1
00:00:01,356 --> 00:00:03,125
COMMENTATOR:
He shoots. Score!

2
00:00:03,192 --> 00:00:05,227
-(BUZZER BUZZING)
-(CHEERING)

3
00:00:10,665 --> 00:00:12,167
Thanks for the suite, Ben.
You the best!

4
00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:13,435
Yeah!

5
00:00:13,502 --> 00:00:15,470
Uh, you're welcome,
you drunken maniacs.

6
00:00:18,273 --> 00:00:20,008
Excuse me?

7
00:00:20,075 --> 00:00:21,410
Are you one of the players?

8
00:00:21,476 --> 00:00:24,079
Oh, no, my job's
much better, big guy.

9
00:00:24,146 --> 00:00:27,682
You know what I do
is I'm in charge
of this entire arena.

10
00:00:27,749 --> 00:00:32,187
Every night,
17,505 people come here
expecting to have a good time.

11
00:00:32,254 --> 00:00:34,323
I make sure they do.

12
00:00:34,389 --> 00:00:35,724
Are you one of the players?

13
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:37,759
What? I just told...

14
00:00:37,826 --> 00:00:38,860
What the hell's
the matter with you?

15
00:00:38,927 --> 00:00:39,928
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

16
00:00:42,264 --> 00:00:43,532
Yeah.

17
00:00:43,598 --> 00:00:44,599
Right.

18
00:00:45,967 --> 00:00:47,169
Well, you tell Springsteen

19
00:00:47,236 --> 00:00:49,471
that I'm the boss
of this arena.

20
00:00:51,506 --> 00:00:53,942
Don't tell him that.
Tell him he gets
whatever he wants.

21
00:00:57,779 --> 00:01:00,415
Have you seen a really hot
marketing executive anywhere?

22
00:01:00,482 --> 00:01:01,516
Where you been, dude?

23
00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:03,051
I got a meeting
after the game.

24
00:01:03,118 --> 00:01:04,253
How much time do we have?

25
00:01:05,687 --> 00:01:07,456
Eight minutes, 13 seconds.

26
00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:10,159
-I can get a lot done in
eight minutes and 13 seconds.
-Really?

27
00:01:10,225 --> 00:01:13,795
I mean, I may not be
able to break out
any of my special moves.

28
00:01:13,862 --> 00:01:15,864
Which one of your
special moves is when
you look up and say,

29
00:01:15,930 --> 00:01:17,632
''I'm sorry, I don't know
what just happened?"

30
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:19,634
She's funny.
She's a funny girl.

31
00:01:19,701 --> 00:01:20,702
(GIGGLES)

32
00:01:26,641 --> 00:01:28,777
Hey, buddy, so you wanna
do this, or what?

33
00:01:28,843 --> 00:01:30,812
I do. I really do.

34
00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:34,516
I'm seeing other people.

35
00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:36,251
I'm seeing other people, too.

36
00:01:45,727 --> 00:01:46,828
(CAMEL BELLOWING)

37
00:01:46,895 --> 00:01:47,996
MAN: Happy birthday, Ben.

38
00:01:48,062 --> 00:01:50,131
Thanks, how do you know that?

39
00:01:53,168 --> 00:01:54,403
Morning.

40
00:02:00,008 --> 00:02:01,009
Okay.

41
00:02:07,182 --> 00:02:08,617
Happy birthday, Ben!

42
00:02:11,052 --> 00:02:12,587
(LION ROARING)

43
00:02:16,591 --> 00:02:18,227
(LION ROARING)

44
00:02:30,038 --> 00:02:31,906
(INDISTINCT TALKING)

45
00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:38,747
-Hey, you're the head
maintenance guy, right?
-Yes.

46
00:02:38,813 --> 00:02:42,016
And your name is Bob...
Bobenson... Bobert?

47
00:02:42,083 --> 00:02:43,285
-Yes.
-Really?

48
00:02:43,352 --> 00:02:45,220
Your name is
Bob Bobenson Bobert?

49
00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:47,589
Two years ago,
you told me you only wanted
to hear me say yes.

50
00:02:47,656 --> 00:02:50,459
It's tricky because
you don't always ask
yes or no questions.

51
00:02:50,525 --> 00:02:52,193
Well, forget about that,
for now.

52
00:02:52,261 --> 00:02:54,162
The circus is here tonight.

53
00:02:54,229 --> 00:02:56,331
And if there's ice
on the floor,
some of the fire-eaters

54
00:02:56,398 --> 00:02:58,233
may slip and fall
and impale themselves

55
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:00,569
on their sticks
that are on fire

56
00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:02,404
in front of all the
nice children.

57
00:03:02,471 --> 00:03:04,439
-Do you understand?
-Yes.

58
00:03:04,506 --> 00:03:06,675
Well, now I don't know
whether you're still doing
that thing or not.

59
00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:07,876
The hot water pump is broken.

60
00:03:07,942 --> 00:03:09,478
Why aren't you rushing
to fix this, Bobert?

61
00:03:09,544 --> 00:03:11,045
You also told me
to never run
in the hallway.

62
00:03:11,112 --> 00:03:14,683
Forget about
the conversation we had
two years ago.

63
00:03:14,749 --> 00:03:16,551
-Okay.
-Would you gather
everyone together

64
00:03:16,618 --> 00:03:19,020
and figure out a way
to melt the ice, please?

65
00:03:19,087 --> 00:03:20,589
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)

66
00:03:22,324 --> 00:03:24,293
Oh, no, no, no, no.

67
00:03:24,359 --> 00:03:26,328
-She wants to talk.
-It's never good, bro.

68
00:03:26,395 --> 00:03:28,330
Just melt the ice, Bobert.

69
00:03:30,399 --> 00:03:34,569
CHORUS:
* Mr. Sunshine, yay!

70
00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:49,551
CRYSTAL: Benjamin,
get in here.
Quickly! Quickly!

71
00:03:49,618 --> 00:03:51,686
Quick as you can.
Quick! Quick! Quick!

72
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,255
Uh, Crystal,
before you get upset and
start firing everybody,

73
00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:55,690
I'm on the ice thing.

74
00:03:57,459 --> 00:04:00,562
Have you seen
a small, white pill with some
Spanish written on it?

75
00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,831
I may have misgauged
your level of concern.

76
00:04:02,897 --> 00:04:04,599
Did I already take the pill?

77
00:04:05,634 --> 00:04:06,668
-(DEAD TONE)
-Hello?

78
00:04:09,371 --> 00:04:11,205
Yeah, I think you've already
taken the pill.

79
00:04:11,272 --> 00:04:14,142
I just hate it when
the circus is here.
Clowns terrify me.

80
00:04:14,208 --> 00:04:16,144
Are they happy?
Are they sad?

81
00:04:16,210 --> 00:04:17,646
Why are their pockets so big?

82
00:04:19,548 --> 00:04:21,115
(SIGHS) What are we
talking about?

83
00:04:21,182 --> 00:04:22,684
I believe you are talking
about clowns.

84
00:04:22,751 --> 00:04:24,285
I do not like them, Benjamin.

85
00:04:24,353 --> 00:04:26,521
Good morning,
beautiful people.

86
00:04:26,588 --> 00:04:30,124
Good morning, Alonzo.
You're in an impossibly
wonderful mood again today.

87
00:04:30,191 --> 00:04:31,893
Every day is a beautiful day,
my friend.

88
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,362
-Really? Every day?
-Hmm.

89
00:04:33,428 --> 00:04:34,963
What about the day
you missed the buzzer shot

90
00:04:35,029 --> 00:04:36,531
in the finals,
and shortly after that,

91
00:04:36,598 --> 00:04:38,433
our franchise moved
all the way to Cincinnati?

92
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,134
Ben, that was
the most beautiful day.

93
00:04:40,201 --> 00:04:42,704
That was the day I stopped
caring about myself

94
00:04:42,771 --> 00:04:44,005
and started my life of service

95
00:04:44,072 --> 00:04:45,807
to the great people
of San Diego.

96
00:04:45,874 --> 00:04:48,743
Right, right,
but didn't later that night
the great people of San Diego

97
00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:50,211
throw your car
into the bay?

98
00:04:50,278 --> 00:04:51,746
Yes, they did.

99
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,915
-Out of their
collective sorrow...
-You missed the shot!

100
00:04:53,982 --> 00:04:55,283
You missed it...

101
00:04:56,851 --> 00:04:58,453
What are you doing?

102
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,321
I gotta get this pill
out of my system.

103
00:05:00,389 --> 00:05:02,190
What's happening
with my charity event today?

104
00:05:02,256 --> 00:05:03,725
Cha... Charity? What...

105
00:05:03,792 --> 00:05:06,761
I invested
rather heavily in a legal,
Himalayan dog track.

106
00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:10,499
One of the dogs allegedly
bit a Himalayan.

107
00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:12,300
Anyway, I've got
a Himalayan nightmare
on my hands.

108
00:05:12,367 --> 00:05:15,269
And to counter
the negative press and improve
our stand in the community,

109
00:05:15,336 --> 00:05:17,071
both here and
in the Himalayas,

110
00:05:17,138 --> 00:05:20,875
Crystal Cohen has generously
offered to donate $50,000

111
00:05:20,942 --> 00:05:22,243
to an inner-city youth group.

112
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:24,713
Can't we use that money
to make this place nice again?

113
00:05:24,779 --> 00:05:27,248
Well, you are the owner,
so we should do what you say.

114
00:05:27,315 --> 00:05:28,417
Oh, wait a minute.

115
00:05:28,483 --> 00:05:29,684
I'm the owner.

116
00:05:29,751 --> 00:05:31,252
See that oil painting of me?

117
00:05:31,319 --> 00:05:34,088
They don't do oil paintings
of people who don't
own things, Benjamin.

118
00:05:34,155 --> 00:05:35,790
-Now, Alonzo.
-Hmm.

119
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:37,659
Make sure you have
a good mix of kids
for the photo-op.

120
00:05:37,726 --> 00:05:40,495
You know, black, white...

121
00:05:40,562 --> 00:05:43,031
The Himalayas
are in Asia, right?
-Mmm-hmm.

122
00:05:43,097 --> 00:05:44,399
Get me an Asian kid.

123
00:05:44,466 --> 00:05:46,768
Ooh. And I'm gonna need
some kind of a trophy.

124
00:05:46,835 --> 00:05:51,072
Have the Asian child hand me
some kind of a trophy.

125
00:05:51,139 --> 00:05:54,275
You're right to clap,
because these are all
very strong ideas.

126
00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:56,344
(MOUTHING)

127
00:05:56,411 --> 00:05:57,946
Oh, Benjamin, I almost forgot.

128
00:05:58,012 --> 00:05:59,280
My son is in your office.

129
00:05:59,347 --> 00:06:01,115
You... Your son?

130
00:06:01,182 --> 00:06:02,751
-You have a son?
-We're not close.

131
00:06:02,817 --> 00:06:05,720
Find him a job.
Melt the ice.
Happy birthday.

132
00:06:05,787 --> 00:06:07,121
-Wow.
-Yeah.

133
00:06:07,188 --> 00:06:09,157
So how is your new assistant
working out?

134
00:06:09,223 --> 00:06:12,260
Oh, Heather? Uh, she's great,
thank you for her, by the way.

135
00:06:12,326 --> 00:06:14,596
Always on time, very sweet.

136
00:06:14,663 --> 00:06:17,932
Remind me again, though,
what did she do?
She... She lit a man on fire?

137
00:06:17,999 --> 00:06:21,335
There was an investigation.
The evidence was inconclusive.

138
00:06:21,402 --> 00:06:23,271
Eh, yes.

139
00:06:23,337 --> 00:06:25,339
But the guy's
okay though, right?

140
00:06:25,406 --> 00:06:28,309
Well, she... She did
light him on fire, so...

141
00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:29,478
He's not great.

142
00:06:32,714 --> 00:06:36,117
(STUTTERING) Alonzo?

143
00:06:36,184 --> 00:06:40,288
What do you think it means
when a girl sends you a text
that says ''We need to talk.''

144
00:06:40,354 --> 00:06:42,256
That's funny.
I'm going through
something similar.

145
00:06:42,323 --> 00:06:46,260
Uh, I think it means
you have an opportunity
to get closer.

146
00:06:46,327 --> 00:06:47,629
What's better than that?

147
00:06:47,696 --> 00:06:49,931
-Yeah, that's what
I think, too.
-Hmm.

148
00:06:49,998 --> 00:06:52,567
-Happy birthday, little man.
-Thanks.

149
00:06:52,634 --> 00:06:53,735
Little man?

150
00:06:55,369 --> 00:06:56,671
Good morning, Heather.

151
00:06:56,738 --> 00:06:58,206
Good morning.

152
00:06:58,272 --> 00:07:00,141
Hey, could you do me a favor
and find out who put

153
00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:02,443
''Happy Birthday Ben''
up on the score board?

154
00:07:02,511 --> 00:07:04,546
-I did.
-Oh, well, I love it!

155
00:07:04,613 --> 00:07:06,247
And I'll tell you
why I love it.

156
00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:08,116
Because it promotes
a sense of family,

157
00:07:08,182 --> 00:07:10,151
a family that would never
harm one another.

158
00:07:12,020 --> 00:07:14,989
-Hey, Ben!
-Oh, God, jeez, what?

159
00:07:15,056 --> 00:07:17,592
There's a guy in your office.
And he's gorgeous.

160
00:07:17,659 --> 00:07:18,760
Okay.

161
00:07:26,234 --> 00:07:28,803
-Hi.
-Hi.

162
00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:30,404
Was somebody else
in here with you?

163
00:07:30,471 --> 00:07:32,373
Somebody maybe a little more
attractive than you are?

164
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,642
No.

165
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:36,244
Okay, I'm Ben.

166
00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:37,311
I'm Roman.

167
00:07:41,415 --> 00:07:44,185
So, you're Crystal's son.
That must be terrible for you.

168
00:07:44,252 --> 00:07:46,821
Yeah, it has
not been fantastic.

169
00:07:46,888 --> 00:07:49,457
Okay, well, we have to
find you a job, so uh...

170
00:07:49,524 --> 00:07:51,359
What are your interests?
What are your skills?

171
00:07:51,425 --> 00:07:52,861
(GRUNTING)

172
00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:54,295
Interests.

173
00:07:54,362 --> 00:07:57,265
Well, I like boats.

174
00:07:57,331 --> 00:07:58,867
I like how they float
on the ocean.

175
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:00,401
Okay.

176
00:08:00,468 --> 00:08:03,171
And, I like mafia movies!

177
00:08:03,237 --> 00:08:05,740
Uh, as for my skills...

178
00:08:10,979 --> 00:08:13,214
Okay, well, this is
a very exciting place.

179
00:08:13,281 --> 00:08:15,149
We've got
political conventions, sports,

180
00:08:15,216 --> 00:08:17,752
the rodeo, lingerie,
football, motocross.

181
00:08:17,819 --> 00:08:19,420
Does any of that
interest you at all?

182
00:08:19,487 --> 00:08:22,523
I do not know
what two of those things are.

183
00:08:22,591 --> 00:08:24,225
-Hi.
-Hi.

184
00:08:24,292 --> 00:08:25,760
Remember me?

185
00:08:25,827 --> 00:08:27,796
I sent you three texts
and you didn't return
any of them.

186
00:08:27,862 --> 00:08:29,798
I think after five months
of sleeping together,

187
00:08:29,864 --> 00:08:32,667
you'd know how much
dangling texts
drive me crazy.

188
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:35,136
Look, I know we said
we hate commitment,

189
00:08:35,203 --> 00:08:38,172
and I signed up for this
friends-with-benefits thing.

190
00:08:38,239 --> 00:08:40,709
But this morning, I woke up
at your place, alone.

191
00:08:40,775 --> 00:08:43,311
Which means, you snuck out
of your own apartment.

192
00:08:43,377 --> 00:08:45,313
And I couldn't find
my underwear.

193
00:08:45,379 --> 00:08:47,982
Until, I pulled them out
of my purse
while paying for coffee.

194
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:50,919
And although I did get
a free coffee, I need more.

195
00:08:50,985 --> 00:08:51,986
(ROMAN CHUCKLES)

196
00:08:54,522 --> 00:08:55,890
-Who is this?
-That's Roman.

197
00:08:55,957 --> 00:08:57,225
He likes boats.

198
00:08:57,291 --> 00:08:59,093
And mafia movies,
I like those too.

199
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,162
Hi, Roman. I'm Alice.

200
00:09:01,229 --> 00:09:02,764
I'm the marketing
director here.

201
00:09:02,831 --> 00:09:04,065
I didn't see you there.

202
00:09:04,132 --> 00:09:05,800
No, yeah,
I get that all the time.

203
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:07,268
Well, you and I
really need to talk.

204
00:09:09,137 --> 00:09:12,440
Yes, we do,
because it's an opportunity
to get closer.

205
00:09:12,506 --> 00:09:14,042
And what's better than that?

206
00:09:14,108 --> 00:09:15,644
-What are you doing?
-I don't know.

207
00:09:19,513 --> 00:09:22,583
Okay, this is as far away
from my office
as I could think of.

208
00:09:22,651 --> 00:09:25,286
I mean, this is a good
job opportunity for you.

209
00:09:25,353 --> 00:09:26,788
I'll see you
at the Christmas party.

210
00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:30,591
Hey, Ben!

211
00:09:30,659 --> 00:09:31,760
There's an elephant
loose in the building.

212
00:09:31,826 --> 00:09:33,662
Oh, you can't
possibly mean that,

213
00:09:33,728 --> 00:09:35,997
say it in Spanish,
I speak a little Spanish.

214
00:09:36,064 --> 00:09:37,899
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)

215
00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:39,734
Yeah, I don't understand
what you just said.

216
00:09:39,801 --> 00:09:41,369
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

217
00:09:44,205 --> 00:09:46,574
Well, actually,
your English is pretty good.

218
00:09:46,641 --> 00:09:48,409
And also... Oh, no.

219
00:09:49,343 --> 00:09:50,611
Elephant?

220
00:09:56,818 --> 00:09:59,420
Here, boy. Here, here, here,
big, big, big...

221
00:10:00,588 --> 00:10:03,257
Oh, Crystal, you may wanna
go back to your office.

222
00:10:03,324 --> 00:10:04,525
There's an elephant
loose in the building.

223
00:10:04,592 --> 00:10:07,228
I need you
to go over my speech
for the charity event.

224
00:10:07,295 --> 00:10:08,562
Did you hear
what I just said?

225
00:10:09,430 --> 00:10:10,631
I did not.

226
00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:15,737
Okay, let me see your speech.

227
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:20,909
I don't think
you should open with
''Yay, black kids.''

228
00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,310
Then when should I say it?

229
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:25,113
I don't think
you should say it at all.

230
00:10:25,179 --> 00:10:28,049
And I would also cut the song.

231
00:10:28,116 --> 00:10:31,252
Well, see, this is good.
This is the process.

232
00:10:31,319 --> 00:10:33,888
-Still ice out there.
-Yeah, I know.

233
00:10:33,955 --> 00:10:35,890
So, what are you gonna do
for your birthday. Any plans?

234
00:10:35,957 --> 00:10:37,692
No.

235
00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:40,194
Do you think it's sad
that I'm gonna be alone
on my birthday?

236
00:10:40,261 --> 00:10:41,429
Well, it doesn't seem
sad to me,

237
00:10:41,495 --> 00:10:42,897
that's the way
you set your life up.

238
00:10:42,964 --> 00:10:44,999
You never wanted someone to be
emotionally dependent on you,

239
00:10:45,066 --> 00:10:46,935
wondering how you are,
where you are,

240
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:48,169
kissing you goodbye
in the morning,

241
00:10:48,236 --> 00:10:50,171
waiting for you
to get home at night?

242
00:10:50,238 --> 00:10:51,906
You're an island.
What better day
to celebrate all of that,

243
00:10:51,973 --> 00:10:53,007
than on your birthday?

244
00:10:53,074 --> 00:10:55,910
Yeah. Yeah.

245
00:10:55,977 --> 00:10:58,913
But on your birthday,
you throw huge parties
for yourself.

246
00:10:58,980 --> 00:11:02,884
Well, sure, I need reminders
that I'm not just floating
in this world all by myself.

247
00:11:02,951 --> 00:11:04,786
I need to know that
I'm not gonna be alone.

248
00:11:04,853 --> 00:11:06,354
You don't need that.
You're young.

249
00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,655
What are you? 31? 32?

250
00:11:07,722 --> 00:11:08,957
-I'm 40.
-Ooh.

251
00:11:17,131 --> 00:11:19,300
Not sure what to do now.

252
00:11:19,367 --> 00:11:21,202
I'll get out,
and you can just
drive away.

253
00:11:21,269 --> 00:11:23,671
Thanks.

254
00:11:23,738 --> 00:11:26,908
* All the blacks,
and the whites,
and the Asians... *

255
00:11:26,975 --> 00:11:28,176
Don't sing the song.

256
00:11:33,547 --> 00:11:35,549
-Hi.
-Oh, hey.

257
00:11:35,616 --> 00:11:37,518
-Listen...
-(OVERLAPPING TALKING)

258
00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:39,487
Can I go first?
I'd really like to go first.

259
00:11:41,522 --> 00:11:44,192
I think we should
go to dinner, tonight,
for my birthday.

260
00:11:44,258 --> 00:11:46,394
I think that's a very good
step for us.

261
00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:48,196
I... I like... I like you.

262
00:11:49,831 --> 00:11:52,333
And I think we should
be together.

263
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,734
I'm ending this with you.

264
00:11:55,669 --> 00:11:57,505
Why did you let me go first?

265
00:12:00,909 --> 00:12:02,777
-Try to understand...
-(OVERLAPPING TALKING)

266
00:12:02,844 --> 00:12:06,180
You go first.
In all future conversations,
you go first.

267
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,582
We were seeing
other people, remember?

268
00:12:08,649 --> 00:12:12,620
Well, for me,
other people is Alonzo.

269
00:12:12,686 --> 00:12:14,422
Alonzo?
He's my best friend.

270
00:12:14,488 --> 00:12:16,524
-You hate Alonzo.
-Oh, I do hate Alonzo.

271
00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:18,827
For a while now,
he's wanted me
to move in with him.

272
00:12:18,893 --> 00:12:20,428
He, he wants
more of a commitment.

273
00:12:20,494 --> 00:12:21,963
He wants more of a commitment?

274
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,764
This is a man
we're talking about, right?

275
00:12:23,832 --> 00:12:26,067
-Oh, very much so.
-(BABBLING)

276
00:12:26,134 --> 00:12:28,669
Look, Ben.
Alonzo is a grown-up.

277
00:12:28,736 --> 00:12:30,238
He cares about other people.

278
00:12:30,304 --> 00:12:32,306
He asks me questions
about myself,

279
00:12:32,373 --> 00:12:34,208
and actually listens
to the answers.

280
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:37,145
Oh, well, you know
what he sounds like to me?
A stupid idiot.

281
00:12:37,211 --> 00:12:38,847
I'm surprised this is even
bothering you.

282
00:12:38,913 --> 00:12:41,649
Well, what bothers me is
I thought we were the same.

283
00:12:41,715 --> 00:12:44,052
When you said
you were emotionally broken,
I believed you.

284
00:12:44,118 --> 00:12:45,987
-Hey, Alice,
will you unzip me?
-No!

285
00:12:46,054 --> 00:12:47,889
-I dropped a taco in here.
-Just get out.

286
00:12:47,956 --> 00:12:49,557
It's starting to really smell.

287
00:12:49,623 --> 00:12:51,860
What did he say
when you told him?

288
00:12:51,926 --> 00:12:53,828
He was already
a very happy man,

289
00:12:53,895 --> 00:12:55,663
this must have made
his head explode.

290
00:12:55,729 --> 00:12:57,565
I haven't told him yet.

291
00:12:57,631 --> 00:12:58,699
But I will.

292
00:13:00,268 --> 00:13:01,502
Hey, you know what?

293
00:13:01,569 --> 00:13:02,736
Don't tell him anything.

294
00:13:02,803 --> 00:13:05,506
Move in with me.
We can do the committed thing.

295
00:13:05,573 --> 00:13:08,877
And we can hold hands,
or talk to each other,
whatever you want to do.

296
00:13:08,943 --> 00:13:10,511
(LAUGHING) Oh, God.

297
00:13:10,578 --> 00:13:12,513
What're you doing?
Why are you making
those sounds?

298
00:13:12,580 --> 00:13:14,548
Honey, I'm not
the answer for you.

299
00:13:14,615 --> 00:13:17,919
You're sweet,
and you're really fun
to be around.

300
00:13:17,986 --> 00:13:19,921
But no one is the
answer for you

301
00:13:19,988 --> 00:13:22,290
because you only think
about yourself.

302
00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:24,725
(ROMAN SCREAMING)

303
00:13:24,792 --> 00:13:27,428
-What was that?
-I think it was
the inside of my head.

304
00:13:31,732 --> 00:13:34,835
I can't be a fry-cook.

305
00:13:34,903 --> 00:13:37,972
Let's go.
There's an elephant loose,
the ice won't melt,

306
00:13:38,039 --> 00:13:39,941
your borderline racist mother
is speaking

307
00:13:40,008 --> 00:13:41,842
to a group of ethnic children
in 20 minutes

308
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:44,278
and you, now, are apparently
just always around.

309
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,080
-Looks like it.
-(SIGHS)

310
00:13:46,147 --> 00:13:49,450
Alice is gonna
commit to Alonzo and live
happily ever after.

311
00:13:49,517 --> 00:13:50,518
Aw.

312
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:52,686
(GROANS)

313
00:13:52,753 --> 00:13:54,088
You know what
the worst part is?

314
00:13:54,155 --> 00:13:55,289
She's making
the right decision.

315
00:13:55,356 --> 00:13:56,724
She's completely
right about me.

316
00:13:56,790 --> 00:13:58,893
I don't care about anyone
other than myself.

317
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,594
Tell me something about you.

318
00:14:00,661 --> 00:14:02,530
Well, um...

319
00:14:02,596 --> 00:14:05,033
I'm really nervous
'cause I haven't seen
my mom in a long time.

320
00:14:05,099 --> 00:14:06,434
Yes, see, I don't care.

321
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:08,869
I find it virtually impossible
to care about any of that.

322
00:14:08,937 --> 00:14:10,438
All of a sudden,
I wanna make a connection

323
00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,073
and I don't have
the first clue how to do it.

324
00:14:12,140 --> 00:14:13,307
I'm in trouble, man.

325
00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:18,779
Hey,
do you know the song,
Rainbow Connection?

326
00:14:20,114 --> 00:14:21,249
Kermit the Frog, right?

327
00:14:21,315 --> 00:14:22,550
Yeah.

328
00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:24,818
Well, what about it?

329
00:14:25,886 --> 00:14:27,488
It's just a really good song.

330
00:14:30,558 --> 00:14:31,892
Come on, man.

331
00:14:35,829 --> 00:14:37,731
-That's him, that's him.
-Everyone say "Sunshine!"

332
00:14:37,798 --> 00:14:40,068
-(HORN SQUEAKING)
-ALL: Sunshine.

333
00:14:41,669 --> 00:14:43,938
Who wants to see the camel?
I know I do.

334
00:14:44,005 --> 00:14:45,306
How about you?

335
00:14:45,373 --> 00:14:46,407
Hey, Ben.

336
00:14:46,474 --> 00:14:47,875
BOTH: Hey!

337
00:14:50,979 --> 00:14:52,146
He is really appealing.

338
00:14:57,451 --> 00:14:59,620
Uh, hi.

339
00:14:59,687 --> 00:15:01,722
Do any of you guys
know how to use an ax?

340
00:15:01,789 --> 00:15:03,791
-ALL: Yeah.
-Of course.

341
00:15:05,926 --> 00:15:07,395
Come on, clown.

342
00:15:07,461 --> 00:15:09,230
Get it, get it.

343
00:15:09,297 --> 00:15:10,864
Get in there.

344
00:15:10,931 --> 00:15:12,333
Get in there.

345
00:15:16,504 --> 00:15:18,139
Good afternoon.

346
00:15:18,206 --> 00:15:20,141
-We're almost...
-Okay, here we go.
You ready?

347
00:15:20,208 --> 00:15:22,710
Where's the Asian kid?
I specifically requested
an Asian kid.

348
00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:24,378
There's an Asian kid
right there.

349
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,614
-And continuing
in that tradition...
-All right.

350
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:31,986
Of generosity,
I give to you the remarkable,
awe-inspiring Crystal Cohen!

351
00:15:32,053 --> 00:15:33,887
-(APPLAUSE)
-Yes!

352
00:15:33,954 --> 00:15:35,023
Yes!

353
00:15:36,957 --> 00:15:38,092
Thank you.

354
00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:39,493
(CAMERA CLICKING)

355
00:15:40,128 --> 00:15:42,196
Stop.

356
00:15:42,263 --> 00:15:43,531
-Stop.
-They have stopped.

357
00:15:45,199 --> 00:15:49,903
People often ask me
why I love children so much.

358
00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:54,708
Well, maybe it's because
I never had one of my own.

359
00:15:54,775 --> 00:15:56,577
I believe that
our children's happiness

360
00:15:56,644 --> 00:15:59,480
is the true marker
of the kind of people we are

361
00:15:59,547 --> 00:16:02,450
and the society
we want to live in.

362
00:16:02,516 --> 00:16:05,819
Their wellbeing is
of the utmost importance
as they are our future,

363
00:16:05,886 --> 00:16:10,258
and when you ask them
to get things for you,
they do it with enthusiasm.

364
00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:13,294
Or maybe it's something
I've come to believe
as I've gotten older.

365
00:16:13,361 --> 00:16:17,831
That a life lived
only for oneself
is empty.

366
00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:21,369
Only when I, finally,
looked outside of myself

367
00:16:21,435 --> 00:16:23,104
and recognized
the needs of others,

368
00:16:23,171 --> 00:16:27,007
did I begin to become
the kind of person
I wanted to be.

369
00:16:27,075 --> 00:16:28,476
(CHUCKLES)

370
00:16:28,542 --> 00:16:30,978
I wasn't going to,
but I think I need to sing

371
00:16:31,045 --> 00:16:33,181
a little song I wrote
for this occasion.

372
00:16:34,448 --> 00:16:35,483
Oh, oh.

373
00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:39,420
* Oh, the blacks
and the whites

374
00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:43,657
* And the Asians,
and the Himalayans too

375
00:16:43,724 --> 00:16:49,630
* The Middle-Eastern Indians
and all of the Jews... *

376
00:16:49,697 --> 00:16:51,999
BEN: Well, aside from
the musical portion,

377
00:16:52,066 --> 00:16:53,767
that was unbelievably moving.

378
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:55,703
Sometimes,
it's a real pleasure
to work for you.

379
00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:57,171
I'm crazy high right now.

380
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:00,941
(CAMERA CLICKING)

381
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,445
All right, just a little bit.

382
00:17:04,512 --> 00:17:07,081
On three, everyone say,
''Thank you, Crystal Cohen!"
Okay?

383
00:17:07,148 --> 00:17:09,450
Big smiles, big smiles.
That's good. Ready?

384
00:17:10,484 --> 00:17:12,120
One, two...

385
00:17:14,122 --> 00:17:15,823
(SCREAMS) Look out!

386
00:17:15,889 --> 00:17:17,024
-Clowns with axes!
-(CAMERAS CLICKING)

387
00:17:17,091 --> 00:17:18,292
Clowns with axes!

388
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:19,693
-(CHILDREN SCREAMING)
-Clowns with axes!

389
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:21,495
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!

390
00:17:21,562 --> 00:17:22,730
(SCREAMING)

391
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:24,698
Clowns with axes!

392
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:28,936
(SCREAMING)
Clowns with axes!

393
00:17:29,002 --> 00:17:31,405
What an almost beautiful,
beautiful moment.

394
00:17:37,511 --> 00:17:39,480
Hi, I noticed you took off
a little early.

395
00:17:39,547 --> 00:17:41,415
-You okay?
-Oh, yeah.

396
00:17:41,482 --> 00:17:43,784
Yeah, good, okay,
I'll see you tomorrow.

397
00:17:49,257 --> 00:17:50,291
Hi.

398
00:17:51,024 --> 00:17:53,093
Uh...

399
00:17:53,161 --> 00:17:56,264
A very smart woman
pointed out to me
earlier today

400
00:17:56,330 --> 00:17:58,766
that I may not always
be the best at noticing

401
00:17:58,832 --> 00:18:01,869
or caring what's going on
with other people.

402
00:18:01,935 --> 00:18:03,537
So, I'm just gonna
ask you again.

403
00:18:04,305 --> 00:18:05,539
Are... Are you okay?

404
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:07,775
I'm a little scared.

405
00:18:08,542 --> 00:18:10,010
Well, uh...

406
00:18:11,145 --> 00:18:12,546
Yeah.

407
00:18:12,613 --> 00:18:15,916
You know, you gotta
be wondering if you're
picking the right guy.

408
00:18:15,983 --> 00:18:18,252
Oh, I'm a 100% sure
I'm picking the right guy.

409
00:18:18,319 --> 00:18:21,155
Oh, right, well,
what a wonderful...

410
00:18:21,222 --> 00:18:22,723
Wonderful moment.

411
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,124
(LAUGHS)

412
00:18:25,593 --> 00:18:27,161
I've never done this before.

413
00:18:28,095 --> 00:18:29,897
What if I'm not ready?

414
00:18:29,963 --> 00:18:32,633
What if he just thinks
he wants me?

415
00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:34,902
What if after he gets me,
he doesn't want me anymore?

416
00:18:38,439 --> 00:18:40,040
Of course he's gonna want you.

417
00:18:41,409 --> 00:18:43,143
You're beautiful,

418
00:18:43,211 --> 00:18:44,578
and you're smart,

419
00:18:45,379 --> 00:18:46,680
you're everything.

420
00:18:48,449 --> 00:18:49,750
You're everything.

421
00:18:52,253 --> 00:18:54,322
You know,
maybe what you need,
right about now,

422
00:18:54,388 --> 00:18:56,857
is a friend,
and I could be that for you.

423
00:18:58,392 --> 00:18:59,393
Okay?

424
00:19:00,261 --> 00:19:01,429
Okay.

425
00:19:05,032 --> 00:19:06,133
Okay.

426
00:19:11,705 --> 00:19:13,807
Hey, you know,
we could have sex
one last time.

427
00:19:16,176 --> 00:19:18,646
That's, uh...
That's not a good idea at all.

428
00:19:27,755 --> 00:19:28,989
Hello, Crystal.

429
00:19:29,056 --> 00:19:31,459
I see in the schedule
John Cougar Mellencamp

430
00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:32,626
is playing here
next Wednesday

431
00:19:32,693 --> 00:19:34,462
and I'd very much like
to make love to him.

432
00:19:35,229 --> 00:19:36,764
I will see
what I can do.

433
00:19:38,165 --> 00:19:39,900
I just spoke
to the photographer,

434
00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:44,071
and this is the picture
they were gonna go with
in tomorrow's paper.

435
00:19:44,137 --> 00:19:46,206
Ooh, look at my arms.

436
00:19:46,274 --> 00:19:48,242
-Pilates is paying off.
-Yes.

437
00:19:48,309 --> 00:19:50,978
May I direct your attention
to the terrified child

438
00:19:51,044 --> 00:19:52,613
you're hurling
through the air?

439
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,282
Oh. Oh, missed that.

440
00:19:55,182 --> 00:19:56,350
In any case,

441
00:19:56,417 --> 00:19:59,186
this is what
I've convinced them
to go with now.

442
00:19:59,253 --> 00:20:00,721
Aw, it looks like
I'm hugging him.

443
00:20:00,788 --> 00:20:02,790
-That was the thought.
-How much?

444
00:20:02,856 --> 00:20:04,792
More than when you kicked
the policeman,

445
00:20:04,858 --> 00:20:06,527
less than when you sank
the mayor's boat.

446
00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:08,161
-Great.
-Great.

447
00:20:09,330 --> 00:20:10,598
While I have you,

448
00:20:10,664 --> 00:20:12,132
I'd like you to sit down
with someone

449
00:20:12,199 --> 00:20:15,336
whose childlike enthusiasm
and loyalty is gonna make him

450
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:18,272
a terrific asset here at
The Sunshine Center.

451
00:20:21,575 --> 00:20:23,043
Get in the cart.
Get in the cart.

452
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,216
I'm sure you two have
a lot to talk about.

453
00:20:31,018 --> 00:20:32,420
(MOUTHING)

454
00:20:34,488 --> 00:20:36,056
-Hi, Mom.
-Hello, son.

455
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:37,858
Wonderful.

456
00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:41,061
Happy birthday, Ben.

457
00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:42,129
Thanks.

458
00:20:42,663 --> 00:20:43,897
Hey.

459
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:45,933
What's your name?

460
00:20:45,999 --> 00:20:47,868
-Dan.
-Dan.

461
00:20:47,935 --> 00:20:49,002
Thanks, Dan.

462
00:20:51,271 --> 00:20:52,406
Already forgot it.

463
00:20:56,910 --> 00:20:59,813
Hey, Ben.
Have you seen Alice?

464
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,416
Uh, yeah.
She's up in her office.

465
00:21:02,483 --> 00:21:05,152
I was just talking to her.
Not about anything important.
Just a work thing.

466
00:21:08,822 --> 00:21:10,123
There's an elephant
in the room.

467
00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:11,359
Yeah, I know.

468
00:21:11,425 --> 00:21:12,660
Ben?

469
00:21:12,726 --> 00:21:14,395
(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING)

470
00:21:15,329 --> 00:21:17,097
Oh, I see what you mean.

471
00:21:17,965 --> 00:21:19,567
(GROWLING)

472
00:21:21,402 --> 00:21:23,136
What do you do
in a situation like this?

473
00:21:23,203 --> 00:21:26,006
You know what?
Uh, I'm gonna run for my life.

474
00:21:26,073 --> 00:21:28,342
-Yeah, I'll do that too.
-(ELEPHANT TRUMPETING ANGRILY)