1 00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:23,397 Yay! Tree Town Christmas Village. 2 00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:25,024 Is it a town or is it a village? 3 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,944 It's a Christmas village located within the town of Tree. 4 00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,946 Yeah, it used to be just a tree farm, 5 00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,490 and then they started adding all this Christmas village stuff. 6 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:35,576 There's a cookie decorating station and a Cocoa Hut. 7 00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,328 Oh, we know. Why do you think we agreed 8 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,372 to venture out and freeze our tiny butts off 9 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,706 on the coldest night of the year? 10 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,959 Yeah, my frozen ass wants some sugar. 11 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,253 - Gene. - Oh, this place is so cute. 12 00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,171 You pay for everything with mistle-dough. 13 00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:49,715 When we get in, we gotta exchange our money for mistle-dough. 14 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,133 Do we have to go through customs? 15 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,010 - I don't think so. - Oh, thank God. 16 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:55,054 I have some unpasteurized cheese on me. 17 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,306 Not many cars, huh? Must be the cold. 18 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,475 And how people don't like to be out in weather 19 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,727 that makes you feel like you're gonna die. 20 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:04,063 Oh, look at these beautiful trees. 21 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,148 Just to be clear, we're not buying a tree, right, 22 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:07,400 'cause we already have one? 23 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,902 That we got in mid-November for some reason. 24 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,071 And you described it as your soul mate. 25 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,948 And you said it was the only thing you'd save 26 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:15,116 if there was a fire. 27 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,410 Hey. Just because we have a perfect tree at home 28 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,619 doesn't mean we can't look. 29 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,663 We're married, not buried, right, Bob? 30 00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,290 - Um-- - Ooh. Look at that one. 31 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,374 Hello. 32 00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:26,377 Oh, God. Logan. What's he doing here? 33 00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,629 - Heads up, Dad. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 34 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,173 Louise, I know you don't like Logan, but it's Christmas. 35 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,843 The time for loving our neighbors and goodwill towards... 36 00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:35,970 Oh, God, that punk-ass Cynthia is here, too. 37 00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:37,179 Keep walking, keep walking. 38 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,432 Weren't you just saying how Christmas is a time for love-- 39 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,851 Yep, yep, yep. Let's go. 40 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,686 And pile on a little more. 41 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:45,438 Climb to the sky, Candy Tower. 42 00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,815 It's a monument to the arrogance of man. 43 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,026 Geez, do you kids not care about esthetics, 44 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:52,194 or just how things look in general? 45 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,322 I mean, Gene, your cookie's all icing. 46 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:55,406 There's a cookie? 47 00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,450 And we're out of these. 48 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:00,119 Lin, I think the candy is for decorating. 49 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,495 Shh. It's fine, narc. 50 00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:04,165 Oh, it's a train, sort of. 51 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,917 Huh. I didn't know trains could go between your knees like that. 52 00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:09,086 Is this what that song "Crazy Train" is about? 53 00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,422 Looks fun-ish. Should we go do that? 54 00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:12,798 Sure. I've straddled worse. 55 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,718 Okay. But then let's find this famous Cocoa Hut. 56 00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,678 Some locomotion and then cocoa-motion? 57 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:18,763 - Sound good? - Deal. 58 00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,640 Mom, Dad, you kids cool if we split? 59 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,350 Okay. Here, take some mistle-dough. 60 00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,726 Don't spend it all in one place. 61 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:24,894 But spend it all here because 62 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:26,896 I don't think this money works in the real world. 63 00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,856 - Okay, bye. - Here. Guard these with your life. 64 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,441 - And guard mine the most. - Mmm. 65 00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:32,860 Whoa, whoa, guys, wait. I just realized. 66 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:35,363 We haven't decorated cookies for Santa yet. 67 00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:37,198 - You can give him those. - Sorry, what? 68 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:40,451 No. These are a shameless way to get sugar into our faces. 69 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:44,163 No. Uh-uh. Santa deserves a beautiful dignified cookie. 70 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,957 - Not these. - Yeah. These are trash. 71 00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,084 Sorry, but come on. 72 00:02:48,085 --> 00:02:50,461 You have such a good point, Dad. Will you do it? 73 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:53,297 Please. You seem to have a lot of thoughts about this. 74 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,091 And we've got a train to catch. 75 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,967 Okay, fine. 76 00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:58,928 I'll decorate some for Santa. 77 00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:01,055 But only because there's a heater here 78 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,015 and I like the idea of not walking around. 79 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,392 - Thanks. Bye! - Bye. 80 00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:05,685 Okay, bye, kids. 81 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,187 We'll meet your little cabooses back here when you're done. 82 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,730 I guess it's just you and me now. 83 00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,815 - I'm gonna go. - What? 84 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,650 I'll take a quick lap to look at the trees. 85 00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:13,984 You know, check out the talent. 86 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,028 I don't want to be all alone in the Cookie Hut. 87 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,447 Oh, you'll be fine. And it doesn't look creepy at all, 88 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,865 a grown man by himself in here. 89 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,076 Okay, I'll be back soon. Love you. Bye. 90 00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,537 Yup. 91 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,372 - Hi. - That man is sad. 92 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,041 I know, honey. Don't stare. 93 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,418 Looks like we have the train to ourselves. 94 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,837 Yeah. Coming here when it's so cold that my face hurts 95 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,296 definitely has its perks. 96 00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,841 - Three, please. - All aboard the Christmas Steamer. 97 00:03:36,842 --> 00:03:38,134 One mistle-dough to ride. 98 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,553 I took a Christmas steamer this morning. 99 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,221 You did. You really did. 100 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,223 Just looking for the seatbelts on this thing. 101 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,850 Anyone else seeing seatbelts? 102 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,101 - No? - Hup. 103 00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:50,271 Hey, you little kiddies enjoying the kiddy train? 104 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,356 Ugh. We were. 105 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:54,316 Hey, why don't you go ruin someone else's 106 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,026 Tree Town Christmas Village experience? 107 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:57,319 Nope. Not leaving. 108 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,448 My parents drag me here every year to get our tree. 109 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:01,574 And every year, 110 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,452 I ride this turd train until the nightmare's over. 111 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,120 Nice to have Christmas traditions. 112 00:04:06,121 --> 00:04:08,497 So while they argue about what tree to get, 113 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,291 using "I feel" statements, 114 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:13,127 I come here and stunt this train. 115 00:04:13,128 --> 00:04:14,962 You "stunt" the train? 116 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:16,547 Oh, yeah. 117 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,340 Train stunts. Jumping off the train, 118 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:19,592 jumping back on the train, 119 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,802 interacting with the holiday decor. 120 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,804 I'd show you the videos I made last year, 121 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,514 but my parents took my phone away 122 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,141 because I got a C in Spanish. 123 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:30,019 Isn't that good? I thought "Sí" was Spanish. 124 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,228 I wouldn't know. 125 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,355 But what about that guy? Won't he get mad? 126 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,232 The conductor? 127 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:36,901 Tss. He's checked out. 128 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:39,862 And also, I don't think he can physically turn around. 129 00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:42,364 Speaking of! 540! 130 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,825 Did somebody page the Spin Doctors? 131 00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,995 My dad's second favorite band. Look them up. 132 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,706 Oh, look at that tree. 133 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,001 Ooh, look at that one. Hi, tree. You're looking at me? 134 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:56,587 Oh. And I bet you guys have great personalities. 135 00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,383 What the hell are you doing? 136 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:03,385 Excuse me! 137 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:06,138 - Hello! - What? Are you talking to me? 138 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,307 What are you doing to those trees? 139 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,976 Uh, we take the trees that don't sell, and we chip them up 140 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,312 to use them as mulch for the next year's crop. 141 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,357 What? You're feeding Christmas trees to Christmas trees? 142 00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:18,526 That's a weird way to put it, but yeah. 143 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,903 Anyway, I'd better get back to it. 144 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,781 By the way, this area's employees only, ma'am. 145 00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:25,491 - Please step back. - Oh, my God. 146 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,618 Why? 147 00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:33,666 Oh. What wonderful cookies. 148 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,251 And look at those. 149 00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:38,254 Uh, my kids did those. Don't look at them. 150 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:39,421 I did this one. 151 00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,298 - Oh. - Yeah, I was trying something. 152 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,300 I used sprinkles to make a star. 153 00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,969 Good job, sir. 154 00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:47,263 Thanks. Yeah, I think it turned out pretty good... 155 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:50,350 Oh, you walked away. Mrs. Claus liked my cookie. 156 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,355 Twirl jump. Run real fast. 157 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,899 Surf the train. 158 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,943 - Pfft. - Did you just "Pfft" me? 159 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,195 Yeah, that's right. And here's another one. Pfft. 160 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,281 Like you could do it, Louise. 161 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:06,532 Uh, yeah, I could. 162 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:07,741 - Maybe don't-- - Twirl jump. 163 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,993 Oh, you're doing it. 164 00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:10,161 Run real fast. 165 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,538 Surf the train. 166 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,331 Oh, darn. Ride's over. No more train stunts. 167 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,584 Exit to your right. Happy holidays. 168 00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:19,461 The train was slowing down. Doesn't count. 169 00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:21,297 Actually, I just talked to my accountant, 170 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,423 and it does count. 171 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,425 My train stunt game is strong. 172 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,760 Your train stunt game is stunted. 173 00:06:26,761 --> 00:06:29,805 Oh, yeah? How about a train stunt-off? 174 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,683 Oh. Or maybe not do that? Did someone say "Cocoa Hut"? 175 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:35,185 You're on, moron. What are we stunting for? 176 00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,272 Winner gets the loser's mistle-dough, all of it. 177 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,481 - Oh, my. - Um, 178 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,359 but won't you spend all your mistle-dough on the ride? 179 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:43,485 "Good point, Tina." 180 00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,863 Watch this. One, please. 181 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,907 All aboard the Christmas Steamer. 182 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,241 One mistle-dough to ride. 183 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,243 Fake dough drop. 184 00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,746 See, Tina? Problem solved. Come on, let's go. 185 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,789 I mean, maybe Christmas isn't the time 186 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,750 to have a stupid showdown with Logan. 187 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,877 Yeah. Christmas is for ham, not beef. 188 00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:02,463 - Know what I'm saying? - Disagree. I think it's the best time. 189 00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:04,882 You don't have to come. How about I meet you at Cocoa Hut? 190 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,967 I'm not gonna just leave you here to do train stunts. 191 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:09,470 Mom and Dad would never forgive me if you fell under the wheels 192 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:11,305 of a miniature train during holiday season. 193 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:13,182 And I can't go get cocoa by myself. 194 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:15,976 I'm too adorable. I'll get hit on like crazy. 195 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:19,063 - Ugh. Fine. - Great. Paying my dough, sir. 196 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:22,358 - One. - Keep the change. 197 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,234 Nothing wrong here. Everything aboveboard. 198 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,446 Choo-choo, my good man. 199 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,410 Okay. So, how are we gonna do this? 200 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:34,703 One of us does a stunt, 201 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,498 and then the other person has to do it exactly the same, 202 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:41,502 or they lose their dignity and all their mistle-dough. 203 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,045 Here's an idea for a stunt. 204 00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,380 Who can sit still the longest? 205 00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:46,090 Peter Pescadero takes a pill for that. 206 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:48,176 I got one. Check it, dweeblings. 207 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:51,805 High-five, Santa. 208 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,307 Side roll over the present. 209 00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,602 And back on before the bridge. 210 00:07:58,603 --> 00:07:59,937 Merry Stunt-mas. 211 00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,897 Not bad, but not good. 212 00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,148 Like what your mom said 213 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,858 - when you came out of her butt. - Um... 214 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:08,278 But my mom rejoiced when I came out of her butt. 215 00:08:08,279 --> 00:08:11,782 So you gonna stunt that stunt or did I just win already? 216 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:14,952 Oh, come on! 217 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,788 These sweet ugly trees deserve a chance 218 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,748 to find good homes just as much as the hotties 219 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,500 with the bodies that you've got up front. 220 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:25,838 Look, I appreciate how much you love these trees, 221 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,256 or let's say I do, 222 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:29,591 but the thing is, I also want to stop talking to you 223 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:30,968 and get back to what I was doing. 224 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,137 Does that make you feel like we're done here, 225 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,221 I hope, maybe? 226 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,514 Oh, whatever. 227 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,311 I'm getting you guys out of here. Come on. 228 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:42,438 Shh. Act casual. 229 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,314 I'll come back for you other trees. 230 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,359 Don't look at me like that. I will. 231 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:49,695 I'm gonna call you Frosting the Snowman. 232 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:52,322 Daddy, make mine look like that man's. 233 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:54,324 Oh, uh, I don't know how to... 234 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,702 Um, how do you make your snowman look so good? 235 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,246 Mine looks like it has big scary nipples. 236 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,873 I wouldn't say scary. 237 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,376 I think you just want them to be up and down like buttons 238 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,212 and not next to each other like nipples. 239 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,131 Got it. You really know your stuff. 240 00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,175 Yeah. You did it again. 241 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,384 You put them side by side. 242 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,094 Oh. Look at that. I did. 243 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,305 Yeah. Do you want me to just do it for you? 244 00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:17,473 I'm happy to... 245 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,099 - Please. - Thank God. 246 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,187 In stunting position, and... 247 00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,691 High-five Santa. Ah. 248 00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:30,861 Hoo. Roll over the present. 249 00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,324 Back on before the bridge. 250 00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,492 That was easy. 251 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,243 - Pfft. - Yeah, and your little shriek 252 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,328 sounded super-brave. 253 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:42,247 - Thank you. - And now let's just enjoy the bridge. 254 00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,833 We're like seven inches above the valley floor. 255 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:47,169 Really puts things in perspective, you know. 256 00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,506 Okay, my turn to pick a stunt. 257 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,174 We have to jump up onto that tunnel, 258 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,259 run across the top, jump off the other side, 259 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,344 back onto the train. 260 00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,012 - Nope. Nope. Nope. - What? 261 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:59,014 Because I'll break many of my little bones? 262 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,350 Probably right. I'll think of something else. 263 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,393 How about making a boom-boom in your diaper? 264 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,231 Good luck. I can never poop when I'm traveling. 265 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,024 Psst. 266 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:09,525 Psst. 267 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,778 Hi. That's a beautiful tree you got your eye on there. 268 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,906 And lucky you, because today it's buy one, get one free. 269 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,033 So you get to take home two Christmas trees. 270 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,160 - Oh, uh... - I know what you're thinking. 271 00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,621 One's gonna be jealous of the other and they're gonna fight, 272 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,706 and you'll be up all night with fighting trees. 273 00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:27,459 But once they get to know each other, they can be friends. 274 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,877 Or maybe even more than friends. 275 00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:30,462 Who knows? None of my business. 276 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,797 Sorry. Do you work here? 277 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,423 Kinda. Not really. 278 00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,884 - Um, okay. No, thanks. - But it's free. 279 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,636 - I'd like a free tree. - You would? 280 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,762 That's great. 281 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,305 Yeah. I'm gonna use it for firewood. 282 00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,142 Get out! Get out of here! 283 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:46,562 Scoop some snow, feed it to choir penguin 284 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,524 and back on the train! Whoo! 285 00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:51,441 So just do that. 286 00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:55,529 How about I do it like that, but add grace and elegance. 287 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:57,573 Grace and Elegance. I love that show. 288 00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,075 Lily Tomlin is my hall pass! 289 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,815 Okay. Should we call it? Me cocoa now? 290 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,359 - This guy's down for some hot brown. - Me too, Louise. 291 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,861 Can we get off this train, please? 292 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,572 Not that it hasn't been really fun, and cold, and long. 293 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:40,574 Yeah, Louise, you should quit 294 00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:44,244 and just admit I'm better than you in every way. 295 00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,330 Exit to your right. Happy holidays. 296 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:49,458 Guys, I can't quit now. I'm wearing Logan out. 297 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,710 He's tired. He's old. 298 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,253 I'm so close to winning this. 299 00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,172 Just one more round, please. 300 00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:56,632 As your Christmas present to me. 301 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,675 Plus the real Christmas presents you'll give me. 302 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:00,969 - Ugh. Fine. One more round. - Thank you. 303 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,888 I'm numb from the waist down, anyway. 304 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:05,474 What's a few more minutes of not feeling my penis? 305 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:06,767 Saddle up, Logan. 306 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:08,977 One more round, I take you down. 307 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,229 All right, then, Louise. 308 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,189 Guess I'll continue to humiliate you 309 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,441 under these beautiful winter stars. 310 00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:17,444 Okay, bud, I'll hold Nebkin while you're on the train, all right? 311 00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,570 I want to keep Nebkin. 312 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,989 No, no, I'll keep him safe with me and baby Mason. 313 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,157 Nebkin! I want Nebkin! 314 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,034 Okay. Here you go. Easy, bud. You know best. 315 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,036 - You don't. You're four. - Four and a half! 316 00:12:26,037 --> 00:12:27,121 Okay. Okay. 317 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,374 All right, Logan, ready to lose? 318 00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:33,126 The only thing I'm gonna lose is my inhibitions 319 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:34,461 when I go above and beyond 320 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,381 what I ever thought I was capable of, son. 321 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,465 Oh, yeah? 322 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,509 Well, check this out, buttcracker. 323 00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:43,596 Under the gingerbread man, 324 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,099 over the polar bear, 325 00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,393 through the trees, 326 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,019 jump off the rock. 327 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,273 Whoa-oh-oh. Yeah! 328 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,985 Uh-oh. 329 00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,570 Nebkin! 330 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:00,988 Oh, boy. 331 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,323 What did you just do? 332 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:06,243 Sounds like somebody back there is excited to ride a train. 333 00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:08,121 I get it. Whee. 334 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:14,710 Nebkin. 335 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:17,754 It's okay. I'm gonna get him. 336 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,466 - Your "Knobling"? - Nebkin! 337 00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,552 God, Louise, this was a train stunt-off. 338 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:27,139 Not a train destroy-the-Christmas of-an-innocent-child-off. 339 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,348 - Shush! - I mean, if it was that, 340 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,433 you would have won. 341 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,059 - Definitely would have won. - Thank you! 342 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,811 What's wrong, bud? 343 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,604 Oh, God, where's Nebkin? 344 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,148 Oh, God. 345 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,025 Uh, hi, yeah. We saw it. 346 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,694 It was just a crazy freak accident. 347 00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,654 No one to blame at all. 348 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,489 Guys, we gotta get that stuffy back. 349 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,408 - Uh-huh. - Even if it takes all night. 350 00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:48,910 Okay, folks, last ride before we close. 351 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,413 Oh, God. 352 00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:54,166 Sir, conductor man, can you please look 353 00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,376 for my son's stuffed-animal dog-shaped thing? 354 00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,920 - Nebkin! - It's called Nebkin. 355 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,422 We'll look for your son's napkin. 356 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,299 Oh, no, no. "Nebkin." It's Nebkin. 357 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,051 Yeah, and we're looking, too. 358 00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,428 Uh, we'll bring it back safe and sound. 359 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:10,390 But just in case, is it like a super-important stuffy, 360 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,225 or kind of in the middle? 361 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,020 It's very important. It's Grady's favorite stuffy. 362 00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,188 He can't sleep without it. 363 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,982 Uh-huh. But like, you could get another one 364 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,692 - if you had to. - No. 365 00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,278 Nebkin's the last thing my dad gave Grady 366 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,197 - before he died. - Okay. 367 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,490 - Got it. - Wow. 368 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,034 You took a toy from a child. 369 00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,827 You're like the anti-Santa. 370 00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,287 Are you trying to say Santana? 371 00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,206 Ugh, Logan, why are you still here? 372 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,083 I'm not a monster like you, Louise. 373 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:38,126 I'm gonna rescue that kid's stuffy, 374 00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,421 and save the world like little baby Jesus did. 375 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:43,882 No, I'm gonna save the stuffy. I'm baby Jesus. 376 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,342 - I'm baby Jesus. - Stop it! 377 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:48,429 Christmas is not the time to be talking about little baby Jesus! 378 00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:53,225 It's fine. 379 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,644 Now the Cocoa Cabin's gonna have a Christmas tree. 380 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,729 Everybody wins. You're welcome. 381 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,232 So pretty. Oh, my God, it's on fire. 382 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,360 - Ow. - Ma'am. 383 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:06,196 Okay, fine. We're leaving. But we're taking the tinsel. 384 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,698 Okay, I won't take the tinsel, but I want a cocoa. 385 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:11,327 One cocoa, please. You are complicit. 386 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,621 So I knew I wanted to use the peppermints as the ears, 387 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,832 but I was like, how am I gonna do the fur? 388 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,084 And that's when I saw the candy cane 389 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,418 that someone had smushed. 390 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:22,712 Candy cane splinters in an interesting way, 391 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,673 and it kind of looks like fur. 392 00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,508 - Ooh. - It does, it does. 393 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,219 So I guess what I'm saying is, be bold. 394 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,304 Make the cookie your cookie. 395 00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,056 That's what gives it meaning. 396 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,683 Um, excuse me, sir. 397 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,185 Please, I'm one of you. Call me Bob. 398 00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,938 Uh-huh, yeah. Well, we're closing soon, 399 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,190 so could you maybe stop what you're doing? 400 00:15:42,191 --> 00:15:43,775 Uh, uh, okay. 401 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,027 Uh, can I just stay near the heat lamp 402 00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,487 until my family comes for me? 403 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:49,698 - Um... - I have a family. 404 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,992 - They were here before. - Of course they were. 405 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,201 Why would I lie? 406 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,536 Yup. No. Why would you? 407 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,454 I guess for the heat, but... 408 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,998 ...but I have a family, 409 00:15:57,999 --> 00:15:59,374 - I swear. - Uh-huh. 410 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:02,002 All right, coming up on Nebkin. 411 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,254 Maybe I'll use that teddy bear's ice skate 412 00:16:04,255 --> 00:16:05,505 to saw off a branch, 413 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:07,883 and use it to hook Nebkin when we go by. 414 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:08,967 Oh, I have an idea. 415 00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,635 Maybe you should saw off a-- 416 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,846 And use it to-- 417 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,264 Saw this off. 418 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,016 Ugh. I can't take it anymore. 419 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,143 As a wise woman in red glasses once said, 420 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,978 Christmas is about loving your neighbor. 421 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,313 Sally Jessy Raphael? 422 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,606 No. Mom. Look, 423 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:23,982 that stuffy is way the hell up there. 424 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,442 You two are gonna have to work together 425 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,152 if you're gonna get even close to reaching it. 426 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:28,737 Logan, you have to stand on your seat. 427 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,822 And, Louise, you have to stand on Logan's shoulders. 428 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,449 And then Gene and I will hold Logan's legs 429 00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,617 to keep you guys steady, okay? 430 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:36,077 Ugh! I don't want to stand on Logan. 431 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,872 My feet will probably catch his shoulder warts. 432 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,790 I don't want your feet on my shoulders. 433 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,125 You probably got fart feet. 434 00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,169 As a matter of fact, I do have fart feet. 435 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,129 Cut it the frick out! Be enemies later. 436 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,632 - Fine. Whatever. - Okay. 437 00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,008 But what if we crash into the tunnel? 438 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,843 I don't really want to get my head chopped off. 439 00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:54,429 That's where I'm gonna grow my goatee someday. 440 00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:56,223 Well, just grab Nebkin 441 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,141 and drop down before your head gets chopped off. 442 00:16:58,142 --> 00:16:59,601 Logan, stand up and then crouch down. 443 00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:01,686 - Confusing instructions already. - Shush. 444 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:04,105 Gene and I are gonna get you in position. Just do what I say. 445 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,857 Oh, mighty Santa, please let them not die. 446 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:08,985 Get up better. 447 00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,070 Where are your shoulders? 448 00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,364 Do you not know what shoulders are? 449 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,865 I'm just gonna stand on your neck. 450 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,825 Oh. I just realized 451 00:17:15,826 --> 00:17:18,328 it'll probably be your head that gets chopped off. Cool. 452 00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:20,789 Well, if it does, I hope it bites you on the way down. 453 00:17:20,790 --> 00:17:21,957 Guys, focus! 454 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,959 The train's going pretty slow, so that's helpful. 455 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,003 Okay, kids, I always speed things up 456 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,673 for the last ride of the night for a little extra fun, 457 00:17:29,674 --> 00:17:31,383 but mostly to be done sooner. 458 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:32,551 - What? - No! 459 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,303 - Here we go. - No, conductor. Bad conductor. 460 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,270 Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. 461 00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,521 Okay, there's Nebkin. 462 00:17:44,522 --> 00:17:45,689 Logan, get taller. 463 00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:48,024 I've been trying to do that since sixth grade. 464 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:50,735 Engaging core muscles. 465 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,655 I don't know if I can reach it! 466 00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,658 Hurry. Hurry. 467 00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:59,245 Got it! Crouch down, crouch down! 468 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,329 Oof. 469 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,832 Louise! Are you alive? 470 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,083 Or are you just legs now? 471 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,043 It's okay. We'll accept you either way. 472 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,169 I'm alive. 473 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,922 Just hanging on a tunnel with my very weak arms. 474 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,592 Um, so maybe carefully lower yourself down? 475 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,926 Okay. 476 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,012 Four... 477 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:18,054 Wait. What are you doing? 478 00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,640 I'm running! 479 00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,351 Louise, no! 480 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,937 Don't do the tunnel thing! Just do safety! 481 00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:27,857 My undercarriage. 482 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,192 Yes! I did it! 483 00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,569 - Whoa. - Holy crap. 484 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:35,572 - Damn. - Nebkin, you're going home, pal. 485 00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:38,701 Wow. You are just covered in little-boy snot, aren't you? 486 00:18:39,827 --> 00:18:42,454 Ugh. I'm sorry. I failed you, trees. 487 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,581 May God have mercy on your souls. 488 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:47,167 I just don't understand why they have to smell like that. 489 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,627 You mean like a pine tree? 490 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:49,753 Ugh, Cynthia. 491 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:52,964 Oh, I guess a hundred million years of evolution must be wrong. 492 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,508 Tom, there are people that don't like pine smell. 493 00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,510 Yeah, they're called sociopaths. 494 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:58,678 What about this one? 495 00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,013 Uh, huh. 496 00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,057 That one? Kind of sparse, 497 00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,059 might not support the weight of ornaments. 498 00:19:04,060 --> 00:19:05,894 Also, I don't like looking at it. 499 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,479 Well, I like the way it doesn't smell. 500 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,688 I'm bonding with this one, 501 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,899 more than I'm bonding with my husband right now, frankly. 502 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,567 All right, easy. 503 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,653 My girl wants the ugliest tree, 504 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,529 my girl gets the ugliest tree. 505 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,947 - Aww. - Love you, hon. 506 00:19:17,948 --> 00:19:19,240 I think your mom was wrong. 507 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,742 We are gonna make it. 508 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:22,452 Oh, bye, tree. 509 00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:23,536 Cynthia's awful, 510 00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,372 but still better than a wood chipper. 511 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,624 Maybe. Right? 512 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,794 Okay, that's it for tonight, folks. 513 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,129 Exit to your right. Happy holidays. 514 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,925 Okay, hold on, bud. 515 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,009 The train's back. 516 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,803 I'm gonna ask the train man if he maybe-- 517 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,262 - Here you go. - Nebkin! 518 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,598 - Oh, thank God. - Yeah, you're welcome. 519 00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,517 - You did this. - I did. 520 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,726 - I did. - She did it. 521 00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:47,852 You threw him into-- 522 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:48,937 I brang him back to you... 523 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,772 - She brought it back. - ...safely. That's right. 524 00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:52,065 Hey! He's so sweet. Great age. 525 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,316 Merry Christmas. 526 00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:54,984 Here, take my mistle-dough. 527 00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,736 - You won. - Yeah, I did. 528 00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:58,405 This place usually blows, 529 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,241 but that was kind of the most fun I ever had here. 530 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,493 Yeah, I guess I didn't have the worst time of my life. 531 00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,412 Aww. Look at you two. Peace and goodwill. 532 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:08,498 Later, holi-dorks. Hope your presents suck. 533 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,834 Bye. I hope a reindeer farts in your face. 534 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,252 - Yep. Okay. - Come on, guys. 535 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:15,046 Better hurry up and spend this before the place closes. 536 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,340 Let's go blow our dough and drink our dinner. 537 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:20,468 Yeah. These lips are ready for some sips, baby! 538 00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:22,012 Let's head on down to Cocoa-mo. 539 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,682 The cookies you made for Santa look very nice, Bob. 540 00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:27,434 - Kids, thank your father. - Thanks, Dad. 541 00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:28,810 - Thanks, Papa. - Thank you, my boy. 542 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,478 I'm not sure I want Santa to eat them. 543 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:31,896 I kind of feel like they should be put 544 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,523 behind glass in a museum. 545 00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:34,691 Father, those cookies 546 00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,192 are gonna get turned into Santa poop 547 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,027 - whether you like it or not. - Mmm. 548 00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,696 - What the... - It's fine. 549 00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,365 - Everyone in. - Did a forest barf on our car? 550 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:43,533 Lin, what did you... 551 00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:45,452 We can't have all these trees in our apartment. 552 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,912 Sure, we can. Who wants a Christmas tree in their room? 553 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,038 - Me! - I do! 554 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,291 And that leaves one for the kitchen and one for the bathroom. 555 00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,127 You see, Bob, this is the exact right amount of Christmas trees for us. 556 00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,463 - I feel bad for the bathroom one. - Oh, please. 557 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:58,298 These uggos gotta take what they can get. 558 00:20:58,299 --> 00:21:00,134 Just kidding. You're beautiful. 559 00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:02,761 ♪ Your limbs are bare ♪ 560 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:04,137 ♪ But I don't care ♪ 561 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:06,222 ♪ You got weird brown needles ♪ 562 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:07,849 ♪ Just everywhere ♪ 563 00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,268 ♪ You're not shaped like a triangle ♪ 564 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,938 ♪ You're shaped like a really sad square ♪ 565 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:14,856 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 566 00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:18,443 ♪ But no tree can be ugly ♪ 567 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,445 ♪ On Christmas ♪ 568 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:22,447 ♪ If there were mirrors in the woods ♪ 569 00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,657 ♪ Well, you would have cracked them ♪ 570 00:21:24,658 --> 00:21:27,994 ♪ You look a little bit like a piney rectum ♪ 571 00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:31,790 {\an8}♪ But no tree can be ugly ♪ 572 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,876 {\an8}♪ On Christmas ♪