1 00:00:07,762 --> 00:00:10,432 -Good morning, Heather. -Hey, Ben, Crystal wants to see you. 2 00:00:10,499 --> 00:00:12,267 And I tried to call your apartment this morning, 3 00:00:12,334 --> 00:00:14,936 but you must have given me the wrong number again. 4 00:00:15,003 --> 00:00:17,906 This time I got Habib's Falafel. 5 00:00:17,972 --> 00:00:21,976 I must have written it down wrong every single time you ask me for it. 6 00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:25,046 It's tough for me to handle your affairs if I don't have access to you all the time, 7 00:00:25,114 --> 00:00:26,715 wherever you are, day and night. 8 00:00:26,781 --> 00:00:28,650 Okay. Well, I'll give it to you again sometime 9 00:00:28,717 --> 00:00:31,986 so that you'll be able to reach me in the nighttime. 10 00:00:36,591 --> 00:00:39,694 -Okay. -Man, she's amazing. 11 00:00:39,761 --> 00:00:41,163 I wanna ask her out on a real date, 12 00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:42,897 I'm just so nervous to be alone with her. 13 00:00:42,964 --> 00:00:46,000 I'm nervous, too. I actually eat dinner at Habib's Falafel. 14 00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:47,736 She's closing in! 15 00:00:47,802 --> 00:00:49,671 I've just never liked a girl as much as Heather. 16 00:00:49,738 --> 00:00:53,041 She's sweet and funny and loyal. 17 00:00:53,108 --> 00:00:55,810 Hey, you know she can climb a wall without a rope or anything? 18 00:00:55,877 --> 00:00:58,613 You know, Roman, are you sure you wanna go on a date with Heather? 19 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,183 Something could go wrong, and then she'd be like... 20 00:01:02,016 --> 00:01:03,218 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 21 00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:05,520 and you'd be the... (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 22 00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,456 What are you two whispering about? 23 00:01:07,522 --> 00:01:08,890 Oh, nothing. 24 00:01:08,957 --> 00:01:11,360 Just talking about how hard it is to find the one. 25 00:01:11,426 --> 00:01:13,328 You know, like guys do. 26 00:01:16,665 --> 00:01:17,899 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 27 00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:24,773 -Morning, Gilligan. -I wouldn't say I love that. 28 00:01:24,839 --> 00:01:27,108 Crystal, why did you call us both into your office? 29 00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:28,543 And just so you know, we've talked about this, 30 00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:31,713 we are not doing any more scenes from Lethal Weapon for you. 31 00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,049 I called you here because I want you to meet my prize show dog, 32 00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:37,752 Riverdale Admiral Horatio Nelson Ticklefight. 33 00:01:37,819 --> 00:01:41,122 He does look like a Riverdale Admiral Horatio Nelson Ticklefight. 34 00:01:41,956 --> 00:01:43,692 Nice to meet you. 35 00:01:45,994 --> 00:01:47,862 Uh, what's shakin'? 36 00:01:47,929 --> 00:01:51,633 As you know, the San Diego dog show is here, and it's Horatio's 37 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,968 last chance to win best in show. 38 00:01:54,035 --> 00:01:57,172 So I need to find the most handsome, 39 00:01:57,239 --> 00:02:00,575 charismatic man I know to present my dog. 40 00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:02,511 Now after much consideration, 41 00:02:02,577 --> 00:02:05,180 and a rather uncomfortable conversation with Maury Povich, 42 00:02:05,247 --> 00:02:07,015 I've narrowed it down to the two of you. 43 00:02:07,081 --> 00:02:09,017 Crystal, no. This is ridiculous. 44 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:12,086 I'm not taking part in some stupid competition that I didn't sign up for. 45 00:02:12,153 --> 00:02:14,456 Oh, good! Because I chose Alonzo. 46 00:02:14,523 --> 00:02:16,891 And now suddenly, I do wanna take part in it. 47 00:02:16,958 --> 00:02:19,694 -Why him? -Because of his good looks, his general appeal, 48 00:02:19,761 --> 00:02:21,930 and the fact that he was a former NBA star. 49 00:02:21,996 --> 00:02:24,899 Alonzo, it would truly be an honor 50 00:02:24,966 --> 00:02:28,870 to have you walk my dog in front of a bunch of rich, childless people. 51 00:02:28,937 --> 00:02:31,105 Crystal, was there a reason you called me in here? 52 00:02:31,172 --> 00:02:33,107 Don't be petty, I have something for you, too. 53 00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:34,709 I dropped my pen behind my console, 54 00:02:34,776 --> 00:02:36,711 and I need your delightfully small hands to retrieve it. 55 00:02:36,778 --> 00:02:38,847 I do not have small hands. 56 00:02:41,049 --> 00:02:43,618 I'll get the pen. 57 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:48,623 Crystal, I am flattered. I just don't think a dog show is my thing. 58 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:51,493 Please. This is Horatio's last chance. 59 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,795 I'm retiring him on humanitarian grounds. 60 00:02:53,862 --> 00:02:57,732 My vet said his little body can't take any more plastic surgeries. 61 00:02:57,799 --> 00:02:59,234 (BARKS AND WHINES) 62 00:02:59,301 --> 00:03:02,237 -All right. I'll do it. Whatever. -Wonderful! 63 00:03:02,304 --> 00:03:06,308 You have just put a big smile on this little fella's face. 64 00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:08,443 You just can't see it with all the botox. 65 00:03:09,778 --> 00:03:12,747 I got it. I have it. 66 00:03:12,814 --> 00:03:16,150 You understand that the reason I could reach the pen was a dexterity issue. 67 00:03:16,217 --> 00:03:18,019 Hey, I need you guys to help me tomorrow. 68 00:03:18,086 --> 00:03:21,690 An old, dear friend from high school who I can't friggin' stand is coming by, 69 00:03:21,756 --> 00:03:23,358 and I need to impress her. 70 00:03:23,425 --> 00:03:26,295 Jessica thought she was better than me in high school. 71 00:03:26,361 --> 00:03:28,897 She stole my boyfriend Dan, and now they're married, 72 00:03:28,963 --> 00:03:30,799 and she thinks they have this perfect life, 73 00:03:30,865 --> 00:03:32,601 although I don't know why I really care. 74 00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,703 -Dan was a face licker. -A what? 75 00:03:34,769 --> 00:03:36,771 -I think she said "Face licker." -I did. 76 00:03:36,838 --> 00:03:39,040 -He licked my face when we made out. -Ugh! 77 00:03:39,107 --> 00:03:41,343 But now I feel like I'm in a good place. 78 00:03:41,410 --> 00:03:43,044 I have a job I love, 79 00:03:43,111 --> 00:03:45,046 I'm finally dating a great guy. 80 00:03:45,113 --> 00:03:47,682 -Thank you, baby. -Yes, thank you, baby. 81 00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,584 So you'll come to dinner with us tomorrow, 82 00:03:49,651 --> 00:03:53,955 be your amazing self, and just shove it in that dumb hooch's face. 83 00:03:54,022 --> 00:03:57,058 You want me to make your friend feel bad about herself? 84 00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:59,761 -I do. -Sure, babe. 85 00:03:59,828 --> 00:04:02,331 -You are such a good man. -Do you need me for anything? 86 00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:04,132 Does anybody need me for anything? 87 00:04:04,198 --> 00:04:07,502 Yes. If you see me with Jessica, come up and say you need my expertise, 88 00:04:07,569 --> 00:04:09,037 and hand me an urgent message. 89 00:04:09,103 --> 00:04:10,605 Well, that won't make any sense. 90 00:04:10,672 --> 00:04:12,140 An urgent marketing message? 91 00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:14,709 "Oh, my God, the bobble heads aren't stupid enough." 92 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:17,178 -You're stupid enough. -Yeah, okay. I'll do it. 93 00:04:18,813 --> 00:04:22,417 CHORUS: * Mr. Sunshine, yay! 94 00:04:24,386 --> 00:04:26,921 -Hey, Ben. -Hello, Heather. 95 00:04:26,988 --> 00:04:30,592 You know how you were saying how hard it is to find the one? 96 00:04:30,659 --> 00:04:32,694 Well, would you ever like to be set up on a date? 97 00:04:32,761 --> 00:04:34,496 I have the perfect girl for you. 98 00:04:34,563 --> 00:04:37,599 I don't think so, Heather. I'm not really good at setups. 99 00:04:37,666 --> 00:04:41,403 I'm sure you're great at them and you're a terrific judge of character. 100 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,605 Is that a framed picture of the Unabomber? 101 00:04:43,672 --> 00:04:46,841 -Yeah. He signed it. -Oh, I wanna... 102 00:04:47,676 --> 00:04:49,110 I wanna go. 103 00:04:49,177 --> 00:04:51,079 Oh, I almost forgot. 104 00:04:51,145 --> 00:04:53,281 You have a meeting tonight with pro skateboarder Tony Hawk. 105 00:04:53,348 --> 00:04:54,916 Tony Hawk? I do? 106 00:04:54,983 --> 00:04:56,785 I love Tony Hawk. How did this happen? 107 00:04:56,851 --> 00:04:58,620 He called, saying he got all your letters 108 00:04:58,687 --> 00:05:00,989 asking to include The Sunshine Center on his tour, 109 00:05:01,055 --> 00:05:03,124 and he'd like to have dinner tonight to discuss it. 110 00:05:03,191 --> 00:05:04,926 Tony Hawk. This is so exciting. 111 00:05:04,993 --> 00:05:07,762 I guess you're right, if you pester celebrities long enough, 112 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,431 eventually, they have to notice you. 113 00:05:11,065 --> 00:05:14,669 Oh! Let's go ahead and send another muffin basket to Carrie Underwood. 114 00:05:17,706 --> 00:05:19,841 Hey, Diane. I'm here to meet Tony Hawk. 115 00:05:19,908 --> 00:05:21,610 The Tony Hawk, who's here to meet me. 116 00:05:21,676 --> 00:05:23,478 I'm here to meet him, he's here to meet me. 117 00:05:23,545 --> 00:05:25,514 I think I get it. Right this way. 118 00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:32,554 Hey. I'm sorry. 119 00:05:32,621 --> 00:05:35,123 I'm confused. I'm supposed to be meeting Tony Hawk, 120 00:05:35,189 --> 00:05:36,725 and I don't think he'd be wearing that. 121 00:05:36,791 --> 00:05:38,359 (LAUGHS) 122 00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:41,362 I, uh, I think someone's playing a little practical joke on you. 123 00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:42,964 Is it Tony Hawk? 124 00:05:43,031 --> 00:05:44,933 Does he know me well enough to know that I'd find that funny? 125 00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:49,137 No, um, it's Heather. I'm her sister. 126 00:05:49,203 --> 00:05:51,573 Okay, I think we're having some sort of misunderstanding. 127 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,709 So I'm gonna go talk to the ropers, 128 00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,711 and we'll get to the bottom of this. 129 00:05:56,778 --> 00:06:00,482 And, uh, maybe we can meet up later at the Regal Beagle. 130 00:06:00,549 --> 00:06:05,353 And you can look at a girl and fall off your bicycle into the sand. 131 00:06:07,822 --> 00:06:10,124 Uh, listen, I don't think I can do this. 132 00:06:10,191 --> 00:06:11,660 -Heather is... -Insane? 133 00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:14,463 (CHUCKLES) I was gonna say my assistant, 134 00:06:14,529 --> 00:06:18,166 but your word is really, really, really right, too. 135 00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:22,904 Heather is unique, but she does have a really good heart. 136 00:06:22,971 --> 00:06:25,540 But she did not tell me how good looking you are. 137 00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:31,312 Well, I got myself all gussied up for Tony Hawk. 138 00:06:32,213 --> 00:06:35,249 Funny, too. 139 00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:37,552 Look, I know that this isn't what you were expecting, 140 00:06:37,619 --> 00:06:40,021 so if you wanna go, I totally get it. 141 00:06:40,088 --> 00:06:44,459 Oh, no, I can, I can stay. You seem great. 142 00:06:44,526 --> 00:06:47,228 -Wanna watch me make out with the hostess? -Really? 143 00:06:47,295 --> 00:06:50,264 No. I'm not that great. (LAUGHS) 144 00:06:50,331 --> 00:06:53,835 No, listen, I don't have any plans. I was just gonna go home 145 00:06:53,902 --> 00:06:55,637 and remove my pants and watch Tootsie again. 146 00:06:55,704 --> 00:06:57,806 I love Tootsie. That's my favorite movie. 147 00:06:57,872 --> 00:07:00,141 -Oh, Dustin Hoffman's my favorite actor. -Mine, too! 148 00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:02,410 I actually do a Dustin Hoffman impression. 149 00:07:02,477 --> 00:07:04,579 I mean, I'm not gonna do it right now, unless you want me to. 150 00:07:04,646 --> 00:07:06,147 I'm gonna do it. 151 00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:08,850 Okay, this is Dustin Hoffman saying the word "Why." 152 00:07:11,119 --> 00:07:12,587 -(IMITATES DUSTIN HOFFMAN) Why. -Oh! 153 00:07:12,654 --> 00:07:16,725 Oh, my God! That's him! You are Dustin Hoffman saying the word "Why." 154 00:07:16,791 --> 00:07:19,360 -Well, tell me about you. -No, I like talking about you. 155 00:07:20,328 --> 00:07:21,530 So what else are you into? 156 00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:23,832 Well, I like hockey, 157 00:07:23,898 --> 00:07:26,901 and British bands of the '80s, tennis, 158 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,903 and, uh, cartoon bears. 159 00:07:30,271 --> 00:07:31,305 Now you go. 160 00:07:31,372 --> 00:07:32,841 Oh, well, let's see. 161 00:07:32,907 --> 00:07:36,277 Um, I like, um, hockey, 162 00:07:36,344 --> 00:07:39,480 uh, British bands of the '80s, and tennis. 163 00:07:39,548 --> 00:07:40,982 Oh, and cartoon bears. 164 00:07:44,052 --> 00:07:45,854 That's funny, uh... 165 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,289 'Cause you were just repeating all the same things that I said that I liked. 166 00:07:48,356 --> 00:07:51,325 I wanna know what you like. 167 00:07:51,392 --> 00:07:54,529 It just so happens that I like all the same things that you like. 168 00:07:54,596 --> 00:07:56,364 Uh. 169 00:07:56,430 --> 00:07:58,099 Okay. Well, what about Kelly Ripa? 170 00:07:58,166 --> 00:07:59,901 -I love Kelly Ripa. -I love Kelly Ripa. 171 00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:01,903 I don't really love Kelly Ripa. 172 00:08:01,970 --> 00:08:05,073 She's too fit and perky, and she seems to work way too much. 173 00:08:05,139 --> 00:08:07,508 She does work too much. And why is she so fit? 174 00:08:07,576 --> 00:08:09,343 You know, I don't like Kelly Ripa. 175 00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:16,484 (DOGS BARKING) 176 00:08:18,486 --> 00:08:23,091 Now remember, chin up, knees high. Step, step, step, step, step. 177 00:08:23,157 --> 00:08:25,093 It comes from here, not here. 178 00:08:25,159 --> 00:08:26,427 Oh, and you should also know, 179 00:08:26,494 --> 00:08:28,329 Horatio can be a bit of a drama queen. 180 00:08:28,396 --> 00:08:31,532 So any small surprise move can make him react pretty dramatically. 181 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,534 You got it all? 182 00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:36,304 Crystal, you need to remember, I'm used to the intensity of professional basketball. 183 00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:38,272 -I think I can handle this. -That's right. 184 00:08:38,339 --> 00:08:39,974 You're used to team sports. 185 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,777 So you should be comfortable wearing a uniform. 186 00:08:42,844 --> 00:08:46,447 I had it fitted for you to thematically coordinate with my admiral. 187 00:08:46,514 --> 00:08:47,749 Not a chance. 188 00:08:47,816 --> 00:08:49,350 Hey, sweetie. 189 00:08:49,417 --> 00:08:52,687 -How's it going? -Wow! You look amazing. 190 00:08:52,754 --> 00:08:55,156 Well, I should. I just spent the last three hours 191 00:08:55,223 --> 00:08:56,991 getting ready for this visit with Jessica. 192 00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:59,928 No way has she lost all that baby weight yet. 193 00:08:59,994 --> 00:09:02,030 This is gonna make her hurt. 194 00:09:02,096 --> 00:09:04,398 I don't think this is my favorite side of you. 195 00:09:07,535 --> 00:09:09,470 Hey, Ben, before you say anything... 196 00:09:09,537 --> 00:09:11,339 You told me I was gonna meet Tony Hawk. 197 00:09:11,405 --> 00:09:13,241 I said before you say anything. 198 00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:15,677 -Oh, okay. -I'm sorry for tricking you. 199 00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,712 I knew if I asked, you would have said no. 200 00:09:17,779 --> 00:09:19,447 But did you have a good time with Stephanie? Did you love her? 201 00:09:19,513 --> 00:09:21,182 I hope you loved her. 202 00:09:21,249 --> 00:09:23,051 She was very agreeable. 203 00:09:23,117 --> 00:09:24,953 (SQUEALS) She loved you, too. 204 00:09:25,019 --> 00:09:26,554 You should definitely go out with her again. 205 00:09:26,621 --> 00:09:28,857 Oh, yeah. I'm definitely gonna go out with her again. 206 00:09:28,923 --> 00:09:30,558 -Hey, I have an idea. -No, you don't. 207 00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:33,928 -What if the four of us go out? -What? What? What? 208 00:09:33,995 --> 00:09:37,198 This'll be great. Double the date and double the fun. 209 00:09:37,265 --> 00:09:40,134 -Oh, my God, sure. -Oh, my God. 210 00:09:40,201 --> 00:09:41,736 Get in my office. 211 00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,743 What are you doing to me? I don't wanna go out with Stephanie again. 212 00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:50,411 But you said you found her very agreeable. 213 00:09:50,478 --> 00:09:52,313 In this case, it's not a compliment. 214 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:55,049 She literally agreed with everything I said. 215 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,385 -You know how annoying that is? -Yes. No. 216 00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:58,787 I don't know what you want me to say. 217 00:09:58,853 --> 00:10:00,689 Let me make this very clear for you. 218 00:10:00,755 --> 00:10:02,657 I am not going out with Stephanie again. 219 00:10:02,724 --> 00:10:05,426 It's just one date! I told you, I'm nervous to be alone with her. 220 00:10:05,493 --> 00:10:08,496 What are you talking about? You're alone with her all the time in the office. 221 00:10:08,562 --> 00:10:12,000 I know, but there's something about being on a real date that just changes everything. 222 00:10:12,066 --> 00:10:14,068 Opening doors and paying for stuff. 223 00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:16,570 Is it five pats of butter or is it six pats of butter? 224 00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:17,806 What the hell are you buttering? 225 00:10:17,872 --> 00:10:20,541 I don't even know. That's why I need you there. 226 00:10:20,608 --> 00:10:24,278 -Listen, Roman, this woman is... -Ben, please. 227 00:10:24,345 --> 00:10:27,716 I like Heather so much, and I know I'm gonna blow this on my own. 228 00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:31,119 Will you do this for me? 229 00:10:34,055 --> 00:10:35,589 One date. 230 00:10:35,656 --> 00:10:37,859 Yes! Thank you so much! 231 00:10:37,926 --> 00:10:40,161 -I do have one more question. -Is it about butter? 232 00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,963 I do not have any more questions. 233 00:10:44,632 --> 00:10:47,635 It's so cool that you have this place right here in the arena. 234 00:10:47,702 --> 00:10:52,206 Oh, yeah, we got everything, nightclub, used puck bags, hockey. 235 00:10:52,273 --> 00:10:54,275 We both love hockey. 236 00:10:54,342 --> 00:10:57,245 Roman, perhaps you've got an interesting story about hockey, 237 00:10:57,311 --> 00:10:59,213 or a colorful anecdote? 238 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,349 Oh, well... 239 00:11:01,415 --> 00:11:03,284 I used to play hockey. 240 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,586 I never played hockey. 241 00:11:07,121 --> 00:11:08,990 Uh, I think that was a great story, Roman. 242 00:11:09,057 --> 00:11:10,624 There was a beginning and an end, 243 00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:12,160 and a couple of twists in there. 244 00:11:12,226 --> 00:11:14,295 I really enjoyed the ride. 245 00:11:14,362 --> 00:11:19,000 What a twisty story from beginning to end. I, too, enjoyed the ride. 246 00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:27,942 Okay, well, we should get some food going. 247 00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,378 You guys sit tight, I'll go to the kitchen and find out what's going on. 248 00:11:30,444 --> 00:11:31,846 It's hard to have dinner without dinner. 249 00:11:31,913 --> 00:11:34,315 -It is hard to have dinner without dinner. -Oh, boy! 250 00:11:38,686 --> 00:11:40,889 -Hey, buddy. -Hey, what are you doing here? 251 00:11:40,955 --> 00:11:43,724 Oh, Ben, I'm about to do a dance walk with a yorkie 252 00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:45,794 who looks eerily like Bruce Jenner. 253 00:11:45,860 --> 00:11:47,628 I thought I'd throw back a few. 254 00:11:47,695 --> 00:11:52,266 -How 'bout you? -I'm on a double date with Heather and her sister. 255 00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:54,969 -Heather's sister? Really? -Yeah, it's not serious. 256 00:11:55,036 --> 00:11:56,838 I'm just doing it for Roman tonight. Then it's over. 257 00:11:56,905 --> 00:11:58,606 She's really weird. 258 00:11:58,672 --> 00:12:00,741 Look, Ben, uh, I'm not supposed to reveal this information, 259 00:12:00,809 --> 00:12:02,510 but under the circumstances... 260 00:12:02,576 --> 00:12:05,847 Uh, the details are fuzzy, but what I heard was, 261 00:12:05,914 --> 00:12:10,184 uh, the guy Heather lit on fire was her sister's ex-boyfriend. 262 00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:13,922 Apparently, Heather is pretty protective of her sister. 263 00:12:13,988 --> 00:12:17,525 Like, "Dude's got skin from his butt on his face" protective. 264 00:12:17,591 --> 00:12:20,061 That wasn't fuzzy. What was fuzzy about that? 265 00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:24,632 But Heather's better now, right? 266 00:12:24,698 --> 00:12:26,134 She works here, she's better. 267 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,468 You have to hope so. 268 00:12:27,535 --> 00:12:31,139 Look, if I were you, I'd be very careful how you end it. 269 00:12:31,205 --> 00:12:33,808 In fact, get her to break up with you. 270 00:12:33,875 --> 00:12:35,543 -That way you can avoid... -Death? 271 00:12:35,609 --> 00:12:37,111 -Yes. -I'd like to. I'd like to avoid death. 272 00:12:37,178 --> 00:12:39,147 Good luck with that. I gotta go. 273 00:12:39,213 --> 00:12:41,215 These jazz shoes are murdering my toes. 274 00:12:44,252 --> 00:12:46,687 ANNOUNCER: Number 16, Ricky McThorson. 275 00:12:46,754 --> 00:12:47,922 (CROWD CHEERING) 276 00:12:50,124 --> 00:12:52,226 And now, being walked by Alonzo Pope, 277 00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:55,629 Riverdale Admiral Horatio Nelson Ticklefight... 278 00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,265 Let's do this thing, Ticklefight. 279 00:12:58,099 --> 00:12:59,733 It's your year, baby. 280 00:13:06,975 --> 00:13:08,042 MAN 1: All right, Alonzo! 281 00:13:08,109 --> 00:13:09,177 MAN 2: Hey, 'Zo! 282 00:13:10,912 --> 00:13:13,247 MAN 3: Alonzo! Represent, man! 283 00:13:14,215 --> 00:13:16,084 Well, what's up, San Diego? 284 00:13:16,817 --> 00:13:19,287 A-ha! I see you! 285 00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:26,227 What you gonna do? Bow, wow, wow, baby. 286 00:13:26,294 --> 00:13:30,398 And that was it. That's when I knew exactly how I felt about slinkies. 287 00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:32,800 That was a great story, Roman. 288 00:13:32,867 --> 00:13:34,936 Much better than my story about the day I learned 289 00:13:35,003 --> 00:13:38,572 I had the power that I could heal scrapes and bruises with my mind. 290 00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:42,276 Roman, why don't we give these two lovebirds some privacy? 291 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:44,645 -I have to pee. -You need me? 292 00:13:44,712 --> 00:13:46,780 I just want you to stand outside the door, hold my purse 293 00:13:46,847 --> 00:13:48,482 and make sure no looky-loos pop in. 294 00:13:48,549 --> 00:13:49,683 -Okay. -Okay. 295 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:51,552 (SOFTLY) I'm gonna take her to the restroom. 296 00:13:51,619 --> 00:13:52,954 You made this happen. 297 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:59,093 So, Stephanie, you mentioned you like living alone. 298 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,362 That sounds really nice. 299 00:14:01,429 --> 00:14:04,899 I'd love to live on my own, if I could ever move out from living with my mom. 300 00:14:04,966 --> 00:14:06,567 Oh, you live with your mom? 301 00:14:06,634 --> 00:14:08,669 Yes, we're incredibly close. 302 00:14:08,736 --> 00:14:11,839 We cuddle, hold hands, kiss. We're close. 303 00:14:11,906 --> 00:14:17,778 I kiss my mom, too. I kiss her all over her face. 304 00:14:17,845 --> 00:14:20,414 Well, it's just for the time being, you know, while money's tight. 305 00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:23,051 Speaking of which, could I borrow some money? 306 00:14:23,117 --> 00:14:26,520 -You want me to loan you money? -Yes, I do. 307 00:14:26,587 --> 00:14:28,856 Don't you find that weird and off-putting? 308 00:14:28,923 --> 00:14:33,727 It's only weird if you think I'd expect it back from you. 309 00:14:34,963 --> 00:14:37,065 That yours to keep, fella. 310 00:14:37,831 --> 00:14:41,469 Oh, good, food's here. 311 00:14:41,535 --> 00:14:46,107 Oh, before we eat, Heather and I wanted to make a toast. 312 00:14:46,174 --> 00:14:50,311 Um, to Ben, thank you so much for being here tonight. It meant a lot to me. 313 00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:53,948 And, uh, to you and Steph, our favorite new couple. 314 00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:59,853 I hope you guys stay together forever and ever. 315 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:01,322 So don't you ruin this, mister. 316 00:15:01,389 --> 00:15:03,191 Don't you break both of our hearts. 317 00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:22,943 Let's eat. 318 00:15:30,384 --> 00:15:31,919 Did you just lick my face? 319 00:15:32,987 --> 00:15:35,356 Yeah. I am really into that. 320 00:15:35,423 --> 00:15:36,557 -Well, I'm not. -I'm not, either. 321 00:15:36,624 --> 00:15:38,392 Okay, that's it. 322 00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:40,428 -You know what? That is it. -Sit down. 323 00:15:40,494 --> 00:15:42,263 I should be sitting. 324 00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:44,732 I know how important this was to all of you that this work out, 325 00:15:44,798 --> 00:15:46,500 but, Stephanie, I'm sorry. 326 00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:49,137 We're not right for each other, we're too similar. 327 00:15:49,203 --> 00:15:52,606 And they say opposites attract, so... (MUTTERS) 328 00:15:52,673 --> 00:15:57,878 Roman, I was trying to be here for you throughout all of this, but come on. 329 00:15:57,945 --> 00:16:00,781 Heather, I'm not sure how you're gonna react to this. 330 00:16:00,848 --> 00:16:03,617 But I just want to let you know that I like my butt, 331 00:16:03,684 --> 00:16:06,820 and I don't want any of it anywhere on my face. 332 00:16:10,724 --> 00:16:13,427 -I understand, Ben. -You do? 333 00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:16,030 Yeah, sometimes these things don't work out. 334 00:16:17,098 --> 00:16:18,532 That's very calm of you. 335 00:16:18,599 --> 00:16:20,934 I just thought, you're both attractive and single, 336 00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:24,805 and with your healthy narcissism and her desperate need to please, 337 00:16:24,872 --> 00:16:26,840 you guys would be a perfect match. 338 00:16:26,907 --> 00:16:29,043 Uh, that actually makes sense. 339 00:16:29,110 --> 00:16:31,979 Does that make sense, Ben? Does it? 340 00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:35,049 I don't understand. You're not agreeing with me. What's happening right now? 341 00:16:35,116 --> 00:16:37,318 What's happening is, 342 00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:39,120 we were getting along perfectly. 343 00:16:39,187 --> 00:16:42,556 I don't think we were. You were just repeating everything I said. 344 00:16:42,623 --> 00:16:44,792 I was trying to be polite! 345 00:16:44,858 --> 00:16:47,628 I mean, what do you want me to do? Tell you what I really think? 346 00:16:47,695 --> 00:16:49,397 -That Tootsie sucks! -Oh! 347 00:16:49,463 --> 00:16:53,201 And just because a girl laughs once at your Dustin Hoffman impression, 348 00:16:53,267 --> 00:16:56,870 doesn't mean you have to do it every time you say the word "Why." 349 00:16:56,937 --> 00:16:59,407 (IMITATES DUSTIN HOFFMAN) Why, why, why, why. 350 00:16:59,473 --> 00:17:01,842 Why, why, why! Why, why, why! 351 00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:03,844 Stephanie, stop it. 352 00:17:03,911 --> 00:17:06,046 I thought you changed, but you do this every time. 353 00:17:06,114 --> 00:17:07,748 You think the only way that you can get with a guy 354 00:17:07,815 --> 00:17:10,017 is if he agrees with everything you say like a psycho. 355 00:17:10,084 --> 00:17:12,120 But big surprise, it scares him off. 356 00:17:12,186 --> 00:17:15,489 It's not me. I'm awesome. 357 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:18,992 Who says that one of their favorite things are cartoon bears? 358 00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:21,429 That's called "A secret." 359 00:17:21,495 --> 00:17:24,865 -Seriously, this guy's a loser. -Okay, that's enough. 360 00:17:24,932 --> 00:17:27,501 Do you know how hard it was for him to do this? To be that honest? 361 00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:32,005 To be that mature? This is a stunted, stunted man. 362 00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:36,810 But, he's also a great guy, a great boss, and a great friend. 363 00:17:36,877 --> 00:17:38,879 Have you seen how he spent the entire date trying to make Roman 364 00:17:38,946 --> 00:17:41,282 feel comfortable so he could have a good first date? 365 00:17:41,349 --> 00:17:44,152 -You saw that? -I did. 366 00:17:44,218 --> 00:17:45,819 But, you don't need him. 367 00:17:45,886 --> 00:17:48,189 Whatever, you know what? I can do much better than him. 368 00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:51,024 Are you joking? Think about all the losers you've gone out with. 369 00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,526 -You're one to talk. -You remember that one guy 370 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:53,927 who said his friend was gonna get us free cable... 371 00:17:53,994 --> 00:17:56,164 (BOTH ARGUING INDISTINCTLY) 372 00:17:57,131 --> 00:17:58,732 I'm gonna go. 373 00:17:58,799 --> 00:18:00,768 -I should slap you. -I should slap you. 374 00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:01,835 I'm gonna stay. 375 00:18:05,473 --> 00:18:07,007 MAN: Come on, Alonzo! 376 00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:09,677 (CROWD CHEERING) 377 00:18:12,446 --> 00:18:13,881 (WOMAN SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY) 378 00:18:17,418 --> 00:18:18,819 (CHEERING LOUDLY) 379 00:18:18,886 --> 00:18:21,255 Whoo! Yeah! 380 00:18:23,524 --> 00:18:26,727 Aah! You know it! 381 00:18:26,794 --> 00:18:30,097 Alice, you would not believe the night that I have had. 382 00:18:30,164 --> 00:18:32,333 This is my friend Jessica. 383 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,934 -Hi, Jessica. -Hey. 384 00:18:34,001 --> 00:18:35,769 Jessica! 385 00:18:35,836 --> 00:18:39,873 -I have an urgent message for you. -Oh? What is it? 386 00:18:43,511 --> 00:18:46,947 (WHISPERING) We didn't discuss what the urgent message would be. 387 00:18:47,014 --> 00:18:49,950 -She can hear you. -I'm whispering. 388 00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:53,787 ALONZO: Hey-o! (LAUGHS) 389 00:18:53,854 --> 00:18:55,923 We did it. We did it. 390 00:18:55,989 --> 00:18:57,758 Alonzo Pope is back. 391 00:18:57,825 --> 00:19:00,894 Wow, that felt good. I haven't been in the spotlight in a while, 392 00:19:00,961 --> 00:19:02,430 so I thought my need for glory was gone, 393 00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:05,165 but something about hearing that crowd made me realize, 394 00:19:05,233 --> 00:19:08,202 it's still in me. And it's alive, so alive. 395 00:19:08,269 --> 00:19:11,239 Fantastic! Thank you for your help. 396 00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:13,607 Oh, I'm not done yet. Best in show round is next. 397 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,075 We 'bout to kick some pooch ass. 398 00:19:15,142 --> 00:19:17,177 Yeah. Uh, here's the thing, 399 00:19:17,245 --> 00:19:20,981 since this is the final round in Horatio's short life, I'd like to present him. 400 00:19:21,048 --> 00:19:22,883 You know, for sentimental reasons. 401 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:23,984 Well, that's not fair. 402 00:19:24,051 --> 00:19:25,353 -Hand me the dog. -No. 403 00:19:25,419 --> 00:19:26,754 -No? -No! 404 00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:30,658 -Hand me the dog, Alonzo! -Crystal, we've come too far! 405 00:19:30,724 --> 00:19:32,260 -Alonzo... -Would you... 406 00:19:32,326 --> 00:19:33,694 -Give him! -Honey? 407 00:19:33,761 --> 00:19:36,096 Oh! Hey, baby. Hey, you must be Jessica. 408 00:19:36,163 --> 00:19:38,065 Hey, give me the dog back. 409 00:19:38,131 --> 00:19:40,534 That's the boyfriend you've been bragging about? 410 00:19:40,601 --> 00:19:42,836 Captain Stubing fighting over a Scottie? 411 00:19:42,903 --> 00:19:45,939 Well, that's a yorkie, and he's actually a finalist 412 00:19:46,006 --> 00:19:48,208 in a quite prestigious regional dog show. 413 00:19:48,276 --> 00:19:50,578 Hand over Mr. Ticklefight, Crystal! 414 00:19:50,644 --> 00:19:54,382 Alonzo, no sudden moves, he'll recede into his shell. 415 00:19:54,448 --> 00:19:58,486 Oh, great. You've shut down Horatio. 416 00:19:58,552 --> 00:20:01,154 Well, congratulations, you've clearly snagged a good one. 417 00:20:01,221 --> 00:20:03,657 Well, no, he's not usually, most of the time... 418 00:20:05,293 --> 00:20:07,194 You know what, Jessica? He is a good one, 419 00:20:07,261 --> 00:20:09,430 and I don't care what you think. 420 00:20:09,497 --> 00:20:13,066 And you know what else? I'm glad you stole Dan. He's a dirty face licker. 421 00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:15,836 Hey! I'm your commanding officer. 422 00:20:15,903 --> 00:20:17,471 And I order you to wake up, sailor! 423 00:20:24,612 --> 00:20:26,747 I'm really sorry about tonight. 424 00:20:26,814 --> 00:20:28,716 That's not how I wanted dinner to go. 425 00:20:28,782 --> 00:20:32,486 Oh, no, that's okay. I had fun. 426 00:20:32,553 --> 00:20:37,491 The truth is, I was really excited to go on a date with you. 427 00:20:37,558 --> 00:20:40,193 Maybe next time, we should go without the crazies. 428 00:20:40,260 --> 00:20:41,629 Yeah. 429 00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:48,035 -Hey. -Did you see that? 430 00:20:48,101 --> 00:20:51,138 -You made that happen. -Oh, no, it was all you, buddy. 431 00:20:51,204 --> 00:20:54,041 And you were right about her. She's a great girl. 432 00:20:54,107 --> 00:20:56,744 Heather? I have something for you. 433 00:20:56,810 --> 00:21:01,949 -It's my phone number, and that one will work. -Great. Thanks, Ben. 434 00:21:02,015 --> 00:21:03,951 You've earned it. 435 00:21:04,017 --> 00:21:06,253 So is this the number to the cordless phone in the kitchen 436 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,189 or the old-fashionedy one on your nightstand? 437 00:21:11,058 --> 00:21:12,426 Nightstand. 438 00:21:14,428 --> 00:21:15,463 (CROWD CHEERING) 439 00:21:15,529 --> 00:21:16,530 Thank you. 440 00:21:20,568 --> 00:21:21,935 Thank you. 441 00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,304 Thank you.