're having it
in a town called Dingle.
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I said, "So you're gonna
be a bunch of Dingle-lings?"
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She didn't text me back.
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Okay, Teddy,
a promise is a promise.
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We're doing it here, birthday
party at the restaurant.
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We're gonna have cupcakes
and a candle
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and maybe we'll play
some party games.
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Lin, too much. Grown man.
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Okay, maybe just one round
of the limbo.
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- Lin...
- Fine, maybe no games.
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But yes, party. You hear me?
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Okay, okay.
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[phone ringing]
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- Bob's Burgers.
- We got to cancel
the birthday thing.
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- What?
- I'm going to a funeral.
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- What?
- Vernon, the guy
who owns the place
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that rents out jackhammers
and stuff to contractors?
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Ow! Just cut myself shaving.
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Anyway, he died. Heart attack.
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And the service
is today at Mort's.
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Oh, no. That's awful.
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- Yeah.
- Well, maybe we can do
your birthday
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- after the service?
- Eh...
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I-I won't be in the mood
to celebrate anything.
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I don't know why,
but funerals make me sad.
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Maybe it's 'cause my dad
died at a funeral.
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Next year, though. I-I promise.
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- But what if--
- Oh, boy. Sorry Linda,
I-I got to go.
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- Lot of blood here. Oh. [shouts]
- We could, we could do-- Ugh.
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Whoa. That's too much sunscreen.
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Uh, it-it feels like a lot.
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- Teddy's canceling his party.
- I heard.
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Uh, sorry you can't do the party
you were making him have.
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Aw, poop. I got the cupcakes
from Devondorf's.
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- Ooh.
- Well, we can still eat them.
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The cupcakes don't know
it's not our birthday.
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- Eh...
- Anyway, we have
a contest to win.
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- Bye.
- [Tina] Bye.
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Here's the first wave
for you to catch.
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Get it? [chuckles]
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I do. Thank you, Tina.
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You know, we probably should
have practiced a little,
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- boogie boarding.
- [laughs] Since when are we
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a "practice things" type
of family?
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Besides, if you were good
at boogie boarding,
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- how hard can it be?
- Well, that's--
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[Louise]
Look at driftwood.
It's doing it.
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Is it... did it practice that?
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[Bob]
Hmm, I mean,
it's not really the same.
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What, you think
you're better than driftwood?
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Most of it.
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- Sure there're a few pieces
that are--
- All right.
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Let's go pick out a board.
I can't with you.
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Look at these conditions.
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Beautiful, huge waves.
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Just in time for
the Little Squirts Surf Shirts
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Father-Daughter
Boogie Board Battle.
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Oh, geez.
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Come on, Dad.
Let's boogie, baby!
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Oh, boy.
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[Louise]
Okay, which one of you bad boys
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is gonna win me a hundred bucks?
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[high-pitched] Me, me.
[low-pitched] Me, me.
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[regular pitch]
Okay, everyone settle down.
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Hey, uh, I'm just gonna go talk
to the lifeguard real quick.
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Trash-talk him? Kind of weird
to do it to the lifeguard,
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but yeah, whatever pumps you up.
You want me to come?
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No, I... I-I got it.
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Uh, hi. How ya doing?
I was just wondering if--
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Is someone taking into account
how big these waves are?
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Yes. Don't worry.
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The ocean is perfectly safe
today for you and your child.
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Okay, but are you sure?
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I mean, you're seeing
those waves, right?
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Yes. I see the ocean.
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Notice how my big chair
is pointed right at it?
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- I see it at all times.
- But what about that wave?
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I mean, look-look at that one.
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Okay, not that one,
but, uh, there.
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- That one. Right?
- Yeah.
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Uh, okay, so, that one...
that one died down, too.
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- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, hold on, just--
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'Cause another big one is
coming any sec.
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I can't wait.
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Hey, Louise. I didn't know
you boogie-ed the boards.
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I'm gonna boogie this board.
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Did you bring a dad,
or are you gonna get a loaner?
182
00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:25,202
Uh, no. My dad's here.
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00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:27,040
He's talking
to the announcer guy.
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00:06:27,140 --> 00:06:29,211
- He's trying
to pitch him a jingle.
- Is that a euphemism?
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♪ Dum-dum-dum, who's the shirt
that's full of squirts? ♪
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♪ Da-da-da, da, makes all
the jellyfish go berserk. ♪
187
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- Oh, hi, Mr. B.
- Oh, hi, Courtney.
188
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:41,435
- Break a leg out there.
- Wha-What?
189
00:06:41,436 --> 00:06:43,038
It's just an expression.
190
00:06:43,039 --> 00:06:45,075
- God. [laughs]
- Oh. Right.
191
00:06:45,076 --> 00:06:47,781
Uh, seems like we have a little
time before the contest starts.
192
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,755
Should we jump in so I can
master this sport real quick?
193
00:06:50,855 --> 00:06:52,024
Yup. Yup.
194
00:06:52,124 --> 00:06:54,529
Dah. Poor, dumb, old,
dead equipment rental guy
195
00:06:54,629 --> 00:06:56,131
and his lousy timing.
196
00:06:56,132 --> 00:06:59,505
Sorry, but-- Ugh. Teddy's never
gonna celebrate his birthday.
197
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,242
- Hey, there's always
next year, right?
- Yeah.
198
00:07:01,342 --> 00:07:03,613
Teddy's friends aren't always
gonna die on his birthday.
199
00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:05,784
And if they do,
we should probably move.
200
00:07:05,785 --> 00:07:08,623
So, is anyone else thinking
it's weird
201
00:07:08,624 --> 00:07:10,493
that we haven't
eaten those cupcakes yet?
202
00:07:10,494 --> 00:07:11,896
- Ease into it, Gene.
- Too soon.
203
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:13,900
It's what
Teddy would have wanted.
204
00:07:13,901 --> 00:07:16,572
So, yeah. Wait for the wave
to pick up the back of the board
205
00:07:16,573 --> 00:07:18,342
and then kick like crazy.
206
00:07:18,343 --> 00:07:20,446
Uh, here's one.
207
00:07:21,115 --> 00:07:22,519
- Fun, right?
- Yeah.
208
00:07:22,619 --> 00:07:25,925
If you like very slow rides
that only go six feet.
209
00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:27,561
Oh, well, uh, yeah.
210
00:07:27,562 --> 00:07:29,698
Dad, everyone is out there.
211
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,537
- Why are we here?
- Uh, you know the old saying.
212
00:07:32,538 --> 00:07:34,775
"Water white? Doing all right.
213
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:37,881
Water... curl?
Uh, get out of there, girl."
214
00:07:37,882 --> 00:07:40,353
- No, I've never heard that.
- Well, it's an old saying.
215
00:07:40,453 --> 00:07:42,758
- And you're young.
- Really? Who said it?
216
00:07:42,759 --> 00:07:44,695
Uh, Mark Twain. You know him?
217
00:07:44,696 --> 00:07:46,431
- Never heard of him.
- He's a famous writer.
218
00:07:46,432 --> 00:07:47,634
About surfing?
219
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,470
Some of it, yeah.
On the Mississippi.
220
00:07:49,471 --> 00:07:52,042
But those waves are bigger.
I'm no oceanologist,
221
00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:55,851
but wouldn't big waves make you
go farther and win the contest?
222
00:07:55,951 --> 00:07:58,322
Uh, well, I mean,
some people might say that.
223
00:07:58,422 --> 00:07:59,925
But others would say,
224
00:07:59,926 --> 00:08:02,464
"Wave too big,
don't dance that jig."
225
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:06,104
- Mark Twain again?
- No, that's, uh... Jamiroquai.
226
00:08:06,205 --> 00:08:09,478
Dad, where's the golden-boy
boogie-boarder from yesteryear?
227
00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:11,616
'Cause I'd love to meet him.
228
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:14,755
[gasping loudly]
229
00:08:14,756 --> 00:08:16,191
[Louise]
Come on, Dad!
230
00:08:16,192 --> 00:08:18,096
Boogie your butt on out here!
231
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:19,398
Oh, boy.
232
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,635
[Gene]
Mom, the birthday party is gone.
233
00:08:21,636 --> 00:08:25,475
But the cupcakes are here,
alive and well, and so are we.
234
00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:27,447
Gene's right. It's time
to kill those cupcakes.
235
00:08:27,448 --> 00:08:28,850
With-with our mouths.
236
00:08:28,851 --> 00:08:30,486
All right. Fine.
237
00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:31,656
Yay!
238
00:08:31,657 --> 00:08:32,991
[entry bells jingling]
239
00:08:32,992 --> 00:08:35,029
- Oh, uh, hold off
on the cupcakes.
- Damn it!
240
00:08:35,030 --> 00:08:37,567
Oh, hey, Teddy.
You're here... with some people.
241
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:39,771
Yeah. Handymen and handywoman.
242
00:08:39,772 --> 00:08:41,175
I'm Joyce, the handyma'am.
243
00:08:41,275 --> 00:08:44,447
Ha. I love it.
Aw, but sorry about your friend.
244
00:08:44,448 --> 00:08:47,052
Linda, you remember Glenn,
and this is Lou.
245
00:08:47,053 --> 00:08:48,756
- Hi, Lou.
- Hello.
246
00:08:48,757 --> 00:08:50,259
So, did Teddy tell you
it's his bir--
247
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,598
Uh, we're just here to have
a beer and talk about Vernon.
248
00:08:52,599 --> 00:08:54,168
- That's all.
- Okay. Okay.
249
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,471
[sniffles] I didn't think
I was gonna get so broken up.
250
00:08:56,472 --> 00:08:58,743
Yeah, you cried loudly
at the service.
251
00:08:58,744 --> 00:09:00,747
- Super loud.
- Aw.
252
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,552
Hey, this round's on the house.
253
00:09:02,652 --> 00:09:03,987
Some beer for your tears.
254
00:09:04,088 --> 00:09:06,158
And... maybe some fries
for your cries?
255
00:09:06,258 --> 00:09:07,963
Oh, okay. Yeah, sounds good.
256
00:09:08,063 --> 00:09:10,232
- Lots of fries.
- Kids, uh, give me a hand.
257
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,535
[whispering]
Secret meeting.
258
00:09:11,536 --> 00:09:13,139
[whispering]
Mom forgot how to use the fryer.
259
00:09:13,239 --> 00:09:14,676
[whispering]
So embarrassing.
260
00:09:14,776 --> 00:09:16,912
Listen,
I think we can work with this.
261
00:09:16,913 --> 00:09:18,282
Teddy and his friends will talk
about Vernon,
262
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,986
they'll get sick of that,
and then they'll be ready
263
00:09:20,086 --> 00:09:21,589
to move on
to something a little more fun.
264
00:09:21,590 --> 00:09:23,158
Are you sure that's what they--
265
00:09:23,159 --> 00:09:25,163
Tina, you are this close to
not being invited to the party.
266
00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:26,567
- Got it. Got it.
- Aah!
267
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,537
- Not yet.
- But soon.
268
00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:29,971
Louise, are you sure
269
00:09:29,972 --> 00:09:32,010
you don't want to go back
to where we were?
270
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:33,914
Loserville? No.
271
00:09:34,014 --> 00:09:35,918
Ooh, look at this one!
Let's catch it.
272
00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:37,588
No, that--
It looks pretty big.
273
00:09:37,688 --> 00:09:38,756
- Let's duck under it.
- Ugh.
274
00:09:38,757 --> 00:09:40,761
- [panting]
- Ah, come on.
275
00:09:40,762 --> 00:09:42,263
We should have taken it!
276
00:09:42,363 --> 00:09:44,200
No, that-that wave was, um,
277
00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:45,604
- gross.
- Gross?
278
00:09:45,605 --> 00:09:47,107
Yeah. Squishy and gross.
279
00:09:47,207 --> 00:09:49,812
Those are technical terms.
Uh, you'll learn it all later.
280
00:09:49,813 --> 00:09:52,450
Oh, ho, ho,
here comes another good one!
281
00:09:52,451 --> 00:09:53,953
- Louise, I don't think--
- I'm going for it!
282
00:09:53,954 --> 00:09:56,257
- No, no, no. No!
- Yes, yes, yes.
283
00:09:56,258 --> 00:09:58,095
[whooping]
284
00:09:58,196 --> 00:09:59,497
That was amazing.
285
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:01,502
Dad, did you see me?!
286
00:10:01,503 --> 00:10:04,542
Yeah. G-Good, uh, job with it.
287
00:10:04,543 --> 00:10:05,878
Why didn't you tell me
288
00:10:05,978 --> 00:10:07,582
that oceans are like
free roller coasters,
289
00:10:07,715 --> 00:10:10,019
and not just big, stinky,
wet places where fish pee?
290
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:12,657
Oh, you know,
Louise, they also poop.
291
00:10:12,658 --> 00:10:14,428
There's less poop
closer to shore.
292
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,332
It's the-the jet stream,
I think, so--
293
00:10:16,432 --> 00:10:18,169
Okay,
why are you being so weird?
294
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,805
Weird? I'm not being weird.
295
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:22,409
Is this about your incident
or accident
296
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:23,980
or whatever
Mom was talking about?
297
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:26,185
- I mean--
- Just tell me what happened.
298
00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:30,159
Okay. Okay. Uh, it was a big
wave day, like today.
299
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,730
I had a bunch
of really good rides,
300
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,800
and then, this huge wave just
301
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,471
rolled me
and pounded me against the sand.
302
00:10:36,472 --> 00:10:38,943
And I-I couldn't get up. I...
I-I couldn't get my head up.
303
00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:40,947
- [gasping]
- A lifeguard had to pull me out.
304
00:10:40,948 --> 00:10:43,486
- [Louise] Oh.
- [Bob] And when
he dragged me onto the beach,
305
00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,023
I realized
306
00:10:45,123 --> 00:10:46,593
the wave had completely
pulled my bathing suit down.
307
00:10:46,693 --> 00:10:48,461
- What's that?
- It's a penis.
308
00:10:48,462 --> 00:10:51,034
- No, it's not.
- Don't look at me!
309
00:10:51,035 --> 00:10:53,206
Wait, but didn't Mom say
you were in, like,
310
00:10:53,306 --> 00:10:54,474
six inches of water?
311
00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:56,312
Ugh. Yes, she loves
to point that out,
312
00:10:56,445 --> 00:10:59,218
but it doesn't matter
if it's six feet or six inches.
313
00:10:59,318 --> 00:11:01,421
When a wave is pounding you,
you don't even know
314
00:11:01,422 --> 00:11:04,428
which way is up or if
you're ever gonna breathe again.
315
00:11:04,529 --> 00:11:05,964
Oh.
316
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:08,904
But, uh, that was just,
like, one time.
317
00:11:09,004 --> 00:11:10,975
And, you know, I didn't die.
318
00:11:11,075 --> 00:11:12,143
As you can see.
319
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:14,548
Right here. Hello. So,
320
00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,285
I'm sure everything
will go fine today,
321
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,689
and we will also not die.
322
00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:21,094
So, uh, go team?
323
00:11:21,194 --> 00:11:22,765
Heads up, boogie boys and girls.
324
00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:25,435
The contest is about
to kick off, and lucky us,
325
00:11:25,436 --> 00:11:26,905
these waves just keep getting
326
00:11:26,906 --> 00:11:28,843
bigger and bigger.
327
00:11:28,944 --> 00:11:32,383
Yeah. Lucky us.
[chuckles nervously]
328
00:11:32,384 --> 00:11:33,820
- Whee!
- I think we're
329
00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,824
the cutest ones here.
330
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,869
So, you ready?
Uh, how-how you feeling?
331
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,338
Oh, you mean after
the worst pep talk ever?
332
00:11:43,339 --> 00:11:46,947
Yeah, that-that was bad.
I'm sorry about that.
333
00:11:47,047 --> 00:11:48,550
"Hey, we're competing
in this thing,
334
00:11:48,551 --> 00:11:51,255
"here's a graphic story about
how I almost drowned doing it,
335
00:11:51,388 --> 00:11:52,792
but, uh, have fun, sport."
336
00:11:52,892 --> 00:11:54,360
I didn't call you "sport."
337
00:11:54,361 --> 00:11:56,364
Could-could we just pretend
like I never said anything?
338
00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:59,605
Like you had to do with Gene
after you guys had the sex talk?
339
00:11:59,606 --> 00:12:02,210
What? No...!
340
00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,244
Yes, like that.
341
00:12:03,245 --> 00:12:05,550
You know what?
I'm fine. I can do this.
342
00:12:05,651 --> 00:12:07,354
Plus, it's a hundred bucks
if we win,
343
00:12:07,454 --> 00:12:09,057
which we will because
I'm incredible at this.
344
00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:10,560
[announcer]
All right guys,
345
00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:12,063
here's how the
contest is gonna work:
346
00:12:12,064 --> 00:12:13,566
You've all been
assigned to groups.
347
00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:15,235
Heat one, heat two
and heat three.
348
00:12:15,236 --> 00:12:17,373
You're gonna ride a wave,
then wait on the beach
349
00:12:17,374 --> 00:12:18,810
till we call your heat again.
350
00:12:18,811 --> 00:12:20,045
We're gonna do that three times.
351
00:12:20,046 --> 00:12:21,716
Our judges
will be awarding points
352
00:12:21,717 --> 00:12:23,953
for longest distance,
technical form,
353
00:12:23,954 --> 00:12:25,757
and boogiest boarding.
354
00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:28,263
Thanks for ordering
all these big waves, Daddy.
355
00:12:28,363 --> 00:12:30,300
Just kidding.
I know they're from a storm
356
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,602
or the Moon or something.
357
00:12:31,603 --> 00:12:32,605
[laughs] Good.
358
00:12:32,705 --> 00:12:35,142
I need you to focus,
okay, Court?
359
00:12:35,143 --> 00:12:36,879
[Glenn]
And remember
when Vernon started
360
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:39,283
charging more for
the 36-inch trencher
361
00:12:39,284 --> 00:12:41,354
than he did for
the 48-inch trencher?
362
00:12:41,355 --> 00:12:44,159
Yes, I noticed that
and asked him, what gives?
363
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,530
And he said
more people want the 36.
364
00:12:45,630 --> 00:12:47,735
- More people want the 36.
- More people want the 36.
365
00:12:47,869 --> 00:12:48,936
- [laughter]
- Listen to that.
366
00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:51,142
They're coming out of it.
The energy is picking up,
367
00:12:51,242 --> 00:12:53,813
the mood is shifting.
I think we're good to go.
368
00:12:53,814 --> 00:12:55,182
Uh, I don't know.
369
00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:57,153
Gene, go hold the door open,
watch for my signal.
370
00:12:57,253 --> 00:12:59,991
Then you signal Tina.
Tina, you go light the candle
371
00:12:59,992 --> 00:13:01,895
and bring
the cupcakes out, okay?
372
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,198
I don't like my job.
373
00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,902
I feel like I should
bring the cupcakes out.
374
00:13:04,903 --> 00:13:06,104
No, do it like I said.
375
00:13:06,105 --> 00:13:07,473
You're not good with lighters.
376
00:13:07,574 --> 00:13:09,644
They should make lighters
that are easier for kids.
377
00:13:09,645 --> 00:13:10,647
Kid lighters.
378
00:13:10,648 --> 00:13:12,016
Shh, get in position.
379
00:13:12,017 --> 00:13:13,720
I also have party hats
and noisemakers,
380
00:13:13,721 --> 00:13:15,423
but let's wait and see
on those, okay?
381
00:13:15,524 --> 00:13:16,758
Ah, that was a nice service.
382
00:13:16,759 --> 00:13:17,961
Very nice.
383
00:13:17,962 --> 00:13:19,231
- The exact right length.
- [Joyce] Yup.
384
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,667
- [lighter clicks]
- [Lou] But his poor wife,
385
00:13:20,768 --> 00:13:22,537
- she's all alone now.
- [Teddy] Right.
386
00:13:22,538 --> 00:13:24,173
- [Tina blows out candle]
- [Teddy] Yeah, she did say
something about
387
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,744
taking a cruise later this year.
388
00:13:25,844 --> 00:13:27,246
[Lou]
Oh. Well, that's nice.
389
00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:28,750
- [lighter clicks]
- [Joyce] Yeah, well, it was
390
00:13:28,884 --> 00:13:30,218
the cruise they were supposed
to take together.
391
00:13:30,219 --> 00:13:32,022
[Glenn]
Their 50th anniversary cruise.
392
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,292
- [Teddy] Yeah...
- [Tina] Damn it. [blows]
393
00:13:33,392 --> 00:13:35,462
Okay, Linda.
Let's turn this around.
394
00:13:35,463 --> 00:13:38,969
Ah, life. Huh? Am I right?
395
00:13:38,970 --> 00:13:40,005
- Yeah.
- Yup.
396
00:13:40,006 --> 00:13:41,041
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
397
00:13:41,042 --> 00:13:42,410
Speaking of life, uh,
398
00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:44,381
today's Teddy's birthday.
399
00:13:44,481 --> 00:13:45,183
Eh...
400
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,553
- You don't say.
- [Glenn] What?
401
00:13:46,653 --> 00:13:47,820
- Oh, no kidding.
- [Glenn] Huh.
402
00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:49,090
Ah, uh...
403
00:13:49,191 --> 00:13:51,662
Oh, it's good
to celebrate a little.
404
00:13:51,663 --> 00:13:52,931
No, no, no. No, no.
405
00:13:52,932 --> 00:13:54,801
- Yeah.
- No.
406
00:13:54,802 --> 00:13:55,770
Yeah, you gotta, you know.
407
00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:58,009
All right. Uh, bring out
408
00:13:58,109 --> 00:13:59,645
the cupcakes. Tina, hurry.
409
00:13:59,745 --> 00:14:00,780
♪ Happy... ♪
410
00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:01,916
[Glenn cries]
411
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,020
I'm sorry, sorry.
412
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:04,823
Crap.
413
00:14:04,923 --> 00:14:06,225
Thanks, Linda.
414
00:14:06,325 --> 00:14:08,564
You have to blow it out
or the wax will, um...
415
00:14:08,664 --> 00:14:09,465
I-I'll do it.
416
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:11,770
[whispering]
I wish this day would end.
417
00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:13,973
Yep, could not get any worse.
418
00:14:14,073 --> 00:14:16,076
- Hello.
- [grumpily] Oh, great.
419
00:14:16,077 --> 00:14:17,982
- I mean, hi. Mort.
- Ooh, cupcakes.
420
00:14:18,082 --> 00:14:19,250
[Gene]
Get your own!
421
00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:20,953
[announcer]
Heads up, fathers and daughters
422
00:14:20,954 --> 00:14:24,729
in heat two, these monster
waves are for you.
423
00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,098
You ready, Dad?
424
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,368
And is your bathing suit
properly secured? [chuckles]
425
00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:30,139
Heh. Yes. Kind of.
426
00:14:30,239 --> 00:14:31,074
This one?
427
00:14:31,075 --> 00:14:32,845
- Um...
- Whoa. [laughs]
428
00:14:32,945 --> 00:14:34,781
Uh, let's do it.
429
00:14:34,782 --> 00:14:36,251
Paddle. Kick. Go.
430
00:14:36,352 --> 00:14:38,221
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm doing it.
431
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:39,123
Oh, oh.
432
00:14:39,124 --> 00:14:41,661
Heh. Well, that was all right.
433
00:14:41,662 --> 00:14:43,867
Yeah, that-that-that
wasn't that bad.
434
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,201
Yeah, if we rode it any farther,
435
00:14:45,202 --> 00:14:47,374
we'd need a plane ticket
to get back.
436
00:14:47,474 --> 00:14:49,577
Um, this one?
437
00:14:49,578 --> 00:14:51,649
Uh, yeah.
438
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:54,722
Whoa, whoa.
439
00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:56,424
- Whoa!
- Louise!
440
00:14:56,425 --> 00:14:59,296
[muffled shouting]
441
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,936
[gasps]
442
00:15:02,036 --> 00:15:03,004
What the hell was that?
443
00:15:03,005 --> 00:15:04,909
- You okay?
- Yeah.
444
00:15:05,009 --> 00:15:07,112
Does your chin hurt?
It looks like you scraped it.
445
00:15:07,113 --> 00:15:09,350
It's-it's fine. I'm fine.
446
00:15:09,351 --> 00:15:11,523
Besides, what's
a tiny little bit
447
00:15:11,623 --> 00:15:13,192
of drowning every now and then?
448
00:15:13,292 --> 00:15:14,027
S-Sure.
449
00:15:14,127 --> 00:15:15,496
You want to make an omelet,
450
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,066
you gotta hold a few eggs
under water until they choke
451
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:18,736
and scrape their chins, right?
452
00:15:18,737 --> 00:15:19,738
Uh...
453
00:15:19,739 --> 00:15:22,076
Okay. All right. [groans]
454
00:15:22,176 --> 00:15:23,345
You know what though?
455
00:15:23,446 --> 00:15:25,315
- I don't need a hundred bucks.
- What?
456
00:15:25,316 --> 00:15:28,021
Yeah, I'll easily
make that much myself.
457
00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:29,356
Over a few decades.
458
00:15:29,357 --> 00:15:31,194
Maybe we should just
call it, huh?
459
00:15:31,195 --> 00:15:32,865
Oh, really? [stammers]
460
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:35,035
- You want to leave?
- Yeah, I think I'm good
461
00:15:35,036 --> 00:15:36,204
on ocean stuff for now.
462
00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:38,208
It's big, it's dumb. I get it.
463
00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:41,114
I mean, i-if that's
what you want, okay.
464
00:15:41,115 --> 00:15:42,785
It is. Yeah, let's go home.
465
00:15:42,885 --> 00:15:44,053
All right.
466
00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:45,724
- ♪ Little squirt ♪
- Yeah.
467
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:47,694
- ♪ Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh ♪
- ♪ Buh-buh-buh ♪
468
00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,164
♪ You've got the cutest
little surfer shirt ♪
469
00:15:49,264 --> 00:15:50,967
♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
470
00:15:50,968 --> 00:15:52,605
♪ You've got the cutest
little surfer shirt ♪
471
00:15:52,705 --> 00:15:54,174
- ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
- [scatting]
472
00:15:54,307 --> 00:15:55,578
♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt, heh ♪
473
00:15:55,678 --> 00:15:56,812
♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
474
00:15:56,813 --> 00:15:58,348
♪ A-squirt, squirt, squirt. ♪
475
00:15:58,349 --> 00:16:00,019
- Yeah.
- I think we're
getting somewhere.
476
00:16:04,228 --> 00:16:05,696
[Louise]
That was the right move. Right?
477
00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:06,933
Know when to call it quits.
478
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,201
Not that we're quitters.
479
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:09,772
We're smart. We're smart-ers.
480
00:16:09,872 --> 00:16:10,774
Uh-huh. Yup.
481
00:16:10,874 --> 00:16:12,176
They're all gonna die.
482
00:16:12,177 --> 00:16:13,378
I mean, hopefully not.
483
00:16:13,379 --> 00:16:15,350
They're gonna die,
they're gonna die.
484
00:16:15,450 --> 00:16:17,888
They might make it,
but they'll be traumatized.
485
00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:19,525
[Bob sighs]
486
00:16:22,163 --> 00:16:23,666
[noisemaker blows]
487
00:16:25,103 --> 00:16:26,873
- What?
- Well,
488
00:16:26,973 --> 00:16:28,274
I think I'm gonna head out.
489
00:16:28,275 --> 00:16:29,978
- Happy birthday, Teddy.
- Oh.
490
00:16:29,979 --> 00:16:31,982
Yeah, I'm gonna shove off, too.
491
00:16:31,983 --> 00:16:33,185
Happy birthday, Teddy.
492
00:16:33,186 --> 00:16:35,856
Yeah, thanks for having us?
493
00:16:35,857 --> 00:16:37,427
I didn't, uh...
494
00:16:37,528 --> 00:16:38,764
Yup. [groans]
495
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:40,199
Uh... uh, wait.
496
00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:41,669
Uh, we haven't
had ice cream yet.
497
00:16:41,769 --> 00:16:44,074
You get free ice cream
on your birthday, right?
498
00:16:44,174 --> 00:16:45,375
What? No, no.
499
00:16:45,376 --> 00:16:47,379
Just Teddy gets
free ice cream, or...
500
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:49,818
All of you.
You-you all get free ice cream.
501
00:16:49,819 --> 00:16:51,255
I'd stay for
a little soft serve.
502
00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:53,258
I'd stay for a lot
of soft serve.
503
00:16:53,259 --> 00:16:55,129
And sprinkles?
I mean, not-not a deal-breaker,
504
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:56,297
but if you have 'em...
505
00:16:56,298 --> 00:16:57,801
Do we have to have ice cream?
506
00:16:57,901 --> 00:16:59,236
- Shh.
- What? I'd have a tea.
507
00:16:59,237 --> 00:17:00,973
Oh, this damn thing again.
508
00:17:00,974 --> 00:17:03,514
Come on, come on...
509
00:17:03,614 --> 00:17:06,250
Huh. My uncle
has a diner up in Hillsboro.
510
00:17:06,251 --> 00:17:07,655
This happens
with his soft serve.
511
00:17:07,755 --> 00:17:09,157
It's probably the flow screw.
512
00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:12,196
Eh, I'd say it's more likely
there's just a buildup in there.
513
00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:14,099
I told the machine
it needed more fiber.
514
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,803
I'm just saying,
we should pry the cap off
515
00:17:15,804 --> 00:17:17,274
the dispensing hole
and poke around.
516
00:17:17,407 --> 00:17:19,310
No, no, start with
the flow screw.
517
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:21,315
Wow, handy people
with their handy tools.
518
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:23,152
This place has turned into
a real handy-land.
519
00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:26,457
Oh, wait. Um, why don't we
make a little game out of it?
520
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:27,294
- Huh?
- Eh?
521
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:29,297
A little party game. Come on.
522
00:17:29,397 --> 00:17:32,604
Linda, just, don't.
No more party talk.
523
00:17:32,605 --> 00:17:34,140
A game? I like games.
524
00:17:34,141 --> 00:17:35,576
- I'd play... Yeah.
- All right.
525
00:17:35,577 --> 00:17:37,145
A game best served soft.
526
00:17:37,146 --> 00:17:38,348
Joyce gets it.
527
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,652
- Whose kids are those?
- I don't know.
528
00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:41,789
You know where
you don't die of drowning?
529
00:17:41,923 --> 00:17:44,159
On the land.
There's a 99% chance
530
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,032
you won't drown in the ocean
when you're on land.
531
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,301
Hey, uh, I just want to say,
532
00:17:48,302 --> 00:17:50,173
Louise, again, I'm sorry
533
00:17:50,273 --> 00:17:51,742
I told you
my boogie boarding story
534
00:17:51,743 --> 00:17:53,912
while you were boogie boarding.
535
00:17:53,913 --> 00:17:55,015
For the first time.
536
00:17:55,016 --> 00:17:56,250
I'm glad you told me that story.
537
00:17:56,251 --> 00:17:58,154
That story saved our sad lives.
538
00:17:58,155 --> 00:18:00,325
But... I mean, I did have fun.
539
00:18:00,326 --> 00:18:01,361
When I wasn't drowning.
540
00:18:01,461 --> 00:18:03,366
I know. I mean, I-I saw you.
541
00:18:03,466 --> 00:18:05,069
I actually
had a lot of fun, too.
542
00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:07,673
I... I like boogie boarding.
543
00:18:07,674 --> 00:18:09,277
Whoo-hoo!
544
00:18:09,278 --> 00:18:11,181
Linda, did you see that?
545
00:18:11,182 --> 00:18:13,018
Mm-hmm. That was great.
546
00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:15,924
What's happening?
Why are we stopping?
547
00:18:16,058 --> 00:18:17,026
What if we go back?
548
00:18:17,027 --> 00:18:18,095
Go back? To the beach?
549
00:18:18,195 --> 00:18:19,331
I think if we hurry,
550
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,200
we can make it back for...
551
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,469
for our third wave.
552
00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:24,407
What? So now
you're fine with dying?
553
00:18:24,408 --> 00:18:27,180
You know, Jamiroquai
and Mark Twain also said,
554
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,950
um, don't not do fun stuff
555
00:18:29,051 --> 00:18:31,320
'cause your dad
got scared one time.
556
00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:33,324
Look, I'm glad you got me
back in the water,
557
00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:34,794
back on the boogie board.
558
00:18:34,795 --> 00:18:37,767
I should have done that
right away after my... incident.
559
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,571
I-I missed a ton of waves.
560
00:18:39,572 --> 00:18:41,942
And a lot of chances
to show your penis?
561
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,078
Right.
562
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:45,850
So, uh, What do you say?
563
00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:48,624
More to the left.
564
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,325
- Here?
- No, left, left.
565
00:18:50,326 --> 00:18:52,396
Wait, is my left your right?
566
00:18:52,397 --> 00:18:53,733
We're facing the same direction.
567
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,368
So my left is your...
568
00:18:55,369 --> 00:18:56,905
- Left.
- No, but you're behind me.
569
00:18:56,906 --> 00:18:58,944
- Yes.
- Put up your left hand.
570
00:18:59,044 --> 00:19:00,780
- Here.
- That's your left hand?
571
00:19:00,781 --> 00:19:02,484
It's the same as your left hand.
572
00:19:02,585 --> 00:19:04,387
- [bell dings]
- Sorry, time's up.
573
00:19:04,487 --> 00:19:06,157
Joyce and Lou,
get in there. Go on.
574
00:19:06,158 --> 00:19:07,828
You're going down, birthday boy.
575
00:19:07,928 --> 00:19:10,198
[Lou]
This is a great game.
What else can we fix?
576
00:19:10,199 --> 00:19:11,502
I have an old Honda.
577
00:19:11,603 --> 00:19:13,272
I've got a casket
I can't get open.
578
00:19:13,372 --> 00:19:14,542
- Mort.
- What?
579
00:19:14,642 --> 00:19:15,977
There's no one in it.
I don't think.
580
00:19:15,978 --> 00:19:18,449
Hey. My little
boogie beavers are back.
581
00:19:18,550 --> 00:19:20,253
- How'd it go?
- Oh, I don't know,
582
00:19:20,353 --> 00:19:22,991
how about...
we got fourth place?
583
00:19:22,992 --> 00:19:24,662
Oh, that's great!
584
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,297
- Yeah.
- Oh, your face.
585
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:27,633
Eh, it's nothing.
586
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:29,638
I mean, I almost died,
and I wanted to quit,
587
00:19:29,639 --> 00:19:32,242
but then I learned from
Dad's many mistakes
588
00:19:32,243 --> 00:19:33,513
and said,
"No, we gotta go back."
589
00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:35,148
- [Bob] We both said it.
- I said it better.
590
00:19:35,149 --> 00:19:36,151
And we rode
591
00:19:36,251 --> 00:19:37,286
our final wave to fourth place,
592
00:19:37,287 --> 00:19:38,690
which is a Belcher first place.
593
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:40,993
[Bob]
Partially thanks
to me doing a 360,
594
00:19:40,994 --> 00:19:43,399
which I definitely
did on purpose.
595
00:19:43,499 --> 00:19:45,537
And not only did I get
this intimidating scar,
596
00:19:45,637 --> 00:19:47,540
we got these
for coming in fourth.
597
00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:48,375
Ooh.
598
00:19:48,376 --> 00:19:49,746
Perfect for the opera.
599
00:19:49,846 --> 00:19:51,749
Well, how about some
fourth place ice cream?
600
00:19:51,849 --> 00:19:52,850
- Yeah!
- As soon as
601
00:19:52,851 --> 00:19:54,153
our ice cream machine is fixed.
602
00:19:54,253 --> 00:19:56,057
Yeah, what's happening here?
603
00:19:56,058 --> 00:19:56,859
Handypeople party games.
604
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:58,495
Yeah, Dad.
Haven't you ever been to
605
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:01,034
a handypeople
funeral/birthday party?
606
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:02,570
- That's it. Look at that.
- Whoa, whoa.
607
00:20:02,571 --> 00:20:03,906
- Is it...
- We've got ice cream
608
00:20:03,907 --> 00:20:05,976
- Aw, c'mon.
- We got it. We win!
609
00:20:05,977 --> 00:20:07,247
All right!
610
00:20:07,347 --> 00:20:09,383
I have to admit, this is nice,
611
00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:10,620
being celebrated a little bit.
612
00:20:10,621 --> 00:20:12,223
Thanks for
making this happen, Linda,
613
00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:14,193
even though I told you
so many times not to.
614
00:20:14,194 --> 00:20:15,495
Aw, you're worth it, Teddy.
615
00:20:15,496 --> 00:20:16,865
And, yes,
I was right about everything.
616
00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:18,569
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
617
00:20:18,669 --> 00:20:20,873
Oh, no, you don't have to
Okay, you're doing it.
618
00:20:20,874 --> 00:20:24,079
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
619
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:29,390
♪ Happy birthday, dear Teddy ♪
620
00:20:29,391 --> 00:20:32,663
♪ Happy birthday ♪
621
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:36,705
♪ To you ♪
622
00:20:36,706 --> 00:20:39,243
[Linda]
♪ And Mandy Moore. ♪
623
00:20:39,244 --> 00:20:40,913
And, Vernon, sorry you're dead.
624
00:20:40,914 --> 00:20:43,285
[scatting]
625
00:20:43,286 --> 00:20:45,122
♪ Little squirt ♪
626
00:20:45,255 --> 00:20:47,293
- ♪ Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh ♪
- ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
627
00:20:47,393 --> 00:20:49,531
♪ You've got the cutest
little surfer shirt ♪
628
00:20:49,631 --> 00:20:51,635
- ♪ Hey, squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
- ♪ You've got the cutest ♪
629
00:20:51,636 --> 00:20:53,605
- ♪ Little surfer shirt ♪
- ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
630
00:20:53,606 --> 00:20:54,941
- Yeah, yeah.
- ♪ You've got the cutest ♪
631
00:20:54,942 --> 00:20:56,678
♪ Little surfer shirt ♪
632
00:20:56,679 --> 00:20:58,347
- ♪ Squirt-squirt,
squirt-squirt ♪
- [scatting]
633
00:20:58,348 --> 00:20:59,852
♪ Squirt, ha,
squirt-squirt, squirt ♪
634
00:20:59,952 --> 00:21:01,588
[both]
♪ Little squirt ♪
635
00:21:01,589 --> 00:21:03,324
Let me add the bass.
Here we go, and...
636
00:21:03,325 --> 00:21:05,061
[both]
♪ Little squirt ♪
637
00:21:05,062 --> 00:21:07,266
- [scatting]
- Dad, you're still
just a hair sharp.
638
00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:08,970
- If you try to just...
- You're absolutely right.
639
00:21:09,070 --> 00:21:10,740
[both]
♪ Little-- ♪
640
00:21:10,741 --> 00:21:12,476
[Doug] You know it's, though,
it's the key is too high.
641
00:21:12,577 --> 00:21:13,747
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
642
00:21:13,847 --> 00:21:16,017
and TOYOTA.