1 00:00:01,756 --> 00:00:04,759 Hey, there's the man I wanted to see. 2 00:00:04,826 --> 00:00:07,062 Here I am. Take it in. Enjoy. 3 00:00:07,129 --> 00:00:09,531 You look good. Is it me, or have you lost weight? 4 00:00:09,598 --> 00:00:12,167 It is you. I've gained six pounds in the last three weeks. 5 00:00:12,234 --> 00:00:14,403 I think there's something terribly wrong with my thyroid. 6 00:00:14,469 --> 00:00:17,306 -Morning. -Well, you wear it well. 7 00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:20,041 We can't afford to get you an assistant. 8 00:00:20,109 --> 00:00:22,677 -You're fat. -That's nice. 9 00:00:22,744 --> 00:00:25,314 ROMAN: Morning. Morning. 10 00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:27,015 Hey, happy Monday. 11 00:00:27,082 --> 00:00:30,852 Uh-oh. Working the cords from Friday, Bernard. Nice. 12 00:00:30,919 --> 00:00:32,454 Make him stop. 13 00:00:32,521 --> 00:00:35,023 He's done that with every single person that's walked through that door. 14 00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:37,526 I mean, I adore him, but he's making me angry. 15 00:00:37,592 --> 00:00:39,361 Don't you understand? He's not good at anything. 16 00:00:40,329 --> 00:00:42,731 Can we start over? You're not fat, 17 00:00:42,797 --> 00:00:45,867 and even if you were, you got a great personality. Can I have an assistant? 18 00:00:45,934 --> 00:00:47,802 -Yes, you can. -(GASPS) 19 00:00:47,869 --> 00:00:49,438 -Roman. -Roman? 20 00:00:49,504 --> 00:00:50,739 -Roman? -Roman? 21 00:00:52,207 --> 00:00:53,542 I'm working for Alice now? 22 00:00:53,608 --> 00:00:55,710 Yes, you are, buddy, so pack up 23 00:00:55,777 --> 00:00:58,380 none of your stuff and get on over there. 24 00:00:58,447 --> 00:01:00,382 Well, I am gonna bring my smile. 25 00:01:02,050 --> 00:01:03,952 Ah! Can't believe I'm an assistant. 26 00:01:04,018 --> 00:01:05,654 I don't know about a specific title. 27 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,657 Assistant, helper... Let's land on helper. 28 00:01:08,723 --> 00:01:10,592 Hey, do you have a mini fridge in your office 29 00:01:10,659 --> 00:01:12,994 where I can store my stomach medicine? 30 00:01:13,061 --> 00:01:15,197 You're welcome. Let's all... 31 00:01:17,932 --> 00:01:19,033 Benjamin? 32 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,569 My office. Chop-chop. 33 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:23,372 Oh, good. 34 00:01:23,438 --> 00:01:27,008 I've had it with our PA announcer. He is out of control. 35 00:01:27,075 --> 00:01:30,512 Yes, Rod is, uh, what's the word? Uh, stupid. 36 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,514 But people love him. 37 00:01:32,581 --> 00:01:35,384 What could he possibly have done that was so wrong? 38 00:01:35,450 --> 00:01:39,154 Number 24, Orlando Robertson, 39 00:01:39,221 --> 00:01:42,691 a 6'5" guard from some crap-heap town 40 00:01:42,757 --> 00:01:47,196 50 miles from where my wife is sleeping with her tennis coach. 41 00:01:47,262 --> 00:01:50,699 If IRS Agent Tom Murphy happens to be here... 42 00:01:50,765 --> 00:01:52,534 You can suck it. 43 00:01:52,601 --> 00:01:55,304 -(BUZZER RINGS) -And that's the end of the second quarter, 44 00:01:55,370 --> 00:01:58,139 and I'm only wearing a napkin. 45 00:01:58,207 --> 00:01:59,608 I'll take care of it. 46 00:01:59,674 --> 00:02:01,009 Benjamin, not so fast. 47 00:02:01,075 --> 00:02:04,078 Do you notice something wrong with my office? 48 00:02:04,145 --> 00:02:06,548 We've talked about this. They can't make it rotate. 49 00:02:07,216 --> 00:02:09,184 It's filthy. 50 00:02:09,251 --> 00:02:11,986 Yes, I apologize about the inconvenience. 51 00:02:12,053 --> 00:02:15,257 Unfortunately, our nighttime cleaning woman, Nadia passed away. 52 00:02:15,324 --> 00:02:19,060 What? She's gone? 53 00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:21,095 Why wasn't I told about this? 54 00:02:21,162 --> 00:02:24,533 Well, I did write you a note, and put it in the center of your desk, 55 00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:28,770 and highlighted the words "Death in the Sunshine family," 56 00:02:28,837 --> 00:02:33,007 and here it is, surrounding your wad of big league chew. 57 00:02:35,677 --> 00:02:38,980 Oh, well. We'll have the funeral here. 58 00:02:39,047 --> 00:02:40,782 Wednesday. Make the arrangements. 59 00:02:40,849 --> 00:02:44,085 Oh, that's very generous of you, but the rodeo will be here, 60 00:02:44,152 --> 00:02:45,720 and we won't have time for the changeover. 61 00:02:45,787 --> 00:02:49,224 The service will be here Wednesday. Make it happen. 62 00:02:49,291 --> 00:02:50,925 Damn it, we're a good team. 63 00:02:54,363 --> 00:02:56,965 Here are your messages, and you might want to check your e-mails. 64 00:02:57,031 --> 00:02:58,567 There's one that makes me uncomfortable. 65 00:02:58,633 --> 00:03:01,770 Not as uncomfortable as it makes me that you read my e-mails. 66 00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:04,373 It's from Alice. She says she really wants to talk. 67 00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:06,908 She says even though she sees you all the time, she misses you. 68 00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:08,477 I'm reading it, Heather. 69 00:03:08,543 --> 00:03:09,944 She feels like you guys have been distant lately. 70 00:03:10,011 --> 00:03:11,880 You're going too fast. Let me get there. 71 00:03:11,946 --> 00:03:14,015 The next part makes me blush. 72 00:03:14,082 --> 00:03:17,252 She misses your man aroma. 73 00:03:17,319 --> 00:03:18,653 It doesn't say anything like that. 74 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,389 It was clearly implied. 75 00:03:20,455 --> 00:03:23,224 What does this mean? She seems so happy with Alonzo. 76 00:03:23,292 --> 00:03:25,960 Do you think she wants to get back together with me? 77 00:03:26,027 --> 00:03:27,796 Maybe she wants both of you. 78 00:03:27,862 --> 00:03:29,364 She seems very open-minded that way. 79 00:03:30,299 --> 00:03:31,900 Huh. 80 00:03:31,966 --> 00:03:34,436 Could you leave me alone for about 14 minutes? 81 00:03:34,503 --> 00:03:36,170 Okay. 82 00:03:36,237 --> 00:03:39,207 Roman, could you remind me to follow up with Ben on an e-mail I sent 83 00:03:39,274 --> 00:03:41,710 about drinks with the Pizza King people on Friday night? 84 00:03:41,776 --> 00:03:44,913 Do I want to have drinks with the Pizza King people? 85 00:03:44,979 --> 00:03:46,080 What? 86 00:03:48,617 --> 00:03:50,519 So what are you gonna do about Alice's e-mail? 87 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,086 I really don't know. 88 00:03:52,153 --> 00:03:54,623 Well, if it helps, I've drafted two responses. 89 00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:56,491 One sweet, one dirty. 90 00:03:57,426 --> 00:03:59,428 Let me see the dirty one. 91 00:04:04,032 --> 00:04:08,370 CHORUS: * Mr. Sunshine, yay! 92 00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,544 Excuse me, do you have an appointment? 93 00:04:21,483 --> 00:04:23,952 Hey, Alice. I read your... 94 00:04:24,018 --> 00:04:27,322 ...Horoscope, and Mercury's in retrograde. 95 00:04:27,389 --> 00:04:30,058 So, you know, just be aware of that. 96 00:04:30,124 --> 00:04:31,693 I haven't met you before. 97 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,363 Ben, this is Tanya. She's, uh, my, uh... 98 00:04:34,429 --> 00:04:35,764 Ex-wife. 99 00:04:35,830 --> 00:04:39,033 Hi, Ben. It's great to finally meet you. 100 00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,935 Are you sure you don't want to come to lunch with us, babe? 101 00:04:41,002 --> 00:04:42,704 I would love to, but as you know, 102 00:04:42,771 --> 00:04:45,073 -I'm breaking in someone new. -(INTERCOM BEEPS) 103 00:04:45,139 --> 00:04:47,241 (ROMAN OVER INTERCOM) Ben's in your office. 104 00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:50,178 Thank you, Roman. He's very good. 105 00:04:50,244 --> 00:04:52,080 You guys go on and enjoy yourselves. 106 00:04:52,146 --> 00:04:53,515 Oh, not too much, though. 107 00:04:53,582 --> 00:04:54,883 (FORCED LAUGH) 108 00:04:54,949 --> 00:04:56,518 (ALL LAUGHING) 109 00:04:56,585 --> 00:04:59,120 Why... Why am I laughing? I'm getting out of here. 110 00:04:59,187 --> 00:05:01,756 Oh, Ben. Um, hey, did you get my e-mail? 111 00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:05,727 Uh, yeah. Are you sure you want to discuss that right now? 112 00:05:05,794 --> 00:05:07,529 What's to talk about? Are you in or out? 113 00:05:08,897 --> 00:05:12,166 Well, can we just at least meet later to talk about it? 114 00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:13,635 No, I'm gonna be with Alonzo later. 115 00:05:13,702 --> 00:05:15,336 Alonzo? But... 116 00:05:15,404 --> 00:05:17,038 You know what? Just hit me back when you know what you want to do. 117 00:05:20,675 --> 00:05:22,844 So, we're gonna head out. 118 00:05:24,479 --> 00:05:26,681 Hey, sweetie. Um... 119 00:05:26,748 --> 00:05:30,018 This probably isn't the best time, but, um, did you get my e-mail? 120 00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:32,086 Yeah, I did, I did. Uh... 121 00:05:32,153 --> 00:05:35,390 I'm not sure about it, but if it's important to you... 122 00:05:35,457 --> 00:05:39,227 -It's not important to you? -Yes. Sure. 123 00:05:39,293 --> 00:05:41,996 Uh, can we talk about it later? Tanya's waiting. 124 00:05:43,131 --> 00:05:44,599 Yeah, okay. 125 00:05:44,666 --> 00:05:47,068 Aw, thanks, babe. Get you right in that nook right there. 126 00:05:50,572 --> 00:05:52,874 -(SIGHS) -Wow. 127 00:05:52,941 --> 00:05:55,910 It's great how cool you are that Alonzo and his ex-wife are still friends. 128 00:05:55,977 --> 00:05:58,747 Oh, yeah. She's great. And they were great together, 129 00:05:58,813 --> 00:06:02,216 but now he's my boyfriend, and we're all friends. 130 00:06:02,283 --> 00:06:03,785 Wish I had a friend that was that pretty. 131 00:06:03,852 --> 00:06:06,688 Oh, really? You think she's pretty, huh? 132 00:06:06,755 --> 00:06:07,822 Yeah, I don't see it. 133 00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:09,758 -(KNOCK ON DOOR) -Yeah. 134 00:06:12,226 --> 00:06:14,496 Ben Donovan! 135 00:06:14,563 --> 00:06:17,231 Ah, that never gets old. Do it in Spanish. 136 00:06:17,298 --> 00:06:21,402 Oye, Benito Donovanito! 137 00:06:21,470 --> 00:06:23,938 -I love it. You're the best. -No, you're the best. 138 00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:25,440 -No, you. -No, you. 139 00:06:25,507 --> 00:06:27,208 -Let's stop doing that. -Okay. 140 00:06:27,275 --> 00:06:28,910 Rod, the reason I came down here is, 141 00:06:28,977 --> 00:06:31,780 lately you haven't exactly been bringing your A game. 142 00:06:31,846 --> 00:06:34,783 I know, I know. I'm sorry about last night. It's... 143 00:06:34,849 --> 00:06:37,418 This damned economy's got my finances in the crapper. 144 00:06:37,486 --> 00:06:40,922 But I promise you, tomorrow at the rodeo, 145 00:06:40,989 --> 00:06:43,492 you're gonna have the old Rod the Bod back. 146 00:06:43,558 --> 00:06:46,661 You know you're the only person who actually calls yourself that? 147 00:06:46,728 --> 00:06:47,829 Yeah. 148 00:06:49,063 --> 00:06:52,667 Well, Kierkegaard, mostly, yeah. 149 00:06:52,734 --> 00:06:54,368 Crystal, I got a call from a maintenance worker 150 00:06:54,435 --> 00:06:56,471 claiming that someone stole a cleaning cart. 151 00:06:56,538 --> 00:06:58,473 This was Nadia's cart, 152 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,242 and I'd like you to incorporate it into the memorial service. 153 00:07:01,309 --> 00:07:02,844 Okay. Quick question. 154 00:07:02,911 --> 00:07:05,914 The funeral arrangements already include a Russian folk band, 155 00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:09,217 a hundred doves, and Susan Boyle singing Uptown Girl. 156 00:07:09,283 --> 00:07:12,020 -What's going on? -I know it sounds improbable. 157 00:07:12,086 --> 00:07:13,454 Jump ahead. 158 00:07:13,522 --> 00:07:15,957 Despite our cultural divide and different stations in society, 159 00:07:16,024 --> 00:07:17,559 Nadia and I were friends. 160 00:07:17,626 --> 00:07:19,293 Oh, I had no idea. 161 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,629 We would be here late at night. 162 00:07:20,695 --> 00:07:23,197 Nadia would come through with her cart and we'd chat. 163 00:07:23,264 --> 00:07:25,199 Surprisingly, we had a lot in common. 164 00:07:25,266 --> 00:07:28,369 We were both young mothers. We both came from nothing. 165 00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:30,639 I, of course, went on to own this arena, 166 00:07:30,705 --> 00:07:33,908 and she sold homemade pickles from a backpack for extra scratch. 167 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:36,678 -That sounds really nice. -They were a little tart. 168 00:07:36,745 --> 00:07:38,212 And then we'd have a few drinks, 169 00:07:38,279 --> 00:07:39,914 and then Nadia would copilot my car home 170 00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:41,249 and take several buses back to work. 171 00:07:41,315 --> 00:07:43,985 Aw... 172 00:07:44,052 --> 00:07:46,420 I'd like to give my friend a nice send-off. 173 00:07:46,487 --> 00:07:48,923 I get it. I'll try not to let you down. 174 00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:52,393 Aw, damn it. Nadia's hat. 175 00:07:56,931 --> 00:07:58,266 What did Alice say about the e-mail? 176 00:07:58,332 --> 00:08:00,201 I don't know. It was really weird. 177 00:08:00,268 --> 00:08:03,171 She tried to talk to me about it in front of Alonzo and his ex-wife. 178 00:08:03,237 --> 00:08:05,707 -Are you thinking what I'm thinking? -Probably not. 179 00:08:05,774 --> 00:08:07,075 I think something's going on. 180 00:08:07,141 --> 00:08:08,777 Well, then, I am thinking what you're thinking. 181 00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:11,279 I just don't know what that thing is. 182 00:08:11,345 --> 00:08:13,414 You know who will? Roman. 183 00:08:13,481 --> 00:08:15,950 Roman? Roman doesn't know anything about anything. 184 00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,052 The other day he asked me what the letter Q was. 185 00:08:18,119 --> 00:08:20,421 He's Alice's new assistant. He'll know everything about her, 186 00:08:20,488 --> 00:08:22,724 -just like I know everything about you. -No, you don't. 187 00:08:22,791 --> 00:08:25,226 You've watched every single episode of Private Practice. 188 00:08:25,293 --> 00:08:27,328 You don't understand the plot of Waterworld 189 00:08:27,395 --> 00:08:29,463 and you sleep holding a throw pillow every night 190 00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:31,833 because you tell yourself it's a socially acceptable teddy bear. 191 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:35,704 If the world is covered in water, then why is everyone so dirty? 192 00:08:37,706 --> 00:08:38,807 I'll talk to Roman. 193 00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:40,274 -Yeah. -Yeah. 194 00:08:42,977 --> 00:08:45,379 Alice, listen to me. 195 00:08:45,446 --> 00:08:47,882 I have seen the way he looks at you, girl, 196 00:08:47,949 --> 00:08:51,285 and there is no way a man could feel that way about two women. 197 00:08:51,352 --> 00:08:54,288 No, it's okay. You call me anytime. I'm here. 198 00:08:54,355 --> 00:08:57,158 Oh, also, SoCal Wireless people are coming at 9:00, 199 00:08:57,225 --> 00:08:59,193 and I left some papers on your desk for you to sign. 200 00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:00,929 Okay. 201 00:09:00,995 --> 00:09:02,897 H's and K's. (CHUCKLES) Bye. 202 00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:04,866 Oh. 203 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,535 Oh, Ben. 204 00:09:07,602 --> 00:09:10,972 What a day. 205 00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:13,474 So how was your first day with Alice? 206 00:09:13,541 --> 00:09:15,309 You gettin' the hang of it? How was Alice? 207 00:09:15,376 --> 00:09:16,645 Not so hot so. 208 00:09:16,711 --> 00:09:19,748 Really? Did she, uh, mention me at all? 209 00:09:19,814 --> 00:09:21,716 Not you, but, uh... 210 00:09:21,783 --> 00:09:23,584 Let's just say that someone 211 00:09:23,652 --> 00:09:25,353 is spending a little too much time with his ex-wife, 212 00:09:25,419 --> 00:09:27,822 and someone else is pretty upset about it. 213 00:09:27,889 --> 00:09:30,424 Alice is upset with Alonzo? How upset? 214 00:09:30,491 --> 00:09:33,895 I'm not using names, but you're awfully close. 215 00:09:33,962 --> 00:09:35,563 You're talking about Alice. 216 00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:38,099 You are really good at this. It is Alice. 217 00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:40,969 (CHUCKLES) But you know what? I'm not spreading any office gossip. 218 00:09:41,035 --> 00:09:43,638 What? No! Goss... Gossip is good! 219 00:09:43,705 --> 00:09:48,342 In ancient Greece, gossip was the only way two people could, uh... 220 00:09:48,409 --> 00:09:49,911 Just tell me what's going on. 221 00:09:49,978 --> 00:09:52,580 (SIGHS) Okay. Well, Mindy's skin rash is back, 222 00:09:52,647 --> 00:09:54,783 and it has spread to her... (WHISTLING) 223 00:09:54,849 --> 00:09:57,852 Not Mindy. I'm talking about Alice. 224 00:09:57,919 --> 00:10:01,355 I think she wants to reconnect with me, but she's conflicted about it. 225 00:10:01,422 --> 00:10:03,091 I need more information, 226 00:10:03,157 --> 00:10:06,728 and you are privy to every single thing that's going on in her life, 227 00:10:06,795 --> 00:10:08,296 so you can give me that. 228 00:10:08,362 --> 00:10:10,732 Yeah, I don't know. I work for her now. 229 00:10:10,799 --> 00:10:13,334 Yeah, as her helper. What is that? 230 00:10:13,401 --> 00:10:15,369 You're my friend, and you live here, 231 00:10:15,436 --> 00:10:18,172 and I made you a sandwich that one time. 232 00:10:18,239 --> 00:10:22,110 Or you made it for me, and I didn't like it and gave it back to you. 233 00:10:22,176 --> 00:10:24,713 The point is, there was a sandwich made, and you ate it. 234 00:10:24,779 --> 00:10:27,215 -I need your help, Roman. -(GROANS) 235 00:10:27,281 --> 00:10:30,151 That was such a good sandwich. 236 00:10:30,218 --> 00:10:32,787 Okay. I'll see what I can find out. 237 00:10:32,854 --> 00:10:34,622 -Great. Thanks. -Mmm. 238 00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:38,392 I like you so much right now, I'm gonna do the dishes tonight. 239 00:10:38,459 --> 00:10:40,762 -Really? -No, you have to do 'em. You live here for free. 240 00:10:41,462 --> 00:10:42,697 (GROANS) 241 00:10:45,533 --> 00:10:46,835 Did you talk to Rod the Bod? 242 00:10:46,901 --> 00:10:49,103 Oh, please, don't encourage that. 243 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,305 I did, and I think he's gonna be okay. 244 00:10:51,372 --> 00:10:53,674 He's just going through a tough time financially. 245 00:10:53,742 --> 00:10:55,676 He had to put his water bed on craigslist. 246 00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,378 Oh, my God. How much? 247 00:10:57,445 --> 00:10:59,247 $350, but you have to pick it up. 248 00:10:59,313 --> 00:11:02,050 Ooh, that's pretty steep for no delivery. I'll have to think about it. 249 00:11:03,651 --> 00:11:06,320 Anyway, I think he got the message. 250 00:11:06,387 --> 00:11:08,389 (ROD OVER PA) And that, my fat friends, 251 00:11:08,456 --> 00:11:12,093 is what we cowboys call a jerk-down! 252 00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,162 Okay, let's just hear him out. 253 00:11:14,228 --> 00:11:17,832 My nickname for my privates is Astro Boy. 254 00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:23,738 Yeah, you're fired. 255 00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:26,841 Yeah. 256 00:11:26,908 --> 00:11:28,877 A messenger just dropped this off for Alonzo. 257 00:11:28,943 --> 00:11:30,879 Uh, it's from a law firm, and he's not in his office. 258 00:11:30,945 --> 00:11:34,382 -Should I just put it on his desk? -I'll take it for him. Thanks. 259 00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:36,550 Legal issues, huh? (FORCED CHUCKLE) 260 00:11:36,617 --> 00:11:39,320 Hope that's not anything that would take him away from you for a while. 261 00:11:39,387 --> 00:11:42,190 But, you know, if it did, who would... Who would comfort you 262 00:11:42,256 --> 00:11:43,657 through the hard times? 263 00:11:44,292 --> 00:11:45,393 Hard times? 264 00:11:45,459 --> 00:11:46,995 Yeah, I mean, it's funny you should mention it, 265 00:11:47,061 --> 00:11:49,764 because I know exactly who I would turn to in my hard times. 266 00:11:49,831 --> 00:11:53,201 It'd be Ben. (LAUGHS) Oh, what a handsome guy. 267 00:11:53,267 --> 00:11:55,503 Piercing blue eyes, don't you think? 268 00:11:55,569 --> 00:11:57,705 (CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah. Well... 269 00:11:59,273 --> 00:12:00,909 (LOW) Let's put a pin in this. 270 00:12:00,975 --> 00:12:03,912 -Hey. -Hey. 271 00:12:03,978 --> 00:12:06,514 -This came for you. -Oh, yeah? 272 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,582 This? Oh, this is nothing at all. 273 00:12:10,151 --> 00:12:11,752 Okay, that's not true. This is something. 274 00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:14,155 Uh, one could argue that it's nothing. 275 00:12:14,222 --> 00:12:16,925 Uh, you might argue that it's something. 276 00:12:17,992 --> 00:12:19,627 Uh... 277 00:12:19,693 --> 00:12:22,563 Tanya and I are still married. 278 00:12:23,731 --> 00:12:25,066 -What? -Technically. 279 00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:27,601 But we're getting divorced. 280 00:12:27,668 --> 00:12:30,939 (SHAKILY) You're married? Oh, my God. 281 00:12:31,005 --> 00:12:33,774 I cannot believe I felt stupid for feeling insecure 282 00:12:33,842 --> 00:12:36,010 about you two spending so much time together. 283 00:12:36,077 --> 00:12:38,412 Look, I know it's upsetting, but honestly, we're only still married on paper 284 00:12:38,479 --> 00:12:40,214 so she can stay on my health insurance. 285 00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:42,917 We're not in love anymore. She just has some funky foot stuff happening. 286 00:12:42,984 --> 00:12:44,318 Who wants biscotti? 287 00:12:44,385 --> 00:12:46,020 Roman, uh, could you please give us a moment? 288 00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:48,823 No, Roman stays. He's my assistant. 289 00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:52,093 And of all the people in this room, he is clearly the only one that I can trust. 290 00:12:52,793 --> 00:12:53,928 Assistant. 291 00:12:53,995 --> 00:12:55,864 Come on, Alice. I think you're overreacting. 292 00:12:55,930 --> 00:12:57,798 I am not overreacting. 293 00:12:57,866 --> 00:13:00,001 If you were married, you were still in that relationship 294 00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:01,402 and not entirely in this one! 295 00:13:08,042 --> 00:13:09,410 I think you should leave. 296 00:13:13,747 --> 00:13:15,116 It's okay. I'll... I'll leave. 297 00:13:21,155 --> 00:13:24,525 Sorry about the rush, Bobert, but there's a funeral here tomorrow, 298 00:13:24,592 --> 00:13:25,960 so the sooner we get all the animals out, 299 00:13:26,027 --> 00:13:27,728 the sooner we get the animal smell out. 300 00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:29,998 It's funny. Nadia could helped us out. 301 00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:33,567 She was great with smells. I remember this one time when Meat Loaf was here... 302 00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:36,104 Yeah, well, we all have stories. 303 00:13:36,170 --> 00:13:40,708 Bobert, has a former lover ever tried to return to you? 304 00:13:40,774 --> 00:13:42,776 -Yes. -Really? 305 00:13:42,843 --> 00:13:44,946 Because I think that's what's happening to me right now, 306 00:13:45,013 --> 00:13:46,780 and I can't stop thinking about it. 307 00:13:46,847 --> 00:13:48,749 Is it good? Is it bad? 308 00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:51,585 Would we still have the same problems that we had before? 309 00:13:51,652 --> 00:13:55,623 See, we've become friends, so now I know that she's kind of 310 00:13:55,689 --> 00:13:59,894 crazy and neurotic and needy. 311 00:13:59,961 --> 00:14:03,297 But all of that stuff just makes me want her even more, maybe. 312 00:14:04,732 --> 00:14:06,534 Although, it's entirely possible 313 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,703 that the only reason I'm interested is because she's unavailable. 314 00:14:09,770 --> 00:14:12,006 What are your thoughts, Bobert? 315 00:14:12,073 --> 00:14:15,509 Yeah, mine was more of a "This is your kid" kind of deal. 316 00:14:15,576 --> 00:14:16,744 I see. 317 00:14:17,811 --> 00:14:20,581 So what's going on with the rodeo? 318 00:14:20,648 --> 00:14:23,051 We're all ready to go, except this one bull won't get on the truck. 319 00:14:23,117 --> 00:14:24,818 -Why? -Who knows? 320 00:14:24,885 --> 00:14:28,089 Maybe he's not that psyched about a three day ride back to Florida. 321 00:14:28,156 --> 00:14:30,624 Or maybe he's still a little put out about being ridden around in a circle 322 00:14:30,691 --> 00:14:31,792 with his testicles cinched. 323 00:14:31,859 --> 00:14:33,627 Yeah. Florida sucks. 324 00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,166 Why is the rodeo still here? 325 00:14:38,232 --> 00:14:40,701 Okay, listen, can we just talk about this? 326 00:14:40,768 --> 00:14:42,971 -What's going on? -What are you talking about? 327 00:14:43,037 --> 00:14:46,640 Well, I know that you're upset with Alonzo because he keeps 328 00:14:46,707 --> 00:14:49,577 spending all of this time with his beautiful ex-wife. 329 00:14:49,643 --> 00:14:53,014 What? How do you know about that? 330 00:14:53,081 --> 00:14:57,285 -What? -No one knows about that. I didn't tell any... 331 00:14:57,351 --> 00:14:59,753 Oh, of course. I can't believe it. 332 00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:01,956 What? No. Alice. No. What... 333 00:15:02,023 --> 00:15:03,691 Ben. I don't think there's any reason to panic, 334 00:15:03,757 --> 00:15:05,359 but the bull still won't get on the truck, 335 00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:08,362 and the two men with the tranquilizer guns just shot each other. 336 00:15:08,429 --> 00:15:09,697 So I'm gonna book. 337 00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:18,672 (SNORTS) 338 00:15:18,739 --> 00:15:22,276 So I guess what I'm saying is, do you think Alice and I would make a good couple? 339 00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:30,151 Ooh, this must be Nadia's family. 340 00:15:30,218 --> 00:15:33,487 Or the Russian mafia has finally come back for payment. 341 00:15:33,554 --> 00:15:35,556 No, I'm square with them. 342 00:15:37,091 --> 00:15:39,994 -Hello. -(SING-SONG VOICE) Welcome. 343 00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,462 (IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Ah, Miss Crystal. 344 00:15:41,529 --> 00:15:44,732 Thank you so much for this beautiful event. 345 00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:47,768 My Nadia want you have this. 346 00:15:47,835 --> 00:15:51,472 Oh, thank you so much. 347 00:15:51,539 --> 00:15:53,407 Please help yourself to food. 348 00:15:53,474 --> 00:15:56,544 We have some of those breakfast fishes you people enjoy. 349 00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,379 -Oh, nice. -Ooh! 350 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,115 That's quite a rock. 351 00:16:01,182 --> 00:16:03,884 My Nadia very generous to family. 352 00:16:10,824 --> 00:16:12,126 Welcome. 353 00:16:12,693 --> 00:16:14,528 Do svidanya. 354 00:16:14,595 --> 00:16:16,197 Something else in Russian. 355 00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,135 Benjamin. They're wearing my stuff. 356 00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:23,737 My jewels, my furs. She stole it all from me. 357 00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:26,574 I thought those red leather pants looked familiar. 358 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,176 All those years, Nadia wasn't my friend. 359 00:16:28,242 --> 00:16:31,645 She was just plying me with vodka and salted cabbage. 360 00:16:31,712 --> 00:16:34,782 Crystal, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to cancel the service? 361 00:16:34,848 --> 00:16:37,218 No. We're gonna go through with it. 362 00:16:37,285 --> 00:16:40,054 I'm gonna handle myself in a dignified and mature way, 363 00:16:40,121 --> 00:16:43,057 by ripping that old potato peeler a new one in her eulogy. 364 00:16:45,025 --> 00:16:47,728 -What's Russian for skank? -I don't know. 365 00:16:47,795 --> 00:16:49,930 -I'm just gonna say skank. -Okay. 366 00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:57,305 ROMAN: Morning. Morning. 367 00:16:58,306 --> 00:17:00,040 Good morning. 368 00:17:00,108 --> 00:17:01,809 Glad you made it. 369 00:17:01,875 --> 00:17:04,678 Bernie, do you even have any other pants? 370 00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,347 Roman, what's going on? 371 00:17:06,414 --> 00:17:10,284 Well, it seems a certain someone told someone... 372 00:17:10,351 --> 00:17:12,186 You know what? I'm just gonna use names. 373 00:17:12,253 --> 00:17:14,955 Ben got Roman fired by Alice. 374 00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:19,660 -What's shaking, Garrett? -Nothin'. 375 00:17:21,629 --> 00:17:24,265 You fired Roman? How could you do that? 376 00:17:24,332 --> 00:17:26,534 He betrayed my trust. To you. 377 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,470 Hey, I had his trust first, and none of this would have happened 378 00:17:29,537 --> 00:17:31,339 if you hadn't sent me that emotional e-mail. 379 00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:33,274 Emotional e-mail? 380 00:17:33,341 --> 00:17:35,609 Either go to drinks with the Pizza King people or don't. 381 00:17:35,676 --> 00:17:37,978 No. The one about you missing me 382 00:17:38,045 --> 00:17:40,448 and feeling distant and needing to talk. 383 00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:42,283 Wait, that went to you? That was a mistake. 384 00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:43,684 That was supposed to go to Alonzo. 385 00:17:43,751 --> 00:17:45,719 A mistake? 386 00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:47,988 Out of the tens of thousands of people who work in this office, 387 00:17:48,055 --> 00:17:49,790 you just happened to send it to me? 388 00:17:49,857 --> 00:17:51,259 Okay, you know what? 389 00:17:51,325 --> 00:17:53,861 Thirty people work here, and I send you e-mails all day long. 390 00:17:53,927 --> 00:17:56,597 Oh, well, I guess that just explains everything. 391 00:17:56,664 --> 00:17:58,599 Actually, it does explain almost all of it. 392 00:17:58,666 --> 00:18:00,468 So you thought I was reaching out to you, 393 00:18:00,534 --> 00:18:02,270 and this is how you deal with that? 394 00:18:02,336 --> 00:18:05,173 Sneaking around, using Roman as your spy? 395 00:18:08,409 --> 00:18:10,010 -Yes! -You're an idiot. 396 00:18:10,077 --> 00:18:12,613 I am an idiot. 397 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:14,448 -Well, what do we do now? -I don't know. 398 00:18:14,515 --> 00:18:16,550 -Well, I'm gonna go! -Okay! 399 00:18:17,685 --> 00:18:19,287 Crystal? 400 00:18:19,353 --> 00:18:21,655 Everyone's headed down to the service. Are you coming? 401 00:18:21,722 --> 00:18:22,756 Yeah. In a minute. 402 00:18:29,597 --> 00:18:31,199 Oh, hello. 403 00:18:31,265 --> 00:18:32,633 I left my purse. 404 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:34,067 You're Nadia's granddaughter, right? 405 00:18:35,969 --> 00:18:38,439 -What's your name? -Crystal. 406 00:18:48,316 --> 00:18:50,651 What can be said about Nadia? 407 00:18:50,718 --> 00:18:53,687 Sometimes we think we know someone, 408 00:18:53,754 --> 00:18:56,490 only to find out they have many layers. 409 00:18:56,557 --> 00:18:58,492 There are people inside people. 410 00:18:58,559 --> 00:19:00,761 Inside people. Inside people. 411 00:19:02,763 --> 00:19:05,933 On the outside, Nadia was a hardworking employee 412 00:19:05,999 --> 00:19:10,204 who could change the world with a rag and some window cleaner. 413 00:19:10,271 --> 00:19:11,939 But underneath, she was a thief. 414 00:19:12,005 --> 00:19:13,541 Uh-oh. 415 00:19:13,607 --> 00:19:15,476 A thief who stole a diamond encrusted leopard broach 416 00:19:15,543 --> 00:19:18,011 and gave it to someone who put it on a blazer from Mervyn's. 417 00:19:20,113 --> 00:19:24,151 But then, under that, she was a kind mother and grandmother 418 00:19:24,218 --> 00:19:25,919 who took care of her family. 419 00:19:27,255 --> 00:19:31,024 But under that, a fat, dirty skank. 420 00:19:31,091 --> 00:19:32,493 (ALL EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) 421 00:19:35,629 --> 00:19:38,165 But Nadia had a kind and loyal heart. 422 00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:42,002 And she was my friend. 423 00:19:45,439 --> 00:19:47,241 I forgive you, Nadia. 424 00:19:48,609 --> 00:19:50,811 And I will miss you terribly. 425 00:19:51,879 --> 00:19:53,414 (SIGHS) 426 00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:03,691 (KISSES) 427 00:20:09,029 --> 00:20:11,465 Alice, I'm sorry. 428 00:20:11,532 --> 00:20:13,367 Sometimes, in trying to help everybody else, 429 00:20:13,434 --> 00:20:16,136 I forget to pay enough attention to the person who matters most. 430 00:20:16,203 --> 00:20:17,705 I'm gonna stop seeing Tanya. 431 00:20:17,771 --> 00:20:20,140 You don't have to do that. She's part of your life. 432 00:20:20,207 --> 00:20:21,409 You're my life. 433 00:20:30,050 --> 00:20:31,519 I'm sorry, buddy. 434 00:20:31,585 --> 00:20:34,154 I'm sorry I took advantage of your friendship 435 00:20:34,221 --> 00:20:36,424 and put you in an awkward situation with Alice. 436 00:20:36,490 --> 00:20:39,560 That was wrong. 437 00:20:39,627 --> 00:20:41,629 And I'm gonna get you a new job. 438 00:20:41,695 --> 00:20:43,864 Thanks, but you don't have to. 439 00:20:43,931 --> 00:20:45,466 I'm Alice's assistant again. 440 00:20:50,003 --> 00:20:51,839 Well, congratulations. That's great. 441 00:20:51,905 --> 00:20:55,576 You got a job and you stuck to it, and you are good at it. 442 00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:58,011 Hmm. Thanks. 443 00:20:59,413 --> 00:21:01,582 And we're doing that now. 444 00:21:01,649 --> 00:21:05,386 (ROD OVER PA) Now playing for the big team in the sky. 445 00:21:05,453 --> 00:21:07,120 The cleaning lady! 446 00:21:07,888 --> 00:21:09,323 I guess Rod's back. 447 00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,592 And the clock reads zero. 448 00:21:12,393 --> 00:21:15,729 Game of life... Over. 449 00:21:15,796 --> 00:21:19,066 From way downtown, boom shakalaka, 450 00:21:19,132 --> 00:21:20,300 she's dead! 451 00:21:20,368 --> 00:21:22,436 -(ALL EXCLAIMING SOFTLY) -Would you excuse me? 452 00:21:30,277 --> 00:21:31,745 -(ALL SCREAMING) -Huh.