1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,680 -- This programme contains very strong language. 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:09,320 -- 'Comes a time in a man's life where he has to sit back, 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:14,240 'take stock of things and ponder that old philosophical chestnut - 4 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,680 'how the fuck did I end up here?' 5 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,600 'I'll tell you who's to blame for this. Me family. 6 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:27,240 'My wonderful, wonderful family.' --(MAN FARTS LOUDLY) 7 00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:34,920 -- 'Someone's got to put food on the table. 8 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:38,000 'All right, so maybe I claimed benefits that I shouldn't have. 9 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,040 'Y'ask me, that shows initiative. 10 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:43,840 'But no - six months with time off for good behaviour.' 11 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,680 -- Gallagher! 12 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:46,840 -- What? 13 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:53,040 'Or an extra three for being a naughty boy.' 14 00:00:55,880 --> 00:01:00,760 'It's the boredom that gets you. Y'know, you miss the simple things. 15 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,440 'Drugs. Alcohol. 16 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,720 'Being able to drop the soap in the shower with impunity.' 17 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,320 'Even miss the family. You know. A little bit.' 18 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,960 'Still, every day, 19 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,960 'freedom comes closer and closer.' 20 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,920 -- S'all right. Too much peace and not enough war. 21 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:41,960 -- Time, Frank. 22 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,480 -- See ya. 23 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:55,040 -- Be a good lad, Frank. Head straight home. 24 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,720 -- 'It makes you wonder, though. 25 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:14,520 'Are you just stepping out of one prison...' 26 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,520 -- Frank? > 27 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,520 -- 'And straight back into another?' 28 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:24,000 She looks familiar. 29 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,480 Mavis? Margaret? 30 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,000 Oh, no, no, wait, wait - Monica, innit? 31 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,000 I remember you. Been a while. 32 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,880 Three months since you last bothered to visit. 33 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,720 -- I thought you might want some space. 34 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,000 I've brought you some fags and a can. 35 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,920 CAR HORN BEEPS 36 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,520 They're in the car. 37 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:52,280 You look well. 38 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,640 -- You don't. 39 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,200 I know you've been round the block a bit, Monica, y'know, 40 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,480 but just a shame you didn't jog round it. 41 00:02:58,520 --> 00:02:59,840 -- (SHE SOBS) 42 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,440 -- Just a bloody joke! 43 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:03,800 -- Been an emotional time. 44 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,320 -- Well, yeah, course. 45 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,200 Most societal structures collapse 46 00:03:07,240 --> 00:03:09,520 when the patriarchal figure is removed. 47 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:17,840 -- Frank? 48 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,680 -- I had a lot of hopes and dreams when I was your age. 49 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,520 Places I wanted to go. Things I wanted to do. 50 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,560 Ambition. 51 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:29,520 None of 'em involved growing a fuckin' moustache. 52 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,400 -- So, where to? 53 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:37,360 -- Pub. 54 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,360 -- Home. 55 00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,400 -- Home it is. 56 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,840 -- All right, Frank. Enjoy your holiday? 57 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,160 -- I've had worse. You've been busy. 58 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,600 -- Well, I'm not the only one. 59 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,800 -- Come on. Let's get you inside. 60 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,240 -- All right, all right... what's the rush? 61 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,400 Oh. I know what's going on. 62 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,040 -- You do? 63 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:20,240 -- Pa-a-arty! 64 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,400 -- Dad! 65 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,640 -- Yeah, hi. Where's everybody else? 66 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:41,520 -- This is my maths test. 67 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,320 This is my English. 68 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,640 And this is art. 69 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,920 -- Right, lovely. 70 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,360 What, is this you? Crying because your daddy's all banged up? 71 00:04:55,400 --> 00:05:00,640 -- No. That's Jesus. He's upset because you did a bad thing. 72 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,520 -- Yeah... well, bit judgmental of the lad. 73 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,240 I mean, he's never had to struggle. No wife, no kids 74 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:09,600 and his dad was God. Silver spoon up the arse, that one. 75 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,960 -- She did really want to visit you more. It's just Monica's all... 76 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,240 y'know... 77 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:17,280 -- Monica's what? 78 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,280 -- Got burning ears, apparently. 79 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,240 -- Monica! 80 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:22,240 -- Hey - Jockey's open now. Free man deserves a drink, eh? 81 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,520 -- Thought you'd never ask. 82 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:25,960 -- Are you coming back? 83 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,960 -- Back on all fours, hopefully. 84 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,520 -- Monica! 85 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,760 -- That couple of drinks will soften the blow. 86 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:41,600 -- Come on, shift it. 87 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:54,920 -- Frank, once you get a drink, there's something we've got to talk about. 88 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:59,400 -- Oh, don't ruin the moment, Mon. Calm before the proverbial storm. 89 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,240 Wait for it. Wait for it... 90 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,520 Pa-a-a-arty! 91 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,440 -- 13.40. 92 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,560 -- So what, we're early? 93 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,960 -- Pounds. Your tab. 94 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,120 Plus interest for every month when it wasn't paid, so... 95 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,080 call it 20. You got done. Don't expect a reward. 96 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,600 -- Expect? It's my right as a free man. I want my party! 97 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,360 -- Oh, for God's sake, Frank, I'll buy you a drink... 98 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,280 -- A drink? No, no, no. 99 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,680 I don't want a drink, I want parades, banners, dancing fucking 100 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:42,640 elephants! But no, you couldn't do that for me, that one little thing! 101 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,520 When's my time, Mon? When's my fucking party? 102 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,680 -- Frank... Ohh! 103 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,640 -- Oh, yeah. That's guilt, that is. Eating away at you. 104 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,880 Yeah, and that's... y'know... pissing yourself because... 105 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,400 well... the same. 106 00:06:58,840 --> 00:07:00,400 -- Fuck's sake, Frank! 107 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,880 She's having a baby, you idiot! 108 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:03,920 -- No, she's not! 109 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,720 We can't! 110 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,960 -- I know. And I'm going to deal with it. I promise you. 111 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,520 Family's big enough. There'll be no more. 112 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,880 -- She had an abortion! 113 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:14,960 -- I was going to tell you, 114 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:19,360 but it wasn't the...it wasn't the right time... 115 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,840 -- It's a bit late now! You promised, you fucking promised me... 116 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:24,560 -- I did, I had the abortion! 117 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:27,760 -- Well, if you had the abortion, what the bloody hell's that? Tapeworm? 118 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,320 -- It were twins. One of them survived... 119 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,360 -- Frank! She's having a baby right now, whether you like it or not. 120 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,360 So go and get hot water and towels. Move it! 121 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,160 -- Got her fuckin' claws in me... 122 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,480 -- Bloody hell! 123 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,120 -- (SHE SOBS) 124 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,360 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 125 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,680 -- Aagh! 126 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,160 -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! 127 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,040 -- All right, all right. 128 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,360 Don't worry. 129 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:57,320 We'll sue them, for benefits, clothing allowance, 130 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,920 room and board, everything. They fucked up. 131 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,800 This is the NHS's baby, not ours. Might even make a profit... 132 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:04,640 -- I didn't have it on the NHS. 133 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:09,000 I wanted to have it holistically, so I saw this lovely woman, 134 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,000 Linda Wallace, she said she's part-Cherokee 135 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:15,320 and she said that it was a more natural way... 136 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,200 -- Ohh, f... 137 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:21,600 Scalding bath and a bottle of gin, a one-way trip down the staircase, 138 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:25,920 but no, you had to go and visit Gypsy Rose fucking Lee! 139 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,240 -- She's Cherokee, not Romany! 140 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,120 -- She comes from bloody Southend-on-Sea! 141 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,760 -- Come on, Mon, you push now... 142 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:36,600 -- (MONICA SCREAMS AND GRUNTS) 143 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:41,640 < Come on, son, you can do it! You're a survivor! 144 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:45,520 NOISES FADE 145 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,280 -- Monica. Monica! 146 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,800 -- (BABY CRIES) 147 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,960 -- Nothing personal. It's just... 148 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,960 had plans for you. Not-being-born plans. 149 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:04,200 What's with the fancy dress? 150 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,640 -- Going for ice cream. 151 00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:08,800 -- Oh, no, no, you lot have got a baby to look after. 152 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,560 I can't do it all myself. 153 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,720 -- It's his birthday. 154 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,400 -- Eighteen. 155 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,400 -- Oh, so you've come of age. 156 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:19,360 Which means we don't get child benefit to look after you any more. 157 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:20,760 -- No. 158 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:25,000 -- Great. Another fuckin' waste of space, leeching off us. 159 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:28,760 -- Gotta do something about her, Frank. 160 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,400 She's not left her room all week. You need an extra pair of hands. 161 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,600 -- S'all right, s'all right. 162 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:45,040 # When A Child Is Born 163 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,920 -- Are you planning on rejoining society any time soon? 164 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,760 -- I've killed a baby, Frank. 165 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:58,280 I've snuffed out a tiny little light. 166 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,000 Do you know how that feels? 167 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,600 -- It wasn't a baby. It was barely even a foetus. 168 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,400 I've coughed up stuff with more personality. 169 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,800 -- (BABY CRIES) 170 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:12,320 -- That - that, downstairs, with lungs like Pavarotti, that's a baby. 171 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,800 It's been a week since you've even glanced at him. 172 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:16,480 -- I've got post-natal... 173 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,760 -- Oh, every time, post-natal, pre-natal, 174 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:21,400 it's always excuses with you, Mon. 175 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:27,000 -- How can I hold that baby, knowing what I've done to his brother? 176 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,960 Knowing what I've taken from him? 177 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:35,520 They would have been besties. They would've dressed the same. 178 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:38,440 They would've got into all kinds of scrapes. Bill and Ben. 179 00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,640 The fabulous Gallagher boys. 180 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:48,240 Please, please, please, please, forgive me. Please, forgive me. 181 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,480 Please, please... 182 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:54,320 -- This isn't even your kid, this is the bloody Oxfam Africa baby! 183 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,840 -- There's no need to be racist! 184 00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,920 -- No, I told you - no more kids. You made the choice 185 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:04,280 and you are not making me take care of another fucking child alone. 186 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:08,040 So whatever you think this... this fucking Christmas tree 187 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,840 is for, whatever help you think it's giving you - 188 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,640 it's clearly not enough, is it? 189 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,120 -- You're right. It's not. 190 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,120 We need to have a funeral for little Bill. 191 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:32,800 Go down to Ches's and get some fizzy wine. Decent stuff. 192 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:34,480 -- And what are you gonna do? 193 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,000 -- There's lots to organise. 194 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,040 -- Right. Good. More like it. 195 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,280 -- Muslim matchmakers are very... 196 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,760 -- Yes, I know. 197 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,440 Frank. 198 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,480 -- Right, er, some sparkling wine and some beer... 199 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,920 ..please? 200 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,760 -- No "welcome back", "good to see you", "how have you been?" 201 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,520 -- Why? Did you go somewhere? 202 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:07,240 -- You really are a pig ignorant piece of shit, aren't you, Gallagher? 203 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:08,520 -- Need a hand? 204 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,440 -- No, fine, thanks. She is doing my fucking head in. 205 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,560 I said to Ches I'd cover while Mary Mae shits out that baby, 206 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,080 but I didn't know I'd have to deal with that psycho. 207 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:18,360 -- So, about this drink...? 208 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,400 -- I can't, Frank. I know what you're like. 209 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,440 You'll have a few drinks, few too many, 210 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:28,760 end up sticking it in Monica again, nine months later, little baby. 211 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:32,560 Seven billion folk on this planet. Somebody's got to take a stand. 212 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:37,320 -- It's not for me. It's for Mon. She's got the baby blues. Please. 213 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,920 -- All right. I'll serve you. 214 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,360 If you can name all your kids. 215 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,600 Without hesitating. 216 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,200 -- So, there's, uh... 217 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,280 -- Hesitation! Fuck off, Frank. 218 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,200 -- Come on, the nearest offie is fucking miles away! 219 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,440 -- Gi'ya chance to think about what you've done. 220 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,240 Hiya, mate. 221 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,560 -- KNOCK AT DOOR 222 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:17,240 Sorry, my dad's not in, he's out looking for work 223 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,720 and my mum's helping the mental handicapped. 224 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,000 -- < Relax. It's all right. I'm not the social. 225 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,720 I'm Fiona. I got the call to come home. 226 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,600 -- What about this one? 227 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,720 -- Second second reminder. 228 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,720 -- So..? 229 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:46,720 -- Bin. 230 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:46,720 -- Right. Remember. 231 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:47,960 Red means dead. 232 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,040 But brown...? 233 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,040 -- Goes down! 234 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:05,320 -- Look good. 235 00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,640 How's, uh...whatsisname? 236 00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:10,760 -- Steve. 237 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:11,800 -- No... 238 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,000 Is it? Steve? That doesn't sound right? 239 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:20,280 -- Fine. Your grandson's fine, too. Thanks for asking. 240 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,240 -- She's my sister. 241 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,800 -- So...you just happened to be in the neighbourhood...? 242 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,760 -- Mum called. About the... 243 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:31,880 ..d-e-a-d b-a-b-y. 244 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,560 -- Dead baby. 245 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,400 -- Oh. Right. Yeah. About that... 246 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:40,000 -- Fiona! Ahhh! 247 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,160 -- How are you? 248 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,960 -- Much better for seeing you, love. 249 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,320 -- Mum, you're dressed! 250 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,840 -- Is it too much? 251 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,320 It's all right to show a little bit of tit at a funeral, isn't it? 252 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,280 What d'you think? 253 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,160 Hello? Opinions, opinions? 254 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,040 Normally, you're full of them... 255 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:11,280 -- I'm just... I'm just sorry, Mum. 256 00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,120 What you've had to go through. Losing the baby. 257 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,000 -- I made a little coffin. 258 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,600 They showed you how to do it on Blue Peter. 259 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,040 I think it was really for household pets... 260 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,880 -- So, uh... 261 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,760 Do you want me to go pick up the... 262 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,800 The body. I mean, is at the undertaker's or the hospital or..? 263 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,200 -- I think they probably just flushed it down the toilet. 264 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,240 -- They wouldn't do that! 265 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,000 -- Oh, well, they don't understand, do they, Fiona? 266 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,800 They're just like your father. 267 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,680 It's a foetus, it doesn't have a personality. 268 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,920 But what's an acorn? 269 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:47,640 It's just an oak tree waiting to happen. 270 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,160 -- So, when you said the baby was stillborn... 271 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,440 -- Well, I don't know the exact technical term... 272 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:55,320 I mean, termination sounds a bit harsh, doesn't it? 273 00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,520 -- I have dropped everything, I have rushed over here... 274 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,800 -- You haven't changed, have you? Always ready to judge me. 275 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,000 -- I've not changed?! This is you all over - milkin' it! 276 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:09,880 Playing the victim, centre of attention. 277 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:13,440 Meanwhile, there's a real baby downstairs, a bunch of bills, 278 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,120 and a whole world you've ignored 279 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,120 because it doesn't revolve around you! 280 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,760 Tears are not going to work. 281 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:25,080 -- You're right, Fiona. I'm a terrible, terrible person. 282 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,160 You're right. 283 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,600 -- POLICE SIREN 284 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:53,040 -- I told you. Out of jail for a week. They'll be dragging him in again. 285 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,840 Always happens like that. They get institutionalised, see? 286 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,560 -- You speak to Mum? 287 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,560 -- Nah, just a text. 288 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,640 -- Did she say who...? 289 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,920 -- No. Just one of me brother's were... 290 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,200 -- I'm glad it weren't you. 291 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,600 -- I'm glad it weren't you! 292 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,520 -- I wasn't stealing from her. 293 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,040 Here, don't you lot need a warrant? You can't just barge on in here... 294 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:24,280 -- Is it Ian? 295 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,520 -- Is who Ian? What you lot doing here? 296 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,520 -- Just tell us who's dead, Dad! 297 00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:27,920 -- Please not little Liam? 298 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,760 -- Did your mother call you? Oh, fuck's sake...! 299 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,680 You know who she's got up there with her? Fiona. 300 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,400 Nobody's dead! 301 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:44,520 Your mother got up the duff... twins. She had an abortion. 302 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,240 Fifty percent success rate. Thanks to Cherokee Linda. 303 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,920 -- Fifty percent... 304 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:51,920 -- I know why they call your lot the plod! 305 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:55,080 He's saying we've got a new family member, mate. 306 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:57,480 -- Right, so... Why did she call us here, then? 307 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,680 -- Probably to say goodbye to whatever slid down her leg. 308 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:01,960 Oh, that's a classic...! 309 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,000 -- That's crazy. 310 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:05,880 -- Yeah, and it's driving me fucking crazy so listen, just shut up, 311 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,360 be nice, and do what she wants. 312 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,240 -- So is it a new brother or sister, we've got? 313 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,960 -- Does it matter? It's a baby. It cries, it shits, it eats money. 314 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:19,160 -- Fuck's sake... This is ridiculous. I was told it was an emergency. 315 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,600 -- It is an emergency! Or is a soul in limbo to be sniggered at! 316 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,680 -- I didn't me... 317 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:24,680 -- Carl. Show some respect. 318 00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,200 Mother. 319 00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:29,960 Sweet sister. 320 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,560 -- The Brothers Grimm. 321 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,120 (BABY CRIES) > 322 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,760 I'll see to that, shall I? 323 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,880 -- Oh, as you're nearest. Thanks, love. 324 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:53,160 -- I don't know how to stop him crying. I'm sorry. 325 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,680 -- This it, then? No Ian? 326 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,280 No Liam? No Deborah? 327 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,960 -- She's in Afghanistan, in't she? 328 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,200 -- Still, you might have thought that flying home 329 00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:12,480 for her own brother's funeral might have been slightly more important. 330 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:15,920 Still, typical Debbie. Just goes to show. 331 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,680 Have you not changed yet? 332 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,480 Oh. You got this one. 333 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,720 Better than nothing, I suppose. 334 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,120 -- Shh, shh... You've got nothing to be sorry about. 335 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,920 -- There's a place that I read about, called the Rainbow Road. 336 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,280 And when you lose someone... a family member... 337 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,360 or someone you love, even a pet... 338 00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,120 they're not really gone... 339 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,680 they're just waiting for you. 340 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,160 I'll see you again, Little William Gallagher. 341 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,600 We all will. 342 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,400 On the Rainbow Road. 343 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,920 When it's our time. 344 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,760 # Somewhere 345 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,600 # Over the rainbow... # 346 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:26,920 -- (What's up with you?!) 347 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,400 -- I'm giving this event the exact level of respect it deserves. 348 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,880 -- She's our mum. 349 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,200 You don't change, do you? 350 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,360 World's just there for you to take the piss out of. 351 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,080 -- D'you know what's in that box? 352 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:41,240 I'll give you a clue. 353 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,760 It starts with "fuck" and ends with "all". 354 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:45,800 -- # Somewhere... 355 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:47,320 -- It means something to her. 356 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,920 Mum loves having kids. -- Nah. 357 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,640 Mum loves being pregnant. 358 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,280 She likes being the centre of attention. 359 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:55,760 She -- hates -- having kids. 360 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,760 That's the glitch in the masterplan. 361 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,080 -- Still think you're better than the rest of us, yeah? 362 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,080 -- Carl! 363 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:08,880 I'm sure whatever you want to discuss with Phillip is very important... 364 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,800 but we're trying to bury your dead brother. 365 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,400 So can it just wait a minute? 366 00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,680 # If happy little bluebirds fly 367 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,240 # Above the rainbow 368 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:28,000 # Why, oh, why... can't... # 369 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,400 -- (BURPS LOUDLY) 370 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,240 -- How much did he weigh, when he were born? 371 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,920 -- I don't like to put an exact figure on it, y'know... 372 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,360 They can get sensitive. Bulimic, and that. 373 00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,880 -- Right, course. 374 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,040 He had all his shots? 375 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:50,520 Diphtheria, tetanus, polio... Bubonic plague...? 376 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,040 -- Is there a point to this? He's fine! 377 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,440 He's happy as a...baby. 378 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,680 -- Nothing about this is fine. 379 00:21:58,720 --> 00:21:59,960 -- Oh, here it comes. 380 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,240 Why can you lot never come back with a smile? 381 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,800 Always have to slip a dagger in there, don't you? 382 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:08,440 -- I'm just saying. Don't do to Stella what you did to me. 383 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,360 -- Yeah, give her a nice life, happy home, family around her? 384 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,880 -- I didn't get much of a childhood. You made me the mother. 385 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:22,320 -- You fucked off and abandoned us, riding your high horse out of town. 386 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,560 Some fucking mother you turned out to be, eh?! 387 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,240 -- Told you not to come back. 388 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:32,640 -- Lip. Wait up. 389 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:41,120 Take Frank down the pub. Monica. Get them nice and drunk. 390 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,800 Funeral party. 391 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:46,720 -- You're not seriously falling for his bullshit, are you? 392 00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,240 -- I'm taking the kids. 393 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,320 Just tell me, from the heart, you think it's the wrong thing to do. 394 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,280 That they'd be better off here with them. 395 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:57,520 Just say it, and I'll keep it shut, and do nothing. 396 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:06,920 -- Drinks are on me! Don't worry. Fiona's going to baby-sit the kids. 397 00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,280 -- Stella! 398 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,200 -- Never hear the end of that one! 399 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:18,040 Thanks, Fiona. Total star, as always. 400 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,920 -- Yeah. 401 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,560 KNOCK ON DOOR 402 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,520 What? Not bother answering your phone? 403 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:48,080 -- Er, no, not when it's my day off and I'm trying to have a lie-in. 404 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:54,000 -- Look, I just need to go home for an hour or so, 405 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,840 I need to speak to Steve about something, my head's all over the place. 406 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,880 -- "Hi, Kev, how are you, Kev? Sorry for waking you, Kev." 407 00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,880 -- I just need your help. 408 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,480 -- No! No, I can't. 409 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:03,840 I'm rubbish with kids. 410 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,560 -- This is Frank's daughter. Stella. 411 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:07,800 And this is his new baby. 412 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,280 This is Uncle Kev. 413 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:12,520 -- Just Kev. Kev's fine. Why can't Frank look after them? 414 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,240 Fiona, what have you gone and done? 415 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,800 -- I can't turn up at home with two new kids. I need to warn Steve. 416 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:22,800 Once I explain to him what it's like for them 417 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:24,600 here with Mum and Dad, how bad it is, 418 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,800 he'll probably suggest the idea himself. 419 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,280 Say, "Bring 'em to stay here!" 420 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,000 Ohh! 421 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,880 -- You do realise that I am still saying no, right? 422 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,720 -- Two hours, tops. 423 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,120 -- You just said one a minute ago. 424 00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:41,280 Oh, Fiona. Fiona! 425 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,280 So, you're Stella. 426 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,040 What's this one called? 427 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,760 Heineken? 428 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,320 -- I keep on thinking about y'know, what might have been. 429 00:24:55,360 --> 00:24:57,720 His little face lighting up on Christmas Day. 430 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,200 "Is that a bike, Mummy? 431 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,280 "Did Santa bring it all the way from the North Pole?" 432 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,240 -- I need a slash. 433 00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:09,960 -- Poor kid. Just like Elvis. He had a stillborn twin brother. 434 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,880 The King was haunted by it, all his life. 435 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,160 -- Oh, don't say that. 436 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:15,600 -- Yeah, don't. 437 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:18,960 -- Maybe I should have another, y'know, to keep him company. 438 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,040 -- Oh, you want to give your fanny a rest, love. 439 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,440 Overworked as it is. 440 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:26,760 -- Eh, come on, Mon. 441 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,360 Turn that frown upside down. 442 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,680 We're finally getting our party. 443 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,880 -- How can you celebrate at a time like this? 444 00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:38,480 -- This whole thing was meant to cure your post-bloody-natalism. 445 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,320 -- Cure? 446 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:42,800 I'm not ill, Frank. 447 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,720 I'm a human being with feelings and emotions. 448 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,160 I've been through a very traumatic event. 449 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,120 -- How many kids have you had before, Mon, eh? 450 00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:53,960 Jesus, how many abortions, Mon? 451 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,320 Double figures. So c'mon, cheer up. 452 00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,800 Have a drink, few pills, a party. 453 00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,200 That's the best medicine. 454 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,080 Right? 455 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:07,000 -- # Baby love 456 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,240 # My baby love 457 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,120 # Baby, oh, oh... # 458 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,160 What? 459 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,440 -- Can you not even pretend to take this seriously? 460 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:17,840 -- No. 461 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,000 -- I'm trying, Fiona is, even Dad's doing his bit. 462 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,360 -- Oh, yeah.(!) 463 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,400 Fiona's taking it really fucking serious(!) 464 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:25,800 Off the scale. 465 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,240 -- What's that supposed to mean? 466 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:31,160 -- Oh, mate. Can't you work out the pieces, Columbo(?) 467 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:32,560 We're here. 468 00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,600 Fiona, Stella, the new baby, 469 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,200 they're not. 470 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,040 -- Nah, she wouldn't. 471 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,400 -- She already has. 472 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,520 Wait, where you going? 473 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:48,760 -- Where do you think? 474 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,160 -- Carl! 475 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,120 Don't say owt! 476 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,040 -- Enough! 477 00:26:58,280 --> 00:26:59,560 -- Aaaaaargh! 478 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,720 -- Enough! 479 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,720 -- Stop it! 480 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:05,080 Stop that now! 481 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:08,920 How dare you disgrace your brother's memory! 482 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,280 -- They've nicked them! They've nicked them! 483 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:12,640 -- What are you talking about? 484 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,080 -- Shut up! 485 00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,080 -- Fiona. She's taken the kids! 486 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:17,800 -- I know. 487 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,280 -- No. Away. For good. 488 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:24,320 -- Will you shut up? Just shut it, will you! 489 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:25,960 -- (COUGHS) 490 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,960 -- Frank! 491 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:33,800 -- What? 492 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,160 -- My babies! 493 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:39,360 Fiona! She's taken my babies! 494 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,520 -- Babies eat cornflakes, don't they? 495 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:50,880 Babies eat cornflakes, everyone does, don't they? 496 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,200 Right. 497 00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,360 Stella? 498 00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,840 Oh, right, you're playing hide 'n' seek, are you? 499 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,480 All right, you've won. 500 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:08,800 Oh, no! 501 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,160 No, no! 502 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:12,200 No! 503 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,280 Stella! 504 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:17,520 -- So much for happy bloody families. 505 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:19,680 -- Where's Fiona taken them? 506 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,440 -- I'm not telling you fucking anything. 507 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:24,520 You're a squealer. 508 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:25,760 -- What if it were your kid, Lip? 509 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:30,080 What if Fiona decided you weren't fit to look after Katie, eh? 510 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,960 -- We'll get the police on her, social, everyone. 511 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:37,200 I am not letting that uppity bitch take my children from me. Not now, not ever. 512 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:38,520 -- Ssh. Ssh now. 513 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,000 -- Don't shush me! 514 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,800 -- No, no. This is what we always wanted, Mon. 515 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,360 The big dream. 516 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,440 To be free of the kids. 517 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,200 Let 'em go, on the breeze. 518 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:49,640 -- You're a monster! 519 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,440 -- You've buried an empty fucking box today. 520 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,120 -- Get away from me, you repulsive... 521 00:28:58,160 --> 00:28:59,360 cunt! 522 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,200 -- Being honest. 523 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,440 I know you feel the same way. This is it. 524 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,000 This is our chance. 525 00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,680 -- Just get out, Frank! 526 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:20,080 I wish you had never, never come back. 527 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,000 Now, out! 528 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:23,880 Go on! 529 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:27,960 Out! Go on. 530 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,120 -- Take a good look. 531 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:36,280 Eh? 532 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,960 Take a fucking photo. 533 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,200 Because this, this is the last time 534 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:48,160 you will ever see Vernon Francis Gallagher. 535 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:00,600 Forgot me fags. 536 00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,840 -- Lost. I've lost 'em. 537 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,960 -- What do you mean you've lost 'em? 538 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:15,960 -- Well, one minute they were there, 539 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,280 and then they weren't. 540 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:21,680 Frank... 541 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,880 I... 542 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,960 I've lost your kids. 543 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,320 I'm so sorry, mate. 544 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,240 -- See if you can make the rest of 'em disappear, there'll be 545 00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,640 a little something extra in your pay packet this week. 546 00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:40,720 -- Frank! This is serious. 547 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:46,000 -- Kev Ball. Smarter than he looks. 548 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,160 Admittedly no great achievement. 549 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:52,120 But, he's got no kids, nothing tying him down. 550 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,880 Oh, he's got it all sorted, has our Kev. 551 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,040 But me, 16 years old, 552 00:30:57,080 --> 00:31:01,800 walked out of school for the last time, world at my feet. 553 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,040 And what did I do? I had kids. Tons of them. 554 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,920 Boat loads of the mewling, whining twats. 555 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:07,960 -- Oi! 556 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:10,520 -- Frank Gallagher. Fucking genius. 557 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,520 Keep fucking and breeding, fucking and breeding. 558 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,720 Each kid, 16 to 18 years. 559 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,600 At least, 560 00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,400 that's prison. 561 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:23,040 Socrates. Alexander the Great. Julius Caesar. Lenny Da Vinci. 562 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,440 All great men. 563 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,200 None of 'em were stupid enough to have any kids. 564 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,840 But we can't all do great things. 565 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,440 Life is long. Have to fill it somehow. Distract yourself. 566 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:34,920 Films. Telly. 567 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,720 Music. Pub. 568 00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:38,720 Fiddling on fucking mobile phones 569 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:42,360 like the meaning of life might pop up any second. 570 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,840 Worshipping overpaid ponces 571 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,280 who's only loyalty is to the almighty pound. 572 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:52,160 Waiting for that moment, 573 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,400 that wonder that will put everything 574 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,360 into some kind of order, that will say 575 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:02,240 "Your life was not in vain." 576 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,480 Mind you, I'd still let Franny Lee shit in my mouth for nothing. 577 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:09,080 But he was a different class though, like Buzzer and Bell! 578 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:11,640 -- CHEERING 579 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,320 -- Yeahhhhhh! 580 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,640 We're not nearly here. 581 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,800 But to fill your empty little life with family, 582 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:27,640 ungrateful, selfish family, that's the biggest joke of all. 583 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:32,120 Regret whatever you did or you didn't, the lives you ruined, 584 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,600 the ones you saved, it makes no difference. 585 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:35,800 It all ends in dust. 586 00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,120 And I'm tired of pretending not to care 587 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:41,040 or caring not to pretend 588 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:47,240 and I can't remember what it was like before -- them. 589 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:49,880 -- Before the fucking kids, the bills, 590 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,120 the towering horror of family life 591 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,040 casting its shadow over every single fucking breath I take, 592 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,640 another mouth to feed, 593 00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:03,080 another wailing anguished mouth to tell me what I already know. 594 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,320 I am not good enough. 595 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,680 And them, 596 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,080 they're always the ones to leave. 597 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:20,600 I've had it the wrong way round. Should have been me. 598 00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,920 Magic mystery bus to wherever. 599 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,400 One-way ticket, thank you, no return. 600 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,840 I'm the one who needs to walk away. 601 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:51,560 -- Dad? 602 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,680 -- Oh, what are you doing here? 603 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:54,920 -- I followed you. 604 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,320 -- Well, don't. You're better off with Fiona. 605 00:33:58,360 --> 00:33:59,800 I mean, 606 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,920 I don't paint eggs and go to the swing park, 607 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:05,080 or have teddy bear's fucking tea parties. 608 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,960 You're better off with her. 609 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,760 -- You getting on mate or what? 610 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:13,120 -- Get off! You were a mistake. Don't you get it? 611 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,960 You ruined my life, the day you were born. 612 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:17,160 Oh, what's that? 613 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,920 Another one, another trap? 614 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,560 You ruined my life! 615 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:21,640 -- BABY CRIES 616 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:50,800 -- Right. Look everywhere for them. Yeah? Every street, every alley. 617 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,440 They've got to be here somewhere. 618 00:34:54,200 --> 00:34:56,040 -- How do you lose two fucking kids? 619 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:57,360 -- It's my day off. 620 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,960 -- Somebody's gonna need to keep Monica busy. 621 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,720 -- < Stella, come on now, where are you? 622 00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:04,240 -- Me? 623 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,040 -- If she finds out they're missing... Boom! 624 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:10,960 -- How am I gonna do that? 625 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,600 -- You're a smart lad, Kev. You'll work summat out. 626 00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,400 -- Lillian, I need your help. 627 00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:25,000 -- Stella! 628 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,120 -- Stella. 629 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,120 -- Stella, love. 630 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,560 -- Feel for you. You've not been around much, have you? 631 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,640 Patreesha's practically taken over being Ches' mum. 632 00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:43,760 Expect she'll be, er, pushing you out the picture when the baby pops out. 633 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:45,920 -- Nah. We're family. 634 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,240 -- Where's Ches and Mary Mae now? 635 00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,080 -- Round at Patreesha's. 636 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,320 -- Oh, right. 637 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:58,960 -- Stella! 638 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,240 -- Stella! 639 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,240 -- Stella! Come on home! 640 00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:09,960 -- What we gonna do? 641 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,760 -- I don't know. Fiona always sorted this shit out. 642 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,480 -- Well, she's landed us all in it this time, hasn't she? 643 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:18,240 You know, Mum's gonna go mental. 644 00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,000 -- Stella! 645 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,440 -- You know what? Call the police. 646 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,440 Have Fiona dragged off in fucking chains. 647 00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:27,080 -- Fuck that! What if we just don't find them. 648 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:32,760 I mean Stella and the baby. What if they're just... Gone. 649 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,000 -- (BOTH SHOUT) Stella! 650 00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:44,120 Didn't have me bus fare. Quid should do it. 651 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,040 Never understood the appeal of these places. 652 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,440 I mean, look at that kid. 653 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:58,400 Definition of "easily amused" that one. 654 00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,800 Look, kiddo, we don't have to part on bad terms. 655 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:10,920 -- You told me to go away. 656 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,080 -- Well, yeah, I did, but... 657 00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,040 -- You said I was a mistake. 658 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,320 -- Yeah, and it was. But, you know, all me kids were mistakes. 659 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:30,840 Look. My father, he was... 660 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,320 -- < You all right, love? 661 00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:33,320 -- < You all right, love? 662 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,080 -- Is this man bothering you? 663 00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,920 -- Oh, great! The curtain twitchers. 664 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,320 I'm her dad, love. 665 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:40,440 -- He's not my dad. 666 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,360 -- She's just in a mood. 667 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,320 -- Do you know him? 668 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,320 -- He's not my dad. 669 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,120 -- Look, I think maybe you should leave. 670 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:48,800 -- Well, that's the plan. 671 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,760 So I suggest you should mind your own fucking beeswax. 672 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,120 -- Right. That's it. I'm phoning the police. 673 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,480 -- Look, I'm her fucking father! 674 00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:57,800 -- He's not my dad. 675 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,760 -- It is a disgrace. Nowhere is safe from them these days. 676 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,560 I'm telling you, you weirdo. 677 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,240 -- I am not one of -- them. --I'm one of you. 678 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,480 I'm just a simple person, 679 00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,000 struggling with the hopes and fears of parenthood. 680 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,960 -- My dad is nice and kind. 681 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,360 -- I'm kind! 682 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:17,920 -- And he never tells me to go away and he never shouts at me 683 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:22,400 and he takes me places and he loves me. 684 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:23,800 -- I love you! 685 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,480 -- I want to go and play on the swings now. 686 00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,800 -- See, told you. 687 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,640 So why don't you take your pitchforks 688 00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,200 and go and torment some other poor bastard. 689 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,200 -- You've gotta be careful, you know. 690 00:38:56,240 --> 00:38:58,160 -- I'm sorry but you do look like a right weirdo. 691 00:38:58,200 --> 00:38:59,440 Come on. 692 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:05,640 -- (BABY CRIES) 693 00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,640 Oh, for fuck's sake. 694 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,000 -- Hiya, Monica, where you off to? 695 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:20,560 -- Home. 696 00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,400 -- I've got you this. It needs a walk. 697 00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:24,680 -- It's missing a leg. 698 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,760 -- It's a stray. They were going to put it down. 699 00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:28,880 Terminate it. 700 00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,680 -- Awww. It's only got three legs. 701 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:33,000 -- Yeah, I know. 702 00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:39,160 -- Poor little bugger. Nobody to love you. Nobody to care. 703 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,040 Just like me. 704 00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,520 Come here, you. 705 00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:47,600 -- You take your time. Get acquainted. 706 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,280 -- Why are you being so nice to me? 707 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:52,880 -- I'm just being neighbourly, you know and all that. 708 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,280 -- I might be post natal but I'm not post stupid. 709 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:56,480 What are you hiding? 710 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,520 -- Kev? Where's the kids? 711 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:04,880 -- Yes, that's the thing, isn't it, Fiona? 712 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,920 You steal my children, and then you abandon them with this idiot. 713 00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,760 -- It's my day off! 714 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,280 -- You lost them? 715 00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,000 -- Well, don't blame him. You're the one that done this. 716 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:17,960 -- Oh, that's right, I was the one who ignored them, who made Stella 717 00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,240 look after a little baby all by herself. It was all me, Mum. 718 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:29,000 You get that one. But that's all. 719 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,920 -- You should have been beaten every day of your life. 720 00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:33,480 Why did you come back? 721 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,160 To show us where we were going wrong? 722 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,240 -- You asked me. 723 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:39,360 -- Well, I wish I hadn't. You're tearing this family apart. 724 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,840 -- I was the one who kept it together! For years! 725 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,440 I was the fucking glue! 726 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,360 No childhood, no let up. 727 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,040 Where were you? Where the fuck was you? 728 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,600 -- All right, Fiona... Ow! 729 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,560 -- DOOR SLAMS 730 00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:55,160 -- Eh, eh, can you keep the noise down? The baby's sleeping. 731 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,760 -- Where were they? 732 00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:02,680 -- With me. We went to the swing park. 733 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:04,440 Why? Was there a problem? 734 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,200 -- No, no. You are not doing this. 735 00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:10,160 You are not whitewashing over this. She stole our children. 736 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,400 -- Give me the baby, Frank. 737 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:12,400 -- Dad. It's Dad. 738 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:13,920 -- Give him to me. 739 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,880 -- You are not taking our kids. 740 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:16,880 -- No, you're not. 741 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,320 -- You think this changes anything? 742 00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,680 How long are you going to stay for this time, Mum? 743 00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:24,200 How many years is it gonna take to get a loaf of bread? 744 00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:26,120 -- Stella! 745 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:28,640 Where's the baby? 746 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,040 -- In there with their dad. 747 00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:35,240 Go on then, tell her. She's not taking our children. 748 00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,200 -- They're on my side. 749 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:39,400 -- We're not on anyone's side. Jesus! 750 00:41:39,440 --> 00:41:42,640 -- You seriously think it's fine to leave these kids with him and her? 751 00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,440 -- Nah, you're right. 752 00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:45,880 I mean, you were stuck with us. 753 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,440 And look what a fuck-up you turned out. 754 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:49,960 -- Piss off. 755 00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:54,080 -- Exactly. You turned out OK. So did I. And Ian... 756 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,640 Well, Ian's marrying a tranny but, you know, it's wonderful, 757 00:41:57,680 --> 00:41:59,360 best of both worlds. 758 00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,840 And Debbie, off tackling insurgents, 759 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:06,520 and Liam, getting his act together, Buddhism - it's crazy! 760 00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:07,800 -- What about me? 761 00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,680 -- Could be worse. Could be a Tory. (LAUGHS) 762 00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:16,440 -- It doesn't change anything. They don't care about us. 763 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:18,040 They never will. 764 00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:24,800 -- Dad didn't get the bus. He was going away but he didn't. 765 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:28,840 -- Why not? 766 00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:37,720 -- There were financial issues vis-a-vis the purchase of a ticket. 767 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:43,280 -- I'll lend it you. Nah, I'll give it you. 768 00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:44,600 Anything you like. 769 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,720 You don't want to. 770 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:53,360 You can't, can you? 771 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,000 Not while there's still some of us around. 772 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,960 -- Right. Get your coats. 773 00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:08,760 Get your coats! 774 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,680 Come on, you lot always think the worst about me, don't you? 775 00:43:11,720 --> 00:43:13,880 Come on. Come on! 776 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,880 Drinks. For the family. 777 00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:27,240 It's OK, it's OK, I'll do it. 778 00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:28,720 -- Erm, I'm not useless. 779 00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,440 I know your game. Trying to sideline me. 780 00:43:32,480 --> 00:43:33,840 Fucking wise to you. 781 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,160 -- Watch your mouth, you. 782 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,960 -- Don't talk to her like that. 783 00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,160 -- I can fight my own battles, you mad bitch. 784 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,000 -- Who are you calling a mad bitch? 785 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:42,600 -- I'm calling you a mad bitch! 786 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:44,520 -- Fuck's sake! 787 00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:47,280 SHOUTING 788 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:50,160 -- It's not a party without a proper fight. 789 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:51,800 -- I am so turned on right now. (PANTS) 790 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,120 -- You did a good job. 791 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:01,680 S'pose. 792 00:44:01,720 --> 00:44:04,880 I s'pose there are a couple of things I could learn from you. 793 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,760 -- # JAMES: Laid 794 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,200 -- Mum! 795 00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:12,920 -- I can't, I'm post natal. 796 00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:15,560 -- C'mon. 797 00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,360 -- You're not bloody post natal. 798 00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:20,080 You just want to be the centre of attention. 799 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,040 -- There's lots of things you don't know about me, Fiona Gallagher. 800 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,760 -- Come on. 801 00:44:24,080 --> 00:44:26,040 -- Ooh! 802 00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,560 -- Fi, go and get her a drink. 803 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:35,800 -- # She said I'm so obsessed that I'm becoming a bore 804 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,720 # Oh, no...# 805 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:40,960 -- Come on, Fi, come and dance. Come on. 806 00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:43,600 Come on, we're dancing. 807 00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:44,840 -- Come and have a dance. 808 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,840 -- Somebody's nicked all our pills from behind the bar. 809 00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:52,560 Wonder who that could be? 810 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:57,120 I tell you what, do us a favour and we'll say no more about it. 811 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,040 Some twat's still not shifted his car from outside. 812 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:03,360 You know what to do. 813 00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:12,040 -- My kids say they hate me, but secretly they love me. 814 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:17,360 And I love them but secretly hate them, well, not so secretly, 815 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,280 but it doesn't matter. 816 00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:25,400 They'll whinge and whine and moan and groan about the shadow I cast. 817 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:31,000 That I defined their lives. But it's all upside down. 818 00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,000 It was them that defined me. 819 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,960 -- # I locked you out, you cut a hole in the wall 820 00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,680 # I find you sleeping next to me I thought...# 821 00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:45,520 -- Without them I'm just that guy at the end of the bar. 822 00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:49,800 That guy quite possibly soiling himself on the public transport. 823 00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:53,400 The fella sitting slumped on a park bench, Sunday afternoon, 824 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,440 as the world dissipates around him. 825 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,080 -- # Raay-eeh! 826 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,160 # Raay-eeh! 827 00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,400 -- Or, you know, maybe I would have been an investment banker 828 00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:09,000 with a surgically enhanced wife and a penis extension for a car, 829 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:16,640 but either way, I'm not part of them. They're parts of me. 830 00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:19,520 All of 'em. 831 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:22,760 -- LOUD EXPLOSION 832 00:46:31,480 --> 00:46:35,200 MUFFLED SHOUTING 833 00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:44,640 CROWD SHOUTS AND CHEERS 834 00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:56,080 -- These annoying, ungrateful, amazing bastards I call my kids, 835 00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:01,320 think for themselves, speak their mind, go their own way, 836 00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,480 show me how it should be done. 837 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:07,720 And, most importantly, first and foremost to a man, 838 00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:13,800 they'll always know what the most vital necessity in this life is... 839 00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:16,000 ..right? 840 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:18,600 Right? 841 00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,160 Scatter! 842 00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:24,640 -- POLICE SIRENS WAIL