1 00:00:03,746 --> 00:00:05,562 (tapping) 2 00:00:05,581 --> 00:00:08,232 Look at my Gene-y Gene practicing. 3 00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:09,916 And that sound is gonna... 4 00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:11,235 keep going or what? 5 00:00:11,328 --> 00:00:12,569 I was curious about that. 6 00:00:12,588 --> 00:00:14,254 I just want the performance to be perfect. 7 00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:16,181 If you installed xylophones in the booths, 8 00:00:16,408 --> 00:00:18,425 like I requested, this would sound better. 9 00:00:18,577 --> 00:00:21,261 Well, it's great you're so excited about tonight. 10 00:00:21,413 --> 00:00:22,412 Of course I am. 11 00:00:22,431 --> 00:00:24,356 It's Ms. Merkin's first-ever original 12 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,841 sixth grade holiday all-xylophone 13 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:28,009 musical spectacular. 14 00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,586 She says it's about love and loss 15 00:00:29,679 --> 00:00:31,846 and online shopping and the end of innocence. 16 00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,014 It's her greatest work. 17 00:00:33,108 --> 00:00:35,200 Aw, I'm so sad I'm gonna miss it. 18 00:00:35,427 --> 00:00:37,202 Don't worry. I'm gonna get it all on tape. 19 00:00:37,429 --> 00:00:39,521 And your mother's gonna record Tina's Thundergirl thing, 20 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,874 and we'll watch them both when we all get home tonight. 21 00:00:42,025 --> 00:00:45,544 A cheap phone and an old camcorder, battling it out. 22 00:00:45,695 --> 00:00:47,437 Oh, my teeny Tina. 23 00:00:47,456 --> 00:00:50,774 The star of the Thundergirls' holiday play at City Hall Plaza. 24 00:00:50,867 --> 00:00:54,386 The star in the Thundergirls' holiday play at City Hall Plaza. 25 00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:57,723 I'm a star. Like, an actual star in-in the sky. 26 00:00:57,874 --> 00:00:59,466 But still, the star. 27 00:00:59,635 --> 00:01:01,543 Everybody's roles are pretty much the same size. 28 00:01:01,637 --> 00:01:03,637 Mom's really confused by the star thing. 29 00:01:03,789 --> 00:01:05,230 -Oh, yeah. -Mm-hmm. -Where's your sister? 30 00:01:05,457 --> 00:01:06,565 Louise is coming with me, right? 31 00:01:06,716 --> 00:01:08,400 I guess she can go with either one of us. 32 00:01:08,627 --> 00:01:10,569 How did you two choose who was gonna go to what? 33 00:01:10,796 --> 00:01:12,554 Flipped a coin. Calmly flipped a coin. 34 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,741 (groans) Cut me in half so I can go to both. 35 00:01:15,968 --> 00:01:17,134 Oh, God. 36 00:01:17,227 --> 00:01:18,893 -Oh, crap. -Oh, I'm gonna be sick. 37 00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:20,470 -It's under the fridge. I got it. -(dry heaves) 38 00:01:20,489 --> 00:01:22,730 -I almost threw up. -I was also very torn. 39 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,417 But you actually weren't 'cause my thing is indoors. 40 00:01:25,527 --> 00:01:27,661 -I mean, it's cold out. -No, I get it completely. 41 00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,404 -There she is. You ready to go? -Yeah. 42 00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,406 -Who's taking me to the library? -You want to go to Tina's thing 43 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,258 -or Gene's thing? Wait, what? -Sorry, what? 44 00:01:33,410 --> 00:01:35,243 -Who's taking me to the library? -You want to go to Tina's thing 45 00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:36,320 -or Gene's thing? -Wait, what's happening? 46 00:01:36,413 --> 00:01:38,839 Remember, the holiday poetry contest 47 00:01:38,991 --> 00:01:39,840 at the library? 48 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:41,158 I got selected to read my poem 49 00:01:41,176 --> 00:01:42,159 BOTH: That's tonight? 50 00:01:42,161 --> 00:01:43,844 Sounds like you're both 51 00:01:43,996 --> 00:01:44,845 excited about it? 52 00:01:44,997 --> 00:01:46,163 I thought it was tomorrow. 53 00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:47,831 I only know what she knows. 54 00:01:47,850 --> 00:01:50,258 It's fine. It's not a big deal. You know the drill. 55 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,927 Every year, I enter a poem with the word "poop" in it, 56 00:01:52,947 --> 00:01:54,171 so that, if it gets selected, 57 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:55,763 I get to say "poop" in the library. 58 00:01:55,858 --> 00:01:57,432 And they put the poem on the wall for a month. 59 00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:59,601 That's not a great reason... Never mind. 60 00:01:59,695 --> 00:02:02,028 Anyway, this year, I... Well, um, 61 00:02:02,181 --> 00:02:03,938 somehow I got in. I just need a ride. 62 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,682 You don't have to stay. In fact, I don't want you there. 63 00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:07,775 If you tried to stay, I'd say, "Go on, get," 64 00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,686 -and I'd spray you with the hose. -Wow. 65 00:02:09,705 --> 00:02:12,280 Two parents, three kids' Christmas performances. 66 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,466 Dear, God, why? There's got to be a way. 67 00:02:14,693 --> 00:02:17,544 -What time does everyone's thing start? -KIDS: 6:00. 68 00:02:17,696 --> 00:02:19,045 (wails) 69 00:02:19,198 --> 00:02:20,213 -(crying) -Lin, easy. 70 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,882 S-Someone's gonna call the police. 71 00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:23,700 Hi. She's happy. She's-she's good. 72 00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:26,478 Uh... I-I think we got to go with Louise's plan. 73 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:29,148 Lin, you drop her at the library on the way to city hall, 74 00:02:29,299 --> 00:02:30,983 and then pick her up on your way back. 75 00:02:31,134 --> 00:02:33,152 I will walk over to the school with Gene. 76 00:02:33,303 --> 00:02:34,728 Louise, you'll just have to 77 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:37,547 kind of recreate the reading for us tonight, okay? 78 00:02:37,566 --> 00:02:39,399 We really want to hear your poop poem. 79 00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,067 I get it. I'll do a reenactment later. 80 00:02:41,236 --> 00:02:42,402 I'll give myself a funny accent. 81 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,888 Ugh, this is the worst day of my life. 82 00:02:44,907 --> 00:02:46,481 Yup. So, w-we should go. Gene? 83 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,483 -Camera, Bob. Camera! -Right, right. 84 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:49,910 -Sorry. -Get a good angle! 85 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,504 -Okay, okay. -This is killing me. 86 00:02:52,656 --> 00:02:53,397 Oh, my God. 87 00:02:53,415 --> 00:02:55,156 So, the poem you submitted 88 00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:56,991 was Who Picks Up the Reindeer Poop? 89 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:59,403 -Um, yeah. -I still think you should've submitted something 90 00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:02,163 from the heart this year, not so much about poop. 91 00:03:02,241 --> 00:03:03,331 I know. That would've been hilarious. 92 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,017 -What're you guys talking about? -Nothing. 93 00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:08,078 I've been trying to convince Louise to submit an actual poem 94 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,746 for the holiday poetry contest. 95 00:03:09,839 --> 00:03:12,098 Who Picks Up the Reindeer Poop? is an actual poem. 96 00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,508 And, frankly, it's a subject 97 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,935 that everyone should be talking about. 98 00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:16,028 I mean, why don't we talk about it? 99 00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:17,178 Right, but, I mean, a poem 100 00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:18,438 about something that's 101 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:21,349 important to you, or a feeling, or... 102 00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,276 Okay, Tina-ly Dickinson, I get it. 103 00:03:23,429 --> 00:03:24,519 You like feelings. 104 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,613 Some of us answer to a higher calling, okay? 105 00:03:26,690 --> 00:03:28,207 The word "poop" on the wall 106 00:03:28,358 --> 00:03:30,617 at the library for one month. Let's drop it, all right? 107 00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,453 But didn't you say you wrote a "dumb serious" one, 108 00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:35,547 which were your words not mine. Can I just see your folder? 109 00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:37,699 -I thought I saw you put something... -Tina, enough. 110 00:03:37,793 --> 00:03:40,201 I'm not gonna be poop-shamed during the holidays. 111 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:42,295 Okay, we're here. I'm double parked, so, Tina, 112 00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:44,130 stay in the car. I'm gonna walk Louise in. 113 00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:46,207 There's gonna be some hugging, and I might cry, 114 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,875 but we also have to hurry. Where's tissues? 115 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,377 Forget it, I'll use my sleeve. 116 00:03:49,504 --> 00:03:51,455 -What do we do? Can we do something? -I don't know. 117 00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,549 Geez. What's going on? People seem sort of upset? 118 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,460 I don't know. Grown-ups always look that way to me. 119 00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:59,387 Hi. I'm Rachel. I mean, Miss Bisselbender. 120 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:02,223 I'm, um, I'm the substitute music teacher. (chuckles) 121 00:04:02,317 --> 00:04:04,910 -The what?! -I know. Uh, Ms. Merkin's sister 122 00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,745 had an emergency appendectomy, 123 00:04:06,896 --> 00:04:09,248 -and Ms. Merkin was still gonna come to this... -Of course. 124 00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:11,232 But then, her appendix burst, too. 125 00:04:11,252 --> 00:04:13,418 -Aah! -I guess you can have a sympathetic appendix. 126 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:16,146 Anyway, she's gonna be fine, but she's in surgery 127 00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:18,114 with her sister, and the school called me 128 00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:19,483 and I'm supposed to run the assembly 129 00:04:19,501 --> 00:04:21,334 because it was too late to call it off. 130 00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:22,319 Okay. 131 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,155 -And what an opportunity. -Uh-huh. 132 00:04:25,248 --> 00:04:27,324 But I also don't know anything about music. 133 00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:28,600 -BOTH: Oh. -And I told the school that 134 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:31,328 when they called me, but they said I'm the only sub 135 00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:33,254 that answered the phone, so I had to come 136 00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:35,499 if I ever wanted to "work in this town again." 137 00:04:35,592 --> 00:04:37,334 -Uh-huh. -Uh, so why don't you, uh, 138 00:04:37,427 --> 00:04:40,279 go look apprehensive with the other parents, and... 139 00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,114 -Gene. -Gene, you come with me, 140 00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:43,931 and we'll, um, we'll get through this. 141 00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,933 -(whimpers) -It should be okay. 142 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:47,435 You've been practicing, right? 143 00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,179 Yeah, but... (sighs) Well, I'm not sure 144 00:04:49,272 --> 00:04:51,105 we can do this without Ms. Merkin directing us. 145 00:04:51,199 --> 00:04:52,682 She kind of realized that none of us 146 00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:55,368 were good at reading music, so she came up with a system. 147 00:04:55,521 --> 00:04:56,611 "This note is C. 148 00:04:56,705 --> 00:04:58,688 The one we talked about. When you get here..." 149 00:04:58,707 --> 00:05:00,281 MS. MERKIN: "...look at me. I'll point up 150 00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:01,949 "when you should play a whole step up, 151 00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:04,210 "and I'll point down when you should play a whole step down. 152 00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,637 With my other hand, I'll indicate the rhythm." 153 00:05:05,789 --> 00:05:07,547 -Oh, boy. -BISSELBENDER: Okay, sixth graders, 154 00:05:07,699 --> 00:05:08,698 follow me. 155 00:05:08,867 --> 00:05:11,034 Parents, take your seats. No one panic. 156 00:05:11,053 --> 00:05:13,036 It's fine. I mean, welcome. 157 00:05:13,055 --> 00:05:15,630 (chuckles) Thank you. 158 00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:16,648 Whew. 159 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,558 Big turnout. Lot of poetry lovers. 160 00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:21,135 Hi, how are you? Oh, you're not looking at me. 161 00:05:21,304 --> 00:05:23,396 You're looking at him. Great, great, great. 162 00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:26,158 LINDA: This is good. Good costume. 163 00:05:26,309 --> 00:05:27,400 -Thank you. -You make this? 164 00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,235 Yes, I stayed up all night, but it's fine 165 00:05:29,388 --> 00:05:30,812 because I don't have a full-time job. 166 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,854 Just kidding, I do. 167 00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:33,314 But so nice for the girls. 168 00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:35,559 Winter Traditions from Around the World. 169 00:05:35,652 --> 00:05:37,243 I got it off the Internet 'cause all the parts 170 00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,153 were the same size and it seemed sweet. 171 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,064 18 different costumes, Linda. 172 00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:44,067 I didn't see that crucial detail till it was too late to change. 173 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,585 Ginny's a little stretched. 174 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,571 Did the girls audition for the parts, or how did you choose? 175 00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:49,406 -Randomly assigned. -Randomly assigned, I told you. 176 00:05:49,575 --> 00:05:52,834 Still, fits her like a glove, this outfit. 177 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,001 I wanted to be the star. 178 00:05:54,096 --> 00:05:55,354 You're the candle, Harley. 179 00:05:55,505 --> 00:05:57,414 You have pathos. You have emotion. 180 00:05:57,432 --> 00:05:59,933 It's fire. Be the fire, Harley. 181 00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:01,434 I'm four other parts, too, 182 00:06:01,587 --> 00:06:02,936 but the star is kind of a through line. 183 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,512 Uh-huh. (whispering): Watch your back. 184 00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:07,273 She's gunning for you. They all are. 185 00:06:07,426 --> 00:06:09,201 So, she gave you all sheets of paper, 186 00:06:09,352 --> 00:06:11,185 but they basically just say to look at her 187 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:12,445 and she'll tell you what to do 188 00:06:12,598 --> 00:06:13,947 -with her hands? -STUDENTS: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 189 00:06:14,099 --> 00:06:15,432 At the same time, even though 190 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,525 -some of you play different notes? -STUDENTS: Mm-hmm. 191 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,269 That doesn't seem... Is that possible? 192 00:06:19,287 --> 00:06:22,272 -Ms. Merkin's in Mensa. -She's on a whole other level. 193 00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:25,083 Would you say this is important to you guys? 194 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,459 STUDENTS: Yeah. 195 00:06:26,612 --> 00:06:28,035 -Ms. Merkin's my favorite teacher. -Same. 196 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,613 She's my 68-year-old soul sister. 197 00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:32,282 All right. Understood. We'll just have to, um, 198 00:06:32,451 --> 00:06:35,877 figure out a way to, uh, make Ms. Merkin proud. 199 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,287 We probably have about one minute. 200 00:06:37,347 --> 00:06:38,730 Anyone want to explain music to me real quick, 201 00:06:38,957 --> 00:06:41,307 so I can make it happen with my arms somehow tonight? 202 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,235 Uh... I'll start at the beginning. 203 00:06:43,462 --> 00:06:45,404 I'll start with Prince. Who's got an MP3 player? 204 00:06:45,597 --> 00:06:47,647 How are you with explicit lyrics? 205 00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,241 Where's Linda, Bob? 206 00:06:49,392 --> 00:06:50,742 We had to split up tonight. 207 00:06:50,894 --> 00:06:53,303 Our oldest is doing a play at City Hall Plaza. 208 00:06:53,321 --> 00:06:55,747 We're rushing out after this to go see our oldest do, 209 00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:57,082 uh, choir at the high school. 210 00:06:57,309 --> 00:06:58,566 Is that how you say that, "do choir"? 211 00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:00,160 -Yeah, that's right. -That sounds right. 212 00:07:00,312 --> 00:07:02,312 We, uh, we actually have three kids' things tonight. 213 00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,647 We're missing one completely. 214 00:07:03,815 --> 00:07:04,831 -Oh... -Oh. -(winces) 215 00:07:04,983 --> 00:07:06,407 Oh. You all just reacted 216 00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:07,817 more than I thought you would. 217 00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:09,152 Now I feel really bad. 218 00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:10,820 -No... -No. No. 219 00:07:10,839 --> 00:07:13,156 -There you go. -Thanks for your help, Linda. 220 00:07:13,249 --> 00:07:14,433 This all went more smoothly 221 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:15,917 when the dress rehearsal was in my apartment, 222 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,327 and we didn't do the "dress" part. 223 00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:19,162 No problem. Hey, you don't want to put on 224 00:07:19,331 --> 00:07:20,588 a show like this without a... 225 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,165 -What is this? -Yule log. 226 00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:24,109 Norse tradition, not a giant poop. 227 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,002 Oh, no, I didn't think that. 228 00:07:26,171 --> 00:07:28,004 It's come up. Thank you, Jodi. 229 00:07:28,173 --> 00:07:29,597 -Sorry, once you see it... -No, I know. 230 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,524 -JODI: Poop. -GINNY: Yup. -TINA: Hmm. 231 00:07:31,677 --> 00:07:33,843 Wonder if Louise has read her poop poem yet. 232 00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:35,436 She was acting weird in the car. 233 00:07:35,514 --> 00:07:37,013 I still think you should've submitted 234 00:07:37,032 --> 00:07:38,198 something from the heart this year. 235 00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:39,699 I know. That would've been hilarious. 236 00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,201 -TINA: I think... -But didn't you say 237 00:07:41,353 --> 00:07:42,852 you wrote a dumb serious one, 238 00:07:42,913 --> 00:07:44,854 which were your words not mine. Can I just see your folder? 239 00:07:44,873 --> 00:07:47,073 -I thought I saw you put something... -Tina, enough. 240 00:07:47,225 --> 00:07:49,301 TINA: Did she... 241 00:07:49,528 --> 00:07:50,210 Oh, my God. 242 00:07:50,362 --> 00:07:51,470 What, you got to pee? 243 00:07:51,697 --> 00:07:53,046 Too long to get you out of there. 244 00:07:53,198 --> 00:07:54,121 Hold it, honey. Everyone hold it, okay? 245 00:07:54,216 --> 00:07:55,456 YULE LOG GIRLS: Okay. 246 00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:57,124 No, Mom, I think Louise wrote a real poem 247 00:07:57,293 --> 00:07:58,551 for that library contest. 248 00:07:58,704 --> 00:08:00,145 I think she was embarrassed 249 00:08:00,372 --> 00:08:03,631 to admit that it might actually be important to her. 250 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,150 What?! 251 00:08:05,301 --> 00:08:07,043 That sneaky sneak head. 252 00:08:07,212 --> 00:08:08,636 And no parent there to see it. 253 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,213 She's all alone. 254 00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:12,407 TINA: Maybe they're livestreaming it? Probably not. 255 00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:18,830 -GINNY: Thundergirls Troop number 119 proudly presents... -Call me back. 256 00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,406 ...where poetry was born. 257 00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:22,167 Even before the written word, people gathered by the fire, 258 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:25,319 and there were odes and sermons. 259 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,248 You know what I think the very first poem was called? 260 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,991 -How Great is This Fire? -...while the students get, uh, 261 00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:31,251 settled behind their instruments, 262 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,919 -I'll say a few words. -(phone buzzing) 263 00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:34,629 -(whispers): Sorry. -BISSELBENDER: Which is what I'm doing. 264 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,681 -These are words. Tonight we're playing... -Sorry. 265 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,166 -BISSELBENDER: Twerkin' Merkin's Holiday Xylo-Jam. -I'm sorry. Sorry. So sorry. 266 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,094 -Louise what? -She tricked us. 267 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,262 She wrote a real poem. 268 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,930 -Why would she do that? -I know. 269 00:08:44,082 --> 00:08:45,190 What, she's sincere all of a sudden? 270 00:08:45,341 --> 00:08:46,507 No, why would she trick us? 271 00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:48,418 Maybe 'cause she was hiding her hurt feelings 272 00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:50,344 -that we couldn't go. -Oh, God. 273 00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,197 I was wondering why they chose a poop poem. 274 00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:54,181 I assumed they were just being edgy. 275 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,092 Bob, one of us has to get over there 276 00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:57,443 to hear her read that poem. 277 00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,371 You're right, you're right. Uh, you have the car. 278 00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:01,873 Can you go to Louise's thing after Tina's? 279 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,266 Or partway or something? 280 00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:05,359 Ugh, I would go, but I'm a stagehand now. 281 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:08,288 The troop leader-- uh, she's a little overwhelmed. 282 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:09,939 You should see the substitute teacher 283 00:09:10,033 --> 00:09:11,032 trying to run Gene's assembly. 284 00:09:11,126 --> 00:09:12,292 Look, I-I know you're on foot, 285 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:13,960 but how long is Gene's thing? 286 00:09:14,112 --> 00:09:15,554 45 minutes? An hour? 287 00:09:15,663 --> 00:09:19,115 Could you, like, slip out, and take, a-a cab to the library 288 00:09:19,134 --> 00:09:21,226 and then come back and see the end of Gene's? 289 00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:23,136 What, like, go to both, somehow? 290 00:09:23,288 --> 00:09:25,789 -Louise has nobody. -I... I mean, I... 291 00:09:25,882 --> 00:09:26,973 I guess? I don't... 292 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,458 (gasps) Oh, my God! There's a cab! 293 00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:30,718 Uh, I'll-I'll, uh, I'll call you back, Lin. 294 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:31,811 Taxi! 295 00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:33,129 Christmas morning. 296 00:09:33,148 --> 00:09:35,723 Christmas mourning. I miss her 297 00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,650 so much it hurts. 298 00:09:37,803 --> 00:09:38,910 Peppermint tears. 299 00:09:39,062 --> 00:09:41,154 Grandma feels near this year, but... 300 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:43,081 not anywhere I can reach. 301 00:09:43,308 --> 00:09:44,824 -(applause) -(sniffles) 302 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,143 Thank you, Aliah. Amazing. 303 00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:50,922 Whew. Okay, next up, uh, Benjamin Branf. 304 00:09:50,999 --> 00:09:53,316 Good luck following that. 305 00:09:53,409 --> 00:09:55,594 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You'll be great. 306 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:57,503 (panting) 307 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,413 You drove so far before you saw me. 308 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,099 Sorry about that. I thought you were a jogger, 309 00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:02,267 and you were going the same way as me. 310 00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:03,918 That's why I gave you the thumbs up. 311 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,586 I yelled so much. 312 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,180 So, if you were yelling, I apologize. I don't hear so well. 313 00:10:07,332 --> 00:10:09,332 You're, uh, you're taking me to the library, right? 314 00:10:09,351 --> 00:10:11,092 -To the what? -Where are we? 315 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,685 -Like, what town? -No. 316 00:10:12,838 --> 00:10:14,170 Are you taking me to the library? 317 00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:16,339 -You said "refinery." -No. What? 318 00:10:16,358 --> 00:10:18,024 Oh, my God, we're going the wrong way. 319 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,143 Uh, I need you to take me to the library, the public library, 320 00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:22,454 -that's what I said. -Oh... 321 00:10:22,681 --> 00:10:24,514 What refinery were you taking me to? 322 00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:26,199 I don't know, but I didn't want to seem 323 00:10:26,351 --> 00:10:27,533 like I didn't know, you know? 324 00:10:27,702 --> 00:10:29,185 -Agh! -All right, let me see 325 00:10:29,204 --> 00:10:30,611 if there's a place I can turn around. 326 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,872 I got to be honest, I'm not great at turning around. 327 00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:34,115 Oh, this can't be happening. 328 00:10:34,209 --> 00:10:36,876 (xylophones playing haphazardly) 329 00:10:37,028 --> 00:10:38,720 (groans) 330 00:10:44,219 --> 00:10:46,293 TINA: A star's light shines 331 00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,812 more brightly in the winter sky. 332 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,630 -A star's light can bring hope, -A star's light can bring hope, 333 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,557 -can inspire great journeys. -can inspire great journeys. 334 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:53,526 (grunting) 335 00:10:55,304 --> 00:10:57,230 -Mom, go to Louise's thing. -I can't, 336 00:10:57,382 --> 00:10:59,065 but it's okay, your father's going. 337 00:10:59,217 --> 00:11:00,474 Also, don't you have another scene? 338 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,327 It doesn't matter. I don't have any lines in it. 339 00:11:02,478 --> 00:11:04,145 How is Dad going to Louise's? 340 00:11:04,222 --> 00:11:06,072 -We have the car. -He's taking a cab. 341 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,332 He's probably there by now. 342 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:09,000 -DRIVER: Is that it? -BOB: No. 343 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:10,393 Is that it? 344 00:11:10,486 --> 00:11:12,170 Do-do you know what a library looks like? 345 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,487 (laughing) I know, right? 346 00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:14,506 I think, um... 347 00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:15,990 Actually, I think I know where we are. 348 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,592 Uh, j-j-just let me out here. 349 00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:20,345 Um, keep the change. Happy holidays. 350 00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:22,238 I hope you find what you're looking for. 351 00:11:22,331 --> 00:11:24,908 That's not a good thing for a cab driver to say. 352 00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:27,519 (sighs) Library. Oh, come on. 353 00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:29,913 Other people have maps that work. Nope. 354 00:11:29,931 --> 00:11:32,173 Okay. Calling Linda. Lin? 355 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,750 Did you see it? Was it good? 356 00:11:33,768 --> 00:11:35,268 The cab was a disaster. 357 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,769 Uh, I'm not at the library yet. 358 00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:37,921 Oh, Bob. 359 00:11:37,939 --> 00:11:39,013 She might've read it by now. 360 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,181 Do you see any, uh... 361 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,200 bicycles you could hop on? Or horses? 362 00:11:42,427 --> 00:11:44,928 I'm running. I'm hoping for a miracle here. 363 00:11:45,021 --> 00:11:46,520 Also, do you know the address of the library? 364 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,206 Yeah, I just dropped her off there. 365 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,266 It's, uh, it's on that street. 366 00:11:50,285 --> 00:11:52,101 Oh, my God, I'm blanking. What's the street? 367 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,102 You know the one. 368 00:11:53,121 --> 00:11:54,379 Wait! I see it! Yes! 369 00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:56,773 I see the library. The back of it. 370 00:11:56,791 --> 00:11:58,032 Lin, I'll call you back in a bit. 371 00:11:58,126 --> 00:11:59,867 The back of it? Oh, he hung up. 372 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,294 Uh, good job out there. 373 00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:03,279 Uh... Okay... 374 00:12:03,298 --> 00:12:05,131 -Uh, hi. Hey. -Hey? 375 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,783 -Wow, that's bright. -Thank you. 376 00:12:06,801 --> 00:12:08,618 Do you know if there's a way to get through the fence there? 377 00:12:08,636 --> 00:12:10,286 -To get to the library? -To the library? 378 00:12:10,305 --> 00:12:12,472 Yeah. My daughter's about to read a poem. 379 00:12:12,624 --> 00:12:14,232 A sincere poem. If I have to go all the way 380 00:12:14,309 --> 00:12:15,716 around the block, I'm worried I'll miss it. 381 00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:17,068 A sincere poem? 382 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,220 Yeah, it turns out. Not like her. 383 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,314 I don't know a way through, but I'll give you a boost. 384 00:12:21,466 --> 00:12:24,242 -(both grunting) -(barking) 385 00:12:24,469 --> 00:12:26,077 -Louie, no! -What's happening? 386 00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:27,245 -Sorry. -(grunts) 387 00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:29,138 -(screams) -Louie, down. 388 00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:30,473 -Down, Louie. -Aah! Why's he doing this? 389 00:12:30,566 --> 00:12:32,917 Maybe he thinks you're a burglar? Uh, kisses. 390 00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:35,236 -Just kisses, Louie. -(grunts) 391 00:12:35,404 --> 00:12:37,422 -Uh, thanks? -Oh, you're welcome. 392 00:12:37,649 --> 00:12:38,648 Oh... 393 00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:42,076 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 394 00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:43,410 What happened here? 395 00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,655 I'm at the library, she's not at the library. 396 00:12:45,673 --> 00:12:47,432 LOUISE: What was I thinking? I can't read this. 397 00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:49,083 What if they hate it? 398 00:12:49,252 --> 00:12:51,436 I could... read this one. 399 00:12:51,663 --> 00:12:53,846 They'll be like, "That's not the poem you submitted," 400 00:12:54,015 --> 00:12:56,441 but by the time they figure it out, I'll be done. 401 00:12:56,668 --> 00:13:00,353 I'll be out of here. Did I put my tights on backwards? 402 00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:01,696 Yes, I did. 403 00:13:06,177 --> 00:13:07,601 -(phone vibrates) -Bob? 404 00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:08,953 (panting) Wrong branch. 405 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,789 -What?! Right, sorry. -Shh. 406 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,791 I went to the main branch of the library. 407 00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:14,367 They're closed. Where's Louise? 408 00:13:14,519 --> 00:13:16,202 Our branch, the local branch. 409 00:13:16,404 --> 00:13:17,778 You went to the main branch? 410 00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:18,946 There's a local branch? 411 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,206 Did we used to come to this one? 412 00:13:20,358 --> 00:13:22,208 Yeah. Then they built one closer to us. 413 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,511 Oh, it's too many libraries. There should just be one. 414 00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:26,879 I mean, I wouldn't run for office on that platform. 415 00:13:27,032 --> 00:13:29,808 Oh, I feel really bad about myself right now. 416 00:13:29,993 --> 00:13:31,551 Oh, God, we're bad parents. 417 00:13:31,703 --> 00:13:33,052 Should I go? I can't go. 418 00:13:33,204 --> 00:13:35,204 Listen, I'm going back to school, 419 00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:36,722 to catch the end of Gene's. 420 00:13:36,891 --> 00:13:38,799 I... I hate the holidays, Lin. 421 00:13:38,893 --> 00:13:41,302 -No. -All right, I don't. I don't, 422 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,880 but I-I definitely hate running, 423 00:13:43,898 --> 00:13:44,972 and I've been doing a lot of it, 424 00:13:45,024 --> 00:13:46,566 and I hate this camera bag. Oh! 425 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,235 -Bob? Bob? -(crying) Ow! 426 00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:51,830 -(playing haphazardly) -Okay... Okay. 427 00:13:51,981 --> 00:13:52,980 Okay. Hey. 428 00:13:53,074 --> 00:13:55,074 (chuckles) Thank you. 429 00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:57,484 That was, I think, three different songs 430 00:13:57,579 --> 00:14:00,063 being played at the same time, and that is on me. 431 00:14:00,156 --> 00:14:01,322 -(scattered applause) -We are going 432 00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:03,157 to, uh, have a little intermission now. 433 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,992 Please, um, don't leave. I mean, you know, 434 00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:06,736 stay in the auditorium. 435 00:14:06,754 --> 00:14:08,571 We're just, um... We're gonna huddle up for a sec, and 436 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,256 we'll be right back to finish our program 437 00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:11,349 for this evening. Again, uh, 438 00:14:11,576 --> 00:14:13,092 don't leave. Uh, I mean, you have to take 439 00:14:13,244 --> 00:14:15,078 your children home with you, so you can't. 440 00:14:15,171 --> 00:14:18,172 (chuckles) Okay, um... bye. 441 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,265 We're terrible. 442 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,342 I've never heard angry applause before. 443 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:24,362 No. No, you're not terrible. We had a good start, 444 00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,923 then ten or 12 minutes of a kind of... 445 00:14:27,016 --> 00:14:28,107 Musical torture? 446 00:14:28,259 --> 00:14:29,701 Experimental torture. 447 00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:31,369 -But we can finish strong. -How? 448 00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,746 I don't know. What would Ms. Merkin do? 449 00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,265 -I don't know. -Aah! 450 00:14:36,284 --> 00:14:37,375 Hey. Uh, hi. 451 00:14:37,602 --> 00:14:39,785 I'm trained in trauma and disaster counseling. 452 00:14:39,938 --> 00:14:41,379 -Thank you. That's not helpful. -Sorry. 453 00:14:41,606 --> 00:14:44,290 Just... I'm trained, and I'm available to do that, now. 454 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,200 Should we just not play anymore? 455 00:14:46,294 --> 00:14:48,778 Like, at all? Ever? As a group of people? 456 00:14:48,871 --> 00:14:49,795 Wait, that's it. 457 00:14:49,948 --> 00:14:51,781 -It is? -No. Uh, yeah. 458 00:14:51,799 --> 00:14:53,282 We're playing too much. 459 00:14:53,301 --> 00:14:56,043 Uh, too many notes. What if we have fewer choices? 460 00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:58,454 I don't know what you mean, but I love this tone of voice. 461 00:14:58,547 --> 00:15:00,473 HARLEY and GINNY: Myths, traditions. 462 00:15:00,642 --> 00:15:03,384 -Go. -HARLEY: All spring from the powerful effect 463 00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,402 -of the long night... -Go. Go. 464 00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:06,738 ...on the human heart. The solstice. 465 00:15:06,889 --> 00:15:09,315 -HARLEY and GINNY: When we look to the sky... -Go ahead. 466 00:15:09,467 --> 00:15:11,801 TINA: Mom, seriously, go to Louise's thing. 467 00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,469 Dad didn't make it, but you can still go. 468 00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:15,655 Linda, please, dear God, don't leave me. 469 00:15:15,807 --> 00:15:16,822 Ginny, we can handle this. 470 00:15:16,975 --> 00:15:18,491 Linda, if you leave, I will die. 471 00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:20,901 -I will die. -Aah, this is a nightmare. 472 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:21,902 -What? -Nothing. 473 00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:24,497 Oh, no. (panting) 474 00:15:24,649 --> 00:15:25,648 Is it over? 475 00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:27,241 Intermission. What happened to you? 476 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,076 -Are-are your knees bleeding? -Yes. 477 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:30,244 I'm worried about you, Bob. 478 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,504 Did you go around and see what life 479 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,264 would've been like if you had never been born 480 00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:34,915 and someone punched you and threw you out of a bar 481 00:15:35,009 --> 00:15:36,659 and then you jumped in a river? 482 00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:38,085 -It was a little like that. -Well, that's actually better 483 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,178 than what's been happening here. 484 00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:41,664 My ears feel like your knees look. 485 00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:42,923 Please, take your seats. 486 00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:44,850 In a few minutes, these brave sixth graders 487 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,444 will return to the stage. 488 00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:49,505 -(grunting) -We're just making a few minor modifications. 489 00:15:49,524 --> 00:15:50,673 Where you from, sir? 490 00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:52,599 -Uh, here? -Here. That's fun. 491 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,178 Born in a school auditorium, ladies and gentlemen. 492 00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,696 -(polite laughter) -Done. 493 00:15:56,848 --> 00:15:58,514 Okay, that was my crowd work. I'm here all week. 494 00:15:58,533 --> 00:16:02,627 Or possibly never again. Hard to tell from that look. 495 00:16:08,951 --> 00:16:11,260 (simple motif playing) 496 00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:25,233 ♪ ♪ 497 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,343 I love this next poem. 498 00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:55,571 Let's have a big hand for Louise Belcher. 499 00:16:55,590 --> 00:16:58,391 ♪ ♪ 500 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,988 (driving motif playing) 501 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,426 Good job, you star, you. 502 00:17:17,445 --> 00:17:19,203 -HARLEY: Thank you. -What the... 503 00:17:19,355 --> 00:17:22,040 What did you do? What did you do to Tina? 504 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,876 It was Tina's idea. 505 00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:26,627 (gasps) 506 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,212 (clears throat) What's Around the Tree, 507 00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,290 by Louise Belcher. 508 00:17:47,308 --> 00:17:49,308 I can't see what's around the tree 509 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,977 when I'm pawing through the presents, but when 510 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:54,297 I sit back and get my present unwrapped, 511 00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,240 I look up and I see my parents. 512 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:59,635 I see and smell my brother, that's clearly 513 00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:00,820 where the gas is. 514 00:18:00,972 --> 00:18:01,913 And I see my sister... 515 00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:03,581 (clears throat, sniffles) 516 00:18:03,732 --> 00:18:06,567 ...with something that looks like gingerbread on her glasses. 517 00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:09,570 And we don't have gingerbread, so this is odd. 518 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,572 We made funny ornaments for the tree 519 00:18:11,649 --> 00:18:13,332 this year, and we make 520 00:18:13,484 --> 00:18:16,001 funny ornaments, sitting here around the tree 521 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,003 so jolly. 522 00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:19,246 I didn't expect to feel 523 00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:22,266 this way. I was focusing on Santa, 524 00:18:22,418 --> 00:18:24,936 but the best presents are sitting here, 525 00:18:25,121 --> 00:18:28,180 and they aren't even wrapped up. 526 00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:30,399 ♪ ♪ 527 00:18:50,021 --> 00:18:52,964 ♪ ♪ 528 00:19:04,886 --> 00:19:07,228 ♪ ♪ 529 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,983 (music ends) 530 00:19:12,134 --> 00:19:13,133 -BOB: Yay! -(applause) 531 00:19:13,227 --> 00:19:14,968 -Yes, yes! -Yay! 532 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,155 -Yes, yes! -Wow! 533 00:19:17,382 --> 00:19:18,263 Bravo! 534 00:19:18,416 --> 00:19:20,974 (applause fades out) 535 00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:22,551 (singsongy): You love your family. 536 00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:24,996 Bup, bup, bup, bup. Bup. Bup. Bup. 537 00:19:25,223 --> 00:19:26,164 What are you girls talking about back there? 538 00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:27,556 About how Louise loves her family. 539 00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:29,558 -Okay, she knows. -Aw... -You love us. 540 00:19:29,577 --> 00:19:31,502 I think we should tour, like a jam band, 541 00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:33,487 like The Flaming Lips, but with xylophones 542 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,673 -and we're in sixth grade. -Yeah, I think you should. 543 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,342 Hi. I almost forgot. I have your check. Good job. 544 00:19:38,569 --> 00:19:41,512 It counts as half a day, so it's $35. 545 00:19:41,664 --> 00:19:43,406 -Oh. -Geez. -Sorry. 546 00:19:43,499 --> 00:19:45,516 Mm, that's fine. Ooh, I should get going. 547 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:46,592 Uh, bye all. 548 00:19:46,761 --> 00:19:48,077 Bye. 549 00:19:48,095 --> 00:19:49,245 There goes the best damn 550 00:19:49,263 --> 00:19:51,189 substitute music teacher who knows nothing 551 00:19:51,340 --> 00:19:53,691 about music that I've ever seen. 552 00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,450 ♪ ♪ 553 00:20:05,854 --> 00:20:07,997 ♪ ♪ 554 00:20:13,771 --> 00:20:15,671 ♪ ♪ 555 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,137 ♪ Come and sit ♪ 556 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:36,049 ♪ Around the tree ♪ 557 00:20:36,143 --> 00:20:39,478 ♪ With me ♪ 558 00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:42,131 ♪ Sometimes ♪ 559 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,725 ♪ Gifts are simply ♪ 560 00:20:44,819 --> 00:20:48,913 ♪ Memories ♪ 561 00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:51,565 ♪ Why don't you come ♪ 562 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,326 ♪ And sit around ♪ 563 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,812 ♪ The tree ♪ 564 00:20:56,831 --> 00:20:58,238 ♪ With me. ♪ 565 00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:00,741 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 566 00:21:00,909 --> 00:21:02,409 and TOYOTA. 567 00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,595 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org