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[♪ theme music playing]
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[Gene] The French toast
is exquisite today.
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{\an8}- Your father made it.
- You made it?
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{\an8}It's so good I assumed it was frozen.
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{\an8}Uh, thank you?
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00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,653
{\an8}So, have you thought any more
about the contest, Dad?
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00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,739
{\an8}Ready to change your maybe to a yes?
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00:00:31,740 --> 00:00:34,616
{\an8}Here's the flyer for it again in case
you need to refresh your memory.
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{\an8}I'm familiar with the flyer, Louise.
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{\an8}You taped it to my face after
I fell asleep last night.
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{\an8}Yes.
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{\an8}And I don't think you're
supposed to take things off
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{\an8}the community center
bulletin board.
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{\an8}How else do you expect me to get
a fun senior water aerobics poster?
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{\an8}There are no good ones on eBay.
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{\an8}Have you even read the flyer, Dad?
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{\an8}- Yeah.
- Read it again. Here we go.
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{\an8}[moans] "Come enter
the Father-Daughter
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{\an8}Boogie Board Battle
for a fun day in the sun,
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{\an8}hosted by Little Squirts Surf Shirts."
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{\an8}And it says first prize
is 100 bucks.
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{\an8}That's a lot of cheddar.
"Cheddar" means money, right?
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{\an8}- On the streets?
- [Linda] Yeah, sure, Tina.
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{\an8}Too bad it's only for 12 and under.
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{\an8}I'd get'er that cheddar.
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{\an8}It also says everyone who enters gets
a free Little Squirts Surf Shirt.
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{\an8}Better be a new one,
before it gets any squirts on it.
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{\an8}Uh, but we don't have
boogie boards, so--
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{\an8}Well, the flyer says
they have loaners.
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{\an8}- Oh.
- Come on.
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{\an8}You, me, next weekend
and 100 smackers that we split.
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{\an8}Or you just give it all to me
because it's kind of weird
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{\an8}- to split money with a child.
- Hmm.
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{\an8}And didn't Mom say
you actually used to be good
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{\an8}- at boogie boarding, somehow?
- He was.
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{\an8}How? Was your body different then?
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{\an8}Or was water different?
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{\an8}Actually, your father's got
the perfect body
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{\an8}- for boogie boarding.
- Thank you, Linda.
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{\an8}He's very buoyant.
Like a seal.
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{\an8}How come we've never seen you do it?
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{\an8}[muffled grunting]
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{\an8}Well, uh,
we opened the restaurant,
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{\an8}and then, uh, we had kids,
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{\an8}and I guess life happened.
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{\an8}- But did it, though, for you?
- Louise...
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{\an8}I mean, there was also
that other thing
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- that happened.
- [Gene] What thing?
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World War II? I'm not sure
how old you guys are.
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I think what your mom's
referring to is, one time,
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- I had a pretty vicious wipeout.
- He had a little incident--
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- Little incident? I almost drowned.
- Drowned?
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You were in
six inches of water.
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Yeah, deadly inches.
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I saw that, Lin.
You just shook your head.
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No, I didn't.
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- What's that over there?
- [Tina] Hmm?
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Linda, I didn't even look
where you were pointing.
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I did. What did I miss?
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Honey, I believe
you believe it was scary.
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It was. It...
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Everyone, it was. You know what?
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- I-I'm not talking about it anymore.
- Good.
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Well, what do you say,
ready to get back on the board?
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Win 100 bucks?
And my love?
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- Um...
- Yeah?
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- All right, yes. Okay, fine.
- Ho, ho, yes.
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- Hmm.
- Good choice, good choice.
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It's the triumphant return
to the ocean
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for the voluptuous Seal-Man.
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[Teddy moans]
I love eating.
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- We know you do.
- Did I say that out loud?
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- Y-You did.
- So, your birthday's this weekend.
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And remember
what you said last year.
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{\an8}So what'd you end up doing
for your birthday, Teddy?
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Well, I had that root canal,
and on my way home,
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I noticed my tires were a little low...
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- Uh-huh.
- ...so I went and filled them up.
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Then I remembered
I was out of coffee filters
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- and toilet paper...
- [sighs]
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- ...so I swing by the store--
- Enough, enough!
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Teddy, I can't take this anymore.
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Every year, it gets sadder and sadder.
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I'm sorry, I'm-I'm just not
a big birthday person.
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Listen, you. Either next year
you do something nice for your birthday
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or I will make you.
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Are you threatening me, Linda?
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Promise me, Teddy.
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- Promise me.
- Okay, okay, I promise.
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{\an8}So, what you doing this year?
It better be good.
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You gonna do something with Kathleen?
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Eh, she's in Ireland
for a family reunion.
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Dang it.
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They're having it
in a town called Dingle.
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I said, "So you're gonna
be a bunch of Dingle-lings?"
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She didn't text me back.
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Okay, Teddy,
a promise is a promise.
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We're doing it here,
birthday party at the restaurant.
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We're gonna have cupcakes
and a candle
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and maybe we'll play
some party games.
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Lin, too much. Grown man.
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Okay, maybe just one round
of the limbo.
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- Lin...
- Fine, maybe no games.
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But yes, party. You hear me?
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Okay, okay.
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[phone ringing]
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- Bob's Burgers.
- We got to cancel the birthday thing.
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- What?
- I'm going to a funeral.
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- What?
- Vernon, the guy who owns the place
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that rents out jackhammers
and stuff to contractors?
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Ow! Just cut myself shaving.
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Anyway, he died. Heart attack.
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And the service is today at Mort's.
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Oh, no. That's awful.
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- Yeah.
- Well, maybe we can do your birthday
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- after the service?
- Eh...
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I-I won't be in the mood
to celebrate anything.
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I don't know why,
but funerals make me sad.
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Maybe it's 'cause my dad
died at a funeral.
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Next year, though. I-I promise.
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- But what if--
- Oh, boy. Sorry Linda, I-I got to go.
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- Lot of blood here. Oh. [shouts]
- We could, we could do-- Ugh.
123
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Whoa. That's too much sunscreen.
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Uh, it-it feels like a lot.
125
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- Teddy's canceling his party.
- I heard.
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Uh, sorry you can't do the party
you were making him have.
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Aw, poop. I got the cupcakes
from Devondorf's.
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- Ooh.
- Well, we can still eat them.
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The cupcakes don't know
it's not our birthday.
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- Eh...
- Anyway, we have a contest to win.
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- Bye.
- [Tina] Bye.
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Here's the first wave for you to catch.
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Get it? [chuckles]
134
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I do. Thank you, Tina.
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You know, we probably should
have practiced a little,
136
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- boogie boarding.
- [laughs] Since when are we
137
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a "practice things" type of family?
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Besides, if you were good
at boogie boarding,
139
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- how hard can it be?
- Well, that's--
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[Louise] Look at driftwood.
It's doing it.
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Is it... did it practice that?
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Hmm, I mean,
it's not really the same.
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What, you think
you're better than driftwood?
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Most of it.
145
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- Sure there're a few pieces that are--
- All right.
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Let's go pick out a board.
I can't with you.
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Look at these conditions.
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Beautiful, huge waves.
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Just in time for
the Little Squirts Surf Shirts
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Father-Daughter Boogie Board Battle.
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Oh, geez.
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Come on, Dad.
Let's boogie, baby!
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Oh, boy.
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[Louise] Okay,
which one of you bad boys
155
00:05:29,620 --> 00:05:31,039
is gonna win me 100 bucks?
156
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,582
[high-pitched] Me, me.
[low-pitched] Me, me.
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[regular pitch]
Okay, everyone settle down.
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Hey, uh, I'm just gonna go
talk to the lifeguard real quick.
159
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Trash-talk him? Kind of weird
to do it to the lifeguard,
160
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but, yeah,
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whatever pumps you up.
You want me to come?
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No, I... I-I got it.
163
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Uh, hi. How ya doing?
I was just wondering if--
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Is someone taking into account
how big these waves are?
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00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,391
Yes. Don't worry.
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00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:54,186
The ocean is perfectly safe
today for you and your child.
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Okay, but are you sure?
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I mean, you're seeing
those waves, right?.
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Yes. I see the ocean.
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Notice how my big chair
is pointed right at it?
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- I see it at all times.
- But what about that wave?
172
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,156
I mean, look-look at that one.
173
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Okay, not that one, but, uh, there.
174
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- That one. Right?
- Yeah.
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Uh, okay, so, that one...
that one died down, too.
176
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- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, hold on, just--
177
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'Cause another big one is
coming any sec.
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I can't wait.
179
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Hey, Louise. I didn't know
you boogie-ed the boards.
180
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I'm gonna boogie this board.
181
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,965
Did you bring a dad,
or are you gonna get a loaner?
182
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,592
Uh, no. My dad's here.
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He's talking to the announcer guy.
184
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,846
- He's trying to pitch him a jingle.
- Is that a euphemism?
185
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♪ Dum-dum-dum, who's the shirt
that's full of squirts? ♪
186
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,938
♪ Da-da-da, da, makes all
the jellyfish go berserk ♪
187
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,773
- Oh, hi, Mr. B.
- Oh, hi, Courtney.
188
00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,733
- Break a leg out there.
- Wha-What?
189
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,318
It's just an expression.
190
00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,529
- God. [laughs]
- Oh. Right.
191
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,863
Uh, seems like we have
a little time
192
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:48,073
before the contest starts.
193
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,951
Should we jump in so I can
master this sport real quick?
194
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,495
Yup. Yup.
195
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,913
Dah. Poor, dumb, old,
dead equipment rental guy
196
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,790
and his lousy timing.
197
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:59,876
Sorry, but-- Ugh. Teddy's never gonna
celebrate his birthday.
198
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:01,837
- Hey, there's always next year, right?
- Yeah.
199
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,131
Teddy's friends aren't always
gonna die on his birthday.
200
00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:06,300
And if they do,
we should probably move.
201
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:09,052
So, is anyone else thinking it's weird
202
00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:10,637
that we haven't
eaten those cupcakes yet?
203
00:07:10,638 --> 00:07:12,222
- Ease into it, Gene.
- Too soon.
204
00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,266
It's what Teddy would have wanted.
205
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,310
So, yeah. Wait for the wave
to pick up the back of the board
206
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:18,478
and then kick like crazy.
207
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:19,897
Uh, here's one.
208
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,151
- Fun, right?
- Yeah.
209
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,902
If you like very slow rides
that only go six feet.
210
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:27,946
Oh, well, uh, yeah.
211
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,906
Dad, everyone is out there.
212
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,324
Why are we here?
213
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:35,287
Uh, you know the old saying.
"Water white? Doing all right.
214
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,248
Water... curl?
Uh, get out of there, girl."
215
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:40,834
- No, I've never heard that.
- Well, it's an old saying.
216
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,211
- And you're young.
- Really? Who said it?
217
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,046
Uh, Mark Twain. You know him?
218
00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,756
- Never heard of him.
- He's a famous writer.
219
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:47,883
About surfing?
220
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,843
Some of it, yeah.
On the Mississippi.
221
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,596
But those waves are bigger.
I'm no oceanologist,
222
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:54,764
but wouldn't big waves
make you go farther
223
00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:56,266
and win the contest?
224
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,435
Uh, well, I mean,
some people might say that.
225
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,270
But others would say,
226
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,856
"Wave too big,
don't dance that jig."
227
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:06,610
- Mark Twain again?
- No, that's, uh... Jamiroquai.
228
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:09,821
Dad, where's the golden-boy
boogie-boarder from yesteryear?
229
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,324
'Cause I'd love to meet him.
230
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,160
[gasping loudly]
231
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,536
[Louise]
Come on, Dad!
232
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,121
Boogie your butt on out here!
233
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,665
Oh, boy.
234
00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:22,083
[Gene] Mom,
the birthday party is gone.
235
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:25,795
But the cupcakes are here,
alive and well, and so are we.
236
00:08:25,796 --> 00:08:27,756
Gene's right. It's time
to kill those cupcakes.
237
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:28,882
With-with our mouths.
238
00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,550
All right. Fine.
239
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:31,843
Yay!
240
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,053
[entry bells jingling]
241
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,263
- Oh, uh, hold off on the cupcakes.
- Damn it!
242
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,724
Oh, hey, Teddy. You're here...
with some people.
243
00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:39,976
Yeah. Handymen and handywoman.
244
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,686
I'm Joyce, the handyma'am.
245
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,773
Ha. I love it. Aw,
but sorry about your friend.
246
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,108
Linda, you remember Glenn,
and this is Lou.
247
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:48,818
- Hi, Lou.
- Hello.
248
00:08:48,819 --> 00:08:50,695
So, did Teddy tell you
it's his bir--
249
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,864
Uh, we're just here to have
a beer and talk about Vernon.
250
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:54,658
- That's all.
- Okay. Okay.
251
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,993
[sniffles] I didn't think
I was gonna get so broken up.
252
00:08:56,994 --> 00:08:59,162
Yeah, you cried loudly
at the service.
253
00:08:59,163 --> 00:09:01,039
- Super-loud.
- Aw.
254
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,666
Hey, this round's on the house.
255
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,334
Some beer for your tears.
256
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,461
And... maybe some fries
for your cries?
257
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:08,421
Oh, okay. Yeah, sounds good.
258
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:10,423
- Lots of fries.
- Kids, uh, give me a hand.
259
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:11,841
[whispering]
Secret meeting.
260
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,510
[whispering] Mom forgot
how to use the fryer.
261
00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:14,845
[whispering]
So embarrassing.
262
00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,180
Listen, I think we can work with this.
263
00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,932
Teddy and his friends
will talk about Vernon,
264
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,101
they'll get sick of that,
and then they'll be ready to move on
265
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,352
to something a little more fun.
266
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,478
Are you sure that's what they--
267
00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:25,564
Tina, you are this close
to not being invited to the party.
268
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:26,690
- Got it. Got it.
- Aah!
269
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,651
- Not yet.
- But soon.
270
00:09:29,777 --> 00:09:32,279
Louise, are you sure you don't want
to go back to where we were?
271
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,905
Loserville? No.
272
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,283
Ooh, look at this one!
Let's catch it!
273
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,701
No, that--
It looks pretty big.
274
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,160
- Let's duck under it.
- Ugh.
275
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,162
- [panting]
- Ah, come on.
276
00:09:41,163 --> 00:09:42,581
We should have taken it!
277
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,374
No, that-that wave was, um,
278
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,709
- gross.
- Gross?
279
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:47,586
Yeah. Squishy and gross.
280
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,088
Those are technical terms.
Uh, you'll learn it all later.
281
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,924
Oh, ho, ho,
here comes another good one!
282
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,426
- Louise, I don't think--
- I'm going for it!
283
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,303
- No, no, no. No!
- Yes, yes, yes.
284
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:58,722
[whooping]
285
00:09:58,723 --> 00:10:00,307
That was amazing.
286
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:01,683
Dad, did you see me?
287
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,728
Yeah. G-Good, uh, job with it.
288
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:07,772
Why didn't you tell me that oceans
are like free roller coasters,
289
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:10,442
and not just big, stinky,
wet places where fish pee?
290
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,777
Oh, you know,
Louise, they also poop.
291
00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:14,904
There's less poop closer to shore.
292
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,698
It's the-the jet stream,
I think, so--
293
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,867
Okay,
why are you being so weird?
294
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,076
Weird? I'm not being weird.
295
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:22,662
Is this about your incident
or accident
296
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:24,331
or whatever
Mom was talking about?
297
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:26,583
- I mean--
- Just tell me what happened.
298
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:30,503
Okay. Okay. Uh, it was
a big wave day, like today.
299
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,339
I had a bunch
of really good rides,
300
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,091
and then, this huge wave
just rolled me
301
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,218
and pounded me
against the sand.
302
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:39,804
And I-I couldn't get up. I...
I-I couldn't get my head up.
303
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,556
- [gasping]
- The lifeguard had to pull me out.
304
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,350
- [Louise] Oh.
- [Bob] And when he dragged me
305
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,226
onto the beach, I realized the wave
306
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:47,646
had completely
pulled my bathing suit down.
307
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,230
- What's that?
- It's a penis.
308
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,316
- No, it's not.
- Don't look at me!
309
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,360
Wait, but didn't Mom say
you were in, like,
310
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,569
six inches of water?
311
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,738
Ugh. Yes, she loves
to point that out,
312
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:59,532
but it doesn't matter if
it's six feet or six inches.
313
00:10:59,533 --> 00:11:02,661
When a wave is pounding you,
you don't even know which way is up
314
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,746
or if you're ever
gonna breathe again.
315
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:06,247
Oh.
316
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:09,167
But, uh, that was just,
like, one time.
317
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,919
And, you know, I didn't die.
318
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,253
As you can see.
319
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,798
Right here. Hello. So,
320
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,341
I'm sure everything
will go fine today,
321
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,718
and we will also not die.
322
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:21,429
So, uh, go team?
323
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,139
Heads up,
boogie boys and girls,
324
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,684
the contest is about
to kick off, and lucky us,
325
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:29,020
these waves just keep getting
bigger and bigger.
326
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:32,565
Yeah. Lucky us.
[chuckles nervously]
327
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:33,983
- Whee!
- I think we're
328
00:11:33,984 --> 00:11:35,861
the cutest ones here.
329
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:42,075
So, you ready?
Uh, how-how you feeling?
330
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,993
Oh, you mean after
the worst pep talk ever?
331
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,995
Yeah, that-that was bad.
332
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,247
I'm sorry about that.
333
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:48,832
"Hey, we're competing
in this thing,
334
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,501
here's a graphic story about
how I almost drowned doing it,
335
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,044
but, uh, have fun, sport."
336
00:11:53,045 --> 00:11:54,796
I didn't call you "sport."
337
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,756
Could-could we just pretend
like I never said anything?
338
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:59,676
Like you had to do with Gene
after you guys had the sex talk?
339
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:02,262
What? No!
340
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:03,430
Yes, like that.
341
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,849
You know what?
I'm fine. I can do this.
342
00:12:05,850 --> 00:12:07,809
Plus, it's 100 bucks
if we win,
343
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,769
which we will because
I'm incredible at this.
344
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:12,313
All right guys,
here's how the contest is gonna work.
345
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:13,773
You've all been assigned to groups.
346
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,525
Heat one, heat two and heat three.
347
00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:17,527
You're gonna ride a wave,
then wait on the beach
348
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:18,862
till we call your heat again.
349
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,238
We're gonna do that three times.
350
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:22,031
Our judges
will be awarding points
351
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:26,119
{\an8}for longest distance, technical form,
and boogiest boarding.
352
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,872
Thanks for ordering
all these big waves, Daddy.
353
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:31,791
Just kidding. I know they're from
a storm or the moon or something.
354
00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,042
[laughs] Good.
355
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,545
I need you to focus, okay, Court?
356
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:37,130
[Glenn] And remember
when Vernon started
357
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,632
charging more for
the 36-inch trencher
358
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,801
than he did for
the 48-inch trencher?
359
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,429
Yes, I noticed that
and asked him, what gives?
360
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,055
And he said
more people want the 36.
361
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,849
[all] More people want the 36.
362
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,350
- [laughter]
- Listen to that.
363
00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:51,519
They're coming out of it.
The energy is picking up.
364
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,938
The mood is shifting.
I think we're good to go.
365
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,607
Uh, I don't know.
366
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,525
Gene, go hold the door open,
watch for my signal.
367
00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,445
Then you signal Tina.
Tina, you go light the candle
368
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,197
and bring the cupcakes out, okay?
369
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,364
I don't like my job.
370
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,200
I feel like I should
bring the cupcakes out.
371
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:07,577
No, do it like I said.
You're not good with lighters.
372
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,829
They should make lighters
that are easier for kids.
373
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,165
- Kid lighters.
- Shh, get in position.
374
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,958
I also have party hats
and noisemakers,
375
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,461
but let's wait and see
on those, okay?
376
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,921
- Ah, that was a nice service.
- Very nice.
377
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,672
- The exact right length.
- [Joyce] Yup.
378
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,174
- [lighter clicks]
- [Lou] But his poor wife,
379
00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,717
- she's all alone now.
- [Teddy] Right.
380
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,636
[Teddy] Yeah,
she did say something about
381
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,012
taking a cruise later this year.
382
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,388
[Lou] Oh. Well, that's nice.
383
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,182
- [lighter clicks]
- [Joyce] Yeah, well, it was
384
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,809
the cruise they were supposed
to take together.
385
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,185
[Glenn]
Their 50th anniversary cruise.
386
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:33,645
- [Teddy] Yeah...
- [Tina] Damn it. [blows]
387
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,523
Okay, Linda.
Let's turn this around.
388
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:39,109
Ah, life. Huh? Am I right?
389
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,735
- Yeah.
- Yup.
390
00:13:40,736 --> 00:13:44,280
Speaking of life, uh,
today's Teddy's birthday.
391
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:45,490
Eh...
392
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,658
- You don't say.
- [Glenn] What?
393
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,034
- Oh, no kidding.
- [Glenn] Huh.
394
00:13:48,035 --> 00:13:49,369
Ah, uh...
395
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,621
Oh, it's good to celebrate a little.
396
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:53,039
No, no, no. No, no.
397
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,415
- Yeah.
- No.
398
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:55,875
Yeah, you gotta, you know.
399
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:59,921
All right. Uh, bring out
the cupcakes. Tina, hurry.
400
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,047
♪ Happy... ♪
401
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,257
[Glenn cries]
402
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,967
I'm sorry, sorry.
403
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,302
- Crap.
- Thanks, Linda.
404
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,513
You have to blow it out
or the wax will, um...
405
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:09,889
I-I'll do it.
406
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:11,850
[whispering]
I wish this day would end.
407
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,143
- Yep, could not get any worse.
- [bell rings]
408
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,854
- Hello.
- [grumpily] Oh, great.
409
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,147
- I mean hi, Mort.
- Ooh, cupcakes.
410
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,399
[Gene]
Get your own!
411
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,526
[announcer] Heads up,
fathers and daughters
412
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,737
in heat two,
these monster waves are for you.
413
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:25,905
You ready, Dad?
414
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,449
And is your bathing suit
properly secured? [chuckles]
415
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,159
Heh. Yes. Kind of.
416
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,286
This one?
417
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:32,996
- Um...
- Whoa. [laughs]
418
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,039
Uh, let's do it.
419
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,583
Paddle. Kick. Go.
420
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,209
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm doing it.
421
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,295
Oh, oh.
422
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,046
Well, that was all right.
423
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,090
Yeah, that-that-that
wasn't that bad.
424
00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:45,508
Yeah, if we rode it
any farther,
425
00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:47,427
we'd need a plane ticket
to get back.
426
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:49,470
Um, this one?
427
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:51,181
Uh, yeah.
428
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:54,560
Whoa, whoa.
429
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,561
- Whoa!
- Louise!
430
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:59,273
[muffled shouting]
431
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:01,983
[gasps]
432
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,192
What the hell was that?
433
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,194
- You okay?
- Yeah.
434
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,363
Does your chin hurt?
It looks like you scraped it.
435
00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:09,908
It's-it's fine. I'm fine.
436
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,202
Besides, what's a tiny little bit
of drowning every now and then?
437
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,413
- S-Sure.
- You want to make an omelet,
438
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,498
you gotta hold a few eggs
under water until they choke
439
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:18,708
and scrape their chins, right?
440
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:22,254
- Uh...
- Okay. All right. [groans]
441
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,713
You know what though?
442
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,632
- I don't need 100 bucks.
- What?
443
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:28,217
Yeah, I'll easily
make that much myself.
444
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,719
Over a few decades.
445
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,387
Maybe we should just
call it, huh?
446
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,098
Oh, really? [stammers]
You want to leave?
447
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,434
Yeah, I think I'm good
on ocean stuff for now.
448
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,519
It's big, it's dumb. I get it.
449
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,356
I mean, i-if that's
what you want, okay.
450
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:44,108
- It is. Yeah, let's go home.
- All right.
451
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:46,110
- ♪ Little squirt ♪
- Yeah.
452
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,987
- ♪ Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh ♪
- ♪ Buh-buh-buh ♪
453
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,073
♪ You've got the cutest
little surfer shirt ♪
454
00:15:50,074 --> 00:15:51,407
♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
455
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:53,076
♪ You've got the cutest
little surfer shirt ♪
456
00:15:53,077 --> 00:15:54,661
- ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
- [scatting]
457
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:55,870
♪ Squirt, squirt
squirt, heh ♪
458
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,163
♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
459
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:58,706
♪ A-squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
460
00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:00,292
- Yeah.
- I think we're getting somewhere.
461
00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:05,838
[Louise] That was
the right move. Right?
462
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:07,256
Know when to call it quits.
463
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:08,549
Not that we're quitters.
464
00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:09,968
We're smart. We're smart-ers.
465
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:12,470
- Uh-huh. Yup.
- They're all gonna die.
466
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,805
I mean, hopefully not.
467
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,723
They're gonna die,
they're gonna die.
468
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,892
They might make it,
but they'll be traumatized.
469
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,353
[Bob sighs]
470
00:16:23,607 --> 00:16:25,067
[noisemaker blows]
471
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,943
- What?
- Well,
472
00:16:26,944 --> 00:16:28,569
I think I'm gonna head out.
473
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,029
- Happy birthday, Teddy.
- Oh.
474
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:31,949
Yeah,
I'm gonna shove off, too.
475
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,449
Happy birthday, Teddy.
476
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,618
Yeah, thanks for having us?
477
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,203
I didn't, uh...
478
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:38,746
Yup. [groans]
479
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,415
Uh... uh, wait.
480
00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:42,166
Uh, we haven't had ice cream yet.
481
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,252
You get free ice cream
on your birthday, right?
482
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:45,545
What? No, no.
483
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,714
Just Teddy gets
free ice cream, or...
484
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,091
All of you. You-you all
get free ice cream.
485
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,718
I'd stay for a little soft serve.
486
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,636
I'd stay for a lot of soft serve.
487
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,430
And sprinkles? I mean,
not-not a deal-breaker,
488
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:56,681
but if you have 'em...
489
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,099
Do we have to have ice cream?
490
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,475
- Shh.
- What? I'd have a tea.
491
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:01,102
Oh, this damn thing again.
492
00:17:01,103 --> 00:17:03,938
Come on, come on...
493
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:06,482
Huh. My uncle
has a diner up in Hillsboro.
494
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,067
This happens with his soft serve.
495
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,819
It's probably the flow screw.
496
00:17:09,820 --> 00:17:12,405
Eh, I'd say it's more likely
there's just a buildup in there.
497
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,240
I told the machine
it needed more fiber.
498
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,034
I'm just saying,
we should pry the cap off
499
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,618
the dispensing hole
and poke around.
500
00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,579
No, no, start with
the flow screw.
501
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,540
Wow, handy people
with their handy tools.
502
00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:23,833
This place has turned into
a real handy-land.
503
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:27,128
Oh, wait. Um, why don't we
make a little game out of it?
504
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,547
- Huh?
- A little party game. Come on.
505
00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:32,551
Linda, just don't.
No more party talk.
506
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,469
A game? I like games.
507
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,803
- I'd play... Yeah.
- All right.
508
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:37,388
A game best served soft.
509
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:38,723
Joyce gets it.
510
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,141
- Whose kids are those?
- I don't know.
511
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,019
You know where
you don't die of drowning?
512
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:44,645
On the land.
There's a 99% chance
513
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:46,773
you won't drown in the ocean
when you're on land.
514
00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:50,359
Hey, uh, I just want to say,
Louise, again, I'm sorry
515
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:51,819
I told you
my boogie boarding story
516
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:55,031
while you were boogie boarding
for the first time.
517
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,574
I'm glad you told me that story.
518
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:58,701
That story saved our sad lives.
519
00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:01,704
But... I mean, I did have fun
when I wasn't drowning.
520
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,623
I know. I mean, I-I saw you.
521
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:05,208
I actually had a lot of fun, too.
522
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,503
I... I like boogie boarding.
523
00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:09,587
Whoo-hoo!
524
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:11,297
Linda, did you see that?
525
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,050
Mm-hmm. That was great.
526
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,968
What's happening?
Why are we stopping?
527
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:18,304
- What if we go back?
- Go back? To the beach?
528
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:21,432
I think if we hurry,
we can make it back for...
529
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,600
for our third wave.
530
00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,644
What? So now
you're fine with dying?
531
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:27,396
You know, Jamiroquai
and Mark Twain also said,
532
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:31,568
um, don't not do fun stuff
'cause your dad got scared one time.
533
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:33,611
Look, I'm glad you got me
back in the water,
534
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,279
back on the boogie board.
535
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,907
I should have done that right away
after my... incident.
536
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:39,909
I-I missed a ton of waves.
537
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,953
And a lot of chances
to show your penis?
538
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,122
Right.
539
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,625
So, uh, what do you say?
540
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:48,751
More to the left.
541
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,545
- Here?
- No, left, left.
542
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,588
Wait, is my left your right?
543
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:54,048
We're facing the same direction.
544
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,550
So my left is your...
545
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,301
- Left.
- No, but you're behind me.
546
00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,303
- Yes.
- Put up your left hand.
547
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,139
- Here.
- That's your left hand?
548
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,849
It's the same as your left hand.
549
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,642
- [bell dings]
- Sorry, time's up.
550
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,185
Joyce and Lou,
get in there. Go on.
551
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:08,354
You're going down, birthday boy.
552
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,356
[Lou] This is a great game.
What else can we fix?
553
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:11,774
I have an old Honda.
554
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,651
I've got a casket I can't get open.
555
00:19:13,652 --> 00:19:14,819
- Mort.
- What?
556
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,113
There's no one in it.
I don't think.
557
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:18,739
Hey. My little
boogie beavers are back.
558
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,616
- How'd it go?
- Oh, I don't know,
559
00:19:20,617 --> 00:19:22,869
how about...
we got fourth place?
560
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,537
Oh, that's great!
561
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,455
- Yeah.
- Oh, your face.
562
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:27,623
Eh, it's nothing.
563
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:30,209
I mean, I almost died,
and I wanted to quit,
564
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,503
but then I learned from
Dad's many mistakes
565
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,963
and said,
"No, we gotta go back."
566
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,590
- [Bob] We both said it.
- I said it better.
567
00:19:35,591 --> 00:19:37,633
And we rode
our final wave to fourth place,
568
00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,302
which is
a Belcher first place.
569
00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:41,220
[Bob] Partially thanks
to me doing a 360,
570
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,557
{\an8}which I definitely did on purpose.
571
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:45,850
And not only did I get
this intimidating scar,
572
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,768
we got these
for coming in fourth.
573
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:50,062
- Ooh.
- Perfect for the opera.
574
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,898
Well, how about some
fourth place ice cream?
575
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:52,982
- Yeah!
- As soon as
576
00:19:52,983 --> 00:19:54,233
our ice cream machine is fixed.
577
00:19:54,234 --> 00:19:56,027
Yeah, what's happening here?
578
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,361
Handypeople party games.
579
00:19:57,362 --> 00:20:01,324
Yeah, Dad. Haven't you ever been to
a handypeople funeral/birthday party?
580
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:02,909
- That's it. Look at that.
- Whoa, whoa.
581
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,160
- Is it...
- We've got ice cream.
582
00:20:04,161 --> 00:20:05,995
- Aw, c'mon.
- We got it. We win!
583
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,372
All right!
584
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:09,540
I have to admit, this is nice,
585
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:11,042
being celebrated a little bit.
586
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,627
Thanks for making this happen, Linda,
587
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,253
even though I told you
so many times not to.
588
00:20:14,254 --> 00:20:15,713
Aw, you're worth it, Teddy.
589
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,089
And, yes,
I was right about everything.
590
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,925
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
591
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,010
Oh, no, you don't have to.
Okay, you're doing it.
592
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:24,222
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
593
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:29,478
♪ Happy birthday, dear Teddy ♪
594
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,563
♪ Happy birthday ♪
595
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:36,901
♪ To you ♪
596
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,487
[Linda]
♪ And Mandy Moore ♪
597
00:20:39,488 --> 00:20:40,863
And, Vernon, sorry you're dead.
598
00:20:40,864 --> 00:20:43,866
[scatting]
599
00:20:43,867 --> 00:20:45,785
♪ Little squirt ♪
600
00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,954
- ♪ Buh-buh-buh-buh- buh-buh-buh ♪
- ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
601
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,747
♪ You've got the cutest
little surfer shirt ♪
602
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:51,457
- ♪ Hey, squirt squirt, squirt ♪
- ♪ You've got the cutest ♪
603
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:53,000
- ♪ Little surfer shirt ♪
- ♪ Squirt, squirt, squirt ♪
604
00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:54,293
- Yeah, yeah.
- ♪ You've got the cutest ♪
605
00:20:54,294 --> 00:20:56,003
♪ Little surfer shirt ♪
606
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,214
- ♪ Squirt-squirt squirt-squirt ♪
- [scatting]
607
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,217
♪ Squirt, ha
squirt-squirt, squirt ♪
608
00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:02,094
[both]
♪ Little squirt ♪
609
00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:03,636
Let me add the bass.
Here we go, and...
610
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,721
[both]
♪ Little squirt ♪
611
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:07,723
- [scatting]
- Dad, you're still just a hair sharp.
612
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,433
- If you try to just...
- You're absolutely right.
613
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:10,810
[both]
♪ Little-- ♪
614
00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,230
{\an8}[Doug] You know it's, though,
it's the key is too high.